Dumb People Town - Sal Vulcano - Not A Lot, I Can Get It For You

Episode Date: June 6, 2017

This week, Sal Vulcano (Impractical Jokers) rides a bright orange ferry over to Dumb People Town! The Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk talk to Sal about the lasting success of Impractical Jokers. In Story #1, a couple gets caught in compromising positions ...

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast With co-host Armand Dan Man, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits We are gonna take you down Stick around, make a sound Tunker Down is Dumb People Town Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of

Dumb People Town! Population U, look, we're gonna make that catch on And we're gonna find out how it catches on at the live show. It caught on for us. Yeah, we're just waiting for everybody else to get on board. I think we need to start by saying Hey Townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Would it be funny if

we did that, and then the only part people join in for is the Hey Townies, and then we're still stuck up there doing it. That would be great this is dumb people town and you've entered and we are happy

that you're here and I want to thank everyone for joining the damn Facebook page liking it just basically engaging I've never felt more proud of winning

a meat raffle than all the people who are a lot of people like what you do because a lot of people like you and you won a meat raffle

and then you got fish that to me is funny some people I had you do because a lot of people like you. You won a meat raffle and then you got fish. That, to me, is funny. Some people count. I had options. You're the type of guy that wins a meat raffle and chooses fish. That tells you everything you need to know about Dan. You guys would have gone for the fish, too, if you saw the meat in the back of that truck. That's true.

I don't like truck meat. You know another guy who doesn't like truck meat? I'm assuming he doesn't like truck meat, but maybe he does. Our guest. Our guest. Our guest today from the amazing show that probably a lot of you watch, and if you don't watch it, you should be watching it, Impractical Jokers, Saul Volcano. Thank you. Hello.

Hi, townies. Hello. Look at that. Happy to be in town. Hey, man. I am happy that you're in town because you're not based out here. You're New York. You're East Coast, and we don't really get a chance to hang in town because you're not based out here. You're New York. You're East Coast.

And we don't really get a chance to hang that much because we're not on the East Coast as much as we have been in the past. We got to hang at the Moon Tower Comedy Festival. Yes. Which we were all there. So much fun. And we got to do the goddamn comedy jam with you. Yes. You were phenomenal in that.

Great job on the song. That's very kind of you. Which was really fun. And the story as well. We talked deep about stand-up and you getting into stand-up, which you're doing now, which is awesome. And then I got to see you do really well on Kill Tony, which is another podcast that we love, Tony Hinchcliffe's podcast.

Yes. That was crazy. That was a trip. No pun intended. No, but there was like a fight. Like someone pushed Jeremiah. What? Yeah.

Like a guy got up on mushrooms. I missed that. The way I would describe it. Who gets on mushrooms and gets like fighty? Yeah. Like a guy got up a mushroom. I missed that. The way I would describe it. Who gets on mushrooms and gets like fighty? Yeah. That guy. Yeah. Mushrooms, as of today we're recording this,

mushrooms were just declared the safest of all recreational drugs. That guy, fighting the average. Yeah, that guy's trying to bring it the other way around. Twisting the bell curve. Well, Impractical Jokers is on. What season are you guys on at this point? We're filming and airing Simon Fanny's season six. We're signed through seven, and we'll see what happens. Are you amazed at how, to me, it goes to show how being specific with your buddies,

and really, it's something you guys would do to, this is what I keep imagining. I'm like, if the cameras weren't on, they would be doing this to each other. We did it. We do it and we did it. We do it right to this day.

Yeah. I was with them today. We had to do a few things. Something's always going on. You're fucking with each other all the time. It's nonstop. And so, but that then gets opened up to the world

and seeing how the world has responded to that. Like you go on the road, you guys do shows collectively together. Are you amazed at how you're like, this is just us fucking around. It's completely amazing. It's surreal. Yeah. Never, never expected it. Never thought it would take.

Never thought it'd be that relatable where people have, uh, they're, the fans are really loyal. They're really engaged fans. They're on board. They have their favorites. They, they feel like they know they know us which is which is a blessing and a curse of course on some level but at the same time you guys are you guys are willing to show enough of yourselves you're willing to be vulnerable and make yourself look bad and be the butt of a joke and like kind of put yourself in a position that look everybody kind of dreams of fucking with their friends in that way of like putting their friends in the worst position ever like

we all have the stories of just how we literally got over on our friends in that way and that's literally that fantasy gets fulfilled every single time you do that it's crazy that's our job yeah yeah it's amazing you guys are funny dudes as well like you can tell like i'm sure the people come to your shows and want to come up to you, fans of the show, say, I got buddies that were like that. I'm sure you get a lot of that. I get a lot. You get a lot.

And then also, I love your relationship with each other. That, to me, is the thing that I'm drawn to on the show. Fucking with people is one thing, but the relationships between you guys is the thing that I really connect with the most on the show, which I think is great. That's awesome. Yeah, we met in 1990 in high school. So we're all born, we're 41. So we've known each other for 28, 28.

Dude, I love it. It's getting a chance to do something with your friends in a way that is super sweet. And I hope that nothing ever comes between you. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I mean, we've gone through it. So we're pretty solid for where we are at all this time. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I, I do like the idea that you see people in their moments and especially when they've been pushed to the limit, you see people in those moments. And I feel like this show is right. I feel like you have a deep understanding of when people are in that desperate moment that they will do anything and they will grasp onto anything.

And you've been there yourself yes so with that i say let's jump into a story here in dumb people town daniel van kirk yes all right let's do it guys i i want to remind everybody a cup we there's so many people we've never been hit with so many great stories and so many loyal listeners so many different researchers contributing yes and so i wanted to just give a quick little helpful hint because I love getting as many as possible and people have been like, hey, how do you pick these? How does it go?

Twitter is always the best way because they put everything there. At Daniel Van Kirk is my Twitter handle. First person who you see, you go from there. I just go through the Twitter timeline. So hashtag it, Dumb People Town. And then the other thing

I can help you with, guys, is no hurting kids no hurting animals and nobody murdering nobody dies i i believe that the person sending it could find the humor and some of those things i don't know if i can let's be honest some people deserve to be murdered right okay so let's just get that on the table we've done stories where people have died yes and those have to be so funny that you can There was once the woman

Dude, listen to this. There was a woman A guy gets to work at like 5 in the morning This is a We're getting a bonus quick little story for him. A guy gets to work

at 5 in the morning notices a mannequin in the parking lot says not my job to clean that up spends the rest of the day fighting with his other co-worker about who's going to go clean up, spends the rest of the day fighting with his other co-workers

about who's going to go clean up the mannequin. They end up fighting. It was like an 87-year-old woman who had jumped to her death. Now, that worked because, one, these people were so dumb that they didn't understand. Two, 87, you feel like she went out

doing something she loves, jumping from a building. She jumped. 87, she jumped? Yes. She made it to 87 until She jumped. 87, she jumped? Yes. She made it to 87 until I cannot do it anymore at 87? Woman's got hops. Is that Chris Rock's bit about Nelson Mandela getting a divorce?

It was his bit about he went through prison. He could live through prison. Came out of prison and then was like, I can't live another minute. I'd like to get the stats on how many suicides happen above like 80, 85. I'm sure it's like. She's probably in a class of her own. She's in a league of her own. There's no crying in suicide.

There's no crying in jumping. So anyway, guys, on that level, everybody else was so dumb and she did it to herself. So there's ways it can work. But as a rule, everything else is fair game. I know we want to continue, but I have a question. You're in the town. Everybody's got a wheel. All right.

Did they find evidence that it was suicide? They're assuming that she jumped. Yeah. It's just a flat assumption. Because she could have fell out of the window back then. She could have fell out of the car. Did she leave a note with like a quill pen? A shaky note with like a $5 check?

No. What? That was a good joke. That was a good joke. I'll stand behind that joke. I didn't make it. All right. So here we go.

This one was sent in by Ryan at Ryan Rogers. R-Y-A-N-R-O-G-E-R-S. He's a new contributor, I believe. Yes. I don't think we've met Ryan before. Welcome to the town, Ryan. Okay. Here we go.

A man and a woman are accused of making a public spectacle in Kent. I believe it's Ohio. Ohio. England. Nope. You want to guess? England? Ohio?

Where is this? In Kent? Outside of Seattle. Oh, okay. Nice. Nope. You want to guess? England? Ohio? Where is this? In Kent? Outside of Seattle. Oh, okay. Nice. Yeah. Are accused of making a public spectacle in Kent, Washington at the end of last month by having sex in a restaurant parking lot in plain view of a busy intersection.

What time of day is it? Is this going to be a question? What time of day is it? Well, we can do that. Okay. There's two. There's one one up here, so we're going to do two. but here's what i love chilis the next oh they would not give the chilis i went into google maps put in the address i figured out what restaurant this was okay i love

it dan you're doing sleuth work i'm going deep i'll go deep in the town can we guess can we get like hot and cold yeah yeah well i want you to give us a hint and see if we can get is it a chain no it's not a chain no but maybe we can go type of food okay type of food what do you think? Tex-Mex?

or is that well you don't even know what time yet which could also influence you know if it's late at night you're probably going to assume like late night bar or maybe the B's

why did you say Tex-Mex? because I don't know why but I was thinking Mexican or Tex-Mex only because sloppy I was eating sloppy food. And also, you're like,

if we don't have sex now, someone's going to have diarrhea. Sal, we'll let you go with your gut, go with anything you want. You can go first or last. What type of restaurant is this? Oh, God. He said Mexican.

I think there was probably a bar attached to it, so maybe like a bar and grill. So I'm thinking maybe like, is it just a bar and grill, like American type bar and grill? Is that what you're going with? Like American fare bar and grill. So I'm thinking maybe like, is it just a bar and grill, like American type bar and grill? Is that what you're going with? I'm thinking maybe there are happy hours involved. Maybe a couple of margaritas. People get all of a sudden, they get courageous.

American fare, bar and grill. Courage. Parking lot courage. Jason Sklar. I'm going to say Italian. I'm not saying Olive Garden because I know it's not an Olive Garden, but it's a mamma mia moment. You know, like I'm inside of you in a handicapped

spot. What am I doing? Sol Volcano. Wait, are you Staten Island? No. Although Long Island, Staten Island, New Jersey, they're kind of similar. I know, whatever. It's just one bridge that goes the whole way. Maranzano goes the whole way. I'm going goes the whole way. Yes.

I'm going to say Tex-Mex. Again, I stand by my idea that, like, look, if there was, like, diarrhea could play a factor in it. The great thing is, none of you are dead on, but one of you is closest. I'm going to be like, it's the American bar that has to be closest. What is it? I'm going to give away the time. We'll do a quiz for another thing. They say this.

They can have sex in a Eurobusiness session. Then they write, and that's not the end of the alleged indecency. Right then, I was like, keep reading. Keep reading. Here we go. Two people called 911 at about 1140 a.m. Oh!

Time banging. We brunch fucking. Yeah, we brunch. We brunch fucking. That was we brunch. We brunch fucking. That was like too many mimosas up in this. April 30th to report two people publicly engaged in sex at El Senor Polo de Kent. Ah! You should have gone with your instincts.

You should have gone with that instinct. Diarrhea does play a factor. You felt that, Mexican. You knew that some sort of mariachi band had walked them out to the parking lot. This is why people want a wall. This is why they want the wall.

I didn't say me. I know, I know. A wall around the parking lot would have helped everybody. Thank you. It was at El Senor Polo de Kent. What is that? The Mr. Chicken Kent? The Mr. Chicken of Kent. Senor Polo de Kent. What is that? The Mr. Chicken Kent? The Mr. Chicken of Kent.

The Mr. Chicken of Kent. Which now I'm thinking of Breaking Bad. Mr. Chicken. The Chicken Man. I mean, is this restaurant loose? Is that a loose term restaurant? Is it like a fast food? No, they're an establishment.

We have a very... We all have our rules. We have rules. We have rules. If the tables are nailed down, it's not a restaurant. If you order it to go or for here and they still give it to you in a bag, not a restaurant. If there are cash registers on the counter where you order it, not a restaurant. If any signage is not on chalk but is handwritten, not a restaurant.

Got it. Anyway. If it was made before you walked in, not a restaurant. If there's no registers where you order, you might be in a restaurant. Got it. Anyway. If it was made before you walked in, not a restaurant. If there's no registers where you order, you might be in a restaurant. So I can't believe it. 11.30. Yes. This is crazy.

For the walking tour, El Senor Polo de Kent, we have a great walking tour because they always give the location for no reason. So if you are in Kent. At 501 Central Avenue North at the intersection of East Pioneer Street According to Kent Police By the way, we have a lot of great listeners In the Seattle-Tacoma area They're going to go there

Someone is going to go there And take a picture of this That's what I love too Do you give the locations to every story? Yeah, oh yeah So people go and Come and take a picture Oh, that's hysterical

Like if you are a couple that listens to this Maybe go and recreate it Or both of you lay down in the area Or at least take a picture of your margaritas And say pre-fuck meal. Yes! I love this. I love this.

And this is definitely a liquid brunch. We all understand that. Yes. Straight up margaritas and nothing else. A lot was bottomless. Someone said the term

could you please, the phrase could you please top this off. Yes. That was said at 10. Yes. That led to the 11.30. Can you say that to someone

you're about to have sex to? Please top this off. Do you want a tequila floater for three extra dollars is that even a question it's the thing that followed that a 37 year old man had his pants down and genitals exposed while a largely naked i don't know how i'm supposed to take that while While a largely naked 36-year-old woman... Age appropriate. Largely naked to me says that there's a lot of surface area. And I'm not making a judgment. I'm just saying largely naked... She's proud of your body. Maybe she's tall.

Maybe she can palm like a volleyball. Because it's not mostly naked. No. Largely naked. It's a very different... Like a bit of shade. Read between the lines on this. Thank you.

Largely naked 36-year-old woman performs sexual acts on him. More seems odd. Like a bit of shade. Read between the lines. Largely naked 36 year old woman performs sexual acts on him. More than one. According to witness reports they then progress to other positions. By the way I love that we're assuming that they ate there. That might be

their special parking lot. Their place. Honey are we going to do this? But there are those people who are like, they need that like excitement of the exposure. Remember the original movie titled Crash?

It was all about people having sex in car accidents. Oh, yeah. That's right. That was like mid-90s or something like that. Yeah, Ludacris was in that. Really?

Yeah. With Spader in it too? Yes. Which is just ridiculous. It's crazy. It's just ridiculous. I'm not going to say what you think. According to Writersports, they then progressed to other

positions, but witnesses reiterated that the pair were blank feet from the restaurant. How many feet from the restaurant door were these two people going at it? Where people could be going in and out. It is brunch. You are a guest.

You have the opportunity to go first or last here. It up to you i'm fine with going first okay how many feet do you think they were from the restaurant well i feel like if the foot that the feet the amount that the distance was noted that means it probably is you know it probably makes the story better so i'm assuming closer than further. Because if they're at the end of the parking lot, they wouldn't say they were 150 feet away. That's a great point. I'm assuming that they have no shame whatsoever.

I mean, it's not like they were looking for cover. I'm going to say it would be a better story if anything was within 50 feet. Okay, so 50 feet. I'm going to say they were 21 feet away from the door. 21 feet away. Can I just tell you what my instinct was?

20, but I'm not going to play this game the whole time. Jason has already shook his head in a negative way because he feels like these two are either way off or someone took his number. Less. I'm going less. 11. 11 feet from the door. I saw an 11-foot measurement.

So someone had to step over them just to get in. Almost. They were 10 feet. I knew it. I knew it. Oh, my goodness. This would have been 11. They probably rounded down to make it seem easier.

That is unbelievable. Way too close to the door. Restaurant patrons can see activity through the windows. No shit. Police found the woman with an open beer container aboard a King County Metro bus. So what happened is they end up fleeing. And now the police are in pursuit. And they took the beer.

Public transportation and the beer. Look, at least they're not driving. Someone else is doing the driving. It's kind of responsible. You got to give it there. You got to give it there. There's a lot of responsibility. Why didn't they do it on the bus? Also, it's better for the beer. Look, at least they're not driving. Someone else is doing the driving. It's kind of responsible. You gotta give it there. You gotta give it there. There's a lot of responsibility.

Why didn't they do it on the bus? Also, it's better for the environment, public transportation. Thank you. So these guys are being conscious

on some level. And then they also detained the man while he walked away from the scene. And you know that they were slowly cruising by him

as he was like, sorry, don't know you. No, we're good. No, everything's good. I don't know. Just a man walking on the shoulder of the road. Why am I? You know that he in one moment said, she went that way.

They split up. A witness confirmed that the man and woman were the ones having sex. Kent police say the 36-year-old man has a history of public nuisance crimes, including a 2013 indecent exposure conviction. Jason, this is his thing uh thank you that's what i said yes oh i'm sorry i was saying the woman the woman has one of those so it's her thing she is also known to expose herself do you know how hideous you have to be for someone to actually make that an indecent exposure like if an attractive woman is like a little flash

then you're down in mardi gras now if this person is like bothering people right it means that she the indecency, we're focusing on that part of it. And maybe that's the double standard we need to eliminate. I agree! Look, even if you're hot, you gotta get slapped with something. She is also known to expose herself to the public and to responding police officers.

You boys here for the show? Here we go! She's known to? In what circles? I don't know. I just want, I imagine her yelling, we're about to have some boys in blue balls. That's right. Oh. Oh, thanks, guys.

Okay, you ready? Yes. I always say, in almost every story, there's one sentence that puts it in the center of the square of dumb people town. I'm going to read it now. Let's hear it. of dumb people town i'm gonna read it now let's hear it in this incident she allegedly exposed herself to a police officer and removed a dandelion from her vagina wow isn't that that feels like a todd solon's movie i'd also feel like a scene from american beauty yes it's a

porn version of a terrence malick script. Yes. Dandelion and a vagina. Excuse me while I whip this out. Yes. After she was arrested, she reportedly stripped naked in the Kent jail cell. This girl, she's on brand. You have to go for that. By the way, clothes can't keep this woman down. You know what you're getting with her.

Yes. You know, she's in certain circles. She's known to do it. She's Naked Nancy. Like, that's what they call her when she comes in and she's just like naked nancy there's no way she didn't throw out a well what did you guys expect totally totally you knew who you were dealing with you heard the call it's not like i wasn't this and then became this like she's always she's probably done it so much you know how like a 187 is a murder? She's got her own code.

228 is like a 225. 220 is like a break and entry. We can come up with our own codes. She's got her own code. She's like, Jeff, we got a 148. Oh, shit. Her? Police found a substance believed to be PCP in the man's possession.

Of course. It's a 211. Don't forget, guys. in the man's possession. Of course. It's a 2-11. Don't forget, guys. We're fucking in parking lots next to restaurants

doing PCP and drinking on a bus before noon. Before noon. They're like the army of drugs. We do more before noon than you do in your entire day.

That's the most motivated to-do list. When you think about it, what else was on our to-do list after that? Laundry. To be fair, they probably, neither of them subscribed to a man-made time construct. Yeah, exactly.

That's totally true. Just a flat circle. Time is a continuum. Time is a continuum. They find PCP in the man's possession. They suspected, I love this, based on his grunts and blank stares that he was under influence of PCP at the time of his recess.

It was Tim Allen-ing them. The pair were charged with indecent exposure and the man was additionally charged with a drug crime. There you go. That's the first story. And yet at the same time, don't you think like if people enjoyed it,

like the Mexican restaurant's like, maybe we need to do this. Maybe we need to start having some live... No press is bad press. Right? Live sex show Sundays? Come on. We're not going to want

to put this dandelion. I mean... You can put it in your pocket. I'm trying to hold both these beers. This ain't your mama's brunch. That's right. Put it in your pockets.

And a dandelion, too. A dandelion is... Perfect. For a second, when you first said dandelion, I thought it was one of those milkweed things that you blow and then it all disappears.

Yeah, is that not what it is? No. Dandelion is yellow. It's a weed. Oh, then what's that? That's a milkweed. Is that what a dandelion becomes? No.

I think that's a dandelion. I always thought a dandelion ends up being that. I'm going to look it up. I'm going to look it up. I don't know. Well, whatever. I guarantee we're going to find out. The fact that it's a dandelion definitely makes it less crude.

Yeah, the fact that it's a dandelion makes it performance art on some level. And a carnation would make it more sad. Oh, you're right. That is a dandelion. Yeah. A dandelion is the yellow to the- That is it. It's what it becomes.

Yeah. Yeah. So prior to the cops coming, she was just storing it there. Right. Is that what it is? It was yellow when it went in. It came out. It started this.

That's what it is. And then when it came out, you could blow her entire eye out. We'll be right back with some more hot dandelion talk here on Dub People's House. Her dandelion holster. And you know what? I think they're going to start referring to her as old dandelion vagina. Old dandelion vagina. Also, this PCP, I feel like it's a real throwback drug.

Old school, right? We're doing PCP and a lot of uppers. Like a weird, and barbiturates. Right, exactly. She had a lot of barbiturates. She had a couple of lewds, quaaludes, barbiturates, and PCP. All right, that's how we do it.

Angel dust. Is that what they call it? That's our first story in Dumb People Town with Saul Volcano. You're going to want to stick around because there are two more stories and a special voicemail coming up right after this. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town.

All right, everybody. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. We we're with sal not sol volcano uh let me uh follow you on twitter yes you're a good follow on twitter so tell everybody the thank you uh it's my name it's at sal volcano v-u-l-c-a-n nice look at that uh and watch the show uh guys want to remind people as we always do we got this live show coming up on June 8th. So, live here in LA. It's our first live one

at the castle, at the Harmon Castle. Yeah, Starburns Castle. And we will print the, and we put the link to the tickets and Daniel put that up

on the Facebook page. It's already up. It's already up on the Facebook page. The event is all set up. You can go straight to the link through there. Let's see if we can

sell this thing out. I know there are a lot of people who listen to the show in the LA area. We're going to have a great guest. See, doing it live

is super fun. It is really, really fun. We did it live at Moon Tower, which we had a blast doing. And you guys just did the Vegas festival. Yeah, crapshoot. Oh, that was just me.

Yeah, yeah. It was just you. Yes. And it was a bit of a crapshoot. Great time for the comedians, but it's a new festival. It's gaining its sea legs.

Yeah, it was the first year. The people who ran it were amazing. It was like such a fun hang for comics. Yeah, I'm sure. They had a suite up at the top.

It was like the presidential suite at the top of the hotel. Which hotel? It was the El Cortez. Nice. Old school Vegas, right? Yeah, yeah. What was cool was

it was huge, this thing. And it was open open bar food 24-7 massages what beard trimmings haircuts hair styling

makeup happy endings everything the great thing is too is like that festival I hope that festival comes back and does more

because Vegas is such a close fun place to go for comics and then I know that the people who live there have so many entertainment options but there's so many die hard great comedy fans who live in and around that area that if it comes back

next year, I hope a whole bunch more people come out to it again because it'd be a thing that easily comics would love to do. Like, oh, you can run over there. You can literally take the 11 o'clock at night flight back to LA if you had to get back really quick. It's a really good option and a place for so many people. And my favorite part of doing festivals is the hang. Of course.

You get to see everyone. And when the festival groups it so that the venues are close by and there's a place for so many people. My favorite part of doing festivals is the hang. You get to see everyone. And when the festival groups it so that the venues are close by and there's a hub for everyone, you really get a fun few days. You get to see people you don't see all the time. That's what we love because when we go out and do

The Road, it's just you in Kansas City. Although Nick Thune was in Kansas City doing a show with Emily Heller. We didn't see her, but a couple weeks ago, and we were like, meet us out here at this. We'd finished up our shows on Saturday night, and then he came and met us out, and it was phenomenal. It's so much fun seeing people. Sal, I want to tell you, maybe you could break it down a little bit for people who might

not have seen it, but one of my favorite things you guys have ever done on Impractical Jokers is the pass it on thing in the grocery store yes sir tell this to people who maybe should go check this out or haven't sure the length that you guys got this to go that wasn't yeah that's that that's a relatively new bit we just filmed the second one of that it's a the concept a lot of people when they describe our show the easiest way to describe it is we tell each other what to do in the earpiece sure but that's about only a third of the show yeah it's you get people involved in something yeah so the rest is like we make up things like and the game here was we played stock boys in a supermarket that were about 100 feet apart

and we were doing busy work stocking and the the goal was we had to stop a customer and say can you do me a favor and take this down yeah i can't i can't go over there right now but i gotta pass on this message can you tell my friend this? So they have to walk 100 feet and then- Remember the message. Yeah, and then the other guy has to get them to send the response back and so on and so forth until the person gives up. It gets so deep.

And if they give up so deep during your volley, then you lose. And it's crazy because you know the people like you- Want to be nice at first. Like what you guys understand about human nature, what you've learned about human nature. People want to help. It's almost like. To a point. It's a sociology experiment.

Exactly right. That's what we call the show. We actually don't even call it a prank show. We call it a social. You guys are testing the human condition. In a very hilarious way. And a lot of times like people, if you know of times, people, you guys are probably aces at this, but I pride myself on being pretty good at being able to spot out who will go along with something.

Yeah. And so even sometimes when they realize, oh, this is ridiculous, they still will just, I've gotten TSA people to go in on a bit with other comics, be like, tell them you can't get on the phone with that. Oh, for sure. Oh, yeah. And if you pick the right one, they'll go. They'll go. And go they'll go and they're so happy they're so happy that you joined that's something we learned like how to pick what would be a good thing a good person for television and

for us and for a bit and also we're always surprised about that's the other thing that's the variable the people the variable right we're still to this day surprised at how far people will go with stuff we got that person to go back and forth i think it was close to 20 times that is the great it was all about a party so funny well you know it's interesting because i was like the popularity of a show like jersey shore okay those guys and we got actually to see when they were super famous still doing the show we did a thing with Kathy Griffin down in San Diego. For the troops.

For the troops, she did this huge show. We wrote for her, and those guys, the situation came on the show. So those guys are a bunch of old friends who are hanging around. They're just not talented.

They're not funny. They're not talented. I don't think they were friends before they met on the show, though. No, a couple of them were, knew each other, but they weren't close friends. You're right. They weren't close friends. You're right.

They weren't close friends. They knew of each other. But like, they're, but they tried to engender this thing of like, hey, we're all family and we're all this thing,

whatever, with no talent. And so like, all the editing had to make them seem like they were doing, you guys, it's, it's,

again, it's all of that great stuff that the editors had to make, you know, a false thing. Right. Actually seemed that way. And you guys have it already. And so, again, it's just all that's the reason you want to watch it.

Because I'm like, oh, yeah, this is what you want it to be. This is what it should have been. Yeah, I'm glad you guys respond to it. Absolutely. Totally, man. Oh, so let people know when it's on and when they can see it. So it's airing now. Actually, we just had our mid-season break.

So it comes back in a few weeks. I should know when. True TV. True TV, Thursdays at 10. it's airing now. Actually, we just had our mid-season break, so it comes back in a few weeks. True TV. True TV, Thursdays at 10. That's great. Yeah. Except the DVR. If people want to go back and watch old ones,

what's the best way to do that? DVR it or just turn on the channel because they play the show. Plan a lot. So there'll be a marathon. You'll be able to check that out. You'll be able to check it out. Do you have favorite episodes?

Well, now we're over 150 episodes. It's crazy. It's tough to figure it out, but I have favorite moments I can remember. But believe it or not, a lot of times I watch them back, I don't even remember doing it. Yeah, it's over seven years we're filming. Was there anything you did where you're like, no, I'm not going to do that? I know you guys kind of have to say your yes to everything. Well, no, we could say no during the show, but then we'd lose, and then you can't say no to the punishment

at the end. Right. So, really, you're not allowed. I mean, that's the fact. Yeah, that's the fact. You're not allowed to say no at the end. For instance, I have a tattoo, an accurate portrait of Jaden Smith on my thigh. That is the funny thing.

Because I lost, and they got to choose choose the tattoo and I couldn't look at it until it was done. You're not married. No, no. Are you dating anyone right now? No, no, no. Okay, so you have to explain to a future spouse or any woman you engage with. Oh yeah, I have a whole stand-up bit about it.

That is... It's ridiculous because it's happened and I forget I have it. Even if I go get a massage or something at the hotel or whatever. It's like. Because it's happened. I forget I have it. Even if I go get like a massage or something at like the hotel or whatever. It's like a fucked up memento. Like you now suddenly all this, like you're seeing your life happen in tattoos. It's a 15 year old boy on my thigh. That's my son. That's my son.

My God, son. You can make the joke that like, yeah, I'm so sorry that he passed away. No, he did not pass away. He should. He should be. I'm thinking of getting Jada, Will, and Will, like a Smith's so sorry that he passed away. No, he did not pass away. He should. He should be. I'm thinking of getting Jada, Will,

and Will, like a Smith family Matt Rushmore. Yeah, pick it up, dude. Make it a family portrait. Just make it a family portrait.

You want to do another one? Yeah, let's do it. Here we go. This was sent in by ST at Proletarian Pawn.

I've never heard this one before. It's a new person sending it. I love it. Now look, the story I'm about to give you guys, there's a person who committed the crime, but in my opinion,

the dumb people are everyone around this person. I like this. This is different. Okay. Big Horn Cinema Manager. Yep. I love him already.

Jacob Graham told police he thought Skylar Landerman of Cody was, quote, possessed by a demon i'm gonna tell you guys right now that motherfucker's possessed by a demon i don't know what charge that fault is that like a six nine four or something like that but that motherfucker is possessed by skylar landerman

run with it run with it jay where are you? Any one of like six different Disney XD characters. Skylar Landerman. Skylar Landerman has never landed a trick on his skateboard. You know what I mean? But attempted. But attempted it every day. Skylar Landerman always takes a big hit when he's smoking weed and always coughs way too much. And you're like, take less.

Take less. Take less, Skylar Landerman. Skylar Landerman shows up late and he's like, Landerman's here less. Take less, Skyler Landerman. Skyler Landerman shows up late, and he's like, Landerman's here. In third person, right? Yeah, Skyler Landerman is the type of guy that announces himself as being in the building. Yeah.

Skyler Landerman's in the building. I love that his name literally, whether it's by sky or by land, this motherfucker's in the building. I'm in the house. Yeah, and even when he's in a low-rise structure or otherwise, it's in the building. In the building. In the house. Yeah, it's a gas station. And he meets his friend at the park, structure or otherwise, it's in the building. In the building.

In the house. If he meets his friend at the park, he's like, Landerman in the building. We're outdoors. His name is almost too long to yell out on a basketball court. You can't go like, Landerman! Landerman! You need something real like, sound on top! Sound! But you get like a, Landerman! That's two, the ball's moved. Whenever Skylar Landerman plays pickup basketball, he always waits to see if the ball goes in if he calls a foul. That's Skylar Landerman! That's two, the ball's moved. Whenever Scott Landerman plays pickup basketball,

he always waits to see if the ball goes in if he calls a foul. That's Scott Landerman. If it goes out, I got it! I got it! Landerman foul! I got it. Foul on Landerman. According to an affidavit of probable cause filed by Cody police officer John Harris,

the incident began a little before 11 p.m. Sunday night. Now, if you think about it, we're in a small town. Small town on a Sunday night. Movie theater. Sunday night. You know that they're just ready to be like, don't even use the popcorn from yesterday. Nobody's coming in. Nobody's coming in.

We're fine. This is going to be a coaster right here. Although, to me, Jay Graham sounded like the guy who was like, how you doing, Jay Graham? What was the name of the place? Longhorn. Longhorn Magic. Jay Graham. That's right yeah because he's got now now he's like he's not just doing his job because he could go in and do the least bit of work he needs to right he's spot and possessed did you make business cards yeah sorry i don't think any business card first big horn cinema manager

with business cards what is master projectionist is that even even a level of projection? That is a little grandiose. It just says Jacob Graham aspiring. That's what it says under his name. That seems a little... It says Jacob Graham ascending. Skylar Landerman. If someone handed you a business card that said Jacob Graham ascending, what would you do? I would be interested in that. That's fascinating.

Who is this guy? He's really on the rise. Who is this guy? He's really on the rise. Skylar Landerman had come into the Bighorn Cinema hours earlier to see Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. Which my son calls it

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. I'm like, that is a there's a long, nope, it's Vol. 2. You don't know what you're talking about. And then he says lol. He says hashtag lol. This report of him coming in hours earlier came from There's a long... It's vowel two. You don't know what you're talking about. And then he says lol. Yeah, he says hashtag lol. Hashtag lol. This report of him coming in hours earlier came from cinema owner Tony Beverson.

Tony! Tony Beverson. It's the Beav. What's up, Beavs? It's the Beav. Leave it to Beverson. What's up? Look, I know I own the cinema, guys, but I want you to know I'm like your friend. Trust me.

Beav. Call me the Beavs. Beavs. And if Deg saysake says the beef you say the beef yeah guys i'm the owner but i'm also your friend guys no drinking uh on the premises but you can't outback beaves out he always brings a microphone and drops it at the end of whatever guys i'm not telling you how to do your job but maybe maybe when I walk into the theater, everybody goes, Beavs! That's how you... You don't have to, but if you want to,

I think I'd like it. Beavs! Happy boss, no loss. You know what I'm saying? Beavs! Beaverson said when he said he was told by his staff that quote, when Skylar Landerman came in, there was no reason for concern.

He looked like everybody else just coming to a movie. What is that? I don't know. Is there a way to describe everyone coming to a movie? Like lethargic? Just cattle. Yeah. Looking at their feet.

Gone. Gone. Had left his body. By a little before 11, that had changed. Before Guardians was finished, Skylar Landerman exited the theater and asked Graham, who was reading a fantasy... Asked Jacob Graham, they put this in there, who was reading a fantasy novel by the snack counter.

He is deep into Wheel of Time and just wants to be left alive. I file that under who gives a shit about any of these details. So he walks over to Jeff Grant, who's reading a fantasy novel by the snack counter, and asks him for a lighter. Okay? Okay. Skylar Landerman wants a lighter. PCP again.

Common thread through these. Right? Do you have a spoon and a lighter? Graham told him he didn't have one, and Landerman went outside. Five minutes later, though, he was pounding on the locked glass doors so as with most deals they obviously locked him from the outside thank god he's gone right now here's where everyone else starts to be dumb i mean skylar landerman we already know he was born into problems that's right this guy comes back pounding on the door he wants to get back into the movie the movie is almost

over you're trying to read a fantasy novel yeah right jacob graham let him back in oh that's where he made a mistake that's so not like good yeah jacob no protocol you know the procedure right but when he asked what was wrong could have asked him before he let him in skylar landerman said quote i'm tripping on acid no okay okay again now by the way that's the excuse right that's it there's no more he just gave you the reason why he is the heat of the mystery if you're ever working anywhere or even your house and someone leaves and they come back pounding ask them what's going on before you let them back in ever sound like you can't speak through a glass door especially

according to the affidavit what were you gonna say well i was gonna say i bet you graham is tired of beaverson being good cop yeah and he's he's bad cop all the time i want to be let me let the guy be good cop right well here's where really turns. According to the affidavit, Jacob Graham told Skylar Landerman to sit on the bench, but then Skylar Landerman, quote, called Jacob Graham a reptilian and started jumping around the lobby. Here we go. We have started the slope. We have started. I'm feeling like.

You reptilian. Skylar got really freaked out by Guardians of the Galaxy. What are you doing tonight, Skylar? I'm going to just drop some ass and out by Guardians of the Galaxy. What are you doing tonight, Skyler? I'm going to just drop some ass and go see Guardians of the Galaxy. Alone. Alone on a Sunday night. In Graham's account, I love that you called it Vault 2, Randy. In Graham's account, he got Landerman to sit down again.

How about you get him to leave? You know what? Here, there's no reptiles outside. Buddy, I got you. Lean in on their trip. Let's all go outside. Everybody's going reptiles outside. Buddy, I got you. Lean in on their trip. Yes, let's all go outside. Everybody's going outside. You go first.

I got the door. Dude, go first. Go first. Because he was afraid of what was going to come out. No, it was too dumb to do that. In Graham's account, he got Landerman to sit down again,

but then Skyler got violent. He punched Jacob in the face. And when the theater employee went behind the counter to call police, Skyler Landerman hit him again. You want to get distance between you and the guy punching you.

Get up in the projection room. Right. That's a lot of hits. That's a lot of hits. Graham wasn't seriously hurt, so that's why we're okay doing this. Skylar Landerman is a private first class, oh, this is where it took place, in Wyoming. Might be our first Wyoming. Wyoming.

In the Wyoming National Guard, and his Facebook page, Sal, I believe with your knowledge of the human spirit, you could have called this, indicates he has an interest in combat sports and was also an all-state wrestler for the Cody Broncos. Okay, let me start by saying- A lot of past tense in there. Yeah, I don't know when we've needed to call in the National Guard recently. Can you think of the last time the National Guard were like, we need the National Guard?

Katrina, whatever. I think we've used them in like... Natural disasters. Yeah, natural disasters. But never for like... That's the Coast Guard. I don't know. No, we put them in the National Guard.

National Guard? In a state of emergency. It feels like... Under the context you're thinking? No. You're right. You don't want Skylar Landerman showing up. No. If there's an issue. By want Skyler Landerman showing up. No.

If there's an issue. By the way, what's going on with the National Guard? I know. Unless it's a reptile war. Then you want him frontlining. Landerman is frontlining

when the reptiles take over. Skyler Landerman was subdued again and seemed to calm down. You know what's a great thing to do when he's finally calmed down? Get him the fuck out. Get him outside.

Sit him down. Why do that? a great thing to do when he's finally calmed down? Get him the fuck out. Get him outside. Sit him down. Why do that? While police were en route, however, Graham and the bystanders... Oh, I'm sorry. I skipped a part. Oh, people start joining in to watch. Yes. Luckily, at the point when he got punched for trying to call the cops, a different movie

had ended and two patrons came to Graham's aid. Okay. What movie did they walk out of where they were like, let's go? Yeah. Different movies. I'm trying to think what's out now that would be... Boss Baby? I was going to say Moana, but I don't think that's right. Okay. What movie did they walk out of where they were like, let's go. Yeah. Different movies. I'm trying to think what's out now that would be. Boss Baby. Moana, but I don't think that's right.

Boss Baby. I don't think either of those are right. It's awesome. This is what, we're back to Beverson. Quote, it's awesome to live in Cody because people aren't scared to jump in and help. Sounds like my kind of town. Is that why it's awesome to live in Cody? Yeah.

Back it up a bit because they're not. Finish the sentence. It's awesome to live in Cody because people aren't afraid to jump in and help when someone's on an acid trip at the cinema on Sunday night. And punching your dumb face. I mean, we have a lot of people going on acid trips trying to punch people in the face. Thank God we live in Cody where people aren't afraid to stop in. We got a ying and a yang to our problems here.

So anyway, they subdue him again. Lanterman was subdued again by the Good Samaritans and by Graham Be our problems here. So anyway, they subdue him again. Landerman was subdued again by the Good Samaritans and by Graham. Beverson still, he's home for the night. Like you said, great time to get him to leave. No. While police were en route,

Graham and the bystanders let Skyler Landerman back up and his behavior escalated again, end quote. He's like a wave. He's like the ocean. He just keeps coming. Skyler, we let you up. You all good? I'm good, you reptile motherfuckers. I'm good.

I am settled down. What did you say? I said I'm good. Are you good? Lay him down. Just let me up really quick. He's going to be fine. Don't you let him up. I see you smelling me with your tongue. He's going to be fine.

Are you sure you're going to be fine? Are you, he's going to be fine. I'm fine. Are you sure you're going to be fine? Are you sure you're going to be fine? I'm fine. We're totally fine. Everyone's fine. Look at me in the eye. You pointed teeth.

No, no, no. What did you say? You got big insides, man. What are you talking about? You're ruining it for yourself. I think he's fine, guys. Are you fine? Are you fine?

Yes, look at me with your yellow eyes. No, no. He might not be fine. I'm fine. Let me up. Are you fine? Yes, look at me with your yellow eyes. No, no, no. Keep them up. I'm fine. Let me up. Are you fine? Oh, no! It's that.

Oh, no, I wasn't joking. The next quote, literally, Skylar Landerman then tore his shirt off and jumped onto the counter of the snack bar. Yeah. Beaverson, get down. It's like now you can't serve those snacks anymore. Because you got his sweaty ass arrived officer harris wrote quote landon was screaming about nonsensical and irrational things such as reptilian people three cody police two park county sheriff deputies and a wyoming highway patrol i mean that's he ran the cycle yeah he got everybody uh ultimately subdued landerman

is it this is why I stopped doing acid. Well, I was going to say it's kind of nice to me. Have you done acid? No. Me either. Me either. Me either. I've never done it.

I've done mushrooms, but never acid. Mushrooms, but never acid. To me, this is- Acid was too far. What I kind of like, and I'm just going to say this on some level, I like that acid is still making people- Do crazy stuff? Yeah, talk about reptilians and stuff like that.

To me, it shows that the universe is still in the right place. Like, you do acid, you're going to see reptilian people. Well,

no, this is the story that like you tell your kids. Remember when Landerman went crazy and started seeing reptilians? Do you want that to happen to you? Absolutely.

Don't do acid. I don't get the appeal. Like, if it's like, okay, do this acid and you'll see stuff like reptilian people.

That's terrible. There's a type of person that's like, yes, this sounds you'll see stuff like reptilian people that's terrible type of person that's like yes this sounds like a good afternoon no one would say because the truth is if i were to see reptilian people i'd like to not be on a drug like i would rather have all my faculties to know how to get away from it or at least a more controlled environment like if you're just with like your two best friends in Monument Valley, I could see that maybe going better. No. If someone told me,

take this and bad music will suddenly sound great, all right. I'm in. I can work with that. I can take this and this will be the best chocolate bar

you've ever eaten all over it. Sure. Take this and reptiles start appearing. No fucking way. I don't want to. Hard pass.

We're in dumb people town so you're always three feet from a reptile anyway. Also, you know this wasn't Landerman's first acid. He's shooting from there. He's fast and loose with it. He's taking it alone and going to the movies. He knows what could happen. You just hit the nail on the head.

This is not his first reptile rodeo. I'll ride you. When Landerman was being loaded onto a gurney for transport to the hospital. Like Hannibal Lecter style. When was being loaded onto a gurney for transport to the hospital. Like Hannibal Lecter style. When you say loaded on a gurney, that's like on a two-wheel dolly that's strapped in. Like face guard, like hockey mask on.

An EMT, quote, told Landerman that she was going to give him an IV. Landerman replied, quote, I've had so much coke, it won't even help. Skyler was then asked how much cocaine he had taken and he stated quote, all of it. In the world. In the world. Yes, he Pablo Escobar at his night. Oh my god.

He also told police he had taken LSD. So he went for the drug cycle on this stuff. Well, acid is LSD. Oh, that's right. Still. No stranger to hyperbole. No. None. He's the most hyperbolic person in the history of space and time. At about 1.15 a.m. Monday, Landerman was released from the

hospital and taken to jail. The next day, he pleaded guilty to everything. Him being remorseful is my favorite image. Oh, that was all me. Yeah. I guess I did that. I really apologize. Sorry about that. I'm just happy I'm not seeing reptiles right now. I'm just happy I'm not seeing reptiles right now. I'm just happy you are not a kimono dragon, sir. The Beeb said an employee meeting for workers at Bighorn Cinemas was scheduled for Tuesday

night. Quote, this is from The Beeb, my manager, Graham, handled exactly the way you're supposed to. I would disagree on three different incidents. He did not get them out of the place. He called 911. The Beeb needs everyone to like him.Beef needs everyone to like him. DeBeef wants

everyone to like him. Call me DeBeef. The cinema owner said remarkably no damage had been done during the altercation. That sounds like

a shitty movie. Come on. He couldn't even rip open some Reese's. But still, the damage was done internally.

They had to watch this and be fearful of it for the rest of their lives. I'm going to ask you guys and we're going to get out on this. How old is Skylar Landerman?

Too much fun leaves marks in life. Living hard, you'll pay the price. Who is going to get it right? Guess the age, guess the age. Okay, Sal, you have the opportunity. You can go first or last again. I'm going to switch it up this time. I'm going to go last.

Okay. Randy or Jason, either one of you? I think he's 21 years old. 21 from Randy Sklar? No, he's older than that, Rand. First of all, I think there should be Skylar Landerman action figures. There might be. Shirt ripped off.

Yeah, but jeans. Standing on top of a candy counter. High-waisted jeans. Right. Shirt off. White. Right. Super white. Bowie knife. A brand that we don't know. Are-waisted jeans, shirt off, white. Right. Super white.

Bowie knife. A brand that we don't know. Like, are those Avia's? I'm not sure. And on the box where you buy it, next to him is a little, like, word bubble that says, all of it. All of it. I'd like him to say two phrases if you push the button.

How much coke did you have? All of it. Are you a reptile, bro? And then the very apologetic, my bad. My bad. It took all of it your guess uh 29 29 from jason 21 from randy to our guest on the show i didn't go with my instinct the last two times the first thing that popped in my head was 22 okay good 22 that's fine how old is skylar

skylar landerman is 20 years old oh randy gets! Nice! I won, Randy! Get set. Your price is right to me. My price is right to me, even though we all went over. How young can you be in, like, the National Guard? I guess... I mean, he's fresh out. Well, you know what?

He's making great choices in life. Why not have him protect people with a gun? All right. How great would it be if that whole incident was filmed and that becomes an ad for recruitment for the National Guard? Yeah. Look what you could get into. You could this yeah this could be your life skylar landerman all right guys that's uh segment two down the books dumb people town sal i'm so happy you're here with us we'll uh be back with a little more dumb people not right after this Everybody, welcome back to Dumb People Town. Hit the Facebook page.

We can't say this enough. If you guys, if you're new to this show because you're listening to Sal and you're a fan of his and you're coming to the show for the first time, if you love it or if you hate it, rate it, review it, give it five stars. Let people know. It helps us rise up and let other people know about our show. And definitely join the Facebook page.

It's such a blast. We love it. So much fun. All right, Dan, you got one last story? Here we go, yes. And I'm going to tell you guys right now. I will read you this story pretty much straight up. Jump in as you want.

But these are two of the dumbest people. That we've ever had in Don't Be The Town? It's not even close okay i always love it it makes me in some level i think when people listen to this show on some level you feel better about your own life it's like looking at a group of nazis and being like this is the worst guy yeah you know what i mean like we're in that range with these guys okay sent in by d in colorado old friend of the show. Old friend of the show. Love him on Twitter. Tweets at us.

Great dude. At Noble underscore Darren. Two R's in Darren. Great. Casper police arrested two Colorado men Tuesday afternoon. This might be in Wyoming, too. Isn't that Wyoming? Casper, Wyoming?

No, Colorado. No, no, they're from Colorado. But Casper, I'm pretty sure, is Wyoming. I don't know. Maybe. Let us know, fellow townies. Casper police arrested two Colorado men. I know this doesn't take place in Colorado.

Tuesday afternoon, after one of the men reported that someone stole his marijuana. So one of the guys reports to the police that someone stole his marijuana, which is a controlled substance in Wyoming and illegal to possess. Okay. So calling in and saying that someone stole yours

is indicting yourself that you own it. Just a bit. Just a bit. Police arrived at the Motel 6. Where else would this take place? This has got to be. Sir, someone else is having sex with my prostitute. Nope.

Can't do it. Don't say that. This has all the trimmings of a vintage dumb people town story. Yes, it does. Thank you, Sal. Police arrived do it. Don't say that. This has all the trimmings of a vintage dumb people town story. Yes, it does. Thank you, Sal. Police arrived at the Motel 6 on Wilkins Circle just after 2 p.m. after hotel management reported that a customer came to the desk to report that his marijuana was missing from his room. Officers responded to the motel.

So he's blaming now the hotel. Yeah, he's blaming like... Someone at the... I call it a hotel. Someone at the motel. Yeah, he's blaming like... Someone at the... I call it a hotel. Someone at the motel. Yeah, let's be clear. Officers responded to the motel and encountered the man who reported the theft, later identified as Eric Jarin. Well, that's Jarin.

Quote, I made the report, Jarin told an officer, according to the... You didn't make the... I mean, yes, you called in and called it in it was my weed that was stolen okay that's another but making the reports to me overstates what he did right yes i called in you called in making report signifies that you did something creatively right you made you could you could report the crime which is what he did but he didn't make anything. He didn't get down to a clerical level.

He's trying to get official with the cop. Yeah, I'm the one that called you in on that report there. I made the report. I'm glad you're here. What? I made the report. He said it was my weed that was stolen. I called in the 148.

No, sir, that's actually when a large woman is largely naked. Largely naked. Yeah, you need to learn your codes. Jaren says, it was my weed that was stolen. Jaren then handed the officer his Colorado driver's license and medical marijuana card. This person does not understand the concept of state lines. Gotta keep it in your state. Jaren told the officer that he was in town working at Albertsons.

He said he came home from work and, quote, wanted to smoke a bowl, but couldn't find his marijuana, according to the affidavit. He then went to the front desk to report the missing drugs and waited outside for police to arrive so he could directly report the theft to the officers. Can you imagine this person at the motel that's like, you want me to call the cops and say something? Yeah. And you're going to wait outside? Oh, no, I'm right. I'm right. This is a guy who's like you want me to call the cops and say something yeah and you're gonna wait outside oh no i'm right i'm right this is a guy who's like i'm right but i've been right my whole life the grocery store yeah so he's just in town like uh you know it's like on an albertson's exchange program we know you know when all those albertson's workers come to town this the city swells yeah it's swell. Like the gold rush of 1849.

Coming to the produce department of Albertson's. Officers then ask Jarn, I mean, at this point, if you're the cop, you're like, let's see how deep this rabbit hole goes. Here we go. What else did you do wrong? They then ask Jarn whether he had any other marijuana in his room, to which Jarn replied, quote, Now, I have dabs in my room. Someone stole plant from weed. This quote is horrible. Someone stole plant from weed. This quote is horrible.

Someone stole plant weed from me. So weed that was, I guess, from a plant. Yeah, he's breaking it up. But what he's realizing this whole time. Do you know what dabs are? What? I have it right here. He then told officers that dabs, which are concentrated cannabis extract.

Drops. Just drops. I've used those. concentrated cannabis extract. Drops. Just drops. I've used those. But my question is, at what point does he realize

that he's talking to the wrong people? Like, throughout this conversation, he seems to be like, I can't wait to see the looks on their faces when they realize they have a chance to help someone out. The look on their faces. He has no idea that he's fucking this one.

The look he's getting is, are you the dumbest person we've ever talked they're not even writing in their book they don't need to they're just uh-huh what else he's probably they'll probably be like this motherfucker will write it all down for us say it into the walkie yeah exactly so you got jeff you on dispatch jeff make sure everyone back at the place can hear this. I'm here. Go for it. So you bought this weed and you brought it in. Yes, I bought it. Hell yeah, bud. It's my weed. It's my weed.

Over. Over. He's like throwing it over. I'll talk straight to Jeff. Yeah, just say over at the end of it so they know you're done talking. You know, I'm doing that Wyoming Southern dialect. Yeah, I'm sure there is, though. Okay.

We're from a... He said they had dabs at his room. Then led officers to his room and showed them the dabs, a glass pipe, and a torch lighter. He's bragging at this point. This is what I got. This is where that weed could have been. You know, all that illegal weed that I'm not supposed to have here? It could have been in these devices.

And it should have been. Officers then arrested Jaron for possession of marijuana. At what point did they say, all right, let's go. I'm going to do you a favor here before you show us a dead body. You guys don't get it. I'm not in possession of the marijuana. I'm trying to get it back. You're going to tell me dabs are illegal now?

You're arresting me for not in possession? Possession is nine tenths of a law. If you guys thought that we couldn't raise the dumb level on this, you were wrong. Another man, smelling strongly of marijuana, on this here we go we're wrong another man smelling strongly of marijuana strolled up the stairs as officers were arresting and investigating the stolen this is like our buddy john bush john bush one of the greatest comedians we love him loved him so much uh he's in minneapolis now i think he's doing plays and stuff but he was in new york he told the story about how he he after a gig on the road he got super super high in his room this is way

hotel or like hotel hotel room and he hears a knock on the door he thinks it's his door opens the door and like a cloud of like smoke rolls out it's the cops knocking on the door across the hall from him and they just they're knocking and then they start knocking slower and slower and turn and look at him. He's like, I should have just gone back in. Instead, there's just this cloud of weed coming out. And his joke is, I knew I was going to jail, so I stuck two fingers up my own ass just to get it out of the way. Just to get the party started.

That's how much he knew he was going to prison. Well, this guy, that would make him smart. These people. He strolled upstairs whistling. Whistling and reeking. High as a kite while they're arresting his friend. Strolling strongly, he strolls up the stairs as officers investigated the stolen marijuana according to a separate affidavit.

At the request of officers, the man identified himself as Christopher Rath. What's your name? Christopher Rath, high as a kite. What's your name? Imagine him just eating a peach at that point. Rath told police he had just, this is what he told police, that he had just come back from smoking marijuana because he was not allowed to smoke in the hotel room. I follow the rules.

Hey, listen, man. Hey, you guys, I can be straight with you guys, right? You're the guys I can really just spill it all. You're taking him in, not me. First of all, I love that you guys match. Your clothes are matching. He just doesn't get it. You guys are cool.

Can I hold your... What is that, a gun? Is that a club? Raph told police he had just come back from smoking marijuana because he was not allowed to smoke in his room. Is this Dave Rath? Officers asked how much marijuana Rath had, to which he... All of it. All of it.

No, that's the guy before. To which he responded, this is just as good. So they go, how much weed you got there, Christopher Rath? Quote, not a lot, I can get it for you. He says, not a lot, I can get it for you.

You guys want to get in on this? Yeah. You guys got bracelets that we can put on? We can put bracelets on our hands. You guys want some? These are shiny. Wait, you're going to give us shiny bracelets to put on our hands? Do I get to keep these?

You guys are amazing. Officer. You guys are giving us a lift? Yeah. What's this spray? And I put this just right in my eyes and it feels really good? What? Officer followed Raph into his room and showed them his weed. Check this shit out. spray do i and i put this just right in my eyes and it feels really good what officers followed

rath into his room and showed them his weed check this shit out look at this which totaled about 2.86 grams the officers then arrested rath as well i'm going to show you a picture of these guys yeah and we'll post this up on the face rath has the goatee okay and then our buddy Jaren is on is clean shaven Jaren especially I mean they look dim at least two oh dumb and dumb

oh yeah the moment they realize they're getting arrested I feel like they both they do look like like versions of dumb and dumber yeah

oh they do don't they a little bit same haircuts both men were booked into the Natrona County Detention Center on suspicion of possession of marijuana.

Where's the suspicion? Yeah, yeah. I love that they're like, you don't need to hedge your bets that much. This is mine, and here it is. This is mine, and I'm going to get it for you. They're arguing that charge. Why do you keep saying suspicion, man? I have weed.

Let me show it to you. They're called dads. I showed it to them. Let me try and sell it to a minor in front of you. Why can't I do that? Those are our stories, boys. Listen, there's a lot of drug use in the thing today. There was.

A lot of dumb people. Whenever there is drug use, we always like to hear from someone who has done an extensive amount of drugs. The fact that he's still alive. Is its own miracle. And so we called him up and he called us back and left a voicemail. We're, of course, talking about Chris Christopherson, who at any moment is on a cocktail of opiates and barbiturates and uppers and downers. I said hibiscus.

Hibiscus plants. Anything, really, at any point in time. Aote. But he had a crazy experience where he dropped acid and then went to watch one of his own movies. Well, we'll let you hear it. Hey, boys. It's me, Chris, Chris Iverson.

And I just want to wish you all a merry June and a happy summertime. You know, while I got you on the phone, I'm remembering back to a time in which I took a large amount of hallucinogenic drugs. I mean, you name it, and it was ingested into my system. I mean, peyote, LSD, mescaline, a large vat of Astro Pops that I got from an ice cream truck. You know, just standard run-of-the-mill 70s drugs. And then I turned to my good friend, or at least I think he was my friend. It very easily could have been a small palm tree. And I turned to him and I said, how about we go check out one of my movies? And he said, sure, let's do it.

So I went to the old local cinema plex and watched a little movie by the name of Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid, which I starred in as good old Billy the Kid, of course. I'm not some fucking cop like Pat Garrett turned out to be. And now, I have to tell you boys something. When you're on massive amounts of hallucinogenic drugs and then you see yourself

up on a movie screen, it is very disturbing. I thought that I had died and left my body and had somehow traveled back in time into the Wild West. Never at any point did I have any sort of memory of being on

set and shooting that movie like a normal person would have seen themselves on the screen and been like i remember shooting that scene but i did not remember that at all i just felt like i had left my body and was back in the old west and and i felt at times that i could manipulate what i was saying but again i very well could have just been on the ground asleep because, again, of all the hallucinogenics. So in summation, I would just tell all the listeners to get out. And when you're going to be using an inner tube on the river, just to make sure to use basic aquatic safety. That's what i originally called about right you know i don't know i'm currently on top of a whale in the middle of

the indian ocean so sometimes the sun gets to me all right you guys be excellent to each other yeah why does none of that surprise me i mean I just feel like... Again, how is he alive? It's a Sunday night at 11 for him. Look, he just... But I feel like in some ways, you know there are those people who can just turn into the skid of life. Yeah, sure.

And the more they do, and if they stopped, they would die. If they stopped, they would die. If they suddenly tried to get healthy, they would die. Yeah. This is their course. This is their course.

You've got to leave them on it. He calls in, huh? Yeah. Yeah, he does. Let's mess him on it He calls in huh Yeah He does Let's mess him for it He likes calling in for it Former singer He's in the Grammy Museum

He is in the Grammy Museum Kurt badass And he's just so open With his You know Again Here's my weed I'll go get it for you

I have it I'll go get it for you Here's my weed I'll go get it for you Might have to be the name Of the show Well hey That was a great episode

Thank you so much guys Sal Sal Valcano thank you that was so much fun great to have you watch Impractical Jokers

follow him on Twitter go see him live when he does comedy go to salvalcano.com no alright you should someone bought it

what I'm in the process of picking a different name get a different name impracticaljoker.com. Could be. There you go. You never know.

No, no. You'll do that. And he's a great stand-up who's writing so much new material and he's really developing into a phenomenal comedian that you've got to go check out when you can.

Thank you so much. So that's it. Hey, we'll see you guys at the live show on the 8th at Starburst Castle. If you're in L.A., check the

The Dumb People Town Facebook page. Join in and you can find out more information and get your tickets there because we want to sell that out. Special guest, TBB. We'll let you know that as it nears. But thanks, guys.

We'll see you there. And we're out. Yeah, let's get back to work. Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum.