Dumb People Town - Ryan Sickler - Eggs In A Bag

Episode Date: May 16, 2023

Ryan Sickler (Lefty's Son on YouTube) stops by as Daniel explains how a woman found a snake in a popcorn bag at grocery store, Jason tells us about a woman who was removed from multiple rollercoasters because her breasts were a safety hazard, and Randy warns against padlocking your neck to someone else in a drinking game, and so much more!

Dan and Ren and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware they lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose will make the news. Breaking down each epic fail in Florida, there's half-price bail, I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Members, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music gets the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, punk it down, it's Dumb People Town. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population U.

Population Sickler. Sickler, Ryan Sickler, what's up buddy? Welcome to the new setup. This is great. Population Sickler. Sickler, Ryan Sickler. What's up, buddy? Welcome to the new setup. This is great. Sorry, buddy. I like that hair. Thanks, man. This is a good time in Ryan Sickler. I know you've been through it. It's not a good time. It's one of the hardest goddamn years. You're coming out of the other side of it.

This is a great year for you. It's not a great year. Everything's been awesome statistically i'm batting 162 right now okay yeah but everyone comes out of a slump i do i do lead to majors in uh uh bunt single and hit by pitches you're the don baylor of comedy uh you used to get hit the dog out you ever seen it no matter where he, a foul ball coming. God damn, hit Don again. That dude got hit during the national anthem. And nobody has a ball.

You have to remember, too, statistically, if a million people play baseball, one of them is going to be the guy that's been hit the most by the ball. And he's the guy. Unfortunately, Don. Don's the guy. Got a big old butt. Anyway. Pleasure to be here as always, Joe.

Rough year for you you but special out and i love it so much and we'll talk about it yeah you're only going up you're only going up yeah i laid on my back for a month i mean you were in a basement you were down low kirk was there but your podcast is beautiful and wonderful all good things going with that yes please subscribe to the honeydew podcast. Please watch my special Lefty Son available on YouTube now. We'll get to all of it because there's

praise coming your way. This is dumb people town. You know how this works. Although it works a little differently from the last time you've done it. Dan's got a story. Jay's got a story. Then I have a story. We all sort of work it that way. It's stupid behavior. We try and break down and understand why people act the way they do and try and fight it with comedy daniel who's got the first i do all right i also have allergies so bear with me we're bear listener this was sent in by kyle

andrews at late night nachos love that that's a great name at late night nachos i everyone's excited to see him woman finds snake inside popcorn bag at grocery store isn't this a scene from speaking of baltimore yeah is this from what no from uh diner well that he had something else it was one uh it was a great one i will we one i will we up through the bottom of the that's something you can't do in a movie anymore uh anymore not too far oh you're talking about the popcorn so she found a snake in her popcorn yeah at the grocery store at the grocery store do we know what kind of snake hold on though how much of a complaint do you have if you haven't bought it yet right yeah who are you complaining like in that case you're just it's the same as being like hey someone dropped a jar of tomatoes

in aisle four what like was that was it nobody's done anything to you the bag of smart pop wiggling what's happening is he you guys have all done garrett's right no what garrett's popcorn in chicago no i know you guys are nuts on clark i'm a nuts on clark i know i mean they're fine You guys have all done Garrett's, right? No. Garrett's Popcorn in Chicago? No. I know you guys are nuts on Clark. I'm a nuts on Clark guy. You should know it's wrong. I mean, they're fine. They're great.

They're fine. What's Garrett's? What's Garrett's? There are people that come after you saying, what's Garrett's? No, it's just we don't know. I know, I know. I'm not coming after you. Why are you coming after us?

Wait, I don't. Garrett's Popcorn? Do you want? It's a Chicago mix. It's half caramel, half cheese. Oh, that's nice. So good. I'm going to. Dan. That big Christmas tin you open up and it's popcorn. Chicago mix. It's half caramel, half cheese. So good. I'm going to, Dan.

That big Christmas tin you open up and it's got. The divider. Yeah. The divider. You take that divider out. Take that out. Take it out. Dan, I'm going to now piss everybody off from Chicago a little bit more just because I'm from St. Louis.

I won't get into Garrett's until it's shown on the series The Bear. That's when I'll be interested in it. I bet it does show up. I bet it does show up. I just hung out with some people from that cast. Everybody was awesome. Were nice? Yeah.

And Rami was directing some of their episodes. They were all great. Great. Okay. Cambridge, Virginia. It's not too far, right? Not too far. Where's Cambridge?

You know where that is? No. Relatively speaking. Okay. Not near Balmer. A trip to a grocery store turned into a nightmare for a woman in... Leave. Don't buy it and leave. Lunenburg County, Virginia.

Kimberly Slaughter. Come on now. It's a bloodbath. You're either pro-wrestling or you're doing that roller derby. You brought that snake. Kimberly Slaughter brought the snake. I'm going to stop calling it right now. Sergeant. She's got nine snake, pet'm going to stop calling it right now. Sergeant Corpo.

She's got nine snake, pet snakes at home and she brought one. She's like, I need to bring me a lawsuit. I need some free shit. Mama needs some new drapes. I'm going to duck this here. We're going to get a free tombstone. That's all you get. A tombstone pizza?

One tombstone pizza. Yeah, one. A cheese one, too. No toppings. I'm going to roll that into the old car. But you're right, though. If you see a snake in a bag, the move is buy it, take it outside, then have the shit fit. You're right. You have no argument if it's still in the store.

You're just letting them know. It's not your quality. You're just helping with quality. You're just making a citizen the store. You're just letting them know. You're just helping with quality. You're just making a citizen's arrest. To me, it's like if you ever pack your cart full of stuff and then walk to another aisle just because for some reason your brain snaps and you're like, I'm just going to leave everything here. As long as none of your stuff is in it. If someone takes that, you can't be mad. I mean, they did take your time, the amount of time.

That's all they took. That's the amount of time all they took that's all they took but like that's not yours it still belongs to the store not this is why people die on black friday because it's all in the store anyway kimberly sergeant slaughter drops somebody had to have said that right yeah all that's her name on the bowling league that's the name that's the snake's name. It's her pet. I'm positive of it. There are people in her life who just salute her. For sure.

Thank you for your service. Dropped by Shopper's Value. It's like apartment complexes that are like Sunset Breeze. People only deal drugs. Cadbury Arms. Canterbury Arms. I have to say this though moving to california where i grew up in maryland we had giant yeah we had safeway yes we had um amp sure um and you get out here and the major chain is something called ralph's ralph it's just until you get used to it

you're like a euphemism for throwing up is the name of where I'm going to go buy my food. That's what we went with? St. Louis, we had one called Schnucks. Nah. Schnucks sounds like they're trying to get you. Yeah. You got schnooked. He schnooked him in the back. You got schnooked, bitch! Rochelle, we had Eagles, Sullivans, and Aldi's,

and then Walmart killed them all. Except Aldi's. Aldi's is still... So, we used to do a bit about here in LA. There's Vons, V-O-N-S, good produce. Yeah, your deal. And then there's Johns, J-O-N-S, where they have a triangle in the J to make it look like a V. Way lower rent is Johns. You want people just driving by like, we need some milk.

I'm just going to stop off at this Vons over here. And I just look quickly. There's no need to check a second time. I'm sure they're not trying to mess with us and none of us talk about smart and final we all know about it we've all been in one a few times smart and final is where you go when you want to clean the bathtub after listen i'll be honest too when i used to live i live deep in the valley and i'm not ashamed to say i shopped at food for less food for less food for food they don't even have the money to spell out four it's like it's gotta be a number to save to save on i'm sorry three letters are you texting

oh you are bro it's only four right it's like we only have enough money for one character okay so she's sergeant slaughter she was in the shopper's value in cambridge to pick up a few groceries when she noticed what she believed were mouse droppings on a package bag of popcorn. Leave it there. Again. Don't touch it. There is no need. You are engaging with the problem.

Wait, there's a scary sound coming from inside the house. I better open the door and keep going in. This is not an invitation for you to investigate further. Let's go see how deep that hole is. Also, who leans in and is like, looks like mousetrap. Let me taste it just to see. Let me taste it.

Could be a chocolate chip. You never know. It's either a loose chocolate chip or a chocolate chip. In which case, it's my lucky day. Or it's peeking back there in the shelves like this is weird too here's a quote I

was like I'm not getting that bag so I put it on the bottom shelf because there was already mouse poop covering the bottom shelves which means you you don't want you go I'm not getting it but then you picked it up and then you put it under there with the rest yeah but I also think was did this used to be a pet store?

That would explain a lot, right? I mean, there's so much. There's a goddamn guinea pig. Red files in the back. That's exactly right. I'll put it right here next to the leashes. And this bag of shavings. Slaughter said there was sticky rodent traps on the bottom shelf as

well. Sticky rodent traps? Why would you shop there then? Oh my god. Why would you continue to go back to that place? Go to a gas station. Seriously. Leave. My cantaloupe is sticking on something here. I just

I don't know if this is a bit. There's a squirrel fucking my watermelon right over here. I was wondering if I could get a dick. I still want the watermelon. I don't know if this is a bit anybody's ever done. There's a squirrel fucking my watermelon right over here. I was wondering if I could get a dick. I still want the watermelon. I don't know if this is ever enough. This is superfood. We can still cut that off. I mean.

Have you ever walked into a gas station and they have baskets? Yeah. And I'm like. What legally separated motherfucker is walking around this gas station? And you know the story of the car wash over on Prospect here in Vermont. It's my favorite thing ever. You walk in and like most of the car washes is you're getting your car washed. They'll have like air freshener. Greeting cards.

Floor mats, greeting cards. But this one like really expanded out. They're like we have like Italian loafers and Chinese throwing stars and bongs. I'm like who is the person that like this is their one-stop shop i need dress shoes i need weapons that are you can throw at people i need bongs well slaughter

said there were sticky rodent traps on the bottom shelf she then went to grab another bag of popcorn at this point you've seen mouse droppings dropping another shelf covered in poop and a reptile well no we're about to yeah we haven't seen none she then went to grab another bag of popcorn but noticed the bag had a small hole in the top right corner we'll definitely get that one that she cut herself as soon as i went to put the bag in my basket why you said you noticed it had a hole in it are you gonna go up to the front and be like can can I get this for less? This is when someone. There's a lot of holes in this story. It's too dumb to even know how to lie.

Yeah. Yeah. So I took the hole. Yeah. I mean, wait. No, I mean. That kind of shit. Yeah.

Well, hang on a second. I mean. What'd I say? What'd I say? Wait, did I say I put the snake in? When did I say I saw the hole? I found the snake in there. Wait.

When did I say I saw the hole? I found the snake in there. Wait, when did I say I saw the hole? You tell me what I said. Did I kick the bag under the shelf with the mouse droppers before or after I saw the hole? What was on the table? When did I say I saw the hole? When did I say that part? I'm already getting two tombstones. So if you like a third. I've already put them in my cart.

Those are on the house. This thing's deep. It's frosted. All right, let's wrap this shit up. This thing is cooked. Also, for the record, anytime I'm ever at a grocery store and I see someone put frozen pizzas in their cart first, I'm like, moron. Yeah.

That is last style. That is. Frozen stuff. You walk around with frozen stuff for 20 minutes. Dan, at this store, this pizza has a bite out of it. I don't understand. Yeah. It's got a lion bite.

She said with her mouth full of food. Yeah. Okay. Where was I? As soon as I put the bag in my basket to take it up to the front, because, you know, they can't sell it. The thing, so she she she put it in her basket to go show to them because they can't sell it you don't ma'am you don't work here you don't

work for this you can also say hey there's a hole in the bag i left it there can someone go deal with it the thing popped out and you know i was like there's a quote oh well hi that thing was a snake slaughter said she immediately pushed her grocery cart with the bag of popcorn and the snake inside to the front of the store to let an employee know about the issue so you're not that freaked out right you're popped out of the thing because it's her fucking because she put it in there i ate a couple handfuls i don't know why that's bad hey, you're not supposed to come out now. Right. Get in there.

Quote, they're like, this doesn't ever happen here, she explained. But the bottom shelf has no merchandise on it because of the simple fact that mice get on it. While she was at the front of the store, Slaughter said the snake crawled out of the bag down the side of the shopping cart before returning to the popcorn bag. Which means the snake was like, I'm going back home. Wait, it went down the leg of the thing and then it came right back up and went into the popcorn bag. Hey, that snake knows where its popcorn is buttered. Slaughter said it was the full length of the cart. It had prime real estate, though.

Hold on. How big was the popcorn bag? I mean, are we talking about a big bag of smart food? Must have got that big jumbo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That big jumbo. Twisted the top. Yeah.

Like a giant one. The kind that you just drag around the house with you. That's clear. You get a free Dodger flag with it and pat it or some shit like that. You know what I mean? According to Slaughter, an employee- A couple of free Swiffers. Drag that popcorn over here.

I'm going to take a bath. Drag it over here employee uh according to saunter employee removed the snake from the store i have a baby and he is just starting to walk so imagine if he was a little bit older or if my niece had gone in and been like hey i want some popcorn and grabbed that bag and it bitter it's not there's so many ifs in there there's so many like imagine if my grandma hadn't died 10 years ago today was my day to take her out to lunch but the lunch place was closed so we came in here because she loves popcorn and she has diabetes imagine that yeah we it's like

we all can imagine it it's never happening did that happen no my kid's learning to walk but imagine 15 years from now when he's 16 years old if he came in here like it's not 15 years from now man stop it was a full-length he's driving now man he's driving now not walking script station wtvr reached out to the store manager brian stanley he's put his two weeks in classic he just fucking quit he's done he retired he said that the reptile was a small black snake. We have no idea where it came from. He said, we are investigating and trying to find out where it came from,

but we have no other indication that there could have been any others. We are going to go on this woman's Instagram to see if she has any pictures of her. Usually these snake people do have pictures. Her handle is the snake lady. Or said Sergeant Slaughter. A.K.A. Medusa McGee. Yeah, exactly. Okay.

It's like in her hair. Slaughter's house of snakes. Yeah. We have no idea where it came from. We're trying to investigate and find where it came from. We have no indication there could be any others. When asked about the rodent droppings and traps, Stanley said he wasn't aware of any mouse traps at the store at the time because he wasn't there.

That's such a good... You know those mousetraps that have been there for six months? I am not aware of those. I was not anywhere near those. Were you there? Not today. No, we're asking for the entire six months. No, then he's like...

For the entire six months we're asking you. Well, I don't have my schedule on me. You were there, though, at some point. I was not there today. I wasn't there today. He said that we use mousetraps sporadically when we have a need for them, so not just for fun.

So he's admitting it's definitely mousetrap, but more so for prevention. You know, we like to be preemptive. What's the grocery store called what yeah yeah exactly a snake is a thank you aaron that was the snake is a good mouse is the best mousetrap they could have gotten moving that's their best defense that's why i put it in there i mean i mean that's why i mean it's it's i haven't seen any traps, but I mean, I put this. Come on, Jimmy Snooker. I put this. Slaughter said she plans. Come on, Leaping Lanny Poffo. Leaping Lanny Poffo.

The poet laureate. Slaughter said she plans to report the incident to the Virginia Department of Health. Thank God. To which I'm sure they're going to go, fine. You're shopping at a whatever this place is did anything happen did you get bit no but i could have right did your son get i could have i could have what do you all could have this lawsuit all right i tried i tried i tried yeah i tried to let this snake attack you no i'm more kidnapped the snake and took it to the front. Oh, so you engaged more with the snake than it engaged with you?

Right. Yes. She goes on to say this, Sergeant Slaughter. She doesn't want the store to shut down for good because it's one of the only places to purchase groceries in the small town. Then don't make a movie about it. Cut these motherfuckers some slack. Yes, you're making it worse. We'll get out of here on this.

You're making it worse. We'll get out of here on this. Based on 355 Google reviews, what do you think is the five-star rating for shopper's value in Cambridge? Shopper's value. What do you think? I'm going two and a half. Two and a half stars, hon.

I'm going to go 3.75. Yeah, it's the only place in town to get the 355 people they don't know any better i love that store mousetrapings and all right i'm gonna do four stars four stars yeah end of story one shopper's value on google has a review rating of Of 4.2. Get the... Oh, I knew. They don't know. It's good prices. So what if you have a little bit of mousetrapping on the meat? Who cares? That's why I get 13 eggs.

A baker's doesn't. They sell eggs in a bag. They sell eggs in a bag. Eggs in a bag. Eggs in a bag. We got eggs in a bag and that's how we do it here at Shoppers Value. Yeah, you're buying 24. When you get home, there's going to be at least

18 of them. You know what I'm saying? It's a crapshoot. Alright, so that's First Story. We'll come back, talk about Ryan's new special which is out and it is so funny. We've all seen it. We love it. You will love it too. We'll talk about that and other dates and other stuff we have going on right after this.

Stick around. Make it sound. There's more Don't People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. Ryan Sickler is our guest. His new special is fantastic. Lefty Sun, baby.

Tight Rider. Lefty Sun. You can see that you're selling that merch, aren't you? That's a great looking sweatshirt. I wasn't. I literally made this because I took a page out of Ari's book just because we all get chit-chatty. And sometimes you forget to say it and everything. So it's right there.

That's why I did it. But then a lot of people hit me up and was like, will you please fucking sell it? And I was like. Sell it. It's great. I am selling it. But I just also I'm like, unless you're literally Lefty Son, what the fuck are you going to wear this for? It's factual. No, it's great. But it's great but it's no it's just it's cool maybe your dads are moms left-handed

i think you should also do think about the moms being left i think you should steve carlton's niece you should also do a like a jesus airbrush of you on stage jesus tailgate airbrush wouldn't that have you on stage from that thing people buy that and put that on their car or weed on the front alcohol on the back no alcohol you don't need uh i know how'd you feel about how it's been out now as of when we're recording this now this is going to drop in the middle of may but as we're recording this now been out for a month a month yeah it's it's up near 600 500 600 000 views which is amazing you gotta be happy and proud of that i'm very happy and proud of it i i was able luckily dvk came and opened up yeah he did the back announce he did the back announce he brings me out on stage

as well yep and um i don't know i'm lucky i got it done in december because then all the health shit happened in january and i'm literally in a hospital making notes because i directed this thing myself i produced it my uh good friend sam volan did so much uh with it and post-production and production as well and you mentioned the dynasty such a great place love those guys those guys are the shit great yep i was really um stoked to shoot it there because i've always liked the first time i went there was for your um tag it yeah yeah we had you on that show perform there and i love the theater and so when i was looking i had jamie up and he's like you know let's do a middle of the week and i was like i want to do

in december i was nervous about being christmas but sold both shows out. They were fucking awesome. I really love how it turned out. And yeah, go watch it. This is how you support. We say this over and over again. These free specials are not free. They're not free to make, but also they are free for you to consume. And it is a chance for people who are, who've created their own jet stream and are flying through that to reach out

to more and more. You could see the power of the honeydew behind that too. You know, you built your podcast into such a fantastic juggernaut. And if you guys don't know his podcast, the honeydew people come on and tell stories of basically like the worst moments of their lives. I like them.

I like the low light. You like the low lights. And they're so funny because people are so vulnerable in those moments you're so kind to them but at the same time it's like how can you not make fun just you asking questions about why it's basically dumb people's own dumb people town yeah yeah there was a clip up from your show where some guy was talking about everyone bullied him or called him gay. That was my Patreon. Right. And you were like, so when did you come out of the closet?

And he was like, I'm not gay. He's like a great moment. I'm like, wait, so you were openly out of that age? He's like, Ryan, I'm not even gay. And I just lost it. It is. It is. But it's so funny.

Your curiosity and your ability to sort of, but then it comes, that comes through. It like goes hand in hand in the standup too. You feel it in the same energy. Yeah. You've basically created this, this lane for you that you're doing this.

That's perfect. And it's so you as well, which I love you. You're engendering your own audience and i could feel it in the people who showed up to watch your your special i'm sure all your fans of the honeydew freaking love this special yeah it's been very well received um you know you look at things like likes and comments and all that stuff and um it's overwhelming like it looks like i paid people to say nice things like it's you know

because then they tell you you got to get in the comment which i had never done before get in the comments so the get in and engage because that pushes it out in the algorithm i'm like jesus christ so now i got to read the comments of people shitting on me but it was it was 50 to 1 yeah and i was like you know you're gonna have the By the way, knowing that there's the 1 makes you love the 50 more. And by the way, having done the honeydew and all that other stuff, it's like you're going to get your own great stories out of this. And also, these fucking slams are nothing compared to the shit we've heard and talked about. A hundred percent.

Unbelievable. You know, give me a meh. Yeah, give me a meh, not my thing. You're like, all right, good. Thanks for watching. I'm not my thing. You're like, all right, good. Thanks for watching. I'm not for everybody. It was fun, and it was great. I'm lucky to be able to get that fucking thing out.

I've said it on Santino's podcast, but I called Tom Segura, and I started crying. I was like, he's like, is there anything I can do? And I was like, yeah. You could take my special and put it on your YouTube. Give my daughter all the money. Don't put it on my YouTube. put it on your YouTube. Give my daughter all the money. Don't put it on my YouTube. Put it on your YouTube.

He's like, you got it. And he did? No. Of course not. I lived, thank God. You lived. If I didn't, I was like, it goes to your YouTube. Just put it on yours.

That's what willing people do. You lived and you're here. I'm so happy you're here. Thank you. So again, Lefty's Son and subscribe to your YouTube page. And then you can see you live where? Where can people see it? Just go to RyanSickler.com.

I'm starting my tour at the end of May. I hit Fort Wayne first. I'm going to Tacoma in June. And then I'll be in, I believe it's Fort Wayne, Tacoma. And I can't even remember right now because one of them got rescheduled. Go to RyanSickler.com and tour starting. It's called the Live and Alive Tour. I love it.

Thank God you're alive. Thank God. For us, we're going to be, as this drops this weekend, we're going to be in Minneapolis at the Acme Comedy Company. I love it. One of my favorite comedy clubs. We haven't been there in a while. Let's sell them out. Let's sell all these shows out. I really want to. It's a great comedy company. I love it. One of my favorite comedy clubs. We haven't been there in a while. It was a 2019.

Let's sell all these shows out. I really want to, it's great comedy town. Love this new hour that we're doing. So that's this weekend. And then we've got, we'll be in a cops comedy club at the end of July. We're going to be in Ann Arbor at the Ann Arbor comedy showcase.

We're going to be at the comedy in September, Comedy Fort in October and Springfield in November. And we're going to add some more dates as you do at superscleros.com for that. And Daniel? Dates are about to be announced at danielvankirk.com.

Otherwise, if you haven't already, check out the Patreon. We do your dumb news stories from your own life. And they're just fun. It's a good hang. Plus also we do things like

stuff we want to talk about in our own life maybe a little like food or uh drink challenges and um greenleaf as well oh it's all it's all there and we've brought it all down to one level uh it's all five bucks it's five bucks jump on that from wisconsin in july and that's where there it is that's what i bought my first jump into this okay here we go uh This was sent in by Eric James Hiltner. Of course, we are. I'm a member of the Hiltner Honors. I'm a Hiltner Honors member.

He's been around for a long time. He's been doing that. It's at E-J-H-3, spelled out T-H-R-E-E-K. Here's the headline. Woman removed from multiple attractions at theme park as breasts cause safety hazard wow for other people that's my question for her or for other people so i mean her breasts might be so big she removed by from multiple ones at once i'm guessing they can't close the dan you might be right right one of the let's get into it one of the rules an entire real quick do you know there's an entire thing of uh like a

tiktok of just people in like slingshot slingshot thing yeah yes screaming and pass out and wake up again yes there's that is those and then it's just women in low-cut shirts doing it too and they just go back and forth through people passing out and then low-key weird, like, creeper porn. Yeah, like creepy, lecherous porn. Yeah, sure. I love it. This is one of those. Ryan's like, what is that? Send me that link. How do I get on that algorithm?

One of the world's most well-known theme parks is once again under fire for not being completely accessible for all types of guests. And this time, the paying visitor was left completely quote-unquote mortified when the team member brought up her chest in front of lines of other people. So were they mortified or were they not? Yes, she was mortified. She's probably like, this never happens at the Renaissance Fair.

No. This didn't happen in the red light district. This didn't happen at the wet T-shirt contest I was participating in last night. Yes, the guest press caused. I saw everybody at Hooters about this. Yeah, they didn't happen at the wet t-shirt contest I was participating in last night. Yes, the guest press caused... I saw everybody at Hooters about this. Yeah, they didn't mention anything. The guest press caused a safety hazard at the theme park, leaving her unable to ride multiple attractions.

Of course, theme parks worldwide have numerous health and safety measures and protocols. Have we said what theme park this is? They're not saying it. I'm thinking Hershey's Park. Oh, yeah, they'll say it. Yeah, Hershey's Park. I'm thinking Hershey's Park. Cedar Point. Hershey's Park. No, what's the one in Jersey that had the Netflix special? Oh, yeah, they'll say it. I'm thinking Hershey Park. Cedar Point. Hershey Park.

No, what's the one in Jersey that had the Netflix special? Oh, Action Park. Oh, they want to let her on. Classic. They don't give a shit. Class Action Park. Face it and we'll click you in now. Yeah, you don't need to hit.

You don't need to face it. If you hold these things down, you just hold it down the whole time. It'll work if you hold it. Just hold it. Turn her around. Just hold it. However, the guest visiting Alton Towers competitor Thorpe Park Resort. Where the hell is that?

I'm going to say that's in England. Wait, hold it. Alton? Alton Towers. Competitor? Alton Towers sounds like the theme park that was created by the TV show Fawlty Towers. 100%. John Cleese owns Alton Towers.

It is in the United Kingdom. Did not anticipate that her breasts would make her unable to ride multiple rides at the leisure destination i have only for only for educational purposes do you have a picture of this person oh yeah there will be well i have a question yeah because it's important and maybe it's in there so you don't have to answer but are they her natural breasts or are they fake titties hold Hold on. I feel like they're 100% natural. I would agree. But if they're natural, you got to figure out how to let this lady enjoy the rides.

But if it's not able to come down, just like if someone is too big, too wide to ride the ride, they can't get on. You got to lay your sighting with Thorpe Park. Lay them over. All that way, push these two to the side. You can tuck one under each arm. Lay them over. Lay them over. Over the top.

Over the top. Over the top so she can get her kid back. She turns her hat around. No, no, no. She turns her tits around backward. That's so she can get her kid back. I'm telling you, you face the seat, you pull your tits in hard, and they click you that way. Truthfully, I feel I want this woman to, what if she's like a coaster fan i want her to

enjoy it speaking to the sun ellie scott and i'm not going to tell you how old she is with us later 35 reported that her size what breasts okay what size i mean i'm gonna go i'll go triple j what's that what you have to give a number first what oh like her her i'm gonna go 40 48 double d i'm gonna go 46 triple j 46 and 48 so i'm gonna go i'm gonna go 44 um triple f ready yeah Get your answers in town. You shout at your ham radio. She's a B cup. Size 38E.

That's not even that bad. Is that that big? No. I mean, it's very large. It's a large breast. And who better than the four of us to know? Than the four of us to talk about breasts. Like, we're completely unqualified here.

That's a large breast, but I guess it speaks more to the ride. Right. So, well, it's caused her visit to Thorpe Park, found in Surrey, England, to become completely unenjoyable, causing a state of embarrassment and relatively unused. Well, from whose perspective? How expensive was the ticket? I think she should be able to, she should

have to get some of her money back. $120. At least a free tombstone. $199. $186. $120. At least a free tombstone. I'll do the dollar amount. $199. $199? $186. $48. $48. Get your answers in. $230. Wow. Expensive ticket to not be able to

Is that a hopper? Hold on. Is that a hopper? It's a park hopper. So this is her experience. That includes that fast pass. We got fast pass on that. You can get the water park with that you can get on the water ride she can get on the water ride that is encouraged by the she went on silicon mountain um ellie uh carol ellier was allowed to board the swarm stealth and nemesis

but had to get off each ride because the safety restraints would not click into place which also is super annoying because she waited in that line. She waited in the whole line. Because you know, sometimes they have at the very beginning, they have like sit in here or to height things. Before you go all the way, you can see. I've never seen a sit in here. I have. You mean like a check to fucking

throw your carry on in that thing right now that doesn't fit. You don't get all the way. I've never seen that. Six Flags has them. I've never seen that six flags has them yeah okay well so disney might do it too ellie who has visited 40 theme parks before without issue was told in front of cures your chest is too big everyone was staring at me i was that's not the way to say ma'am i we really going to stake an entire theme park's reputation on the guy who's running the ride? This guy is lucky to be out of rehab. This guy is lucky to be on the out.

He's lucky to be in rehab. He's lucky to be in rehab. He is lucky. Like, we're just lucky he's not whipping out his dick and peeing everywhere. He's getting paid like $13 an hour. $13 an hour. Maybe. He's self-cutting in the booth as he's going through the thing.

We don't know what he's doing. And yet he's saying your chest is too big, man. Speaking the truth, which is honest. He didn't have to say, and I personally prefer small breasts. He didn't have to add that. He's part of the idiot. That was a little. I don't know if they have underestimated boob sizes here.

I'm a cup size E, but I don't think that's massive. I was wearing a normal black sweater, so I have no idea where the explanation came from. Her husband, Josh, was told by Thorpe Park employees to bring someone else next time. No. There you go. Bring someone else next time. Now, there's where the guy stepped across the line. It's the same guy?

Yeah. I'm assuming it's one guy. Again, the problem for the husband is he engaged in that conversation. He's like, well, who else should I bring? Well, also, they could be leaving out the context. This guy's got a bandana in his pocket and a hip chain. He doesn't give a fuck. It's like, listen, get you and your wife, get your titties out of here.

All right, guys, we all clicked in back there. All right, keep your hands inside at all times. Here we go. Let's go. Who's ready for the nemesis? He goes to the Coke now. Let's do that ride. By the way, conspiracy theory is fully.

She thinks her husband is having an affair. She told the park to not let her ride just so he could get to the line. You could bring someone else because he's so dumb. He'd be like, like who else? Like if I was dating someone. There you go, man. We are leaving out the possible context of him. Step back, dude.

Coming back in after this last look. Coming in hot, honey. I'll wait. We're going to leave out the context of him possibly being an act. Like, he could have steered the conversation that way. Yes. He's like, well, what am I supposed to do? I want to ride with my friend when I come here, and you're not letting my wife go.

Then they go, well, then bring somebody else. Like, who else should I bring? The woman you brought yesterday. I thought you were working yesterday. Answer him, Michael. Somebody else's whose titties fit. Get your backpack, sunglasses, and gear on the side. We're not responsible for any lost items.

Click it tight. Let's go. Hands inside. Fire in the hole. Fire in the hole. Fire in the hole. You know these sons of people. Do not raise your hands.

Can you Dolly pardon me over this? Don't spit. Lock your loose chain. Hey. Fire in the hole. Let's light this candle. This guy's still over here yelling out about his wife's titties.

While it's quiet in there. It's just the track in there. He's like, come on, man. I'm just trying to get out. these are the two minutes i live for this is my life this is my life this is my ride on this thing we lose one person i got out of a job i sleep in a tent outside of a bank yeah take this out of on on park ground uh the couple was refused under this the couple was refused a refund for their tickets, but offered a chance to return to the theme park to reuse them at a later date. What's the point?

How's that going to help? She still can't get on the rides. She can't get on the rides. Unless she gets a breast reduction. Well, she's got some work to do. Thorpe Park Resort from Merlin Entertainment promises infinite thrills and exhilarating experiences and has an extensive- Infinite? You cannot promise infinite thrills. Those are thrills that exhilarating experiences and has an extensive you cannot promise infinite

thrills those are thrills that don't ever stop she got oh yeah she got what they got walking dead the ride darren darren brown's ghost train i love who the hell is darren brown brown's got to be some sort of yeah like was darren brown uk folk hero uh did darren brown hit rihanna so your brother rise of the demon black mirror labyrinth oh black mirror flying fish the rumba rapids i gotta look there she can get on that water rapids or go get her on the rap this place up what's it called thorpe park rumba rapids inferno and uk's fastest roller coaster Stealth across eight different territories such as Angry Birds Land, Lost City, Amity, original Amity Cave. The new roller coaster in Old Town under the name Project Exodus will open in 24. Get your breasts ready.

Have you ever been embarrassed? It does have a water park. There you go. There you go. That's what I'm saying. Nice looking lazy river. And then it says, have you ever been embarrassed by a theme park employee in front of others? Let us know.

Comments below. I don't think any of us have. I have. Have you? Really? What happened? I was in high school. Back then, they would have, remember the shirts?

You guys are old enough like me. They would be like, see dick drink, see dick fall down, don't be a dick. Don't be a dick. That's right. That's right sure and then they would have like big dog on the porch or whatever well i was a fucking punk high school kid no parents at 17 i had one of those on i think it was two dogs like doggy style or whatever just like a big dogs whatever yeah but i'm in line for the rebel yell at the king's dominion and it was the midnight hour they pulled me they went on on they pull me aside and they tell me that my shirt is inappropriate and that if i

don't turn inside out at the minimum then i cannot ride the rides and i have a huge argument with them about it and they don't want to hear it and they basically embarrass me in front of wow why wouldn't you just turn inside out? I mean, I did. You did. I did, but I was also 17. You can't tell me shit. Right.

And don't you fuck, this is whatever it is, and I don't even know what amendment. But I'm just going to yell at y'all. This is an amendment. But y'all just, you guys, man, the rebel yell goes backwards now, so I'm going to turn this inside out. I don't want to lose my place in line. That's how I got to it.

As long as I'm next. You got me. I'm next. You got me. That's crazy. I don't know that we've ever been embarrassed. I got another one for you. I got another good one.

It's a carnival one. Can I share a card? Yeah, please. Oh, yes. Honeydew. Carnival, as we know, are just all run by meth addicts and everything else. Yes, derelicts. That's how they put it

up so fast and break teeth they all worry about their teeth yeah everything else is nothing so at the time i lived near um uh open field in sherman oaks where they were having a you know one of those carnivals that'll come by for put it up bring it down and um two of my friends they live up the block and they want to go and they're like will you come with us they're both girls and i go yeah i'll come with you but i'm not riding the rides i'm not a kid anymore i don't i now i'm you know the word i see it yeah you know it is like they're gonna go on it i go i wouldn't go on you guys you know i go these are fucking people that they're carnies yeah some shit goes down tomorrow night they're gone that motherfucker is not gonna you know my word he is i don't i don't ride anything that folds into a truck hey yeah that's it oh yeah that's it so um they're like

we're still gonna go i'm like do your thing and i'm not kidding you as we're walking up okay there's the swings right here oh god and right next to it's the zipper the yellow cage that you know go yeah and we're walking up and i hear a fire truck and an ambulance go by and i'm joking i'm like probably coming here but they pass okay but it's a good one they fucking u-turn oh because they passed the carnival and now they're coming across the grass and i'm like what the fuck and as i look over right here's the zipper the one girl's already on. She's already in there with that awkward seat.

You're tilting forward. Just wait for somebody to get in so they can just shut this cage and fire. And just send her off. That awkward leap forward. That like rocking forward. Come on, hurry up and get in. So just as my friend christy's about to get in she had a ponytail i'll never forget this i look over and there's a fucking woman laying

flat no lifeless on the ground no okay and i yank christy's ponytail and i go look and she's like oh my god and the fucking zipper guy she's laying right here in the guide to zipper you know what he's doing two tickets let's go let go. Let's go. Slow it up. Two tickets. Pay no mind. I'm like, are you? This lady's laying around. Pay no mind.

I'm not kidding, okay? Pay no mind. They go off the fucking zipper. I'm like, why? The swing's off. And I'm like, so did she fly off the fucking swing? Like, you know what I'm saying? The swing is not running.

Everything else is running. Lights are dark at the swing already. You know, the chains are coming down already. They're breaking it down. They're fucking breaking it down. Wait a minute. It just went up. Hold on.

We're still in line. They're just laying poles around by the woman who's laying face down. They come in. They get this lady, and they fucking haul her ass out of there. I have no idea what happened. They're just laying there. You remember the gravitron oh yeah in rochelle in rochelle at maymark commons they had set up the whole parking

lot they did a whole carnival sure i'm on the gravitron damn it was the worst it's the last time i've ever been i want damn and yet for everyone who doesn't know it spins around so fast you're just up against the wall you can kind of do whatever you want all the way around go upside down and shit oh god three down for me this person's on the gravitron they just start throwing up and it's just going right back into their own face right right and then they stop and they get that person off they clean it this is like halfway through the ride and the person who runs the gravitron is like a ba like they just think they're the shits me out right yeah and so they're fucking they're like doing moves and stuff on the gravitron which the core strength alone

like yeah so at one point the guy who was running they probably a 17 18 year old kid right just looking for his dad he's like he's running from something he did in another city yeah he's he's against the wall and he has his feet against the wall he is straight out perpendicular from the wall as it's like he looks like superman get the fuck out yes he's staying up like that i'm like not and i'm like yeah that's all you know watching him you like, I understand why this guy gets laid off this thing. He had all these tricks and things that he would do. Of course he does. Right. Because he knew the ride, and he was in charge.

And I'm sure he was able to, every weekend, I'm sure he fingered two chicks. As human beings, we could actually, if you fall fast enough, you could do that. Because, yeah, you have the strength. You have to keep. You're essentially probably pushing the whole time against from your thighs and then straightening. Right. So the problem was, is when you get on this thing,

you walk around and you find your spot, right? And so you're going to see right away where this is going. There's a railing that you are like holding on to before you get on your thing. So he's out perpendicular from the wall. It's spinning around and he looks so cool but what he didn't think about is that because we had stopped halfway through his clock in his head of how long the ride was oh it was off and so all of a sudden it stops and he goes face first down into the oh god oh that metal yes i just got off it stopped i didn't even i ran i was terrified i was traumatized i watched this person throw up into themselves Oh, that metal. Yes. I just got off. It's not. I didn't even.

I ran. I was terrified. I was traumatized. I watched this person throw up into themselves. And then I watched this guy curb himself onto a thing. I never. Three tickets. Let's go. Let's go.

Pay no mind. Step over the man. Step over the man. He doesn't work here anymore. Don't slip into vomit. He doesn't work here anymore. He's not from here. He's not from here.

Man, two tickets. All right. We're going to guess how old this woman is. I'll show you a anymore. He's not from here. Man, two tickets. We're going to guess how old this woman is. I'll show you a picture of her. There she is. Her tits are not too big to get on a ride. Not at all. How old is that lady? 33. I'm 29.

I'm sticking with 35. 35 years old. Get your answers in. Shout out to your ham radios. This woman who got pulled off of many rides and offered a chance to come back to a place where she cannot go on many rides again. Sure. 27 years old.

Hey! I got it right. There you go. Story two down the books. I'll give you a little taste of what we're going to hear in story number three. A drinking game gone wrong in China. Oh.

A drinking game gone wrong in China. A drinking game gone wrong in China. Ryan Sickler is our guest. His new special is called Lefty's Son. You can watch it on YouTube for free. Comment, send it around, rate it. Get that algorithm going. And don't mind the dead lady on the ground. Just have two tickets. We'll be right back.

Just have two tickets. We'll be right back. Stick around. Make us down. There's more. Don't people town. All right, gang. Welcome back to the show.

I'm going to take us home. Shall we do this? Here we go. Yeah. Sent in by Matthew Miller at dust underscore from underscore stars. Okay. Thank you, Matthew Miller. Thank you, Matthew.

A newer one, but I believe he's sent in before. Two women padlocked their necks together and threw the key down the toilet. Oh, my God. What a nightmare. Zhejiang, China. Two women in eastern China had to turn to firefighters after padlocking their necks together. Does that mean like a bike lock? That's what I'm wondering. Yeah.

In a drinking game. They padlocked it. They both lost. You know that old drinking game called um getting drunk yeah what is the game you know what though not to byron allen this uh love byron allen yeah this is your bit man alcohol makes alcohol makes you do this weed would never make my neck to yours if you were if we were both highest kinds and for any reason i was like you want to lock our next you'd go no no it's too much work i don't want you're trying to give me you're trying to give me a panic attack exactly like alcohol alcohol

be like let's see yeah let's see see what that i'll call the key away like weed has the ability put that key in the ziploc bag no we would be like go over to the table set that key down and look at that key let's go to the hardware store right now and you say out loud three times i put this key here and then write a note to put by your bed in case you wake up write it on your hand where you put the key i'm gonna write it on your face because I'm going to be looking at it right here. Face to face. Face to face. Face to face. Is it face to face?

I think so. Oh, that's. Can you imagine that? Or even head to head is not great. If we back to back would suck. Do you know that Randy and I in a movie in Bubble Boy, the movie, we came in an audition for this movie to play Siamese twins. And we were like, Randy, they they said what's your idea for it and

we just started riffing in the room like what if like one woman was one was a transition to a woman and the other was a transvestite and the other was a uh orthodox rabbi because we're like just the idea that the rabbi had to go through rabbinical school with this person connected to the head what if they were connected at the head so they're like that's great that's so funny because we were part of this like group of of freaks in the freak show so the head thing was the freak part jewish rabbi also freaky um so we they agree to do it and they build a prosthetic that has like a thing that locked into place inside the prosthetic. So we couldn't, we literally were stuck together for hours on the set.

Insane. So I can't even imagine why I do this. And then get drunk. But using the toilet, everything. Everything. Drunk. Because they were drunk and because they're drinking. And the drinking people say, do you hear what that key said to you?

Yeah, right. You better flush that down. What if one of them is a raging alcoholic? The other one just is not. Not at all. Stone cold sober. Come on, you motherfucker. So this was a popular drinking game that became popular on Chinese social media.

That may be the most unbelievable fact about this whole thing, that there is social media in China. There is. It's called TikTok. most unbelievable fact about this whole thing that there is social media in china there is it's called tiktok according to the paper the unnamed woman uh women in what decade of their life do you want to do it now they're in their 20s in their 20s what do you think 30s teens get your answers in they're in their 20s way to go daniel you knew you knew i mean jay jing province caused the public uproar after chaining their necks together in a game of life and death. Public uproar?

Public uproar. By the way, life and death sounds like just the regular life of a woman in China. Sounds like the squid games. Maybe, if it will. On November 18th, the Hangzhou Fire Department received a report that two women were in trouble at a restaurant and had quote, lost the key at a restaurant. And padlocked chain they were wearing around their necks after one of them flushed it down the toilet. After desperate

but futile search for the key, firefighters had to cut the chain with bolt cutters. Footage shows the firefighter holding two women while a colleague frees them with bolt cutters, according to South China Morning Post. Holding them, did they have to stroke their hair? That was, I feel like that is like you don't pet these no but i think probably had to separate them as much as possible so the bolts are probably flying in your face who knows

i feel like we much are firefighters in china as hunky as the firefighters here in the united states like is it beautiful is there a this is a different city i want to make that clear the firemen that i have seen and dealt with in Santa Monica, ripped. Ripped. Good looking men. Yes. Built. Looked like they can climb a fucking ladder.

That's right. Hold a hose. Handle a Burbank here as well. Same thing. Back home in Maryland? No. We had the volunteer fire. That's a different thing.

And you would hear the siren. And then they would haul ass and it would just be out of shape people yeah just that were 400 fucking pounds just out of breath they come there with the stretcher and you're and you're like oh man we're gonna die we're gonna die you might die hauling me over there it's like the army reserves we come in on the weekends the women the women is this a beer league fire department That's right. The women bought an iron chain and lock online, then asked the guests sitting next to them to put the chain around their necks as they walked in the restaurant from a local pub.

I would do that. Would you do this? I would chain them up. 100%. One of the firefighters said, we discovered later that the two girls had asked a male stranger at the next table to lock their necks in iron chains. Not a weird thing to ask a stranger, right? And by the the way stranger turns back to his family they wanted they wanted to do

that stranger was urban meyer no but like the idea that i mean how many i change your necks together i let them grind on my lap they wanted me to but i'm honey why i'm why are you mad at me i'm telling you guys this is i say this is my thing as comics always say yes to it the gold if somebody i was like thank you for this 15 minutes always say yes like if i saw if i was in the room and they asked someone else to do i'd be so pissed off i'll do it i would need to insert myself in this story somehow totally so what percentage of dudes for real I don't have the answer here. Do you think if asked by two random women who are like,

will you chain our necks together and lock it? For fun, right? I mean, they're making it seem for fun. What percentage? 90% if they're cute. I think 100 no matter what. I mean, obviously it's never 100. There'd be 5% be like, bitch, get away.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's in the 90s. It's in the 90s. Especially if they're saying like, oh, we's never 100%. There'd be 5% being like, bitch, get away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's in the 90s. It's in the 90s. Especially if they're saying like, oh, we're doing this goofy thing. It's for fun. And then it comes back to this. I tried to tell him no, honey. I tried to tell him no.

They were very relentless. One of the women flushed the key down the toilet. That's the worst. And they returned to their table to continue drinking. Wait, is that part of the challenge? So I guess you have to drink while you're tied with your necks together as well the bewildered restaurant staff volunteered to assist to break the chain with pliers but the women declined saying that it would be against the rules of the game i don't think people are making these rules up if you go to a restaurant how do you get out

i don't know meanwhile the dude who put the chain around the guy's neck said he would drive each of them home. Is that weird? Is that strange? He was like, I'll drive you home. I just came here for some chicken fried steak, but I'll lock you up. I'll drive you home. I'll lock you up.

I'll lock you up. And I'll take you home. And I'll take you home. Honey, they don't have a place to stay. They don't have a place. Honey, you guys take an Uber. I'll take these gals home. You sleep in the bed tonight, tonight honey and i'll be hanging out

with them honey now i'm just gonna help look for that key honey listen i may be home in a couple of days somehow he gets locked up with him like i don't know what i don't know it's gonna take what it takes honey this might be a three-necker right here, honey. Three-necker? Three-necks chained together. He's chained up with him. He's just shrugging like

ow. Can't find the key. I didn't want to be rude. I didn't want to be rude. It's part of the game, honey. Say we're cold. It's part of the game. Say we're cold. It's part of the game. He's like over his shoulder. They're too hard. It's part of the game.

You got to go in if you want to get out. I'm supposed to be licking their necks. I don't know why. You are only going to make this take longer. You're ruining this. No, I didn't drink. Yet. That's not my role.

Just to make sure neither of these people cheat. That's it. I wanted to get cheated. Oh, so you want them to die. That's why there's a whistle on my neck. You got four minutes and the Uber's coming. It'll be here in four minutes. That's why there's a ball in my mouth.

Honey, in about two minutes, I'm not going to be able to talk anymore because they're strapping a ball in my mouth honey in about two minutes i'm not gonna be able to talk anymore because they're strapping this ball in my mouth no i don't know why either i i don't know why either look i don't know what i don't know i got you an XL. Uber XL's coming. Do you want to get in the chain? Because we can get you in the chain. There's this room.

I'm literally crying right now. Sounds like you don't want to be in the chain. He wants to stay so bad. He wants to stay so bad. Yes, I'm coming home. I don't know these girls. I'm trying to be nice. Honey, you don't.

This is how the game goes. You on TikTok. As the story was widely published in mainland China, the woman experienced public criticism. One online commenter said, don't they have anything better to do? It's just confusing. Please don't waste public resources. One online commenter said, don't they have anything better to do? It's just confusing. Please don't waste public resources.

The firefighters are already busy. No, the firefighters left two burning buildings with people in them to come. And they called for backup, right? As alcohol consumption rises at a steady rate in China, drinking games are becoming more and more popular among young people in the country. In one such game called Guessing To called guessing toothpick that's a game participants must estimate how many toothpicks a player is holding so this is just rain rain man that's jelly beans that's right the person who gets closest to true amount of shit yeah in another

game called game players take turns counting whoever shouts out a multiple of seven must drink what you just take turns counting and if you shout out a multiple of seven must drink what you just take turns counting and if you shout out a multiple of seven oh for you like 49 yeah i love that it's just called game god could you imagine if we could go to china now and just show them flip cup quarters we have a quarter revolutionized that just i mean questions oh my god the Bismarck. I love that like all of Schwartz, Figliano, and Smith. Zoom Schwartz, Figliano, and Smith. That all of China is basically like a high school senior right now. Yeah.

With like drinking games. For the first time. It's like, you know, just like an Amish kid on a rumspringer. Like they've not been out. Yeah. This is their chance to get out and do all the dumb stuff. And they are getting messed up. That is it.

All right. I love it. Tears in my eyes. That was a good one. I love it. Tears in my eyes. That was a good one. I love that. Tears in my eyes. Tears of joy. Tears of laughter as it always is with Ryan Sickler.

Lefty's son. That's the special. Go to YouTube right now. Watch it on his page. Subscribe to his page. Listen to Honeydew. This is just one of our favorite people in the world. Ryan Sickler, thanks for coming on.

Thank you guys. For real. Thank you all. Happy you're here and healthy. Happy you're here and healthy and doing this. Of course. And oh shit, we gotta get back to work.