Dumb People Town - Sean Blair-Flannery - Functional Family

Episode Date: July 29, 2022

This week Sean Blair-Flannery comes to town to hang with Daniel and Randy. This week's story is all about the limits of family.

Skypains Avenue Hey townies, welcome to a Friday episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Flannery. Sean Flannery. Sean Flannannery what's up dude from the blackout diaries what's going on fellas thanks for having me dude this is a match made in heaven i mean it's like i know i was thinking this is like the most handcrafted podcast for me to appear on it's you know you and and i'm gonna say this in like the best possible way you give me great and we love this guy so much, Kyle Ayers vibes. Do you know Kyle Ayers?

Great comic. You have those vibes and also just hilarious energy and also nice guy energy. Exactly. Oh, I love it. I've got to meet this Kyle guy. He's the best Kansas City guy. Kansas City is really funny. So as you know, the world is getting dumber, my friend,

and we try and beat it back with a sort of comedy. And our friends send us stories, all of our fans, who we consider our friends, Daniel. And you can go to at Daniel Van Kirk, hashtag dumb people town. And that gives him the order of who sends the stories in. Which, by the way, we should mention that we are talking about, just because we've been doing this podcast, Sean, for 10 years now. Yeah, I think we'll have a little announcement probably later.

When is this? Is this July this comes out? This comes out in July. So I bet in August. In August we're going to announce just a little. We're going to try and do some things slightly differently. Some fun stuff. Yeah, on the show.

Some fun new wrinkles to what you guys already love while keeping it exactly how it is. So anyway, let's jump into a story right now, Sean. Ready? Let's do it. Sent in by Joseph. Gaccione. Hey, Gaccione. That's correct, right?

I feel like we go over this every time. G-A-C-C-I-O-N-E. Gaccione. Gaccione. It's part of the Gaccione crime family, right? It's like when you're hanging out with mobsters and you do the game where you're like, I got you. Gaccione. I got you.

Yeah. Ione is nose in Italian, right i think it is uh at ancient wisdom uh that's also uh where you can find at uh joseph gacchioni sean my wife is like an old hippie and she had her favorite music from her time when she was following the dead around was and, and this is the hippiest sounding band that used the sounds of frogs as an entire song. The name of their band was called Ancient Futures. It's so ancient with the futures, bro. Anyway. Sometimes you can hear-

It could be the name of a hand lotion. Sure. Or a store in the mall. Right next to Natural Wonders is Ancient Futures. I need to get some sunglasses. Go to Ancient Futures. They're next to Wilson's Leather. It's retro and they look new.

It's right next to Tape World. Okay. And Spencer's. Here's the headline. Ready? Pizza delivery driver sues friends who won lotto. Now look. Hang on a second.

No, you need to know something about this story. I'm in my own personal Mandela effect because I am convinced that I read this story before on an episode. I've never heard it. You two told me we had not. Never heard it. Lissa has the same condition I do where she's also not sure. No. As recently as yesterday, we had a conversation where I was like,

did we talk about it and then do it? I've never done it. Or never do it at all? Sean Flannery is here, so whatever we're going to talk about is going to be new. I'm looking forward to hearing this because this is a story that sounds

like what really happened is the way my kids view the world. My kids think everybody sues everybody all the time. I don't know if you have, like, young boys. But, like, whenever, like, a restaurant screws up our order or something, like, Dad, are you going to sue them? Like, what are you going to do? We've become so litigious. Your boys are so litigious, man.

So your friend wins the lottery. You forgot to tell us that your son is Alan Dershowitz. We understand. Yeah, pizza delivery driver sues friends who won lottery. Yeah. And tell us that your son is Alan Dershowitz. We understand. Yeah, pizza delivery driver sues friends who won lottery. Yeah. We got to get some of that? He's got to get it.

Nobody can take an L anymore. Nobody can be happy for anyone else. Nobody can get broken up with. Nobody can watch someone else be successful. Nobody's friends can win the lottery. Have you guys seen that clip of Jay-Z talking to Kevin Hart about loaning people money? No. Okay, it's been going around. It's really interesting how specific Jay-Z gets with what he's talking about.

You're like, oh, this happened. Oh, yeah. He goes, you can't help people. The problem is you go out and change your life and find all this success, and you want to go home to have normality. But you coming home isn't norm to all the people you grew up with who never left. And they stay in that mode of life and that train of thought and all those things. So you are almost a foreigner to them.

So they treat you as foreign. You don't have a home. Then you can't go home because – You don't have a home. And then he goes – and then when they hit you up for money and they come at you and be like, can I get $4,800? And it was so specific. And he goes – $4,800?

He goes, and your cousin's like, can I get $4,800? You're like, I'm not going to give you $4,800 because they don't understand because they say to you, give me $4,800. I'm going to turn that around. You're going to get $2,000,000, $3,000,000 back. And you want to tell these people because you're out here in the world, that's not how it works. I'm not going to get $2,000,000, $3,000 to get two three million for giving you 4 800 i don't care what the idea

it just doesn't work like that and he goes and then you know they hit you with that oh you don't believe in my dreams and you're like this is a real conversation that jay-z has had with his family um wasn't there a guy in florida who won the lottery and like you know they do a press conference where it's over a certain amount and he wore like a robe to disguise his identity he didn't want anyone know like he like looked at his family and friends he's like these people can't know I don't trust them I don't want them to know this is happening yeah so that's what you get when you win the lottery congratulations you now have a lifetime of looking over your shoulder at the people in your life.

We just gave you the worst thing, which is a lack of peace of mind. Right. Yeah. Well, a Canadian pizza delivery man has filed suit against the winners of a lottery prize claiming the group of his friends that are, quote, like family to him left him out of his share of the winnings. Sure. They all won the lottery. He didn't.

We're like family. There's a famous story that we had on our podcast of a former character where he gave someone $100 to put in a slot machine. The flat oil fight. She won $100,000, and they had agreed to share it at the very beginning. She walked up to the front, cashed it in, took the money, said to security, keep that man away from me. Well, because the casino says we don't pay the person who paid for the bet. We pay the person who placed it.

You pay the person who pulled the lever. Pushes the button or pulls the lever. So that might be the situation here. Well, a lawyer representing the group says the man did not pay into the pool for the winning ticket and therefore is not entitled to any part of the prize. He gave them free breadsticks. Yeah, but he's saying you guys are all

in a pool, but he didn't pay into it. Here's what happened. Philip Soso's. Soso's? TSO. How's the pizza? T-S-O-S. How's the pizza there? Eh, it's Soso's. It's alright. Let's see. Philip Soso's, a pizza delivery driver from Windsor, Ontario, told CBC that he has been a member of the lottery pool for how long?

How many years do you guys think he was in this pool that he did not pay in to this most recent time? Now, is this something – I could see he might have a case if every – for 10 years straight he's paying into the pool and he was late some Monday and that was the Monday they won. So how many years do you think he's been in it to feel like? To feel he has a case, I'm going to guess he's been in it for over five years.

Yeah. Okay, we'll give you five. Good guess. Jay, what do you think? Two and a half years. Okay. I think seven years. I'm with Sean.

He's been a member of this lottery pool with his friends that are like family. Essentially, we call that an Olive Garden. Family. Yeah. He's in an Olive Garden situation. He's in the Olive Garden. He's endless a member of this lottery pool with his friends that are like family. Essentially, we call that an Olive Garden. Family. Yeah. He's in an Olive Garden situation. He's in the Olive Garden. He's endless breadsticks. What did I say?

For six years. You guys split it. You guys split it. You guys split it. Just like they should have split the lottery with him. Just like they should have split some money with him. Or thrown a little something. Give him a bone.

Give him $100,000. By the way, that's a tip to the delivery guy. Yeah. This lottery pool or group won the Ontario Lottery and Gaming Association's big prize with a Lotto Max ticket last summer. And that he remained a member of the pool of former colleagues at an auto parts delivery business even after leaving the job shortly before the win. So they all work together for like an auto zone. And he leaves the job but stays in the pool. Stays in the win. So they all work together for like an AutoZone or a Napa. And he leaves the job but stays in the pool. Stays in the pool.

So-So says he has text messages to prove that he was in on the pool and that he was devastated to learn on social media that his ex-co-workers won the prize and had left him out. Now he's suing. To learn it on social media. That's like an extra kick in the nuts. Yeah, like when athletes find out they got traded and stuff like that. It's just literally like one of his friends from AutoZone

over a new muffler just making it rain. Now he's suing the group of 16 people for what he says was his rightful claim of how much money. Okay, so we don't know how much they won total. Do we know? No. We're going to figure it out right now. Divided 16 ways.

How much do you think? It's got to be over, I'm going to guess, $5 million. Okay. Wow. What was the mega prize? Sure. And I've converted it to- So it could be tens of millions of dollars.

I've converted to U.S. dollars, too. But, Sean, he's got to split it 16 ways. Yeah, but you're going for the whole pot. The guess is for the pot. So I'm going to say $10 million. Okay. I'm going to say $20 million. What do you think, Sean? I'm going to go higher. whole pot the guess is for the pot so i'm gonna say 10 million dollars okay i'm gonna say 20 million dollars what do you i'm gonna say i'm gonna i'm gonna go higher i'm gonna say uh 35 million wow okay i say 20 jay says 10 sean says 35 all right i say we're gonna take a break okay come back we'll talk about everything we all have going on and where you can hang out with us and

enjoy what we do we'll be right back after this. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Don't People Town. Hey, Tonys. Welcome back to the show. Before we get into cool things that Sean is doing and how you can follow and support him, we want to mention to you guys,

I think this is out, when is this out, Liz? This is in August? This Friday. Okay okay so two two small things it's this friday right next friday still that still counts tomorrow yeah so this is out on friday tomorrow randy and i the thing we've been asked about for the last 15 years when are you bringing that gift you're giving cheap seats this is our gift to you. We're including you in this. Our show, Cheapseats, is being rebooted. We rebooted it.

We shot six of them. It's called The Nosebleeds. It's for UFC. Some of you may say, how do I find it? It's on UFC Fight Pass. That's where these episodes are going to live. But I don't have UFC Fight Pass. Aha!

We got you covered. The first episode will be shown for free on UFC's official YouTube page. It'll be out tomorrow. So here's what we're asking all of you to do. If every single person listening to this podcast does this right now for us, it would be great. Watch the show numerous times. Watch it. You'll love it. There are so many jokes, it's only like 19 minutes. So watch the whole show.

Leave a nice comment because those things actually go a long way with the people who are making decisions if we get to make because we want to make more and we think this is the best version of the show dan worked on it so it's wonderful it's funny i mean you guys are offering something that everybody gets to enjoy they're lucky that it's free and they're lucky they have an opportunity to get more of them so guys go check it out laugh at some of the jokes i wrote you dan wrote a lot of great jokes so many Dan wrote two of my favorite jokes in the entire series. The mop? Yeah, the mop joke.

That joke was so good, Dan, we put it in the show description of the show. And I'll say this, Dan did another joke that appears in the first episode where we introduce all the fighters who will be on the show.

I'm not going to give the joke away, but it's one of my favorites. I still break up. It was such a good joke that as we were recording the joke, I couldn't get through the joke. Because it was that good. Because I was laughing too hard.

Feel free to write in the comments, I'm here for Daniel's jokes. Daniel's jokes in this episode are unbelievable. I want other fans of UFC to go, who the fuck is Daniel? And why do all these comments say, I'm here for Daniel's jokes? Daniel's jokes are unbelievable. Please, more episodes of this show. Give him more work. So Daniel Van Kirk can be seen live at Daniel Van Kirk.

Yeah, I got all these dates coming out. They might be out by the time this drops. You should be looking for me definitely in Tulsa on Friday the 26th. Yep, Blue Whale. I'm headlining. Rory's going to be there, too. So me and Rory Scovel just doing headlining sets at the same exact time. No, that's a John Doerr bit that he does.

Hilarious. So go to get your stuff for Blue Whale Comedy and then look for me right now. And then I think I'm going to be in Oklahoma City, Dallas, and Fayetteville. If those don't end up coming together, but they should, I'll obviously come back to there. One other thing, I am doing a charity event in Wisconsin at a place called White Lake Resort. If you go to DanielVanCirk.com, all the proceeds are going to help a member of that community who is battling cancer. It's a person I've known for a very long time. They reached out to me and said, hey, can you make this happen? I said, sure.

So if you want to see me in rural Wisconsin, go to danielvancurk.com. All right, Sean, tell people how they can find you and what you do and just introduce it to people who maybe have never heard it. Yeah, well, I host a new podcast that's debuting next week, also on Starburns Audio, called The Blackout Diaries. We've been a live show in Chicago. It's basically everyday people plus stand-up comics telling true drinking stories with photos from the events. Wonderful. Oh, my God. And it's so funny because a diary is a,

this is what I love about it, a diary is something you take great pains to record everything that happened to you, which is the thing that most people who are drunk

cannot remember. Yes. Well, but it's easier to remember now with like, you know, cell phones and everything. Sure. It's like piecing together

a crime. Yeah. The show was once, one of the early reviewers called it, it's still my favorite review of the show. They called it, she said, it felt like I attended a reverse AA meeting. That's great. It's drunk memento is what it is.

Oh, it's so good. But I have that. And then I also wrote a book during lockdown that just came out. You can get it on my website, SeanBearFlannery.com, B-A-I-R, called Places I Can't Return To, which is a bunch of funny stories about towns I can't go back to. That's awesome. I love that you are banned from entire towns. Whether it's self-imposed or you did something that could get you in trouble, I think that is brilliant.

There are just places on this map that you can't go to. I just can't go back. Can you give us one example of a place just so people just give a little tease of it? I will give you one example, and I'll tell the whole story later on in the episode. I cannot go back to Summit Mall in Fairlawn, Ohio. Perfect.

Oh, God. A whole mall. Some would say you shouldn't want to. Yeah. Some would say you did it. Checked off. That'll be on Patreon. That'll be our Patreon fans. Okay, you guys want to finish out this story to. Yeah. You did it. Checked off. That'll be on Patreon. That'll be our Patreon fans.

Okay, you guys want to finish out this story? Yeah, let's do it. Okay, this dude, our pizza delivery guy, is suing a group of 16 for what he says is his rightful claim of how much money the total pot, the guess is where, Jason? I said $10 million. I said $20 million, and Sean switched it to $35 million. Now, let me just say, before we find out this answer, okay, of how much money it is. Sure. Right now in the story, whose side are you on, Sean?

Well, you don't know all the details, but I like so far. I like knowing right now, like, where do we land? Yeah, I like when you watch the needle move throughout a story. I think if it is just like, hey, I didn't get the money to you on time that Monday. You know, I feel like if he's your buddy, you've got to let him get into the pot. But if he hasn't been paying in for years and years and this guy's always just giving you excuses behind on the money, then I'm kind of on the friend's side.

It's kind of like a poker game, right? If it's your first time at a poker game and you win, you don't get to leave. No, you have to keep – If you've been playing for years and oh, it's the first time in a year that you won that night, yeah, go get out of here. There are rules that get bent. You've lost enough. He's lost for six years with these people. He's put money in the bank.

Also, if you're dividing something up 16 ways versus dividing it up 17 ways, it's not a huge difference. Sure. 15 versus 16. It changes someone's life. Yeah. So anyway, so okay. The total amount of the jackpot one is. This is the total amount, so then we got to divide by. This is the pot.

So we got to divide by 16. Sure. I can do that in my brain. Okay. $790,000. That's a lot of money. So it's about 50,000 apiece. Is it? Because it's 16. I trust000 apiece. Is it?

Because it's 16. I trust you. Divided by 16 times 50 is $800,000. I hope people write in the comments, I'm here for Randy's math. That's what I want. I want the YouTube for nosebleeds to be full. I'm here for Daniel's jokes, and I'm here for Randy's math. I've been doing so much math.

And I want people who know how to do arm bars to be reading these, being like, what are these people talking about? Can I just tell you that I've been doing so much 9th grade to 10th grade math with my daughter that like... All right, 816 goes into 885 times. It's $50,000. $50,000.

$790,450. I'm going to divide it right now. Hold on, hold on. I'm already on it. It's 49,000 something. 7,904,50. Divided by 16. Divided by 16. $49,000 something. 7, 9, 0, 4, 5, 0. Divided by 16. Divided by 16.

$49,400. $50,000. That's right. Now. Divided by 17. What? We get the number? Yeah, that is.

It's like 3,000 less, right? It's not even. Not even. All right. 7, 9, 0, 4, 5, 0 divided by 17 equals $46,400. It is $3,000. You lost $3,000. Dan, nice math. Right. So you 17 equals 46,400. You lost $3,000. Nice math. Right.

So you lose $3,000. Right. And you're going to cut this guy out for $3,000. It's not like life changing. For $3,000. I do think wanting to sue over only $50,000 puts you in an interesting position because it's not a lot of money, right? Which means you've got to get the kind of lawyer that isn't going to cost you a lot of money

to win a case that is probably difficult. Well, they're probably going to take somewhere between 20% and 30%, right? So here we go, Rand. Now, you've got $46,000. 20%, one-fourth of that. Right, it's about $9,000. Yeah, $9,200. $9,200.

$46,000 is, no, no, no, $46,000. $9,200. Well, 10% is $4,600. 10% is $4,000. Yeah. $9,200. $9,200. $46,000 is, no, no, no. $46,000. $9,200. Well, 10% is $4,600. 10% is $4,600. 20% is $9,200. That's a good, that's a decent, you put somebody, put one of your new partner, not even a partner, a new, you just hired out of law school, went to Michigan Air. You want to take this case?

Go win this case for me in a week. Put some pressure on these guys. This is what, this is quotes from Soso's. He said, quote, why wouldn't they tell me they won? These guys are like family to me. Well, maybe that's the family. Well, that's the family. You have a certain family.

Have you ever noticed the phrase like family is only used after a terrible severing of the relationship? When you're actively like family, you never use that phrase. You don't even evaluate it. But this is more like family than anything else. Oh, you came to San Diego and you never called me? Yeah, because I don't want to hang out with you. I got four meals to eat here. Olive Garden should change it to, when you're here,

you're like good family. You're like functional family. You're like the family you like. Soso's acknowledges that there were times he did not pay for his part of the pool right away, but that the group operated on an opt-out basis, and that he always eventually paid what he owed. So he has a record.

So you have to say you're out, otherwise you owe your money. That's right. So if you didn't pay, they still buy all the same amount of tickets. And then you're in, unless you've said pre-op. I don't know if I'm behind him anymore. I don't know if I'm behind him anymore. He know i don't know behind him anymore he claims that he was at the time that they want to pay he was carrying a tab of how much money okay so what what did he owe to the group was that they were like well fuck him he owes us just about anyway he's obviously not in

is it wrong to say $46,000? Sean, what do you think his tab was? This guy sounds like a deadbeat. I'm guessing it's... You've come off of this guy. So-so. You are not so-so on so-so. I'm guessing it's $300. Okay.

Randy or Jay? Jason? I'm going to say $600. $600? I'm going to say $2,000. He was currently carrying a tab of... Come on, Townies. Get him in right now, because I'm about to say $600. $600. I'm going to say $2,000. He was currently carrying a tab of, come on, Townies, get them in right now, because I'm about to say $30 with the group. That's nothing.

That's screwing. Now I'm back on his side. I'm with him again. God, this is the most like family ever. You love them. You hate them. You love them. It's yo-yo.

He was carrying a tab of $30 with the group ahead of the winning drawing and has text messages showing that the lottery pools organizer steven tedesco told so so tedesco told so so tedesco and so so tedesco tedesco so so and what the new risole and aisles tedesco told so so to pay the 30 plus another 10 to stay in the pool he would so leading into the winning week the guy, pay your 30 plus another 10. So he was already counting him in for being that weak until they won. Soso claims that Tedesco also agreed over text that the $40

could be taken out of the prize if the group was to win. Wow. Which I also never like. Well, if I win, then I'll pay. If you win, then I'll pay. Sure, but if he agreed to that, you owe him the money. But Tedesco told Soso that if he did win and pay out of that,

he would have to pay a higher interest rate for the service. So you pay $80. This is essentially the mob. He should sue for the interest rate. That's the Vic. Yes! They should double the interest rate. The Vic?

Yes. I think it's called the Vic. Both work. Hey, tell me this. I'll take a big. Now, if those guys would have said, look, here's the deal. This is so confusing. Here's the deal.

I know. Interest rates. In for 30. Pay your 10. Divided by 16, 17. We've converted it. For the record, in Canada, it was a million bucks. What were you saying, Jim?

I was going to say, look, you owe every single person on this thing 100 bucks because you're late. So that's 1,600 bucks. I would say you owe all G. 1,000. You owe all G. You would still come out with 30 grand. Yeah. Yeah.

You owe everybody a G. Yeah. Do you want a G? Sure. Okay. He says he had to pay a higher interest rate. The lawyer representing the group of So Soso's friends slash family says the pizza delivery driver, that's mean, he's trying

to shade him with that, has no claim to the winnings. Mr. Soso, there's a quote, did not pay to play, which is how lottery works. So we deny that he is entitled to any of the relief that he is seeking and will be vigorously defending the claim, attorney David Robbins

told the CBC. In this instance, he did not play and he was not included. I have to find out what happened in this story, Dan. You don't have the answer. No, but I will close it out with this. We will leave here today with this. How much money is Mr. Soso suing for? Okay. Now, he's entitled.

It should be $46,000. $46,000. Yeah. If they split it, he's entitled to $46,000. What do If they split it, he's entitled to $46,000. What do you guys think he's suing for? All right. What do you think? Well, he's got a lawyer.

So I'm going to say with emotional distress and everything, he's asking for $300,000. Okay. No way. I'm going to say $50,000. Okay. Just a little bit more. I think he's asking for about, I think he's going to go triple what it was. Okay.

So $ 150,000 okay the amount of money any last words last words are blackout blackout diaries and then listen to our

go if you're not a member of our patreon join the patreon I love the black I was always when I was in Chicago it was always a dream of mine to do it

but I wasn't any good at comedy yet or telling stories blackout diaries and the book the book one more time people can pick up is uh places i can't return to okay i can't wait to hear that story all right nosebleeds tomorrow tomorrow i'm here for randy's math please tomorrow watch the nose

bleeds and send us your dpt love it's it's we need it the best. It's our gift to you, and then your gift back to us as well. Costs you nothing. Mr. Soso is suing for $70,000. Oh, that was close to me. Plus interest, which he says is his rightful claim. Wow. Your rightful claim. Anytime you throw a rightful claim, you've kind of already lost. Now I'm back on the honest side. No, the only rightful claim you have is to $46,000.

Get it. Period. Minus 40. That's the lawyer's fee. So he's doing his lawyer fees on top. This is a crazy story and a perfect Friday episode. Again, Blackout Diaries, so excited. Great to have you on the show.

Thank you. Maybe you'll be our guest when we're in Chicago. It would be great to have you be a part of that show. We'll be there on October 14th doing a live show. His name is Sean Bear Flannery. We are the Skly Brothers and he is Danny VanKirk. This is Dumb People Town. And oh shit, we've got to get back to work.

Stick around. Make a sound. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Stick around. Make a sound. Calm your down. It's Dumb People Town. Starbanes Audio, a podcast network.