Dumb People Town - Sam Richardson - That's A Good No-Call

Episode Date: April 11, 2017

 Sam Richardson (Detroiters, Veep) hang-glides down to Dumb People Town this week! The group explores Sam's Second City past, DVK's Elton John story, and discusses Story #1: a drunken assault at the Taco Villa. The four discuss Sam's new show Detroiters, as well as the city of Detroit. Story #2 is the tale of a high school math teacher who makes some poor choices on the road... on a school night. Story #3 involves a man playing bartender in a grocery store and getting away scott free. Javier Bardem leaves a voicemail describing a helpful tool for parents. 

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan And Dirk, don't be a jerk Cause when the music gets too funny So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. And Dirk, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music gets the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, punk it down, it's Dumb People Town. Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town! I always add that. I just wanted always to have like a

Jenny Jones, Charles, remember Charles Perez? Yes. Charles Perez type show. Did they do that at the top of his show? I don't know. But Dan, you said it reminds you of the WWE. Yeah, just like Chance. The whole infrastructure of that company is built on Chance.

C-H-A-N-C-E or c-h-a-n-t-s both actually if you i think if you break it down much like with nfl when they see how much gameplay there is it's 87 chance chanting and 13 actual undetermined wrestling well i'll come right out and be transparent and say that's our attempt to try and be transparent. That's Sam Richardson, our guest on the show today. You know him from

Veep. You know him from Detroiters. You know him from movies. You know him from Taming of the Flu. Taming of the Flu years ago. We're going to get into it. That was an old Second City show. That was an old Second City show it was an old Second City show that I understudied in and then I

I came into a couple others after that what was the one after that after that was spoiler alert everybody dies oh man well you're the first person

to make it through Second City and come out here and actually do a project that's existed in Hollywood yeah we're really talking the one guy

who made the guy they made me a flag you guys to this day Sam has my favorite all time second city joke

let's hear it for me personally of the ones that I saw wait wait okay okay stop stop before you do it I just want to get to my point

which was I'm trying to create a chanting situation for whenever we do a live show alright fine whatever it'll happen. But before you say what the joke is, do you, Sam, have in your mind what you think the

joke is? No, you said so many jokes that were memorable. You know what I mean? I was a joke machine. Yes! If I had to guess what you think it is, it probably has to do with talking to your nephew. Oh, that was a favorite of mine. I like that one. That was one of those sketches he could if i am i wrong that if they would have

let you you could have done 25 minutes i could have easily done 25 minutes or half an hour yes uncle charles was that character uncle charles talking to a kid who was not there just giving advice you know bad advice from an uncle and he laughs laughs at it. And laughs at himself and like, you know what you need to do. He's sitting on stage eating, what was the bag? It was a bag of Cheetos, like Cheetos puffs.

Yeah. And then like, at a point, so I like, and then I pull out a filet of fish from the bag. All of a sudden,

it's like a cartoon level reveal. Oh my God. So a filet of fish filet of fish and then keep on going like I get to chew and the benefit was I get to eat

a filet of fish every day on the show and then like at the end is that a benefit it was at the time yeah I feel you

then I pull out a Dr. Pepper full like two liter bottle of Dr. Pepper out of the same bag people couldn't believe it a huge laugh each time

of course and it's this uncle telling his nephew like why you don't out of the same bag. People couldn't believe it. Huge laugh each time. Of course. And it's this uncle telling his nephew why you don't... Do you get a job or never get a job? You don't need to get a job. Yes, never get a job. You want to live at home. Right.

You know what I mean? In your lifetime, the money you save is like $150,000. He's got it worked out. He's got it worked out. He's got it worked out. Uncle Logic. But my favorite joke.

So there was a scene where... Office people. Yep. How do you know? He knows. He just knows. Yeah. I'm a Sam Richardson encyclopedia.

I know almost all the things. You're good at that topic? He's almost been living with this. It's like a living Wikipedia of Sam Richardson. So Sam is on stage. There's like a... The castipedia of sandwich so sam is on stage there's like uh the cast becomes the props in this office so one scene you'll be in like an office and somebody's literally portraying the table and somebody's portraying like the plant and then they'll be like in the lobby and those people who were the table and plant are now actors in the scene and the people who were actors before

are now representing some sort of setting of the of the set great idea right and there's a line where sam is playing black jesus yeah like i'm i'm uh like in a room in the office it's like as a hanging on the wall hanging on the wall and they like had to move it around and then that jesus out of there yeah people are getting fired or something. And, like, somebody yells. I think it was Shelly. She yells, well, are we going to get black Jesus out of here, too?

And then, do you remember what you said? He's like, you mean regular Jesus? Every time. Because he's not alive. He's like a prop. Right. So, the audience's focus is on Shelly saying, like, are we going to get black Jesus out of here, too? And he just comes alive. Turns his head from the side to look so the audience focuses on Shelly saying like are we gonna get black Jesus

out of here too and he just comes alive turns his head from the side to look at the audience goes you mean regular Jesus and it every time

kills me because I was I was an usher like I would show people their seats and I would just stand and watch and look at where

we are right now so I say with all of that in mind what were you about to say I was just agreeing with you but doing it physically to draw attention to myself. That's right. He was just arms up in the air. Podcast pro.

Podcast pro. Podcast pro. So we are all here, and we're going to all create comedy together, hopefully, and have our own come to black Jesus moment on this show. You mean real Jesus. That's right. Come to real Jesus. Still funny every time.

Even as him saying it as your joke, still funny. But let's get into it and then we can talk more about Sam's projects that he's got coming up. But I know we've got a story, Dan, and I know it's like burning through your pocket. We do. We do. You've got to release it. We do.

Okay. Let's go. Ready? Yes. Yeah. I'm ready. Sent in by at Rocktopus Prime. R-O-C-K-T-O-P-U-S.

That is combining a lot of things. It is. Rocktopus. Rock and Roll, Octopus. Rock and Roll, Octopus, and the Transformers. Optimus Prime. Rocktopus Prime. And it works, though.

It totally works. What are the three things you love more than anything? Well, I love rock. I love octopus. Love octopus. I mean, I can't. I'll go to a sushi place, and they'll say, do you want a California roll? And I'll be like, does it have octopus in it?

They say no. No. And then I get up and I leave. But before I leave, I say, it should. It should. And I'll knock over the high-sodium soy sauce in an act of just aggression. It's funny, though. Names like Rocktopus Prime could either be an extremely successful rapper

or a low-level cover band. Or this just... Just on the name... Or a character in a kid's cartoon. Oh, for sure. It could be Fred Snyder's fake... His Twitter. Yes.

Fred Snyder from the B-52. He's like, if you hear him say it... Well, it's like... Rocktopus Prime! I got a Rocktopus Prime and it's on the road. Let's rock the puss. Everybody knows. Rock puss, baby.

This is how naive we were growing up in St. Louis. Like, for a while, I didn't realize Fred Snyder was gay. What? I was like, he's hanging out with these two women. True story. I broke the news to my mom that Elton John was gay. No. I was like 14, 15 years old.

I'm like, mom, Elton John's gay. And she's like, Danny, he's not gay. He's the rocket man. I go, mom, one of my friends, I'm like, Emily Page just told me that he's gay. And then she's like, he sings songs about loving women and i go he actually never actually says women that's okay so i was i remember i was high in my apartment nikita kruschev in fact anyone crocodile rock just him and suzy were having fun right they weren't in love so so your song which is probably one of his amazing songs yes uh love songs i was Amazing songs. Yes. Love songs. I was like high in my apartment. I forgot.

This is like 2000, near 2000. No, 2000. I'm laying in bed and I can't go to sleep. And I'm like, what if your song was just about like a good looking, like 18 year old, like pool boy. Pool boy. At like a nice Four Seasons hotel. That's who he wrote that song about.

That's where the inspiration hit him. Yeah. It was about that. Just to get into his pants. Right. It's a little bit funny. And I'm like, this feeling inside.

I'll have two more pina coladas. I'm not one of those who can easily hide. Except I'm adding my sexuality to the world. Exactly. Especially to your mom. Your mom who's hidden from her.

Oh. All right, let's get it Saturday night's alright for fighting It is alright for fighting Bennett! We're just gonna get sued Alright, Odessa, Texas A woman is behind bars After causing a disturbance

At Taco Villa In Odessa. We've left the bell. Taco Villa was like, we know people like Taco Bell down here. Right. We will try and just get people on the taco part. Say it quickly. In Coming to America, what was the name of this?

It was McDowell. McDowell. McDowell. He got the gold in the arcs unbelievable that whole movie that do you guys remember i'm sidetracking again but i talked to marcus ray friend of friend of the show yeah him and i were talking about that movie and he said as a kid watching coming to america at the end with the credits, when you find out that they were all Eddie Murphy and Arsino, he said that was when his comedy mind, that blew his mind.

You can do anything. Plain old Jewish guy. It definitely felt like it broke rules. It broke rules. It broke a plane that we hadn't really seen before. Not since the days of Dick Van Dyke and Mary Poppins well that cockney is

on point didn't mel brooks play multiple characters in some of his movies yeah he did but he did i don't know i guess the makeup was really good mel brooks was and it and it was just it was just these scenes where they let him go i mean there was something beautiful about that too and anytime anyone gives arsenio any heat ever i'm like just go back and watch that movie and know that you'll never do anything on screen quite as funny as that yep that preacher man it can't be can't oh my god that preacher but remember when eddie murphy did that snl sketch where he was the white guy on the bus yeah that is one of the that and kill the white people where he does the local talent show you're guys are probably too young. I mean, that was, so those Saturday Night Lives

were the ones that, the Eddie Murphy, Joe Piscopo Saturday Night Lives were the ones that we would watch and then go into Sunday school the next day, recite every sketch. Like those were ours.

Those were one that I would, I mean, I love because it's a Joe Piscopo, Eddie Murphy, and it's like Joe Piscopo is a playing the piano. That's Frank Sinatra. That's Frank Sinatra. Not as Frank Sinatra.

He's just like a piano player. And then Eddie Murphy is just like this guy who's a barfly. And he catchphrase like, you know what I said? I said, welfare. He said, how you doing? I said, welfare. You know what I said? You know what I said?

I said, welfare. That, like, I mean mean I've got like a little amalgams of that character in my head since childhood that stuff like comes in in every level

in fact and that's so sweet because he the piano player's blind yeah and then he yeah I remember that

you remember that yes yes because then he gives a he gives a tip and then he takes the money because it's's so sad, the guy has nothing going for him. It's just this beautiful friendship.

Yeah, yeah. It's really good. Heart. Heart. Heart in the sketch. All right, well, anyway, so back at Tickett. Yeah, we're at the Taco Villa. She caused a disturbance at Taco Villa.

The assault happened. I love that they just, guys, we didn't even need to let you know. It already happened. The assault happened. The assault happened at the Taco Villa on West Country Road. Once officers arrived on the scene, they found this woman looks like her name, I guarantee. Is it an onomatopoeia situation? Is it scuttlebutt runglebutt?

Joanie Gist. Of course. You're catching my Gist on this. It's goddamn Joanie Gist. Of course. You're catching my gist on this. It's goddamn Joanie Gist. See, I mean, all of our improv, we could never think of a name that good on this show. Joanie Gist. It infuses so much about the person. Well, yeah, you just say the last name and that's what everyone looks like as she's walking

towards them. Joanie Gist. You're listening to Gist in the morning. Oh, Gist. You're about to getist in the morning. Oh, Gist. You're about to get the Gist special. I'm going to show you guys a picture of her. She is the Reaper. Are you ready for this?

This equals death. Oh, no. Look at that neck indentation. I mean, you could put an apple in that. That is the physical manifestation of meth. Yeah. Do you fear the Reaper?

Well, that is like- I do not because I am. Yeah. If meth became a human- She is a deep breath inward. Yeah. And then live life. As we talked about before, she's one of these people that likes to, I guarantee, give all

of her negative information on the exhale. Takes a drag of the cigarette. Nah, fuck that guy. Nah, man. I got a simple example. Those kids didn't understand. Those kids didn't understand. They didn't even give me nothing for Mother's Day.

Had to go over to the Taco Villa and try and get these old expired coupons. They wouldn't take none. Of course I'm going to start a scene. And if you're mad, then I fucked up. Wouldn't you? Wouldn't you? Wouldn't you? Blame those goddamn kids you're mad about. Blame them. Blame them. It's supposed to be the villa. It's supposed to be

a nice place. It's not a house. Alright, Johnny. What? Johnny. I'm going to make my point, mate. Can we just talk you over here? Don't touch me. First off, don't touch me. Alright, it's a pre-warn. Don't touch me. Okay, pre-warn.

Pre-warn. Just stop waving your arms around. Stop throwing bows. All right. I'm Italian, so I gesticulate with my arms. You're Italian? Gesticulate. You gesticulate.

I gesticulate. Gest is Italian? Well, it's like from a surrounding region. All right. It's a lake. She's Texas. All right. It's a lake.

Jesus. Oh, God. Okay, okay here we go what did she do what did she do no no what did someone do to her this all happened at taco villa on west country road officers arrived on the scene and found joni gist sitting on a bench in front of the cash registers i don't know why you'd have a bench in front of the cash register i'm curious about about the layout of this square. I'm sorry, can you move? I've got to pay for my food. No, no. One cop looks at the other. I'm going to be honest, Rich. I do find the aesthetics of this place very unnerving, and I'm a little upset.

I would start throwing some bows if it were me. Employees told Odessa police she had just spit at them. That's always a fight. That is the thing that if my kids ever spit at each other, I go berserk. I get so mad i'm like you can't remember i mean they spit on black jesus remember jesus simon and syrene had to step in you mean real jesus uh every time every time every time employees told police that she had just spit at them i love it was at which means she missed yeah spit at them it was in their

direction their general direction she's got a bench she did one of those old country like at their feet like come on then let's go it's a warning shot yep yep uh and not on not assaulted not only them but gist's father who was in the restaurant as well which means you know there was at least seven to ten minutes of like joni sit down come on joni come on joni get out of here if you can't handle it joni i'm gonna need you sit down johnny on, Joni. Joni, come on, Joni. We gotta get out of here if you can't handle it. Joni, I'm gonna need you to sit down. Joni, sit down. I've been insulted.

You have not been assaulted. You have not been insulted. They just said... She said insulted. Oh, well... You want her to hit you? You've not been insulted. I'm gonna start swinging

my damn... Go get him. Go get him. Here I come. You don't need them to re-salt the rim. No, it's my right as an American.

Excuse me, can I get more chalupas just man i'm sorry i'm trying to talk to my daughter right now sir can you move by get on the other side of the bench i gotta order more chalupas i got three kids out in the car burrito for dale burrito for where are my chalupas burrito for dale just take it my name is dale's burrito burrito for dale uh no that's for dale that's for dale. Just take it, Joe. Take Dale's burrito. Burrito for Dale. I'm eating this. No, that's for Dale. That's for Dale.

I'm eating it and watch me. Where are my chalupas? Oh, guys. Just imagine. Put the image in your head of what I'm about to read. Gist's father, Ronnie. That's what I'm calling him. Ronnie Gist.

I just named him Ronnie. I don't know. You know what? That's probably right. Call me RG. RG? RG if you're nasty ronnie gist told police she had been drinking and when he attempted to calm her down she hit

him with a food tray that's hard that is that's great plastic that is a prison shot that is reaching for whatever weapon is that's the krav maga of life like jackie channing yes and just the the the shake the bumble if it were a cold night in odessa the bumblebees in her hand but i just picture that like the waiter had come up dropped out the little like food setting thing put the tray down had just cleared the last combo enchilada she looked over saw that tray just went right at her right at ronnie but anytime anytime the police have to come and separate an argument or a fight between two relatives between if a family can't work it out that is a sad situation always and

you know she hit ronnie and he was like ronnie got hit ronnie got hit ronnie's going down ronnie's going down and i'm calling 9 I'm calling 911 on my way down and I bet he called the cops on his daughter according to police Gist had red glassy bloodshot eyes slurred speech

and smelled alcohol on her breath yeah of course next sentence is what guarantees this goes into dumb people town lore they wrote

but the story didn't stop there oh yeah of course this ain't Taco Bell this is a villa yeah this is a villa this is a villa on lore. They wrote, but the story didn't stop there. Oh, yeah! Of course. This ain't Taco Bell. This is a villa. This is a villa. Goddamn villa. Do you think the people at Taco Casa are like, not us. Not us.

They made a statement. Very clear distinction. This may happen at the villa. We gotta get in front of this because they're gonna think this is Taco Casa. There's gonna be some backlash on the taco family. Is this the place where we... No, it is not. Okay.

No, it isn't. Sorry. You may have seen our commercials. It's the first thing we say. Taco Casa, this is not that place. Not Taco Villa. But located across the street. Right, right across the street.

The story didn't stop there. When Gist arrived at the Ector County Detention Center, she became very combative with jail staff and other officers. I mean, why would the fight end for her? That's life. That fight never ends. You wake up fighting. That's right. These are people who don't know how to cut their losses. You know what I mean?

You're in a situation, you can make it better. You can make it better or you can make it way worse. You are not going to make it better by doing what you're doing right now. I feel like we're all Ronnie Gists, you know? We're just trying to do something nice, have a little time with the family. For your daughter. To the taco villa.

Took her drunk ass to the villa to soak up the night. The way you said it, she was already drunk when they left for the house. Oh, for sure. He was like, I know what I'm doing. I'm putting some beans and cheese in this woman to try and calm her down. Like he did when she was a baby. She was a drunk baby. That is the duality of all of us.

He fed her corn chips when she was six months old. No teeth. Here, eat this. Sam, I don't know about you, but when I go back to Chicago, I know you're a Michigan guy at heart, but I know when I go back to Chicago, I'm like, man, they drink here. You forget how much of a part of our social lives it was when we were there. It's the whole thing. It is the whole thing.

That was one of my favorite jokes on Detroiters. It's like, you're at the bar, and you want it hot or cold, your beer. And you're like, uh, cold. They're like, well, that's a stupid-ass question. And then you look down at the end of the bar and there's just an old guy drinking a beer that's steaming it was such a

hilarious visual and he's just drinking a beer he's like not even upset about it and I for one in that moment was like what would a hot beer probably not good probably not good the guy who was that extra.

That guy was good. Oh, he was so perfect. Because we left him so we tried to bring him back. But even in that scene, we're like, all right, it's no lines.

Just kind of like blow on the beer and then you see how hot it is. And meanwhile, we're doing the scene and you hear this guy like, oh my God, the beer is so hot.

Hot beer. It's like, oh, all right, but you can't say anything because we have to pay you no budget just this is comedy central cut his mic yeah that's mike why'd you mic him who mic'd this guy get the boom away he's got his own boom operator please don't talk that's really really hot. And then later on we brought him back

for another scene and we were filming the scene and the guy like looks in the camera and it's dead in camera and it's like, we're like,

cut, you can't, you can't look in the camera. Yeah. Tell me I can't. And the next scene or the next shot

you hear him in the background telling me I can't look in the camera. Alright, bud, you can't. And then the guy he was'm telling me I can't look in the camera. All right, bud. You can't. And then the guy he was talking to was just like, please stop.

I'm going to get me kicked out, too. We're like, cut. You can't talk. He's like, all right. Next shot. No. Telling me I can't talk. All right.

You got to go, man. You got to stop. You got to stop. So you took him out? He took him out, and he took his friend out, too. Oh, man. I felt bad. Tell me I can't say it.

He's like outside in a completely different thing. Why is he still Mike? Tell me I can't tell you. He's still picking him up. Take me out of the scene. What conversation is that coming from? It's just a guy commenting on everything that just happened to him in a way that was derision. I love it.

You're going to take me out of here. Yeah. Yeah, we took you out. Send me home? So she starts beating on jail officers. Staff and officers. After a struggle, she spit at the officers. That's her move.

That's her go-to move. Then threw human feces on them. Whoa. How? Where did she get those? Was this like in a satchel? For the podcast, listen home. Sam's arms are up again.

Is that in a Taco Villa chalupa? What is that? That's the thing is, they run it all together in one sentence. She spit on it and then she threw feces. No, there's a time in between. What happened? That's an escalation. Well, she did just eat at the Taco Villa.

So I'm assuming it's not hard to get the feces out. But ma'am, stop squatting. Stop squatting. I know what you're up to, ma'am. Stop pushing. Now, hold on. You don't know what I'm doing right now. I see your face. Stop squatting. I know what you're up to, ma'am. Stop pushing. Now, hold on. Stop pushing. You don't know what I'm doing right now.

I see your face. I'm ready. You're exercising. You're bearing down. I'm not exercising. Ma'am, if you have kids, we have kids. Stop it, ma'am. When my daughter goes like around behind the couch and I see her go over there and I just kind of look at her face.

I'm like, I know what you're doing. She's taking a shit. I know what you're doing. It's a couch shit. It's okay. Ma'am, we're well aware of what you're about to do you just went behind that toilet and you just started man you know what neil jim i'm gonna back up a little bit you guys feel free to stay engaged oh you want me to take this all right fine why is she making a humming noise and then she says

tell me i can't poop on this i can't throw can't throw that feces on someone. I'll make this a supreme. But in order for her to do that, she had to put her own shit in her own hands. Yeah, exactly. And at that point, you lose. Jist was arrested and charged with public intoxication, assault, and harassment by threat of a public servant. Here we go, guys. I ask the three of you. Sam, you're our guest guest so you can decide if you

want to go first or last how old is joni gist now we've seen a picture of her by the way we've got a theme song okay how old is joni gist too much fun leaves marks in life living hard you'll pay the price. Who is gonna get it right? Guess the age. Guess the age. Okay, guys. All right. Now, you got to see her. It's usually a tip I don't give you,

but it could have been. It could either hurt you or help you. By the way, seeing the picture is not, because you get the image in your brain and sometimes you're closer. Meth years are different than dog years. I'm giving you no indication of her father's age. Here's what you do know about her. She still hangs with her dad.

She's a day drinker. Yeah. Drink here all day, yeah. She's spry enough to still use a tray as a weapon. Although not heavy with a tray. No. Yep. Willing to fight, spit.

And can reach behind her to get things. And control her bowel movements. Yeah, exactly. Like to a T. Like a fireball. Yeah, exactly. Like to a T. Like a fireball. Poop on command. Poop on command. A duke.

She can duke on command. There it is. You want to go first or last? You get to pick. I'm going to go first. Okay. Here he goes. What do you feel?

Here's my... Ooh, knuckleball. She's 26 years old. Oh! That woman? 26 but looks 50. 26 with the pick. I was thinking

I was going to go the same tack as you and go younger than I think she is and mine was 39. I said 39 is a young look. What would you guess if you just saw that woman down the street and didn't know anything about her? 54. But your official guess is 39.

I think she's 43. 43 years old. Joni Guest is... Play along, listener at home. She's 45 years old. Oh, okay. Well, she doesn't look good. No.

Even at 45, she's not. We're 45. We're 45. I just need to let everyone know, we are 45 years old. But guys, if I had said 61, would you have argued with me? No. No, I'd have been like, yeah, she needs to like explode. 61, that's right.

Oh, my God. All right, is that crazy? First story down. We're off and running. Yes, we are. Sam Richardson is with us. This is Dumb People Town, and I'm so glad that you guys are all listening. Hey, by the way, everybody who's listening to this right now, take a moment in the break,

listen to these great people who are sponsoring us, but I want you to rate and review the podcast. You can do a one-word review. Great. Awesome. Dumb. Whatever you want. Rate it on iTunes.

Rate it on iTunes. Give it five stars. That's how you help keep us moving up in the algorithms. So please do that. Take a moment to do that right now. I'll go one step further. If you're in your car, roll down that window. Tell the person next to you, listen to Dumb People Town.

Sam, listen to Dumb People Town. That's how we build this thing out. And we come back. More Dumb People Town with Sam Richardson and Dan Van Kirk right after this. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys.

Welcome back to Dumb People Town. Sam Richardson's new show is hilarious. Detroiters, if you're not watching it, watch it on the app, on the Comedy Central app. It is so... I love your friendship on that show. You guys carry it so well. It's... I love the music on the show.

I love the theme song, I guess. Was that picked for that or made for that? Made for the show. I love it. Yeah. Great song. And we should say, for maybe people who haven't checked it out yet, your partner on the show is...

Tim Robinson. Tim Robinson, who is... If you have not watched his episode of Characters on Netflix, I am still... I don't know. I watched it probably eight months ago. I'm still quoting lines from that. Just the line, you guys pay whatever you think is fair, is one of the funniest things. And it's off screen

oh my god it's so but he he's really he was spent a little a little cup of coffee on snl yeah he wrote some great stuff on there great stuff on there but you also kind of realize like there are a lot of really talented people who get onto that show and because of whatever reason they aren't dave keckner is a really good example and a good friend of ours who by the way did some really funny stuff on the show yeah but in my opinion has underutilized past Watkins another one another one who is incredible but I think Lauren

for all of his you know faults is an unbelievable picker of talent he's amazing so I for anybody who's on there but your guys relationship on the show is the one that I think needs to be the least artificial, the most natural. And I feel it. I'm like, oh, man, I believe these guys are buddies.

I buy it. No backstory needs to even be said. You know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it's real, too. We're buddies like that. In the show, it's not the exact you know circumstances of course because we are actors you don't run it you're also a little more sensible i'm assuming than your characters otherwise but the stuff you get into i'm like

i'm in i'm in i buy you guys even a little yeah i just little details i'm like okay i buy it from these guys the basketball in the in we used to do that when we were kids. We had a Nerf hoop in our house, but our house was so poorly made that if you jumped too hard, there was a fear that you were going to go through the floor. Our dad really genuinely, as we got bigger and kept playing, and he was like, you guys are going to fucking come through the floor. And so we learned how to jump really high and then land as softly as possible so if we ever went and played nerf hoop at someone else's house people be like

what what are you what game are you playing we're playing this like weird like two bizarre cats trying to play it's pounce ball you guys don't play you guys are just going at it the the pivot moves it's in the back slaps hard checks hard fouls hard foul i love it i love it like for that scene those hard files like tim would slap me in the back like in the scene and he'd slap me for real oh yeah no that was some real shit is real i'm like come on man stop you're from detroit i'm from detroit yeah we're both from Detroit. Where'd you go to school? I went to U of D Jesuit at high school. And then I went to Wayne State University. Wayne State! Also in Detroit.

Wayne State! Hey, man, because we went to Michigan. We went to University of Michigan Ann Arbor. Uh-huh. So y'all's there. We know Detroit very well. We know Detroit. We do.

And we spent four really formative years in that city and growing to love that city. And in recent years, one of the guys we take out on the road with us who is awesome is dan dan's become good friends with nate fridson love him uh detroit guy through and through went to michigan state like very much represents the d like always around wearing a detroit tiger's hat wherever he goes and sees red wing jackets or this and that he's like there is and so through him again we grew up in st louis but through him we understand what that means to be a proud detroit person yeah and so to create a tv show where you rep the city in the name it's very cool especially with like companies like shinola uh-huh and other really cool detroit

things have you been back in in terms of like them being like yeah this is come throughout the first pitch at a tigers game you know uh i i'm i'm gonna go to uh opening day on uh i'm trying to go to opening day on uh this uh next week wow i'm having a hard time getting tickets are you serious really we'll get you tickets. Oh, we'll get you tickets. What's going on? No, we'll get you tickets. We'll make that happen for you.

Please. They're not joking. We're not joking. I would love it. We got Dan World Series tickets. Oh, well. Yeah. Ten years ago

and I didn't really care. We won't have to worry about the Tigers getting the World Series. No, the Tigers might be good. They spent a lot of money. Yeah, well, I'm excited to see Tigers getting in the World Series. No, the Tigers might be good. They spent a lot of money. Yeah, well, I'm excited to see.

I haven't even been so close on top of who the pickups were this year. But it looks like this would be a year we might go far. You know, man. You got Kansas City and you got the Indians in your division. But you never know. Yeah, I know. Detroit's my AL team. Nice. I was obsessed with Magnum PI when I Yeah, I know. Detroit's my AL team. Nice.

I was obsessed with Magnum PI when I was a little kid. I just loved that hat. That hat. He brought that hat. Look at how little it took. I'm as obsessed with Magnum PI as he is as obsessed with guns today. So there you go. It's a trade-off.

Speaking of, shall we get into another? Let's do it. This was sent in by Philip Owens atens at proans 813 thanks buddy uh obviously for people who don't know i say it all the time just uh tweet stories at me at daniel vankirk hashtag dumb people town please that's what this guy did all right here we go tampa florida of course why not guys tampa police arrested jam Jameis Winston. Okay. No. Okay.

A 32-year-old high school math teacher... I thought you were going to say a 32-year-old high school senior. It's Tampa. It is Tampa. Math teacher. One of eight. On child neglect charges after letting a 14-year-old boy drive while she was drinking. Okay. Okay. Now, in her mind, this while she was drinking. Okay. Okay.

Now, in her mind, this is probably super responsible. Hey. Right? She's making the responsible choice. I'm not going to drive this kid drunk. He's like an Uber. You think he can drive? Who's my little Uber?

Give your ass five stars. Get over here. Who's my little Uber? I'm a man-stager, so five is more than four stars. So we know that. You got a charger in here, Walter? This car sucks. Sherry, it's your car.

It's your car. I ain't no damn gun back here. She's in the back. You're getting a lot of signal up here. Move here. Actually, stop here real quick. No, keep going. Keep going? Yeah. That's wrong turn. Wrong turn. Sorry. Wrong turn. Sorry. That's on me. That's on me. Actually, stop here real quick. No, keep going.

That's wrong turn. That's on me. I hope someone yelled at her, you do the math at some point. In the course of this story. Ma'am, you do the math. I am a math teacher. I can do that. According to police,

the names are perfect in Dumb People Town. According to police, Tara, Two R's T-E-R-R-A As in like As in like Firma Yeah

Tara Firma She's going She's going back To where she came Six feet down She wound up From Firma being her last name Her full name

Tara Virgin Oh boy No Yep No Goodness Come on Ms. Virgin

Yep But I ain't no more no i'm saying just ask this 14 year old uber driver no she literally be like miss virgin she'd be like am i am i no am i said she had five drinks and was too drunk to drive when she and the 14 year old were pulled over near the intersection of kennedy boulevard and Wesleyan Avenue for people doing our dumb people town walking tour. Walking tour. Enjoy that. Around 1115 Sunday night.

This is Sunday night. School night. It's one of the school nights. It's one of the school nights. I will say this. She did make a good choice not to drive. Okay. But the next choice was the worst.

Terrible choice. But let's give her credit where some credit is due. Do you think she kept asking rhetorical questions to the cops like that? What's worse, y'all? Me driving or his ass driving? Am I doing something that's illegal? Yes. Did I do the right thing by letting him go instead of me?

Yes. Am I a teacher? Yes. Is he a student student you don't have to keep answering this is called balancing quotients right exactly you see look what you have here i'm doing some billy binomial shit over here with y'all it's greater than less than i looked at the binary number opposition you all tell me because i'm gonna say right now tara virgin tara virgin thinks she made good call okay you're gonna tell tara virgin she's wrong just opposition. You all tell me, because I'm going to say right now, Tara Virgin thinks

she made a good call. You going to tell Tara Virgin she's wrong? Please say the alphabet backwards. If you think you made a good call, why are you taking your shirt off? Let me ask you this, though. Let's be honest. Put your shirt back on, ma'am. Endangering the life of this child by driving a car he doesn't know how to use, I'm assuming, or at least

proficiently. He's done enough. This is not her son. I learned how to drive stick by video games. I was like, you got to get up to that RPM, then you shift. You got to do the clutch at the same time. But we know this is not her son. She's 32.

He's 14. There's no way this is her kid. Why is he taking... There's no way? Well, there's not no way. That's an 18 year difference yeah this to me feels like a she's you know what i mean one of those like here's to you mrs robinson let's i do want to say horribly wrong what she did but if you think in terms of a like worse like what's

gonna be worse her getting charged with child neglect first getting like dui and 10 grand or possibly dead is the better call that's what i said she made the it's the lesser of two she did it true i don't think so and then put him at the wheel what was this event beforehand i know now you're in dumb people People Town. You know what I mean? Where are they? If you start asking questions, how do we get here? You are a Dumb People Town detective. Here we go.

Here's your badge. Because you're right. It's 11.15 on a Sunday night. So you know that somewhere around 6.45, she started saying to herself, I think I'm hungry. Yeah, and I need someone to take me there. All right, let's go. You started drinking. She started saying to herself, I think I'm hungry. Yeah, and I need someone to take me there. All right, let's go. You're turning. I think, can you drive?

You know what, don't worry about it. Just forget it. How did they get pulled over? Well, okay. Is this a tutoring session? I think they were pulled over probably because he was swerving or just driving super slow. I drove by a cop and all they saw was the top of a head. Which he nodded. The kid nodded.

Gave him a, hey. I got it. Got a hottie in the back. Police say that there was an open beer in the cup holder of the car as well. According to police, the teen is her boyfriend's son. He's working that swing shift.

She wanted him. And the last thing he said to her before he's working, do not take Jeffrey out. Do not. No matter what you do. Now, look. I don't want to end up on dumb people's time.

What if that was the way? What if the boyfriend was like, now look, Tara Virgin. Look at me. Over here. What'd I say? Look, Jeffrey is going to try and get you drunk and then have you let him drive around. Do not do it. Do not do it.

I'm fine. I'm not going to Do not do it. I'm fine. I'm not going to, Pop. Well, I'm fine, Jeffrey. Jeffrey, you try to get me to do it. Last night, you tried to get me to do it. It was a lapse in judgment. Okay, well, you're trying to do laps around the goddamn block is what you were trying to do. And we're not having it.

He's fine. Go to work. He's fine. Y'all are good? We're good. He's going to get your ass driving. He's going to try to drive that car. He's fine.

Jeffrey, you fine? I'm fine. I'm an angel. He's going to get your ass drunk. He's going to try to drive that car. He's fine. Jeffrey, you fine? I'm fine. I'm an angel. He's an angel. All right. I'll see you. Straight from heaven. Now I get off at 11.

Straight from heaven. Okay, I'll get off at 11. We're three to eight. Three to eight. Stop saying straight from heaven. Straight from heaven. You're going right back to where he was from. Hey, no, no.

That's not a good thing. I don't know. Do not say Jeffrey's going back to heaven. Tonight, he's going right back to heaven. No. Who's my ticket? What'd you say? One way ticket. Angel from heaven. Jeffrey going right back no what'd you say son you got a death wish tonight okay don't you don't you i'm not gonna say no he's not saying anything because he's going straight back she told officers tara, told officers she wanted him, Jeffrey, she wanted Jeffrey to drive her to the Waffle House.

Now, you go to a Waffle House for one of two reasons. Yeah, you go there to fight someone or you go there to soak up the night. Yeah, you go there to sleep in a short stack. You want to know what I love in this story? Tara Virgin has been a math teacher at Freedom High School for one week. Oh, boy! It doesn't say she was a math teacher. By the time y'all find out what I'm all about.

And I'm just gonna say this in the best possible way. That does not add up. Yep. When released, she will be asked to meet with the district's office of professional standards. You know she's gonna walk into that meeting and be like... How do you get out of that and still work yeah this is how badly we need teachers if i'm terry virgin i sit down i look these people and be like i'm sorry are y'all

calling me in here because i got the dui because i do not think i have a dui did y'all call me in here because i i tried to drive drunk and endangered the lives of other people by getting behind the wheel is that what you call me because terry virgin don't think he she got a dui she's the ricky henderson of teachers yeah exactly but i every time i now think of a delinquent teacher i can't stop thinking of vice principals like to me she's just a character on that show character on that show that's god damn all right we'll see what happens with it well maybe we'll check back with her. You know she's going to do more in this world and in this life. I'd say this also, last point. It's like she's teaching him how to drive.

She is teaching. Fair enough. A teacher through and through. She uses life as her classroom. Badge Binder, she was probably like, oh, did you pull us over because we got in a car accident? Because I don't remember us getting in a car accident. Captain, my captain. Did he learn?

He stood up on the hood of the car as she's being arrested. Captain Morgan, my Captain Morgan. God, Jeffrey, you got a sense of humor. She turns back to him and she's like, so long, boys. There's just one of me. All right.

That's story two down in the books crazy story this is how we do we have a special voicemail coming up from Javier Bardem Javier Bardem

one of our he apparently has a tremendous knowledge of streetball which is I did not know he loves Escalade and he's always

may he rest in peace I believe Escalade Escalade rest in peace always giving us new ideas for products that already exist but he thinks he's always, may he rest in peace. I believe Escalade is. Escalade, rest in peace. Always giving us new ideas for products that already exist. But he thinks he's giving us the idea. All right, when we come back, one more story. Javier Bardem. We've got Sam Richardson with us.

This is Dumb People Town. Stay with us. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey guys, welcome back to Dumb People Town. I want to mention, are we there? Have we gone there or no? I think we're there now.

Okay. We time travel in this thing because we record them ahead of time, but we are going to be in Austin, Texas, doing a live Dumb People Town as part of the Moon Tower Comedy Festival. We're hosting the Ping Pong Tournament. We're commentating that. We're doing some other stand-up shows. So come out and see us if you're in Austin. And then in a couple weeks

we're going to be in Kansas City. Kansas City. May 11th through the 13th. We have never done a weekend of stand-up there. We're going to do a Finding the Funny there at the Kansas City Improv. So get your tickets if you go to our website, superschooledus.com. You you can check that out are you doing any live stuff you're fully fully uh in front of and behind the camera that's great oh yeah behind the camera too yeah yeah you know because i produce i have a producer and writer on detroiters yeah it's great uh we're

writing our second season now that's great good for you guys that's awesome i love it well and of course veep coming out you've got to love that i just love your character on that show holy crap in a world of just absolute backbiting and terrible terrible people the to have the rosiest sweetest innocent outlawed of any cynicism right of any cynicism in the most cynical area like even more cynical field than no it's it's it's like a it's like a little he's like a little toddler swimming in a tank of sharks just it's like he's gonna get eaten why is he not eating yet he keeps on grabbing those fins yeah how is he not eating this is the luckiest back of them having fun and it's brilliant. I love it so much. So good stuff on the new season.

Are you excited about that? Yeah, I'm really excited. I think the season's going to be really fun, really funny. People keep on saying like, ooh, can't see how you tackle Trump. Like that's not what we do on the show. No, but I think the political climate and the attitude towards politics. We had Walsh on here and we talked about it. climate and the attitude towards politics we had walsh on here and we talked about it it's funny to like it'll be a cool escape i think from what we are ensconced in no matter if you support that

guy or you don't i'm assuming most of the people listen this don't but i think there's a there's a a feeling that like okay we need to get out of that universe and let's go to another universe where it's hilarious yep and that's uh it is. That's what they do. That's what we do. What a cool thing to be a part of two great series, one of which you are deeply involved in the creation of and, like you said, behind the scenes and in front of the camera, and then another one where you just get to show up

and do their awesome words, which is a wonderful thing, too, as I'm sure there's no pressure. There's a moment where you're like, wait a minute, is that shot set up the right... Oh, I don't have to fucking give a shit about this. I mean, it's completely... Because you're like wait a minute is that shot set up the right oh I don't know I don't give a shit about this I mean it's completely because you're like oh you show up and like oh if something doesn't feel right I go

I sit down yeah you know yeah they'll figure it out they'll figure it out and they don't have and they do and they really you can actually trust them that they're going to and you can learn okay I'm sure you've learned from being on Veep this is the right way to do this this This is the way these people are. And all I've ever heard from anyone who's ever worked on that show is that you're treated really well.

And this is the right way to rehearse something and work on it with people so that you get it right. So then you take that and then you go over to your show and you're like, hey, maybe we can employ some of that over here. Yeah, exactly. Because Veep has been the best working experience I've ever had. So hopefully, I think I tried to bring some of those attitudes to the set of Detroiters. I'm so excited for us to be a part of season two. Okay. Why are you laughing?

I was laughing because I think you must have read my... No, no. Sam, I wanted to say, your feature work stuff, too, has been great, man. Oh, thank you. Like Mike and Dave, Need White Dates, and Where the Billers, and all that stuff was so good. I love, by the way, I love that movie. Thank you. I saw Mike and Dave on a plane, and I was like, shit.

Really funny. Great performances. Great performances from you. Great performances from Alice Wetterlin was fucking hilarious. She crushed his cousin Terry. Did you have fun doing the comedy jam? I had a great time doing the comedy jam. I've never experienced that before. The comedy jam is on Comedy Central. Yeah, we've done it live. Oh, yeah. We've done the goddamn comedy jam? I had a great time doing the comedy jam. I've never experienced like that before.

The comedy jam is on Comedy Central. Yeah, we've done it live. We've done the goddamn comedy jam. We're doing it live at Moon Tower. Oh, that's awesome. But you know,

I did Ballroom Blitz. Yeah. So you see, the thing I was most nervous about was like the story beforehand because I'm not a stand-up so I'm like,

let me do, let me at least try and set these ups with jokes, but not just telling a story. But then I got to have Tia Carrere come out and sing this song with me because my story was about how I grew up watching Wayne's World.

She had a python on her. And it touched me. And I was like, Campbell, wait up! Oh, man. Was that just so invigorating? To do it with the audience there and they're so into it. There's a full-on rocking band behind you.

Full band. That's so cool. It's really cool. All right, you ready, Juan? Let's jump in. Okay. Sent in by Daddy Rich at D-P-O-T-O-C-K-I. At D-P-O-T-O-C-K-I at D-P-O-T-O-C-K-I

Daddy Rich. Police say a 52 year old man decided a grocery store was a good place for cocktail hour on St. Patrick's Day. Look, it's St. Patrick's Day. You cannot

everyone. What did I say? I saw one time St. Patrick's Day. Look, it's St. Patrick's Day. You cannot, everyone. That one. Yeah, yeah. What did I say? I saw one time, I saw a woman on St. Patrick's Day in the morning. I was at a bar in Ann Arbor, and I watched her drink an entire pitcher. While three dudes watched her drink an entire pitcher of beer,

throw the pitcher over her shoulder, right as another woman walked in the bar and it hit her in the head. And I was like, this is St. Patrick's Day. You got to be looking out for flying pitchers and drunk guys and drunk people in grocery stores. I mean, remember, it was St. Patrick's Day when we saw that woman asleep in her own breasts on the hill.

That was in Austin, Texas. I was like, wait a minute. Oh yeah, this is St. Patrick's Day. I saw a woman just fall asleep in Austin, Texas. I was like, wait a minute. Oh, yeah, this is St. Patrick's Day. I saw a woman just fall asleep in her own boobs. In Chicago, we would go to the South Side Irish Parade. I mean, that would start at like 7 in the morning. One year, we ended up at Chipotle just drinking margaritas. They serve margaritas at Chipotle?

Yeah, you didn't know that? No. Do they really? Yes. They do. What? They do. Yes, I do. I? They do. Yes.

I do. I look to Sam for verification. Will we allow it? Yeah, I'll allow it. He'll allow it. Yeah, okay. Sam, you sit on the board of Chipotle. I do.

When did they pass? I'm a shadow member. Whenever they have the big questions, I'm at the head of the table in darkness. What do we think about this? His voice is modulated it sounds like john glazer and d locates let them have this but like us drinking we turned a chipotle into like an irish bar at saint patrick's day this guy turned a grocery store into his own bar he's like oh hell this shit's right here well first of all you got olives

you got olives everything you got everything in Everything. You got everything. You got everything in there. I mean, we're stupid for not doing it. I know. How has this not been done sooner? I need more tonic for my gin. Go down to aisle seven. Go down over there. Do you have corned beef and cabbage? Yes.

Yes, we do. We got both. We got both. We got everything. You think he just set up like a Costco and he got little solo cups and was like, samples, samples. Sir, you can't do that sir

you can't you don't work for this store police received a call around 3pm that is that is the wheelhouse of St. Patrick's Day

that's about means it's been up at 9 drinking for 6 hours yep 3pm is the 3am 3pm St. Patrick's Day is 3am

any other night well I was gonna say earlier when we were talking about like the dad trying to take Joanie Gist to soak up the night he's like in Chicago the drinking there is someone would be like what are you doing after the show and then you just respond with what bar do you want to go to

because it's already assumed why what bar did you want remember all those times you would go you guys probably did this too you would want to go to a Mexican restaurant because you knew you were drunk and you'd get chips and salsa right away

right away drop them on the table you're that table that says can we get some more chips and salsa over here just keep them coming keep them coming

and very little food very little food we'll all have one we'll all have one fajita that's 11 people I'll eat just the peppers and then like you know you close up

at a 2 o'clock bar then you go to a 4 o'clock bar. Oh, I know. Go to Nick's Uptown. That was where we would have pizza delivered to the bar. Those were the days, buddy. Those were the days. Saturday night, those bars were open until 5. We would do that on Saturday.

Every night, the bar would be like, why are we doing this? What are we doing? No, they're doing it to make money. Because there's people in there. Do you want your beer cold or hot? It's true. But the good thing is, if we were all at the Ale House, if you hit it on a right night, sometimes they'd be like,

we're kind of closed. We're closed to some people. Shut up. We've got to shut the door. Just shut up. Shut the fuck up. Have your drinks, enjoy them, and we're going to act quiet. I went this past summer. It was a Monday night, and I was in Chicago, and the tamale guy showed up at the Yale House

on a Monday night. I would have never thought that the tamale guy, for those of you who don't know, there's a guy who hits every bar somehow, has a cooler full of the hottest tamales, and they are so good. So good. We had them. Remember when we had them after we did a show that's up, and then we grabbed tamales outside, and we had Tim Kazerinsky was on our podcast.

Yeah, so much fun. TJ Jagadowski. That was fun. He's both the nicest men. Two of the nicest dudes ever. But they both and what I loved is because we did the podcast on Thursday night is we were like, you guys coming across afterwards? And they're like, hell yeah.

Kazerinsky's like, yeah. What do you mean? What else are we doing? I was like like I love this So police received a call Around 3pm March 17th St. Patrick's Day

Of a man mixing vodka And juice And being belligerent Inside the grocery store It's not enough For him to do it He's gotta now Get on people

It's like You know what What If you weren't being a dick This is not a story Turn that kid around What Well you keep on saying what

and he's looking at you what the man is am i mixing this too loud what do you got a problem with this you ready for the best part oh i'm not supposed to pee in the tortilla chips i'm the asshole new rules can i get an application you ready for the best part of the story the man bought the booze that he was drinking elsewhere and took it to the grocery store

that's a slap in the face that is a slap in the face do you think he just needed cups or just a plate I think he was trying to do a price match guys this is way way way overpriced

I bought this down the street at the 99 cent store. 30 cents less. Sir, that's your own brand. He's got three X's on the bottle. Self-talk, self-talk, goddammit. That is a collowed out Drano bottle. I don't think you should be drinking it. You call it a bathtub, I call it the fermenter.

Police Department Public Safety Information Officer Jeff Brown. Born to be a cop. Born to be a cop. Jeff Brown, white and racist. Hates his last name. Jeff Brown hates his own life. Everything that has to do with his last name. He said that workers told police the man was drinking the concoction in the store and refusing to leave.

And like you guys are saying, I picture before they said a word to him, he had already started to refuse to leave. Nope, I'm not going anywhere. You can keep knocking doors for your ass, and I'm not leaving. Sir, we haven't said a thing to you, sir. We just wanted to know if you've paid for all this stuff. I paid for it somewhere else. Oh, you didn't have to tell us that. Sir, I price-matched your ass. You charge $0.87 more for it somewhere else. Oh, wait. You didn't have to tell us that. Sir. Sir. I price-matched your ass.

You charge 87 more cents for vodka. I started drinking in here. Sir, can you please keep your voice down? Sir, we're asking you to lie to us just so we can let you be. Really, honestly. We're not coming to tell anybody.

Don't let me be. Don't let me be. Don't let you be. When police arrived, they did not spot the man drinking, but did observe he was highly intoxicated. Of course. Because he was laying in the aisle.

Oh, you two now? Help me up, goddammit. He's like, these Jiffy peanut butter bottles aren't as soft as I thought, like laying on it. I'll tell you guys right now, the brown tiles are lava. Watch out, watch out. Watch out. Watch out. Here's a ready. They asked the man to leave, and he did so without incident.

Police did not arrest the man. What? Wow. That's the day. It's St. Patrick's Day. They got enough other things. We're going to give you this one. That's how you know he was white.

Yeah, exactly. He was black. He was shot right there. Shot in the back. I hope not. Shot in the back. But you know, it's just a triage unit on St. Patrick's Day where they're like, literally, we can take the time to arrest this guy.

While we're doing that, we're going to get calls of a jumper. You're going to waste resources here. This guy has set up his own tiki lounge in aisle 8. And torches. Police did not arrest the man as they didn't observe him drinking in public. You can still get public intoxication. They don't care. It's St. Patrick's Day.

And his level of intoxication was not deemed a threat to himself or others. This is like calling holding in the NFL. You could call it on every play. Or like an offensive foul or defensive foul. You could call it on any play. You could call public intoxication on any play. But every time, every single time in an NBA game, even in a college game, when two guys collide and there's no call of it,

the announcer always goes, that's a good no call. That's a good no call. They always point that out. So in this case, they're letting him play. They're saying on this case, this is a good no call.

Good no call. Let's let this guy go. Let him play. Let him play. The four of us, if we were in this grocery store, would watch this whole scene and be like,

I think they're picking up the flag on this. That's a good no call. They're going to let him play. They're going to let him play. That's a good no they're picking up the flag that's a good no call that's a good no call incidental contact that's a good no call and you know that the cops helped him out of the store kept saying you're good to which he just repeated what they had just said i'm good we're good without looking back you know sam you don't want to disrupt the flow for this guy and i hate it when when too many whistles just ruin a good St. Louis game. Flow of the game. Game flow. Game flow. The police report was forwarded to the city prosecutor to decide if they wanted to press

charges. Okay, guys, we're ready for one of our newest games in Dump People Town. Whose home state did this happen in? Sam, I know you're from Michigan, so the answers can be Missouri, Michigan, Illinois. Wow. It could be in Detroit. It could, Illinois. It could be in Detroit. It could be Chicago. It could be St. Louis.

It could be any other city in those states. But who's someone in this room? This story happened in their home state. Illinois or Michigan. Interesting. Sam, again, you have the table. You are the guest. Do you want to go first?

You can go last. I'm going to go last on this one. All right, Jason. We'll start with Jason. The last time we did this game, it was Missouri. I don't think this is a Missouri situation. I think this is happening outside of Chicago, and I think this is an Illinois offense. You think like an Elmhurst situation?

Joliet, somewhere around there. If this is happening in Grand Rapids, I'm going to say this is a Michigan situation. All right. Mm-hmm. Ooh, I think this happened in, this is a Michigan situation. All right. Mm-hmm. Ooh. I think this happened in... This is a Michigan thing. I think this happened...

Benton Harbor? Benton Harbor. In Bay City, Michigan. Deep in the bowels of a mire. A mire. Drifty acres. You're closing on that mom and pop shop. I'm making a statement.

Yeah. I mean, we used to study for tests at Meijer. Like, we'd go to Meijer and because you drink M-E-I-J-E-R and we would drink just,

we would get refills of Mountain Dew all night long so we could stay up and then we'd get batty at like three in the morning after we started working. Running around,

trying on the hunting gear. Get on the camouflage and just chasing each other around the store. Oh. Okay, guys. A 53-year-old man decided to create his own happy hour bar gear get on the camouflage and just chasing each other around the store oh okay guys a 53 year old man decided to create his own happy hour bar in a grocery store in mount pleasant michigan you know where that is yeah i sure do

and it was a meyer grocery store i'm not going anywhere and you know what he took his own liquor It was a Meijer grocery store. Of course it was. Of course it was. Half the rest of the city. I'm not going anywhere. And you know what? He took his own liquor to a grocery store, started drinking, went home without a rest. He's considering that a big time victory. A huge victory. He'd fall on wind.

Yeah. That's a good one. St. Patrick's Day. Probably the best St. Patrick's Day he's had. Let them play. You've got to be great to make the news on St. Patrick's Day. For not being arrested. For not being arrested. For not being arrested.

That's right. Amazing. That's incredible. Well, that is not the norm. That's right. And that is definitely a special case. I do like to say, I'll fancy myself as somebody who thinks outside the bar. Yeah.

Interesting. Well, speaking of thinking outside the bar. Outside the Bardem. Outside the Bardem. That could be his new segment here on the show. We got a voicemail from Javier Bardem. Very excited to play that for you guys right now. This is Javier Bardem.

And I have an invention that I would like to tell you about. If you'd like to invest in this one, you can do it. But it is something that's very special. I've not seen it done before. And this is when you have a small child and you're looking to be able to bring this child in place and you're not always looking to be in the carriage or on the stroller and whatnot, then what can you have and what do you have for this? And I think that if you have a backpack, but you put it on the front,

and this child can go in the front pack, and I call this a pack for the front, baby pack for the front. And this can be very popular, and no one has ever made this before. If you like to invest in it, you can do this, but I'm only offering this to and if you like to invest in it you can do this but uh i'm only offering this to you because you are friends and uh by the way i like your voicemail let's say that's that's nice but tell me if you can but these guys are asking me for more inventions because all my inventions are being so good like uh Quickie Pop and Cotton Swap,

that I call Cotton Cloud. But give me a call if you can, because this is going to be flying off the shelves, this front tech for the baby wall. All right. He always is bringing to us products that already exist in the world. Do you guys invest? I think it's just that he doesn't understand.

I feel like there are those people, and Sam, you'll get there soon enough, where you'll be so famous and you'll be so on such a level where you won't know how the regular world works anymore. So understand how it works right now. Your understanding of the world will stop at the last moment when you relate to regular humans.

You're going to have 2017 world knowledge. So when you're really famous in 2025, your knowledge of the world will stop at the Galaxy Note 8. Okay? Like an infinity screen. You're going to be like, that's all I know how to do. So I guess that's just the way it goes. We're warning you for the future. But in the meantime, we can tell our fans, check out

Detroiters. Go watch it on the Comedy Central app if you've got the Comedy Central app. It is rated 87% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes. It is. It is a great show and support friends of ours who are doing really cool things. That's one way to do it. And then, of course, watch him on Veep and you

will absolutely love him. And then whatever else he pops up in because he will be ubiquitous all over the place. Follow at DanielVanKirk on Twitter. Follow us. We'll see you. Go see DanielVanKirk in Houston. Yes, on 420. I'll be headlining there.

It's a doors open at 7. Tickets are only $10. $10 in Secret Group. Sell it out. Let's sell it out. Let's sell it out for Daniel. Do a little tour. Come to Houston, then come to Austin.

We'll all hang out in Texas. Come see us do a lot. Dumb People Town in Austin. Still working on the guest there. And again, for this, guys, rate this, review it, and tell a friend. And tell a friend. Thanks, guys. We are out. Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum.