Dumb People Town - Tiffany Haddish - Oooh, Your Coochie Minty!

Episode Date: August 1, 2017

This week, Tiffany Haddish (Girls Trip) comes on Down to Dumb People Town! The Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk talk to Tiffany about being a part of one of the summer's biggest hit films. In Story #1, a woman puts out a fire that has engulfed her boyfriend,...

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast jam With co-hosts Armin and Dan And Dirk, don't be a jerk, cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, punk your downies, Dumb People Town. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population U. Oh, we got a good one today. Why are we just, how do we get these guests?

This one is Divine Intervention. Well, we've been like a fan of hers and friend of hers for a while now and have wanted you to come on the podcast. It is just crazy, dumb, dumb People Town luck and timing in that we got you when we got you. Considering the fact that this is going to drop next Tuesday, but considering the fact, and who knows what's going to happen next weekend with the movie.

Because now they know they got a hit. Girls Trip. Girls Trip in the first weekend, $30 million. Yes. Cost $20 million to make. Dunkirk, $50 million, but it cost $100 million to make. And yours is a much funnier movie about World War II. Yeah.

I can't believe four black women go to World War II. Yes. Just for a girls weekend. Party! And we get all that white dick. Woo! We go down with Hitler. I went and saw

I went and saw Girls Trip this weekend. Mm-hmm. It is so good. It is It's got great reviews. All of the characters are like

You got 85% on Rotten Tomatoes. Complex and have shit going on in their life it just makes choices and goes in directions that are better than what you normally get to see out of like these fun like foreign trip

like movies and stuff like that you steal it you steal it I will say this to me you can respond however you want but I told a friend of mine I go Tiffany Haddish walks away with this movie and it's not even close and and everybody's great in it. You go to like another level.

It is so. Booty hole. I'm just going to say booty hole. Booty hole. Someone sent us that. Someone sent us the clip of you being like booty hole. No. I don't want to give things away.

Okay. That's not giving it away. I saw that. That's in the trailer. That's in the trailer. I don't want to give things away. Dan said to us, Melissa McCarthy in Bridesmaids-esque performance. Exactly.

I've been hearing that a lot. And I'm like, yes, Melissa McCarthy was black and hot. But she is. She is kind of black and hot. You just crushed it. I was sitting there. I watched it in Corvallis, Oregon when I was a board member. What was the crowd?

Because that's a white university. Yeah, I want to know. What the hell? Oregon State University, right? That is white people... I'm in there and then like five minutes before the movie starts, three black dudes come walking in and they sit in. And then it's just us for like...

It's ever. And then it's one of these movie theaters where there's like a half hour trailers. So in the trailer time, then I would say like two white girls on like a girls like night out deal and then like an entire group of like maybe like 10 to 12 uh hispanic guys and girls came in and everybody sat there and it was one of those we all kind of like we're watching it together so there's a scene early on i'm not gonna give anything away where this girl just yells at the screen she goes that's manipulation 101 you probably know which one of the scenes i'm talking about okay it was so funny people are like yelling no hell it was, wait, wait, wait.

Are you telling me white people and Hispanic people were yelling at the screen? Yeah. I like that. That's what we call crossover. Yes, that's crossover 110%. I love it. I love it. Well, I will say this.

Even outside the movie, we just saw you do stand-up in the lab. And my favorite part about the whole thing, which I wanted to tell you so bad, I was saying it to someone offstage. You did it. You improvised a song. It was in the show in the lab and you did stand up and i the whole time i was like she's wearing a backpack the whole time yeah i'm like that's amazing no one even commented on that you had just come from doing a talk show right or no yeah i just did a interview for um jimmy fallon and jimmy kimmel jimmy kimmel you're on kimmel's you came

from hollywood to then go do this thing. Yeah. You're probably high from doing the live TV. I was so sleepy. I've never been that sleepy. This is the most tired I've ever been in my whole life. To do all this press. Yeah.

And it's the most magical experience. It's like the best sleepwalking dream thing. I don't know. It's so good. This isn't your first movie. I mean, you've been in great movies and you've done great roles and stuff and TV shows and whatnot. So you're not new to this. But this experience of going into a weekend going, I don't know how it's going to do.

We don't know what's going to happen. And then you come out of it where it's at. And you know that now the studio understands that they've got something. This week is going to be crazy. Leading into next weekend. And who knows what's going to happen. All kind of ex-boyfriends are calling and stuff. Are you going to be out of the woods?

I woke up yesterday with 400 text messages. No. From one dude? No, from multiple people. You up? You up? You up? I had a lot of boyfriends.

I had at least 28. Look. 400 text messages, though. I was just like, wow. I started crying because I never seen my phone blow up like that before that is amazing

does Queen Latifah's hair count as a fifth character on the trip oh my god her hair is amazing right amazing yes

it should you know I did give her hair a shout out like girl yes you're giving me life with that hair there's a moment where you're like

oh wait like you also you think about her career. She's almost like an athlete who then became an actor in that career and that she was. She did something else. She's in the rap game when we were kids. She's like Mark Wahlberg. Like they are essentially the same thing.

Except that she had a way more successful music career. And she got more bitches. She got more bitches than Mark Wahlberg. Straight up. So here's what we do on this show as we explain to you, but Dan gets these great stories

sent to him. We have never seen these stories. Or heard a detail. We're like Tiffany. Yeah, so we're all in the- Some of them I've barely read.

Right, so we get into it in an effort to try and combat the dumbness that is happening in the world. And I feel like your movie explains people, first of all

going down to new orleans and getting messed up in new orleans people make dumb decisions there's a lot of stupidity bourbon street is like like a cauldron of stupid it's a stupid disneyland for adults who are drunk yeah and that's where you get to be dumb right it's okay it's okay it's okay go dumb go dumb as they say in northern californ. Go dumb. Go dumb. As they say in Northern California. Go dumb, dumb. There are so many times in this movie where jokes are lost because people are still laughing from the other side. When you guys are in the shitty hotel room. Oh, man.

You might as well not talk for like 35 seconds after that big reveal because no one can hear anything. Dan, don't give shit away. Right. And the facial expressions are super hilarious. I've seen the movie four times and I still laugh. And anything don't give shit away right and the facial expressions are super hilarious you know i've seen the movie four times and i still laugh and i don't laugh at myself usually but i i have to sometimes it's like oh my grandma when she see this she gonna kill me she's gonna kill you but she's gonna be happy you're giving away all the family secrets can i

ask you that's why she's mad can i ask ask you maybe the dumbest question today, since we are in Dumb People Town? Is Essence Fest real? Yes. I was just down there. I didn't know. I was in New Orleans during Essence Fest, and it's amazing. Yeah, it's been going on for 20 or 15 years now. How does it compare to the Freaknik?

It's way better, more classy than the Freaknik. Yeah, they're like big time shows. Freaknik is a barbecue. This is yeah big time performers come down and do shows because all those acts i was like this has to be real it's real it was so real and it was so difficult to shoot have you had you been before i have when i shot keanu i was there during essence fest and so i never got to go to any of the concerts but i would like you know try to get into this little party that party, whatever. But yeah, every time I've ever shot a movie in New Orleans, it was during Essence Fest.

They schedule you for that. I remember my first time being there, I was like, this many black women get together in one location and nobody's fighting? It was amazing. It's like a we are the world. Yeah, it was great. Just black women. I wish people weren't fighting in our time. It's all women now.

Yeah. But back when I, the very first time, it was just a lot of black women. Yeah. Oh, it's just black women i wish people know it's all women now yeah but back when i the very first time it was just a lot of black women yeah oh it's different to everybody if i was a man i would go to essence fest every year and just go guaranteed you're gonna meet some lonely women that's right put the feels on how to cook that's right who know how to clean get as sensitive as you can get in touch with everything if i I was a man now, I would go see Girls Trip just to holler at all the chicks coming out the theater.

Hey, I heard you say that was manipulation. I want you to know I think so too. I agree. What are you doing after? If you want to go to the bar, you know this movie theater

has a bar. That's right. I mean, we go to a bar, we go to a women's march, whatever you want to do. Yeah, and then the woman be like, girl, I'm with my girls.

Bring them all. Bring them all. Bring them all. And they be like, yes'm with my girls bring them all bring them all bring them all and they're like yes bitch let's go he cute he buying all of us drinks yes the extension of the thing all right so dan let's get into the story because we have her here oh yes oh this one was sent in by lee wilson at baseball general i don't know if that's an official rank, but thanks, Lee. I appreciate it. I'll salute that.

Penn Hills, Pennsylvania. I'm going to call him Dunkirk Gibson. Okay, fair enough. Penn Hills, which is somewhere near Pittsburgh. A Penn Hills woman. Before I do this. I already have so many thoughts about this movie. These people know to go.

Okay, she was done being manipulated. I already have so many thoughts about this movie. Make it about the movie. These people know to go. Okay. She was done being manipulated. I'll put it that way. Okay. Okay. She'd had enough. I'm also going to say this. This first sentence is going to come in real hot, but I want you guys to know I've read

through and everybody's fine. Okay. A Penn Hills woman reportedly set her boyfriend on fire while he was asleep, then used urine to put out the flames. Oh, I like this bitch. So does Donald Trump. How pissed are you? You're like, no, we're done fighting. What did he do?

What's dumb about that? What did he do? I've pooped in a man's shoes. No, you have not. Yes, I have. I pooped in Jordan's. Sure did. What did he do? What's dumb about that? What did he do? I've pooped in a man's shoes. No, you have not. Yes, I have. I pooped in Jordan's. Sure did. You did not.

How much pre-planning did you have for that? It took me a day and a half. I ate a lot of corn, so he knew it would be human. You did not. Yes, I did. Because he didn't have a car where I could slash his tires or bust the windows out of his car. He didn't have nightclothes. He cheated on you.

He cheated on you. Yes, on videotape on my birthday what yes and i had to i was swimming in a dumpster to find the tape drove around all night like i lost my mind i lost my mind now i feel like you didn't do enough oh no i pooping was just like the that was the icing that was the tip of the poop bird that i pooped in his brand new jordan said his mama bought him i asked him let's go i said let's go play basketball and he was like all right and he put his foot he was like oh what the hell somebody done pooped in my shoes so wait so you pooped and then let it slide down yeah i pooped i pooped in it and made it fall to the front baby wiped everything so it looked nice wow he cleaned

up the crime scene and then when he put his foot in there it's just doodle all in his oh my god did you go off on him or yeah i stood in the doorway he was like i can't believe somebody pooped in my shoe as human shit is corning and i was like yeah motherfucker all the shit you put me through now you walking in it bitch and then uh and i ran out the house because i knew he wasn't gonna chase me through his mama house and he wasn't gonna chase you that's the perfect getaway this is like you all you kind of shanghai'd him there was the, you know, like we learned this when we were up in San Francisco. Shanghai is like- Have you heard that term?

Like, I got Shanghai'd by someone. I've heard of it, but I don't know what it means. I don't know what it means. So we were in San Francisco, and this is what we found out that it means. They used to take, because when sailors would come to San Francisco during the gold rush, they would leave their ships and all of a sudden just want to go look for gold. So San Francisco was in a bizarre- Francisco was in a shortage of semen, something that San Francisco has never been in.

Right? And now they have too much semen. All right. So anyway, so they said, you know, what they would do is these guys would go to bars. They would drug them. They would then, after they drugged them, open up a trap door on the floor.

They'd fall down onto the floor. They'd steal their shoes. By the way, this was the plot of the first episode of the pilot of The Cosby Show, which would never air. Drug them,

put them down on the floor, and then when they woke up, they would be in a different location. Their shoes were off. Glass everywhere, so they couldn't walk anywhere. Broken glass.

And then they would sell these people, no matter what race they were, into ship slavery, essentially. For the next seven years they would have to live in a ship. So that was called being Shanghai, because you didn't want to run would sell these people no matter what race they were into like ship slavery essentially for the next seven years they would have to live so that was called being shanghai because you didn't want to run because it was a lot worse than it sounds a lot worse than well i was like but then like i

hear people say like i went to starbucks and i asked for almond milk but they gave me soy milk it's like they're trying to shanghai me i'm like have you seen your family in the last seven years you didn't fucking get shanghai yeah that sounds like when the police puts drugs on you and then you go to jail for like 10 years. Right. Something you didn't have. That's being Shanghai'd. That's Shanghai'd. That's more like being Shanghai'd.

That's a much closer version of it. Right. But you Shanghai'd the shit out of that guy. Yep. So he. Leanne. Oh, go ahead. No, I'm just.

Now we're in the mindset of what this woman. Yeah. And I got a little add on to that. So my sister told her friend what I did to this dude's shoes. And then my sister's friend, her dude cheated on her and he had got a brand new car. Right. And he was driving a new chick around in the car. So she broke into the car, put doo doo in his glove compartment.

Yes. Closing. It's summertime. It's summertime. Now he's driving around. That's a oven. He's driving around trying to figure out why his brand new car smelled like shit

because you really don't go in a glove compartment never nobody does he didn't even know it was poop in there until he got pulled over by the police

three weeks later and pulled out his registration it was shit all on his registration oh officer I'm going to need just a minute to process what I've also discovered

about my life can you write him a ticket for being an asshole? Jesus. Oh, my God. That's why you don't cheat on your lady. So what did he do? He cheated, didn't he? I don't know.

So Leanne Sepuljak is facing multiple charges, including attempted homicide and arson. Penn Hills police were called to the home on Lime Willow Road early Sunday morning for a domestic dispute. No shit. On Lime Willow Road, early Sunday morning for a domestic dispute. No shit. Yeah. Police say Sepulak had an argument with her boyfriend late Saturday or early Sunday. This is that thing where they say, don't go to sleep angry.

Don't go to sleep angry. Or, you know what? You might wake up on fire. Or, make sure you go to sleep at the same time angry. Right. If you're going to go to sleep angry, go together. Right. Yes. Don't go down.

Don't leave one person milling. To stew in. Milling about. Right. And I love the like Sunday morning for like early Sunday morning, Saturday night. Yeah. This started well before. Oh, no.

This started midday Saturday. Right. It started a month ago. Right. And then picked up. He probably liked the wrong Instagram pics. What happened? What did he do?

Why did he do this? She said, or the police say, that Sepulak had an argument with her boyfriend late Saturday, Sunday, and then he went to sleep. See, that's kind of on him. He's like, this is done. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't need to worry about it. What's the worst that could happen?

So she poured gasoline on him, lit a cigarette, and flicked it onto the mattress. How do you not wake up when gasoline is poured on you? He must have been high. Yeah. They are deep sleep. They are in Oregon, right? Yeah. No, we're in Pittsburgh.

Oh, in Pittsburgh. I was in Oregon. Oh, you were in Oregon. Yeah. You and I. Oh, Pittsburgh. Wait a second. Wait.

See, I don't know how you don't wake up when something... Maybe. Probably. No, because you don't sleep on crystal meth. You don't sleep on crystal meth. You get everything done on crystal meth. It's heroin. It's heroin.

Something. No, because you don't sleep on crystal meth. You get everything done on crystal meth. It's heroin. Apparently, when the argument was over, the boyfriend went to sleep on the mattress. I would argue that the argument wasn't over. No, it's not over. And I would argue that there's definitely a mattress on the floor. Like, this is not...

Oh, 100%. This is definitely a low income. If you got gas close by and you don't care about pouring that all over your thing, it's a mattress. Where did she get the gas from did she go to the car and siphon it out did she put the water hose in it

suck it out yeah she's like using her mouth doing like the 80s and the 90s when people stole gas according to Penn Hills Police

Chief Howard Burton they lived in the basement and for some reason the young lady decided to dump gasoline on him and set him on fire. There's a reason definitely. He must have gave her an STD and she was like

oh you want to burn me? Well now I'm about to burn you. Does it burn now? Because it burns when I pee. I'm going to show you guys a picture of her. I want to see her. Oh man. Just so you can tell by her mugshot she looks more like

i've had enough okay okay oh yeah drugs they're on drugs she's pissed yeah she's pissed she also has a look about her that's like oh yeah so i mean look if you're gonna cross this woman understand there will be consequences yeah she looked like mental illness slash drugs both he woke up when he caught fire and jumped out of bed sepalik then grabbed a bucket the couple had been using as a toilet and threw urine on him to put out the flames and that is by the way i have to say this that is a woman i feel like a man would just let her burn. A woman is like, I have to take care of this in some way, shape, or form. And get our toilet back in. You shit on me, I burn you

and pee on you. There's a woman who pooped in shoes right here. I don't understand. See, this is where the dumb stuff starts to happen to me. If you are living in a basement and using a bucket as a toilet, there are no rules anymore. Anything could happen when you go to bed.

If you're going to bed next, whether that's some sort of third world, like you got caught running drugs in Thailand and now you're sleeping on a mattress next to a bucket where you shit in, you have accepted that someone might set you on fire when you go to bed. That's right. You made bad choices. You made bad choices. Exactly. It wasn't a series of great, it wasn't like, oh, we both went to law school

and now we're here. No. It was like eight bad choices that led you to end up in prison. I bet you that we're arguing over him taking the last bit of crack. That's it. Maybe.

That is what that argument becomes. Yeah. It becomes that. Because sometimes that happens on, like you're on a date with somebody and there's that dessert. And you really got. You get the last bite. Yeah. You got to offer, right?

Yeah. As a man, you got to offer. And if you don't, if you don't, then you'd be like, he don't even care about me. He don't love me. He don't care about me. He wouldn't let me have the last bite. He don't love me. I've seen it in a movie.

Yeah, man. If he loves you, he lets you have the last bite. If he loves you, you have the last bite. He don't love me. I've seen it in a movie. Yeah, man. If he loves you, he lets you have the last bite. If he loves you, you get the last bite. And it's just like if you let the girl in the car and then you walk around to your door and she don't lean over to open the door for you. She doesn't love you. Boom, she ain't. She doesn't love you.

She doesn't love you. It goes both ways. According to police, Sepuliek was living in her parents' basement with her boyfriend and they had been using the bucket as a toilet so they wouldn't have to bother her parents upstairs when they needed to use the restroom. Okay, so now this isn't even a low-income thing. This is just a, hey, we want to just have convenience of peeing in a bucket. No, there is something dumb and wrong about the fact that you are living

in your parents' basement, but you can't go use the bathroom. There's some other fight happening there. Yeah, the parents probably locked them out of the house part because when they go to bed so that they don't get robbed. That's right. There's a padlock upstairs. Because they don't dress. Like one of those deals where the mom leaves the room

because she's had enough with these two and the dad is like, we're going to let you stay here. Here are the rules. You are not allowed upstairs after we go to bed because we're done. Things are being missing every time we get up in the morning. There are cameras everywhere. Whether there are or not.

Just tell them that. There are cameras everywhere. I mentioned that argument, too. Babe, I don't understand. I mean, I'm glad your parents let us stay here. Why can't we go upstairs and use the bathroom? I'm not being loud. I'm not even being loud.

They got microphones. They got microphones. In the pee bucket. They're listening to us. I'm not even being loud. They got microphones. They got microphones in the pee bucket. They're listening to us. You said, oh, we'll save money. I'm not talking loud.

Fuck. Where's that crack at? Don't worry. I saved you something. Don't worry about that. You sure you saved me something? Of course. Where is the motherfucking crack?

Down here, yeah. Oh, I can't talk loud? You can talk loud. Well, I don't give a damn. I need my crack. Don't get us kicked out of here. Fuck that. Don't look at me while I'm on the loud? You can talk loud. Well, I don't give a damn. I need my crack. You're going to get us kicked out of here. Now, fuck that. Don't look at me.

Where's my crack? Don't look at me while I'm on the bucket. Run me my... I'm on the bucket. Run me my drugs. I told you I saved you a little bit. There's a little bit. Why don't we...

I'm going to go to bed. There was one. You're going to go to bed? I'm going to go to bed. Well, give me my rock. I feel like this argument's over. I need my fucking rock. I feel you're not going to sleep right now.

I'm definitely... This motherfucker went to sleep. I can't believe this shit he didn't give me my rock as soon as i get off this bucket i'm gonna get your ass that's it well you can't be tough when you're on a bucket you can't be tough when you're booming in a bucket no no at least they got a bucket to pee in every argument is weakened if you're arguing from the bucket man so her parents heard the boyfriend's screams during the fire, and do you think they even got out of bed?

No. Hell no. Hell no. They'll work it out. They're like, get off! Just hitting the floor with a broom. Fucking drug addicts. They're like, why does this smell like bacon?

Right. Well, they say, I'm going to go eat. I'm going to go eat. Because if I don't, I'm just going to lay here in bed and not sleep anyway and think about that bacon. Penn Hills police say the man was taken to some sort of hospital with burns on 25 to 30 percent of his body. He was in critical condition on Sunday, but police say his injuries do not appear to be life-threatening. That gets us into dumb people time.

Anytime they say not life-threatening, I'm like, we can use it. We can make fun of it. KDKA's Lisa Washington went to the home Tuesday morning where the incident happened a mattress and a box spring were near the curb don't you love that that was another argument

who's dragging this this like piss covered I'm gonna tell you in this neighborhood I guarantee you there's always a mattress and a box spring

on the curb I can guarantee always it's the sisterhood of the traveling mattress here's where we get it you said earlier where's the dumb part?

This is where we really start to open the box. A woman who was in front of the house said she was Seppalaic's mother and said the boyfriend fell asleep with a lit cigarette. So now we're all- She's lying for her. She's in the stories. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He doused himself with gasoline as one would do before you go to bed.

Yes. He likes to oil himself up with gas. The natural oils. And lit a cigarette and then just went to sleep. I'm going to ask you guys a question. I want your honest answer. Pumping your gas, do you like the smell? Love it.

Love it. Love it. I don't know. We worked at gas stations. You know why we love the smell? Because it's the smell of our ancestors. That's what gas is. You're right. love the smell? Because it's the smell of our ancestors. That's what gas is. You're right.

It is fossil fuels. Of our ancestors. Our collective. And they help make our cars. The woman, the mother of Seppalax, I know I've said her name nine different ways. Quote said, he had a cigarette or something. He fell asleep with a cigarette.

This mom is in cover up mode. Yeah. Oh yeah. If you're a parent, this is what you do for your kids. You send them into the basement with a bucket. And then when they commit crimes, you're like,

I try and cover. I'm covering. Yeah. Not here. The woman said he had the cigarette. A man identified himself as, this is the perfect name of this boyfriend, Grady Spencer.

On that name alone, I do not trust him. I would light him on fire just to pardon me. What's your name? Grady Spencer. Blowtorch is that. He sounds like a guy

who's going by two last names all the time. Grady Spencer has never given a correct answer to any trivia question in his life. No.

And he's never given a straight answer to anyone. He's lied to everyone. Grady, what are you, are you driving right now? I don't know. I don't know. I seeady, are you driving right now? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I see you in the car behind the wheel. I don't know. Maybe I may not be. Our moves, man. I'm just in it. Are you driving? My foot's on the gas and I'm pressing it, but you tell me. A man who identified himself as Grady Spencer, the boyfriend of Seppalaic, contacted KDKA

via an email. So he has now decided- With his burnt, crisp hands yes he's emailing people yes do you remember that mr show sketch where they go the band goes to visit oh he talked to bob odenkirk about that one of the best sketches that people need to look that up yes uh anyways quote so he sends an email this is what Quote, I was tinkering with a weed whacker on my bed, drunk as a skunk. I gassed it up, spilled it on myself, lit a cig, laid back on bed,

and I went up in flames. If she didn't put it out, it could have been worse. So now he's covering for her. He's covering for her. So he must have messed up really bad. He fucked her mom. took all the credit. He fucked her mom. Lady on the porch.

He fucked her mom. And that's why they're not allowed upstairs. This is his best story. I was in bed working on a weed whacker. You know how that's the place you do it. You don't want to do it in the garage. You want to do it in bed. And I was drunk when I was doing that. So Derrick Rose, who, you know, former MVP.

Youngest MVP in the history of the NBA. He had a cut on his hand that caused him to miss a few games. And his agent said he was peeling an apple in bed. I'm like, Derek Rose, you don't live in a studio apartment where a Murphy bed comes out of the wall. You can't reach the kitchen. You got to do all your stuff from the bed. I'm like, who has an apple peeler in bed? So are you saying by that, if we're going on a wealth meter, you're saying it is slightly

conceivable that he had to sit on his bed to work on the weed whacker in this story? But fooling with a weed whacker indoors and trying to gas it up in your bed. And then he says, I covered myself with gasoline and then I laid down and lit a cigarette. You know, the way you lay down in a pool of gasoline. Most people, when they smoke,

they have to lay down. No. No. I've smoked. I've never had to lay down. Sometimes, now I'm going to lie to you, sometimes I'll be watching a good show

and I'll be in my bed and I'm like, dang, I'm on a cigarette and I will smoke a to you sometimes I'll be watching a good show and I'll be in my bed and I'm like dang I'm on a cigarette and I will smoke a cigarette but I will lean lean sit

kind of lean like you know hold myself up I just picture you and I burn my seats one time I was like what the fuck you did?

yeah and then I was like that's it I'm only smoking weed from now on I just picture you lay in your bed flat on your back

I don't know why you can correct me if you want that was the thing in every movie marble unfiltered what? no I don't know why. You can correct me if you want. That was the thing in every movie. Marble, unfiltered. What? No. I don't know.

No, no, no. Post-sex? That's post-sex, yeah. Post-sex cigarettes. So what is your cigarette? I like American Spirit. Oh. Menthol.

Because I'm black. Okay. Cool. Cool Milds. Newports. Cool Milds. That's what I started out on. Benson and Hedges

menthol joints. So she always had. I told you we worked at a gass. That's what I started out on. Benson and Hedges menthol. So she always... I told you we worked at a gas station. Yeah, we just sold cigarettes. We knew every cigarette, every type of person, what they wanted. Come in and be like,

Benson and Hedges menthol. I know you. You're a Marlboro. You're an Eve 120, you old lady. Right. I used to like those Capris. Capris! I know the Capris.

I felt sophisticated when I smoked those. Like, oh yes, I'm going to hang out with rich people. I'm going to get some Capris. If you'll need me, I'll be in the south of Franceance yes darling and i will wear gloves gloves just to smoke the capris yes a forearm glove yeah i just love it he was like lit a sid laid back on my bed and it went up in flames which sounds like some sort of like

it went up in flames song yeah it went onames could be the description of this guy's relationship. His life. But this is how dumb he is. He's dumb enough to be like, you know what, I'm going to stay in this relationship. They both need to end it for their own reasons. And he's dumb enough to think, I've got the perfect story. The fact that he wrote this and sent it in,

he definitely screwed up some way, somehow. Is there an end to this? He's still in the hospital. Seppalek was sent to the Allegheny County Jail on Sunday, but posted bail Monday. We're going to get out of this

story on this. I'm going to ask you guys now. How old is Leanne Seppel-Leyer? Too much fun leaves marks in life. Living hard, you'll pay the price. Who is gonna get it right? Guess the age. Guess the age.

The woman who lit him on fire. Okay. Yes. So we saw the picture. We saw the picture now. Don't give too much away, because people listening did not get to see the photo. Okay, but Tiffany, you can either go first or last. We're all going to guess.

You're our guest. I want to go last. Okay, all right. So let's review. Living at home. In the basement. Boyfriend. In the basement.

Pooping pee bucket. Willing. I mean, I figure some would say, I'm not saying, but some would say there might be ages in life where you would put up with shitting like that and then where you're like, I don't. Okay, I think I know. Okay, Randy Sklar. I'm going to go first. I think she's 28 years old.

28 years old. And also, remember Tiffany? Old enough to know. All you have to do is be closest. Don't worry about being over. No price is right. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to say 21.

21. She looks like she's 38 in my mind, but she's 21. Okay. Okay. Tiffany, knowing what you know. Knowing what I know, this heifer is 40. 40! I'm going to tell you. That's so balls on. you balls on i love i'm gonna tell you right now one of the numbers we've heard dead on oh oh this is so fun so we're gonna be

like she's 15 so no here's the deal tiffany what i've seen shit so we do this and our fans and people who listen to the show like if they're listening at work, they'll be listening and they'll stop. And they all guess what it is at this point. So for those who are listening and make your guesses right now. Dan, Dan. All right. Leigh-Anne Sepulik is 38 years old. Tiffany Haddish with the win.

Jason Sklar had it on the nose, but did not stick to that number. Point goes to Tiffany Haddish. I knew it. 38 years old. She's making bad choices. I love where you had her. All right, she's almost there at 40 years old.

I'm assuming she doesn't have any kids. I wanted to say she was the same age as me. 26? 25? Yeah, I'm 14. 14? You look good. I wanted to say she was the same age as me. 26? 25? Yeah, I'm 14. 14? You look good. I don't care how old you are.

I'm 37. And I'll be 38. I don't believe that. You're like a decade older than me. That's because of those capris. Yeah, that's what it is. I'm going to guess at 38, she has moved out and into that house. 12 times.

At least 12 times. Yeah, she's been to jail several times. Look at her face. So that's how she moves out. I just wonder, when she lit him on fire, was she like, I'm going to put his ass out with the bucket? Or was that just, holy shit, this got a lot bigger than I thought it was going to be? That's what happened.

It definitely was like, I got to grab anything close. All right, that is the first segment. That first story down, Tiffany Haddish, star of Girls Trip and many other things. She's got a new comedy special coming out on Showtime. We'll talk about that after the break. And a new show with Tracy Morgan.

And a new show with Tracy Morgan. We'll talk about it all. And my book. And a book. And I'm about to transform into a unicorn. Yeah,

the unicorn transformation. I love all of it and this is Dumb People Town. Stay with us. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey, guys.

Welcome back to Dumb People Town. If you're new to this show, thanks for joining us. If you're just a fan of Tiffany's and you want to hear her talk, thanks for joining our show. Glad you're here. Now you can go back in the back catalog and catch up with people, great people like Kamil Nanjiani and John Hamm and Aisha Tyler

and Adam Carolla and Dan Harmon. All great people. You can just check it out. Jump back in. Subscribe, rate, review. Thank you to all those people who have been doing that

who have kept the podcast up in the top 10 in comedy which in the top 30 in all podcasts. We had a great week this past week or in the last two weeks. So thank you for that.

Tiffany, we were saying, because we're actually trying to figure out where our stand-up special is going to go. It was originally supposed to be on CISO, and it might still come out on CISO, but it might go elsewhere. We don't know yet. But you have a stand-up special coming out on Showtime in the month of August. Yes. August 18th.

It'll be on Showtime at 9 o'clock. Perfect. Everybody check it out. It's called Tiffany Haddish, She Ready from the Hood to Hollywood. Oh, nice. Love it. Yes. To Hollywood.

Anything from what you did the other night, or was the other night pushing out new stuff? I'm pushing out new stuff. Right. The story about, he was telling me because I had to split, but the story about taking the- Well, this was from, I think this was from Kimmel. I watched the clip. The story about doing the Swamp Tour with Will Smith. Yeah, this was from Kimmel. I watched the clip. The story about doing the swamp tour with Will Smith. Yeah, and that's in my special.

That's in my special. That's in my special, yeah. Give just a little taste, because I want... Okay, so... Okay, I'm not going to say anything, but just, yeah. You're down in New Orleans.

I'm down in New Orleans working on Girls Trip, and... You have an off day, or... Yeah, we had off day. We're off on the weekends. Okay. And Jada invites her husband to set. He comes to set.

And then they invite me to dinner with them. And I'm like, oh, this is it. I made it. You made it. Or were you thinking. Will Smith. Were you thinking like three way maybe? Just is this going to happen?

Could this happen? I mean. You could be like, I could be with either of them. For a hot second, I thought maybe that's what they're trying to. But then for like a hot second, because we read these things about them. And then I'm looking at them together and I'm like, that's not how they get down. If it's how they get down, they're not about to do that with me because I don't eat tacos. So anyways, we are at dinner really enjoying ourselves and stuff.

And then Jada asked me, what are you doing tomorrow? We're off. What are you doing? I said, well, I got me a Groupon to go on the swamp tour so that's what i'm gonna do she said you're going all by yourself i say yes i don't have a group on for a swamp tour is the hood before you get to hollywood right okay that's on the way to hollywood group right so um jada's like oh you shouldn't go by yourself we'll go with you and i'm like oh yeah okay whatever like you know because i think famous

people always say they're gonna do stuff but they don't yeah so so the next day the next morning i wake up i smoke a bunch of weed right because i'm about to go on a swamp tour yeah and i'm like the alligators are gonna be talking to me raccoons are gonna be in a disney movie straight up so so like an hour after i smoked this weed, Jada calls me. She goes, Tiffany, you going on that swamp tour? So I said, yeah. She said, well, Will and I are going to go with you. I was like, what?

Oh, man. Okay, this is awesome. I was like, don't worry about a thing. Since you guys got dinner last night, I'm going to cover your Groupon. Everything on me. Everything on me. Don't worry about it. So nice.

So then she said, meet us at our hotel. I said, okay, cool. So I pull up to their hotel i'm thinking i'm gonna get my keys to the valet and just you know getting their suv with them and just enjoy myself now mind you i'm in a 20 a day rental car okay in a just in a really cheap car really cheap car so all of a sudden as i'm trying to hand the keys over will smith comes running out of the hotel like he and bad boy seven like full speed opens up the back door of the car jumps in the back and he's like wow it's been years since i've been in a regular car and then jada gets in jada gets in and she goes she goes oh the windows aren't tinted i don't know if i feel safe and i was like really jada you're from

baltimore bitch come on exactly and this is a $20 car that's why you shouldn't feel safe yeah you got whole other reasons and then will's like go go go and i'm like oh okay okay right so i start to drive now in my mind i'm leaning back like a cool gangster chick driving right but the next day jada said i was on the steering wheel like real close like grandma 10 and 2 yeah 10 and 2 and really close and i said well of course i was jada because all Jada. Because all I could think to myself was, Tiffany, be careful. You don't want to be the bitch on TMZ that killed the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. You remember that headline? Yeah.

Not so Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Oh, man. That's a lot of pressure. You got precious cargo. Yeah, and it's 200. And I had just Googled their net worth before I went to bed the night before. $280 million sitting in the back seat of a 20 dollar car a day rental my life insurance policy don't even cover that like nothing none of it and you're

taking them to the swamp and i'm taking them to the swamp right i love i just like picturing the thought process in your mind of like oh we're oh, we're taking my car. Oh, oh, oh. I'm driving. All right. Okay, okay. We'll do that. So we pull up and there's all these people standing outside

the swamp tour place, right? And Jada goes, Tiffany, why are all these people out here? I said, they probably all got Groupons. She was like, what the fuck is a Groupon?

Oh. They roll up and they're thinking to themselves, oh shit, it's going to be a private swamp tour. And then all of a sudden you're like, I now have to talk to regular people. Right. Jada's like, no, this is going to be a problem. We cannot go in. And I was like, as I said, wait a minute, Jada, what do you think a Groupon is? She said, I thought it meant you had your own boat that you could take a group of people on. Take a group on. Take a group on. I said, Jada, why would I have my own boat? And I got a group of people on take a group on take a group on i said

jada why would i have my own boat and i got a 20 a day rental y'all staying at the ritz-carlton i'm staying at the marriott garden you guys are in a hotel you probably own right like come on now she just she also gave me a givenachi bag i mean a givanchi bag because i had a michael chorus bag and she said i'm about to be an a-list actress and you can't Come on now. She just, she also gave me a Givenachi bag. I mean, a Givenchy bag. Yeah. Because I had a Michael Kors bag and she said, I'm about to be an A-list actress and you can't be walking around here in these, it was a knockoff Michael Kors. And she was like, and I was like, why would I? It was spelled C-O-R-E-S. No, it was.

C-O-R-E-S. No, it had M-K's all over it, but a little L in the middle. It was an MLK bag. Yeah, MLK. It was a freedom bag. MLK. It was an MLK bag. Peaceful resistance.

I have a dream to put stuff in this bag. Yes. All right. So. So. I can't believe they're all standing. There are like regular people there and they're there with you. Yeah.

And we're in the car. Now we're having an argument. About whether to go. And she's like, Will, call security right now. They're going to come take you back to the hotel. I'm going to go on the swamp tour because they're not even going to recognize me. Like, they're not going to know who I am. But you can't go.

You can't go. And Will's like mad. He said, why would you invite me on the swamp tour if I can't go on the swamp tour? She's like, it's not going to be safe. It's going to be too much. It's going to be crazy. And I was like, look here, Jada. You with me, okay?

I'm from South Central Los Angeles. Ain't nobody finna mess with us. We about to have fun on this swamp. You understand me? And Will's like, yeah, let's go. I love it. Will in the back. Yes, he's in the back seat. He's in the swamp you understand me and will's like yeah let's go i love it well in the back yes he's

in the back seat he's in the back seat and it was so crazy when i was driving because you know how you look in your rear view and every time i looked in the rear view it was will that is you have men in black and he was just smiling and stuff just enjoying his what music are you listening to oh oh i had the hip-hop station on chris Brown was playing. Jada goes, oh, I like this song. Who is this? I said, it's Chris Brown. She's like, who is that? And we'll just start busting up and laughing.

She did not say who is that. Yeah, she said, who is that? I said, you don't know who Chris Brown is, Jada? Let me hit you on the head first. I said, what do you listen to when you're at home? She goes, Tibetan monks. I was like, oh, that's rich people music. Yeah, that's not Chris Brown.

That's not Chris Brown. It's a different kind of Chris Brown. So we end up going on this. We end up going, right? So he goes on. He goes on. We walk towards the boat. Nobody bothers us or anything.

That's amazing. There's like this old ass, kind of just like swamped dude sitting on a bucket. And he's watching us. He goes, oh, shit, that's Will Smith right there. Everybody's like looking and stuff. You know if that guy knows you, you've made it. You have made it. This dude don't have no teeth and nothing.

He doesn't know anything. You've made it. He can't even recognize half of the women he's been with. But his favorite movie is Wild Wild West. Right. He's like, how did they get them robots back then? All right, anyway. So then we walk onto the boat, right?

And when we walk on, I walk on first. Everybody's clapping and cheering. And I'm like, thank you. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. And they're like, not you. No, Will Jada. Will Jada. and i'm like thank you thank you so much i really appreciate that like not you no will jayden will jayden i'm like y'all scandalous i brought them right yeah i'm the reason yeah so so then some really drunk white guy comes up to when he goes hey will what part of philadelphia are you from and uh what goes west philadelphia and he goes yeah born and raised playground a lot of days right right no yeah yeah

and he's like can i get a picture with you and then a girl just can i get a picture another And he goes, yeah, born and raised playground a lot of days. Right. No. Yeah. And he's like, can I get a picture with you? And then a girl just can I get a picture? Another girl's like, I would like to get a picture. And then Will stands up. Right. And he's so tall. Like he stands up over everybody. He goes, look, look, this is the Cajun Swamp Tour, not the Will Smith Tour.

So let's just enjoy ourselves. Good. See what we can see. Learn what we can learn. And at the end of the tour if Jada and I are in the mood we'll take pictures by the way

are you okay with that that is beautifully handled in the nicest way possible I'm so happy to hear that he handled that as well as he handled that it was amazing and everybody starts going

yeah yeah they're cheering and stuff and I'm like oh this is messed up he didn't even say nothing funny and they cheering for him I'm working hard over here it's cause he got money huh i wish y'all knew we was here on a

group we about to have 66 dollars worth of fun up in here the three of us 22 no it was four it was four i have to mention this yeah okay because will's brother did come with us too he sat in the front seat and uh he got mad at me for leaving him out the story but i said you're you're irrelevant you're will's brother you're just left out of everything come on now it'd be more interesting if i was saying oh and let me tell you the story of how i almost married will smith's brother like that would be that's a different story that is amazing and that is going to be in the new special in august in august august 18th showtime 9 p.m where'd you do it uh i did it here in la atA. at the Nate Holden Theater. Nice.

Right on Washington Boulevard between La Brea and Crenshaw. So it's like hood adjacent. Yes. Between the hood and Hollywood. Yeah. Between the hood and Hollywood. Literally between the hood and Hollywood. I've gone that route so many times on my way to the Chili's over in New York.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's one of the best Chili's in this country. But you live in South Central. Yes. Is that where you grew up? That is where I grew up and that is where I live. And this is where you live.

Yeah. Well, I kind of grew up all over California. What's going to happen now? I mean, I'm telling you, after this weekend and next weekend, you are going to get like- It's going to be different. It's going to be different. I hate to tell you, girl. That's what everybody says, but I don't think so.

You're not that way. You don't have that about you. You know what I think? And then we'll get to a second story. Sure. And this is why I think you're not that way. Because you're a stand-up. You're a performer right and stand-up has a way of humbling you

and reminding you that anytime you go on a stage it could go south we don't know it's different than being just like you're this gigantic star you've worked we've seen you work and rise up so so that situation is very this represents it so you walk into this situation that's kind of a crazy one and Jada's like call security get you out of here this is a bad situation

you constantly put yourself on stage in that figurative situation where you're like this could go bad and people could be like she's not funny

and this and that so I feel like that will keep you grounded but you're about to you're about to be huge I think there's that thing too with like stand-ups where you know that feeling

that we all have where you're on stage having a. I think there's that thing too with like stand-ups where, you know that feeling that we all have where you're on stage having a great set, right? And it's, everything goes well and then right after the show you might run into some people saying how great the show was

and everything feels awesome and you felt like you couldn't have done any better and then 25 minutes later you're sitting alone in a hotel room. Yeah. Like that,

stand-ups always just know that the veil between what's real is just so thin anyway. Very thin. Yeah, it's just like, oh, this could's real is just so thin anyway. Very thin. Yeah. It's just like, oh, this could just be gone in a minute. Because it happens every time you do a show on the road. You're like, and now I'm alone in a hotel room.

And it's a complete, you just know that the switch can just, none of it's real. I appreciate the experience. I appreciate every moment. I'm enjoying it, and I'm really grateful for it. And Jada's telling me, girl, you're going to have to move off over there you can't stay off of crenshaw no more it's dangerous i'm like girl it's mansions over here off of crenshaw like i'm gonna stay over here she's like i'm telling you uh-uh because it's gonna be men sitting outside your house with their dick in their hands you're gonna have to move there will be that that's her concern yeah

that's her concern i think it'd be nice if you bring some paparazzi down to South Central. Make them work for it. Man, yeah. Make them earn it. That's what my stylist is like. It's going to be a protection against Tansy. Tiffany, you can't just go to a restaurant. You have to be stylish when you go out because paparazzi will be there.

I said, if they come down to the Serving Spoon in Inglewood, then they deserve to get a damn picture. If they come over here off of 78th and Western to my uncle restaurant where I like to go, then they deserve to get a damn picture. Let the record state, as a white man wearing a white t-shirt and yellow shorts and white sneakers, she just said, if they want to come down to this restaurant, and I just snapped. You snapped it off. I snapped. I was like, I'm just saying, I didn't snap. Something made me snap right there.

And I just, yeah. That's real though. Let's get into another story. They want to come to Watts? I like going to Mama Jones over there. They want to come over there? Come on. Hashtag real talk.

All right, come on. You want to do another one? Yeah, let's do another one. This was sent in by Bone Crusher at BoneCrusher82. Great. There are 81 more of them. Is that a female? Do you think that's a female?

She's crushing these bones out bones how great would it be that would be a great name for a female rapper right bone crusher my name is bone crusher watch out boys because i will crush your bone randy and you guys have kids yes you don't have any kids i've raised some yes yes oh i'm crushing the uncle game. This story I'm about to read to you, I just want to know if you experienced what this mom experienced exactly how you deal with it. Even from an auntie perspective. Manchester, New Hampshire. and is raising questions about the cleanliness of a Manchester McDonald's after her son became covered in human waste in the playpen. Now, is this the plot of Manchester by the Sea? Because I have not seen it.

It's close. It's close. It's definitely close. I, yeah, first of all. I can't help it. I took my kid to the McDonald's play, and then he got covered in shit, and now he's a shit boy. Casey Affleck is here?

Now he's a shit boy, and there's nothing I can do about it. It's maybe too much emotion. There's nothing I can do about it, and my kid's a shit boy, and there's nothing I can do about it. Hilarious. It's my fault. It's my fault. Here's the deal.

As a parent, I mean, personally, I just know what fast food does to you. And if we can avoid it and we can, then do it. If you can't do it and you can't avoid it, then you go and you get your fast food. That ball pit or that playpen or that thing right there, you have to assume that the worst, that it is basically a bad thing. You're going to be like, I'm going to go in there. I'm going to come out with HIV. That's where you start. Or HPV at the best case scenario.

Definitely going to come out with chicken pox on her chest. Chicken pox, yes. Like shingles. You have shingles for sure. I just want to make it clear, I was not in that ball pit at any point in time. Fair enough. I was not there. She was in New Hampshire in the area.

She was in the area, but she was not in the ball pit. I don't even know nobody in New Hampshire. The guy you dated was in charge of but she was not I don't even know nobody in New Hampshire the guy you dated was in charge of that ball pit he cheated on you and you know how much he loved

that ball pit he threw his shoes in the ball pit after he got rid of them I mean you have to just assume that nobody is cleaning it at all

because think of how much and this goes back to something I think the minimum wage should be raised but think of how much how little people are paid who work at McDonald's. And if you don't have an ownership in the place that you're working for, we've all worked at places.

We don't own it. We're like, I don't care. I'm not going in there. If you're a parent, I know it looks good for you and your kids. Just if you can't see all the things, get away from it. Right. Well, what if he was playing with the little girl in there and he made her mad and she was like, I got to poop. And she took her poop and just spread it all over his ass.

So she's training to be a woman who will be wrong later in life. Yes. That part. That's it. That part right there. Justina Whitmore said when she let her son play, she knew he may be covered in germs. Quote, germs, yes. Poop, no.

That's kind of a good rule for life, right? Germs, yes. Poop, no. Look, we of a good rule for life, right? Germs, yes. Poop, no. Look, we're going to be covered in germs. She said she never imagined her five-year-old would emerge from the yellow slide covered in another child's waist. Quote, I was still eating, and the next thing I knew, he came out and just stated there was poop all inside the slide, she said. When he came out, he was covered in poop. She's just sitting there eating.

Yes. She's not even watching the slide. Let's be honest. She's probably pointed in a different direction, just shoveling food. I wonder who this other kid was that was like, I'm going to poop in this slide. I'm dumping all over the place. Oh, yes. I can't hold it anymore.

Gabriel, that's the name of the boy. I just ate McDonald's. Gabriel said he was playing tag with another child who apparently had a soiled diaper quote it was because the boy with the diaper went down the slide first and then i couldn't help it and it went all over me that's what gabriel by the way i love that they're getting quotes from the kids what reliable information you're gonna get it from kids always from the mouth of babes yeah they do tell the truth. It's what happened after the incident that the mother finds even more outrageous. There was

no soap in the bathroom and when she asked employees for help, she said they just laughed at her. I would start escalating this situation. I'm going to own that place. Thank you. I will take this franchise. Grab one of them and make them go down the slide. Oh, this is funny? Here, come here.

Come here. I'm the manager now. Yes. Quote, I went over to the counter and said, are you going to give me any paper towels or anything to help clean my son off? And they were just laughing and arguing about who should clean it up. I get the second part of that. Yeah, that part I get.

Yeah, I do too. But if there's no soap, it's illegal for a restaurant not to have soap in the bathroom. That's illegal. You can have cold water. Sure. You could not have any paper towels. Sure. But it is illegal not to have soap.

You can air dry. For 10 minutes, Justina Whitmore said she was pleading for assistance only to have employees ignore her and take smoke breaks or act like a child. Smoke breaks. This went on long enough for them to be like, I gotta take a break from this conversation. If I don't punch out right now, my manager's gonna have my ass. I am literally required

by the state to take a break from your complaining. Wow. Exactly. I was at the point of using my bare hands and fortunately,

one of his socks did not have poop on it so I was using his left sock to scrape it off his skin. This is like a refugee situation happening. Damn. In a McDonald's.

Her friend started taking video when things got heated. Whitmore shared the encounter on Facebook. It's now been shared thousands and thousands of times, raising questions about the cleanliness of the fast food favorite. I'm sure the employees go to the bathroom. Whitmore said there's no soap. Unbelievable. How are they washing their hands?

This is what she said. That's insanity. You have to have it. You have to have it. By law. The whole McDonald's can be shut down, and she can sue the a great... This is what she said. That's unsanitary. You have to have it. You have to have it. By law. The whole McDonald's can be shut down, and she can sue the hell out of it. And she should. That's what I would do.

I hope she gets as many quarter pounders. That's my go-to at McDonald's if I have to. McRibs. McFlurries. I've never had a McRib. Filet-O-Fish sandwich. Filet-O-Fish. Are you somebody's grandma?

No, but that's my favorite. Really? Grandmas love Filet-O-Fish, too. I used to eat it with my grandma, and then we'd get lettuce added to it and tomatoes. Oh, you went all out. By the way, for me, in the fish sandwich, it's that, the tartar sauce they put on top with that, what are those little green squares? I think that's like-

Is that relish? I think it's relish. Okay. Yeah. That was the thing I always- That's the ad campaign. Do you guys remember way back in the day at McDonald's, the Filet-O-Fish came in a blue styrofoam container?

Yes, which was so cool. Yes, because all the other ones were like gold or white or whatever. It was like the Arch Deluxe. Remember the brief period of the Arch Deluxe? No. No. No. It was in the mid-90s.

But the McFish, is it the McFish or the Filet-O-Fish? The Filet-O-Fish. They should have called it a McFish, number one. But their slogan was, tastes like grandma. Shut up. Hilarious. Tastes like someone's grandma. Hilarious.

All right, is she going to win this thing? She said she wants an apology, but hasn't heard from the owner. She should want money. Money and an apology. Boston 25 News received a statement from the owner, Michael Gambino. That's why I start to back away. I go, you know what? you run your mcdonald's however you want mcdonald's gambino's yes uh they said that safety well-being uh of our customers

are our top priorities i would beg to differ we're investigating the situation and we'll take any opportunities to uh to uh make measures i guarantee you as a parent that kid who was in that diaper with shit in it has been in that shit for like five to six hours yeah yeah the other kid like you can also sue that other kid just you know you know okay so my mom used to drop us off at mcdonald's like drop us off at the little playground and come back like two three hours later and get us she'd give us five dollars each and we get whatever we wanted it was like rich as hell i was like eight okay seven or eight what would you go and i had my brothers and sisters so i had two sisters two brothers and they both were like three and four and my baby sister yeah and i was taking care of them and we would just eat good and then

sometimes we would be like share our french fries with other kids i remember one time this kid was bleeding everywhere busted his mouth on the dance slide was bleeding everywhere. Busted his mouth on the dance floor. It was bleeding everywhere. Nobody cleaned up the blood. No. Nobody cleaned up the blood for hours. We was there for the longest and it was just like, okay, don't play on that one.

We can play on this but we can't play on that. I love that you just were like, we're going to make do. That thing's off limits. We put our own mental like red caution tape. Stay away from there.

Awesome. Story two, guys. Story two, down in the books. We have one more segment. When we come back, we'll do one final story with Tiffany Haddish again star one of the stars

of Girls Trip you gotta check that movie out and we'll talk support it let's take it to number one let's do it we can do that next week you guys

we definitely or this week just see it when this comes out and then a new segment at the very end where we just share with Dan

yeah a little town business a little town business. A little town business. So when we come back, more Dumb People Town. Yeah. All right, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. Can we follow you on Twitter? Yes.

Yes. It's Tiffany Haddish. H-A-D-D-I-S-H. That's correct. And on the Instys. Tiffany like the diamonds. Yeah, everything's Tiffany Haddish. Great.

Okay. Follow her on Instagram. Follow her on all that stuff. I'm even on a foot fetish website, you guys. Because I have- WikiFeet? Yeah feet yeah oh you guys know it okay because only because jessica st claire and lennon parham the girls from playing house great show on usa they said i they were telling us about this thing about like i can't believe that i'm on this site called wiki feet because i wear like why because you show up at like premieres and stuff and you're open toe and they take pictures

and when i did def jam i did this whole joke about uh feet and foot fucking and stuff and you're open toe and they take pictures and when I did Def Jam I did this whole joke about feet and foot fucking and stuff and ever since then my feet have been my feet are more famous than me

and they're ugly feet but no they're not a lot of guys think they're hot they're like ooh them corns I want to suck on them corns

that bunion on your left foot so big ooh can you please send me a picture of your foot and I'll be like no and then I send them

pictures of my grandma's feet. There you go. Her feet look like she mixed with alligators. She's on the swamp tour. They just look over her at her feet. You took Jada and Will on a Groupon to see your grandma's feet. You guys want to do

the last one? We got Tiffany here. Sent in by J Hodge at uncle underscore Hodge. H-o-d-g thanks j here we go it seems that some women i'm going to say this really quick i sat on the story because i couldn't wait for us to have a female guest to be able to speak to this of the female perspective it seems that some women will stop at nothing in the pursuit of holistic rejuvenation. True. Ground-up wasps' nests, also known as oak gall powder or mangiacini, are being touted

as the latest treatment to tighten the vagina and rid it of odors, and doctors are concerned about their effect. She's laughing effect one eyebrow went up on tiffin she's like where's the headline i saw her taking notes here's the headline women are putting ground-up wasp nests in their vaginas and doctors want them to stop now is it true they call your vagina the wasp's nest no you literally are like have you heard of this i gotta go take i have an appointment today you're're like, who you seeing? Orkin?

I've heard of some things. I have never heard of putting ground up wasp nests in the cooter. That's somebody who hates women, came up with that and is getting women to do this. No, if you want it to get tighter, you just need to take a bath in some baking soda,

sea salt, or you can even- And just a tiny ground up bumblebee you could put some hydrogen peroxide in your bath water and then you know roaches in your coochie i don't know no just grind up a wasp nest sold on i mean is this the worst ending of the movie my girl yeah Yeah. Hilarious. Sold on sites like Amazon and Etsy, oak galls or oak apples are the bulbous tree growths that result from wasps laying larva in branches. Because the tree regards the larva as an irritant, it naturally creates a hard shell around it. Then the little worms inside of these balls, they feed off the growth until they can break free. Some

holistic practitioners believe that once the alcohols are ground up and mixed into a paste or boiled and used as a vaginal wash, their astringent properties will tighten and firm the muscles of the vagina and ultimately improve elasticity

according to popular science. I would not try that at all. Now, I have taken some oregano and some basil. And put it on a pizza? No. Yes, but no. Put it on a pie?

I boiled it. You know, boiled it. And put a little bit of tea tree oil in that. Okay. So far, this is all good. Yeah, two drops of tea tree oil. Just ground up a wasp and put it. Okay. You know, boiled it. And put a little bit of tea tree oil in that. Okay. So far, this is all good. Yeah, two drops of tea tree oil. Just ground up a wasp and put it in there. No, I've never done that.

And I've put it in a douche bag and, like, wrenched my stuff out with that. And then, like. Did it work? Man, did it. Then, dude was like, ooh, your coochie minty. I was like, mm. Eat up. Ooh, your coochie minty.

Double mint, baby. Double mint. Ooh, your coochie minty. Ooh, you're Coochie Minty. Double mint, baby. Double mint. Ooh, you're Coochie Minty. Ooh, you're Coochie Minty might be. Oh, that's going to be the title of this episode. Ooh, you're Coochie Minty. I hope you looked at that guy and said, why don't you get some of that essential oil? Get some of that essential oil.

But yeah, that's a close one. Okay, so you are, just just by saying that you are admitting that people when they want to take care down there will go to some experience because there's some girls out here that is so ratchet they think things so bad because they're just not taking care of themselves they're not eating right and you're just trying to figure out how to get that smell of death out your coochie i say this in the i say this in the whitest way possible they gotta wash their ass they do they really to wash their ass. They do. They really got to wash their ass. But also, you got to sit, like, as a woman, you got to sit in a bath of water at least

once a week. That's right. You can't just be taking showers. You got to soak that thing. And by the way, and just a point of caution. And suck the water in and push it out. Suck the water in and push it out. That'll make your culture stronger.

By the way, your vagina can drown in an inch of water. I just want to let people know. Just be careful. Let it drown. Let it drown. A lot of people don't know this, but they'll try to go through and a vagina can stall in as little as three inches of water. They stall out and then you got to try.

Well, you know, that's true because if you're on your cycle and you get in some water, your cycle will stop. I've heard that as well. It will stop automatically so you don't get eaten by sharks. As soon as you get out of stop automatically so you don't get eaten by sharks. Yes. All I know is survival. As soon as you get out of the water, you bleed so bad.

Okay. You look like somebody shot you between the legs. Oh, no. Come on. Seriously, this just went south. Don't you ever apologize

on Dumb People Town. Don't you ever apologize on Dumb People Town. All right, guys. That's Tiffany Haddish. Thank you for joining us. That's a great way to kind of end this.

Go see the movie. Check out her special on Showtime on the 18th don't put bees in your vagina don't grind them up and do not ever ever cross this woman

if you do make sure you got like a shoe tree and your shoes are stuck on them yeah I'm working on the whole thing

of revenge just don't cross this woman do not cross this woman I don't want anyone to do anything bad yeah you are the best sweetest and the best. Thank you.

Thank you for joining us. Thank you for having me. I'll see you guys later. Yeah. Yay. Before we get out of here, I want to try something new on the podcast. It's a new thing because this is, you know, we do the Facebook page and we try and put on there the stories from what we talked about in pictures.

But then we also put in some personal pictures of stuff that has happened to us throughout this. And some of them take off. And Dan's raffle history has taken off on our Facebook page. The picture of you with the raffle woman and you did not tie your short strings. I don't want to. Dan, what did you become, a religious person?

No, then you get a weird shape right around the top of where your D is. All right, fine. You know what I'm saying? That's already of where your D is. All right, fine. You know what I'm saying? That's already a weird shape for me. No, I want the shirt flat against it. You don't want a muffin top. All right, fine.

Okay, fine. Is a muffin top when your strings are tied? Yeah, your strings are tied. And then your gut comes out. That's like a surgery. You get your strings tied. So it is fun to check in and be like, Dan, what happened to you? What did you do?

So this is a little segment we like to call Judging Dan. Judging Dan. Where we find out what you did and then we make fun of it. We're now calling Judging Dan. And then we judge it. Guys, I had a great weekend. What'd you do? I went to Stand By Me Day in Brownsville, Oregon.

It's the town where they filmed all of the, like so many of the exterior scenes. Pie eating contest where everyone's puking. Yes. How many times did someone come up to you and say, you want to see a dead body? It does happen a lot. Sure. Here's the exterior seats. Pie-eating contest where everyone's puking. Yes. How many times did someone come up to you and say, you want to see a dead body? It does happen a lot. Sure. Here's the great thing.

Last year was the 30th anniversary and they didn't sell all their merch. What? So this year, everything they were selling was 30th anniversary stuff. And it was 30% off.

And I bought so much of it. Of course you did. It was really, it's really cool. That's my favorite movie of all time. Why do you, I love that movie too,. Of course you did. It was really, it's really cool. That movie, that's my favorite movie of all time. Why did, why do you,

I love that movie too, but why do you connect with it? I think I'm all those kids. You're all those kids. I've had people close to me in my life before. What do you, like which one of those

do you think is most me? And some people tend to say somewhere between Chris Chambers, which is River Phoenix's character, and Will Wheaton's character, Gordy the Chance. Yeah.

That's probably the closest, but I identify with all of them. I don't know, that movie just really I just love it. It really speaks to me in a way. Beautiful shot. One of the best uses of children acting with each other in way without adults. Oh my gosh. Without adults in it and finding a

way to create connection that adults can appreciate. Also make children's problems big enough that it made sense. Yeah, yeah. Kind of like in a Fast Times at Ridgemont Highway where people are like, oh, this is really what kids are dealing with. But it didn't try to make kids funny by making them super precocious and acting like sarcastic like old people.

No, not at all. It was them being, like only maybe Corey Feldman's character kind of pushed the boundaries of being a little bit. That was the most Feldman-y that he was. So you went and you enjoyed that. Oh my gosh. And you won a raffle. Okay, so I buy these raffle tickets.

Of course, you're on a roll. They read it off and you put your name on the back and they're like, Daniel? And it was first. It was the first one. What? They had other prizes? So I figured first, the first isn't the for the money no and then i walk up and then they hand me the money and then there was a little what money it was a

50 50 raffle so everybody buys a ticket they take half of all the proceeds and give it to the charity charity of the town whatever dollars and then the other no okay and then they're 48 dollars it didn't feel like a 50-50 split let's just put it that way Dan's like let me see your accounting practices

yeah exactly and then they had a little kid who was dressed like Chris Chambers and he threw up on you no

he said you know how this ends no he he tried to return the lunch money that's a deep cut joke wow super deep

and so he was there so I like begged that kid to get a picture with me, which is always, it never feels like a good look. I saw that picture. When you're asking a stranger, like when you're a stranger. Come here, kid. Get closer. Get closer.

Smile more. But he was dressed in costume and won the costume contest. I know. But I did. I came in very. Came in hot. Came in hot, dude. Hot and gentle.

Hot and gentle. Which is my first comedy album. You guys can check that out right now on Spotify oh god so you're taking pictures with random kids yeah and then some guy walked up to me and was like hey you're from California and I was like as I always do

you already know the answer to this I'm from Rochelle, Illinois by way of Rochelle you're right 100% I'm actually from Rochelle, Illinois but I live in California these days and then he goes you want to sit in one of the cars from the movie and I said

I don't know why being from California would make you want to do that more than I do I don't either and then he's like I had to track you down because when I got pie blueberry pie of course I got in a conversation with some guy who then went and told this dude that guy's from California.

So then he came over and found me, and I was looking at this picture. They have this museum that's just pictures from the town, but they have a Stand By Me section. And he's like, you don't know none of them people. Come on with me. And then he took me over to his car. This is where you end up under somebody's bed for 14 years. Yeah, like living in a cell.

And then they let you out, and you go back in. Yeah, because you have the Stockholm Center. And we had the girls from My Favorite Murder out and you go back in. Yeah. Because you have Stockholm Syndrome. And we had the girls from My Favorite Murder, if you want to catch that reference. Yes, yes. On Dumb People Talk. So then I went over and he was like, get in my car and take a look. I did. No.

Of course I did. It wasn't going anywhere. It's an old like Buick from like the early 50s. That's how Billy Ocean used to sexually harass women. Get out of my car. Get out of my dreams. Get into my car. Do you remember there was a guy, Steve

Oh my god, I'm going to mess this up, Steve. I'm sorry. My phone's not in front of you. He's the producer of AM Northwest. We did Portland. He showed up. He was there. He's like, I saw your post on Instagram and I came too and he was there with his family. So he actually took the picture of me winning another raffle.

That's crazy, Daniel. I actually won the raffle twice. They read another ticket of mine off and I tried to be nice about it. People hated you. You're the asshole from California. You became the asshole from California. And then the lady reads it off, right?

And then she goes, Daniel. And I look up and I'm like, you know what? Let someone else win it. And she looked at me like, just come get the goddamn pass. She was mad. She was so mad because she was reading off a ton of numbers and nobody was winning. So I would have made her happy if I had just gone. Just get it.

Go get it. Yes. Because she doesn't care. So you're like Scaramucci. You had to please one person while everybody else is upset. Yeah, exactly. Well, that is awesome. You are on a roll.

You can't not win raffles. You and Jan Flato have to go out and just basically raffle his money back to him. I want him and I to star in a remake of Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. But I'm the John Candy character. Or Thelma and Louise. Both of you guys just take it off a cliff. Buses, air taxis, and Ubers. Yeah, buses, air taxis, and Ubers.

Why isn't that reboot done? Daniel, thank you for updating us. It's been fun judging. You guys doing good? You want any raffles? No, I have not won any raffles. But maybe we'll do a How's It going with you, Jay, next segment. Love it.

This is a great episode. I want to thank Tiffany Haddish. Go see her movie, Girls Trip. It looks awesome. Dan's seen it. But we are going to go check it out. You guys should, too. And we'll be back next week with a fantastic guest, Jason Mantzoukas.

So, guys, keep it rolling. We've got to get back to work.