Dumb People Town - Trae Crowder - The Proverbial Finger

Episode Date: September 19, 2023

Comedian and author Trae Crowder (WellRed podcast on ATC, "Round Here and Over Yonder" out now) stops by as Randy agrees with a Quebec judge that ruled that giving "the finger" is a God-given right, Jason describes a GPS mistake that took a man to the Canadian border where he was arrested for drugs & money, and Daniel explains why a Montana family says cows broke into their home, and so much more!

Dan and Ren and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast jam With co-host Armand Dan Banders, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Vendors, don't be a jerk. We spread the music, wish the funny hits, and we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, because your down is Dumb People Town. Hey townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population U.

Population Crowder. Trey Crowder. Population us, too. Absolutely. Glad to be back. Yeah, I mean, every time I come here, it feels like homecoming to me. Right? I feel like I grew up in Dumb People Town. I mean, we did, too.

We grew up in the out. You have made a career on belying your accent. I really do believe that is like the core. And are we being accentist? I think we are. People are. Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

I mean, that's kind of the whole thing with me. I mean, even like people that don't know anything about me, sometimes I'll just say like a multi-syllabic word. Like a $3 word? Yeah, $3 word. $5 word sometimes. For example, multi-syllabic. I was like, what the? Is that a word?

Literally, I was like, is that a word? I feel like I've said this before with you, but it's always the Billy Wayne Davis joke for me. Where he says, when somebody says, can I tell you a joke? And he goes, I don't know. Is it based on my dialect? Yeah, what are your assumptions of what you think I want to hear? Oh, no, it happens all the time. Does that happen to you?

All the time. We actually, me and Corey and Drew, the guys that i you know tour with and the well-read we've also been on the show we uh actually did a sketch about that like an internet sketch about that thing because it was you know happening to us and still does we're like if you're in a bar in some other city people hear you're at hear this accent start talking to you start to come over you pretty much know what's coming every time. It just happened to me at a buddy's wedding in Denver a few weeks ago. This white lady at a bar heard me talking.

Next thing you know, she's talking about how Black Lives Matter is ruining the downtown area or whatever. Stop, stop. You're not on the same page. The light bulb that goes off in their head that says he's one of us. Yeah, right. Just don't. This is okay. You'll love this.

Yeah, you'll love it. You'll love this. You'll love it you'll love it you'll love it well i love that you're here i think you help break down stupid behavior better than anybody and we need you right now so i'm gonna jump into story so i think the last time you did it was zoom i was no no no he was in studio but dan had all three stories we're doing it differently now we switched over and now i get a story. Jay gets a story. Dan gets a story. So here we go. I got,

you just get to play. This is a Randy dump. He's a Randy special. You ready? Yeah. And I love this because it takes place in Quebec, but it could be the South of the United States. Do you know how many times we've done Midwestern dialects or something that took place in Australia?

I know. I wish this England, we need a good, like French Canadian good oh yeah with australia i feel like that happens a lot australia australia is bush or kentucky it's like the south and also the florida of right so you ready this is sent in by our buddy jake roney at Jake Roney, G-R-O-N-I-E. Thanks, buddy. Sends in a lot of good ones. Here is the, and again, I don't know.

This is one thing that as we go through this story, I don't know if the judge is dumb or everything is the way it should be. This is like I'm going to need your guys' help on this thing. Here's the headline. Giving the middle finger is a, quote, going to need your guys help on this thing. Here's the headline. Giving the middle finger is a quote God given right, says Quebec judge. I really thought you were going to end that sentence with

says local man. No, says Quebec judge. All of my uncles aren't Quebec judges. I thought you were going to say disgraced PE teacher. Says stepdad is being led while being led away by cops says little league baseball coach in handcuffs so giving someone the middle finger is a god-given right that belongs to all canadians says intoxicated bus driver while kids are filed

out of bus says zamboni driver who just drove into the boards i mean so i feel like i just love god given right god because the thing is god gave it to her yes as a former christian that respects people you hey as long as you're not hurting anybody you love what you love yep but uh of the music yeah but rich mullins wait wait have you seen the hill hill song documentary yeah yeah yeah do you know what that is no hill song church was in the that dude's awesome i mean that guy's horrible but he's awesome i was yeah so it one of the fundamentals is that like you have free will you have free choice you choose jesus christ as your lord and say whatever so tell it i love it i love when people go it's a god-given right because there's so many things that if that if god set all this up and

gave people free will he's like i didn't know you guys were gonna do that right that actually isn't one of the you chose that i didn't give that one to you there's you guys are making a lot of decisions on your own so i do believe and i don't know how much you've traveled up into canada trey but like i believe that there are obviously canada is not all one thing but there are like two canadas there's hockey canada right you've ever watched the amazing that's almost all of it I believe that there are, obviously, Canada is not all one thing, but there are like two Canadas. There's Hockey Canada. Right. If you've ever watched the amazing series.

That's almost all of it. Shorezy. That is. You can find that everywhere. There's Hockey Canada, and then there's like nice, like everyone in Canada is so nice. You just don't. Sure.

Unless you're at a hockey match or a rodeo in Calgary, you don't imagine people just flipping people off in Canada. Am I right? Yeah, that's definitely the stereotype we have like one of the funniest so i've only been on the western part of canada okay vancouver edmonton calgary okay i haven't done the eastern part but like uh i was there with cory and drew one of the funniest heckles i've heard because of context was in uh one of those canadian cities drew was on stage talking about how he was a high school quarterback, and some guy in the crowd was like, oh, yeah, right, or something like that.

And Drew was like, which he was. He was a very good high schooler. But he's like, you know, he's not that tall and whatever else. So he then just starts, you know, tearing into this guy. Like, I thought Canadians were supposed to be polite. What the fuck? You expect that shit from dumbass Americans. But I come up here, and I think there'll be a little decorum,

you know, whatever, does his whole tirade thing. Gets a little bit of laughs or whatever, but he goes on for a minute and then he stops and it's super quiet and then you hear very distinctly the exact same voice from the crowd go, sorry, sorry. He made him a pocket. I'm sorry.

Yeah, and then like that just killed. But yeah, you know, but yeah, you're right. There's also like the ones that he waited for the right time. Yeah. Canadians are funny. I mean, like Canadians are hilarious.

That is a great, like timing heckle. Yeah. Cause most, do you think he meant it or was he really sorry? Or was he making a joke? I think that like, he genuinely was.

I think he was genuinely sorry, but also was probably self-aware about it. It was going to be very funny. Yeah, right. He made a perfect joke at the perfect time. All right. So in his ruling, Quebec court judge, Dennis Galeas, Galeas Satos. You did your best.

That's all you tried. G-A-L-I-A, Galeas Satos, Galeas Sat, wrote that not only he wrote this in like a, uh, an opinion. Well, he obviously loves to flick people off. Yeah. Not only was Neil Epstein with two L's,

Neil Epstein, Neil, wait, N E I L L N E A L L. And I would, is that mean the extra L's for loser bitch? Yeah. I've known,

I mean, I tend to go by daniel you know professionally and all this stuff but i've met a double n dan and i'm like why are you double n dan yeah d-a-n-n the clip that keeps coming up on my tiktok is the stepbrothers pam pam yeah it's wonderful hilarious yeah that's it but maybe he's n Neal. Neal? Neal Epstein. Neal Epstein. Neal-a-lul. Neal Epstein, Jew, found him not guilty. The fact that he was arrested and prosecuted at all was bewildering injustice.

He got arrested for flipping the birds. I mean, I agree with that. For Steve Austin? Literally all he did was... Going stone cold with it? I don't know. If you do it to a preschool, maybe that's obscene. I don't know. At least... This is the opinion... Trespassing if you don't leave. If you do it to a preschool, maybe that's obscene. I don't know.

At least. This is the opinion. Trespassing if you don't leave. This is the opinion of judges. So preschoolers are dicks. Yeah, dude. That's right. Some of them are just, they're pooping in their own seats and stuff.

But the truth is, maybe this guy becomes the judge. Galea Santos becomes the official judge of Don Peopletown. Because I'm going to read the opinion. Quote, to be abundantly clear, it is not a crime to give someone the finger the judge wrote uh-huh wrote in his february 24th ruling flipping the proverbial bird how much do you love this proverbial bird i mean that's the title of this episode the proverbial bird the proverbial bird flipping the proverbial bird is a god-given charter enshrined right that belongs to every red-blooded Canadian. Have you heard the term red-blooded Canadian, by the way? I've heard red-blooded American.

Right, yeah. And we do export that brand of our dumb assery throughout the world. Thank you. You know what I mean? It's one of our greatest exports. Yeah, right. Number one, arguably. So I thought Canadians were cold-blooded creatures.

Am I wrong? Just to live up there? Just from the air. Sure, yeah. It may not be civil. It may not be polite. it may not be civil it may not be polite it may not be gentlemanly nevertheless it does not trigger criminal liability this is the new judge i agree right he's right police arrested epstein uh a teacher

that's what i knew it was dumb people done when I heard that. On May 18, 2021, as he returned home from a walk, earlier in the day, he had run into a neighbor, Michael Nachache. N-A-C-C-A-C-H-E. Man, you're hitting them all today, Ryan. N-A-C-C-A-C-H-E. How would you do that? N-A-C-C-A-C-H-E. Nachache.

Nachache. I like that bread that's really thin. Oh, Nachache bread? Yeah. With olives in it. It's so expensive at E, the Natchatchew bread? Yeah. With olives in it. It's so expensive at Erewhon. Rosemary. All right.

So who lived in the same Beaconsfield, Quebec Street, and with whom he had had previous conflict. Beef. This guy has beef. Natchatchew swore at Epstein and threatened him while holding a power tool in a menacing way. So drill up like, let's go, bitch. Is this a fellow teacher? No, a neighbor. Nechache is a neighbor.

I think it's Nechache. I think it's Spanish. By the way, Joni loves Nechache. That's right. Swore at him with a power tool. I wish we knew what power tool it was. I mean, I don't, but like... It's a radial saw.

Saw's definitely more threatening. Oh, I mean, a two-hand... What about a... It's a staple gun. I mean, it easily just could have been a wrench. It says power tool. Oh, power. Power wrench? Are there any power wrenches? It's like a torque wrench. Yeah. So there you go. The judge found Epstein replied with two middle fingers and kept on walking.

So he didn't even say anything. Flipped off two middle fingers. Which is like the mid stride. The double bird. To hold it this high. Double bird maybe all the way. Casual stone cold Steve Austin. Oh, hell yeah.

On your way. On your way, bud. I didn't say a word. Is this the most Canadian fight ever? Some guy's got a power tool. He's like, fuck you, bitch. The other one actually flips him off and moves on. N'Chache alleged that Epstein also made a throat slashing gesture.

And he feared that Epstein would try and come back and kill him. Flipped him off. You're holding the power tool. I was about to say, yeah. And you threatened. Right. The instigator is the dude with the power to power tool okay it's talking shit and then get arrested for a neck slap that's like a 15 yard penalty yeah that's all that is in the game that's taunting the 15 yards unsportsmanlike conduct but it's not an arrestable offense right he's not targeting out of the game.

All right. So this is so good that he's going to come in. And the judge did not accept that claim. Wait. Again, you're the guy holding the drill. What are you doing? On what basis did he fear that Epstein was a potential murderer? The fact that he goes on quiet walks with his kids.

This says that? No, I think this is. Maybe. I don't know. Maybe. The fact that he socialized with other young parents on the street. If that's the stance. i think this is maybe i don't know maybe i read about the fact that he socialized with other young parents on the street if that's the stand no this is gal this is what he wrote the judge yeah this is the fact that he went on quiet walks with his kids the fact that he

socialized with the other young parents on the street if that is the standard we should all fear that our neighbors are killers in waiting oh so this judge is straight up mocking powersaw brother he's also like having his big moment this is like mcconaughey in a time so now do you want to hear a little history of time to kill yeah mcconaughey and all right so neighboring quarreling the incident was the culmination of a series of interactions between the two men and members of their families so now this is a family-wide thing we got a. Would you ever get into it with a neighbor? Like unless you have to, unless it's absolutely necessary.

Yeah. But this person is not going anywhere. They're in your life. They're close enough to you. You ignore everything. Even the flip off feels like you're look, if he was my friend, I'd be like, don't flip your neighbor. No, our attitude in a comedy show is that people are talking.

We just ignore them as much as possible. It goes so long it we wait so long until it's a real problem before we say anything otherwise nachache claimed those interactions amounted to months of harassment but the judge found them to be innocent behavior to the complaints the presence of young families outside is a source of scorn and vivid resentment that ultimately spilled over into a criminal complaint against the neighbor. The judge wrote describing Epstein as a quote, caring father of two young daughters who committed no crime whatsoever. That's right.

He called it deplorable that the client, that the complaints weaponized the criminal justice system in an attempt to exert revenge on an innocent man. That's right. So is there a flop rule? This is essentially the neighborhood flop rule. Like this guy should get penalized for. He just hated that guy's young daughter so much.

And he's like. Well, he hated the guy and he hated his familial life. He said like the existence of these little girls was a source of scorn and resentment or something for the other guy. That's right. He hated him. How dare you? How dare you procreate? Always out there playing Red Rover and guy. That's right. He hated him. How dare you? How dare you procreate?

Always out there playing Red Rover and shit. Natchachi said he thought Epstein regularly and surreptitiously filmed him and his family. Okay, this guy. Now he's making shit up. Now he's like, I got to make things up. In reality, the judge concluded it was Natchache who had been filming Epstein and other neighbors from cameras mounted outside the home, which he lived in with his parents and his brother. No. Nechache lives with his parents and his brother. We'll get to the ages in a minute.

I'm not worried about Nechache. He also had cameras on his, Dan, this will tell you a lot about him and Trey. Camera on his car. On his motorcycle and in his parents' cars. This guy. He likes to edit. This guy loves to edit. I'm going to get like the, let me get the motorcycle shot.

Let me get the car shot. I get the garage shot and we'll do the top. I mean, I'm all for having some cameras around your house, you know, garage, doorway. Okay. But this guy is like the reverse. He's so worried about everybody else. He's watching all of them. By the way.

And not just watching, but instigating stuff to including his family. In one incident, video submitted as evidence shows Natcha's mother, Martine, Martine Natcha, driving dangerously near neighborhood children. She was driving, trying to run them off the road. Jesus. About an hour later, Natcha's father, Frank Natcha, trying to run them off the road. Jesus. About an hour later, Natchache's father, Frank Natchache, deliberately and spitefully did the same. So he's basically. The dad too. Hey, kid. Look, if your family, if everyone in the neighborhood. Right. If you have an issue with everyone in the neighborhood, you're the issue. The issue is with you. That's right.

That's right. The ruling says leading to a confrontation with several neighborhood fathers, including Epstein. So the parents are driving close with a camera on their car, close to neighborhood children, basically with the evidence, producing the evidence against them. Which is perfect dumb people time. Perfect dumb people time that you created. Created the problem. You got to make sure everybody sees how big of a little shit this kid is.

So this is a thing that happens. I would bake these people a cake. A beautiful cake. And the icing would say, leave the neighborhood. Now can they be mad at you for giving them a cake? It has to be a great cake. A great cake? Incredible. It's a delicious cake. Ladyfingers.

I'm talking. On top of the cake. Around like in a beautiful circle so epsine testified that during the episode frank nachache threatened to intentionally hit the children with his car michael nachache claimed in court that epsine assaulted his parents during that confrontation but the video you're telling me the guy went off because you were trying to hit kids in your car shit man but the video evidence instead showed nach'Chache's brother, Ari N'Chache, pushing Epstein, who then walked away. And what the. Wait.

Now, we know this whole family. We know the parents. Martina. Martin, the dad. I don't know his name. Frank. Frank. Ari.

Ari. And then. Neal. And no. Neal is Epstein. Neal. Oh, my bad. Neal Hill.

Okay. And then Epstein walked away in what the judge called a remarkable exercise of restraint. This is insane. The ball don't lie. The footage don't lie. The judge is just spitting straight truth. The judge loves L.L. Neal. That's right. L.L. Neal. How did L.L. Neal even end up in front of a judge

in the first play? Because this idiot brought him on charges. Fake charges. Satos wrote that Martina and Frank Natchatchee should consider themselves lucky they weren't ticketed for reckless driving. He added that the two Natchache brothers. The two Natchache brothers is, doesn't that sound like the Natchache crunch? They almost killed Bob Odenkirk in one of the episodes. The Natchache brothers?

Jay, you're talking about from Happy Days. They almost killed the Natchache crunch. Pinky Tuscadero. That's what the parents were trying to do. from happy days they almost killed the chache pinkie tuscadero that's what the parents were trying to do he had the chache brothers is a phenomenal tax mex restaurant i thought it was the prequel to nacho libre all right galia satos wrote in a quick in a quitting epstein that he wished that he could literally not just figuratively throw the case out of court literally throw it in this specific service in this case the court is inclined to actually take a file

and throw it out the window, which is the only way to adequately express my bewilderment about the fact that Epstein, Mr. Epstein was subjected to an arrest and a fulsome criminal prosecution. The Montreal, this happened in Montreal. You guys, we've been to Montreal. You've been to Montreal?

I have not, actually. A civilized town. That's right. It's a very boosh, boosh, boosh, boosh. Here's the way I would describe Montreal. I love it. We were sitting having dinner in Montreal at like 5.30, and it was a lot of traffic because it was rush hour.

Not one honk of a horn. Yeah. Not one. Remarkable in a city. Civilized. A civil town for this shit to go on. The Montreal Police Service said it's analyzing the decision and declined to comment further.

So the police might be at fault here here so now we're gonna do this okay we're gonna guess the ages before we get out of here in this story incredible who do you guys want to do you want to do michael uh natacha first or do you want to do uh let's do epstein last okay let's do natacha first how old is mike just keep calling him ll ne Neal. Okay. How old is Michael Natchache? Trey, you can go first. You can go in the middle. He's living at home. He's got a motorcycle. I'll go at the end because I have to admit you're sitting right beside me. I think I may

have seen. I saw an age earlier, so you guys go first because I might be cheating, but I'm not sure if it's that guy's age. 43. Do you think Natchache's 43? What do you think? You think this motorcycle son of a bitch is 43 years years old 43 43 daniel say i'm gonna go i'll go scotty pippen 33 33 okay and because he's got anger like scotty i thought i saw like 34 or something like that okay walter payton all right so uh one of you is exactly right i'm gonna guess but is one of you one year off to one of you is one

michael the judge is 34 years old but dan was very close yeah he was yeah dan good you're an honorable man all right so we're gonna get out of this story on this. We'll come back. We'll tell you what we have going on. How old is L.L. Neal Epstein? I feel like you should stick to your same number here. 43. I mean, do you? Yeah. Oh, were you going to take it?

No, no, no. I feel like you should. He's got two young daughters. He's got two young daughters. I did not say this guy's age, but yeah. Yeah, he has two young daughters, right? Right, but I mean. Young daughters could be

seven also what's the age at which you either right you either think fuck you this is enough right are you a young dad dude or you've lived enough to be like i'm not even dealing with you get out right but then like like where i'm from if you got you know two seven-year-olds you're 28 yeah but in montreal think about montreal so you already picked 43 right so i guess i'll go how close we'll have to be to box them in box them in 45 okay what do you think dan i'm gonna go 36 years old 36 years old. So, maybe there's around 30. He's got a six and a four year old.

And they're doing a hell of a lot of people. All right, get your answers in, Tonys, because one of you is exactly. Now,

do you want to stay? Do you want to stick on 45? Yeah. Do you want to stick on? You know the answer. I'm right. Get your answers in. And I know you didn't see this,

but 45 years old. I feel like that seems suspicious. That one was earned. No, no, no. You earned that one. You earned that one. No one's going to believe I didn't.

It's the perfect con. You have to give up a little. Yeah, right. Exactly. So you can get it in the end. If I tell them the first one, they'll never believe that. You should have just done both. You could have Kevin Pollak did. You got both of them all right that is the first story down

in the books we'll come back we'll tell you what we have going on and uh find out what trey's got and it's dumb people time with trey craddle we'll be right back stick around make us down there's more dumb people town hey guys welcome back to the show uh we're before we will get to because you have a great you have a neighborly story that i think the nachaches go down in history as like maybe one of the dumbest neighbors dumbest neighbors ever this whole neighbor family whole neighbor but you know their family unit although it's in the wrong is very strong they love each other i mean like they think they're right they thrive off their hate of their neighbors uh we'll talk about this in a second we should first just let

people know that what we have coming up um uh again i'm not sure when this this episode is going to drop because we never know we record a bunch ahead of time but tell these people where to go we here's you can go so superschoolers.com has all of our dates and stuff we're doing a bunch of taggits we've got one which is our friends do their stand-up and then we uh pitch them jokes afterwards on stage it's so collaborative and fun, really cool. Comedy store on September 13th. Got great people on that show. You should come do one soon.

I'd love to. Come do the October one, which would be great. Daniel's already done it. It's fantastic. We're doing Largo on the 18th, and that one's going to be a great show. I mean, Patton and Fortune are on that show, and then two very special guests that are huge names that we're not announcing but just trust us when we tell you it's going to be really good what date is that that is on september 18th that's a month on october uh 10th we're doing a show uh sclar

brothers and friends at the uh it's a night of a thousand sclars we're going to do at the bourbon room which we love the bourbon room isn't that a great place yeah i did i did a tour date there yeah a while back it was awesome fun i i did a tour date there yeah a while back it was awesome fun i just the room it feels like there's a balcony in that room dan i first walked you go upstairs but when you get there you feel like you went downstairs yeah yeah and there's also like i first walked into like the bar area and there's like a little area to the left that i thought was like the stage or something yeah i was i was like oh shit i don't know about that you know but then where the actual stage is.

It's great. Super crazy. It's like a 1980s HBO special stage. That's a great way to put it. It's really cool. So we're going to do that on October 10th. And then another tagging on the 18th. We're going to be in Springfield, Missouri.

Fort Collins on the 5th and 6th. Comic Fort. Love Comic Fort. David Rodriguez. The best. He's the best. Shout out, David. Shout out, David. And then we'll be in Springfield. Now, he wasn't the Night Stalker. No, Fort. David Rodriguez. David Rodriguez is the best. He's the best. Shout out, David. Shout out, David.

And then we'll be in Springfield. Now, he wasn't the Night Stalker. No, David Rodriguez was not. That was Richard Jermier. David's the Night Booker. He's the Night Booker. He's the Night Booker. And he gets you.

He gets you. That's terrible. And then at Springfield, Illinois. There's Springfield, Missouri. So much stuff. Superschooled.com. We put all the dates on there. Trey, we should find out how can people follow your podcast and whatnot.

Well-read. Yeah. Yeah, I got the Well-Read podcast. Most of my stuff you can find with just my name. You can follow me on social media just using my name, T-R-A-E Crowder. I'm pretty much all of them. Also, my website, T using my name, T-R-A-E Crowder, on pretty much all of them. Also, my website, Trey Crowder, T-R-A-E Crowder. I always have to, you know, point out how it's spelled.

That's right. It's spelled dumbly. It's like Trey Turner. Yep. Yeah. But anyway, T-R-A-E Crowder, that's where you find all my tour dates. Not knowing when this is coming out, I don't know, but I'm all over the place. Great.

Throughout the rest of the year and into 2024, so go there. And also, i've got a special called damn boy on youtube i love it watch and uh i've got a book coming out a comedic travel guide in september that there's a link on my website for called round here and over yonder can i tell you the comedic travel guide yeah i'm already in like a hillbilly but in this day and age i I will say to our fans when, you know, we are at right now in a struggle with the streaming networks and whatnot,

in terms of like, you know, getting, getting the pay we deserve when people put out their stuff independently on YouTube and put out their specials, watch them, give the power back to the comedians and watch these. And so that like,

I'm sure a lot of people have watched it already but like let's get these numbers up for dumb people town fans you will you'll fall in love with this guy i mean i feel like it's like one of the best ways to do it like objectively at this point you know what i mean outside of like you know just not getting the opportunities from the big gatekeepers it's like it's better than being on most of them i think because the main thing is you want people to see it yeah and if a lot of the other providers people are they're not going to see it on most of them you know other than the big one my thing too is i think we're just on this era of like i'm going to give you

access to this hour now obviously if hbo or somebody you know that's a comic stream if they go we want to put you on yes but apart from, I'd rather give that hour, that access to those people and have them come out to shows. Come out to shows and become a fan of yours. Yeah, for sure. Watch his hour. You'll love it. And you'll check that out.

T-R-A-E Crowder. All right. The name of the special is? Damn Boy. Damn Boy. Love it. Damn Jay. Let's get into one.

Okay. Story number two. This is sent in by Nick Bowes at Chef Nick 80. And you know what? Bowes, you pay a little bit more for it, but the sound quality of his food is amazing. I always use Bowes, too. Whenever something is, I'm like, this is like what Bowes is for speakers. It's so expensive, but when somebody has one, you're like, oh, I get it.

I understand. I was always more of a Blaupunkt. Wow. God. That's so... Deep cut. Deep cut. I was always more of a Blaupunkt. Wow. God. That's so... Deep cut. Deep cut. What was that?

Crutchfield? Yeah. Yes. That was like huge in middle school or whatever. Like, you know, we all like... That was... You're taking... You're unlocking...

Yeah, we were crazy in that. That and whatever the magazine was that had like truck mods in it car like the headlight mods and all that stuff like and that was always on top of the east bay east bay yes you guys remember yes absolutely the holy transvert of magazines yeah for just car and stereo that is and it's fine everything progresses but it is a like tactile thing that no child like your son your your daughters will ever like being like like turning a page be like i want that bat yeah and you're just looking at it on paper so we were at our cousin's place over uh labor day weekend down in mission viejo and they have in their garage they've like redone the garage and in the garage is a pool table and

a ping pong table and it was like cooler at night we opened up the garage doors and they have a record player with old speakers like it's an old school like 70 speakers and we were just playing records and playing ping pong and pool all night like we played all night it was and people were hanging out it was just so much fun but the sound from these old 70s speakers was so warm and wonderful it like filled the garage it was so cool i just loved it like i was like this feels like us hanging out like in the 1970s i loved it all right before i forget we were talking in the break about the neighbors yes yes very quickly like you were saying you know i would never start shit with my neighbor that story made me realize like how much it would suck to have shitty

neighbors how because like yesterday i got mildly annoyed at my neighbor because they gave me too many passion fruits that they grew in there you know like they get and it's like they're doing a sweet thing but i looked at i'm like what hell am I going to do with 85 passion fruits? You know what I mean? Now I've got to figure out how to make jam or whatever. You know what I mean? But they did a nice thing, and I'm like, I don't – this is – You gave me busy work.

I can't imagine if they were trying to do vehicular homicide on my children. Run your kids off the road. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's so great. It's much worse. So they set down the passion fruits and you flipped them off. It was –

And you're like, it's a you flipped them off. It was good. And you're like, it's a crime of passion fruit. There it is. All right. A GPS mistake took a, and I'm not going to tell you how old this person was, driver to the Canadian border. What? A lot of cannabis. Where he was arrested with a certain amount of pounds of cannabis.

Okay. And more than a certain amount of money in his car police get so why don't you just say a successful my car do you guys need my social security number you know this i don't know if you know this story but like i was you know that's probably what seven years ago a long eight years ago yeah so i was ready to get scammed i got scammed so hard i was with my daughter on like a field trip and i get a phone call from a number and they just keep calling a little frazzled so a little not a a normal like i'm out walking because we like walk two miles to get to the you know 826 la which is this writing thing and they're going to go do a writing thing and i

finally answer and they're like um you hear like beeps in the background so it feels like it's official and whatnot and they're like your uh social security number has been linked to a car that has blood, drugs, and money in it at the Mexican border. And I wound up giving these people my bank information. I had to change everything. And you realized that you needed it. Well, that's an elaborate one. The only one I've ever answered, it was just a dude with a thick foreign accent being like, I'm with IRS. We need social security number or you will lose everything

and it's like i don't think you're with the irs man but uh like trying to in cocaine car at the border right yeah i mean how dumb am i telemarketers yet on hbo no i heard it was insane though insane it's about the people who call for the fraternal order of police and it's just how it's a documentary right yeah it's a three-part footage of these uh yeah the Safi brothers and Danny McBride right oh my god produced it uh I mean that's Danny McBride's next series it's telling it's unreal you guys should watch oh I have to watch I want to see it what happened what happened to this successful entrepreneur trying to make his way yeah this is marijuana this gps all right an american driver was arrested last week after he took a wrong turn and ended up at the canadian border with a huge quantity of cannabis and a lot

of cash in his car according to law enforcement so this is the ultimate version of oh shit i think there's a police uh drinking checkpoint up right when you're, can I inconspicuously turn around? Because I am not drunk at all, but I did have two cocktails. Even when you're not drunk, you're like, how can I not go into this? The second you turn around, like, whoop! Even when you have times where I was not even drinking, and they'll do them in LA, which is the wildest thing to me.

I've seen them. This doesn't happen in New York or Chicago. I've seen them. On Melrose, on a Sunday night or a Wednesday night, they'll do a drinking checkpoint. I'm like, what the fuck are you guys doing? And they're getting people. I guess I like the effort because nobody should be on the road drinking when

they're impaired. But even when I'm sober, I try to find a way like, can I turn here without them going, go get that guy. You feel guilty. The ultimate version of that is he's at a fucking border checkpoint. It's like a test turn left. I don't know why I'm driving at the border driving 500 miles to go can you turn around at the border no no all roads are here you can't turn against royal canadian mountain police said in a news release that andrew lee toppenberg his name is andrew lee toppenberg and there's a lot of drugs he hasn't

sold but just you wait just you wait he was following gps coordinates that were entered incorrectly when he mistakenly ended up at the border lineup i love gps coordinates i know right he wrote taco bell i was gonna say across the border yeah like wasn't there's a taco bell is a run for the boy i had taco bell the other day no you did how you feeling uh you know i I had Taco Bell the other day. No, you did not. How are you feeling? You know, I may not be able to get it. Wait, wait. Under what circumstance would you have Taco Bell?

My daughter was like, I want fast food. And we're like, have you ever been to Taco Bell? And she said no. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Do you want to guess my order? Your daughter's never been to Taco Bell? Never. Do you want to guess my order?

Dorito taco shell taco. With what? With meat, cheese, and. No lettuce. my order dorito uh taco shell taco with what with meat cheese and no lettuce that's exactly right i got two dorito taco shells dude i feel like we fucking broke that down and my daughter and my wife got crunchwrap supremes i was gonna guess crunchwrap suppressions but we did we got them every girl breakfast oh no the, no. Oh, yeah. I mean, your daughter at the University of Michigan, within a week, will have breakfast pizza. No, just the standard Mexican pizza at Taco Bell. Where are you at on Taco Bell?

Obviously, you guys are a bit. Oh, I will crush a taco. Me too, dude. I mean, at this point in my life, I don't know, once a month or something, but still. Like, easily once a month, probably. I don't know, once a month or something, but still. Like, easily once a month, probably. It's one of those things I feel like when I'm on the road doing shows,

there's times where you have to eat, and you're like, I will gladly eat. It was really, I was going to say, I'm in Springfield, Missouri, after the light show or whatever. Like, I'm not going to find a salad. Or go to the Blue Room. We're going there. I'm going to Taco Bell. It was really good. I would actually say, for things that are probably open,

unless it's a diner, Taco Bell's a good option. It made me think of our youth. I literally thought I had just drank. So we used to go out in our youth and we'd be drunk in our whatever. High school. High school. And we'd show up at Taco Bell drunk. Roll out of our buddy Matt Fott's truck and we would each order 10 tacos.

Easily. Five soft. Oh, I was going to ask, because I only want soft. You guys, like, innovated the taco box. Yeah, no, we each had a taco box. Oh, we each had tacos. Each one. Each of us had one.

They weren't in bags. They were in boxes. And we'd eat them. Sit down and then be so drunk the room is spinning later, you throw them back up. And they look like it did when it went down. So he, this is it was following gps coordinates that were entered incorrectly when he mistakenly ended up at the

border lineup at canada's rainbow bridge border crossing in niagara falls ontario what whoops that's like i mean it's lucky he didn't drive over the falls i know uh top brings you to canada an accident yeah a mistake Toppenberg of coordinates. Wasn't there a place in St. Louis, Offenburg? Offenburg. Offenburg is very big, very big in Belleville, Illinois. Toppenberg of Tustin, California, was subject to an inspection because he did not have his passport with him.

Well, why would he have his passport? He's not trying to go there he didn't think he was crossing the border i i don't give a shit about weed uh at all right and i assume i'm assuming that's what this is and it's money too right not a gun money and we i think you should be able to get to a border and if you're like i didn't mean to do this i'm just kind of turn right back around they they should they able to go. Yeah, you can go right back. Yeah. Like you're not trying.

Because I don't want to go through. So you don't get to check me. They shouldn't just send me in the loop room. You're not trying to get into their country. It needs to be a turn. Or the punishment is you have to wait till all these cars go through for seven hours and then you can leave. So you made a mistake and you got to deal with what he should have done. I'd rather get arrested when he realized he was in line.

He should have turned his car off. Got out a whole bunch of like you know people popped his hood oh my god i don't know you're gonna get one nice person going back into canada like what do you want to do and he's like you know what just let's i'm sorry guys but let's just push it back because once i get into canada and then how i get my car pick it's just like good idea dan and then they're gonna be like what are you doing you? And he's like, oh, I planned on coming up to you guys about my car. Obviously, it's going to be so long before I... Hey, I got to get up for a hockey

game. What are you doing up there? That would be... I'm not saying it would go wrong, but to me, that is your best bet, that you have a bigger problem that has nothing to do with going to Canada. This is a genius idea. And you just need help pushing your car back. Canadian border officials said they found how much? How many pounds?

How many pounds or kilograms of cannabis during their inspection? Well, what are we going with? Let's do pounds. We'll do pounds. How many pounds of cannabis? I have both. Three. Three pounds. I was going to say five.

I believe in this motherfucker. I'm going to go... Three pounds pounds of thought. I believe in this motherfucker. I'm going to go. Three pounds is a lot of cannabis, dude. I know, but like. It seems like it's a whole number. I agree. So it's got to be. No, I mean, I think five.

Here's what I think. If he is that far north, he is trying to get. He has a long way to go to distribute. Right. I just don't think you're unloading a lot in the Dakotas. Right. Buffalo. Right. So. Buffalo. He's in go to distribute, right? I just don't think you're unloading a lot in the Dakotas, right? Buffalo. Right.

He's in Buffalo. He's in Buffalo. Yeah, right. So when you first get your weed, you're going to have the most of it because you haven't gotten anywhere with it. This is Canada run. I'm going to say 20 pounds. 20 pounds.

That's a trash bag full of weed. That is. It's a trash bag full of weed. All right, so get your answers in at home. You said 20. You said five. Five. I said three.

Yeah. This man was caught with 399 pounds of cannabis. Right. So first of all. What do you think that's valued at? Quick guess. What do you think it's valued at? 399 pounds.

God, this is a horrible question for me. I've never bought weed from a dealer. $800,000. Two two million i'll split it 1.4 269 775 dollars i have no idea two to five hundred and thirty nine thousand dollars that's okay i've i thought it was way more i said eight hundred they also found almost 400 pounds of weight well It's only worth $300,000. They also found cash. So he has, I guess, been selling along the way. Or buying.

How much cash did they find in his car? $60,000. I would have said more, but now knowing what the value is, I'm thinking less. $40,000. You say $40,000? The weed commodity is down doesn't it must be

yeah right 78 they found six hundred thousand dollars what none of this math get away from the border dude get away so this is listen the drugs and the money were located throughout the car of course with cannabis and vacuum. Yes. And the cash separated into bundles that were concealed in a safe, suitcase, lockable case. Wow. According to the police. Dude, don't go to the border. Right. Because if you get pulled over, based off what you said, I'm pretty sure they need a warrant for that stuff.

Yeah. But when you're at a border checkpoint, I don't think they need a warrant for anything. Nope. Why would you even be close to a border town if you're holding this much shit in your car? Buffalo needs to get high, too. I agree. If you are at the northern part of anywhere in this country, and you are heading east or west, you should never turn north. No.

Exactly. You're too close to go north. Look at your car. It's like when you're lost in a place like where you're like a like an ocean resort and you just always know well if we go that way that's the ocean so i know we need to go the opposite way right he's like well that's canada so i'm i'm having i'm heading east i will never turn left he it's a bridge thing too that we said oh yeah the rainbow bridge that should have also felt wrong exactly exactly i feel like I should be crossing a gigantic bridge that's close to Niagara Falls.

I would jump right in the water. The police said the packaging looked like sort of containers drug dealers or money launderers use. Of course. That makes sense. Hold on a second. And then they said, which led them to issuing charges against Toppenberger on suspicion of suspicion of possession and the import of cannabis and possession more than five thousand dollars knowing that all parts of the proceeds were obtained by crime by a crime toppenberg appeared in ontario ontario court on monday and remained in custody jeff walters director of niagara district operations for

canada's border service he's coming down from canada into the cbsa this is what he said in statement the cbsa is extremely proud of the diligence shown by our officers. The hard work has a profound impact on continually ensuring public safety at our border. We sold the weed, and now we can have the officers' Christmas party. That's right. So, I mean. I mean, that much weed. It's not.

You guys, no disrespect, but a dog four towns over smelled that weed. That's right. They smelt it coming from like 20 cars. They probably checked every car in the lineup. Yeah, like this guy screwed everybody's trip in. They're like, we smell weed. We smell weed for the last mile. So you got to tell us who's got it.

Yeah, we knew you were coming. The dogs are going nuts. Or it's bad weed. In which case you're like, if we can't smell it, what are you selling, bro? It might be bad weed if that's the value. I'm going to say the numbers, yeah.'s right that's right is that just like what the mark like all the you know because you can get weed soda and lollipops and stuff maybe they just ruin the market for you know like why wouldn't you come across the border with like

800 000 lollipops and just be like well it seems like it is an odd choice to still be in the weed game specifically in the current era across the border with that much stuff whatever it is brownies you know lollipops they would be like this they you have an intent to sell something and so you got to check it through this is why you got to declare shit when you're flying from another country back into our country like you don't have the intent to sell. It's a big, big problem. We're going to get out of here on this. How old is Andrew Lee Toppenberg?

Andrew Lee Toppenberg. How old is this cat? Who thought he could take $600,000 and 400 pounds a week? Drug running is a young man's game. It is, but like screwing up your GPS is a papaw's game. Thank you. That's right. That's a great point. That's a up your gps is a papaw's game thank you that's right that's a great point that's a very old man he's like uh clint eastwood from that movie he made the grand

or whatever you know the mule yeah he's like gran torino on the road just doing this is that movie trouble with the google map that's really good because if they took cord like uh coordinates from him like that's what he said. Yeah. You know, where he's like, I put in the wrong coordinates. And I'm like, okay. So I think he probably is younger, but just because I've said all that and why not, I'll say he's like 76. It's just something that's funny.

I'm going to go with an idiot who is 24 years old. I think he's. But that's what. He's a 24-year-old. God, somebody gives a 24-year-old that much weight? I think he's... But that's... He's a 24-year-old. God, somebody gives a 24-year-old that much weight? I think he's 34. But I do think, like,

that the Clint Eastwood movie should have been called The Fork. The Forkball. Yeah. Forkball. Like, because he's at a crossroads in his life.

All right. Get your... You said 76. Yeah. I said 24. You said 24. And I said 34. Four. All right. And I said 34.

All right. Get your answers in. Shout at your ham radios. This guy, Andrew Lee Toppenberg, is 60 years old. You were right. You were on the right track. Your mental GPS led you to the right place. Yeah. So good.

So good. 60 years old. Do you know, was he like a veteran of this? Or is he like new to the Wii game? Maybe. Like it's a Breaking Bad. Or did somebody else pack his car? He's making car plans.

You're going to go. I mean, there's also like the notion that like the highest level CIA agents who are like undercover look like just normal people. Because they're the least suspected, like air marshals or people who just... Maybe they're like, let's send this dude down because they won't say anything. Andrew Lee Toppenberg, this is his... He got divorced from his first wife. This is his second marriage.

Married someone much younger than him. Yeah, and she's like... Who also has a teenage son. So she's like 34 and has like a 17-year-old... He's got to impress this kid and he's got to get down... 17-year-old kid. And he's like, trying'm trying to be cool. Stepdad in the new situation, trying to be cool for the wife who's 40 years younger than him and the kid.

Yeah, there you go. And now he's in a whole mix up. All right, Dana, give us a taste of what we're going to see in segment three. Oh, it's a very unusual house break in. I love it. Very unusual house break in. It's Dumb People Town. Trey Crowder's with us.

We'll be right back. Stick around. Make us down. there's more dumb people town hey guys welcome back to the show before we get to the final story daniel let people know where they can see you're on like he's got a bunch of much like the the sclars i don't know when this is dropping you should go to danielvancurk.com uh i'm on the road i'm hitting hitting the Midwest. I'm hitting the South. I'm hitting the East Coast. I'm headlining Yuck Fest in Boston at the end of October. And it's all leading up to... Dude, you're doing Yuck Fest?

Yeah. Dude, you're not going to believe it. Leading up to my special taping on 11-11 at the Lincoln Lodge in Chicago, Illinois. That's going to be a party. That is going to be a party. Well, it's a double party because the night before I'm headlining Rochelle, Illinois. The night before that I'm in Louisville. But all that stuff is at DanielVanKirk.com.

And when I'm on the road, any of you townies, bring a dumb headline with you. Because I open up the show by asking if anybody has a headline or a pen pal's postcard. Go to DanielVanKirk.com. And you know what? The last thing, can i put out a uh like a the cork board for our town you know when you go to the grocery store and you're like up there yeah uh somebody's always getting rid of dirt i'm like why'd you why'd you i've got 70 pounds of dirt if anybody out there's a townie who knows wordpress i need help with my site

because when you go to scroll oh god if you're on a mobile it it won't show all my dates and you have to be on a desktop and i there's not a lot of grandparents just did a story about a guy who didn't know gps now you don't know wordpress i know that my site's not working so i don't need a full redesign i just need somebody who goes boom help the scrolling all i know is i tried to use wordpress and i got stopped at the tweet it dan tweet Dan. I'll pay you in handshakes. Okay. Also join our Patreon. We have a great Patreon. Oh, it's fun. I'm going to say that. It's really fun.

Another great way to support artists. We're trying to get to the two levels of a hot chip challenge. Yeah, let's do it. I'll do it at whatever, 500 and then you guys do it at 1,000. We get 1,000 Patreons. Plus it's also a jam and a hank. Yeah, it's so fun. We love it and it's only five bucks and a hank yeah it's so fun we love it and it's only five what is it five bucks a month that's it nothing's it all right okay come do

that all right here we go daniel take us home ready yep sent in by brew pounder at brew pounder brew pounder person loves to brew i don't need milwaukee right i was sick of wisconsin yeah yeah brew pounder is the trey crowder of beer drinking yeah crowder brew pounder oh yeah family says cows broke into their new house in montana not true not true you say not true not true they didn't break in okay the family is making it seem like there's intent yeah right yeah cows are like they broke in they're mad at us one of the pictures that i'm going to show you at some point in the story does kind of feel like this cow is like got your ass yeah you should have been here motherfucker i wouldn't have been around cows in your life yeah a little bit they don't tend to do many babies in my experience but

all the way in a cow up to my shoulder you did that yeah remove it really in high school that's rochelle baby i uh they were. I was doing agriculture and science. And one day they had a cow brought in. And they said, this is how we artificially inseminate a cow. And the guy, he went shoulder deep into the back end of a cow. And then he goes, would anybody else like to try it? And I remember even at the age of 17 thinking to myself, I have to do this.

You will never get asked this question again in your life. You have to do it and much like when people see people that they really admire sports athletes and stuff like that i always go this could be the time you saw that person or the time you met that person right and this could be the time i saw this cow or i intimately met this you know this today you put a whole sleeve on and go all the way deep in what do you feel like so warm and it also messed me up sexually for like what I'm into. Not animals, but I just want a warm arm when I'm having sex.

Hey, come on. Yeah. That's terrible. I mean, yeah, I can't match that. I did work with a guy right after high school who claimed to have had sexual relations with cows. Stop. Stop. That is horrible.

I hope you just hit him in the face and double burden him. What I don't, to be fair to him, first of all, if you saw him and heard him and everything, you just don't like the idiot named Walter. Like it tracked? Yeah, like, yes, but I was working for the Clay County Highway Department. It was mostly old redneck guys. I was 18 years old. He and they could have all been fucking with me.

That is actually more likely. And what I hope in my heart. He would go into detail. He said he had one train so good when he opened the gate, she tore her tail. Sorry. That's what he told me. That's such a good line. I have to believe that. I had her train

so good. I opened up the door, flipped the line on the tail, went up. And you're like, I hate to correct you, it's trained so well, but that's fine. That's what the line on the tail. And you're like, I hate to correct you. It's trained so well, but that's fine. That's what the line is in 50 shades of gray, black, and white. Hilarious. So are there any geographical tensions? Because in Montana, they've got all these California people living up there.

Are these California people and the cows are pissed off? They're trying to keep Montana weird. Yeah, right. Keep Montana, Montana. are pissed off yeah they're trying to keep montana weird yeah right exactly montana montana a washington family was shocked to discover that bovines moved they wrote that into their new house in montana a poster on reddit's well that sucks which if anybody is going for am i the asshole i'm pretty sure well that sucks we'll probably have some good dump people exactly townies townies on the ground well that sucks section shared pictures of a new home that was taken over by cattle.

Quote, this big guy and three of his friends got into our newly built Montana house and proceeded to live there for how long before being found? Hit me with it quick. Two weeks. How long are these cows? 10 days. A winter. For a month.

Oh, my God. Because these are, are they're washing they don't live in montana it's like a yeah yeah it's like the ozarks and people just squat and he might be right several commenters said the house might very well need to be gutted and refloored due the damage and urge the poster to talk to an insurance company yeah uh in response to people's questions the poster wrote one house is on my aunt's property we currently live in washington and we're planning to move over at the end of the year sure we assumed she was going down and this is where you start to throw the ant under the bus she was going down every now and again which is a casual way of

saying she told me she was going down every now and again but apparently someone oh you're right that comma you just did in your own sentence we assumed she was going down to check on the house comma guess she wasn't cattle guy has a lot of acreage so passive aggressive at her cattle guy has a lot of acreage sorry and looked for his cows even filed a report for stolen cattle he looked in our shed but not the house because he thought someone was living this is like when you hit a hole in one and you're like i can't find find it. There's no way. And there it is. So the cattle guy, picture him. He goes, maybe they're on their

property. Where are they? Old aunt's property. He even looks in the shed. No, he must have looked and the cattle had set up some sort of home alone mannequin. To be like, well, they're only humans in here. Just doing human stuff.

These are like the Chick-fil-A cows. A hundred percent. I got there too. Spell it wrong. Quote number two, I'm sorry. There was a bad storm in town, I think in late April, and we think the cows were looking for coverage. They either got in by nudging a level door

or the wind might've blown the door open, right? Amazing. If the wind blew the door open, then the cows must've been like, they want us. Gaia wants us to go in there yeah we knocked and again we ask our aunt to make sure all the doors and it's apparently too hard for our aunt to turn the door yeah uh what he said he also says number three insurance has been contacted but i'm not sure about outcome because my stepdad is trying to deal with it directly with the cattle guy and work something out newspapers like okay we don't need that right but why they print it my stepdad who really doesn't check his voicemail that right right you can understand about my stepdad it also means that his stepdad is trying

to strong arm the cattle guy and to take responsibility for this when it's like you check your house more than a month and again stepdad when he gets a couple in him he starts to get confrontational why is this in the article we got him off ice house so he's not as strong a beer anymore but he's still mad mostly water I'm going to

become a vegetarian this is number five to please the cow god so this will never happen again you try to joke and it didn't hilarious it's unclear where the house is located it'll take you a little more i will show you the picture of these cows we'll put them up i'll show you the first one right you can see the floor i mean i mean yeah because they're kicking shit everywhere house and then here's the one with the cow that just kind of feels like what what do you want but this looks like that it's a shit on the wall everywhere and everywhere i mean that house is done that house is finished it's done I was like, what? What do you want? But this looks like that. It's a shit on the wall. Everywhere.

Everywhere. I mean, that house is done. That house is finished. It's done. Right? Yeah. That house is just. Or you have to live your house like a farm where anytime anyone comes over, you go, you'll

get used to the smell. How thrilled those cows must have been. Oh, the cows must have been. You're talking about life. It must be my birthday. This is the greatest time ever for them. Yeah. Yes.

This is like the hangover when they're in mike tyson's suite yeah this is these cows we don't belong in here yeah all right that's story number three down in the books again uh i'm so excited well read podcast check that out check out his special damn boy on youtube uh books coming out soon that will be called round here and over yonder r Forrester, me and him. I love it. Just follow him on social media. You'll see.

TreyCrowder.com. Smart dude. Great comedy. Glad you were here. And we got to get back to work, guys. Stick around. Make it sound. There's more Don't People Town. you