Dumb People Town - Shane Mauss - Tinder for Vandalism

Episode Date: July 6, 2018

The Sklars and Dan Van Kirk are joined by Shane Mauss (Here We Are) for a DPT minisode! In this week’s story, a woman is arrested for throwing bricks at a man's car.

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast jam With co-hosts Arm and Dan And Dirk, don't be a jerk Cause when the music gets the funny So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Vendors, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music gets the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, on your down is Dumb People Town. Hey townies, welcome to a mini episode of Dumb People Town. Population who?

Population Moss. Shane Moss! Shane Moss, welcome to the show, dude. Thanks for having me. I'm excited. So happy to have you here. You are one of our favorite comics and comedians and stand-ups. And you're working on an insane documentary about you doing something crazy. Yeah, it's about psychedelics. Psychonautics, a comics exploration of psychedelics.

We just had the world premiere at this festival called Dances with Films last weekend. Nice. And we won an audience award for best documentary. Holy smokes. Explain it briefly because it's a fascinating, you took basically all the drugs. Yeah, well, and then some actually. We didn't show a lot of what I was actually doing at the time trying to get myself in the headspace. But I toured with this show. I like doing themed shows. And I put together a show about psychedelics that kind of took off.

And I did a 111-city tour. Wow. And in the middle of it, someone wanted to shoot a documentary about kind of my journey. Who was coming out to these shows? Was it people who were like drug enthusiasts or people who were curious? All over the map. Yeah, curious. I would say I expected there to be like a lot more tie-dye.

Right, Grateful Dead parking lot feel. I even stereotyped like everyone does. And even I did it and I was wrong. It's pretty normal. In 111 cities, did any cities surprise you? Like, oh, this comedy scene is deeper here than I thought it would be. Well, not the comedy scene.

There were some that I was crazy nervous about, like Minot, North Dakota. Sure. And it was like right after the Trump election and I'm like pulling in and there's billboards for a moving company like, free moving to Canada. If you don't like it.

And I'm like pulling in to do a show about psychedelic drugs. And it's like in a hotel and like one of the least ideal venues on the tour. And it was great. That's awesome. As you learn. Well, no, but you know what? What that goes to show you is that even in cities and situations where it seems like the city's attitude for something is this, there's always a counterculture within that city that feels oppressed by that attitude and is looking and excited that you've come to town to give them something. Yeah, I think there's a lot of opportunity in the indie kind of comedy scene these days.

All right. So you probably saw in 111 Cities that— Lots of dumb people. And that the world is getting dumber in many ways. Yes. Yes and no. I go back and forth with that. Yeah, well, we'll prove that.

I go back and forth. We'll prove you the other way with this podcast. We believe the world is getting dumber. I believe there are smart things happening. But the tidal wave of dumb is like a tsunami that is washing away smart things everywhere, and we need to beat it back with comedy, and that's what we do on this show.

We get great stories sent to us. Daniel breaks them down. We haven't heard them. You haven't heard them. Let's get into one. All right, here we go. Ready? Yep.

This was sent in by Ben Potter at Potter Potter 100. Potter Potter 100. Mm-hmm. There's more questions than answers in this story. That feels like a John Travolta movie. Potter Potter 100? That's the one John Travolta movie that didn't make $100 million in that run that he did. I thought Potter Potter 100 sounded like a Scientology book.

Potter Potter 100? Yeah. Potter Potter 100 is the ship that comes to get you. We went to the lake, everyone took off their clothes, and then nothing happened. Sure, I'd watch that movie too. So there's a lot of questions in this, but I figure we'll have fun figuring out the dumb people answers. Let's do it. We have Shane Moss here.

Macon, Georgia. A Macon woman was arrested this week on criminal trespass charge after she reportedly threw bricks at a man's car in the 4400 block of Chambers Road. Add that to the dumb people town walking tour. Do you remember the story we did where a guy threw clam chowder at someone's car? Yeah, no one knew why. And we, this might be, and it's someone, we had made this comment and someone just on Twitter reminded us. Retweeted us our comment. Retweeted our comment, which is we only throw chowder at the people we love.

Maybe we only throw bricks at the people we love. I hope not. Yeah, I want to hear. I mean, if there's reasoning behind this, to me, I mean, I get it. Let's find out. I haven't seen that many bricks thrown in one night since the Cavaliers played the Golden State Warriors.

A sheriff's report says the victim told deputies that after he met Nikita Strange online, she went to- That is not her name. That's a superhero. That's a superhero. Nikita Strange, right? That's a superhero. Wouldn't you say Nikita-

N-A-K-E-H-E-A. Well, is it strange? Nikita? Is it strange like a very misogynistic term for like women? Like get some strange? I'm going to get some strange tonight. Yeah, but women can get strange too. I guess they can.

Don't get weird on me. Don't get weird. Don't you get strange on me. Don't you get strange on me. After a sheriff's report, a sheriff's report says the victim told deputies after he met Nikita or Nikita, strange, online, she went to his apartment complex and smashed his windshield with a brick. Well, that's strange. That is strange. Online. That went to his apartment complex and smashed his windshield with a brick. Well, that's strange. That is strange.

Online. That's Nikita Strange. They met online and then she went to his house. How much do you piss someone off online that they go and then... Well, look, what they say is these online relationships are really accelerated. Like, you're meeting someone before you've ever seen them. You go straight to the violent breakup. You go straight to sex.

Now it's going so far that it's going to break the windshield. I'm mad at you. Maybe this is like Tinder, but for vandalism. Vander. Yeah, you want to find like-minded people. Swipe that brick all the way right. Yeah, throw that brick right, and then Vander will connect you with someone you can vandalize. With someone you can take out anger on.

The deputy, by the way, after I read this, the deputy who wants to be a detective, the deputy noticed that the victim's windshield had a large crack and impact point that appeared to be consistent with the brick, which was discovered near the vehicle. Okay, so you are, you're not like... Like Encyclopedia Brown. Yeah, this is like, this is too basic for Encyclopedia Brown. This is Encyclopedia Beige. Well, here's an impact point, and I see this brick three feet away.

Let me think about what... Let me deduce. Let me deduce what might have happened. The victim reportedly said that he had taken out a temporary protective order against Strange earlier that day, although she hadn't been served with it yet. So I ask you, is it in effect if you haven't been served with it? No. No. No. Because you don't know. If you haven't been served with it,

you don't know. Yeah. Right. So she wasn't in violation of the protective order. It's got to be served to you. Your honor, had I known, I would have not thrown a brick. I'm just a caveman. They say met online, which makes it very cavalier. If he took out a protective order, they may have say met online, which makes it very cavalier.

If he took out a protective order, they may have originally met online, but there's been some time here. Oh, yeah. Right? Oh, yeah. I mean, that would be really strange. Oh, yeah. That would have been really strange if it was just met online. That's the exchange on Bumble.

What's your address? Well, I don't know. You seem cool. Do you have a car? Yeah. Where is it parked? I don't know. Where is it parked? We just met online.

Don't ever respond in any scenario if someone asks where is your car parked. Never. Unless they're family. At that point you can say in your asshole and then you hang up the phone. With the family? No. Jay, do you do all of your online stuff on the phone? You said and then you hang up the phone.

Right. Jay thought that they met on the telephone line. Oh, telephone line. On the party line. On the party line. Did any of you guys have party lines? You're too young. You're too young for a party line.

Then you guys are too, right, Squires? Wait, that's a real thing? It used to be in neighborhoods. Everybody was on one line, and you would ask people to get off, or you would just pick it up and start talking to people. Get out of here, Dan. You don't remember a party line? Oh, come on.

I thought it was like party line would be like. I remember like sex part, like a sex orgy party line. I almost went along with it. I was like, oh, sure, sure. Yeah, party line. It's a real thing. It's a real thing. It is a real thing.

So you know it's a real thing. I definitely know it's a real thing. But I didn't know if it was just like we're all just talking about it. I think there were old TV shows of like, I don't know if I'd say Lassie, but like Donna Reed or something like that. Hop on the party line. Yeah, where they'd pick it up and people would just be there talking. You'd have to ask people to get off so that you could have the operator call somebody. Oh, wow.

Jesus. Jesus. I don't know why I know this much about telephone communication. Come on, Dan. That's ridiculous, Dan. I know as much about telephone communications as Jason does about how people meet online. That's right. So they send an email to you and then you hang up the phone.

Yes. She hadn't been served with it yet. A witness told, this is my favorite part, a witness told the deputy that he was sitting on his porch when a woman drove around the parking lot in a black Chevrolet Impala. The woman reportedly got out of the car, pointed to another vehicle, and asked the witness, whose car is this? So now we have a whole vignette of life playing out between a guy on his porch. Wait a second, Dan.

Dan. Yes. They may not have known each other at all. Because to me, if you're dating someone for a little bit. But why would you take out a protective order? But if you're dating someone even for a little bit, you would know the other person's car. Not if they've only dated

online. That makes sense. Catfish. But they've had to have communicated enough. Oh, so maybe. Dude, catfish. You could have a whole relationship online with a person. Right, so they've never met in person and he pissed her off. That's right. So badly that she's like, I'm gonna, yeah, she found out where he lived and she, so these are people who've never met

before. I'm just happy that... You told me you had a BMW. Right. Strange ain't taking it. Strange has had enough of this shit. Akita Strange. This is bad for Curtis Strange. Okay. So she says to the guy on his porch, whose car is this? Assuming that

everybody just knows whose car is whose. Whose car is this? I know some of the cars in my neighborhood. Let's go outside on the street and just see if we can figure out whose car is whose. I can't do it. Feels like a dumb people town game. I would play that game.

Whose car is this? The witness told her that he didn't know at that point. So this is the exchange. Whose car is this? I don told her that he didn't know at that point. So this is the exchange. Whose car is this? I don't know. I think I know who it is. Okay. You know what I'm going to do? No. I'm going to throw this brick

through the window. I wouldn't. I wouldn't do that. Why? Because you know whose car it is? No. I told you I didn't know whose car it is. What if I throw a brick? Is it your car? It's not my car. Then why do you care? I didn't say it. I didn't say I cared. I do care. Well, how much do you care?

Why are we playing this game? Would you say you and I have officially met now? I don't know. You gonna throw a brick at me? Maybe. I might. Depends on how it goes. What are you looking for? Nothing. Nothing. I'm not looking for anything. The witness told her he didn't know whose car it was.

At that point, the woman reportedly picked up a brick and threw it at the rear passenger window, but it didn't break. Is that the most fun part of this story? That it bounced off. When you try to break something, and then it doesn't, and you're like, you got to pick the brick back up. I mean, that's kind of an inspirational story though. If the first one doesn't go through the window. If at first the brick doesn't go through the back windshield, try

and try again. Well, you know that feeling when you throw something into a garbage can from very close range and miss? And then you have to walk. And you think to yourself, I'm either going to say, fuck that piece of trash. And I'm going to litter. Right. Because I'm mad about what I did. Or I'm going to walk over

there, bend down, pick it up. Do what's environmentally conscious and throw that brick through the front window. Do you guys ever re-rack it and try to take the shot again? Absolutely. I'll step back and do a whole thing. I'm going until I get this. I can't leave on a miss.

So she picks it up, throws it at the rear passenger window, but didn't break it. Bounces. No breakage. The witness said the woman then started throwing the brick at the windshield. So she went back window first. Oh, it's the wrong window. Right. The front window is a lot breakier.

I've never broken a car. Oh, no, I take that back. I have. I was in an accident. I had to break my way out with an elbow. But that was all pure adrenaline. I've never angrily been like, oh, we'll break this window. I can't believe you had to break yourself out of a car.

Yeah. It was on its side. Everybody got out. We lived. Oh, my Lord. Let's just keep going. Wow, Dan. Let's blow past what would be the biggest traumatic moment in my entire life.

Give me some other details. You know when your car just flips over a few times and you just got blasted out the rear window? You know how you fall a thousand feet down into a tree and die? It wasn't me. It was just the adrenaline. I can't take full credit for it. Toontz's was driving. Toontz's.

The witness said the woman started throwing the brick at the front windshield, causing it to break and shatter. I hope she was strange. See, not that dumb. I mean, the first one, you feel a little dumb when it doesn't break the second time. You sit back. It's vindication. You think about your strategy. You change the window.

Right. I would say the dumbest part of the story is actually her conversation with the neighbor before committing a crime in front of said neighbor. She's a bit of a problem solver. And she's a woman of action. She's making sure she had the right car, and then after that, just deducing which window to nail. So much that we give a lot of grief to people online that they don't actually follow through with things, that they don't live in the real world. She took it to the real world.

She took it to the real world, and then when faced with adversity, she came up with a new solution and changed it. People say that America doesn't make anything anymore. You say America doesn't break anything anymore. No, I say, true. I say this woman is making something. She's making mistakes. That's right. There you go. And there we go.

And you've got to be out in the world to do it. To make those mistakes. The witness said the woman then started throwing the brick at the woman then started throwing the front windshield, causing it to break and shatter. The deputy showed the witness a jail file photo of Nikita Strange. I'm sorry if I'm saying your name wrong. And he confirmed her as the woman. Dan, you're going to get a brick.

Just had that jail photo in his pocket, too. Hey, wasn't this lady that causes all of the trouble in the town? Why is that on your keychain? Why is that on your keychain? Maybe I want to be a detective, Rog. Rog, maybe I want to be a detective. Is that so wrong? It's just weird that you had it laminated and put into a circle.

Oh, I'm sorry. Are you throwing figurative bricks at my windshield? Sorry I solved the goddamn case, Rog. Well, it's just weird that it's in your grandmother's locket. Go ahead. We're related. And then the neighbor confirmed her as the woman who'd been throwing the brick. This neighbor wanted nothing to do with this night.

And yet this asshole's out on a porch. Yeah, just being like. By the way, if I'm outside and I see someone taking a brick and throwing it at someone, I don't stay on the porch. You get inside. I go inside, I call the cops, and I'm like, get over here right now. Right. According to the report, the deputy found Strange at a business off Eisenhower Parkway

that afternoon. That's Strange. I want to know the business. That's straight Strange. Yeah. She was arrested and taken to the Bibb County Law Enforcement Center. I'm going to ask you guys, how old is Nikita Strange? Too much fun leaves marks in life.

Living hard, you'll pay the price. Who is gonna get it right? Guess the age. Guess the age. Okay, now Shane. You are a guest. You can go first, Tig, or third.

Oh, well, she was online. That makes me want to skew younger. Younger, okay, very good. She could be bitter and old. I mean, a brick through a windshield, you have to be of a certain age. That's old school. My 80-year-old grandma is crushing Facebook. Kids these days don't even know what bricks are.

That's like bank heist planning right there. Let's say, I'm going to say 34. Okay, 34 from Shane. Jason or Randy? Jay. I'm going to say 38. 38? Yes. From Jason Spalding. But look 63. I'm going to say 49. 49? 49 years old.

Okay, townies, get your answers in now as we play a round of Guess the Age. E? Shout at your ham radios. Yes. Nikita Strange. Oh, boy. The woman who never met him,

but I think met his car. Yep. Made friends with a neighbor. Well, friends is a little bit She might say they're friends. She would say they're friends. Yes.

We're close. She's like, what's your email address? Nope, we're not doing this. We're not doing this. I've seen where it ends. Yeah, can't do it. She is

27 years old. Nice job, dude. There you go. Did we figure out what the thing was? We don't know. Maybe he did something horrible.

What if he did something horrible? That's why I said the only dumb part was doing it in front of the neighbor. I don't know why she did it. The neighbor thing was pretty dumb. That was dumb, but maybe this guy did. Maybe this guy was like... Oh, he might have earned it. He might have earned it.

This is like an empowerment. Maybe he's like, families should be separated at the border. Then you take over a brick and you blow it out. And he just kept bragging about that Nissan Probe. And he was like, I'm getting you. I don't even know that. Not a Nissan Probe. Ford?

Ford Probe. Is it? Ford Probe. A Ford Probe? I don't think people are good at planning things. Like, I used to live on PCH, and there was these hedges across the street that screwed up my view. They were, like, crazy tall. And we wanted to, to like get rid of

anytime we'd have guests that would see like how ridiculous these hedges are we'd always cut those down we'd always like plot i'd like hear what different people's ideas caught a hole in the middle so you could like a window in the hedge so you could get do a bay window in the middle of the hedge and as someone i i had a scientist so like, well, this guy will have a smart answer. So throw a brick at the guy's car. He was like, well, do an herbicide thing. So that was smart, do an herbicide. But he's like, but it's going to be at night.

And there's probably cameras around. So what you want to do is put a rock in one of your shoes. So it screws up like how you walk. So when they catch you on camera you have a weird I'm like that is the dumbest you don't if you have to run from cops you do not want to rock in your shoe

you call a time out when the cops are coming people have these plans but they think it's like so clever also that he thought that you couldn't fake a limp without a rock in your shoe that's straight science. I'm a method actor. He knew that about me.

He knew that about you. All right, guys. That's my mini story. I love it. The name of the documentary one more time and where people can get it. Psychonautics. People will have distribution news soon. But I'm more interested in plugging my own podcast, which is at this network.

Here we are network here we are here we are each week I interview a new scientist about life a lot of psychologists biologists and neuroscientists

that's a lot of rocks in shoes my friend a lot of rocks in shoes that sounds amazing trying to make the world a smarter place like you guys

we need it here we are with Shane Moss thank you so much for joining us on Dumb People Talk, dude. And oh shit, we got to get back to work. Stick around.

Make a sound. Come here down. It's Dumb People Talk. It's a good show.