Dumb People Town - Rory Scovel - Born Here

Episode Date: February 7, 2023

Rory Scovel sits in as Randy tells the story of a truck thief found in the trailer, Daniel explains how a throuple can involve a sex doll, and Jason concludes with a man who calls 9-1-1 on his sister over laundry, and so much more!

Thank you. So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan And don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits We are gonna take you down Stick around, make a sound Punk or down, it's Dumb People Town Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town.

Population you. Population Scovels. Folks, we're here. We're doing it again. That's right. Scovel. Scovel. Scovel.

Rory Scovel is with us. I'm not sure. Pull it up. Do you know Dan? I'm not sure if you guys know Dan. Daniel? Yeah. Dan does another podcast called Pen Pals with someone,

and I can't remember who it is. Dan's cheating on our podcast with this man, and we have the mistress. Hi. Hi, I'm the homewrecker. So it's nice to have the mistress here at our dinner table. We have two other podcasts. Here's the good news,

is that the chemistry between Dan and Rory on Pen Pals is magical. If you're not supporting it, subscribing to it, do it. What's your problem if you haven't joined us? Here's the other thing is that since Rory's been on our show last time, the world has gotten dumber. And as we do on this show, we get stories sent by our great fans. Is that a scotch and soda jacket? Of course it is.

You are on brand. Can I get you? Literally. Do they sponsor you? No, he wants to be a brand ambassador so bad. You need to be a brand ambassador. I don't know if I do enough where it would make sense for them to throw clothes at me. Like enough appearances, I mean, for them to do.

I would. So you're on this show right now and we're going to try and fight dumb with funny. That's what we do. That's literally, if I say, if someone's like, what do you guys do on the show? We fight dumb with funny, or at least try to. Fire it up. Try to understand why, what's going on. I have the first story.

Let's get into it. I'm so excited to read this, Jay. You ready? Thank you. I like his shoes too. These are very Dan Van Kirkian shoes. No one said anything about my sweater yet. Not one thing that it was a birthday present. We're in a similar. Ready? This one was sent in by Jake Groney. At Jake Groney. Love Jake Groney.

Sends in a lot of great ones. Gets there first. Okay, here we go. Bedford man stole truck found in trailer, according to police. Okay. So there was a truck in a trailer. It's a little bit of a Russian doll situation. This is, they screwed this, the headline on this thing. They didn't write it correctly. And as you find out in the story, it's two crimes that have been committed.

And he's been a part of both. So is a russian and it's just wonderful and there's a moment in there where you're like okay this is why it's dumb people is natasha leone did she switch souls with an old lady no natasha leone is married to moshe kasher she's the one who did this okay that's natasha bedford pennsylvania wt aj love it a Bedford man is facing charges after he was accused of stealing a stranger's truck before taking it to the trailer he claimed he was born in according to

state police you guys know where were you born where were we born you were born in a hospital in St. Louis Missouri same same as them Jewish hospital in St. Louis, Missouri. Same. Same as them. Jewish hospital in Greenville, South Carolina.

That's not true. Greenville, they just call it the hospital. Yeah, I mean, I was born. But how many people are running around being like, I was born. This is where I was born here. I mean, clearly, if you're stealing a truck to get back to the trailer you're claiming you were born in, you were not born in that trailer. I don't know. I have so many questions.

I'll let you finish. Kenneth Welch Jr. It's a great name. Yeah. Should we get his age right now? How old do you think he is? Let's find out what he did a little bit. Let's find out what he did.

Welch as a last name already sounds like a writer that's just trying a little too hard. As soon as you read it you go no one that's no one's name did he welch on the deal did you welch on the deal that's right grape juice I've never had welch's grapefruit ever

I bet you they do it why'd they stop at grapes seriously orange I did just show my son last night Gary Gullman's grapes versus grapefruit. It's a great joke. Like bit. It's unbelievable. Well, so Welch Jr. is facing numerous charges.

And you know it's going to hurt his dad. His dad who clearly. His dad. Kenneth Welch Sr. Kenneth Welch won. KW won. I know. He's like, look, you were not born in a trailer so you could steal a truck to get back to the place

you were born i raised you differently is facing numerous charges related to both a stolen truck the reported burglary uh called into uh psp just minutes apart state police were called to a home on sunnyside road hold on i'm having a hard time i don't my my audible learning is not great he is facing numerous charges related to both the stolen truck. I understand. And the reporting of burglary. Burglary. He B&E'd at this trailer.

Oh, where he was born. Right. State police were called to a home on Sunnyside Road in Bedford, September 29th. At what time were they called to the home? It's definitely early morning. Yes. Like early, early morning. What do you think?

Like 2, 3 a.m. I'm going to go 3 a.m. 3 a.m.? Jay, 3 a.m. I'm going to go 3 a.m. 3 a.m.? Jay, what do you think? I'm going to say 11 a.m. For some reason, my first thought was 3.04 a.m., but I'm not going to do it. But it's going to end up being so reasonable. It's going to be 1 p.m.

Everyone was done with lunch. I said 11 a.m. I know it's morning, right? He said 11 a.m. That's pretty reasonable. What do you think? So 11 a.m.? 3 a.m.?

3 a.m. And what do you say to him? 3.04? I'm going to go 1 a.m. 1 a.m. Get your answers in,ie townies because state police were called to the home on sunday side road in bedford at 8 a.m that's what i he's clocking in for work so wait by the way the truck could have been stolen 11 a.m eastern no that's already on

the east coast 11 a.m london time should work. This answer, everyone's answer should work. Although it is 5 a.m. Pacific, so Rory is closest. 11 a.m. if he's flying on a transcontinental flight. Dan, you're right. It is 1 a.m. Hawaii. Got up at 8 a.m. So the truck could have been stolen at 3. Rory could be right, or you could be right at 1.

Sure. This guy got up at 8 a.m. and realized his truck was gone, so he called the police. That's what happened. at once. This guy got up at 8 a.m. and realized his truck was gone, so he called the police. Meanwhile, two different state troopers out of Bedford were called to a trailer on Elk Road. You know the Elk Road trailers.

I do. Of course you do. That's where you're born, the Elk Road trailers. That's where you want to be born. That's the good trailers. Yeah, when you look back. I wish I was born there. Now, I know he didn't take a stolen truck out to a burglary, because that would be stupid, right? If you took a stolen truck uh out to a burglary because that would be stupid right if you took a stolen truck and then you started to be fair he had no other way to get

there do you want to take your truck yes that's a great idea a witness told police he saw an unknown male later identified as welch drive up in a truck and try and get into the truck trucks like what and then try and get into the trailer. Up in a truck. Trucks like what? And then try and get into the trailer. I would think that no trailer is locked. Hold on. So this guy's trying to get into a trailer just because he was born there. But people are living their lives in there. He's hammered.

I didn't know the trailer. What did he need to get back there? Who says you can't go home again? Can we give the police some credit here? Because there's a stolen truck elsewhere. And they're like, we got to find this truck. And then someone's like, I saw someone drive up in a truck and try and get in a trailer. And somewhere, finally, like, you know how, like, in the 1970s, no police stations were ever working with each other.

That's how Smokey and the Bandit works. They would never connect the dots ever. It's literally the best. I didn't know the trailers could be passed to different families. I thought that like one family lives in a trailer until they die and then it gets burned down. Or a tornado. A tornado carries it away. But it's also, okay, if you are returning to the place of your birth, you're in some sort of Highlander scenario.

That's what I wonder. Like maybe his story, maybe he needed to. There was a curse or something. It just sounds like Act 3 of a movie. I'm trying to climb back into my mama. Yeah, he needs his grandpa's goblet or something like that. I just see him peeling out on the truck to get to the train. He's like, I gotta get back to where I was born!

In my mind, too, he has one sycophant. There's someone in his life who is on for his journey, believes him and is cheering him on the whole way. I love it. And he bursts into the trailer. He goes, don't go to the cops. I literally have to be here for a reason because there's a spell and it'll save my whole family and the whole world is going to explode.

And they're literally like, Andy's here now. My arm is being erased. My arm is being erased in this photo. That's Rory's favorite movie of all time. Also, you're on to something here. Because if you are ever saying to anybody, you're not going to believe this. Things are wildly gone wrong.

Even if what you're saying is true. Okay, hold on, hold on. Don't call the cops because you're not going to believe this. It's an uphill battle. Let me try to get ahead of your fear of me because you're not going to believe this. It's an uphill battle. Let me try to get ahead of your fear of me. Let me get ahead of why you're concerned. The train

is off of the track. Let me stop you before you hit the last one in the 9-1. That's what I was going to say. If you're living in a trailer where people are coming back to where they were born, you always need to have 9-1 ready to go. If I live in that trailer, he barges in. What are you doing in my house? I was born! 9-1. You always need to have 9-1 ready to go. So it's just a 1. Just ready on the phone. If I live in that trailer, he barges in.

Like, what are you doing in my house? I was born here. And I go, I have to know why this matters. Roy now wants to know the story. I actually think I'm on Team Welch now. Or you go, me too. Brother. I broke in 30 minutes ago. What if, like, two people break into if like two people this is a jewish trailer

hospital that's where they were born and they fall in love this is a rom this is their meet cute this is a rom-com one of them is sandy bullock those zoltar machines and it said go back to where you were born so you gotta help me get home all right this is the movie Two people break into the same trailer 30 minutes apart because that's where they were born And we call it mobile home is where the heart is Perfect What if they rebooted Big And the kid turned into

Tom Hanks and a man called Otto Like turned into just a grumpy old Angry right winger Or that So it was discovered that the truck was once reported stolen from sunnyside road when police entered the residence they found welch and this is where i was like this is a dumb people town story they found welch laying in a closet laying in a closet according to the complaint probably the closet he was born in just lay

in there i mean i know a trailer is small but it has a bed right a trailer yes like yes you should why would some trailers are very nice just laying there i don't know about the ones on elk road i know that's the one you want did he get tired mid burgle is my question no he's hiding because he heard the cops coming up wait so he's laying in a closet that is in our kelly album am i? Are we allowed to talk about lame shots? But by this point, it's probably around 9 a.m.? Right. Right? Because the truck was reported.

8 a.m. the truck reported, so they get there at like 9. Exactly. He's coming down. He's tired. Or does he have ADHD? So he's like, what did I come in here to do again? Yeah. Where am I going?

And the cops are literally already high-fiving, going, this is the fastest we've ever solved anything. Two crimes. Two in one. One hour. One hour, two birds, one show. here's your truck this guy making a lot of fun for a guy who's on some sort of george bailey situation breakfast what do you mean lunch i'm in breakfast before breakfast and you doing it dan is trying to link this to it's i'm just saying we're really hard on a guy who's

in some sort of george bailey situation that's what i mean we need to know this guy's story i'll get out of here bird i'll hit you again when when interviewed welch was asked how he got into the trailer he reportedly replied to police that he was born there uh spiritually maybe physically in that closet did he go back to the closet going back to the closet is like maybe he's not gonna lie in which in the wardrobe he also told police he also told police that the stolen truck was there when he arrived and he was never inside of it that thing hey that this person saw me get out of i don't know where i got here yeah there's gonna be a lawyer who's very

happy he said that i believe him so now i love that he's got a plan that he's like he actually has a plan it's like that was there man he's not trying to say that he came back to the place he was born he's they come in and they're like that he came back to the place he was born. They come in and they're like, I was born here. This is my place. You're trying to say I was born right now. I was born in this thing. No, I was just born.

I'm a baby. How could I have committed a crime? I was just born in this closet. He's a baby? So you're saying, so you guys believe in original sin. That's what we're all getting there right here, that you're born having committed. This is what happened as soon as Conway put the words, our alternative truths out there.

Now we can't argue with him. Cannot. Cannot. I didn't land on this trailer. This trailer landed on me. That's right. And they're like, well, either way, you're under arrest. Oh, I know.

Who landed where and why? And they know each other. Oh, I know, Greg. I know. I'm leaving. They say nothing about the truck whatsoever he's like i came here on foot not on that stolen truck out there we didn't say anything about it no one mentioned that it was stolen come on welsh you know you can't break

in here we didn't even ask you if you did police reported that he was barefoot when they found him and sandals the same size as welch's feet were found stuck in the truck. That's where you fucked up, man. You can't leave the sandal in the truck. A lot of people have similar size feet. By the way, this is how Jesus got busted, right? Was that the OJ trial? If the sandal fits, you must acquit. Yes, that's it.

Police noted that in the affidavit that Welch refused to answer any other questions. I love that he was like, I'll give you the fact that I was born here. And the fact that I don't know about that stolen truck. We never said it was stolen. And the fact that my sandals are in that truck, but I'm not saying anything else. I will not answer it. This is not his first robbery. Sir, why are you wearing sandals

to a burglary? That also feels way too casual. I mean, that's what I feel like is in his favor. And also, why would I wear sandals to a burglary? Why would I? I wouldn't. Why wouldn't you wear them into the trailer? I was born here. You need to find the guy who stole my sandals and put them in the truck.

That's who we need to be looking for. I'll help you. The guy who reported this truck stolen? Why did he initially steal my sandals? Put them in the truck to frame me. And then drive the truck here to where I was born. And then left. Weakest argument

any person doing it is like this. I'm just saying you got to ask yourself. You got to ask yourself. Listen, Welch was arraigned and placed in Bedford County Prison on Bedford Falls right there on theft, burglary, and trespassing as well as lesser related charges.

Bail was set at how much for the truck theft and how much for the burglary. We'll do it separately. How much for the truck theft? Combine them. Combine them. We'll combine them both. Combine them both. Total bail for this.

This is where we find out Randy can't do math. No. And he's like, you fuck breaking and entering? Truck theft and breaking and entering. How much? Total combined. I have no idea about bail even though anything. And they kind of set it based on have they arrested you.

I mean, it's so arbitrary. It can't be like crazy high. They set it at what they think you can pay. So if like. No, they do not. Like if Elon Musk gets like does something weird. Millions. Well, that's.

Billions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a billion dollars or whatever it is. B. I'm going to go. $25,000. $25,000. millions well that's billions like a billion dollars or whatever it is b um i'm gonna go 25 000 25 000 what do you think roy god that's way higher than i was gonna go okay what were you gonna do i was gonna say like somewhere between five and ten but now i feel like a no you can do whatever you want i feel like a loser you might be right you are but just you are just guess i mean you're totally wrong but you might be right. No, you are, but just a 10. You are, just guess. I mean, you're totally wrong, but you might be right, Jake.

I'm going to say $2,500. $2,500. Whoa. Oh, my God. Now I feel so much better. I low-balled, yeah. Okay, so get your answers in, Townies, because his bail for stealing the truck

and the break-in and entering and the burglary and leaving your sandals in a stolen truck, because that's an offense, too. Sure. Criminal footwear, $75,000. Whoa! And it breaks down 25k for the truck 50 for breaking and entering uh well he didn't well he can't pay that no he won't he's gonna be jailed they're gonna ring you up yeah how old a nightmare how old is this last one we'll

ask how old is uh mr welch see this is why i like that we did it at the end. I really know this guy. 27, I like it. Quick answer right away. What do you think? 36 years old. Jay? 49. Get your answers in, Townies. And this is the last.

We'll take a break right here. We'll come back and find out what Rory's doing, what Dan's doing, what we've got going on. It's Dumb People Town. I hope you're enjoying watching this on the YouTube channel, on All Things Comedy's YouTube. If you listen to it and you're like, hey, I want to see this thing happen

because great things happen, watch it, all right? Mr. Welch Jr., the pride of his father's namesake, yes, is 31 years old. Oh, Rory. Oh, I got it. 36, you did it. Rory. All right, let's take a break.

When we come back, we'll find out what everybody's doing. It's Dumb People Town with Rory Scovel. It's Dumb People Pals. We'll be right back. There you go. Stick around. Make it sound. There's more Dumb People Town.

Dumb People Pals. Welcome back to Dumb People Pals. Pen Pal Pals Town. We get a letter. That's a article. That's all. Dumb Pen Pal Town is pretty good, too. Pen Pal Town.

We'll get into Pen Pals and all that stuff. Let's give you, I'm not sure when this is dropping. So if it's- A couple weeks. If it's after- He's got a tour. He's got a tour to promote.

I got stuff. You got stuff, but if it's after, if it's before San Francisco on February 5th- Sunday night. Sunday night at Cobb's Comedy Club,

live Dump People Town. It's going to be epic. If you're a Dump People Town fan and you live in the Bay Area and you're not at this show, you have to look at your life and understand and try to understand what you're trying to do uh we want you there for that uh randy and i will be the days before that in san diego at the american comedy company i think this might drop on the 7th of february okay so if it's just after thank you for coming uh randy and i are going to be at a giant casino gig

that's right in outside of cincinnati lawrence berg event center on october 4th and I are going to be at a giant casino gig outside of Cincinnati. Lawrenceburg Event Center on October 4th, and that's going to be a really fun show. In October? No, not October. March 4th. I wasn't making fun. I generally thought you were. No, no, no. March 4th?

You said October. I said October. March 4th. And I was like, good Lord, you really know your schedule. We're really pushing it. I was proud of it, too. Yeah, we know what's happening next. And we will be at Moon Tower, too.

We'll be at Moon Tower. So we're just putting together the finishing touches on our schedule of performing and whatnot. And Daniel, what do we have going on for you? Every single week, you can come to the Lyric Comedy Hour. It's Wednesdays at 730. Irene, too, and myself host that show. Irene will be there, too. You've got to get you guys on that.

I told you that the other day, and you didn't answer me. I said to both of you, I go, hey, let me know when you want on Wednesday. I would love to come and do it. It's a great lineup of shows. Rory did the very first one. Fun. It was the very first set on the very first one. Hey-o. It was maybe the best I've ever done. That's what I love about you, Rory. You are there for your people. You show up. No, he said I had to.

Oh. I made him do it. I don't want to do it. No. You said you didn't want to do it. There is no way in hell I'm going to do it, and then he forced you. And he pulled a gun, and I was like, all right, fine, I'll do it. He's a bigger guy than all of us. He's an enforcer. He's a lot of influence So Roy where can we catch you Everything else is DanielVanKirk.com

And Pen Pals Besides Pen Pals which is their amazing podcast And if you haven't heard it listen to our episode first This is an opportunity for you to go over and subscribe to that podcast as well And you should do it Check it out it's a good time And even if you just come for a short period of time And then you go on to other podcasts

We know how relationships work. We don't care. I have a Monday night show at Elysian Theater. If you're in Los Angeles and you're in the area, go follow me on Instagram. Rory Scovel and all that information is there. What is that? Is that just you? It's called the Whatever Show.

So it's, there's literally every show is kind of different. I might improvise an hour. I might do my hour. I might just host and bring a bunch of comics out. I might have like two bands. We'll do it. Something different. All right.

We did a tour. Do Monday and then Wednesday. We did a two-hander one night. That's right. That was fun. Fun. Come and watch Physical on Apple TV+. Do it.

Go see Babylon. It's probably streaming anytime now. Do it. If it's not already. You're in there. And I am doing a tour that starts in April going to many dates. plus uh go see babylon's probably streaming anytime now it's not already you're in and i am doing a tour that starts in april going to many dates uh roy scoville.com we'll have all that but also instagram look at a poster that i've posted go see him please he is so funny do it

let's jump into another story let's do it dan you got story too ready yeah here we go. Dear Dumb People Town, it says, wife, this is the headline, wife buys sex doll to satisfy husband's high sex drive when she's, quote, not in the mood. This to me is a great solution. I already love everything. He has to want a doll. You'd hope they talked about it, right? I hope he doesn't. And she goes, this is the middle

I'm willing to meet. You put it in here now. I don't want to put it in there. I like the shower head. The shower head's gone. You put it in here. You make love to this now. I'm sick of you using our grapefruits. What if it's her fetish to watch him

with it? That would be wonderful. That's also fun. I want to see you with an inanimate object. That gets me off. I'm not going to lie. There's a lot of things I'm willing to try. This, one of them. One of them. You know what?

Sometimes when you have a pot, you realize, oh, this lid fits too. Right. This artificial lid fits. For anyone listening or watching who is like, what, a sex doll, get out of your brain of the inflatable one. They are remarkable now. This is not a pool raft. Go watch Lars and the Real Girl.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Jay, for having the guts to say that. Dan, who sent this goddamn story in? I'm going to treat it like a pen call. At the end? I'm mad. Who sent it in?

Who's throwing this our way, Dan? Randy walks on it. Who forced this sex doll into our lives? Even though you had this mic, you still act like it's a lot. Fuck it. We'll do it live. Ready?

I so wanted to literally drive one block away. A wife. This is a sentence you don't normally like. A wife struggling with her husband's high sex drive has bought him a lifelike sex doll, which looks just like her for when she's not in the mood. Happy Hanukkah. Okay.

Happy Hanukkah. Is that night one or eight? I don't know. That's a night six. What did you get last night? Socks. What did you get the night before? A Bed, Bath, and Beyond $20 gift certificate.

A soulless sex partner. Char Grey. That's her name? Char Grey? That's her name. Char? Probably Char Lee? No, that's the color of the doll's skin.

Char Grey. Honestly, I was like, great. And her partner, Cullum. Cullum? Cullum. Cullum. Cullum. This comes from the Daily Record.

What are you Cullum? Introduced. At Sklar Brothers. Introduced the blonde-haired dollired doll named d wait why isn't it your name as well why does the doll has the most normal name d also i wonder do they tell you when they send it to you the stall's name's d yeah like uh it's like adopting adopting a pet when you adopted your dog did you change it to charlie we did what was it willis oh no that is a what's you talking about what you talking about charlie you

changed right no roman was always roman oh he was roman was always roman and that's fitting because of virgil i thought that i know okay r.i.p virgil okay chargray and call him introduced the blonde hair doll named d while looking for ways to quote spice things up in the bedroom. I would have called her Lottie. The couple. The couple who runs an OnlyFans page. Oh. And make up to how many pounds a month? How many pounds? British pounds. I have it as pounds.

I didn't convert it. Okay. So they run an OnlyFans page. What do you think they're making with Dan? Dan, is this going to upset me? I can't. I don't know. Hold on.

Hold on. The OnlyFans. Just a quick question. The OnlyFans, just a quick question. The OnlyFans means that they are having sex for, like, they're entertaining people with having sex? Or he has sex with the doll. But I mean, if she's like, to keep up with this guy's sex drive, it's like, well, if you've got an OnlyFans, don't go join Broadway if you want to do two shows a week.

That's right. You know what the schedule is. Hey, don't. There's a matinee, bitch. You can't join Broadway and say, I'm not going to do the Sunday matinee. You've got to do all of it. It's eight and seven. Eight and seven, bitches.

And that's the same thing with the sex doll. Eight and seven. When we started this, OnlyFans, I thought it would be something we did once a month. Turns out you've got to keep up with it. We're making, literally, I'm going to say, per month? We're making money hand over fist, which I want to talk to you about that.

Which is how we make more money. We're making money hand over fisting. I would say 20,000 pounds a month. What? I don't even know the conversion. It's probably about the same. $18,000. I think they're a little ahead of us. $15,000 a month.

I think they're making, yeah. Can I see? You know what? They're bringing in something bringing in something no twenty thousand pounds would be like twenty five thousand if she bought a lifelike sex doll and those things run for uh not like i know but exactly six thousand that is unbelievable rory they're buying a lifelike sex doll you gotta have a little bit of coin lying around now if my wife or kids pick this up in my phone, I'm going to see how much, just Dan, do you mind? I'm going to see how much a regular sex doll. Clear history.

No. Don't. Live your life. Who cares? Tell them I got work to do. 15,000. Okay. What are you saying per month, Rory?

15,000. Okay. I don't know. I feel like 20,000 really blew my mind. I think they probably make like 5,000 pounds a month. Okay. That's about $7,000. It feel like 20,000 really blew my mind. I think they probably make like 5,000 pounds a month. Okay. That's about $7,000. It's about 6,500.

I said 20,000 pounds. I know I went 15. Follow up dumb question. Everybody forgive me. I'm trying my best. The little like squiggly F, that's pound, right? Squiggly F? Yes, that's pounds.

That's pounds, right? I need you to confirm because then- I can't even picture what you're asking. Okay. Randy, what was your guess? I said 20,000. What are you doing on your phone? I'm trying to look up how much a sex doll costs to buy.

Sorry. I'm downloading a new album. Okay. I'm getting through junk emails. 20,000 pounds is 24,566. That's what I said, 25,000 pounds. Okay. So yeah, that's right.

Yeah. Okay. That's right. That's a little ahead of us. No. Okay. The answer is they make up to 70,000 pounds a month. Dude, I was on the right path.

70. 70,000. We're in the wrong business. We're in the wrong business. So they're pulling in what you're saying is like 75 to 80K. But I don't think that. US dollars. I think that.

I don't think that involves D. I mean, it might now, but I think they already had it. Now, here's what I want to know. Are our numbers going up or down with D? So now I'm going to do, Dan, I'm going to do how much? Really, people want to see sex dolls. Oh, yeah, they definitely do. You're always moving the goalposts or the bad posts.

How much is a sex doll? D can only do so much. Give me an expensive sex doll. How much do you think it is? Well, it looks exactly like, uh, an expensive sex doll. How much do you think? It looks exactly like $1,000. Okay. What do you think? 3,500 bucks.

Jay, I'm going to say expensive one, $40,000. Okay. And now you go way too high. Listen, I don't know about the, I don't know about,

I don't know. There's no consistency. The B story to this episode is Rory judging Jason's guests. I'm fascinated by it. Yeah. Get mad at the guy who shopped for a sex doll for six months. I don't know what I'm fascinated by it Alright yeah Get mad at the guy Who shopped for a sex doll For six months

Sex doll Tell me I don't know What I'm talking about So the high end Of a sex doll Of at least these I'll just do the high end Now there could be

Forty thousand I don't know But the high end Is thirty two hundred dollars Dan why do you know So much about it I'm in the game baby Almost exactly

I can get one for less On overstuffed.com They run this only fans They had discussed Exploring group sex However char was unsure of the idea and worried she might get jealous i do wonderful know your boundaries and express them to your partner yeah how much is a really good sex doll 30 200 bucks all right good to know good to get your phone back out good to know hang on a you get your phone back out? Good to know. Hang on a second. Hang on a minute. Calling my accountant.

Sending an email to myself. You know when you always ask me what I want for my birthday? No, I'm not doing anything. Vintage jersey. It's a different kind of club thing. I think you need a different shaft. We need a different shaft in here. Same fitting.

Same shaft. Different club. So they talk about getting into group sex. They decide they don't want to do it because Char's afraid she'll get jealous. Which, by the way, Char produced a $1,500 pound doll. So, 1,500.

So she didn't even go high end. They're pulling in $75 a month. As a happy medium. That's what you said. Spend money. You want to group this thing up? Let's do it in a different medium. That's what you said. Spend money. You want to group this thing up? Let's do it in a different way. First of all, guys. Spend money.

It's expenses at the end of the year for taxes. You can write her off. You can write that off. You can write the pocket vagina off. You can write her off. Write the pocket vagina off. You know what else you can write off? Your sex life.

No. Not for them. No, Char's good with it. They're not off. They're up. Yeah, Char. now char's like maybe i need to get back on camera she now considers it quote the best decision she ever made stoke on trent live reports char previously worked in in end of life care talk about turning your

day around she was doing hospice and now she's she's getting people's blood going with bodies that were turning cold now you go get with that cold body over there. Cullum was employed as an alloy painter. End of life care. She got her husband an inanimate object to do sex with. I'm no detective, but I'd like to be one. I don't want to put two things together. With the pair first trying out the adults-only site after introducing Dee to their sex life.

So I guess Dee's always been around. Dee is the reason. They now treat D like a real person, dressing her in white lingerie and dresses, taking her out on car rides and watching their favorite show, The Inbetweeners, together. I know something that's in between. Folks. They say that the reaction to D. D Inbetweeners? There you go.

Ask our brothers. They say the reaction to D can be negative online, but they don't care what anyone thinks because it works for them. Good for them. Who is this hurting? Who is this hurting? Nobody. Char said, we were talking about spicing things up

and having a threesome or foursome, a little golf. But like most girls, I was worried I'd struggle to see Cullen with another woman. It was a joint decision to buy a sex doll, but it was the best decision and has definitely improved our sex by the way no quotes from him he has not given any quotes yet like what does he think about this oh cullum is also a sex doll char is off it we're gonna only one this will drop in so uh anybody who's watching um this is the best place to see all these. I'm going to show them the photo, but you'll be able to see it

while you just keep looking at your screen. You want to see Char and Dee and Ben together? I do. Oh, my God. I can't tell who's real. If you have bad eyesight, that's a pretty close match. I can't tell who's real and who isn't. You know what's creepy?

Twins. Here, let me see it. We'll pass back. We'll pass back. A little pass back. So, yeah, I mean, by the way, kudos to the company that made the doll because it looks so much like her. Well, and they're buying this matching outfit and everything, and she's got the hair as well.

Yeah, they're making the effort. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, let's not go overboard that it looks so much like her. It does look a lot like her. It looks a lot like her. A lot like her. Similar. Also, they're wearing the same clothes.

True. I could do that with Daniel and be like you guys do look alike Yeah our clothes You know when you start to look like your pets Start to look like your sex doll I don't know that one Dan where do you keep it when you're not using it Well we're going to get into that

Is that in the utility closet You keep it in a coffin It's like a vampire Do you think that they got a doll that looked just like her? When you open it, Monster Mash plays, like when you open a greeting card. I was working in the lab. Can we get this song?

Take it out of this. It creeps me out. Every time I open it up. Killing my boner. I was working in the lab. Real question. Do you think they got a doll that looked just like her because she was afraid she'd get jealous of the doll? If it didn't also represent her? Why did the doll need to look like her?

Because she was like, if there's a different type of girl that you like. Exactly. Let's say it's a redhead doll that doesn't look like her at all. And he starts having sex with the doll. And he's like, okay, this is what I want. Then he'll go out into the world and find that as opposed to her. Now, just go find another blonde. No no but not if this looks exactly like her it's like you're you can only find it's great because cullen has a high sex drive and if i'm not in the mood

he's got d there we both love experimenting with her and so that means she's experimenting with let me change that or rephrase that and when i'm not in the mood not if right when i'm not i'm not trying to be an asshole here, but honestly, that looks like a $1,500 doll. You're saying it doesn't look like a $2,200 doll? It doesn't look like Jason's $40,000 standard. According to Char, quote, she's not just a doll. She's not just a doll. She's part of the family.

We're really attached to her. She's helped to strengthen our relationship and set our sex lives on fire dude it's a little jump start little jump a little maybe they're only fans is sponsored by the company that makes this there's a picture of all three of them in bed you'll either be seeing it right now or use your imagination call him looks like he's having the time of his life the couple purchased the doll online in june 2022 after previously owning a doll that just wasn't doing it for them cut to that doll being like, hey, hey, hey. I did my best.

Cut to their neighbors. I did my best. No, he won't be able to do it. No, Roar. That's the voice. That was the problem. I did my best. What do you want me to do?

It's another. Okay. By the way, cut to their neighbors who come out on garbage day and see just a pair of legs sticking out of their. You know, that's the side of the island of misfit toys we never get to see. Rejections. The sex doll who's there. I want to feel this way. Let me tell you about

not being wanted, kids. I think we did a story once when Santa Claus shows up to save them and she's like, can I get on? He's like, we're busy. I gotta check this with Mrs. Claus. I'm gonna come back. I'm coming back. We gotta balance the sleigh. Claus. I'm gonna come back. I'm coming back.

We gotta balance the sleigh. Kids, I just put the cord in. I think we did a story once where garbage people found a doll and they thought it was a real person. And they ended up calling the cops and everybody. It was garbage men who were like,

we got a dead body here. And it was just a sex doll. Oh, remember that? Remember that? Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Now that is a $40,000 sex doll. You thought it was a real dead body. Listen, I think Donner's gonna be okay. Look how the legs are straight up. I worry about Blitzen.

He'll talk. Blitzen will talk. He runs his mouth. They opted for a more realistic model after their first doll that resembles the blonde Char. Char said, there were so many to choose from, but we eventually found Dee, who we think looks like me. I don't think she's doing this on purpose.

I never get jealous because there's no emotion there. She's not real, but she definitely spiced things up. Colm has a higher sex drive than me, so it's great that he has Dee when I don't want to have sex. Is there any picture of Colm? I don't know that he exists. Yeah, there's a picture of Colm. Okay.

I mean, it really cuts to the core of what you need in sex. Is his name Colm or Cullum? Cullum. Cullum. Cullum. Again, we don't know what to call him. Cullum. He is.

You're a nut. But, like, you're fine. Don't you love the interaction of an actual human being? There's call him. Oh man. Look at him. Look at him. He's so happy.

He's past this past time. Maybe they are having a lot of fun. Look at call him. He doesn't care. I wonder if he like break stuff in like new bits on the doll. He's like, yeah, I'm going to try,

try this. Try this with D and then I'll bring it into what's going on with you. You know what I mean? Yeah. There you go. Well, that's an interesting story. Is that the story? Well, almost.

Okay. I can't wait. Daniel, get us there. How old? No. How old? We don't even have that. Oh, God.

How long? We don't even have that. I just have to end it. Yeah. Sent in by Carlene McDermott at SheBeCarlene. Carlene, we wish you well. You're dumb people town friends. Daniel Van Kirk, Rory Sklar, and

Randy Scoble. And Jason Sklee. Sklee. That's a Welch name. Don't Welch on it. I'm Jason Sklee Jr. No one knows his name Sklee. Jason Sklee Ulrich. Alright. That's short number two down the books. I love it. Pen Pal style. one knows his name, Sclee. Jason Sclee Ulrich. All right.

That's short number two down the books. I love it. A pen pal style. Thank you for doing that that way. I didn't see that that was happening. I'm so dumb. Jay, give us a taste. Just a taste of what we'll see in a second.

A 911 call, maybe the most epic, for one of the most epic reasons of all time. I love it. Most of the epically inappropriate reasons. That's on the other side of the break, and we can't wait to bring that to you. It's Dumb People Town with Rory Scovel. We'll be right back. Stick around.

Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. If we haven't mentioned our Patreon, we dropped everything down to a $5 level you can get.

You write the stories in and tell us the dumb story that happened to you in your life. We all have them. If you've ever wanted, what if Ran, Dan, and Jay broke down a part of my life? I want that. I love it because we've all done dumb stuff. And it's so if you guys can write it in, if you don't have a dumb story.

I can't wait until we do live shows and somebody's like, I'm the guy who got stuck in a sewer. Yes. You're like, wait, I saw that. Calm down. That's us all the time. How about a round of applause for Pennywise, everybody. Pennywise. Trudgy.

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All right. This is in the headline headline you get it all uh man calls 9-1-1 after sister ends his wash cycle richmond heights police i see exactly what i did i'm on his side sent in by jake roney this is about so many other things what do you want 9-1-1 to do for you you you're like i can't she's not back up yeah how helpless do you feel? You're like, I can't. She's not back on. How helpless do you feel that you feel like the only way out of this is 911? I'm going to let the authorities take care of this.

This is from a blotter, so there's not a lot of info, but we can get into it. Officers responded. So now they have to come. I mean, I guess you are on the verge of a domestic dispute, but you also don't know if that guy's talking code, right? You're like, we got to go. And my cycle yeah all right officers responded to a 911 call at a residence september 23rd and learned that a man had called because his sister had taken his clothes out of the washing machine

without his permission yeah yeah consent is half the has he never lived in an apartment complex look no means no but i, we're talking about consent. Yeah. This is a story of consent. Now they're just stopping wet? Yeah. Just sitting on like the... I mean, especially if he didn't do a spin cycle.

She should be in jail forever. Forever, right? I mean, this is like, I don't believe in capital punishment, but I will for this story. I'll allow it. Same. Not gonna happen. You too. It was his...

What number load of laundry was it? Oh, so she's had enough. For this day. Yeah, so she's had enough. For this day. Yeah, yeah. And the woman said she took it out because it was taking too long. It always takes one sentence for all of us to switch to her team. Yeah, now we're on her side. What load was it?

Like, whoa, okay, more than one. She's right. She's right. I bet it was the fourth one. Fourth load for Rory. Seventh load. Seventh load for Randy. It was his fifth load.

Fifth load for Dan. Jason's guess is obviously 10,000 loads. 10,000 loads. That was the title of the story right before this. Sextile, 10,000 loads. It was which number load? Get your answers in, Tannies, because it was his third load.

That's it? Still on her side? I've done three lights, darks and whites. What's wrong with that? You're at least doing two. Three is not that crazy. If it's towel or bedding day, four and I'm pulling it. But what's your issue? Four, I can even get behind if you have workout clothes that you don't want to get washed with all your other stuff.

Well, she's got these clothes covered in blood she's trying to take care of. Listen, napkins you don't want to wash with the dog bed, I get it. Yeah. I get it. Here's my question. What is she mad at? If it's taking too long that's a washing machine issue that's not a brother issue yeah like is your washing machine going

or is he taking too long i think he's putting the napkins on sanitize you don't have to do it also you live as you guys all remember when you didn't you were living somewhere that hasn't any washer or dryer you got to be happy do it. Do it later. She got this blood stain. She murdered somebody. Do it overnight. So this guy wants to pursue charges against his sister for touching. For what? For touching his laundry. What are those charges? One minute in jail.

One minute in jail? What is the third degree fluff and fold? What is the degree? If he goes into jail, he will be in there on a 20 minute man sweater yeah instead of man sweater i don't care reckless washing i don't know dan uh i feel like this was technically like and i could be wrong this is what they got al capone on i might be wrong yeah he did all those other bad things but then to pull someone's load early

i mean dan you're right you went when you asked question initially. What could the cops do in this scenario? Even if, because this does happen in laundromats or in apartment complexes, you'll come out and somebody has taken your clothes out of the dryer, which I think at a certain time, if it's at least been an hour and you lose the right, I'm not saying steal them or do anything bad to them.

You just take them out, you put them on the table. But people do it with wash. Even if you call the cops in that scenario, what would they charge a person with? Dan, I'll tell you right now. He wanted to press charges, but officers advised him that no crime had been committed. That's right.

And then here's where the officers, I feel like, are going to town. Let's do it. They were both told to work out the matter as adults since they were living together in their grandmother's house. Okay. Why bring this woman into it? She's dead. No, she's dead.

But it's like, is she? Or does the pain that she inflicted live on? And the daughter was like, we got to get grandma on the washing machine to clean her off. This is the adult flowers in the attic. This is that. But if she is nearing death, I know a woman with a sex doll who can help her get to that. She can help get her to that. But this is the moment where we are going to,

we're going to find out. This is how we, we leave this one. How old is the man who called the cops? Right. This will tell you everything you need to know. Well, he was told if he's not going to fucking seven.

Yeah. If he's over seven, it's not okay. I dare you to call the cop. Go ahead. If you found out he's seven, you would go, Oh, I'm not tipping. What are you going's not okay i dare you to call the cop go ahead if you found out he's seven you would go oh i'm not tipping what are you gonna do you're gonna call the cops to be in his 20s right what are you gonna do go ahead call the cops i will call or these i will i will call the rory do it ran he was these two are old yeah that's what i was gonna say they're old oldies and they still call it their grandmothers well that's what I was going to say. They're old. Oldies. And they still call it their grandmother's. Well, that's whose house it is.

She died 40 years ago. You're going to do this shit in grandma's house. They didn't inherit the house either. Oh, no, no, no. That's in contention. I'm going to go with he's in his 60s. So give a number. 60 what? 60.

I'm going to go 60. I want him to be right, but he is 24 years old. No, no, no. What do you say, Dan? Yeah, going to go 60. I want him to be right, but he is 24 years old. 24 years old. No, no, no. What do you say, Dan? Yeah, I'll go 24. He's 35.

35-year-old man. I was going to say 35. 35. This man who called the cops on his sister because he couldn't handle it. Literally, she dared him to or whatever the reason was. No, she definitely said it. There was a double dog dare. There was a double dog dare.

He did it. Get your answers in. 27 dog dare. He did it. Gage, your answer's in. 27 years old. Oh, Daniel. 27-year-old adult. You've got to be so young that you don't know that that's not why you call the cops. 27 isn't young

enough. 27 is a fuck-around age. 27, we were on our own. You're in a fuck-up age if you're fighting over 27 is old enough to age. 27, we were on our own. That's what I'm saying. You're in a fuck up age if you're like fighting over this. But 27 is old enough to know. If you can rent a car, you're old enough to know. So the cops, if you get your chauffeurs license, you're old enough to know.

The cops need to find this person a lot of money for being there. The oldest age that I would go, well, you're an idiot kid is maybe 14, 15. Yeah. I was like, well, you're being an idiot. can you imagine the cops show up you're the sister don't aren't you approaching the cops with so much confidence where you're like i mean why are you guys here and they're like same and you're like i took no like everything the cops were saying she's right behind him going right she's leaning on the car she's leaning on the car listen to them you smoking yeah yeah yeah smoking yeah i don't know why you guys are here through the

window like yep yep you just grumbling right yep but also the confidence that he had when they pulled up they're here they're here now and your ass is dead you thought i would have thought i wouldn't guess what you think they're here because they're not on my side? Yeah. You think they come for justice? They're here because I brought them here. Grandma's going to kick your ass out. Grandma's been dead for 35 years. She's still going to kick your ass out.

Yeah, kick your ass. You know, even the cops had the same answer as Daniel. They were like, well, what load was it? And he was like, the third. And they were like, it could be sheets and towels. They're now trying to figure out ways where she's right. Let me feel the laundry and see how wet it is. Did you?

They're like, this is drierable. Put the entire dog bed in there. You're the dummy. That's never going to dry. It probably did go both ways. They're like, you're an idiot for calling us. Also, ma'am, three loads. You got to chill out.

Like, for both of them. Yeah, three loads. You too. Also, you called the cops. So I don't like the defund the police label and moniker. I thought that was a horrible misstep. I do think this should be handled by other people. But that is what it's about.

That's what it's about. So there should be a laundry patrol. Laundry patrol. Call an LP. Laundry patrol. Call LP. What's the number? 811.

But you know what? 811 is to get the Laundry Patrol. When you're talking about like the defunding the police and just saying that, oh, well, there are people that could go respond in terms of like mental health issues that don't require a weapon. 811? This is a perfect call for people who are in training to get to that level. That's right.

Hey, this is a walk in the park. You're going to have to deal with two personalities. That's right. These are gone at the office. This is an 811 call. You is a walk in the park. You're going to have to deal with two personalities. These are gone at the office. This is an 8-1-1 call. You don't even need anything. Bring a bounce sheet, and you're ready to go. You know what?

Just take this scooter over there. Have lunch. Let's walk over there. That's a story, gang. There you go. Dumb Pen Pal Town. We did it. Pen Pals is their wonderful podcast that these guys do.

Everybody subscribe to that. If you're not, all the people listening to Dumb People Town, you will love that. You will love it. Start out with the episode that you guys wrote. Start with ours and dig your way back or forward. It's such a wonderful show. We'll come back and do it again. We love you, Rory.

Thank you for joining us. Thank you. Great to meet you, man. Guess what? Great to meet you. I love that you guys met on this podcast and you've been doing another podcast. And oh shit, we're going to get back to work. Stick around.

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