Dumb People Town - Thomas Middleditch - Rectum for a Dream

Episode Date: June 13, 2017

This week, Thomas Middleditch (Silicon Valley) rides on (yes, ON) the trunk of a car all the way down the highway to Dumb People Town! In Story #1, a man proves that when you’re drunk, inertia does not apply. The Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk talk to Tho...

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan Man, jerk, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Man, jerk, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, punk your downies, Dumb People Town. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population U.

We got a great show today. We got an old friend. He isn't really an old friend of ours. He's not an old person either. He's an old, well, you're an aging guy. He's almost out of Hollywood, sadly. He's getting that old. No, he's a wonderful, the key component, the lead on Silicon Valley, which I will insist. I call it Silicon Valley.

I think that's wrong. Is that wrong? Is that wrong? Thomas that 100% wrong? Thomas, welcome. You're also in Captain Underpants. Cappy Undypan. Among other things, you were fantastic on Starburn's production

Animals. Oh, yes. I loved the Bay Bay episode. What the hell were you whispering in the air? I'm all rat. What were you whispering in the ear of'm all right what were you whispering in the ear of the baby just rat rat rat talk rat chance rat ritual but it sounded like another language yeah yeah dark rat ritual dark rat ritual uh i love so so good on silicon valley it is cone right yeah it's cone it's silly cone silly cone valley uh there was one moment and i and now of course

i can't remember the wording. There's no way I would remember the wording, even if it was my line and I had to learn it and then say it. The joke you said or the rip you said on somebody, while you're sitting in the chair at the house, it was a joke about a coding joke. You're like, he probably thinks that coding is da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Uh-huh. Do you know that? Ridiculous. Yeah, it's probably like V-Spec, far, far, far, far.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100 cc's of gigabytes. Right, and then you only made, and it was a joke that only made you laugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was one of my favorites. As you were laughing at it, and nobody else was. It was so fucking good.

Yeah, we got a lot of little Easter eggs for the dorks who watch the show. Dork City is what they also thought of calling it, right? Yeah, it was either, yeah, Silicon Valley, which is what it is now, or it was maybe going to be Dork City. Dork City is what they also thought of calling it, right? Yeah, it was either, yeah, Silicon Valley, which is what it is now, or it was maybe going to be Dork City. Dork City. Population U.

Is Mike Judge still... Does Mike Judge still have his imprints all over it? Is he... Oh, yeah, he's smearing his grease all over there. Smearing that Judge grease all over it. Because that is really... Judge jizz. Yeah, you want Judge Jizz all over it.

You want Judge Jizz all over it. Which, by the way, how great would that be on, like, the Playboy channel? On the Playboy channel. Judge Jizz. You are guilty. Remove your briefs.

It's time we take this verdict to climax. All rise. Daniel, how are you, sir? I'm good, gentlemen. How are you? We are great. We are about to embark upon a really nice run of wonderful guests, starting with this gentleman right here.

I was going to say starting next week. Starting next week. This one is a test. It's a little dip. Blip on the radar. You need to be concerned. Don't worry, we got Tommy Cruise coming in next week. And after that, Chrissy Pratt.

I thought you were going to say Chris Everett. And Chrissy Everett. And Chrissy Evans. And gay Christy. And then Chris Christy. Chris Christy. And then Chris Christopherson. Chris Christy. Well then Chris Christie. Chris Christie. And then Chris Christopherson.

Chris Christie. Well, here's the deal about this show. Christopher Lambert. No, don't stop. Christopher Lambert, star of Highlander, the movie. And who played Raiden in Mortal Kombat. Chrissy Reeves. Chrissy Reeves is coming. The head of Chrissy Reeves. Chrissy Reeves is coming back. The head of Chrissy Reeves.

For this special Halloween edition. It's Christacular. This show is, I think, in this world that we are living in, and it is just made painfully obvious recently, that it is getting dumber. That is just the fact. We live in dumb times. It's true

where dumb people do dumb things sure they don't care about it so the only way to combat it is with humor yeah you need to hear people say what the fuck was this guy thinking and we will try and figure that out yeah we do that a lot we have a great improvisational comedy mind here we're gonna figure this thing out right now and i know people have sent you stories, Dan, so let's jump into one, shall we? Let's do one. Okay, here we go. This is perfect for what was this guy thinking. Sent in by I want to say it right. Gillen.

I think that's right. Hello there, I'm Gillen. I'm Gillen and I'm Kofrein. Gillen? What did you say? Tell me the story. Tell the story. Who in the story tell the story to me now who keeps serving gillen drinks we've cut him off an hour ago i'm not drunk i'm asthmatic he just keeps he just keeps walking in i want to read you guys gillen borums

it's gillen borums sounds like an old jewish character i'm calling you out you're right this is his bio again with this is all out of love because i i loved it when i read it gillen borum pronounced like the breathy part or i think he went breathe he's trying to go breathy the breathy part of the fish plus the opposite of out gillen g Gillen. That's what I just said, right? Gillen. Gillen. He wants you to know. His picture. Without? The opposite of out. Gillen.

Oh, okay. Then he wrote, in the IT bidness, known to be funky like a monkey, but not to an absurd level. Friend now? I love him. I'm in. I'm all in on Gillenbor. What I love about him.

This is just the guy. This dude has girls lining up. I'm in. I'm all in on Gillenborg. This is just the guy. This dude has girls lining up. I know. When you see his banner pic on his Twitter, it is an overly pixelated picture of Andre the Giant. Yeah. Way to get that low res and blow that shit up, man. Are you sure you're in IT?

That works, right? That works. Are you sure you're in tech? You didn't realize how big. I love you in IT. You know, you can Google you sure you're in tech? He didn't realize how big IT. You know, you can Google image search and then like request

large images. No, not Gillen. Not Gillen. Gillen don't give a shit. This is just the guy who sent the story in. This isn't even the story. I haven't even told you

his handle yet. Which is? At Gil Dozer. You know he's the Gil Dozer because he's plowing puss. Crushing that pee. Puss. Is this going to be a lot of Florida man?

Is this a lot of Florida man stories? It does happen a lot. You'd be surprised how much is also in Washington. Oh, yeah. What happened today? Oh, I don't know. Nothing, I'm sure. Other than very large trials.

I'm surprised by how much we don't get from Chicago. Yeah. I think some states release their police blotter. With a lot of details. Yes. And others don't. You lived in Chicago. The Chicago police are known for their transparency. What are you talking about?

That is a political system that runs like a well-oiled machine. Yeah. Greased. Very greased. I said well-oiled. I used it for three years. Nice. Yeah. I was there for like a decade I absolutely loved it

doing Shakespeare right not a fan improvisational Shakespeare that's been going on for like maybe 12 years now and if you're ever in LA you get yourself tickets because we do two shows a month

at Largo at the Coronet. Oh, well. I didn't know that. And you still participate in those. Oh, yeah. They're very special shows. They sell it very quickly.

So I would subscribe to the Largo mailing list. Do it. Do it. That's awesome. Or the Shakespeare mailing list. Does Shakespeare himself have a mailing list? He does, but there's actually a lot of people who write it. He just, it's his name.

But we're on it. His handle is Globedozer. Yeah. All right. Give it to us, Dan. Memphis, Tennessee. This is the first line. It's almost too strange to be true. Okay, so this is a reporter

who's like, I've got it. You know what, you be the judge of that. Yeah, don't tell me what I think it's going to be. A drunk man passes out and goes for a ride on, that's very crucial to this. A llama.

On the trunk of a stranger's car down a busy Memphis interstate. Neither the drunk man or the driver knew this was happening. Okay. How are you not- I'm going to show you the picture. This is why you always- How do you not slip off? How do you not see a drunk man?

Oh, when you see the photo. You are... He's covered in like syrup. He's very sticky. Guys. Oh, that's why. There it is. He's duct tape on there.

He stayed on that car... How? ...on an interstate. No one knows. For some... And he did not wake up. So he... No, no. At any forward motion, you forward motion you gotta roll off you gotta roll off the back there is no physics out of when you are drunk inertia does not apply yes there's a gravitational pull to this car but so he clearly climbed onto it when it was

parked somewhere and then fell asleep here's a comfortable place to rent. It's not even, the photos, that's like a short back sedan kind of thing. Like that's, of all the automobiles. Like a Cadillac. It's amazing. Baby, a Cadillac? With one of those old like TV antennas in the back. Even then you'd be like, I'm falling off of this.

Dude, don't move. If you move your car. And that's, we're talking about a huge like Eldorado. You'd be like, I'm falling off of this. Dude, don't move. If you move your car, and we're talking about a huge Eldorado, you'd be like, I can't stay on this. So the person driving never looked through the rear view mirror. It's amazing.

That's the big thing because he's quite visible through the rear window. He is literally taking up the whole thing. What level of drunk are you that you're like, I don't want to lay on the ground?

Who's drunk? I'm going to lay on a trunk. Well, let me just do this. I haven't read the story, but spoiler alert. There is to lay on a trunk. Well, let me just do this. I haven't read their story, but spoiler alert. There is no spoiler on this car. Spoiler would have kept you on. Yeah, that would have kept him on.

That's a nice little lift that you need. You can tuck right on in. What kind of a car is it? Did they say what it is? It's a Ford. I think it's a Ford Fusion. Okay. I mean, it's not a Mitsubishi Eclipse, so there is no spoiler on it.

Or Stealth. Dodge Stealth. Now, I'm going to also, and they may talk about this, but this Johnny Johnny Ding Dong who's driving this thing doesn't even look through the rear view. That's bad practice. We're going to get to it. How are you not merging? When you get onto the highway.

Freeway. Maybe he just likes to use the side jobs. That's cool. You know what I mean? Get to it. He's lucky. Okay, they say it's amazing the man didn't fall off the car and get run over. No shit. He's lucky to say at least the man craw amazing the man didn't fall off the car and get run over. No shit.

He's lucky to say at least the man crawled up on the back of the car with a trunk that is only about 14 inches wide. That's what you were saying. Hatchback level. That's two inches more than a foot. What? Gillen, if you can do the math tonight, that's two more than a foot. You're right fast.

Gillen, it's time to go. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We got it it nobody throws me cut him off do you know what I mean though like if you're at this level of drunk where you're like

I'm not gonna lay on the ground I'm not gonna lay on the ground I'm gonna lay on this truck this ground's too much space I can't do it with all that open space that means you have passed that level of drunk

where you think no one can see you do you know that level of drunk where somebody's like nobody's gonna see me do this I just go to sleep I'll disappear you're at the level of drunk where whatever's like, nobody's going to see me do this? If I just go to sleep, I'll disappear.

You're at the level of drunk where whatever idea you have is the best idea. The best idea. Here's the best idea. It could be not even ideas at that point. You're just like worm survival. That's your level of thought. It's like I squidge over here. I eat this dirt. Right.

And if I get cut, I'll grow a new butt. That's right. Worm survival. grow a new butt. That's right. Worm survival kits. Grow a new butt. If I get cut. Let me let you into the psyche of a worm, my friends. If I get a cut, I get a new butt. He was apparently curled up and passed out.

Thankfully, MPD, Memphis Police Department officer, spotted him, but not before he went on a ride that he doesn't remember, the ride and a ride the driver will never forget there's no way to describe it it's unbelievable is a quote from carl webb carl and his wife were leaving barbecue fest thursday night in downtown shocker that's on brand for carls everywhere that is on and the juniors yeah you are not gonna they're not leaving a renaissance festival they had backed their car into a parking space at carolina and riverside add that to the dbt walking tour quote we came down the aisle walked right to the car opened it up on both sides and we got in the car i love how he describes how one how a human would get into a car wait we open up both

i climbed in through the driver's side because i like to squeeze past the steering wheel i'm gonna can i say you can say anything i'm gonna say this i bet those guys immediately saw this dude on the back of the car and we're like oh this will this will be funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's get in. We'll probably, you know, he'll roll off. He'll roll off. We'll laugh.

That'll be great. And then they're probably driving and losing it, laughing so hard that this guy is still on the back. And then when the cops come, they're like, we're at Marbury Keys.

What if this drunk guy is Spider-Man? Like, we don't believe in real Spider-Man, but like, he would have to have... Yeah, we don't. I mean, yeah. No, but if his hands could suction...

Are suction-y. Yeah? Or my original guess, he's got syrup hands. Syrup hands. Or just... Edward's syrup hands would have been

a way better movie. Admit it. Maybe his barbecue sauce. Lego my car-o. Oh, God. Kill me. Edward's syrup hands would have been a way better movie admit it hey guys Lego my car-o oh god kill me just to confirm we're all

it's a gravel parking lot right yeah nothing's been paved to me even in falling they would just yeah

it could be grass they could be getting up off the grass grass and gravel with spray painted parking lots. Yeah, exactly. Doishel.

Doishel. Okay, so then he walks up. They get on both sides. They open the doors. They get in. It was dark out and Carl's sunshade was stuck up in the rear window so he couldn't see what was on his trunk. Safe.

So that's his defense. That's also very safe. Keep that up. Please keep all. Leave that up. I don all. Leave that up. I don't want to have full vision at all, especially at night after Barbecue Fest. So this guy should get a ticket. Yeah.

Yeah. The driver should get a ticket. There's something obstructing his view. Yeah, because I'm trying to think who's breaking the law on this, aside from public drunkenness. Are there laws broken in this story? First of all, the guy who climbed up on the car, he is not trying to drive. No. He's trying to sleep. He's trying to sleep oh my god you guys this is this is jeff fox for the event if you go to sleep on the back of a car you might be right last night this is

just a quick little side side because it was so you know how many times things happen you're doing comedy and you're the only person who's witnessing it. You don't get to share it with anybody. Rory Scovel's in the new movie, Dean, and a group of us went to go see it. And then after the movie, Jay Larson and I are in the restroom, both using the urinals. And there is a man in the stall having a full... He is giving a report, his own account of the game to like bleach your report and he's just on the phone going i mean this motherfucker tyron do he gonna bring

him out there i think they can win a game like and he sounds like steven a and he is ripping and and larson and i are just looking at each other like this is gold man go that he's just we leave 10 minutes later we're standing outside in the lobby area. This guy comes out of the bathroom, still on the phone, ripping LeBron. But what if he was talking to no one and was just embarrassed about the sounds of his own shit? And he creates this

fictitious monologue, which we all think is terrible. He's like, I better come out hot. I better come out with a hot take. I know those guys are out there, so I gotta continue the conversation. I mean, go right! Draymond's got five fouls! He goes A hot take. And he's like, I know those guys are out there, so I got to continue the story. Continue the conversation. I mean, go right. Draymond's got five fouls. He goes around the corner and he's just like, I fucking hate my life.

Damn my IBS. Damn it. Damn it. Damn my IBS to hell. After driving nearly all the way home, Carl was pulled over by police. The officer came up to his window and said mister are you aware there's a body on your trunk a body words that you never expect to have an officer say like what did he think in his brain he was being pulled over for yes exactly because you get pulled over

like oh here we go do i not have the? Did I get the registration and all that other stuff? All that barbecue sauce has whiskey in it. Carl says, quote, that did not register. That's literally, that did not register. He says, it's a body. I'm like, that don't register. That don't register. Can we all maybe suggest that he's in a food coma right now, too? Sure.

Like, there are moments where you can't interact. Post-barbecue, post-barbecue fest. If you overeat brisket. Nobody says, I took it easy at barbecue fest. No. Nobody says, hey, you know what I did this year at barbecue fest? I underate. I really watched the old diet.

I watched the cows. The best part about barbecue fest is getting to exercise my restraint. No one has ever said this phrase at barbecue fest. So I just walked away. Yeah, yeah. I got my little celery stick and sniffed all the barbecues. All I like to do is smell it.

I like to take photographs of food rather than eat it at Barbecue Fest. What was your favorite meal at Barbecue Fest? Oh, well, they had a nice Cobb salad. Imagine the Piz friends that are still at Barbecue Fest being like, you guys seen Neil?

Where did he go? I think he went to go to New York somewhere. He looked really tired. I I told him go sleep at home I said lay down just relax we'll pick you up I just walked around the parking lot twice

and Neil's not out there he's not he totally bailed on us that's classic where would he have gone how far could Neil have gotten that's so Neil classic Neil

that is so Raven by the way that's so Neil so Carl says that did not register with me. He says, this is the cop, Mr., I'm not messing with you. There's a body on your trunk.

So I got out, said Carl, walked around, and sure enough, there he was, still hanging on, still unconscious, just lying there. I have no explanation other than that little lip right there saved his life. So he was holding on to the thing. I don't know. I have no idea. Because that little lip right there saved his life. So he was holding on to the thing. I don't know. I have no idea.

Because there's like a little space. There's a little space. There's a little back windshield. Yes. Yes. And where the joint. And where the trunk goes in. So maybe his hands were hooked.

There's no way this guy still passed out. To me, it's like when you open the door on your kids and they're pretending to be sleeping. He's pretending to be asleep. He's pretending to be asleep. You guys are squinted too hard. Well, it's probably that drunken half-sleep where you're like, you just are willing yourself to sleep, but you're not. You're not there.

But you're in like a weird passed out state. He's like, this car is moving. Yeah. I imagine the cop trying to wake him up, be like, buddy. Hey. He's like, fuck you guys. Get the fuck away from me. Right.

Hey, buddy, come on. No, we're getting up now. I'm not going in with you assholes. Not now. You're trying to let me sleep. I told you I didn't want to go to this fest. Not now. It's sick. Buddy, we, come on. No, we're getting up now. I'm not going anywhere with you assholes. Not now. Trying to let me sleep. I told you I didn't want to go to this fest. Not now. Sick.

Buddy, we got to go. Let's go. Let's go. You're on a car. You're on a car, asshole. Trying to wake me up. It's that guy. It's that guy who doesn't know where he is, angry at the world.

Give me back the blanket. What? There's no blanket. There is no blanket. I don't know what you're talking about. The officer had to wake him up. Carl said the man was so drunk, he started... This guy wants to die.

He started to stumble into traffic on the interstate. The officer grabbed him and pulled him back. That is... Let me go! How great is that? If he survives the longest drive on the back of the trunk, and then walk two steps out into traffic, semi-truck.

Evaporate. But he lives. Oh, no. And then he turned into dust. Blood dust. He gets hit by a Mack truck and he's on the front grill for another $150,000. He meet-curled up. You guys have all watched Brad Pitt get hit by cars and meet Joe Black, right?

No. He really got hit? Bradley Pitt? Yeah. Bradley Pitt. Bradley Pitt. Are you on that close of a relationship with him? You mean Bradley?

Oh, God, yeah. Jesus. Some say too close. Let's just say the lines get blurred. I encourage everyone listening to this, when you get home, you get out of work or stop working. You're not working now. Stick with us.

Watch. Just type in, meet Joe Black, Bradley Pitt hit by car. It is, we'll watch it during the break. it is ridiculous no it is ridiculous and thomas you're huge and really good friends with brad cooper right yeah yeah i know all the bradley's well you call him brad cooper brad cooper and brad and brad whitford but you love bradley Fair enough. I have a Bradford in my life. I get it. The officer wakes him up. So drunk, almost stumbles in a tab.

Carl told us he's thankful for the officer's good work. Good job, man. Good job. It was just outstanding. Carl's trying to now distance himself. You found this guy. This was on you. I'm just kidding.

As he's getting in the car. So you guys got this one right now. The human barnacle. Good job. You think he good. I'm going. So you guys got this one right now. Human barnacle. Good job. You think you're good. I'm going to ask you guys right now. How many miles did this guy ride on the back of the truck of this Ford Fusion? This is so great.

Since you're the guest, you can decide if you want to go first or last. We're going to guess it. I'll go first. I'll chalk it up. What's a while? Let's say. I'll tell you. They leave Barbecue Fest.

They get out of the town that it's in, and they're on the interstate nearly home. 42 miles. 42 miles. If you go 42 miles, Guinness Book of World Records had better call your ass. No, that's a record. It's rural. I think they went seven miles. Seven miles from Randy Sklar, Jason. I think they went 7 miles 7 miles from Randy Sklar

I think they went 15 miles 15 miles One of you is within 1 43 or 41 No no no We are not skipping over the fact that Thomas Miltich Just added a whole new way To do the DJ air horn

It's the tradition He went just added a whole new way to do the DJ air horn. The tradition. He went. Well, it's mine is on one of those keyboards that has like the pitch bend thing. So you can like all that. Oh, my God. I'm a jazzy air horn.

Fictitious pitch bend on a 14 inch wide truck. Truck. Carl drove this uninvited, uninvited and unaware passenger 14 miles. Joe! Jason Sklar. Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. Within one. The man was put into a cruiser, but there's no word on his identity or if he was charged

with anything. We reached out to the Memphis Police Department to try and talk to the officer involved, but haven't heard back. I hope they just drove the guy home and was like okay hey no one meant for any of this to happen I don't know what you would charge they should have put him on the back of the cruiser just to see this works on all cars

put him on the back and see if we can drive him that would be the honestly that would be the funniest thing ever they put him on the back they go right out of traffic he rolls off and gets hit by a car 14 miles guys on the interstate, going up to 70 miles per hour. Asleep. And you know he's just laying there with his eyes closed, like, stop.

Stop driving. It's also got to be chilly. Even if it's hot. Yes. No, that's cold. That's very cold. It's so windy, my good. It's Memphis summer. It's Memphis heat. All the people at Carl's are like, these assholes keep flashing their brights at me. Yeah, I know.

Go around. I'm drunk. I'm going 70. Go around. I just love that he gave these guys the greatest story that they'll ever have. It's a gift.

30 years. No one died. 30 years. Remember that time that you didn't remember that you had a guy at the barbecue and you had that guy

on the back of your dang car? Remember that time? Cop comes up and says, you got a body on the back of your car? I said, well, that guy on the back of your dang car. Remember that time? Cop comes up and says, you got a body on the back of your car. I said, well, that doesn't register. That don't register to me. I don't remember. I don't remember.

What you're telling me right now doesn't register. Hey, man, where are my keys, man? I don't see my keys. Did you check on your trunk? Oh, man. Everything always on your trunk oh man everything always i also want to believe the cops maybe put the guy the the sleepy guy in the drunk tank and then in the morning they went to get him and he just wasn't there yeah and like he's like a green mile ghost yeah he's teaching

everybody about it was he was della reese and it was touched by an angel. Did it exist? Meanwhile, people just being like, the fuck is Neil? Guys, I did another lap in the park. And it turns out he's never been their friend. Someone's like, wait, Neil? Neil Tyson? Neil Tyson burned down 20 years ago. You can talk to a ghost, friend. Push in, Farrakh focus, and pull out as the dolly camera.

And Scott Bakula goes into some other box. I love it. I love it. CSI Memphis. That's how we do it. CSI Memphis style. One story down.

Yes. Four, two, go. Three, two more to go. Two more to go. Thomas Middleditch is with us. Daniel Van Kirk. This is Dumb People Town. Stick around for more antics

and more trunk hilarity right after this sklar brothers here with daniel van kirk and gillen borum and gillen borum uh this is dumb people town uh go ahead by the way and take a minute if you haven't Kirk Thomas and Gillenborum. And Gillenborum. Gillenborum. Gillenborum. This is Dumb People Town. Go ahead, by the way, and take a minute if you haven't and rate and review this show on iTunes. Yes, you guys, we're almost up to 1,000 reviews, which is so great. Rate it.

Give it five stars. Tell us where you are in the population chain. Give us your best Jan Flotto, if you will. Give us your best Gillenborum. If Gillenborum hasn't rated this thing yet, I believe Gillenborum has probably rated this thing. But please do that. It keeps us up in the top. And join the Facebook page.

It's really fun. Yeah, guys. Oh, man. I said you were great in Animals. You've done so much great, Thomas, great animated stuff. My kids love Pen Zero Part-Time Hero. Love, love, love. I told you that last time.

And that is a great show with really funny people on that show. It's a very fun show. Alfred Molina. Amazing. If you somehow happen to have Disney XD. A lot of people do. We do. It is.

I watch that show with my kids and it is hilarious. But speaking of, you did Captain Underpants. You're at the tippy top of that. You and Crowlio. Me and Crowlio. Me and old old my dear dear close personal friend Kevin Hart

oh yeah you guys are tight you guys are tight yeah yeah came from the same yeah yeah yeah we came from the same circle

he's a UCB guy how many times yeah how many times does he just call you up and he's like Thomas what are you doing man yeah

cause I really have nothing going on right now well he seeks my advice a lot like he gives me a like what would Tommy do well you guys yes and you guys have the same the same Mercedes touring van.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Each of you, and so you'll talk about that. That's a good common bond. Well, we have a lot of, we play D&D together. It's like, it's chill. It's almost too much in common. It would only be a matter of time before you would be in a movie with Kevin Hart, just because Kevin Hart is in so many movies.

He's now, we saw this on stage, in movies that happened like 40 years ago. It's like, how is Kevin Hart in Kramer vs. Kramer? I don't know, but he's making that divorce hilarious. He's making the divorce hilarious. He's a really funny dude. Yeah, he's funny. And a sweet guy. He's a nice guy, too.

That's awesome. And the movie is great. Yeah, thanks. Doing well and well-loved. Wait, someone told us. Is this true? I think I'm about to have been bullshitted, but did Charlie Kaufman do a rewrite of that script?

Oh, my God. Is that true? I don't know. Did he? Yeah, that's what I heard. Yeah, actually, now that I'm thinking about it, it's 100% true. So he did it, and it's just like an adaptation

where the Captain Underpants splits. There's a second one out there. It's about him having to do the real thing. It's kind of an animated movie about a kid's movie. I mean, so this thing goes off. You think you're taking your kids to a kid's movie and then it just splinters off in another direction. And it also did an obscure form of animation.

They did like rotoscoping or something like that. Rotoscoped. With clip art. Yeah, rotoscoped clip art. That is unbelievable. Rotoscoped clip art. That is unbelievable. Rotoscoped clip art and just regular natural fruit. Each character is like a... Yeah, they're put against natural backdrops.

It's a fascinating form of animation. You gotta see it. Damn it. Watch it to support him. Yeah. Watch it to support good people. And Silicon Valley, we've got a couple... As we're recording this, I think we have, what, two?

This drops next week on the 13th. So the last Silicon Valley is the 26th, 25th, maybe? Yeah, I'll go ahead and say something like that. Yeah, let's agree to agree. This season is so dope, man. I'm just loving it so much. Has it grown from season to season? I mean, you kind of get into it initially, have you has it grown from season to season i mean you kind of get into

it initially and you're like oh shit i'm a part of this amazing show with mike judge and all these other great people but you really start to find your way anytime a show can go more than like two seasons and three seasons and i feel like they really explore everybody yeah it's nice it's uh it's it's kind of cool i've never had that experience where you can play a character over the course of years it's fun to see how it grows and zach says this like you don't want to lose the thing that makes everybody like that character but you also want to challenge it so he's not just always the one note his challenging of it of his character and the new things that come out with his character are but then they just immediately snap back when he was doing, and I'm not going to give it away, but when he was doing the voice.

Chambers. Chambers. Chris Chambers. Yeah, yeah. Something like that. When he was doing the voice of his supervisor on the phone, I started laughing out loud. I mean, he's an amazing dude. Did he come up through?

He's an improviser. Yeah, he's a UCB guy. He used to be in New York. Fucking phenomenal. So good and with an energy that just, and he's great on Playing House, too. Yeah, he's a UCB guy. He used to be in New York. Fucking phenomenal. So good and with an energy that just, and he's great on playing house, too. Yeah, yeah. He's also very, very smart and a real empath.

He's a very sweet guy, and he's a good friend to call when you have trouble in your life. Yeah, no, he seems like that, and I just, his energy. And that comes through in the show, actually, too. Yeah, he's less of a pushover and more confident than Jared. That energy that he plays in that show, I feel like, again, amidst that house. He's like the house mother. He's a little bit of a mother.

He's the house frow. One of my favorite things on the show is every scene you have with Andy Daly. Yeah. It's just getting more and more. He's so good at playing that sort of like, uh, like lame, oblivious,

dork guy. I can't, I won't hear you. Yeah. Yeah. I actively won't hear you. I'm just going to keep, I think that was one of the most recent episodes.

I had sex with a woman. Yes. Yes. He's just laughing. I don't think so. Uh, great. Just don't think so. Just great, great stuff. And I hope it goes for a long, long time.

It is really, I mean, tonally, it's so funny because I'm watching it. I'm like, God, this is really well-written comedy and really well-acted and well-directed. But then at the same time, I'm like, there are moments when I'm like, this is such a great satire on the world we're living in right now the fact that people like oh i have all this technology anything i need i can watch everything on my phone and i can do all this so all of those things to be attacking the front runners of how all that stuff then gets to the public to me is i think one of the best social commentators i mean i'm a huge idiocracy fan so i'm like he fucking nailed it i mean look what we're living in right now it is insane yeah it is you're like oh yeah that'll happen in 40 years maybe or it just seems it seems so high concept it's like yeah i can see that like yeah dumb people breed like like

animals and smart people don't at all and that sounds so cut and dry and black and white that you're like well that's not really how there's more more nuance right and then it's like actually no it feels exactly what it is and then how it plays itself out is so well thought out and it really works and so in the same way that like oh we're making our lives easier and better even as your character is going through all the things that your new thing is going to do i'm like i'm watching it going okay that's bad that's but i saw a commercial the other day for a new p at the gold ps4 i think it was or i don't know a new one you gotta get

and it's all about like like someone shooting, there's like a tennis ball machine shooting tennis balls out to an empty court and like there's a hose on, but nobody's in the front yard on like a slip and fly. And everyone's gone from the pool and it's like- Because they're indoors playing. Go outside. It's time to go outside.

It's summertime and all these people are indoors playing. I was like, that's not a good thing. No, no. That's the movie WALL-E. Yeah. That's what that is. That's terrible. i'm like wait wait why are we celebrating this i understand that maybe that's the end goal is that you want

people playing your device or the or there was an ad for something where they're like you can watch it on your phone at a party and i'm like why are you at the party yeah yeah who's that weirdo over there yeah oh he's on his phone don't bother him he's on his phone. Don't bother him. He's watching his favorite show. And don't touch him. He'll scream if you do that. It's Gillenbottom! Yeah. You fucking touched me, rat bastard. Get the fuck off me. Get the fuck off me.

I'm on my phone. I'm watching my contact program. My favorite thing about your characterization is every time you do it, he gets a little older. A little older? A little more out of breath? He's aging so rapidly. He has liver. Well, this guy that that voice

is based off there's this weird it's like i guess they're like pikeys or whatever from uh lockstock and tea smoking barrels they're on the they're on the online they're irish guys and there's a series of these videos of them calling each other out they're like bare-knuckle fighters and they're like all right samus that's it and one of the guys really high-pitched voice he's like all right you bastard i call you out that's it you've been running your mouth around town and you know tuesday we'll really get after it and it's so weird and then the other guy responds to him and they're all these like you know irish trailer trash dudes yeah and they're like just in um you know tank tops and like it's it's smack talk.

It's so funny. There's a weird culture of that or maybe just for like six months there was a good run of it, but YouTube got mad at us. But there's a politeness to it too. We're like, it's civilized. I'm going to let you finish

and then when you're done finishing I got something I'm going to interject and you're not going to like it. They're like gentleman idiots. Okay, you're through? Would you like to make another point? You guys ready to do another one?

Let's do another one. This was sent in by Luke Rasmussen. I got this one on. Oh, I have to say before we get into this story really quick. Luke Rasmussen. I got sent so many times the story of a strip club in Florida where diarrhea took over the night and ruined everybody's sad time. Fake news, guys.

Fake news, guys. I felt objected. So many great townies sent me that so many times. People are like, why did they ruin a story? Did someone tell you fake news and then you verified? No, I found out. Good man. Yeah.

Good man. I found out. Okay. So this is due past the test. These past the investigation test. Some of them end up not passing. We're not the best at fact checking, but we try... Do pass the test. These pass the investigation test. Some of them end up not passing it. We're not the best at fact-checking, but we try. We try.

Yeah. And sometimes in our answer for if it does actually end up being fake news is the comedy's real. Hey, look. No one's accusing you guys of being fake New York Times. Failing. Thank you so much. This was sent in by Luke Rasmussen at... Rasmussen.

Raskwatch 53. Raskwatch. Creative. Creative. Dude, Rassquatch53. Rassquatch. Creative. Only been seen once. Only been seen once. You know him if he's right behind you. If he's just too late. I saw the Rassquatch walking away one time in the woods.

Rassquatch53. Just caught a glimpse. Dude, at the end of every party, he's like, Rassquatch out. Oh, yeah. I was going to say, also, he announces his entrance at every party. R party he's like, Rascwatch out. Oh yeah, I was going to say also, he announces his entrance to every party. Rascwatch in. Rascwatch, when he's punching in and punching out. He doesn't drive, he just

walks into the shadows of the wilderness, dude. Do you think when you need him to leave your party, you have to be like, go! Get out of here anymore! Get the torches! Get the torches! Get them out! Get them out! You're not real, damn it! I don't want you here anymore. Get the torches. Get the torches. Get them out. Get them out. Yeah. Yeah. Nobody wants you here.

You're not real, damn it. Yeah. Yeah. You just recreate the end of Harry and the Hendersons every time you want him to leave. Go on. Go. We don't like you. Just let go.

All right. This is a photo that if I didn't read anything else, we could just do the photo. I'm also going to say this. This photo will definitely be used to promote some improv team at UCB. It's fine. The chuckle boner. Monkey toes. Look at this.

That is a man mowing the lawn while a tornado. At least an F2. Tornado. It's got to be an F2. At least an F2 is behind it. Tell me that's Photoshopped. It is 100% real. It's an excellent2. At least an F2 is behind it. Tell me that's photoshopped. It is 100% real. It's an excellent photo.

That is 100%. Can't you see this is being like... And that's on the iPhone? Take it with an iPhone. Take it with an iPhone. Listen to me. I saw this photo and I thought of this show and all I could think is that guy was mowing his lawn

is his internal monologue against his wife who tells him that he never does anything around the house. Oh, I don't ever do anything? All right, fine, fine, fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, great. I don't ever do anything. Show you I don't do anything.

But come on, bros. You see an F2 tornado, you're like, I got a good idea for a solid photo joke on this one. Quickly, I'm going to run, get the mower, take a photo, and the wife's like, Dan, I don't think this is a good idea just focus it yeah

do you have all of it this photo is it worth it get me in the corner don't do it landscape she's like I got it but I don't think I got the top

well you gotta do it again we should be we should be in the basement no swirling around and then it ends up being a poster for We Be Chillin

at Herald Night a team called We Be Chillin Herald Night at UCB or like F4 improv or in Tornado poster for we be chilling at Harold Knight. A team called we be chilling. Harold Knight at UCB. Or like F4 improv. Or in Tornado Incognito. A new sketch team. A photo of a man mowing a lawn with a tornado swirling behind him has caused a storm on social media.

BBC News. Tel Aviv. Cecilia Wessels snapped the picture of her husband. I've never seen this name before in my life. I'm going to do my best. Her late husband.

In my life. Theunis? T-H-E-U-N-I-S. Ah, yes. A proper ancient Roman name Finally The Eunice What's his last name?

Max Wessels The Eunice Wessels Cairo The Eunice Wessels Cairo God of the Moa The Eunice Wessels

Cairo practice Hello The Eunice Wessels BBC News He's like A lot of people Know this Book of Acts

They had to draw straws To find out Who would replace Judas It came down to Theunis And Matthias Matthias got it That's where my name Comes from

So It's like Deep cuts Bible There was a running Back for the Cardinals Named Otis Anderson And then there was a Fullback for the Cardinals

Football Cardinals When we were in St. Louis Called Theotis Brown I've never heard of Theot, when we were in St. Louis called Theotis Brown. I'd never heard of Theotis. Well, Theotis was like... Is that Theotis? Is that Theotis that we were talking about? Theotis Brown.

Theotis Brown. So Theunis reminds me of Theotis. Is that Theunis? Is that Theunis? These are not Theunis. Theunis. This is not Theunis. Theunis, on Friday evening,

as a twister passed by near their home, she said, cutting the grass was on her husband's to-do list. You nailed it. You want me to do that now? Oh, yeah. Oh, you want me to do that now? Oh, I don't get to my to-do list. Let me just show you how I get to my to-do list.

Here's what I love. She's as crazy as him. As he started the task, she went for a nap. Who are these people? There's a storm coming, folks. Storm, bro. Storm bro. Wessels said she was awoken by her nine-year-old daughter who was upset that there was something like a tornado in the sky, but her father wouldn't come inside.

Well, at least their parents. Imagine that argument between a nine... Dad. Dad. Dad, I don't like it out here. I don't see it. Do what I say, not what I do, sweetheart. Yeah, he's just out there.

He's just out there. Do-be-do-be-do. Hey, I told you not to leave your toys out in the yard. I would have been done with this. Come out here. We're going to have a discussion right now. I don't want to go out there, Dad. You come in here.

Get out of here. The sky's green, Dad. Dorothy? Love that movie. Have you seen The Wizard of Oz? It's pretty good. No. Oh, check it out.

I was just doing up tunes. Oh, that's from The Wizard of Oz. Nah, it's one of my jams. I think that is actually a tune. No. I'm going to have some of those sun chips later. There's zero things you can do to stop me. She said there's something like a tornado in the sky, but her father wouldn't come inside.

I'm good, babe. The Eunice Wessels said the tornado was actually much farther away than it appears in the photo, and it was moving away from them. Do you guys know which direction? There is no way you can tell what it is. And by the way, a tornado just doesn't have one. It changes directions. It's literally going in a circle, which means at any point it can go anywhere.

Yes, it's not pointed in any direction. We're fine. He's fine. I love it. He's fine. Bill Paxton's still alive. He's fine. Jay.

He's fine. Stay with us, Tony. Stay with us. Jay didn't mean it to be here. We didn't mean it. Why? He's fine. He's just a star of an HBO't mean it. He's fine. He's just a star of an HBO

show who died. He's fine. He's fine. There's Twister. There, well. Oh, I forgot it. It's okay. I like to think of this dad meeting for coffee at the McDonald's.

A couple days later, he goes, what did you guys do during the tornado? Did you head into your basements? Mowed the lawn. Yeah. Mowed the lawn, sons of bitches. I got stuff done. Yeah. Ticked things off the old to-do list.

He's never letting it down how brave he is. He carries around brass balls now. That's right. It's like, that's who I am. Sets them on the table. Yeah. His to-do list. He's trying to relive the ending of what was that?

Coen Brothers movie. There's a tornado. Wizard of Oz? Oh, in the tornado at the end. Whichen brothers movie there's a tornado oh in the tornado at the end which coen brothers movie has a tornado oh i'm a jewish guy yeah a simple man uh here's the thing i i think that on his to-do list it was molon near tornado like i think that whole thing was on the wall and if that's it then you can't argue with it. He's either kind of like peculiar and like an odd duck type guy, or he's like a real funny, wacky

uncle. Or he's just got so much bravado. The only natural disaster out here is no one picked up their toys. And that's an on-purpose joke. And the wife is like, oh God, you are such a thing. The Eunice.

The Eunice. Stop it. Stop. The wife, the mother, she said, quote, I literally took the picture to show my mom and dad in South Africa. That's not where this takes place. Look, there's a tornado. And now everyone is like, why is your husband mowing the lawn?

She didn't see that being. Well, I love that she's annoyed that people are like concerned surprise she's shocked that people are surprised right and then she tries to say we're not crazy because quote our whole street everyone was on their back patios taking pictures yeah but they weren't operating something with a rotating blade making a noise that would prohibit you from understanding how close a louder far far away thing is. You know, that tornado hit me. It sounded like a lawnmower. It sounded like a lawnmower coming through the yard when it took me out.

Maybe we are all pussies right now. If we live in Tornado Alley, this is like, yeah, it's chill, cool. This is part of it. Well, Thayenis is originally from South Africa, and although they're not common there, he said he watched a TV program about Storm Chers, so he's pretty familiar with them. Yeah. I'm an expert. I saw one show about storm chasers.

They usually chase those storms in self-made tanks. Yes. They can then turn away and start driving the other direction. It's not like you can get on your lawnmower. It's not a riding mower. It's not like you can get on that thing and then just disappear in the other direction. It's not like you can get on your lawnmower. It's not a riding mower. It's not like you can get on that thing and then just disappear in the other direction. You're walking, dummy. The tornado

moved away and to the east, he said. Luckily. It's much closer if you look at the photo, but it was really far away. Well, not really far, far away, but it was far away from us. Quote, and this is the best thing, I was keeping an eye on it. So it was like a toddler while he was trying to make dinner. Yeah. Keeping an eye on it. So it was like a toddler while he was trying to make dinner.

Keeping an eye on it. Next to a bowie knife. He's fine. It's fine. I'm going to ask you guys right now. We're going to play a quick little game. We don't get to play this one very often. How far away was the...

47 miles. When we do get to play, it's whose home state did this happen in. You are from Canada, correct? Yes. So you can have the whole country.

Okay. Did this happen in Illinois, Missouri, or Canada? Thomas, you get to go first or last again.

Did it go, is it Missouri, Illinois, or Canada? Missouri. Okay, Missouri. I think Missouri too.

Missouri from Randy Sklar. Jason? Not to be a bandwagon guy, but having grown up in Missouri and knowing that tornadoes come through there. And these type of people? Yes. It's Missouri. Are there really even any tornadoes in Illinois?

Oh, yeah. I just had one go through my hometown two years ago. An F4 went through my hometown. Yeah, I remember that, dude. That just had one go through my hometown two years ago. An F4 went through my hometown. Yeah, I remember that, dude. That was crazy. This happened in Alberta, Canada. What? No.

I didn't realize tornadoes went up that high. I didn't know either. I was about to be like, well, it's impossible because tornadoes don't happen in Canada. I'm the dumb. You're the dumb. I'm the dumb. And even if you were, you're in good company. Trust me.

I bet those people moved from South Africa to Canada to get away from everything. And then, boo-ya. Yeah. When we come back, we have a final story that is so crazy. It was in the early running to be in our live show because I couldn't believe how ridiculous it is.

But I wanted to use it today just to get it out well you're gonna have to stick around to find that one out and then a special voicemail when we come back very excited about it javier bardem left us a very good voicemail so we're gonna we'll enjoy that on the back side of this thomas middle ditch daniel van kirk jason sclaw we'll be right back. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. What's your Twitter? Are you on Twitter?

No, I deleted it. You took it off. You did? How come? I just thought it was like politicized, weaponized, and mean. And so i just didn't like it anymore i went through that too yeah i was never really a big twittist anyway like i would just it just i couldn't figure it out um but then just lately i just felt like it's um it's like the worst thing i wonder if people hit you no i've got a gram because it it's less that it's less angry oh yeah way less angry yeah instagram has a lot less like

political views and i also deleted my facebook too because i wasn't on it but it was just like again aggregating my data and inevitably to be used against me yeah uh so yeah i think i don't i'm not like kumail who can sum up the political climate and hilarious 140 characters i would just get i would just get mad and then contribute to it and so i was just outputting mad and inputting mad so it was not it was taking your life and bringing it down a notch every every time it was like looking it was like it was like frodo with the ring yeah i'd be tempted to do it and every time i do it i'd be like and then ring rates and then i pull it off and then be like, oh God, why did I do that? So, why?

You know what the great part about that and trolls and all this like stuff, as soon as you turn it off, guess what, man? They're gone, baby.

They disappeared. And it actually takes the power away from them as well. I love Graham because the people I follow on Instagram, I'm like,

oh, this is how you guys are seeing the world. They're like friends of mine and people who I really admire and Instagram, I'm like, this is how you guys are seeing the world. They're like friends of mine and people who I really admire and love. I'm like, oh, this is how you visually are seeing your world right now. Do we follow Thomas on?

No, we don't. On Instagram, it's at Tom Beeney, T-O-M-B-I-N-E-Y. Okay, let's get into it. And you get a lot of like silly videos and then every so often you'll have to bear

my environmental activism, but that's rare so don't worry i can totally bear that yeah i mean i don't know why i troll i go through those comments i'm sure you do people can't think about instagram you can turn off comments oh yeah exactly and you can you can delete comments anytime i get a message that starts with hey stick, stick to, I'm like, nope. The back of this hood. Stick to the back of this hood for the next 14 miles. You want to do this one? Yeah, let's do it. All right, here we go.

Sent in by, well, it says Elo, but I like, I don't want, Elo is what I would prefer. Elo, baby. Electric Light Orchestra, Jeff Lynn, a fan of the show. Person X7. Kind of sounds like a Marvel character. Person, two Ns, EX7. Or competitive eater. Person X.

Sex toys. I'm already in. Come in all shapes and sizes. But Netherlands-based designer. Netherlands-based designer. Say that three times fast. Mark Sterkenboom. Yeah, buddy. You can't get more netherlands based and designing bring the boom bring the boom while you read someone's name that if you

named someone that in like an improv scene they'd be like stop stop you can't do a real name yeah but i feel like a stirkin boom is like a weird sexual move where you grab someone's penis and punch them really hard in the back yeah like stirkin boom she gave him what she loved alex mark mark stirkin boom mark stirkin boom mark stirkin boom yeah that's like he's like a ceo of a fake um scandinavian company in a sketch architecture firm yeah yeah we need a boss name yeah stirkin boom, like whatever. Sure, that'll work. Or someone else is like,

how are we doing on the Sterkenboom account? Are we good on the Sterkenboom? Have you built the plans yet for the Sterkenboom account? Oh, honey, sweetie, I couldn't. I got to stay up late for the Sterkenboom account. I'd love to meet your parents, but... Sterkenboom! He is bringing his sex toy to a whole new level of weird. What in the world is Sturgeon Boom working on?

That is something that people say a lot in Scandinavia. A whole new level of weird sex toys. Is this an element of My Dad Wrote a Porno and Belinda Blumenthal's Adventures? Yes. The device, called 21 Grams, is, quote... That's also the movie of a really intense Sean Penn drug movie. Benicio Del Toro, was he in that? His next

sex toy is called Requiem for a Dream. Rectum for a Dream. Rectum for a Dream. Which may be the name of the episode. Ass to ass. Such a beautiful part of that film. So beautiful.

You live for that part. You wait for that part. And then that's when you know life matters. By the end, I was like, this is the greatest anti-drug commercial I've ever seen. Oh, my God. 24-hour. Laughing my ass off. 24-hour farty people.

Don't stop, Rand. You really married sex toy with that because farting is just so sexy. Well, some people like when you fart in my mouth. Oh, no, cake farts. Cake farts. What? You'd love it if you like the folds of the internet.

Cake farts. Yeah, Google cake farts. It's like pretty girls farting on cakes. So fucking weird. It's just, you know, iting you gotta really work you gotta really really out no they just sit on it and fart and like it just you farting fucking cakes you gotta really work for optimism in this life and then so easily can that just evaporate and you just end up sounding like john b mclemore from s town being like, kill us. Get it over with. Press the button. Wait, wait, wait. We're talking about

climate change. Climate change. We're talking about cake farts. Good God. Cake farts. Come on, Mr. Yeah.

Boku money. Boku money. We're talking about climate. Boku money. I mean, I just looked over at him and I just wanted to kiss him right in the belly. I just wanted to kiss him

right there. I just wanted to tell him I wanted to kiss him. I didn't want to kiss him. I just wanted to tell him and then I wanted to wanted to tell him I wanted to kiss him. I didn't want to kiss him. I just wanted to tell him. And then I wanted to figure out a way that I could calibrate my breath when I talk. Because when I talk, it just kind of goes all in. I just can't do it.

I love that emphasis. I mean, one time we both farted on a cake, and it was one of the sweetest things. While I read to him, Brokeback Mountain. Do you remember who turned you on to fart cakes cake farts uh i don't know i've changed that's gotta be that's just you shopping for a birthday cake for someone and then boom it's cake i still go to and i don't i don't want to consider this a plug because i actually think it's like a website that is you'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy but i still go to the same site i go to i went to what as a teenager like i still go to e-bombs world which is like a haven of racists and assholes like it's awful they're terrible it's terrible i don't i i hate that i give them traffic but

they've managed they get weird videos sometimes well but i don. But don't go to E-bombs or all that. Do not. Don't. Give me another site. Where can I go to my site? Cake farts.org. I also go, and this is real dark. Can I talk about a dark one?

No. Please. EFucked.com. What's EFucked? Now, don't go in there every day because it'll it'll suck you it'll suck you

you go in and you go under is what you're saying yeah I think it's like e-f-u-k-t but it's like you want to just say oh it's just like porn bloopers

and like something weird happened and they all laugh but it's way darker way it gets really dark people emotionally breaking down gross gross stuff happening

you go you go there to be like there's like faces of death level stuff's on there yeah I mean it's not death but it's like that type of thing where you're like breaking down, gross, gross stuff happening. You go there to be like, I want to see. There's like faces of death level stuff on there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's not death, but it's like that type of thing where you're like, oh, I can't see that. This guy fell off his motorcycle.

Don't click on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't click on it. I'm like, this is, yeah, there's always a moment with the internet where you're like, I could see something that will haunt me forever. Yeah. I'm literally one click away from seeing something that will make me not sleep for the next 10 years yeah but but you can ride the high of a porn blooper for like two days oh yeah there's some there's been some real funny stuff

in there i mean that girl orgasms real weird why does she do it like that why does she hiccup and then the next video is someone crying saying it reminds her of her molestation experience. Great. Oh, God. That went back to back. Come on, Putin. Press the button. Back to back.

I mean, we're talking about Klamach. You ready to get into this? I still feel bad. Like the guilt of like semi-promoting e-bombs. Let's promote S-Town then instead. Okay. Here we go. You guys don't even know what this is.

I have no idea. This is sex foot. I'm thinking cake farts. What is it? It's called 21 grams, not the movie. It's, quote, a memory box that allows a widow to go back to the intimate memories of a lost loved one. What? According to Sterk and Boom's website, it's just that this quote memory box happens

to be a dildo this glass urn allows you to place your loved ones ashes inside 21 grams of ashes to be precise 21 grams of ashes is one of maybe one of my favorite Johnny Cash songs guys the fact that he's saying that in

Folsom prison so you you put you put your deceased. After your deceased is cremated, you put them into the glass dildo. And then you insert them inside of you. You recreate your intimate memories with that person. And I don't know. Why do we have to say wife?

There's husbands of husbands who could miss their husband. Husbands could miss their husband and just throw it on in. We're confirmed on the science that memories are transferred into ashes and that the only way to take them in is through your anus or vagina. Any anus or the vagina. Any hole will work.

Any hole. Any hole that'll fit that glass D-dial. Here comes the Sterkin boom. Here's what you get. This is the memory box. Fuck off. Look how medical that looks. Wow.

Okay, so... For the listener who has not gone to the Facebook page yet to see it, this will all be up on the Facebook page. When fully closed up, it probably looks like a briefcase full of cash. It looks like a little jewelry box with a spinning ballerina deal. Right. You open it up, and inside is a dildo.

Golden bottom dildo. There's a gold chamber within the dildo. There's a glass dildo. That's the chamber. within the dild. There's a glass dild. That's the chamber. The carrying case. There's an anti-chamber. They're carrying case. So the glass.

So you definitely want to be sticking something that could shatter in your vagina. Oh, yeah. Always. Again, if you've seen One Guy, One Cup, you'll agree. You want to be sticking glass things up your butthole. E-fucked.org. There you go. I won't apologize for me knowing the dark corners, man.

That's okay. You got to get your darkness out. You have definitely traversed the dark net. Sturken Boom is serious about how this object should be used. He suggests bringing nostalgic moments into the act, like your lover's perfume and their favorite music, which will, quote, open a window to go back to the moments of love and intimacy.

I think the idea for this is incredible. Yes, because you always want to look back instead of looking forward. This is sold on the same website where actual snake oil is sold. Yes. What was snake oil used for? What was it used for to attract to do anything i mean that's the whole thing snake oil will cure whatever the case has a scent diffuser and also functions as an amplifier you can place your iphone inside and let music play through the forget me not flowers which are the little speakers on the sides of the box.

The box has a lock so no one else can sleep with your dead lover's ashes. Now listen. Oh, because... Which would assume someone else would be like, hmm, what are the ashes in this glass?

Also, that assumes that you're good about putting it away. The one thing after people orgasm that they like to do immediately is make sure they put things back where they lock it away. So you guys might not notice, but there is a little perfume thing here that you can put

whatever cologne or perfume that person wore. I mean, the good news is that if you are someone who, while you have sex, you are crying a lot. This is not going to change. Can I ask? Is this a release? Two birds, one cup. Two birds, one glass dildo.

Is there... Is this released? Full released birds, one cup. Two birds, one glass dildo. Is this released? Full released. Are there customer reviews? Yeah, there have to be. I would love to read one ounce of user feedback. Anyone being like, hey, had a great time, totally worked. Or another person being like, I thought it would and it didn't. What the heck?

We have created a safe place in our town. You call it the Sterk and Boom. I call it. Or another person being like, I thought it would and it didn't. What the heck? We have created a safe place in our town. You call it the stirkin' boom. I call it every Thursday night. Yeah. People are not mean on the Facebook page. I haven't said this before, but I'll say it now. If anybody is ever mean

or harasses anybody or does something, I will block that person from the page instantly. And for those of you who haven't realized it, I read every single comment of every single post.

So I know what's happening. And I'm going to say this. Safe place. If anybody out here in Dumb People Town wants to try this or has tried it and give us their review. So first you need access to some ashes. Okay. Because you can't say that you try it and just put fucking rocks in there. You need full blown ashes. It doesn't have to be your ex lover it just could be a dead pet it could be a dead pet as long

as you get their memories all we are is dust in the vagina so i fuck my dead piss ashes and i just got memories of like chasing bones and humping my stuff down first you get the ashes then you get the dildo thomas you don't understand we had a story about a guy who pulled over because he was gonna shit his pants and then was close enough to the woods that he decided I'd rather just shit by the side of the road and then throw my shit into the woods. We have people in W-Town who know where that stop is where that guy went. Throw to that stop. We did a recent episode where two people had sex 10 feet from the door to a Mexican restaurant

and a guy yesterday posted on the Facebook page saying, if I had listened to this before we went to dinner last night we would have gone to this restaurant instead i would have begged my wife so people someone will get this we got e-bombs plug and e-fucking plugger actually yeah i don't know i think a lot of people may benefit all the comments the weird shit is gonna to say Thomas Middletitch sent me here. It's going to be great. I'm here thanks to Tommy Middletitch. Yeah, yeah. Quick shout out to my boy.

This is... He brought me here. This is incredible. Thus proving as well. I mean, I wonder what he tells his... Sterkenboom tells his parents, friends what he does. What he's up to. Yeah. $10.

$10 human dollars says sturken boom probably looks like fucking tommy weesop like he's gonna look weird why are both of his eyes wandering what is going on a little one of them be fixed on me oh i didn't expect all his face to be melted off uh here's a little bit more explanation it just so happens that 21 grams is popularly and erroneously thought of as the weight of the soul when it leaves the body upon death which is hence the name according to experiments performed by a doctor at the beginning of the 20th century. Yeah, those are great. Medical hasn't advanced at all. Beginning of the 20th century? Yes. Nothing's changed since the TV show The Nick came out.

Yeah, The Nick. We all remember that. It was later the name, 21 grams, was later the name of a 2003 movie starring Sean Penn. Yes. But Sturkenboom doesn't seem to be referencing either of these cultural touchstones. So they're saying...

He's not saying it has anything to do with the theory. So then I'm curious. What does 21 grams mean to him? I don't know. According to Metro, Sturkenboom dreamed up the sex toy after noticing that an old woman that he assists with her groceries... That's actually pretty nice of him. Oh, he's assisting her with her groceries and then thinking about how she needs to get fucked

by a dildo? Well, she kept an urn containing the remains of her late husband. We gotta do something with that. He felt that that did not reflect the way she spoke so lovingly. Imagine the day he sets down her milk, whole milk,

and says, I got something for you. Mrs. Flugan Flugan? I know that you Miss your husband a lot And I know you a freak And you wishing He was here right now I know you a lady in the streets

But a freak in the sheets So I done got you this I mean to say Yeah I mean the idea Of talking about Anything sexual

With someone Older woman You carry groceries Like an 80 year 90 year old person That's like a hurdle To overcome I hope she loved it I hope she was so thrilled Why Thank you woman you carry groceries for. Like an 80 or 90 year old person. That's like a hurdle to overcome. I hope she loved it. I hope she was so thrilled.

Why, thank you. I'll use it tonight. And he put a dock in for the iPhone. Wait, if it's for elderly people, that'd be the hardest thing in the world to make. It's all these calls. I don't know how to turn on the music.

How do you put the value? You need a cricket phone for that. She just keeps, how do I turn this to CBS? We used to do it to CBS. Oh, God. She says, she spoke so lovingly, so he wanted to have something that reflected that love. Her response was total silence. Yes.

She died. She died. She had a brain aneurysm. And now he uses one with her ashes in it. Oh, double. In the same period, I read an article about windows, taboos, and sex and intimacy. And then I thought to myself, can I combine these themes to make an object that is about love and missing and intimacy?

Looking for an angle. Hopefully missing. That was all one sentence. A quick $10,000. Well, funny you should say that i love that i'm gonna ask you guys now to close out the stories on this week's episode they're amazing how much does the dildo earn cost okay now i'm gonna tell you there's a lot there's a lot there it's made out of the following material okay compressed wood mouth yeah it is made out of compressed wood my wood mouth blown glass mouth blown

rubber hello 14 karat gold plated brass okay a golden pendant and key necklace

comes with it that you can wear the key to the 21 grand box that's right Sturkenboom is not a good guy Sturkenboom is a bad dude and the necklace slash pendant

this is like this is like their version of Oppenheimer like their Oppenheimer is Sturkenboom yes Oppen dude. The necklace slash pendant. This is like their version of Oppenheimer. Their Oppenheimer is Sturken Boom. Yes. Oppenheimer created the bomb. This guy created the sting of singing. The necklace pendant can also be personalized.

Oh, it's natural. Naturally. Naturally. I'm going to ask you guys now. Thomas, you can go first or you can go last. I'll continue the tradition. How much does one of these 21 grams boxes cost you're playing an iphone on it it's got a diffuser for an iphone though it just comes with iphone gold and the compressed wood i'm gonna say

i'm gonna say 2500 2500 from thomas mills wants to make money off this thing i think it's three thousand dollars three thousand dollars oh if you go one man. We could be over. No, no, you can be, you're allowed to be over. It's closest to it. I'll say $1,000. $1,000. The cost

of the 21 gram, this grief exploiter, fucking dark soul. Grief exploiter. Although, but I will say, if there's somebody who listens to this

who wants to do it, more power to you. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. 100%, right? We will not contribute to that experiment in any way. We more power to you. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. 100%, right? We will not contribute to that experiment in any way. We'd love to hear your reviews, though. Please, please review.

Okay, everybody at home or at work, not doing your job right now and hanging out with us in Dumb People Town, make your guess. The total cost of the dildo horn is $8,700. Whoa! Wow. Sturgeon' Randy. Wow.

Going up top with three grand. Listen, I guess the only thing is, if you are cremating your loved one, you aren't buying an expensive coffin. Yeah, no plot of land, so you save all that money to fuck them. By the way, and you can't fuck yourself with a coffin. No. We've said that many times on here. You can hump a coffin.

You can't plug an iPhone into a coffin. I'll just be honest with you right there. Well, not that model. You're a 40. Not that model. I can't wait an iPhone into a coffin. I'll just be honest with you right there. Well, not that model. You're a 40. Not that model. I can't wait to share these photos of this thing on the Facebook page. Sterkin Boom goes the dynamite. Oh, yeah.

Passes it to the man, and Sterkin Boom goes the dynamite. All right. So, yeah, he killed that one. All right. As we mentioned before, Javier Bardem has left us a voicemail. He's a guy. He's an inventor in some ways. He loves to always give us ideas, but they typically

are of things that already exist. That already exist. So let's take a listen. Ron Dion Justin, this is Javier Bardem. I'm calling you because I have some important announcement to make to you, and I want you to announce this on this dumb people town. I'm going to be wearing this makeup that I've

been wearing from Pirates of the Caribbean. This makeup makes my face feel young, and it's alive. It looks like boogers have hardened over my face, but it's actually like a type of yogurt, and Penelope used to enjoy when I used a yogurt mask. And so now I'm going to be wearing this, and I didn't want to alarm you, but I'm going to be wearing this type of mask all the time. The same makeup that I wear from Pirates of the Caribbean,

I will be wearing in this, and I think you will enjoy it. But what's most important to me is that I'm calling you with a pitch, once again, about an item, a device that I think will take over the market and compete with most of the things that Ronco sells. It's called, basically it's a grill. It's a portable electric grill that you can put in your apartment, in your dormitory and inside your home and you can cook meats on it and it gets rid of all the fat. And I'm calling it the George Frazier Grill.

George Frazier Grill. And I picked this name because I have a friend named George Frazier that I went to the Meisner School with. And he's fallen on hard times but hopefully the SAG pension will kick in but he has not been paying into it for some years but George Frazier Electric Fat-Burning Grill is the name of it George Frazier Grill anyway I hope you guys are if you could also think Jason you still owe me 22 dollars for uh when we were watching the i think that already exists yeah that's a thing i love how generous bardem is in terms of wanting to give us ideas but i feel like we will get sued at some point he's gonna come up with the sturgeon boom he's gonna be like 21 grams the 21 grams yeah he's gonna as a person who lived

large portions of my life making all of my food primarily on a george foreman grill i i don't want to be the one to break it to him you can do a george frazier grill all right we'll figure that out uh thomas middleditch dude thank you so much for dropping by dumb people town i feel like you you have an open invite my friend hey cowabunga guys cowabunga, guys. Cowabunga. That's how we do it. We have a couple episodes of Silicon Valley left, so check that out. Go take your kids or go yourself to see Captain Underpants. Yes. You will love that. 84% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Look at that. It's a great, fun movie. It's a fun time, and it ends up being very funny and very exciting. It's like a fun, silly superhero movie. I love it, and I can't wait to take my girls to see that. Guys, Dumb People Town, thank you for all of you who have uh signed up for the facebook page rate and review this we really appreciate that and holy shit you gotta get back to work get to work Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum.