Dumb People Town - Todd Glass - Free Gas

Episode Date: April 30, 2024

Comedian Todd Glass (The Event Of A Lifetime) stops by as Daniel describes how a woman used a rewards card to get free gas, Jason explains how a dad mistakenly bought a huge dinosaur statue for his son, and Randy warns against bringing meth to your schools family fun night, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsors: Skylight Calendar and Hims! As a special, limited-time offer for our listeners, get 15% off your purchase of a Skylight Calendar when you go to SkylightCal.com/DPT. Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/DPT. Restrictions apply. See website for details and important safety information.

Dan and Ren and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast Dan with co-host Our man Dan Vendors don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Vendors, don't be a jerk. We spread the music, which the funny hits. We are gonna take you down. Stick around.

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Mother's Day coming up right around the corner. So order yours today to get 15% off your purchase at SkylightCal.com slash DPT. It's the best Mother's Day gift you can give. Tonny, your sex life is important.

Yes. But your schedule is busy. You don't have the time to go to a doctor's office and get treated for your erectile dysfunction everybody's busy well guess what through hymns now you can get treated for ed without stepping a foot outside of your door start your free online visit today at hymns.com slash dpt that's hyms.com slash dpt for your personalized ed treatment options hymns.com slash dpt restrictions apply see the website for details and important safety information nice hey dad he's welcome to another

episode of dumb people town population population glass pod we have raised the glass ceiling is welcome back to the glass is half full a long time since you're glass is half full. It's been a long time since you were here in town. The glass is half full. I feel like we talk, we text a lot. So we've kept in touch. So we text a lot. I follow your goings on. I replay your voice memos for myself sometimes. So I told you, and I told you directly, and I'll tell this on the air. One of my proudest moments with my 15-year-old son, I think he was about 13 at the time.

I go into his room and he's like, dad, have you seen this? And I'm like, like what he shows me the bit of you as like the horrible uber driver and i'm like that's my friend he's like what i'm like that is my friend todd glass and he's like this is the funniest thing i share it with my friends all my friends are talking about it and i'm like he made the teenage kids laugh you made the teenage kids laugh it came anytime somebody i love comes around someone who is an avenue i'm not expecting i am elated i was like exploding like you've been doing comedy for a while and the fact that you you do something that a whole generation people who don't know

who you are but just is like this is funny yeah that tells you that you're that you're doing it right well i appreciate that. I really do. Like, I've said this a few times, but during the pandemic, Caleb Sines said it to me. But I had already figured it out, I thought. But then he goes, he said it. He goes, Todd, have you engaged in TikTok yet? This is a while back.

I go, yeah. And I go, why? He goes, you belong there. I go, that's what I, it's just the bits. It's uniquely designed for what you do that's really funny. When you get serious about something that you're actually being silly about and commit to it, that's what's so funny. Like that to me, that's the hidden camera at the restaurant, at the table, from the low angle. All that shit is so funny.

Chad Maxwell. I give him a shout out every podcast because Chad is like a sketch guy, has a following on TikTok, like 500,000. And he started helping me. And let me tell you something. It's been the most fun I've ever had. I mean, it is fun. I'm really having a good time.

So good. And it's helping, you know, like I said, yeah. People are coming to shows. People are starting. I have about, I'm hitting up about 250,000. But in Philadelphia, it definitely made a difference. And you know what? I remember when I was 15, went to a comedy club.

Yeah. And let me tell you something. It melts my heart as much as they're excited. Like there was this group of kids at the comedy attic in the back row and they were all in college. And I went by them and you could tell. And I was like, I like high five them all. Yeah. And they were so and I go, I was thinking, I'm just excited you're here as you are.

Yeah. They were. Yeah. So it's so what's great is you and we'll talk about this later in the second segment. What's great is like it's very hard to take what people do on tiktok this is why it's difficult for straight up tiktok influencers to do stand up yeah but i feel like you do you embody all of those things in bits that you do on stage it's like a remarkable crossover of both those things that not many people can do yeah oh my god keep

an eye on your crotch when you're doing television because they're people's highlight you know people do people do zoom in we highlight you can expand release that's are you by the way you know how like most women are on wiki feet are you on wiki crotch that's like a whole thing no there's wiki feet for me oh god is there because guys do it straight guys do it to the to the to their to women you know, to whatever. And then I realized, because when I go, I know they're zooming on the crotch. Well, cut that out, because that's what you do. That's right.

But nevertheless. But yeah, one more quick thing, because I love Chad Maxwell. He is, I'm not saying I'm not funny. I mean, obviously, I'm the one being funny in the videos. But he has come up with so many of the ideas. And it's different than having a corporation help you. If I had the money, I'd do both. Right. But creatively, he comes over, we do video and he knows how to chop stuff up.

He's really good at such a simple moment. Simple little things, but they're not. And he knows how to keep me condensed. Right. Every other time someone said, you got to keep it short, you got to keep it short. I didn't want to, but he knows how to do it. I love Chad Maxwell. Shout out to Chad Maxwell.

That's not dumb. I'll tell you what is dumb. The world. There you go. Ready? Let's do one. Here we go. Sent in by Nick Bowes. At ChefNick80. Thanks, buddy. Yes, chef! That's Flower Brothers. Here's the headline.

I'm curious as to where you guys fall on this. Okay. Like whose side you're on. Okay. I always love these. Nebraska woman uses rewards card loophole for free gas. She uses a loophole associated with the rewards card to get free gas. So was the card not for gas or was it for something else?

Nebraska woman, Dawn Thompson. Dawn. That is a Nebraska woman if I ever done her. Dawn Thompson. Dawn Thompson. Some people you just know are on city council. Dawn Thompson. Dawn Thompson.

City council. They're a band, too. You know that out of the- Dawn Thompson? Yeah, the Dawn Thompson band. Have you seen the Dawn Thompson? A lot of ELO. Have you seen the Dawn Thompson band? A lot of ELO. Have you seen the Don Thompson band?

A lot of ELO. Really? They're good? Are they still doing it? They're still doing it and they're good? Everyone's still alive. Good. I always love that when somebody says that because they know that you're supposed to

assume it's like, and they're good. Yes. No, they're really good. The Don Thompson. My son loves them. How did he find them? They've only released A-tracks. Oh, man.

Nebraska woman Dawn Thompson is charged with one count of theft by unlawful taking for allegedly using a loophole to steal gasoline. What was the loophole? According to KOLN, reports that Dawn is accused of improperly using her rewards card from Pumpin' Pantry in Lincoln, Nebraska. Pumpin' Pantry. That's a website. I know that's a website for something. Right. That's a gas station that is also a place that has snacks. You can buy snacks.

It's like an AM, PM, but terrible name, Pumpin' Pantry. Well, nobody's better than what's in Iowa. That's Come and Go. Come and Go, yeah. Come and Go. Is that really a place? Yeah, I made a video about it because they're changing the name. Do they know those places? But they didn't need to spell C-U-M. That's such a weird

way. It is K, but they are changing the name next year, and I went and made a TikTok there. I was like, guys, we're losing the Come and Go. And I went and made a TikTok there. I was like, guys, we're losing the come and go. You know, it's actually, all of them are going to be converted to Jiffy Loops. Guys, I'm out of here. Thanks so much. And good night.

Do they know when they name it that? Do you think? Like BJ's, that restaurant, stuff like that. Dick's. Do they know that that's got a double entendre? No. Double entendre. Hooters.

Is that the right word? Hooters does not know. They think it's out. Twin Peaks has no idea. Bombshells has no idea. Because real quick, I'm not making this up. In Culver City, it's like they sell meat and it says, you can't beat our meat on the trucks. And I go, do they know?

They have to know. And they don't mind making a masturbation joke about their food? Well, and Rochelle, shout out Walker Short Flooring. Walker Short would say, Walker Short Flooring, and on the shirts say, we'll lay anything. Right. Right. They know.

That's okay. It's about flooring and fucking. Who cares? That's right. But I don't want, you know, where I'm, oh, let's go by there, get some flank steak. The place that jerks off all the time. Why am I talking? Flank steak. Well, it's come and go.

Enjoy the release is what their tagline is. Are you serious? No. Come on. I waited for you guys. I was like, is it? You did. I saw you in a holding pattern above the airport.

My other trick, if I realize you might have to be gullible, my other trick is to go, no, it isn't, but I really do. Right, right, right. And then I'll see how you react. No, it isn't. See how hard you're going to put it back. Right. Oh, my God.

Okay, the Pumpin' Pantry. She stole gas using a loophole just for fun. We'll start out here. How long? She got charged with it. Before we get into how she did it and everything, you know that she stole gas from the Pumpin' Pantry. How long do you think she did it and everything you know that she stole gas from the pumping pantry how long do you think she did it for before they nine months in nebraska

nine months she was stealing gas just whatever three years three years a year six months way to go over here still still six months of stealing gas there's usually nothing wrong with a rewards card it's gonna go on forever forever. Police say the woman took advantage of a software update from November 2022. Remember? This is... That managed orders and rewards cards at the fuel pump. Unbeknownst

to Bosselman Enterprise, owner of the pump and pantry. Why did you call it Bosselman's? The update was allowing anyone who swiped their rewards card twice to switch the gas pump from regular mode to demo mode while in demo mode free gas can be administered holy shit i like to switch mine from demo mode to sicko mode is that a way yeah it's wonderful wait but this is so you run your rewards card twice all of a sudden now free gas if you switch to demo mode so i'm gonna ask

the three of you. How long would you do this for? Six months. Would you go right in and tell like, hey, just so you know, I ran this twice. I can get free gas. Right. Or would you keep it to yourself? I would keep it to myself. Keep it to myself forever.

100% keep it to myself. Yeah. You admire someone that, if someone said they did the honest way, I would admire them. Totally admire. And be that person. I'm being honest about it. But I don't, you know, I'll make this so quick. I just came upon this.

Who's the guy that Leonardo DiCaprio played this scammer? Oh, yeah. The Catch Me If You Can guy. I don't know. I saw an old, like it came just, it came across the internet. Frank. YouTube or TikTok. His name is Frank Abagnale.

Frank Abagnale. Frank Abagnale. Allegedly. And the audience, it's an old, it's from Johnny, years and years and years ago, was like applauding and loving

every time he told a story. Yes, I've seen that clip. And Johnny goes, you know this is, and it's, I get it, I get it because, you know,

especially when it's the corporation, it's not right, but yeah, I would be lying if I said I wouldn't. So I did a, so I'm gonna admit this, I did be lying if I said I wouldn't. So I did it. So I'm going to admit this. I did a scam back in college.

No college. We went to Israel for a semester. I had a girlfriend who stayed for the second semester. We came back to college. And what we would do is I knew the phone number or no, I gave her in a letter the phone number of a pay phone sure in the student union and she would call from israel because we didn't have money and she'd say i'm gonna she'd call collect yeah to the phone at the specific time i'd be there phone would ring and the operator would say do you accept the charges and i'd say yes and we talked no it's the reverse you would

say do do you accept the charges to the payphone and she said yes yes right or whatever i called from a payphone to a payphone whatever i'm in favor of the payphone and i'm like who really gets hurt here i mean yes we're taking a little money out of the long distance pockets but so the technology right we're college kids trying to be i'm fine with it i love. I'm okay with this. You have... These companies write certain amounts of... We worked at gas stations. Even if I did confess to the gas, it would not be less than three times that I got free gas.

All right, judge me on this one. We worked at gas stations. I killed this guy. I murder a guy. No one even knows. No one knows. And I can't believe I'm saying it. No.

We worked at gas stations. And one summer before we went to college. Sure. So Sprite was doing an under the cap awards game. And I'm like, your Sprite, we can hold it up. It's a clear soda. I can read which ones give you a free Sprite. So I'd go into the thing. I'd find one that was a free Sprite. I'd turn the cap. I'd turn ones give you a free sprite so i'd go into the thing i'd find one

that was a free sprite i'd turn the cap i'd turn it and have a free sprite that's that's not even bad at all that's not bad right that's on them that's right yeah okay okay there you go okay this to me feels like the under the cap game i'm just saying right now how about the washcloths that i steal from every hotel oh Oh, hey, hey, wait. Hangers, though? Hangers? Well, they make the little hangers. I know, but the hangers. Oh, yeah, you're talking about the top.

It only fits the rod. When I was, you know the pointed ones they used to have? It was just a point? Yes. Remember that? I remember a comedian, I was probably 17 years old, and he came out on stage. He had a few props, not a lot.

But he would go, he goes, you know what bothers bothers me people that just steal things they can't even use with the thing that's fun in addition to using the rewards card don thompson is accused of being paid to give her card to another woman for free gas this is oh yeah so she's now farming it out yourself that's right the woman you know i'm getting free gas over at the... The woman allegedly paid up to $700 for access to the... So she's not getting free gas. Couldn't anybody with a rewards card just run it twice? No.

Well, maybe they don't know it. But she said, here, use this card and tell them what to do unless she doesn't tell them. Well, they have to. They have to know that. Or maybe she says, like if I go, Todd, give give me 20 bucks and you can go fill up your car and i'll take your car i'll go fill it up or bring it back then that's how you keep people from knowing how you're doing it no no and i get 20 bucks normally there's a camera there's a camera so i know that but i'm saying how do you keep it from the person who's paying you for gas i'm gonna guess

as a matter of fact i would put like if you knew the answer to this, I would put a high amount of money that it was a friend that goes, listen, just give me $25 and I'll let you fill your car. Because you can't go, oh, I'll take it. This is too suspicious. No way. Picture in real life, me saying that to you. No, let me go fill up your car. That's so weird.

It's weird. So they're in on it. It is weird. I don't judge either of them no a loss prevention manager which i used to do i know dan uh discovered one particular card had been had been repeatedly used to get free gas by tracing the card's information police were able to identify thompson court record show what do you think you're they're not gonna know that your card got swiped these are electronic things say

they caught the woman in the act when they checked surveillance footage and saw her pumping gas into her car several times yeah so does that mean she's filling up her car then going to get someone else's car and then taking gasoline out no it means going to her car then going to get someone else's car then going to get someone else's. I have the card. When Lincoln police interviewed her, she told detectives that a man paying off a car debt gave her the rewards card instead of money. Police could not contact the man because he died in January. Oh. So she was like, hey, you know, Greg, Greg died a year ago.

He owed me money for a car. So he told me, use this card until I get my money back. Absolutely not, Dan. There is no human way she said Greg died a year ago. This guy, Greg, gave me this card. Where's Greg? Go find him. Oh, that's what she said.

Oh, he's dead. And then they're like, he's dead. This started to feel like an episode of Fargo. He's what? She killed him over the gas cart. Oh, my God. It's like a Cone Brothers movie. Over a six-month period. What if she was so just greedy that she got caught because she was letting it overflow?

Yeah. Like, she would just sit there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just, yeah, it's free. Who cares? She'd start rinsing off her car. With the gas. With the gas.

She'd be a Zoolander. Oh, right, right, right. Yeah, yeah. That's Greg Fitzsimmons' joke. That great old joke of his. What? He said, I saw porn. I was at a gas station and saw a porn star, male porn star, filling up his car.

How did I know it was a male porn star? Right before he was about to finish, he pulled it out and sprayed it all over the hood. Greg Fitzsimmons. I said the trunk. Over a six-month period, I would say the face of the car. Wait, did Greg say the trunk? The car tits.

I don't know. He might have said the hood. The windshield. I think he said the windshield. Get him on the phone. He should go face of the car. did greg say the trunk the car tits i don't know he said the hood the windshield i think he said get him on the phone all right go face of the car get him on the not to punch it up great all right over a six month period don used the rewards card to get free gas how many times oh oh six month period six month period okay figure it out once a week at least six more than that where does she drive five times how many months six six what's five times six 30 30 okay i'm gonna say 30 okay oh randy i think it's no because she did it for other people and was getting right oh i forgot about that can i change yeah i love these games yeah because i can do it. I don't like Jeopardy.

I know nothing. You're assessing human behavior combined with greed, combined with accessibility. Right. How many times? 40. 40? Final answer. Okay.

I think like, I'm going to say 70. 70. 150 times. 150. Can I make another guess? Yes. Of course. I think I'm going to win.

Okay. Okay. Over a six-month period, Don Thompson used the reward card 510 times. 150. Can I make another guess? Yes. Of course. I think I'm going to win. Okay. Okay. Over a six-month period, Dawn Thompson used the reward card 510 times. Oh, my God. 510 times. Did I win? Did I win? She went to the well too many times.

510 times. I'm sure she didn't go to the same gas station. Lincoln police believe the woman had been getting free gas from November 13th, 2022 to June 2023. Can I just tell the person writing this? That is so much gas. It's also not six months. Investigators say that. By the way, what if that's how she got caught?

That she told too many people. You got to shut up. When you've got a. Good thing. I have a great hack that i will not say on air it is insane and i know our friend grant manship i he's tried it uh i know other people who tried it because and it made me so happy when it worked oh i gotta find out off the air i'll tell one that i've told on other ones certainly i know you could do this anywhere how about that when you check in any hotel in vegas

i don't care if you're there for three nights i've gotten three nights in a suite because of this you put twenty dollars on the table and you if you have any upgrades available i would love to take care of you and if they don't have them available but they look you still got to give at least five bucks you know you're going you know what thanks you. And if they don't have them available, but they look, you still got to give at least five bucks. You know what? You go, you know what? Thanks for looking. But if they don't have them,

you said, if you have them available, I'd love to take care. I know you're going to feel like a douche. I know you're like, do I hide it? Nope. You set it right down.

They know cameras tell them everything anyway. It's up to their discretion. Everything in Vegas is free. Yeah. They just choose who they're going to charge for it. That's right. Everything in Vegas is free. They just choose who they're charging. charge for it. That's right. Everything in Vegas is free. They just choose who they're charging.

And you go, if you have any upgrades available, I'd love to take care of you. It's a great hack. And if they go, sorry, we don't have any. Be like, you know what? I appreciate you looking. And you throw 20 bucks away on every hand. What are you? What's your?

Oh, no. No, I love it. And it's I'm sort of it's sort of like this. And believe me, I'm not trying to act like a big shot. But most people think you can only do that stuff in Vegas. Right. You can take care of people anywhere. Anywhere.

And years ago, we were waiting at the Cheesecake Factory. Sure. Love it. There was seven of us. Sure. And a friend of mine said, you know, for $10 each, we don't have to wait. And we ended up giving $50. But he was basically going, I'll give it now.

I have the cash. But he goes, when the bill comes, $10, we don't have to wait. Now, would they do it for $25? There's a strong possibility. But for $50, absolutely. Absolutely. That was so many years ago. And I've done it.

As a matter of fact, look, let me preface this. About a week ago, there's an Olive Garden that opened up down the street from me. And I wanted to go ironically. I know that sounds crazy. I would go sincerely. Bottomless breadsticks. It's the atmosphere that I know it's going to be a little vanilla. You like family.

People fighting and yelling at you all the time. That's all we said, though. Me and my friend Robin Lane, we did have a great time. We did mushrooms a week ago and went to the olive garden. I didn't know you needed a reservation. I was like, we go in there. It's packed. Oh, yeah.

So I told Robin Lane, now we're at the Olive Garden. I go, $10, would it work? $15? I said, $25. Now, I was polite with it. I didn't want to walk in all these people around. So I waited about three minutes. I walked over, very polite.

I said, I don't even know if you can do this, but if there's any way you could. And she just laughed. And of course you're polite yeah she just sort of smiled and I went I tried to be you know have a subtle about it she goes you did she was follow me oh she sat us down for $25 yeah did you have seats in the kitchen could you watch him making you were at the chef's table at the all we went to it was like Goodfellas or whatever that movie was. And your friend said, what do you do? What do you do?

So that was just like, so whenever you're going out, you have to be polite. You don't walk up and go, hey, we're very polite. I would say most of the time it's going to work. So you know how there is. Even in the know, you have to be just as polite as you were before you got it. And I don't even care if this gets out to tons of people, Dan. I don't even care if this gets out to tons of people because you know what?

If tons of people try... You did kill a guy? No, I did kill a guy, but if tons of people tried it, no, what you guys are talking about, if they all decide to start trying it, it means the people who are working hard and not getting paid a lot are going to get a lot. They get a little discretion. They get to wet their beak if they have the ability to do so. So there's FU money, and then there's

is there anything you can do about it money? Is there anything you can do about it? One more quick thing. Yes! So this has to do with, I just figured this out. Of course, tipping, you should do it from your heart. But I get, when I want snacks, I go to 7-Eleven, you know, for Uber Eats.

7-Eleven. And, you know, I always give $10, which is, I think, a nice tip. Nice, nice. The other night, I realized sometimes they pick it up. Someone takes it, and then it drops. I said, maybe I'll leave $15, and then I went, look, just go to $20. Go to $20. If you have three people over, you want snacks, guess what?

Every time I go to $20 on the tip, which on that app, they see the tip. Sometimes they pick the order up because of it when they accept it. It is absolutely undeniably gets there quicker. Of course. Not because normally they dilly-dally, because someone that lives closer goes, you know, $20, what could I normally get? $5, $10 is great. $20, well, I can sort of put a lot of gas in my car. That's right. So $20, if you want to get it quicker, you will absolutely go, oh my God.

And you know what the great thing you said, too? You and a couple other people. Average it out. A few bucks for nobody to have to leave. We get the good times, keep going. Yeah. We want to shut down and gear up. I love it.

Okay. Lincoln Police believe the woman had been getting free gas from November to June. Like I said, not six months. Investigators say the woman got how many gallons in free gasoline, Todd? I've been doing so poorly. 510 times. Over the course of what is actually about nine months. I'm going to let you guys go first.

So 510 times, if she got 10 gallons, it would be 5,000. I think she got 6,500 gallons. Okay. Geez, I'm going to say, if there was a truck involved, 10,000 gallons. I'm going to say, did you go? I don't know. Oh, I'm going to say. You know, if there was a truck involved. 10,000 gallons. Okay. I'm going to say.

Did you go? I don't know. Oh, you know the answer. That's why I'm going to go with 1,000 gallons. It shouldn't stop you with all your scams. 10,000 gallons. I'm going to say. What did you say?

I said 6,500. 6,500. You said 10,000. Okay. I'm going to say 50,000. 50,000. Wow. 50,000.

Well, you said 65,000. I said 6,500. Oh, 5,000. 5,000. 5,000. Wow. 50,000. Well, you said 65,000. I said 500. Oh, 500. 5,000. 5,000. Okay. 5,000. In free gallons of gasoline, the amount of gallons is 7,413.

Oh, yeah. Way to go. I was going to have to tell you to split the difference. The gas station manager said it cost him $27,000 in losses, the TV station added. The woman was arrested on March 6th on a theft charge. Does she have to pay it back? And given a $7,500 bond, according to KOLN, she was not listed as an inmate in the Lancaster County Jail on Monday. You know what she said when they gave her the bond?

Put it on my gas card. Yeah, right? Can I run this? Can you run this? Run it twice. Swipe it twice. Put it in demo. Put it in demo. You know what happened to the last guy who owed me money?

Died of natural causes, but I still got this card. Run it twice, put it in demo. Okay, we gotta hear this. Final thing. For fun. Take everything you know. She's running people. She's 510 times all this gallons of gas. She's got a good network. Guy died. She sold a car. He owed her money. How old

is Dawn Thompson? What's the age of the woman running? 100%. While he's taking his jacket off, I'm going to say Don. For anybody who had zoomed in on crotch, zoom out so you can see the jacket get taken off. It's a good jacket. His jacket is coming off. So Don Thompson.

Don Thompson. Go ahead, Randy. Don Thompson is 47 years old. 47 years old. Oh, wow. Okay. I'm going to say Don Thompson is 39. 39 years old. He's got 39 years old. 47 years old. Oh, wow. Okay. I'm going to say Don Thompson is 39.

39 years old. Feels like a 39 year old. We have a 47. We have a 39. What do you think, Todd? From Jason. I'm going to say 34. 34 years old.

Like a young boss. To end story one, when we come back, we'll hear about my plugs that I have going on. If you're watching, you've already got an idea of one of them.

We'll hear about Todd's show and how you can support it. It's unreal. It's unreal. It's unreal. It's a show he's going to do. You're going to be able to see it. We'll talk about it.

Okay. We'll be back right after this. No. You're listening to All Things Comedy. Don Thompson is? Oh, we're going to find out right now. Oh, 45 years old. Oh!

I said 47. I've been great on all this stuff. I know what I'm talking about. Oh, you know what that means? I'm lying. Thief. Thief. I read it.

I read it. Randy's read it. All right. Hey, we're about to do, we're going to take a break. We come back, we'll tell you how you can support Daniel and Todd Glass's

Dumb People Town. But Todd Glass, we'll be right back. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Before we hear about Todd's amazing show, of which I've seen the trailer and I absolutely love it. Make a sound. There's more about people town. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show.

Before we hear about Todd's amazing show, of which I've seen the trailer and I absolutely love. Oh, my gosh. Just the opening. Daniel Rosegold. Rosegold. It's out and rocking. That's why I'm wearing this shirt.

Also, if you like these, go to DanielVanKirk.com. That's a cool shirt. Get it. Get these while they're still available. Support it. It's a Rosegold color. Rosegold is out. Go to my YouTube channel, Daniel Van Kirk Comedy, and watch it there.

You are already here because I think you're a fan of what we do or maybe you're a fan of todd's hopefully you're a fan of todd's you've heard me hanging out with him before um the number one thing you can do for me is share it introduce it to other people and when you go on social media tag your local comedy club hey get this guy in here you you can't honestly everything's people get recommendations from their friends about stand-up they're like have you seen todd got recommended by his son my son recommended todd glass to us like do you know that's how it works maybe do but i so do that for for daniel this is how daniel gets to make another special if this is before may 18th i am in wisconsin this weekend. And if it's

definitely before July, I am doing like my own week of comedy, my own little mini comedy festival. And that is going to be at the Lincoln Lodge July 16th through like the 21st. Everything's at DanielVanKirk.com. But I really hope you go click on Rose Gold. Yeah, support him. All right. So, Todd,

I love the show. I love the idea of the show. I love the way the trailer starts. So explain it to our people. It's not a show. It's an experience, Todd. It's a whole night. Obviously, you know, because getting ready to do a lot of podcasts, I thought, what's the shortest way that I can explain this?

And one is to start backwards. On May 12th, as part of Netflix as a joke festival here in Los Angeles, I'll be doing it at the UCB. Great. And let me tell you something, you're never going to see the UCB like it's going to be for that night. I love that. As you know, and for my own paranoia

that I talk about this all the time, I've been talking about the experience for years and years and years, and I try to do whatever I can at clubs, but I've talked about that before. So in short, I will say this, and then I will tell them where to go to watch it um it's it's it's what happens before the show out in the street before the doors open i

have a saxophone player playing out in the street well the crowd's being seated uh two of the band members go out and play and it was it started from realizing for years like there are it's a stand-up comedy show and the reason i say that is I know what it's like to crave stand-up comedy. I still do. Right. And I want people to, oh, I'm in the mood for stand-up. This show will please you. 100%.

There's just a lot of production around it. Yes. The band places, they're being seated. They back me during the show. And after the show, if there can be an ice cream truck in the street, we do something after the show. If it's hot chocolate and cookies, an ice cream truck. So nice.

And the whole band goes out there. Yes. And plays out there. So it's like do something after the show if it's hot chocolate and cookies and ice cream and and the whole band goes out there yes and plays out there so it's like a party after the show out in the street or in the lobby if it's too cold out so it's very hard to explain and and i you know somebody years ago said when everybody said whenever somebody on a podcast or radio tries to ask you to explain your stand-up, probably the best answer is, if you could explain it, it wouldn't be that different. Right. So I'll say that. It's a great way. I don't know if you can link it.

There's a short thing that's on all my social sites. It's like me talking about it, and we show quick clips from it. It's about a minute and a half. Yes. It talks you through why I have started a crowdsource. And then there's a four and a half minute thing on YouTube. It called todd glass the event of a lifetime i love it i saw that because of the strike uh my friend steve uh rosenthal edited it together for me and he did an amazing

job didn't he yes it's so great four and a half minutes and send the link to aaron send the link to a half and he'll drop it into the show yeah four and a half minutes you get it so we started a crowdsource over at uh seed and spark but if they go to my website the easiest way toddglass.com then that's all you got to do get to toddglass.com and that'll link you right over to uh to the website but um i will say this we're asking for a reasonable amount of money and it's not that the show costs that much to tour with but in the last year i'm almost done um i've done everything in my power to make this show as tight as it possibly can be my stand-up i go out on stage now like i have something to prove yeah and uh i don't want me to be the mrs link in the show

right and in the last year the last year and a half i toured without the band i go i just want to get the stand-up tight right so this is a well-oiled machine it is not just a pipe dream to think that if we give this a run in new york it will be successful it's because all the hard work i put into it and i'm telling you i have worked harder than i've ever worked my entire career i love it and the only thing that could go wrong and here's a big part of the expense is that we don't have the money to bring in like when they're promoting a play. Yes. Serious funding. Yes.

Serious, serious funding. That's right. And that's a huge, huge chunk of the money. It is. That's why we started the crowdsource. Great. So what did I vomit? I think I, so that, that, you know, I think, I hope I do a good job, but I think if you

go, you know, I say this, if you go watch the four and a half minute highlight reel, you'll get excited. You get it. It's not like a lot of times when someone's showing you a highlight reel, they're hard to do. My friend said they're harder to put together than specials. Yeah, because you don't know what to include to actually make it, but the guy who cut it for you, Rosenthal, did a fantastic job.

He did, didn't he? But I'll say this, what I love about it is, again, you have always, we talked about it at the beginning of the show, your penchant for doing really funny TikTok bits. You are a lover of really fully committing to the silliest thing you can think of in that moment. When you have band members joining you and audience people and a sound cue thing and a

you know and and lighting and this and that it's like a new take on those old classic like when the rat pack would travel around and they would have the band behind them and they would do that's what i felt like but there was a night out also looseness because no comedian i've ever seen in my life has plays more in the moment than you. So if something's happening, you're hyper aware of everything that's going on around you. So every show will be different, even though it will be exactly the same material and whatnot. It's a different experience. And so that's what I love about it. That's what I gathered from this thing.

And, of course, we've seen you live and seen you do what you do. But for anyone who's out there going, like, I want to see a fun – I watch that thing and I'm like – It's an experience. From the second you get there to the second you leave it is an amazing experience well i i really appreciate that and you know like even the opening like we have a we did the show where the guy opened the singer like he shreds this song he doesn't just go out there and people are coming for stand-up there's all the song is two minutes yeah and i just i opened the show by dedicating when i met comedians and i'm sure we all feel the same way i not to sound cliche but i hate why do i say that every i think we all say it's a little cliche to

say that yeah it's a little it is a little cliche to say that when i met comedians i i had a life i met my people i love tribe what your tribe yes yes i had people like i didn't wasn't you know i didn't really have friends in high school that many and so i found my people and and i always say this just to be real even comedians that i might disagree with on a social issue other than that i love being around comedians i crave being around them and i asked the guy if he could open the show singing for once in my life i have someone who needs me and he i'll tell you what i did i said go watch sammy davis jr do it yeah on youtube i mean he shreds it he he fucking shreds it can you do a version like that and he did and it's just two minutes of i mean what the fuck in two minutes You can't get the crowd that. And then at the end, boom, blackout.

And then wait two seconds, the drum, and then they introduce me. And it's a fun show to do. I go out every night. And let me tell you something. I fucking love it. With the band behind me, it's a lot of fun. I just wish you were passionate about it. Anyway, it's called Todd Glass. Todd Glass, the event of a lifetime.

Event of a lifetime. And it's an experience, so check it out. Go to toddglass.com. You can be a part of supporting it. Support it. And one more thing. If there's comedians over the years, I always appreciate it. They go, oh, we love Todd.

We love Todd. Here's your opportunity, especially these comedians that have a ton of money. I'm going to be checking it. Go through. I told my brother I don't want to be desperate. He goes, ah, be desperate. Help me out here. Sure.

That's right. I mean, I love the kind words, but go to the thing, help me out here. And also one of the things they can do is name the band after, for one night, because we hope to do the show for a month, name the band after you or your business. So maybe your fans,

I mean, they can start a crowdsource to raise money, so we can name the band after you one night. It's very expensive. McClellan's Plumbings Band. I love it. I would do it. I know you would. It's so funny.

But thank you for giving me the opportunity to go along. Of course. I love you so much. Let's jump into another Outsource. All right. Here we go. This is sent in by Carlene McDermott. She be Carlene.

I love her. Dad mistakenly buys six meter long dinosaur for son and it was delivered by a crane so he mistakenly bought it sometimes there's a people accident they'll buy like furniture really six centimeters they thought he was buying them a little by furniture really cheap on ebay and then they found out it's like miniature furniture that's why that six meters long is the other way right too big it's it should have been very expensive. Never mind. Six meters is 10 feet, right? What did you want to say? Is it fake?

Well, no. It's not. It's real. It's not real. It's not a real dinosaur. But yeah, okay. Six meters is closer to 18 feet. I'm sorry. Edit that out.

18 feet. Oh, shit. It's about three. A dad who bought a dinosaur online for his son did not expect to receive a six meter long statue so monstrously big that it had to be dropped into his garden by crane right when you know his wife is like what are we doing wait how long is it 60 meters how long is it 18 feet they had to drop that in with the crane well 18 feet could be long if it's who knows how much it weighs yeah it might be how much was it okay so andre on the sky i'll get to andre bison's How old is his son, Theo?

Andre Besson sounds like a Who asked for the biggest carnitore you've ever seen 42 7 3 Oh, they get in the dinosaurs young 5 Okay 2 of your 1

Okay, fine 4 years old Okay The biggest carnitore ever Finally The Guernsey father set out to do just that five okay two of your one you're okay fine four years old okay uh the biggest country finally the guernsey father set out to do just that he bought the statue online for and i have it in pounds how expensive how expensive do you think in british pounds yeah pounds is about to get a pound converter pounds is a dollar 25 about a dollar 25 so i can give it to you one pound let's see so one and a fourth of what it was. How much was it?

It had to be expensive. It's so huge. You're guessing, yeah. In American money, we're guessing. We can guess in America. You can convert it. I'd give it $6,000. Would you spend that much?

4,500 pounds, 4,200 pounds. 4,000 pounds. I'm going to go... Man, I think you got a deal. That's why I didn't know. So I'm going to go man I think he got a deal that's why he didn't know so I'm going to go I'm going to go 500 pounds 500 pounds? How many dollars is that? That'd be like 750 bucks

I'm going to go I don't know how rich this guy is right? I know might be a drop in the well for him maybe he could donate to my show Kickstarter $400 750 bucks. Might be a drop in the well for him. Right. Might have a rewards card. Maybe he could donate to my show. Hey.

Kickstarter. $400. $400. $400. Okay. Get your answers in town. $275. 1,000 pounds. So 1,250 bucks.

1,250 bucks. Okay. And he thought he'd be getting a three meter long dinosaur when it arrived. It turned out to be. Oh, nine feet. He thought it was going to be nine feet. Nine feet is enormous. He found the online listing. Oh, I wish I would have known that. I would have changed my guess. Oh, nine feet is still huge. Nine feet is enormous. He found the online listing.

Oh, I wish I would have known that. I would have changed my guess. Yeah, me too. So desperate. This is like people when you go to a theme park and they've won the bear that's the size of two human. Yeah, and then they have to carry it around all day. They carry it around all day.

It's like a, it is your albatross. All right, can you guys hold it here for me? Why do you want anything that big? Why you don't? All right, so he found, Dan, you were so right. That's what I told him. When you said it was a discount. He found the online listing after his partner mentioned an amusement park in jersey

tamba park was selling its old stock of dinosaur statues okay so they're like unloading these old dinosaurs he's like now does he have to pay for the crane i bet he does it's like delivery fee as well find out he told the sun online that the issue was that this was being sold offline there was only a thumbnail image offline is what carrier pigeon i don't know offline is what a piece of i mean i think he meant he bought it online i bought this offline like he was trying to say i got it online all right uh there was only a thumbnail image to try and gauge the size. No details whatsoever. No one asked.

You're too rich. I didn't really care. You're buying something for a thousand pounds based off a thumbnail for your child. How big is it? How big is it, honey? You're rich. How big is the dinosaur you get? That's a flex.

Ty, will you please tell the story of the guy from when you were growing up? It was one of our favorites. You would jiggle his penis? Yes, please. Of course I will. Please. Cashews. Cashews. There was favorites. You would jiggle his penis? Yes, please. Of course I will. Please. Cashews, cashews. There was a guy that would Where was he? He was actually

You know how sometimes you change the story in your act because it fits in somewhere else, but the guts of the story are true. It actually happened at the swim club we went to. Did they have tennis courts? Yes, they did. Did they have a golf course? No, no. Just tennis and swimming. Just a swim club. Just a swim club. And it was

called El Dorado and the owner's name was Mr. Press. And he looked like the owner. He had like really thick, thick gray hair and parted down the middle, walked around like, and he would jiggle some type of peanuts it looked like to me a lot. You know, he's walking around jiggling his peanuts. And I thought

that guy, I told my brother Spencer, I go, look at that guy. You can tell he's rich or something that guy i told my brother spencer i go look at that guy he can tell he's rich or something like that yeah and my brother was two years older of course a lot more knowledgeable you think when you're two years younger and he goes why do you think that and then i there's another detail he goes you thought a guy because he had a tire on the back of his car was rich sure and that's true too true, too. I go, look, that guy's a millionaire. Because, you know, the tire. He's got more tires than he knows what to do with. Yeah, he's got a tire on the trunk.

On the back of his car, yeah. You know, the Lincoln Continental. The Lincoln Continental, yeah. And other cars, too. But nevertheless. And then. This is how I feel about people who only have white Christmas lights. Rich.

Oh, that's a good look. Rich. Rich. But so he just sort of like wrote it off. Some of the story i remember by him he told me this later in life uh but the jiggling of the peanuts and then um i go you know i go well he's rich and and my brother sort of wrote it off but later in life not then i didn't have the wherewithal i remember thinking i was right it doesn't it's certainly a sign of leisure right

like he's just i got nothing to do. I'm not worried. He's not dabbing sweat off his face. He's casually jiggling cash. And he doesn't need to eat them so fast. No. Because there's more where that came from. It's an unlimited supply of these.

Yeah. And also, if you don't have money for your mortgage or once you have kids and you need to pay bills. You don't jiggle. You don't walk around the neighborhood. Those people kick a stone. That's what I figured out. You. You don't jiggle. You don't walk around the neighborhood. Those people kick a stone. That's what I figured out. Similar to this.

They kick a stone around the neighborhood. People who watch will have seen me do it before I said it. I think people are well off when they just kind of twirl their keys. Dude, that's the jiggling of the cash. It's the sign of leisure. Yeah, they're just kind of like. What else do I have to do? And they're like doing the thing where they're sort of like Doc Holliday.

What else is in the news? They just had to keep catching him in their palm while they're talking to you. I mean, I'm not worried about anything. So what else? Yeah. That's essentially what you're saying with this move. He didn't pop them in his mouth, but I could add that. Of course.

And you also knew because when he missed one, he's like, okay, whatever. Someone will get it. Throw it on the ground for the pigeons. Mr. Press. Mr. Press. Mr. on the ground for the pigeons. Mr. Press. Mr. Press. Mr. Press. We got a Mr. Press here. The dad told Unilad seven guys couldn't lift it or move it,

so they had to organize a JCB to get him out. So they bring it. He's like, this is way too big. So this is how you know he's also rich. He goes there with people to get it. They can't. Now he's got to do it with a crane. And the whole time he's like, I didn't think you know he's also rich he goes there with people to get it they can't now he's got to do it with a crane and all times like i didn't think it was even gonna be this big not that i care well so florida not that i care i don't care i just didn't think it was not that i care just get the get the crane man what do i care what do i care uh andre had

bought the dinosaur now named chas as a christmas present for his son not even a birthday present christmas christmas One of many presents. One of more. What else did you get me, Daddy? But it could not be delivered in time because of its size. It delivered on a Hanukkah, of all things. Of all things. I know.

Tampa Park even sent the family a smaller dinosaur to apologize for the delay. So they're probably like, oh, here comes your dinosaur. They're like, we're so happy some idiot bought our 18 foot dinosaur for a thousand pounds we'll go we'll throw in this one for free carnitors are theo's favorite species and the four-year-old first asked for a dinosaur first after the asked for a dinosaur after carniturs i guess never heard never heard by one of the feathers he first asked for a dinosaur after watching the disney film dinosaur okay what a low ranking dinosaur movie by the way one of pixar's worst yeah asshole right this kid sucks so that's just a story about wealth there's not much more to it

but that's but that is pretty dumb it's dumb don't buy anything on a thumbnail image also hey you know what I'll take you to see some dinosaurs. As you say that. I'll take you to see some dinosaurs. Do you construe to something else? By the way, someone's going to grab this. I hope it is.

Photoshop. We'll post it. Do something with this, Internet. Go ahead. Go ahead and have fun. What can you do with this? Do something. There's nothing you can do with this. go ahead go ahead and have fun yeah have two guys what can you do with this have two guys standing next to me right now or just have one guy who's incredibly blessed becomes a meme all right that's it ran what do we have in story three we've got just a teacher doing a very non-teachery thing okay that's happening on this side of the break we'll tell you what we have going on east high glass uh Glass. What is this? The greatest event of all time? What's the name of your show?

It's the... We want to get it right. Todd Glass, the event of a lifetime. Event of a lifetime. I said the greatest event of all time. But the event of a lifetime pretty much sums it up. Sounds better than what I said. Sums it up.

It's on Dumb People Town. We'll be right back. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. We get it. Moms run the world. That's it. it understand how that goes they give 110 every single day all parents do you want to be seen you want to be feel like the also it feels like our lives and our schedules and our kids schedules are going

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Todd Glass is with us. We're never not laughing when we're around Todd Glass. What do you guys got going on? We're going to be in I don't know when this is going to drop. I want to time this the right way. June. No, I'm saying you can say a June date. I can tell you

May date. May date we'll be at Wise Guys. We haven't been back in Salt Lake City in a while. We're going to be at the Jordan Landing Club. I'm very excited about that. We had great shows in Minneapolis. So many people came out, sold out the weekend, which was amazing. We're at. At Acme. It was a great time. Wonderful. And then we'll be in Houston at the Secret

Group. I love that place. Love, love, love that club. I know, Daniel. So we got a couple of shows there. I'd like to add more shows. That's the 21st and 22nd. 21st and 22nd. In of June. So that is going to be great right before my anniversary so let's make it a nice weekend

everybody superscleros.com check that out shall we jump into the story let's do it okay here we go by the way you could bring your son on May 12th

really well why not oh it's at UCB yeah yeah you could Jay bring him he would love it put the pressure on you he would love it

Sunday night Mother's Day though I would love to be Put the pressure on you. He would love it. Sunday night. Mother's Day, though. I would love to be there, but I have a show. No, same deal. Are you ready? All right, we'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. This was sent in by Matthew Friedman at NotYourAverageMatt.

A-B-G Matt. Yep. Here's the headline. Police. From the police. EVSC teacher fired after bringing meth to family fun night. I thought she thought she was trying to make it more fun. I said fun.

It's a family fun night activity. She brought meth. You don't bring meth to. All right. You can't do anything. You got to bring a drug. Oh, yeah. Oh, you don't want to.

Oh, apparently I'm not supposed to have fun. Family fun night. Bring a drug to pass. That's how. I'm sorry. My last name. Not A through L. I'm sorry. Not I not A through L?

So in Evansville, a teacher is in jail and no longer teaching after police say she brought methamphetamine to a family event at Helfrich Park STEM Academy. It is a STEM Academy. Meth is chemistry involved, right? It's a science.

Kids, you want to learn how to mix something together? Here you go science technology how did that had to drop out of sarah jane duncan okay sjd if there was ever a female serial killer there never will be sarah jane sarah jane duncan was formerly listed as an eighth grade teacher on the school's website she was arrested wednesday afternoon afternoon and booked into the vanderbaugh county jail that came after police say children of the loves watching vanderbilt county jail to vanderbilt rules that came after police say children at the family fun night found a blue scrunchie that duncan took out of her hair the children told

the teacher they opened the scrunchie and found a glass vial with white powder and a cut straw inside and meddling kids don't put your meth in your scrunchie, Todd. Is that what it is? Is that the plan? That is the takeaway, I think. That was the first book I wrote. That's a great children's book. Yeah.

That did well. Do you remember the song you wrote of the same title? Don't put your meth in your scrunchie. Don't take it all the way to school. Don't put your meth in your scrunchie. Oh, my God. That's crazy. Family fun. take it all the way to school. Go and put your meth in the scrunchie. Oh my god, that's crazy. And then just tippanies the whole way all the way

through, okay? Those were the days. The teacher who wasn't the subject told the kids to throw away the scrunchie and paraphernalia. Keep that. That's evidence. Don't throw it away. That's how we get this one. Hold on, I'm sorry. So the teacher... There was another teacher who saw kids and was like, throw that away.

How did they find out it was... She took out the scrunchie. It was her scrunchie. She took it out. I heard that word. She took it out of her hair. Scrunchie. That's why you don't let your hair down.

Police say the teacher dug out the scrunchie out of the trash and then secured it until the police arrived. By secured it, she just tried a little bit. Let me see what it is. Let me see how it is. Before we need to throw this away, let's see what kind of a grade it is. Make sure we know if it is even what we think it is. Right. I'll just do a couple

of bumps. Did somebody ever make that sketch of like cops being like, how do we even know this is real? Let's try it. According to an affidavit, janitors noted that during the event that Duncan was frantically searching for some sort of a hair tie. So there's the moment.

She took it off. Investigators revealed a field test of the white powder of the vial tested positive for meth. Police say Duncan was taken to the deaconess, deaconess for a drug screen, which was terminated. What was terminated? The affidavit states she was terminated. Oh, yeah. States the urine samples provided did not meet temperature for testing. Oh, so she got off on a test.

She's got cold pee? And maybe... Cold pee or what? So to get married. Right. Cold pee. Unauthorized. And an unauthorized...

Okay. This is what happened. The affidavit states that the urine samples provided did not meet temperature for testing and an unauthorized container fell from Duncan's shorts. So she's like, here's my pee. And she brought some frozen pee. She had frozen pee. She's like a little magician.

She's got compartments everywhere. That was the name I had a punk band in high school. Frozen pee. We were good. You guys were better than... I love the way you said we were good presupposes that we said you weren't good. You might think. We were good. You guys were better than... I love the way you said we were good presupposes that we said you weren't good. You might think. We were good.

But still. It's always fun to go, we were good. Not for nothing. I don't like to toot my own horn. We weren't bad. It was Scott before Scott. Duncan told police she did lose a scrunchie, but claims it was not the one the children found.

I lost a scrunchie, but not the one with meth in it and a vial and a half straw. Ma'am, no one said anything about a half straw. She's trying to run it all the way back. Police report shows that she admitted to owning a scrunchie with a zipper, but it says it was a different color. Officers say the photo was taken of her. You know how scrunchies have zippers on them? All kinds of scrunchies. They're like fanny packs these days.

They go, why would your zipper? Here's where she got caught. I heard. They go, why know how scrunchies have zippers on them? All kinds of scrunchies. They're like fanny packs these days. They go, why would your zipper here's where she got caught, I heard. They go, why would your scrunchie have a zipper? She goes, to hide my meth. And that's when they went in closer to the camera and they saw her. I mean, why would you do it? Anyway, I mean, so, I wasn't wearing a blue scrunchie and then their officers

said that photos were taken that night where Duncan had a blue scrunchie that matched the appearance. I feel bad for her, too. Sarah Duncan was fired from the school for the day of her arrest. That's how hard it is to teach eighth graders. You have to turn to drugs. That age is just... I mean, they probably should have kept her on. And also, for what they pay teachers, if they want to do meth, leave them alone.

Yeah, let them have it. Jesus, they need it. Finally, we got out of here with this. I'll show you a picture of her. I'm going to feel bad for her. No, I don't feel bad for her. She's got beautifully colored hair. Wait, that looks like somebody I know.

Is it? Is it? She has good glasses. She's got good glasses. I hope she's doing well now. Maybe she is. I really do hope she's doing well. Me too.

We'll finally get out of this. Sarah Jane Duncan. How old is Sarah Jane Duncan? 33. 33? What do you think? Well, I'm going to say younger maybe a little because she does meth. I know that can age you.

It can age you. Probably like 28. What do you think? Meth is a young girl's game. I'm going to say 25. 25. All right, get your answers in, Townies. Can I tell you what I like about this?

Sure. We all think she's pretty young, and I bet if she saw this, not that she's happy that it's getting out there, but she goes, oh, they thought I was. I hope she's older. I look good. How old is she? 37. How old? I hope she's older, and's getting out there, but she goes, oh, they thought I was. I hope she's older. I look good. Yeah. How old is she?

37. She's older. How old? I hope she's older. And I'll tell you right now. Again, Todd, the show. How people can. Event of a lifetime. Todd Glass.

Go to toddglass.com. You can see how to support it. You can support it. By the way. Make it happen. May 12th here at UC. Can I say one more thing? Because I'm desperate.

Oh, come on. My goal is once I have the money to go after comedians that I want to use their name to present it. Like, I don't want to ask them for money, but once I secure the money, then I'll go to like, I don't want to list the names. Yeah, but big names. The big, the big, you know, for lack of a better word, my famous comedian friends. Ask five of them, can I use your name while presenting it? Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Five people instead of one present Todd Glass.

I think it'll be a kitsch idea and ultimately great i'd help people so if one person pays for it or maybe two split it they get their name up there with those people that means i don't have to have the crowdsource anymore should be like four comedians and then just one banker there's gotta be a benefit you know i'm serious before this started my my brother was saying there's got to be some benefactor out there that goes wait if i put up this amount of money, then I get to have my name in the lights. I know exactly who can do it. Mr. Press. Mr. Press!

Call him! Call old Cashew Jiggler. All right, we're going to get out of here on this. Daniel Rosegold, danielvankirk.com. Watch it, share it with friends. Come see us, livesupersquares.com. We love you. SJD is how old oh right

35 years old she is older she is older a little bit she looks good she looks great let's freeze some eggs guys we love you

and oh snap we gotta get back to work we'll see you next time Andy Fresco stick around look us down there's more Don't People Town