Dumb People Town - Tom Papa - Belly Ghost

Episode Date: June 27, 2023

Comedian Tom Papa (Breaking Bread on All Things Comedy) stops by as Jason explains how Sam's club gave away a woman's car, Daniel warns about a man who hasn't stopped farting in a very long time, and Randy describes a shootout outside of a Chuck E. Cheese, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsor: Faherty! Get 20% off your subscription at Fitbod.me/dpt.

Thank you. I want to thank our sponsor, Faraday. Faraday is a family brand founded by Alex, his wife, Carrie, his twin brother, Mike, that channels their love of the beach lifestyle into clothing for life's greatest moments. Faraday crafts clothes that feel as good as a day at the beach, and they are backed by their guarantee of quality. Faraday is giving all Dumb People Town listeners an amazing deal, 20% off your order. 20% off your order. Head to Faraday brand.com slash DPT and use code D P T 20 at checkout for 20% off your order. Hey,

Tony's welcome to another episode of dumb people. Town population, you population, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa,

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Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa,

Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa,

Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, Papa, I'm going to ask a-he is here the great Tom Pop who does a podcast at this wonderful network breaking bread with the great Tom P. I'm going to ask a few people who does a great Tom P. I'm going to ask a few people who does a great Tom. I'm going to ask a great Tom. I'm going to ask a great Is what I'm going to ask. He is here. The great Tom Papa, who does a podcast at this wonderful network, Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. Which we've done and got great loaves of bread from you, sir.

You make great bread. You make great comedy. Your phenomenal radio show on Netflix is a joke on Sirius Radio. Amazing. Everything you're doing is wonderful. Agreed. We were at the Green Room at the Comedy Store one night night frazzled as we're rushing to get there we see you there and we just have the most lovely conversation you're mid-sentence you go walk out on stage crush

it you give us a lovely introduction and we have a great set and i'm like this is what it should be nice right the only bad part of that story is you guys have a good set, too. Oh, wait. I like the rest of it. It's really good. You set the table beautifully for us. That's just dumb. And you know what else is dumb? The world. The world is getting dumber.

I don't know if you've noticed it out in this universe. You do a lot of NPR stuff, so. I don't know what you mean. I have no clue. Who has story one? I don't have it. I have story one right here. Let's do it.

I think it's me. It's me. Oh, no, it's you, Jay. A Tulsa woman. I'm going gonna go straight this is sent in by uh nicole miller nick at nicole u miller nicole miller comedy i think she's a comedian yes nicole miller very funny okay all right high school with a nicole miller hey now if it's that nicole miller very funny uh i think i have a nicole miller tie that's a

different person that's a nicole miller though right right all right i think that's cole han tulsa woman says she's without a car after sam's club gave it to a stranger what let me get into it wait is there a valet at sam's club i don't know but i guess so do you belong to any of the clubs of costco are you costco sam's club i am costco but i yeah but i haven't been there since instacart wow wow weird flex from tom yeah wow i don't go out i don't go out for my groceries well this tulsa woman went to a sam's club uh she said that a sam's club employee handed her car keys to someone he thought was the owner who then took off with the car. This, to me, is my worry about it. It's not on the guy. It's on the fucking guy who drove away with the car.

Costco's version of Walmart has valet. Yes. Pretty impressive. I mean. Yeah, that's bouge. Yeah, bougey, bougey. And, like, I bet you get your car cleaned at Sam's Club, right? Detail this valet.

What do you need a valet or car at a grocery store for? They have carts. Right. You don't know the parking it might be i have a a quick can i can i jump in i was uh seeing the grateful dead in hartford connecticut and in the 90s and uh a guy that we were with was tripping on acid and didn't get into the show and he was just wandering the streets of hartford and the valet came up and and just as he was stumbling down the street pulled up opened the

door so here you go sir and he got in the car started driving on started driving and the only thing in the car and we found this out because at the end of the night when the concert was over, he showed up at the hotel. He's like, God gave me a car. Oh my gosh. It was a Lexus. The only thing in the car was a tape, a cassette tape that he pushed in. There was no personal identifying effects at all. Well, there was probably in the glove box. We didn't look in there, but it was

just immaculate. He popped the tape in. It was just a Jesus tape about fulfillment in your life. You're on acid. He's on acid. He's the greatest thing ever. He thought God gave him a car. And I had to take him to the parking lot.

And I went in the glove box. And I'm like, God didn't give you a car. This is Kelly something or other. He gave you a car. His eyes are bulging out. He's like, I don't get the Lexus. No. And you missed a killer show. They did a scarlet fire and then wound up doing a help slip.

Franklin's you're an idiot. Wow. That's wild. So you first had knowledge of this happening. Yeah, it can happen. But my friend was on acid. Right. I don't know.

I don't know why this guy just drove away in the car. I'm willing to bet that the guy who the valet guy was probably on acid, too. That's possible. We've all done the thing where you walk up to the valet guy was probably on acid, too. That's possible. We've all done the thing where you walk up to the car you thought was yours and open the door. I mean, that's happened at some point in people's lives. I was in Larchmont with my mom and my daughter and Amy, I think, was with me, too. We went like, or no, just Daisy and my mom and I. And we just went into a store and we came back out.

And we had parked across the street. And I in my gray car my gray bolt and i'm walking down the street and i see the gray bolt parked about where we were we open up the doors we got in we sat down and there's like a water bottle in the center thing that is not yeah you know right away i don't know this water that's the closest to having a real life feeling of when you're in a dream who put this water bottle in my car? Meet him in it. Same color, everything, same color. And we sit down in the thing and we realize like, oh my God, we just all got into a car

that violated someone's space. Violated. We get out and we're like, yeah. Wait, wasn't that a bit we did with Carrie Kenny Silver when she was on the first Cheap Seats where she was an erotic cake maker. And she just kept telling us like, so I went into the place and she gets in her car and as she's trying to do her, like talk to the camera,

it's not starting. And then she ends the end of each thing. It's like, this is not my car. He gets out of it. What a weird feeling to be in other people's space. It was, I felt so weirdly wrong.

And like your friend probably all on acid. Your mom was on acid. Okay, so this woman shared her frustration on social media, which has had millions of views, which I'm sure she's very excited about. Heather Simonini. Simonini. Very light, fluffy,

flaky pasta. She dropped off her car at the Sam's Club on 71st and Mingo on september 27th never forget where you were on 9 27 27 never forget for a tire change bitch go to jiffy lube what are you doing oh so this is that's why it's not valet it's the service yes like sears would have like you go to the service department so they she said she, when she came back, no one could find her keys or her. What year Honda civic?

What year? What year Honda civic is she freaking out over? Like I would be like 2004, 2008, 2013 Honda civic. I get your answers in. One of you is one year off. Her 2014 Honda Civic. Way to go, Ryan. With how many thousand miles on it? 2014. Still nine years. This says a lot about this

woman. Eight and a half to nine years. Wait, you said still with how many miles. That makes me want to go 48,000. 48,000? Yeah. How many? 110. 110? 18,000 miles. I000. Yeah. How much do you think? How many? 110. 110?

18,000 miles. 18,000 miles. I think this woman just doesn't drive. She drives to the same club and back. Church and back. To get tire changes and back. Church and back. All right. Well, she needs a tire change.

Her 2014 Honda Civic, Heather Simonini, has 64,000 miles. That's Daniel. Not much. For nine years. She wants to make sure that this doesn't happen to anyone else. She's doing it for the public. By the way, who also is not your car? You show up to Sam's Club and you just drive off in someone's car.

She recorded a video after the incident and shared it on social media, which has 2.5 million views on TikTok. Whoa. Shannon, is your car back? No, but look at how many hits I've got. That's impressive. I call that a hit and run. Literally. The man that received hit and run. Literally. The man that received my car keys just asked for them,

explained Simonini. The man handed him the keys and didn't ask for ID or membership. He probably said, I have the Honda Civic. They said, are these your keys? He goes, yeah. And he also maybe would have thought the whole time those were his keys. You're saying, are you saying it's maybe a situation like mine where he had a 2014 Honda Civic? He goes, what cars are they go these keys he goes yes and then of course once he gets

in you would hope he realizes this guy was lurking this guy was waiting for a car looking for something he probably came thinking he was going to get like a big thing of pretzels or something and he walked out with a car predator this guy is a predator is what you're saying he's a nissan predator he recorded videos of one of the managers talking to the police. Hands him the keys, manager said to the officer. He goes out and I have footage of him going out to the side. Like, all right, whoever's writing this article, let's get to the real quote. Come on.

We don't need to use all the quotes. The manager even told the police in the video that what happened to Simonini should have never happened. Yeah. Of course you say that. What a powerful stance. Yes. He had the courage to say that this should have never happened. That you guys shouldn't have given her car to

someone else. He did. Evaluation. Shouldn't have happened. Thanks. That's my take. I go out on a limb here i don't want to get feet back for this feathers here but that should not have happened i'm gonna say that we'd like to retract our original statement where we said it should have happened yes we are gonna go on record and say a lot of people are saying it should have happened i'm not saying that but a lot of people are saying i'm saying it shouldn't have happened uh the process is you check the id

to make sure it matches the owner of the car. Explain the manager of the office. Our associate handed him the key. You can see the officer's stunned reaction in the video. Sam's Club gave on News 6, they gave this statement. We take the situation very seriously. We're doing everything we can to make sure the member is taken care of. Translation, kicking it down the road.

We've been in touch with a member and provided a rental car for her. That's not enough. You might have to get her a new car. I think you do. We are also cooperating with local law enforcement. Don't they have insurance for this? They have to have insurance. Like valet insurance that this would happen one time. Oh, you would think, yeah.

It'll hit a certain mark to where then it is more cost effective for them to just... What do you guys think about air tags? Meaning, oh, the thing you drop in your luggage i have four of them i have four of them it's a great call and i have a uh it's like a home collector car uh-huh and somewhere in that car is an air tag that's a smart and i know at all times exactly where that car is damn i don't have any air tags, but I've been thinking like, why not? Absolutely.

I have a tile. I have one in my personal bag that I have all the time. I have one in my luggage. I have one in my backpack. Really? And they are wonderful. Really? Yeah.

For luggage, as we travel on the road, for luggage, it's a great idea. But you should have one in your car. All right. Neil Brennan, and he has one. They're designed to have one. It's embedded into the wallet. So he just kind of, there's always one one in your car. All right. Neil Brennan. And he has one that they're designed to have one. It's embedded into the wallet. So he just kind of, there's always one just in his wallet and it's designed to have an air tag

in it. Amazing. I'm going to get a whole bunch. I mean, Cesar Milan, Cesar Milan, the dog whisper. Yes.

Who is now divorced from his ex wife. He tried to put an air tag in his, put a chip in his life. Yeah. That seems like a little possessive, right? In real though, people are putting them on their dogs and their collar and their children,

people who have family where someone has Alzheimer's or dementia, stick them. They have like, they have pendants and things that they can wear that it's just, put a chip in them. Yeah. Put a chip in them. Brilliant.

Police told Simonini on October 3rd, officers had found her car, but she does not know when she will get it back in its condition. I have no idea if it's involved in something that could be potent that could potentially put me or my child at risk. So this, at this point you contact like one of those crazy shows, like pimp my ride or West coast auto or whatever.

And you take apart my car just the, and they are like, we know this happens. Sam's club is in conjunction with this crazy guy with a mustache who's always yelling at his kid. You talking about American Chopper? Yeah. You get that guy to like, that's not West Coast Auto,

but West Coast Chopper. You talking about Randy on a Thursday with his daughter? You get this guy and like you soup this bad boy up and like it's got like a flat screen TV in the back, maybe a hot tub in the front. A fish tank. So this is what they say. The policies so that this never happens again. The training

so that they're training the employees so they're knowledgeable and accountable. They will start asking is this your key? Simonini said yeah, that's the new policy. Is this yours? Show me ID. I don't. It said it took two and a half days for Sam's I gave you that. To get her a rental car. That's too long.

Two and a half days. A rental car? Well, let's be fair, though. With the low mileage that she has, she's not going anywhere. She's not going anywhere. She probably said, yeah, whatever. I'll wait a couple days. She is asking for more than a car replacement.

She said she wants to be reimbursed also for the stress and inconvenience that her family went through. Of course she did. What do you think? I mean, I think she's entitled to damages. I'm not going to lie. This is wild. I mean, Sam's Club,

you've got to have insurance for this type of a thing. You have to. Sam's Club. And once it becomes a story that the world is talking about, public relations... It's a nightmare. Get her a new car.

Everyone loves Sam's car. If she got all I want is my exact same car back. It doesn't have to be the same one I made. You could get a 2014 Honda Civic for a blowjob. And that's it. On Craigslist?

It's probably around $8,000. For a 60,000 mile. So you would pay less to pay a lawyer, even if you bumped her car up and said, we got you the brand new. No, no. We got you the 2015. Enjoy. Ooh.

Enjoy. For all your troubles and stress. Here's the 2016. We gave you a year on your life. Gave you a year. Gave you time. Story number one. You can't put a price tag on time.

We gave you time. All right. That's story number one. You can't put a price tag on time. We gave you time. All right. That's story number one. What is going on there, though? What is the chaos of a Sam's Club? How hard is it? Of a Sam's Club valet? But how many cars did they get in for tire changes that she's confused?

To be fair, guys, we have no idea. It could be a nightmare working there. It's got to be. Or the guy's just really frazzled. Like, the first car comes back, and the guy's waiting, and he's like, I'm in the weeds. You're not in the weeds. It's just one car back all right there you go segment number one dan you've got story number two when we come back dan's gonna have a story but first we're gonna tell you what we're up to and we're gonna tell you how to support tom papa with all the great things that

he has going on because it's dumb people town with tom papa don't go anywhere hey guys welcome back to the show before we get to all the great things Tom is doing, we always constantly remind you, go to supersclars.com. You can see where we're performing, where we'll be soon, coming to a town near you. End of March, we're in Phoenix. March 4th, I don't know if this goes on before or after March, but March 4th, we're at the Lawrence Events Center in Lawrence, Indiana, which is

outside of Cincinnati and Louisville. And then at the end of the month, we'll be in Phoenix at Stand Up Live. What a great club Stand Up Live is downtown. Big club. Want to fill that thing if we can. Then at Moon Tower in April. And then in May, we're in Minneapolis.

So excited. At Acme Comedy Club. Superscleros.com. And then you can see all the local shows that we're doing. And we may do our wonderful show, Tag It, which is a show. Which I would invite both of you guys to come do. Yes, Tom. Do you get air tags at it?

No. That's what we get like. Sponsorship. Sponsorship. you guys to come do. Yes, Tom and I would do it. Do you get air tags at it? No. That's what we get away. Sponsorship. Sponsorship. So no, you do, comic friends of ours do their set of comedy, and then we are feverishly writing tags for their jokes during your set, and then we come on stage and we pitch those tags afterwards. Great idea.

It's so much fun. It's super fun, and people always come out of it with material. It's really, really fun. You guys got one on my album. We might. We got one on Dan's album. Oh, nice. We got one on Best Selling Special.

It's just good stuff. But we've been given many great ones through the years, so it feels like it's all karmic. We say, let's take what happens in the back hall and put it up on stage. Love it. So we might do it at the Comedy Store in the middle of April.

We're looking at potentially April 12th. What? No, hang on a second. Wait, no, we booked you already. We promoted you being on the show. Tom, Breaking Bread with Tom Papa and your wonderful show on Netflix is a joke. Yeah. Still doing it with Tom Papa and your wonderful show on Netflix as a joke.

Still doing it with Fortune, the great Fortune feature. The Netflix show. Fantastic on CBS Radio. My new book is ready for pre-order. Oh, there we go. Give us the title. We're all in this together, so make some room. That's great. And it's available wherever books are sold and it comes out June. Are you going to do

a book tour? Yeah, I'm're gonna do a book right now yeah gonna do a book tour go run around which will be probably super easy for you because you're reading a chapter and then telling stories it's not like you gotta hit these jokes every couple of seconds but it'll probably be the funniest best book stops ever on my last book thing i did a thing where like a couple different authors at like a librarian convention which by the way millions of librarians very cool and uh the other guys were not comics oh boy so you're just crushing so they're like just reading verbatim and you're like their thing and like and i'm reading and i'm like skipping you know you're editing on the fly of course and just you could just crush right and they're just so angry and then there's that moment where all the librarians

take down their hair and they're gorgeous and you're like they're all for me and i'm married yeah damn all right so the book uh so again one more time we're all in this together so make some room pre-order that shiznit uh daniel couple before you do your story yeah uh every week irene two and i have a show you can go go to danielvankirk.com for that. That's on Wednesday nights. And then also I'm constantly working new material at my home club, which is the secret group in Houston. I'm there once a month for Would You Rather Comedy

and all that stuff's at danielvankirk.com. And I'll be at Moon Tower as well doing stand-up in a living wake in a dumb people town. Yeah. Super fun. We're so busy. Ready? Yep. Sendedlene mcdermott at she be carlene great fan this is such a dumb people town story here's the headline man who hasn't stopped farting sues food stall yeah it's their fault stall yeah like i guess like a food market where you walk up and order something like a food court.

Yeah, like a food tent, like at a farmer's market. I guess there's parts of the farmer's market at the Grove here that you would consider a food stall. So maybe something like that. Do you serve them a sapuna? A dad. A dad is suing a food stall because he claims he hasn't stopped farting since eating a ham sandwich how many years ago years oh daniel stop it how many years ago jason guess first there's a statue of limitations three years three years because you said years but it can't be that well 12 12

years ago thomas five no he says i'm suing this goddamn food stall because i had a ham sandwich there and that's what's been causing me to fart for five years tom knows tom knows tom knows what goes into a sandwich yeah a full presidential term and a year so now tom i want you to put on your parenting and family man and husband hat so all the people in your house your two daughters and your wife are like you gotta stop farting and you're like it's not my fault and that discussion happens over and over again to the point where you're like i have to do something about it. It's to blame someone. Yeah, that's exactly what happened. He aged. He aged.

And has loose bowels now and just keeps farting. But the idea that he's narrowed it down to one entree item on one day. Like, I could see people would be like, you know, I've had gas issues since like November of last year. Maybe my stomach is messed up. Like, I don't know, about three, four years ago, I just started getting gas issues. The fact that he's still that ham sandwich on that day is why she's leaving. This is a food vendetta. Tyrone Prades bought the sandwich in December 2017 during a visit to Birmingham Christmas Market with his wife and kids.

So this is like an outdoor, open-air Christmas market. I'm supposed to be celebrating the birth of our Lord. Do you think he did not get gifts for anybody, and so he played that he was sick due to the ham sandwich, and now he's had to ride out the Christmas that he ruined for five years? I better take this to legal action. Yeah, or ruined this beautiful Christmas outing

at the thing with the family, and he ate that sandwich. He definitely farted in a baby's face. Yeah, it was like, Dad, what are you doing? That was a baby in a manger. The wife is crying. The children don't believe in Santa anymore. Fucking ham!

This ham sandwich. We all had a ham sandwich from their dad. You're the only one who's claiming that. I don't think you guys had mustard. They came with mustard. Everybody had. Something was different in what I ate. Cheese.

There was too much cheese on mine. I think the pieces of ham they gave me were either from the end. Do you see the guy that made mine with those dirty fingers? Yeah, I didn't trust him. His lawyers told the high court. This is from the Daily Star in the UK. So it's the UK. His lawyers told the high court that he suffered stomach cramps, fever, vomiting, and diarrhea within hours of eating it.

I'm on board for that. You could have gotten some bad hangover. Yes. Food poisoning. Yes. It's possible. Go back and they'll be like, we'll give you your money back. And that's the way it is.

He claims to have been bedridden for five weeks with salmonella. Bedridden? Come on. Bedridden with salmonella. That's not it. That's eggs. Yeah. That's like, this is cooked meat.

I know. Ham and eggs. No, but ham doesn't even have to be, does it have to be cooked? It can be raw. Ham can be cold. I think you have to cook it. No, I don't think it can be raw. I think you have to cook it.

Like sushi? Ham sushi? You got to cook it. Ham sushi. Yeah, I think it's cooked, but it can serve cold. Thank you. But it's already been smoked or whatever. It's like revenge.

A dish best served cold. Baked ham. Honey baked. Sure. This guy really fell apart. The lawyers added that prades I keep wanting to say

padres or parades but it's prades prades has had regular and uncontrollable flatulence ever since embarrassing him in public

and waking him up at night I just want to yeah you're older I woke myself up the other night farting yeah farting

he's not you can't be too sure. I woke myself up. You're like, who's in here? Who said that? And you know, we were on the road all the time. You're usually alone. I was with my wife and I was just like, womp. And I woke myself up and I kind of giggled

and then I realized I wasn't alone. She's like, was she up? She was like shifting. God damn it you're humbled that's how do you know you've been married to someone for a long time because if that's new in a relationship that could be a fight

that's the end of the relationship it could be a deal breaker this is just your wife angrily shifting it's not even worth me waking up if it's early dating she's at brunch the next day being like look people, people fart. I get that. But he laughed about it to himself.

And I can't stop laughing. It's like he doesn't even care about the air in our bedroom. I heard a glass in our kitchen almost shatter. I checked my phone to see if something happened on the Richter scale in Northridge. His lawyer, this is Parade's lawyer, Ty Rounds. His lawyer, Bob Parkin. I love it. I love a good Bob. the richter scale in northridge his lawyer this is parade's lawyer ty rounds his lawyer uh bob parkin i love it i love a good bob parkin is an improv team name yeah i'm parking we got a space for you right on his butt bob parkin told the court that parade's

stomach continued to make awkward and rumbling noises after the illness subsided. Parkin said the claimant continues to suffer from excessive flatulence, which causes him a great deal of embarrassment. Exactly. The symptoms are primarily fatigue and altered bowel function associated with churning within his abdomen and flatulence. There are so many things to treat this, right? Yeah. Like honesty. Honesty. Macrobiotic. Stop eating cheese. and flatulence there are so many things to treat this right yeah like honesty macrobiotic why don't you just be honest you love farting probiotic feels good no one's telling you

it doesn't feel good it's not me it's my hand eating a lot of cheese every day yeah the claim i told you in 2017 the claimant's stomach continues to make frequent churning noises to the extent his sleep can become disrupted. You know all about this, sir. I would buy that his stomach was haunted. The extent of his symptoms. For a ham sandwich. He's got a belly ghost. Yeah, belly ghost.

Belly ghost. The extent of his symptoms have been life changing, which is why he is seeking damages in the amount of how much money. How much money do you think he wants to get from this? One million pounds. Okay. One million pounds. I have no idea what that would convert to. It's about $1.5 million.

You have about $1.6, $1.5 million. Do you have it in dollars? Yeah, I have it in dollars. $750,000. Okay. $500,000. He's seeking damages of two hundred and forty seven thousand eight hundred dollars so specific wow what does he think that if i'm more specific i'm gonna get it

no he's got some bills in here that he's like he's added up some bills hanging over 800 how much he spent in tom's over the last five years and his lawyer's probably like let's just call it 250 he's like no if i say 247.8, they'll know I'm serious. I'm not making the number. I really want 240. So let's, I was,

yeah, that's like a low, like no low ballers number. Like you like, that's as far as I'll go. That's why I'm letting in. I, my,

I was with my nine year old daughter and, uh, and I was outside walking, hiking with her and I'm like, I'm going to fart loudly, but I'm going to talk over it loudly. She knows that when I talk loudly over things, I'm either covering up swearing on the radio or farting.

She's like, we're not listening to the radio, so I know what's happening. I was like, hey. I just know that sun looks kind of bright over there. You ever do the dad thing where you obviously don't do it, like common around the house. It's like the thing. And every once in like

five years just let a really masterful one just in the middle of the kitchen just yeah yeah man the joy from the build-up of not doing it oh it feels so good it has such impact what is wrong with you i know i blame i immediately go on the offensive and i blame my nine-year-old daughter. Gee, what are you? Why would you? Why are you going to do that? If I can get her laughing, she won't be mad at me. There are people in here. Come on.

I'm near death and you're doing this to me. The lawyer also alleged that the stall in question was closed and deep clean following a public health England investigation. Okay. He knows. Other customers who bought food at the market reportedly fell ill. There you go. His case hinges on whether or not the flooring company boss, I guess we're just saying what he does for a living.

No, it's like what he does. Whether or not the flooring company boss was suffering from salmonella. Philip Davey, the barrister for Frankfurt Christmas Market Limited, which served the ham sandwich admitted admitted council environmental health officers found e coli on a knife but no salmonella he said that as parades has not claimed he suffered from an e coli infection he must prove the salmonella allegedly he fucked up man you should have said salmonella he picked the wrong one i'm'm going to ask you guys.

We'll get out of here on this. How old is Tyrone Prades? How old? How old of a man do you think enjoys a good Christmas ham sandwich, has been farting for five years, and wants $247,800? I'm going to put him at 42. Okay. So, by the way, I think that the pound is probably 1.478.

So, he probably just asked for 200,000. I don't know. Maybe he asked for like 200,000 pounds. That's what he asked for. And then that's what it equals. The dollars, I'm just throwing it out there. I like that. In case any of our fans are listening. That makes sense.

I don't know. It'd be like a 1. 42 because his bowels are starting to loosen up. He's not it out there. I like that. In case any of our fans are listening. That makes sense. I don't know. It'd be like a one point. 42 because his bowels are starting to loosen up. He's not a young man. No. Okay. Jason?

I'm going to say 57. 57 years old. And Randy Scalante? 38. He's like, why is this happening to me right now? Yeah, 57, maybe diarrhea, but not flatulence. Before we go to Randy and his story number three, I will end this story by telling you that Tyrone Prates is 46 years old. Oh, very good.

Well done, sir. Closest to the hole. Story number three, I'll give you just a little teaser. It takes place near a Chuck E. Cheese. Not in a Chuck E. Cheese. Near a Chuck E. Cheese. May have spilled out from a Chuck E. Cheese.

You've got to listen to find out. I'm intrigued. Segment three. We're all intrigued. This is Dumb People Town with Tom Papa. Don't go anywhere. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town.

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swimwear. I got every single type of swim trunks. They're shorts that also are swim trunks. I wear those. They're so good. You'll be ready for whatever that season throws in. Started by our friends, Mike and Alex. They're twin brothers. Jay, we get that. Twin brothers. This is how good good faraday is what did i say to you yesterday without knowing the answer do you remember you said to jason about jason no i thought it was you to my left no it's jay you were like jay that shirt looks like it's unbelievable tell me that's fair

to you like you bet it is you bet it is you know it is so we were in that terry cloth yes and you had on the knit beige that's's right. Oh, my God. My daughter felt the Terry cloth shirt that I was wearing. She's like, it's like if a towel became a shirt. I was like, yes! It's so good. I said three words to you. I go, I'm getting that.

Yes. Right. Well, their styles are so cool. The colors are good. You know me. I love a good pattern. I love all their good feather stuff. The Native American patterns.

I love it so much. They just do really cool stuff that is super comfortable. All the Legend sweater flannels are the greatest. And stuff that you'll have for a long time through many seasons. Yeah, I've got stuff that I've had from them for like five, six years. I just keep adding to it. Dan, tell them how they can do this. Alright, guys. Faraday is giving all Dumb People Town listeners an amazing deal.

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at our shows show up in the faraday clothes and be like i got this stuff stick around hey guys welcome back to uh the show i'm gonna bring us home with one final story do you ever think about air tagging your audience just to find out where they are yeah at all times where are you guys laughing at this? You ready for this? This is sent in by Jake Magnuson. Oh, Jake's been sending for a while. At Jake Magnuson, who sends a bunch of...

Magnus for Magnuson. He's the Magnus for Magnuson of sending in stories. Here is the headline. Woman fires shot during fight outside Chuck E. Cheese in Brondon. Oh, Brondon. Oh, this definitely started fight outside Chuck E. Cheese in Brandon. Oh, Brandon. Oh, this definitely started in the Chuck E. Cheese. So this started in the Chuck E. Cheese. Spilled out.

I mean, do you miss those days when you take your kids to Chuck E. Cheese birthday parties? Did you ever go to a Chuck E. Cheese birthday party? Of course you did. Of course you did. Yeah. Yeah. That's a telling, yeah. I mean, what are you saying with the pause in the breath

and this you answered as though somebody asked you about the war you were in you're like yeah there is a little ptsd right there was i mean because there was there was joy in the early days of the chucky cheese it was like it was fun what a goof shitty Shitty pizza and video. Watching everybody go nuts. And then one time, I had bad news about a pilot that I had done. I found out that morning that we weren't making the show. And then had to go to a Chuck E. Cheese birthday party. God damn.

And just sitting there in the stickiness and the shittiness. Couldn't make your wife do it? And just like, what have I done with my life? Right now. Oh, that is like the lowest point. Yeah.

It was like, how humble does God want you to be? Yes. You know what I mean? I'm laying on the ground. Prostrate. So that's where the pause came from because it was really like,

I've got a Gandhi up this day. I'm going to take these 8,000 tickets and buy a noose. Oh, what? I don't have enough for the noose? Make him into a noose. Oh, Chuck E. Cheese making it into a noose. Done it again. Maybe this is one more this maybe just one of the

craziest situations ever to befall a Chuck E. Cheese nearby or whatnot. Brandon, Florida, of course. WFLA. The Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office. Brandon, Florida, of course. WFLA. The Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office. We've already been in Hillsborough. Sheriff's Office responded to an incident at a Chuck E. Cheese in Brandon on Saturday.

According to a release from the Sheriff's Office, deputies responded to multiple calls reporting shots fired outside Chuck E. Cheese at 1540 W. West Brandon Boulevard at around what time? So at least you don't have to deal with gunplay. You're like pilots down, and I feel terrible, but at least people aren't shooting at each other. Too depressed to even lift a gun. It all started from an altercation that happened inside the restaurant.

But at what time did they report the shots being fired? What are the hours of a Chuck E. Cheese? There you go. Is this a 10 a.m. fight that's just carrying over from a parent being drunk all night? Or is this happening in the day? What do you think? I'm going to put it at brunch. I'm going to say this is a 1 p.m.

1 p.m. Daniel, what do you think? I'm going to go. I'll go late then. I'm going to go. I'll go late then. I'm going to go around 7 p.m. 7 p.m. Three in the afternoon. Okay.

Get your answers in. That sounds potent. That is. Get your answers in, townies, because this took place at 5 p.m. Oh, I was close. The altercation inside the restaurant. A private security guard was trying to get the crowd to take the fight outside. That's when you know you're in a junkie jeep.

Stop it. I can't stop it. I just need to move it off of my watch. I know he's an asshole, but talk about it in the parking lot. I mean, imagine a security guard. This is like when you're a rich town with a lot of pollution. Can we move this to a poorer part of town? Push it across.

And you're like, you're going to have a better shot at him from outside. It's like there's no obstacles in the parking lot. Security guard being like, I can't do my job and break this fight up. No, no, no. I know this fight's going to happen. I got kids stuck in tubes. Trying to get it. If you're going to do the fight, do it outside.

I'm not saying don't do the fight. Yeah, nobody's saying don't do the fight. You're not saying you have to go home. You just can't fight here. You're going to love it out there. There's so much room. Okay, so here's what happened. So he actually did try to do something.

The guard was trying to get the crowd to take the fight outside when a woman pulled out a gun inside the vestibule of a Chuck E. Cheese. So the guard tried to take the gun away from her, but she dropped it outside the building. The sheriff's office said another woman picked up the gun and fired it at least one shot into the air. This is like free-for-all. I'm just trying to calm everyone down.

So you're, I'm just trying to start the New York Marathon. Why am I an asshole? If you're the person in a fight who sees a gun go on a floor and then rushes to pick it up and shoot it, who are you? Was that Mike Royce's old joke? What? The New York Marathon starts with a gunshot early in the morning and then people running throughout New York City.

He's like, how is that different than any other day in New York City? Right. It sounds like Royce. So then a third woman then picked it up and placed it inside of a light gray Chevrolet Troopers. There's a lot of people. Why are people? This could be a children's book of what happened to the gunlet Traverse. There's a lot of people. Why are people? This could be a children's book

of what happened to the gun at Chuck E. Cheese, right? Give a mouse a gun. Give a drunk woman a gun. She's going to take it to a Chevy Traverse. All three women were taken to custody and no shooting victims were located. So I think they just shot it up in the air. There's prints all over this gun.

They did it to confuse everyone. If we all touch it, none of us it to confuse everyone if we all touch it none of us can get arrested if we all touch it none of us touch it a man involved in the allocation was also taken into custody i'm glad that it's like three women and some dude but i will say this like women involved in like a gun incident and no one gets shot so right you think that at least they're aiming it up so we feel like this is a crazy story, right? This next paragraph is like, I can't believe this happened in the same story. Chuck E. Cheese now offers a gun. Live ammunition for 8,000 tickets.

Dan, I wish it was that logical. Because what is about to happen again, this story, it's so dumb people down. The sheriff's office said a white audi crashed into the front of a building while the group was fighting and now a car crash yeah this is how the purge starts this is the hope there's a lot going on start crashing this is like the beginning of the last of us and then i would argue that it's just a regular sunday at chucky cheese this is making my chucky. Cheese experience much more powerful. Meanwhile, the Michaels started on fire.

Two women and a child were taken to the hospital with non-life-threatening injuries. The male driver was also taken to the hospital, but deputies aren't. Because they were watching the fight, not paying attention where they were going, and they drove. During the whole melee, at least one dad left his family. Like, this is my time. Just slinked away it's like a bruce springsteen song i had a jug of cheese i took a left turn and just kept going i'm grateful that nobody was seriously injured as a result of this incident said the sheriff chad cronister this is our guy thanks to the swift and considerable response of our deputies we've been able to quickly track down those responsible and take them into custody

while the investigation continues into what led to today's events. Chuck E. Cheese provided the following statement. And I'm going to read it. By the way, I think the statement has to be made by the animatronic. The mouse. Somebody out there has got a warrant. The mouse. Somebody out there has got a warrant.

We should never sell alcohol in here. We are aware of the incident that occurred on Saturday. Someone here for a hearing? Who's here to celebrate a hearing? Which one of you has custody of these kids? Your low jack is going off, sir. Your ankle bracelet is beeping. Here comes an Audi.

Crashing into the wall. All right. So we're a vehicle crash into our storefront. We want to assure our guests that we take great measures to protect the experience children and families have in our venues. They don't. Dude, you're Chuck E. Cheese. Hey, that guy did try. Know who you are. The safety bar.

So I treat going to Chuck E. Cheese like how I treat playing pickup basketball at age 51. You're going to get injured. No, if I leave without an injury, I win. It's a win. I don't care if the party sucked. I don't care if I lose the basketball game. If I'm driving home in the car with all the same functions I had when I showed up. We did something.

We won. We won. The general manager on site and our team members acted quickly, alerted local authorities. They kind of did. Secure medical attention for those involved. We are thankful for the dedicated service to the community and law enforcement. We are cooperating with the police during their ongoing investigation and cannot offer any additional details at those times. Those additional details will cost you 8,000 tickets.

If I had written my pilot about this incident, it would have gotten picked up. Just three people working at Chuck E. Cheese. There's a show about Blockbuster. We need to pitch a show about Chuck E. Cheese. I think we absolutely... There was a place in St. Louis called Showbiz Pizza. Where a kid can be a kid. They had the Showbiz band.

Oh my God. Insane. There you go. That's a show. Tom Papa, again, people can pre-order your book. Tell them the name one more time. We're all in this together, so make some room. God, that's a beautiful choice, right? Just make some room for the Audi that's crashing into your storefront. Pre-order right now.

Pre-order that right now and support him. And then listen to and subscribe to Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. It's a beautiful podcast. And listen to a Sirius Radio show on Netflix. It's a joke. The Netflix channel with Fortune. The name of that show is? This is not a joke.

What a joke. What a joke. Fantastic. We've done it and love it. And we be back on um it was so great being here I love it and I love you Tom Papa no shit we got to get back to work Jesus