Dumb People Town - Steve Agee - Don't Fret

Episode Date: November 28, 2017

This week, actor and comedian Steve Agee (Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, We're No Doctors) joins the Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk in Dumb People Town! Steve recounts military school before jumping into Story #1, in which a man finds himself locked in a ...

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan Banders, don't be a jerk Cause when the music gets the funny So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Man, don't be a jerk. That's when the music gets the funny hits. We are gonna take you down. Stick around. Make a sound.

Pump your downies. Dumb People Town. Hey, townies. Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. And population Steve A.G. Shit, no waiting at all. And population Steve A.G. Oh, shit. No waiting at all. You jump in with two feet

and you're a frosted Starbucks crap-a-cheese. When you roll into town, we start shooting Roman candles at you. That's it. You just come on in. Good for you. I hate sitting in a booth with a bunch of people. Talk for 20 minutes and they're like, don't talk.

Don't say anything. Don't say anything. We'll bring you in. We'll bring you in. We'll bring you in. No, you're here because we're so happy you're here. First of all, I feel like you understand the podcast medium like no other.

You have a great podcast on this network. We're no doctors. We're no doctors. You and Busy Phillips. Yeah, that's right. And it's so fun. Explain to the folks who may not know what it is. busy and i do a podcast about health and medicine and we are both extreme hypochondriacs very neurotic you guys are basically the physical manifestation of web md yes exactly

and so my girlfriend at the time was like you gotta just do a podcast because you're out of your fucking mind and um you know too much about mucinix and i was like you gotta do a podcast about this and so uh here we got a feral and they were like yeah you should have a female co-host and i saw a story that busy phill Phillips did on her Instagram about freaking out inside an MRI machine. And I was like, I think I found her. Well, I was saying before that I love her. I know she's an actor. I know she hasn't done stand up, but I think of her as almost like a stand up because she's super funny.

So funny. Dude, everything. And we're in Nash's film. And now she's amazing. She's amazing. Jason Nash is married. I was going to say, A.G., everything we've ever asked A.G. to do for us. funny dude everything and we're in nash's film and now she's amazing she's amazing i was gonna say ag everything we've ever asked ag to do for us every time we try and put you in everything everything we do i think it's yeah i think i've pretty much done everything well we did the the

even the poop documentary which is coming out on february 16th okay february like a week before my birthday hey oh happy birthday it's gonna be. Happy birthday. It's going to be out in theaters. Intent cities. It's in theaters. Intensity. Intent cities. Intent cities and intent cities. But it also,

AG's hilarious in it because of how much he hates talking about it. And we capture that in the film so well. You're disgust. Because your attitude was counter to a lot of comedians who were totally happy to talk. I can't believe how many people love. Jonah Ray wanted to talk about it so much.

But it was fascinating to see because you're all our friends and we connect with all of these people who are in this movie. But to see it, we learned so much about everybody just in talking about this subject, even with it being a difficult subject for you. I don't even know when that happened either, because when I I went to military school, much about everybody just in talking about this subject, even with it being a difficult subject for you. I don't even know when that happened either, because when I, I went to military school, I went to the school where they filmed. I can't believe that. I went to the school where they filmed Taps. No way. What?

Yeah, right outside of Philly, Valley Forge Military Academy. And your first year, your plebe year, your new cadet year, they try to just break you down to make you part of the hive and so the bathroom in your dorm nothing no stalls yep yeah why you're just shitting next to people in the open air open air and so that's probably the worst traumatized you no that made me i was like for the first month and a half i was there i would hold my shits to like three in the morning or i would go in the at school the next day and then you eventually just cave in and yeah and it didn't bother me at all survival at this point i can't even imagine you in military school uh just you a big dude, six, eight, six, six,

seven at the time. At the time. I'm starting to get that old man compressed. I'm six, six. I think I'm compressing. So six, seven at the time.

Unbelievable. But like you are probably a target for everybody. All of your, you know, teachers. And I guess I'll send you guys photos. You can put on your, of you on your website.

Yeah. We'll do on the Facebook page. Well, we have a great Facebook page. Uh, dumb people on your website. Yeah, we'll do it on the Facebook page. Your Facebook page. Well, we have a great Facebook page, Dumb People's Time Facebook page. And Steve, I don't know how much you know about this podcast, but we explain it to everybody when they come in here. The world is getting dumber. It really is. Every second that we sit here and talk about you in military school.

Crazy dumb. Crazy dumb. And so our only way to fight back is through comedy. And our wonderful dumb ears on the ground grab stories that are... And I've had... Amy just sent a story. Randy's wife just sent me and Randy a story and said, I think this is right for dumb people. So, I mean, people are out there finding the stories and then sending them to Dan and Dan beautifully.

Dan Van Kirk, our lovely co-host, breaks it down in a way that... So Dan knows what's up. We don't know. We've never heard this story before. Neither have you. I've listened to a lot. Do they all involve law-breaking shit? Not always. Sometimes it's not a law.

Sometimes a girl's just making her labia into necklaces. I did not hear that one. Or a man is dressed as a clown just waving at motorists for no reason in a corner. Creeping people out. It's not really breaking the law, but it's weird and dumb. So I know we have great stories today. I mean, look, we've got Steve Agee, the master of it here.

Okay, you want to do one? Yes. All right, here we go. This is sent in by Scott Curtis Vieth. V as in Victor, E-I-T-H. Vieth for Vendetta. Yes. That's what I was trying to think of.

His handle is Vieth for Vendetta. No. I'm joking. Ah, that'd be amazing. That'd be so good. I bet he's starting a burner account with that right now. Sure. Not much of a burner if your name's in it.

At Scott C. Vieth. All right, Scott. Thanks for sending this in, buddy. Here we go. Here we go. Marshfield, Wisconsin. All right, Scott. Thanks for sending this in, buddy. Here we go. Here we go. A Marshfield, Wisconsin. That's the area. I know that area.

I thought it took place in a Marshfield. Do you know that area? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Is it marshy or is it just... I just love how creative they got with the name. Is it in the Dells? Is it near the Dells?

I think it's a little bit north of there. Everyone knows the Dells. Have you been to the Dells? No. It's just all I know about Wisconsin. Really? It's waterfalls. It's basically Casa Bonita, but outside. Laverne and knows the Dells. Have you been to the Dells? No. It's just all I know about Wisconsin. Really? It's waterfalls. It's basically Laverne and Shirley and Dells. Laverne and Shirley and the Dells.

I love that you referenced a local place to Wisconsin with a local place to Denver. The Dells are like, you can ride ducks around. Amphibious trucks. Oh, yeah, yeah.

That's a big deal there, and then a lot of water parks. It's driving, but wait a minute. Now it's floating. Hey, I took Grandma Rosemary there two years ago. How does that not ruin the suspension? She said the guy talked too much. She said the guy talked too much? Yes, we heard this story.

It's a tour. We heard this story. It's just on the last episode. Was it really? Yeah. Really? Yes. Wow. We recorded it such a It's just on the last episode. Was it really? Yeah. Really? Yes. Wow.

We recorded it such a long time ago. Oh, that's fair. A Marshfield, Wisconsin man who was under court order not to drink alcohol. Can you guess what happened? He got drunk. He drank alcohol. That's a judge going, I'm going to look. I'm going to tell you one time.

Treat yourself like a gremlin. Like you're a mogwai. Like you can't give yourself this. I could tell you one time. Treat yourself like a gremlin. Like you're a mogwai. You can't give yourself this. I could send you to jail, but if you can do this one thing, you don't have to go to jail. Well, as he was reading it,

he was probably like, this isn't going to work. I'll be seeing you again soon, dummy. This isn't going to work, but we're going to order that you not drink. Yeah, and the judge was probably like, he started with like, please do not smoke in here. That was the first thing

he said to me. Sir, put your shirt back on. Put your shirt back on and listen to what I have to tell you. He was, he was under a court order

not to drink alcohol when he found himself locked inside a beer cooler after hours. Mm-hmm. Ugh. He found himself when you're drunk,

you find yourself places. The same thing happened to Bobby and Greg Brady. They got locked in a meat freezer. Yeah, they did. Would have been a better episode if they were locked in a beer cooler. Or if they were court-ordered not to eat meat. The same

episode where the guy came in with the neck brace it was what's his name Alice's boyfriend the butcher Sam the butcher

one of the greatest lines in any Beach Boys song I'm like Sam the butcher bringing Alice the meat that's in a Beach Boys song that's in a Beach Boys song that's in a Beach Boys song that's in a Beach Boys song

that's in a Beach Boys song oh I I want to take you to Alice they're like fuck it we don't care come on Sam bring that meat I want to take you to Alice. They're like, fuck it. We don't care anymore. Come on, Sam, bring that meat. We also picked the worst Beach Boys song.

That song is terrible, although my kids love it. Let's pick the one that Manson wrote. Meat, meat, meat, meat. I get a meat. Meat, meat, meat, meat. I get a meat, yeah. Little Phil May. Oh, meat, meat, meat. I get a meat, yeah. Little filet. Oh, it's so good.

Let's go through pet sounds. Let's just go through pet sounds. Okay. He found himself locked inside a beer cooler after hours, which makes me feel like his entire defense was, what did you expect me to do? I could have died in there if I didn't have anything to drink. Yeah.

So, what did Jeremy Van Ert do? I could have died in there if I didn't have anything to drink. Yeah. So what did Jeremy Van Ert do? Ert. Ert. Van Ert. Van Ert. He is bringing down the average of us Van last name people. He's like, I can't pronounce the rest of what this should be. We were so drunk when they were writing our last name, they just quit.

It sounded like he beer burps while saying his name. My name is Jeremy Van... Oh. Is that it? You know that's something he does. Oh, for sure. This is what they wrote in the article. So what did Jeremy Van Ert do? According to police, he drank. Right. Yes.

And he probably had seen Touching the Void, where there's that moment where the guy falls down and the thing breaks his leg and he has to dig down to get out. And he was like, I gotta start digging down. I gotta drink my way out of this. I gotta drink my way out of this beer cooler.

I gotta hit bottom to somehow get out of this. Marshfield cops say the man was on probation when he entered a Quick Trip convenience store. Quick Trip is where it's at in Wisconsin. So he's inside the cooler. Behind the cooler. Inside the cooler.

No, some of the, like the Piggly Wiggly in Partyville, Wisconsin. Has an open. You walk into this huge. It's where the kegs are and stuff. Yeah, and there's cases of beer. Everything's, it's like a beer cave. I thought it was like one of those things where you just open up. The sodas.

Yeah, you just open up the sodas there and he somehow got in there. Like Chris and Family Guy. He climbed in and he couldn't get out. This looks like he's in Carbonite. Face right up against the glass. I have one of those. I'll take the parole guy and a

Monde Codre. Like in Carbonite, like in Star Wars, he's in Hammered Solo. Yes. Oh, jay you got us there at sclar brother hams solo yeah hands the beer refreshing hams uh marshville cop say he was on probation when he entered quick trip quick trip is a plays a big role in my life just one up at the cab and i think you guys have been there with me. We had some Urge pizzas and some Urge paper towels. They have this weird brand called Urge at Quick Trip that

sells everything. Soda, pizza, plates. It's like Acme. They say he went to the Quick Trip convenience store and somehow managed to get trapped in the cooler when it locked automatically at midnight. He is a mogwai.

He is. He is a mogwai. He is a mogwai. I'm going to show you guys a picture of him. I'm going to tell you now. We will also play Guess the Age later. And I only show you those when it doesn't help you. So funny because you brought up Acme and I've just been thinking in the last few moments

not that I wasn't paying attention. You were about to show us a picture but about the Roadrunner and coyote yeah and like what a comment that was on plain label yeah corporate america just a company that sells both anvils and other things should be like it was essentially costco before costco was costco yeah and and i feel like there was a comment like don't buy this stuff because it won't work. Like, don't. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

You'll use it wrong or the same place that makes pants shouldn't make rockets. Right. You shouldn't get your trampoline and your coffin at the same place. Yeah, that's right. One may lead to the other. Yes. But don't buy them at the same place. Okay, I'm going to show you guys this.

He looks like, remember there was like Bizarre Bad Superman? This is like Bad Harry from Night Court. Ooh. Oh yeah. That looks like a million people. He looks like so many people I kind of know.

Like that old Godly and Cream video where people were morphing into other people. He looks like Jeremy Kramer a little bit, the comedian. Remember him? Funny. Like when Conan used to do mashup faces. Yes. He's got the glasses of a librarian, but the goatee of a man who will kick you.

He looks like both Mike Mills and Michael Stipe. Doesn't he look passive and aggressive? and Michael Stipe. Doesn't he look passive and aggressive? Passive and aggressive. Yes. But not passive aggressive at all. I don't know if you noticed, guys, his

goatee is crooked. Look, it's slanting from right to left. His goatee looks kind of like Jake Johansson. He does. Everything feels like it's sloping down to his right. Yes. His whole life. His whole it's sloping down to his right. Yes. Yes. His whole life. His whole life is sloping downward to his right.

Passive and aggressive. Okay, here we go. The store is open 24 hours. Okay. So, Van Aert would only have had to knock on the glass to be rescued by an employee. That's it. Someone's in there. Nope.

It's not like they turn the lights off and he's stuck. I want it to be one by an employee. That's it. Someone's in there. It's not like they turn the lights off and he's stuck. I want it to be one of those like ksss ksss ksss ksss. Right. Yes. You're in there till Monday, dude. All he would have to do is knock. People like this rationalize. You know he said, why would they

lock me in here if they didn't want me to drink? I'm not going to knock. Everything happens for a reason. If they want me out of here, they'll come see i'm in here and get me this is the universe telling me i need to drink right you know this is the universe saying court order be damned and the universe is always saying that instead of trying to get out cops i have to fight the court order and the universe yeah always and this goatee which is sloping down to the right. Sloping? People who... This is true, that people who always get themselves into shit like this, like they're on parole and then they do something else,

they're always saying, like, man, shit's never going right for me. Yeah. But you're the constant. Yeah, you're the common denominator in all these stories. Instead of trying to get out, Copsay Vanner stuck around and helped himself to an 18-ounce beer. And I'm going to ask you guys right now, how many cans of Four Loko? That's why his goatee is 18.

Is that a tall boy at 18? Yeah, yeah. Yes, it is. Have you had Four Loko? Have you tried it? I've never tried Four Loko. Me neither. Steve A.G., you are our guest.

So you can go first, third, or Tig, which is second, because she was the first person to ever go second. We all get to guess. But you can decide what order you want to go and guess. I'll go first. Okay. How many cans of Four Loko did he drink? Eight.

Eight? Yeah. That is... I'm going to say he drank four, and it made him Loko. So is all the cans. Hey. So is all the cans. Tell me what's... Read the instructions. Four cans. And it made him loco. Says it on the can. Hey, says it on the can. Just read the instructions. You guys got curds in here?

That mugshot doesn't look like a guy who's had four. That looks like a guy who's had eight. Here's my thing about this guy. I mean, I've never had four loco. I'm imagining it's like if you had Red Bull to beer. An 18 ounce can of beer. Oh yeah. Maybe. Let me amend that. 44.

44 cans of Fourlough. I think he said 12 cans of Fourlough. 12? Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In addition to an 18-ounce can of beer, Van Aert consumed three cans of Fourlough. I was right!

Don't doubt yourself. Back on board. Put a point up for Steve Agee. Randy was closest. Randy said he would switch to 44. Come on. Your original one is what counts. Yeah, that's what your gut was telling you.

But I mean, do you think, okay, from, and I think, Steve, you have a unique perspective, especially from the idea of a hypochondriac. Because I feel like hypochondriacs feel like some obviously something's wrong a lot of times when it isn't or you jump to conclusions so is that the mindset of this this guy let's get into his brain he's like well i'm in here this is happening to me as opposed to i'm in control of this situation well i think he just drank the the beer the tall boy first as like, I may be in here for a while. Right. I need to hydrate.

Right. And then once he had that, it was just like, well, fuck it. I've already broken parole. Yeah. Why not? Or do you think he just went in there and drank it and said, now I need to make up a story for why I can drink the next three of these. Yeah. That locker probably doesn't even lock.

I bet it doesn't even like he's probably pulling it in and it opens out. He's pulling it. He's pulling it. He's like, this is- I think that he had a Four Loko and was like, this is great, and then had a second one, and then the second one freaked him out, so he had a third to try and bring himself back down. What is Four Loko?

What is it? It's like caffeine-infused beer. So it's like if someone poured a Red Bull into a beer. Yeah, but it's like they had to change their formula after they first came out because people were going nuts on it. People were frothing at the mouth. Yes. Yeah. It was like bath salts

beer. He's also accused of knocking over three thirty packs of beer and damaging them when he fell over. I bet he teared up when he did. Three 30-packs. 90 beers. He probably just leaned on the thing and...

One arm out and then the whole thing... Who is like, you know what? A case is just not enough beer for me. I need a 30-pack. I need 30. Well, how many people are coming to the party? Yeah. 24.

30. How many are coming to the party? Five, six packs. 24 people will be at the party. Do you guys drink people are coming to the party? Yeah. 24. 30. How many are coming to the party? Five six-packs. 24 people will be at the party. Do you guys drink light beer? Really? Ever? Light beer?

Like Miller Lite, Bud Light, Coors Light. I will have a Bud Light if I'm in St. Louis and in a bottle. I'll do a Bud Light. Okay. I've actually gone away. Me either. I've gone away from, not really anymore. I've gone away from cans.

I just have friends who drink beer. We just did a bachelor party where we rented an RV and drove around to Bud Light. Well, we were just going to national parks and all that stuff. Cool. And it was so much fun. But yeah, a few of the guys just bought a 30 pack. And I'm like, you guys have to drink so many of those. I have a bottle of Canadian Club Whiskey and some ginger ale.

I'm good for the entire weekend. You wound up doing it in less of a thing, but some people love the way beer tastes, especially if it's hot out. I'll come off stage and I'm like, the only thing I want right now is beer. You know what I love? Driving on the 210 past Irwindale,

which is the brewery right there I just drove past it sometimes they'll be brewing and the smell of hops is so amazing it's like bread it is really

yeah I mean look I'm not a big drinker so me neither my guess is that if you need a lot to get you drunk then Bud Light just do it

you know what I mean don't spend a lot of money on if you go on the Budweiser tour in St. Louis which we probably should do this we absolutely should when we go there for Finding the Funny

which will be there in a couple weeks 13th through the 16th 13th through the 16th Dan's coming with us yeah you go in there and I think at the end of the tour

they give you 15 minutes to drink as much as you can drink stop this guy what that's horrible but I think

they have really small cups small cups but if you just start downing them 15 minutes Dan 50 eggs in an hour

you can probably get like 10 10 glasses if you really start slamming you guys need to film yourselves doing

or record yourselves doing that for finding the funny alright we're 7 and a half minutes in andming it. You guys need to film yourselves doing, or record yourselves doing that for Finding the Funny. We're seven and a half minutes in. This is us talking to people. I'd have three glasses and I'd be like, hey, what's your name? Is there a beer cooler around here? I'm a laxin. They court ordered me. I'm a laxin.

Court order. Court order. Marshfield Police Chief Rick Gramza. I love that name. So Ert sounds like two few letters in his name, and then they ended up at the end of Gram's name. Yeah. Yes. Gramza.

Yeah, he could have been Ertz. Ertz. Ertz. Van Ertz. Van Ertz. That's right. Gram sounds right. Rick Gramza said his department...

Greta Van Ertz. ...said that his department has dealt with people who intentionally hide and get locked inside places with the purpose of committing a crime. But this case was particularly unique. I love that he's dealt with this before. Oh, yeah. This feels very unique. We've never had somebody accidentally locked in a place and not make any attempt to be rescued or get out because they're satisfied with the circumstances. That's right.

That's right. He just decided to run it out for the circumstances. That's right. He just decided to run it out for the night. It had everything that he needed. He did kind of have like a Willy Wonka moment when they walk into the big... He probably had a coat, a parka or whatever. He was totally comfortable.

Police said Van Aert was let out around 6 a.m. So he'd be there all night. Six hours. If you want to view... And that's all he drank? That's not that much. When another customer noticed him inside the cooler. You know what? That's probably his defense.

Yeah. That's all I drank, guys. That's all I did. Guys, it was like I had nothing. So I feel like I didn't do anything. Yeah. Do you want me to pay for this? Yes.

Van Aert is accused of then leaving the store without paying. Of course. This is a quote from Gramsa, he made a beeline for the beer cooler to the door without any attempt to pay for what he had consumed or broken. That's what busted him. That's it. Had he just turned around and dropped like $100 or $80.

They wouldn't care. No one would have seen it. I love that, though, that a customer is like, hey, you know you got a guy in here? And they come over and open it, and he just walks straight out into the door. Like, if I don't say anything, they'll think I'm not here. Can't see me. Can't see me.

He wakes up, and he's like, what year is it? Who's the president? He was later arrested for operating a vehicle with a revoked license. He's Rip Van Ertz. Rip Van Ertz. Oh. That's good. He's ready for this? We's Rip Van Ertz. Rip Van Ertz. That's good. He's ready for this? We're going to get out.

How old is Jeremy Van Ertz? Too much fun leaves marks in life. Living hard, you'll pay the price. Who is gonna get it right? Guess the age. Guess the age. You've seen him and you know his story. I've seen him and I have no clue. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, 38 years old. All right. There was no gray hairs on that guy. I'm going to say he's 30. 30?

Yeah. All right. From Jason Sklar, 30. Steve Agee, 38. Randy Sklar. 42. 42 years old. Is that Jackie Robinson's number?

Yeah, it was. They're going to retire Van Erk. Just hang him in the rafters somewhere. He's like, I can't get down. All right. Play along at home. If you're listening at work or with friends or in your car and not want to deal with traffic. Check the Facebook page to see who he is.

Join it. Get your answers in because I'm about to say this. Someone in this room has got it right. Has got it exactly right. What did you say, E.G.? I'm going to say. 38. I said 30, Rand.

You said 42. Okay. Jeremy Van Aert Is 38 years old Wow Impressive And age you didn't even think of it No Like 38 came way too

When you first showed the picture I was like he's 48 And this whole time I've been thinking 48 And then I was like Then you dropped it down 10 years 38 years It's not very often Somebody hits the drunk on the head Nice And this whole time I've been thinking 48. And then I was like. Then you dropped it down 10 years. No, I think he's 38 years.

It's not very often somebody hits the drunk on the head. Nice. Hits the drunk on the head. I love it. There's the first story down in the books. We're recorded. We're ready. Steve Agee is here.

He's got an amazing podcast called We're Not Doctors. We're No Doctors. We're No Doctors. I'm sorry. We're No Doctors. Sorry. Check that out. Although, we're not doctors. Well, we aren't. We're no doctors. Check that out. Although, we're not doctors. We aren't.

We're not doctors without borders. We're doctors with borders. So, check that out. And in the meantime, listen to this break, and we'll be right back with more Dumb People Town right after this. Stick around, make a sound, there's more Dumb People Town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Follow Steve Agee on Instagram. I love you on Instagram. He's a great photographer and takes phenomenal pictures.

I love when Steve is at any sketch fest or even just at Largo hanging out or doing a show that we're doing there because i'm like there's gonna there are gonna be great pictures of this event event backstage from the side of the stage of people performing it's just thanks man you on instagram come on down to baba ganoush you started yelling at restaurants baba ganoush you're like it's big dumb ugly sweater day here at baba and you time it up with the people walking in front yeah do you love it yeah but are you surprised how much other people love it i am surprised by that i've run out of shit to say about baba ganoush i don't know you gotta watch your stories if you guys aren't oh my god

I do like fake commercials for a place called Baba Ganoush whenever I'm over there I also love following you on Instagram because then I'm like

oh I know where he is now I see a lot of great pictures yeah I see like great pictures from Joshua Tree or I don't know I will have just

seen you and then all of a sudden it's like hey New Mexico and you're there there's like killer pictures there. That's all I want to do is travel and take photos. I know.

That's what I want. Travel. What if you travel, take photos during the day, and then do stand-up at night? That'd be fun. Perfect. A life. Right? At the end of that.

A perfect, perfect life. Yeah. Speaking of seeing live, I don't know if you do We're No Doctors live, but you should do We will be doing it at Sketch Fest, our first live show. Oh, yeah. first live show oh yeah when the 14th oh nice you're there the weekend before us okay so san francisco people check that out if you want to see it live where are you doing it at do you know the venue um eureka theater maybe it's not the eureka it's another theater okay we're doing ours the next week sunday at 1 p.m i know we had initially thought it was at 3 p.m it's at 1 p.m midday you got nothing thought it was at 3 p.m. It's at 1 p.m. midday.

You got nothing else going on. It is a perfect thing to come midday. Come to it. It'll be an hour of pure fun like this. We don't know our guest yet, so we'll let you know who that's going to be when that time comes. So that's Sunday the 21st. Go to sfsketchfest.com and you can find out all of our schedules. All of that stuff.

So we got that going on. The night before, I'll be doing Wahlberg's solution, which will probably drop in this feed at some point. So come on with me there. Go for on with him there. And we've got some standup shows there. It's such a fun, that Sketch Fest thing is such a blast to do. And then the next month we're in New York at the Bell House.

We're doing, I think we'll probably wind up doing two podcasts that night. We don't know yet because it hasn't sold out, although the tickets are really selling pretty well. They believe it'll sell out because our first show, I'll say first show guests are the girls from Guys We Fucked. They're amazing. Oh, great. So fun. They'll be perfect.

They'll be great for it and have a good time, and they're funny. And so then if we add a second show, that's on the 25th. And then Moon Tower, all sorts of good stuff coming up in the new year. So check that out. All right, Dan, we have a second story. We do. Let's do it.

I have a bad day. What if Dan was like, nope, we do. Nope. No, that's actually it. I just reread the same first story. I have bad news.

I always, for some reason, I was putting together a live show. I was getting this one together and I forgot to copy and paste who sent me this story. So, Scouts Honor Town, let's try to be honest for once. Hit us copy and paste who sent me this story so scouts honor town we'll

tell us and then hit us up and say it was me like we'll screen cap when you send it or whatever so when you're shooting something and you're on a tv show or a movie and they go into shooting the scene and they do it but sometimes sometimes they'll come at the very end and do like a backslide tail slate yeah so we're gonnaslate this story when you send it to us. We'll figure it out. Alright, here we go. A bolder man. Wouldn't it be great if they were describing him and that wasn't his location?

A man made of boulders. Or he used to have a lot of hard time really saying what he meant and declaring himself but he's become much bolder. I was actually picturing the rock from Indiana Jones. It's a bolder man.

A bolder man has been arrested after police say a couple he did not know that never has gotten in the way of anything in this town. A couple you did not know whatever interaction you're having you're gonna be naked near them yep to me that's what this that's a couple i did not

know this is had to see something they didn't want to see your dick like when you didn't want them to they did not know him they found him playing the guitar in their living room in the middle of the night. Oh, Robert Downey Jr. style. That is so... By the way, to not know what living room you're in... No, no, no, but look, Boulder is a town of street musicians. We've been there. We saw a guy play the piano while suspended upside down. He climbed up in suspension boots, tied to a bar, hung upside down,

and then played a piano in the street upside down. Was he naked? No. We were like, literally, you are raising the bar for street musicians and then hanging from that bar upside down. Yeah,

no, everyone else, like some guy down the street is just playing the guitar with a dog nest and I'm like, you gotta step your game up. Is it Boulder, the Mork and Mindy?

Yes. It is. It is? Really? Yes, it is. Mork and Mind more committees in boulder yeah um i have no idea what song this guy was playing my first hope was that it was some jim croce like time in a bottle photographs and memories sure yeah i'm going to show you the picture of him then i'll read his name and after we have to guess the song he was playing anything by dave matthews well that's close when you see him this guy was playing. Yeah, we should. I'm saying anything by Dave Matthews. Well, that's close. When you see him, this guy was playing a Goo Goo Dolls song.

Oh, yeah. Like nobody's business. I saw the Goo Goo Dolls at the Macy's Day Thanksgiving Day Parade with my kids. And just their faces alone scared the shit out of my kids. My friend Matt Sweeney, who's a musician, he toured with Iggy Pop and Josh Homme on Iggy's last tour. He's played with a bunch of musicians really great he had one of my favorite tweets of all time this was about a year ago he goes i don't know the year but it was like something like in 1993 my band played in a bar in new jersey with the goo goo dolls and the bass player wore sweat and you could see his dick.

And that was the tweet. Sometimes it's just right there. Just say what you know. Look at this. He is playing Iris on a acoustic guitar. Yeah, he definitely looks like Billy Crudup.

He does kind of look like Billy Crudup. I love it. I think it's Billy Crudup. No, Crudup is what his ex-wife who he cheated on called him. Crudup. Crudite. Billy Crudite. Billy Crudup. I love it. I think it's Billy Crudup. No, Crudup is what his ex-wife who he cheated on called him. Crudup.

Crudite. Billy Crudite. Billy Crudite. Ready for his name? High cheekbones. Yeah. That's male model. Yeah.

No, he's got a lot of cut to him. Male model who fell into a meth circle for a while. Richard Neal Shepard. Okay. Definitely singer-songwriter. Rifles. Kenny Wayne Shepard? Richard Neal Shepard, the Kenny Wayne Shepard. Okay. Definitely singer-songwriter. Kenny Wayne Shepard? Richard Neil Shepard, the Kenny Wayne Shepard? No, no, we didn't get Kenny Wayne.

We got Richard Neil Shepard. He's been doing a lot of house shows lately around Boulder. House shows! Living room shows. He's doing a male version of Shelby Lynn. It's like he totally took the term residency to the next level. Yeah, he's like, I'm going to take a residency at someone's house. I'm going to reside there.

According to an arrest affidavit, a couple living on the 1500 block of Pine Street. And I don't want to know you. That's a great Google doll. I won't tell them your name. You guys know, I think that's where I would max out on my knowledge. Yeah, that's it. That's all I know. The 1500 block of Pine Street. add that to the walking tour, woke up on Sunday around

2.30 a.m. when they heard a thump and their dog began to growl. Yeah. That's why you have a dog, to stop street musicians from playing in your house. He started playing music, though, to soothe the dog. Yeah. Of course he did. And I don't want the world to be you.

Maybe it was Cat Stevens. The other thing is, how great would it be if the guy plays I listen to the wind He plays a whole song and then the people stand there and they're like, sorry, we don't have anything to give, but that's great. And they just don't give any money to him.

They're like, okay, thanks, man. man thanks all right we're gonna go thanks i'd lean in and like turn on all the lights and be like all right last call guys last call guys thanks for coming wrap it up uh can we mail you a check the male resident told police he walked downstairs and encountered a male wearing a maroon stocking cap that That's on brand for his look. And should, no, maybe Death Cab for Cutie he's playing? A little dashboard confessional? Maybe. Gin Blossoms. Playing the guitar on the couch. The resident

said, hello. Maybe that's what he was playing. Not get the hell out of my living room. Hello. Is it me you're looking for? Exactly. He just starts singing with him. Yeah. And he's like, hello, it's me.

I love that. Todd Rundgren, right? Yeah. He said the intruder responded. So the guy comes down. Dog is mad. Yeah. Because there's an intruder in your house.

His girlfriend or wife, whatever, is in the bedroom. He comes downstairs. What if he was playing Ronnie Millsap, There's a Stranger in My House? Remember Ronnie Millsap? There's a stranger. Blind country singer. Fine, I'm going to find it. Ryan Millsap, Stranger in My House, blind country music singer.

Yeah. Everyone's a stranger in your house. Yeah. He goes, he says hello. The resident says hello. The intruder responds, I live across the street. Nope. That's his first...

No, you don't. I hope the resident said where, and he said, down on Main Street. Go right into some Seeger. Go right into some Seeger. Pine Street. Down Pine Street. The intruder responds, I live across the street. Nope.

He already knows I'm in the wrong. Bitch, you don't live across from anyone. If you live across the street, live across the street. Nope. He already knows I'm in the wrong. Bitch, you don't live across from anyone. If you live across the street, get across the street. You live in a street. He then handed over the guitar. Yeah, Jay, this is really guitar heavy. What is this? You got a Fender Rhodes I can play?

What is this song? This is Ronnie Millsap, There's a Stranger in My House Oh, this is it Yeah It's kind of cool A lot of build up A lot of ramp up, Jay This is really good grocery store music

Yeah This is like, honey, do we need more mini pancakes? Get the mini pancakes and get the veggie sausage It's in the same area Can you imagine how long the radio DJ talked over this? Oh yeah, I remember Ronnie Millsap. I like this music. Millsap.

There's a silence between us I've never heard before. You know it's going to be three minutes before. Okay, I just understood what this song is. What? Do you understand that we aren't connected anymore? I thought there was an intruder in my house. There's a stranger in my house and it's you. He doesn't know her anymore. Right, I don't know you anymore.

And Ronnie Milstead, being blind, he understands the person deeper than most people do, because they only see things. It's like the first time you listen to the words of Ruby, Don't Take Your Love to Town. There's a stranger in my house. And she shit on the living room floor. I'm pretty sure she's leaving me and I don't love her anymore.

There's a stranger in my house. If this dude had the balls to play that song, I would give him a ton more credit than I'm giving him right now. Maybe he was playing that. That guy's never heard of Ronnie Mills. Also, you can find that

song you just heard him singing on Straight From Dumb People Town, Nothing But The Hits. So the resident says hello. The intruder says, I live across the street. Then hands the guitar to the man who lives there and says, sorry. That's the exchange. Sorry, man.

Not even his guitar. No. He didn't bring his own guitar. No. He just picked up the person's inside this boulder house and was like, it's jam time. He just knew there was a guitar. It's a house in Boulder. It's a house in Boulder.

There's a guitar. There's a mountain bike. Probably like our Van Aert guy. He saw the guitar from the window and was like, they want me to break in there. Oh, yeah. Why would they leave the guitar in one of them? Was that a Martin? Oh, I got to go in there.

I got to play this. I got to play this. I got to go to Martin House. I got to play this. I've never played a Martin. They will forgive me when they hear, and I know will see me. The resident told police the man did not appear drunk or on any other substances. High on life, man. High on life.

That is it. After the resident's called police, officers found Shepard near 17th and Spruce Streets and noted he matched the description of the suspect. yeah cheekbones cheekbones red stocking cat constantly singing songs from uh angels soundtrack what's that one with nick cage oh that's the google allows one that's on there right uh shepherd denied being in anyone's house and said he had been drinking earlier in the night and was trying to make his way back to his van on the University of Colorado's East Campus. Down by the river.

This guy has told so many people he's a poli-sci major. Hey, I'm just kidding. Sino-American relations. Sino. Sino. Chinese-American relations. He told police

he lived on 12th Street. Police noted in their report that Shepard was not close to either location. Which is not evidence for arresting anybody, to be honest. And that's why I'm trying to make my way back. There is no 12th Street in Boulder. It just stops at 11.

I also hope that they went on the residence account and were like, sure, we know you haven't been drinking. He's like, no, no, no. Find my way back! Find my way back! Find my way back! To my van! Oh, that's just a great song you made up. Find my way back! Find your way back to our heart.

That was, no, that was not Boston. That was Starship. Jefferson Starship. Find your way back! To my heart! Ooh, you guys hit it together. That was great. That was all A-trace slick. The cops were probably like, sir, we know you haven't been drinking. He's like, no, no, no. way back. You guys hit it together. That was great.

Don't you love the cops were probably like, sir, we know you haven't been drinking. He's like, no, no, no. I drank earlier in the night. I tried to find my way back. The person whose house you broke into said you were not drinking. I have been drinking earlier in the night. Why would I be in their fucking house, man? Let me ask you this, officer. Have you ever played a Martin?

Well, then there you go. It's like butter. It basically plays itself, man. Let me ask you this, officer. Have you ever played a Martin? Well, then, there you go. It's like butter. It basically plays itself, man. I'm just trying to guide it. Worth the B&E, fellas. Worth the B&E. Don't fret. The residents don't fret. Who said that? I was looking down. Randy,

ask our brothers, everybody. Don't fret. That's great. That's the name of this episode. You know he said that. Don't fret. You know he said that to them. The residents noted that nothing appeared to have been stolen or damaged in their house. You're right, Steve.

He just wanted to play that game. He just wanted to play. Oh, here. Ready? There's always... Sometimes a little blame falls on the victim. Sure. Not always, but sometimes.

They said he didn't steal anything in the house and nothing was damaged in their house, which was unlocked. People. Sure. Not always, but sometimes. They said he didn't steal anything in the house and nothing was damaged in their house, which was unlocked. People. Right. Lock your doors, number one.

And I'm going to say a phrase that should be on a bumper sticker or on a t-shirt or on a bumper sticker on the outside of this guy's shirt. When you live in a van, the world is your living room. That's very true.

You walk outside the van and it's like is your living room. That's very true. You walk outside the van and it's like, that's mine. Van is my bedroom. Van is my bedroom and the rest is, the world is my living room. Police did find a tube

of pink lipstick on Shepard, which he has a right to do whatever he wants to. That looks about right. Yeah, that's about right. Which residents, the resident said, appears to have been stolen

from their car. So he hit car first, took some lipstick, then caught the eye of that strap. Well, there's not a guitar in here. I guess I'll take the lipstick. Look, I'm on a guitar lipstick hunt. That's what I'm doing. Lipstick check.

Guitar over there. Now I'll start playing. He was on a scavenger hunt. Did you hear it? Yeah, lipstick check. Guitar over there. Enjoy it. Yes. I found the lipstick.

Played the guitar. You came into my show. Sit down. Yeah, you got it. Where are you from? Upstairs? Been there. Take the staircase.

Don't go the window route too long. Arms folded. Negative. Open it up. He did walk in arms folded. Shepard is free on a $5,000 personal recognizance bond

and is due for a formal filing of charges on Wednesday so $5,000 recognizance bond means for $500 he gets out

right because it's 10% and then you're out of there because he didn't do anything wrong except for breaking and entering

violating someone creeping the fudge out of people. But he didn't break. The door was open. He crossed the threshold. He wasn't invited in. So maybe he just entered. There's no real being.

Breaking. Do you think the next day, one of the people in that house said to the other one, I mean, I know it was horrible, but I cannot get his version of Third Eye Blinds Jumper out of my head. Wish you could step outside that room, my friend. It's a great album. It's a great album.

I mean, that's going far. No, it's good. It's got the hits. All right, that's story two, boys. There you go, story two. What are we looking at on the other side

of this break, Dan? What about the guy's age? Did we say what his age was? I did say it. You did? Yeah. Do you want to guess it? Did you guys hear his age?

I didn't hear it. Jay, did you hear it? I didn't hear it. Do you want to play? Yeah, let's do it. Did you say what his age was? Yeah. Let's want to guess it? Did you guys hear his age? I didn't hear it. Jay, did you hear it? I didn't hear it. Do you want to play? Yeah, let's do it. Do you want to say what his age was? Yeah. Let's guess the age. I love it. Let's guess the agey. Steve, agey. I would say 31. Ooh, okay.

31. Anybody who wasn't paying attention can play with us. Don't cheat. I'm going to say 41. 41. No way. That picture? No way. 27. 27. That'm gonna say 41. 41. No way. That picture? No way. 27. 27. That's a good guess. Someone in this room is one year off because

32. He's 28 years old. Yeah! Pretended like he didn't know but then knew and then went one off to pretend to make it seem like it we didn't know. Alright, that's segment two now in the books. What are we looking at on the backside of this?

Sandwich woman arrested after bizarre cop stop. I love it. All right, Dumb People Town, stay with us. We'll be right back. Stick around, make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. All right, guys, welcome back to Dumb People Town. We are so happy that you are with us.

We love doing the show, and it's so funny. We had two really back-to-back episodes. And by the way, all the people that we have on this show are people we love and respect. Some we know better than others. the people that we have on this show are people we love and respect. Some we know better than others. But the last two guests, Pardo last week and now Agee this week, shows the depth of our sort of friendships in the comedy world.

I mean, Agee's somebody that we have all been backstage at various shows, in town, out of town, and just literally laughed ourselves silly just hanging out. And that fun, hopefully for you guys is is coming through because we're having a blast and i did my uh dvk show on the nerdist network and i i begged steve to be in it and he was the first person that i wanted so thank you for doing it people should go check it out i did michael kissick the loneliest tsa yeah that was really you dude you i'm gonna say it you You legitimately acted the shit out of that. You're a guy. I make a living, guys.

You were great on Sarah's show. I loved that character. It was like a revolutionary character. You and Poseyne, two gay roommates, lovers. Could not have been more straight. Lovers. I hate that term so much. You do?

Lovers, yeah. I don't like it. In relationship? Just the word lovers. It's so 70s. It's so... A guy who lives in a houseboat

in a marina. Just a lover, man. Drinking Cuervo. Yeah. Necklace on a turtleneck. Yes. Cuervo Gold. So you weren't that necessarily,

but yeah, it was a brilliant, brilliant sort of twist within those characters in that show. Never expected. Loved it. Loved it.

You want to do a third story? Let's do it. Here we go. This was sent in by Jamie at Banana PWN. That's like pwn, like own. That's like a gamer term, I think. Banana PWN. A sandwich woman familiar to police.

That's how you know. A sandwich woman. What is it? It's the town. That's her moniker. It's the town? It's like Cape Cod area. Oh, it it's the that's her moniker this is like cape cod area oh it's a town yeah oh i thought okay she worked at like jersey mike's or something oh really i thought you were gonna go again and be like a woman who is a sandwich like her torso

is roast beef i'm not that dumb boulder man boulder man only a boulder man and a sandwich woman boulder man and a sandwich woman that. Boulder Man and a Sandwich Woman, that literally... You need to get together. That, to me, is a great comic strip. That's an adult film show right there. Oh, my God, yeah. It really is. Boulder Man and Sandwich Woman?

I love it. A Sandwich Woman, familiar to police, which means, again, this is a person who's like, why does shit always screw me over? You're screwing me over. You're doing it to yourself. Yeah, the cops know her by name. Hey, Alice, what are you doing? Familiar to Police is facing

multiple charges after another odd run-in with police. I'm going to show you guys a picture of her. I've never seen someone more eager to get their mugshot. Look at her. And not

looking at camera. That's three three quarters by the way not not looking at the camera and then not looking at whatever she's facing she's looking straight up she's talking to the cop who's booking her and she's like mike can i try a different photo i want to do one over here right this is her glamour shot. In another life, she is a poodle. That's a great... Sweet poodle. Police were called to the scene of a loud party

on Bob White Lane. I know. Make America Bob White again. Okay. Bob White Lane sounds like a car dealership and a great breakfast spot. Bob White Lane. Bob White could have been Bob Hope's name. And we all would be like,

yeah, that's right. It sounds like a street in Palm Springs for sure. That's Fred Waring. There's Fred Waring and Bob White. There's a Bob Hope drive. I'll meet you on the corner of Fred Waring and Bob White. Bob White Lane. They were called to a corner of Fred Waring and Bob White. Bob White Lane. They were called to the scene of a loud party on Bob White Lane at 6.20 p.m.

The party is going. This is a happy hour party. And someone's calling on him at 6. I've called cops on a party early, so I understand it. I'm not begrudging them. The reporting party. I guess that would be the reporting party. Who reported the party. The reporting party who I guess that would be the reporting party. Who reported the party.

The reporting party who reported the party. Noted that they saw a blue truck being operated erratically while leaving the party, driving over lawns. Lawns. Many lawns. It wasn't just whoops. That's not a whoops. That's a, this is my, who put all this grass in the road? Yes.

She's mad. She's mad. How are. That's a, this is my, who put all this grass in the road? Yes. She's mad. She's mad. How are you supposed to drive on this? It goes like cement, grass, cement, grass, kid pool. A couple of bushes. Yes. Gnome. Gnome.

Sorry. She yells to the gnome. Excuse me. Yep. Police found the pickup truck and noted that it was making a loud rumbling sound. As the vehicle approached, the officer saw that it was running on three tires. Yep. The fourth wheel was only the rim.

Ooh. That's bad. In my mind. Sparks. Trucks are high. Yes. So without a tire, you're like on a serious, like, you know when you have a flat tire because you're leaning in some direction

I'm even talking about cars that are low to the ground when you're on the rim that is this woman's M.O. drive through the flat if you get a flat tire in life you just keep driving drive through the flat is probably a Ronnie Millsap song let me look it up

don't it's got a meonnie mills app song let me look it up don't let me look it up it's got a seven minute me and my friends in high school this was before i got sent to military school a bunch of my friends all pitched in like 25 and bought a old like 1970s pontiac lamont spray painted it like it was just a fuck and we just take turns like okay you can have it today or whatever and one night we went out off-roading in the hills of uh san bernardino and redlands and um hit a tree and the and two tires blew out and we needed the rear tire that had blown out for traction and so we put the one spare tire on the rear and then the front passenger side tire was just off on it was just rim and we drove it all the way back to my friend's house no sparks a fucking wall of sparks the whole time yeah we get it to

my friend's house leave it there the next day uh his dad, my friend's dad busted him because there was a two-inch groove in the cement all the way from their driveway, like miles through the streets to the hills. You know exactly where they were. Yeah. That's horrible. That is insane. Well, that's what this woman was also doing. Yeah, because you can't be like, someone stole my tire, dad.

No. Nobody stole your tire, dad. No. Nobody stole your tire. When the vehicle was stopped, the operator identified as Susan N. Kettle. Stepped out of the vehicle. Her middle name is the N word. N. Oh. It is.

Well, it might be Nancy. Right? Negligent. Negligent. Negligent. Stepped out of the vehicle. Little warning if you're listening with anyone young. First of all, don't bring them into dumb people's house. Not me, but I mean, just close the ears.

This is what her first... Earmuffs. She stepped out of the truck that was on three wheels. Susan. And said, quote, which is probably what the cop said first. Susan. Susan, get out of the car. Sand probably what the cop said first, Susan, Susan,

get out of the car. Sandwich Susan. this car is fucked and I am shit-faced. Let's go take my picture. Let's go take pictures. Number one, she's only got one shoe on. Let's be honest with that.

Ready for this? Her purse spilling out everywhere. Ready for this? Police also noted, she was wearing only one boot. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Randy Squire. We've been in dope people's house before.

I've been here long enough to know Susan N. Wow. She was missing a wheel. She was missing a wheel. Yeah. She hops out. She was the human version of that car. And the boot is, like, higher, so she's got to step

way down. There's a way down on the other side. Stuff's falling out of her purse. And she, even though the officers are taking her to the car, she keeps saying, let's go. Man, we're walking.

Come on, let's go. Let's go. I got go. You're like, man, we're walking. Let's go. Come on. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. I got an idea for a photo. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. We're going to do it different the last time. I'm going to smile.

I promise. You set it up and I'm going to not get that. There are times that I wish we were live streaming the show so people could have seen Steve Agee's reaction when I read what you had just said. Crazy. Fucking crazy. Pointed to him. I know.

Like it was my fault. Like you were there, that's amazing police also noted i'll read it again that she was only wearing one boot yeah and they were not sure where the other one was which means she was making it their problem where's my other boot at least we all know at least it's a boot and not her kids true she doesn't know where the other one is. Wow. The officer attempted to administer a field sobriety test. Why? The reason they say it is because you know they didn't work. No.

There's no way. No way. But Susan Kettle refused, saying, this is what Kettle won. Kettle won. Kettle won. Kettle won. You know that's her nickname. Kettle won that round.

Kettle won. Her church league softball jersey says Kettle won. W-O-N. Yes. This is what she said to officers when they tried to get her to take field sobriety tests. I have never heard this in my life. I do not know what it means. Quote, the cleft in the chin means the devil's within.

This is what she's telling police officers. That is witch that is crazy the cleft in the chin means the devil's within at this point that's always great when they're writing that in the article at this point just say the alphabet backwards you say alphabet backwards i don't even know. Backwards alphabet. There, I said it. There you go. Tebfella. Nope. Not even close. I felt like it was. At this point, Susan Kettle was placed under arrest. They were just probably like, let's go.

She was charged with operating under the influence, carrying a dangerous weapon. A car? What is it? I don't know. The rim? Operating a motor vehicle with a revoked license and a couple other things. Here's what I love. 620 at night, y'all. Yes.

She was arrested earlier this year. 620. This is not her first run-in. She was arrested earlier this year after she attacked an off-duty officer with a knife while topless. Oh, my God. A few months before that, she was arrested after she broke into Lambert's to steal a large amount of chicken salad. You know what? She's the worst.

And just scooping it into her shirt. Into her boot. Yes. She was wearing a big Johnson shirt, and that's where she held the chicken salad. Let's make it three for three. Why not? For Steve, guess the AG. How old is Susan in Kettle

alright here you go and you can find the photo on the Facebook page if you aren't signed up as guys everyone who is listening

to this podcast you should be a like or be a member of the Facebook page she's 42 let's build this community 42 from Steve Agee she is 29

20 no no no she's lived a lot. She definitely has. By the way, you're coming at someone with a knife who's an undercover cop, tits out.

She could be 38. I say 36. 36 years old? Okay. Susan. N. Kettle. Chicken salad thief. What if she's one years old? She's one? That's how she came out, man.

She doesn't know better. Fully formed human. This car, this truck is fucked and I am shit-faced. Is 39 years old. Oh, right between us. Yes. I'm going to give it to Agee. Guess the Agee today.

Actually, you're going to give it to him? What did I say? You said 36. He said 41, right? I said 42. Oh, it is right in the middle. Take a half. Take a half point.

But I did say I should have said 38 right there. All right. That's it, man. Three stories. So wonderful. Amazing. You know, we obviously talked about a man just walking in. Who appeared in someone's house.

Just appeared in someone's house. Someone who I think knows a little bit about that man just walking in. Who appeared in someone's house. Just appeared in someone's house. Someone who I think knows a little bit about that sort of a thing, because he did it a lot and then got away with it a lot. Yeah, a lot. Was, of course, the jinx himself, Robert Durst. He left us a voicemail. Apparently he's gotten a copy of this show. He gets advanced screeners of this show, even before we're done.

I don't know how. I don't know. He's watching on Facebook Live. He is, even though we're not on it. Even though we're not on it. We got a voicemail from him. Let's listen to Robert Durst. You have one new voice message.

Hi, boys. It's me, Bobby D. Just giving you guys a call. Two reasons, actually. I saw you guys a call. Two reasons, actually. I saw you were in Houston. Next time you're there, swing down to Galveston.

There's a great place where you can hide anything. It's right by the bay. You also want to make sure if you're throwing a penny or anything in the bay to make a wish, make sure it doesn't float. One time I wished I would never get caught. That's not the point. But make sure it doesn't float. And I wanted you to know I'm in L.A. for a little while for a thing.

It's like a traffic violation. It's not a big deal. for a little while for a thing. It's like a traffic violation. It's not a big deal. But what I wanted to tell you about is this week was Cyber Monday and I have a cross-stitching line on Etsy that I've started.

And right now, there are a whole bunch of things I've written out of my brother Douglas falling off of things, getting hit, and I want to mail them to him. So if you could give me his address. Also, saw you did a story about a man in a house. What's wrong with being in a house? Let's say I went into a house. Let's say I was there to do something that needed to be handled. If you hear someone leave and no one did anything wrong. All right. Just wanted to catch up, let you guys know being in a house, not a big deal unless you did anything else that they can't

promote or if it's self-defense. Secondly, enter the word down with Douglas at checkout at my Etsy store to get an extra 22%. And next time you're in Houston, let's go hide things together. All right. Bye-bye. Hey. I shouldn't have said this stuff about Douglas. Oh, no.

Why do you cross-stitch Douglas dying? Because you want to kill him, of course. Duh. All right. Bye-bye. dying. Because you want to kill him, of course. Ugh. Alright. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Oh, come on, Stephen! He didn't realize

he was still on at the end. No. Stephen Agee. He's still on! He's still on. Hey, there's a dog I wish This thing is still going on

A dog He would notice that Dursty Dursty Hey Thank you guys For joining Dumb People Town Thank you Steve Agee

Follow him on Twitter Follow him on Instagram At Steve Agee At Steve Agee And definitely Please at the end of age Check out We're No Doctors This drops tomorrow?

Yeah Yeah I'll be in San Jose this weekend With your friend Chris Sullivan Oh nice and definitely check out We're No Doctors. This drops tomorrow? Yeah. I'll be in San Jose this weekend with your friend Chris Sullivan at the Heroes and Villains Convention. Oh, wonderful. Check that out. Holy shit, dude. We've got to get back to work. Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum,