Dumb People Town - Willie Hunter - Don't Do You

Episode Date: August 24, 2018

Comedian Willie Hunter joins the Sklars and Daniel Van Kirk in a DPT Mini to discuss the tale of a knife-wielding, deputy-punching woman with an apt name who's in a dispute over a TV!

Dan and Ran and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast Dan with co-host Our man Dan Man, jerk, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits So listen to our podcast band with co-host Armand Dan. Man, don't be a jerk, cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, talk your downies, Dumb People Town. Hey townies, welcome to a mini episode of Dumb People Town. Population new, Population Hunter.

Willie, Hunter, welcome. Woo! I'm excited to be here Population you. Population Hunter. Willie Hunter, welcome. Woo! I'm excited to be here. Thank you. It's so good to have you. This is one of our favorite people. He is part of the all-Negro wave, and I am pronouncing that right. You are. You are.

The all-Negro wave. You are actually one of two black people in the all-Negro wave. Well, you know, it's crazy. The white guy's in there, Jeremiah. But what people don't know is he had a black stepfather for a while. So I guess that... He got step-grandfathered. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're like, let's see your black card. And he showed us a picture of his stepfather. Okay. All right. Well, he's in. He's in the way. Does that make Jamar... So that has to piss Jamar off even more.

Because Jamar didn't know his father. And then here is a white guy who has a black stepfather. Same for me. I don't know who my father is. You don't know who your father is? No. There you go. Well, look at that. And the white guy gets extra fathers.

Dan knows who his father is, but didn't really know him that way. White privilege. Well. Dan begs to differ with you but so that is so bad that like two guys on the all-neger wave didn't know their dads

and Jeremiah the white guy has a white dad and a black dad and gets an extra black dad that's so not fair that's so not fair we're of course

talking about the roast battle of which we were all Dan, you, me, and Jay were judges this past Tuesday night. And it is just raucous good fun at the Comedy Store. Jay and I battled each other. Yeah, that was a lot of fun. Dude, that was so much fun.

I, you know, it's so funny because we had never battled. We have never battled on the road. We've judged, but we've never battled. We were super nervous about how it would come out. I was, when we did it i felt amazing about it when i watched it i was like i thought maybe it felt better in the room as we were doing it but then i've gotten really good feedback on it so i feel like it was a great yeah it was it was um i mean it was almost like that you guys were feeding off each other and

like an insult way you never you would an insult, and then he would correct you and then insult you. Yeah, right, right. It was like we were... It's almost like we inserted the roast battle into our own cadence. Yeah. And I think people dug that

because it just felt different than anything else. It's just so great what you do in the roast battle as part of the wave is you guys really jump in after a joke is told and punctuate it. You guys have to think very fast on your feet and then create a whole scene. A physical thing. Without ever talking about it beforehand, it's a lot of trust. We just love watching you do what you're doing, which is why we thought you'd be perfect for this mini episode of Dumb People Town.

We get great stories sent to us by our dumb ears on the ground. God bless them, our townies. Thank you, townies. We have a great story. Let's jump into one right now, Daniel. Here we go. Ready? I want to say before we get into this, thank you to everybody who's become a

founding member of our Drip campaign. We are soon going to announce a couple surprises you're going to get for being one of those. So head over to the Facebook page or Twitter at DPTPodcast. We are on our way to getting Jan Flato his money back. And you guys are supporting him.

We need a lot more of you to participate. But to those who have participated, we are going to start to shout you out on these shows. So thank you. All right. Here we go. Sent in by Tantrum Dan, at Tantrum Dan. Tantrum Dan sent in before. Oh, shit.

And he gets mad when you don't send it. Yeah. He'll throw it. It does sound like a sexual thing, too. A tantrum day? Yeah, a tantrum day. He went all night. He tantrumed all night.

That'd be tantric. Oh, I'm sorry. Tantric day. He went all night bitching, maybe. He has a tantric tantrum, which is when he gets mad, but he holds it in. And he sexually raps. And he really draws it out over and over a long time before he finishes. That's what Sting does.

There's a lot in this first sentence. A knife-wielding, deputy-punching, Summerfield woman was arrested early Monday morning. That's Monday morning. Monday morning. After an argument over a television's volume resulted in a call for help. Okay. over a television's volume resulted in a call for help. Okay.

So this is clearly a woman who gets told to do things all the time, and she has had enough. Oh, you're saying she was playing the TV too loud. I think she was mad. I think she was trying to watch The Price is Right. Right. Drew! Get him, Drew! I can't hear this!

Lower! And he wanted to watch SportsCenter so I can see they got into it the knife comes out the cops get called a Marion County Sheriff's deputy was called

to the Summerfield mobile home in the 3000 block of Southeast 142nd Lane that's a lot of big numbers yeah put that on the walking tour

you're on the 3000 block of Southeast 142nd Lane Jesus that's not even a part of big numbers. That's a lot of stuff. Put that on a walking tour. You're on the 3,000 block of southeast 142nd Lane. Jesus. That's not even a part of any city. By the way, I could not find that with Google Maps. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Where is that?

If someone's just like, it's Meth Town. I can tell you where it is. It's Meth Town. It's up by that junction. Based on that address alone, I know that that is nowhere near the Walmart. No. That is a long walk. It's definitely under some power lines, though.

Oh, yeah, that make noise. Those kind. You just all day long, like, I can't sleep if I don't hear this. That cop's singing. I always worry when I'm walking past those. Right? I got cancer, right?

Like, it's basically, essentially it's like an open microwave that's turned on. Yes. This all happened around 1.20 a.m. after the dispute. I'm going to go ahead and say this started Saturday night. Oh, yeah. Through Sunday. Well, if you're mad about TV volume, I'm going to say this started about six years ago.

Yes. And she's had enough. Enough. This woman has had enough. This is what I love, too. After the dispute, these two words that end the sentence are dumb people town in a nutshell. Quickly escalated. Willie, that's like every story.

At some point, someone quickly escalates something. Whether it's their drinking or their anger. Like nothing ever escalates it gradually. The steady pace that it needs to escalate. That ramped up normally. Yeah. Oh, my God. That felt good.

A woman in the home, a woman at the home, told the deputy her roommate. Are we calling it a home? It is a trailer. How'd you know? It's mobile. It's a mobile home. How about a woman in the vehicle? A woman in the vehicle.

Yes. A woman in the parked home told the deputy her roommate ready for this name let's hear the name there's a thing willie you probably do this too you're a great comic you can talk like a person only by hearing their name like if you hear the name if you hear their name you you're like, I can tell you a lot about that person. Ready for this one? Oh, boy. With a Y. Christina Louise Ondekker.

This woman does not own a shirt that isn't a crop top. CLO, motherfucker. I'm CLO. I left an Ondekdecker in that toilet over there. What does that mean? If there's a guy that she's sleeping with and there's another guy, he's on the on-decker circle.

Christina with a Y. She definitely chews tobacco. She spits a lot. How about our friend Christina Hutchinson? She's Christina with a Y. But a K, too. K and a Y. That's another Y. She's like artisanal Christina. She's Hutch. She's Hutch with a Y. But a K, too. K and a Y. That's another Y. She's double down. Artisanal Christina. Right, exactly.

Compared to this woman. She's hutch. This woman is, I will spit while I'm talking. In a room. I don't even have to be outside. I don't have to be outside. She is spit on a carpet. She's spit on carpet.

She's spit on carpet. Yes, 100%. That shit will make its way in there. Also, with the last name On-Decker, your dad has to be Bob, right? Bob On-Decker. Bob On-Decker. Or Don. Don On-Decker. last name On-Decker, your dad has to be Bob, right? Bob On-Decker. Or Don. Don On-Decker. Bob On-Decker cars, Don On-Decker

insurance. It's Bob On-Decker Chevrolet. And you know what? Christina has neither one. Nope, no. Neither a car, nor insurance. Or a father. She's the newest member of the wave now. You're like, Christina, we found a place for you. Come on, come on, join us.

There's a seat for you. Christina OnDekker has definitely worn flip-flops to a funeral. No. Oh, yeah, yeah. But her good ones. They're black and they're raised up at least two inches. They're platform. This is what the woman at the home told the deputy.

Her roommate, Christina Louise Hondecker. Say hello if you're nice to me. Our friend of ours, our friend Mark Bernstein in Michigan, one of the funniest people who's not a comedian. You've got friends that are like, this is my dude who is just funny and he's not in the business and he never wants to be in a bit. When he was a kid, there was a girl in his school named Anna Maria Savat.

Anytime anyone said her name, they would clap their hands and say, hey, at the end. So, Anna Maria Savat. Hey. And you would clap. Do the on-decker name. Christina Louise on-decker. Hey. There you go.

That's it. Every time you say it, every time you gotta throw it in there. It's an Anna Maria Sabat moment. Well, according to her roommate,

Christina's roommate, this is what the woman said, that Christina had gotten in an argument with another woman who was temporarily living in the mobile home. Temporarily coming on

what, 14 months? She's not pulling her weight. Oh, wow. Temporarily living in a mobile home is... It's not a good moment for me is that like that's when you're like i hit rock bottom when i was temporarily living in a mobile that's when i realized i needed help that's the next phrase is that's when i realized and that's or a track on a comedy album yeah temporarily that's the name of the bit see right now what are you doing which I found out I think

someone does a bit I had this thing you ever have this where you're like did I hear that or did I think of it and then you can't remember Carlos Mencia has that all the time I don't think that's how the conversation goes people told me our wonderful townies said that it might have been I don't think that's how the conversation goes. People told me, our wonderful Tony said that it might have been an early podcast of Adam Carolla's that he was saying that, or on Loveline or something like that, that he was saying that if you're ever using the words right now, your life is not going well.

Might have been him. And that makes sense because you're qualifying what it should, you're not living up to what you're in. The ditch you're in. Right. Yeah, right now I'm in this ditch. Right now I'm living temporarily in this mobile home. Temporarily living in a mobile home. Okay, so they got, she had gotten, Andecker, had gotten in an argument with another woman temporarily, that should be in quotes, but it's not, living in the mobile home. She said the other woman was in the living room with her young son when On Decker came out of her bedroom and, quote, began yelling about the television being too loud.

Coming out hot. These are small quarters. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, she probably got to get up in the morning. She's the only one in this mobile home that probably works. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for having the ball.

She's the only one pulling her weight. You're on CLO's side. Yeah. Pull that knife out. That's right. And that's pretty nice to get a knife pulled on you. Could have been a gun. Could have been.

A knife is like, oh. Right. We can handle this. Knife is, I can run away from this. If I can leg this one out, she's in her flip flops, I'm all right. She ain't touching skin with that. I hope that's one of the fallouts of the popularity of Game of Thrones is that we're bringing back more knives. I'd love to see machetes make a way back in.

You know what I mean? Just make a way back in. It's tough to get a lot of people. So she begins yelling about the TV, comes out yelling about the TV. Nobody in Dumpy People Town is ever like, I would like to express myself. And if you could just hear me out and then we'll talk about how you feel about it. Or, hey, is there any way you can, is there any way is a great way to start any conversation. That's when you're like, I'm mad, but I'm going to hold this shit down for a second.

Yeah, yeah. Is there any way you can just turn that down a little bit? No. We're just here temporarily. Deal with it. Yeah, I'm sure that those roommates or whatever they are. Temporary roommates. Don't pull their weight.

They don't wash dishes. They don't do anything. Because they could be gone at any moment. I love that you said wash dishes. You mean throw away the styrofoam plate. Wash dishes. Or wash the styrofoam plate. I've had that chapter in my life.

Hey, man. Daniel. Daniel. She said, Then went back into her room, returned a short time later, carrying a knife, walked over to the TV, and, quote, ripped the power cord out of the wall. That is a power wave. Now you don't have a TV, on-decker.

That's one way to turn it down. That is one way to turn it down. Technically true. I definitely think she used the Verizon wireless phrase, can you hear me now? think she used the Verizon wireless phrase, can you hear me now? You know how that's just like, some people are so mad they just use things they've heard a lot.

Yeah, which is funny because she still probably has a Nextel push-to-talk phone. I was going to say a Nokia. Oh yeah, the chirp. I hated that. You hated it? Yeah, it was so trashy. Did you have one? No. Me either. It seemed like a lot of my friends back in Illinois in the heartland had one. Hey, dude.

Yeah. What are you up to? Just call the person. I know. That is like, that is a, I want to call it a high rent walkie talkie. Oh, yeah. It was definitely the coolest walkie. I'll give it that.

It was a great walkie talkie. My kids are watching Stranger Things. I'm letting them watch it. And there's a lot of walkie talkie action happening to the point where I'm like, they could bring walkie-talkies back. That's what cell phones are. Cell phones are walkie-talkies with greater range. We used to play Fortnite. Fortnite.

So my kid doesn't have a cell phone, but if he sees that his friend is playing Fortnite, he clicks on the friend and then they can talk to each other through the game. Really? That's like their cell phone. Yeah. He's like, what's going on, man? Watch out for that guy behind you. Wait, okay. I'm not going to gender assign this. All kids. Walkie-talkies aren't cool? We have walkie-talkies. They're cool. They're cool when they're like 4, 5,

6, 7. I loved walkie-talkies until I was like 14. Yeah, me too. Because a cell phone is a walkie-talkie, Dan, with better games on it. No, we were just playing walkie-ies until I was like 14 because you didn't have because a cell phone is a walkie talkie Dan with better games on it no we were just playing walkie talkie games I know

didn't it also seem like all of our coolest movies growing up though had walkie talkies in them like nobody's using walkie talkies in them I'm willing to bring back the CB

we were oh my god I had a CB chapter in my life the CB my wife had a handle that she was the funky phantom when she was a kid.

Shut up. P-H-P-H. Really? Funky phantom. How about you there, Northbound? Looking good, Southbound. What's your 1020, a funky phantom? Come on back.

Come on back. I got a bogey. Okay, so she rips the power cord out of the wall. Just rips it out of the wall. Hashtag bring back walkie talkies. The woman said she and her son were on an air mattress in the living room. Temporarily it out of the wall. Hashtag bring back walkie-talkies. The woman said she and her son were on an air mattress in the living room. Temporarily. That hurts my heart.

Willie, I wish this was a video show instead of an automobile. Because he just put his face in his hand and just shook his head. Oh my god. Because the words on an air mattress in a living room. Means that's the couch and the bed. That's the right now of life.

That is the low. You might as well just live outside at that point. I mean, you should just be homeless. Any three of you have a chapter in your life where you were sleeping on an air mattress? Yes. I hope you had air mattresses. When I first moved here, my second year here, I upgraded from floor. We did.

And then beanbag chair to air mattress. Yes. We were air mattresses. We had three people. And then futon. to air mattress. Yes. We were air mattress. I had a lot. And then futon. I didn't escalate quickly. I ramped that up slowly. You ramped it up the right way. We had three people living in a one-bedroom apartment in New York. And by the way, and at the same time, I'm not

feeling bad for, I feel bad for those people. Sure. I do not feel bad for the woman who had a knife and ripped the TV out the wall. No, don't feel bad for her. She's not the one who's on an air mattress. She's coming out of the room. She's an insider. I'm going to say this. She should know better.

Don't do that. Oh, man. So the woman and her son were on an air mattress in the living room when On Decker started yelling and using obscenities about the TV's volume. Good thing to do in front of a kid. She said On Decker pulled the cord out of the wall and then approached her while holding a steak knife. Oh, God.

The woman... You want to go to Ruth's Chris? Let's go to Ruth's Chris. Do you know that for a year... I'll take your ass to Ruth's Chris right now. Our steak knives for years. You remember the steak knives we had in our house? They had a white handle around them, and our dad got them from a shell station.

From a gas station. We had for years. Those were our steak knives. They were a white plastic. They were amazing. So sharp. So I'm assuming these, like, you're saying steak knife, and I'm thinking of the shell steak knives that we had.

We're throwing a lot around today. Lack of dads, air mattresses, gas station knives. It's all coming. This is dumb people town. I'm from Alabama, so this is like home for me. I forgot we mentioned we're clean in styrofoam plates. We just want you to feel comfortable. I feel very comfortable.

Getting a lot out of here. What town in Alabama were you from? A small town called Heflin, Alabama. Nice. It's about 15 minutes away from Talladega National Speedway. And it's about 300 years away from our current day politics. Where was I? Oh, she's holding a steak knife.

The woman said she felt threatened for her and her child. No shit. Yeah. So she used both hands to push OnDekker away from them. That's a woman who needs to be more afraid of a knife. Yeah. You going both hands up to somebody with a knife? I would do feet in her chest.

I'd do umbrella that doesn't work. I'm sitting on an air mattress, lean back, feet on the chest. I'd do air mattress. That's what I would do. Use the air mattress. And then you just hear it losing all its air? Then you don't have a bed after that. You've got to protect the air mattress.

That's what you're not doing. You know what I'm saying? That would make a statement if she just went over there and just started stabbing the air mattress. Turn the TV down! No, I won't! Yeah, because at least she would still have the TV. OnDekker, this is where it gets fun.

OnDekker admitted to coming out of her room with the knife. I did it. I did that. You got me on the knife thing. But denied pulling the TV cord out of the electrical socket. I'm not an animal. That's a person who's realized like

why would I do that? But they did do it. So they're trying to rhetorically ask somebody else. No, it's not why did I do that, Dan. It's why would I do that. Why did I do that? Why would I do that? Why would I do that, Dan. It's why would I do that. There's a shirt. Dumb People Time. Why did I do that? Not why did I. Why would I do that?

Yeah, exactly. Why would I do that, Dumb People Time? She said she was upset because the TV was too loud and, quote, she thought she... This is where it gets really good. This is what she told the cops. She was upset because the TV was too loud and, quote, she only brought the knife out with her because she was in her bedroom cutting steaks. That was what I was like.

This story. Line it up. We're doing this story today. You know how you're laying in your bed and you're just. Willie's still laughing. You're just cutting steaks. You love it, Willie. Well, it's like it's one in the morning, right?

Yeah. And there's no better angle to cut a steak than while you're laying in bed on your nightstand. Or water bed. One in the morning. I'm assuming she sleeps on a deflated water bed. Oh, man. So this is some late night bedroom steak cutting. Cutting steaks.

Have you guys eaten in your bed before? Yeah, I've eaten in my bed before. Like what? I don't remember the last time I ate. You know, like a sandwich or something in bed. You ate a sandwich in your bed? There's no way you eat a sandwich in your bed. Yes Yeah, I've eaten in my bed before. Like what? I don't remember the last time I ate. You know, like a sandwich or something in bed. There's no way you've eaten a sandwich in your bed. Yes, I have. There is no way you've eaten a sandwich in your bed. I have a thing that if they ever

make a show, you know, like Jerry was essentially Jerry from Seinfeld, whatever, that if the Sklar's ever do one, Randy's character of Randy has to constantly be snacking. And eating in his bed. Randy loves a snack. I can see you being like,

I'm going to make a bedroom sandwich before I head out. Quick bedroom sandwich. Now, I would do that in a hotel because I don't give a shit about it. I'll mess up the bed, but this is my bed. I have to come back into this bed later on. You got to clean the sheets. You should never have a plate on your nightstand.

No. You should never have a plate on your nightstand no you should never have a1 in the drawer right unless that's your thing unless that's how you do uh okay she said she was in her bedroom cutting snakes she also claimed the woman in the living room quote threw her down the hallway you came out with with a knife. Yeah. That's what you're mad about? Threw you down the hallway? On Decker was able to produce this is what's great. They investigated. On Decker was

unable to produce any stakes for the deputy. Okay, by the way, already they've investigated this more than they've investigated Tupac's death. This is like three steps further than they did anything to be like one of the greatest rap stars ever. They're now in the home looking for nightstand states. The deputy then located a large knife with no food residue.

They are investigating this case. This is forensically testing the knives. With no food residue on it, under a blanket, on her bed. Knife under the blanket. That's a good thing to forget about when you go jumping into bed like two weeks later. This is a woman who, you know, this is a phrase that I hate so much, you do you. I cannot stand that phrase. This is a woman who I would make a shirt for that says,

you don't have to do you. Yeah, she's done her. You don't have to do you. You've done you enough. Yeah. You do don't. You do don't. Maybe you do a little less of you.

Maybe that's better. You don't you. You don't do you. Don't do you. Don't do you. I'm going to tell this to everybody in Dumb People Town right now. Someone mark that as a shirt. Don't do you, D't do you. I'm going to tell this to everybody in Dumb People Town right now. Someone mark that as a shirt. Don't do you, Dumb People Town.

Merch. Merch. If you have a knife under your blanket, it's time to take inventory. Yeah. Just take inventory. See why you need it. Even if it's justified, that's not good either. Your anxiety and your fears are too large.

Honey, where's my pillow knife? Has anybody seen my pillow knife? I have the sheets knife. All Honey, where's my pillow knife? Has anybody seen my pillow knife? I have the sheets knife. Alright, where's the pillow knife? After on Decker, you know, sometimes you have to use the weapon at hand. You're like a martial arts master. After on Decker was taken into custody, she

removed her colostomy bag and threw it on the ground. She was then transported to a nearby emergency room where she attempted to use her left hand to choke herself. Like she's in full metal jacket. Choke yourself! It's like the scene in

Settles where Cleavon Little I'm gonna help you! And the people are like, isn't anybody gonna help that poor man? He's just crazy enough to do it. He's got the gun to his own head. I that poor man? He's just crazy enough to do it. He's got the gun to his own head. I'll do it. She's just crazy enough to do it.

She's choking herself. She's being held on $10,000 bond and is scheduled to appear in Marion County courtroom September 11th, never forget, at 9 a.m. to answer the charges. We're going to get out of here on this. I'll remember where we were on September 11th. She choked herself and threw her classmate back on the floor. Willie Hunter, you are a guest. You can go first, Tig, which is second, or third.

How old is Christina Louise OnDekker? Too much fun leaves marks in life. Living hard, you'll pay the price. Who is gonna get it right? Guess the age. Guess the age. Guess the age.

Based off everything we just learned and projected under her. Wow, it could go either way. And you can go first, Tig, or third. Give your reason. Do you want to go first? I'll go first. I'll go first. Okay.

Okay. And explain and show your work. Yes, please. Tell us where you went that way. Well, she has to be a little older because there's another woman in there. Two other women, correct? Living in there. It seems like, yes. And there's a kid. We don't know how old the kid is, but I'm going to say around 12. Okay.

And she has a knife under her bed, so she's been scared for a while. Yep. And she's eating steak in bed, and that's not our first time. I love that you're still believing that line. Your first bed steak rodeo. Yeah, so I'm going to say 42.

42 from Willie Hunter. Jason or Randy Sklar. I'll go next. Jason. I'll say this woman is 31. 31 years old. 31, but looks 49. A colostomy bag.

She is 54 and will die in two years. All right. I'll add that to it. I'm going to tell you right now, one of you is only two years off. Whoa! Yeah. Here we go. Townies, get your answers in now. Shout out to your earbuds. For this round of Guess the AG. Here we go. Townies, get your answers in now.

Shout out your earbuds. For this round of Guess the AG. Here we go. Shout out your earbuds. The woman who ruined her own TV, full up on steak, and got pushed down the hallway for the volume being too loud.

Thrown down the hallway. Make the distinction, Dan. Thrown down the hallway. Christina Louise Andecker. Hey! Is 56 years old. I knew it. Colossomy back was a good one. She outlived

my predictions for it. Amazing stuff. Thank you for sending that story in. Willie Hunter, thank you for joining us again. Follow the great Willie Hunter on Twitter. What is your Twitter handle, sir? At Will Hunter Show. And then on Instagram? Willie underscore Hunter.

Nice. Follow this dude, rising star in the comedy world, and just a good friend. Thank you so much for coming on. We'll have you on again, and oh shit, we gotta get back to work. It's a good show.