Dumb People Town - Sam Morril - Don't Bury The Joker

Episode Date: October 13, 2020

This week Sam Morril comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about a Florida man who fought an alligator while walking his dog. The second story is about an abduction during a test drive. The final story is about a man who finds something INTERESTING on the beach.

Star Beans, out of here. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you? Population Muriel! Sam Muriel, welcome to the show buddy how are you i'm all right man i'm all right how you guys doing we're just get i feel like we're all getting by i mean we've been wanting to have you on we've been wanting you on this show for a long time dude uh but you're in new york and so we always ask because we live in new york for five years how is new york doing right now i think we're all right yeah you know everyone says that new york is dead but then you go outside and there's traffic yeah and you're like i think i think people are still here yeah i don't know people are still

here i'm still annoyed by things people still have an edge have you done any of the like in the park shows i've done shows every night i've done every night i've done an hour every night um i what i do is I put in my Instagram stories. I will come to your roof if you have a mic and an amp. Yeah. And you get cool friends together. And I've been doing it every night on a stranger's roof. Really?

And it's been incredible. It's been great. That's awesome. Dude, I love it. What I love is- And then you rob their house? That's so interesting. Well, it's weird because I'm just like, I'm going into their apartments.

I'm like riffing about their apartment on stage. I'm like, you know, like riffing about their apartment on stage. I'm like, you ever think I'd like me riffing on your bidet? You know what I mean? It's like, it's so weird. And then they're usually really cool. They usually just get friends together. And some nights it feels like punk rock. And other nights you're like, am I mentally ill to be doing this?

Like I'm showing up. And maybe a little bit of both. Because I think that's like punk rock has about 35% of illness that's like a true but uh dude that's awesome that's great that you're getting because you know one thing that i love about you and if anybody isn't following your instagram they should definitely be following you on instagram is back in the day before when you were performing kind of in clubs all the time is you would post standup. First of all, that would get watched so much. And a lot of it was super, super current of the moment. I loved it so much. Cause you're like, holy shit, this just happened. And he has a fully formed bit about it. Are you kidding me?

I loved it. So we get spoiled with stage time in New York and, you know, the seller would be so cool about that. So the comedy seller would just film it and then you'd have it. And then I'd have it. And I'd say, well, I'm not going to do this joke for that long. Anyway, I may as well put it out into the world. I mean, it's so funny. Like this can go here and it's not going to go on a special, but it can go here on my social media right now, which is the perfect place to consume it. Yeah. It's just weird to hear. Like, I think I have some jokes are going to age in a special and it's like weird to be like so the royal baby is coming and you're like 10 years ago like who gives a shit you know that's right that's right i know you never want to talk about anything that but you know what albums and for comedians especially

they're a snapshot in time all of us have done a comedy albums and specials and whatnot sure it's you know there's like you'll continue to do some bits and they'll grow further especially the ones you just did right before you did the album you're like i gotta put this on here and you do it and then like six months later you have like 12 better tags to what than what you had before it's fine period it is but it's it's just a snapshot in time you're like this is what i was doing back in august of you know 2018 this is the special and then you just move on it's also crazy to hear like an old bill hicks album where he's talking about like george hw yeah and he's like this piece of shit is going into the into the middle east and then 10 years later you're like wow you could have done that yeah about his

kid you could have just dropped the h and the bit still works just that's all i gotta do is edit it out and the bit still works so that but that's a good segue into what we do on this show because we do ask our guests, do you think the world is getting dumber or are we just, do we have more access to dumb behavior now because of social media and what we live in in this moment? Well, I think it's easier. I think there's less shame in being dumb. Yes.

You know, I think, I mean, when Trump is president and he's just loudly so obnoxious, like when you have Eric Cartman as your president, it's like, yeah, there's almost like, yeah, this is fun to be fucking rude. And then on top of that, with the internet, you can just kind of join up with people much more easily. Like when people are loudly rude, you're like,

well, that's my guy now, if you're also an asshole. But people were a little more, they were a little more thoughtful, I think, pre- think pre twitter so you're saying there's more dumb connectivity yeah that more people are idiots are being able to find their guy yeah me too dude i've been thinking hashtag me too i've been thinking that about tree bark for years it is mean well a lot of people like that there's that new netflix thing the social dilemma on netflix right and uh and everyone's like it's phones aren't the problem it's it's people but i'm like all right but the phones aren't helping right i mean it's like by that logic you it's

kind of like being like you know crack's not the problem people are the pros like okay but you can't acknowledge that crack is addictive crack kind of puts people in the spot to be assholes and it gooses them up to do it that's a conservative talking point because you're like okay you're saying that because you know that if you're asked about guns yeah exactly guns aren't the problem people are the problem yeah well yeah so the answer is to get the guns away from those people that's what you're saying conservative and they would never take that point at all uh well so our our fans send us these great stories and dan uh dan breaks them down we randy and i haven't heard him sam hasn't heard him should we jump into one you ready buddy let's do it all right let's do it here we

go this was sent in by john cormier at john j-o-n underscore cormier c-o-r-m-i-e-r thank you john thanks buddy when mark johnson took his dog rex out for a walk all those by the way all those sound like fake names mark john what's your name it's like johnson you're like nope you're giving him and the dogger in wit sec yeah yeah when mark johnson took his dog rex for a walk, he did not anticipate fighting a 2.6 meter alligator. I had to look it up. I'm sorry. I don't know the metric. A meter is three feet.

So it's about an eight and a half foot long. Wow. Which is way more. This is why feet are better than meters. It really gives you an idea. 2.6 sounds small. Have you spent any time down in Florida? I'm sure you performed down in Florida. Oh, it's my least favorite place. Ever. 10.6 sounds small. Have you spent any time down in Florida? I'm sure you performed down in Florida.

Oh, it's my least favorite place. Ever, ever. I think I had the worst comedy weekend of my career in Naples, Florida at Off the Hook Comedy Club. It was dreadful. Was it Off the Hook? Yeah. That name was misleading.

It was 100% on the hook. Everything was on the hook, including you. I actually tweeted during the debate the other night that Joe Biden, I felt for him during the debate because that's what performing in Florida is like. Yeah, dude.

It was a reference to that weekend in my head. People just interrupting you the whole show. Did you see Todd Berry's tweet? Todd Berry's tweet was the best. In the same vein, it's like... He said that Chris Wallace was like a club owner who has kept having to go over to a bachelorette party and trying to shush them but didn't have the guts to kick them out yeah how many times have you had that where you see the manager come

over and be like hey guys you gotta be quiet you kind of hear from the stage and you're like get these fucking people out of here you gotta boot them boot them. Totally. That's a great joke. It also is, you know, like, of course, you knew the conservative argument after that was going to be, he guided Joe Biden. It was two against one. I'm like, all right. So Trump wasn't an asshole the entire day. You're right. You're right. He's not.

There's never. It's always the media's fault. It's always someone else's fault. And in every situation that that guy's in. So what's the one constant? That guy. I've never heard. Imagine Trump in couple therapy with Melania.

If he actually went, he would be like, this is on her. This is not me. Or it's on you. He's like, you're a bad couple of therapists. You're one of the worst couples. He would never say, you know what? There is probably some work I could do on myself. He would never say.

Oh my God. No way. But the idea that you're in in but you knew what you were getting into in florida we performed in um west palm beach and i just and i love matt coleman and i love the club i love those guys that's a good club it's a good club but i was like we had the worst i was like get ready this is not going to be we knew what we were going into so if you live anywhere where there are alligators i'm assuming this took place in Florida, right? Yeah. You have to assume that when you walk your dog out at any time,

you're going to fight an alligator. That's got to be in your brain. That's what I'm saying. When he said I did not anticipate it, I'm like, do you know where you live? Guys, when I did my shows in Boca, I fought two alligators. They were the openers. I highly recommend doing shows in Boca.

Jesus. The rat's mouth. I've done Boca yeah it's that i bombed i've bombed in most parts of florida it's awful the only place i don't bomb in is in florida is i think tampa that club side splitters is good but it used to be bobby jewel used to run the club and he was just a drunken piece of shit and he he was hilarious i mean he made me laugh but he was like he was like he was like fucking what's his name from all in the family but without the heart you know like i remember archie bunker yeah where he would uh i remember i was there one weekend and i'm with

this comic raul sanchez who's funny as hell uh from mexico served in ira, and he's got amazing bits on it, too. I'm sure. How many comics have bits about being under fire? It's insane. And, you know, so Bobby's just fucking prodding him all night, drinking all night, and he's just like, you fucking pussy. He called me a liberal Jew pussy.

That's what he calls me. You fucking pussy. He comes in dressed like Charlie She like, you fucking pussy. He called me a liberal Jew pussy. That's what he calls me. You fucking pussy. He comes in dressed like Charlie Sheen, you know, the fucking two and a half men bowling shirt. And he says to Raul, he's like, he's like, you fuck it. He goes, hey, Raul, what tribe are you in? Like, he's not even being, it's not even the right racism. You know what I mean? Yeah, your racism isn't matching up.

That's how drunk you are. And then Raul has the best line on him. He just goes, airborne infantry, what tribe are you in? And Bobby just takes a sip of his bourbon and goes, well played. He couldn't even fight it. There's nothing as gratifying

as shutting up a drunk. When you shut up a drunk, you're like, that's the best. That's the best. That's a victory. Okay, so also he fights this alligator. We're doing the story because the alligator ends up being fine.

After fending it off, the reason I tell you that is because it sounds like it might not be, but it totally is. After fending it off by poking its eyes, the Florida artist is coping in a very on brand way by painting a grisly portrait of the beast that tried to bite his leg off. If you're a Florida artist, I don't even know what you're working in teal and you have heard of acrylics and you work at a color me mind right cut to florida artist being the fuck guys here's what here's what you're never going to see in the moma uh made in orlando true so true uh i just took a sip of whiskey you wanted to make a portrait of the beast that tried to bite his leg off quote Quote, it tells my story. Everybody can see it.

I bet you have a scar that everybody can see. By the way, it tells my story. You didn't escape from slavery. You're a dumbass who walked your dog out, not expecting to fight an alligator. This isn't now your story. Here we go. Him looking at me with my leg in his mouth and my foot hanging out and probably my left leg stuck in the mud and both fingers going towards his eyes that's what he wants to number

one no one wants to see that the the alligator is not looking at you the alligator doesn't care about you he just sees like a meat he sees meat or like an obstacle in the way he's he's like i gotta bite this thing he's not looking he's like jeffrey epstein at a bat mitz way, he's like, I got to bite this thing. He's not looking at you. He's like Jeffrey Epstein at a bat mitzvah. He's not looking, he just sees meat and he's like, let's play. Jeffrey Epstein at a bat mitzvah, dead. He's just dead.

He's laying there. Johnson, a wildlife artist. There's going to be so many things that should tell you he should have known better. One, wildlife artist. You're telling me you spent a lot of time out there in Florida. If you're painting wildlife in Florida, you don't paint there in Florida. If you're painting wildlife in Florida,

you don't paint alligators? If you're painting wildlife in Florida, all of your paintings take place in a parking lot. Yeah. And they're not of animals. Parking lot of a hooters. Johnson, a wildlife artist in Port St. Lucie, Florida, walks his dog twice every day. Another reason he should be very aware of his surroundings.

On the morning of September 13th, never forget, he says that he and Rex went for a walk around the wetlands behind his property. You are now walking around wetlands in Florida. Dude, so my wife's stepfather lives in Sanibel Island, Florida. Very beautiful little island off, kind of near Naples, like Fort Myers area. And you go take this causeway over.

I bombed in Fort Myers, too. Did you? Fantastic. Yeah. There's like the Samarill bombing tour of florida oh dude belushi's i don't think it's there anymore is uh yeah jim belushi jim belushi yeah yeah yeah so uh i i performed like john belushi uh now today as he was dying yeah no it was uh yeah no it's weird and then i did a show once in la and i think jim belushi was at he was at the show and my agent was like jim belushi was in the crowd and he said like man what

a great show and i'm like i wanted i wanted to grab and be like your fucking club at the end of the weekend the bartender said he just said all he said to me was you deserve better thank you this club is like the blues brother brothers 2000 it shouldn't have happened so uh i'm so in santa claus there's like on the side of the road is this kind of little ditch where water can get and sometimes water collects in that ditch and i'm saying it's maybe a foot or two in every single one of those ditches i assume there's an alligator that's a rule in florida if there's every time i'm like don't walk near there. I tell my kids, don't bike near there because an alligator's

coming and going to get you. That's what you should assume. Well, Mark Johnson walks around that twice a day. In the wetlands. Yeah, and he's an outdoor animal. And he didn't see it coming. As they headed back, Johnson says, you're going to eat those words, Jason Sklar. Johnson says he spotted

the alligator in a canal that ran close to his own house i'll just walk by him the water's clear i could see his head i really didn't think anything of it why would you not think anything of it there's no point is there a rule with alligators like are you supposed to just like walk away as quickly as possible are you supposed to like zigzag pattern if you really think i'm dead serious they can't move left to right they go fat straight very fast so if you zigzag it's not gonna yes all right good to know you have a greater good to know so you just learned something so he sees it he thinks nothing of it it is at that point he unleashed his dog rex and ordered the dog to go back to the house why what business is he like

gonna paint this yeah and with what and why would you unleash your dog here you go free roam go back to the house put on a pot of coffee daddy's gotta go do tell my story it's my story the dog's like kind of seems like you're setting your story up to happen just tell it just tell it i looked back to my left and the gator it's like a a submarine. They use their tail for a rudder and he was actually splashing water moving very fast. I'm sorry. Are you telling me how a gator moves in water? In a split second, he lunged. There's a two foot lunge from where he was. That means you're still way too close to the alligator if you're two feet from an alligator and again i don't want to victim shame here but you deserve to die because you if you saw it from far away

you deserve if you told me ran if i'm telling you i go dude i gotta i got bit by an alligator and you have no idea how much ground they can make up so fast i'd be like what are you 20 feet away from it and that was two feet away it's your fault yeah it's your fault that's on you it's on you right i'm gonna go one further here i think if you if you live in florida you deserve to die it wouldn't be great if that was florida not all welcome to florida it's on us i mean they they lifted all they they lifted all covet restrictions so yeah you know that is incredible the the like i wonder if the it seemed like the media is in on the joke of like every bad if there's a bad story in florida you just have to publish it now yeah they have people love it yeah they have laws there that make i think everything single thing entered into evidence or like a bottom of a case is public knowledge right to know so that's why there's so many weird

florida documentaries and weird stories because they give you every access to every other like oregon does it too man did bad thing friday night and they can kind of be real vague about it yeah true at florida is also you get a lot of different people like you get a lot of different types of energy it all falls down there at all well you have like miami but then you also have like like jacksonville like it's just different types of and the panhandle dude the pancicola the panhandle is a whole other redneck riviera the people who live right in the middle like what why alligator alley there that's called alligator

i know but like you've got water you could go to on either side you're like no i want to pretend i'm in any other state but crazy i want to feel landlocked in a place that's an isthmus um so he says it would jump two feet believe it or not not. Within a split second, he had my leg. The front of his nose was at the very top of my knee. He tore my shorts, and my right foot was sticking out of the very end of his mouth, Johnson said. I love that he had to get into the part about what I assume are cargo shorts. He's a painter, so he needs to describe every moment. This is like the white trash version of The Revenant. This is the white trash grizzly man.

That was a great movie man no one should ever listen to the movie but it was no our jets are joking that was our joke i never got laughs i never got laughs i chomped when i bit on a date at a party at a pool party and it cracked my tooth down to the root i bit on it so viciously our joke and our stand-up was i bit on it so hard that the only person who could listen to the audio of me biting down on the date was Werner Herzog. Now- I get it.

I like it. Let me tell you something. That joke did not do well in West Palm Beach. Or you're also, you're making a joke about a documentary that came out like 20 years ago. I know. That's not your demo right there. This joke was made eight years ago.

Sometimes it's for you. Sometimes they're just for us. Yeah, I'm bombing. I'm like, what? Capturing the Freedmen. No one got that? That's a great joke. Some movies are iconic, man. Oh, dude, I'm with you.

He says he knocked down and felt the alligator starting to pull on his leg. No shit. Growing up in the area with alligators again, proving he should have understood everything that's happening that day. Johnson knew that once they clamped on, there's no way to open their mouths. You're going to you're not going to open

that mouth. The jaw is so big. You can't pry it open with a pry bar. They won't release for so not called a pry bar. I know I don't know what a crowbar a jack with no people rocks or tree limbs nearby to assist his escape he chose a technique commonly used to fend off sharks he remembers uh the next five seconds vividly he was staring right at me he said i had both hands free so i poked him in the eyes and immediately his mouth opened up good on you that i'll give you credit all right to know. That's the first smart thing you've done all day. He says he looked at it. He took his

leg out and looked back to see if the alligator was coming back again. If I take my leg out, I'm moving. Yeah, I'm not like, did you learn? You don't. You don't. Are we done? It's not like a fight outside of a bar where there's enough people between you. We'd be like, are we done? Are we good? Like there's none of that between you and the alligator. Say it again, dude. Come back here. Come back. Say it one more time to my other leg. That's right. I mean, there's two feet between you,

but you may not have two feet at the end of this. That's right. For sure. So he looked to see if the alligator was coming back. Apparently, I had gotten him good and he felt that because he left. Johnson walked back. Again, remember, the alligator's fine.

Johnson walked back to the house without taking a good look at his leg. Why would you? Why inspect the problem right now happening in your life? I'll look at it later, Dan. If I'll sit on my white couch and decide whether or not. There's a lot of people in Florida that are like, we're going to deal with this issue later on. Not right now.

Let me play a whole golf, and i'll deal with the leg truthfully like florida's other motto is walk it off walk it off you got covid walk it off it off walk around um uh where was i so he walked back to the house without taking a good look at his leg i just kind of looked down there was blood all down my leg i didn't really feel feel any pain. He said, to be honest with you, I was still very angry that that happened to me. Sure. Way to prioritize. I love that he's surprised. The only thing he's surprised about is that his anger hasn't gone away.

Johnson suffered nine puncture wounds in the alligator's teeth and had to get 66 stitches. Two days after the fact, he says a trapper called him to report that the alligator had been caught and would be relocated. That's how we know it's fine. Now his response to the trauma is to paint the encounter. Once he's completed it, he predicts that in a community full of nature lovers and collectors, someone will buy it. I will ask you guys before I show you this man. How old do you think Mark Johnson, the daily dog Walker, who completely understands wetlands and alligators is who also I'm going.

I'm going 65, 65 years old. I like that. That's a good. That's a good. Jay, what do you think? 45, 45 years old from Jason. I think he's 38, 38, 38. And on the edge of the end of his life.

Yep. Okay. 38 looks 65. Kind of always has been. Okay. I'm going to share this right now. We'll also put it up on the Facebook page so everybody gets to see this guy at the exact same time.

Plus, I will tell you that Mark Johnson just passed away. Mark, I don't deal with this right now. Johnson is 61 years old. Oh, Sam. Look at him. I mean, yeah.

First of all, great looking dog. The art is definitely ready for like a Florida brunch spot diner. Yeah, that's got holiday in written all over it. What do you say? We lost you say for a second. What do you say? It's got it's got it's got holiday in written all over. For sure. That's got Holiday Inn written all over it. Wait, what did you say? We lost you for a second. What did you say? I said it's got Holiday Inn written all over it. Oh, for sure.

Dude, that's right. Let's say Holiday Inn Express. It's not right. I mean, no, clearly he's skilled. Clearly he knows how to, you know. Yeah, he's not drawing things and painting things that don't make sense, but he's as good as you can be without being an actual artist. Here's the injury.

Damn, that's fucking legit. It looks like his arm, doesn't it artist. Here's the injury. Damn, that's fucking legit. I got it. It looks like his arm, doesn't it? But it's his leg. Well, that's him laying down. Holy shit. That is no joke, man. Guys, that's what he didn't want to deal with.

That's what he... He prioritized his anger over the alligator. I'll walk it off. I'll walk it off, man. But what are you angry at? Are you... Like, you can't... This is why when you watch animal documentaries

and lions go after wildebeest and all that stuff like there's a moment where you're like oh the poor wildebeest you can't get angry that's the cycle of it right right outside of jaws what was it three or two no animals getting revenge they're never motivated like we are the only species that can figure out a way to make impossible burgers you You know what I mean? Like, I'm so not in an, like, I mean,

I sound like a real, you know, ignoramus here, but I'm just not in a nature. I don't want to get eaten by a bear. I see, I see coyotes and I'm just like, are you guys out of your fucking mind?

Okay. So the coyotes in my neighborhood are obviously like, because people aren't out, I feel like in the pandemic and people are staying at home and there aren't a lot of cars. We talk about this in our podcast. Animals are feeling themselves right now. There are bears walking into convenience stores in Lake Tahoe. The coyotes are like in packs of four in my neighborhood walking around.

I see them coming. I'm like, dude, there is nothing I could do if four coyotes started attacking me right there. I start freaking out. I'm like- Didn't one of you guys have a deal where they tried to trick a dog? So yeah, so we, in my house,

there was a coyote at my old house. My dog- Oh my God, I would freak out. All right, so I was taking the dog out and we see across the street, yelping and limping one coyote, all right? And my dog started to like make a move towards it. Then I shined the flashlight up the street because I chased one coyote. All right. And my dog started to like make a move towards it. Then I shined the flashlight

up the street because I chased the coyote. The coyote was fine. It ran perfectly fine. So it was faking that it was hurt. And I shined the flashlight up the street and there were six more coyotes waiting.

It was trying to lure us up into like six coyotes. That's our first story down in the books. When we come back, we'll find out what else Sam's got going on. This is Dumb People Town with Sam Murill.

We'll be right back. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. Before we get into what Sam's doing, we want to let people know that we have another live Dumb People Town

at Nowhere Comedy Club. November 7th. We just announced it last week. The last one was amazing with Mike Birbiglia and Mike Doty. The next one will be John Hamm, Mad Men's John Hamm and the band Tennis out of Colorado, Denver. They're fantastic. I'm gonna

tell you right now. We're halfway sold on this thing. We're more than halfway sold on the general admission. The VIP tickets, there are only 13 left. We still have a way to go on couples and group tickets and ticket plus, but guys, it's going to sell out. So get your tickets now if you want to do that. That's four days after the election. I'm going to tell you, we're not going to know the result of the election. I can tell you that right now. You are either going to be really pissed and you need a break and we are there to give you that break or if tell you, we're not going to know the result of the election. I can tell you that right now. You are either going to be really pissed and you need a break,

and we are there to give you that break, or if we win, you're going to celebrate and you'll be super happy and you want to celebrate with us, do that with us. Just set your tickets, know that you're going to do that. Eventbrite.com, search for Dumb People. Or DanielVanCurk.com, the link is right there as well. Do that. Yeah.

Sam, what else is going on, dude? What else do you have going on? Can we direct people to your social media and stuff which i love yeah i mean i'm on social media like instagram twitter and all that just my name sam morel i got a special uh it's on youtube it's through comedy central it's it's it just hit it over four million views awesome it hit one million in like three days it was crazy yeah so you did it with comedy central but they released it on youtube yeah that was kind of my plan i was i i did my last hour with them and and just no one watches cable so i'm just like if you direct people to like you like watch it at 11 p.m they're like

what yeah this fucking 2006 so no but if it lives somewhere where you can constantly direct people so they just look up Sam Rowe. You're wasting all the comics that promote you when they're watching it this time. But if they promote a link and you could just click on it. So that was kind of my plan. The money's not nearly as good, but you're getting some visibility. And so I did that. And I also have a basketball podcast called Pod Don't Lie with Stavros Halkias.

Dude, I love it. It's a lot of fun. OK, so now I'm going to tell you, you got to come and do our sports podcast, Jason. I'd love to. We'll talk, obviously, as we're in the NBA finals. So maybe we'll have you on. Bulls are back, dude.

We got Billy Donovan. It's happening. Oh, man. Never knew. You guys, what are your teams? So Dancer Chicago. I'm Northern Illinois. Rochelle, a little hometown.

So I'm all Chicago. So we grew up in St. Louis. We didn't have an NBA team. Are you Bulls fans, too? No, but we grew up. You got so we grew up we grew up in st louis we didn't have an nba team so we kind of you both fans too no but we grew up clippers so we grew up in the 80s when it's interesting because our allegiance is just by not having a team we're the biggest sports fans ever so like huge st louis cardinals fans went to the university of michigan couldn't be bigger michigan fans so like we understand and blues fans we understand the deep depths of fandom but when you don't have a professional team to go after it's just like we didn't have it so like in the 80s we would watch lakers celtics lakers and we for some reason we like the 76ers we like the

celtics i don't know why we were like eastern conference that was where our leanings we love the knicks when we lived in new york but then when we moved to la it's my squad i mean the squad in the 90s it was unbelievable to root for the coolest team ever. Yeah. That team, the LJ Spree. Well, Alan Houston,

Marcus can be that those, and you know, those teams were really fun. And we loved rooting for those teams and would go to games and MSG. And just like this, the fact that you could just take the subway down and catch the fact you can go see a game and then go do like three spots of comedy. That was amazing to us.

The best. That was the best. So we were big Knicks fans, but then when we moved to LA... We couldn't get Lakers tickets because they had just won three in a row. Kobe and Shaq. So we became Clippers fans,

and like early. Now, I mean like 2000, Corey Maggette, Chris Kamen, those guys. By the way, our fans are like, shut the fuck up with all this sports talk. I'm just reliving my days playing NBAba live 97 but uh i know so we root for them but i just want a good finals i'm excited for yeah it's exciting but it doesn't look like it's going to be a great one you never know you never know jimmy buckets baby pod don't

lie injured they injured the whole fucking heat in the first game it was crazy pod don't lie yeah it's a good time it's like i don't lie based on rashid wallace's ball don't lie which is the greatest show which by the way someone else tweeted rashid wallace would have done a better job moderating that debate that's a good point that's a great point uh we'll check all that stuff out and are you ready to jump in another story let's do it ready sent in by sarah at shabbatra nice uh just like it sounds. Salt Lake City. This story. I'm surprised this has never happened before. How many wives is it going to involve? A Centerville man.

This comes from... By the way, shout out right now to Keith Stubbs, the guy who runs Wise Guys in Salt Lake City. He's maybe one of my favorite people in comedy, and I love doing that club so much. And I hope it survives. Very, very good guy. Very good. I'm supposed to be there. He's the antithesis of that other guy you

described. He's like a good guy who's fun to hang with and he's like an enjoyable and he loves comedy and loves comedians. Centerville man, who may or may not know Keith, who took a car on a test drive over the weekend, ended up being arrested after police say

he refused to let the car dealer get out of the vehicle after driving at a high rate of speed. Okay, so is that a kidnapping, by the way? That's what I'm saying. How has this never happened before? Somebody needs a getaway car, so they just get a test drive. You've said this before. We need to come up with better terms for kidnapping.

Because he's not a kid. So we need different... It's an abduction, woman napping, guy napping. Then that sounds like a good thing. Abduction is good. Did you see abducted in plain sight? Please tell me, Sam, you've seen that.

Oh yeah, sure. Speaking of documentary jokes, I do a whole bit about that documentary in my album. Minute 21, minute 21. I just leaned over. Don't you say it. I'm not going to say it. For anyone who hasn't seen it,

just hit us up right then. This is my favorite thing is like we tell our fans. It's a documentary on being a good parent. That's what it's about. If you haven't seen it. My joke in my album is I go, if you've seen the movie, you already know this. If you've never seen it, it answers a question you may have always wondered. It turns out there are times when

you can definitely blame the parents. They want a hundred percent to blame. I mean, so we tell our fans who have never seen it. We'll mention blame the parents. I want a hundred percent to blame. I mean that. So we tell our fans who have never seen it. We'll mention on the podcast. We're like eight days later tweeted us. Yes, minute twenty my buddy Cody, my buddy Cody steel.

This they just happened to him. I go watch it and then I got him and he goes dude twenty two minutes. I'm like I told you twenty two minutes. This is the worst dad of all time, and I go, and that's not even the worst thing he thinks he ever did. Okay, yeah, pretty shocking. Yeah, pretty shocking. How bad horrible, and that's before you even get to the aliens. All right, here we go.

All right, Caleb Gibson was arrested Saturday for invest for investigation of kidnapping or adult napping as Jason would like to say Gibson went to a car dealership in Salt Lake City and took a vehicle for a test drive along with a sales associate from the dealership. You never know when you're walking into somebody else's like personal version of falling down the movie. That's like they're having a day where no more rules apply to them and they've had enough and you're along for the ride.

They've been pushed. This guy doesn't want to buy a car at all. Gibson drove to several locations in Salt Lake City, but when this so this is on the test drive, like imagine me like you cool if we run into AutoZone really quick like are they both are they both by the way

men or what's the situation? Yes, I believe so. Okay. Yeah. All right. Yeah, that would change a little bit woman. I'm like i'm like all right that's yeah yeah yeah it's not good gibson drove to several locations in salt lake city but when the salesman told him to go back to the dealership gibson refused according to a police affidavit that's got to be a crazy moment cool if we just pull over all right let's uh head on back and because you know i got one more thing to do he still has to sell him the car. He's still being that sale.

They're crossing state lines. So what do you think, though, of the vehicle? Because it is pretty good. Yep, you're seeing how well the pickup is. It can handle driving in the shoulder. It can handle that. We haven't stopped for gas yet. That says something about the mileage.

He's trying to make all the things about what he's doing as positives about the car. So if you're going to go on a long trip and not tell anybody about it. Look at how little the gas has gone down. Look at what we're doing. Look at how smooth it handles around turns. And we're around that car. I appreciate that you're enjoying 80s on 8. But understand this is a preview of Sirius XM.

You're only going to get this for the first year when you buy the car, but you do get it when the victim that's the salesman was on the phone with a 911 dispatcher. Gibson started driving 100 miles per hour on the freeway, turning the

music up and rolled down the windows. He's trying to have a great time. That's right. Maybe roll down the windows for COVID related reasons. You know what, man? I just want to be safe. I know I'm a lunatic, but I am a germaphobe. We saw a car chase in LA

when we first moved here in 1999. Jay and I were in the car together. Car speeds out and makes a left. No, it was speeding past us on Santa Monica Boulevard at Doheny. And cops fly right behind it. We're like, okay, this car is being chased. You know exactly what's happening when the cops follow this guy up.

Car gets to Doheny and is about to make a left, turns on its turn signal. We're like, that's unbelievable. I love this guy. He just wants to alert people. I'm in a chase, but I don't need a moving violation. I want everybody else to know I'm looking out for him. I robbed that bank, but please, I don't want points on my license. So he rolls down all the windows, turns the music way up.

The victim believed that Gibson was doing this so that the dispatcher could not hear him provide his address, which I imagine was changing every half second. Yeah, the victim stated that he was scared and didn't know where Gibson was going to take him right. Gibson didn't know, of course, the Utah Highway Patrol spotted the vehicle and pulled it over. Gibson claimed he was scared of the salesman. I mean, this is a you're a pro

level liar. Oh, you've now flipped this whole thing. I was he was scared of the salesman quote because he kept yelling at him and grabbing the steering wheel trying to have him pull the vehicle over but that says so he says he was scared of him right gibson stated isn't it nice so it isn't nice to hear a story where the salesman is not the aggressive one yes for sure for sure uh so he he said he was scared turn it pull it over now pull it over now and I won't call the cops. And the other guy's like, I thought you said there was a no haggle policy.

Yeah. Right? He goes, when they're like, sir, we're arresting you. And he's like, you sure you can't go back to your chief and see if we can get a better deal on that? Go back to the chief and see if you can just drop the charges a little bit. And he slides a piece of paper. This is how many days I think you'll be in. This is what I can get.

I can get you into a jail cell for $10,000 bond. He was scared to stop the car, so that's why he kept driving. But Gibson has a lengthy criminal history, according to court records. He was booked into the Salt Lake County Jail. Shouldn't you be able to... Okay, so let me get your license. We just got to just put it down in the... You know what I mean?

Shouldn't you swipe the license? And if there are priors on the license you gotta be like yeah we can't do a test or that's a good idea or just take that like just take that as you're like you go for the drive we've got all your information uh ran did you just see what i'm about to show everybody okay i'll see it it's fine i'm gonna show okay so here's what gibson looks like are we gonna guess his age we're gonna look at him and then guess his age. So it's so. All right, Sam, in the, on the show, there are times when you look at someone and it's more baffling after you see the picture.

So yeah, I would also like look at that guy and be like, you're not going to buy a car. You know what I mean? Like, right. I'm going to guess. I'm going to guess your experience credit is fuck you. Right. Sure. I don't, I'm not trying to be rude, but I don't see you in a Camry.

Yeah, certainly a white one. You look like the magician you killed. He looks like a background actor on Sons of Anarchy. Or Walking Dead. His hair is running away from his face. Well, it's scared. It's scared too. His hair is trying to grab the wheel from how old do you guys think caleb gibson is by after looking at i'll go 55 55 years old he looks like that's a

30 year old man he looks like the scariest white walker ever um i would say 30 he'd look like he's 30 green goblin without doing anything. I think he is... Like, he showed up in an orange jumpsuit. I think he's 30... I'm going to do 38 again. 38. Okay, so 38 from Ran. When he was born, he was on parole. 38 from Ran. What did you say, Jay?

30. Sam, what did you say? 50. 55. 55 years old. Okay. Caleb Gibson is 43 years old. I'll take it. I'll take it. I'll take it.

It's deceptive though, isn't it? We can all thank methamphetamine. I mean, he definitely looks 55. That's story number two. That guy's lived hard. Can you give us a taste of what we're going to hear in the third story? I totally can.

Somebody in Wisconsin finds the craziest thing on the beach. Oh, my God. Of course. Beach, Wisconsin. The beaches of Wisconsin. I know. Remember when Latrell Sprewell bought a yacht in Milwaukee? In Milwaukee.

And everyone's like, I don't think you're going to use that that much. And then he went bankrupt. I met Sprewell in a bar in milwaukee once i'm a big nicks fan so it was really weird but i was doing a gig at this place called the comedy cafe many years ago and uh i was wearing a nick sweatshirt and the woman who was hosting the show said uh you know spreewell drinks at the bar across the street every night and i was like every night and she goes every night he's's Kenny Powers from Eastbound and Down now. Jesus Christ.

So we go to the bar, and he hasn't shown. I'm pretty bummed. And then he walks in. No way. He's got red hair now. Red? And I'm kind of like, holy shit, it's Spree Wells. It's my guy.

And I went up to him. He couldn't have been a bigger dick to me. Of course he was. I don't know. I panicked, too. But I was like, the guy I'm with is like, he drinks Honey Jack. Like, that's his drink, his Honey Jack. Oh, Spree.

So you bought it? Never changed. Did you buy him some Honey Jack? Well, I went over, I'm like, hey man, I'm from New York. You're my favorite player. Like, I mean, you were, I have a Spree jersey at home. You're my guy. And he just goes, okay.

And I'm just like, I said, can I get you a drink? He goes, I already got a drink. And I just said, I'm like scanning through my dumb head, like do you have any cards to play? So I said, I'm a comic. I'm doing a show in town if you're around. And he goes, yeah, don't count on it. I was like, all right.

Well, this didn't go as planned. And I'm like, well, maybe it's me. And then some other guy who's with the girl who I was there with was like, I guess he dated her. And he goes, I'll handle this like all cocky. Like I work for Bleacher Report. And he goes over and Spree looks like he's going to kick the shit out of the guy. I got off easy. So then a few nights later, like the bartender at the bar was really cool. And she was like, look, he's surly. He's not a bad guy. And I was like,

yeah, I mean, I don't even believe he is. He's Spree. I can't allow myself to believe he is. So a few nights later, the bartender from the believe he is so a few nights later the bartender from the it's like two nights later the bartender comes to my show and she goes she's telling me about spree and she goes i'll text him right now about you and she just texts him hey that comic the other night uh he's actually really funny you should see his show and spree goes oh yeah i met him the other night great guy and i'm like that's spree that's his view of that encounter well he also i so i had an msg show for a minute on the nicks network for like two seasons and he was a guest on the show and of course i didn't like he but i would do a gag with every guest as like a cold open gagging with this guy

well the gag was like they just shit on me like it's them nagging me like i had like cc sabathia on and he was like dude this is my favorite show i'm so happy to be on i'd be like really and he'd say no and like that would be the opening so we just give them a line and neg me so i had spree wall was supposed to be like just texting ignoring me i'm like dude you and me like we're the best this is it and he was like i'm not doing this and i was like all right all right fuck it so okay but then the interview went okay but i was it was the only interview i was so nervous for of course i don't to say this, but in you going up to him, you kind of choked a little bit.

All right. Well, that's a great story. Let's take a break. When we come back, a couple of questions, and then we'll get into the last story. Stick around. Make us down for more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show.

As we say, join the Facebook page. You'll see the photos of all these crazy people. Shall we get into this last story? Let's do it. Let's do it. Okay, here we go. Final story, friends. Sent in by Jen Amity at Jomity 51 or Jammity, maybe. So maybe it's Jen Amity.

Here we go. A man enjoying a day at the beach. I feel like you should always say Wisconsin Beach so that you know, like we are not on the coast. It's not a real beach. It's just rocks and cigarettes. An area of sand next to a water. Do you like really pale bikini clad bodies?

Come to Wisconsin. Come to Wisconsin. Do you like rocks? I shouldn't be talking if you look at me. I know. I'll see you there there the whitest motherfucker a man enjoying a day at the beach was recently left speechless when he stumbled upon this is at a wisconsin lake beach a guy fighting an elegant sorry uh a brain that was wrapped up in aluminum foil dude i am your face right there is perfect. That is so my quite Dahmer's from

Wisconsin, right? Yes, from Wisconsin. Great name for this guy, too. Does not sound fake. Sounds perfect for Wisconsin. Jimmy Senda. You know, Jimmy Senda from Andover. By the way, you cannot say his name without both his first and last name. Yeah, he's in basketball. Like, it's a basketball league. Jimmy Senda. I'll take Jimmy Senda.

Jimmy Senda. How you you doing good to meet jimmy senda jimmy senda uh jimmy it's jimmy senda ford yeah jimmy there you go uh it would be like it's like a fargo name yeah jimmy senda oh yeah oh yeah jimmy if it's a fargo thing it's a name that sounds silly but the person will kill you yeah that's a very Fargo thing. Go call Jimmy Senda. He'll come with the old axe chipper. That wasn't part of the deal, though. Every season of Fargo

and every Coen Brothers movie is someone saying, that's not what we agreed to. It's always that. It's somebody going, what the fuck? He's always shocked that someone who agreed to kidnap his wife lacks morals. No, no we decide i talked to jimmy senda i talked to myron proudfoot jerry lundgaard now that's a perfect name yeah sure but you said it was going to be different all right here we go he was searching for sea glass something you can't do in wisconsin

by by technical definition also something you do when you are alone. Or want to not spend time with your wife. Or if she's not coming back. I'm going to the beach to do what? Search for sea glass. We were supposed to hang out today. Yeah. He was searching for sea glass at Samuel Myers Park Beach on Tuesday morning.

But instead, he found a bizarre yet intriguing package that was fastened by a pink rubber band. Like I'm picturing like, you know, the old like this was a thing that in Chicago, all of the guys who were outfitted or connected in the mafia, they use those deli rubber bands for their cash. It's a very, I don't know if it went to other cities, but that's what it is. And that's what I'm picturing is around a thick. It's that thick rubber band. Yeah, but it's I'm imagining it's like the brain is in butcher paper.

It's aluminum foil, which is also kind of weird. Jimmy Senda explained that he decided to open the package out of sheer curiosity. Of course he did. It's not yours. Open it up. I popped it open, and it looked like a chicken breast, Senda recalled. It was a brain. Then it didn't look like a chicken breast.

Yeah, it looks nothing like a chicken breast yeah that looks nothing like a chicken set junior sales brain oh i should have told you the top don't this this has we don't get any answers in this story it's just weird and short send a puzzle by the shock and discovery immediately notified some nearby city workers who i imagine were like paving a nearby road and could have given two shits. Get out of here. Like we're on break, asshole. Yeah. We don't care, man. Go get out of here.

Go get that brain out of here. Officials said they don't believe the brain is human, but medical examiners are conducting an investigation. Here's somebody who's smarter than me or knows some more cultural stuff. Maybe it's one of you three or somebody in the town. This is how they end it. There were flowers and Chinese money inside the package as well

according to jimmy senda flowers and chinese any of you know of any sort of like a lot of mixed messages here yeah like any sort of cultural reference where they you would bury a part of a person or a part of an animal at sea wrap it in aluminum foil put flowers and and just hope it doesn't hope it doesn't wash up on shore. That's a curse, right? You've cursed somebody or something? You have to. I think it's like a crazy chain letter. You now have to kill someone, get their brain,

and put it into a different lake with Japanese yen and a couple of herbs. I guarantee you this. It's not in the article, but you know damn well, based off of his chicken breast comment, Jimmy Senda tasted it. You know he did, guys. I grilled it.

Breaded it. Yeah, he breaded it. Of course. He's a Reddit. He's a Reddit. He's a Reddit. He's a Reddit. He's a Reddit.

He's a Reddit. He's a Reddit. He's a Reddit. He's a Reddit. Of course. He read it and he filleted and then he put it in with some cheese curds.

That's story three. I don't know anything about it, but if somebody knows about some ritual that involves that, please let us know. Please tell us. There you go.

There you go, Samorelle. That's a Chinese money, man. That is. We can't be wasting that money Right When we owe them all that money We're gonna waste their money God damn

That's right Come on Can't do that Don't put it in brain packages Yeah everybody check out Sam's podcast Pod Don't Lie Pod Don't Lie If you're a sports fan

You will love that Check out his special on YouTube Yeah what's the special called on YouTube Called I Got This And I got I got two other specials They're a little harder to find Because they're behind a paywall

But you can they're on Spotify and you know wherever you get your tunes he's one of the best joke writers out there and so definitely to our fans who love stand up comedy who are like I need new stuff people are telling this in the pandemic because we're just

walking everywhere and listening to stuff like get on this listen to this you You will love it. And dude, so great to have you on, man. Thanks so much. Guys.

And nice to meet you, Daniel. And I'll see you guys around. Great. No shit. We got to get back to work. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb