Dumb People Town - Scott Rogowsky - Release The Eagle

Episode Date: December 20, 2022

This week Scott Rogowsky comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is a mistaken robbery. The second story is all about motherhood. The final story is a shocking surprise on a roof. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's my favorite time of year, a time for apple picking, hot chocolate, and cozy sweaters. But it's also time for cold and flu season. Ease the effects of changing weather for you and your family with Winix Air Purifiers. Head over to WinixAmerica.com today and save 20% with code FALL20. That's FALL20 at WinixAmerica.com for 20% off. Let's breathe together. They lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose. We'll make the news. Breaking down each epic fail. In Florida, there's half-price bail. I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan.

Banders, don't be a jerk. Because when the music hits, the funny hits. And we are going to take you down. Stick around. Make a sound. Bunk it down, it's Dumb People Town. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Rogowski. See, Scott.

It's you, Rags. Rags. No. We're talking about dumb behavior with Scott Rogowski. You know that the world's getting dumber, right? Let's get dumb. We've been friends for seven years, eight years? to be is that yeah i think hubs are 2016. we knew each other at least a year before that coming up on we're like 2012. yeah i think yeah

no no no i'm gonna go earlier than that i think well 2009 we came to comics when i met you i'm amazed that you remember that but i was with my dad. I took him, I was like, dad, these are my guys. You gotta come, I want you to, he always wants to be part of my world. Of course. He wants to be part of my world. As a great dad should. Yeah, yeah.

As a great dad. I get it, I get it. I said, you wanna be part of it? Come to see the Sklar brothers with me at comics. Meet Packing District, he never goes to the city. This was a big night out for him. Right. And he was very, very thrilled with your performance. He was laughing all the way. I love your dad so much. Laughing to the city. No way. This was a big night out for him. Right. And he was very thrilled with his performance.

He was laughing all the way. I love your dad so much. Laughing all the way. Your dad was probably not that far from our age when he went to the show. How old is he now? Let's think about that. He is turning 74 in a few weeks. 74, so-

13 years ago. 13? 61. He's 11 years older than we are right now. Brilliant. And he was out, and he came, and and we talked and we instantly bonded all the time. I told you guys you're my heroes. We've done so many things.

But we've worked together and done so many things and now it leads us to this point where you're sitting right here with us riffing as your beautiful little doggie is roaming around. Sniffing. We're riffing. He's sniffing. We're riffing and sniffing. Riffing and sniffing with Scott Rogowski.

Which is the new rhyming and stealing. That's right. Let's get into it. Shall we get into it? Let's get into the first story because the world continues to get dumb. Here's the headline. CrossFit group mistaken for robbers in Brazil as customers flee in fear. Okay.

So they're – I'm trying to wrap my head around this one. CrossFit group mistaken – A group of people. Okay. They give you the thing you're mistaken for. I know. I'm just trying to break it down from my own head.

Mistaken for robbers in Brazil as customers flee. Okay, so they're robbing. It feels like what we're going to do is pick up this cash register and run out of the store and go 50 yards with it. I'm guessing. That's what they do, right? But the customers all freaked out when they saw the group. Yeah, the group of big people, men and women coming in, picking up a cash register. But I don't think that's what it is.

We'll get into it. Nick, official parody, at Nick Depp sent this in. I think that's a new sender in. Thanks, buddy. Official parody. So this is like a parody story? No. This is the handle of the person who sent it into it.

All right. I'm already suspect here. To send it in, I'm sorry. We'll maybe think of another way as Twitter completely burns. But right now, hashtag dumb people town at Dan and Kirk at Sklar Brothers on Twitter. Got a great story about Twitter. Oh, please. Can't wait.

All right. So we'll have to show you the video of this at some point. But the moment a stampede of panicked patrons fled a bar in northern Brazil. Oh, my God. Why do I feel like this happens all the time in northern Brazil? There's always a stampede happening in Brazil. Out of a bar. For some reason. Into the streets. Into a my God. Why do I feel like this happens all the time in Northern Brazil? There's always a stampede happening in Brazil. Out of a bar. For some reason.

Into the streets. Into a carnival. Right. The running of the patrons. It's like a whole thing. Are you going to Pamplona this year? No, I'm going to Northern Brazil. That's right.

There's a stampede, and you've got to get out of the way of the drunk people. Northern Brazil feels probably very different than Southern Brazil. Southern Brazil is like, is re-audition. Nero and Sam. Yeah. Sugar loaf. I'm impressed with your South American knowledge, geographic knowledge here.

Where's Paraguay? Paraguay is right now, is up near northern Brazil. It's right in the center. Uruguay is south. Uruguay is down near Argentina. Okay. The moment of a stampede of panicked patrons fled a bar in northern Brazil and was caught on

restaurant security cameras which I will show you but all is not as it seems. Patreons of the Cervejaria Patreons You're saying patrons because you've got

your Patreon. Patreons Patreons Patreons of the Cervejaria Alfeite Bar Tell me you yelped it. and restaurant I didn't.

I should have. We're enjoying their meal Saturday night around 9pm. So, again, if you're enjoying a meal at 9pm, expect a stampede. You're Brazilian. Isn't that early for them? Yeah, that's early for them. That's early bird special. This is in Spain, Dan. This is Brazil.

As Brazilian as a landing strip for your genitals uh that's 9 p.m dinner outside when they got scared and were forced to flee from their tables by a group of people running directly towards them okay so this is written down in the cross so this is how pervasive robberies are in brazil you see a group of people running to you're like we're gonna die we're gonna get robbed also who's doing CrossFit at 9 p.m.? CrossFit. Is it a 9 p.m. thing?

I think it's kind of whenever you want to do it. It's whenever you want. There are a lot of aspects to the story that are confusing to me. I mean, are they running into a restaurant? I think they're out on the patio. These people are running up the street, and they thought, oh, here comes a gang. And they just freaked out. And then it's also probably a domino effect.

Two people start to split. And then, yes, there's like a loud bang, and somebody yells, shooter. And then the whole, you'll see a terminal clear out, and it was just confusion or something. But also a sad reality. Brewery patrons quickly got up from their seats after noticing the group heading their way and began running the other direction, overturning tables and chairs. The restaurant later. I mean, you didn't need to overturn the table.

That feels a little gratuitous. That was the one guy who was like, we're not paying this bill. That's the Brazilian flair. You definitely know that there was a guy who ran out and was fine, came back and overturned the table and then ran again. After they all went back. Some other guy is trying to do the tablecloth thing. He's like, come on, when am I going to get the...

I got one chance. The restaurant's waiter can also be seeing the footage looking confused and then eventually taking off after the stand. Oh, they joined in. Oh, yeah. He did diners. Allegedly because the group was supposed to be thieves trying to rob the restaurant.

According to the thieves. According to the first person who got up. We're going to follow this asshole. And they're all probably dressing, you know, like they're all like wearing like dry fit. Workout clothes. Yes. I don't think they're probably not masked anymore. They're not masked.

No. The CCTV video was uploaded to WhatsApp and then Twitter on Wednesday and quickly went viral with more than how many people watching the original video? We're supposed to guess here? Yeah. It's a little game show aspect. Sure. How many people viewed this video?

1.2 million. 1.2 from Daniel. I'm going to say 6.8. 6.8 million from Randy. 3.7. 3.7 from Randy. Get your answers in at home. Shout at your ham radios.

More than 3.3 million people. Yes. That's the closest to that going over. I guess. I guess. at home? Shout at your ham radios. More than 3.3 million people. I guess. In the video, a woman can be seen running down the path past a restaurant store seating followed by a man with a dog who caused another woman to get up from the table and urge those seated with her to get up and go.

You know how you rob somewhere with your dog? You know when you're like, I'm a thief and so I need to... Wait, one of the CrossFit people had a dog? No, no, no. These are the somewhere with your dog. Yeah. You know, when you're like, I'm a thief, and so I need to bring my dog. Wait, one of the CrossFit people had a dog? They had a dog. These are the people who get up to leave. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. These are the people who are leaving.

I feel like they did. Like, give me all your money, and can I get a bowl of water? Yeah. Okay. I was going to think cool dog CrossFit gym. Are dogs allowed here? No, but these are patrons, right? Yeah.

And patrons. Dog-friendly. Dog-friendly bar. I like it. I might take people with me. You're outside. You're sitting outside. So this is what I... Rags, I imagine that you do get recognized when you traverse the world.

When I'm trying to rob people, I do. And it makes it very difficult. Very hard. Very hard now. Hey, you don't know. No one out the window. We actually do know. I had a profitable career in burglary before HQ.

Yes. I can't believe it shut that down. HQ trivia ended all that. Bittersweet. So you get recognized from places, depending on where you are. It happens to us once in a while. And always, if we're at a larger, where there's a larger crowd, if like two or three people recognize you, we're like, here comes the wave.

Because a bunch of people are going to be like, what's going on over there? Exactly. I've seen this, by the way, at airports in Raleigh with you guys. I've seen this. It happens. The baggage claim. There's also that famous scene in Annie Hall with the LV singer.

Who? Right here. LV singer. You're a LV singer. No, I'm not. I'm not. Right here. Can you sign me an autograph? It's for my sister. She's saying that woman started this.

When she goes everybody run Once the woman and her friends fled the table The rest of the guests at the bar And once you see someone with a dog leaving You're like there's danger Danger The dog goes Dragging people with them

Leaving their belongings behind Nobody paid for their food Within seconds The restaurant was nearly empty Also if you're trying to avoid thieves Take your belongings with you Right Yeah you don't leave your belongings

I mean And the waiter from the restaurant even got, like, duped to running. And that's the part. These are waiters at Brazilian restaurants. These are the guys who walk around with the skewers and the knives. I mean, they're heavily armed. Also. In Brazil. Fogo to go. Also, if this

is a CrossFit gym, I assume this is a common running route. So the waiter should be like, yeah, they're here every night. They run by. It looks like they're coming at you, but they're not. This is the moment where I'm like, this is why this story belongs in here. This guy, Hero.

I'm going to pose this before I tell you. Hero or Zero. Hero or Zero. Okay. This could be a new segment on our show. Hero or Zero. A dedicated guest of the bar, translation. Regular.

Alcoholic. Can be seen falling off his chair and into the gutter, which he has done figuratively, I'm assuming, many times. That's more like clockwork than the old CrossFit people. Falling off his chair. He's going to tell this story when it's time to speak. Into the gutter. When he can put words together again.

At every family function that he's not invited to, but still shows up. Falling into the gutter next to a car in a hurry, but refusing to drop a drop of his beer in panic. So he's holding his precious baby. Holding it up probably at the same level. We've seen this in baseball stands, catching fly balls, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The baby. The baby.

The other hand catches the other thing. In the final seconds of the video, the group of five men who appear to be wearing hats and workout clothes run past the scene. So great. It's so great. It's been revealed that the group approaching the restaurant and scaring the customers was said to be CrossFit exercise group, not thieves trying to rob the customers. So now in America, those people would sue the restaurant and all the patrons for, like, damage. Distress. Right, right.

Emotional distress. Sue the gym. Yeah. It was very fast. People came slowly. Okay. This person is drunk. They don't know it.

It was very fast. People came slowly. All right. It sounds like a Trump thing. I'm just picturing the other guy while people are getting a beer. The other guy's like, did you get down? I didn't spill my beer. Sir, we've already talked to you. We know we got there. You didn't spill your beer.

I didn't spill my beer. Very slow. All right. I told my friend to call and hold her bag. She got up, and at that moment, someone yelled that it was a robbery. So, okay. This is a robbery. This is a robbery. Very Pulp Fiction. Right, Rags? As soon as someone yells robbery, then it's that it was a robbery. So, okay. This is a robbery. This is a robbery.

Very Pulp Fiction. Right, Rags? As soon as someone yells robbery, then it's like fire in a movie. That's it. Yeah, literally. You yelled robbery at a beer garden? Have you ever been in a robbery situation? No.

She got up at that moment and someone yelled it was a robbery. That's when I got up and shouted that I was a thief too and ran away. What? I was a thief too? That's. What? I was a thief too? That's a good defense. This woman told a local outlet, G1. So she's saying, why are you entering this mix, you dummy? I'm a thief too.

After a few minutes, we saw that nothing was happening. They all started laughing and went back to the tables as if nothing had happened. Although I just declared that I was a thief. You dummy bitch. And tables got flipped. Tables got flipped. When I got up, I put my cell phone.

Guy fell in the gutter. And my wallet in my pocket. There were people who thought he was drawing a gun. It is something to live in a city as insecure as ours. Thank God I've never been robbed. But I have shouted that I'm a thief. I guess in a statement provided to local media, the restaurant said the mix-up was nothing more than a misunderstanding.

Okay, there you go. So I'm going to see if I can show this to you guys. Let's see the video. We'll try and put this on our socials. A big, dumb, gutter-falling misunderstanding. Okay, here it is. Okay, here it is. You see these guys sitting in a restaurant.

By the way. Oh, yeah, they are running with a dog. So they're running with a dog. Uh-oh, we better get out of here. Someone showed robbery. Wow. Guy falls into the gutter. Look at the waiter. He is like, where did you guys all dog. And then, uh-oh, we better get out of here. Oh, my God. Someone's in a robbery. Wow. Guy falls into the gutter. Look at the waiter.

He is like, where'd you guys all go? Where's the guy falling into the gutter? And then he goes, fine, I'll go, too. Guy falls in the gutter by the chair. Yeah. Yeah. Did he go down? And then here come the runners just wearing tank tops and shorts.

And by the way, not even running that hard. There's four of them. Not intimidating. Five. And the one guy lagging behind, that would be me. One guy lagging behind. Guys, wait up. There's probably another one.

There's not even a group. I would have stopped and grabbed some fries off the table that's right by guys they're barely a group yeah they're barely and by the way like also if you're gonna have a split thing where there are tables but okay so there's a woman and a few people showing it again there's other people this is what i think happened yeah if you watch the very beginning these people running through we'll put this up okay this woman right and then this guy with the dog and somebody else. I think they were walking and they realized we're about to get

into the crowded area where all these tables are. So they were like, we're going to hustle up and get through this so that we can get out of the way of all these curtsies. Their pace confused everyone. And that made people think like, oh my god, are those civilians running from those people? Yes. And then made people think, oh my God, are those civilians running from these people?

Yes. And then I don't know why they thought as a restaurant, these thieves who were chasing these people are going to then turn and suddenly rob all of us. Oh, I did something bad. There's a woman at the bottom who, she like jumps up and she's the first and then it kind of takes off from there. Yeah, you're right. You see her down there at the bottom.

Yeah, she gets up. She gets up, right? Because they're just walking. They were not going to make way. This woman's still like, hey, what's going on here? He becomes like a flash mob, and then Homie falls into the... Yeah, he's down. But he didn't spill his beer. That's all that matters.

No, no. That's... Alright, we've got to put this story... You guys have to see this. Alright, there you go. Is that a story? That's a story. That's a story down. When we come back, we'll find out what Rags is doing. If you're in the LA area, you've got to stop by his store. But you can check it out online, too. It's like one of my favorite places. Quiz Daddy's Closet.

QDC.BTG on IG. It's one of my favorite places in L.A. I'll drop my daughter off to do something on the west side, and I'll just pop in. I came in, and I saw tons of stuff. Jay was coming. I got you guys work at the shop. I start working when I'm there. We'll put you on commission.

But wait. For real. I put some dude into some clothes. You did. We did. We did some work. Quiz Daddy's Closet. You'll like wait. For real. I put some dude into some clothes. You did. We did. We did some work. Quiz Daddy's Closet. You'll like the way you look.

I love the way you look. We'll talk about all that on the other side of the man's warehouse. It's Dumb People Town with Scott Rogowski aka Rags even though it's R-O-G-O.

We don't give a shit. It's Scott Rogowski here on Dumb People Town. We'll be right back. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, townies. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp because navigating Make a sound, there's more Don't People Town so important in the world that we live in today. It makes therapy the closest thing to a guided tour of the complex engine called you.

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Yep. It's BetterHelp.com. Betterhelp.com slash dpt yep it's betterhelp h-e-l-p.com slash dpt betterhelp.com slash dpt hey townies the holidays aren't all sleigh bells and mistletoe they're also airports shopping malls dining tables crowded with people some you're glad to see only once a year give yourself the ultimate gift of a stress-free holiday with NextEvo Naturals. It's a fast-absorbing CBD product. NextEvo Stress CBD Complex Gummies are clinically proven to have four times better absorption than standard CBD. No other CBD brand can promise that. NextEvo SmartSorb technology delivers CBD to your system in as little as 10 minutes. Unlike other CBD brands, regular CBD oil works more slowly because of how our body's

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I'm learning. That's it. That's eight times more powerful than regular ashwagandha. Ashwagandha? Ashwagandha. You say ashwagandha, I regular ashwagandha. Ashwagandha? Ashwagandha. You say ashwagandha, I say ashwagandha. And they're 100% U.S. hemp-derived smart sorb CBD with a four times better absorption than standard CBD. It doesn't matter how you say it.

It works, all right? It totally works. Get smarter CBD from NextEvo Naturals and get up to 25% off subscription orders of $40 or more at nextevo.com slash podcast promo code DPT. That's N-E-X-T-E-V-O dot com slash podcast. And then the promo code is DPT. Hey, guys. Welcome back to DPT. Before we get to Rogowski and all the great things he's doing, we want to remind you guys,

we are wrapping things up here at Starburns, and we've been on an amazing run. Hanukkah has just started. So if you're looking for a great Hanukkah gift for somebody we'll get into it with Rogowski and what he's got because you might be able to find something cool at his store. Before we get to all of that let us just let you know what we have coming up We are moving this

podcast to ATC All Things Comedy. That's happening in the new year. It's not going to change your feed at all we're just letting you know. You can say that but there will be they're building a set for us which we're going to film yeah we'll shoot it it'll be up on youtube there won't be friday episodes anymore the patreon is going to be just five bucks but it's going to be stories that you guys send into us plus you can also get ad free episodes and we're doing it where in this way that we started doing the last couple months where each of us bring a story jay

did the first story dan you're doing the second story i'm doing the third story today that's how it works it's how it works. It's fun. It's a new way to do this. I like it. Kind of the new version of Dumb People Town in the new year

at All Things Comedy. So that's happening. And then you can see us live. Dan's starting a live show here in LA. Every Wednesday, Irene Tu and myself will be at the Lyric

Hyperion Theater Wednesdays at 7.30. I believe the show is called The Lyric Comedy Hour. So that'll take place every single Wednesday. Elegant. Yeah, I like the show is called The Lyric Comedy Hour. So that'll take place every single Wednesday. Elegant.

Yeah, I like it. Elegant, classy, and that theater is so good. I love that. It's right by my house. We'll definitely come down and do it. And then make sure

you come see us on Sunday the 5th at the SF Sketch Fest. That's February 5th. Yep, yep. And we'll be doing a live Dumb People Town there. It's going to be nothing

but a great time. If you're in San Diego, check out these boys. They're going to be there on Friday and Saturday. The weekend leading up to it will be in San Diego at American Comedy Company. And I'll be there on Saturday doing stand-up. So either way. In SF.

Superscars.com and DanielVanKirk.com. Those are what you do. Let's talk about Quiz Daddy's Closet because it's one of my favorite places on the planet. It's Maine. I got the best Michigan hat I've ever gotten in my life. Yeah, 2525 Main Street. Oh, the Michigan gear. I've reloaded, man. I love it. I mean, for the national championship. There are a lot of, yeah. There are a lot of Michigan fans there.

So let's say people, okay, you've had a lot of foot traffic. If you're in LA and you're like, I want to check out a cool store, especially if you're over on the west side, you're kind of near Venice, Santa Monica area. It's right in between those two. It's Ocean Park is what it's considered. Main Street is a really cool street to go up and down. But 2525, you go to the Quiz Daddy's Closet. There's such good stuff there. But can people, if they're not in LA, check it out online and stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm working on a website. My resolution for the new year is to get my website up. Great. I've been talking about it for only, you know, about nine months, a year or so. Yeah, but you were like, I want to do this store,

and then you came out and did it. I know. To me, there's like very few things that people say they're going to do and then you do. It's odd that I have the brick and mortar and no website. You would go on the reverse with it. 1979 everyone asked me you got a website no

you gotta go but i have an instagram qdc.vtg i may be rebranding in the new year but for now it's qdc.vtg that's where you can find the stuff i post every day and you can find something you like there you can dm me and i'll ship it have you found that people who have gone there one time their repeat oh yeah i've got some great repeat customers, which I'm very grateful to have. Have people read there was a great article about you in the store? It's nuts. I mean, like LAMag, GQ, TMZ.

Nice. And now just this past week, the Hollywood Reporter has this piece that came out. Great. Amazing. It's about this partnership I have with this company called GameStar. That's going to be a thing happening in the new year. Great.

But there's also talk about the store in there. Everyone's talking about the store. I love it. I love these articles. I love it. Well, you're always doing great stuff, and you are one of our favorite people in the world to riff with. And I think about the four of us and the riffing that we did on the road

doing the project that is one of the closest, nearest, dearest to our hearts, Glars and Stripes, where we'd go around to different cities on Audible. Each city is an episode, and we'd try and write comedy about the town that we're in. And Dan came and accompanied us on a few of those cities, and we would just write comedy, the four of us together, and then go try it out on stage. I can't think of a more fun thing.

It was like we had a writer's room. The best. I want to do it again. Can I tell you that I will walk my neighborhood, and sometimes I'll listen to podcasts, sometimes I'll listen to music, and in my music, in my iTunes,

I have like early cuts of episodes of that show. Because you edited them. I have like an hour 20 long cut of a Buffalo show, which was Finding the Funny. It was even before that. And I just, on this hike

for an hour and 20 minutes, just went back to that weekend in Buffalo. Beef on whack. Beef on whack. It was so funny. Gabriel's gay. Gabriel's gay. You hear us making all the jokes that later became part of it.

Can people still listen to that? Yeah, you can go to Audible and listen to Scolars. Where's the Finding the Funny, though? Finding the Funny? I don't know where those are. We've got to find those. We've got to find the Finding the Funny. Find the Funny.

All right, let's jump into another story. Are you ready? Yeah. This was sent in by Adam Poulton at Poultski75. Poultski. Thank you, Adam. Breastfeeding mom fights off bald eagle to save pet goose. Wait, what?

Is she breastfeeding the goose? It sounds like I just put a whole lot of words together. Word jumble there. Wait, is this like a- Breastfeeding mom fights off bald eagle to save pet goose. Okay. This is not a good. Sometimes, and to me, this feels like something you say when you've done something.

Sometimes you've got to fight off a bald eagle to save the goose. I'm going to do the rare show you the picture first before we've done anything. She is like naked. She is wearing underwear. So wait, but here's... She is wearing underwear. Is this also northern Brazil? Running, running out to... She is topless, just bottoms, ponytail, and a mission. She's running out to save the pet goose from an eagle while breastfeeding her baby.

And does not stop for a drop. I mean, does not let a drop hit the floor. It's like our guy in the last story, does not let a drop hit the floor. It's like our guy in the last story. Does not let a drop hit the floor. For those who don't know that a woman, when she's breastfeeding, her breasts are glorious. That is just part of the story. That's just how it goes. Engorged. Sure. Engorged. Very full.

Very renaissance fair. Very renfair. You're keeping another human being alive. Orbs of life. Just like the kid is drunk on this milk, this mom was like, I'm sustaining life right now. I will now save another life. I'm going to do it on another level. What's that called?

Like the mom power? Someone's growling over here. No, but like if there's a, you know, to save the baby, they will have this mom strength. They have mom strength. Yes. Right up the card. Exactly. So this is like, you know, the goose is her child also, it sounds like.

Yeah, she's a mama bear, so she goes out and does this. But, I mean, if the father or the wife of that person or the partner of that person would probably say, honey, leave it alone. Right. It's a goose. But it's their pet goose. We don't need – is it their pet goose? Yes.

All right, fine. But also, though, maybe we shouldn't have a pet goose. Bald eagles, bald eagles like, they're an endangered species. You can't even have a feather. You can't mess with it. Depending on the country,

I don't know. Sort of like, okay, it's endangered, but it can still be a dick. We can still say it's a dick. It doesn't mean you're not a dick. Right. And we need to call them dicks

when they're being dicks. And this right now, this bird is being a dick. Don't go after this goose. I know you're a bird of prey, but don't do it. As Kate Oakley was breastfeeding her daughter, Willow, she heard her pet goose, Frankie, squawking at the front of the house. Of course.

Kate Oakley could tell there was something wrong, so she peered outside and saw that an eagle was circling her beloved pet. That's not her normal squawk. Yeah. She's trying to tell me something. I know a squawk. But you know that's true, too. You know your dog's barks. Yeah, She's trying to tell me something. I know a squawk. But you know that's true, too. You know your dog's barks.

Yeah, of course. You can always tell, like, oh, something's wrong. Something's wrong. They're scared. They're mad. Because my dog has several barks. And you know, your dog is right up by the mic right now. But there's a dog when it's like, that's like, I need to go outside.

Yeah, yeah. It's a little, hey, how are you? That's someone's out at the door. Right, right. She's just, she rusts outside, half naked, with Will's out at the door. She says, she rushed outside half naked with Willow still at her breast. I want to hear Randy's

breakdown of the dog barks a little more. That someone's outside. That's like, I want to be let out and then, that means give me some food.

Randy's probably doing a seminar at the library. Yeah, dog bark. There's this. She rushed outside half naked with Willow still at her breast, and the drama heightened as the bird of prey grabbed Frankie the goose,

who furiously flapped her wings to try and break free. Hey, you know what's smart around a bird of prey? Holding a baby. Yeah, that's right. What are you doing? An eagle will fuck you up. Here, hold this. Goose would fuck you up.

Eagle's talons could go onto the baby's head and lift it into the... Baby gone. Gone. Baby gone. Gone,. Go on to the baby's head and lift it into the- Baby gone. Gone. Baby gone. Gone, baby gone. Gone, baby gone. I went to the front door with Willow latched on me, just thinking, I'll take a peek out the window.

And that's when, in that split second, the eagle came down and it was at my front door. So I threw the door open. The eagle was at her door. It does not sound like- When the eagle is at your door in the the morning it won't be there no more. Any major doom will tell you. Any major doom will kill you. There was nowhere to put Willow down at that point.

Oakley of North Saanich, British Columbia. That's where we are. I put the baby on the floor inside the door. I shut the door. You know why I love living in British Columbia is that there's nature all around, and it's really nice. There's not a lot of people. There's hardly any traffic.

It's safe. This is my favorite thing about people in Alaska, too. They're like, we live in Alaska because I don't want anybody telling me what to do. I don't want any traffic. It's safe. This is my favorite thing about people in Alaska too. They're like, we live in Alaska because I don't want anybody telling me what to do. I don't want any rules. Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to go chop a bunch of wood because Mother Nature is like,

if you don't do this, we're going to kill you. I'm like, well, wait a minute. Mother Nature is your boss. Come on. You got a new boss now, bitch. Yeah.

She don't care if you didn't get your time cards in. There's no PTO from Mother Nature. Yeah. There's no sexual harassment from Mama Nature. That's right.

It was just a split-second reaction. I've chased off birds of prey many, many times. Oh, let's start counting away. Usually not with a baby. Wearing only her underwear and clutching a feeding four-month-old baby, the mom chased after the eagle to save her goose. Meanwhile, there's one guy jerking off to this going like, great, now I've got to find this.

Finally, all my search terms in one story. So now there's only one video of this. Where's her OnlyFans? Fighting off birds of prey. While breastfeeding. Breastfeeding. You're like, this is my thing? This is it.

This is the worst thing ever. Why couldn't I just like people with big butts? Well, that too. Guys, it worked. The eagle dropped Frankie. Her doorbell camera caught the encounter, which her husband shared on social media. Oh, my God. Her husband goes, babe, we're putting this up on TikTok.

Babe, is it cool if I share this on social media? She's like, well, I don't know. He's like, too late. I already shared it. Excuse me. Is it cool that I shared it on social media? Have you seen that prank it's not i don't like pranks but it's husbands saying hey uh i i you know money's been tight i just for the last few months i created an only fans with all

the pictures you send me oh my god it's like are you and then they put like stacks of cash on the table and be like it's going really good and then you see the most most women are like yeah you violated me you know like they're pissed off but everyone's well someone would be like how good like yeah but he was like yeah this guy just threw it up on tiktok hopefully he asked her consent's super important yeah i hate prank videos too but i saw i just don't like pranks i hate hate pranks in general. That was pretty cringe. I saw a guy who was sort of dressed as like an old British knight in like a fiefdom kind of a thing in a library. There's like a student working. He comes over and he's like, excuse me, I need to see your library card.

And he's like, I have an ID. I don't have it. He's like, you don't have a library card? He's like, no. And he's like, get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of my library and i thought that was the funny that was a funny prank he doesn't work for the library it's great it's great uh even though loads of people have seen the mom of three by the way

her kids are willow who's now five months old at the time when this was given to us it's old it's uh older now yeah uh rollo or willow she not rome is two years old and rider is eight so even though loads of people have seen her topless in her underwear she's not embarrassed she was simply feeding her child and taking care of her pet we get it you can multi-getting it i was simply breastfeeding my child completely topless with no shoes on, and then I tried to be a bird. Jay was kind of right, though. Quote here says, I could have been naked, and I'm like, whatever. I'm feeding my baby. That was part of life.

I'm giving life. I'm sustaining another human being. I'm sorry. Your immortal rules don't apply to me. Are you keeping another human being alive? She was right, though. She was right. I kept another being alive, and then I kept a goose alive.

While many have applauded the mom's superhero feat, Oakley said, it's just what moms do. I don't even really think about it, Oakley said. I feel like it's an accomplishment, I suppose, but for me, this was just a day in the life. Hey, you know what else moms do? They drink too much and regret it the next morning. Right.

This is what moms do? This is the first instance of a mom ever doing this. This is not typically what moms do. You know what moms do? They get drunk and they talk shit about a mom who's not there. That's what I said. In the history of being moms, this is the first instance. First time a breastfeeding woman who's topless ever stopped an eagle from killing their pet.

Now, if we're talking about, like, charms for your wine glass. That's what moms do. Right? That's what moms do. You know what moms do? They go on nextdoor.com and complain about a neighbor. That's right. That's what moms do.

But the other thing is that I'm like- Put stuff on the refrigerator? Also, I wonder how- Meanwhile, cut to her neighbor being like, that fucking goose

just shits all over everything. I wish that eagle would have taken the- You have three kids. What the fuck are you doing with a goose? I wish that eagle would have taken the neighbor's eagle. How much time do fuck are you doing with a goose? I wish that eagle would have taken it. How much time do you have to spend with the goose?

How much time? You're worried about Frankie now? You have three kids. You got an eight-year-old. You got a two-year-old. You got a baby. You're going to take care of a goose? Meanwhile, the neighbor's like, just over a walkie to the other neighbor, release the

eagle. We got to get rid of this goose. But also. I'm shitting all over my life. We got to get rid of this goose. Oakley and her family live on an acre of land and keep chickens ducks and geese the chickens attract an abundance of predators so she has had to fight off different animals trying to take them this is what she does the week of the eagle attack on video the family lost three chickens to some sort of bird of prey probably probably the eagle

they've had frankie for about a year geese often protect flocks of chickens because they can be aggressive but frankie is calm and enjoys enjoys her human companions great she's like part of our family just uh like she just came to check out what was going on in the garden she's always around us and the kids oakley said that any breastfeeding mom knows what it's like juggling a feeding infant while having to care for the family this time it just involved warding off predators breastfeeding itself is a full-time job. You are constantly having a baby on you, and if you have other kids, you're juggling them.

This was just second nature to me. To which her husband's like, Babe, I'm working. Someone's got to put food in the geese's mouth. Babe, I'm bidding on things on eBay. I want to help you out. Babe, I don't want to lose this. I'm so close.

You know the kids? You know the age? You've seen her running from behind? Yes. How old is Kate Oakley? Okay, how old is she? I mean, I glanced at it. It's a white ponytail, right? She's a white-haired woman. Yeah, but she's kind of Targaryen. Let me see it again. Is she in a diaper?

No, those are just full mom, I'm making it through the day pants. Three kids. I mean, I don't know. I kind of want to say 40 in a strange way. 40? So Judd Apatow, this is 40. This is 40. Okay, fine. Jay, what do you think?

She started having kids at 32. Late. I don't know. I think she's 33. 33? Yeah, I think she's 29. Okay. All right.

One of you is exactly right. Now we get to play the game. Who do you think is exactly right? Do you want to stick on 40 or do you want to jump to 29 or 33? You can join up with one of theirs if you don't believe in yourself. I'm going to stick with my gut. I'm going to stick with mine too. I'm sticking with mine.

Everyone's staying put. Story number two ends here. Then we have a little Patreon episode. We're here about some dumb from Scott's life. Yep. Kate Oakley is the third.

29 years old. Yes! Peep, peep, peep. Peep, peep, peep, peep. All right, there you go. My glasses aren't on here. I can't see. That's fair.

I'm going to give you a little teaser of the third story. We got an unexpected visitor in the old house. An unexpected visitor in the house. You never want visitors in the house when they're not expected. And look, we had an eagle. It's a very animal-centric episode.

We'll get to that and a Patreon. On the other side of the break, Scott Rogowski, a.k.a. Rags, is with us. We'll be right back. Stick around. Make a sound. For more Dumb People Town. All right, man. Take us home. Stick around, make a sound for more Dumb People Town. B-U-M-B. I love this guy. Smart. Here we go. Giant python tries entering family bedroom by slithering across the roof. Homeowners fight it off.

She was breastfeeding. I'm kidding. The python. The python was. Okay. I'm not going to reveal how big the python is. We're going to guess that. But if you live in a place where that's possible, you got to secure your roof. A huge. You might be a redneck. Yeah, I might. A big python is. We're going to guess that. But if you live in a place where that's possible, you've got to secure your roof.

A huge- You might be a redneck. Yeah, I might. A big python was- Live in Thailand. Is this in India? Thailand? We're going to find out in a minute. China?

Okay. Northberg in New Jersey. No, no, no. It's actually happening in England. Oh, okay. Big long python was photographed hanging from the roof of a family home in Southampton. Whoa. A lightly colored,

the lightly colored serpent. What does that have to do with anything? Lightly colored serpent? Colorism in the reptile community. That's right. Was first spotted by a neighbor of the family

early morning. It was reportedly trying to get into the house through an open bedroom window. So it is trying. You are a neighbor. So you take out the giant pinking chairs

and you're like, chonk. By the way, lightly colored serpent is how Prince Charles described Meghan Markle. Okay. Or she described his member, a lightly colored serpent, trying to get into her window. All right. Petrified by the giant reptile, the family members used a broom handle to fight it off.

It eventually fell how many feet onto the bonnet of a car parked outside the house? I guess it's the top of a car. Right. How many feet did it fall? They use feet in England? Yeah. I'll go 12. But now I just feel bad for the snake.

I do too, but don't you do the snake? No. 15. Well, it is coming to kill them, Dan. That's it. But the snake isn't like, I'm going to kill people. I'm a murderer. The snake is like, I'm hungry and there's food in there. But in this world, Dan, I'm sorry. I'm going to fight you to kill them, Dan. That's it. But the snake isn't like, I'm going to kill people. I'm a murderer. The snake is like, I'm hungry and there's food in there.

But in this world, Dan, I'm sorry. I'm going to fight you on this one, Dan. It's kill or be killed. In this world, with that kind of a predator, it's kill or be killed. I mean. Snake knows it. Snake's not going to give you. Snake's not going to be like, sorry, baby.

Ooh, excuse me. No, it shouldn't. Snake is like, I'm going to squeeze the shit out of that baby. That's what's tougher for us than animals. They don't feel guilt. Snake don't lie. Snake don't lie. You said how many feet? You said you said 12 how old i said 18 all

right snakes always land on their feet thank you snakes always land on their snakes always land on the tube of their body uh fell 20 feet onto the bottom of a car according to neighbor the snake was so heavy that it made an almighty thud on the ground. Almighty? How British is that? An almighty thud. Bloody hell. An almighty thud. Jenny Warwick first noticed the enormous snake slithering across the roof of the house opposite her own.

I saw something on the roof. I'm always staring at my neighbor's house. I thought it might be a plastic tube. This is very Harry Potter. But then its head started moving. I told my husband, I told my husband, Stephen, but he said,

don't be silly. In other words, shut the fuck up. You're always talking about saffron roofs. You're always seeing serpents. Spinning tails. I have a dog called Rodney.

That to me is always so funny. The called. Yes, he's called. I have a dog called Rodney. That to me is always so funny. The called. Called. Yes, he's called Rodney. He's called Rodney. And he was really barking and going mad. He was going mad. He was going mental.

He was going mental. So Rogowski talked about in our Patreon about how he was pushing the point of being mad. You were mad. I wonder if this Rodney, this dog called Rodney, went as mad as you. And that dog gets no respect. Right. No respect at all. Hey, I get no respect at all.

Soon, passers on the residential road were horrified by the giant snake. That's how big the snake is. You got people walking being like, oh, my God. That's coming from the heavens. Jeez. After the snake fell from the roofs. It's biblical. It was transferred to a neighbor who used to keep snakes in her house.

Oh, this is – So now you've got to give it to Joan. Suspect number one. Enter Joan. I'll take it. This looks a lot like the one you had five years ago, but it was smaller. She used to keep snakes in her house until it escaped and landed on the neighbor's house. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like, Ithons aren't indigenous to London. I used to keep snakes, so I'll take that one. I wonder how that got up on the roof. The serpent identified as a Burmese python was kept in the neighbor's

observatory from Burma until it woke up. I don't think it ever woke up I was woken by people bang this is the serpent lady okay I was woken by people I was working by people by about a snipe in the road now I made it Australian it wasn't mine but I said they could it wasn't mine, but I said they could. It wasn't mine. That's how you start something. It wasn't mine. Shaggy defense. Somebody slid it on the rooftop. It wasn't mine.

Tried to get into the window. It wasn't me. It fell 20 feet onto a car. It wasn't me. Said I could leave it in my... This is my favorite thing. Couldn't leave it in the shower. So this is my favorite thing. It's like either the article got it wrong or like no one proofread this shit.

The serpent identified, I'm going to read this paragraph for you, as a Burmese python was kept in the neighbor's observatory until it woke up. Now, this is the neighbor's quote. I said they could leave it in my conservatory until it woke up. Is it the observatory or the conservatory? Or is he pissed that it's in his observatory because he said he could put it in the conservatory? Professor Plum with the python in the observatory or the conservatory? Or is he pissed that it's in his observatory? I'm going to solve it. I'm going to solve it. Professor Plum with the python in the conservatory.

Did I win? Did I win? It was a very dangerous snake, and it's massive, said the neighbor who kept the snake. She kept it. She's like, it's mine now. It's mine now. I love having things in my house that could kill me. I love having a snake in my house.

That could kill me. Later, the woman called up a man who turned up at a residence and took the snake away. That's just the way things go in this business. Snake transfer. A woman called a man who turned up at the house. You mean Animal Protective Services? No. Just a man turned up at the house and then walked away.

We used to have a weed guy. Now we have a snake guy. I got a snake guy. Call the man to turn up around the house. Take the snake away. It's a massive snake. Snake delivery. We're going to end this episode with the great Scott Rogowski, who we love so much.

Who is so beautiful. QDC.VTG on Instagram. Look at his stuff. If you're in LA, I beg of you, go to his store. First of all, you'll hang with him. It is such a fun hang. And second of all, there's Chris over there. We at his stuff. If you're in LA, I beg of you, go to his store. First of all, you'll hang with him. It is such a fun hang and second of all,

there's crazy stuff. We could be there. Use code DPT for 20% off. Booyah! A booyah! Mention this pod. Mention this pod

and you heard me here. In-store purchases only. Love it. All right, here we go. How long, lengthwise, was this massive snake? All right.

11 feet. 11 feet. 11 feet. Jay? 16 feet. Scotty? It dropped 20 feet. Dropped 20 feet with an almighty foot. You say 11 feet.

If it dropped 20 feet, I'm guessing it's bigger than 20. I'm guessing 25 feet. 25 feet. Wow. That is massive. Get your answers in. That's a big snake. That's a big old snake.

Get your answers in. How long is the foot? You got to call two men to get that Burmese python How about I'm gonna go back down to eight feet Eight feet Eleven, sixteen, get your answers in Townies, cause this Burmese

Python that dropped twenty feet with an Almighty thud was put into The snake lady's observatory or Conservatory depending upon who you ask It's a conservative observatory. A man winds up, shows up, just takes it away. Takes the snake away. This snake, Burmese python, 18 feet long.

Oh! 18 feet! That's huge. So there was a point at which when it was falling, the tip of the thing was almost at the window. So it fell two feet. Right. It fell two feet. You're right. Let's not make the window. And then I fell two feet. Right. It fell two feet.

You're right. Let's not make it a big deal that it fell 20 feet. It was almost a thing. So there you go. So there you go. That is the story, you guys. Be careful of that which crawls on your roof and the neighbor who has too many snakes in your house.

Check out the Quiz Daddy's closet. It's at QDC.VTG. I want to name these stories today. This one's Rattler on the Roof. Rattler on the Roof. This one's Bold Eagle. Bold Eagle. And what's that one?

I forgot that story. That was the CrossFit Brazil? CrossFit Brazil. Yeah. CrossFit Brazil. Go, go to chow. I think someone else named that. Go, go to chow. There you go.

And that is the story. Thank you, Scott Rogowski, for joining us. Thank you to all of you guys. Hope you have a wonderful Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, everything, Festivus, all you celebrate, and New Year. And we got still content that's going to be coming out. And oh shit, guys, we're going to get back to work. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum. Stick around. Make a sound. Lock it down.

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