Dumb People Town - Sophie Buddle - Pasta La Vista

Episode Date: June 25, 2024

Comedian Sophie Buddle stops by as Randy describes a New Zealand city that's been overrun by cars blasting Celine Dion, Daniel explains why a Florida man threw pasta during a road rage incident, and J...ason warns against stealing booze and burritos in front of police, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsors: ASPCA Pet Insurance, Hims, and BetterHelp! To explore coverage, visit ASPCApetinsurance.com/DPT Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/DPT. Restrictions apply. See website for details and important safety information. Visit BetterHelp.com/DPT today to get 10% off your first month.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Dan and Brandon J. will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida, there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up
Starting point is 00:00:20 So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan Vendors, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits We are gonna take you down Stick around, make a sound Bunker Down is Dump People Town Today's episode is sponsored by the ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program.
Starting point is 00:00:43 Your pet is part of your family and you want the best for them no matter what. But vet bills can really add up. That's why you should check out Pet Insurance. And with ASPCA Pet Health Insurance, you can focus on the care your pet deserves and cover what matters most. To explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com slash DPT. That's ASPCAPetInsurance.com slash DPT. Again, ASPCAPetInsurance.com slash DPT. That's ASPCA, petinsurance.com slash DPT. Again, ASPCA, petinsurance.com slash DPT. This is a paid advertisement. Insurance is underwritten by either Independence American Insurance Company or the United States Fire Insurance Company and
Starting point is 00:01:16 produced by PTZ Insurance Agency Limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. Great read. Thanks. Guys, your sex life is important, but your schedule is busy. You don't have time to go to the doctor's office to get treated for your erectile dysfunction. Through HIMS, you can now get treated for ED without stepping a foot outside your door. Start your free online visit today at HIMS.com slash DPT. That's HIMS.com slash DPT. That's H-I-M-S.com slash DPT for your personalized ED treatment options. HIMS.com slash DPT. Restrictions apply. See
Starting point is 00:01:52 website for details and important safety information. This show is sponsored by Better Help. Look, when life goes so fast, it's important to take a moment to celebrate your wins and to make adjustments for the rest of the year. Guys, therapy can take, you can take stock in your progress and set achievable goals for the next six months. Take a moment. And visit betterhelp.com slash DPT today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash D-P-T. Hey, townies, welcome to another episode of dumb people town population you population
Starting point is 00:02:28 bottle sophie bottle so happy to have you on the show so happy to be here and obviously i've always loved you guys you as well thanks sophie i've always loved you guys we have great vibes i love your comedy i love everything about you but i come to you today starstruck. Why? Because the past two weeks, all I have done is watch Entourage. I had never seen Entourage in my life. I had never seen Entourage in my life. I have snorted three seasons of Entourage. And that's how it is consumed. Probably the past nine days, I have watched so much Entourage.
Starting point is 00:03:02 I just missed it. I just never watched Entourage. You're probably in a really weird headspace right now. I feel amazing. I'm saying the R slur a lot. Do I need to get someone to drive you around? I don't have a driver's license.
Starting point is 00:03:16 I've been driven around. Who should I see in my favorite, dare I say, the best television show ever made? Not one of you., man, I love it. Not one of you. At first, one of you. Jason at first.
Starting point is 00:03:28 And then both of you. That episode was a blast of all blasts. Oh, my God. Did they write it for you? So, yeah. So, the crazy story, if people want to hear this, is that they wrote,
Starting point is 00:03:39 we both went in for two separate characters. So, Jay went in for his character, which was one line. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No cream. Sloan. No. I love that you're in it.
Starting point is 00:03:54 Like, I was like, oh, yeah, I just got back to that. But know what? No cream cheese on the bagel. Sorry. So like that was the that was it. Or no locks for the bagel. Sorry. One line.
Starting point is 00:04:02 That was it. But of course, Jay being there and you understand this, you show up and you do a really good job and of course jay was funny and also by the way all the other i got to audition in the room yeah well all the other extras brian callan got the other role and he did the bigger role yeah so he was the guy who lost his eyesight so i went out for that and like tested for that. And it came down to like, and they're like, we can't have you in one and you in the other one. So we're just going to give
Starting point is 00:04:32 you the one line. And Randy was very disappointed, upset because this had come off the heels of where I auditioned for Curb and did an episode of Curb. He never got to do it. I'm like, it's going to be this all over again. So he was very upset. That's understandable. That came through in the scene. Doug Allen said, relax.
Starting point is 00:04:47 Relax, we'll figure something out. We'll figure something out. But you also look too much like you can see. And so it just doesn't work casting-wise. And I had glasses, so I couldn't get it. So the other thing was, so I do the line. And this is what's so crazy. And this is just a lesson out there for the world of like,
Starting point is 00:05:04 if you're in something, always do your best. Keep it alive. If you're trying to be an actor, keep the scene alive before the camera gets in the room. They do a lot of tracking shots in Entourage. And so they were doing a scene where Ari was doing something else. They're tracking him to the hallway. And he comes into this meeting of all his agents.
Starting point is 00:05:20 And all the agents are extras. And they come into the room and and come past me and i do this line and ari gets mad at me and that's all it is right very hard to just do one line so i'm trying to have like a pre-life discussion with people and i'm like look at this like there's no that's a bagel how am i supposed to eat this i've never eaten a dry bagel in my life i'm like trying to come up with 50 lines before the line so then when he walks in i see him and i turn and i'm like, hey, know this and the dead and you know, and I give him a line and I maybe attach a little hay to it to like
Starting point is 00:05:51 get it going. The camera whips to these people when it's their singles and they're just like dead in the face. And the director comes in and he's like, what the fuck are you guys doing? You guys all want to be actors, right? And they're like, yeah. He's like, I the fuck are you guys doing? You guys all want to be actors, right? And they're like, yeah. He's like, I am on you guys right now. You better bring this shit to life or else you're gone.
Starting point is 00:06:11 And one of the guys was Larry Burkhead, married to, had the baby with Anna Nicole Smith. Wow. He was one of the extras in there. So they leave. I didn't even know who he was, but I later figured it out. So the director leaves and I'm like, guys, guys this is it go into all your acting stuff let's make this room come alive like what do you what's your issue with this room what's the end i'm like becoming henry winkler oh i was gonna say gene hackman and i'm like what'd you do this he's
Starting point is 00:06:39 out here measuring the fucking oh i'm like what'd you do this morning and and i'm and i'm to some to some woman who's got dead face you know and i'm like what did you do this morning and and i'm and i'm to some to some woman who's got dead face you know and i'm like what did you do this morning and she's like i woke up and then i came and then i came here to do this and i was like no what did your character this morning she's like i don't know i'm like you lost a client and you're fucking mad what did you do this morning and i'm like trying to get people like up and like this, that, and you can't wait. You have something you have to say to Ari, but he's going to steamroll. Trying to make sure your scene's going to be alive. Yeah, sure.
Starting point is 00:07:09 Holding inside. You're waiting. You've been wanting to ask Ari for a raise forever, and this is your moment. When he walks in, you're going to like want to say something, but he's going to steamroll it. I'm like, this is what you guys have to do. If you're not doing this, this is what you have to do. And I think they heard me saying this to these guys. I think they did.
Starting point is 00:07:23 And I was like. You're mic'd. Because I'm mic'd, and I'm on on camera on another camera that's catching me. And I wasn't trying to do it for that. I was just like, do it that way. I hope you were trying. So that's so much so that they're like, hey, we're going to do stay. And they released everyone else.
Starting point is 00:07:37 They're like, we're going to do a bit. We were like walking behind in another scene. And they're like, thanks, man. It was so great. And Piven was actually very, very nice. And we had a good interaction. Oh, I'm the biggest Piven apologist now. I'm not sure what he did. I missed whatever it is that he did.
Starting point is 00:07:49 But I forgive him. I think not only is whatever he did fine, I'm sure. It's the role of the career. He is, I think, the best actor of our generation. You are coming straight up. Not exaggerating. And I think such a good actor that whatever he did that was problematic, he had to do.
Starting point is 00:08:07 His real life persona had to die so that Ari Gold could live and be more real. Self-sacrifice. You might be right. Like those two, like, you know, I read this great book about porn
Starting point is 00:08:18 and just the porn industry. For the book, though. You read it. For this podcast. Is it weird? No, Legs McNeil. Legs mcneil and he talks about these two two undercover officers in florida who went so deep undercover as like these guys who are producers porn producer whatever that they they never came one of them never came back like he never came back to himself he became his life
Starting point is 00:08:44 and it became his person i mean cop or porn producer it feels like uh same deal we're all traveling but anyway that was the whole thing but i love that they wrote it back for us then they wrote the thing for us that's so cool i really think that that's so important and i think that it happens even just doing stand-up shows in hollywood is so many people in the audience are actors or musicians and are like kind of trying to get discovered from the audience and that's why shows in this town are so weird because nobody is just a real person. Everybody else is like also trying to look around and, and whatever. And so sometimes I do that on stage too, where I'm like, okay, everybody here's trying to get
Starting point is 00:09:16 discovered tonight. Right. Let's do one. Let's do one where you're like a hot audience just to see, just to have it just in case we need it. Let's just do it to have it. But if we're in Vegas at the same time and I come see you and you are not doing 10 minutes on entourage i can't stop talking about i truly i have not spoke to a person this week that i have not brought it up i just love it you have newfound respect here's this wild respect i'm not finally respect i'm not finally i have respect 7 a.m this morning a friend of mine texted me an entourage gif which one no way uh just the car pulling up and then getting out over the top yeah amazing she's like i know that she's like i know that i mean it's from the beginning i love that oh yeah oh yeah this is this is what you do you get around sophie buttle and you just start talking about
Starting point is 00:09:58 stuff she's that infectious let's jump into a story okay um this is why my you're my daughter's favorite comic because you just are infectious. All right. This is sent in by our friend Elise LeBlanc, who is amazing. At EELeBlanc70. Follow her. She's a wonderful person. All right.
Starting point is 00:10:13 So here we go. Here's the headline. A small New Zealand city has been plagued by drivers blasting Celine Dion ballads at a certain time of the day for almost eight. And then we'll get into how long they did it. blasting Celine Dion ballads at a certain time of the day for almost eight. And then we'll get into how long they did it. So in a small New Zealand city, people are driving around blasting Celine near far wherever you are. They're blasting in New Zealand. Residents of a small city in New Zealand have been enduring sleepless nights.
Starting point is 00:10:41 So it's middle of the night. Damn it. For months. Hey, we still got to guess. Due to drivers blasting Celine Dion. Can you name one other celine dion song yeah other than the titanic what's the one with the the the wind what is that one that became like a tiktok wind meme oh my god can you sophie do you know i mean this is i'm sure she's saying oh canada at some point Her remake Her cover of Oh Canada
Starting point is 00:11:08 My manager is my husband and he's 80 Remember that song? It's all coming back to me now It's all coming back to me now Go Daniel go I think that hoodlums doing that That's what happens in a country when you're not allowed to have guns That's the only way to do violence
Starting point is 00:11:24 On your countrymen. Putting this right, exactly. Play this. According to Agents France Press, drivers in Porirua... You tried. There's no way. You tried.
Starting point is 00:11:33 You tried. Sophie, help me this. P-O-R-I-R-U-A. P-O-R-I-R-U-A. Poira. Poira? Poirura. Poopoo, for short.
Starting point is 00:11:43 A town of about how many people? How many people do you think are in this town? In P-Town. 100,000. 100,000? What do you think, Dan? 11,000. Daniel says 11.
Starting point is 00:11:52 Jay, what do you think? 6,000. Okay, get your answers in townies. This is a town of about 60,000 people. It's not a small town. People are playing it. It's almost like- Playing the singer's tunes as late as, do you want to guess right now?
Starting point is 00:12:05 Sure. What time do you think they were playing these tunes? Yeah, because then we can speculate on- Yeah, running around. I mean, small town, 9 p.m. That's middle of the night of a small town. She's not wrong. She's not really wrong.
Starting point is 00:12:16 Daniel, what do you think? In my small town, we'd drive around and make sure the old people in our family weren't bad. All right. I'm going to go 2 a.m. Jay, what do you think? 1 a.m. One of you is exactly right. I'm going to go 2 a.m. Jay, what do you think? 1 a.m. One of you is exactly right. So now we get to play the game.
Starting point is 00:12:30 I wanted to be 9 so bad. It's 2. I'll stick with myself. Are you going to stay with you? Do you want to stay where you are or jump to one of theirs? I'm staying where I am. I'm going to stay where I am, too. Get your answers in, Tanya,
Starting point is 00:12:39 because they are loudly playing the singer's tunes as late as 2 a.m. Boom, baby. Daniel. They've been cranking up the volume on the Canadian songstress They are loudly playing the singer's tunes as late as 2 a.m. Boom, baby. Daniel. They've been cranking up the volume on the Canadian songstress' most famous ballads, including My Heart Will Go On, which was from Titanic. Titanic. And It's All Coming Back to Me Now.
Starting point is 00:12:59 Those are the only two they list. She has some other bangers. She has more. God, I would love to see Celine in concert. So then now we'll do this. The nocturnal concerts tend to begin as early as what time doctor i'm having nocturnal concerts sleep with your dreams sleep with rubber sheets right so this will give you a an idea of how like long when it starts and when it ends i think she was right i'm gonna start with nine two i'll say 10 p.m what do you think daniel when does it start yeah and start with 9. I'll say 10 p.m. What do you think, Daniel?
Starting point is 00:13:25 When does it start? Yeah. And then it goes all the way until 2 a.m. Midnight. Get your answers in, Townies. Say midnight. 7 p.m. Whoa!
Starting point is 00:13:35 So you can imagine. Even if you love Celine Dion. Now look, if it weren't five hours of anything, at some point, go make it stop. Someone's going to get shot. like last night i was at my apartment sun hadn't gone down yet just give context somebody playing music ice cream truck type deal and it was doing the like like over but then every like 60 seconds it louder than the music it would go hey like hey like and i walkedda-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Hey! And I walked up and I... I've never heard this.
Starting point is 00:14:07 Neither have I. And I shut the door and I told myself, if I still hear this in 10 minutes, I'm just walking out. Five hours of Celine Dion. At a certain point, it's on you for letting it happen. I don't want to victim blame. So how do you stop people?
Starting point is 00:14:25 But move. You have so many hours of it happening. You literally could move. Move to a different town. You literally could move. Move to Dunedin. All right, here it goes. That's another New Zealand.
Starting point is 00:14:33 It's part of the siren battles trend, which has been going strong in New Zealand for several years, which appears to be particularly popular with indigenous people from the Pacific Islands. These battles involve or rival crews competing to blast the
Starting point is 00:14:49 most powerful and clear sounds from lots of things. Sophie was 100% right about this. Without violent weapons, this is how you fight. Like mental warfare. Doesn't it bring you back to being a teenager when you just have to be creative about how to be a hoodlum That's it
Starting point is 00:15:05 I'm not going to break the law I'm not going to break the law but I am going to try to get on a roof I'm going to try to get on a roof I'm going to trespass I'm going to try and get on a roof You guys didn't spend time on roofs? Or be at the park way too late Oh be at the park late at night
Starting point is 00:15:21 And it's so funny because when you're a teenager You're trying so hard to push back from childhood things But how desperately do you want to be on the park late at night. Way late. And it's so funny because when you're a teenager, you're trying so hard to push back from childhood things. But how desperately do you want to be on the childhood? On swings. 100%. Oh, I'm swinging around at 1 a.m. All right. So they have loudspeakers on either their cars or even bicycles to win the title of Siren King.
Starting point is 00:15:39 Who dispenses this title? Who says this person is Siren King? And why not Queen? Us? We do, right? I guess, yeah person is Siren King? And why not Queen? Us? We do, right? I guess, yeah. The Siren King of New Zealand. This person told the AFP that competing vehicles blast music with their engines running, promptly moving on to avoid the police.
Starting point is 00:15:54 This is the most boring version of Fast and the Furious. Right? Just race. Right? So according to the spinoff, Slow and the Curious. Right, Slow and the Curious. That's the name of this? Aaron, you heard it. That's the name of this episode. It's Slow and the Curious? Right, Slow and the Curious. That's the name of this? Aaron, you heard it.
Starting point is 00:16:05 That's the name of this episode. It's Slow and the Curious. So a New Zealand online publication, Dion's music is especially popular because songs need to showcase treble rather than bass. How about that? Okay. I mean, why aren't you dropping some Mariah Carey? Go hero.
Starting point is 00:16:23 Mariah Carey would get all the dogs. Jodeci's lately? Give me all Trev, no B Every dog would be like, what? You know, Randy, I wanted to create an acapella group called Nothing But Treble I guarantee you that exists You think it exists?
Starting point is 00:16:38 Guarantee There's a double Treble I want to do a double Treble It's like Nothing But Treble and then the one guy goes, and me. Because he's the bass. So here's my question. I want to do a new segment here called, what's your brush with acapella? What is your brush?
Starting point is 00:16:56 Have you ever had a brush with acapella? Meaning you went to go see a show, you were into an acapella group, and you were in one? No, I don't like like music but i do like the movie i do like the movie pitch perfect okay so there's acapella in there yes what's your breath through acapella i mean just how much i fell in love with the song for the longest time i mean that was my closest like that's your rush with acapella yeah car the theme song from where in the world is carmen san diego that is not really song from Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? That is not really acapella. Where in the world
Starting point is 00:17:28 is Carmen Sandiego? That's acapella, guys. That's sung by Rockapella. That's Rockapella. Thank you, Aaron, for the correction. And someone gave us a Brock umbrella,
Starting point is 00:17:37 which is Lou Brock's head umbrella, but that's a whole other thing. We don't have time to get into that. We can't get into Brock umbrella. What were you going to say? The Nylons.
Starting point is 00:17:45 We love that band, the Nylons. We saw them when we were having kids. To me, I hear acapella, and I hear a group that couldn't afford an instrument. Yeah. To me, it feels low budget, and I'm not interested. It's music's version of improv. It is. It's improv, and it's for them, and it's not for me.
Starting point is 00:18:01 It's for them. Acapella is for you. And I say them with a capital T like a real those people. Like a lot of people not just one person identified as Acapella.
Starting point is 00:18:10 But to me if you're in Acapella I would do the song The Loadout by Jackson Brown because they have nothing to load out. That's right.
Starting point is 00:18:19 That's so funny. Wouldn't that be a funny Acapella song to do? You're thanking none of the people. You're doing Acapella what if it's a song where there's a big long guitar solo?
Starting point is 00:18:27 Is everyone just quiet? No, they make the noises. You can't acapella Freebird. She's right. You cannot acapella Freebird. Oh, I beg to differ. I'm sure people have tried it. See if you can find an acapella version of Freebird.
Starting point is 00:18:39 You know who I would listen to do acapella? Jeremy Pippen. Ow. I would listen to Jeremy Pippen do acapella. I would listen to him do anything. Adrian Grenier sounds like a drink. Yeah, I feel like he's the least good character in that show.
Starting point is 00:18:51 How do you like your Adrian Grenier? Do you like it on the rocks? I do. Shaken. He really is shaken. If anyone listening to this loves Sophie and you do not get her a cameo from someone who was in Entourage. You better do it. I do not want the Adrienne Grenier one. You know who I want.
Starting point is 00:19:07 You want Ari Gold. I want Ari Gold. Ari Gold all the way, baby. I want to be represented by Ari Gold. Have you done a show with him yet? No. He does stand-up all over the place. I do stand-up around the city. I think I would be too. I don't think I could handle it.
Starting point is 00:19:22 The Blasting of Dion's music began around November last year, according to Baker, who told the AFP that it coincided with Samoa making the finals of the men's rugby league World Cup. Okay. That's fun. Who could have predicted that? Sure. It's primarily, I mean, not that they're in the finals of the thing, but like that Celine
Starting point is 00:19:39 Dion music would accompany, primarily happening in the city center, but reverberates out in the suburbs, leaving frustrated residents and sleep deprived. They they said people are just not getting any sleep because it's all hours that's what they said up until 2 a.m wait fish i think fish did an acapella version of freebird in 1998 okay if you can find it play it it's really loud music demonetized the they only they only play a quarter yeah don't play it And so it's like having a turntable and it comes screeching out. Residents have launched a petition calling the... Imagine you got to launch this petition. Sure.
Starting point is 00:20:12 Against Celine Dion music being played in your neighborhood. Too loud, baby. It's like the Celine Dion... Well, what are you going to do? Ride them off the road? What are you going to, you know? It just, to me, New Zealand feels very Canada, where it's like if these people are being such a public nuisance, change the whole country so that now there's a siesta so people
Starting point is 00:20:28 can take naps or something like it's just there's not that many people just make a problem solver be a problem solver god that's such and don't disrupt the disruptor yes exactly if they want to play their music they're gonna have to play now at 3 p.m as well because that's when i'm napping that's when i'm sleeping she's so right these are like real solutions real real solutions that don't involve escalating violence i love it exactly and if elected i will let her let her get it out someone elect her all right at the time of reporting the petition had how many signatures how many do you think they collected to get rid of the selena yeah i'm a town of 60 60 000 how many signatures do you think they got 20 000 20 000. 20,000. What do you think? 12,000.
Starting point is 00:21:05 20,000. Daniel, what do you think? I'm going to go 5,700. Get your answers in, Townies, because at the time of reporting, the petition had almost 300 signatures. This is not going well, guys. This is not going well, guys. I'm not a numbers guy.
Starting point is 00:21:20 What's it for? What's it for, Brit? One signatory, Stephen Lewis wrote, quote, sleep is a basic human right. A basic bringing human rights into this. If the pro rura city council members don't get it, they should be shown the door. So this is now putting it on trying to get them out. Deportation. The mayor who didn't respond to Insider's request for a comment.
Starting point is 00:21:43 The mayor is like, I'm over this. What am I supposed to do? i just run this town right told afp she would meet with the police to find a resolution i think her i think sophie's resolution is the one to go with perera perera sophie's resolution so it's a sequel i'll call it it's a sequel to the choice she made her choice and now she's got to make a resolution. Pereira's council's chief executive, Wendy Walker, told the Insider. By the way, and I also love, so this is a town of 60,000 female mayor, female chief executive, and it's Celine Dion music that's being blasted. This is like a lot of female energy. I don't know if we want to claim this as female.
Starting point is 00:22:24 This feels like a silly problem and energy. I don't know if we want to claim this as female. This feels like a silly problem and it's not being solved. I don't know if we're claiming that one. If anyone can solve it, it's these gals. So we know the sirens. These broads can pull it together, I think. If these chicks can't
Starting point is 00:22:40 figure this out, I don't get it. These skirts can't do it. Alright, so we know the siren battles are occurring we're we're frustrating and we absolutely sympathize with residents see that's something a man would never do sympathize with them right we are attempting to find solutions and we are working with the police on and around this issue okay walker so the council plan are bombing too much now listen now listen to this this is, this is a female solution to this problem. Walker said the council plans to work with the siren enthusiasts to find a less disruptive time and a place to blast their music.
Starting point is 00:23:17 So, again, they're not like, we're going to throw them all in jail. We're going to work with them. I like this. Instead of being like like these sirens are hysterical that's right yeah exactly these are crazy i'm gonna give this to jay he's got the next story that's story number one down in the books dumb little so fun and dumb that this is happening it does feel like canadian news like i i worked on a show in canada for three years called this hour has 22 minutes which is like we say it's our snl because it has like political stories and like you know commercial parodies and stuff and it was when i was there when
Starting point is 00:23:50 trump had been was president and obviously late night one of the greatest times for late night because trump always does so much crazy stuff and our boss didn't want us to cover american news stories because there's so because there's so much American late night. It's like, Oh, what are, we're the only show that's covering Canadian stuff. So might as well do that.
Starting point is 00:24:10 But that's why it's so frustrating. It'll be like a hilarious Trump thing that was happening. And then we got to write the story, but our top news and moose's head is stuck in a jar. By the way, Tim Hortons. Exactly. I'm ready for that story.
Starting point is 00:24:23 That's the moment you're like, why did Rob Ford have to die? Why? Who put that moose in the jar? Who put it there? You know, Moose in a Jar is my favorite fish song. Remember when they did it at Acapella? Alright, that's story
Starting point is 00:24:37 number one, down to the moose. When we come back, we'll find out how you can support Sophie Buttle, see her live, just support her in any ways, and we'll tell you what we got going on.'s dumb people town with sophie but we'll be right back stick around hey guys welcome back to the show hope you had a nice break before we get to sophie's uh stuff we can tell you so uh we are going to be in we're going to be in dallas texas at the hyenas in fort worth on the 19th and on the 20th we'll be at the one downtown i love going to be in dallas texas at the hyenas in fort worth on the 19th and on the 20th we'll be at the one downtown i love these two nights in dallas we love these
Starting point is 00:25:09 clubs only two shows right if we can sell them out we'll do more shows for god's sake let's sell them out damn it we've always had great audiences in dallas i love it and we haven't been back buy extra tickets and make a new friend hey this is a great thing to do because if you all love comedy if you're all loving and surrounding a subject that you really love, like what if you love Celine Dion songs, you could run around in New Zealand. So I can't, I can't stress this enough.
Starting point is 00:25:33 We have been doing shows lately for people in, whether it be parents at my kid's school or whatnot. So many people have come up to us or me at least and said, I have not gone out and seen comedy in so long or I this is my first comedy show or whatever. I didn't realize how fun it is. It is the thing that people forget to go do. They're like, go to a movie or go out to dinner with friends. Make a comedy show the thing you go out and then go out and laugh about it afterwards.
Starting point is 00:25:59 Bring friends with you. It really is so nice. And I think that it is the antidote to a lot of stuff that happened from the pandemic. There was a study that came out that we underrate how good social, like human to human socializing feels. And we overrate how good phone stuff feels. But it's so good for you. It's so good for every part of your body. Treat it like a health treat.
Starting point is 00:26:24 It's like a mental health treat. To go be in the room with other people. And these are the guys to see live, too. It's like you always do stuff that's so in the room, too. Like, it's like so worth seeing live. You don't have to only watch the specials. You don't have to only listen to podcasts. But you do have to also do those things, of course.
Starting point is 00:26:38 But it's also such a great live show. Thank you. I love it. So that's happening. And then we'll be in Houston at the Secret Group. Daniel might actually be there in Dallas. So he might hop up and do not tell us in Houston. And no Dallas, right?
Starting point is 00:26:49 I might write up. Yeah, I might write up. It depends on when I get it. If there's an overlap in that, Daniel will come on the shows. We'll let you know. My New Orleans show is super scholars dot com for all of our stuff. We've got great fall stuff happening, including the flyover festival happening in St. Louis.
Starting point is 00:27:03 We're going to be headlining. First time headlining. That's a cool festival. I haven't been to that one. It looks really cool. At the Sheldon, which is like a big, like 800 seat, maybe 1,000 seat theater. Are you going to film it? Are you going to film it? I don't know. No, maybe we should. At least for Eclipse. Yeah. That's going to be
Starting point is 00:27:18 a cool venue. We definitely should. That's a good call. I'm sure they'll be filming it for Flyover, so we'll talk to them about that. So we're going to do that. And then we're going to do a tag at the night before, which if there's two other big comics are in town for this festival, if we can get one or two of them onto that show, it'll be great. If not,
Starting point is 00:27:31 we'll do it with local comics in St. Louis. So come see us all again, superscripts.com for all that. And then working on a couple of things that might come in a long run version of a show in Los Angeles that may then hopefully go to Broadway. We'll see. We'll let you know about that as it goes. Ent the musical entourage the musical entourage on ice you would
Starting point is 00:27:50 go see that that's canadian i would buy every ticket i would buy every ticket so uh sophie buttle is you know again i i put a lot of trust into my daughter daisy who i just brought home from college and she is like a very good sort of arbiter of what is funny and what is good. And I brought her to a show that, a tagging show that you were on at the comedy store. And there were great comics on the show. And you were like, I'm going to be in Ann Arbor
Starting point is 00:28:17 in such and such time. I'm going to be in Ann Arbor. And she's like, oh my God, I love this woman so much. I want to come to the show. And then you got her tickets to the show and you hung out with her and you talked to her. Yes. She loved it so much
Starting point is 00:28:30 and just loved seeing the full hour of what you do. So we're going to- It's very different from a short set. Because you can lay out a lot and people understand. I think what you're doing is kind of similar to us because you are so fast. There are so many jokes.
Starting point is 00:28:44 I feel like people need the full long time to fully understand this person's doing so yeah the volume of that is very different when i do a long set too there's a lot of jokes that i'll i would never do on like a podcast or a short set or like somebody else's show right because they're kind of weird or they're a little bit too edgy or something. But if you're coming to see me, if you're coming to see my show, that's my chance to do all of my favorite stuff
Starting point is 00:29:10 that's a little bit on and off. It's so worth it. I just love your voice. And I think it is, again, and I think Dan's the same way, but just very unique. Like I haven't seen comics like telling jokes in this way. And I don't know.
Starting point is 00:29:23 I just love it. I also, i was telling my boyfriend because you were telling me that daisy was saying to you like and it was it's just funny the way that you said it to me you were like she doesn't really have the comedy terms but she was saying that she really loves like your comedy voice and it's just like she grew up with you guys around so many comedians like her not knowing comedy terms is a choice like that's her just separate she's like that's my dad's business. That's not me.
Starting point is 00:29:47 I like your little comedy skit. She's doing improv and she loves it and wants to be a comedic actress and a director and all that other stuff. She'll put us all in her stuff. She's already put you in something, Dan. Remember we did the thing, the scrapbooking? You're her muse. I tried.
Starting point is 00:30:02 So where can people find all your dates and stuff? sophiebutdle.com? I'm already in trouble because my website's not updated But I do have my link tree on my website And on my Instagram And I'm always on the road Is it at sophiebudds? At sophbudds
Starting point is 00:30:17 S-O-P-H-B-U-D-S Yeah, and I'm coming to a bunch of cities That it's my first time I'm doing something in Kentucky. I'm doing something in Ohio. Great. I'm doing Limestone Festival. Oh, great.
Starting point is 00:30:30 It's so fun in Bloomington. In Bloomington. I'm doing Fort Collins, Comedy Fort. My favorite. Oh, my God. I've heard such good things about this club. I think in a couple weeks. I'm there pretty soon.
Starting point is 00:30:42 David Rodriguez. David Rodriguez is amazing. I'll be there in August. The best. We're going to be there in October. I'm so excited. Or we'll be there first weekend in November. And I'm going to be somewhere in Dallas and somewhere yeah, I got a bunch of new cities just dropped. Oh, Calgary
Starting point is 00:30:53 I think it's almost sold out. I love it. Oh, I love it. Well, so just go see her. She's wonderful and just one of our favorites. And an emerging great voice. You can say i saw her when yeah you can be like i saw her when and then she got too famous for all of us and she got canceled for loving jeremy piven to publish she got canceled for being too brave for being the
Starting point is 00:31:12 the voice for the voiceless we'll cancel you all right go ahead daniel ready too yes sent in by elise leblanc at e-e-l-e-b-L-A-N-C-7-0. She's really a wonderful woman. Florida man arrested after throwing pasta with sauce amid road rage incident. Do you think the sauce gives you extra, like more of a count? If you just throw the pasta, we're going to give you...
Starting point is 00:31:37 Well, it bounces off the window. Either way, the wasting of pasta. I would eat pasta. Pasta la vista. Is that what he said when he said it? Total action line. Pasta La Vista, baby. Out of the pot.
Starting point is 00:31:52 I would eat it every day. Dan, I love pasta so much, too. And there are certain places in Los Angeles that, of course, we talk about. I don't even eat it fancy. You don't even eat it fancy. Oh, you fancy? I made about 45 meatballs last night to be eaten all this week. My boyfriend's Italian and doesn't really have road rage, which doesn't fit into my
Starting point is 00:32:12 idea of Italian. Yeah, where did he grow up? In just a boating community? In rural Canada. And he's Italian. I'm from Alberta. Maybe you understand. I want a meatball.
Starting point is 00:32:23 We're from the Albertans. But I do like the Italian. I do like who I'm picturing did this in Florida. But meatballs once or twice, well like once a month, once every two months, I'll make a massive batch of meatballs and then we're eating it on pasta. We're eating it on sandwiches. I'm
Starting point is 00:32:39 eating it on rice. I'm so hungry right now. Man, a meatball? Are you kidding me? A good meatball? You cross my family, you get a hockey skate to the throat. Man, a meatball? Are you kidding me? A good meatball? You cross my family, you get a hockey skate to the throat. You want a hockey skate to the throat? I want a Zamboni over your head. Take a moose antler and slice your goddamn face off. You ever try their meatballs and slice?
Starting point is 00:32:57 That's when you mess with the Alberta crime family. Your boyfriend's family is Canadian Sopranos. Canadian Sopranos I would watch in a hot set. I got a connection in Saskatoon. The therapy's covered by health care. Of course. That's perfect.
Starting point is 00:33:17 Canadian Sopranos. A Florida man has been arrested after flinging pasta with sauce at another driver in a bizarre road rage incident. So, Dan, just let me ask. Is it there's a passenger seat and a giant thing and a ladle, and he's just waiting for someone to piss him off? Come at me, bro. Come at me! He also keeps telling them it's called gravy.
Starting point is 00:33:38 Nolan Goins. Nolan Goins. Nolan Goins to jail. Coming in Goins. Coming in Goins. He's going to jail. Nolan Goins was arrested on Thursday on Goins Yeah Coming in Goins Right He's going to jail Nolan Goins Was arrested on Thursday
Starting point is 00:33:47 On misdemeanor Of simple battery Jail record show After he allegedly Got caught up In a road rage incident Over quote Glaring headlights
Starting point is 00:33:55 Yeah I mean that's a piss off He was mad At the person's bright lights Behind him A little bit of sauce Gives it a nice Dampens it a little
Starting point is 00:34:03 He's saucy right Oh he tried to coat The front lights Yeah get a nice dampens it a little. He's saucy, right? Oh, he tried to coat the front lights. Yeah, get a nice red glow. You're not going to turn on your lights? Let me show you a little something. That's a nice, that's like a candlelight glow now if there's tomato sauce on there. Let me give you a little feeling of New Orleans. I'm going to light this for you. Yes, that's nice.
Starting point is 00:34:18 Mr. Goins was traveling along Park Street near Bay Pines Boulevard in St. Peterberg's St. Peterberg's, Florida at around 9 p.m. when the glare from a driver's headline sparked a road rage incident, according to an arrest affidavit. She's right, though. I mean, Sophie, it does upset me when someone's brights are wiped off. It's so annoying.
Starting point is 00:34:35 It's so rude. You're so mad you're going to waste your pasta? No, I agree. The wasting of the pasta is the thing that bothers me. There's so many other things I would throw from my car before I give up some fucking penne with gravy. But if that's all you got, maybe it was leftovers. Maybe he was bringing it home.
Starting point is 00:34:52 I'm taking a shoe off. I'm taking a shoe off. Because why would you have it on you, right? It's leftovers. It's leftovers from where, exactly. And he's like, I'm not going to eat this. Yeah. It's stinking up my car.
Starting point is 00:35:01 Right. Toss it out the window. A little Alfredo. While traffic was still moving, Nolan Goines purportedly threw pasta with sauce from his passenger side so he's going through the sometimes it's hard to clear out the other window yes frisbeeing it so it's on maybe it's on a plate he rips off the top of the styrofoam thing chuck city yeah hurling the food out of his open window, hitting another person who was driving at the time.
Starting point is 00:35:26 This is a lot of people with their windows down. So wait, wait, wait. So that person's window's down too? Yes! Oh my God. Can we give him
Starting point is 00:35:32 some credit in a moving vehicle throwing a plate of pasta out his passenger window? Yeah, like even if you're the one getting hit, there's a party
Starting point is 00:35:40 that's like, nice toss. That's Florida Olympics right there. That is the Florida Olympics. Game recognizes game. It's the pasta disc discus we'll go to the viscous discus we'll go to the russian judge to see what they give on this uh where was i open window hitting another person who was driving at the time while the driver was hit on the arms legs and torso the
Starting point is 00:35:59 pasta did not leave any injuries oh shit yeah but. Yeah. But also, that's a full covering. He cleared those windows. I mean, that's a clean to clean. We need to talk about how great of a toss this is. And it got on them, like covered them. It was like,
Starting point is 00:36:13 it did the intended. So red sauce, do you think red sauce is that what we're seeing? That's what I'm picturing. It's gotta be red sauce. It's gotta be red sauce. Pesto would be annoying
Starting point is 00:36:20 because you get oil, oil, spots. That's not coming out. That's not coming out. That's not coming out. That's oil. That's a thick oil. I'd be more mad if he wasted an Alfredo a little bit. Alfredo takes time.
Starting point is 00:36:31 It does take time. Also heavier. And milky in Florida weather. In Florida weather dairy. Do you ever yield? Mr. Goins was later found with the same food stains on the right sleeve of his shirt. Wait.
Starting point is 00:36:45 Caught red shirted. There it is. Do we know what kind of pasta it is? It has to be Prego, right? I don't know. I just mean, are we doing a too fast, too fusili? An area besta? Too fast, too fusili.
Starting point is 00:37:01 Too fast, too fusili. That one's too silly. Too silly. He was taken into custody at the Pinellas County Jail, but was released the next day on a $1,000 bond. This food-fueled road rage incident is bizarrely not the first to occur that also involves pasta. Just a week before-
Starting point is 00:37:18 Somebody else had raviolis. They were doing fighting stars. Yeah, like a Chinese- Tortellini. This looks like a bow tie. For over a week, just over a week before in Indianapolis, police showed up at the scene of a road rage incident
Starting point is 00:37:29 with a pregnant woman visibly shaken and covered in spaghetti. Okay. That would be the most troubling thing ever. Yeah. I'm like, is the baby all right, is what I would say. Of course, baby's okay.
Starting point is 00:37:40 Baby's about to cover her mom in spaghetti. That's right. I feel like that's what I, when I think of a mom, she's got some spaghetti stains on her. You're preparing for this that's going to happen. mom in spaghetti. That's right. I feel like that's what I, when I think of a mom, she's got some spaghetti stains on My marinara broke. Okay, here we go.
Starting point is 00:37:51 For fun. How old is Nolan Goines? The guy who threw the toss. What type of guy do you think is mad driving tosses? 59 to 62. You got to land on one. Passager to driver. How old?
Starting point is 00:38:04 Full hit. You're right. I think you're. To driver. How old? Full hit. 61. 61. So 61 still has a range of motion, so to speak, to be able to toss that out. I think 43. 43? I think 34. 34?
Starting point is 00:38:16 But it's a Florida 43. So if I showed you a picture, you'd be like, 60. I'm going to. We'll get out of story number two here, because Nolan. Goings. We get out of story number two here Because Nolan Goings
Starting point is 00:38:24 Pasta guy Goings Is 46 years old Wow And looks fairly He looks good His skin looks great That guy's using SPF
Starting point is 00:38:36 Good head of hair I kind of like him Alright That is story number two Oh no we stand with Goings We stand with Goings That's no question Someone pissed him off
Starting point is 00:38:44 Don't put the brights on. That's, again, that's some tomfoolery. No guns needed. No guns needed. Take notes, Americans. Very Canadian. Very New Zealand. No guns, just goines.
Starting point is 00:38:55 Goines a-blazin'. All goines, no bricks. I'm going to introduce a goines control bill. All right, so when we come back, we're going to take our Goins away. You can't take my Goins away. We're going to find out with Daniel how you can watch his special,
Starting point is 00:39:11 watch his movie, all that great stuff. On the other side of the break, it's Dumb People Town with Sophie Buttle. We'll be right back. Stick around, make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Guys, I love my dogs so much. I just have to tell you, I was watching Isle of Dogs, the movie.
Starting point is 00:39:29 Oh, classic. The great animated film, Wes Anderson. It's a classic. It's unbelievable. It's beloved. And my dogs did something that they never did, and they've never done in their life. They actually turned to me and said, I love this movie.
Starting point is 00:39:39 And they had the voice of Edward Norton. No, they, when the other dogs came on screen, they jumped up and literally got up on the little credenza below it, and they were looking at it and barking back at the dogs. I was like, I love these. I didn't think I could love the animals anymore, and then that happened. Well, Randy, today's episode is sponsored by the ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program. Look, for many pet parents, summer is all about making travel plans like adventuring through the national parks,
Starting point is 00:40:08 visiting pet-friendly beaches, or road tripping across the country. Wherever your journeys take you and your furry friend, you can help protect them along the way with a plan from ASPCA Pet Health Insurance. The ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program offers customizable accident and illness plans, making it easier for pet parents like you to help your pet get the care they may need. The ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program has been around for about 18 years, and they've helped more than 600,000 pets during that time. They allow you to customize your plan, helping ensure that your pet's plan is as unique as they are,
Starting point is 00:40:42 because vet bills can really add up, especially when you're least expecting it. It's simple. Use their app to submit a claim and you'll receive a reimbursement for eligible vet bills directly into your bank account. To explore coverage, visit ASPCAPetInsurance.com slash DPT. That's ASPCAPetInsurance.com slash DPT. One more time. That's ASPCAPetInsurance.comurance.com. This is a paid advertisement. Insurance is underwritten by either Independence American Insurance Company or United States Fire Insurance Company and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency Limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. Guys, do you ever feel like you need a little boost in the bedroom?
Starting point is 00:41:24 Well, with HIMSS, you will feel confident knowing that you can get hard and stay hard whenever you're in the mood. That's right. HIMSS is changing men's health care by providing access to affordable sexual health treatments from the comfort of your couch. HIMSS provides access to doctor-trusted ED treatment options such as chewable hard mints, brand-name treatments like Viagra or generic alternatives for up to 95% cheaper. Right. I was having a conversation with a group of my friends, as people know I'm wanting to do. And one of my friends, for the sake of the joke, we'll call him Daniel. Because everybody's going to assume that anyway.
Starting point is 00:41:59 This came up about using hymns. Yeah. And a friend of mine goes, dude dude i have so much going on between work and kids if i get a night out with my wife i want and i know we're gonna have a bit of fun how this all started yes little romance back to basics back to the beginning i want to have the security of not worrying yeah about us whether or not it's gonna we're gonna get the job done and it's not your fault you You're exhausted. You're overweight. You just want to make sure
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Starting point is 00:43:12 Restrictions apply. See website for details and important safety information. Subscription required. Price varies based on product and subscription plan. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. It is. And I love that BetterHelp is now asking all of us to think about what are some of the wins take a moment to appreciate the wins that you have in
Starting point is 00:43:31 your life and i would say what are some of the wins that we've had in 2024 i just played golf on father's day with jay and his daughter you're gonna win well he had the best shot of his life and 130 yards out in the cup and my see how often does somebody say that about themselves so but my win from that day dan my win from that day was that my daughter was like can i give uncle randy a hug because he's not with his kids today that was my win that was a win your kids amazing you know again my daughter finished her first year of college you said no right i said absolutely not do not hug him and better help is going to be there for her for those moments. Well, that's it.
Starting point is 00:44:09 But I do love this idea of we think about all the things that are going wrong. We don't take a moment to take stock in what's going well. And a lot of things are going well. And I like that therapy is that, too. It can be a— It's not just there to put the fires out. And I like that therapy is that too. It can be a- It's not just there to put the fires out.
Starting point is 00:44:24 It's there to light fires and to tell you, hey, take stock in the things that are going well in your life. If you're thinking about starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule.
Starting point is 00:44:38 Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. You know I love that. So guys, take a moment. Visit betterhelp.com slash GPT today to get matched with a licensed therapist, and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. You know I love that. So guys, take a moment. Visit BetterHelp.com slash GPT today and get 10% off your first month.
Starting point is 00:44:50 That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash GPT. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more. Don't people tell. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Before we do the final story, Jay, you're holding it in your hands right now.
Starting point is 00:45:05 Can you give us a little tease to what we're going to get? Just why not? We'll tease at the top of this thing. When you try and take two things, sometimes you get caught. Two things forward, many things back. Many steps back.
Starting point is 00:45:17 Okay. Daniel, tell people how people can watch your awesome special, which I highly recommend. It is so good. It's so funny. Rose Gold. You can watch it at DanielVanKirkComedy
Starting point is 00:45:26 on YouTube, or you can just go to DanielVanKirk.com. That's where you'll find all my dates. You can get the link to watch my movie, Wine Club,
Starting point is 00:45:33 which is now just free on Tubi. Tubi. Yeah. So, go watch it there. Also, let's try to get Dan's special
Starting point is 00:45:40 up over into the hundreds of thousands of views. I mean, who wouldn't love that? So, check out Rose Gold. Share it if you like it. Keep it to yourself if you don't.
Starting point is 00:45:47 And you can also see me. Let's see. I did Wisconsin in May. I'm doing my own comedy festival in Chicago. It's like just a week of residencies, but they wanted to make it into a fun thing. So I said, sure, why not? So it's Hub City Comedy Week at the Lincoln Lodge in Chicago, Illinois. Cool.
Starting point is 00:46:02 I heard that's a really cool place. A great place. That's where I shot Rose Gold. Great place. the Lincoln Lodge in Chicago, Illinois July 16th I heard that's a really cool place where I shot Rose Gold other dates announced as well Comedy Fort in August as I said so everything's
Starting point is 00:46:10 at DanielVanKirk.com people in Fort Collins you're gonna watch clear your schedule clear your schedule and they love comedy there so you're gonna watch Sophie in a couple weeks
Starting point is 00:46:19 you're gonna see Daniel in August and then you're gonna see us first weekend in November so yeah DanielVanKirk.com. I love it, Jay. Let's jump into this, shall we?
Starting point is 00:46:27 The story was sent in by Matthew Friedman at Not Your Average Man. Matt. A-V-G, Matt. Okay. This is the headline. Kent Police.
Starting point is 00:46:35 Okay. Arrest in England? Maybe. Ohio, maybe. Or Wolfman. What's the song I'm thinking of? Alterman? No.
Starting point is 00:46:44 Oh, you're talking about Werewolf in London Werewolves in London yeah Werewolves in London okay Kent we got there
Starting point is 00:46:50 Kent he'll rip what is it he'll rip your lungs out Jim alright leave this in Kent please this is like
Starting point is 00:46:57 watching someone trying to open up their mail you guys just have such great voices and it goes back and forth so much and I realize that like all the
Starting point is 00:47:03 most lasting talent comedians is to have voices that could do radio or something it's like because it's just nice to listen to i feel like you guys could go back and forth trying to remember a song and it sounds nice yeah so we had um i can't what am i do phil hendry on the show he's like a radio legend his voice i could listen to him in the same context. The dulcet tone. His, whenever he does kind of that radio-y
Starting point is 00:47:29 type guy, it makes me. It tickles your brain. Yes. It tickles me. It's nice. It's like a warm shower on the inside.
Starting point is 00:47:35 Top of the hour, bottom of the night. Dan. All right. Exactly. Here we go. Can police arrest a man for trying to steal
Starting point is 00:47:41 burritos and booze? Burritos and booze. Burritos and booze sounds like a fraternity party. Sounds like a bar in the Lake of the Ozarks. Right? Burritos and booze. Take it on over to the party cove after that. Kent Washington, A, and I'm not going to tell you how old, Tacoma man, we'll guess later,
Starting point is 00:47:59 is behind bars for trying to walk out of a store without paying for a bottle of alcohol and a couple burritos. Why do they say it like that? It's a news story. Try to buy a bottle of wine and two burritos. Why are you saying a couple of burritos? That makes me feel like it could be three or four. Don't be casual. Don't be casual.
Starting point is 00:48:18 This fake news media trying to gloss over how many burritos the sky has. Then listen to the next line. Are you ready for this? A couple of Kent police officers Why? This guy's like Do you know who I think wrote this? The guy who got arrested. He's just downplaying everything. A couple of burritos.
Starting point is 00:48:35 A couple of shots of booze. I don't understand why we can't get back together. It looked like It's a big deal. I've done a couple of bad things in my life. That's me when I'm shopping and I bring stuff home. My boyfriend's like, how much money did you spend? A couple of dollars.
Starting point is 00:48:51 I got a couple things. I have a couple of packages in the mail. I have a couple of new biker jackets. You don't even know what was on sale. And he doesn't know. He does not know. And he does not need to know. None of his beeswax.
Starting point is 00:49:04 This is this dummy's this tacoma man's problem but i kind of respect his night yeah also they're like okay so they're like 10 burritos missing yeah it was a couple and 30 cops showed up a couple of cops first of all read the news it was a couple of cops wait but listen to this they will not be specific on any details this person it's almost like they're told you cannot put a number in this article or you will be fired. Don't you dare. A couple of Kent police officers
Starting point is 00:49:27 were in line to pay for several items Tuesday morning around 8 a.m. They will not commit to anything in this article. I feel like this journalist is trying to sit on a chair backwards. I'm just going to rap with you guys right now. There was a couple of cops. I'll tell you what happened,
Starting point is 00:49:43 but hey, I'm not going to tell it in that very highfalutin way. I'm surprised they even said alcohol. And they were like, a couple of cops tell you what happened but hey i'm not going to tell it in that very highfalutin way i'm surprised they even said alcohol and they were like a couple of brewskis wait are you saying the guy tries to steal burritos and booze right and the cops are in the store and they overhear okay dude look up that's when they overheard the store clerk telling a man he needed to pay for the bottle of alcohol. So they're behind him in line. Yeah, that's right. Number one rule of breaking the law, and this goes for any country, look around. Look around. Look over both shoulders. One sweep.
Starting point is 00:50:12 It's one thing to like rob a place or like near a police station. It's another thing to like do something where like a police officer might be stationed, but to literally be in line with cops behind you. Might as well cut in front of them.
Starting point is 00:50:27 Might as well cut in front of them in line at the store. Excuse me. Could you bring more attention to yourself? Also, why are you in line? Why are you in line? You're just stealing. That's so funny. It's Reservoir Dogs, right?
Starting point is 00:50:36 With the bathroom scene and the dog and he has all the drugs on him. That's right. That's what this is. Totally. It's by John Bush. That was the greatest. Funny John Bush.
Starting point is 00:50:45 Comedian. John Bush from Totally. It's by John Bush. That was the greatest. Funny John Bush. Comedian. John Bush from Minneapolis. He's staying, doing comedy somewhere, and he's staying like in a motel. Sure. And he hears a knock. No, he gets super, super high. He gets super high. That'll play into it.
Starting point is 00:50:56 On the road. Yes. He is back. This is a long time ago when weed was not legal. A couple years ago. A couple years ago. We won't tell you how many. A couple years ago.
Starting point is 00:51:04 A couple years ago. He knocks on the door. He't tell you how many. Some years ago. A couple knocks on the door. He hears like knocks on a door. He thinks it's his. And the cops are there. They're actually knocking on another door. But it's a motel, so that's very close to the window. They're shaking your window. He opens the door.
Starting point is 00:51:18 And they turn around. They're like. No. They were there for some other reason to go into some of the room. They're like, what's going on in here? And he was so high. He didn't know how to do anything. You know what?
Starting point is 00:51:29 This reminds me of my favorite show on Taraj, an episode that I just watched. Turtle was pulled over for speeding when he had a bunch of girls in the car. One of them was the ugly one that's being mean to him. And so he's arguing with her. It goes through thing. You can say that. Not us. You can say it.
Starting point is 00:51:43 I give you guys a pass. Fucking fugly little girl, right? And so, cops pull him over and then, you know, it's just you're speeding and then he goes,
Starting point is 00:51:51 he does a, what's that smell? And then he's laying on the ground, he's trying to barter with the cop and then he's like, the cop lets him go but he's like, put the weed down the drain thing
Starting point is 00:52:01 and he's like, okay, he puts it but he had put it in a way that it didn't fall and so he goes and then he goes back and he gets the weed And he's like, okay, he puts it, but he had put it in a way that it didn't fall. And so he goes and then he goes back and he gets the weed.
Starting point is 00:52:09 That's right. This is what John Bush should have done. Every single episode of Entourage is multiple B plots. And many shows are not brave enough
Starting point is 00:52:16 to only have B plots even as the A plot. She literally just binged the whole thing. I am sending this clip to Doug Ellen so he can hear it. Okay.
Starting point is 00:52:24 Doug Ellen, I would die for you. That's my God. There it is. That's when they overheard the store clerk telling the man he needed to pay for the bottle of alcohol. The customer refused and continued walking toward the door, not realizing that there were a couple of police officers. They said a couple again. Plain clothes. A couple of officers behind him. One of the officers
Starting point is 00:52:39 told him to stop. The customer refused. That's when the officer grabbed the customer's arm to stop him from taking off. From taking off? Who is writing this? From scooting out of town. Yeah, skedaddling. I got a mosey on out of here. And the cop tried to stop him. Sorry, piggies.
Starting point is 00:52:55 There were like doors that are just swinging doors. Yeah, like the Old West. This is the most colloquial article I've ever seen. The customer realized it was an officer holding on to him and asked for a break. Police refused. Come on, dude. Give me a break.
Starting point is 00:53:08 Ask for a break. Give me a break. But then the line was, police refused. So now they're getting terse with their language. Now they're being specific. I bet the cops shot him. And then this is that journalist version. What a turn.
Starting point is 00:53:20 What a turn. The police refused. They refused. Yeah. That's what they mean. They refused his life. After running the man's background, police realized the customer had a warrant out of Pierce County.
Starting point is 00:53:31 Where do you sell that? Come on. While he was being taken into custody, police searched the man's pockets and found how many pocket burritos taken from the store, I'm going to ask you. A couple. So let's think about that. I don't know why I've had to be pinned down on numbers this whole episode and this journalist does not have to.
Starting point is 00:53:48 I know, like we're guessing. Well, they did. So they eventually put another. I want it to be three so that's what I'm going to, but that feels excessive. I'm going to say they don't know what a couple is. I think four. I'm going to give them five. Get your answers in. One of you is one off. Two. They got a couple right.
Starting point is 00:54:04 So you got it right. I was picturing this guy with a lot more pockets. Me too. Big cargo pants. Cargo pants. That's why I love seeing those cargo pants that are like super in style right now. All the Gen Z are wearing those big pants. I'm really hoping Gen Z starts stealing stuff. That's what I did.
Starting point is 00:54:17 Because, yeah, well, all of us did. JNCO jeans. You got to steal. I got a can of Pringles down my JNCOs when I was younger. Of course. You have to steal when you're a teenager. And my concern for Gen Z is that they're not breaking laws because they're all at home,
Starting point is 00:54:27 they're gaming with their friends, and so I'm hoping with these big jeans, it's an opportunity for them to actually live their childhoods and steal some stuff. You could get a regular-sized Kit Kat in one of those. Wait, so Pringles, you put a whole thing of Pringles down there? Yeah, you're right. Sorry, I glossed over that. Better than the Pringles
Starting point is 00:54:44 now. I told you stacks are better, but then I also think, what's down there? Yeah, you're right. Sorry, I glossed over that one. Better than the Pringles now. I told you Stacks are better, but then I also think, what's the brand? It's like good something. It's like they have them at like... I'll try them out. Stacks are better. Yeah, what's everybody's favorite chip? There's a good... Zapps Voodoo. Zapps Voodoo. Zapps Voodoo. The sweet... What? The mesquite.
Starting point is 00:55:00 Zapps Voodoo. The mesquite. I never even heard of this brand. Next time you're at the Improv. Next time you're at the Improv, upstairs. I was there last night. It's a sold-out show for Netflix in the lab. Oh! Next time you're in the main room,
Starting point is 00:55:14 which will happen soon. One day. No, stop. You go upstairs, and then the little... They have the Voodoo flavor, and it's really good. It's like a sweet Mesquite.
Starting point is 00:55:23 It's salt and vinegar and barbecue barbecue the bar you know what that sounds a little bit like canadian all dressed all familiar are you familiar it's my favorite it's a little ketchupy but it's a little salt and vinegary as well all dressed okay wait canada really went in on the ketchup chip and i feel like america's missed out on it the hawaiian good chip. So America has the pickle chip which is kind of there. The purple bag. Oh the spicy dill pickles. Miss Vicky's. The Hawaiian
Starting point is 00:55:51 what are those Maui sweet onion. Those are great chips. Those are unreal. Do you guys like the sweet chili heat Doritos? I don't. Too basic? Never had. I'm a Dorito traditionalist. I love Doritos. You got to get me the old school, get me the orange one.
Starting point is 00:56:07 But I will tell you. Would you do a cool ranch? I do like cool ranch. Are you open to a cool ranch? I'm open, of course. Fuck with a cool ranch. So are you guys wearing trash, too? I know.
Starting point is 00:56:14 Yeah, we grew up in St. Louis, Missouri. I don't know what that is, though. St. Louis is like the Calgary. It's like Winnipeg. St. Louis is America's farm town of 9,000 people. Oh, OK. We're living out here. A couple of people. A couple of out here. A couple of people.
Starting point is 00:56:25 A couple of people there. A couple of people. My concern in America is that I'm reading very suburban, but this is Canadian white trash. This is what Canadian white trash looks like.
Starting point is 00:56:34 Canadian white trash. Trailer Park Boys was too close to home. Yeah. Right in the wheelhouse. Trailer Park Boys is so funny. All right.
Starting point is 00:56:40 Let's get out of here on this. How old is the man who stole a couple burritos so he's out for the night he says fuck it i deserve a couple of cups a couple burritos i don't even have the wherewithal to look around which either means young and dumb or old and like jaded like curmudgeon i think young and dumb i think yeah you go where do you want to go first or last whatever it's up to you now You make the call. 23. 23.
Starting point is 00:57:05 Yeah, I think he's only 27. I'll go. Nope. I'm going to change mine. 19. He said 19. But he's already got a warrant. He did it when he was 18.
Starting point is 00:57:16 All right. Based off of all these factors. Earlier in the year. That's all right. Based off all these factors and the like, come on, man, give me a break. To me, it would feel like it's 61 years old. 61? 61 is give me a break kind of guy. Come on. What are we doing here man give me a break it would to me it would feel like it's 61 years old 61 61 is give me a break kind of it is kind of guy come on what are we doing give me a break give me
Starting point is 00:57:30 a break couple of you guys couple me uh all right get your answers in at sophie at soph buds follow her on instagram it's a go see her at all these new locations you will love her you will thank us and say thank you for turning us on to Sophie Butler oh my god and if I'm not coming to your town just watch Entourage and think of me that's right
Starting point is 00:57:49 you can do that too that's so sweet Daniel watch Rose Gold share it with a bunch of friends go see him in Chicago this summer maybe come see come see him
Starting point is 00:57:57 hopefully and us in Dallas and or Houston in June and this dude this Tacoma man who tried to steal burritos is 45 years old.
Starting point is 00:58:06 There you go. What? Should have known better. Should have known better. I don't like that. I don't like it at all. It's an age that we can't wrap our heads around right now. Should have known better.
Starting point is 00:58:16 All right. That is the show, you guys. That is how we do it. It's Dumb People Town. Thank you for listening. Tell friends about this and join our Patreon. That's another way to support us as well. And oh, snap.
Starting point is 00:58:24 We got to get back to work.

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