Dumb People Town - Updates to Some of Our Favorite DPT Stories!

Episode Date: July 3, 2018

 In a special July 4th edition of Dumb People Town, Randy, Jason, and Dan revisit some classic DPT stories and get the updates! In Story #1, the man who donated his toe to a Canadian cocktail (first mentioned in the Jason Mantzoukas episode). In Story #2, a flat earther rocket-launches himself into the sky. In Story #3, the Sheboygan clogger has finally been caught! With updates out of the way, Story #4 features a woman who gets her head stuck in an exhaust pipe at a country music festival. 

It's a good show! Couldn't make this up. So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. And don't be a jerk. Cause when the music gets the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around. Make a sound. Punk it down. It's Dumb People Town. Hey, townies.

Welcome to a very special 4th of July episode of Dumb People Town. Population, the three of us. Just the three of us. We can make it if we try. Just the three of us. You, you, you, and I. Guys. Perfect.

We are going to have a very special Dumb People Town. It's just Dan, Ran, and Jay. In honor of America's birthday. In honor of America's birthday. We are going to keep it nice and tight. And we know that it's the holidays. And typically, what we've learned is that on the holidays, usually listening goes down because people are busy. They're not at the office.

They're not doing their thing. Routines change. Routines change. We thought we'd give you just a special episode for you to listen to some we call this maybe we'll call this updates yeah i mean that's what it is i've got one fun little story for us and then we have three quick uh really fun updates on some old stories that we've done yes you're following this podcast uh this is a great like rechecking on some of the dumb people we've encountered right daniel uh as you like to say in your comedy routine uh the best part of fourth of july is when someone's like those fireworks

aren't working yeah let me see let me watch look down that barrel and see what the problem is right yeah i think it's a dud i think it's a dud check it out what's wrong in there nothing good come can come from you looking down the barrel you can. You can't fix it by looking at it. So don't. You can't fix it by looking at it. So don't. Don't people town. There you go. So you guys want to do a couple of updates on some great stories we've had in the town?

Let's do that. I love it. Here we go. This was sent in by Chicago West at Jeremy Holt 27. Love it. J-E-R-E-M-Y-H-O-L-T 27. 27.

All right, here we go. Man donates toes to Canadian cocktail. Okay, so this was the bar. Jason Manzoukas episode. The bar that kissed the toe. Right, the sour toe cocktail. A petrified toe right is placed into a liquid a high alcohol content drink and you have to drink it down to where your lips touch

a dead toe of another human and then you don't get to keep that toe they then pour that toe back into whatever they're keeping it in sure for the next guy to take a shot and kiss or woman yeah and you want to know what's fun about updates i just saw the updates put it in because i know the story's gold i haven't read it either okay so again the toe was stolen that's why it was such an issue yes and even before then back in 2013 the toe was swallowed yes because it cost five hundred dollars that's the penalty if you swallow toe and the And the guy put $500 on the table and then threw it down. So he knew what he was doing.

That was intense. It's like keeping $82 in your car in case you get a ticket. It's like the old Satchel Paige story. Back in the day, he was driving in Kansas City or wherever he was. Driving 90 in a 50 zone. And the judge was like, that'll be $50. Which back in the 50s, that's a lot of money.

He slapped down $100 and said, here you go. And the judge said, I said it was $50. He's like, this is for the next time I do it. This guy knew. He was like, that's a lot of money he slapped down 100 and said here you go and the judge said I said it was 50 he's like this is for the next time I do it this guy knew he was like that's slaving it down intent to swallow here we go if Nick Griffiths not Nick Griffin I don't know how many times he's never gotten a correct Starbucks

no not Nick Griffith no Nick Griffin Griffith Nick Griff Griff Nick Griffiths ever returns Nick Griff Nick Griff Nick Griffith ever returns to Yukon somebody might want to buy him a drink but maybe

not the one with his toe in it shut up I know I can hear it when I read it the British the British Adventure had three of his toes

amputated this week two months after they were irreparably injured by severe frostbite in the Yukon. So not only does he want to donate his toes.

He's like, I lost them up here. They should get. If I lost. Nick Griffiths literally put his foot in his mouth. Shut up. Griffiths was competing in the long distance backcountry Yukon Arctic Ultra Race. I'm just saying it i'm like i'm tired to me here's another race it's like don't do it it's a hundred mile marathon that's an ultra race

right a hundred mile in the yukon in the yukon probably in like cold weather yes i'm gonna show you a photo of him in a second that is was he wearing skeletons or short shorts i only run on my bare feet because that's the way nike and I see a person running. Nike, the God. Yeah, Nike, the God. I see a person running in bare feet in my neighborhood today. I'm like- Do you think that happens? Yeah, oh, all the time.

There are people who run in bare feet. I'm like, I hope you step on a hypodermic needle. Are you taunting the homeless? You son of a- There is a time in my life where I'm out barefoot, and that is only going from the cabin down to the lake in Wisconsin.isconsin that's fine but yes it's a rocky road there you yeah i know dangerous dan this is dan walking down the cabin my whole life this is down wow wow wow wow you do have everyone's like

but that's just like the rite of passage part of the vanguard yeah fine so he was competing in the yukon arctic ultra race in february dumb when he became one of several racers who ended competing in the Yukon Arctic Ultra Race in February when he became one of several racers who ended up in the hospital because of the severe cold. Guys, I'm going to show you a picture and you'll be like, all he lost was toes? Look at this. Oh my god.

That is not his hat. That is just frost on his hair. He looks so cold. It looks like a commercial for coldies. You know what I mean? No, it looks like a commercial. Where they've doctored it up to look like, oh, are you freezing cold? Who does he look like? It is freezing.

And by the way, it's sunny out. It looks like Bert Kreischer. It probably is Bert Kreischer. If Bert wasn't funny. Like, this guy takes his running so seriously that no... But Bert takes his running seriously, too. It might be Bert. It might be Bert Kreischer.

Guys, it might be Kreischer. It might be Burt. Guys, it might be Chrysler. It might be the machine. Holy Chrysler. Now he's got his dismembered digits in little jars, and he's promised to donate them to Dawson City's downtown hotel, home of the infamous sour toe cocktail. So it's like you lose toes. Comedy in Dawson City?

How do they clean the toes to get them? Do you think they care, Ran? Yeah, I do. The cocktail. Maybe unusual, but the recipe is simple. A shot of whiskey with a real human digit bobbing in the glass. Sourtoe. Anybody who has not.

One of the great things that we're doing in these updates is because it's such a busy week and it's the holidays. We know that if you're listening this week, you are a loyal townie. You cannot miss it. And you remember the Sourtoe. And you definitely heard the Manzoukas episode. And if you haven't, go back and listen to that story. If you hear it once, it'll never leave your memory and your consciousness. Because the thought of it, it makes me shudder every time. So this guy is saying, I'm going to give you the next three in case the first two get lost.

I mean, or you can do a friendly group shot. Dawson City's downtown hotel quote they basically said can we have them if you're not gonna need them anymore okay these aren't all right these aren't marbles these aren't like these aren't pool rafts these aren't like credit cards that you've canceled these are your freaking toes right hey hey hey hey you're gonna need that visa if you're if you're gonna use them anymore we'll use them up mind if we have them over here take them up in the hotel quote it's sort of recycling taken to the extreme really i don't want that it's gross it's gross the extreme the downtown hotel it's

not recycling i mean maybe it is recycling who has ever gone to a bar and said you know what this drink needs a little more feet in it i need more feet don't you think we would do it there's no way i would do it you wouldn't do it no if we were in dawson city doing a dumb people town hall and the night before we found ourselves at the dawson city downtown can i tell you can i tell you you wouldn't do it the reason why I would do it? I hate hard alcohol. That's the reason why. Dan, I would do it. You know what? I'd probably do it.

I ate a guinea pig in Peru. Jay! You did? Yeah, I tried it. I remember when the three of us were in Vegas, and you guys watched me do an Irish Carbob, and you're like, Dan, that was too fast. Jay, what did the guinea pig taste like? Gerbil?

It tasted like rabbit. Like greasy duck like greasy duck greasy okay it was really bad i don't think i would even want to look at the color i it came out in the shape of like a guinea pig that was like ready to pounce the downtown the downtown hotel likes to keep a few mummified toes in reserve last year a drunken customer stole a toe mailing it back with apologies and in 2013, oh, that was the one we did with Jason. So we had stolen it and mailed it back with apologies. And in

2013, I didn't know what happened then. Whoops. And in 2013, a patron famously gulped down one of the toes before slapping $500 on the table. We talked about that person swallowing a toe. The adventurer had

his toes amputated on Wednesday. That's fine, I guess. No article ever needs to be specific. His doctors originally intended to let the dead toes fall off on their own, but decided to this week. Is that how it works? You're like, you just got to let them go, man. One day you'll wake up and they're gone.

I don't want to take them off. I'm not spending every day wondering if today's the day my toe falls off yeah take them off you gotta take them off uh his doctors really intended to have the toes fall off but decided this week to just go ahead and remove them before infection sentence so that was the gamble it's not like long jeans to a redneck just walk off the extra length just fall off in your shoe I've pretty much lost all of my big toe and I probably just have over half of the next two this guy's never gonna be able to run again by the way you know that like yeah no come on our dad lost his two toes two toes and which ones the inside ones and like The big toe is your balance toe. You cannot balance.

You cannot walk. You cannot run. Yeah, he's better off losing his whole foot and having a prosthetic foot. Yeah. Should they prosthetic toes? You can't do a prosthetic toe. So that's the problem. I mean, unless they create some kind of weird stabilizer, this guy's never going to run again.

Hope it was worth it. Ultra Marathon. Yukon. Dumb idea. Stevens. Yes! You got it! You got it! this guy's never going to run again hope it was worth it ultra marathon yukon dumb idea stevens yes you got it you got it you gotta take the appalachian trail said he spoke to a surgeon about keeping the detached digits he kindly put them in three little jars and they're in my bedside cabinet at the moment so i just need to try and find a way of getting them to canada oh god you can't mail them right right? To Canada?

Heads up Canada Post is the next sentence. Yeah, exactly. Despite his ordeal, Griffiths is in good spirits. He's recovering at home and feeling grateful that he's not worse off. He's still got seven good toes. Not enough. Yeah. Griffiths believes he just pushed himself too far in the race. Really?

No. Shit. Really? That everybody was saying, don't do this, and you did it anyway. Ultimately, he dropped out when he developed frostbite on his toes fingers nose and ears so if you if it's all that he got off good yeah that's only nose ears fingers jesus amazingly he has few regrets and doesn't blame the race organizers for every anything but they're not you'd sign up you're the one who did it they shouldn't be blamed blamed. In the packet, it's like, please don't do this.

No. Don't. That's on the brochure. On the website, it's like, yeah, this super marathon in the Yukon. We don't want you. Right. If there's any consolation, it's knowing that there will always be a piece or three of him in Yukon. Maybe one day my grandkids.

Why is that a consolation? I don't know. Who is that a consolation for? It's a consolation? I don't know. Who is that a consolation for? It's a consolation prize. Every time you trip and fall, remember the fact that your toe is in a drink that some drunk person is enjoying. And that's why you always leave a note. Maybe one

day my grandkids will be doing a bit of traveling and they can say, that's granddad's big toe in that drink. He thinks he's going to get married. He thinks he's going to recreate. He thinks he's gonna recreate he thinks a woman will say to him uh yeah go off and continue to run races at a stupid i want to have your babies yeah i want to raise them alone when you get lost in the you and they get lost or you climb

and not killing you're like an adult chris mccandless you dummy oh man all right that's update number one update number one i love it let's show should we take a break yes let's take a break the toe always knows the toe knows uh that is toe knows football toe knows football uh the story number one we come back more updates and then we have a really funny story at the end uh stay with us dumb people town just the three of us happy fourth of july hey guys welcome back to Dumb People Town Dan and Van Kirk has a brand new podcast with Rory Scovel

called Pen Pals it's getting rave reviews yeah the first episode drops next week Wednesday July 11th but you can already check out some of the teasers

that have dropped every three Wednesdays or all three Wednesdays leading up to we dropped a little teaser in our feed too I don't know if you caught that

it's like the last mini but we are really excited for him and for this podcast, so please check that out. Go see Dan live at the Bug Theater on July 15th. And then come see us in Schaumburg, Illinois. We're doing stand-up at the Chicago Improv. We've never done this club before. It's out in the suburbs. It's in the suburbs, but it's located not far from southern Wisconsin, not terribly far from Chicago.

No, not at all. I've made the trip many times. We would love. Right off of Gulf Road. Yeah. We would love to see you out there. You know, this is, hopefully, I know summertime is a hard time to draw big crowds out at comedy shows. But come in.

Get some AC. Get some AC. We will be there for you. And we'd love to give you a hug in a Henderson and say hi to townies, anyone who wants to come out. So please come see us there. And then we all will be at the Petaluma Comedy Festival. There has to be a llama at this festival, right?

I hope there is. I think there is. In Petaluma, California, which is a gorgeous area, a county just north of San Francisco. That's on August 17th. We're going to do a live Dumb People Town. On that Friday. Which if you haven't seen this show live, you get out and see it live. At the Mystic Theater, which is a beautiful theater.

When you're hearing this, you have six weeks to plan a trip to Petaluma. There you go. A trip you will absolutely love. There's insane comedy at this festival. Dan's doing a set. We're doing a stand-up set. I think Brian Poussain's there. Todd Glass is there.

The Crab Feast. Brian Sickler and Jay Larson. It's just great. If you love comedy, great festival in a beautiful town. Petalama Festival on August 17th. Alright, let's get into another update. Sent in by Adult Human?

At PseudoFoMe. PseudoFoMe. F-A-U-X. They went cool on the phone. Alright, here we go. It's happened, guys. This dude, he wanted to make a run at Jan Flato for mayor of Dumb People Town. This guy's putting a ballot in. He's not going to win.

I'll tell you that right now. Okay, let's hear it. Flato's the incumbent. You got to come strong if you want to beat that dude. Real strong. He's like Mayor Daley in Chicago. That's right. Flato's like, are you worse off than you were four years ago?

Uh-uh. Then vote for me again right for me again uh here's the headline an amateur rocket maker finally launched himself off earth remember this guy i remember this flat earther sent in by adult human thanks buddy mike hughes a california man who is most known for his belief that the earth is shaped like a frisbee finally blasted off into the sky in a steam powered rocket he had built himself to see that there was no curvature

as he's flying do you think he's like as he's flying do you think he's like see I told you in his neighbor's yard the 61 year old limo driver which is something I want described about me someday 61 year old limo driver which is something i want described about me 61 year old limo driver

yes and that should be enough to make you happy you're 61 and you're still employed thank you daredevil turned rocket maker i mean guys that is the opening to his open to me as if trump wants to call someone little rocket man it's this guy this is what happens when people see armageddon and are like i can do that i got that yeah i got that those oil drillers can get to learn how to fly a rocket i can't this guy was not like a personal challenge to you right he took it as an affront just like like the guy who like showed up at john lennon's house not the guy who killed him but the guy in a man in is it imagine i don't know what some weird movie where the movie about john lennon documentary where like the guy shows up at his house and he's like you were singing that to me in is it imagine i don't know what some weird movie where the movie about john lennon documentary

where like the guy shows up at his house and he's like you were singing that to me right and lennon was like i don't know you man so how could i be seen to you you notice i wonder about flat earthers you know when if they do like a movie takes place in st louis and then they're like driving down a street they turn left on a street they could never have turned left on like those streets run parallel to each other it's impossible that you'd be in that part of the city in this one in two seconds yeah do you think every time a flat earther watches a movie and they show the earth round it like takes them out of it yeah yeah it's just there's that's you've ruined the movie might as well be animated what was the sandra bullock movie gravity yes yeah they were like they hated it. That feels weird. Yep. Kyrie Irving won't watch it. Okay.

Yep. The daredevil turned rocket maker soared into the air above the Mojave Desert on Saturday afternoon, the Associated Press reported. I'm going to ask you, Jason and Randy. Yes. How many feet in the air do you think he got in his rocket? Okay. So now we did our History Channel show, United States of America.

We went to the Mojave Desert. Loved that show. And we, thank you, we did, we searched show, United States of America. We went to the Mojave Desert. Loved that show. And we, thank you, we did, we searched for meteorites. And there was like a totally dry, caked, and this was an area where guys come out and women come out with dude buggies and they race them. There's no roads. You go as fast as you want. And it's like. It's like about a mile in every direction, but it looks like it's only like 300 yards.

It's like Mad Max out there. 10 miles in every direction. It's like Mad Max. It's like about a mile in every direction, but it looks like it's only like 300 yards. It's like Mad Max out there. 10 miles in every direction. It's like Mad Max. It's amazing. But it looks like it's only like 500 yards to the mountains, but it's like a few miles in every direction. I've played that game, How Far Is That Mountain, when you're on a road trip. Yeah, How Far Is That Mountain?

I throw that football over that mountain. No, but what's amazing is we've been out there. So I think he was about 500 feet in the air. 500 feet in the air from Randy Sklar. Jason? I think he went 250. 250 feet? Now, did he shoot it?

Was it like Knievel going over the Snake River? I think it arced. All right, okay. The 61-year-old limo driver and daredevil turned rocket maker. Townies, get your answers in now, because Mad Mike Hughes got up to an elevation of 1,875 feet. He got up there. I said 250 feet.

Oh, my God. He got up there. He got up there. On a Saturday afternoon. Is he still alive? Hughes, white and green. Yes. White and green rocket bearing the words flat earth.

Come on, man. Let it go. Let it go let it go propelled vertically at about 3 p.m pacific time and reach a speed of 350 miles per hour at one point we say like i i should not have done this to myself this is maybe a bad idea right right they always say any person that uh and said i'm not making a lot of it because it's sad but any person who's ever like tried to jump from something to kill themselves on the way down they think i want to live yeah so it's like you know he was going up thinking i want to live because i should not have done this i mean i'm sure that isn't always true but there's been reports of that

before i get letters okay the uh pacific time he reached a speed of about 350 miles per hour waldo stakes who would that's his friend guys waldo steaks yes waldo steaks by the way omaha steaks way better than waldo steaks yes omaha steaks is like legitimately waldo steaks just sends you empty box and it's a guy in a van selling and they're like find him where's waldo steaks i dare you to find these who has been helping hughes told the ap hughes deployed two parachutes while landing the second one just moments before he plopped down not far from his launch. So it doesn't help you, man. You've got to have distance on a parachute.

And by the way, this guy barely escaped injury, barely escaped death, and it's only going to embolden him to do it again. Right. Oh, the whole endeavor lasted from the moment the rock went up to the moment he landed, lasted about a minute, which I'm sure to him felt like about two hours one minute in the air that's great like did you ever watch the guy the red bull thing of the guy jumping from space and like yes it's amazing so that is like 12 minutes and how could he miss it's flat so 12 minutes of him like our 18 minutes of him coming down that's a long what are you

thinking i have no idea you can write emails to people oh of him coming down. That's a long. What are you thinking about? I have no idea. You can write emails to people. Oh my God. You're just, that is a long time. You can write an email you're nervous about sending in that amount of time. People who do like stand up for the first time, they do it for like five minutes. They're like, oh my God, that felt like an hour.

So imagine. Oh God. Because when it isn't going well, it does feel like an hour. Okay. The vertical launch, which happened without a countdown. Isn't that key? Someone's like, hey, Mike, so you get in and eventually we're... You're up.

Like in the middle of the speech. Yes. Mike, just make sure you know. There's a Noah's Ark water park in Wisconsin Dells. It has this slide. They used to have it at Wet and Wild Water Park in Vegas, too, where you walk into a little capsule, and then the capsule moves you over the slide.

And then you go down. And then the floor falls out. And they always tell you, like, all right, three, two, one. And then the floor comes up. And you'll ever get, like, all right, three, two, one. And then the floor comes up. And you'll ever get like an angry college kid on two. We'll just hit the floor out for money. So they tell you like, we might do it on one. We'll let you know.

Like, no, you'll find out. But he's just sitting there being like, hit it whenever, guys. Oh, God. Hey, I just won it before you. The fact that it didn't have a countdown is perfect. Which happened without a countdown more than 200 miles east of Los Angeles. We could have gone, guys. We should have gone.

It came amid growing skepticism that Hughes would ever lift himself off. The launch had been postponed multiple times, partly because Hughes said he couldn't get permission from a federal agency to conduct it on public land. Yeah, no one wants any part of this. They don't want you falling and splatting on their property. I know. After he landed Saturday, Hughes told the AP that he was, quote, relieved, but that he expected to feel the physical toll of it the next day.

Let's not forget, he's 61. You just put yourself at 350 miles per hour going up 1,800 feet. 60. You are a dummy. Am I glad I did it? You just put yourself at 350 miles per hour going up 1,800 feet. 60. You are a dummy. Am I glad I did it? No one asked, but he said. He's the type of guy that asks a lot of guys.

Am I glad I did it? Yeah. Do I still miss her? Yes. No one asked you about that. Do I think about her all the time? Yeah. Do I wish my kids answered my phone calls? Do I walk into her closet and still smell her old dresses?

Yes. Do I still shower with motel soap yes do i regret leaving that company yes do i still have the same coffee maker waiting for her with a cup of coffee in it yes am i glad i did it yeah i guess i'll feel it in the morning i guess i won't do i start every day screaming into a pillow? Yes. I won't be able to get out of bed, he said. Then this. At least I can go home and have dinner and see my cats tonight. Am I sad?

Yes. A man living alone with cats. Now I understand why he's trying to do this. He's trying to get as far off of this earth as he can. This is the end. You should never do something. No, no do this. He's trying to get as far off of this earth as he can. This is the end. You should never do something. No, no, no. He's already died.

He's playing with house money at this point. He also said he'd been frustrated with assumptions that he, quote, chickened out, so he, quote, manned up and did it. Don't do anything like this on a dare. Any dude who lives along with cats is not capable of manning up. I'm sorry. Who are you, Marty McFly? Hughes had been on a mission to prove dude who lives along with cats is not capable of manning up. I'm sorry. Who are you, Marty McFly?

Hughes had been on a mission to prove that the Earth is flat and that NASA astronauts such as John Glenn and Neil Armstrong were merely paid actors

performing in front of a computer-generated image of a round globe. He's got too much motivation. Too much motivation. His previous failed attempts

as well as the successful one on Saturday are all part of his ultimate goal to propel himself at least 52 miles above Earth by the end of the year and prove once and for all that the planet is flat. Okay. Guys, he went 1,800 feet.

He wants to go 52 miles. Isn't like one mile is like 1,200 feet? No. One mile is 5,200 feet. So he needs to... 50 times 5? He needs to go 250,000 feet into the air? Jesus. Not going to happen.

Not going to happen. That ain't happening, bro. He's going to cross the two Gs, bro. All right, fine. Unreal. He who said initially planned to launch... And even if he gets up there, who's going to come down and be like,

hey, did you believe that idiot? No. By the way, he could also... Allegedly. Since he's going up alone i'm assuming he doesn't have the capability to like take photos and i thought you were saying the capability to make lasting relationships or to make smart decisions uh since he doesn't have the capability for reasoning i'm assuming he won't have a camera up there he would go all the way

250 000 he's like even if he saw that it was round no no he'd come back down and be like no i mean from my vantage point it looked pretty flat to me he's also got every if he saw that it was round, no, no, no. He'd come back down and be like, no, I mean, from my vantage point, it looked pretty flat to me. He's also the type of guy, every picture he takes, he needs the orange light to come on first. I just love that he's got to go 52 miles in the air to be proved wrong. That's true. That's it. It's a long way to go to be proven wrong. He had initially planned his launch of his rocket in November, but he postponed it, claiming the Bureau of Land Management

told him he couldn't do so on federal land. A spokesman for the agency, however, said its office has no record of speaking with Hughes. All right. The launch... So he lied about that. He doesn't even exist. The launch was postponed.

He said he doesn't exist? Yeah, exactly. He doesn't have a social security number. Oh, yeah. He's off the grid. OTG. OTG. The launch was postponed again later that month

as Hughes moved his launching point to a private property near amboy california add that to the walking tour and unincorporated community in the mojave desert it's still happening we're just moving it three miles down the road just like his problems he's told he's told the washington post you know that he loves he's talking to the was Post. That legitimizes him. It's like Kim Jong-un. I can't believe this isn't the Washington Times. I don't see it happening until about Tuesday, honestly.

It takes three days to set up. You know it's not easy, and it's not supposed to be easy. In February, Hughes finally attempted his flight, but his rocket didn't ignite. He blamed technical difficulties, i.e. himself. Isn't that like a Cialis commercial? Yes. Yeah, technical difficulties. His. Isn't that like a Cialis commercial? Yes. Yeah, technical difference. His rocket didn't ignite.

According to the AP, Hughes' hard landing on Saturday left him injured. Though it's unclear what type of injuries he suffered, photos show paramedics carrying Hughes on a stretcher into an ambulance. Them just probably disgusted. Also among Hughes' plans, aside from trying to get to space,

is to run for governor. This is no joke. He told the AP, quote, I want to do it. I'm going to show you guys a photo. That might even be more impossible than going 250,000 feet in the air. He's running on the flat earth. I'm going to show you guys a photo of him. And you tell me that this is not Bruce Dern or at least a Bruce Dern.

Look at him laying there. Too skinny. And you tell me that this is not Bruce Dern. Or at least a Bruce Dern. Oh, my God. Look at him laying there. He's too skinny. Once you go flat, you never go back. That's the fact. All right. That's our second update. When we come back, we'll have one more update and a silly story, right?

Yep. This is Dumb People Town. Fourth of July style. Happy birthday, America. It's dumb. Hey, guys. Welcome back to DPT special update episode dan ran and jay make sure you follow the sklar brothers at sklar brothers on instagram and twitter you guys'

instagram game has been on point thank you get on that and follow at daniel van kirk on twitter and on instagram as well and uh thank you guys for joining the facebook page we are now across 20 000 yeah uh we're gonna i think we can get up to 50 000 i really do that would be a wonderful goal in the next year uh we just love you guys so much for listening the show and and so appreciate uh all the people sending stories when we see uh townies out in the world it warms our hearts i saw a town the other day i was going into a place here in la and this woman just looked at me for a second and she by the way it's a very sort of hoity-toity. Yeah, we were in like this place called the Soho House, which you have to be a member of.

And I'm walking by. And it's this meeting that we're having up there. And I was a little nervous for the meeting. And this woman was waiting in a different place in the parking structure for her car to come. And she said, excuse me. I was like, yeah. And she's like, I'm a townie. And I just wanted to throw your arms around her and say, you just made my day.

You just made me feel comfortable. Just knowing that you're in the building that I'm in makes me feel great. You want to say how high is too late? How high is too far? It's too late. All right, Dan, let's get an update here. Okay, here we go. This is a quick little update so that everybody knows.

Remember the Sheboygan Clogger? Oh, do we remember the Sheboygan Clogger? Oh, do we remember the Sheboygan? And that was an unsolved mystery. We got them. We got them. They got them. This is really quick. Yesterday, 5-28-2018, which isn't actually our yesterday, but it's yesterday when this

was posted. Sure. Members of the Sheboygan Police Department arrested a 33-year-old Sheboygan man for a string of vandalism. I knew it wasn't a woman. I knew it wasn't a woman. For a string of vandalism that has been occurring

in the Dillon Park over the last two years. Just clogging it up. The information leading to the arrest was provided by a citizen. There you go. That's all they say. And in my heart,

that's a dumb people town citizen. Oh, yeah. Maybe a townie. It might even be a townie. Yes. The Cheboygan Police Department wouldie. It might even be a townie. The Sheboygan Police Department would like to thank those that provided us with information. Inside Intel, clog or solve, Sheboygan out from under the... By the way, you can clog, you can run, you cannot hide.

And guess who was the first person to send me that story? Ashley Drutzer via the Facebook page. There you go. That's how it works. We have one small fun story to go. Let's do it. Okay, here we are. Ready?

Woman gets head stuck in exhaust pipe. No. Did I send you this, Dan? You might have had so many people who sent me this story. At a country music festival, correct? Yes, it was. That's weird. Look, you're reading ahead. You're cheating, Jon.

Look at her with her head stuck. It's on a video. That's a giant... Look at her. Guys, this will be up on the Facebook page. These are paramedics trying to help her. It is a huge exhaust. She is wearing way too nice a clothes

to be in a country music festival. A really nice article. Here's how you're overdressed at a country music festival when you're wearing shoes. Yeah. You're overdressed because usually

there are buttons on your shirt. First line in this article, that's trucked up. Leave it to us. A Minnesota woman had a memorable time at a music festival this past weekend,

but no one would blame her if she'd rather forget it. And I don't blame me if I never let her. This is like a northern person being a NASCAR driver. You will never be accepted. If you're in Minnesota, you're at a country music festival, you're from too far north. Well, they say wanting to forget this is a normal feeling when you get your head stuck in a truck's exhaust pipe.

What is she doing looking up there in the first place? Caitlin Strom was at the Winstock Country Music Festival in the town of Winstead on Friday when she decided to go where few people have gone before. Name more than one. What are you talking about? How many people have put their head in an exhaust pipe? This is what she says. We were all just having fun. Nope. No, you are not. No, you were she says we were all just having fun nope no you are

not no you were doing something fucking we were all just doing something dumb is how that's that is not fun laying down on the ground stick your head in an exhaust pipe is not that is not fun under anybody she means before that okay isn't that how venus garyllitis died yes i don't know who that is you guys are your teeth cuts don't ever apologize I love it if you did more improv you would have the best names because you can cut so many names I feel like

every every like wife or aunt in this show I always named Donna Steve jungle all right Davis love the third okay she says we're all just having fun and i saw this big exhaust pipe and i was like quote hey my head could probably fit in that no no no hey my head could probably fit that never leads to anything good you're right you don't

stick your head in there and see the cure for cancer. Right. Hey, I think my head could fit in that hashtag dumb people town. She told this to the Hutchinson ledger or leader, which means she's happy. Is it the Christina Hutchinson? Yes. I love when we have people who should be embarrassed.

They're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you recording? I want to talk to you about it. Let's go. Let's go. I'm not embarrassed last night. When we have people who should be embarrassed, they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, are you recording? I want to talk to you about it. Let's go. I'm not embarrassed about this at all. It's right up there with the people who don't want to be identified on camera. And yeah, don't use my name, but we can see who you are. That's fine. And the street you live on.

She said, so I tried it. It did fit, but it didn't want to come back out. First of all, your head is not its own entity. Yeah, it's not like... Oh, it didn't want to come out, guys. all your head is not its own entity yeah it's not like oh it didn't want to come out so i asked my head do you want to go in there and you don't my head goes in doesn't want to come out i gotta have a whole conversation with my own head how long do you guys think she was inside the pipe before finally being rescued by firefighters this is like this is the reverse of a baby in a well right yeah this is like everybody's sitting by their radio

dumb girl in the pipe this to me could be an episode remember that old show Emergency like we used to watch that with like Johnny Rampart

and these guys would like this would be like a kid stuck in a sewer and it was like so realistic like a kid's head gets stuck through

the bars of like you know railing. It's just all they had to saw it around the thing. This feels like that. I think she was in there for three hours. Three hours at the Winstock. All the way through Big and Rich's set.

Brooks and Dunn. Brooks and Dunn, Big and Rich. Everybody got done. Florida, Georgia, County line. Reba came out and did a special Vegas edition of her show. Reba came out in the Kentucky Fried Chicken makeup. Ricky Skaggs was there. Ricky Skaggs. Yeah.

Ricky Nelson. Vince Gill. I'm going to say 45 minutes. 45 minutes. And what did you say? Three hours. Okay. Yell at your ham radios.

Guys, get your answers in right now. How long did Caitlin Strong have her head stuck in a tailpipe at the Winston-Winstock County Music Festival? Get your answers in right now. Those are official. I'm going to say one of you is exactly right. Oh, my God. Jason is feeling confident.

You guys want to guess which one of you think it is? It's me. 45 minutes. Three hours. Come on, man. I would feel like she'd die. 45 minutes, I'd still be pissed off at people. She spent an estimated 45 minutes.

Said the guy who admitted to reading the article. No, I actually did not read that part of the article. I wouldn't remember anything. And I didn't. I trust you. You would never ruin the sanctity of this game. If I had known and had read all the way through into the answer, I would have remember anything. And I didn't. I trust you. I want... You would never ruin the sanctity of this game. If I had known and had read all the way through into the answer, I would have reused myself from the game.

I believe you. I believe that much in the fairness. Jeff Sessions, do yourself out of here. I would have had Jeff Sessions recuse me from being involved. After she was finally rescued, when firefighters used a power saw to get her... How do you do a power saw close to your head? I mean, you got to do it from the, what happened was I'm sure they power sawed the edge

right above where her head was on the tailpipe so she could get out of it, and then they probably cut while she was standing up. Although she was unharmed by her close encounter with the inside of a tailpipe, the McLeod County Sheriff's Office decided to cite her for underage drinking. Yeah. So she was probably like 19.

You dummy. Dummy. She was escorted from the festival once she was freed. Hey, you're free. Now you're out. Now you're out. But her exhausting experience lives on thanks to the video that I showed you guys, which will be up on the link for this article. The video will be up on the Dumb People Town Facebook page.

Stupid. Like, you've done dumb stuff. Jay and I drank with our friend Dan Lutterstein a case of beer at the Indianapolis 500, and we all three passed out in the family section. While the race was going on. While the race was going on. Loud cars whizzing by.

Family section passed out in the middle of it, okay? We did not stick our heads into tailpipes uh strom didn't expect to go viral but she's not surprised a lot of people don't realize how serious it was she told the newspaper so it's kind of expected when it's blasted on the internet and you're going to get negative comics some some people can be really cool cruel guys don't be mean be cool not cruel don't be cool uh one person said she was surprisingly one person that she said was surprisingly kind was tom wold of darwin the owner of the truck oh nice i did not know him but everyone was around me who was around me knew him she told the paper he was wonderful i remember getting my head unstuck and i just looked at him and

apologized and he said no i'm just glad you're okay don't worry about it he is already no he said no right like loud at her with a long comma and then he said he was like no and then as he was walking away i'm just glad you're okay right he didn't want to like kill her by mistake he has already fixed his exhaust and is going to be working on that i did not have to pay for anything like that because he was absolutely wonderful. He should have made you pay to fix his exhaust. Exactly. We'll get out here in this. She posted a photo of herself and Wold on Saturday

where she owned up to the experience. My guess is that she... Look at her holding the tailpipe that her head was in. She's cute! And then him, and she said, yeah, I'm the tailpipe girl. what you know about it I don't know what that means oh now I hate her even more

now I hate her what you know about it hashtag Winstock2k18 kicked my ass no you kicked your own ass you kicked your own ass in the head

don't put it on the country music festival don't blame the country music festival don't blame the country music festival blame your own stupid head for going in the tailpipe and those are words to live by guys if you are somewhere so when you're partying this 4th of July if you are partying this fourth of july don't look down the barrel don't say hey it's a dud i

think go in there no stick your head in a tailpipe at a country music festival just have fun have good smart undumb fun and just enjoy the fact that this country is getting dumber and we will always have stories to make fun of them for no shit we got to get back to barbecuing yep