Dumb People Town - Trae Crowder - Smell My Ride

Episode Date: May 1, 2018

This week, Trae Crowder (The Liberal Redneck Manifesto: Draggin' Dixie Outta the Dark) joins the Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk in Dumb People Town! In Story #1, a man is arrested after crashing into a police cruiser while intoxicated and operating a van f...

It's a good show! Couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. And Dirk, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music gets the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, hunger down, it's Dumb People Town. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Crowder. Trey Crowder, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Crowder. Trey Crowder, welcome to the show.

Hello, hello. Thanks for having me. I'm pumped to be here. If ever a guest was uniquely positioned and uniquely, I feel like, bred for this show, it is you, my friend. I am sort of new to the Trey Crow train but i am 100 aboard i think you're awesome dude you have a great perspective great comedian great point of view i loved you on real time and i told you that and i thought you you came off great on that show and that's not easy

to do well i appreciate you guys saying that i mean i'm a so i was a you know like probably all of us i was a big time comedy nerd and everything for most of my life i've been wanting to get into comedy for a long time and have been doing it for like eight years. But I say all that just to say I'm also a huge fan of you guys. I have been for a while. Thanks, dude. And thanks for having me and for saying that. And as far as Bill Maher's show, yeah, it's weird. We were talking a little bit off mic earlier about like as a comedian, you know, do you want to be funny?

Do you want to say, you know, get points across? And I can tell you that as far as the producers of the show, like, what they tell you when you're getting ready to do it is the latter more so. Get points across. Yeah, that's what they told me. They're like, you know, you're a comedian, right, but don't worry too much about jokes. Just worry about the main points that you want to try to make or whatever. And Bill will make it funny, and then you'll piggy piggyback on that and you guys had some great moments back and forth having said that you know i thought of some jokes of course you did not but uh what a great

stage to put that out there and i think about i think about this show and again on this show hi dan oh dan's here did you see dan. Did you see Dan? To your left. Dan is always here. The anchor. On our left. The anchor. Dan Van Kirk's here. And Dan, I think you will agree with us.

What I really love about this show is through the guests that we have on, we tend to get a great perspective from men, women, black, white, older, younger. It's been kind of a nice mix of people. For sure. women black white older younger it's it's been kind of a nice mix of people but i don't think we've had anybody you know speaking from like the center the heartland of this country and well south south i mean dan you although rochelle i feel like we all probably have a lot of there's a weird like southern dialect that works its way even into northern illinois really i just more feel is rural right like it's a rural dialect and on that note i've felt like just from

touring the country and stuff and driving between big cities and various states like you know there's a lot of similarities between like rural washington for example and you know rural kentucky or rural t rural Kentucky or rural Tennessee or whatever. Pacific Northwest. Yeah, but I mean, what I love is again- Meth is available everywhere. People don't have teeth everywhere. Well, we feel like the world's getting dumber,

and our only way to sort of combat that is through comedy. And thank God we have our dumb ears on the ground sending us stories in, and Dan's got one to start with. Can I, real quick, on that note- You don't on the ground sending us stories in. And Dan's got one to start with. So can I real quick on that note. You don't think the world's getting dumber. I actually, I used to have a bit that I did for a long time that was all about how I didn't think the world was getting dumber. But I ultimately, the conclusion ultimately drew, which I heard, I think Dan say in a recent episode, is that I don't think we're getting dumber. It's that dumb people are way louder and their voice is way more like, you know, I used to

say a hundred years ago, stupid people couldn't even read and now they can tweet. Yes. You know, like that makes a huge difference. Yeah. They actually have, they've figured out, they've gotten smart enough to get their message out there. Right. So we're hearing it.

Don't get me wrong though. There's a lot of dumb, I just think that saying we're getting dumber, that means we're dumber than people used to be. And like, y'all know how dumb people used to be used to be really dumb but i feel that is todd that is todd glasses right but here's what i would say i would say this i would say that we also have technology as a crutch right now sure which allows you to be dumber you don't have to hold facts that's true you don't have to know things you don't i know people who instead of reading just go on twitter like we used to read books at night i talked to people and like across the board

to a person they're reading less books per year so i would i do that i wish i read more i wish i so i think the dumb people are always going to be dumb. I just think the middle people are now sliding downward and sort of joining that group. The thing is that technology allows you to create your bubble. So if you want to stay ignorant or believe that the earth is flat, you will be able to find your bubble of people that you all get to live in together and say dumb things and no one calls you on it. Whereas 35 years ago, if you were the dumb person in whatever dumb town you lived in,

but if you were the dumb person in town and you were like, Earth is flat. Shut up, Helen. Yeah, everybody in town was like, dude, come on. Or it'd be like, kids, we're not going to his house for Halloween. That dude's a goof. But the bubble that you're living in. Now can create his bubble and be on his page, his Facebook

page and be like, you guys all think like me, right? And they're like, heck yeah, we do. You have a lot more support. Well, the bubble that you're describing that the flat earthers live in is a flat bubble. Oh, yeah. Not even a round bubble. They don't believe in bubbles.

That's right. But they believe time is not a flat circle. That's the weird thing. They think time is a sphere. That's the weirdest one to me, by the way. The flat earthers. Because my thing is when most of, crazy conspiracy theories, I can at least kind of understand what they are saying the end game is.

Yes. Or the rationale. It's an explanation. But with, like, flat earth, why? I know. What's the... What are you fighting? What's our globe heads?

What's our rationale for this lie? They were lied to about something. Now, maybe that was something very traumatic all the way from like, dad will be back someday. But whatever they were lied to about, they now thought, well I'm being lied to about everything. They've committed to distrust

more than facts. It becomes a, you're calling me wrong? And I think a lot of these stories that we get are people who lean into their wrongness as if because they were told they were wrong. We're leaning into their wrongness as a point of pride. They didn't have a no guy. Do we have a thing? Yeah. Actually, we don't have any stories.

I would just talk to Trey. This was sent in by J. Melville at quack79. Q-W-A-C-K 79. Which I always say, I hope that means the first 78 quacks were taken. And he's like, I gotta go here.

Went till he got it. You think this guy's just into ducks or he's a shitty doctor? Exactly. One of many shitty doctors. Born in 1979. Chewigan, a Madison man, was arrested Monday night after crashing into a police cruiser while intoxicated and operating his van from the passenger seat.

That's a man with a plan. They frown upon that. They don't like that. Well, the passenger seat operation of a vehicle is like someone who gets to the edge of a cliff and is thinking, I can jump into like a quarry or something. I can do that. And then they get up there and they realize it's a lot farther away

than they thought it was. But now you're stuck. They got one foot over. I wanted to ask you guys, do you remember the first time a friend or family member asked you to take the wheel? Like while they were driving, like on a road trip,

like take the wheel really quick. Yes. And you're like yeah i mean i remember as a kid yes my mom would be like i need you to hold the wheel for a second who's your mom britney spears what i'm not in her lap okay well that's what i was about to say like i had this one particular pap paul who was a truck driver you know or you know well he was a drinker and a whore banger but he he also drove a truck. Sure. I mean, I would expect all three together. Triple threat.

Right. And so I would imagine it was probably in his lap because he couldn't handle both the cigarette, you know, and whatever else. And I was probably seriously six or seven. No, not a truck. He had a big Lincoln town car that spontaneously combusted later, by the way. Did it really? That's true.

Jesus. Well, spontaneous according to, you know, a grandpa. So he says. Spontaneously combusted later, by the way. Did it really? That's true. Jesus. Well, spontaneous according to my grandpa. So he says. Spontaneously combusted. So I don't remember. I assume because it was pretty young. Later on in life, you had a friend who was like, take the wheel while you... Yeah, or like I imagine people do that all the time.

Like somebody just, I got to get something in my purse. Yeah. You know. Yeah. Take the wheel. So this guy's plan was, I'm not driving. So you're going to give the DUI to a ghost? He thinks he's immune to any penalties just because he's in the passenger seat.

Because what he could have said to himself, the cop pulls me over, and now I'm just sitting in the passenger seat. You didn't see him? He ran out. Took off. I'm just sitting in the passenger seat. Driver, you didn't see him? No. He ran out.

Took off. Shoegan Police Chief David Bucknum said around 11.30 p.m. Monday. That's a great police name. David Bucknum. You know he goes by DB. Yeah. DB is delight. Yeah. Bend it like Bucknum.

He said 11.30 p.m. Monday, a Shoegan officer was conducting a routine traffic enforcement on Waterville Road. The officer noticed a van with its taillights out and attempted to stop it. This is always what gets people pulled over. I used to be a door guy in downtown, and I would just see car after car leave parking lots with their lights off. And I'm like, you're just... Oh, you're inviting. You're asking.

You're inviting the cops to pull over. I'm not happy you're driving anyway, but turn your lights on. Wait, the taillights were off, meaning that the whole car's lights were off. Probably, but he was probably from behind, so he just saw the taillights. The officer noticed the van with his taillights out and attempted to stop it. Who can drive at night? I know. It sounds like on some backcountry road or whatever.

If you're driving at night with no lights from the passenger seat, this is not the first time you've done it. Oh, you're like, I can do it. Yeah, you've gotten home this way before where people are like, you're not leaving. You're like, I'm not really driving. I'm fine. I know these roads like the back of my hand, but it's fine. From the passenger seat. Tell me I can't drive from the passenger seat in the dark with no lights all the way.

God damn it. No one's telling you that you can't do that. Tell me I can't. Tell me I can't. And literally, he can't see the back of his hand. He cannot see it. You own this bar. You're the only person left here.

Tell me I don't own this bar. You're alone. No one's disputing it. So the police officer notices the taillights out, attempts to stop it, but the driver accelerated. So he's not even... He's in the right in his mind. The driver turned the van into the New Balance outlet building, which is a one-way entrance.

So it's like a New Balance shoe outlet? Yes. What's so funny is that he's got a New Balance in his life. It's a misbalance. New Unbalance. Well, remember when they said that New Balance balance was like the shoe of the neo-nazis shoe of white supremacists oh that came up yeah no that was a thing yeah i'm gonna google it and see if i can find what that was balance was like it's gonna take you down i don't know i think it was just dig them yeah okay all right so you

don't see a lot of black people wearing new balance it's like red laces you see so many red laces that do not talk are you serious yeah but that's like a thing though right isn't that the laces are like they gotta earn those it's like earning your stripes you gotta earn your laces shit in neo-nazi world if you have red laces that means it's like being made yes whatever is yeah see the movie watch the movie green. That's how I know it too. That movie is fucking intense. Is it going to make me so mad? No, it'll scare you. Maybe it crushes it though

from Arrested Development. It crushes it. There is a Washington Post article Washington Post, which most people consider fake news. Neo-Nzis have declared New Balance the official shoes

of white people so they're not neo-nazi shoes it's just neo-nazis claim them right the shoes of white people they could have said

you know we could take them back mash the official sitcom of white people and no one would argue do they have like a press conference or something or put a memo out

or whatever I mean if you're New Balance and you see that headline you're new balance and then you see that headline you're like oh no that's by the way if i'm new balance i'm getting a pair of those on like usain bolt immediately yeah yeah they will pay you to wear them thon maker yes i'm getting like the blackest dude in the nba to wear them immediately the driver of the van turned into the new balance outlet building which is a one-way entrance. Of course. The officer then went to the other entrance

to stop the van. So that's like when your kid or your nephew or somebody runs one way, and you're like, I'm just going to go the other way. I'm going to go to the kitchen. Head them off at the pass, man. So this cop...

This is some smoking in the bandage. It is, yeah. This cop was like, mm-mm, we're just going to go... I know where you're ending up. I know where you're ending up. And you know the guy, when he drove into the one way, the other way, and saw the cop go the other way. He's like, I lost him.

Free and clear. I gave up. Jason, I don't want to skip over the gem you just gave. Because that could be a t-shirt or the motto of every cop. I know where you're ending up. I know where you're ending up. Dumb people town. I know where you're ending up.

The officer went to the other entrance to stop the van. Coming up to the van, the officer noticed the only occupant was a male in the passenger seat holding the wheel with his left hand and waving his right hand. I hope that means he was like, I'm going through. Move out of the way. Hey, I see you. I'm still going though. If you're going to drive for the passenger, you have to let go of the way. Everything's good. Hey, I see you. I'm still going, though. If you're going to drive for the passenger, you have to go with the wheel when the cops show up.

That's your only, I don't know what's happening. It's moving in this part? Yes. It's still moving. It's still moving. He's over there waving. I'm hoping waving him off. You're in the way.

You don't understand. I need clear. That's an extra. I'm going through the exit. You're the wrong here. Well, he's going out the way you're supposed to come in. The vehicle continued towards the officer and struck the driver's side door and front corner panel of the police vehicle. The driver of the van was identified as Rex Hinternen.

Yeah. Yeah, that sounds about right. Like the Hinternernan boys. That is something that we all know in our county. You've got to throw a Dem in there. Every girl. Dem Hinnernan boys. Dem Hinnernan boys.

They're no good. They're no bad news. Everybody knows it. Keep your daughters away. The youngest one's sweet, but he's going to get screwed up, too. He's a little slow, but I like him. Rex Hinnernan of Madison. I don't know why we gave him a Southern dialect.

And their father is definitely Old Man Hinnernan of Madison. I don't know. So I don't know why we gave him a Southern High. By the way, and their father is definitely Old Man Hinnernan. Oh, 100%. Don't get an Old Man Hinnernan. He has an on-reserve spot at the flea market. He's definitely beaten up a cow. He's thrown giant boulders at dogs that pee on his lawn. Police questioned Hinnernanan who said that this is where his plan you're gonna hear in here police questioned rex hinernan who said that another

man had been driving the van oh but he didn't know who the man was okay and that the man had gotten out of the vehicle and taken off running hinernan said he wasn't driving because he didn't have a license. Okay. I hope all of this was delivered to a police officer before the cops said a word. Yeah. Like, all right, hold up now. Here's what happened. With like no periods.

Just all one sentence. Not even a breath. I didn't know the driver. Someone's driving. A guy got in. I do not know. And then he jumped out and then he went running and I can't drive because I don't have a license. That's why I'm over here.

Thank God you showed up. Sir, I just asked you your name rex rex yeah no rh yeah all right old rh yeah so he had this whole plan and then he's like it's not me i got i can't even be driving thank you officer thank much. Now, I wonder at what point, you know, he hatched that scheme in his head and also the execution of it. I mean, he had to pull at least that part off fairly efficiently because he didn't wreck until the end. He got all the way over there. You're asking, did he hatch that excuse as he was driving from the passenger side? Right. Or did he have that excuse in his brain and said, I want to see if i can drive from the passenger side and if anyone asked me this is my

excuse no i mean like he's driving down the road drunk with no lights on because you know some some bitch told him he couldn't or whatever he's established all that right and then the cops show up and now it's you know let me jump to the other now it's a it's a problem but it's all right because rex got a. I have a solution. That's what I'm wondering. He drove long enough to have a conversation with someone who was yelling at him about what he was doing, and his answer to all their questions built his story. What are you doing in the passenger seat?

Who's driving? A man. Do you know him? No. Where is he now? He jumped out. Run away. You shouldn't be driving. I know. Are your headlights him? No. Where is he now? He jumped out. Run away. You shouldn't be driving.

I know. Are your headlights on? No. Headlights freeze the deer. You're less likely to hit a deer if your lights are off. I tried to tell somebody to turn the headlights on. You think I can reach the headlights from here? He's crazy.

I'm doing the best I can just to keep this thing on the road. He's like the guy who fixes the porch not knowing how to fix a porch, but just the way he thinks it could be fixed. Oh, yes. And then it collapses on like four dogs. With the wood you have available. Right. That wood's rotten on the inside. Do you think he sees himself in his brain or in the best possible case as like a country sully?

He's like, I'm trying to land this plane. You know what I mean? I'm going to land this plane and make sure everybody's safe. And he wants him to run it back like they do in the movie. Run it back. See if you can do a simulation. See if you can do a simulation and then arrest me. They do it.

He's like, you weren't planning for knowing the guy would jump out. I didn't know he'd jump out. Yeah, it's different. He had folks holes in there. When you know he's going to jump out. This guy's a wild card. I'm trying to tell you guys. No lights.

Jumped out of the car. By the way, I'm trying to tell you guys is probably something he said about 11 times. I'm trying to tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys.

I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys.

I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys.

I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys.

I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys.

I'll tell you guys. I'll help find him. I want Trey Crowder to be the voice of every guy who's just, I'm trying to tell you. I'm trying to tell you. I've been the voice of that guy. Chief Bucknam said they called in a state police. They called in state police to have a dog come smell the car.

Now I know what they're inferring. But just having a dog come smell this car is not what you need state police for. To me, smell this ride would be if Exhibit's dog came to your car and said, we're going to do a show on animal... Yeah, you deputize Exhibit, and then any time you need a search and seizure warrant, smell this ride. That show on Animal Planet, Exhibit's dog smelling...

Smell this ride! I'd watch that show. That show on Animal Planet exhibits dogs smelling. Smell this ride. I'd watch that show. That also needs to be the title of this episode. Smell my ride. So that's how it's actually written in this article. Chief Bucknum said they called in state police to have a dog come smell the car. Police were able to determine that Hinnernent, was the only occupant in the van.

Now, how can they determine that? Well, the dog. Maybe that's what he was there for. There's no one else been in this car. The dog's sniffing every seat for another scent. Ready for another weird wrinkle in this dumb story? Rex Hinternent also had two different license plates attached to the van one ending in 320 the other ending in 321 i'm gonna confuse them well one of them was his one of them was the driver's yeah he's gone now first of all how does he get license plates in succession

that's and then with a screwdriver yes and then why does he have two plates on his van? I don't know. It's unreal. I've never seen a car with two. Never. Uh-uh. In all of my years on this planet, I've seen a car with two plates. Unless, and this is like the height of doubt.

Go there. Dig deep. When they send you license plates, they come stacked on top of each other, but they wouldn't be different. Right. They'd be the same. They'd be the same. All right. That goes out the window. You know what that goes out the window though you tried i was trying to help

like and he thought there was only one and so he nailed him he screwed him up back into the back but like they wouldn't be different no that's a tough one i can't even come up with like a right like a dumb person ration there was one underneath that just said there were two on his car there might have been one different on the front and one on the back so my guess is what he would probably be thinking would be if i get busted again for drinking i'm just going to switch plates to the other plate and then they won't seats and switch seats if i start out with both of them on there that's half the work right when i get caught all i gotta do is take it off so the next time he's in one of the bucket seats in the back, foot up through the front.

So he's all about solutions. This guy's like, I got a solution for everything. This man is a contingency. Yes. Contingency Rex. This is really what happened. Somebody said, you can't drive home. You don't have a license. He said, I won't be driving.

Right. Yeah. I will be, but I won't be. I'm not two, by the way. And if they catch you, you're done. No, I'm not. not like he's got an answer for every single thing no he's working really hard to get out of it hinern was arrested on charges of unlawful possession of scheduled drugs attaching false plates operating under the influence and operating after revocation of course now here's where this story takes another weird turn.

For no reason, this is what's written in this article. Like, he has, like, an endangered alligator in the van or something like that. It was a busy Monday for Showegan police, as earlier in that same day, they were lead on an hour-and-a-half-long chase trying to catch a 600-pound bull that had escaped its trailer. Okay. So they were led on a, how long of a chase? Hour-and-a-half. Hour-and-a they were led on a how long of a chase? Hour and a half.

Hour and a half chase by a bull. Of a bull. They were chasing a bull that had escaped its trailer. The bull ultimately ended up in the Kennebec River. So when we did our first day of shooting on the movie Wild Hogs, the first day was the scene where John Twelton goes over and slaps a bull.

We're in that scene. And then the bull goes crazy and then it like flips him up in the air. You're like on the bullpen, right? We're standing on the fence. It flips Martin like up on the, I don't know who it flips out there. Whatever. So they have to have like three or four bulls just there because they might swap one out if one's not working and they have all the bull handlers. So this is a scene with like a bunch of crew a bunch

of animal handlers and everything a bunch of meds right and we we pull up to the area of where all the trailers are and we see a bull running loose it's it has gotten out of its pen no this is our very first day first first minute we pull up in our car and we're already nervous because you're doing scenes with all these people and we pull up in the car and there's a bull running loose and he took a, he went into,

he like rammed into the side of a trailer like he was going to go hit it. Like with a bull, like rammed into it and then went on. That was like one of the scariest things I've ever seen is a bull, like I can understand.

Yeah, because you see raw power. Yes, I can understand how they would be afraid. And you're like, nobody can control this. That's how people feel about Rex. Right. Have any of you ridden a bull? No. Mechanical.

Yeah, me too. Mechanical. I've been up on a mechanical. I want to ride a live bull someday. Dan, no you don't. That would be a no for me, though. Dude, just to feel like who knows what's going to happen. This is just...

I know what's going to happen. I'll break your neck. You could die. I will wear every piece of safety equipment. You can't save your neck if you fall on it. You wouldn't do it. No. No.

Oh, man, I would do it in a heartbeat. No way. I did a... Josh Wolf has this show on Twitch now that I did the other day with Burt Crasher, and he told this whole story about getting gored by... Burt told the story. Oh, okay. Burt Crasher story oh kreischer he told the story it's very odd yeah but we'll go with you on that where he got gored by a bull basically but one would like for a tv show that he was on broke his ribs and everything else and uh but was he trying to write it or just mess with it

and he had a guy on the set that was explaining to him how to mess with the bull He was trying to mess with it. He was just trying to mess with it. And he had a guy on the set that was explaining to him how to mess with the bull. He was like, try to avoid the front part. Go for his armpit. I was just like, where'd you find it? This was actually Rex Hennerman was the bull advisor on the show. Sit in the other seat.

You mess with a bull, you're gonna get the horns. That's just the way it goes. So the 600-pound bull escaped its trailer, and then they just said the bull ultimately ended up in the Kennebuk River. Now I'm going to ask you guys, how old is Rex Hinternen? Trey Crowder, you are our guest. You can go first, Tigger, third. What spots do you want?

Tigger's in the middle slide. Okay, I mean, his name's Rex. He's clearly got a lot of life experience, I think. He's got solutions. He's got contingencies for every possible scenario. So he's been in those scenarios before. Right, he's been through some shit, I think. Rex makes you either go old guy or family name.

Right. Yeah. I'm going to say 48. 48 years old from Trey Connery. Jason and Randy? Let me ask you, did you think that that's old or young? If you had 48. I just feel like Rex Hennerton ain't going to make it much past 60.

So it's old for them Hennerton boys is what I'm saying. Them Hennerton boys. He's right about that. I like your logic, and I was thinking in the same way. As I'm seeing him, he has a total full white head of hair, white goatee. I think he's 55. I mean, that's... Okay.

I agree with you that there's no way he lives to 60. I think he's 29 years old. 29 years old. I just think he's 29, full of like, I can do this. He's not married, but he's got a few kids from different people. He's been engaged for a day. He's been engaged

for a while. He's been engaged to be engaged. Sure. He's that guy. Promise rings. Okay, everybody, all of our townies, play along at home or your car or wherever you're at. Get your answers in now because damn Rick's Henningen boy

is 62 years old. Oh, damn. I took it a little bit farther. I felt it. I was with you

and I, you know what? Yeah, but I, you didn't think he lived past 60. That's what I said. I was as wrong

as you can be because I said he ain't making it past 60. He's like, I'm on gravy time. You know what it is? Tell me I won't live past 60. Tell me I can't drive past 60. You know what?

He had a solution for that. He did. He had a solution for living past 60. He's literally sitting in the passenger seat of life right now. He is. And just driving until he gets caught. Did any of you guys ever see that? It was a video that was viral at least 10 or more years ago but it was where this uh police

department in some like some city like not a small town like let's say milwaukee or something for a training exercise we're filming a dui stop of this old very drunk black dude who ended up getting and i was totally with him by the way by the end of it because because it's a training exercise they're really just going through checking every single thing yeah with him by the way by the end of it because it's a training exercise they're really just checking every single thing and so by the end of it he's literally holding his hands up there and he's going fuck the shit take me to jail

fuck the goddamn shit fuck the shit you guys know what I'm talking about? no I've never seen that he had the same almost the same excuse except he was in the driver's, but he said that a person was in his lap. Driving. Driving, and they dove out before they pulled him over.

That's called the DUI elf. The DUI elf jumped out of my lap, out the window. We all know the DUI elf. We're riding tandem. You don't understand. I thought we were a team. All I did was accelerate. If we were parachuting, the driver on my lap pulled the cord.

I just was along for the ride. You want to talk about team? Talk to Jan Flato. That's the first story down in the book. Trey Crowder is with us. We'll talk about his awesome tour, the well-read tour, and his book coming up right on the other side of this break. Stay with us. Hey, guys, welcome back to Dumb People Town.

Our guest is Trey Crowder. He is on a great comedy tour. If they come to your town, the Well-Read Comedy Tour. R-E-D. R-E-D, yeah. As in Red State. Or Well-Redneck. Well-Redneck or Red, there you go.

And that's the way you really – it's so interesting. I want you to kind of talk about how you formulated your point of view almost. It's kind of – I love that it's sort of – it's come from within more than being influenced by the outside, which I love. Yeah. So I grew up in this little town in Tennessee called Salina up near the Kentucky border. But it's two and a half hours away from any city that any of y'all have heard of. Two and a half hours from Nashville, Chattanooga, Knoxville, all of them. Right.

And no stoplights, no Walmarts. I mean, it's very rural, very small. And so just by nature of that, growing up there, I always just considered myself a redneck like everybody else. I knew we were all rednecks. That's who lived there is rednecks, which is true. Right. And so I just, you know, just always sort of viewed myself as a redneck,

but I've also always had a huge chip on my shoulder about like, you know, just because I'm from there and I sound like this, that don't mean that I'm an idiot or that I hate people. You know what I mean? That I'm a bigot or whatever. Because I never was those things. And so I just always, once I started doing comedy,

which like I said earlier, I was a comedy nerd. I'd thought about it and wanted to do it for so long. And by the time I started doing it, I was just, again, automatically, just because of all of that in my background, that's the type of thing that I was talking about from the beginning.

But that's the most personal thing to you. And we talk about this in comedy all the time. As Dan is developing into a wonderful stand-up comedian, he's doing material that is honest and only things that Dan can do. Like his story. I mean, and we can say this because Dan has seen other comedians on a smaller bit. You saw a bigger comedian on a talk show yeah do a version of what you had done it was the exact same premise okay same thing happened to us by the way yeah with actually bill maher on a bit that we had been doing and you gotta in the

first moment you get upset and you go okay okay that feels how did that happen and then the next moment you go well maybe that wasn't specific enough if that person can do that bit too then maybe what right maybe i can do something that's closer to you the goal is to create a set of material that no other human can do right you have clearly done it dan you are doing it as well you guys obviously been doing it for a long time i just like the that you you know your parents probably probably raised you in such a way that they're like you know don't don, it is literally how you get raised. Yeah. I mean, a lot of times.

Or you rebel against the way you were raised. So like with me, it was the way that I was raised pretty much because I was raised almost entirely by my dad, a single father. And my dad was, my dad, he has, he had one sibling, my uncle Tim and my uncle Tim is gay. And my dad told me that when I was probably eight or nine. And he told me because he knew I was going to start. And when he told me, I didn't know what gay meant, any of that.

He explained all that to me at that age because he knew that I was going to start hearing shit. You know what I mean? About your uncle? Yeah. Or just gay people in general. But also my uncle because again small town so everybody knew so just all of that so he explained it to me and uh but of course you know i didn't care i was just like okay fine that's just as a kid yeah because i'm always super close

to my uncle tim and i still am right and him and my dad were always very close too so how crazy is it that i feel like it had to be that he had one sibling. Right. You know what I mean? Just having that one sibling is right. He's all you got. Because if you've got a bunch of siblings, you can be like, I don't know if I can connect with you. I don't know if I have to connect with you. This is making me uncomfortable and whatnot. Right.

And even with like my grandparents, so their parents, like my grandpa on that side was, mean in almost every way a very stereotypical Clay County Tennessee you know old boy a feller but he my my uncle and his partner were you know at every birthday every Thanksgiving dinner every Christmas all this stuff my whole life yeah right and so that is the example by which that opens the door for everything that you're doing. Yeah, no, for sure. That's what I've always, and I never thought about all that for a long time until I got older and realized that it was like, you know, not the norm. And then I started like processing it.

And I realized that I think that that is the primary thing. Because see, that also took me out of the church because the church that I think that that is the primary thing. Because, see, that also took me out of the church because the church that I had gone to as a kid was very stereotypically fire and brimstone about the evils of homosexuality or whatever, which had no impact on me until I knew. I didn't, you know what I mean? That all went over my head.

But then once it became real in your life, you're like, how do I reconcile? They're talking about this guy? Right, well, that's what I'm saying. I don't mean to say that before before that i heard it and was just like totally fine with it it was more like i was a kid it just right it i didn't it didn't land with me but then once i knew that about my uncle and i started picking up on some of that stuff immediately i was just like well fuck all that yeah exactly like and so i you know i told my dad

i don't think i want to go to church anymore. And I mean, he didn't go either. I was going with like aunts and cousins and stuff. So he was just like, hell yeah, turn the scanner back up. He didn't give a shit. And so that chalked basically most of my thing up to those factors. Does your uncle, how happy is he? Oh my gosh. Just about what you're doing and how you do it?

He loves it. He probably is the biggest supporter of you. And he always has been. But I mean, yes, and how you do it. He loves it. He probably is the biggest supporter of you. And he always has been. But, I mean, yes, he's all about it. He tells me all the time. Did you listen to S-Town? Yes, I did. What did you think about that?

I mean, I liked it. I enjoyed it. It's funny. I had so many people tweeting at me and stuff when it first came out. It's like, you've got to listen to this. The main guy, he's like a liberal redneck or whatever in it. He's just an interesting, interesting complex dude without a doubt but i was gonna say you guys had said you know you felt like i almost had to be raised that way and again i was but the two guys that tour with me cory ryan

forrester and drew morgan they're also progressive southern comics that we've been buddies and doing comedy together for a long time before this actual formal tour. And they're in the same vein as me in that way. And both of them grew up in the church, I mean, until they were 18, 19, whatever. Their parents are not like the hardcore, you know, like real Bible-thumping troglodyte types. But different than you. But, I mean, they're more stereotypical in that way you know i mean they're conservative they're christian conservatives i just mean they're not like the insane variety

right but they are that but yet cory and drew i again because of a rebel or contrarian thing or pushing back against it they swung the other direction but with me yes it was how i was raised basically awesome but yeah we're on we tour we typically i don't know how you guys normally do it but like we'll go out like i'm going to um this thursday i'm going to portland doing helium yeah i love it too but this will be the second time there but thursday friday and saturday and come back and then next week it's next week now so i'm back in la next week and then next weekend charleston south carolina you know so like so you'll do like come in and out theaters and and clubs yeah you come in and out but point is it's pretty constant and we go all over the place so yeah if you're listening you go to wellreadcomedy.com and

see all the dates and all that and yeah the book the liberal redneck manifesto dragon dixie out of the dark which is basically everything i just said about me and our upbringing and all that that's what the book is about um i want to tell you i want to tell you guys a quick story about the name though so yeah well read it comes from well redneck is where that came from originally and it just sort of became our like group name and all that and it's always been fine there's only been one time ever that anything weird happened involving the name and it was at a a comedy club in a more like conservative area but not in the south uh and we got there and the owner was there initially we just talked to him briefly or whatever and then later he he wasn't there anymore and we asked

like the manager like hey what happened to you know bob or whatever and he told us that the owner of that club is a big-time conservative he did not know what our thing was when he booked us and he according to the manager thought we were native american comedians well read there's like what like well-read skin like i don't't think Native Americans would go by that. Well, go watch Peter Pan. I mean, comedians, they might. Go watch Peter Pan, the original cartoon, and there's a song called What Makes the Red Man Red, and you're like, I don't think you can see that.

But he thought we were Native American comedians. Then when somebody told us like, no, no, no, they're like liberal redneck guys, you know, he got in his car and left. He's like, I will not have any of that so he was so mad that you weren't native americans and then he was mad that you were like progressively yes yeah you double dipped on his anger yeah well go check it out wellreadcomedy.com and check out the book uh the liberal redneck manifesto is that what it is? You got it, man. Check it out. All right, we got another story? Yes. Let's jump in. This was sent in by BolivianGiddyUp at GoKartMozart47. I'm all about this guy.

Yeah, I'm loving the handle. I'm loving like 11 life choices at this point. He's a great dude. He's been to. GoKart Mozart is, and I know you know this, like did you have relatives that had CBs? That was the original internet CB. Oh, yeah, of course. I already said I had that truck driving grandpa and my mother.

So he had a CB. Go-Kart Mozart. That is a great CB name. It's phenomenal. Go-Kart Mozart, what's your 20? But isn't that a line from Blinded by the Light?

Blinded by the Light, originally Bruce Springsteen and then Manfred Manners. Oh, damn. For real? I love it. Go-Kart Mozart checking out the weather charts.

Yeah. Seeing if it's safe at night. This dude is a great townie. He was at our live show in San Francisco. He was at our live show, our Dumb People Town Hall in Houston. Oh, awesome. So thanks, buddy, for sending this in. Police say three men broke into a woman's house.

Oh, boy. If that were stopped, I would never do it. We can't do this story. That's just not cool. Right. But then it all gets back okay took her for a ride stole her tv then returned it and asked her not to call the cops so they basically they broke in they forced an uber experience on her she had to pay with her tv all right but they gave it back she wouldn't agree

to the deal though and now the trio face burglary charges right well that's because you don't break into another like we have a social contract like are there ever do you feel like this sometimes because i feel like as each of these things that we thought were things that you can't do anymore like or that you could never do. The President of the United States can't call out a regular citizen on Twitter. And then once that breaks down, you're like, can we just do anything? I guess I don't have to stop at this stop sign, right? I guess I could just go to this person's house and take her out for a ride and take her TV, right?

I mean, that's what we're doing, right? I mean, I think that totally makes sense. I mean, why should the rest of us hold ourselves to any higher standards? I know! Giving your echelon. We're going to apologize to her. And we're going to return the TV. I give everybody's address here.

Jesus Vila of the 1100 block of East 6th Street. Ryan D. Davis of the 700 block of East Church Street. If you want to visit these people. These are all points on the walking tour. And John P. Parker, JPP. JPP.

What's up, JPP? Of the first block of Countryside Estates. I mean, he's right at the beginning. Estates. Once you get through that guard gate, he's right there. All had bond hearings Friday afternoon. That's got townhouse written all over it. All over it.

Yeah, or there's a, I can't remember, we were driving from Burbank to Malibu. Me and my wife had somewhere along the way, we passed a trailer park. But it's out here and it's called the something something mobile estates. Mobile estates. So I'm assuming that this is that kind of estate. Yeah, you look at that and you're like, look at all that land each place has got. They got estates. Estates, estates.

All three are charged with residential burglary and if convicted, can face up to 15 years in prison. Police say, in court records, that Vila, that's Jesus, kicked the victim's door in on the 200 block of Boulevard Street. Guys, everywhere. Boulevard Street, by the way, dumbest name for a street. What street is it? It's Boulevard Street. How'd you name that? Well, it's a street. What street is it? It's Boulevard Street. How'd you name that? Well, it's a street.

It's next to Avenue Lane. To kick the door in? Yes. Where are you trying to go? Kick the victim's door in on the 200 block of Boulevard Street only to realize she was home. So at least give them credit that they were not trying to specifically victimize any person, let alone a woman. They thought the house was empty. Right.

Okay? Still should have been doing it. Doesn't make it better, but changes intent. So what do you say at that moment? You've kicked the door in. Oh, hey. Should we call an Uber? Surprise! We're here!

Then you walk out backwards like at the end of Weird Science. You have a beautiful home. Sorry about that. Police say in court records that Vila kicked in the victim's door at the 200 block of Boulevard Street only to realize she was home. At which point,

the three men improvised and acted as if they were concerned for her well-being. Which means I hope they walked in and were like, can we get a suggestion from the audience? I'm very scared right now. Scared, scared, scared, scared.

Hook her in the toilet. I'll just be washing my hands right now in this fake sink. Hey, it's raining inside your house. Oh, man. How are you feeling? I'm good. I'm your dad. Get in here, honey. I just showed up, honey. Oh, my gosh. Did you

notice any droplets coming from the sky right now oh we're all on fire okay no we're not no we're not yes we are no we're not quickly you're gonna catch fire my wife says we're not on fire we're not on fire you guys are on fire in the let's get this woman out of here let's go let's go let's go no we're not grab the tv too we might need the tv oh good idea oh and. As you're in the car driving. The woman's there just like, I'm way more scared now. Right. This is so much worse.

They improvised and acted as if they were concerned for her well-being, which means they were like, are you okay? Right, yeah. I'm fine. Boom. I was fine. I was fine until you kicked my door down. Right. They gave her a ride to her friend's house to retrieve some things.

What? Maybe she's going along like, oh my God, am I in danger? Let's go to my friend's. Or, yeah, that almost makes it sound like, boom, oh, oh, are you okay? We came to check. I was like, well, actually, now that you mention it,

I couldn't use a ride to Sheila's. I gotta pick up a hairdryer from Sheila's. She told police in court records that they gave her a ride to her friend's house to retrieve some things, but they got into a fight with her along the way. Of course. These guys, no. They seem like they have it together.

Because she started being like, you know what, guys? First of all, take a left up here. I don't think there was anything wrong. There was something wrong. There was something wrong. No, I don't think there was. You've got to tell me there's nothing wrong in your house. Yeah, I'm the one telling you because you came to my house. We're giving you a ride. Why are you fighting with us? Yeah,, I don't think there was. You're going to tell me there's nothing wrong in your house. Yeah, I didn't know what I was telling you

because you came to my house. We're giving you a ride. Why are you fighting with us? Yeah, but I don't think I needed a ride. If you were going to steal something from your house, like your TV, would we be giving you a ride at night now? Yeah, if you wanted me to leave. If we were going to take the TV off the wall, would we be giving you a ride? I didn't even smell smoke. I don't think the house was on fire.

You don't know what smoke smells like. Yeah, they just mansplained to her what fire is. Okay, let me tell you how fire works. I don't think you house was on fire. You don't know what smoke smells like. Yeah, they just mansplained to her what fire is. Right. Okay, let me tell you how fire works. Like, I don't think you understand the dangers of it. It's not the fire that kills you. It's the smoke in a way. I wish they had said that.

It's the thought of the fire. They got into a fight as the men continued to mansplain things to her along the way, leading them to drop her back off at home. So they never even made it to Sheila's house. We're not going to Sheila's. She was like, you know what? Fine. You don't want anything from your friends? We're going back home. Like a parent

threatening to turn around. Is this what you want? You think I'm going to this roller skate party for myself? I will go back home. I don't need it. I will go back home. I don't need it. This is Ma'a Nan Sheila, correct? From Wild Wild Country. Are you into it? So into it. Done. So essentially, Trey Crowder

could be the people in Antelope and the people on the... Yeah, because he's wearing red. Because he's wearing red. Yeah. But the best part in that thing

is the guy who stayed on the city council and seemed to collect all their stuff and then thought he turned into a spy. The guy with the overalls. He turned into a spy.

He's my favorite. I'm sorry, we have really segwayed from this story but I know come on we're in dumb people town we can go anywhere we literally we're the town council

I hear Sheila it's a buzzword by the way Trey Crowder made up the friend's name Sheila of course I know but that's a made up

I know but like we're saying it so much that it's like evoking you know what I say to anybody who's mad that we're talking about well all the country tough ditty tough ditty

remember when she says that oh my god okay beautiful let's go back. Please. We're back now. She's back at home.

Fine. You don't want your life saved? We're taking you back home. We'll take you back to the danger that we initially created. What's there? She found her 42-inch TV missing. You know what's crazy?

You think about this too? 42, not that. That's what I was going to say. No, no, no. You're wrong. We had this conversation when we watched Michigan almost not lose the national championship.

42 inches, small flat screen TV, right? Yes. But remember when somebody got a 35-inch tube TV when you were a kid, and you were like, that's the biggest. That's the biggest I've ever seen. Other than the projection, which you couldn't be on the side. You had to be straight on. You had to be directly in it.

But remember when 35-inch was like, that's a big TV. Without a doubt. Now 42, you're like, Because it was 35 inches across and it was like 40 inches deep. Deep, yeah. And like seven feet tall. Yes.

So, we had a 35 inch TV, you know, not bragging. You did though. But we did. Well, it's one of those red, you know that old Jeff Foxworthy joke about being in a trailer but with a $10,000 stereo or whatever?

Yeah. It was 100% that. Yeah, yeah. But we had a 35 inch tv and then uh years later after it had like it messed up so my meemaw lives in the house that i grew up in my dad passed away a few years ago my meemaw lives there the tv has stopped working and it was in the back room uh just under this blanket and she was calling me and telling me that i needed to come. This is when I still lived in Knoxville.

She wanted me to come, drive up two and a half hours to haul that TV off. And take it where? To shoot it. To shoot it? Yes, because you have to shoot it.

Why? They'll explode if you don't. Oh. Also, She's right about all of this. Also, also,

time is a factor here because the mercury inside of it is poisoning her in her sleep. She's not wrong. Meemaw is right. Hey, she needs these three guys to come over to her house. You and Meemaw would get along great. She needs these three guys to come over to her house, take her for a ride, get rid of that goddamn TV.

Make sure they shoot it, though. She needed these guys to kick her door down. By the way, my second show that I'm pitching, we're already going to pitch Smell My Car. Yeah.

Smell My Ride. Smell My Ride. I am pitching a show called Me and Meemaw. Why not? It's just me and Trey Crowder's Meemaw. Hanging out.

I'd watch it. Shooting TVs. Trying to rid her house of mercury. Oh, she's something else, man. I love it. So did you take it out and shoot it? I had my buddy Kobe that I grew up with come and haul it off to the junkyard.

And knowing Kobe, he probably shot it. Sure. Not because he had to, but because he wanted to. A lot of people in this world, all you need is to give them a reason. Give them a reason. Give me a reason. Give me a reason to shoot this TV. I will shoot this TV.

This is where it turns a little bit. So remember, here's what's happened so far. They kicked in her door. She goes, what the hell? They're like, we're here to save you. She said, thank you. They get in the car. They get in a fight.

They take her back home to show her. And her TV's gone. Here's the next sentence. Okay, so there's a fourth man. There's three men. I know, but I'm saying. I don't know. Okay, all right.

Someone took the TV. It sounds like a caper to me.'m saying like exactly she people is a crew so she gets home where she finds her 42 inch tv missing right she told police she texted one of the men so they got the exchange information yes yes please give us five stars right yeah she told me she texted one of the men threatening to call police if they didn't bring her TV back. She's not taking any shit. By the way, she has now all the power. Yeah.

How does she have all the power? She started out dumb by being tricked into thinking they were there to save her for no reason, but then at some point the tides turned. I don't know. It sounds to me like they broke into their own goddamn Meemaw. You know what I mean? She just took charge immediately. So she threatens to call police if they didn't bring back her TV. Hashtag Meemaw's house. You know what I mean? She just took charge immediately. So she threatens to call police

if they didn't bring back her TV. Hashtag Meemaw. They did. Hashtag Meemaw. They did. And according to court records, when the woman retrieved her TV from the trunk, which means she went and got it herself.

They wouldn't even bring it back. She went and got it. Davis told her, quote, you got your TV back. Are you still going to call the cops? These guys are like completely at her mercy. They broke into a house.

They had rank then. Now they are way down here. Oh, yeah. Groveling. Yes. Don't call. We'll take you back to Sheila's. Don't call the cops.

We'll give you a ride any weekend you want. Sorry about that whole turning around thing. We'll reinstall the TV for you. Davis and Vila's bonds were set at $50,000 by Judge Philip Montgomery. Because of their criminal histories, they remain in county jail on Friday. Parker was released on his signature, which means JPP was just along for the ride. Yeah, literally. Literally.

Wait a minute. I'm sorry. Okay, the first one is Jesus Villa, right? Villa, yeah. And then the JPP. What's the middle guy's name? That would be Ryan D. Davis, R-double-D. R-double-D. And then John PP.

Okay, I was thinking for a minute that JPP was the only white-sounding name. He was released on a signature. That's weird how that happens. What's wrong with this? But I guess R-D-D. He did not have a criminal history, that was his thing. Parker was released on his signature. All three men are due back in court on May 4th,

which is where we will be. On that day we'll be in Chicago. This is the week leading up to it, right? We only have a few tickets. This is right before this. This is the week when this drops. This Friday, if you're listening to this when it drops. We'll be doing a live Dumb People Town

and then two stand-up shows around it. I think the early stand-up show is close to being sold out, although we might release a few tickets at the end, and then the podcast is sold out. Yep. But if you come to the late show, there's still tickets there. I'm sure there'll be some Dumb People Town fun and all. We'll do a little Dumb People Town in that, but that's on May 4th.

So all three men are due back in court on May 4th, which is when our show is at North Bar, live at northbar.com. I love it. I'm going to ask you guys this. Okay. Whose home state did this happen in? Okay. Now, would that be Missouri for the Sklars, Illinois for me, or Tennessee, Trey Crowder, for yourself?

You are our guest. You can go first, Tigger third on this one. I mean, I'll go first again. I almost asked like five times throughout that story where you had said it had happened at. I didn't know it was leading up to that. I had not. I gave no clues. You gave no clue.

You stood strong. You held your limit as a parent. That's beautiful. Well, there's a boulevard street. There is a boulevard street. Some estates. Well, we grew up in St. Louis where the street that we grew up on was Olive Street Road. So, Olive Street Road.

Boulevard Street. Oh, let's see. God. I mean, this woman, again, this sounds like the actions of a me-ma type to me. Like a strong will. Like she had six kids. They're all gone now, but she still knows how to. She knows how to fight. She knows how to tell people what to do, get her way, whatever.

She has a tone of voice that can make people stop in their tracks. And so, I mean, I'm going to say Tennessee. Okay. Jason or Randy Sklar? I think it's Missouri, and I'm not just being, I see it happening in like the boot heel of Missouri. I think it's Tennessee. Tennessee?

Yep. All right, all of our townies, get your answers in for whose home state do you think this happened in, Missouri, Illinois, or Tennessee? Are we going to do who do we think is right? Can we do that too? Yeah, we can do that. who do we think is right? Can we do that too? Yeah, we can do that. Who do you think is right? Well, maybe it's none of us.

That's an option because no one said Illinois. Don't you normally, and I know it's normally age, but you usually do who is right whenever someone got it exactly right. Does anybody believe in anybody else, in which case they could have said that? I believe I'm right. Well, of course you believe you're right. All right, Dan. Everybody believe I'm right. Well, of course you believe you're right.

Everybody feels good? Yeah. Okay. The tale of the men who broke into a home and got more than they bargained for. I'm getting good at that part. Summarizing it. Stop. Happened in Sycamore, Illinois. Oh my god! We were all wrong. 15 minutes from my hometown.

He said Tennessee. Trey said Tennessee. I know, but Trey was right in saying we could were all wrong. 15 minutes from my hometown. He said Tennessee. Trey said Tennessee. I know, but Trey was right in saying we could all be wrong. We could all be wrong. Yes, you were correct. What did you say? Do you know Sycamore? Oh, yeah. No, I was in Sycamore last week.

Does that check out? That story? Yeah, because the three guys. So I had to take this out because it would give where they're from. It literally says three sandwich men because they're from Sandwich, Illinois. I was like, oh, we could have a good run on just one sandwich man. I thought you just meant

like, you know, just the Italian beef or sausage or whatever. I've never been to Sandwich, Illinois. I'm a sandwich man too. In my mind, in Sandwich, Illinois,

no one has clothes. They just wear sandwich clothes. That's it. It's like diehard crazy. I like to think of that town as like squeezed between two other towns. There you go. All right. At Sklar Brothers. Breadville and Die Hard 3. I like to think of that town as like squeezed between two other towns. There you go.

All right. Breadville and Loftown. Toward the end of the story, you said they're due back in court on May 4th, and then you said, which is when we're going to be. And I almost asked, wait, this was in Chicago? Yeah, we're going to be there. But on May 4th is the same date as our show which just so happens to also be in Illinois right yeah because at the time when you said it I thought

you were gonna be in court with them right yeah we're also gonna be in court if we could show up to that hearing that could have been a tell that could have been a tell yeah that's what I'm saying I thought it but then right after that you asked the question I was like nah there's no way that's what I meant all three men are due back in court on May 4th all right which is the same day same day that we'll be there, and we'll be kind of in their vicinity. All right, give us a little taste of what we're going to see in this last segment.

A woman has the best reason for why she has drugs. All right. You got it. She wanted drugs. That's very good logic, Jay Crowder. All right, stay with us. One more segment, Dumb People Town, right after this. All right, guys, welcome back to DPT.

Oh, come on, Dan. I went to DBD. We've got our final segment here. Dan, give us a story to take us on. Here we go. This was sent in by, how would you, B-U-S-C-A-P-E, but it's got the little over the E. Booscape?

Booscape? Booscape. Booscape. Booscape? Booscape? Booscape? Booscape? Booscape.

Booscape. Booscape? And we're at Haji Bueller. H-O-D-G-Y-B-E-W-L-E-R. Thanks, Haji Bueller. Bueller. Fry. A Florida woman tried to get out of being found with cocaine in her purse by telling people she had no idea where it came from.

Yeah, well, that's... Kenesha Posey was in the passenger seat of a car. A lot happened in the passenger seat today. A lot. We are living in the passenger side. Yeah. In Fort Pierce, Florida, when she was stopped on March 21st, police said there was a strong smell of marijuana coming from the vehicle.

When they searched her bag, cops found marijuana and a small bag of cocaine. Okay. Posey said that she... What do you do when that is the case? It's not mine. I mean, yeah, that's chapter one. Wasn't me. It's Shaggy.

The Shaggy defense. Yeah, the Shaggy defense. But I'm the cop who pulled you over. Wasn't me. Sorry for anybody who knows. Sorry for reaching in your over. Wasn't me. Sorry for anybody who knows. Sorry you're reaching in your purse. Wasn't me. Posey readily admitted to owning the first drug, but said the second was not hers.

So she went. Weed? Mine. Cocaine? I have no idea. I have no idea. Well, that's that like, I'll admit to a lesser thing to make you think that I'm an honest person. I'm giving a little bit.

So when I tell you that that appeared out of nowhere. If I was guilty, I would have said none of it was mine. This lady can't be lying. She admitted to having the weed. Can I tell you part of the truth? How about that? So the weed, she says, that's all me. That's all me.

Cocaine, she said, was not hers. Quote, I don't know anything about any cocaine. When you start double using words, you're lying. I'm trying to tell y'all. I don't know anything about any cocaine. I'm trying to tell y'all is the, that is the phrase. Quote, it's a windy day. Here it comes.

It must have flown through the window and into my purse. It was worth a shot, man. Look, as Michael Jordan once said, you make none of the shots you don't take. Also, I mean,

it is Florida. You know, like if it was ever going to storms roll through all the time. You know, the wind blowing cocaine, it would be in Florida.

Look, if ever there was a state, that's right, where it's raining cocaine. The story is so short. Literally, that's the only detail of the story. There are bags of cocaine swirling around Marco Island right now.

Right. I hope she said, because there's nothing better than when people preface a lie. Like, when they're like, what's the deal with cocaine? I'm going to be honest with you. If I tell you, are you going to believe me? Because there's no sense in me going through what I'm about to tell you if you're not going to believe me. Like, ma'am, I have no clue what you're going to say. Are you going to believe me? Because there's no sense in me going through what I'm about to tell you if you're not going to believe me. Like, ma'am, I have no clue what you're going to say. Are you going to believe me or not?

Are we just lying? Do we not care? Right. Do we not care about the truth? Because that's what I care about. Do we not care about the truth? Because that's all I care about. She said, it must have flown through the window

and into my purse. You know how a bag can sometimes... Like in American Beauty that bag that but with cocaine and a little powder and into her car by the way a bird

couldn't do what she just described right you know what I mean like if she was Harry Potter and like had the power of wizardry

she couldn't do what that did but guys what if that is what happened I mean police did not accept her unlikely version

of events and took her into custody on one felony count of cocaine possession that is ridiculous and a misdemeanor count of marijuana possession she

was released on bond good good for her isn't that crazy I mean it's so short but I mean it's so short but it's so cute

if you could see the amount of townies I stopped because at first I was like this is way too short but then we got so many people sending in.

It's like, we have to acknowledge this happened in dumb people's time. I am now going to say this to my kids when they want something that there is no, like my 10-year-old wants a phone. And I'm like, when cocaine flies. Or a purse. Cocaine flies through the window in my purse. If a phone flies through the window and into my wallet or bag or my tote, whatever, you can have it. So I have a question for you guys now that this story's happened. I've been listening to the show the past few weeks, digging it.

And maybe this has to have been broached in one way or another before, but I've just been wondering, did you guys have to make up some kind of rule or anything regarding submissions involving the state of Florida or limit it to whatever? Because I just feel like a lot of Florida stuff. I mean, yeah. So today, we only had one in Saras.

Right. So today, we were Illinois, Madison, Wisconsin, and Florida. I think it's now starting to disperse around. I mean, listening to it, it is spread out. Do I have criteria? Yeah. Did you have to tell people? The only criteria for stories is can't die.

Yeah, can't die unless they kill themselves and it's really funny and not in a tragic way like the guy who went over the Niagara Falls and like made a website being like

I'm gonna go over Niagara Falls and then there was a big debate whether or not he had done it yeah he did it yeah

he made a website can't hurt kids can't hurt women I'm not interested in dudes who are like being creeps towards women like a woman came home and in the shower, the guy got into the shower. No, that's not pleasant

for anybody and it's not funny. So yeah, there is criteria for that stuff. That last one you said, not the shower part, but counterpoint. I think it can be funny. I almost brought this up earlier. You guys know who Jim Bob Coder

is? Yes, of course. The Indianapolis Colts offensive coordinator, I believe. Detroit Lions. Detroit Lions. That's what I meant to say, yeah. He was a backup quarterback at the University of Tennessee. Go Vols. Do you want to tell this story?

Very briefly, I'll tell it. While he was there. This will be our final thing. We get a story from Trey Crowder. While he was there, and again, Jim Bob Coder. This is a very Jim Bob Cooter thing to do, I would imagine. Yeah, for sure.

For sure. Old JBC. His name encompasses everybody's sexual genitalia. Yeah, I feel like, I mean, his name presumably is James Robert Cooter, you know,

but everybody was just like, Jim Bob Cooter. No, you Jim Bob. You Jim Bob. WWJBCD. What would Jim Bob Cooter do you Jim Bob, Jim Bob, WWJBCD. What would Jim Bob do? Well, I'll tell you what I'd find out when he was a student there.

And this is like, this is how the story goes. And also what his explanation was, he broke into a girl's apartment and climbed into bed with her in his underwear. Yep. He says, because he lived in that apartment yeah had only recently moved out and was hammered drunk and thought it was his he was going back to his place it's like he was locked out so he's like i'll just crawl in my bedroom you know so he opens the window

crawls in there and gets in bed with her and again not for her but like that's about as funny as that type of thing. It's muscle memory. As long as he doesn't touch her or nothing happens. Or she beats the shit out of him. Or he freaks out, starts crying. She took his gym glove and turned it into a kudo. And then, too, then that's intent. So he was an idiot. But an idiot that's like a predator, never going to be. To me, that guy, remember we had a story where a guy like jumped off a mosque

jumped off a mosque got naked got into a fire escape then got into an apartment building climbed into bed took a shower in an apartment because the people were like you're running from the cops take a shower and get into bed with one of our kids to hide from the cops the parents said that i'm not knowing nothing about the guy other than he was running from the cops they were like we're on your side. That's great. And he did it? Yes, he did it. I feel like even that guy, I would be like, I'll just go to jail, man.

Nah. Pulp Fiction moment. Like the spider has called over. Why are you adding more charges to what I'm going to be charged with in that instance? Jim Bob Cooter. We end a show with Jim Bob Cooter. No other way to end. Thank you, Trey Crowder.

Go see him on the Well Read R.E.D. comedy tour. You can check it out at wellreadcomedy.com. Redneck, the book is? The Liberal Redneck Manifesto. Liberal Redneck Manifesto. You can get it on Amazon, right? Can you get it on Audible? Yeah, and actually we recommend that, yeah, because, yeah, it's read, yeah.

By you. Yes. Oh, dude, check it out. Go to Audible. Pick up Our Thing, which is Sklars and Stripes, our audio documentary that we did where we go into different towns and try and create comedy in the towns that we're in.

Ten cities, ten chapters. We did that. Sklars and Stripes, pick that up. And then, oh, by the way, today, tonight, this is the last thing I'll say, our special, which we did last year, which has our own left-wing redneck man in it,

is going to be out on Starz, I believe, tonight at 10 p.m. on Starz. You can watch our special on the Starz Network. Or you get it on the app. On the app, anytime you want. On demand, but on the app. It's called Hipster Ghosts, and that's on right now. Daniel, anything for you? Just come hang out with me in Chicago,

and then outside of Tulsa, Oklahoma, at West Salem Springs the next day. And I will give people a heads up, I guess really quickly I can let people know, John Roy and I are doing some touring co-headlining dates. We're going to be in Portland in June, and we have other dates coming, and we'll probably have him on here to talk about it. But we'll let everybody know when that stuff gets closer. So be on the lookout. I'm coming your way. Love that you have an open invite, my friend.

It's so nice to have you back. I was hoping when he said that you were going to say, tell me what to do. Tell me I have an open invite, my friend. Thank you. I was hoping when you said that you were going to say, tell me what to do. Tell me I have an open invite. And oh shit, we've got to get back to work.