Dumb People Town - Steve Furey - One Night With Grimace

Episode Date: September 5, 2023

Comedian Steve Furey stops by as Daniel explains how a woman stabbed her husband after finding photos of him with another woman, who ended up being her younger self, Jason describes a drunken man at the T-Rex cafe at DisneyWorld that goes on a rampage and bites a sheriff's deputy, and Randy tells of a McDonald's customer that receives a bag of cash instead of food, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsor: Babbel! Get started RIGHT NOW, with 55% off your Babbel subscription for our listeners. Go to Babbel.com/DPT. Rules and restrictions may apply.

Thank you. So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan And Dirk, don't be a jerk Cause when the music gets the funny hits We are gonna take you down Stick around, make a sound Bunker Down is Dump People Town Gracias to our sponsor, Babbel. Very good, Dan.

Hey, do you have travel plans this summer? Learn to speak like a local with Babbel because with Babbel, you can start speaking a new language in three weeks that's right get started right now with 55 off your babble subscription for our listeners go to babble.com slash dpt that's 55 off at babble.com slash dpt spelled b-a-b-b-e-L dot com slash D-P-T. Rules and restrictions may apply. Hey, Taddies, welcome to another episode of... Shorts People Town! What did you say?

Shorts People Town. Shorts People Town, except for Steve Fury. I don't know. Population Fury, Steve! Population Fury. I think she's like gulots if you pull them up. Get them up. Jack them up, buddy.

Steve, I didn't know you were a chef in your off time. You look like a gardening retiree you look like if a chef decided to become a dishwasher i got downgraded for dating the staff yeah like hey hey don't touch her touch those dishes over there officially we met a few months ago on the uh the patio at the store yeah bar been a fan of yours ever since. Yeah, big fan of yours. I'm a big fan of this podcast. I don't know if you've had like a huge fan on before. Before I came to LA, there was like a five things I really want to do when I came to LA.

Yeah. And this was it. No way. I love that. Beautiful. Thank you. That's so great. Yeah, you were there with us in the early days

when we stupidly called this Sklarbro County, even though we had a sports podcast called Sklarbro Country. It all worked out. One letter off. We're like, aren't we being clever? And people are like, I'm confused. I hate sports, but I like your show. I hate your show, but I like sports.

It was like we split our audience in half. We later figured out to call it Dumb People Town. Because it's just dumb people. The world's getting dumber. The only way we can fight it, as you know, is through comedy. Our fans send us the stories. And, you know, you listened to it from the beginning when dan did all three stories yep we got a new way that we're doing it now each of us get to do a story it's great you have the first

one dan has the first well i'm wondering what happened to the florida guy the writer oh uh did he quit he no longer writes uh about off the beat off the beat which is which is the over explanations of all the things yeah dan knows why like docked that i try to save for like live shows and stuff like so we got a few at every single time someone plays that game they're like how were you good at it could you guess did you know which was dan and which was no i mean i'd be 50 50 but it was just so fun i was gonna say what's your batting percentage? 50-50 is awesome. Dude, we sat right next to Michael Che in New York.

He figured it out. I got it figured out. I got it. And as soon as he said that, Jay and I were like, no, you don't. He got the next three wrong. He did not. Also, like, how could, he had to move up because there's no way, like, he had to get more traffic from this podcast than he ever got.

Once he busted Robert Kraft. He did. He busted Robert Kraft. He busted Bob Kraft. He did. He busted Bob Kraft. He was part of that investigative team. He was the stringer. He's like, all right, I'm done with writing. I can massage my way out of this. I don't have to explain what pants.

This story has a happy ending. I don't have to explain what pants are to people. I follow him on Musk. Everything you just said, I have no idea. Twitter. He's talking about Twitter. Follow him on Musk. Everything you just said, I have no idea what it is. Twitter. He's talking about Twitter. I follow him on Musk, and he'll still tweet out,

but it's always like a very serious news story. Yeah, of course. And it's not even that much anymore, and I'm like, you got to get back to your roots. Take me back to your roots. I'm like, come on, go back to the thing that we knew. Nothing made me happier at a live show than Dan saying, ladies and gentlemen, we have a great leader. Just insane.

I hope he brings that into his other writing. You know, he's like a stab wound. That's when something cuts into you. Blood comes out. Commonly used to cut steak. Blood is not plasma. All right. Are you ready for this one?

Let's do a story. This was sent in by Matthew Friedman at NotYourAverageMath. This dude sent in a bunch. I love him. He's the Shebe Carleen of... Yeah, Carleen McDermott. Take it. All right, I love this.

Here's the headline. It's all we'd need. Like, if I handed this headline to you before you walked on stage, you'd be like, How long do you want me to talk about this? Wife stabs husband over explicit photos with another woman, discovers images were of her younger self. Yeah. Hey, whoops. I've seen that one.

You remember this? Okay, so my bad doesn't cover it on this one. Whoops. How dare you? How dare... It is sort of a version of self-love. She thought this woman was so hot that it couldn't be her. It was worth stabbing her husband over.

And then was like, oh, it's me. I don't know if she thought it was so hot. It was't be her. And then was like, oh, it's me. Like, I don't know. She thought it was so hot. It was just like, no, you're with. She thought the woman was young and beautiful. I hope. I think she thought the woman was someone who. How did the husband not look younger in those photos?

A woman. He kept himself together. I bet you this is a problem in the relationship. He looks the same as he did. He's working out too much. And she looks like shit. So you don't need to work out that much you're in the relationship with me he left him out so she would see him like oh look at how good

i'm saying there's an angle of oh i knew it was me i just didn't want to be reminded yes and he's and he'll he'll try and sort of like tiptoe around the set remember when we went to the bahamas like it's like remember look at these old pictures i found from a trip are these old i can't remember are these a woman also though like if you saw yourself naked even if you got fatter you could be like those are my nipples yeah like your nipples don't transcend so i've told this story on this podcast i've told this i was vacationing down in uh mexico with my wife this is like 18 years ago okay and i'm down there and i the place was like a weird place that had not rooms but like bungalows but they were not well marked at all my wife was pregnant at the time she asked me to go get something at the front desk i go to get something for her at the front desk i'm walking back and i like forgot which one of these bungalows

and i walk in you haven't told this story in a long time i walk in and i see two people just slapping the old i mean they're going at it and what are you doing i stood there long enough to be like that's not me that's not my wife what are you what is who sings that song this is not my house do you mask yourself and i was like wait a minute that's not me then i was like that's not my wife then i was like this isn't my room so at first you started standing there watching them that's not my wife and then i was like this isn't my room so at first you sort of standing there watching them that's not me that's not my wife that's not my room and then i shut the door and i left and then the rest and i didn't get a good look at it i really did you should have gotten it i didn't because i was trying to process it and then the rest of the trip

i was trying to think who it was what What did you see? You were living your own white Lotus. Off white Lotus. Beige Lotus. I do love you. Like a guy comes in, he's just holding like apple juice and a sandwich. Like having sex with your wife. I'm here. Oh, God.

I hope one of them would look at you and be like, just leave it on the table. Service here is impeccable. Don't even look, Dan. They just say. Have any of you ever accidentally gotten into the wrong car? Oh, yes. I told you this. I have.

Okay. So we parked up. I'm with my mom and with Daisy. Start to be a pattern, Randy. I'm with my mom. I'm with my mom. I'm with Daisy. We're on Larchmont, and we go into a store, and I drove at the time.

I was driving my gray Chevy Bolt, and i go across the street and i park you parked that before he was like i parked that at the store so and i and it was parked across the street and we came out of the store we were there for like 25 minutes or a half an hour we come out we cross the street and we go and see the gray bolt and we all get in the car and sit down and i was like this is not my water bottle what who put this water bottle meanwhile in the back seat two people just the same couple god damn it this is not my car that's not my anyway my water bottle this is not my car so what you guys all jumped out yeah we all jumped out we were like yeah hey yeah yeah we all got out

it was like you've seen a ghost all right daniel what happened okay it's crazy ass a woman stabbed her husband in a blind rage when she found photos of him with who she thought was another woman after failing to realize that the images were actually of her the woman who was identified as lenora r was arrested last week in mexico after she stabbed her husband identified as one and multiple times on his legs and arms. Did she flee to Mexico? She's like, I don't want to kill him. Yeah, but I want you to remember this. I don't want to kill him, but I just want to hurt him.

Lenore found photos of Juan having sex with another woman on his phone. So you're right. He is in the photos. He's there. It isn't just nudes that she sent him. It's the two of them. Them going at it. So I think she was obstructed in some way.

How fat did she get between the iPhone 13 and 14? That is how drastic of a haircut. Yeah. Even like, do you guys think if I was like more, if I get out my face, Dan, is he framing out her face?

And this is just like torso and legs. A lot of people in amateur. Don't worry about angles, but I'll ask you guys this. If there were 10 photos of feet, would you be able to pick out which ones were yours yes i think so too 100 but i mean woman needs to be stabbed for not knowing herself this gal she uh i mean let's find photos of one having sex with another woman on his

phone without giving her husband time to explain why would would you? So Dan began stabbing him while hurling insults at him. Is this, but there's a problem with this relationship. You think? She jumps the conclusion that he's having an affair with someone. Right. Like what has he done in the ramp up to this that caused her to be like, see the pictures and just. Well, they obviously don't communicate well.

No. Yeah. I mean, this was. He's probably yelling. It was you. It was you. And she's like, I know probably yelling, it was you, it was you. And she's like, I know, I'm the one stabbing you. In the leg, too.

I feel like I could get away from my girlfriend. She's hitting my leg. In the leg is mean. The leg is mean. I don't want you to be able to walk for a while. It was just a stab in the dark for her. She didn't know it was her. When Juan eventually managed to get the knife from his wife's hands,

he asked her what photos she was talking about. I love that he still wants to have a conversation about this he's like got the knife i actually stand for not stabbing her back i don't think i don't think what photos are you talking about is the right question oh because there are other ones you tell me which ones you saw the drop box or the google drive which folder did you drop what you got in my hidden folder because if you're in the hidden you need to tell me what you saw how'd you get that code what code i didn't there's no code which ones are you talking about then like jerry's saying which ones are you talking about

that's one thing or if he's like which ones are you talking about then i'm like not even maybe give him a couple more stats a couple more in stomach. He then explained to her that it was nobody but her and the photos, the pictures were taken years earlier when the couple was just dating. By whom? Them. Well. I guess. The police were notified of a domestic dispute after neighbors heard screaming and shouting

inside the couple's home. According to dossier police, Lenora didn't recognize herself immediately as the woman in the images because she was younger thinner and wearing makeup the daily mail reported the change of makeup versus no makeup but that's her excuse to the police look i was younger i was thinner i was wearing makeup i can't be expected i don't have sex with makeup on anymore wild wild i want to see that go to like court and everyone's like, actually, you know what? That doesn't look like you anymore. That's right.

Drastically changed her. She deserves to stab him. There's enough people on that jury. There are some people with makeup that it is night and day. Oh, completely different. Pamela Anderson in her height, without her makeup and the whole done up,

she looked completely different. Kathy Griffin, another person who, by the way, attractive with and without makeup. 100% different. 100% different. Yeah, just the way people do their makeup is different. Because now contouring is like a huge thing. That wasn't 15 years ago. Eyes, eyes, lashes, contouring, lips.

It's a whole other look. So maybe let's give this one a chance. It's like James Harden. Do you ever see it when they take off his beard? No. On like a meme? He does not. Kyle Kinane without a beard does not look anything like him.

I'm like, your beard is like part of, it's the shape of your chin is your beard. He doesn't look like a Kyle. Juan told cops that he explained to his wife that he had found the pictures in an old email and saved them on his phone. So they were newly added to his phone so if you were looking in terms of like when photos were the recent so it would be most recent so she's like she's up in his phone a lot she's like hmm these are new either way she would see that they got added in the last week or two and say and then be like the fuck is this who are

these take a beat yeah right give someone the opportunity to at least lie to you or zero to stabbing really quickly which again leads my thing she's ready to stab at the drop of a hat great she's ready to stab at the drop of a drop box zero to stabbing in 10 seconds uh lenora ultimately realized that it was her in the pictures she was taken into custody and remains in jail. The case has reportedly been referred to the public ministry of the state attorney general's office. Meanwhile, Juan was taken to the hospital for treatment. However, they did not disclose the extent of his injuries.

Are they still together? He is expected to recover soon. Thank God. I do not know. I mean, how do you come back from that? I feel like you got a lot of, you know, you can get away with a lot of things in the future. You know, you came home late. You show one of the stab wounds.

Right. No, this guy has all the capital. All the marriage capital right now. He's got it. Yeah. He's got to be happy, you know, because he's like, can you go to the store? I don't know. Can you stab me again?

Oh, no. Why don't you go to the goddamn store? Yeah. Hopefully it looks the same as the last time you were there and you don't drive do you recognize the store that you've been to over and over again do i need to draw a map to our house so much negativity all right that's story number one oh my god just take some time dan you said a beat. So much dumb stuff could be avoided if you just take a beat. Take a beat. Like, you know, there's the kid, like, you know, squash that beef.

Squash it. Remember that? No. That was like a public service announcement. Just this was like squash it. Go look it up. Squash it. Squash that beef.

Take a beat. Take a beat. Take a beat. Squash that beef. Take a beat. Jay will have our next story. I love it. And we'll come back.

We'll hear who's got stuff going on. Do you want, who do we go first? It'll be the two of us. And then you guys our next story. I love it. And when we come back, we'll hear who's got stuff going on. Who do we go first? It'll be the two of us. All right. I love it. It's Dumb People Town. Steve Fury's with us. We'll be right back.

Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. We got a lot of good stuff going on. Dan and Steve. Dan, go first.

What do you got to have coming on? I have like so many dates. I don't have time to run them all through. Just where can people find them? But go to DanielVanKirk.com. It'll be all over the East Coast, the Midwest, and the South, all leading up to 11-11, where I will be shooting my special, a.k.a. recording my next album.

Both of those things will be happening. Go to DanielVanKirk.com for those tickets. It's like 25 cities. So if you're west of the Mississippi and you're hearing this, in the next two months. There will be one near you. There will be one near you. I would love to have. And you know what?

I start out the shows now by asking if any townies brought a headline. Oh, I love that. So if you're hearing this and you want to come to one of those shows, bring a headline. We'll do a little goofing around, and then I'll bring out the host host and we'll kick off the show i love it steve what do you got going on just check me out on my instagram at scuba steve fury i got a bunch of shows at the comedy store about four a month i'm sure i'm gonna get the sclars on one of them hell yeah so make sure you guys check that out uh last third saturday and fourth tuesday at the comedy store love it love it jay you got a story great show yeah i got a story so good all right are you we'll do it

before i do this are you are you a Disney guy? Do you consider yourself a Disney guy? I mean, I was for a while. I love Disney. I just haven't been in a couple of years. Not at all. I love Disney, too, but I think it's because I love it. I went to Taylor Swift since we've last seen each other.

You're a new man. And I will say that was a- Where's your bracelets? Daisy, my daughter, gave 35 out, got like 40 back. Wow. And it was great. She's like trading braces with strangers. So far.

Yeah. Went to SoFi show. Amazing show. But the truth of the matter is I'm not the biggest Taylor Swift fan. And I was just loving watching my kids love it. So I don't know if I'm a Disney fan as much as I am. This was a fun experience with these guys. I like Disney a lot.

Well, Disney Kids. Disney World. Disneyland. It can get really fun, like in this next story. Okay. I doubt it. Man Gets Drunk. Who sent it?

This was sent in by FL Free Thinker. Ooh, nice. At Thinker FL. I think first time. Yeah, that is nice. I already love Man Gets Drunk. Man Gets Drunk at T-Rex Cafe. I already love Man Gets Drunk.

Man Gets Drunk at T-Rex Cafe. Then unleashes dinosaur-like rampage at Disney Springs. Fighting manager, knocking over child, and attempting to bite sheriff's deputy. That's the whole story. That's the headline. I mean, that bar tab to get drunk at Disney had to be like 2K. At least. So you're at Disney World, too.

Because that's where Springs is. think this is so to me there's a moment where he is ordering another one and the kid working behind the thing who's like in a triceratops sir you can't have another sorry no i want to be happy. This is the happiest place on earth. It's the small world. Sir, you've already had seven. My thing is. Let me wear your name tag. I hope he pushed over.

Sir, we're not allowed to take it off. One of the kids who was too small to get on a ride. I hope he pushed over one of the kids who was too small to get over. Like as they were finding out. Yeah, I can't get on this ride. Here we go. A man's evening out at disney springs led to his wild arrest evening out that's not an evening go out for right now i don't i don't remember if i said in that line do we think he is solo or with a family oh solo i mean he's obviously probably getting drunk but i'm saying like is he there on a family vacation or is this a lone wolf or he said

to his family you go right I'm gonna take it over to Disney Springs yeah all right we'll find out I think he's a single I think he's solo solo by the Steve I think you're right by the time the night was over the man had fought a restaurant manager that's enough dude you had to go through like a hostess

right to like your server yes the bar back to the manager to get to the manager you're too away from Mickey himself sir I need you Enough. Dude. You had to go through like a hostess. Right. To like your server. Yes. To the bar back. To the manager. To get to the manager. You're too away from Mickey himself. Sir, I need you to stop being violent. And then it's like, oh, here we go. He was responsible for knocking over a child.

And then tried to bite the sheriff's deputy who was going to arrest him. The Orange County Sheriff. You're going to go. Go. I mean. He went out doing what he loved. That's right. You just got arrested.

What are you doing? Never going to Disneyland again. All of it was a public spectacle as the scene happened in front of Disney guests enjoying their evening at the popular shopping and restaurant. So is he. The November 26th incident. So is this Thanksgiving? He's a guy who doesn't have a family. What are you grateful for? Shove. Incident. So is this Thanksgiving? Yeah. He's a guy who doesn't have a family on Thanksgiving. On Thanksgiving he goes.

What are you grateful for? Shove. Incident started after Arnett Gregory Jr. We'll get how old he is later. Arnett. His serial killer name. He switched his first and last. His first name is Arnett. And his last name is Gregory.

Yeah, Jr. So there's another Arnett Gregory. I want to say his last name is Jr. And Gregory could be his middle name. Arnett Gregory Jr. of Kent, Ohio was cut off from the bar. Who said that? I said cut off from the bar. Sir, you can't

have any more. At the T-Rex Cafe because he was intoxicated. Yeah. After he fell asleep at the bar. I mean. Not bothering anybody. Hey, what's he doing? When you wake up and say, I'll have another That's You remember that you still want one

How many sleeping people Have you removed? When I used to work at the economy store Oh there'd be people all the time Especially how late it used to be Late shows In the OR Just passed out

Just passed out in the back Sir you gotta wake up Oh the best one was Oh I can't remember the guy's name He passed away Eric Oh Whatever

This one guy Was one of the best Pa regulars we ever had, I think. Yeah. And he would go up real late at night. He passed away in Texas. He crushed so hard that a dude sleeping woke up clapping. That's great. He was at his Taco Bell. When I was a door guy, my favorite thing was people I would kick out who were somehow so relieved that i did this right like they were great like dude thank you man thank you for getting me out of

here i wanted to leave it's always the friend the friend's always like thank you for getting this person out i know i'm sorry what he did but i love the guy who says thank you because you're just interacting with him in a nice way that's all he wanted was someone to acknowledge his life and it's just like to you just to you dan thank you thank you you guys are the best there's only one you guys allowed to hug people you guys like that are you guys uh gregory was asked to leave i'm assuming he wasn't he was definitely alone he was asked he didn't take it well he lunged at the manager and began acting aggressive right out of a sleep uh after saying a a sleep. After saying a few words, anyone want to guess what words he said? It's not listed, but.

Fuck, shit, I'll beat your mom up. Tell her I'm sorry. I'll show you who's acting goofy. Yeah. Ka-chow. Gregory left, but he was not done. He returned to the restaurant. How many minutes later

did he return to said restaurant after being booted by the manager? I'm going to say... Well, I feel like they probably rounded. Gonna tell me. I'll say five minutes. Five minutes? What are you going to say? I'm going to do 25. You went to go check out a ride? You stayed in line?

The line was so long. I'm still mad. I thought it would be a shift change. You guys aren't doing solo riders? 45 minutes. Get your answers in. 45, 25, 5. He came back 15 minutes later.

15 minutes later and went into the restaurant's kitchen looking for the manager. Well, Gregory found the manager. Of course. And another thing. He walks into the kitchen. Well, Gregory found the manager. Of course. All right. The manager told the rest. And another thing. He walks into the kitchen. I'll tell you what. You can't tell me.

Arnett was aggressive and threatening him and wanting to fight. As he was walking Arnett out of the restaurant, Arnett stopped in the dining area and lunged at him again, this time pushing him in the chest

while yelling and swearing loudly, causing a disturbance while other families were eating so other families are in here sure eating uh don't you think he just walked in like like vincent d'onofrio and in men in black like when he's full of bugs like he's just very like like once he hit the door there were other families that were like watch this watch this i think it's hard to get alcohol at a disney world though you know? Right. There's probably only one. Oh, there are? Right. And so if you are bringing your family

to an area where there is alcohol, you gotta know that this is an opportunity. Yeah, but this is gonna be so rare. Yeah, but this is not gonna happen in like Harry Potter World with butterbeer. Yeah. I know that's... You can get alcohol there. I just did it. Yeah, I got a shot of Jameson in my butterbeer. No, you did not.

I don't know. Can you do that? tight yes you go into the three hogshead bar or whatever it is there and the three broom sticks dan god damn it it's three three it's hogshead or whatever three broomsticks it's not it is the three broomsticks there's a hog one too and i went i took my nephews in there and they got regulars and i got one you got drunk dan that's smart and another thing i just evened out okay let's stop i just put a nice like if you were arnett gregory jr you would switch your name around to kirk dan van which people have done kirk dan van here i even talked kirk van dan that's my just my genius alias when kirk natural. Kirk Van Dan? Yeah. That's who you're going to start checking into hotels as, Dan. I currently do it as Jimmy D. Martial arts expert Kirk Van Dan.

He can do the splits on two buses. Halfway. Halfway. Advised at one of the times Arnett pushed the manager. Of course he did. He fell back onto a small child. No. Okay, so that's technically on the manager.

I know. Also, how small was the child? You've got to have a better balance and a better base of- This guy's going to be pushing you to get away from small children. Once outside the restaurant, Arnett pushed him again and then walked away. The manager unfortunately- If you're the parent of the small child that this guy fell on, you take a shot at this guy. We're at least getting a free dinner.

Come on, man. You pushed a drunk dude into it. Onto my kid. And when the guy doesn't give you a free dinner, you push him. Yeah, you join up with, you push. Yeah. You join. You join up. You join up with Arnett.

And another thing, Arnett. I got this. All of a sudden, it turns into an I am Spartacus situation with Arnett. He's like, we are losing control. So I get over here. Out in Disney Springs, Arnett was soon intercepted by Orange County Sheriff Deputy near the Under Armour store. We must protect this house. The deputy asked Gregory to go with him to the front office to keep him away from the public.

Gregory F-bombed the deputy and refused to go. Yeah, F-bombed the deputy. So this is like, you understand that now there's a crowd of people with children watching this. We'll bring the cops in. Bring the cops in. They'll handle everything. I mean, he's ruining the experience for everybody. I just love the way that's written.

F-bomb. F-bomb. Like, one of my current favorite things to describe is someone motherfucking. Like, this dude walks in and starts motherfucking everybody. Like, MF. Starts MF-ing the whole place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I love that.

The fact that this guy wrote, like, F-bombs. He dropping F-bombs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I love that. The fact that this guy wrote, like, F-bombs. He dropping F-bombs. But you know, every blade of grass at Disneyland is, like, it is manicured in a way so that your experience is the experience that they want you to have. This is like a rogue robot on Westworld.

That's right. Not part of the program. Get it away from the other robots. Someone has to dump water on it and short it out. Get it away from the other robots. Someone has to dump water on it and short it out. Get it away from the other robots. Also, that really would probably help him. This guy, like a blast of cold water might save his life. We're just going to drag him up to Splash Mountain before they do the redo on it.

This is going to sober this guy up. Resurrect him. All right, listen to this. Myself and other OSCO deputies, O-C-S-O deputies, went to place Arnett in handcuffs. I grabbed his left wrist, began to place it behind his back, at which time Arnett began to tense, brace, and pull his arms to the front of his body, attempting to impede us from placing him in handcuffs.

While he was moving his body, resisting us, he lowered his head towards my left arm as if he was going to bite me. Probably because he said, I'm going to bite you. Don't you wonder what he's saying the whole time? Fire away. Because you've dealt with this too. Yeah. The things people say when you're needing to move them,

like there's weird non sequiturs and like, this is what I've fought against my whole life. Like a whole bunch of, you're like, what are you talking about? It's harder. Here's why it happened. Here's why it happened. Here's why it happened. You're like, what happened?

This is what's happening. Here's why it happened. Here's why it happened. Here's why it happened. You're like, what happened? This is what's happening. Here's why it happened. I gave a very... Don't give it to her. Don't give it to her. Don't give it to her. You don't own my keys. What are you talking about?

It's hotter than I thought. I gave loud, clear verbal command. Do not bite me, the deputy wrote in his report. Do not. He's talking to a dog. Yeah, it caused a disturbance. Slow. Slow. Do not. Do not. He's talking to a dog. Yeah, it caused him a disturbance. Slow. Slow.

Hey, drop it. Drop it. His arm. Drop it. Drop my arm. Are you going to bite fast or slow? Slow.

Release. So he was taken into custody. There was, you know, began to yell loudly and cursed, causing several people to stop what they were doing and stare at us.

Like I said, crowd of families around. Now, this is more entertaining than the line for the matterhorn oh yeah i mean i just hope they tied one of those balloons inside a balloon to him at some point that's my favorite disney dumb thing right out front of an under armor too he's probably the only only reason they have dredging up business at the yeah under armor is like yeah this is good also yeah under armor is like this is the most balt Baltimore thing that's happened here. 20% off dry fit.

Like, someone, like, comes out and says that. During my interaction with Arnett, I detected a strong odor of alcohol. Of course. And purities coming from him. Bloodshot watery eyes. He had a hard time walking and needed assistance. Arnett Greger was arrested and charged with a third-degree felony count of battery on a law enforcement officer. Two misdemeanors for battery and resisting an officer without violence,

although he was a little violent. And he pleaded not guilty. He pleaded not guilty. Why would anyone plead not guilty in that scenario? Under a million witnesses. Right, exactly. His arraignment hearing is scheduled for January 26th Orange Circuit Court. I think

Disneyland should have its own court. Well, they have their own jail. Imagine if you did like two years at the Disney jail. But it's like a guy dressed in a wizard outfit. Hi, welcome to Disney court. Yeah, there's a whole tutorial. Apparently you assaulted some old ryes. That's pretty good.

That would be good. Do you know how old he is? How do you plead? That's good, too. He tried to get me. The dwarves are the jury. 12 angry dwarves. 12 angry dwarves.

We have reached a decision. 12 angry dwarves. 12 angry dwarves would be amazing. I don't like the look on his face. Do we get to guess his age? We do get to guess his age. We're going to close this out. How old?

TRX Cafe. How old is a man who went to a TRX Cafe, pushed over a man that knocked over a child? Continue to push him in the thing. Refuse to get handcuffed and try to bite the cops. What age of a man? 27. 27-year-old kid? Yeah.

Just at the beginning. For some reason, half of his story. Or end of his life, really. I was kidding. Is it the end of that life yeah this guy might not be long

for this world he's a member of that 27 club but only for Disney I think it's Dan the 33 club isn't that a club 33

club 33 I think he's 57 oh nice that's a good some angry rage yeah a little old rage

he's been built up for a while yeah wiry like angry yeah he's like a roofer he's gonna fuck some people up for some reason yeah wiry like angry yeah he's like a roofer and he's gonna

fuck some people up i i'm for some reason i have with you the story it just popped in my mind 36 36 years old we're covering it right here uh you got good range get your answers in shot at 27 36 57 one of you is close but not all the way there okay arnett gett Gregory Jr. Uh-huh. Like Gregory Abbott Jr. Arnett Gregory Jr. He's been shaken down. Of Kent, Ohio. 50 years old. Oh!

Dude, I was in the right direction. You were close. I was in the right direction. Thrice divorced. Thrice divorced. Let me grab one. Rand, you take the final one. When we come back, Rand is going to bring us on.

50 years old. It used to sound old. That's a year younger than us. No, no, no. It's not old. It's just old to be doing all that shit. It's old to be falling asleep at the T-Rex Cafe. And way too old to be at Disney World by yourself.

On Thanksgiving. On Thanksgiving. Yes. Like, that's old, old for that. If you were going to. I don't got a lot of chances. If you're 50, you knew you were going to get drunk that day. Yeah.

You knew it. Why the T-Rex Cafe? People are like, what's your favorite bar? You. Yeah. You knew it. Why the T-Rex Cafe? People are like, what's your favorite bar? You're like, T-Rex Cafe. T-Rex Cafe. But like, you're 50. Where is that? Downtown?

No, that's at Disney Springs. I want to be around as many families as I can. I like to spend $140 just to get into a place. At 50, you need to be getting a higher level. You need to be getting drunk at Epcot. You need to be doing like the tour of the world getting here. I want beers around the world. A restaurant, tour of the world, getting beers around the world, maybe or something beers around the world.

So when we come back, we'll do let people know we have going on. And I have a story about, and I, I've read this story several times and I don't know who I'm the most mad at, but it is someone doing a really nice thing. But at the same time, just the people in playing,

who does Randy think is who am I mad at? So we might play that game. Who is Randy mad at, at this point same time, just the people involved. So we're playing who does Randy think is the asshole? Who am I mad at? We might play that game. Who is Randy mad at at this point? I'll check in with you. It's a short story, but it's a good one. I love it. And it's just so crazy. And it happens at a McDonald's.

This is Dumb People Town. Steve Furious with us. We'll be right back. Stick around. Make it sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Estas disfrutando de mi podcast? Jay, do you know what that means? Are you enjoying my podcast? Very good. de mi podcast? Jay, do you know what that means?

Are you enjoying my podcast? Very good. Thank you, Babbel. Do you know what it means? Stop asking us a question. Do you know what it means? Yes, I do. It means, are you enjoying my podcast?

I am enjoying it. Sure, but what do you know what it means? Come on, this isn't an old habit of Costello bit. This is Babbel, folks. And it's teaching us how to speak other languages very quickly in only a short period of time so the best way to do it dan as you know is to live amongst people and you lived in other countries lived in israel we learned how to speak the second best way to do it is through babel it is so simple i got the babel not everybody can go travel just yeah you

can't hey i'm gonna go live in barcelona you're not gonna do that so what i did is i downloaded the babel app on my phone and just before you went to italy before i went to italy and now any so now i still have learned it because i'm like i still want to continue to learn because i'm going to go back to italy but like when i'm walking anywhere if i'm walking the dog i'll just put it on and just do all the exercises they're like little games it's so fun and after you complete these little lessons which again are like fun little games it's almost like you don't realize that you're learning so much so quickly i was also feeling like i was

learning was like because you'll yeah i know that sounds so novel i know like for me i was like oh i know what this is now and it's easy and fun and the way that you can hear it and interact and then you speak it back to it so you're actually they've figured everything out they've actually made it really fun and you come away with it saying, okay, I understand a lot more. So I say a million. Good.

See, and we're, Hey, nice. Thank you very much. So this is a summer. You can start, you can start learning a new land language with Babbel and it works.

Instead of paying hundreds of dollars for a private tutor, fooling yourself with language apps that are a little more than games. Babbel's quick 10 minute lessons are designed by over 150 language experts to help you start speaking a new language in as little as three weeks. I got a deal for our listeners. Okay, for our listeners, it's limited time. Deal for our listeners. To get you started right now, get 55% off your Babbel subscription,

but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash dpt. That's 55% off at babbel.com slash dpt that's 55 off at babbel.com slash dbt spelled b-a-b-b-e-l.com slash dpt rules y restricciones may apply wish i knew what apply was in spanish but i'll get there thank you babbel i'll get there enjoy it stick around make a sound there's more don Town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Before we take us home, Jay, tell us what we have going on. Hey, Ann Arbor, Michigan. I don't know when this is dropping, but I'm assuming it will drop before then.

September 8th and 9th, we're going to be in your damn city doing shows. It's UNLV football weekend. Randy's daughter is going to be up in Michigan. Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase is one of our favorite clubs. Daniel's going to get in there and do some time there at some point in the fall. Jeff Tice. The amazing Jeff Tice. October. October, Dan will be there. Jeff Tice will be

with us. It's going to be super fun. Also, we have two tagging shows in September. How'd the one go that you guys just did? So good last night. It was so much fun. Electric. Electric. Such a fun show. Tom Papa did our show and then he went down in the original room and he tried one of the jokes and it worked.

I love it. Really? Yeah. Tried the tag off the thing. I feel like that show's going so well that they may end up giving you the opportunity to move it, but I think it's perfect for the belly room. So we're like trying to, we're like, where do we do it? So we're doing it Largo too.

That's great too. But I'm just saying, as far as the store goes, it feels so good. I know. There's something about being in that room and the, you know, the belly room is just. But when it's. So the belly room is like three. There's three levels to it. To me, it's empty.

And it's a little sad. Yeah, for sure. Then it's all the seats are kind of full. But the energy is just it's a small room. We've been in there for those shows. Those types of shows. Then there's the energy of what we would call maybe when the roast battle was at its height. Yeah.

Or when. When you can't even move on the side. Right. And then there's people. We what we would call maybe when the roast battle was at its height yeah or when you can't even move on the side right and then there's got people standing in that back by the bathroom come upstairs in the back and they're looking in and then the the balcony is like all you know filling people are dead people are talking it's like there's just this energy going back and forth that's what it was last night bob Bob, the drag queen from RuPaul and everything, was on the show. Killed. Crushed. Crushed.

Crushed. Crushed. But like Neil Brennan was just unbelievable. Ben Roy was incredible. Just amazing. He's going to be on this show. So September 13th. September 13th at Comedy Store in the Belly Room.

Who's already on that show? You got it. Ian Carmel, Greg Fitzsimmons, Jamie Lee, Melissa Villasenor, maybe Natasha. And maybe Eddie Pepitone. Maybe Eddie Pepitone. Killer lineups. Like insane lineups. And then at Largo on the 18th of September, which is a Monday night, we're going to have

Kumail Patan, an unannounced special guest, and we're working on maybe one or two others. So all that is superscrollers.com. All those dates, we'll put them on there. And I'm going to take you home with this story, which you're going to just at various points in this story. Who does Randy think is the ass? Who am I mad at? Okay.

Okay. And so it's really a study. I love that it's a short one, but you still take multiple turns. I mean, I kind of went back and forth. No, I'm saying it's impressive. Sent in by we talking about practice at not a game underscore three. Love this guy. Here's the headline.

McDonald's customer mistakenly given bag containing lots of cash instead of food so you're not mad at anybody yet that happens sure i guess if you were the manager you'd be does it happen dan does it happen unless you're like mad at the guys like oh i ordered a biscuit what is this shit okay if someone hands you a bag of money at mcdonald's you drive the f out of healing out and peel out and you go over to Wendy's. I'm gone before I finish reading this story. And you get the pub burger on the pretzel. Okay.

A customer identified as Josiah Vargas, which to me, that's not his name. Is that his name? We're going to identify him. Sounds like an Amish cartel member. Josiah Vargas. He's on a rumspringer By the way Rumspringer

How is there not a beer called rumspringer With the Amish guy Rumspringer go wild When you want to go off the rails The one to have when you're having 41 The one to have when you're at Disneyland And you're alone and it's Thanksgiving You want to forget you have a family.

Rum Springer. Rum Springer is like Jägermeister and beer. Right? It should just be like Jägermeister. What's the one car bomb that you drop? Is that a Jägermeister into a beer? Well, I mean, there's a Boilermaker, but then also an Irish car bomb. Irish car bomb is dropping what?

What is it? It's a half a shot of Jameson and a half a shot of Bailey's dropped into a glass of Guinness. I also love the idea of not saying I got drunk last night, but that I just went on rungspringer real quick. I dabbled into rungspringer. It does make it sound more fun. Babe, I was texting you all night.

I was texting you all night. Where were you? Also inviting people. Hey, you want to go on a rumspringer on Saturday? Who's up for a quick rumspringer? Also, a nooner. We can do an afternoon rumspringer on Saturday? Who's up for a quick rumspringer? Also, a nooner. We can do an afternoon rumspringer and get back to the office. There should be a comedy show called rumspringer. Rumspringer. That's you trying something that's out of your comfort zone.

Because people who know what it is, you'll be like, this comedy show's got to be fucking fun. And people who don't know it are going to be like, what is this? It'll be straight springing tonight. All right. Let's start that show, Steve. Do it. The customer identified as Josiah Vargas. what is this straight spring in tonight all right let's start that show steve do it the customer

identified as josiah vargas i'm mad at am i mad at them now for identifying and not giving his name or making me wonder if his name received i'm gonna just oh do we guess the money it's not they don't say the amount okay but they say a grouping general yeah so do you guys thousands of thousands of dollars what do you think hundreds hundreds of dollars So do you guys want it? Thousands of dollars. Thousands of dollars. What do you think? Hundreds. Hundreds of dollars. What do you think it is? I like $1,500. $1,500.

Get your answers in town, as I know this is a general one. Received thousands of dollars. Very good. Of cash. Instead of, what do you think he ordered? Well, if he's U2A holes, he got nuggets. How many chicken nuggets do you think you could eat in one sitting? I've done 40 before.

40. Oh, my God. God damn you. This guy, too? I've done 40 before. 40. Oh, my God. Damn you. This guy, too. I've never done 40. I've never done 40. You said you think you can. Oh, I said I easily can.

I said I can do 60. I could easily do 60. The taste on those things change, though. Once you hit, like, 30, it's like you're eating pennies. You're like, something happened. Once your third eye opens up. Once you're, like, just jonesing off a fuck of your hands. Why does everything look great?

I don't dislike them, but I think I could only eat like seven. And I'd be like, I can't. So our friend Gar Rines, the batting stance guy, he was dating his now wife at the time. He was dating her. He went to Syracuse and she went to Alabama. So he's down in Alabama at a football game. And he's with Syracuse and she uh went to Alabama so he's down in Alabama at a football game and he's with her and all of her friends at an Alabama football

game and they're all dipping and he had never dipped before he's like give me that and he takes like a huge thing of dip and he puts it in his lip and he's like after like I don't know two minutes of it being in his mouth and like the fiberglass cuts inside of your thing and then the juice comes in he's like he's like he started he's like i started shaking back and forth he was going like this and then he just like collapsed over and like fell over he's like it literally not and the room was spinning and it was just like insane he's like it was insane that's what i imagine like the 40th mcnugget going in they also have fiberglass and we should do a mcnugget eating contest okay i can't uh so you say mcnuggets what do you say you ordered uh i said mc what's the sandwich rib the rib

the breakfast sandwich mcgrittle oh the mcgrittle i'm gonna go he was a double like two double cheeseburgers okay i haven't had a Big Mac in like 50 years Alright so instead 50 years The $1000 cash Instead of the sausage McMuffin I was close He ordered according to a video he posted on TikTok

Vargas has seen the video Pulling Small plastic bags Of cash You don't post the video pulling he's seen the video pulling small plastic bags of cash so you don't post the video of you getting money who am i mad at money you're my bad here who am i mad at right keep that quiet you drive away and you go spend it on something you were never going to spend money on did no country for old men not teach us anything dude Dude. About what to do when you find money. That would be a lot quicker if the guy's just going on live every morning. All right. Wait, wait.

Hey, he's right here. Anton Sugar's like, I saw your post. Dan, Dan. Steven, I'm going to tell you right now. You get, let's say you get $2,000 at McDonald's unexpectedly. And you're like, I can't even deposit this money. You know what? You can go drive somewhere right away.

What do you buy right away for in the 2000s? For 2K. Where do you go and what do you buy? Do I have to get rid of it? Yeah. You got to go spend money. I treat my boys to an Omakase. Yes.

Let's get something. Not many people. Let's go crazy dinner. Yes. All sake flights for everybody. I love that you're like, I want to treat my boys to this. You want to include people. That's why I love you.

What are you doing? That's a great call. Two grand. So I'm currently in the market for a new, I want a mid-century entertainment center thing under my TV. So I probably would try to just go buy one of those. But I like the experience better. So I think I'd probably call up you guys and be like, who wants to go to this day spa?

And I got everything. Day spa or dantanas and let's just light it up. I think you got to get something that goes away that I can't return. That's great. It's like in the wind. That's my mind. In the wind. Put any sort of plastic surgery that you really want on as many credit cards as you can.

They will never take your nose away. That's right. What are they going to fucking do? That's right. That's true. Vargas. And you're hopefully, if you did it for the right reasons very happy yeah yes vargas is seen in the video pulling small plastic bags of cash out of mcdonald's bags he says what is this why would they do this

he asked the video the one guy he wonders what he should do with the bag of money why would you guys do this to me you know how bad i want this money he asked during the clip why is he asking this is the guy i'm mad at i'm not mad at all no i'm not mad at all i'm so mad someone dealing drugs out of mcdonald's you got to make ends meet oh yeah so we the wiener snitch at the end of my block got raided the guy would sell cocaine out of a wiener snitch about the one on magnolia and no no this one was when I was in Sacramento. It was right down our block. It was like, what a night. You're just eating wienerschnitzel

fucking hot dogs and doing rails. And you're either high or drunk, so you yourself are like, oh fuck, oh fuck. Is this happening? Are you seeing this? So he, although he admits he was tempted to keep it, which Vargas is eventually seeing the video, walking back into the McDonald's to return the cash.

So he is a good guy. Now I'm mad at whoever put multiple bags. What do you think the reasoning behind that? This is what I think. I think someone had it. Maybe the money. Maybe they were dealing drugs on McDonald's. They had it in a bag at work

they were and it was sitting low and someone didn't realize or picked it up what is this i think this is their order and just picked up a bag and handed well i bet like it was the his drug dealer the guy above him was behind the mcmuffin guy oh okay so you know then he goes up and then he gives mcmuffin the four grand. Either way, someone on that staff didn't show up for work the next day. Somebody was like, I'm never going back there again. Have you guys found money? Have any of you guys found money? Free ketchup for life.

I found like 20 bucks before. 20 bucks. I found over on the west side, there's a Trader Joe's and a Walgreens. They share a building and there's a little foyer in between them. And I found a $ dollar bill on the ground. And I did stand there for like with it long enough to be like, someone's going to realize they lost this money.

And then I had to go into the Walgreens and I said, hey, if anybody says they come in here while I'm getting my stuff, whatever, looking for money, let me know. I didn't tell them what it was, obviously. But I figured a hundred bucks, someone's freaking out, especially near a grocery store.

Like somebody's freaking out. You don't know how much they might need that. That's right. But if I got $100, someone's freaking out, especially near a grocery store. Freaking out. Somebody's freaking out. You don't know how much they might need that. That's right. But if I got handed stacks, I would hope that I just was like. Also, if I return it, I'm only returning 50%. Right. That's all you found. There's a finder's fee for that.

Steve, because that's all you found. Yeah, that's all I found. It was in the wind. So I want you to hear this. McDonald's employees could be heard on the video expressing their gratitude and relief when you turn their money. Wait, this was their money? Well, if they were, because, you know, sometimes they do, once you get to a certain amount of money or a certain point, you have to go make a bank drop. So you think it might be McDonald's bags?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. They put it in a McDonald's bag. And like they're bringing it across. So that they don't get this. It's like the Big Mac, too. It looks like you're delivering it to the person. This could So that they don't get. It's like the Big Mac, too. That you have to open each one. It looks like you're delivering it to the person. This could have been the University of Tennessee trying to land a recruit.

Right? This could be recruit money. This is part of the Manziel documentary. Oh, my God. Look at that. An employee said, I really want to give you a hug. If I only knew your real name. Just kidding.

Yeah. Vargas then walked outside the store and said the employees were crying as they hugged him. Probably because they were going to lose their jobs. Maybe. The customer was rewarded. We'll get on this. He was rewarded. Okay.

How much? Ooh. How much? Is it a monetary amount? Is it in McDonald's dollars? Because I feel like they gave him a free lunch. It might be both. I'm going to say they gave him burgers for the year.

Burgers for the year. What do you think five hundred dollars to mcdonald's and five ronald bucks ronald five hundred dollars two and one night with grimace i mean it's actually maybe two but if you had a night with if you rolled up to the comedy store with grimace to do whatever you want whatever you want do whatever you want whatever you want with grimace one night it would give new name to the give new meaning to the name steven furry furry yeah i'm grimace that's where moonlight is wait so how much how much do you think it was you save five hundred

dollars in mcdonald's bucks and that's and five hundred dollars i say a year of burgers year burgers i'd be like when mcdonald's comes back, hook me up with a park place. There you go. You said that documentary? Amazing. Tom Segura made that documentary. Really? His producers.

Yeah. Really? Unbelievable. Amazing. All right. So what do you think? I don't know. I actually saw it too and I don't want to shoot.

Okay. So then, all right. Are you ready? You ready? Only you two are guessing right now. Okay. I'll tune out. Shoot.

Okay. So then, all right. Are you ready? You ready? Only you two are guessing right now. Okay. He was rewarded with $200 and free McDonald's for a month. A month.

Is that enough? I asked him. Well, seeing how he was so annoyed at getting the money, I feel like that's more than he even wanted. More than he deserved. It doesn't sound like corporate money to me. Nope. You know what I mean? Like, if you're throwing me money back, that's McDonald's?

No, that's not. McDonald's, you gotta go through so many protocols. They're not throwing 200 cash my way. Between tears, they're like, give him 200. Yeah, exactly. Just don't do it on TikTok. Yeah, exactly. And don't post this shit. You get 200, and we'll give you

free McDonald's. Shut up, and don't talk to the press. Free McDonald's for a month, but you can only come in here on Thursdays when Jeanette and I are... And here's what you do. You go into the women's bathroom. You order your thing into the vent. You say it into the vent and then you walk behind the store at the dumpster and I bring it out

to you and you shut the fuck up. And if nobody answers, that's on you. You came at the wrong time. Yes, we know you returned our bags of cash, but I will throw it over the side with all the dirty things and that's how you. You came at the wrong time. Yes, we know you returned our bags of cash, but I will throw it over the side with all the dirty things, and that's how you're going to get it. You can also show up here every night at 1157. That's when we take out what we couldn't sell or was a mess-up order.

If you get us before we get to the dumpster, it's yours. Also, you know about the fact that there is now cash in bags of McDonald's, so I'm going to need you to make a drop of some white powder across town. That would be the greatest. Let me ask you yeah guys what would make you happy in this scenario yes you give their money back and they go a thousand dollars in free mcdonald's for a year that's fair thousand dollars for going through for this thing for you giving it back also for us too because as much as you can be on the road whether it's an airport or

whatever be like because their breakfast to me is my favorite fast food breakfast. Can I tell you, Dan, I recently had it and I liked it because my son hadn't had breakfast and I was before basketball. We would make use of that. It's good. Chick-fil-A's breakfast burrito is the best, I think. You know why? Because it's just got the right amount of racism

and homophobia. Have you tried the homophobia hash browns? They're unbelievable. Unless Chick-fil-A wants to sponsor our show, in which case. We will edit that out. There you go. That's the show, you guys. What a crazy great story.

So fun. Stephen Fury, thank you so much, man. Thank you guys so much for getting me on this. Thanks for finally being on the show. I love bringing a fan on the show. It's so fun, but you're a great comic. Wait, where should people follow you? At scuba Steve Fury.

Scuba like you're diving, not like Scooby Doo. At scuba steve fury. There you go, guys. We love you so much and oh shit, we gotta get back to work. Bye. Stick around.

Make us down. There's more at scuba town.