Dumb People Town - Rosebud Baker - Some Kind of Seance For The Dead

Episode Date: September 28, 2021

This week Rosebud Baker comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about trailer park swingers. For the second story shows us the spookiest reason to get kicked out of a parking lot. The final story is about a golf course pooper.

Skypains, out of here. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Baker. Rosebud Baker. Welcome to the show. Thank you guys. So nice to have you here. I'm so happy to be here. You were West Coast, now you're East Coast, but you're back on the West Coast and we get you in person. It's wonderful. I got to make a triumphant return. Did you get flooding? Yes. I was there for that. But in your guys' place? Not in my place, but I was at for that but in your play your guys's play not in my place

but I was at the bell house in the middle of a show water was coming it was coming in in the middle of Dan Soder set no way I think it must have started coming in in the middle of my set or I was bombing but I felt like it was I there you know when you don't do as well and you're like oh it was probably the flood I always go to the flooding. I always go to the flooding. Is there a leak? Is there a leak in here?

There's a leak in the building, right? I feel like you guys didn't follow me on that. Yeah. There must be an environmental disaster. It was torrential and you guys were doing a show? Dude, I pulled up to the bell house and it was raining. Yeah, yeah. But it wasn't crazy.

It wasn't, you know. Right. And I saw a parkope and it was bad. I mean, when I tell you, I walked out in waist-deep water. Waist-deep? Were you in the Narrows in Resign? In an hour. In an hour, this happened.

So for those who don't know, the Bell House, for those who came to see Dumb People Town Live, the Bell House, you know. But the Bell House is somewhat down water. It's downstream. For some reason, I was thinking, I said Park Slope, I was thinking Union Hall. I don't know why. The most disgusting water, the Gowanus Canal,

has probably bodies from World War II in it. Oh, sure. And like chlamydia. Yeah. Just floating. From World War II. Just liquid chlamydia.

And I got out, that is the last, that's the last body of water that you want to be walking out in. I mean, flood water's bad. But this was like, I would rather be, did you see the clips of people getting into the subway in the garbage bags? I would rather do that than walk out.

Did you have to get to the subway? I had to get to an Uber. I got the last Uber driver in Brooklyn, I swear to God. I love that album. It's a good Paul Simon. It's a beautiful folk song. The last Uber. Paul Simon was ahead of his time.

That was 74. Yeah. He predicted Uber in 1974. Well, the only living Uber in New York. It's so dumb. The world is so dumb and we get to try and make fun of it

and that's what this show's all about. So, Rosebud, our fans were amazing. Send stories to Daniel. It's very easy. You just say at Dumb People Town or hashtag Dumb People Town hashtag Dumb People Town at Daniel Van Kirk our fans who are amazing send stories to Daniel it's very easy you just say at dumb people town

or hashtag dumb people town hashtag dumb people town at Daniel Van Kirk and he knows who sent him and when and let's jump into a story okay you ready this was sent in by Shana

at your fave teacher U-R-F-A-V teacher she knew I don't think I remember Shana's been around for a while she comes to a lot of the Hub City shows

she's in Louisiana but first sending in a story that made it on the air. I think it's her first time being first. Okay, that's what I mean. Nice. Great. Ready for the headline? Yes.

I cannot wait. This would be what you'd write if you were like jotting down your set list to remember it. I can't wait. It's a new bit. Right. New Swingers trailer. Let me take it again.

I put a weird comma that didn't exist. New Swingers trailer park opening in Memau. Wait. A Swingers trailer. Let me take it again. I put a weird comma that didn't exist. New swingers trailer park opening in Memau. Wait, a swingers trailer park? A trailer park for swingers. For swingers. That's great. A swingers trailer park. Good for them.

Doesn't that seem like something you'd say on set list? Just make it a singles. Yeah. Because they're all about to be single. Right. You don't need any double ones. No one can swing for too long. Well, anytime I've seen someone who's like

we're swingers i'm like you're both alone together right or you're gonna be alone yeah right swingers trailer park also m-a-m-o-u is it worse to say that is it worse to die burning in your own with your own wife or with your neighbor's wife because they're all gonna get burned when the tornado maybe a little bit of both yeah when the tornado lifts your trailer off the ground make sure you with someone you love and that doesn't have to be your partner uh if i didn't say it correctly by the way it's at your fave teacher 100 well i would say that would be the one time where you could say swing your partner around this takes place Evangeline Parish,

Louisiana. Not where you'd think you'd get a swingers park. Evangeline Parish. That seems like exactly where you would get a swingers park to me. For some reason

it seems religious to me. The French Quarter though down in New Orleans. Have you been to New Orleans? I have. It's one of my favorite places. It's amazing but no rules.

It does not feel like it's not part of the South. You're like where did this come from? France? Yeah, there's something about it that rules. It does not feel like it's not part of the South. You're like, where did this come from? France? Yeah, there's something about it that's very European. There's a bar next to the gym. People are like, open carry.

Anywhere you want. In the gym. When they say open carry, it means a plastic cup filled with alcohol. Yes. That's what that means. You will hear this phrase, hold this and then spot me. Where are you from? I'm from originally Virginia.

Okay. Yeah. Because you know, Missouri still has open container. You can have an open container if you aren't the driver. So our story. Yes. You can just drive your friends around while they're getting hammered. And go to church.

Yes. So we were in New Orleans. We were having a drink with a friend of ours before our show. From high school. And we were and so we're hanging out with him. And we looked down and we're like, oh God, we gotta get to our show. We gotta get to our show. And he's like,

okay, hang on a second. He goes up to the bar and he orders a drink. We're like, Robert, we gotta leave. He's like, I know. And he pours it into a to-go cup on the bar, just encouraged by the bar, goes into his minivan, takes out all the kids' toys from the cup holder,

puts it in there, and drives off. He's like, let's go. And I'm like, come on! I will tell you, up at the cabin, you go to Jim's next to the flea market, when you order your Bloody Mary, or in my case, screwdriver, they ask you, here to go.

Here to go. That's amazing. Yeah. That reminds me of my dad. I swear he would take us to church with a beer in the cup holder. A little bit for them, a little bit for you. So it's M-A-M-O-U

where this is taking place. Where is that? Louisiana. Oh, okay. Right. You said that. I'm a big fan of Jason Mamau. It's called... Okay. If you're looking to spice up your love life with an outdoor experience, there's a new spot for swingers opening in Mamau. It's called, okay, if you're looking to spice up your love life with an outdoor experience, there's a new spot for swingers opening in Mamau. It's called T-Boys Swinger Trailer Park.

T-E-E-B-O-I. T-Boys. T-Boys. Is that like a new thing? Maybe it's T-Boys. Because it is down in. You guys are fancy. T-Boys.

You think it's T-Boys Swinger Trailer Park? T-Boys. That is insane. I donBoys for your trailer park? T-Boys. That is insane. I don't understand. Wait till I show it to you. T-Boys. Is that a thing though? Boys.

Did you get T-Boyed? Don't... You have to pay extra. You put it on my... So, you know, when they say we're going to run a train on this person, they're saying we want to run a trailer on this person. Yes. That's what they say in this place. It's gaining attention want to run a trailer on this person. Yes. That's what they say. It's gaining attention

and getting ready to swing in southern Louisiana. Their motto. They have a motto. How do you get ready? If you want to go to T-Boys Swinger Trailer Park, if you want to live there, here's their motto. I want to hear it. Bring your house and share your spouse. I like this. I love that. I like this.

It's catchy. It's funny. It's catchy. Good marketing. Bring your house and share your spouse. You can come to my mouth for many good things. This will be one of them, David O'Coin said. Your neighbor's wife being one of them. Right. Dan, the way you were saying that. You bring a dish to pass.

Yeah. The husband or the wife. I'm not judging. Dan, the way you were saying that and the fact that the other thing rhymed, I was in my mind hearing it like a Dr. Seuss thing. So please do the rhyming thing and then the next sentence. You can come to my mouth for many good things. Keep going, keep reading. This will be one of them.

David. David, a cow said. Sings. I think it becomes like, come to my mouth for many good things. This will be one of them. David A. Cow sings. Close.

And it becomes this sexual Dr. Seuss-ian. Are you ready to get a good look at him? Everybody else, it'll be up on the Facebook page and other socials. This is him standing in front of his advertising and he is exactly what you think. Wait, he's the guy who...

He's the guy who... Right? Okay, describe him for us. He loves TRL. First of all, yes. He loves TRL. He has the same facial hair as Britney Spears' ex-husband, Kevin Federline. Kevin Federline.

He is standing in front of... He's standing in front of a shack of some sort. Shaquille O'Neal, it is Louise. I'll tell you this much. The banner was a lot more expensive than the building and tagging line. There's a lot of money into that banner.

There's a lot. Look at this. There's a lot of money in that banner. When you have the ex-Britney Spears husband's facial hair today, we call that living below the Kevin Federle. Me too. Oh, my God.

I can't believe that's the park. It's just that shack. So far, I mean, if you build it, everyone will come. Everyone will come. You can go either way. If you build it, everyone comes is really a missed opportunity for them. That should have been on the banner. Right.

Field of creams? Field of wet dreams? Yeah. Field of wet dreams. Awkwine is the man behind T-Boy Swinger's trailer park. Don't even understand. He's opening it for couples into swinging. That's your market.

Is that why? Yep. And he says the swinger community is surprisingly bigger than you may think. And growing. Is that a threat? Then Al Coyne says, quote, it's bigger than most will know. If I'm the reporter, I'm like, I get it, buddy. You have a lot of friends. It's a grower, not a showing community, okay?

So just give it credit when it grows. You know about pineapples, right? You all know the pineapple thing? No. Upside down pineapple means you're a swinger. What? What are you talking about, Dan? Yeah.

You turn a pineapple. If you see a person with an upside down pineapple tattoo or like a decal on their car. That's swinger? Yes. Upside down pineapple indicates a swinger. I want to know how that became their thing. Right. Because it has nothing to do with it.

I always wonder that too. Yeah. Who was the one that was like, guys, this is a- What's the origin story? There's that college basketball where they don't make a noise until the 10th point is scored or something like that. Oh my God. What are the weird-

I'm like, where did that pineapple get stuck? Right. You know what I mean? Someone sat on a pineapple and they're like, turn it around. Turn it upside down. It's very spiky on... They lost someone in swinging. Like a tattoo of a tire and a rope?

That tells me I'm a swinger. Why not like a peach? Like two peaches? I don't know. It's an upside down pineapple. It indicates swinging community. Weird. Learn something new. Quote. Why is that not the symbol of the T-Boys?

Live free and don't be scared of it. There's a big community of it. That's a horrible saying. I know. He's dropping off. He kind of trailed it. He really just stopped trying. It's live free or die.

I think a bunch of them aren't shy the ones that are shy hell with them roll with it at this point like you're like sir who's he talking who's he mad at i wonder if the reporter just wrote down things he was saying as he walked around like in a circle uh wait rosebud why does this feel like he's making this speech to an ex-girlfriend who wouldn't swing yeah it feels like that's what swing? Yeah, it feels like, that's what I was going to say. It feels like something that you'd say to somebody. If someone is, you're bringing somebody to T-Boys,

and they're like, I'm shy, and they just say hell to you. Right. You know what I mean? That's not very inclusive. Hell to you. Hell to you.

Hell to you. Gonna tell me. Hell to you sounds like it's in Lord of the Rings or something. It was very Gandalf. He was then quoted as saying to himself, it's going to tell me I can't start a swing. I'm going to read this to you all together.

He's opening it for couples. He says the swinging community is surprisingly bigger than you may think. It's bigger than most will know. Live free and don't be scared of it. There's a big community of it. It's like, buddy, I think a bunch of them aren't shy. The ones that are shy, hell with them.

Roll with it. It's a good thing compared to most things. What? That is the... If there is anything more vague... Dan, if I'm... It's a good thing compared to most things. Wouldn't you...

It's better... If he said it's a good thing compared to some things... Yeah. Then I'd be like, oh, I don't know what your sum is. But to say it's good compared to most things? I mean, yeah, if you say... Teriyaki. But to say it's good compared to most things? I mean, yeah, if you say- Teriyaki chicken? Yeah, it's good compared to it.

To call it just a good thing compared to most things- It's not selling it. It really doesn't feel like he's saying, it's all right compared to whatever. Murder. So, Dan, if I was interviewing this guy- David Alcoyne? You know I would consistently be like,

I don't think it's that big of a thing. It's a big thing. It's about a big thing. How can you prove that it's a big thing? I would keep asking him how he could prove. Since putting up the sign where the Swinger Park will be, Alcoyne says he's gotten calls from swingers across the country. We've gotten some from Pennsylvania.

We've got some from Arkansas. They also have a sign? Of course, all around Acadiana. They also have a sign? Yeah. Of course, all around Acadiana. Acadiana? I have no idea. I've never been there. If you're mad at me while you hear me say this.

All around Mamao, Villplatt, Lafayette, Baton Rouge, New Orleans, Slidell. We got it, buddy. We got it. It's bigger than you think. It's bigger than you think. It's bigger than we know. Nobody in New Orleans is calling because they saw that sign or heard about that sign. We have text messages from all over the country.

It's mind-boggling, he said. He says they're getting so many calls they can barely keep up with them. Most of them call or text just to see if it's real, just to see if somebody is going to answer because they'll say, oh, no, nobody's there. It's not a real number. Or they'll get on Facebook and say, oh, it's not a real number. First of all, we all know no one's denying anything on Facebook.

On Facebook especially, people are very accepting of information. He says, we're getting so much. They'll get on. Facebook says it's not real. It's a real number. I get on there. It's a real number.

He goes, I got on there and said, I'll be a fat frog's butt if it's not a real number. This guy. Does this reporter know how to look? This guy is Trump's speech writer. I know. I'm like, someone shut him up.

There's something kind of like. Or let him go. Yeah, it's kind of rhythmic. It is. Everybody starts calling, and they start calling. Hey, what's y'all's address? Is this Mamaw? Where is it at?

Yes, it is. I don't even know. Oh, my God, Dan. This can't be in an article. It is. Someone needs to tell the reporter,, my God, Dan. This can't be in an article. It is. Someone needs to tell the reporter, hey, you pick and choose a couple quotes. We haven't even taken the biggest turn yet for David Akoin. The sign for the swingers community says you have to send a picture of your spouse for approval.

But Akoin says that's just a joke. No, it's not. No, it's not. He's like, it's just a joke, but send it's not. No, it's not. Right. He's like, it's just a joke, but send it. Right. Right. You sleeping?

How many times has he said that? That was more of a joke to kind of ease up the people and just to create a vibe. Ease up is not a word. That's not a phrase. You don't. Well, also, because that's the thing. Unless you're on a horse. Yeah. Because that's the thing mostly that you associate with the swingers community.

They're all uptight. Right. You got to lube the situationers community. They're all uptight. You've got to elude the situation. They need to be eased up. Swingers are people who won't take chances. It's more of a joke. Oh, you shy? Let me ease you up. Just to create a vibe, guys.

You're willing to openly sleep with other people and your spouse is cool with it? You need to ease up. This is his quote. That was more of a joke to kind of ease up the people and just create a vibe people went further with it than you can imagine we've gotten many pictures and many phone calls and many text voicemails it's unreal so now he's people are sending nudes at their husbands or wives the only thing essentially he put a sign up on a shack that said send nudes. And people were like, absolutely. But he hid it around a T-boy.

That is what a T-boy is. A coin says he has, you know this is coming, you can't go far into this sort of life or business endeavor or just in Louisiana when somebody got going. A coin says

he has one message for the haters. Okay. Sucks, this is quote, sucks to be them. There's no reason to get mad at anybody for their preference. They're not out here hurting nobody. Nobody is selling drugs here. People just want to have a good time, enjoy themselves the way they want to.

That's perfectly what it is. And I'm like, now I'm back on board. Okay, when he unprompted goes, nobody's selling drugs here. That means lots of people are selling lots of drugs. So many drugs. And also, nobody is a double negative. So that means everybody's hurting everybody.

Also, he wrote this article. This is a letter to the editor. Nobody's selling drugs here. Jeff didn't hit Laura with his car. What? That's very specific. Nobody got in a fight with a raccoon last night. No one sat on a pineapple and started bleeding and we

took care of it without going to the hospital. None of that happened. The grand opening for T-Boys Swinger Trailer Park, that's TVSTP if you're nasty, is set for Memorial Day weekend of 2022. What better way to honor the troops? Everyone who's fought died for this.

You just want to look down at someone and say, thank you for your service. They fought. They fought. Look, for every troop that's been deployed, here comes a few more. They fought for our ability to switch partners. Yep. When it's finished, the site will have, you ready for it, the amenities? Yes.

A nude pool. Thank you. A nude yoga stadium. Stadium. Which infers watching right well not room well I think he just wanted the stadium

just so there could be bleachers the stadium is them emptying out the pool right also also when you were like he did this whole thing for nudes we're about to get to the other thing he did this all for

he couldn't let go of something he loved in high school he's gonna have a nude pool nude yoga stadium a strip poker hall. Thank you. He just wants to play strip poker. And a key party cabana.

But by the way, strip poker means you've got to play poker. You're betting your clothes. Right. And you already have a nude pool and you already have a nude yoga stadium. So you got to show up close to the strip poker. Only clothes. You want to see nudes? Go to the fucking stadium.

So you can't get into The yoga stadium Or the pool Without being nude But you can only get Into the poker hall By wearing clothes It'd be like

If Willy Wonka Had a gift shop In the chocolate factory And you're like I can reach over here And pull gumdrops Off this damn tree Why am I paying

Fourteen dollars For a bag of gumdrops From your damn gift shop Also Let's admit If you're in college and high school, strip poker is a, if everybody's into it, nobody without fun, just grab ass, right?

Let's look at boobs. Let's look at each other. We're all exploring, right? Sure. Yeah. What are the stakes for someone you just saw nude in front of you doing a downward dog? Yeah, somebody who's just like,

just getting into your wife. I know, that's right. As she gets into a warrior two pose. And then just being like, let's put our clothes back on. Back on. And then play some poker. Maybe it's people who love cards. Play some Texas Hold'em.

The last thing he says, a key party cabana. He says, this is David, you'll have to look up a key party to find out what that one is. We all know what it is. I know. Who doesn't? New York in the 70s have to look up a key party to find out what that one is. We all know what it is. New York in the 70s. Everybody learned what a key party was. I would say back to this guy, it's bigger than you'll know. McCoy says you can choose to live at the trailer park,

but he's designed it to operate more like a campground where swingers can come for party-themed weekends. Can you imagine there's a hundred of these in Florida already? This sounds like a better thing than most things. Right. Well, wait. Flash forward two summers.

We're playing weekends at T-Boy's nude trailer park, whatever it was called. I can't even imagine. All right. That's story number one. Let me just say this. I can't even imagine how that place smells. It's delicious. I mean, absolutely a barnyard.

A barnyard of upside-down pine and vanilla. And vanilla. All right, there was our first story. Dan, I don't think I've laughed that hard at a story in so long. That is an amazing story and an amazing guy. T-Boy coming through. Here we go. Rosebud Baker's our guest.

She's got a new stand-up special. I'm so excited. We're going to talk about that on the other side of the break. This is Dumb People Town. Don't go anywhere. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town.

Hey, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. We've got the great Rosebud Baker, one of our favorite comics, someone we've had on shows that we've done for the Montreal Comedy Festival. The virtual shows you were on. The virtual shows. You were great on it. So fun.

I'm psyched about your new special. Can you tell people about your new special and how they can get it and a little bit about it? Because it's really awesome. Yeah. So you can get it if you go to Comedy Central's YouTube page. It's out there now. Great.

It's been up since August 18th. Was it August 18th? Yeah. August 18th. About a month. Cool. Yeah. About a month. It. Yeah, about a month.

It's gotten some really good. It's actually the only YouTube thing that I've seen where the comments are mostly nice. Oh, my God. That's a major breakthrough. Yeah. I was like, this is shocking. If you get 45% nice, that to me is a major breakthrough. Then you're like, I crushed it.

I know. I'm like, okay, this feels good. I was ready to just get abused and read all of it because there's no way I'm not going to read it. And you're a great comic. Yeah. People go, don't read the comments. I'm like, are you insane? Like, I'm absolutely good.

There's no way that I have any control over myself. None. But yeah, we shot it in Nashville in March of 2021. At Zany's. At Zany's. Yep. Zany's? At Zany's, yep. Great. Zany's, great club.

And Aristotle Athiris, who's a comic here in LA, he directed it. Nice. And All Things Comedy produced with 800-lb Gorilla and Comedy Central. Awesome.

So cool. Yeah. So you put the album out on 800-lb Gorilla? The album is not out yet, but it's coming out on 800-lb Gorilla. Great.

All right. Yeah. It's called Whiskey Fists. I forgot to say that. Whiskey Fists. Yeah. So much fun. Is this the culmination of how many years of writing?

Is this like the last two years of writing? Nine years. Wow. Like there's, I mean, there's jokes in there that I started with that I, you know,

obviously changed over the years. Over time, yeah. And then there's jokes that I've, that I, you know, obviously changed over the years. Updated our time, yeah. And then there's jokes that I've done more recently, and there's jokes from COVID. There's jokes in there about the healthcare hero thing where we would get on our roofs and clap every night. That's right.

Just from the perspective of somebody who had COVID, it wasn't the best. Like, listening to people applaud for people that can't cure you. Yeah, that's... It's not that they don't deserve the applause, but it does feel like a knife in the back, you know, that kind of a thing. Yes. And jokes about relationships and getting married during COVID and all of that.

Love it. Crazy. Yeah. That's awesome. And Whiskey Fists, and all of that. Love it. Crazy. Yeah. That's awesome. And Whiskey Fists, watch it on YouTube. Leave a nice comment. Come on. Let Comedy Central know. Yeah.

And if you don't know her stand-up, you guys will love it. Just so good. And I really did love the show that you were doing in COVID time, pandemic times, for the Montreal Comedy Festival. I thought they did a great slate of shows and yours was fantastic. It came on right before ours or around ours, but it was just well done. Thank you.

Thanks so much. That was really, God, that feels like seven lifetimes ago. Doesn't it? When we just didn't know how we were going to ever do stand-up again or communicate with each other. We just weren't sure.

It was crazy. It is now. It is nice to be doing it in front of audiences. Dan had to very smartly postponed a lot of his dates. He had like 50 dates coming up in the next couple of months. We'll do them in the spring. So you'll do them in the spring. And so danavankirk.com.

But people can still join you on some of the greatest things ever. So Dan had a pocket of time in his youth where he just didn't watch like huge movies that came out. I just missed. I saw so many movies. But but then I never saw Grease. Right. I never saw The Sandlot. Me? Me.

Are you crazy? Wow. Never. But I get that. I'm too old. But you also were like, oh, I'm sure I'd love it, right? I thought I would. You've seen it now, right?

I haven't seen it yet. Okay. You'd love it. You'd love it. So the point is that Dan will sit down and have like, yes, I do like a movie club. So great.

Then we talk about it. And then on October 27th, I think that's the Wednesday. Yeah, I'm doing, I do bingo and where we raise money for like no kill animal shelters, big brothers, big sisters and food banks.

Plus like people can also win too. Yeah. And we did a big one for Halloween last year. So we're gonna do in this year. It's Halloween. Go. People come as a costume wear a costume and then there's a costume contest and then like other comics join in and i just i roll the numbers out and then i text on the numbers so they can call the numbers on zoom with everybody so fun plug whatever they're up to and stuff like that we did it so yeah so we're doing a big halloween go on the 27th and other shows and

stuff like that but isn't it you have to wear a costume and tell a truth about yourself if you get bingo this is the thing about bingo that's like this whole other layer because we can't like as comics like we're always like we tag everything that we do right so uh yeah i've essentially just like done pimp my ride for bingo if you use the free space in bingo you have to tell a secret it That's great. Oh my God. Nothing's free. We've had people tell, like one guy was like, I got my very first hand job on 9-11, 2001. Oh my God. And then like another woman in her 60s was like-

And as it happened, he said another tower just fell. And then a woman was like in her 60s and she's like, I'm married for the second time and I'm very happy, but once a week I have sex dreams about my ex-husband oh my god her daughters were also playing they're like what the fuck oh my god but then like it's some people you know like i don't like chocolate ice cream i don't fuck whatever your secret is no pressure but some people are like i'm gonna unload this for the first time yeah so it's super fun uh halloween goes the 27th of october

all that stuff's at danielvankirk.com. Everything you do is a safe space. Yeah, I try. Hey, we've got a Patreon. We're doing new episodes of our show Cheap Seats, which we stopped doing 15 years ago. So people can watch the diving one. They can watch the Russian guys smack each other.

And Battle of the Network Stars is now up. That's a show we've always wanted to do, and of course we just grab them and do them and it's just a blast. That's such a great idea. But we just watch this stuff and make jokes over it. Make so many jokes over it and what Randy and I were most concerned about when bringing this back,

because it was a big production, but we're like can we just be funny? Can the magic of what the show was when we did it initially and the thing that people like the most, can it exist in this smaller, much more DIY format? And it totally does. So we're very excited about it. So join our Patreon.

It's only five bucks a month and you can get a bunch. And then we have some dates. We'll be at Moon Tower. Are you going to be there? I'm not going to be there. Oh, damn. We're doing High Plains, right? I'm not going to be at High Plains either.

I had to cancel. We need a new guest. Get her out of here. Get her out. Get her to T-Boys. I know. So we're doing Moon Tower. I don't know if this drops right around that time or after.

It might be after. I'm not sure. Either way. When is what, people? Moon Tower, and then we'll be in Ann Arbor, Michigan, doing the Ann Arbor Showcase. Ann Arbor, Michigan. We helped save that club.

You guys are going to walk on, right? You're going to walk on the field, and you're going to play? You're going to take a couple downs? I would love to be on. Do you text him? I will text him. You have to. We'll see.

But that could be really great for the Northwestern game. We'll be there then. And then Seattle Crocodile Cafe. We've never been there. It's a really cool club. We're going to do that November 18th through the 21st. Great weekend before Thanksgiving. And then a couple weeks later, we're going to be in Phoenix at Tempe Improv.

So all good. Supersquadrars.com. Those are all our dates. We'll put them all in there with links and stuff. So let's enjoy that. Let's jump into another story. You ready? Sent in by Neff in Texas

at NFFCNNR. All right, here we go. NFT. We have two story twos. Okay. Because I got this first one like, I don't know, 200 times. So let's peel back

the curtain on the wizard just a little bit for Rosebud and for our fans. So typically the first story is like the craziest. Not the craziest, but the biggest. The biggest with the most details in it. It's definitely usually a crime. Yes.

If there's a crime in an episode, it's usually story one. Second story is more of like an oddity or something. Yeah, it can be anything. A weird story that takes like, you know, it's a little smaller. And then the third story is quick and just at times insane. Right.

Like usually more questions than answers. Maybe just a headline. Okay. We have to figure it out. So you've got two number twos. Because I wanted to acknowledge it. I got it sent to me so many times, basically on headline alone. I could have done it for like a headline, just a headline, maybe.

Sure. But it's short. Who knows? If we talk about it long enough it'll be our story but i want to do a service the first person to send it in me was neff in texas thank you okay ready okay here's the headline police kick out group holding exorcism at home depot well jesus christ right i mean how many times you've been to home depot and you're like get these demons away well how many times have you been in an exorcism and been like, we need a drill?

That's so true. For sure. You know? Why not just condense? Yes. Let's just get right in there. I can't do an exorcism without fake plants behind me. Imagine that group text.

When are we going to Home Depot and what type of exorcism are we doing? Who can make it on Tuesday? If we exercise on Tuesday at Home Depot, I could do Lowe's on Tuesday, but I can't do Home Depot. Are we trying to get a Diablo out of Sarah? Are we trying to get a Banshee out of Jeff? Just let me know because I got to organize this stuff. Yeah.

Can they mix paints while you do that? Yeah. Order blinds. We've all been to Home Depot and Lowe's. For some reason, Home Depot is a little bit edgier to me. Bigger. I do feel a bad vibe a lot of times when some reason, Home Depot is a little bit edgier to me. Bigger. I do feel a bad vibe a lot of times when I'm at Home Depot. It's like people going through a divorce.

It's like people who don't speak to their kids anymore. I saw J-Lo at the Home Depot in Hollywood. Shut up. Get out of here. Sunset in Western? Was she lost? That's a crazy place. So I was there and I was like, I don't know why I was there.

I was picking something up. And I saw this woman, this J-Lo 18 years ago. I saw her last night on the VMAs and she looked- This might be the only story we need. Amazing. Unbelievable.

And she was- Buying drugs. She was in, and this is how I knew it was J-Lo. So this is the only way that I knew. How do you fix an Affleck? I'm looking for- Affleck!

Can I get rid of it? A little duck walk by? No, Benjamin, what's wrong with you? Do you have goof off for Affleck? I'm looking for- Affleck! Can I get rid of it? A little duck walk by? No, Benjamin. What's wrong with you? Do you have goof off for Affleck? She was wearing sweatpants that looked really expensive. Of course. And I was like, this ain't no J-Lo knockoff.

Right. It's probably real diamonds on the butt. Those are $240 sweatpants. Yeah. 18 years ago, $240 sweatpants. Which is like $800 today if you want to amortize it. But she was so stunning and I knew she was not even like- Was she by herself?

Yes. No. That is not safe. She was not made up. That's like when I saw Bieber in West Hollywood and I was like, dude, you shouldn't be alone. Get out of here. Oh my God, I love Bieber. He was great.

I think he wanted to hang out. I love him so much. Why do you love him so much? I like him too. I don't out. I love him so much. Why do you love him so much? I like him too. I don't know. I love him so much. I had a whole podcast about him for a while. I found him.

Just how much you love him? I literally stalked him and found him. Did you tell him I love you? His mom follows me on Twitter. Really? Yeah, we've DM'd. I feel like you, yeah. See, people talk about him being like a piece of shit and stuff like that.

That's like the rap on him. But my thing was like this. He was 12, 13, 14 years old. One of the biggest stars in the world. Think of the pieces of shit we were at 12, 13, and 14. And he had- What did he do? Abandon a monkey?

Like, relax. Thank you. It's fine. If you could have told a whole crew of people what you wanted at your whim of every time between the ages of 12 and 15- You'd be the worst person ever. In the public eye,

what type of piece of shit would you be? You'd be Jake and Logan Paul. Yeah. That's who you'd be. Exactly. So we should be happy that he's not jake and logan paul sure yes but i was in west hollywood he came around a corner and was kind of like down 10 feet away from me this is a couple years ago and he goes hey and i was like hey man he's like yeah you're having a good night and i was like yeah it's like one of those people you're like you see in like like if you ever were in a frat house or dorms or whatever and you're like do you want to hang like he really had like a let's hang vibe and i was like yeah i'm having a good night he's a cool man i'm like great

and then i'm like all right i was going to hamburger mary's and then he's like all right cool and then we like walked away from each other and i was like am i in love was i supposed to invite hamburger mary's because i think he would have gone but then i thought to myself dude you you're not that's not sick don't just scroll around yeah like what's hollywood like i think like you could get mobbed if people like justin bieber's here you know what i mean right i feel that way about jlo like don't she was just i think she bet on the fact that people would be like she that's not her but i swear to god i like, that is her. Yeah.

18 years ago, too, you're talking like ombre shades. Yeah, and I don't even like get that. She's J-Lo from the 2x4 blocks. There you go. J-Lo, she's just Jenny from the cinder blocks. All right, so. Wait, did you talk to her? No, I didn't.

I wanted to leave her and give her her space. I really didn't want to. Let her die in peace. That's right. Yeah. Okay. So anyway, I get that you could pick up a bad vibe at a Home Depot. No one wants to help you or tell you where anything is.

Right. Get those demons out. But I think you need an exorcism. What would you want? If you go every Tuesday to do an exorcism, would you say that you have an exercise class that you have to go to? No. At Sklod Brothers.

Thumbs up. Rosebud says yes. Yeah. Okay. She didn't laugh, but to? No. At Sklod Brothers. Thumbs up to Motocon. Rosebud says yes. Rosebud said yes. She didn't laugh, but she said yes. RBB. RBB. There are places to hold an exorcism and places to maybe avoid holding an exorcism. Any guess where the lumber aisle of Home Depot falls?

A police report from Dixon County in Lackawanna County raised eyebrows. This is the Philly voice. Are you not allowed to gather in Philly? Philly people. Philly. Yeah, I know. Raised eyebrows this week for its bizarreilly voice. Are you not allowed to gather in Philly? These are Philly people. Philly. Yeah, I know. Raised eyebrows this week for its bizarre description of an incident that happened on Monday. We're going to the lumber section.

You better go down there because they're having an exorcism over there. They're having an exorcism. They're trying to get that beach out of there. Hey, over there. You can't do that. This is everyone from Mare of Easttown. We're going to throw that thing out of that cake. Hey, grab me a Coke Zero out of the

French. These guys are doing an exorcism over there. I got to get a Dremel bit. A call placed to the Dixon County Police elicited a chuckle from one officer. So the reporter was like, did you guys break up an exorcism at Home Depot? And they just started laughing. They can give a shit. I love that. As long as they're not bothering people. There were

two people hanging out in the lumber department doing their little exorcism thing, which is the most fucking shit. Their little exorcism thing. Yeah, a cop just being like, I don't know, these fucking tweakers are doing a goddamn devil dance. I saw your little skits on Comedy Central. They were really funny.

It's like, fuck you. You mean that hour that took me nine years to write? Fuck you. Your little skits. I love that. I love that. The exorcist is like, little exorcist thing. I've dedicated six months of my life to studying this online.

I had to buy holy water. We got two fucking goddamn stepkids crying in Latin over an aisle 14B. So there's a Chicago Translator who's now in prison. Go get those kids out of there. I'm around. What the hell's wrong? Get out of here. Put those flames out,

you fucking kids. Chicago Larry wants to get them. Throw it over to him. Where are you? Go get those kids out of there. Some people at the store, there's a quote from the officer, some people at the store

started picking up that something was happening that was not necessarily normal. Police were called to the store and they were escorted out of the building. Indirect reference. To me, I would have loved it if they put them on one of those carts.

Alright, you two. Come on. Hop on the cart. Pick up your crucifixes and your goddamn tear bottles and let's go. Throw them on a cart and get them out of here. The individuals involved would not be charged, the officer says. Of course. What would not be charged. The officer says, of course, what would you be charged? So he's he.

This cop is just one of those guys that never wants to commit. Like, hey, how was your grip? How was your parents? 50th anniversary. We had a dinner and it was nice. Like, it's all like this stupid little. Right. Hey, Tyler graduated from high school.

You guys have a school thing. So this is what he said. The individuals will not be charged, the officer said. When asked what it was, quote, the cop said, it was a seance-type thing for the dead. It's like, yeah. I want to minimize it as much as I can. He said the same thing twice.

It's a seance-type thing for the dead. For the dead. Which also means that's what someone told him when he was like, I don't know. You're holding a seance. He's holding it over there. He's probably so upset that this is what he had to do that day, too. He's like, he's got other guys in the office that are out there solving crimes. And he's like, yeah, just fixed it.

At Home Depot. An employee who answered the phone at Home Depot said the store had no comment on the incident. That's their manager being like, you cannot be known. You can do this at home, but you can't do it at Home Depot, said the store had no comment on the incident. That's their manager. You can do this at home, but you can't do it at Home Depot. For people who do not say answers. All right. That's it. That's story one. I also feel like that was good enough.

We can roll with that. I will tease the story two we didn't get to for the next episode. I'll just give you guys a headline. It'll appear in a future Dumb People Town. Woman sues McDonald's because of commercial. Oh, God. Now you don't even have to go there to sue her. Can you give us a taste of what we're going to get

for segment three? She was not loving it. Story number three. We've got a pooper at a golf course. Okay. Oh, hell yeah. Hole in two. Hole in two.

Two in hole. Two in hole. All right. Green Lotus. All suitcases are closed. We'll be right back for the final segment with the Rosebud Baker. And if you're a Patreon fan, she's going to tell a dumb story from her life. Oh, my God.

There are many, but she's got a good one for you. This is Dumb People Town. Don't go anywhere. Stick around. Make a sound for more Dumb People Town. All right, Daniel, take us home. Here we go. Ready?

Set in by Adam Poulton at Poultski75. P-O-U-L-T-S-K-I. All right, here we go. This is written weird. Here's the headline. Person pooping in holes at Norwegian golf course. Still at large. I mean, you do have DNA.

Yes. I'm assuming this person... I thought there's a part of this where I was like, well, you would know that just based on DNA. So when you hit a golf ball and it's going astray on a golf course and it's heading towards another person, you yell four. And that's just on the golf course. When you're pooping in a hole, you gotta yell two. Two!

In late breaking news from the dark world of golf course poop capers, somebody's having fun at their reporting desk, our Norwegian golf club continues to fight against a habitual cup defacer who has used the course's holes as toilets, according to a story published by Roglins, Avis, Ford, Olsen. I have no idea. It is the perfect crime because you don't look in the hole before you go to get it.

Right. You got pranked. Also, like most balls are white. Yep. So you're going to dirty up a ball. Yes. Yeah. You're going to make that thing very gross.

It is, again, White Lotus ruined it for everybody, but fine. Stavanger Golf Club in Stavanger, Norway has been beset by an unknown pants-dropping menace. Yep. As the story goes, the club began finding feces in cups around the course some time ago. The bombing of said cups has since continued in earnest despite added security measures, including the installation of floodlights around some of the perpetrator's preferred greens. Wait, there are preferred greens. I'm going to ask you guys.

It's certain holes that he's really got it. It's all the par threes. Yeah. He won't take it. Yeah. It's too long to get up. I mean, you got to get up and get down.

It's too much. What do we call that? A quadruple bogey. I'm going to ask you guys careful. The water hazard on how many years do you think this person's been pooping in this golf course? Yes. All right. How many years do you think this person's been pooping in this golf course? Years. Yes. Wait, years?

How many years? This set has been going on for some time. He or she has favorite holes, and they've gone so far to include floodlights, more security, and they cannot catch this person. You're a guess. You can go first, second, or third, wherever you want. I'm going to guess three years. Three years.

Okay. I'm going to say like seven years. This feels like a saga. It feels like an 11-year proposition. 11 years. It might be golfer John Daly. He is known to drink a lot. I said three because I'm assuming that this is something this person is going to grow out of.

I'm believing in them. No way. This has been happening at Stavanger Golf Club in Stavanger, Norway for the last... Get your answers in now, Townies. Three. 16 years. What? Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

At some point, that's the identity of your golf course. Yeah. You just got to play through the poop. I mean, they're literally shitholes. Right. Yes. The worst thing to happen to the Queen Mary here in Long Beach is for there to be no ghosts. That's right.

That's why people are going there. Right. You guys, this is your identity. It's a surprise. You never know. You got to turn it around. You got to turn it around. You got to make that work for you.

They should be like Stavanger. Come smell the greens. Yeah. Lean in. When you hit a golf ball into the water, you say, I lost it in the drink. When you hit a golf ball into a shithole, you lose it in the stink. That's true. And then also, when you get a shit hole you lose it in the stink. That's true. And then also when you get a hole in one

it's called an ace. So when you shit and you don't have to wipe that's called an ace as well. So you could have a double ace. I was going to say if you get a hole in one and it's got shit in the cup it's a deuce. It's a deuce.

Right. You aced a deuce. You aced a deuce. You deuced an ace. Can we also agree? Double aces is just the best name for a golf course. Ace is high or ace is low. Okay. Would you guys agree with me?

I'm not a cop. I'm not a detective. I used to be a federal agent. However, Marshall, 16 years, floodlights, security, still no catching. It's someone who works there. Number one. It has to be. You got to put a camera on every hole. Why are they skimping? It's a golf course. Which is what they're doing at T-Boys as well. They gotta put a camera on every hole. Why are they skimping? It's a golf course.

Which is what they're doing at T-Boys as well. They're putting a camera in every hole. Let's say if you're putting a camera in every hole you're just gonna have to identify the people by their assholes. You're just gonna have to do a lineup of people. I think it's gotta be on a tree nearby connected to the floor.

Put a trail cam out. As long as the camera's focused on the hole, that's where they're putting it. It doesn't matter if they shit on it. Put an I have to GoPro. There you go. I like the idea of a cop having to really peer at a guy's butthole.

I'm assuming this is a guy. There's no way it's a woman. You don't know. We've had joggers that were women who were pooping in people's yards. I don't think it's a woman. DNA test that. I would assume that that's who were pooping in people's yards. Dan, I don't think it's a woman. DNA test that. I would assume that that's a pregnant woman and it was an emergency.

Right. No, she was terrorizing a neighborhood. Nothing definite is known about the monster behind these heinous movements, but there are some compelling theories. Okay. We know it's a man. Hey. How do you know it's a man?

Groundskeeper Kenneth Tenfjord. Who might be- The groundskeeper who is a haunted ghost. Subject number one. Yeah. Right. Ready? Person of interest. This is sexist. Kenneth Tenfjord who might be the groundskeeper who is a haunted ghost. Subject number one. Yeah. Right. Ready?

Person of interest. This is sexist. We know it's a man because the poops are too massive to be from a woman. You don't know that. You don't know that. You don't know that.

You don't know that. I mean my tiny little chihuahua can do a bear shit. Yes. Thank you. Tenfjord. Yeah.

That's Kenneth Tenfjord the groundskeeper, added that toilet paper is sometimes left behind. Course officials note that the offender only strikes during the work week

and leaves bicycle tracks on sections of the course. This person works there. Yeah. Yeah. Or they're just, this is definitely not somebody who,

like, they get off on doing it. But the thing is about that where I said, you could DNA test just to find male or female. Right. That you would know. So there is Frisbee golf is the thing

where you like throw a Frisbee into a child. Now there are Frisbee golf holes on golf courses. Yeah, you can imagine if they're shitting in the Frisbee golf holes. Oh, that chain link. To me, Frisbee golf is called frolf. This is what i would call shitting i would call it frothing i frothed i thought you were gonna say shulf no it doesn't

sound like he frothed so we got a froth oh god the mystery frother uh so we're clear someone has been pooping in the cups of this golf course since kanye west late registration dropped this is what this person wrote like all of a sudden we're in a greenly and no one has been pooping in the cups of this golf course since Kanye West's late registration dropped. This is what this person wrote. Like, all of a sudden, we're at a Greenlee. And no one has been able to catch them, effectively making this person the nightcrawler of cup pooping, the Danny Ocean of lynx-logging. This person has a word quoted. The nightcrawler.

Yeah. If you have information that could lead to the capture of this individual, please come forward. The golfers of Norway can't rest easy knowing that after any given puttt they may reach in the hole and retrieve much more than they asked well it's not like i mean obviously you're going to be looking in the hole every time if i've never played one time you're looking in the golf hole especially at this course because you know yeah it's part of it if i work for this course in the gift shop i give a special like thing to reach down like a claw you know the claw they use at delis in New York to get the stuff off the high shelves?

A bodega claw. Thank you. A bodega claw. I'm making a whole bodega claw for just the ball to pick it up. I ain't saying he no poop dropper. He ain't messing with no hole hoppers. There you go. You finished it, and that's what I like.

I worked my way. You stuck the landing. You're not as good as T-Boy? Like Kanye, I like I worked my way I mean you can You're not as good as T-Boy Like Kanye I awkwardly worked my way through it Or like the Frolfer You awkwardly finished it Alright there you go

Rosebud Baker I pushed it out Rosebud Baker Whiskey Fists Is the name Check it out everybody Of the new special Check it out

She's amazing Join us anytime Thank you I would love to This was so fun thank you guys and oh shit we gotta get back to work

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dum dum dum dum stick around make a sound when you're down it's Dumb People Town Star Bands Out of Here Stick around, make a sound, calm your down, it's Dumb People Town