Dumb People Town - Seth Green - There Will Be Sauce

Episode Date: March 27, 2018

This week, Seth Green (Robot Chicken) joins the Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk in Dumb People Town! In Story #1, a naked man on an ATV leads the authorities on a chase. Story #2 features a man who tries to get out of a DUI by offering the cop weed. In Story #3, a man steals a pot of meatballs. Finally, a voicemail from Kris Kristofferson wraps up the show.

It's a good show! Couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Man, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, talk your downies, Dumb People Town. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population you. Population Green. Yeah.

Seth Green. We went green. Seth Green is with us. What's up, buddy? Hey, thanks. Yeah, easy on the emotion, brother. No, chill. I just want to keep it together.

You hold it together. It is great to see you. You're back from Thailand. You've emerged. It's good to have you in one piece. Yeah, thanks. And I've been such a fan of yours for so long. I'm so happy that we get a chance to just goof around today.

Me too. This is what it's about. The world is getting dumber. Let's just be honest. You've been in Thailand. I don't know if it's smarter in Thailand. Well, the cats are. People were really nice in Thailand.

Of course they were. Yeah, everyone was incredibly gracious and friendly they're nice you can't tell the girls from the boys there's definitely well you know less than I thought

I had a character in this movie that was supposed to be sort of ambiguously gendered and there just weren't as many people auditioning that fit that bill

as I would have expected maybe they're just like I don't want to go into acting I'm happy that doesn't seem like it I know right everybody't want to go into acting. I'm happy to be in that. That doesn't seem like it. Yeah, why me?

Everybody would want to do it. And the film you mentioned, that's your film. Yeah, you guys already had Brecken on, right? Yes. So anybody that would know

that would know that we did this, did a movie together in Thailand. Yeah, and it's called? Where we play Old Best Friends. I love it.

And it's called? Changeland. Changeland. Yeah. It's about the story of him buying a He-Man sword and bringing it over to your house. What if it. And it's called? Changeland. Changeland. Yeah. It's about the story of him buying a He-Man sword and bringing it over to your house. What if it was? Oh, my God. He told us about that when he did this.

What did he say? He's like, I bought this He-Man prop sword. And I was like, Seth, I have to come over to your house right now and show you my He-Man sword. But he said the thing about it was the weight of it was so fantastic. The weight of the sword. It was actually like a heavy sword. A broadsword. That's what you need yeah you

can't take that on a plane i mean you you probably need to check it underneath and get a special ticket for it like it's like a dot you have to it's like my spirit weapon yeah it's my spirit weapon i can't travel without it i only it's an emotional weapon for me did you play a dnd or video games or anything we did we played video games but not dnd we i wish we would have played dnd it's so creative when you played video games but not D&D. I wish we would have played D&D. It's so creative. When you played video games did you play sword games or gunplay? Dragon's Lair was like

the early version of one of those. That was the first like actual video game that used animation in an arcade. Yes. It had some animation.

So it was like a Disney character like came with like the big eyelashes and you know. I want to say it was Don Bluth. I can't, boy.

Everyone that, oh, my nerd crud just flying over. Don Bluth. And Don Bluth created Bluth Tooth, which was at Sklar Brothers. At Sklar Brothers. I'm sorry. How do you know? You don't know what Bluth Tooth is.

Maybe it's just the ability to listen to a video game. No, when Don Bluth died, all of his teeth were pulled from his head and then ground into fine powder and most powerful drugs on the planet and then the rest of the teeth were turned into earbuds yeah you can assure you fuck yeah Bluetooth I realized I completely talked over you and I apologize no I don't welcome to dumb people tell me that is that's the way I'm sorry your voice is a little i know i'm under i was telling jason that i'm this is the best stephen wright i could do yeah you're listening to k billy super song

playing all the hits all weekend long i love it except we have a 1973 classic dancing in the middle with you i love it dude you're on it uh so we're getting stuck in the middle with you world is getting dumber we know that and our in the middle with you. World is getting dumber. We know that. And our only way to fight it is through comedy. We got great stories sent to us by our awesome fans and thank you to all of our fans who sent them. And thank you to all of them. I hope people listen to that amazing live one

in Brooklyn. We've got another live one coming up in Chicago. We're going to do on May 4th at North Bar, which is a Friday night. It's already selling out. It's already selling out. Get your tickets if you want to there. That's sandwiched between two stand-up shows we're doing with Dan Van Kirk, so definitely come out to those.

But it's so fun to do it live and all of our fans came and Red Store, they brought their own headlines and we broke them down the four of us. So Dan, you got a great story. Let's jump into it right now.

I do. This one's sent in by Brett Fast, at B-A Fast. B-A-F-A-S-T. B-Fast. He sent in to Dumb People Town, hearing a super Dumb People town sounds of the 70s. All right.

I could do it all day. Dan Wright. All right, here we go, guys. Ready? Yes. This is fun. One person is in custody after a naked man on an ATV reportedly led authorities on a pursuit Sunday afternoon.

reportedly led authorities on a pursuit sunday afternoon which is not when you normally think a naked guy on a four-wheeler is gonna just start changing his life i mean once you've spent all day at church and yeah right that's all there's no other move to make at that point this well sunday it's your day it's like it's god it's the lord's day get out of those clothes and i mean is there is up. This is the day. Oh, none of you guys know this old Christian song. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Now, when you walk across a bridge, sometimes like I walk across, if you're walking over

a bridge, we were in Minneapolis this past weekend, I walked over a bridge and it was pretty high up over the water. And there's just like one moment inside of me where I'm like, I could jump this. What if I jump? What if I jumped? And there's like a little thing. It's like I'm like I could jump this what if I jump what if I jumped and there's like a little thing it's like go ahead

jump off this bridge just go ahead and jump and then there's another part of you that's like no no no that's the dumbest fucking idea ever and that part wins

like the part that's like stop stop stop don't do it there is the same thing although there's no death involved but with like I just take off my clothes and just

I feel like people now are giving in to the thing that says just take them off. Yeah. Like, who cares? More people streaking than ever before. I think more than ever before. It's a stir on a hot streak.

Culturally, we're reverting to the same battles of the 60s. It stands to reason that our culture would respond in the same way. I'm going to take this. Well, okay. Well, here's what we know. We bought protesting back. Protesting is back at an all-time high since the 60s and early 70s. So, but is he in trouble because he, I'm assuming the ATV is stolen.

If it's not stolen, is he in trouble? It's a safe bet. Is he in trouble because he's naked riding an ATV? I'm just assuming the seats. Look at my butt. The seat smells terrible. That's what he says as he passes people. What's up, officers?

My butt? That's the smallest reason why we pulled over. Not that you have a small butt. We're just telling you that. And we see it, but we're not going to actually look at it. Because I didn't stand up or put things in the plate when I went in this morning. Turn off the ATV, sir, first. You know, this is Profile and you're assuming that I'm intoxicated

and I'm actually just naked. Turn it off. Turn off the ATV, sir. I'm 10 feet away. Turn off the car that you're... No, not ATB. Jesus Christ. Alright. I don't even watch American Idol. Nope. That isn't it either. Lay him down. Lay him down.

Don't lay him down. Lay him down. What are you, Conway Twitty? Conway Twitty, drink this and lie very still. I'm going to get an STD from the ground. This isn't fair. He might. You're in violation of all of my rights. You're in violation.

That's why we're here. Sir, sir. It's my bike. No, it's not a bike. We can have the kind of relations that we want. It is none of your business. Not with a bike. No. It's not a bike. We can have the kind of relations that we want. It is none of your business. No. Not with a bike. Make him smell the seat. That's what I would say if I was a cop. That's police brutality. Corporations are people.

You don't know the seats. Make him smell the seat. Make him smell the seat. Me and the seat, we got an agreement. Technically, he has a point. Technically, he and the seat does have an agreement. Keep rubbing me on the ground. I'm going to have more of a point. Police. Also, we always say this in Dumb People Town. Sunday afternoon, when did this start?

That's Saturday night holdover. That might be like. Like, he's been going since Friday when he punched out of work. I've got twin gas tanks on this bitch. That's not true either. They circulate. No. And I can fill one while I'm driving.

Sir. That's why I've got all these gas cans strapped to the back of my vehicle. What are you, Mad Max? There's no... Hey, man. The way things are going, I'm going to look like a genius.

Right. We're heading there. Over water. Like, he definitely said, turn off the ATV, and he was like, America doesn't have talent. It would be great if when the cops rolled up,

they were like, Mayor? I'm waiting to hear Hasselhoff's determination before I get off the stage. Well, that's a bad way. We got him. Quite frankly, unless Katy Perry tells me to go home, I'm not going home. Yeah, that's definitely.

Get Perry. Police originally got the call at 2 p.m. that a naked man later identified as Jonathan A. Menth. So close to meth. I mean, he's a meth addict. And nickname, Jam. Or if you're Jewish, I'm a great dude. He's a mensch. There you go.

He's close to that one, too. A menth with a lith. He was driving around on a yellow ATV on the 8400 block. So he's not even driving around town. He's just looping around this block you want to see what he looks like yeah or so naked or just yeah well he's naked not he's naked in this but we're just going like a face oh man he looks kind of regretful doesn't he you know he looks like one of the guys from oasis he He looks like if one of the guys from Oasis fucked Tom Brady.

Or he looks like if Steve Zahn was playing someone from Oasis. What if I told you? I could have, before I said his name, I could have told you it's one of the guys from Oasis. And you'd be like, that checks out. Yeah, that actually. It looks like Liam. There's a Gallagher. There's a Gallagher.

Where Andy and I have been saying we were dreaming that Gallagher, the comedian, instead of bequeathing his act to his brother gave it to the guys from Oasis. If Gallagher gave the Gallagher's gave their comedy act to Oasis and Oasis started

to hit the road and just do like very anti-gay political humor where they had the end smashing fruit. Did you ever see the one where he had the

stage sized sofa trampoline? And he's on roller skates? Yeah. So when I was a kid, that was the most brilliant thing I'd ever seen. I loved stand-up growing up. And Gallagher was right in my wheelhouse. Yeah, of course. About the same time Howie Mandel was moonlighting on St. Elsewhere

and blowing up circles on his face. I love that you were a fan of that stuff. And you had gotten to work with Woody Allen. And you were still a fan of... I loved stand-up. was super so were we that was like we were nerds in like the 80s and just like super super stand-up there were there'd be jokes our our friend i say our friend because we met him but he passed away a short time ago barry crimmons who we love uh he had a joke that was so funny and we would tell that joke to people who didn't who weren't as like nerdy as we were just to demonstrate how great comedy was we would say this is why this is great

like i got arrested in kentucky for trying to smuggle books into kentucky great joke it's like i got off on a technicality because no one could actually prove that they were books that's the other great part of that joke and we would say that to our friends as like seventh graders and they just as like yeah this is what this is why it's so great yeah you know some stuff ages well but man gallagher on the couch does not age well very surprising but i bet if you showed it to like a nine-year-old they'd still love it yeah yeah that's an easy end homophobic nine-year-old homophobic nine-year-old roller Homophobic nine-year-old roller skates. At one point, With really tight pants, by the way. Of course.

Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. At one point, menth of, and I love where he's from. Call me Jonathan. Or he's going to miss, he'll be like,

call me Jamby. Call me Jam. Jonathan A. Menth. Yeah. Jam. At one point, menth of, this is where he's from,

of Excelsior Springs. Wow. Yeah. Isn't that the most, like he's from, of Excelsior Springs. Wow. Yeah. Isn't that the most, like. Where is that, Excelsior Springs? There's a few of them. I'll try to look it up. Yeah.

He was reported as far away as North Prospect and Berry Road. Melissa Trestake was driving back from a basketball tournament with two boys in her car. Oh, God. This changed their lives. Yeah. Quote, I thought it wasn't real that i was dreaming she said it just took you aback yeah first of all that's not a dream that's a nightmare yeah she's like treating it like she saw a unicorn yeah no this is a

boys look boys look look look look boys look no am i dreaming mom don't know stop no there's no boys look there's like okay now i gotta have the to have the discussion with my kids that sometimes people's lives don't go the way they think they should. Mommy, I think the president's in town. No, it's not. It's not a police kid. Jonathan A. Menz. He's not peeing.

But he's got a four-wheeler. I know, but he's not peeing on a woman. That's not the president. We're getting peed on. I like, Randy, that you said sometimes lives don't go the way you want it to. If you ask Jam, it might be going exactly the way

Yeah, this could be the plan. This could be the master Jam plan. The master Jam plan. If you think about it. Where else could I go from here? I'm basically living

the same life that MC Hammer lives. Yeah, he's like, look, I'm naked, riding an ATV in the middle of a Sunday. But when you think about it,

like, first of all, there's like a speedboat in every 90s rap video, right? Like, that's part right now. I'm naked riding an ATV in the middle of a Sunday. But when you think about it, first of all, there's like a speedboat in every 90s rap video, right? That's part of it? Speedboat, yeah. Speedboat. Sure. This might be the next wave of rap music video vehicles.

Naked on a quad bike. Quad bike. Junk in the air. Fine leather benches. Wind in the air. Fine leather benches. Wind in my hair. Yeah, good for you guys. I knew he was going wind in my hair. You have to.

You have to. You're watching enough Whose Line Is It Anyway? Right? That is a Wayne Brady-esque rap. Officers found Menth and followed him for a time before multiple

law enforcement agencies decided to help out, which means more cops from other places were like, we'll come watch this show. You've got to come down and see this. Get down here before we get him, Gary. What's happening down there? Yeah, yeah. What's that?

What's that now? We've got a naked guy. You need help? You need help? We actually got him. Locking him down? Oh, you got it, but you still want us to come down? You've got to come down and see it.

We're going to get him in about 10 minutes, so you guys have some time to get over here if you want to see it. That is like a fire department doing a controlled burn behind them taking the photo that's a controlled burn of a human being uh menth's ex-girlfriend spoke to a reporter on the condition of anonymity that tells you everything you need to know when your ex-girlfriend doesn't want people to know that you dated this person right and seth this happens a lot here where someone will be a close relative or neighbor of someone in a story where it'd be so easy to figure out who they are but they're like don't say my name please don't say my name how many ex-girlfriends did you have wait last week was it that like he's like do not say my name a woman blurred her face out in a photo and blur the face in the photo and then the person who was

writing the article just said her name anyway jesus it's like what is happening no it's like she's like please blur my face out and they do and then she moves three inches yeah exactly and then you see well the girl ex-girlfriend who didn't want anybody to know her said quote he's been on the brink of losing it for a while now which is he's like i don't need that deb yeah yeah but like Seth said, losing it, I'm living it. She said. I'm the man. I'm still on the brink. She said.

Cycling gas tanks. It's not happening. She said she did not immediately recognize him from the video, but after she found out his identity from a friend who saw his arrest, she could easily identify him. So they couldn't have dated that long. When you get down to it, I never saw him naked from behind yeah exactly right he was very i've seen a lot of guys naked from behind so this is like a difficult but it's been a lot of time with which front and also his face right garishly pressed against mine in a repeated fashion she wrote quote all right they were i was blindfolded

for most of the relationship i can just say this there. There was zero ass play. I looked at a lot of upholstery. A lot of upholstery. I bit down on a lot of pillows. He's usually not like that. He's usually a pretty laid-back good guy. Well, not today. But by the way, laid-back good guy could also describe naked man

on an ATV. We don't know how he got... Quad bike has cruise control, so who's the genius now? Who's pushing? I'm not pushing Never been more chill Look at him Look at him going for life guys All of this stuff will be up on the Facebook page

For everybody who wants to enjoy That's hair blowing back like a Memorex poster He's in great shape Is that their steering wheel? Yeah because he's in the median driving the wrong way. Because you're on a quad bike, as Seth put it. You can go anywhere you want. We're looking at you.

That's a good space. Heavy line must beat me. This needs to be the guy's profile picture on all social media. Jeff Bezos has my pager number. My pager number. Bezos has my pager number. Bezosager number. Bezos has my pager number. Bezos. This guy is kind of like a methed out

Beetlejuice. Someone probably said his name three times. And then he disappeared. Going the wrong way. Wrong way naked automotive. Thankfully, we don't see that every day. Captain Will Aiken of the County Sheriff's Office said, while it's fun to look at, it's dangerous. Is it fun to look said, while it's fun to look at, it's dangerous.

Is it fun to look at? Who's that fun to look at? I don't know that it's... Is it fun to look at? That feels like a loaded question, because it is... Kind of fun to look at. We all had a really good time looking at it. But we don't want our cops saying that.

But I don't need my law enforcement. Which is why I said when all the other agencies joined in, it's because they were like, you got to go. We got something real fun to look at. Hello, Bob Saget. I've got something that's going to help you beat the internet. I've got three more minutes for your act.

And Bob Saget's like, I don't do the show anymore. All right, get me up. I've got a Netflix special. You can go fuck yourself. Get me the head of Alfonso Ribieri. This is what the... I made a movie with him. You did, too?

I did, yeah. He directed us in something. Oh, really? Yes. He's a sweet kid. And by the way... Works on his golf swing all the time.

But no joke, an incredible singer. Oh, yeah? Wait, who is this? Still an incredible singer. Alfonso Ribeiro, yeah. So I met him way back when he did

Tap Dance Kid in New York. And then we had to make a movie. It was after Fresh Prince had been put into syndication they just announced the syndication so he's made he's like well known oh yeah it's like super popular but also just got a guarantee of an influx of at least 10 years of consistent capital right right right and so then we're making this very silly movie in the woods, a quasi-horror movie, and he's playing the bad guy. Yeah. And I don't even remember why I started telling this story.

Oh, so years later, I brought him on to Robot Chicken to sing. We did a Beastmaster, the musical. Hell yeah. And Alfonso sang for us, and he was fucking amazing. I hadn't heard him sing in, what would that be, like 17, 17 18 years and what if he had a better singing voice than will smith i mean will smith can rap but like what if he just in the end it's like he should be singing the hooks he did that thing that people who were trained on broadway do where as they sing each take gets more and more warmed up yeah so they don't blow out. They just get like more impressive,

deeper resonance, like greater volume and farther projection. Because he grew up in the days where it was pre-microphone. So everybody just had to like talk loud enough and sing good enough. And he can dance. And he marketed. He's the fucking tap dance kid, guys.

He's the tap dance kid. And he also sold a break dancing board. Am I correct? Yeah. The Alfonso's break board he also sold a break dancing board. Am I correct? Yeah. The Alfonso's break board. He sold? Sold a break dancing board, which is essentially a piece of cardboard. I'm going to try and look it up and see if I can find it.

In the meantime, we're going to go to Alfonso Ribeiro, seeing his version of Ave Maria. Dan Van Rite. Stop, Dan Van Rite. No. It would be incredible if you proved me horribly wrong. No, he'd crush it. He'd crush it. Okay, where was I on this?

Just that the cop said, thank God we don't see this every day. Then they go, oh, and then it's fun to look at. The suspect operated the ATV through multiple fields, wooded areas, residential areas, city streets, sidewalks, and an interstate highway.

I know these neighborhoods. He's going for the cycle. He's off-roading and roading. I'm Ferris Bueller! The driver also damaged property in a residential area. Sorry. You just keep apologizing.

I'm sorry. That was fun to look at. It's okay. It's in the name of justice. What justice? I ride for freedom! What justice happened? What justice happened? To me, as he's turning the key in the car, in his brain is like every song from every movie trailer. I feel good.

I love you, Mrs. Doubtfire. He's just having fun. He's just chilling. You know what he's doing? He's doing his own ATV montage. Oh, yeah. The whole thing is like, well, I got to take it off-road. I got to take it in the woods.

I got to take it through fields. I got to take it on the sidewalk. I got to take it here. Fuck, I forgot to fly the drone. Yeah. Guys, can we run it back? We have no footage. Yeah, let's run it back.

Let's go back to one. Everyone back to one. I'll get my clothes back on. Take two. Take two. It might be comical, but think about all the lives that were put in jeopardy because of this decision. The man was driving fast and against the flow of traffic at some point.

He literally went onto the interstate going the wrong way. Okay. What about Hillary Clinton's emails, though? No. Hey. Put some pants on. We can't argue. We can't debate politics with you with your pants on.

Put some pants on. It was scary. Bill Clinton didn politics with you with your pants on. Put some pants on. It was scary. Bill Clinton didn't put his pants on. Put some pants on. He actually has a point about that. It was scary. That's a great point, actually, Jam. Tress Lake, the basketball mom, said, I mean, once we got our wits and we knew what was going to be taken care of, it was funny.

But yes, it was very dangerous. So even she's like, it was awesome and funny. Authorities arrested the man near the grounds. This is where I love. Where else would you want to get arrested? I've got a lot of mixed messages. Authorities arrested the man near the grounds of the old Sam's Town Casino. Ten miles away from where he originally was spotted.

Dude was gambling. Baby needs some new shoes. Baby needs some new pants and underpants and socks and shoes and a shirt. Menth faces multiple charges and bond was set at 50 grand. The bond, if posted, does have a special condition that the defendant not go out in public unless fully dressed. Oh, I love it. It's like in his thing. All right, we're going to play a quick little game.

You're never fully dressed without a smile. You're never fully dressed. Ready? Here we go. I love this. Whose home state did this happen in? Oh, jeez. Now, mine.

Illinois. Illinois. Ours were Missouri. Missouri. Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania. You were born in Pennsylvania, correct? I was, yeah.

Okay, yes. So, yeah, you are a guest. So you can go first, last, or Tig, which is the second spot. Tig Notaro did in between me and Jason. So you can guess if it came in your state, if you want to go first, second, or third. Where do you want to guess? I've always found Tig to make strong decisions.

Choices. Okay, it'll be between us. All right, Jay, go first. That's a Missouri crime. I know my home state, and I'm going to Missouri. Oh, go ahead. You call, Seth. I agree with you.

Thank you. Thank you. I think it's Pennsylvania. Really? I do, because I just feel like this is the type of guy that would then, as a naked man on ATV, go and taunt the Amish. The Amish. I've got technology between my balls. Yeah.

All right, here we go. See if you can raise this barn. Stephen A. Mentz. Nice cart, Jebediah. Vroom, vroom. I'm making buttermilk in an hour. The state where this happened was Stephen, or what Jonathan A. Mentz. Nice cart, Jebediah. Vroom, vroom. I'm making buttermilk in an hour. The state where this happened was Steven, or what did Jonathan A. Mentz? Jam.

Jam. Pump. A big jam. That's going on in his head. Took place in the state of Missouri. Yes! Yes! You guys.

All right, last one. We can bump it, too. Last one. Here we go. We can high five it every time. I don't know what I was going to do. We get to double dip. Seth, you can bump it, too. Last one. Here we go. We can high five at every moment. We get to double dip. Seth, you can go first, second, or last. How old?

How old is Jonathan? Now, here's the thing, and this always happens, too, Seth. When we see a picture, sometimes that even makes it worse. Because you have in your brain what he is, but then you see it, and you're like, well, that now confuses me even more. So let's run it down. Sunday afternoon. Quad bike.

Quad bike. Naked. Driving around the entire area of Missouri. Neck tattoo. From Excelsior Springs. Ended at a casino. Okay. That could go way young.

That could go way old. Okay. How old is, you can go first, second, or third. Where do you want to go in the second spot again? I'm going to back, take again. All right, it's okay. Second spot. I'll go first this time.

Okay. I think he looks like he is 36 years old. 36 years old. There's a little wear and tear on him, but if you said he was 46, you'd be like, he looks good. If you said he was 26, you'd be like, he does not look good. Okay. Also, he's in kind of good shape.

I say 36. Okay. See, most of your argument is exactly why I think he's under 25. Okay, so go for it. Because I think this guy's been making several bad decisions.

Okay, so he's... But still clearly exercising. He's got enough of a tan. And everything about this circumstance says that this guy hasn't learned enough lessons. Okay. Right?

So that's what I think. I'm going to say 24. So he's a bro. He's bro-ing out, and he's doing this kind of bro-y. This is fun. This seems substance-based in one form or another. And I don't know much about Missouri, so I don't know. So you said 24?

Yeah. 24, 36? Yeah. I'm going to split the difference and say he's 30 years old. I think his Saturn's returning. I think he's trying to understand his decisions in his life. And this is that moment where he's like, am I a clothed guy or am I a naked guy? You're saying that he says, if I don't do it, if not now, when?

Was there a naked guy? Wasn't there a naked guy? We did a whole bit about naked guy. Naked guy. Remember that whole bit we used to do on stage? Yeah, who was the naked guy? Yeah, I'm trying. There was a guy in Berkeley, at University of, at UC Berkeley, that would just show up naked at places.

And our whole thing was that he didn't want the naked, the whole bit was about how he didn't want everything. He was naked everywhere. But he didn't want his nakedness to be the center of every discussion. What defined his personality discussion what defined his personality what defined his personality so he was just a naked guy who would be at things and people would want

to keep bringing it up and he'd want to talk about other things so he's one of those people that's a character that was a character that we were like because that feels like

a guy who would get his ass kicked 100% yeah for sure alright you guys ready 30 I'm going to tell you right now two of you

have gotten it right. Are equidistant from the answer. So it's going to in between. So there's a tie on our hands. Okay, at least we were in the right range. 24 to 36, at least we were in the right range. So it's somewhere in between there. So we're three off.

So it's either two of us are three away. It's either 33. He's Jesus' age. He's 33. Or he us are three away it's either 33 jesus's age he's 33 or he's 27 or he's 27 jonathan amen yell at your ham radios if you're listening play along at home kids okay jonathan amen quad bike naked bringing up political scandals constantly is 27 minutes. Oh! You were on it! You were on it. Sweet Jesus,

you were correct. Trying to take my guns! Don't ever take my penis! You have no guns. Yeah, it is. You do have a penis. He's a millennial. You know,

as far as he's concerned, he's the best ever. I love Twitter! I love it. His parents told him he was the best naked ATV rider ever. My favorite thing was Seth saying he was

constantly apologizing to people as he was. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Oh, God. I'll tag you on Snapchat. All right. I'll tag you on Snapchat.

That's his catchphrase. It's going to be okay. You're part of my Insta story. I love it. We'll be right back after these messages from Dumb People Town. All right, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. Our buddy Dan Van Kirk is here. I am here. And our buddy dan van kirk is here i am here

and our buddy seth green is here um dude uh so besides the movie when is that movie coming out by the way we're actually just now sorting that we finished it and so now we're you made it through your edit yes good for you color post all the music licensing and stuff so now we got to make a deal for distribution and i can't wait to see it, man. Robot Chicken still... We are finished the production of the ninth season, and it's currently airing through the end of the year. Ninth season is...

Of anything. ...is so freaking impressive. Yeah, what the hell, right? It's amazing. I don't even know how that happened. That's one of the hardest things to do. I mean, you're like, what's in the ninth season? You know what just finished their ninth season? Modern Family. That's one of the hardest things to do. I mean, you're like, what's in the ninth season? You know what just finished their ninth season?

Modern Family. That's one of the greatest shows on TV. Those are the shows that go... I don't think we really do Modern Family numbers, but for Adult Swim, I think we do all right. But people know it. It is in the zeitgeist. What's so funny is that it started off

sort of making fun of every genre and every moment and every little tiny thing within the TV landscape, and then it itself has become tiny thing within the TV landscape. And then it itself has become a thing that- It's created its own thing. A touchstone that people reference. That is the weirdest thing is how many kids, I mean, if you think about it, we've been on since 2005. So that's like a full length of a child's life.

And so I keep meeting kids who are between 15 and 25 and they're like, I grew up on your show. And so that's weird to rationalize. And I think in that moment all the time, my instinct is always to just poison their brain as hard as I can with some kind of bullshit that's going to scar and traumatize them for the rest of their development.

But usually, I'll be like, oh, that's cool. What do you like to do? I like to ride ATVs naked. Oh, cool. Hey, man, you should do that as hard as you can. Yeah, do it as hard as you can and just do the best that you can. And make people laugh while doing it.

Just enjoy. Well, I love it, and I'm so glad that that's coming back because, again, one of our favorites as well. Oh, thanks, man. Dude. You want to do another story, guys? Let's do another story. Okay, this was sent in by Doug Culp at Dougathon. I love Doug Culp.

Yeah? Yep. He's a good dude. Fan of Doug Culp. D-O-U-G-A-T-H-A-N. According to the Times Tribune, Matherin B... That screwed that up.

You already botched it. I'm good. Matherin? Yep. Matthew Byron. He could go by Matherin. Matthew Byron. He's got a shirt that says, You do the Matthew. I guarantee you he botched that's i'm good mathren yep matthew byron he could go by math rin you do byron he's got a shirt that says you do the matthew i guarantee you he's got that and it's any women to do you do the man i love this wow matthew byron tried to get out of a dui charge on christmas night by offering a Scranton police officer weed.

Okay. So it's Christmas. He's being pulled over for drinking. He volunteers. Can I give you some of the weed I have? This is like, I mean, this is a John Bush, our friend who's a comedian. That was his old bit about how he was. This really did happen.

This really did happen to him. He did some shows. He was on the road somewhere, and he, in his hotel room, got super, super high. In that moment where you're alone and high. Alone and high. So paranoid and hearing everything in ways that you just don't know, that is not happening. There was a disturbance, I guess, across the hall. Cops showed up to knock on the door across the hall. He thought they were knocking on his door.

So he opens up and, like, strong smell of weed comes out of his room and the cops he saw in their faces as they turn they're like what's going on over here i'll bust it for weed really yes oh that's sorry they were coming so he just stayed in his room he had to go to jail he just had to go to the county lockup for one night and his joke was i stick stuck two fingers on my ass just to get it ready. I'm like, you were just in the county lockup. It's always good to be prepared. So this guy's offering weed to a cop

on Christmas to get out of a DUI. Needless to say, the policeman didn't go for the unofficial plea deal. That's a reporter trying to make a joke. The unofficial plea deal. By the way, that's what you should call all weed transactions. Unofficial plea deals. Police were initially called.

I'll knock this down to a dime bag. Sounds like a punk band. Unofficial plea deal? Yeah. Police were initially called for a disturbance where they found Byron asleep at the wheel of his SUV with the front wheels of the vehicle hanging over a cement barrier. This sounds like an amazing opportunity. Do you guys love that movie, Racing Arizona?

Yes. One of my favorite movies ever. So there's a moment where Nicolas Cage, and I have to assume it's an improv, is passed out asleep and then wakes up with a start. And what he says when he wakes up is, Merry Christmas! It's one of the greatest things ever.

Exactly what happened. You know this guy like, Merry Christmas, officer! The only thing that makes this better know this guy like, whatever. Merry Christmas, officer. The only thing that makes this better is this guy was a mall Santa, like in costume in that moment. Okay, so I just learned about this, and I didn't know that this was a thing.

Do you know what SantaCon is in New York? Okay, in New York. It's only a few years old. It's only a few years old, but all these Santas come into the city and descend upon the city. To me, that is one step removed from your city being invaded by clowns.

It's an incredible flash mob, but as with all fun things, there is a terrifying potential to this because on Halloween, you're already expecting someone to be wearing a terrifying costume and it is not until

their axe has swung through your neck that you're like oh that axe was real? Yeah exactly. So when you have like thousands of Santas it's just sort of

an understanding that Santas are around. It's a great opportunity and I guess someone robbed a bank Someone robbed a bank and then just blended into the crowd.

Yeah. Oh somebody did? Is this the story? No, no. That's happened before. We were just saying, like, Christmas is like, I'm shocked that it took this long for, like, a Santa con to emerge and someone to do something. This guy is not Santa, but I just imagine.

And there's two things. We're just fantasizing about him. I know. It's a much better story. I want him to be like. Tell Matthew, if I could pitch him in a Santa outfit. Let's go back. Look, we have it this way.

Let's do it where he's Santa. Listen, guys, the sets are already built. We've already got the set pieces attached. We're going to need a fine script doctor. Let's just do one for us. We'll do one for us where he's Santa, and I want him to be Santa as Dan Aykroyd from Trading Places and pulling like a raw salmon out of his beard.

He is asleep at the wheel, like a raw salmon out of his beard. That shit hit in my pocket. He is asleep at the wheel, which means either, A, he fell asleep, ran into a cement barrier, and he didn't wake up when the wheels went over the cement barrier. That could be a metaphor for his life. Or it's winter. Maybe it was icy. He slid off the road, went over the cement barrier, and then decided, I'll just sleep here.

One of those two things is possible. But his car is running. But I agree with you, Randy. Like, he's two wheels over the cement barrier all the time. Two wheels over the cement barrier, Jesus. Two wheels over the cement barrier. Merry Christmas. The police knocked on the driver's side window to wake up the snoozing driver and ordered Byron to open the door.

When he complied with the officer's request, the vehicle exhumed a strong order of alcohol, and Byron stumbled out of the car at one point, almost falling over. Byron, you should just go home. You should have safely gotten home. This is where it gets fun. He also proclaimed that he knew one of the arresting officers, patrolman Kyle Gilmartin, from high school.

The officer vehemently disagreed. Oh my god. Kyle. No, Kyle. That's not me. You completely cheated off of me. I did not cheat off of you. In that social studies class. Steven, shut up, dude. Kyle. Turn on a new live here. Do you know this guy? I do not know him.

Do you know him? Kyle, help me out, bro. Dude, I don't know you, man. If you know him, I don't think you can be honest. Kyle, how the fuck did you turn your back on me? I didn't turn my back on you. Kyle, we lost our virginity together. Kyle, this is really getting deep. If you swore to me, we would always be friends.

I don't know this guy. Hey, man. There's a lot that we don't know about you. Well, I know there's mean something to me, man. There's a lot we don't know about you, Kyle. Can I talk to you for a minute over here, man? Yeah, what's up, Kyle? Stop fucking saying you know me.

What? Stop fucking saying you know me. Can I talk to you for a minute over here, Brian? Yeah, what's up, Kyle? Stop fucking saying you know me. What? Stop fucking saying you know me. What are you gonna do? What are you gonna stop saying that, you know? Stop saying that you know that my car What? My car got fucked up. Who fucked up my car?

Who's my car? Kyle. No, my vehicle is wheels. Do you want to give him the field sobriety test? You want me to do it? Hey, did you go to Greenfield? I did not go to Greenfield. I'm not from here. I'm from upstate. That's cool. Where are you from? Just upstate.

You want to do this test here or something? Yeah, we'll do the test. Do you want to cheat off me for that too? Oh. This did get real. You got to switch the round because you were the one cheating up on me. Look at the one who graduated high school and look at the one who became a police officer. Someone want to turn that car off? It is on, right?

Yeah, the car is on and making motion. It gets great mileage. It's a hybrid. Okay. Byron, who police believed was too inebriated to adequately perform a roadside sobriety test, was ordered to... I can do it. No, you're not. You can't do a roadside sobriety test. I can do it. No, you're not. You can't do it.

You can't do it. I can do it. That's bad. When you're so bad, they're not even going to give you the test. You're not even sober enough to fail the test. Do you want to make this guy do this? No, man. He fucking let us down sectionals in high school.

He's going to let us down now. Not that I know him. I can do it. You can't do it, dude. He fucking let us down sectionals in high school. He's going to let us down now. Not that I know him. I can do it. You can't do it. He's doing it now. I'm going to do it for the team.

I'm at school spirit. No. Come on, Kyle. Pyramid time. It's not a pyramid time, God damn it. Stop telling people we know each other.

What is a pyramid time? Pyramid time. Look, we were on fucking cheer squad. Cash out of the bag, Kyle. Kyle, you were cheering. Really? We were on fucking spirit squad. Kyle, you never told us you on fucking cheer squad. Cast out the bag, Kyle. Kyle, you were a cheerleader? We were on

fucking spirit squad. Kyle, you never told us you were a cheerleader. You can get good scholarships, okay, and somebody's

supposed to be a base that holds you up. I got you, Kyle. Yeah, I didn't think you got those shoulders, those back handsprings,

buddy. Never knew that. Okay, and you were the base of the pyramid, and then Kimberly broke her goddamn legs because you decided

to drink that day. I don't know this guy. The morning after a pill, you do know this guy. And she was all fucked up. No, man, that's not my fault. You were the base. Look at yourself. You were the base, motherfucker.

Yeah. So you don't know him? You don't know him at all? You don't know this guy at all? No, we don't. No, we don't. No. No.

We never met. Seems like you know each other. What? No, it does. We don't know each other. So I guess that passes. That's the variety test. Yeah. Yeah, you're good. Go ahead. He's good. You? No, it does. We don't know each other. So I guess I passed the sobriety test. Yeah, you're good.

Go ahead. He's good. You're fine. I think we should let him go. Well, I don't know about that. That seems... He seems like a good dude. It depends what he has to offer us.

It depends what he has to offer. If he has anything that he wants to offer us... Here's something funny. I borrowed this car from this guy, and I don't know him. Does he know you borrowed it? Yes. Classic Byron. Guys, there's like a gang load of weed in here.

It's not mine, but you could easily take it. Oh, yeah, I noticed that, too. I got in the car, and I said, hey, to the stranger, the zip car buddy. So you're offering it to us to get it off the streets and confiscate it. That would, I mean... That's what you want to do. Do we want to take it away

as a gift? Take it off your hands and get weed off the streets. That's what you want to do. Yeah, well, technically it's in the car, but... Yeah, it's about to go over the overpass.

He just fell down. Well, when they put him in the backseat of the car... This is really well-maintained blacktop. Oh, you're inspecting the blacktop now. Yeah, he's face down. From close range.

The piling of this concrete is really airtight. I think this is less porous than the average street service. Kyle, what is it, Kyle? We do not know each other. What? That's what you need to go with here. Yeah. You guys good here? What?

We're fine. I've never met this guy before in my life. What was your name again, Officer Kyle? That's my name. Kyle Gilmartin. Once they put him in the back of the patrol car. The name tags. That's when Byron began bargaining for his freedom. Gilmartin warned the man to stop bribing

him, but Byron continued to press the issue. Quote, come on, bro. I'll give you money or get you weed and we can smoke together. Whatever you want, just let me go. This guy. He definitely knew him from high school. He's not going down without a fight. Right.

And he definitely feels like the, if I keep talking about how we smoke weed together, maybe there's an illusion that we did it in the back. I mean, it's an acting scene. That's the obstacle, and he keeps trying to get through it. He's trying to get around it. Yeah. I'm not going to go gentle into that. I'm just saying you seem like a cool dude.

You know what's cool? The way you threw me down on the ground like that, you seem like someone who I want to smoke with. Listen, the way you guys cornered me. I didn't corner you, dude. You were asleep as the bear was asleep. Nobody cornered you. No, no, no. Cornered when each of you took one of my arms and my legs

and then that's what you like. Braveheart? This isn't happening to you. No one restrained me. Classic. I'm Rodney King. No. Don't even involve that. Hey, come on. Don't insinuate. This is what he did, dude. Always in high school. Like, the most dramatic.

Not that I went to high school. But you seem, when you say that, it seems like you went there. This is some elitist shit. No, there's no. No, there's nothing. You do the Matthew. You do the Matthew. I'm getting out of here.

You know what? I kind of want to let him go on that one. Yeah, that was pretty good. That was pretty good. And we are pretty cool to hang out with. Yeah. Clearly, Matthew. Bro, we should totally smoke together.

You guys seem like really cool guys. I've got so much weed. What's going to happen to it? Stop saying that. That weed's not going to have a home. Stop bribing us. Stop bribing so much. This isn't a bribe. What am I, Marco Rubio?

Come on. Wow. Is that even track? Is he that? I don't know. I just see his name a lot. It's fine, Matthew. When my president was running, he said the thing about Marco,

and I thought we were playing Marco Polo. And instead he was making fun of another guy. So I just always remember that guy's name. So when people are like, Marco, I'm like, Rubio. That'd be a great name. That'd be a great game. In my mind, too. They kept calling him Matt Matt and he kept being like

it's Matthew it is Matthew and I would appreciate like the Bible god damn respect so he would have been in hot water

considering his impairment but he wouldn't have had an additional felony charge if he had just kept his mouth shut and not said anything about the weed I know man

open the door that's how he said did I mention to you guys that weed no literally we were just telling you to that we... No. Literally, we were just going to arrest you for drinking. We weren't even searching the car. We would have let anyone come get it.

If you say it one more time, we have to arrest you for it. If you mention it one more time, we have to arrest you. Just don't do it. Just don't do it and you're fine. You don't do it. Please don't say another word. Don't say a word about it and you will not be arrested. And we will not arrest you.

Thanks. Do not say one more word about it and we will not be arrested. And we will not arrest you. Thanks. Do not say one more word about it. And we will not arrest you. We won't add that to the charges. Don't talk. Don't say that. Okay. Whatever you do, don't say it.

Whatever you do, do not say it. Weed. No. God damn it. What? He said weed. He said weed. Weed.

No. He said. We should smoke this weed. No. God damn it. Oh, Matthew. No. This is why we're not friends anymore I've got this weed

And we should not be smoking You guys seem so chugging Matthew We got a weed charge now The only paperwork we should have Is rolling these joints bro There's so much more paperwork to do now That's the paperwork

That's right paperwork. That's right. Paperwork. A tent pack of joints. We're going to zigzag. A tent pack. Okay, ready? Yes. Here we go.

We're going to get out on this. How old is Matthew Byron? Okay. So now we have a lot of information. Christmas night. Sleep at the wheel. Thinks about high school. Still thinking about high school.

Swears he knows Kyle Gerrard. Is any of that true or did we just make that up? It was all true. Did he just thought that he knew the officer from high school swears he knows Kyle did we just make that up it was all true and the officer vehemently denied it which you know doth protest too much right if you are protesting that much then clearly

I do not know this guy someone who didn't go to high school I don't know about that especially when Matthew Bryan said to the cop, come on, bro. We can smoke together. Whatever you want, just let me go. Whatever you want means

I've seen you do this before. We did this stuff with our day exchange. Red Roof Inn. Red Roof Inn. I've kept your fucking secret, Kyle. Red Roof Inn. We crossed the streams. I know you're part of Pizzagate. That isn't a thing either. How old? Where do you want to go, Seth? First, second, third. Across the stream. I know you're part of Pizzagate. Yeah. That isn't a thing either. Pizzagate.

How old? Where do you want to go, Seth? First, second, third. You want to start at the gates? I'll try that. I'll start at the gates. How old is Matthew Byron on Christmas night? Do we think he's-

To sleep at the wheel. I bet he's- Hanging on to high school. I bet he's 31. Wow. Okay. All right, 31. Randy or Jason?

26. 26. He's eight years out from high school. I think he's 31. Wow. Okay. All right, 31. Randy or Jason? 26. 26. He's eight years out from high school. I think he's younger. He's two presidential terms out of high school. I think he's 23. 23. He definitely hung around the high school when he was 19.

He was voted most spirited senior when he had graduated two years in a row. Most spirited senior. Matthew Byron is everybody play along get your answers in what did we say Randy said what I said 23

23 Jason I said 26 yep 31 31 Matthew Byron is 35 years old

oh my god Seth Green gets the point dude he could be president it's dark he probably kept saying that too 35 years old I've got the qualifications I don't know Oh, my God. Seth Green gets the point. He could be president. It's dark. You probably kept saying that, too. 35 years old.

I've got the qualifications. I don't know. 35 years old. He is at the age of a woman's sexual peak. Yeah. All right, there you go. Story two down in the books. We got one more story.

You want to tease us with just a little bit of information, Dan, of what we're going to get on the flip side of this? A guy stole meatballs. There you go. I can't wait. Nothing better and more American than that. Stay with us through the break. It feels like there's a lot of qualifiers to that. I cannot wait to hear what happens. And it is

cloudy with a chance of this next. Don't you dare. Come on. We'll be back in more W time right after this. Alright guys, welcome back to DPT. Definitely follow you. You're on Twitter as well. That's true. Huge Twitter following.

It's modest. It's fun. At Seth Green, follow him on that. Robot Chicken, do that. Look for the movie when it comes out. We should mention we are going to do this drip thing. We've talked about it to some of our fans this past weekend in Minneapolis. Yeah, a lot of people have been saying they want a little more content,

a little extra stuff. We have so many fun things planned for that. I would assume this is probably, what are we, like... End of March. End of March, yeah. So in the next couple weeks, it'll be stuff on Facebook group.

That's the best place to get updates. Obviously, we tweet out as well. Yeah, if you want to see these people and these idiots, you want to see a naked guy on a four-wheeler, join the Facebook page. You have to join the Facebook page and watch that right now. I'd say you want to see that.

You want to see the picture. Because like the officer said, it is fun to look at once. And maybe we make you do the Matthew t-shirts. There you go. Then we might have to make this. I wanted to ask you, Seth, really quick, how much fun was Stupid and Futile futile jester set oh man it was really i got i was so excited to do that because i love so great obviously you're a guest right

david wayne yes well i love all those guys yes i watched the state and i was super into white hot american summer of course so any opportunity to be around those guys i was like that cast i was like this just had to be the most fun it was it was really really cool honestly just to even be a part of it and most of my stuff got cut out, which I was well prepared for, because the Christopher Guest stuff is the least important in the story. Yeah, he was in it so little. Well, just the things that he participated were so specific, and that's all we did was

film stuff on stage, but that becomes less and less germane to the story that they're telling. But it was awesome. It was awesome. It was so cool. Plus, I got to spend time around Martin Maul. He's one of my favorite people. Oh, my God.

I mean, did you go back and watch Fernwood tonight? I mean, were you familiar with him? Yeah, I was well familiar with his career before we did. I don't know if you know, we did a show at Fox. We did 19 episodes. Yeah. A show called Dad's Movie. Yeah, that's right.

That's right. With Martin and Peter Rieger. Oh, my God. That's right that's right martin and uh that's right oh my god that's right so that was what a comedian i already was to you already on this by him but when we got to spend that time together i like fell so deeply i mean i go back and watch mr mom and his character that he plays in that he gets to play the the swarmy awful boss of terry gar he's so good in that movie he He's great in My Bodyguard, for Christ's sake. He's so good. He played the dad. Yeah, he played the dad.

The divorced dad who's running out of the hotel that we stayed at in Chicago. The Drake. The public. The public. The public hotel. Public house, or it used to be something else. But the pump room. Wasn't that the room in there?

Yeah, the bar's there, yeah. The bar, and Ruth Gordon is his grandma. It's his mother, yeah. Fantastic. Fantastic. I like Clue. All right, we got one little story left here for you all. The answer to your question is that was awesome.

Yes. Yeah, it looked like it. Awesome. Sent in by Glenn Perry. I was hoping you were going to say Glenn Beck. No. Glenn Beck is just sending stories into podcasts. What a transformation.

He has really changed. Hey, guys, loving the podcast. Just want to say you're all going to burn in hell. What? No. Glenn Beck is just sending stories into podcasts. What a transformation. He has really changed. Hey, guys, loving the podcast. Just want to say you're all going to burn in hell. What? No. Glenn Beck's kind of flipped over. But here's a story. He's changed over.

At Richfield, that's his Twitter handle, DC9. At Richfield, DC9. Police say a damning clue led to the arrest of a local man charged with stealing a pot of meatballs. Authorities in Lucerne County have- So he's not stealing pot. He with stealing a pot of meatballs. Authorities in Lucerne County have- So he's not stealing pot. He's stealing a pot of meatballs. A pot of meatballs.

Authorities in Lucerne County have charged, ready for this name? Lehman Glenn Robert Potter. That is one man's name. I mean, if anyone was going to steal that pot, he's got pot in his name. Lehman Glenn. Lehman Glenn Robert Potter. Sounds like a law firm. It does.

He has his own law firm. Yeah, she's repping us now. Lehman Glenn Robert Potter. I've also seen his name in articles I read for this where he went by Lehman G.R. Potter, which I'm like, oh, you were born to write sci-fi. Born to write sci-fi or, yeah. Lehman G.R. Potter could be one of the most prolific sci-fi authors. Could be Harry Potter.

Harry Potter's uncle. Are you injured in a magic dispute? In a magic dispute. With an unruly wizard who refuses to pay damages? Come on down. Come on down. I'm Liam G.R. Potter. I had my wand stolen two times.

I called G.R. Potter. He had it fixed up. We cover wand mishaps. Return to Miss Wandicus. I'll get your shit back for you. Exactly. Fuck those wizards. Are you a sage that's had your back injured?

Are you a fairy that's had your wings forcibly ripped from your torso? Are you suffering from emphysema because of weird smoke inhalation? Are you a giant with a straight up nail in your foot? Did someone in your group force you to go down the gates of despair when you knew you did not have the potions to do such a thing? We cover cauldron burns. Are you a troll living in bad bridge condition? They have charged Lehman Glenn, Robert Potter, LGRP. I love this.

I didn't do it. Attica. Attica. I love him. With burglary. Azkaban. Azkaban. Oh, that was good.

That was a good one. That is work. That was good. At Sklar Brothers with a thumbs up on that one thank you appreciate that with burglary criminal trespass and theft by unlawfully taking for allegedly swiping a pot of meatballs from a man's garage if you have meatballs in your garage they deserve to be stolen blame your bang to have that shit stolen even if you have a refrigerator in the garage you don't have meatballs in a pot in a garage.

Is there something I don't understand about storage? Yeah, I mean. Okay, I'm about to reveal something. Where do I put these, honey? I got so many of them. Cook them in the garage. Cook them on the garage grill. You don't understand.

Cook them on the garage grill. In my family, at Aunt Connie and Uncle Ken's house. They have a grill in the garage? There is a sm grill in the garage. Stove in the garage? No, but it gets cold enough that you could leave it out there. When we have Thanksgiving, Christmas, there are three card tables set up and all of the food is sitting up there. Put it on the work bench out in the garage.

And when you go to make yourself a late night turkey sandwich leftover or whatever, you go outside, make your plate with all the stuff, and then go back in and heat it up. And I've always thought to myself, like, are we animals? Anybody want to do this? Like, any person, like, what?

Anybody could come in here. Just come in and be like, yeah, the garage door is usually open. Wow. My Mr. Potter is walking out with Grandma's

bowl of pot of meatballs. We'll get him. His leftovers, we put it out there anyway. We'll get him. He's naked on an 18. God damn it, Potter. I'm going to call the cops.

LG, get over here, you son of a bitch. You can't catch me. Escapicus formicus. Now you're still there. He's like the great, great, great, great grandson of the Potter from It's a Wonderful Life. He's like now that's his way of getting back at people. He steals it, but he has a wheelchair with like a blanket over his legs. So he's wheeling away.

He's Uncle Billy. No one's legs are that thick. You'll never get away with this, Bailey. I'll take these. Why, George, I'd say you're a man whose meatballs have just come in. I don't know. You sit there and you spin your evil web and have just come in. I don't know. You're sitting there and you're spinning your evil web and you're trying to make people do what you want.

George, the people want my meatballs. Remember that when he looks at George and goes, you're a man whose shit has just come in. He shakes his hand. He's like, well, no, no. The moment that gets me so much in that movie is when he's like, well, I'll tell you what I'm going to do. Every time I think he's going to do something nice for him,

I'm going to call the cops. You know why? What? No. He goes, well, George, I'd say you're worth more dead than alive. I know. God. Old Man Potter was a prick.

This is Young Man Potter. Sure. Young Man Potter. Things have changed for the Potter fortune. Don't hold me accountable for my father's discretion. Put those meatballs down or we won't. Police say the victim reported his meatballs missing. That call.

That's a great call. Is that a 911? That's not a 911. That's a 311. Is this a emergency? 911, what's your emergency? I got my meatballs. You got your meatballs?

They took my meatballs. Dave, Dave, hang up the phone. Okay, sorry, Linda? They took my meatballs. Dave, Dave. Hang up the phone. Okay. Sorry, Linda. Call the local number. Hey, just so you know. Get Ricky on the line.

911 is for emergencies. Linda, just really quick. Yeah. Any chance you'd take me back? Is that what this is about? No, it's not. It's about the meatballs. Are the meatballs even missing?

I just didn't even know you were working. You're going to hang up. Okay. And you're going to call Ricky, okay? Okay. Meanwhile, there's someone in a house like, It's busy what I called for. I just didn't even know you were working. You're going to hang up. Okay. And you're going to call Ricky, okay? Okay. Meanwhile, there's someone in a house like, it's busy on 911! He's got a gun!

Chest compressions, they come before how many breaths on Jesus Christ! Just call 911! It's busy! Staying alive. It's busy! I saw that episode of The Office. It's staying alive. Is that accurate? Yeah, it is accurate, actually. Police say the victim reported the meatballs missing

and told officers around 2.30 p.m. Monday that he saw Potter standing in front of his house. Oh, boy. So he's casing it. Yeah. Casing this great meatball heist.

The victim noticed something about Potter that made him think he was responsible for the missing meatballs. Potter had red sauce on his face and clothes that could be blood there's so many times i wish we videoed these and it was so that

every town you could see seth green go stop yeah no i know this this is a scene this is a scene from there will be sauce wasn't me i steal your meatballs yeah i eat your meatballs. Yeah, I eat your meatballs. Hey, man, you guys. What's going on? You guys, did Mary make those meatballs? Eli. How would you know that we have meatballs? I don't know. Neighborhood smells like meatballs. You think you have your meatballs,

and I buy all the meatballs around your meatballs, and I go underground, and I take your meatballs. Your garage meatballs. Jesus, the idea that there will be sauce there will be sauce though there will be sauce well here's a fucking idiot and he comes back that or just an asshole just like the one thing to steal it but the other thing to be like oh no i didn't what yeah or he's a full asshole and he's out in front of his house covered in meatball sauce going i told your ass or it's like a cape fear situation where he's out in front of his house covered in meatball sauce going, I told your ass. I told you. Or it's like a Cape Fear situation where he's just sitting on the back wall with sauce on his face.

Or he's been under their car. He's been holding onto the chassis of a car, pulls out, and then grabs the meatballs. I would have been so happy if that point in the movie where he drops down off the bottom of the car, he just scratched his completely torn away t-shirt. Yes. How? Horrible road rash. We've that was holding the meatballs was also found in the middle of the street so he's just out here showing people dust it yeah prince then yeah you got go for it he

definitely like what are you gonna do call the cops through it and to keep with every character we've done in story i'm sure he was yelling about Watergate. Yeah. I'm sure he was yelling about Watergate. He definitely felt like I ate the evidence. It's unclear. My dog. My dog has my test.

It's unclear if Lehman Glenn Robert Potter washed the sauce off his face and clothes before he was arrested a short time later. I hope he didn't. I hope he just left it on. I hope the cop showed up and he was like, is this what you're here about? That's the mugshot. Why don't you come lick it off?

I love that it's unclear. Like, either he did or he didn't. They lost track of the data somehow. It was hard to determine. That could be the clearest thing to... Every time in one of these articles where it says it's unclear, I just picture someone working for a small newspaper that was like,

I'm just going to send it off now. I don't feel like... Do you know if he did or he didn't? Just say it's unclear. We'll update tomorrow. I can't get a definitive word back on whether or not he had the sauce that is facing the mugshot. Just say it's unclear and then you're fine.

I'm still on hold. They may come back. No, no. Don't you want to go in? The people deserve to know. Don't you want to go out for drinks? Just get in and say unclear and then we can go out. Is it clear or unclear whether or not they'll get back on the line?

It's not clear. It's unclear. Potter's attorney did not immediately respond to a voicemail-seeking comment. Hey, this is your lawyer. I'm currently at Chili's with all of the police. Call me back. I'm going to ask you guys now. Seth, you can go first second or third

oh shit whose home state did this happen in okay we've never done a double home state on this show whose home state

Pennsylvania Missouri Illinois so let's think about this this guy's not actually a lawyer he's just a dude and his name is

Lehman Glenn Robert Potter but there is understand there is now understand, there is now, all states in the winter time can be cold enough for you to put food in your garage. All three of our states. When did this happen? One month? Oh, it did not. It would have been February.

February. Oh, okay. So it's cold out. You can be storing food in the... What do you think? It's the balls on this guy. As you make your guess, double guess. How old is Lehman Glenn Robert Potter? And what state is he from? I'll go second.

It's the meatballs on this guy. It's the sauce on this guy. It's the meatballs on this guy. Jason or Randy? I think he's 33. Lehman Glenn Robert Potter, 33. 33 years old, and I think he's from Illinois. Okay.

I think this happened in DeKalb. Oh, that's right by my hometown. Of course. All right, Seth Green. Well, what's tough about this, what's confusing about this, I think you're right around the age. I would say, like, between 31 and 35. So I guess just to lean on 35, I'll say 34.

Okay. My price is right logic there. Sure. But the home state thing, Philadelphia in Pennsylvania... Philly. Philly. I'll say 34. Okay. My price is right logic there. Sure. But the home state thing, Philadelphia in Pennsylvania. Philly. Philly. Huge Philly fan.

All about meatballs. We're huge Philly fans. I love the meatballs. I'm going to grab his meatballs and get a Coke Zero out of the front. Get in a Wawa and 15 Wokest and go grab a water ice. That's not bad.

I know. Have you spent time there? Oh, yeah. We're out in Cherry Hill. We're going out to Mount Warrell. That's like one of the grossest accidents ever. We swallowed all the meatballs and all the L's. Swallowed a few L's.

You guys are going to have to totally ride in the back with your heads out the window because my speakers are in the backseat of the IROC, and we're never going to be able to fit four people in here. So you want me to just hang out the window like a golden retriever? I don't give a fuck. I'm going to Wawa. I'm picking up the keg.

Everything's going to be great. Getting those tasty cakes. Hey, can you grab me a two liter bottle of Coke Zero? I could totally pick up some Coke Zero because fuck that sugar. I can't do sugar anymore. I just got to do that Coke Zero on account of my diabetes.

It's okay. It's dumb people time. There is no topic. No, there is no topic. Yo, dude, don't forget to eat your Lifesavers for your diabetes. I got those crazy... Yeah, I go sugar-free on and I go butter rum.

Yo, man, let me get one of your butter rum. Don't tell me to free your diabetes. You want one of my sugar-free butter rum? You get it, Kevin, get it. You take one now, but I'll get one later. Then you got to take me home. Yeah, boy. You got to take me home.

You put your head out the window because I got to fit my speakers. Fine. Put the speakers in, but you got to take me right home. That's like my entire childhood. We joke about it, but that is 100% my childhood. Put your head out the window because of the speakers. Because of the speakers. So your guess is 34.

Hold this 12-pack. 34, and you're saying Pennsylvania. I am, yeah. Okay, 34, Pennsylvania. I said 33. 33, and you're saying Pennsylvania. I am, yeah. Okay, 34, Pennsylvania. I said 33. Three, and Illinois. Illinois. This cat is 46, and it took place in Illinois.

This is definitely not Missouri. First up, the home state that this happened in belongs to Pennsylvania. Ah! Yeah! You nailed that right on the head. And I'm so glad. I think I accidentally said Scranton earlier, but nobody caught it. So I'm very glad.

I'm very glad. Okay, ready? Lehman. Glenn. Robert. Potter. The third. LGRP.

Three. By the way, I'm huge on LGRP. He's in my fantasy meatball sailing league. I have LGRP. I said I was going to be huge on LGR he's in my fantasy meatball stealing league I have LGR3 I said I was gonna be I'm huge on LGR LGR RP LGR rights

LGR3 rights yes I do you and Glenn Robert I'll fight for you Potter this is age get it in

guess where it works guess on your car guess on the public transportation wherever you are shout at work there's so many people who came up to us in Minneapolis

who are dumb people town fans this past weekend when we were doing shows they were saying like I will just be walking around listening to your thing and people hear me go

44 32 I'm just like on my headphones someone's like what is happening here we go Lehman Glenn

Robert Potter is 48 years old. No! Jay, you are so right. Boom! You had him so... But you were like, this cat's 46. I just saw the salt and pepper beard.

I saw it. I was like, I know this dude. Hanging out in the neighborhood, standing in front of the driveway. The arrogance of age. Yeah, there you go. Ain't been caught yet. I'm going to die soon anyway. Who cares?

Good luck. Good luck. I already ate them. What you going to do? What you going to do? You tell my grandkids? I ate the evidence. They're in college.

You wait until about 3 a.m. You'll get them back. Put it on my tombstone. Put it on my tab. And when I say tombstone, I mean my tombstone pizza. I just cooked that. Hell yeah.

I love it. Oh my God, there you go. That's just the tombstone pizza I just cooked. Hell yeah. I love it. Oh my God, there you go. That's just the tombstone pizza you left on the car table next to those meatballs in the garage that I admit I already ate.

When the cops showed up, you know that he was like, you got me. All right. Have you guys ever tried meatballs on top of pizza? It's unbelievable. Hell yeah.

Hamburger pizza. Hamburger pizza. I had it in St. Louis. Come on. All right, that's three stories, friends. That is three stories. Oh, that's fun. Hell yeah. Hamburger pizza. Hamburger pizza. I had it in St. Louis. Come on. All right, that's three stories, friends. That is three stories. Oh, that's fun. All right, before we get out of here,

we did mention meatball pizza at the very end. I don't know how this guy knows what we're talking about. He is clued in in a sonic wave method. Did you ever work with Chris Christopherson on anything? No. Okay. I figured at some point there's still time. You may wander onto one of your sets unknowingly.

Yeah, he's on like a bizarre peyote, like eight-year peyote bender. Sometimes he calls into the show and leaves messages. So he left us a voicemail just about, straight up, let's just say it, meatball pizza. Here's Chris Christopherson. You have one new voice message. Hey, boys. Yeah, it's me, Chris Christopherson. And I'm reaching out to you because I'm in a very large amount of distress.

I'm very distraught. You know, I'm just sitting here in my cabana at a hotel that I'm staying in in lovely Ames, Iowa, or it could be Mexico, I'm not sure. And in the year 1969, I invented a new form of pizza called a meatball pizza. You know, I'm thinking, what are two things that I love? I love pizza, and I love meatballs. And, you know, being the forward thinker that I am,

because I am a singer and a songwriter and an actor, I was like, what if we took two things that I love and we combined them and make even something better, something that I love. So I thought, what if we took two things that I love and we combined them and make even something better, something that I love. So I thought, what if we took some meatballs and we put that on top of a pizza? And, you know, I came up with this.

I mean, this is me. And I feel like I should be getting that full credit. I should be, Chris Christopherson should be known as a singer, a songwriter, an actor, and as the inventor of meatball pizza. Now, granted this, I might all be a dream. I might have all dreamed everything I just said. I might have been high on a massive acid trip with just me and a young William Peterson, you know, from the movie Manhunter. Or NCI, or CSI, the original, me and him. We both played Billy the Kid.

No, he was Billy the Kid. You guys get it. It might have been a dream. I also might currently be dreaming right now. This might all be, I could be talking in my sleep right now. Gentlemen, I got to be honest. I really don't know what's happening in my life on a day-to-day basis. But hey, the sun came up and I'm still alive, I think.

All right, you guys be well. If anybody would know about Meatball Pete, it's Chris Chris Arverson. Yeah, he seems like an authority on several subjects. On a lot. Yeah. On everything and nothing at once. He's a jack of all meatball pizzas. He is.

He strikes me as a farm type. Yeah. Things for pizza come from farms. Close to the earth at all times. Oh, yeah. Because he's sleeping on it. Yeah, he's laying on the earth. Yeah.

Laying on it. This was really fun, dude. Thank sleeping on it. Yeah, he's laying on the earth. Yeah. Laying on it. This was really fun, dude. Thank you so much. Thank you. And you have an open invite. We'll have you back again. Oh my God,

that was great. Love it. I love having you here, Daniel. Thank you very much. Thank you. And guys, get your tickets for Chicago.

We'll see you doing the live one there May 4th. And then May 5th, we're down at the Cherokee Casino in West Siloam, Oklahoma doing the podcast with Brian Moses

and Stand Up with Daniel Van Kirk there as well. So get on all that stuff. Join the Facebook page and we will get you more information about the new drip thing where we're giving you more content and all that stuff. So stay tuned.

And oh shit, we got to get back to work. It's a good show.