Dumb People Town - Tig Notaro - Take It Down a Notch

Episode Date: August 22, 2017

This week, comedian, actor, writer, and new vegan Tig Notaro (One Mississippi) makes the trip down to Dumb People Town riding on the hood of a car! Tig tells the Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk about how her diet amazingly helped her chronic pain before div...

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan And Dirk, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Man, jerk, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, come to Downey's Dumb People Town. Hey, Townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population U.

We are here with an old friend. Thanks, man. Not you, Dan. Oh, you are. Yeah, come on. That is factually correct. When I say an old friend, I mean a friend who is old. She is not old. She is sprightly and young and a new vegan.

Give it up for Tig Notaro. I hope you're clapping in your car wherever you are. Just giving it up. Stand up and give it to her. Please be seated. Please be seated. The beginning of your act please please moving the mic please it's a great album title please be seated it's actually one i've been thrown around dignitaro please be seated well you were just talking about doing a movie i was bragging yeah yeah, hey. Humble brag.

I was midway. That's what we got out of it. It wasn't even a humble brag. No, it was a straight up brag. Full blown. Full blown brag. I was doing a movie. And the director.

Was it the director? It was the director. What was the note you got over and over? Take it down a notch. I'd love if it was one of the background actors. What's that? I'd love if it was one of the background actors what's that? I'd love if it was one of the background actors

hey I just want to let you know I know I'm it was it was really alarming because as you can imagine I don't get that note ever

ever and we have less energy and I got it every time I did a line no so they're like

okay we got that yeah and they're like that was too much energy and this was for Transformers 6? The fact that there were robots crashing all around you. I was a robot. Michael Bay's trying to slow it down.

I was a sleeping robot. They kept trying to wake up. Can you take it down a notch? You got up a little too quickly. Yeah. Well, we're such huge fans, by the way, of One Mississippi. If you guys haven't seen it, it's on Amazon. Please watch it. We love it. Thank you. haven't seen it, it's on Amazon. Please watch it.

We love it. Thank you. I'm the star of it. You are the star. And your brother, who we've become great friends with out of Colorado, Reno is such a great dude. Who also became vegan. He did?

Yes. Good for him. Yes. He's been vegan for five weeks. Does he like it? I think he does. You almost convinced me to become V. I'm on my way.

Just the fact that you've been through so many health things. Nothing really. Alright, so you had an upset stomach air quotes. But you've been through a ton of health stuff and you said you've never felt better since you started. I've been in chronic pain for five years

since I was sick. And I really didn't know what to do because I have nearly 14-month-old twin boys. And that's a real breeze. That's chronic pain in a different way. Twins. It's chronic pain. Twins. And twins.

And they're going to be the new Coors Light twins. Is that true? Yeah. Twins. Just the two of them kind of walking into each other. Just two cute Irish-looking boys. Yes. Right?

So you have them. You're trying to be healthy. You're trying to have energy for them. Well, it's not even just energy and be healthy for them. I was in horrific pain. And my wife was having to put them down into the crib or pick them up out of the crib. And yes, I'm actually in chronic pain. I wasn't quick to share that. Right.

And so I reached a point where I was just thinking, I need to handle this. What do I do? Because these babies are just going to get older and bigger. And harder to pick up. Yes. And I'm touring. My life is busy. Life on the road, Cage, is difficult.

It's like, it's not a good life for you. Yeah, people want to say, and we all can relate to this. Dan, now that you're on the road, you get it. It is like, how do you help me? Oh, you just sit around all day and you work for an hour at night? No. It takes a ton of energy, emotional energy, to get up for the show. Then to do it is like expending all the energy

someone does in an office all day you do that in your hour then i'm assuming you meet the people who are your fans after the show we do it after the show that's another hour really of talking to people and that's like two days of work each night and so i can't even imagine if you're not feeling 100 to do that carrying suit, all that kind of stuff. Of other people, of all your crew. I carry everyone's suitcases and I have a huge crew. I can't believe you are.

It takes a lot of people to get my low energy jokes on the road. I watched the Grateful Dead documentary on Amazon. Which was my last special. I can't believe that was your last special. Yes, I'm very proud of that. I watched the Grateful Dead documentary on there and the giant wall of sound, which they recreated for takes.

Not as big as what you have. Exactly. I mean, I don't think you use 90% of the speakers, but you make the entire crew erect that on every stage every night. And I carry them around. I carry all the speakers. So obviously you had to get healthy yeah you had to get vegan and uh yeah you were selling me on it and i was like a lot of research a lot of research about um veganism potentially um you know uh what am i trying to say reversing certain ailments and uh

and i just thought why wouldn't i at least try it just to see and if i'm wrong oh well i just ate a bunch of healthy food for a few weeks and um so and it's clicked for you yeah it it uh i was pain-free four days in whoa let me ask you this do you feel like it's easier to do in a city like los Angeles? Or are you also a cook? So you just started making different things. I am a professional cook. That's why I'm on this show. Let's talk about my cookbook.

Top shelf. I think it's obviously very easy to be vegan in some place like los angeles or new york and and in in the way that there's lots of options a lot of grocery store options and a lot of restaurant options however there is people think it's expensive and um hard to come by this food and it's really not i mean if you ate and of course i'm not suggesting to do this but let's say you ate a bowl of brown rice black beans and um broccoli for the rest of your life breakfast of champions you'd pretty much be okay yeah and um and you can get that anywhere and there's that's just one option that i'm saying but it but there's really basic things that you can eat.

It's not just lettuce. It's not just apples. So there's probably a lot more accessible food items that people aren't realizing that's vegan. Yeah. I have a question. Can you take it down a notch? Because I feel like you're at 10 right now. Showing some emotion.

At 10 on this issue. I love that because I think for a lot of people that they have this perceived mountain that they'd have to first get over in order to feel vegan. It's too big. It's such a crazy life change and then you start to look it down the thing and be like oh well then this is just not putting chicken in this bowl of stuff. And there's a lot of

websites that help guide people on not just being. There's a lot of porn websites. Yes sir and that's what I'm getting to. But to help guide people in this direction and to show people um how to eat vegan on a budget and all sorts of behind the green door i think anybody should just i think that anybody should just do what you said if you're thinking about it yeah if you're in pain because my i was scared and my wife is the greatest person alive and she's so loving and helpful and supportive but every day

i would turn to her and say oh my gosh i'm in so much pain like to where it was hard to walk sometimes i was scared she was going to Run away Leave me Yeah And now You're heaping more on this Yes This is like the thing to save your marriage Yeah Because now you know you could chase her Yes

If she ran I could tackle her Run the bitch down And keep her forever But now I turn to her every day And I'm scared I'm annoying In that I'm like Oh my gosh I feel great I'm pain free I feel so that I'm like oh my gosh, I'm pain free.

I feel so good. She's like take it down. Take it down a notch. This is it. Which that might have to be the name of this episode. Take it down a notch. Well, we're so happy you're here because you are as sharp as they come and we're analyzing dumb behavior that I think

this world as we've proved has this world is getting dumber. And how do we combat that is through humor and trying to understand the behavior that I think this world as we proved this world is getting dumber and how do we combat that is through humor and trying to understand the behavior that people dumb people dumb people are doing

this world's been dumb people are finally acknowledging it acknowledging and you know I think as comedians touring we get to see

how dumb how dumb yes and I'm not it's everywhere whether it's New york california midwestern south anywhere dumb and people can be in these safe communities and just think that's the world no no but there's there is dumb well so we we present to you and so the beauty of them

send stories into dan ridiculous insane news breaks them down we have not heard, just like you haven't heard them, and the four of us. Let's break one down, shall we? Yeah. These stories today are straight fire. Great. I love it. The people... Guys, if you want to send in, it's at DanielVanKirk and then hashtag Dumb People Town.

Here we go. This was sent in by Jeffrey. I'm going to give it a shot, brother. Alberghini. That's it brother Alberghini Alberghini that's it Alberghini you said it right nailed it

nailed it at JJ don't change a thing A-L-B-E-R-G H-I-N-I and you had to stumble on it in order to get it exactly right Jeffrey Alberghini

Alberghini stop which is one of the most beautiful Italian cars you can drive. An Albertini. I think it's an Albertini. An Albertini.

And there's a bit of a stall in it. An Albertini. The doors on an Albertini go up. They've all been recalled. And then they stay up. Very unsafe. A lot of drag. Very unsafe.

It's one of the worst cars out there right but a collectible yeah it is a collectible you can collect anything the corvair of italian cars stay up all right what does he got for us as parents you guys and anyone listening get ready here we go a springfield woman missouri i I'm assuming, or maybe Illinois. Probably Missouri. I think Oregon. Oh, all right. A Springfield woman was arrested Wednesday evening and charged with two counts of reckless endangerment after multiple drivers reported a car towing three children.

What? Wait. Go ahead. a car towing three children what wait yeah go ahead her her two-year-old daughter four-year-old son an eight-year-old nephew she was towing them behind her car in a small plastic red wagon going around a busy roundabout to be honest it sounds like my mother something she would have done get in you guys want to have my mother. Something she would have done. Get in. You guys want to have fun? My mother. Yeah, go ahead. No, you.

That's what I'm saying. Well, I mean, she let me and my friend. And my mother went and picked me up from my friend's house. Yeah. Or, no, she was driving my friend home. And we asked if we could ride on the hood of the car. And my mother was like, oh, yeah, go ahead. And we got on the hood of the car.

And she drove like five miles an hour. Stop. Yeah. On the hood of the car. And my mother was like, oh yeah, go ahead. And we got on the hood of the car and she drove like five miles an hour. Stop. Stop. Yeah. On the hood of the car. We were on, and we were, yeah,

we were 11 with little skinny knobby knees. Right, you were like two mini TJ hookers. Yeah, exactly. Riding on the hood of a car. Wait, wait.

So this didn't sound that weird to me. Well, I've done it too. Two and four year old, down, no, put it there. I know,

but there's also a picture of me when I was two, sitting on a wall high up. Like Humpty Dumpty? Yeah, because my mother painted on the outside of our house. And so there's these, you know, paintings that she did for us when we were little. And to get a picture of her paintings, she put me in there. And so there's this huge wall and then it drops down to a ledge

and then she placed me there and then stepped, like Humpty Dumpty, yes, and stepped back and took a picture. Just waiting for you to fall down.

Yes. That's a lot of trust in a kid to stay. She could have made an article. To me, this is as a parent of like little kids, you'll start to know this

as your kids get older. Their program to ask you if they can do the most dangerous stupidest things you were like hey mom hey mom can we go right on the hood of the car and back then it was like yeah yeah there was no of course there no more questions no yeah just hop on you're not alone i did that too up at the cabin if we were driving from like the sherenberg's little resort back to the cabin, they would say, all right.

But the least of us were seven. But they would be like, all right, guys, get on. Because we're all wet from the lake and everything. So they would very slowly drive us back. When I was 16, Franny Go. Franny Go? Yeah, I think it was Franny. It wasn't Franny.

I can't remember. It was Ashley Tully and her husband. No, I can't was Frane. It wasn't Frane. I can't remember. It was Ashley Tully and her husband. No, I can't remember his name. But he drove his Bronco while Don Niemeyer and Ashley and I rode in a sled behind on a snow-covered road. This is it. This is it. You're a 16-year-old. You're not a two-year-old. And four-year-old.

Two and four. I'm sorry. We were in high school. And our mom is, by the way, sitting here in the studio. And she doesn't even know that we did this at our buddy Jason Kort's house. He had this, what was it, like 1970s Monte Carlo? Red Monte Carlo, I think. I can't remember what it was.

And we pulled the seatbelts out from inside and stood on the hood. On the roof. On the roof. I'm sorry. On the roof of the car and, like, surfed as they drove as we were standing on the roof yes that's not safe right that's teen wolf but not safe but still we weren't two and four you ready for a picture yes here we go look at these kids in this wagon how much fun they have during rush hour during rush hour around a roundabout that is is... A wagon is like, it's plastic. That's not a...

Yeah, that's a little tight. By the way, it's a station wagon that she has. If she had just put both of her kids in the way back of the station wagon, that would have been enough. Child protective services. Yeah, it would have been like, we're taking these kids away. What she's doing right here. And we used to stand on the front seat, literally, when we were two.

At that age, that's fine. Yeah. Stand up on the front seat. Sure. While we're driving. You might as well just toss your kids out of the window. But they're doing that! They did that! Police were not initially aware

of the third child, and a third charge is now pending, because in the picture here, it's just two of the kids. The story was first reported by the Register Guard. Lieutenant Scott McKee, a spokesman for the Springfield Police Department, said Friday over the phone that Alan Nicole Donahue, A-N-D, and. Her name's Alan?

Oh, I'm sorry. You're right. Alana. I dropped an A. Alana Nicole Donahue. Okay. I want to get into this woman's head. I want to get into the head.

She's had enough of these damn kids. Let's get her on the phone. Okay. The kids wanted to do this. I can understand being in your neighborhood Jay you have a cul-de-sac yes

in your close to your house hello congrats on that I can understand I can understand driving around the cul-de-sac

in your neighborhood with the kids like that I totally get that but to drive out into traffic like this hello it's beyond you called yeah hello you called you want me to explain myself Alana I totally get that. But to drive out into traffic like this is beyond. Hello?

You called? Yeah. Hello? You called? You want me to explain myself? Alana, yes, please explain yourself. Oh, she's here. What were you doing with the kids out there, Alana?

Being responsible? No. Why would you drive into full- I was being responsible. How is that responsible? I like to smoke and drive. No. Did I put the kids in the car while I smoked? So you don't want to have your kids have secondhand smoke, but you are right.

That's actually a really good point. Yeah. Yeah. So say what now? Okay. Well, but, all right. I care about my kids and secondhand smoke. You didn't want to leave your kids at home.

What is your accent? Me. It's a me accent. It's me. It's kind of a pan. Yeah, it's all. I want to say. Were you going to say pan Pacific?

I was going to say pan Asian. Okay. That doesn't seem right. Is that it? Yeah, that's it. You guys feel good now? Yeah, we're good. Because I care about my kids' second-hand smoke. You care about your kids. You didn't want to leave your kids at home. You didn't want them to have the second-hand smoke. I mean, the conscious thing

would be to have a cigarette after you drive. Or maybe don't smoke. Yeah, don't smoke. That's another option. Stop smoking. Okay. Problems. Oh, we're just going to change the world? No, I mean, it's... But look, look.

You can go to hippity. Are they strapped into... They're not strapped into the wagon. The wagon is free. Wagon don't have seatbelts. Wagons are wide open. Well, let's say they were strapped into the wagon. That doesn't make any sense.

No. I mean, let's say a car sideswipes the wagon. Or she just takes a turn a little bit yeah there's nothing what that will help because now the wagon's on the side she's literally they're strapped in and she's just dragging them right wagon dragon never a good look no which makes them sound like where you're presenting it for like, how they shouldn't be strapped in. Remember people who used to be anti-seapout? They'd be like, no, I don't want to be strapped in.

If we get in an accident, I want to be thrown from the vehicle. I don't want to be stuck in this car. I mean, in this case, I actually think this is actually probably pretty good. And Alana Nicole Donahue admitted to officers

that she was towing children behind her white Ford Taurus in a wagon attached with a rope. Ford's like, don't tow on attaches to this. She's like, I love my Ford Taurus. No, no, no, no, no. The best car I've ever owned. No, no. Don't put us in a wagon.

Look at that hitch back there. No, no. Lieutenant McKee told the Oregonian Oregon Live that Donahue told police it wasn't a big deal and that quote she was this is a quote drunk showing the kids a good time that it was verbatim her words showing the kids and by the way couldn't see them yeah where she no. No way. There's no mirror. There's no way to know if they're still back there.

Unless you do a quick swerve that sends them out of the wake. By the way, this is an old Ford Taurus. I saw the picture. It's not. They don't have a rear view mirror. They don't have a rear cam. And the only way she could have the rear cam is if she's going in reverse. She just hands them a bell or a horn.

Just like ring it. Let us know that you're back there still or if there's any problem. She's like, this is a next telephone. It's push to talk. You guys push this when you need to get. Now, I will not have a hand free

because one will be on a cigarette and the other will be on the wheel. I mean, look, somebody, so someone took a picture of the other will be on the wheel. But she, I mean, look, somebody, so someone took a picture of this and sent it to the cops. They said she was showing the kids a good time and only driving five miles per hour according to Lieutenant McKee.

Like my mother did. On the hood. Witnesses saw something different. Quote, I talked to a witness today that said she saw them go by her house in her neighborhood and they were going like 30 miles an hour. that's not true first of all that person exaggerated i'm back to um alana or alan whatever she goes by to get to high from the cops she's now going by alan could

this be a woman who doesn't want children and wants, in every way possible, a chance for someone to take them away from her? I mean, or for them to... Just to be taken away by the universe. Yes. I mean,

this is not a good pairing. 30 miles an hour, which, by the way, doesn't sound that fast, but if you're in a wagon and you're two, that is the fastest thing ever.

That is like a NASCAR. That wagon would not be able to go 30 miles an hour. I feel like all the wheels would come off. Yeah, I've tried. And figuratively, for this woman, they all have. If you're two, four, or eight, and you're in a wagon being dragged behind a Ford Taurus. And you're listening to this episode.

Right now. And you're going 30 miles an hour. Honk your horn. It's a great horn sound. Thank you. Did it in her special. One of my favorite jokes they so she says they were going 30 miles an hour in a press release police said that a witness

reported the youngest child the two-year-old began to cry after the wagon went up on two wheels during the trip so now it's some dukes of hazard Hazzard. This is now like, okay, it wasn't right for the mother to do it, but everyone watching has now just exaggerated and created wagons on two wheels and then the baby cries. Yes. Now you've lost me. The same witness reported observing Donahue pull over and move the toddler from the wagon to the car, then continue driving with the four-year-old and the eight-year-old still in the wagon.

Because she's got at least a bar somewhere. Other witnesses told me. I've got to clear that moral fence. Do you think she put the two-year-old in the back seat and then just closed the door? Yeah. No seat, no belt. No car seat at all. You've already gone wagon. You know,

I was just talking. I don't know if it was with my wife or... Oh, it doesn't matter. Anyway, so I was just talking to somebody about how with RVs, specifically. Walk around the thing. Oh, yeah. Go take a shower. While we're driving.

Yeah. Shave. Play chess. I mean, whatever you want to do. But front seats, seatbelts for sure. But you want to go take a shower? Absolutely. That's going to be the bloodiest death that could possibly happen.

Shave! Shave while we're driving. Make a cake. Hitch the kids to the back of the RV, but everyone in the front seat, put a seatbelt on. Let's not be lunatics. Let's be safe. Let's be safe. Jeez. Other witnesses told

officials that Donahue was holding up traffic and then yelling at motorists, telling them to get out of her way and mind their own business. It's my weekend with these goddamn kids, and you guys can go around! You want to take the fun away from the kids?

Go ahead. Kids, they want to take the fun away from you. Tell me this visitation needs to be supervised by ass. That's right. It was up on two wheels, not one. Lieutenant McKee said there was, quote, pretty heavy traffic at the roundabout where Donahue was towing her children. To be fair, there were only two wheels to begin with. Fair enough. It's a two-wheeled but a roundabout like i get it even like on a straight

away private street a roundabout which is other cars coming in merging in a roundabout is one of the trickiest things to navigate without it without a wagon of children behind you you sound like my aunt connie and my grandma who constantly get stuck in. He hears that all the time. Yes, I'm not joking. Up at the cabin, every once in a while you'll get close to the Wisconsin Dells and there'll be roundabouts. And they get stuck in them because they're like, I don't know when to get out of this. I mean, it just, and it's not our fault.

I know exactly what it is. It's just that people don't know how to yield properly in that environment because it is not one that is common. Like there's one up in Lake Tahoe and it's every time I'm up there, I'm like, nobody knows how to do this the right way. Like someone's going to go so fast and someone's going to hit somebody. There is no way I would take a wagon full of children into a roundabout, into this situation. Well, according to Lieutenant McKee, the worst part, one of the worst parts about this is given the time of the day, it's right at five o'clock. It's a busy intersection. It feeds in three different directions.

Yes, to various other arteries. How long were these kids saying, mom, let us do something fun. Let us. And she finally was like, you guys want to do something fun? Okay. Okay, here we go. Get in. Five o'clock.

Like this started around 11 a.m. And this is five o'clock of her being sick. Can you imagine if this was your babysitter or nanny? And if this mom came home and saw the nanny or babysitter pulling her three precious children in a wagon, in a plastic wagon, going 30 miles an hour, would she be like, that seems fine? Defensible. Did you guys have fun? Jesus. Drivers reported they became impatient and some were unable to see what was causing the

delay. One motorist told police they pulled out around a car, almost causing a collision. So she's also aggressively getting around. Lane changes. Lane changes. No signal. The kids are on a short rope, so there's no margin for error. I would say that the kids are on a long rope with this woman.

It describes their life a little bit with her. It's really lucky that nothing more serious happened. Officers evaluated Donahue at the scene when she was arrested several hours later. She did not appear to be under the influence of intoxicants. So that's just her baseline. Just dumb. Just dumb in our town. Dumb in our town. Officers contacted the Department of Human Services who placed the Donahue children with another

person. Donahue was booked at the Springfield Municipal Jail. I'm going to ask you guys, Tig, you have an option to go first or go last because you're our guest. How old is Alana Nicole Donahue? Do you want to go first or do you want to go last? She's got three kids, the oldest being eight.

And don't worry about going over. It's just straight up closest. Closest. Do you want to go first or last? I'm going to go last. Okay. Randy? Jason?

I think she's 29 years old. 29 from Randy Sklar. Jason? 25. 25 from Jason Sklar. Tig Notaro, what say you? 33. 33. 33.

The age that Jesus was when he dragged his kids around in a wagon. Alana, Nicole Donahue is 27 years old. You guys split it. Right between you and Jane. There she is. Look at her. She kind of looks like a character that Jenny Slate would play on. Look at her.

We'll post this up on the Facebook page of Dumb People Town. Thank you, everybody, for joining us. That should be her Tinder profile. I mean, she kind of looks like, again, like she's been through it. 25. Don't ask me any more questions about it. To give Tig's answer respect, she is 27. She looks 33.

She does look 33. Thank you for respecting your answer my answer that's why we're here that's why the idea that like i think the saddest thing ever will be seeing her now driving around town with an empty wagon behind her car because she's gonna keep it the wagon is attached wagon stays the wagon stays and those kids who are about to get into a real boring life with some other parent yeah Yeah. Good luck sitting and watching like something on an iPad. Yes.

You don't have to take... They want to go for a wagon ride. That's right. You want to go around a roundabout. They're going to be in the X Games. All right, there we go. First story in the books. That is a crazy story.

And as parents, that is just nuts. I will say this with our mom listening. Our parents loved us. Our parents were so, so into us. I would say our parents... You're right.

Our parents loved us more than our friends' parents loved them. I can honestly say that. Come on. No, they were more into what we were doing. And I would say, legitimately, she didn't know what we were doing 80% of the time. Like, had no clue what we were doing outside. Do you think she would have loved you less if she had found out? Probably.

Maybe. Probably. That's a good point. That's what we needed doing outside. Do you think she would have loved you less if she had found out? Probably. Maybe. Probably. That's a good, yeah. That's what we need to do. And do you feel like you love your kids the way your parents loved you? Totally, but I'm in their business way more than my mom was.

I wanted you to go, no, probably not as much. And get more frustrated with them. No, no, I think because we're in their business so much, we get more frustrated with them. We were able to have a great relationship because she knew to be like, all right, just go do what you gotta,

go play, you know, go walk up to the or fight with each other and then make up before i even get involved if i see my son hit my daughter i'm like whoa i get so mad at him and i'm so angry but if i would have just not been around him no but i just show him he hits him he hits him with his daughter i use my daughter as a slack english you just swing just swing her around and hit. I'm like, honey, stay very rigid. But no, but it is like that moment where four minutes later, they'll just be playing as if nothing happened. Again, maybe this is a function of these kids could have been playing with screwdrivers in the backyard. And like, that would have just been that.

But she was like, I have to be an involved parent. And this is what she came up with. That's the problem. She's too involved. Stop making dumb people have to make creative decisions to play with their kids that's the end of the story all right we have uh we'll take a break we come back more uh dumb people town and then a special thing at the end yeah a little dumb people town like uh art fair great all right tig notaro's with us stay with us watch one mississippi we'll be right back stick around make a, there's more Dumb People Town Hey guys, welcome back to Dumb People Town.

If you haven't joined the Facebook page, you can see pictures of Alana, whoever. I already forgot her name. Me too. Alana Nicole Donahue. Is that the one who married the old guy to get on with his mom? Donna Nicole Donahue. Yeah. I'll never forget.

She was a Playboy Bunny. Shame what happened to her. It is really a shame. Odied on drugs. Tig Notaro is followable on all things. Remember when we took your Twitter page for... Well, yeah. I am followable, but Funny or Die started my Twitter page, and they gave it to people.

We got it for a day. Yeah. And it's passed along to different people every day. It is really fun to- I don't have the password. Oh, okay. I'm not on Twitter. Yeah, okay.

I do not tweet. But if you want to see- But it does mention what you're up to, and it does promote the things you're doing. Right. There's like a list of things that people have to... I mean, I think we had it the day that your special came out. The day after your HBO special came out. Oh, really?

Yeah, so that was a really fun time to have it. So where else can people find out, like, hey, when's the next season? Well, I have a website. Next season. And I have a Facebook fan page. Okay. And I think just Google

alright but no September 8th what if your website was Googles Googles Googles probably taken

Googles.com September 8th season 2 comes out great on Amazon okay so guys that's literally

so you have from now till then if you haven't seen it to catch up it's 6, 8 8 episodes it's 6 episodes 6 So you have from now until then, if you haven't seen it, to catch up, it's six, eight episodes? It's six episodes. Six episodes. You can do that.

You can do this, people. I'm very excited about this season. Very funny people involved. You are. This season, you're excited. Yes, sirs. Can I say just the scene, even at the end, in the first, like you and Kyle in the car driving, it just, I was literally laughing so hard at, because having been with you through all the stuff

that your character got rude during this thing, to then get in the car with Kyle here, and Kyle Dunnigan, that relationship just immediately goes zero to 60 from the set. You guys are just giving each other shit, even after everything you've been through. It was just making me laugh so hard. I thought it hard i thought it was yeah it was fun having him on the show just took off it was it was uh his characters in los angeles whereas i've moved to mississippi

and not you that wasn't the plan you were just i'm going to mississippi to deal with stuff and then you wind up being there yeah i wind I wind up being there. But everybody on the production of One Mississippi, when they saw me and Kyle together, they were just like, oh my God, you two. Yeah. They were just like, we have to-

Have to bring him in a little bit. Yeah, and it's like- Get him, so does he- He's in Los Angeles. Does he make any more appearances? Can you give anything away? I mean, you have to tune in. All right, tune in to find out.

Okay, wow. All right, there you go. Tune in to watch. It's really good. I mean, don't tune in to time to find out okay wow alright there you go tune in to watch it's really good I mean don't tune in to watch my show to see if Kyle is on there that's the only reason

you should watch tune in tune in so we can recreate that chemistry and if he's not you'll just be incredibly disappointed

but it's good for Tick because you watched it the second he's not in there just tune out is that the advice you wanted us to give people that's a good plug alright Dan

what's the next story well I also want to remind everybody so that's September 8th for your show Dropping. We all, together, we're all going to be at different festivals.

Oh, yeah. September 8th and 9th. We should let people know. We're going to be in Tulsa for the Blue Whale Comedy Festival. We're doing a view from the Cheap Seats, our other podcast,

and our guest is going to be Kyle Kinane, and Scott Rogowski will be there as well, but Kyle Kinane will be our guest, and I'm very excited, and we're doing a

Finding the Funny while we're there, so that'll be really cool. Well, what is is this time to plug stuff yeah my uh festival in dc is back again yes the benson ball um yeah october 26th through the 29th um al franken ira glass never heard of these people go to that if you If you're in D.C., it's a phenomenal festival. There's other people, like How Did This Get Made? Oh, great podcast. A podcast is going to be there. What else am I telling you?

I'm going to be there. Oh, great. I'm going to be doing a stand-up. October 26th. October 26th, 27th, 28th, 29th. Bobby Kennedy Jr. will be there. 29th. Bobby Kennedy Jr. will be there. We are donating a portion

of the proceeds to his Waterkeepers Alliance. Cheryl Hines will be there. I love it. All these people are fun. A lot of people will be there. Get your tickets now. Where? Seriously. At? Google's. Googlesit.com.

And look, if ever there was a time for smart people at googles googles yeah googlesit.com Benson Ball and look if ever there was a time for smart people and funny people to enter Washington and try and make that place tolerable this Washington D.C.

this is the time yes this is the time there's going to be some great conversation surprise guests all sorts of stuff going on

nice get there and while you guys are at Blue Whale you're up in Boise, Idaho I'll be at Boise, Idaho for the first 208 Comedy Festival.

That's September 7th through the 9th. People can just go to 208comedyfest.com. Oh, hey, and this just announced as well is we're doing a live Dumb People Town

in New York on February 25th at the Bell House. And our guests are the girls from the ladies from Guys We Fucked, which is, they have a huge audience and a huge following.

So if you want to get tickets once they're announced, their audience is going to get tickets to the show. Let's do it. Get on it early. And by the way, if we sell it out, we'll add another show. How about that? And Steve Bannon was fired. Just now?

Just now? Oh, really? Oh, good. Okay. What a shame. There you go. Maybe we can pull him around in a wagon behind some car. That's your sentence.

This woman, Alana Donahue, drives you around. Oh, she thought she was doing a small crime. Stephanie just texted me that. That's great. Really? So who's your daddy could be replaced with who's your mommy, which is what is constantly going to be said to these children, and it should be said to Steve Bannon. Yeah, Bannon.

He's a mommy. Mom him up. He's going out from wherever he's going now. Mom him up. You want to do another story? Yeah, let's do another story. Here we go.

This was sent in by Carson2002 at MacCarson02. A lot of numbers. Yeah, Mac Carson, a lot of twos and zeros. Reminds me of your Carson impression. Here we go. It's bizarre that you would bring that up.

I did not know that. Coming up after the show, Alana Donahue will be dragging a few pets from Joan Embry from the San Diego Zoo around the back of her Ford Taurus. That is wild. I did not know that. She's got an African marmot. Ha ha! Yep.

We got an African marmot. Yep, we got an African marmot. She's got a case of Paraguayan tarantulas. Would you mind saying Carson and all those numbers? Sure. No, them do it. Yeah. His name is MattCarson206 at Yahoo.com. Could you imagine seeing Carson talk about Twitter these days?

That was Wayne Fetterman's. Have you ever seen Wayne Fetterman do that bit? He does Johnny today. I'm not a fan. Get in line. So not true. Wayne Fetterman doing Carson today. Have you seen this?

Have you seen this thing, Tinder? You just swipe right. I swiped left so many times. Have you seen this? Have you seen this thing, Tinder? I swiped left so many times that I saw an image of Yul Gibbons just eating twigs out in the back. Bizarre. Anyway, Becky Donahue. Becky Donahue. You guys. Alana Donahue.

Anyway, back to Becky Donahue. Becky Donahue was a comedian. Alana Donahue. All's a... Anyway, back to Becky Donahue. We're on a whole new tip. Becky Donahue was a comedian. Alana Donahue. All right, what do you got for us, Dan? Middletown, Ohio. Oh, man. A man was arrested in Middletown, Ohio, Tuesday evening, accused of offering people candy while completely naked.

Sir, where is the... We want some ruts. Sir, where are your pants? You want some candy with this sugar? I think that's what he said as he shook it. Oh, ice cream of the future, kids. Get over here. Where is the candy?

At least with a van where they're trying to get kids to come in, there's mystery. But this is just a naked guy. to get kids to come in there's like mystery but like this is just yeah a naked guy police said they received reports of the odd behavior on 9 20 p.m on the 700 block of 17th avenue asking people if they want it not asking anything from them just do you want candy do you want what i'm offering right oh never mind the pantlessness going on i I got frozen. Whatchamacallit? Where? Where do you have this? Once on the scene, authorities found... Not in your pockets.

Michael Morgan, 37 years old. Double M. Showing signs of intoxication. Which I loved your documentary, Roger and Me. And sweating profusely. He was sweating profusely? Yes. Mr. Goodbar and me.

M&M. Literally M&Ms. Morgan was found at the intersection of 17th and Minnesota Avenue, and police are quite familiar with him due to many previous offenses, according to the police report. I feel like we're at a point in this world where a lot more people are saying to themselves in quiet moments, what do you think I can get away with? Yeah. Who's going to stop me?

Who's going to stop me? You know how sometimes you walk on a bridge or you're walking somewhere, you're looking at the Grand Canyon or wherever you are, you're looking down on something, you're like, what if I just climbed over this thing

and just jumped? You don't do it, but I feel like more and more people are now just acting on all of those things. How far into the void? It's from overpopulation. You think so? I think so.

These are natural levelers. These are people wanting to get destroyed. There's too many people. Too many people. People don't care anymore. It's just like you're. But this is Middletown, Ohio. And we did this on our History Channel show.

We studied and learned that 98% of us in this country live on 8% of the land. That is the truth. So there's 98% of the land in this country is not being lived on. 92%. 92%. That's great math. We studied and we learned. Learned it.

Okay. There is 106% of the land that needs to be occupied. There's a lot of places to sell candy. 92% of this land does not have people living on it. So we can redistribute the way where people live. So the overpopulation is a problem, but we actually have the room. In Middleton, Ohio, this could be our crazy guy. This is our guy, right?

He's the town nut. The town naked guy. He's the town whatchamacallit. Michael Morgan. Neighbors, there's so many to unpack in this next little bit. Neighbors told police that morgan was masturbating in the backyard okay staring at individuals and was acting odd as though that's separate from the and was acting odd on top of this he was acting off he started just dancing

no he wasn't masturbating naked in someone's backyard in a normal way in a normal way he was doing it very oddly. The second he started to offer candy, we were like, is something going on here? Imagine the cop being like, can you roll it back a little bit? I'm trying to get to the part where he gets weird. Roll it back just a little bit before. That is a power move though. To look at someone else while you're

masturbating. That's like when a dog poops and looks at you across the street and just looks at you and you're like, why am I... Where are you pointing at me? All these dogs are pooping and looking at me looking at tig she's like why are you bringing me into this can we just have a moment where we just say it to the world men out there masturbating please stop yeah not not against people's will having to uh witness don't bring anyone else into it uh leave people alone don't bring people to a party they didn't rsvp for yes you're disgusting and weird and you should be locked up agree and we're tired of you yes yes no one's no one's like right on man yes yes and like it's not a casual thing.

No. Stop it. Aside from Trump, who is going to support this? Nobody. Who's going to be like, support their right to do this? No. Not at all. Not an American.

Like, let's bring Robert E. Lee into this. No. You're a creep. No. Disgusting. Well, he stopped because he then went and defecated. He's not still doing it? No.

He went and defecated. He went and defecated on a chair near the home on 17th Avenue and then was trying to sell candy to people. He's going for the cycle of something. I haven't figured out what it is, but he's hitting all the bases. That's hitting for the crazy cycle. So he woke up that day, did not get dressed, grab two handfuls of can't or one handful because he was yeah yeah got a one hand free yeah he had a big honeydew list for himself uh he then the according to police report the report adds morgan had feces all over his person well he's

mentally ill i would think so well they said he was just drunk, because I checked for that, too. I've been to parties. I've seen people intoxicated. You've seen people fall down drunk. They don't go to this place. No, no, no. Well, if it's during the day, that's a different type of drinking. Morgan was placed in the back of a police cruiser.

Why would you do that? To me, I'd be like, you can't see it. Get the wagon out and drag him behind. Why would you do that? To me, I'd be like, you can't see it. Get the wagon out and drag him behind. Maybe part of him, he was trying to escalate himself out of the situation. And then when the cops showed up, he was like, thank God, just let me get in. Let me get in.

Somebody stop me. Stop me from what I'm going to do next. I can't even imagine what you're doing. Would he just give plasma at that point? He's now released everything. Yeah, I think the next step is to get plasma. Pro get proving talk about needing to take it down a notch yes that guy i mean he was you know and like comedy they tell you especially like improv like always what are you giving me a comedy lesson yes take less is more this is all about less is more show don't tell but he was

really i started 10 like work to it give it Proving that he had a business plan, police said he did have candy on him. I'm going to ask you guys, how many packs of candy did Michael Morgan have on him? They say it here. Was it strapped to him like bullets? Take it again. You can go first or you can go last. I'm going to go first. Okay.

Wait, I can't go second? You can go second. No one has ever gone second on this show. I'm going to go second. Packs of candy. This is why I love Tig. Dan, you offered you wanna go first or last

and you're the only person in the history of this show who has ever said I'll go second. And we've done seven episodes. This is why she's an original. Alright, so you wanna go first, Dan?

She's an American original. Yes. How many packs of candy Michael Morgan? Actually, I wanna go second. Alright. He's got seven packs of candy. Seven packs of candy. You're up, kid. Is that what you were gonna say? I was gonna say. Oh, I want to go second. All right. He's got seven packs of candy on him. Seven packs of candy on him.

You're up, kid. Is that what you were going to say? I was going to say. That's on you. Could have gone first. Could have gone first. But I'm an original. I'm going to say five.

Five. I'm going to say 15. 15? Yes. He's talking to lots of people. Yes. He has a business plan. You need to have inventory if you want to make money.

Do you think when he did poop on the chair, he considered that like jettisoning weight? So he's like, I got more. I have to be economical about how I do this. If he had 15 packs of candy, then yes. He definitely seems like somebody that thinks everything through very carefully. He has a plan. He also would use the word jettison. Okay.

Yes. Everybody, well, you're in your car, maybe you're on your way to work in the train. Now is the time you yell out in your office what the answer is. Maybe you paused it so that everyone you work with can make their guess. Now is the time. Maybe you were pooping on a chair. Sure. And now you're done.

Sure. Place your gets. Michael Morgan, at the time of his arrest, trying to sell candy, had 20 packs of candy. Oh, wow. Brandy. He's right. Authorities say they believe the candies were stolen earlier from a nearby convenience store. No, not this guy.

This guy seems like he would have paid. They got the wrong guy. That means time to make this work for me. That means that's where he started. Yeah. He started stealing stuff. No, he started started. Yeah. He started stealing stuff. No, he started naked. Yeah.

And then he stole. He got up and did not get dressed for the day. Yeah. Which means he sleeps naked. When I lived in, what is it, Carthay Circle area? Down, yeah. Yeah. There's this little church on the corner of Olympic and Crescent Heights.

I lived directly across from that church. We used to call it Stern's Castle. There was a homeless person. I used to sit on my steps outside and just kind of watch the world go by. I've watched the world go by. There was a homeless man that used to come with his basket and just poop in front of my... The church. In front of the church, but across the street from me. Waited until you were out there watching.

Yeah. And you didn't just go inside the second he did that. Well, I started to because I didn't enjoy it. Part of this is for me. I thought I was was gonna enjoy this more well no i don't think he even noticed me he just came yeah and he he put his poop in a bag and but that was his area where he pooped and i don't know why because you're doing it in front of god i don't know are you still downtown no okay yeah so i didn't even know that we we when i

watched your documentary i realized i lived lived at 6th and Spring. Oh, really? We never saw each other, which is weird for downtown because you pretty much see everybody that kind of moves around down there. I'd appreciate you not announcing the streets where I used to live.

Fair enough. Because it doesn't matter anymore. You just mentioned it. You mentioned Crescent Heights and Olympic. Oh, okay. But I've seen a lot of stuff down there, too, where I'm like, this person's got some plan that makes sense to them for what they're doing.

Otherwise, no sense. Do you still live there? No. I was there for six and a half years. She would appreciate if you didn't mention places and streets you currently live. Fair enough. You don't want him doing that. I was at Olympic and Crescent Heights

and then 6th and Spring so the Tignitaro walking tour of LA has two spots right now two spots I used to also live

on Dunsmuir Avenue right near the El Rey Theater three spots I know Dunsmuir yeah Wilshire and Dunsmuir mid Wilshire

actually closer to 6th is that it the Miracle Mile and the miracle is you got out alright that's second story now

I also used to name other places Beverly and Stanley have I like Beverly and Ogden is where I used to live Beverly and Genesee is where I

wait a second I used to also live in Venice on Superba are we doing the greatest moment on this podcast right now? Just telling

LA locations. These will probably get added to the map. These will all get added to the map. I want someone to make the Tick Matar one. I then moved over to Rose Avenue. Okay, so now someone of our listeners is going to figure out where all these things are, put them on a map, and show us what the design

is. It's going to be the shape of Tig's face. And please, here, I will pay, no joke, $5 if you can put it in the correct order of what you just said. Of where I lived. Okay. People are going to try.

People are going to try. So go back and listen to it and try and put it in order. I think the shape, if you connected all the dots, would be three kids in a wagon being dragged by a Ford Taurus. I agree. They're going to tag your Facebook fan page when they do it. That is wild.

All right. When we come back, one last story and then a very special- Real quick. Don't people time bomb. I'm sorry. Yes. Go for it. When I lived on Dunsmuir, I used to work for Sam Raimi, the director.

Yeah, sure. He produced the show Young Hercules that starred Ryan Gosling. Ryan's mother lived in my building, which was just studio apartments. Yeah. I was walking up to my door at the time that Ryan was going home because he was living in New Zealand when we were filming. So when he came to LA LA he lived in my building in the studio apartment with his mom and crashed with his mom

in the studio apartment still does that today by the way still knows his roots he and his mother still live there even after La La Land and everything

and Drive everything even after La La Land even after Lars and the real girl he was waiting until he hit big it's still not quite there

he just wants to maintain his roots. There's not much more. I just saw an alert. Steve Bannon just rehired. Yep. Steve Bannon rehired. There's not much more to that story except.

What was your interaction? I said, hi, Ryan. He wasn't a big star then. Sure. You could approach him. He was young Hercules. You could approach him. And I was like, hey, Ryan, I'm Tig from the LA office.

He was like, oh, yeah, hey, nice to meet you. Because I had to talk to actors and writers, directors. I was the person that was on the horn all the time. Yeah, exactly. Connecting calls. Anyway, let's go to a commercial. I literally thought that was going to come back around to something. No, no.

I thought you were going to say, and then we were in the hallway and we had like a passionate moment or something. No, no, no. I feel like I forgot about this. You made me question my sexuality? No. Stephanie and I were driving past Dunsmuir the other day and I was like, oh my gosh. And I reminded her and she was like, yeah, you've already told me. So I guess I tell this story

a lot. And I don't... I don't even know if I've seen Ryan Gosling in anything how great would it be at the front door of my building on a press junket for his next movie he's like look i she's a huge star she's a really big bit in comedy there was a moment where i was and he tells the story about you and from his perspective it's totally different he's like i just stripped down naked uh started pooping on chairs and offering people candy sure it's a face but if he did that i don't think anyone would call the people would be like if ryan gosling was naked giving out candy i think

that one would that one would go a few hours i agree with tick if he had started masturbating people would still be like knock it off no stop it we don't even care here's what we do we're gonna go to break we come back quick story and then a special special dumb people town moment don't even care. Here's what we do. We're going to go to break. We come back, quick story, and then a special, special Dumb People Town moment. Don't go anywhere. Pamela. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town.

Hey, guys. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. Dan, you got one more story. We do. buddy this is a treasure i'm going to read you the headline and then i'm going to show you three photos and we're going to get into it i love it couple attempts the dirty dancing lift ends up hospitalized of course you know what we're talking about the dirty dance this is a story in three photos and i'm going to these are when i can't not wait someone took all three photos of the dirty dancing lift sounds like one of those code words for like a sexual thing right the dirty dancing first photo you look at him and her and you're like this

this is a bad idea from photo one yeah i'm looking at her this woman in the yellow running in? That's the woman who's going to do it. That's Jennifer Grey. That's Jennifer Grey. Jennifer Grey has had a lot to do with it. Are you not familiar with Jennifer Grey? I would describe her hair as Jennifer Grey. Picture two. Picture two. How do you guys feel like this is going to go?

Because there is nothing I want more than people listening right now to be looking on the Facebook page to see this. It's as if, in picture two, he does not know how to properly do the Heimlich. It's as if that might not be Jennifer Grey. It's as if Jennifer Grey has gained a lot of weight, and she's now just wearing... Still wants to pick me up. Yep. Literally. Just wearing jean capris.

I'm going to show you the third. Get ready to see this third photo. Are they on a beach volleyball? They're on a beach volleyball. They are in a... The third picture is just blood. They are in a sparsely grassed area with a wrought iron fence in the background. Which is where you do your last

move. Okay, be ready. Here it is. Oh my god. Oh my god. The time of my life. So, this could have been... Look at them.

I've never felt this way before. I swear. It looks like when a family guy character is knocked out yeah they put each other to sleep. But the, by the way, also kudos to the photographer who just kept shooting. Yeah. I mean, like, that's not even a, that is, he is getting the real. And there is a woman running in. That guy lying down is in that moment of like, don't care that my belly's hanging out. Nope.

No, that's how you know that he's knocked out. He's like falling in a weird way where his leg is in a weird position. One leg is like completely stiff, which means you're completely out. Knocked out which means you're completely knocked out yeah and he is the sound he is making is and the woman's just breathing like i was i was snowboarding with my friend derek he was skiing i was snowboarding and i had just gotten this video camera and it was like 1996 or whatever. We're a big bear or something. And and we're filming each other doing whatever we're doing.

And Derek, there's this jump. And Derek was like, oh, film me going over this. And so I'm like, you know, sitting sitting off to the side and you know how sometimes with cameras there's a glare and so you don't know where you're trying to find a spot that doesn't have the glare and it's snow and so i don't know what i'm angle that and uh and then i'm just hoping that i'm pointed in the right direction and then you just hear these skis coming just and then you hear silence and then you hear and he just belly flops and then my camera just finds two skis like a cartoon sticking out of the snow and the wind is knocked out of him and he's wheezing. The worst. Yeah, but I didn't catch anything.

You just hear... Silence. And I've never felt this way before. That's insane. What happened, Dan? Don't move. One couple definitely did not have the time of their lives while recently attempting to pull off

Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze's iconic lift from the 1987 classic, Dirty Dancing. We worked with Jennifer Grey. She was so nice. Let's hold the brags. Oh, wow. After watching the flick over 30 times, that's a training, right? Yeah, I guess.

Bride-to-be. They should have been fine. Yeah. Bride-to-be Sharon. I don't understand how this could have gone wrong. They were both attached to a wagon. Yeah. Bride-to-be Sharon Price and her fiancé.

He was masturbating. Andy Price. Looking directly at him. Needs to stop. They're from England. They decided they wanted to recreate the move during their first dance at their upcoming What if all of these stories happened at the same time? Like the masturbating guy walked by and pooped while they...

It's the opening of Magnolia. Surely this is not just one of those things. It's all things connected. It shows how the universe is connected. So Andy Price and Sharon Price, both in the early 50s from England, decided they wanted to recreate the move during their first dance at their upcoming nuptials. So they're practicing it. Wait, so before they're married, they have the same move?

No, no, no. They're practicing it so that they can do it at the... Right, I get it. I get it. I thought the same thing, Jay. I was like, wait, they have the last move no no they're practicing it so that they can do it at the right i get it yeah yeah i thought the same thing james like they're both prices prices right beginning of it price is wrong uh they married each other on last name alone of course like i mean we should be compatible keep your stationary they're on that show that company last name standing they soon discovered it's not quite as easy as Jennifer and Patrick make it look. According to BBC, the couple...

And Jennifer probably, they probably used a stunt double for that. No. They used a hollow one shot. You should have asked her when you were hanging out with her. Yeah.

It's a missed opportunity. Zing! I tried to lift it up to see if it would work, but we both fell down. According to the BBC, the couple decided to give the move a shot

while at a pub in Weston Super... Is it Mare? Mar? I don't know. They're both drunk. They're both drunk. Somerset last weekend.

They're both drunk and they're like, I can do this. We can do this. It's one of those moments where they're like, if you're in a bar and someone says, no, no, no, I can do this. That's the point. Give them the keys. Yeah. It's the indication that it can't be done.

Guys, just give me a little space. Give me a little space. If you're drunk saying give me... And then you look up and no one's even at the bar. At all. The bartender's just... Everyone just back out. Give me a little space.

Sir, we closed an hour ago. There's no one here. I don't... Oh, you're going to see it now. Clear it out. Clear it out. Go ahead. I need a little elbow room.

Get your tickets for the show. Sir, seriously. There's not anybody here. I'm just wiping down the bar. Clear it out. Clear it out. I can do this. Nope.

Sir. Sir, you cannot do it. You can't do it. Sir, feel free to do this, but no one's backing out of your way. Tell them to get away. I said move it. When I say throw these darts at me, you throw them. I'm not even participating. Sir, there's these darts at me, you throw them. I'm not even participating.

Sir, there's no darts. You got darts. These right here. I don't know what you're pointing at. Spoons, whatever. Sir, stop masturbating. At least have the decency not to look into my eyes. You want any Skittles?

No. Do you have 20 packs? They tried to give it a shot at the pub it failed saying it failed spectacularly would be an understatement sharon and andy ended up colliding and crashing to the ground both were left with head and back injuries while andy was left with a concussion luckily they were quickly rushed to a nearby hospital and were discharged six hours later having made... In wheelchairs. They were towed behind the ambulance.

Quote, we were about 30 feet apart and Sharon ran and I grabbed her hips and the next thing we knew we were flat out, Andy told the BBC. I was concussed. I was out. I ended up in a neck brace and had to have a ct scan oh my god so is the couple still planning to channel baby and johnny for their first dance quote i don't

think we'll have that one at the wedding i think we'll just go for a traditional slow one and i'll let andy choose sharon said why don't they do a different scene from the movie you know at their wedding the abortion yes or the baby yeah nobody puts baby in the corner yeah or just walk along Why don't they do a different scene from the movie at their wedding? The abortion? Yes. Or the scene where Jerry Orbit. Yeah, nobody puts baby in the corner. Or just walk along a log and dance. Yes. Nothing can go wrong there either.

Not with these two coordinated people. I didn't see the movie, I'll be honest. You know what? I've never seen it either. No, I've only seen Grease. Never seen it? I've seen Grease in Star Wars. Okay. All right.

That's actually pretty good. At once? Same time. Grease was playing in the middle of Star Wars, so I happened. All right. That's actually pretty good. At once? At the same time. Grease was playing in the middle of Star Wars, so I happened to catch it. It's a good interlude. Well, there's that point in the Star Wars bar where they're all watching Grease. Yeah. I'll never forget that.

Those are our three stories. Never forget. Never forget. All right, Dan, you've got two photo. This is a little new segment that we're doing to wrap this show up. Is it called Two Photos? It's called Two Photos. By the way, check in and again,

this is why you want to be a member of the Facebook page is that we are going to show that succession of photos of the Dirty Dancing mishap. Only on the Facebook page. Oh, complete, complete. All right, Dan, you got it. Yeah, we just, you know what? It's a fun little thing.

The Facebook page and the people who put stuff on it is so good. It's so fun. We look at it. We all look at it. It builds the community we want. I refuse to look at it. You've taken a stand. Do you guys remember, we did a story, Tig, a couple months

ago, about these people got in a fight at a pizza hut because of the placement of pepperoni and the person was yelling, you're not my manager, to tell me where to go. Well, Christy Kilgore, who's a big fan of the show, made this artwork. I'm going to share it on the Facebook page. I want to show you guys. Look at this.

She made this. You're not my manager. You're not my manager. It's just a bunch of pepperoni in one corner. If you got a pizza like that, now you would never, you're vegan. There are vegan pizzas. Meatless pepperoni. Meatless pepperoni. That's a great, that's a good name for a vegan. There are vegan pizzas. Meatless pepperoni. Meatless pepperoni. Meatless pepperoni.

That's a great shirt. That's a good name for a vegan. Mattless pepperoni? Yeah. Meatless pepperoni. Because you know how they change names of things when it's vegan? Yes. It's close to it. I could just hear you in another room talking to Stephanie.

Honey, did you put all the pepperoni on this pizza in one area? She's like, yeah, I just threw it on there. Well, it all bunched into a corner. You know I like my pepperoni spread. That's the vegan thing. My pepperoni is in a little elbow room. Clear out!

Everyone back up! Wait, alcohol is still vegan. She's drunk. It's... piece of honey. It comes from plants. Anima Peeps. Yes. Anima Peeps.

Oh, my Lord. That is a great, great, great job. Thank you. I have one other thing for you guys. Hold on. Can we just cut or just hold? No, to edit here for one second. I just want to bring it in.

I think dead air is good. Do you? I do it in comedy. You are the master of the long pause. Of dead air. Yeah, you're a pro. How long you hold it, whenever I see you perform

and you do hold a pause for so long, I'm thinking in my mind, there's a moment where you're just enjoying how far you're taking it. And in your brain, you're like, I'm going to push it farther. One more second. Two more seconds. I can do another second. I can your brain, you're like, I'm going to push it far. One more second. Two more seconds.

I can do another second. I can do another, right? I can do another. In your brain, you're having the best discussion with yourself. All right, what do you got? All right.

This was sent in by Damian Levara. L-U-V-A-R-A. He sent this via the Facebook page. I'm going to put it up on there. But he emailed it. And people can email us too to the Dumb People Town podcast or the

dumb people town email i'll give that out in a minute we had a story we had a story about a guy who tried to rob a bank remember he had a beard on he was a st louis cardinals fan he jumped into a river and then he told everybody this was he had regrets this was not a good day and then we found out that his ex-wife had also robbed a convenience store. With a shotgun. Busy day. Yeah. That was a Tony Hale episode. Busy little beans. I'm going to try and play it right now. Someone, you asked for it, made us their own version of Today Was Not a Good Day. Which was the Ice Cube.

Today was a good day. Here it is. Oh, God. I'm so excited. I hope we can hear it. Here we go. in here area I like that left the instrument yeah they really went for it authenticity is key here we go went for it. Authenticity is key. Here we go. But didn't wig out, finally found a credit union that I wanna take out Checked my revolver as I hit the door, thinking will it go better than before

I gotta go cause I got me a Mazda, just pulled a heist, I can get a Honda Had to stall, back the red light, looking in my mirror, lots of cops in sight And everything ain't alright, I got a beat from Kim, she robbed the place last night Oh my God. Phenomenal. That is not. Freaking nurses everywhere like P-Day. I gotta say, today was not a good day. Oh my God. That's phenomenal. That is not. That is... Okay, hard work went into that.

Far better than I thought it would be. The rhymes are so good. I'm going to assume that's not his accent. He's doing his character. He's doing the character of the guy from Missouri that tried to rob a bank with a fake beard on, jumped in a river, and his ex-wife did the same thing. I love everything about the work that was with Tony Hale

that was from the Tony Hale episode of that story unbelievable these are fans when I heard that I was like I cannot wait

to share this I'm so happy you showed that again the guy's name who did that Damian LaVarra I believe that's how you say it

L-U-V-A-R-A I love it Damian you're a real talent yes thank you I want you to start your own three on three basketball league like Ice Cube did. Exactly.

You should start. Are we there yet? Four. Yeah. No, his movie should be We're Already Here. We're there. TIG should be in it and some directors should be like, take it down. Randy, you asked for that.

You were like, can someone make a version of Today Was Not a Good Day? We put it out there and you guys brought it back. The people in our town are the best. Guys, this is what I'll say to you. Thank you, Tig Notaro, for being on our show. You are amazing. Thanks for having me. Please come back and do it again. I love you guys dearly. We love you so much. Feeling is mutual.

Daniel, great job. Keep the peperoni spread. Yeah. Give it a little out there. And if you have been inspired to become a vegan and you give it a shot and it makes your life better let us know and if you can guess the order of the places

she lived in I cannot wait someone make that map someone tell us what the picture is five dollars five bones coming to ya

it will all be in nickels I hope you guys it's all about the Lincolns I think they said it's all about the Lincolns please head on over to the Benson Ball Festival in DC

I also have more tour dates coming up on my website. Which is? Tignotaro.com If she's in town, in your town, see her perform. You will love it. I can just tell you, as far as a live stand-up experience, it is, whenever we're on a show with her, or we'll do a show with her,

I'm always like, stop whatever I'm doing, talking in the back, just to sit and watch her do what she does, it makes me so yeah i wouldn't tell you really quick you know a lot of times like you guys will come up with a new bid we'll have a new bit and you're always like how do i get in i gotta how do i get into this i'm sure you've heard every accolade you can for your for the the set of i'm gonna be okay everything the cancer yes yeah live live live live live just coming out when you're like, guys, I'm going to be okay. Coming back to that moment is one of the greatest

get-ins with the audience. No, no, no. You mean when I came out and said, hello, good evening, I have cancer. Good evening, I have cancer. And then you're like, it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. And resetting that for the audience.

It's probably not going to be okay. Oh, yeah, probably not going to be okay. I've always wanted to tell you that. Oh, I appreciate that. And I forget a couple times. I've hung out. I call it live, but it's live. But it's live.

No, it's live. It's live. The whole point of calling my album live is because so many live performances are called whatever the band or person is. Live. Right. Live. Live.

And I just thought it was funny. But the crazy thing about that is it was recorded in a studio. It was not live. It was not live. It was not live at all. There was no one there, and I didn't have cancer. And the whole time afterwards, you were like, even though there was no one there, you were like, clear it out! Clear it out! All right, Tig, we're all clear.

No one was here. No one was here. Turn that light off. September 8th, One light off September 8th One Mississippi September 8th One Mississippi October 26th

27th and 28th and 29th and 20th at the Benson Ball Yeah check it out Check out everything Tig does

Thank you guys and we'll be back next week We've got another guest We have great guests lined up for the next couple of weeks and into September

so keep on doing it and now we've got to get back to work Let's do it Goodbye and into September. So keep on doing it. And now we've got to get back to work. Yep. Let's do it. Goodbye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye.