Dumb People Town - Tony Hale - Today Has Not Been A Good Day

Episode Date: July 25, 2017

This week, Tony Hale (Veep, Transformers: The Last Knight, Arrested Development) slides into the backseat of an official state car and takes it all the way down to Dump People Town! Tony talks to the Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk about getting to work on ...

Dan and Ren and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan And Dirk, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Man, jerk, don't be a jerk. That's when the music hits the funny hits. And we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, punk your downies, Dumb People Town. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. What are you doing, Dan?

Population you. We had so many tries. I know. Guys, we love you so much. We've started this episode a couple times to make sure we get it right for you. And Dan got it wrong. I know. The world is getting dumber, as we've observed, and our way to fight back is to try and have

some fun with it and make fun of it. Let some air out of the bag. Let's let the air out of the bag, as it were. I think the political... Or you know what? The Dumb People Town version? Let's let the air out of the mattress. Let's let the air out of the mattress. Put the water out of the bag as it were i think the political you know what the dumb people town version let's let the air out of the mattress let's let the air out of the mattress put the water out of the mattress uh what a great run of episodes we've had and that we're about to go into

including our episode today i i think one of the contributions to our world being dumber is the political state of our world today and uh our buddy, who is our guest today, is a part of one of the best political satire shows, maybe ever, but one of the best shows on TV today, Veep, and he is our friend Tony Hale. Welcome to the show! I thought you were about to say, and one of the contributions of the talk.

One of the reasons why every... Dumbest man we know, Tony Hale. Well, I will say this, and what I love about your character on the show is that he's probably the dumbest guy who works in that office. He is. But he has a heart of gold. The only guy who has a heart.

Actually, me and Sam Richardson. You guys know Sam Richardson. He's probably got the most heart on the show. I'm just kind of a dog. Your heart is designed for one person. That's right, as it should be. As it should be. As it should be. As Miss Selina Meyer.

I mean, the character's so good that when she won her first Emmy and you were up, you went up there with her, and this is a couple

years ago now, and were just doing, you kind of were the character for her winning that Emmy and that was a brilliant bit.

And she called me that morning and she said, you know, I'm thinking if I win, I want you to carry my purse. And I was, and that was a brilliant bit. And she called me that morning, and she said, you know, I'm thinking if I win, I want you to carry my purse. And I was like, sure. And then I got the phone, and I was like, oh, shit, you are going to win. Yeah.

And this is going to be like live theater. Right. And this could really screw up. So you're standing up there having already done an amazing character on one of the greatest shows that won awards in Arrested Development. But the fact that you were then, the next year, did you win the Emmy?

Did you win or was it two years after that? After Arrested? No. Oh, oh, oh. I think that happened to have been the same year that I... That you won as well. Yeah, because she had won, I think, the previous... Yeah, she had won the previous year.

The whole day was just a complete... She should have held your purse. That's right. Congrats on the nominee again, by the way. Thank you very much. Amazing. Thank you so much. And so deserved.

Thank you, guys. I mean it. But to stand up there and deliver that speech, though, you know, we're in the business of trying to make people laugh and be on show. All you want to do is work, by the way. That's all you want to do is work by the way that's all you want to do you want to work on a show the fact that you're you've worked on two of maybe the best comedies in the last day in the last several decades and stood out on both amazing stuff do you say first how beloved is this project going to be because i i tend to do i always go to a fortune teller and i say where is this well i

took my son to a to a uh like a nine o'clock screening of transformers i thought you're about to say veep no to be nine years old screening and he loved it he loved it transformers he loved back at all oh yeah yeah yes and i was a tech guy you were the tech guy and uh and the second you come on i think because anyone who's funny or anyone who does anything that's like there's a spark of there's comedy in it he always turns to me and he's like do you know that guy and so you come on and you were doing something funny you're being sarcastic in the first scene about something about that they need to act on it and he turned to me and he was like do you and I was like

yes I know and I love him well our daughters have played and hung out before sweet I haven't seen them in a while though

I know it's been a little while we've been away and I know you've been away is it family vacays little family vacays it's the summer time

trying to get out I mean it's and we've been working and a little bit on the road which I know is hard for you I mean shooting the show in dc we now shoot vp here which is how much better you and you and cordry both took your he was in miami you were in dc and now i came back here i think ballers is coming oh i didn't know that yeah good yeah it's always a gift when we come back here i didn't i liked baltimore though baltimore gets a bad rap because

of the wire and but it's got great restaurants i mean the wire was so not accurate so it's like come back here. I liked Baltimore, though. Baltimore gets a bad rap because of The Wire. But it's got great restaurants. I mean, The Wire was so not accurate. The Wire was so not real. Like Game of Thrones in terms of fantasy. Yeah, it's like total fiction. This place could never exist. Because there's no needles

on the ground anywhere in Baltimore. I mean, the problem is, and I see... The food is amazing. Well, like... Food's amazing, but like Game of Thrones, like the worst people are the

White Walkers. Yeah. So have you, did you watch the show last night? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. We're recording the Monday after the premiere of Game of Thrones.

Yes. This is happening a week after. Yes, I'm so sorry. Yeah, another episode has happened. Okay. Are you, so you've seen everything up to this point and you're totally in. Yes, I'm in. Let me tell you right now.

I watched the first episode, They pushed a kid out the window and I was like, I'm out. You're out! Really? Something about children in peril. Yeah. I just can't.

Hard to watch? It's hard to watch and I knew it was going to get worse. Oh, yeah. And then they bring in the dogs and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah. It's hard for me

to kind of not disengage. It is. That's a tough watch. Yeah, it is. I heard about the red wedding. I didn't know what was going on, but I heard it was rough. And all that stuff, I just can't do it. I love that you have a passing, like,

almost like someone in the office who's not really involved in, like, other people's gossip and stuff. What's that? Red wedding? Red wedding? Yeah, that's why I'm out. I know. I've heard Sheila's going through a divorce, but I'm not. That's rough. Listen, I'll pray for her. Yeah.

But I can't get involved. I'm not getting involved. And that's like my wife. My wife loved the show. It's Homeland. She loved all that stuff. And I'm like, guess what, guys? That's going on somewhere.

That's happening. That's not fun for me to watch. I'll watch CNN and be just as depressed. All right. So, but in the current, were you nervous at all about okay this political firestorm that we're involved in people are mad at politics

or mad at the people who are mad at politics can they laugh at the do you ever feel like yeah we're trying to create and make her seem so bumbling

but look at our president you know what I mean many times we've done stuff that's actually happened how fucked up is that yeah exactly however I think

the only thing that I this is what i think might be happening is when you watch cnn when you watch politics you have a shame attached to your laughter at least i do where i'm like oh my god i'm laughing but it's hurting right whereas with veep you don't have the shame attached to the laughter so it might it's more of a release to say i can watch that and not feel like oh shit that actually happened it's so beautifully written and the scenes and the characters are so well developed that's that's dave mint those are all the writers the writers and the creators and they it goes so fast it goes so fast i have to like rewind and re-watch jokes yeah are you guys word

perfect on beat um do you know i immediately went to the program that I used in college. No, they're on Bank Street Writer. Well, no, I just Manchester by the Sea, right? I recently found out that that is every single pause, shot,

it's almost choreography. So like the scenes, yeah, where they're crying to each other, that is exactly everything is exact. It's almost like a So like the scenes, yeah, where they're crying to each other, that is exactly, everything is exact. It's almost like a choreographed dance. Yeah. But do you guys get to play around a lot

or is it pretty much like it's all there on the page? Just service it and you'll crush. We do, we do get to play around a little bit, but they give us time to rehearse where we can play. And then once we get to set,

it's pretty locked, but there's, it's not so like, you find it in the rehearsal. Yeah, it's not so, it's not so much like you missed an of you missed a d like they give that for sure but i've heard some sets like yeah you you but you added an a into that line you know it's like they're really specific well the worst thing in those moments is when the script supervisor is usually an older woman will walk over with the binder like you just what did i do

you see the fighter and you're like what did i mean like the binder comes Like, you start, what did I do? You see the binder and you're like, what did I miss? Like, the binder comes over and you're like, God damn it! Yeah, and it's also frustrating with comedy because sometimes that script supervisor,

we have a great script supervisor but sometimes they, not necessarily on V, but other jobs, they'll come over and be like, yeah, you missed this

and you know in your gut, like, it's not working like that. Right, which is the reason why the rhythm is off. They're just like, my job is to protect the script

and so, without the knowledge of living outside of that. All right, well just like, my job is to protect the script. Without the knowledge of living outside of this. All right, well, look, our job on this show is to air it out with the dumb people and them doing dumb things. But are we saying they're dumb and we're not? No, we're saying we're all dumb and we're trying to understand. Okay, good. Let's have a foundation. We're all a mess. We're all working progress.

Everybody's got problems. We're all working this out. You're going to love that you used the term air it out. And we have already. Is there a mattress involved? Is that where your previous joke was? No. This was sent in by Leslie D. At Leslie L-E-S L-I-E underscore crunch.

At Leslie underscore crunch. She's doing a little product placement for crunch. She likes to do sit-ups or works at the crunch gym. I'm going to read you the headline first. And I guarantee you, we wouldn't even need the rest of the story to just go off on okay on the mentality of these people can't wait breatharian couple survives on the universe's energy instead of food wow okay breatharian wait oh wait so they they're not bavarian they. Breatharian. Wait. Oh, wait. They're not Bavarian. They're breatharian.

Breatharian couple survives on the universe's energy instead of food. Do they break it down at all of how that works? A breatharian mom and dad of two. Of two. That's already the problem. Yeah, by the way. They should not be enforcing their bullshit. They have barely eaten for nine years as they live off, quote, the universe's energy. Okay, now part of me as I am trying to lose weight.

You guys all have kids. I knew that you had kids. No, I'm trying to lose weight. I feel like you're always trying to lose weight. I'm always thinking about it. Part of me is like, that'd be nice. Nine years of not eating. Part of me, I just kind of.

I wish I could do that. I do kind of go, Tone, why don't you just accept that dad bought and stop trying to find a flat gut that you're never going to have. It's because... However breatharian sounds good. Breatharian. What if we all become breatharians? I will not.

If you guys enjoy that, I will be having nachos. You know what, though? This is the thing that kind of bugs me is when they barely eat, which means they do see the value of food because they're going to die if they don't. You're either all or nothing. Husband and wife,

Akahi Ricardo and Camilla Costello. I hate both of them. What is it? Ricardo and Costello? That's their last names. One of my favorite mashups of comedy acts from the 50s. Lucy and Abbott and Costello.

The Ricardo-Costello combo is unbelievable. You know, the couple that doesn't eat together stays together. Sure. They've always said that. Well, they believe that food and water aren't necessary, and humans can be sustained solely on the energy of the universe. All right, I need a camera. I need to see how this looks on a daily basis.

It's sure it's a lot of zen meditation. Costello and Ricardo have a five-year-old son and a two-year-old daughter together. They collectively weigh 20 pounds. Yeah. You know what? That's abuse, man. No, no. Their kids, no.

Their kids, in reaction to them, are probably eating. Are probably eating enormous. Yes. There's just going to be like mountains of people. Because that's what happens. You ever see like an anorexic mom and then you see the kid is enormous and it's like she's eating to make up for what you should be doing. She feels so bad for what happens. You ever see an anorexic mom, and then you see the kid is enormous, and it's like, she's eating to make up for what you should be doing.

She feels so bad for what you- She's trying to smother you. Well, they go to college, and it's just like, everything's released. Yes. Freshman 18. Well, yeah, when they get that meal card- That buffet. Those breatharians are out.

Out. Breatharian can't beat a chicken sandwich. They have survived on little else besides a piece of fruit or vegetable broth just three times a week since 2008. I need to do that. That's how much I need to live. Do you know how angry I would be, though? Oh, my God, man. And just irritable. But will you get to the other side?

That's what I'm saying. Because you'll be hangry at the beginning. Well, you get to the Atkinson point where your breath smells and then you get past it. Well, you smell like death, essentially. But also then you've got to discipline your kid. Like a two and a five-year-old. I know. That's the moment when he's hitting her and she doesn't want it anymore. And that's the moment when social services step in.

There's a situation here that's just really sad. With kids, a box of Cheerios should not last a year. No, but the kids are going to be fighting with each other. And in that moment where your children are fighting with each other, you have one of two options. You can yell at them, shame them, and hit them. Or you can go into the kitchen and eat something that's bad for you just so you can kind of calm down for a little bit. That's what I do. And if Child Protective Services comes over and opens up the fridge and there's just like 12 cans of better than bullion.

Right. They're going to be like, this house is unfit for children to be in. Well, the married couple of nine years claim that their, quote, food free lifestyle has improved their health and emotional well-being, as well as letting them spend money on traveling, rather than weekly groceries. What's a huge bummer is they're not seeing the beauty of food. The beauty of, like when they travel, all the different cultural food they're missing. Anthony poor fucking day. Eating bugs. That's the correct pronunciation as well.

Costello, 34, who lives between California and Ecuador with her husband, explained, explained humans can easily be without food as long as they are connected to the energy that exists in all things and through breathing what for yeah i mean for a week for three years akahi and i didn't eat anything at all and now we only eat occasionally like if we're in a social situation or if i simply want to taste a fruit imagine them in a social situation like it's probably a free-for-all because then they feel can we get more bread can we just two baskets can we just get two baskets of bread they're off the diet in the social situation don't you also see them as kind of if they're at a party and they say oh i don't want to i don't want to eat that. I bet there's a real arrogance, too, when they're

saying, I don't know if you know, but we're brevarians. And it's associated with an identity issue. It's all that kind of stuff. Or someone makes a choice and they're just like, ooh. I guarantee you, whether these two know it or not, every conversation they've

ever been in in a social scenario starts out like this here they come here they come yeah they don't hear that part of the conversation if they even have people that they're i mean people are probably so sick of them right sure invite just like oh when are they going to bring up the breatharian top or or oh they're they're invited to no potlucks no right because nobody's like yeah bring that vegetable broth vegetable broth that we all love. Yeah, bring your packed air. Oh, I brought a whole bunch of yawns for everybody. I mean, if the Breatharians

were like a family house Breatharian on Game of Thrones, they would just have like air dragons. That's it. We brought our air dragons here to take over. Doesn't do anything for us. Daenerys Breatharian.

My question is, is this a term they created or is this like a sect of people that we don't? For three years, Akahi and I didn't eat anything at all. And now we only eat occasionally, like I said, in social situations. Then she says, with my first child, I practiced a breatharian pregnancy. Hunger was a foreign sensation to me, so I fully lived on light and ate nothing.

But that kid loved that. Great for the kid. Great for the kid. And she would tell people constantly, I'm not eating for two yeah right husband ricardo 36 believes that breatharianism is the ideal way to slash people's food bills no shit yeah well i mean wait don't buy food and that's another thing they don't have any shit exactly right like there's nothing coming out he's like guys we don't spend as much money. That's like saying I got rid of my car

and I hardly pay for gasoline anymore. It's insane. Weird. My gasoline costs every month. It stands to reason that if you don't

have a car you're not going to be paying for gas. And this is also just where the stupidity of this comes in. The pregnancy the nutrients

that food brings into your body to feed through. I don't want to tell a woman what to do with her body. I don't either. But I'll tell that baby, eat. Eat. Yes.

I'll tell baby what to do with his body. Ricardo, who teaches courses about breatharianism along with Costello. Really? Where? Where does he teach courses? Somewhere here in California. There is a freedom that comes.

At the hometown buffet. It's on a flyer in the street somewhere. Yes. He's probably at the Staff of Life health food restaurant. He's just yelling at people outside of Ralph's grocery store. There is a freedom that comes with not being attached or dependent on food. Yeah, that's called starvation. That's the freedom.

Obviously, our living costs are a lot less than most families, and that has allowed us to spend our money on things that really matter, not food, like traveling or exploring together it's given us a clear sense of what we want in life anyone can live a bavarian lifestyle and feel the benefits it's not about never eating food again it's about understanding cosmic nourishment and living without by the way that message is i think a great message that like you shouldn't be the way we are with food and the way, that message is, I think, a great message. That you shouldn't be the way we are with food and the way I am with food. Sure, yeah.

I don't know if you're this way, but I use food like, if something good happens, I'll want to celebrate with a meal. It's Medicaid. Yeah. It's like a soothing, exactly. Which is not all bad. There's a celebratory aspect. Celebratory aspect, which is good. But at the same time, I think if there are moments where I'm stressed or I'm like, I

will stress eat. And those things are, that's using it in the wrong. I'm just as guilty as these guys are. So I understand not doing it properly. You need food. You need food. But their message of not letting food dominate. Yeah.

So, you know, my two daughters, the youngest daughter, daughter Georgia she is so good about she's like yeah just not feeling this right now I'm like not in the not in the mood for that like she doesn't allow food to run her life

and I think that is a very healthy way in saying we're not going to let food run our life it's running their life it is it's also you think you hear about it

it's control based like as much as they say oh it's free it's universal there's a lot of control in there because they're taking it to the extreme it's not you think you hear about it's control based totally yes like as much as they say oh it's free it's universe there's a lot of control in there because they're taking it to the extreme

it's not what they're saying to your point is bad like yeah I need to breathe more yeah I need to kind of surrender myself to whatever other

the cosmic universe has to give I totally get that yeah but there's that kind of balance that you have to find you can get all of that with a really good

Frozen Three Musketeers yeah achieve all of that together or really good Frozen Three Musketeers. Yes. You can achieve all of that together. Or a McFlurry. Oh. And you just shame eat it

in your car. Yeah. In your own driveway if you are not out of the car. Or you throw it in the garbage can outside because

you don't want anybody to see the garbage can inside. Oh, what? Who walked by our street? That's weird. Somebody's using our garbage can.

Someone threw a McFlurry in our garbage can. Honey, we got to be more garbage can. Someone threw a McFlurry in our garbage can. Honey, we got to be more protective of that. You got to throw it in a garbage can as you're driving home, not in front of your house in someone else's garbage can. Let that family have the fight about it. Someone said never eat in your car. Really?

That is a thing that if you don't eat in your car, you'll probably lose 10 pounds. Yeah, or just if that's one rule to live by in terms of eating. I mean, most options for what you can eat in your car are not good for you. Yeah, you're never going to drive through at a sushi spot and be like, yeah, give me a baked crab hand roll. Which you never see. Drive through sushi. Should we make that? Why are we not doing that?

Drive through sushi. What have I come up with? I don't know. I'm Googling it right now. From 2008. How many articles have been written about you regarding Veep that the title is H-A-L-E to the Chief? How many have been titled H-A-L-E to the Chief? What if I had an exact number right now?

You're like 17. That's the number I was going to say. Has that been done at least once? I think maybe. No. I don't know. I don't's the number I was going to say. Has that been done at least once? I think maybe, no. I don't know. I'm not going to say anything. That sounds so gross. Hail to the cheese! From 2008-2011, the couple did not eat solid

food at all. But if we opened up a cheese store, I would definitely call it Hail to the Cheese. Tony Hale's cheese store would be Hail to the Cheese. Even through Costello's first pregnancy in 2001, quote, i knew my son would be nourished enough by my love and this would allow him to grow healthy in my womb i love that but not i don't love that but also there's a real arrogance to that right you're not you're not acknowledging your own brokenness you're right it's like the fact that you see yourself as the purest of love that a

new human being is all it's all they need it's the person who's shaking and sweating and telling everybody i'm fine i'm fine yeah everybody's fine good i'm good great jason did you find it haiku uh haiku hibachi and sushi drive through asian fast food drive-thru okay why are you putting your coat on i'll see you guys in a minute. Get some sushi. Is that here? No. That's in Muhlenberg, Pennsylvania. And then you think to yourself, where could we play in Pennsylvania to get me close

to the strap of sushi? Listen, there's nothing like landlocked sushi. Oishi is Australia's only drive-thru sushi. Don't you feel so much better, though, after you have sushi? That's another thing. These people, like fish, and just that's the iron for your body and all that kind of stuff is just, there's so much. They don't need it.

This is a story that essentially condemns any fanaticism. Like, on any level, in any direction that you go, it's bad. Too much of any one thing is a bad thing. Which is control based. And bringing kids into it is an issue. After I gave birth to my son I wanted to be able to explore the joy of food in small quantities with my children

as they grew. The couple's children I'll give them this, aren't forced to practice breatharianism. Although the couple insists that their kids understand the practice. Ricardo said, our children are aware of it

and the energy that exists in the universe and in themselves, but we would never try to change them and we let them eat whatever they want, whether it be juices,

vegetables, pizza, or ice cream. Hmm. Well, that's... Wait, who is... Now I know... Now I feel like the kids are making the menu.

Yeah. Because those are four things that only kids that... Like, if my kids are like, this is what... I want juice. I want juice. kids are making the menu. Yeah. Because those are four things that only kids, like if my kids are like, I want juice. I want juice. I want maybe a vegetable. One specific that they like for some reason.

Carrots, ice cream, and pizza. Yes. And the parents are like, we haven't eaten in nine years. We don't know what the fuck you're supposed to have. So yeah, fine. Also they're trying to, I mean granted, again, we're all a mess,

but they're trying to paint a picture that we're the perfect parents. It's like, we do this, but we let them do whatever they want. Who when you let your kid do whatever they what's where's that healthy that's not healthy you know there's like that extreme too they said it'd be unfair to impose breatharianism upon our children now but maybe as they grow they will get deeper into the practices which means those parents are just like do you really want that graham cracker yes do you really want that graham cracker indo Do you really want that graham cracker? We'll indoctrinate them.

But all you're doing when you tell your kids to do one thing is waiting until they're a teenager. So they can do the opposite. Can you imagine them in their teenage years having parents as breatharians? Oh my God. They'll start fucking food. Like literally anything they can do to get around it.

That's story one. Then they grow up hating air. Yeah. Then they stop breathing. They're going to grow up hating breathing. Holding their breath. They can't even watch Empire Strikes Back. Just the breathing alone. They can't even watch most of the episodes of

The Sopranos, which I often said that Tony Soprano, James Gandolfini, may he rest in peace, that his breathing was a whole other character. Really? The nose breathing. Knock it off with the jumps, AJ! Anyway, I'll tell you what I'm going to breathing the knock it off with the drums aj anyway i'll tell you what i'm gonna do knock it off with the drums aj all right uh that's it first story story one we're just breathing our way through it breathe in the air out breathe there i didn't hear right was

are they the only ones or there's our whole community they were introduced they met in 2005 and then were sorely introduced to the practice by a friend. A friend that I'm assuming everyone in their family now hates. Yeah, exactly. Like, why did you have to

introduce these two to this thing? So that guy, there was Mr. Breathe-Area. Yeah. Well, it happens. All right, we're going to take a break.

We come back more with Tony Hill. Two more stories, crazy stuff on the horizon. This is Dumb People Town. He's Dan Van Kirk. He's Tony Hill. Jason, Randy, we'll be right back. This is Dumb People Town. He's Dan Van Kirk. He's Tony Hill. Jason. Randy.

We'll be right back. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. All right, everybody. Welcome back to Dumb People Town. We're glad you're here. We're so happy you're here.

Hey, check out the Facebook page. Most of the pictures of these that you see and stories and whatnot, we're updating. Will there be a photo of the Breathing Rain couple? Yeah, that's what I want. I was curious. Oh, of course. Yeah, we have a photo. And I'm going to be honest.

They look great. Yes! They do look great! They do look great. So comment on those, guys. We love the community that is being built on this Facebook page, which is slowly... Growing. Growing every week.

We might be at 10,000 at some point soon. Every comment, every review that has, because you can just rate on the Facebook page and you can also write something with your review. Every review that somebody's written. We read all of them. Every single one of those gets read. Can I ask another question about the Bitharians?

You know how you walk into a health food store sometimes and you see those people that are super healthy, but they just don't look healthy? Yes. Would you say that it's that? It's that kind of thing? I understand you eat fully organic, but you look homeless. Right. Right.

So that to me is like what you just described there is like an out of focus moment in a documentary. You're like, that's real because you didn't get the shot in focus. You didn't spend seven hours trying to set the lighting for this thing. That's a real moment that's happening because you can't get the camera in position. That's it. Here they are.

They look good. Wait, can I look at my glasses? That girl looks like Jamie Lee. I'm going to tell you something. Comedian and civil rights activist Dick Gregory promoted and followed

the dubious oh really of breatharianism yeah no way a fruitarian diet oh fruitarian that's different

yeah I'll eat all the apples I want yeah they would look down on him no and they're open to fruit

I mean they do say they have a fruit every now and then they're open to social eating but they do say they have a fruit every now and they're open to social eating yes for christ's you know you were talking about the facebook page yeah uh we were remiss last week when we didn't do this but we can lay it to bed now there's a character tony who's entered into our world his name is jan jan we call him jan flato. But it's pronounced... Jan Flato. And we know it. But in our hearts... He's always going to be Jan Flato.

There's the real guy, and then there's the character. Now, there's a Venn diagram that has a lot of overlapping there. But sometimes... He wanted to get Jan Flato on this. His name is Jan Flato. We all understand it. It's Flato. By the way, coming up later on the show,

in the Tom Segura episode, we introduced a character. Yeah, we have a surprise from the Facebook group. We have a surprise from the Facebook group. And I actually, it's maybe going to be a new, we've only been at this Dumb People Town here for what? A few months? 27 years? 27 episodes.

22 years. It's been a while, but like we might want to. We want to mess up the final little thing. Exactly, and take it in a new direction. And today we're going to start that. So, but we have another story. So let's jump into that let's get into it all right all right okay i reminded myself to read you guys the headline here please man arrested after robbery chase and dive into river tells police he has regrets. Yeah. I mean...

Wait, you got it back. Sorry, can you break it down a little bit? So he robbed a bank. After a robbery, he was then chased and then dove into a river and then told the police, you know what? I have regrets. I have a couple regrets. He took inventory. He took a little inventory.

I have a few. He's got a few. I bet he dove in the river thinking, like, I'm good. I'm safe. I guarantee if a few. Yes, yes, yes. I bet he dove in the river thinking like, I'm good. I'm safe. Right. No one can get me. I'm like- I guarantee you if he wasn't caught by police, he might not have any regrets. I'm in international waters now.

Nothing they can do to me. It's like in a movie, like a Western, when a guy punches another guy in the bar. And knocks him out. Or just knocks him down. And you're like, that's the end of that fight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What if that guy gets back up? To his credit- They never get up. Okay, he robs somebody. He runs. He's the end of that fight. What if that guy gets back up? To his credit, he robs somebody, he runs,

he knows the police is after him. He's not in a headspace where he's thinking logically. He's on the run. He's like, there's a river, I'm going to run to it. I'm going in. And the question is how he said the regrets. Did he just say it like, I got some regrets? Or was he really genuine and was like, I got some regrets.

Or when they were pulling up in the boat and he couldn't swim, was he like, I regret it. I regret it, guys. I regret everything I did. Yeah. I think there's a lot of coloring. I'm curious how he said it. The question is, what did he rob? Because whatever you robbed and you're trying to get away, what are you getting away from?

Because if you're trying to dive in a river and you'll put yourself into that, well, first of all, it can't be paper. He couldn't have robbed for cash because he's diving into water. It's got to be either jewelry. What did he rob? I'm sure they'll get into it. He robbed a bank. Okay. Wait, he did rob a bank.

I'm going to tell you guys this before we start to play. Bitcoin? get into it. He robbed a bank. Wait, he did rob a bank. I'm going to tell you guys this before we start to play. This story ends with a game I like to call, whose home state did this happen in? So now, I want you to keep that in mind as we go. And please tell us yours. Wait, does he? Because I looked it up, but I want to make sure it's right. But where were you

born? Tallahassee. No, I was born in West Point, New York, but I lived in Tallahassee, Florida. I went off where you were born, so it's either going to be New York, Illinois, or Missouri. So we'll get to that later. Now my question, is there more to the story rather than just where he's from in addition to like I have regrets? Oh, where he's from is just a secondary thing I like to play. When I realize it's from either mine, theirs, or our guest's home state.

Got it, got it. Okay. Here we go. This was sent in by Andy Russell, at TheRussell4. Thank you. Two S's, two L's. Thank, buddy. Austin Denson, AD. That's not a real name.

It's his real name. This is the guy who robs real names? Said he almost robbed a bank last week, but changed his mind when he saw how scared the bank teller was. What did you think was going to happen? So these are responses to that story? This is the guy. This is the story.

I'm telling you how we ended up in that headline. Andy's the guy who jumped in the river. Andy Russell sent the story in to me. Oh, that's our fan who sent in this story to us. That's your fan, I see. And now Austin Denson is the man who held up a bank, saw the terror in the teller's eyes, and was like, I have regrets.

Right. Oh, so he didn't jump in a lake. Oh, no. We're going to get to it. I'm sorry. Don't worry about it. We're all in it together. We're here.

Here we go. Austin Denson said he almost robbed a bank last week, but changed his mind when he saw how scared the bank teller was. Quote, I should have just hit that one when I was there. Is that his first regret? I don't know. Please tell me he's never said that about a woman. Yeah, I was about to say, is it hit or is he saying tap that one? I don't know where he's coming from.

Both are wrong. Both are wrong. We just want clarity. I should have just hit that one when I don't know where he's coming from. Both are wrong. Both are wrong. Right. We just want clarity. I should have just hit that one when I was there. Denson told police

after he was fished from a river Fished from a river? and arrested Monday night. So he had to be saved? Yes. Surveillance footage

from that almost robbery at a bank showed Denson's license plate and ultimately led police to him that's a don't park within view of the security cameras that's a first rule right there according to police but that didn't come his arrest didn't come them finding him until after denson robbed

a credit union at gunpoint on monday so on thursday he walks into a bank and goes i'm gonna rob these people yeah give me your money walks in scares the hell out of somebody as someone does when they say i have a gun and i'm here to rob you connects with the fear has a conscience yeah like i gotta get out of here i don't want this person to be that as he leaves that bank security camera sees his license plate then on mond he decides, you know what Denison's going to do today? I'm going to go rob a credit union. I'm going to go rob a credit union.

I'm going to go right back into it. This is a guy who doesn't have a lot else going on. No? No. No? He said police, that led the police to him.

Police say Denison, 44 years old, entered the credit union at 1421 Jungerman Road. Anybody who wants to go hang out there. The people walking to it. Does that sound like... Yeah.

He walked in with a pistol in his hand and demanded money from three bank tellers. He then left through the credit union's back door. Why? So he clearly didn't learn from his first experience. No, not at all experience of generating fear. And what tells me that the people

who work at credit unions, they're not scared of anyone. They're not scared of shit. They didn't show enough fear in their eyes for him to call this one off. They were like, yep, it's a credit union.

We know this happens all the time. Honey, follow the standard procedure. I need the key. I need the key. If you want to set your gun down, I'll count these out for you really quick because you're going to need two hands.

They threw all the money in one of those. He just walked in with the gun and they were like, guys, get your money out. Get your money. He's coming in with a gun. Get your money out. We got it. Yep. Can you take this, Jeff?

I'm on break right now. Yeah, great. I got it. I got it. What's that? Are you trying to rob us? Is it after the credit union he goes in the lake? Yeah, so after the credit.

The river. The river. The river. My bad. My bad. A lake doesn't have a current, Tony. I see. You're right, you're right. So there was a bank. A river is alive. And then he came back to the credit

union and then he jumped in the river. Being chased by the cops. The cops. A lake is like a man in his 60s. Okay, it's very flaccid. There's nowhere to go. There's nowhere to go. A river is a teenage boy. I'm going to show you guys a picture

of his disguise. And I'm going to go so far to say you didn't need a gun. When you walked in like this everybody was like, we're being robbed. That's him. Oh, God. Oh, look at the beard, man. That looks like our friend Gar Rines is playing a character.

That's right. It's like a guy who bought an Afro wig and then just jammed it on the bottom part of his face. He just is like, really tell me, honey, before I leave the

house, do I look, does this say I'm here to rob you? This looks pretty genuine, right? I don't want to be too scared because I get freaked out if people

get really, I want to be like, oh, he's here to rob, but he's not here to kill. So he's wearing a hoodie zipped up to the top. Over a hat.

Over a hat and sunglasses. And then a huge, what looks like an Afro wig on his chin. He entered the credit union at Jungerman Road with a pistol in his hand, demanded money from three bank tellers. I like that. This guy went from being, I'm not going to do this because I scared one person, to I'm robbing three bank tellers at once. Taking three people down. Which, you know, there was probably like a line behind him.

And people were like, man, you gotta pick one window, man. All of us are waiting. It's the next available window. I gotta go do the drop. They're like, I'm doing that. He does that step back

where you can see all three through their little security windows. I'm talking to all three of you guys. Everybody look at me. I can fire all, I have enough bullets

for everybody. First off, it kind of pisses me off if you guys have seven windows and there's only three of you working. Did he actually run? Did the credit union, did he ever get anything?

He did. He did. He walked in. He hit the three bank tellers. He then left through the credit union's back door, which also, do you think that was him being like, no rules apply to me anymore? I'm back door leaving? Yeah.

I'm going out the back door. That's one of my best favorite Joe Cocker songs. I came in through the credit union's back door window. Surveillance photos. I'm coming through the credit union's back door window. Surveillance photos... I'm coming through the credit union's back door window. That's perfect. Surveillance photos released by police show Denison wearing a fake black beard,

sunglasses, and a baseball hat. Fake! Yeah. Court documents say employees from the bank recognized the disguise from his visit there on Thursday. What? Yeah, so then they just started comparing the other places. Like, hey, was this the guy who came in here last week and just scared you? So he used the

same disguise? Yes. That's his bank robbing outfit. Honey, where's my bank robbing beard? Did you send that to the client? It's the last place you left it. Well, if I knew the last place I left it, that's where I'd be looking. By the way, I have this discussion with my kids every goddamn day. Where are my shoes?

Was I the last person wearing it? Was I the last person wearing it? Was I the last person wearing it? Where is it? Where did you take them off? Like, take off your bank robbing beard

in one place every day. And you put it down in one place, honey. I have a bowl for that. My wife would have a bowl for it. Like an African knit stitched bowl.

So then, they get the license plate from the first place he tried to rob and they figure out, we know where this guy lives police found denson at his home but he fled he led police on a chase into an adjacent county back into the original town where they found him and onto a bridge where he jumped into the river that's fun i'm sorry jumping off a bridge into a river that is like we're doing this. Yeah.

That's not even joking around. That's a slow-mo moment. That's... Yep, that is. That is. The music builds. To me, that's like, this could all be one activity on the... You gotta leave your phone in the car. You gotta leave the money you stole in your car.

You gotta leave a lot of things. This is like the Amazing Race. So, I get the sense that when he says hit, he meant hit up that bay. This is a place I'm going to hit. Yes, yes, yes. It took police an hour to fish Denson out of the river. He's recovering at a hospital from injuries. At the

hospital, Denson told police he was sorry for leading them on the chase. This is his Goonies Chuck moment. We're just going to let it all out. Let me see how much I can mitigate my deal. I love that movie. He told police me too. He was sorry for leading them on a chase.

He also told police where he had hidden money and his gun. I mean, it's all coming out at this point. He didn't have a gun on him. That wasn't even going to come in. I bet he did have in his mind that moment when they jump off the ship in Goonies and they're tied and they're jumping off. He's like, this is my Goonies moment. Goonies moment!

He just yells out, hey you guys! He's off the side. Lifts up his shirt to reveal his fat stomach. Yes, truffle shuffle, bro. Which we all can relate to. All of us. Well, look, we're not breatharians. I look good. Guy and his wife both look good. I wouldn't have predicted them to be breatharians. I think I, we're not breatharians, so. I look good. Guy and his wife both look good.

They look great. I wouldn't have predicted them to be breatharians. I think I'd need to be a breatharian. I thought the guy was going to look like Tom Hanks on the island in Castaway. Yes. I would have thought skinny, but not healthy, but they got good color in their skin. Yes, like the guy who was dancing naked behind the Grateful Dead up high on the speaker during the Amazon documentary.

I thought he looked like that guy. If any one of you leave this show and just casually say to your wife, have you ever heard of pretty theory? Don't tell me, because I cannot handle it. I don't like how much you guys are impressed by these people. Your wife is, I feel like, a Southern woman. Yes, she is.

She's a Southern woman who loves and understands why food is great. She's someone who appreciates good things in life. Yes. She's an artist. Yes, she is an artist. So she's an artist, and she appreciates good things in life. If you told Martel, you have to stop eating because we're becoming breatharians, she would, and she's tall, too.

She is tall. She would use all the force of her body to smack you across the face. You know what? She wouldn't smack me. She would just stare at me and walk away. Yeah, which she would mentally smack you. She would just go, I'm out. I'm out.

I'm out. What are we doing here? She'd go, no, this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my life. Tony, get out of here. Go to bed. Yeah, I'm done with you. That's a pretty good Martel, Liz. At police, Denison told police he was sorry.

Hey, can you guys, hey, nurse, can you get the cops in here? Yeah, I just want to apologize. I just want to apologize. That should get me off, right? I got regrets, guys. First off, sorry about scaring that lady. Here's where my gun and money is. I'm sorry.

I don't even know how to swim. It took you guys an hour to fish me out. Okay, but by the way, if you're his lawyer, he has done enough to make a jury sympathize not to like throw the book at him. Sure. He saw fear in someone's eyes. Yeah, yeah.

He's not a ruthless person. So he has a conscience. He apologized. He's doing all the things you need. But then he got home and his wife was like, what? You get back there.

Yeah. You find another place. You're doing this. She's driving the bus. She's the mastermind. Go put your bag-robbing beard on and go. Go. She's driving the bus. She's the mastermind. Go put your bag-robbing beard on and go. Go. Here's what I love.

In his apologies to police, he told police where he had hidden the money and his gun. Police said they recovered about half the money. Which means, he was like, here's where it all is. Well, that's maybe the thing of when a university athletic program does all this illicit stuff. They're like, we'll do our own sanctions. We'll do our own investigations. Sure. We got it, NCAA.

We got it. That's maybe him trying to get out in front of it a little bit. Here's my favorite part of this story. The probable cause statement said that Denison told the nurses, quote, I robbed a bank today, and today has not been a good day. Opposite of an Ice Cube song. Do you know what, though? There is an honesty there.

Yeah. There is. He's saying the truth. And even the fact, yes, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb moves. But even him saying, I saw fear in her face, and I walked away. I walked away. And then at the end, he says, I rubbed a bank today, and it was not a good day. And it was not a good day.

Not a good day. And that's truth. And I hope the nurses were just like okay you're gonna have to tell the cops can I just can you sit still I just need you to stay still while we x-ray I would love for someone

to if any of our fans are listening and you're creative to for that story just and you don't have to do the whole song if you're musical and you're recording this

I would like to write a today was not a good day Ice Cube rap answer to the Ice Cube rap based on this dummy's life. Exactly. And maybe throw some autotune in there somewhere. Yeah, exactly.

Today's not a good day. Just send it out to Austin Denson. Anyway. Austin Denson. You were actually doing the ghetto boys. I was doing ghetto boys. Today was not a good day. The county prosecuting attorney office

charged Denson on Tuesday with three counts of robbery, three counts of armed criminal action, and one count of felony resisting arrest. Here's what I love, guys. Denson's ex-wife, she led police on a similar chase after an armed robbery in 2012.

I'm telling you, she was the voice behind that. The couple that leads the police on a chase together stays. Apparently doesn't stay together because it is his ex-wife. That's true. Also, he didn't it sounds, so he resisting arrest, he was not, I guess the moment of I robbed a bank today, that came after.

Oh, way out. He's in the hospital. Oh, I guess resisting, yeah, because he did run away and jumped into a river. Here's my thing. I wonder if I totally forgot that fact. You mean the biggest part of this story, that he jumped off a bridge into a river? Where he had his Goonies moment? I think robbing banks is a lot like

being an artist or being an actor. Like, very hard for two actors in a relationship to stay in the relationship. That's why Bonnie and Clyde couldn't stay together.

I mean, look, it's like, one of them has to be the robber and the other has to be the supporter. And you have to have an audition that sucked, like the first bank, and you have to go the next day

and say, I'm doing it again. I'm going back on it. I'm going to go find a credit union. I'm going to get that credit union commercial today. They wrote here that his ex-wife held up a gas station using a rifle and was arrested after her own pursuit, but she did

not end up in the river. Was she in Beverly Hillbillies, too? With a long gun. Give me that rifle. Scope on it Who's she talking to? Ma'am, I'm sorry What are you trying to say?

She had her Daisy Diggs on her boots Ma'am, again, I'm sorry What pump were you on? All I see is three windows Which window do I point to? What pump were you on? Are you trying to pay for gas? It doesn't matter.

No, it matters to me because I'm trying to see... No, it doesn't matter to you. There's a line behind you, ma'am. There's a line. I don't care if that hose isn't still in that car. I'm going to get that gas. I still don't... Did you want that Whatchamacallit?

You said it's raffling your face. Okay. Well, the Whatchamacallit's $1.19 unless you have gas. No, I'm not paying nothing. I want you to put a pick and roll on that bill. A pick and roll? Nobody's playing basketball with that. Did you say a pecan roll? No, a pick bill. A pecan roll? Nobody's playing basketball with that. Did you say a pecan roll?

No, a pecan. A pecan roll or a pecan roll? I'm going to push him up and put him in the back. Look, Dave, Dave, are you the manager? Jeff, get her a pecan roll. She's got a rifle. She's got a rifle. Ma'am, do you even have money?

No. Why would I get her a pecan roll? A pecan roll. Whatever. I'm telling you what, I got this rack. You see my rack? Yeah, see the rack. She's showing her. Whatever. I'm telling you, when I got this rack, you see my rack? Yeah, see the rack. She's showing her breasts now.

It's all you need. We don't sell pecan rolls based on how big your breasts are. No! All right. That's not my history. I am a, I am a boobarianism.

Yeah, you are, you believe that. I just live off the positive energy of breasts. I myself am a breatharian. I'm not. Okay, okay. Look, ma'am,

there is a line. Ma'am, can you just put the rifle down and I swear to God, we will give you a. I'm myself a breatharian. I'm okay. Ma'am, I was going to say your breasts look great. Ma'am, can you just put the rifle down and I swear to God we will give you a... I'm going to go to the bathroom! Just like,

she kills with pitch. She kills with pitch. It's like a comedian that doesn't have any jokes but has the cadence. Yes. All right, I'm going to ask you guys now.

Tony, you are our guest. You can decide. Do you want to go first or last in a round of whose home state did this happen? Illinois, Missouri, or New York? Illinois, Missouri, or New York? I'm going to go first or last? I'm going to say Missouri.

Okay. Missouri. Okay. Randy Sklar. I say Missouri. Missouri. Jason Sklar. I'm going to say New York.

I'm going to break with tradition, although I know there are multiple rivers that we've been on in Missouri. So I think it could be that, but I just want to give myself a shot. Oh, wow. True to the state that he lived in, the baseball hat in the photos and the shirt he was wearing when he was fished from the river was St. Louis Cardinals. Yeah! Wow! Missouri! That's right

pretty sad that two people were like Missouri yeah and in my heart I said Missouri but I was like I want to be different and part of me is like

that's what's wrong with the Cardinals this year yeah that fan base yeah you gotta be able to execute alright listen we have two stories

down in the book we have one more story Dan what can we look forward to in this last story if you're a dad, which we are, which is why it's perfect for the three of you, or you've ever said to yourself,

I shouldn't be doing this, but this fight needs to happen. There you go. Okay, I think we can all key into that. This is for you. And then later, we're going to call it fan art. Because we've asked you guys to do some things for us and you've come through in such beautiful ways

this has been done and we're going to do this because I would actually like to start doing this more often we'll talk about it when we come back from the break this is Dumb People Town stay with us stick around make a sound there's more Dumb People Town. Please watch Tony on Veep. Go see Transformers.

It's a tiny independent movie. It's a little tiny independent film. It's the big sick of action movies. It was a Kickstarter campaign. Oh yeah, I know. When we see you and stuff though I get excited I will admit that when I sign on the we claim possession of you

is that right or wrong yeah it was like a two-day it was like two-day shoot and then I mean they did that movie like for seven months old Anthony Hopkins and all that old and like yeah you were as a two-day shoot but you were in significant moments in the movie and it was really fun and save the world yes

did say the world. Spoiler alert. I helped save the world. Jesus Christ. You do help. And are you on the, you're not a huge social media guy. No, I'm getting better. Getting better at it.

What do you like doing more? I actually took it off my phone. Someone else did that. I took it off my phone, and my wife has the code, so I can't put it on. And then, so I'll look at, if I have to do something, I'll look on Twitter, on Instagram, or something. On a computer. On my wife's phone.

On her phone. Because you can't post on Instagram on the computer, but I'll look on her phone. All right, so you are. Because I have a hard time getting distracted. What do you do more, Twitter or Instagram? I do the whole thing where I Instagram and then it goes to Twitter. Goes to the Twitter. All right.

Yeah. Well, follow him on that. Follow him on that. Is it at Tony Hill? That's just entirely too much information. Yeah. Mr. Tony Hill. At Mr. Tony that. Follow him on that. Is it at Tony Hill? It's just entirely too much information. Yeah. Mr. Tony Hill. At Mr. Tony Hill.

Follow him. Follow us. Hey, rate and review and subscribe to this podcast. It only helps us go up the ladder. If you haven't given a review or a rating on it yet, and we know you haven't because only a thousand people and this thing gets many more listeners on it, so please go and rate and review that. It only takes like two seconds, so do that.

Daniel, we got one more story. Here we go. Ready? Yes, we are. Sent in by Thor99 at Thorsten99, which makes me hope that's really their name. Thorsten. Yeah, you need a third after that. ThorstenHall99. Shelton.

Okay. Now I want you guys to be honest. Put our dad hats on. What I'm about to describe to you might have been something that's crossed your anger. Like something in your mind where you were like, so you might understand, but be honest, okay? Oh, I will. Now, do you have pets to where you might have done this to a pet?

Just so you can relate. Even if you're on a period. Not that I'm saying my daughter is a pet. Yes, I totally. Now, do you have pets to where you might have done this to a pet? Just so you can relate. Even if you're on a period. Not that I'm saying my daughter is a pet. Yes, I totally understand this anger. Okay. But you got to keep it in check. A derby man was arrested on June 16th after he was involved with an altercation with a five-year-old at the Shelton Daycare during a Father's Day party. Yep.

I see it. This guy got so mad at a five-year-old that he was like, you want to go? Not his son. Not his son. Okay. He was like, you want to go? Meet me out by the jungle gym, bitch. Do you want to go right now?

Yep. To a kid. Was this other kid threatening his kid? That's what I want to know. Yeah. What was this kid doing? What weren't this kid's parents doing to stop him? I'm going to show you a picture of this guy.

The guy or the kid? The guy. This will be on the Facebook page. Oh, my God. This happened in Connecticut. It's the same beard as the robber. He's wearing a Tampa Bay Buccaneers, so the location is Connecticut,

but the affiliation is Florida. Guy looks like a relief pitcher on any number of Major League Baseball teams. Do you know what? Okay, I've never never done that i can't relate to that have you ever gotten so unreasonably mad yeah but that's when you you have kids bullying another kid oh forget it no one's around talking about when you're like somebody needs to see however i wouldn't go up to that kid and be like what the you know i would i would be kind of like i just start talking loud would you do one of these? Whose kid is this?

Yeah. Whose kid is this? Should we be doing this right now? But was another kid, does it say anything about another kid involved? Lance Churchill was attending a party. This is like an elite community, it sounds like. Lance Churchill. Yeah.

Was attending the party. Of the Churchills. Yeah. Of the Connecticut Churchills. At Apple Tree Daycare at 117 Long Hill Crossroads in Shelton, Connecticut. For the walking tour. For the walking tour. If you're on the Dumb People Town walking tour, you've got the address now.

Thank God. Thank God. Where children made Father's Day cards and gave them to their respective fathers. The nicest gesture of something you will want to throw away 30 seconds after you get it. You name me one card that a five-year-old has given you. Unless it's laminated and then you might... Laminate it and give it for a year. Hang on to it.

Just see where you can put it to where you can eventually throw it away. Those are things that I really, truthfully, I'm just going to say this about any card that's given to you, any laminated thing. It's a hoarder gut check. It's a hoarder gut check, but it's something that deep down in your heart, you hope to lose it for 20 years. Right. Or 10 years. And then find it again when your kids hate you. Was your mom like a hoarder?

She's never, no. She did keep stuff, but I don't remember that. But I was also the third kid. Right. And by the third kid, it's nothing. You don't care about anything. No, I'm talking about like, just in keeping stuff. Like, she's got all, like, there's an addict and there's a lot of stuff up there.

Did you say an addict or an addict? There's an addict. She's an addict. She's an addict. She's an addict and there's a lot of stuff up there. Did you say an addict or an addict? There's an addict. She's an addict. She's an addict. She's an addict and there's an addict. All right. So anyway, so what happened here? According to police, one of the children playfully took Churchill's card that he received from his son and ran around the room with it.

The six foot four, 270 pound Churchill chased the child and picked him up over his head, police said in a press release. Once he put the child down, he pinned him to the ground and screamed at him in front of the other children. No! This I am not on board with. Imagine his own kid being like, Dad, Dad, Dad, stop, dad, dad, stop.

For clarity, this is not his kid. No. This is another kid. Best case scenario, still totally in the wrong. This kid has constantly picked on, like if there's something where he's like, is this a kid who's always bad? Still totally in the wrong. But I feel like this guy came in way too hot for the kid grabbing a car like there's some history I'm in way too hot for a kindergarten

do you know what there is this there's this person in my kind of extended relative I won't say which which side of the family is to protect and he's older he's like in his probably 60s and And I remember he got into, there was a kid, we were traveling, and the kid said, probably was like five or six, maybe, and was like, you really need to not smoke. I don't think it's good for you. And he started arguing with the five or six-year-old, being like, what are you talking about?

Do you know anything about this? And it was- The kid was right on every count. Right on every count. But it's that sense of... It's such an... It's such a... It's an immature way to attack it.

But it's like a detachment from not knowing that it's a kid. Right. It's like you're having a conversation with what you think is like a 40-year-old. It's like, it's a kid. It's a Trump-esque way to approach something in that way to go at that. He just went full diesel on this that. He just went full diesel on this kid. He came on

full diesel on this kid to pin the kid to the ground. What if his kid is just standing there going, this is what I have to deal with. Yeah, exactly. Everybody look. Child protection service.

Also, where are the parents of the kid that he's pinning down? I have no idea. Well, maybe that's why this kid's acting out. That's true. Never know how it's done.

You ready for the greatest part of the story? Yes, I am. We haven't even hit the... The daycare staff ended the incident when they pulled the child away from Churchill and called police.

Here we go. There's always one sentence that makes everything work in Dumb People Town. This is it. When police arrived, Churchill wanted the five-year-old boy arrested. Really? He was still so in his own camp.

Burglary. He had convinced himself it was low-level larceny. Kid's right over there. He's right over there, officer. You're getting it now, you son of a bitch. That is the definition of blame shit. That is the definition of never taking responsibility That is the definition of like never taking responsibility and be like,

he did it, she did it, which like goes back. I tried to detain him for you guys, okay, and they pulled me off. And you're right,

that is Trump. That is like flat out something Trump would do. Do you guys want to give me a medal for a citizen's arrest because I had that kid down? I had that kid picked out until these assholes,

they're basically accomplices and I was able to arrest them too. Where were you? Where were you guys? This kid's running rampant. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. So, oh God sweet. Imagine his surprise when the cuffs went on him. Yeah, he's like, you guys must be confused. He took my, I didn't

take his card. I never understand what is happening right now. Did I make a Father's Day card for him? No. Anyway, so. Churchill of 26 Sunset Drive in Derby. Again, add that to the bucket list. Walk into it. You'll hang out with this guy if you want. Still is tough.

I'm going to tell you right now, I am not encouraging this at all, but if I listened to Don't Be A Little Tired and I lived with this guy, I would go leave a card on his front porch. I wouldn't bother him. I wouldn't bother him at all. Because what's wrong with leaving? World's greatest dad. And then just put it on his side.

On the inside, I would write, you lift me up when no one else does. You lift me up when no one else does. You pin me down when I need to be pinned down. Life is all about the chase. Oh, love you, dad. Love you, dad. He was charged with a risk of injury to a minor and disorderly conduct. He was released on $1,500 bond and is scheduled to appear in court on June 30th. Which already happened.

Which already happened. Which already happened. So, update. Happy Father's Day. Oh, my God. That is amazing. Dude, I understand getting unrationally mad, but you've got to check it. No, but this is what we're talking about.

This is why I feel like we need to do this show right now because i know crazy stuff has happened in the past we understand that but i feel like the incidents of stupidity public stupidity public stupidity taking over because the times we live in are rising and that is why we need to do this show to have the fun that we have and i agree with you dan you what that, give the address one more time. What's this guy's address? Leave a car. I want to see like hundreds of cars. I want it to be almost like

an accident site. 26 Sunset Drive in Derby. And you know what? Derby, Connecticut. Derby, Connecticut. Yes. Maybe a whole bunch of people showing him love

will help him. However, I will say to play devil's advocate, I don't know if he needs more shame. Yeah. I think he needs anger management. Oh, totally. Just loving cards.

Like recovery therapy. Agreed. Because that is like intense, man. 26, Sunset Drive and Derby. And also, maybe before you make a card, take a look at the photo and remember 6'4", 270. 6'4", 270 and Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan. You could just mail it. Yeah.

Mail him a card. Look, we have the address now. Just mail it. If he gets like 8,000 cards. I'm going to tell you this right now. We're all nice and dumb people, it. Yeah. Mail him a card. Look, we have the address now. Just mail it. If he gets like 8,000 cards. I'm going to tell you this right now. We're all nice and dumb people, Tom. Yeah. If you do this, be nice.

Be nice. Don't be mean to anybody. Shower him with love. And also, we kind of think, yeah, there's been times in my head where I'm like, I'll see a kid who's being mean, and I'm like, oh, man, if I had two seconds with that kid. But then you walk away, you breathe, you're like- Because you're an adult. Because you're an adult, you breathe.

It is that kind of crazy impulsiveness that's happening. Can you ever do, as a parent, can you do passive aggressive stuff to a kid? Can you be like, how come you're mean to everybody? Can you do that or is that still true? Yeah, no, I call it out. If you name it, that's what I do. Like some kid was being a bully to some kids

who were hanging around my son's school and I said to my son, who is it? And they're like, that kid. I'm like, hey, is it true that you've been bullying some of these kids around this school? Because we don't do that here in this community. You know that we don't do that in this community, right? Because the word is that you've been doing some bullying.

I love that you're talking to him like he's got a hearing issue. No, I was talking to him in that emphatic tone. Yeah, no, I'm up here with it. I'm up here with it. And by the way, the reality of the situation probably sinks in with him when he's hearing it from like a lot of people are saying it and you know yeah maybe you need to stop bully boy everybody says you're a bully boy man need

to stop yeah yeah yeah well if this guy gets in more legal trouble there is one person that we know who can represent him and it is someone a lawyer a lawyer, who we found. He was in San Francisco. I wish he would have come out to see us to our shows when we performed in San Francisco at Cobb's Comic Club. In the Tom Segura episode. Thank you to all of the Dumb People Townies

who came out to that. We loved seeing you at those shows. But in the Tom Segura episode, we created, basically, some lore about, what was his name, Jacques? Jacques Wilson. Jacques Wilson.

And then one of our fans, we asked our fans to create a commercial for Jacques Wilson as a lawyer who got a guy off. He got him completely off. The gentleman broke into a building thinking that a spaceship was going to come pick him up and take him away. On his way to the roof, he broke into an apartment, stole a medicine ball, as well as a couple other things. The obvious choice.

Got in a fight with the people who lived there. They tackled him, which gave the man who tackled him a rash. And then he... And the lawyer got him off, completely off. And his goal is to eradicate injustice. So a listener made a commercial. Andy Greenberg, friend of the Dumb People,

a member of Dumb People Town, an upstanding citizen in our town. He made us a little something. You want to hear it? So let's hear it. To close the show out tonight, we're going to play this. Attention accused criminals, are you the victim of a grave injustice? Then why don't you pick up the phone and call me,

Jacques Wilson, attorney at law. Been accused of breaking and entering? Unjustice! Did you lose a meat raffle to some out-of-towner? Unjustice! I'll take the case and dispute your injustice. Just listen to this satisfied client. Hey, my name's Jan Flato,

and when a lady took my casino winnings, I called Jacques Wilson, attorney at law, and he solved my injustice. Now I can buy all the chicken wings I want. Oh, there you have it, folks. So if you've been done an injustice, just pick up the phone and call me. Jacques Wilson, attorney at law. Paid for by Jacques Wilson LLC. Unjustice. Ah, yes. That is the bullwhip that I love. The whip is so great. Part of me loves the fact that Jan Flato had a very similar accent.

Flato. That he had a very similar accent to Jacques Wilson. That's okay. That's fine. Everyone in his world is fine. Everyone in his world. That is fine. Everyone in his world. Thank you for saying that.

Andy Greenberg. Thank you for sending that in. Thank you to all our fans. So much fun. We may start doing that. We may start asking you guys to do that and end our shows

with some fan-generated stuff, which I think is so fun. The Dumb People Town Art Fair. Yeah. I love it. The Dumb People Town Refrigerator Art. We'll throw it on up there.

Thank you guys for listening to the podcast. We really appreciate it. Again, go watch Veep. Support Tony Hale in every possible way that you can. And us, support this show. Subscribe, rate, review it, the whole thing. And we'll let you know. We've got a couple of, you know,

check our dates that we're coming live in the fall. Sure. We're going to be, Jay and I are going to be at the Blue Whale Comedy Festival in September, September 8th and 9th. We're going to be in Denver doing, and by the way, in every one of these cities, we're doing a Finding the Funny. So we'll be around trying to find what's funny about the town and writing material about

it and then doing it on stage. So we'll be in Boulder, maybe the night before we do our shows in Denver. We're going to the Landmark Club which is in the south that's October like 5th through the 7th maybe in Boulder on the 4th and then we're in

Bloomington, Indiana in November and then Houston at the Come and Get It Festival we're going to do a live Dumb People Town there I think that's the 17th and 18th

in November and then we'll be in St. Louis in December December 13th through the 16th so check superschoolers.com

for all those dates and can't wait to see you guys there and thank you for listening to this podcast. Thank you, Tony Hale. Thank you for having me. This was fun.

Thanks, buddy. We're out. Let's get back to work.