Dumb People Town - Sklarbro Country - 5/1/2020 - Cheetos, Vodka, and Broken Dreams

Episode Date: May 1, 2020

The Sklar Brother lament the loss of of the Furry convention. Out of work announcer "Chet Waterhouse" leaves a message. The second story involves a protest in Raleigh.

Sklar Beans on the air. A.K.A. two Wolverines, one quarantine. A.K.A. two brothers, no smothers. A.K.A. two Sklars, one bizarre. A.K.A. more than one fella, no yellow jello. A.K.A. one glasses, two asses. Two dudes, one prude. All right, there we go. All right, here we go. This is a podcast, if you don't know,

if you're joining us for the first time, where we take 25, 30 minutes out of our day to entertain you and hopefully make you laugh, make you think a little bit. Just take your mind off of what's going on. Take your mind off of the pressures. Give you a little bit of a break. Give you a chance to breathe into your mask,

not on someone else. Please don't breathe on anyone else. If you're running, it is incumbent upon you as the runner to get away from everybody. Yeah. Do your part. Get extra steps and run away from the people that are walking nearby you. That's all I have to say. Do your part. Do your part. But right now we're going to talk about some dumb people doing some dumb things. Yeah. And hopefully get you thinking about human behavior and the way. Because this, look, this pandemic, like the NBA playoffs, it exposes our weaknesses.

That's right. This is a seven-game series we're in with this pandemic, and we're going to see how. Find out who we are. We're going to find out what we need to do on defense real quick. Yeah. Let's try it. Are we going to do a box and one on this thing

what are we gonna have to drop to a very loose zone loose zone everybody gotta flex that thing here we go the last domino has fallen guys it has the one convention that maybe could have gone on is no longer happening yeah once comic-con went down once that was canceled i'm like i knew there would be a chance that this one was going to go, but now it's gone. Like Comic-Con, you're like, all right, we can survive maybe without Comic-Con, even though it's come to encompass every type of media,

not just comics. Right, it's no longer. Comic-Con is like, hey, this is... Comic-Con is basically, you don't want to go to Cannes to premiere your movie. Do it at Comic-Con. All right, so you ready for this here we go and by the way we're not saying that because we've never been invited to comic-con but we would

love a little invitation that's all of course we're talking about the annual furry convention in pittsburgh that was just announced that it was canceled just come on just announced like it's more frustrating than getting gum on your furry neck that's a whole lot to live with the wet fur and having to like drive around in a small car with wet for the smell of wet fur in the morning my man you gotta you gotta check that through your furry customer you can't carry that if you don't know what furries are people don't know what they are they're a wonderful magical bunch of people a furry is described as an enthusiast for animal characters with human characteristics in particular a person who dresses up in costume as such character or uses one as an avatar online now jace and i were in the austin

hotel when we were there and that woman i'm gonna try and find that video she sent a message that was in boston i said no no no the woman who was dressed like. She sent a message. That was in Boston. No, no, no. The woman who was dressed like a cat? That was Boston. Nope, that was in Austin. Are you sure? Yes, you're not remembering correctly. It was Austin.

Austin, Texas. It was late at night. She was in the hotel. Oh, that's right. She was like, that was the most realistic cat costume I've ever seen. Maybe we'll put that at the end of this episode so you can see if I can find it.

Find that video. So you can see what it was and I'll send it in. You texted it to your friend. She said hi to our friend Eva. And it was terrifying. It was terrifying. The amount of animation in her face and her ability to talk through this furry costume.

It was the most friendly any cat has ever been to talk through this furry costume it was the most friendly any cat has ever been to me it was probably better than the movie cats i am always like the movie cats does that make you a furry i've always wondered that i am always fascinated by the fact that some or many i'm not sure enjoy engaging in sexual activity while wearing the furry costume that that is a turn on. So like imagine the Syracuse Orange getting down with the Philly Fanatic. Well, they're both round. So they're both have big bellies.

They're going to be in the way, but like whatever. Maybe it's the friction you create on the inside. It's got to be because it's certainly not human to human connection. I mean, it's probably a backdoor only situation. But still, you got to get backdoor for both. But maybe. What's so funny is you're saying there's a lot of butt stuff going on. A lot of backdoor action.

A lot of backdoor cuts, as they say. As they say. But wait. It's like dinosaurs having sex. You think about two Tyrannosaurus rex. The tail, the scales. I don't think two tyrannosaurus rex the tail the scales like i don't think a tyrannosaurus rex could give a handjob like no you'd have to be laying on the ground right but the other thing about it that is weird to me is clunky and this is a real question

i don't know the answer to this are there is is there a binary male-female world that exists around sexuality with furries in their universe? Because yes, you're a rabbit, but most of those things are non-gender specific. So is your turn on hooking up with a woman? Like a wolf having sex with a rabbit? So it could be anyone in the costume. Inner species sex? I don't know. Is that the turn on. Inner species sex? I don't know. Is that the turn on?

These are the things we don't know. Is the turn on like animal costume to animal costume? Don't know. Is it the friction within your costume? Is it the friction of fur? We don't know. And look, if you like this and it gets you off, great. If you're two consenting adults.

If there are no kids involved, if this is a mascot on another mascot and not at a nine-year-old's birthday party, great. Hot mascot on mascot action. We're totally cool with that. And that's fine. It's your prerogative, as Bobby Brown used to say. You can do what you want to do.

And we're cool with that. But there's a lot of logistical things that have to happen in order to make this work. If that's the only thing that gets you off. Yes. Heaven help you. And you know that there is is though we're pretty open-minded guys there if you do this and it gets out to your family there's one relative who's not okay with yeah there's definitely gonna be one but i'll say this sex and furry outfits every time for you that's like pulling off a bat mitzvah every single time you have sex there's a lot of work the level

of planning that has to go on they're just and you know inevitably like you said one of your relatives just like a bat mitzvah one of them's gonna be mad at you right see you brought that up and we slid it back in there you go all right so the furry convention canceled you know due to the ongoing covet 19 crisis for which there is no timely and. I guess I applaud them for the moment of clarity. Although they'd be the ones who'd be the most protected because you really aren't. It's like you have a mask on. You have the best mask on. You actually are like not touching.

All right. For which there's no timely end in sight. We have been forced to make the sad decision to cancel Anthrocon 2020. A letter on Anthrocon website said, Anthrocon? Sounds like the gathering of anthropologists. That's what that sounds like to me. Why not call it Furry Fest 2020?

Right. Do I have to come up with the names for these guys? We can do it. We've got the time. We're in a pandemic, people. We had hoped to avoid it, but it has become clear that we will not be able to provide

a convention experience that is both safe and enjoyable for our attendees. Let the attendees decide that. Yeah. But I think they're making the right thing. No, their attitude is no touchy, no happy. No touchy, no happy. We get that. That's okay. We are offering several choices for our attendees who have already paid their memberships. The gathering described on its website as one of the world's largest anthropomorphic conventions, caters to the furry fandom or devotees of animal or objects giving human characteristics. So it could be a hot dog that talks.

That qualifies as furry behavior. Like, hey, I'm a mustard. To me. Hop in my bun and let's do this. Mustard and ketchup having sex? Squirt in my buns and let's do this. Mustard and ketchup having sex. Is there anything more beautiful?

It feels wrong, but it's so right. I'll say this. Mustard and ketchup having sex. Is there anything more beautiful? It feels wrong, but it's so right. I'll say this. If you're a celebrity mascot, this is your Super Bowl. San Diego Chicken? Keynote speaker. Even though San Diego Chicken does not speak, keynote speaker every year at Anthrocon, right? Every year.

So when was this supposed to happen, Ren? July 2nd through the 5th. Organizers said hotels and some events automatically issued refunds okay good great in the form of giant furry novelty checks they just giant no come on people who purchase memberships for the actual convention can request online and defer their membership to the 2021 that's nice they're doing all the things that they actually feel more organized than the u.s government does this not feel like the crazy world of furries and anthroposophists? Is more grounded and has more things in place to help out their population

than the U.S. government, which is weird. Now, we had a mascot when we were growing up for the baseball cardinals. Fred Bird. Fred Bird, who my daughter called Freddy Bird, thought was an actual bird and was terrified by it. Right, well, he is terrified. Because of its sheer size. So we're going to tell a story right now about our friend Eric Friedman.

Yes. And this is something that happened at, was it his bar mitzvah or- Someone else's. A friend of his bar mitzvah. In Cherry Hill, New Jersey. Cherry Hill, New Jersey, which is right on the Jersey side of Philly. So the Philly fanatic came and made an appearance at the bar mitzvah. That is like somebody stepping it up.

That's like in the day that was like you, the kid shows up on a jet ski with Nicki Minaj, right? Or like Ja Rule coming to your bar mitzvah, which I'm sure he's now having to do a lot of bar mitzvahs. So he was there. I'm sure he was drunk. He should have been.

He probably was drunk. He was have been. He probably was drunk. He was being paid in bonds that would mature in 18 years. That's a bar mitzvah joke. We don't know about that. Meanwhile, this guy didn't know where he was going to be like 18 hours from then. Yeah. You can't give him a bond that's going to mature in 18 years. So it's a hard rule in the mascot world that you never take your head off.

That is the rule. If you do, then you basically are crossing a line with mascots that you can never it's like breaking the fourth wall in a play that you're not supposed to break the fourth wall the audience can never know your true identity you're a superhero in some you're a slovenly superhero at some point who lives in your car well apparently our buddy eric said the guy playing the Philly Fanatic at the bar mitzvah took the head off. That must have been shocking. Terrifying. Right?

We asked Eric. Also because the head will seem so small. In that thing. And the head is coming out of like the neck. The head is coming out of like the chest. So the neck and the head kind of are the same thing. I can't even imagine the Philly Fanatic. It's kind of tall.

The head coming out of the chest. Yeah. So the head is not sitting in the actual head, which would serve to make the actual head, when you see it, seem that much smaller and lower. Beetle juiced. Yeah. So we asked Eric if he could remember what was inside.

What did it smell like? What the inside of the Philly Phanac's head smelled like at the time. Because he was close enough to smell it. He said sweat, vodka, and broken dreams. I thought he said Che smell it he said sweat vodka and broken dreams i thought he said cheetos just a hint of broken dreams yeah maybe cheetos vodka and broken dreams but sweat too it was at that exact moment that jay and i both knew that eric was telling the truth yeah because if you you can't get that close to the abyss and not remember what every single thing about it what it felt like what it smelled like what it did, the sense of touch. You are touching a man's despair. Right. And also there's something

about like, they're all going to be fans of this team. And now they know something that they shouldn't know. You know, you can't unknow it. Right. And they know something that they shouldn't have known, which I'm assuming is kind of the allure of the furry culture. Anyway, I'm having anonymous random sex. Maybe that's part of the excitement. The joy is, I don't know who's it. That could be a woman in that cat suit. It could be a man.

We have no idea. I'm living on the edge. Right, on the street, maybe we wouldn't be attracted to each other, but she's a giant jackrabbit right now. You want to be having sex with the Easter Bunny, not Jeff in the IT department of bunny not jeff in the it department of cisco systems who's in the easter bunny's outfit right and that is it it's the

illusion we all try to keep up and this guy broke it yep all right there you go that's the first story down we'll take a little break right now uh people often ask us hey what are some great uh podcasts that we should be listening to we We have a fantastic one for you. For fans of ours who like sports, this guy is the best. He was a guest on our podcast right at the end of last year. He's got a fantastic podcast called Playing With Pain. Playing With Pain. Chet Waterhouse.

Chet Waterhouse, Playing With Pain. Our buddy, do we pull back the curtain? No, no, no. We're not going to lift it up. We're not going to take the mascot head off on that one. No. I'm sure he's got great stories about mascots. Oh, my goodness.

This guy is fantastic. So please check out Chet Waterhouse playing with Payne. He left a voicemail for us. And then we'll go to break. And then we'll come back on the other side. We'll see you. It's Sclubber Country, the virus edition. Hey, guys.

Chet Waterhouse here with this wacky quarantine stuff i had to call and double check something i make sure our wires don't get crossed i got a call to do vo play-by-play on lacrisse cross you know what lacrosse is this is lacrisse cross two lacrosse games played perpendicular to each other simultaneously. It's wild. I just wanted to make sure you guys hadn't got that offer, because if not, I'll snap it up. Meantime, double check if you got any extra monkey testosterone. Ship it my way.

You know, I like to blast that into an eyeball every two, three months. Oh, got a new sponsor. Roberta Flack Jacket. You're not killing me softly or loudly in my Roberta Flack Jacket. Okay, guys, I'll see you soon or talk to you sooner. What do we do now? Set. Yeah.

Go. You've got to let the jello set. Hey, guys, welcome back to the show. We want to remind people, we got a YouTube page, Sklarbro Country. We just put up the putt-putt. We just put up the log rolling, log chopping. The log chopping thing from Wide World of Sports.

Wide World of Sports 4 with Jim McKay with a fantastic piece with Slovin and Allen in it where they played the two roseburg guys from roseburg oregon and they were just they were they would pick their sides as to who they because there were two log rollers that were against each other it's just so much fun you have to watch it uh go to youtube and look up sclubbro country and subscribe to that we want to get as many people subscribed as possible thank you for that and thank you for listening this podcast and sharing with other people it's growing and i love it yep all right for this let's talk about this uh people are

protesting the stay-at-home orders to hilarious effect let me just say that yeah many of them are getting coronavirus justice sweet sweet sweet sweet justice and anyone by the way who's mad that we're saying it that and has compassion for those people, don't. I don't know what to say to you if you have compassion for those people. You care too deeply for people who don't care enough about themselves, nor do they care about you.

As soon as an emergency doctor took her own life because it was too much, I'm like, these people are the problem. Yes. They are the cause of it. They should be tried for murder. Well, so, okay. Is it weird,

and I'm going to ask you this, Randy, that I imagine that it's mostly men who are doing this? Because- It does. It feels like a male thing. Right? Like women bring life into this world.

Men destroy shit. Right. But there are dumb women out there, and sometimes this show likes to highlight the dumb things that they do. Oh, yeah. We're an equal opportunity. There are dumb women who are out there doing God's work on the front lines things that they do. Oh, yeah. We're an equal opportunity. There are dumb women who are out there

doing God's work on the front lines of the protest movement. And in North Carolina, three women who were dubbed ringleaders of a protest in Raleigh were arrested for clashing with cops and healthcare workers. By the way, Raleigh, yes, it's the capital.

Is Raleigh the capital? Clashing with healthcare workers? Yes. By the way, our friend is a healthcare worker. And her husband. Yeah, are healthcare workers in Raleigh, yes, it's the capital. Is Raleigh the capital? Clashing with healthcare workers? Yes. By the way, our friend is a healthcare worker in Raleigh. And her husband. Yeah, are healthcare workers in Raleigh. I don't want you clashing with our friends. How dare you do that, you asshole?

That's right. You should clash with neo-Nazis. You want to clash with someone? Clash with them. Or clash with drunk Raiders fans. That's who you clash with. You don't clash. The black hole.

You don't clash with healthcare workers. No, you don't do that. They are our greatest resource right now gonna say this and i again people are gonna think i'm too harsh i think the punishment is simple and easy if these people protest and then subsequently get coronavirus they should not be allowed to be treated by health care workers they should be refused medical treatment i'm gonna pray to the god that i don't even believe in yep that they get it. You clash with a healthcare worker,

you cannot use a hospital ever again. You can be blackballed from a bar. That's right. And I'm sure a bunch of these people have been blackballed from a bunch of bars. If you can get blackballed from a bar, why are we holding back on blackballing people

from hospitals across the country? Use the bar blackball mentality in terms of who gets service. Get a photo. Get some face ID on these people. Don't serve this person. You can even take them in all the way into where it's time to treat them and be like, Sorry.

Hey, we were just looking over your records and saw that you were out in front of your mayor's house for a week, and that's how you got this. You were protesting, and you clashed with some of our buddies upstairs. We can't give you anything. Yeah. We want to give you anything. Yeah. We want to, but we can't. So you're going to have to go. So one of my favorite quotes came from the husband of one of these three Lady Bozos.

Lady Bozos is a pretty good name, right? All right. Ashley Smith. I don't even think she has an E in her name. A-S-H-L-Y. So she misspelled her own name. Ashley Smith's husband. And I'm not even going to call him by his name.

No, she's Ashley Smith's husband. He's Ashley Smith's husband. Your wife's a ringleader, dummy. Told local news that his wife deliberately ignored police orders. Yeah, way to go on the record with that one. Yeah, that was smart. He, quote, he doesn't even back down. He digs in deeper

quote she turned to me and said hey we're gonna show what civil disobedience is all about why is he saying this to the news you're getting first of all no you're not no you're not you're gonna get sick for being an idiot that's what you're gonna show everyone so what did he go on to say he went on to say i think it's the best thing that's ever happened to this movement this movement what movement what movement are we talking about the movement of idiocy idiocracy that's already that's already been done get in line there's a whole bunch of people way ahead of you you're not even a pioneer in that then he said this could be that step like the shot heard around the world what what is he talking about? What are you talking about,

Dummy Smith, Husband Smith? Right. The shot heard around the world. The shot heard around the world when the colonists shot someone mistakenly shot at British soldiers and then an equal number of colonists and soldiers died.

Is that what you're... That's the shot heard around the world? Bobby Thompson's home run. I don't really understand what it is. We're, by the way, cool if some of you guys get wiped out. Yeah, we're cool. If you guys want to sacrifice yourselves for this fight, go for it. Yeah, we're happy.

We're good with that. We're good with that. We don't need you. Then he said, this guy is such a fool. Then he said, this is going to be the step heard round North Carolina. Steps aren't heard unless you step really loud. You don't hear steps. You're, I mean. Footsteps? You're in over your head. You're mixing metaphors. heard round North Carolina. Steps aren't heard unless you step really loud and then you still can't. You don't hear steps.

You're, I mean. Footsteps? You're in over your head. You're mixing metaphors. You can't even get the metaphor right, dummy. Just shut up. Just shut up.

Let your dumb wife be a ringleader and just shut up. And why does he have to prop her up? She's already a ringleader. She got arrested. That's right. You could be the dumbass

whose stupid quotes are heard around north carolina yeah that's what's that that's about the only the only thing that i think is actually accurate world then this idiot concluded his quote fest with this gem this guy's just spewing out beauties i hope it inspires people to step up into the unknown. What is he quoting Frozen 2? Into the unknown. Step up into the unknown and be willing to stand up for their rights. The unknown. The unknown.

We know what's going to happen. She's going to get arrested at best. At worst, she gets sick and gets coronavirus and dies. So we pretty much know the parameters of it's it's a known entity what you're doing it's known his wife was shocked by her arrest oh yeah yeah this is great so maybe maybe it wasn't known to her what was going to happen how could you be shocked she called the arrest she said we're going show these cops what civil disobedience all about and then she's shocked no no if you go shopping at walmart to just pick up some food for yourself and then you get arrested out of the blue for no reason or like i'd be shocked or if you

go to the symphony and suddenly find yourself wrestling with a monkey that's shocking that that's something that is a shocking outcome of you didn't go to the symphony thinking you were going to have to fight a chimpanzee but now here you are in the fight of your life or that this is going to get ripped off these are all very logical outcomes you getting arrested and then she complained about that they hurt her wrists when they were she said her called her arrest a shocker and claims that she suffered wrist injury wrist injuries took her away and they said they took away her glasses it's not a shocker at all yeah you're gonna get your glasses back too you just say hey where are my glasses right and also like like the it's the the cops many people say fine they're like bullies in certain

ways but you can get your glasses back it's not gonna be a problem look if you're this is the thing if you're gonna protest and say you're not giving us our rights you know you're just prolonging the situation that's right you are making it last one we're gonna lay it out simply for you as long as people are still getting the virus and we don't have a vaccine or comprehensive testing you can't gather in public and businesses can't reopen before that happens. That's it. Reopen like they did before the pandemic. That's right. So if you break that, you're only going to make this go longer. You're the reason

it's prolonged. Even if you don't think you are, even if you think- You're like, I don't have it. Doesn't matter. We can't control how quickly the government gets tests into the States. We can't do it. You can tell your dumb ass president to get on the stick. Yeah. And get the feds involved and have them order it. Here's what you can control if you're indoors or not. And by the way, you can kind of control the spread. By the way, go hop on Facebook and make a big deal out of it there. That's fine. If you really want to do that, we want it to reopen as fast as you do. If not faster, we do. Trust me. People who are staying home doesn't

mean they don't want the economy to open. They're staying home so it can open. That's right. So if you go back and reopen too soon, you're going to be part of the problem of making this worse. Enjoy it. Don't be shocked. And we don't need you. All right. There you go. There you go. That's it. Don't be shocked. And we don't need you. All right. There you go.

There you go. And you shouldn't be. If you get it, medical institutions, hospitals should be able to refuse you. That's right. It's like a guy who wants another drink at the end of the bar and you got too much. You got too drunk, man. You had too much. They should be able to cut people off and say, Yeah, we're cutting you off.

You can't serve this person. Cannot serve you anymore. All right. We're going to show you. I'm going to dig this up. We're going to show you this video of this crazy anthropomorphic cat saying hi to our friend Eva. You got to check this out.

We'll see you tomorrow. Go punch a water faucet and go wash your hands. Stay socially connected, but stay distanced. And we're going to get through this through humor, through love. We're going to get through this all of us together. Be smart. Be safe. And we'll see you tomorrow.

We'll see you on Monday, right? See you on Monday. Monday. See you Monday. Meowdy, Eva. My name's Blanche, and I heard that you like cats. And, well, your friend wanted me to tell you that you're the best, so you're the best. La-di-da.

La-di-da-di-da-di-da. La-di-da, la-di-da-di-da-di-da La-di-da-da-da In my car