Dumb People Town - Tig Notaro - Leopard Larry

Episode Date: September 29, 2020

This week Tig Notaro comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. The first story is about a man who wakes up floating in the ocean after going out for errands. The second story is about a flight simulator game that simulates the passenger experience. The final story is about the home that beer built.

Skypains out now. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population here. Population Notaro. episode of dumb people town population population nataro tig nataro you are forever etched into the lore of this show you know that when we ask people to guess the age or guess how much damage someone did with a lawnmower to someone else's preschool or how that we guess the age we say you get to choose first tig or third meaning you get because you were the first person who said i want to go in between you split me and jay and that was great hi tig hi it's so good to have you here you interrupted yourself i know because i was like

why am i talking let's get to tig please but you're telling the TIG story and then you interrupted. Don't you love that you became literally a part of our show? Well, everyone, you said, why can't I have the option to go in between? We said, you could go first or last.

And you're like, I want to go second. And so now we call that TIG. And someone actually made, we made a shirt, a shirt that just says first TIG third. We got to send you one. And is that flying off the shelves?

It is. Define flying. Yeah got to send you one. And is that flying off the shelves? It is. Define flying. Yeah. How would you define flying? Has it fallen off the shelf? Yes. A couple have fallen off. Nothing we ever do flies off a shelf unless it's inadvertent.

So how are you? Are you okay in this crazy, messed up world that we are living in right now? You know, I'm doing okay. I obviously life could be better for everyone with everything. But I, I really try to look at everything I have and say, this is way better than it could be.

Yeah. Yeah. Uh, and way better than others in ways. And I'm sure others have it better than we do. Yeah. Sure. But,

um, but I certainly am very aware that we're, we're not where we can. Yeah we're yeah yeah i mean the world for your special that was such a breakout amazing stand-up special the world tested you you were put through the ringer and then i think the world was like i think we need to do that to everybody let's now do that we we piloted that was my favorite thing when she said that God was like, I think she can take a little bit more. Take a little bit more.

That's what they're now saying to the rest of us. Tig, you were the pilot. And now this is the series. I said, dole it out to the scars. Yeah, well, now we all got it. Here's the thing that I think is really funny that dumb, and we sort of knew this was happening ahead of time, dumb still grows.

Unaffected by the pandemic. Like weeds through the asphalt. Dumb just keeps growing. And it keeps existing in this world. We never have a shortage of stories. Yeah. And it rears its head more frequently, I imagine. You can't lock down dumb.

I've always said that. No, dumb will claw its way out. That's right. Well, as you know, on this show, we like to go through three wonderful stories from our listeners who send them to us. Let's jump into one right away and then we'll take a break and we'll talk about your amazing number of podcasts that you're involved in right now. But let's jump into a story. You want to jump into one, Tig? Well, it sounds like we have to. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What if she said no

and that was the end of the podcast? Yeah. Okay. That's great. Thanks so much. That was fast. All right. This was sent in by

SingBlueSilver at Dartmouth Dogs. Thank you, SingBlueSilver, for sending this in. So much that I don't understand. Okay. CBC. But I didn't go to Dartmouth.

This comes from CBC. Canada. Not yet. Nova Scotia. Yeah, there's time. Okay. Canada. Not yet. Nova Scotia. Yeah, there's time. Okay, Canada. Old Canada. What began as a road trip to Cape Breton turned

into an aquatic adventure for a Nova Scotia man when he woke up floating toward the Atlantic Ocean. That's a bad one. How do you find yourself in that scenario? Starting as a road trip and ending as a float trip? Yeah. In float trip yeah in the ocean in the ocean i don't know but i'll tell you something my my friend uh my my friends shannon and larry

okay went out to enchanted rock during college age uh times and they climbed this is in austin and they climbed up to enchanted the top of enchanted rock rock to hang out they had a little booze uh-huh sure of course and uh begins yeah they uh and when i say a little booze 12 there's a lot there's a lot of booze a lot of booze yeah a little means a lot of booze. A lot of booze. Yeah, a little means a lot. Yeah. I think that Larry had some weed. Uh-huh. Maybe a little weed. So a lot of weed. And then Shannon climbed down Enchanted Rock to get something out of the car. Uh-huh.

And then next thing she knew, she woke up driving. What? Back to Houston. What? Back to Houston. What? And Larry was on the top of Enchanted Rock. And Shannon was driving back to Houston, blasted out of her mind. Oh, my God.

And then remembered and turned around and went and got Larry. And to make a ridiculous story sad, Larry died last year. Oh, man. But anyway. On that rock. He died on that rock. And Larry. You're going to die on Enchanted Rock.

He did not die on Enchanted Rock. Okay. But Larry did ask me to go to prom with him. You know what? Larry became a bit of a world-renowned person. He was Leopard Larry. He was on... His whole

body is tattooed. It was tattooed like a leopard. I've seen this guy. So the fact that he asked you to prom again tells me he does not pay attention to any of the signs. Well, here's the thing. We were buddies. This is the... If my friend... If I don't have a date, I'm going to ask you he does not pay attention to any signs. Well, here's the thing. We were buddies. We were buddies.

Oh, this is the if my friend if I don't have a date I'm going to ask you. We were buddies and maybe he had a crush on me. I had already dropped out of high school

and I said, listen I'm not going to prom. Good man. There's no world where I would go to prom but I will be playing pool down at Slick Willie's. Of course you will.

He skipped his prom. And Larry Brischke, who later turned into Leopard Larry, went and played pool with me at Slick Willie's for his prom. So much better than prom. Let me ask you this. Did he bring you a boutonniere? Just pin it right on you. A corsage.

While corsage while you were using the bridge did he just i'll be honest for a second i didn't know what a boutonniere was that's not what the men do yeah i i i remembered after you said it but no he didn't we just uh smoked cigarettes and played pool i feel like it's the best prom ever leopard He was leopard Larry at the time he got left it on, left on enchanted rock. No, no, no, no,

no. He, he was not leopard. Larry was very, he was in all the advanced level classes. He was exactly who Larry brisky sounds like. And then he started getting into drinking and drugs. And then he kind of went a little nuts and became Leopard Larry.

Heart of gold, though, that guy. That's unbelievable. Enchanted Rock. Look, if you could be taken up. Google him, though. Google Leopard Larry. I'm going to Google Enchanted Rock. Look, here's the deal.

If he I'm sure he forgave the woman who drove away and came back. Shannon. Did he forgive Shannon for driving away? Oh, yeah. We all remain in the house. Whoa, leopard lair. Oh, my God. I'm going to share this.

Share that with the whole screen so we can all see it. Oh, look, I have a picture of him. In high school, leopard. Yes. Enchanted. Yeah, that's when he asked me to prom. Prom, prom,

tig, smoking cigarettes and playing pool at Larry. Right. Larry Brischke. And then leopard Larry. Okay. Here it is. I'm going to pull this up so that we can all partake.

He's, he had so much leopard on him that Jocelyn Wildenstein tried to wear him. That's right. Look, there is, there's leopard Larry. Oh my god. So maybe he's the guy in the... Well, you knew all incarnations, but you... Oh, yeah.

Like, this one. Yeah, yeah. That's Larry Brischke. That's Larry. I love it. I love it, too. That's an amazing story. If you want to see Larry Brischke, we'll throw him on the Facebook page. We'll throw him on the Facebook page. And he had kids. He had kids.

Little pups. I was going to say, how big was the litter, folks? Larry had a couple of kids. He had a couple of cubs. Yeah, a couple of cubs. Good for him. Okay, well, here we go. So these people went floating.

No, one guy. One guy. One guy. Went on a road trip and ended up floating. Perfectly named Grant Hatcher. Grant Hatcher. Grant Hatcher. He took off from Halifax on his motorcycle to visit family in a small fishing village of Neils Harbor.

A five-hour drive. And then he hatched a new plan for himself. That's it. He had some errands to run that day day and he left a little bit later than expected around 7 p.m. By the way, errands on a motorcycle, it sounds like

more complicated. What are you going to get, groceries? Guys, I hate to make this entire podcast about Leopard Larry. No.

Can I just tell you one more Larry Brischke story? I want more Leopard Larry. He was a cast rabbit on a motorcycle. No, I just remembered the dumbest

story. Me and Larry drove out to Lake Conroe, which is where Shannon had... I love Lake Conroe. I've been on it. Shannon's family had a lake house out at Lake Conroe. Larry and I drove out to spend the weekend in Lake Conroe at Shannon's

Lake house, which we spent most of our weekends. We decided we were going to go fishing on Lake Conroe, but we didn't have access to her boat yet. So we should have ended up on this podcast. Yeah, exactly. We bought, we bought, We should have ended up on this podcast. Yeah, exactly. You are. You are.

We bought. We bought. Larry and I went in on an inflatable alligator. No. Come on. We brought our fishing poles. No way. We went half seas on an inflatable alligator with our fishing poles and went out into the lake. We cast our lines.

We hooked the alligator and it deflated. And we had to swim back to shore. How far out were you? Big lake. That's scary. How far out were you? We were like, what do you mean that's scary? I used to water ski in the swamps of Louisiana.

I understand that. But if you're in the swamps of louisiana i understand that but if you're in the middle of a lake there's a lot of traffic on that lake tig guys i lived through it larry passed away unrelated last year i didn't know if that's where this one was ending okay no no larry that was last week on lake Conroe. But we probably weren't too far out. We were about maybe, I don't know, 30 yards out. Okay, enough. And then we had to swim back with our fishing poles. Jesus.

Anyway, that's all. I'm not going to tell any more Larry Bridges. No, but I love it because that's totally relevant because that notion of trying to do other things when you're on something that isn't appropriate for it. Motorcycles aren't good for running errands. just like alligator rafts aren't good for fishing yeah i took a friend i dropped a friend off at the airport on my motorcycle did you when did you have a motorcycle i have two but i don't drive them anymore no but anyway after that weekend did larry ask you to homecoming?

Who wouldn't? If you meet a girl that's going to go fish in the middle of Lake Conroe on an inflatable alligator. If you meet a girl. You found your soulmate. If you meet a girl that is going to scheme with you like that, that is a scheme. To be honest, the alligator was so big, had those handles on the side. Sure, yeah. It was like a raft.

There's a little saddle for each person. We didn't even consider that we were going to hook, we're going to catch our boat. I knew you were going to hook it from the second you say we bought an inflatable alligator. How did I know? We had no clue and he was truly one of the smartest kids at our school.

But anyway, I interrupted. There's no such thing. Take the wheel whenever you want. It's perfect. He had errands to run. He left a little bit later on 7 p.m. He didn't want to be riding into the night. So he pulled off in Knoll Shore around 90 minutes into his journey to find a place to camp. I was like, this is a quote from him.

Oh, perfect. It's right by the ocean there. Should be a great place to set up a tent. Hatcher told CBC's Maritime Noon. And boy, was I wrong. right by the ocean there should be a great place to set up a tent hatcher told cbc's maritime noon and boy was i wrong there was some red flags i feel like he's heard that a lot for hatcher that's a grant that's grand there were some red flags he acknowledged while the area was covered in tall grass it was lying flat on the ground so that was his first red flag, I guess. Red flag number two was that the ground felt damp, but

Hatcher believed at the time that it was because of the rain, even though a part of me knew it was probably a little too squishy. And red flag number three... Was it an actual red flag? Yeah, it was an actual red flag. Someone had left a red flag next to a sign. I'm joking.

Red flag number three was he touched the grass and licked his finger and found it tasted salty. Who does that? To me, oceanographers don't even do that. If you find anything damp outside of the ground, don't put it near your mouth. Who does that? And then

camps there. But aren't you near the ocean? Yes, he's right behind. It would probably be the ocean. Right. Yes, he's right by it. That would probably be the ocean, right? Right. Yes. That's the logical conclusion. That's the biggest flag of all that he hasn't figured out. The ocean being right there? Yes. But don't, who touches something

and is like, I want to see. Salty. You know what? Salty ocean. Oh, that's just dog piss. Like, what are you? Okay. Weird. He licked his finger and found it tasted salty but he thought it was due to the ocean spray yeah it was yeah with the night growing darker and rain starting to come down hatcher was desperate to find a place to sleep now i'm seeing where this is going here's where you're like maybe i shouldn't have taken the motorcycle maybe i should have taken

a car i could sit in this is when he's climbing onto his own alligator raft. So, against his better judgment, he pitched his waterproof tent and fell asleep. Oh, so that should be finest waterproof. Sure. Next story. Next story. Done. He woke up a

few hours later from a dew drop falling on his face. That was normal, he said, as tents tend to collect condensation from people breathing. Sure. But when he turned over on his side, that was the exact moment I realized something was really, really off. He can't feel the ocean beneath him? The only way I can explain the sensation is my aunt had a waterbed in the 90s or something like that and that's literally what it felt like i love that you don't know if your aunt actually had a waterbed or not or

something like that tells me he didn't do all the research right or there weren't enough red flags around her waterbed at all yeah yeah and doesn't 90s feel a little late they were like 80s yeah late 70s did you know did you know anyone with a waterbed Tig growing up? I did. I did. My friend Melissa had a waterbed. But you know, I feel like waterbeds are very similar to exercise bikes. Yeah.

Where you buy one and sometimes they last a little longer. And I don't mean the new exercise bikes. The old ones. The old ones that are always sitting out for, with a sign that says free in someone's front yard. Yeah. People are like, that's too much. It's too much. Yeah. That's way too much. Can I bargain you down? Yeah. Our friend Josh, didn't Josh share? Our friend Josh had a waterbed and it just never, it always felt like you were falling underneath something. Well, my friend Melissa didn't keep hers.

I mean, waterbeds feel somewhat okay and normal if you keep them full of water. Right. She kept hers very low. So it was like slushy, wavy. It's too much. Hey, have you ever when you're- It's too little.

Have you ever when you're sleeping, wanted to feel like you were going underneath a dresser? Try this water, man. That's half full. Jeez. So he couldn't tell that he was on the goddamn ocean. Literally what it felt like. I was in this tent, but I was clearly floating on water.

He had pitched his tent next to Cobaquib Bay, I tried, and in the Bay of Fundy, which is known worldwide for its extremely high tidal range. Oh, yeah. Everyone's talking about that. That bay. Yeah. It's known worldwide. Hey, when the tide gets high, that is the Bay of Not-So-Fundy.

That's an Edmund Fitzgerald song. He wrote it about this. In the Bay of Not-So-Fundy. It appeared the tide had come in as hatcher slept you sleep too good that is gonna start being taken out to sea that's an unbelievable this is a guy who doesn't have kids because like i hear like this is a guy who has nothing nothing not just doesn't have kids he clearly doesn't have any common sense. No, he's licking grass next to an ocean, camping alone. Right.

Exactly. Running errands on a motorcycle. Like now I am trained that if I hear like one tiny footstep somewhere, I'm like, who's up? Who the hell is up? And who's coming in here to wake me up? That could be in a house two doors down from Jay. Easy. He's just like, who's in here?

I have like superhero hearing now in the middle of the night. I used to sleep straight through. Don't want it. Yeah. Don't want it. Don't want that. I wish I could ignore it. Somebody can turn to me in the middle of the night and be like, Tig, and I'll be in a dead sleep and just turn and say, yeah. Like we were mid-conversation.

Right. And always it's, were you awake? No. Why? What's going on? What did you need? I'm here for it. I'm here for it. And for some reason you're holding mail yeah you're already into a day yeah you have a

letter opener um so he pitches a tent he appeared the tide had come in quote i was in kind of pure panic there for a second because i didn't peg the tent down, which is, that's an analogy for his life. So I was thinking, am I halfway to P-E-I right now? Where am I? Does anybody know what P-E-I is? What would be up in Canada? P-I. P-I. Do I have P-I?

P-I. P-E-I. If I was floating in a tent in the middle of the night, I wouldn't wonder if I was on my way to P.I. Yeah, exactly. I agree with you. I wonder if that was the last. I'd seen my last people on this planet.

There would be no wondering. All my wondering would be gone. I would be only in panic. That's right. I think I'm in the sea of enchantment. Wondering is a luxury for those people who are sleeping on the earth. Yeah. Never would I be like, hmm.

Hmm. I wonder. What could possibly go on? Has he moved around? What is this? I wonder is what you say when you're at a candy store. It's when you have all the time in the world. Yeah.

You walk into an ice cream place and you're like, what would you like? I wonder how the black cherry tastes. I wonder. Right. You are the worst customer. As he moved around, he could feel the ocean bouncing on, or he could feel himself bouncing on the ocean floor, which indicated he was only in about two feet of water.

And that's what I've always said. It's not how big the tent is. It's the motion of the ocean. Sure. He could also hear crickets chirping. His panic began to subside. I knew I was going to live. Crickets were trying to tell him something.

The crickets were like, you are set to sail. I knew I was going to live, but I was still in a predicament here. He said. Good word. Complicating matters was the fact that Hatcher sleeps in the nude and all of his clothes were in his backpack. Who is he, Kyle Kinane? Jesus Christ. Does he need... So he's

gotten off his motorcycle, set up his tent, taken off. Stripped down. If I'm going to sleep here and lick the substance off the ground, I might as well get comfortable. Get one with the other. I better put it in this backpack outside of my tent. Well, nudity promotes body confidence. Sure.

So he probably was wondering. I'm wondering if. Is this a good opportunity to promote body confidence? Right. And boom, there he is. Yeah. And boom, there he went. But where it was, was pitch black and there was nobody else around as far

as he knows yeah so he decided to exit the tent imagine if you did roll up to this guy getting naked out of a tent in the water the moment i'm i move to close the entrance of the door the door dips below the level of the sea and instantly he closed the door, I guess. Yeah. And instantly the Bay filled his entire tent with ocean water. So everything he has is in this tent. Didn't see that coming.

No, it's weird. I can't believe that happened. My sleeping bag was floating. My pillow was floating. Now there's trouble. My backpack was floating. My hem,

my hemorrhoid pillow, my puka shell necklace, my, my snuggle pillow. You know those things that wrap around your entire body. My breast friend. My snoodle. Is that what it's called? My picture of my kids that I look at when

I think about reconnecting with them. Everything was floating. My framed picture of a boat. That was floating. My framed picture of a boat. That was floating. That's floating. So everything's in the water. So then he tripped over his own backpack and then dropped his boots

into the water. Quote, it was just a complete mess. The Hatcher story. Naked, Hatcher waded back to land dragging his tent behind him. Once he was on relatively dry ground he put his damp clothes back on that's fell right to sleep i don't know he's like i'm tired with still a few hours left in the night he decided to head to to truro true i don't know

and try and find a warm place to rest if 40 45-minute trip was probably the longest drive of my entire life, he said. Yeah, he's freezing. Hatcher got to a hotel around 5.30 a.m. and got a hot shower and a couple hours of sleep before he left. He fell asleep in the bathtub and wound up in the break room. That's the worst about checking in. And he went out to get his free meal, too, I'm sure, in the lobby. Oh, for sure.

I was hoping he was going to start in a half hour. Eggs. But that's the thing if you guys remember like on the road. I wonder should I have these eggs? If you check in at 530 you still have to be out by 11. That's right. You don't get the whole. You don't get the next day. Hi can I get a late

checkout? I was afloat in my tent. As you can see it's been a night. he's soaking wet walking into this unreal how many other guests have been floating in the ocean a few hours ago uh so then initially he was embarrassed about what happened and told only a couple of people but he recently decided to share his story on facebook of course in a post that's since received more than 3 000 likes is that viral if one person gets a smile out of this, then it'll be worth it, said Hatcher.

Oh, we've gotten a lot. He said the experience taught him to respect the tides and be careful when choosing a place to pitch a tent. Some of his belongings, including his leather jacket, of course, and comforter, did not survive the ordeal. He has a leather comforter? How much can he carry on this motorcycle? No,

that's what I'm saying. He has a sidecar. He has to have a sidecar just filled with all of his stuff. But Hatcher's filled with water. Now it's filled with water. But Hatcher still has a tent. Hell of a tent. He said in his Facebook post.

There you go. God bless this guy. I know. I know. And I'll leave you guys with this one last wonderful image. Of the guy? Oh, you got to see what he looks like. I can't wait.

I'm dying. Only you'll never really get to because it's just that. It's just him in a helmet. Yeah. Like a daft punk helmet. With a GoPro. With a GoPro. Of course he has a GoPro on top.

He's like, I'm not missing anything ever again. I'm always shooting footage. What do you do with it? I don't know. I don't know how to edit. The tent is part of the backpack. Also, he's taking this picture in a store. So I imagine there's someone being like,

sir, do you need help with anything? Nope, not a thing. Thank you. I'm all set. Wondering what I look like in this. I wonder what I would look like. I wonder. There's the first story down in the book. Tig Notar is with us. We're going to find out about her podcast right after this next break. Hey guys, welcome back to the show.

We want to thank everyone who came to our live show this last weekend. And we announced on that show who's going to be our guest for the next one. On November 7th, we've got Jon Hamm, the lovely Jon Hamm, and the band Tennis. Get your tickets now. It's going to sell out. I'm telling you, it's going to sell out. Where do you do live shows? We do it through Nowhere Comedy Club. So we do it on.

It's all like this. Like this. Like this. Oh, I see. In front of like 700, 1000 people on Zoom. It's like the most fun thing in the world.

And our, it's great. You'll have to do a live one with us. Yeah, you come do a live one. It's a blast. We love it. And this last one was sold out.

The next one will sell out. So if you want to get tickets, please, please do that. But in the meantime, if you're looking for your monthly streaming fix, fans of, and we were huge fans of,

and we got a chance to be on it, the old Professor Blastoff. We'll get a chance to do it. You guys are getting back together. Get in the band. Well, we've done, we've done a couple of shows, but we're not going by Professor Blastoff will get a chance to do it. You guys are getting back together. Getting the band. Well, we've done, we've done a couple of shows, but we're not going by professor Blastoff.

Okay. What are you calling it? We're trying, we're trying to, we're trying to get the name back. We're trying to get the name back. Okay. Got it.

So what are we going to call it? Well, the first show we did, uh, again, it was, it was a monthly live streaming show. Uh,

we called it the Official Friends Reunion. Love it. Love it. And then the second show was Back to School with Tig, Kyle, and David. Love it. And we haven't announced our October show yet, but I would say if you're a fan of Professor Blastoff, there just might be some sort of

spooktacular. Come on. I love it. Come on. And might have a Star Trek tie-in. Love it. So where can people get tickets for it or see it or watch it or all that make sure

well you have to go to uh yeah i have to go to social media of course check that out um just general social media it'll be on just general social media so you are kyle or david huntsberger will be promoting in the coming weeks so follow those guys yeah somewhere on social media somewhere on social media and then that's not the only podcast you're doing you're doing a great one but that's not a podcast it's like a streaming show come on it's an event all right i'm sorry that is an event but you are doing two podcasts one i am i have one called don't ask tig and it's an advice podcast do you have a guest join you for that because i do the first one was will right right? It was Will Ferrell.

Nice. I've had Will Ferrell, Sarah Cooper, Glennon Doyle. If you need any help booking guests, we can always help you. Yeah, we can get you some big names. I mean, these are fine, but we can always help it up. Call us and we'll help you out. So you guys have started booking talent for other podcasts? Yes, that's what we're doing.

That's awesome. Why didn't you lead with that? Listen, we got to pivot in the pandemic. We had to bury the lead. It's called the pandemic pivot. That's right. I love that podcast so much. It is so fun and you are so good on it.

It's so perfectly designed for you. Yeah, it puts you in the sweet spot. Oh, you're kind. And my other one is uh with cheryl hines from curb your enthusiasm we uh talk about documentaries and we encourage people to watch a documentary the week before we talk about uh the which ones are you guys have you talked about the vow yet are you into the are you into the vow we have not talked about The Vow yet? Are you into The Vow? Are you into The Vow? We have not talked about The Vow yet. We've only had two episodes.

Okay. What about Abducted in Plain Sight? Abducted in Plain Sight? Guys, guys, you have to listen to the podcast. Okay. You clearly love documentaries. So listen to Tig and Cheryl, True Story. Just one more question.

McMillions? I'm sorry. Sorry, I got to keep going. There all right so i gotta keep there are so many good ones there are so many good ones tig and cheryl true story and i'll tell you what cheryl and i cackle together like fools she's got a great laugh she and you too i love it um all that stuff is amazing and i just uh look we support you on every level that's just who we are we love you too well I support you guys and I'm hoping to get you on Don't

Ask Tig Cheryl and I don't really have guests too often but maybe that'll change I think we've only had one guest actually we'll do whatever you want us to do we'll go to the well I'll go out to in the ocean in Nova Scotia in a tent for you

if you want. Well, then you do that and then we will see you on Donuts. I'll climb to the top of Emerald Rock. Is it Emerald? Enchanted Rock.

Enchanted Rock. I'm sorry. Jesus. Lake Conroe. Who am I? Leopard Larry? All right. Let's jump in.

May he rest in peace. May he rest in peace. May all of his spots rest in peace. Thank you. Shall we jump into another show? Are you ready? All right.

Let's do it. This was sent in by Liz Haggerty at Liz Haggerty. I love her. She's a legend. Hashtag dumb people town, at Daniel Van Kirk, if you want to send me a story as well.

Send them. So this is a story about something that I think with all of us and all the time we've spent on the road and our lives would never want, but it's real. Okay. Here we go.

All right. What do you miss most about traveling if you answered being stuck on a plane with crying babies while playing sudoku this game is for you okay designed by a new york-based game developer airplane mode claims to be the most realistic flight simulation ever created who wants that now it's the only flight simulation game where players can experience the intense excitement of being an economy class passenger on a long haul flight. Thank you. You're not flying it. This is not a simulator.

I know. Maybe I'll feel better. Just riding in a plane. It's like middle gun. It's not top gun. It's low gun. Low gun. Low.

Below gun. Yeah. So it's a gun low below gun yeah um so it's a simulation yes is it like you is it virtual do you get points for like getting the baby to be quiet in in this uneventful simulation game players experience a flight in real time and seek out things to keep themselves busy now we've all flown a lot here. Tig, how happy are you that you're not flying places? I thought you were going to ask how many times have I flown. How many times have you flown? How many times have you been on an airplane?

Just give me an exact number. I'm thrilled to not be flying. And I hate to go back to the Top Gun reference. Oh, please do. And I just want to show you a picture of me in an action film being full-on tom cruise like oh my god i know dope that can you send us that picture oh my no we can't we cannot release that yet i just know it's top secret but we just needed everyone to kind of do a oh my god but um here i am flying here i am flying oh my god you

are flying where did you have to go to shoot this can you say that just in los angeles um on a green screen i acted for almost three weeks alone on a green screen did you do the bit where for the first 15 minutes of shooting you on the plane, you just moved the thing all around? Like you moved the mic stand all over the place. That would have been great. She's like, are we ready to shoot? Oh my God. That's the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life. People don't know what you're looking at.

This is the last one I'll show you. Oh my God. But who's Tom Cruise? It's full on Tom Cruise? It's you. Full on Tom Cruise. You look so much like Tom. You look like seven inches taller than Tom Cruise. You look like.

Well, I'm wearing high heels in that. Just like Tom Cruise. In that flight suit. Just like Tom Cruise. Have they given any sort of idea of a release date or when like trailers will come out so that people can start to get to see this? It's called Army of the Dead and it'll be out next year.

Okay. Oh my God. That's the coolest thing ever. I love it. I'm watching the movie just for you. Just to see you in action. I wanted the people at home listening to hear three grown men just going, Oh my God! You guys have no clue how cool it looks.

It's the coolest thing ever and those are very real reactions in real time and also there are three photos in all of my time knowing you i would have never predicted you to be in those poses holding guns and just shut i just never would have ever thought of jet when they but let me just this is the last picture when they called me about this, I thought me in an action film. And then, and I was like, oh my God,

I fit into that world. However, when I saw this picture, I thought, well, this is the cover of my new comedy album. And it's going to be called mother of two. Wait,

hold on. It went dim. It went dim. Yes. You. That's awesome. Mother of two. You look like two. Mommy started smoking.

Cigars. Cigarellos. Mama can't get those kids out the bath is what's happening right there. Or in. Two guys call me mommy. Two guys call me mommy. That might be a better name for the comedy album. Two guys call me mommy. Two guys call me mommy. That might be a better name for the comedy album.

Two guys call me mommy. That's your comedy album. Okay, these pictures are insane. Well, this game is the opposite of you don't ever have haunted for anything in this show. Can you imagine that? All right, this game to me seems, so this game is you just sit on a flight. That is exactly what it is so i'm taking on a flight four and a half hour flight to jfk from lax there won't be any drama or heroic side

missions you don't get to be in a movie like tig with the exception of the occasional crying baby that you have no control over on the plane that's just stressful we launched amc games which is the network i, to give developers a platform to realize their unique vision. Airplane mode immediately stood out to us as something different, totally deadpan, 90% earnest, and serious simulation that's 10% winking

at the player. The designer tells CNN Travel that through developing the game, he discovered that everyone seems to have a strong opinion about flying and we're while while there have been 30 plus years of flight simulations games the passenger experience has never really been taken into account everybody has a strong opinion about flying i would say 98 of those people and all of them in coach right hate it hate it they hate it hate it too even

though we don't get to leave our homes and fly anywhere dan i've been doing jenny craig randy and i have both been doing you guys are crushing it crushing it in your t-shirts i'm telling you right now been doing jenny wait is this a joke no no we've been doing jenny craig i lost 20 pounds jay lost 20 pounds 20 pounds doing jenny craig no joke wait when were you up 20 pounds a month ago in life just just just will you send me pictures of that will you hold those up so i can be like oh my god you big boy i'm gonna find one i'll find one you find one you carried it very well i carried it well i hit it well i carried it well but i was up to 186 pounds, 187 pounds.

That's insane for me. And so I've been doing it. And basically- Was it the pandemic? Was it pandemic-wise? No, it was before. So I would gotten high up in my weight before the pandemic. And then once we were in the pandemic, I'm like, I'm not-

You were prepping for the pandemic. Yes, I was preparing. And then I was like- It's called a hibernation weight. And I'm not going out to dinner. Now is the time to go on a horrible diet. But what's insane about it is it does feel like I'm flying coach for every meal. That's how I describe it because they send you all the meals.

And then you peel off the top. Can you find a picture of- But how do you end up doing Jenny Craig? My cousins did it and she lost 35 pounds and her husband who they both lost 35 pounds like you guys can do it and we're like sounds like a cult like no it sounds like if you're doing jenny craig the next thing i would find out is you're also doing jazzercise jazzercise and it feels like the same thing we're also it feels like the same time period.

We're also selling Tupperware. Is that weird? To put your leftover Jenny Craig's. Well, that's the thing. There are no leftovers. Not after I eat it. You're going to do a deal, Emil. Okay, well, I'll dig into this, Jay.

You find it. You find your picture. In a time when traveling long haul is a rarity, he found it. Hold on. Tay's about to see the picture of Jay. See, he looks fine. I can see. Yeah. I kind of look the same, but it's a little more. You can see it. You can see it. It's in my face. 20 pounds. I mean, to be honest, you are

so big, your child didn't fit in the picture. Yeah. That's squeezed out. Squeezed him out. it was only your child's cheek and ear I did expand it so you can see but yes but I have said many times this I'm like you know how we miss being on the road and eating food on

planes well I get to do it every morning and every afternoon and every night we get the airplane mode well the game isn't expected to be released until later this year. There's a trailer offering a taste of what players can expect. It kicks off with one of the more annoying things about flying most of us have experienced. Southwest comedy.

Oh, my God. But here's the crazy thing about Southwest comedy. Can't budget cuts cut that. Two-thirds of the people on your Southwest flight. Their comedy? Yes. cut that. Two-thirds of the people on your Southwest flight... Their comedy? Yes. Ladies

and gentlemen, to my right is the Grand Canyon, and to my left is my ex-wife on a broom. Yes. Classic Southwest air host. The whole plane busts into hysterics.

That's what I was going to say. As much as we hate it, there are two thirds of your plane that love it. Your best performance ever is not killing the audience the way these guys. And you're like, I'm a professional comedian. I know. I've never known this kind of laughter before. Like the plane shakes and someone takes a bunch of like honey roasted peanuts and throws them people are dying they're horror i just remember like that bernie max set where he keeps kicking

into the drum that's how good they are the hottest crowd ever it was like 2003 i remember we were on a southwest flight and they came out with jokes and were like, wait. Too soon. Too soon. 9-11 should have killed this. Please. 2018, I was like, too soon. Too soon. The player is watching an in-flight

movie when the pilot disrupts the show with a long-winded announcement over the PA. Then passengers experience random mishaps ranging from turbulence and delays to bad Wi-Fi. The good news is that the crying baby is not guaranteed on every flight. The game designer recreated meticulously other in-flight details as well.

For instance, players will find aircraft information cards and in-flight magazines filled with travel articles, crosswords, and Sudoku. Sudoku. I know. In the backseat. I wanted to see how many. Dennis purposely mispronounced it.

Sudoku. Sudoku. I even wrote it wrong on here so that I would remember. Sudoku. Tiggs did three U's. Three U's. Sudoku in the backseat pocket.

Did you just call me Tigs tigs tigs did three in addition to the range of hit movies from the 1930s players can view in-flight safety videos produced by ifc a sister company of amc other ways to kill time including rummaging through a carry-on bag where you may find some exciting personal belongings like a book a pen and wait for it headphones okay so your partner walks in the room and you're just sitting there and you're like, this is why you don't want to spend time with me. Yeah. That relationship is over. Honey, what are you doing? I'm on a flight. Right. I'm flying to Denver. I'm getting out of here. I'm going to Denver. Two flights are available for the simulation

I have a layover in Omaha a six hour journey from JFK's airport to Reykjavik to Reykjavik to Iceland and a shorter

two and a half hour flight from New York to Halifax so you can do this no price has been announced yet but the game will be available on PC and Mac computers you can almost

you can almost never get a seat on that popular New York to Halifax flight. Denver to Halifax. Denver to Halifax. Very difficult to get on that flight. Is it only six hours from New York to Reykjavik? Is that it?

It must be. The simulation seems accurate in every other aspect. Is Delta the one, Rand, that would always route us through Atlanta? Yeah. Delta's always through Atlanta. Yeah, well, that's their hub. Yeah, they're like, we always got to go through Atlanta.

We're like, we're flying from Atlanta back to LA. They're like, they got to go route you back through Atlanta. Back through Atlanta? We're leaving Atlanta. Why are we laying back over in Atlanta? That's a real issue. All right, that's story number two, friends. Story two.

I don't want to do that. All right, Tiggs with us. Can you give us a little taste, Dan, of what we're going to see in story number three i'm the most florida condo ever okay most florida condo ever tig notaro is with us she's a legend on this show i cannot wait and nowhere else and nope she's a legend she's a legend everywhere and specifically on this show i'm gonna go take a flight if you guys don't mind a halifax uh in the break you do the same we'll be right back stick around flight, if you guys don't mind, to Halifax in the break. You do the same. We'll be right back.

Stick around. Make it sound for more Dumb People Town. All right, guys. Welcome back to the show. We do a little, one little bonus question for our Patreon people. And I,

so I feel like the first time we hung out with Tig at length was in boston at anacca was it an anacca conference where we did stand up in boston are you remembering this am i remembering this i remember seeing you there i don't remember it being my first time that wasn't the first time we hung out but it was a time that we actually really hung out and we're like oh i love this person because i think we randy and i showed up and we were like, oh, we're doing this 100% wrong. Because we got zero bookings out of that entire.

How long were you into comedy when you did this? We did 10 years. Yeah, I remember. I remember being there. I remember. It's so funny because it's all just a blur of when 20 when the magic started yes well wait so so did you end up doing a bunch of colleges off of that uh for that conference i think i got like 63 oh my god and how many do you we got two or three because we were way too expensive and we got so

edgy in our too edgy sets that like everyone's like we can't book that and we got so edgy in our sets that like, everyone's like, we can't book that. And no one told us don't do that. And so we just stupidly like... Well, to be fair, everything I got out of that conference, I didn't get to go do it because, well, I was diagnosed with cancer. And then all of that needed to be rescheduled, but I never rescheduled it. My apologies for anyone that's still waiting in college for me to come. People who stayed in college for an extra year

to do that. She's coming back. So the conference was in Boston? It was in Boston. So were you all in New York at the time? No, we were here. We just flew there with our simulated flight. Went through Atlanta.

I have a bonus content question for you. Tig, how come you didn't name your twin boys, Randy and Jason? That is. We were really. We're still a little disappointed. A little bit miffed by that. Why didn't I? I don't know.

That would have been so fun. Why didn't you intervene? I don't know because we didn't feel like it was our place. I mean- Do you know what's crazy is when I was filling up the car to go for their birth, there was a van parked at the pump in front of me. And in the back window of the van, when I was about to go meet Max and Finn, it said Finn Max. No.

What? Did you take a picture of it? I did take a picture of it. Oh my God. People aren't going to believe that. And you knew, and you knew going in, these are the names.

This is what we're doing. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, they didn't like come out and introduce themselves. but we had, but I will say,

Oh, I'm Finn. I'm Max. No had to. Hello, I'm Finn. And I'm Max. No, no, no. I'm Finn. Max will be right along here in a second. My wife and I had a little like debate going once when one of our children came out and we weren't sure. And then we kind of got the vibe a little bit.

And then we settled on a name. So we had narrowed it down. I love that you were sure. What if I named it after the picture in the van? That's fine. But I Googled it and apparently there's a production company in Los Angeles called Finmax. Named after your children. You're like, wait a minute.

What? That is a little weird. You're going to get a cease and desist. Your kids, there's going to be kids are going to be served papers. It is crazy to stand back and be like, wait, you have twins. Like twins are in your life now. And that phenomenon is part of you forever. It's pretty awesome to see two boys, especially like same, I think same gender.

I feel like they, I don't know why, but there's a closeness that's a little bit different. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. Yeah. I guess time will tell. Yours are close. They are close they are close oh yeah are they doing e-learning and stuff like that uh no no no we just uh turn it they just

by the way my kids are supposed to be doing e-learning and they watch more tv than i've ever no they're actually obsessed with legos that they wake up in the morning and play legos separately and together separately and together and stephanie actually sits with them probably for two or three hours a day building legos i can't i can't deal with it but uh when they do watch tv they want to watch the lego movie it's a true obsession you're like what do you guys want to watch uh will will arnett's Lego Challenge. Before all this happened, did you take them to Legoland?

No, we were about to. It's on the other side of this. Yes. Something got in the way. They're going to freak out. They're going to freak out. Their heads will explode. Just be prepared for craziness.

It's pretty awesome. All right. Here we go. Dan, take us home. All right, here we go. Dan, take us home. All right, here we go. Florida condo for sale has something covering the walls and ceilings. Sent in by Jake Groney. Blood, urine, or poop.

It's all three. Sent in by Jake Groney at Jake Groney. Thanks, buddy. G-R-O-N-I-E. A listing for a condo in florida is going viral after pictures were posted online showing off an unusual aspect of the decor the walls and ceilings of the home are covered in budweiser beer cans and i have to share this with you oh my god so that you guys can see exactly what it used to have old budweiser beer fishing hats that our dad got us when we were like seven? Oh, we have those up at the cabin.

Look at this. Oh my god. It is everywhere. Who wants this house? It's everywhere. An alcoholic. It's the ceiling. They've done like a crown molding. Yeah. I think it's beautiful. Guys,

it wasn't like this. This is how they staged it. If you want to sell this, can you imagine raising children there? Yeah. Oh my God. If you want to sell this, you better start drinking.

Start drinking and putting them on the walls. We got to finish this kitchen island. Start drinking. Yeah. Somebody comes down your street, digging through your recycling, and you think, oh, the poor people,

they probably... No, they're contractors. They're contractors. Someone who did this is angling for like, I want Budweiser for life or something like... Well, here we go. Okay, let's hear it go.

Realtor Kristen Kearney said she initially didn't know what to expect when she received a call about a listing in a Lake in a lake worth condo they warned me that the home was wallpapered in beer cans kierney told realtor.com and i thought to myself well i wonder where in the world they found beer can wallpaper which would not i don't think would be that hard to find no i'm sure you can also make it you can right make your own

wallpaper correct the reality i have my own wallpaper business. I'm trying to promote it. That's amazing. Yes, yes, yes. Thank you. You have to pivot. It's called Finmax Wallpaper. Wait a minute. Cease and desist.

And it's her and Cheryl Hines. The reality of the home turned out to be far stranger. The wallpaper was actual cans of beer. Kearney said the cans cover the wall and ceiling of the home, except for the bathroom. Oh, why? i don't who knows because they wanted it because they have taste okay got it i understand i understand if these walls could barf if you look closely at the photos you can really see the lengths the owner

went to kierney said he even created a crown molding look with the cans of course he did kierney said the condo's former owner, who is now deceased, believe it or not. Oh, really? Mm-hmm. Leopard Berry. I believe it. Dev's going to say psoriasis. Was a lifelong fan of the Anheuser-Busch beer. And it was his life's mission to wallpaper his home. You can be

a fan of something. You can love Budweiser. This is outrageous. And he did it, Kearney said. The listing photos went viral online and were posted by Budweiser's official Facebook account. Of course they were. Did he live to see the viral? No, he didn't.

I don't think he did. He died. And that's the saddest part. It's like giving someone an Oscar after they've died. Kearney said the condo was listed in August, but the price was reduced in September. She said the price reduction... Wait, the price was reduced?

Yes. I thought there'd be a bidding war. There was a bidding war? Well... I thought it would go up with the recycling chart, like the nickel a can. You know how much we can get for this living room? She said the price reduction,

as well as the viral photos, resulted in a flood of interest in the property we actually received multiple offers it is currently under contract and i have a backup offer as well oh my god what do you guys think the anheuser-busch condo which is covered in buffalo bills posters as well and a new york yankees poster oh my god how much do you think it's nice hardwood flooring. It is hardwood. The pictures look really good. Come on, Dan.

It is nice. How much do you think this place is going for? I'm going to share this picture again. You can go first. You can guess first, Tig, or third. Tig, what are you going to do? I'll go Tig. Okay.

Perfect. So this is how much this is like selling for this is why what is the list price this is why I love Tig so much is that she had to think about it I know I was wondering you were wondering

you brought it all full circle alright let me think I'm gonna say it's in Florida. Lake Worth. If that's near Palm Beach, that's expensive territory. I'm just going to say that. So I'm going to say it's a condo. Maybe like $500,000.

$500,000. Tick. Tick. I'm going to say 1.2 mil. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to say 8.2 mil. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to say 895. 895.

Yep. Okay. You guys are in for a steal because this is listed at $100,000. Oh my God. All right. And it's currently.

Okay, but it is worth. I'll buy it. It is worth. It is worth. 1.2 million dollars. Once you turn in all those cans, thank you. It's worth $1.2 million. The money is in the house.

The money's in the house. Oh, my God. Those are our stories, friends. I love this so much. Tig, thank you so much for joining us. This is just an elaborate excuse to hang out with you, and we did it. We pulled it off. I love you all dearly,

not queerly. And I want to encourage your listeners to also check out Star Trek Discovery on October. I can't remember. You were on season three of that. And two. And two. Check out Star Trek Discovery. Do it.

October 15th. Okay. The new season starts. I love it. Love it. Love it. Do it. October 15th. Okay. The new season starts. I love it. Love it, love it, love it. And oh shit, we got dumb, dumb, dumb. Stick around. Make a sound. Punk it down.

It's Dumb People Town.