Dumb People Town - "Weird Al" Yankovic and Dimitri Martin - Takin’ It To The Highway

Episode Date: December 10, 2019

DPT is LIVE from Largo in Los Angeles! David Longstreth of Dirty Projectors starts off the show and plays a special version of the DPT theme song. Then Dan, Jason and Randy welcome their guests "Weird Al" Yankovic and Dimitri Martin to find out about their Flordia man. In story one, two women take an argument to the highway. In story 2 a man uses an unconventional weapon on a home intruder. 

Skypain's out of here. What's up everybody? How you doing? Oh, my God. Happy holidays. Happy Thanksgiving. I hope everybody is out of the food coma. We are so excited about this show tonight, about the guests we've assembled. And always, we start off with a little music and we met this guy and his unbelievable band we were already fans of the band we met him when we did an npr show called live from here they brought us out to st paul minnesota and we got to hang with him all day as we prep for this live show that was on npr and uh his band the dirty projectors

was first of all to watch them warm up and to watch them play, incredible. And then we caught them when they were here at the Zebulon a while back. Amazing. And we wanted him to do this show, and so I'm so excited to introduce our musical guest tonight before we get started. And as we get started, he is fantastic. The band, The Dirty Projectors, is so great. Get all of their music, and please welcome our friend David Longstreth. Thank you. Thanks. Thanks.

Thanks. Ask now, I'm in love for the first time ever. The universe becomes my mom and my dad. A hand in a glove on a joint adventure, moving toward our own Goldilocks planet. Cause when everyone latched like auto-turn, into the grid that they all just assumed, That they all just assumed Was and was not a map of the universe They just misplaced the pure That is you

But I found it in you I found it in you I found it in you I found it in you I found it in you Everybody wants the same chimera Everyone hungry, but honey, get off the feed Salt of the sea and the salt of Sierras I preached to birds and the mist preached back to me

And in hindsight hindsight the alienation All the painful dreams I failed to extinguish Were the footlights down dark aisles I've taken Now they've led me to you and I'm singing I found it in you I found it in you, I found it in you I found it in you, I found it in you And when we met there were alien hosts on us

Thrown from the heavens like Prince and Nirvana Like bladed brooks, tide tides Woven oceans Like the trees and to leap With explosions of Bird song as they're singing to Me Down to earth in the land of the

Free In the new time that you've given to Me I found it in you I found it in you I found it in you I found it in you I found it in you

Alright. Thank you. Okay, and then I'm gonna do the theme song. song. Dan and Ran and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware they lack in grace and sometimes choose the life they choose will make the news breaking down each epic fail in Florida. There's half price bail. I'm happy to say they couldn't make this up.

So listen to our podcast jam with co-host our man Dan Van Kirk don't be a jerk cause when the music quits the funny hits and we are gonna take you down stick around, make a sound

hunker down It's Dumb People Town It's Dumb People Town David Longstreth amazing okay alright hello Largo hi Largo

Jesus now we gotta follow that oh my god that's not fair you were beautiful Thank you for doing that Should we start it? Yeah

Let's do it Hey townies Welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town Population you Population us We love performing at Largo We love being in a food coma from Thanksgiving

And we love dumb people doing dumb things, and that's what this show is all about. We think the world's getting dumber. We feel like as ocean levels are rising, IQ levels are going down. We feel like, and we've said this before, that smart is a bunny rabbit. And dumb just keeps petting it too hard.

He likes it. He doesn't like it. He loves it. He does not like that. He's smiling. He's not part of it. He doesn't like it. He does not like that. Now you're spanking it. Stop. Alright, so before we bring out our amazing guests, a lot of you know that we have a

spirit animal in our universe. We do. His name is Jan Flato. The patronus of dumb people, Tom. Yeah, there he is. Look at him. And love him. That shirt was definitely donated. All right.

So we like to start things off. We goose the engine a little bit with a couple of real things about Jan Flay. Like in this picture, he just took off his eight ball jacket. You know what I mean? So we like to, there are things that we know about.

If you take off his shirt The button nipples stay Yeah Jan Flato once found 45 cents in his navel At a carnival Jan Flato is what you get When you trade in

Two medium prizes Jan Flato's go-to karaoke song is the theme to Chariots of Fire. Jan Flato believes that you don't pick the lock, the lock picks you. Jan Flato likes to go to Walmart on Black Friday just to browse. Jan Flato calls his pubic hair

his lower goatee. Jan Flato still has a restraining order from his fake Canadian girlfriend. Jan Flato's Christmas list this year includes an iguana, a phlobe, and six copper-infused wrist guards. Jan Flato pees sitting down and poops standing up.

I don't even know if that's possible, Dave. Jan Flato calls going to church a dick measuring contest. Amen. Jan Flato once got in a verbal argument with Ken Burns' Vietnam. It's a long argument, guys. Very long argument with a lot of slow pushes.

But worth the watch. That's right. Jan Flato has probably not bought a new pair of socks since pre-9-11. This is how he, quote, doesn't let the Taliban win. Okay. Jan Flato did 23andMe and found out he's 112 Keebler Elf. Jan Flato's blood type is polyester blend.

Jan Flato has stood up during three weddings to object to the couple getting married. He was also the officiant. At two of them. Jan Flato was the only thing cut out of the Irishman. Literally. That's a long piece. It's pretty indulgent.

Yeah. That's a long piece. Jan Flato these days calls his junk impossible meat. Jan Flato always travels with a tent. This next one is only for a specific group of people out there who are parents who have teenage girls Jan Flato shops at Brandy Melville

Got more than I thought it would be Jan Flato still tells people he works at Circuit City And that he can get him a deal Jan Flato believes that if you try hard enough, any pair of shoes can become slides. For the holidays, Jan Flato just moves the Christmas lights from around his bedroom to the front of his house.

Jan Flato wears an old knee brace on his arm. I don't know. Jan Flato got into a domestic dispute with his Keurig. Jan Flato once brought Jell-O shots to a wake. Last, Jan Flato owns a selfie stick but has never taken a picture of himself. Love it. That's good.

Are we good? Yeah, I think we're good. I have one more. One more. He's pushing it. He's going to push his it. That's good. Are we good? Yeah, I think we're good. I think we're good. I have one more. He's going to push his luck. Jan Flato takes daily tryptophan supplements to help him acclimatize to Thanksgiving. All right, I'll allow it.

Love it. Jan Flato, everybody. The Flatos! Jan, we love you, Jan. Oh, you know what? That reminds me. I got an email from Jan Flato yesterday. All right, let's read this first before we bring on our next guest. Oh, I can't believe I forgot this.

Hotmail account. It's from prodigy.net. The subject is... I want to read it. By the way, I can't believe there's a subject. Are you kidding me? They ask him every time. You sure you want to send this with no subject? I want to read his. By the way, I can't believe there's a subject. Are you kidding me? They ask him every time. You sure you want to send this with no subject?

I want to read his email address so bad. I won't ever, but it's its own bit. Here is the subject. Peyton and Mrs. Sklar. What? I don't know. Okay. Here we go.

Hope you and the Sklars had a wonderful Thanksgiving holidays. Like we spent it together. Checked your website holding that cool Walter sweetness Peyton glass. Now, what he means by that is two things. One, I took a picture of me holding a Walter Peyton glass, and there's a man in this room right now

wearing a Walter Peyton jersey, and I love you. Yes. By the way, that could be Walter Peyton, and yes, I know he's dead. Yes. I took a picture holding a Walter Payton jersey and I love you. Yes. By the way, that could be Walter Payton and yes, I know he's dead. Yes. I took a picture holding a Walter Payton glass up in front of Aunt Connie and Uncle Ken's appropriately themed and decorated mantle and I wrote, this is what I look like

on the inside. Okay. When he says he saw it on my website, it's because my website links to my social media and Jan doesn't understand that's what Instagram is. And Jan, I love you. Stay golden. Okay, here we go.

Daniel, I'm going to reject your website holding that Walter sweetness paint and glass. Daniel, I've seen them all. Jim Brown is the greatest football player I've ever seen. We've already detoured so far from Thanksgiving. If he played today, it would be the same story. He was ridiculously great. We all knew he was getting the football.

Little or nothing anyone could do to stop the man. By the way, this is what he, like that whole diatribe comes from. How was your Thanksgiving, Jan? Watch Spike Lee's documentary on Jim Brown. I'll tell you an insane Lawrence Taylor story someday. You might get deposition, Jan. Jesus. I had all...

This is the part. I had all the Giants work for me one New Year's Eve. What does that mean? But by that, that might not be like the New York Giants. That just might be big people. He has all the giant people in the world. Let's just say Lawrence is crazy, three exclamation points. I was there, period.

Whoa, period. He's nuts, exclamation point. It took eight New York Giants to control him that night. What is going on in Jan's life? Right now, I'm imagining that he has never typed an email in his life, that he's just in a Starbucks dictating this email into his phone. Sir, we're closed. Also, okay?

You need to know how this goes back to back, because here's how it closes out. He's nuts. It took eight New York Giants to control him that night. Also saw a wonderful picture of Jason and his beautiful mom wearing a cool sweatshirt. Which I imagine

is the Sklar bro sweatshirt. Love to Mama Diane. That would be my mother. And Mama Sklar. Have a great live show at Largo. Love to all townies. Flato. There you go. Yeah.

It's beautiful. Beautiful. All right, let's bring them out. Go ahead. We're fortunate to have two hilarious and super talented people on this show. People who I'm sure you guys are here to see. I'm not going to waste time listing their credits. They're amazing comedians and they're heroes of ours.

Please welcome Dimitri Martin and Weird Al Yankovic. Come on. Yeah. Take the middles, boys. Okay, there we go. Welcome to town, gentlemen. Thanks. Thank you.

Fresh. I wanted Al to have the middle because when you say comedy hero, I agree. He's our kind. I know, right? Oh, yeah. I'm being the medium.

Wait a second. I showed my son Naked Gun last night for the first time ever, my 11-year-old son. And you're a hilarious joke in the beginning of when he goes to talk at the press conference. Gets off the plane, starts talking at the press conference. I'm telling you, you weren't there. And then all the people are like, no, no, no, Frank.

He's not there for you. Weird Al's on the plane and then you walked off the plane and I was like oh my god we're seeing him tomorrow night

I gotta tell you a story about that this was back in 1984 I was single at the time maybe like it was the 80s I was definitely single though

and I would take first dates to see the naked gun not telling them that I was in the movie yes and I would wear the exact same shirt that I was wearing on movie. Yes! And I would wear the exact same shirt

that I was wearing on the plane. God, you're good. And you were single? Yeah, God, that's... Oh, my God, that is... Al, I was recently on tour with another great comic named Andrew Youngblood, and we had a few hours driving

in the middle of the night to Cleveland, and we just started playing our favorite Weird Al Yankovic songs back and back. We had so many. I'm like, we only have two hours left. I don't know if we're going to... We may need to drive to Buffalo. And I've told you so many times, Something Tells Me You Don't Love Me

Anymore, it shaped me as a comedian. So it's amazing to have you here. More people alive. Thank you. And Dimitri Martin is also here. Dimitri. Yeah. What you've done with the easel shaped my life.

I know. I cannot look at a palindrome and not think of you. Wow. Palindrome. Palindrome. Folks. All right. Okay.

We have stories sent in to us From literally our dumb ears on the ground Of people doing dumb things And we've never heard the stories Dimitri's never heard it, Dave's never heard it, Al's never heard it Dan has kind of partly Yeah, I just see if it's good enough and then I stop Okay, so let's jump in Well, we can't because this is a live show

But before we do that, we will play something called The Florida Man Birthday Game I love this So what that means is everyone has a birthday, theoretically, and then everything happened on your birthday, and it usually happened by a Florida Man. So we will start out here. We'll find out which Florida Man are you.

Al, according to the internet, your birthday is October 3rd. That is incorrect. Or 23rd, I'm sorry. That is correct. He was just checking to see if he knew. You passed the test. Refer to the internet. There was a quick pause, though.

Okay, here we go. October 23rd. This is a story about a Florida man on October 23rd. Here's the headline. Florida man sues Madonna saying her 10.30 p.mpm concert is starting way too late. I don't know how you're already mad. It was before he even went. He goes, no, he bought the ticket and he wanted

his money back. And they were like, you bought the ticket. That's right. She has to go to three yoga classes before she does every concert. Does anybody know what the eye patch is about? Madonna? Yeah. I think that's... I think she really poked her eye out. Shut up! It's a Ralphie situation?

Did you ever perform with Madonna? Not in public. No. Okay. All right. Great. Good to know. Folks... The back of a naked gun screening. Okay. Here we go. Next. Demetri Martin? Yeah. I have your birthday as May

25th. That's right. I have your birthday as May 25th. That's right. I share a birthday with Miles Davis and Ralph Waldo Emerson. Ooh, we're going to get to find out what all three are. Two other hilarious comedians. Ladies. I love this. Here we go.

May 25th. Florida man arrested for teaching kids where babies come from at the top of his lungs. Wait, do babies come from the top of his lungs? Because the way that's written, it seems like it. We actually covered this story a few years ago. Here's a little breakdown. A Florida man was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct after climbing on top of a playground full of children and yelling about where babies come from. What if he was just doing it in the most scientific way ever?

There's a fallopian tube! Otis Ryan climbed on top of the playground equipment at a park in Clearwater on Sunday afternoon and began shouting, Babies come out of women! At the time, parents were rushing to the area to remove their children. He then began yelling,

quote, they come out of their vaginas. By the way, to be fair, when you first find out, it is an exciting moment. You guys! You guys!

Kid got alarmed. Yes. By the way, all those chants could have been at a reproductive rights rally and it would have been great. Of course.

You know what I mean? In a different context that is like a bunch of... If you put it on a sign, it's more powerful. Babies come out of women. Babies come out of women! Something I love,

they had this in there. This was his second brush in with the law that day as he spent the morning yelling at tourists. They don't say what, just yelling at tourists. Tourists come out of women. Tourists come

out of planes. Alright. Dave. December 17th is what I have for you? That's right. Okay. Coming up. I love this. Was that a tough birthday?

Did you have to like, was it always like, yeah, we'll get your real presents on Christmas? Everyone always asks that. Yeah, I guess it kind of was like that. But I don't know. Is that why you became a musician? Yeah. That is it, man.

That's where the pain comes from. We solved it. Listen to the music, man. Listen to the lyrics. It's in there. Dude from. We solved it. Listen to the music, man. Listen to the lyrics. It's in there. Dude, he rose above it. Yes, I quoted one of the... It's not the dirty projectors. It's dirty projectors. Am I right?

Randy put a the. Did I put a the in it? I'm sorry. Sometimes, syntactically, it's hard to avoid. I also called you the David Longstreth. I'm sorry. Alright, David. December 17th. I'm sorry. All right, David. December 17th.

Your Florida man birthday is... The headline. Florida man arrested after he was hit with dodgeball during heated children's match. A 22-year-old man in the Tampa Bay area is behind bars after police say he slapped a teen

following a heated game of dodgeball. Like a lot of teens need to be slapped. I'm just saying that, and I don't mean... Thank you, yes, for having the courage to clap for that. Heated game of dodgeball could have just been a game of dodgeball. I don't know if you've played any. It's a mild game of dodgeball.

Thank you. No one's casually playing. You play dodgeball, someone's going to get slapped. Okay? And if you're a grown man, someone will be a teen. Alright, those are our Florida Man birthday games. Do you want to do a story?

Let's do a story. Why don't we do a story? This was sent in by Caleb at Calebino. C-A-L-E-B-I-N-O. Thank you, Caleb. Thank you. Oklahoma City. That's a little Caleb, right?

That's a tiny Calebino. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tiny Caleb's come out of larger women. Sir, get down. Sorry. Or his name could be Caleb And he's an albino Like we don't know Really

That's right A white Caleb I say this a lot It's a kale-bino Yeah Yeah So when you eat So much kale

That you start turning white Just everything Your hair Your skin Oklahoma City And we We only need this sentence This comes to us

From KFOR.com. The fire. I don't know. Okay. Oklahoma City. A fight between two women in the middle of the highway allegedly started with a disagreement over laundry, toilet paper, and dishes and ended with both of them in lockup.

Do you think they started arguing in the highway about that? I mean, taking it to the streets is one thing. Taking it to a highway, that's a whole other level of anger. A man by the name of Tim Yost was caught up in the middle of it and he sat down with News 4 to share

what happened. So Tim Yost is having sex with both of them. Of course. Yes. Quote, she jumped on her with both of them. Of course. Yes. Quote, she jumped on her like a spider monkey. That feels problematic. Tim Yost said. They could all be white and that feels racist. I'm just saying that.

Tim Yost said, quote, and then she just beat the snot out of her. Tim, I don't think he cares about either woman. Not anymore. No. Tim Yost tells News 4. News 4, we get it. He's telling you. That's right. He's legally married to Richelle Yost, not to be

confused with Rochelle, which is where I'm from, R-I-C-H-E-L-L-E. Richelle. So her parents, they couldn't spell Michelle. Or Rochelle. Or Rochelle, so they went in the middle. Also, I love that he tells News 4 he's legally married. Now, legally, I'm married to Rochelle.

That's the first half of the sentence right there. You wait for that. So he tells News 4 he's legally married to Rochelle Yost, but the two had an open relationship with another woman who has a perfect name, Amanda Breeze. That sounds like the laundry detergent they're fighting over.

Honey, did you put a whole sheet of Amanda Breeze in the dryer? Right. No, I said a half sheet. We don't need to waste all this. That was our parents. They don't need to waste all this. That was our parents. Wait, how many dryer sheets do you put in? We do a half sheet. Still to this day? To this day. I'm going two no matter

the size of the load. Two sheets? Yes. Oh, God. That's too much. Al, how many sheets are you using? Five. You go five? Jesus. Life is short. He runs five deep on Amanda Breezes. Dimitri, do you have a... Is a dryer sheet the same as fabric softener? Yeah. I think short. He runs five deep on Amanda Breezes. Dimitri, do you have a... Is a dryer sheet the same as fabric softener?

Yeah, I think so. No comment. No comment. He doesn't want to go on record. That's how many sheets he just throws willy-nilly into the dryer. I don't just want to offend people. I get it. David, how many laundry sheets do you use? One? That's it? He says with a question mark.

He doesn't even know. I don't trust fabric softener. Don? That's it? He says with a question mark. Like he doesn't even know. I don't trust Fagbuck softener. Don't those seem toxic? They do. Wasn't there a time where dryer balls were a thing and they didn't smell like anything? You just threw some balls in there and they rattled around. Tennis balls? No. Al's nodding like he knows what I'm talking about.

Dryer balls. It's a condition everybody aspires to. Right. That's what Tim... I'm done. Ladies? Folks? I'm legally married to Rochelle Yost. But we had an open relationship

with another woman named Amanda Breeze. I wish I was there for that conversation. I guarantee you Rochelle Yost, but we had an open relationship with another woman named Amanda Breeze. I wish I was there for that conversation. I guarantee you Rochelle Yost knows nothing of this open relationship. I'm just going to say, whatever happens to this guy or this girl, the fact that he can say out loud to people, I'm in an open

relationship with a woman named Amanda Breeze, just makes him cooler than anything I'll ever be. What do you think about a secret, secret open relationship which doesn't sound like an open relationship? No, it's just wide open. A secret open relationship is an affair.

Right? Well, if it's a jar, yeah. Like it's in a jar relationship. Yeah, yeah. It's propped open and one person doesn't know where the draft is coming from. Or the breeze, where the breeze is coming in.

That's some Hall of Fame shit. Boy, Amanda Breeze just blows in everywhere, doesn't she? Yost says things were... He told Channel 4, in case you didn't know. Is that who he was talking to? He said things were going well For a few months Until Breeze wanted to get

Something off her chest Quote She said she didn't want to be The other woman anymore Yost said So Yost said he left Rochelle And their three kids To go live with Breeze

No Jeez What dad? He blew it. Wow. But the honeymoon ended. Is it a honeymoon? I don't think it's a honeymoon.

No. The honeymoon ended when it came time to buying groceries and doing chores. If you didn't like Yost before, you don't like him now. Yeah, you're going to hate him in a minute. Way to hear this. A police report says, quote, Yost and Breeze got in an argument over toilet paper, laundry,

and dishes. Now, that was foreshadowed at the beginning of this story. That's right. Wait, Dan, if you told me Yost and Breeze was the new Shields and Yarnell,

I would be like, yep, I buy it. Yeah, they're just a really famous mime couple. Yost and Breeze. That's a hefty argument to have toilet paper.

What is it? Toilet paper, laundry detergent, or laundry and dishes. Yeah, so it started with one of those. Of course. And then the other person

brought up, you know what I mean? It started with a jar of pickles being slammed. They're keeping track of like... It just started as a simple dishes fight or slammed. It just started as a simple dishes fight or something.

It started with someone asking repeatedly, are we doing this? Are we doing this? The problem is you're not doing anything. I'm not trying to compare you, but here's what Rochelle liked to do.

Look, as far as she was concerned, rinsing them is doing them. Maybe it is one argument. Maybe it's the toilet paper, laundry, and dishes. You know what I mean? That's one thing they do. As a group?

I'm hoping they had a choreo. This is live, right? I can't take this back? No. I'm going to double down. Don't triple down. Keep going. You're riding that breeze, Joe. I'm saying, one of them's saying,

you don't do the dishes and the laundry with the toilet paper. Right. It's one or the other. You use the toilet paper on the dishes or the laundry. Best case scenario, there was a list that wasn't fulfilled. That's the best case. I told you to get toilet paper. I asked you to do the laundry.

I guess you would rather be the other woman. And then the fight happens. I want to try this for another 20 minutes. What I'm saying is... Explain to me a world in which all three things could be used. Tim Yost said he had had enough And that he wanted to quote move out I'm going to show you guys a picture of Tim Yost

This is the gem that we're all talking about Now hold on A lot of you look at Tim and you made a quick judgment And you know what that's fine But what I would like you to judge is What the fuck is in formaldehyde behind him? Oh my god. Oh my god. What is going

on? And why is it being displayed? He looks like Larry the direct TV guy. I went to the Long Beach Aquarium and I am not even recognizing what is in formaldehyde behind him.

But he's confident enough in his masculinity to wear that shirt, which is nice. Oh, 100%. And he's definitely leaning to the side to fart during the interview. That's what it looks like. Is that news four? Is that four?

This is the first we're hearing of it. I can tell you this on this photo, too. When he left Rochelle, he also took that chair. 100%. He definitely calls that shirt color fuchsia. Y'all put on a fuchsia shirt if I need to?

I just can't believe he's here tonight in the audience. Shit. Alright, so Tim Yost packed his bags, hopped on his Harley, put that on your bingo board, and called... By the way,

he could have said just hopped on his motorcycle. He had to add the Harley. He had to add it. Put in there, it's a Harley. Yeah, ain't no Kawasaki. He is sponsored by Harley. Help me unpack this. So he packed his bags, hopped on his Harley,

and called Rochelle to come drive the van. I imagine his Harley doesn't go anywhere. He just hopped on it and stayed there. He's on a trailer. He's on a trailer trailer And the van pulls it Get over here Well yeah the Harley's in the van It's in the van he's on the Harley

And only Rochelle has the keys So he called Rochelle To come drive the van But the two I guess that would be him on his Harley And Rochelle in the van Didn't get very far before Breezy was on their tail. Quote, she is pissed, Yost said.

Breeze allegedly hit the back of Tim Yost's bike on purpose and sent him flying across the pavement. No. Yes. I'm going to go ahead and assume he was not wearing a helmet. Yeah. No. So she is pissed, even though it happened in the past.

So this is a guy who says, so I says. A lot. Everything is in present tense for him, always. And he's constantly trying to tell you. I tried to tell you. Horrified drivers call 911. Could you imagine seeing this A man is driven off the road

It's a van and a bike Another woman drives the bike Off the road Screaming at the person in the van If I'm behind that my first thought is This is about toilet paper, dishes And laundry That's the only way

The fight like that ends Horrified drivers call 911 and launching. That's the only way the fight like that ends. Horrified drivers call 911. Quote, this is from the 911 call. I didn't run him over, Breeze said. By the way, they didn't ask her that. They're like, what's your name?

And then that's what she offered up. I didn't run him over. You should always start a 911 call with, I didn't kill anybody. Oh, there's a mess. That's what I say when I call. There's lots of blood. Uh-oh. Okay, I love this.

Quote, I didn't run him over, Breeze said. New quote. Yes, you did, bitch. A 911. A 911 caller said. They're not saying Rochelle said it. Just any person in like an outlander cult. Yes, you did, bitch.

I watched you, a 911 caller said. That could be an eight-year-old. That's the operator? That would be great if it's the operator. We got street cams, bitch. Yes, you did,

bitch. Yes, you did, bitch. Yes, you did, bitch is the redneck version of OK Boomer, I feel like. We could also make that t-shirt. Dumb people town. Yes, you did, bitch. Because on the other half of that

is someone vehemently saying no, I did. It's someone saying, please get out of my living room. Then Rochelle. I keep wanting to say my own time. Then Rochelle allegedly turned the tables on Breeze. Rochelle hit Breeze's car before the two got out and went hand to hand on the highway. Here is what that wreck looks like.

Oh, my God. In the foreground, we have what is only called a Harley. And then we have these two cars in a head-on collision. But if this is a highway, someone crossed a yellow line or median, right? Yeah. How did they get around? I'm just happy that The guy is drinking a lot of water

He's staying hydrated There's water everywhere Where was I? Rochelle Oh here we go This is Tim Yost Rochelle gets breezed by her hair And pinned her down

And then just starts dropping hammer fists And rocks her world He said hammer fists because he wants you to know He loves MMA. That's right. Ma. This could be part of his fantasy. This is part of his fantasy.

You think? Yeah. Okay. Both women are facing jail charges. Tim was rushed to the hospital and is still on the road to recovery. I saw the news story. He's fine.

He's fine. He's a little road rash. Although he did have a head wound. He did not have a helmet on. Of course. I just love that he got knocked off a motorcycle and then he's just sitting there eating popcorn as they're beating the crap out of each other. Oh, for sure.

Who doesn't want to be the other woman? Prove it. As they're beating each other up. Are you going to take that from her? As they're beating each other up, he's saying, this is how much they both love me. 100%. He said, quote, it's like some Jerry Springer shit

Yost said with pride. I made up the with pride part. Both Breeze and Yost bonded out of jail. However, Yost is back in jail as the investigation continues. How does that work? You let her go and then

you're like, you know what? Come back. I'm going to ask you guys this and we'll get out of here now. How old is Amanda I Don't Want to Be the Other Woman Breeze? Now, Rochelle is Tim Yost's legal wife. He's legally married to her. Yes, if you put him to it.

But how old do you think, based on everything that I've told you, Amanda, the woman who doesn't want to be the other woman, wants to fight over toilet papers, laundry, and dishes, and will get in a van and run someone off the road? God. You are our guests. So any of the three of you can go first, Tig, or last. Tig would be second.

Anybody want to go? David? 42. 42 years old for Amanda Breeze. How old do we think, and I know we don't know this, Tim Yost is? I tried to find out how old Tim Yost is. Dan, if you told me he was 29, I'd believe you. I tried to find out how old Tim the Oost is. Dan, if you told me

he was 29, I'd believe you. I would believe you. That's a hard 29. That's a hard 29. But it looks like his Saturn is just retiring. In Oklahoma years, yeah. He's probably 26. You know what creeps me out most

about this picture? It's not just the weird things in formaldehyde. He somehow has chairs that want to be stools. There's no backing to that. What's crazy is he wears a lavalier. That's his.

That's his lavalier. It's not even plugged in. He's podcasting. Hey man, do you want to take off the hat for the TV interview? No. They don't need to see my eyebrows. This helmet? This helmet?

Oh, that's good. Okay. Jason. Okay. I'm going to say she's 34. 34 years old 34 She's

Here's the deal She is the other woman She has no kids with him She's feeling the biological clock tick Okay She's saying I gotta run over this other bitch now If I'm gonna start having babies

Right So I think she's 34 She's on the precipice She wants to settle down So she's gonna take it out on the road Yeah that's right Fair enough She's gonna fight a woman on the precipice. She wants to settle down, so she's going to take it out on the road. Yeah, that's right. She's going to fight a woman on the highway. She tells a lot of people she's on the precipice. Demetri, how old do you think Amanda Breeze is?

I think she's over 30. I don't know that many people under 30 named Amanda. But I know there are. There might be, yes. But there are. I know there are. There might be, yeah. But just in my experience. Yeah, because that's not an old enough name for it to be cute.

It's not like Evelyn. You know what I mean? Yeah, I just feel like under 30. I mean, 20s would be like, I don't know what the names are. Like Lindsay, that kind of. I know there are older.

I know for all these names there's a range. Kaylee, Braylon, Raylee. Wow, you know you're 20. Kylie. My youngest daughter is into gymnastics and we would go to the competitions and my wife and I,

because they write the scoring down of each kid, we just wrote down all the kids' names and whenever we're feeling really sad or anything, we're mad at each other, we just pull out our phones and I we're like feeling really sad or anything we're mad at each other we just pull out our phones and i'm just like raylan brayley crayley crylin crayley jimberly fucking jimberly wow that's where you take your two-year-old to his birthday party at the jimberly it always makes us laugh Dream Corps Justice Jimberley

So I like what you're throwing down I'm going to say 31 31 years old I think you guys are real close I'm going to split it 33 was a hard year for Jesus But I think it might be A banner year

Hard year for Jesus I'm going to go with 33 Hard year for Jesus Even I'm going to go with 33. 33. Jesus. Hard year for Jesus. Even harder year for Breezes. At that time, Jesus was probably one of those names. Yeah, Jesus was...

Jesus. What is this Jesus? Jesus was like... What kind of... If someone didn't know Jesus, and they were like, how old is that guy? They'd be like, Jesus, what is he in his 30s? Yeah. A lot of people think Jesus died because he fought

for his beliefs and he tried to instill in people, treat people the way. He died because of three things. Laundry, toilet paper.

Yeah. I think she's young. I think she's 26. 26 years old. And been stripping for eight of them. Well, by the way, when I said 34, she looks 26. 26 years old. And been stripping for eight of them. By the way, when I said 34, she looks 54.

That's a fact. Would anybody in the town like to play along? Let's do two. Put your hand up in the air if you want to play along. Right here in the front. 23 years old. What's your name? Hi, Theo. Welcome to town. Right back there.

37 years old. All right. Way, way back. Right back there. 37. 37 years old. All right. She's older. Now I want to know how old Rochelle is. I know that answer. Okay. We'll do that next. Okay.

Yeah. That's two L's. Rochelle's two L's, right? Yes. Two L's. Yeah, because any Rochelle with one L hates a Rochelle with two L's. It is two L's. All right.

Amanda, I don't want to be the other woman breeze. The extra L is for ladylike. Is. No, the extra L is for laundry. She's not doing it. That's a good slogan. You should write that down. That'd be great for bounce,

like fabric softeners. The extra L is for laundry. But there is no L in bounce. Exactly. But the L is like flinging off. It bounced off it. Look up on the top corner of the box.

There you go. I got it. Amanda Breeze is 29 years old. Oh! So you were the closest to Demetri Martin with them. Would you like to guess how old Rochelle is?

Are you joking? I knew it was an odd number. Okay, David? You were right. How old is Rochelle? 29 also? They're both 29, like they went to high school together. Rochelle? 29 also? They're both 29. They went to high school together. Rochelle, I'm going to throw a curveball here.

73. It's like a Harold and Maude situation. It's a different story with that. She's a Holocaust survivor. He's trying to have sex with her before she kills herself on her 79th birthday. There's a tattoo. It's subtle.

All the music is by Cat Stevens. In David's scenario, Tim Yost is just like a bigger white trash version of McConaughey in Days Confused. I like those women at the end of their 20s, man. 29. So they both didn't graduate high school the same year. Okay.

I'm going to say she's 39. I think there's I'm going to say She's 39 39 I think there's a 10 year difference Okay Yeah that's She's feeling the heat

Al I think 29 is good But if we're playing By Price is Right rules I'm going to say 29 years in one week We don't We don't

We go straight up Either way But you can still have it I'm going 30 then 30 Okay I think she's 52 Now I know that sounds

Really old But that's why. Do you think Tim Yost married a 52-year-old legally? Why? He wants to be. He's legally married to her. Three kids. He wants to be in an open relationship. That's right.

How old do you think Tim Yost is? Tim Yost could be. He could be 61 or 27. Yeah. I can't tell. I can't tell. There's not enough gray in the beard. He's like if adult onset

diabetes became a person. You know what I'm saying? We're going to get a letter. Strongly worded letter. Just say goodbye to your toes in about three years, bro. Oh, I'm a bad guy. This guy's in an open fucking marriage.

He has endangered species in jars and you guys are sticking up for him. And I'm the bad guy? Check below his bed in the crawl space and then come back and tell me I'm the bad guy. Because I'm. I just picture you guys in the distant future. You've died and you're sitting before judgment

or whatever. And you guys live good lives or whatever. Like, you guys live good lives, but that fucking podcast you did. I want to send you guys up, but it's really harsh. Jan will vouch for us.

Yeah. So I say 52. 52? All right. Anybody else want to make a guess on Rochelle Yost out there? There were some hands before.

Does anybody want to play? Right here, straight back. What's your name? Bianca. Hi, Bianca. Welcome to town. Thank you. 41. 41 years old. Anybody else? Oh, right over here at the fourth row back. Paige.

Hi, Paige. 34. 34 years old. I can tell you, we will end story one on this as I show you both of their photos, and you can leave it to your own imagination to figure out who is who. 73. Rochelle Yost

is... 73. I thought that came from the audience. I was like, man, there's a murmur of 73s out there. Rochelle Yost is 36

years old. Oh! 39. By the way, they look like twins. They look like twins. They both look like the expression of the words, yeah, it wasn't worth it.

He definitely has a type. Yeah, he has it. He definitely has a type. Yeah, he has a type. He has a type. I believe, if you're looking at the photo, Rochelle is on it. Let's guess who we think is who. I don't know.

This is so fun. We're all guessing. I think on the left is Rochelle. And on the right is the other woman. On the right. They both look like put the lotion in the basket ladies. They just do. The right's...

The woman on the right still has the hope enough to dye her hair. Yeah. Randy. At Sklar Brothers. Hang on a second. Alright, is that our... Story number one. Story number one. Let's take a break. When we come back, we'll do more.

Stick around, make a sound. There's more Dumb People Town. In the meanwhile, here's a little song from our buddy Dave Longstreth. Dave Longstreth again, everybody. Dave Longstreth. Thank you. With a map and a compass When a man reached up Said something there Against the sky

A point of light Too invisible To give itself to the naked eye On the shore, people yelling In their eyes eyes a great reflection In the griddle where their position Unconcerned within intuition There can never be no sympathy From that wilderness

So let it be all resting Swing low, old Magellan Nine by six or eight by seven Post a sentinel at the border Of what you attend, what you ignore. I saw my friend in a pool of light. All drowned in diamond sand. I knew that I had lost my sight.

Unreal, dude. Amazing. Dave Longstreth. Dave Dave it's so great because I mean I've seen you at the Wiltern and you guys were like

it was a full band experience but I love to hear the songs completely stripped down is that how you start like creating the songs you're like

you and a guitar this is it I want to see if I can do this right here but there's so much going on in every song that you guys do yeah it ends up that way

but yeah that's the way I write great I'll be right back great interview Rand do you like music? yes let's get on with the show no but that's on the last album

which again we highly recommend everyone pick up. Are you working on a new album right now? Yeah. Okay, great. Do you know when? Is there a target or no? Do you just say, like when you want to finish?

It's done. It's done. Do you drop your albums? How do they come out? Yeah. They drop. I think so. It depends.

When you're playing the guitar, you play that by yourself? Sometimes. Do you use both hands on the guitar when you're doing it? Occasionally. Alright, sweet. Look for the new album. I like this. What about touring stuff? Are you out doing it? Occasionally. All right, sweet. All right, look for the new album. I like this.

What about touring stuff? Are you out touring now? You tend to walk your tours or you drive? Stop, Dan. You walk part of it. Part of it's walking. Part of it's walking.

You have to walk to the stage. It's like LA. You get in the car. Yeah, you get in the car. You drive. Once you get to the place, you get out and car. Yeah, you get in the car. You know, once you get to the place you get at, walk. Yeah, there you go. I get it.

But any tours available? When can people see you and how can they see you guys? What is your tour job? Touring. Touring. They just saw him. Yeah. Well, these people just saw him.

That's a great point. Yeah, I'm going to play his song in a little bit. Okay, cool. So if you want to see him in a little bit, check out his website and find out where he's going to be doing it. This is a tour stop. This is a tour stop.

In LA at Largo. Okay, great. Superb. In a couple of minutes. He's very in the moment. Very present. Al, you just came off a huge tour, the Strings Attached Tour.

I remember you came on our show and you're like, I'm about to do this crazy orchestral tour. How was it for you? Was it everything you hoped and dreamed it would be? It was. We drove places and we stopped. Oh, good.

Oh, shit. Yeah, it was great. We did 67 shows across... It was a world tour. We played the US and Canada. Nice. Yeah, so the whole world. Oh, Jesus.

I mean, the world that counts. Okay, I get it. Yeah, it was local musicians in every city and everywhere from 41 pieces to 71 pieces. Wow, jeez. We played Red Rocks in Colorado.

Nice. We played with the National Symphony at Wolf Trap. So a lot of great venues and a lot of great orchestras. A lot of fun. I mean, in those moments when there's an orchestra playing your music, are you like, yeah, I'm a little bit classier

than people gave me credit for? But you don't really appreciate the subtle nuance of a song like White and Nerdy unless you hear it with a 71 piece orchestra. I know! Wait, are they all accordions or you had other instruments? 71 piece accordion. Like a 71 accordion salute is what they play when an accordion member dies. It sounds hell. You know, I actually, when I was taking accordion lessons,

we actually had an accordion marching band. No. For your vision of hell. I mean, it was like. Is that right? Yeah. It was like, for like Christmas parades, we'd be walking down the street, these little kids with accordions.

And by the end of the parade, they all needed to be like, you know, on IVs. Yes. Be resuscitated. That's hard. That's like heavy. Jesus Christ. All right. It's torture for. That's hard. That's heavy. Jesus Christ. It's torture for kids. It is. It's torture.

I'm starting a foundation. For accordion carrying kids? There must have been fans among the musicians in each city. Yeah, I imagine the musicians came up and said, hey. Yeah, we're so pumped. Yeah, we had them all vetted and if they weren't fans, we said, no, sorry. Yeah.

But he's first chair Vancouver. Fuck him. Get him out. He doesn't know who this guy is. We can find a cello guy on the streets. We can find one. Okay, we have always said this, and we said this on when we guest hosted Jim Rome's radio show, I think, and we wanted

to start this, I think you should play the Super Bowl halftime show. Yes! Oh my God. I think you should play the Super Bowl halftime show. Yes! I think would that not be the great like, I'm sick of Bruno Mars. But like, everybody you did song, like they could all

come out and perform with you. Fine, I'll call them up and tell them I'll do it. Okay! That's all I needed. That's all I wanted. All right. And we'll just have Dimitri open up. Yeah. You'll just do a little.

I'm much more high energy than you think. I know. I do really well on Stadia. And you'll go on my. Stadia. Stadia. Did you say Stadia? Yeah. Your Stadia tour.

Because you're playing different Stadia. my first bringer shows and open mics I did really I did like stadium stuff open mics in the stadium Randy and I always our thing is like at like a Clippers game we're like how great would it be if in this time out with no microphones like an improv came out

I need a suggestion just a location it can't be basketball no microphones like an improv came out. I need a suggestion. Just a location. It can't be basketball. And they're doing like object work like out in the front. Sorry. By the way, great object work on a podcast. I don't know what I was...

And my object work was like me cleaning a glass or turning a giant knob that you've never touched. The way people turn sink handles like this, like they're shaking with an epileptic fit. Which you just showed on a podcast.

Wait, Dimitri, live shows for you coming up soon. Forget about it. I have so many. I'm doing every city. Aren't you going to East Coast? Yes, no, maybe? Soon? I'm doing every city. Every city? Aren't you going to East Coast? Yes? No? Maybe? Soon?

Soon? Yeah. I'm going to be near the water. On the other side of the country. No, I'm going to... Yeah, I think I'm going to be in... I'm going to Florida, actually. Hey, now. I'm going to Florida in January.

Yeah, I'm going to go to... Just be careful. Fort Lauderdale and Tampa. And there's another one. Jacksonville. Yeah, so... Sweet or shell for us. Yeah, I'm going to be there's another one. Jacksonville. Yeah. So I'm going to be there. So that'll be cool.

Nice. So yeah, I like how quiet I can make the room. I love it. No. We're just letting people know. Letting them know. No, I appreciate that. Yeah.

Jan Plato will come to a show. If Jan Plato shows up at a show and comes and sees you afterwards, you've got to bow down and kiss his ring. No, that'd be great. His toe ring. Oh! Oh! Snap.

We got to announce we're doing at Sketch Fest on January 17th, not for you guys, but if you guys want to come. Come on up. Come on up at the Marines Memorial Theater

as part of Sketch Fest. We're doing a live Don't People Tell, so come up to San Francisco and see that. And then we have a kind of mini tour. We're going to be in Milwaukee,

St. Louis, Minneapolis, Portland, Seattle, and Vancouver. Those dates are in March and in June. And then we have a kind of mini tour. We're going to be in Milwaukee, St. Louis, Minneapolis, Portland, Seattle, and Vancouver. Those dates are in March and in June. You should follow us to check those out. Are you guys going to be anywhere? You can go to supersquadras.com and find out. Let's just jump in another schedule. You ready?

Yes. Same for me. I'm doing a show on gondolas this Friday. Are you really? Yep. Wow. All right. It's going to be fun.

All right. Sent in by Ben Fernland at Fen Bernland on Twitter. Got some laughs. Your Twitter handle just got some laughs. That's right. I should also let you know

this story was sent in by Ben Fernland, but it's reported by a time-traveling news reporter named Barton Dieters. What? And I had to make him

part of this story. I should also tell you right now, the person who's like did the dumb stuff is the least interesting person in this this story. I should also tell you right now, the person who's like, did the dumb stuff is the least interesting person in this entire story. And the first one is Barton Dieters. Barton Dieters is like

a Diedrich Bader character. Look at Barton Dieters. Barton Dieters. He is like a newsman from the 40s. That's Todd Berry. It's Todd Berry. It is Todd Berry As a character from Quiz Show

I know So just have Bart and Dieters in mind Go to the Facebook page so you can see what he looks like I just want to keep calling him Little Bart and Dieters He's sick of that Alright Oshimo Township, Michigan This comes to us from WOOD TV

Wood TV, maybe. I don't know. A man is alive and well after he used an unconventional weapon to fend off a convicted criminal who broke into his Oshimo apartment late Wednesday night. Whatever the man's reason was for kicking the door of the Oshimo apartment, he probably was not expecting to run into a guy who does this on weekends. This is what the guy does.

He dresses up in armor and fights people every weekend. Look at this. And it looks like they kind of do it in some sort of a wrestling ring. I don't understand. They look like they have too much and not enough armor on at the exact

same time. Which one of these guys is a Mandalorian? So was this guy in armor waiting for some guy to break down his door? Aren't they all kind of? Okay. Yeah. Aren't they all? Anytime.

Yep. Explains Ben Ball. Okay. First of all. His name is Ben Ball. His name is Ben Ball. He lives in the apartment. They showed these pictures of him doing this and this is what he had to say.

Well, number one, it's not LARPing. I already love him. I already love him. Nobody said it's LARPing. Nobody said so. How many times do people mistake it for LARPing in this life? Like two cops are writing it down.

So yeah, just put down LARPing. No, no. Number one. No, no. It is not LARPing. I didn't get you the full quote. Well, number one, it's not LARPing. A lot of people are like, oh, is it LARPing?

And it's like... And no. No. I love him. I love him. He needed to explain with backup sentences what, number one, it's not LARPing means. He's like Todd Glass in an argument. Let me work this out for you.

You're going to tell me why I'm wrong. I'm going to tell you why I'm right. And I know that I'm right right now because here's what you would say. What you would say to that, I'm going to say this. Well, number one, it's not LARPing. A lot of people are like, oh, is it LARPing? And it's like, no, this Band-Aid is actually from filming last night for our newest episode. What?

What? You're not in Game of Thrones. Stop. He then holds up his hand to show the band-aid. And you are going to see his wound, which is an overstatement. Please tell me. But more importantly, you're going to get to meet Ben. And he is everything you want him to be.

We've already seen his emotional wounds with that opening statement. You cannot put a band-aid over that. And just one more question. Look at Ben. He's Tim Yost's son. He's Wallace Shawn's son. Number one, I cannot grow a mustache. It is only underneath.

He might be Amish. He might be. I know. Keeping that head covered. I think it's safe to say he's living in an Amish. He might be. I know. Keeping that head covered. I think it's safe to say he's living in an Amish paradise. Hey! Wait, so if he wore that hat

for the interview, I would continue. And he's wearing a long, long time ago in a Galaxy Far Far Away. Star Wars shirt. And he's got a collector's edition Wonder Woman's cup next to some set of liquor and a roll of toilet paper.

Amanda Breeze! She's everywhere! Breeze would have his ass in a sling. No, that's a guy who's never bought... He uses toilet paper for Kleenex. We know this guy. He looks like he's got to return a ring for Gandalf. And three videos to blockbuster.

Look, I know they're not open, but I got to do the right thing. I rewound them. Yeah, I would say. I don't need this copy of Cool World anymore. I was going to say, what three movies does this guy have to return? The Matrix. Highlander. The NeverEnding Story. Yes.

The NeverEnding Story, The Matrix, and Highlander. And he's masturbated to all three. What about Cool Runnings? So have I. Cool Runnings is how he says it. It's old copies of Seagate, Farscape, and Seascape. He's wearing a bracelet that you know he's going to keep on until it falls off.

Yeah. He's one of the few people who has friendship bracelets but no friends. Oh, Jay. Jay, you always hurt. Sorry. Got the room down. I just have one question. Is it LARPing?

It is not LARPing. Number one. It's not LARPing. A lot of people are like, is it LARPing? Look is not LARPing. Number one. It's not LARPing. A lot of people are like, is it LARPing? Look at my stomach. I have a tattoo. It's not LARPing. It's like the worst recreation of the Rene Russo scene.

Ball says... That's a good scene. Ball says that the suspect, Alex Rawls, dated his former roommate and showed up at his apartment around 9 p.m. thinking that she was there. Ball answered the door and told Rawls she left and went to Florida. Which is what you say to someone

so that they know they're never coming back. That's what I'm going to say to my kids when we put the dog to sleep. He left and went to Florida. I don't know what to tell you guys. He's in Jacksonville now seeing Dimitri. Your kid's going to be like, he's having a happier life. You're like, He left and went to Florida. I don't know what to tell you guys. He's in Jacksonville now seeing Dimitri. He's having a happier life.

You're like, I said he went to Florida. He's doing meth and hanging out with other dogs. Strays. Did I tell you the time that I watched the movie The Florida Project?

You've never seen that movie? It's great. I love it. It was a great movie but there was like so long. So explain what the movie is to people who might not know.

It's just kids running around unsupervised and it's not a documentary, but it looks damn close to a documentary. In an apartment complex. A motel. And I was watching it and like two hours in, I'm like, why am I watching these kids?

I should be hanging out with my kids. You took on Willem Dafoe's character. I became Willem Dafoe. That's so great. You got to see it. She moved to Florida. Okay. Put the picture of that guy back up.

Who, my buddy, Ben Ball? He looks like he calls him William Dafoe. You have 100%. William. He's like, it's not William? I love him. What do you want to say, Rand? You're going to be mean?

No I just like that he's like I need the liquor to be in the shot It's not liquor Okay First of all Alright Number one So the guy comes around nine o'clock

Knocks on the door He says she went to Florida Which should mean She's gone Get out of here Yeah yeah yeah She died Alex Rawls

later returned to the apartment and knocked on the door repeatedly this is why I love him, while Ben Ball was inside playing video games and watching Rick and Morty. Shout out to Starburns. You know that he made sure they put that in. Don't just say I was doing nothing.

I was watching Rick and Morty. We get it. You do things when you're not LARPing. No! Mom! Jesus. Does your mom live here? No. I just get mad at her. By the way, I love that his

argument that it's not LARPing is look at this wound. Right. I got this. It's real. What, do you work in an office? All right. It's a paper cut. He was inside playing video games watching Rick and Morty.

That's when the suspect kicked at the door. Quote, Ben Ball. This guy. Wait a minute. Was he watching the... Does it say the show or like his dogs?

Ooh. He probably does. Rick and Morty. The suspect kicked in the door. This is a quote from Ben Ball. It might have broken in on twice. It might have broken in on third. But I was reaching already

over here. And that's when Ben pulled out this ash. What? That ain't LARPing, bro. You tell me. Does this look like LARPing to you? Wait, but I love that he changed. He said it might be

twice or it might be third. Read the sentence again. This is verbatim. Because I can't understand what is happening in his description. Okay, so the suspect starts kicking at the door, who I told you is the least important person in this whole story. It might have broken

in on twice, but... No, no. That's wrong. That's not a sentence. That's wrong. Those aren't words that go together. It might have broken in on twice. If you sing it, it makes more sense. It might have broken in on twice. It might have broken in on 30. It might have broken in on third.

See, it works. It does. Dave, can you whip something up? Hold on. Dave's going to get his guitar. It might have broken in on twice. It might have broken in on third. Can we do whatever?

But I was reaching already over here. You got to sing, though. Okay, I'll do it. You can. I'm so fucking nervous right now Come on Just because you're in front of Dimitri Yes I get it yeah

It might have broken in on twice But it might have been on the third But I was reaching already over here. Jesus. That's as good as I got. That was nice. That was like Sturgill Simpson. I liked it.

That's as good as I got. Wow. Thank you, Dave. That was nerve wracking. Is that considered LARPing? No! That's touringauron. Okay.

He's Tauron. And this is what Ben pulled out. We show the axe, right? I'm catching up with myself. Quote, this is Ben, I've got a double-headed carbon steel battle axe that was homemade by a gel... I should read it the way he said it, because I remember. I've got a double-headed carbon steel battle axe that was homemade by a gentleman. I should read it the way he said it because I remember.

I've got a double-headed carbon steel battle axe that was homemade by a gentleman who has since passed. Most important detail in this story. That the axe maker is now no longer with us. I'm going to sell you this axe. After I do, you've got to kill me with it. Just to see if it works. Prove I sell good material. I'll make one axe in my life, and that is it.

We haven't even taken the best turn in this sentence. I've got a double-headed carbon steel battle axe that was homemade by a gentleman who has since passed. Lyrics. That's why I call it my baby. Yes. Yes. That can't be why.

He invoked some old grizzled weapon maker who's died that he now calls my baby. Well, when a weapons maker dies, his soul goes into the axe. Exactly. A baby is born. You know, he also left out what he wanted to say. So, I'm kind of like the bride in Kill Bill. He made one last

axe for me. No, you're not. You're a LARPer. No! Wasting no time. Back to the kicking and the door being kicked in on the second or No! Wasting no time, back to the kicking and the door being kicked in on the second or third. Wasting no time, Ben went into action. The door flew open

and I was already up out of my chair to attack him. He has been waiting for this day. This is it. His whole life. His whole life, or at least since she left. That's right. And I don't even mean the roommate It's whoever she is In his life

Ball said he had reason to believe The suspect had a firearm Well you better say that if you're going at him with an axe The two immediately Started grappling That's gotta be Ball's word Or it could be was it Dieter Beter? What was his name? Dieter Beter.

The two immediately started grappling in the apartment. Dieter Beter is like the level of Castle Wolfenstein that when you get into the final room to kill him. You're with Hitler and Dieter Beter? I've never seen that room. I don't know that part of the program.

What was his name? Barton Dieters. Okay. We were close. Wasting no time, Ben went into action. He said he thought he had a gun. The two immediately started grappling in the apartment, destroying the place. This is what the place looked like after they got tied down.

Oh, my God. By the way, they only, in their grappling, knocked one thing over. Yeah. Oh my God. By the way, they only in their grappling knocked one thing over. That's what it looked like before grappling. And then one little tray got knocked over. It looks like a David Gordon Green scene. Like this is what they did to the place. Or this could be a Coen Brothers movie. Like start to finish, all the characters.

Did they dismantle a walker? What happened in there? That's a spice rack. Okay, I'm sorry. I don't know. It was kind of surreal, Ball said, which means he's loving it.

It was kind of surreal. I hit him with the axe. Then he tackled me and we hit my coffee table. It was really intense. I know. He had a coffee table. Aren't you proud of him? During the scuffle,

Ball said the axe flew out of his hands. I wanted to hit my coffee table and then all of my books like Silver Lake Bohemian fell on the floor. No, Wheel of Time. My Basquiat. During the scuffle, if you got that Wheel of Time joke, that's for you.

During the scuffle, Ball said the axe flew out of his hands, at which point both men scrambled to grab the medieval weapon. This is everything Ben Ball has dreamed about, right? This is everything he's trained for. You're in hand-to-hand combat. You're out of the LARPing pool and into the real world. You're now both going to get the weapon. It's just out of your reach

or he pulled your hand back and it's just out of both of your reach? We went for the axe, both of us, and we both got hands on it. Eventually, Rawls allegedly let go of the axe, which I hope was just a conversation. Come on, man. It's my house.

Let go of the axe. You're going to take my axe? She's not here. She's not here. And then Rawls fled the axe. I'm going to take my axe. She's not here. She's not here. And then Rawls fled the apartment. Ben credits his victory to being prepared because when he's not working at Applebee's. Nope. There we go.

There it is. He's a greeter. Hey, man, when you're in the neighborhood. The bees. When he's not working at Applebee's. Well, is he at Applebee's or the late night bar which is the bees? I don't know.

I think the late night bar should be the bees and their drink should be little shots that are called stingers. You are going to sell this. Can I not? Be careful because they're going to take it. If John Corbett said it, you would have believed it.

He credits the victory of being prepared because when he's not working at Applebee's, first of all, when he is, can you imagine working with him at Applebee's? Every day is about this. You want to see what's under the band-aid? No. That's to his table that he's serving.

Oh, for sure. Got a little bit of homemade flair here for you. Oh, no, thank you. How's the LARPing going? He kicks him out. When he's not working at Applebee's, he participates in events where people compete in ritualized combat. That's the fanciest way to say that.

Shouldn't he be working at a Medieval Times? Yes, that's so much more appropriate. And Ball owns, oh, this is, what did I say his name was? Barton Dieters? This is Dieters talking. And Ball owns a lot of period weaponry that he keeps around his apartment reminiscent of the kind used by

Vikings and barbarian warriors. And if you did not love Barton Dieters, you're about to because when he went to report on this, he got so sucked into Ben Ball's world, he put on armor. What? He started holding a shield and grabbed a sword. Barton is in deep.

Did you read that Legs McNeil book about the porn industry where those two cops went so deep undercover they could never come back? No. They were mob guys and they forgot about their families and stuff. I think that's what's happening to this guy right now. He's never coming back.

Also, this might be too deep of a cut, but doesn't it look like he's just trying to protect the cheerleader? And I hate heroes. I hate it. All right. Okay. Somebody said yes, and in my heart, it's the guy in the Walter Payne jersey. Barton Dieters looks like Captain Germany.

Here we go. As Rawls... The place looks good. They cleaned it up. Actually, no. Really cleaned up nice. Really cleaned up nice. I hope he walked out with those weapons.

Yeah. All right, so I got all I need here. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're taking my babies. Those are his babies. That was just like kitchen stuff. As Rawls fled... Is that a kitchen shield?

He eats off a shield. That's his plate. Kitchen shield. We've all eaten off a shield. I mean, us and Michael Chiklis. As Rawls... That's our brother. Stop. I mean, us and Michael Chiklis. As Rawls... That's our brother. Stop. Thank you, Randy.

I said it. As Rawls fled, a neighbor called 911 and police showed up. Police canines followed the trail of blood. He got... He got him.

He got Rawls good and apprehended the suspect. Kalamazoo County officials say the suspect spent the night in jail or the night in the hospital with substantial wounds before being transferred to jail. So he's going to be fine.

That is the thing. If you get injured, I know that's a thing. If you're bleeding, you have to make sure you make a trail of blood. Oh, 100%. How else do they find you? Yeah. If you're bleeding a lot, then you can move fast. Like the body's crumbs.

Yeah, exactly. It's like leaving bread crumbs. The body's crumbs. Yeah. If you're Christ, it's a lot like leaving's crumbs. Yeah, exactly. It's like leaving breadcrumbs. The body's crumbs. Yeah. If you're Christ, it's a lot like leaving breadcrumbs. Blood is the body's crumbs could be... Talk about album titles. I'm just throwing them your way, Dave.

That is a very dirty projector. That is very... I'm sorry, the dirty projectors, according to Randy. Thank you. Ben Ball, who was thankful he was unharmed apart from a few scrapes and bruises, which I'm sure he'll show everyone in Applebee's. Really? You had scrapes and bruises?

Admitted he was disappointed, however, that police seized the axe. It was evidence, he lamented. I'm a little sad because that piece has proved itself. What? Jesus. He definitely thinks objects can prove themselves. They have to.

Have you never seen Forged in Fire? Yeah. You have? I have. On the to. Have you never seen Forged in Fire? Yeah. You have? I have. On the road, I watch so much Forged in Fire. It's just like new retirees and guys who aren't sure they want to be dads making weapons, and then they have to test them and have them prove themselves. It's very compelling and sad.

It's stepdad fantasy camp. Right. It's kind of like House Hunters After the divorce Yeah That's a pretty good review It's Home Hunters

Home Hunters would be like A more touching More touching version Of House Hunters Apartment Hunters Home Hunters Because they make A house of home

Ben Ball Who grew up Reading fantasy novels, taking hunter safety courses, and shooting a bow and arrow. Please get this all in the article. Ben, we'll put in what we can put in. All right, I'll put it in if I can take that shield.

Okay, you can have the shield. Make sure you put it in the part about it's not LARPing. That's going to cost you a sword. That's my salad bowl, but if you want to take it. All right about it's not LARPing. That's going to cost you a sword. That's my salad bowl, but if you want to take it, it's a fucking salad bowl. He fancies himself, that's Ben Ball still,

somewhat of a medieval weapons collector and said he, this is my favorite, said he once built a full-size catapult out of a tree that had collapsed in his friend's grandma's backyard. This man is the gift that keeps on giving. He could have just

said, my friend's backyard. He had to say it was my friend's grandma's backyard. Also, don't you think Barton Dieter's like, I have to go. I'm sorry. There's more to that tree story. I think he got busted and was like, oh no, it collapsed.

Right, right. It just looked like someone chopped it down. Why did you make a catapult out of the tree? It collapsed anyway. Yes, I have axes and obviously I could have chopped it down but it collapsed on its own accord. How many times do I have to tell you this? Tell your grandma it collapsed.

We have to stick to this. If I ever get interviewed, I'll bring it up. Then it's canon. Number one, tell your grandma it was collapsed. Number two, it's not Larkin. Tell her. Stop. When life gives you a collapsed tree, you make a catapult.

But, he's still going. Ben Ball is also a survivalist and Armageddon prepper. It's not Doomsday, it's Armageddon. Which he said goes hand in hand with his proclivity for ancient weaponry. Well, to you it does.

Jesus. Quote, I've been trained and prepping for some sort of society collapse. I love him. I've been trained. The tiny ball on the top of his hat says, world's coming to an end. So I got my last name.

Ball? It's a laundry ball. That's a last name. It's a laundry ball. It is a laundry ball. He says, I've been trained and prepping for some sort of society collapse regardless of natural, man-made or otherworldly disaster. He loves the Watchmen.

He loves the Watchmen. He said, I've just been training in general for the shit to hit the fan. I want to be ready. Learning all this old school medieval stuff, I have to go, Ben, has just been part of it. When we run out of gunpowder, we're going to have to fall back on other stuff. When the squids come, I'll be ready. I know.

And you know that speech always ends with, yeah, table 14 needs their loaded potato skins. Can you just... One more thing. But Ben Ball's fascination with all things castles, kings, and knights has even extended into the realm of fashion. He also designs jewelry and other fashion accessories made out of chain mail.

Alex Rawls, if you'd wondered about the man who had his chest gashed open. Oh yeah, that guy. He's being held in the Kalamazoo County Jail. This is so perfect. Wait, he makes jewelry out of chain? You just breezed over. You Amanda breezed over that. You can't Amanda breeze over that.

I know. That's the final thing that I have about him. What's the name of his store? You've Got Chainmail? Oh, no. I love it. I do love it. That'd be good. Ball says he is glad he spent a lot of time practicing with that

axe. And then I dug deep, friends, and I found a photo we will get out on. It's called Ball and Chains. Ball and Chains. I love that. That is perfect. And I just thought of the name of your country music song that you sang earlier about his throat. All of my

axes live in Texas. I like that too. Thank you. Here's our final shot at Ben Ball and it's a shot of love. Look at him just loving his best life. Oh my God. Is that at Burning Man? What is happening? Did I tell you guys I went to Burning Man? Jesus Christ.

Shut up, Randy. My favorite part of this is he is in full regalia next to some woman who's also into her own fashion choices and there's just a woman in the background holding an outdoor cup, screaming. Alright, that's story number two, my friends. And that is this live episode.

Oh yeah, there we go. Anything else? Do you have one more thing you want to say or are you good? No, thanks for having me. This is awesome. I love it. Dave's going to take us home and then we'll say goodbye after that. Dave Longstreth. One more time, you guys. Yeah, Dave.

This one's to Ben. No. No LARPing. No LARPing, yeah, no. I ran across cyanide plains Mine like a prison cell But feet untethered and sane I wandered out hopeless and sad

No thought of where I'd go Or how I'd ever get back There is an answer I haven't found it But I will keep dancing till I do Dance for you, dance for you I boogie down car-coiled streets, searching in every face for something I could be. I knelt beneath 100 saints. I want to feel the breath of a force I cannot explain. There is an answer.

I haven't found it. But I will keep dancing till I do Dance for you, dance for you Dance for you, dance for you Dance for you Dave Lonstrath, everyone. Thank you so much. Thank you for doing this.

Such a talent. Dimitri Martin, thank you so much. Thank you for doing this. Such a talent. Dimitri Martin, thank you so much. Weird Al Yankovic, the best. This is a special night because our mom, Annette Sklar,

is in the house tonight. Let's give her a round of applause. We love you guys so much. Thank you. Thank you, Largo. And oh shit, we gotta get back to work. Thank you, Largo. And oh, shit, we got to get back to work.

Thank you, guys. Enjoy it. Star Bands Out. A podcast network.