Dumb People Town - Zach Zucker - Confirm The Berm

Episode Date: November 7, 2023

Comedian Zach Zucker stops by as Jason describes police arresting a nude man in a school bus with a dead deer inside, Randy explains why a group of sneaker thieves stole only right-footed shoes, and Daniel warns against letting your dogs near your winning lotto tickets, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsors: Helix and Prize Picks! Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners! Go to HelixSleep.com/DPT and use code HELIXPARTNER20.This is their best offer yet and it won’t last long! With Helix, better sleep starts now. Go to PrizePicks.com/dpt and use code DPT for a first deposit match up to $100! PrizePicks: Daily Fantasy Sports Made Easy!

Dan and Ren and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast Dan with co-host Armand Dan And Dirk, don't be a jerk Cause when the music hits the funny hits So listen to our podcast jam with co-host Armand Dan. Vendors, don't be a jerk. Cause when the music gets the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around. Make a sound.

Punk it down. It's Dump People Town. Guys, you should never have to compromise on comfort. Helix has mattresses with cooling technology that helps regulate your body temperature whatever the season. By supporting Helix, you're allowing them to support us and our show. Go purchase your Helix and thank us later for your best night's sleep, Jay. Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Go to helixsleep.com slash DPT. Use the code Helix Partner 20. This is their best offer yet, and it won't last long. With Helix, better sleep starts now.

Huge thank you to our sponsor, PrizePix. PrizePix is the most fun that we've had, winning up to 25 times our money this football season. And now, you can play during basketball, too. You just need to select two or more players, pick more or less their projected stats, and place your entry. two or more players pick more or less their projected stats and place your entry go to prizepix.com slash dpt and use the code dpt for a first deposit match up to a hundred dollars that's prizepix.com slash dbt use the code dpt for a first deposit match up to one hundred dollars prizepix daily fantasy sports made easy hey townies welcome to another episode of dumb people town population you population sucker zach zucker the jack tucker it is a pleasure to be here jack tucker zucker

tucker the jack tucker of zach zuckers the zach zucker of jack tuckers how are you stamp town i'm doing great i'm very happy to be here it's been my dream it's gonna get so dumb dude i love your energy i'm going to start by saying this. You are probably to many of our listeners, whatnot. This will be an introduction of you to them. Absolutely an unknown. But you are for our fans and listening. We have great comedy fans.

We have great comedy fans who may know, but for fans who don't know, this is a dude who we were lucky enough to meet several times through the moon tower comedy festival and heard about before we heard about your show stamp town and it is insane in the best ways that insane is can be hilarious and funny we're such fans of yours and i'm so happy we made this happen and that you're here oh man yeah we've been trying to get this in for about a year now because we basically only saw each other once a year in Austin. Right. No.

And then we texted each other throughout the year being like, can we make it work? Just loud talking over music in the afternoon. No, we'll do it. I promise, man. We'll make it. We'll get there. You give us your window.

It's in my calendar right now. Two days later, I can't do that. I'm not. Turns out I'm actually going to be in Saudi Arabia. Then I'm in New York, but then I'll be there that window closed that window closed we'll find another window we'll find another window I think I told you guys this the first time when I met you guys but do you know that I used to intern at the used to be theater and when you guys on Saturday nights and in 2012 and 2013 and I used

to work when you guys did the Sklar brothers shows oh and I you were a Saturday night I was a Tuesday night. Really? Was that like before Bangarang was doing Tuesdays? It was 2011, 2012. Wow. I did it for 14 months because remember back then

they just didn't keep track? No, you just let you go. I feel like we definitely crossed paths. For sure. That's when we met. Dude, I love it. Yeah, that was Tuesday nights.

We met then too. We met then too. Yeah, because it was comedy, death rate comedy, bang, bang. Yes. And then Douglas Movies was before. Yeah, that was Tuesday nights. We met then, too. We met then, too. Yeah, because it was comedy, death rate comedy, bang, bang. Yes. And then Douglas Movies was before. Yeah. And then Diamond Lion was afterwards.

Look at you guys now. Come on. I love you both. Two titans of the industry. And here's the deal. The world is getting dumber. I don't know if you've experienced this in your world. You play some of the dumbest characters ever. What do you mean?

What are you saying? this in your world you've you play some of the dumbest characters ever what do you mean and but like jack tucker is the dumbest but smartest but dumbest person ever and i feel like you might you might quickest dumb person i've ever you mine a lot of comedy from his stupidity and so you and the fact that audiences love it and laugh understand that the world's getting dumber this is what happens our fans send us stories we still are on you can send them on x or twitter or whatever the hell you call it it's i think i might try and find something new okay because we'll have everything up to where it goes maybe some will trickle in but maybe we'll we'll start trying a new platform we'll see what we can do i thought you were gonna start calling x something new and i was like oh what are you gonna call it call it a call it truth social i'll play around i'll play around with the threads feature yeah let's search feature

we'll see right like no i think for a day nobody's been there in a month i've not i never even i i after the day i was like get this shit off my profile you don't want it out of here threads is like after your parents go in the home where you're like we'll see them all the time then you're like i think it's been about eight weeks yeah it's been i've checked in on threads yeah i hope they're doing well should we call i think it's been about eight weeks since I've checked in on Threads. I hope they're doing well. Should we call? I think it's fine. You know what?

Threads is happy there. It's fine. Threads is happy there. I see someone else with another number of it. I'm sure they're having a... I just found out I had two followers over the last few days. It's fine. Instagram, we don't need to go.

Let me say really quick. This is dumb. And then we'll jump straight into your story. This is dumb. Did you guys notice Instagram did a thing where it showed you what number person you were that had signed up for Threads? Yeah. dumb did you guys notice instagram did a thing where it showed you what number person you were that had signed up for threads and then i go get rid of this and it goes if you get rid of this you'll never be able to bring it back and i was like yeah we're on the same page and then it would

show up and i'm like yo get out of here please i don't need to be i don't need to know that i'm seven million i already kicked you out of this party yeah you're not allowed to come back through the window and it's just a guy with a number. I got a notification the other day from Instagram. It's like, you have 148 new Threads followers. And I was like, we're not going anywhere. No followings happening. Well, Dan, they want to follow you.

Thank you. But maybe we'll try it. Send the stories on Threads. It'd be fun if we just populate. Like, Threads was on the ropes until dumb news stories. Until the Sklar brothers and Daniel Van Kirk brought it back. Okay. So here's a story sent in by Derek Shipley, at Derek Shipley.

Thank you, buddy. Thanks, DS. I'll go with the headline first, as we customarily do. Yeah. And yes, there is an animal. Let me, this is a pre-headline thing. Pre-trigger. We don't like to talk about animals getting hurt, but this is a deer, which is kind of like...

We are back to where I used to do all three, you know, and now we each bring one. So an animal went down, but it's a deer. We label them story one, two, and three, like when we put them in the dock. So I don't even know. All I know is he did story one. Let me do it. Deer shoot... It better be like deer shoots hunter. York County

Police arrest nude man. That's my view. Probably me. After school bus stolen with dead deer inside. So I don't know if he killed the deer. No, I get it. This is my, I'm going to predict.

Dan, I can't wait to hear. He picked it up on the side of the road. The deer and had sex with it in the bus. Why would you make that up? I don't know. If you went to that far. Yeah, he said. He said in the bus it in the bus. Why would you make that up? I don't mean a horse. If you went to that part, they'd be like, where'd Daniel go? In the bus. Not in the bus.

On the bus, in the bus. Where's the weirdest place you've made whoopie? In the bus. No, he was like, probably either show on him. He's like, you good? It's dead on the side of the road. Three day dead deer. He's like, you good? Come on, buddy. He's in his own nom. I'm not leaving you side of the road. A three-day dead deer. And he's like, you good? Come on, buddy. Like, he's in his own nom.

He's like, I'm not leaving yet. Over the shoulder. It carries. Come on. Come on. We got this. Also naked. Yeah.

He's naked and he stole a bus. This is Adams County, Pennsylvania. I'm sure. Oh, OK. I thought when New York. I thought it was a British man. Oh, not in England. Yeah.

In Yorkshire. I like that they blamed somebody for this county. This is Adams County county could be amish it's pennsylvania that's right a man was arrested in york county after two chases with law enforcement in york second one's on them yeah one of which police said involved a stolen school bus the dead deer inside pennsylvania state police in adams county said early tuesday morning troopers stopped a vehicle with a Florida plate. I mean, this is Florida disseminating their stupidity. Do you think in other states, they're like

Florida plate, if they touch that yellow line. Yes. Let's get them out. Let's search them just in case. Just why? Because I swear to God, this happened to me just on tour. I don't know where this is dropped. There's more Rose Gold dates. We'll do that shit later. but i was on tour and i saw two florida plates in a row and i was on the

phone with a family member right and i go i saw two goddamn florida plates in a row i'm in ohio what are they doing up here and they did not seem to be together yes and i'm like what are two florida plates doing up here at 8 o'clock in the morning? Here's what I think is good. It's not good. No, it's not good. One's going to see the other plate, and they're not together. And he's going to try and drive up next to that person.

And that person is going to think that they're racing. And immediately, they're now going to continue to race. If two Florida plates interact outside of that state, it becomes a Highlander situation. There can only be one of us. Hear me out. Classic Zach Zucker pun mode. What is a Florida plate?

Like a plate. What would you imagine a Florida plate to be? Okay, a Florida plate is definitely like a mound of meth. Uncooked hot dogs. Yeah, uncooked hot dogs. Oh, I was going to say Chinese foodooked hot dogs. Yeah. Uncooked hot dogs. Oh, I was going to say Chinese food with hot dogs in it. Some like Disneyland food as well.

Yeah. $40 water bottles. Egg food. Old. And it's a decorative plate. They saw a Florida plate, a decorative plate on Lincoln Way East

as part of a burglary investigation from the day before. State police say troopers interviewed the driver, Tony Saunders, during the stop and say that he claimed he was coming home

from work. Oh, yeah, he was. He was coming from work. He was coming from work. In Tampa. Yeah. He was driving home. He better be a semi.

Kind of got off at the wrong exit. Saw a deer and it kind of kept going. Hey, man. Hey, man. Where are you coming from? Work.

Wherever she'll let me. The old ball of jam. A dead deer in the back? All right. During the stop, state police said the troopers learned of a theft at Rudder's convenience store in York County. According to the police, Saunders had items from Rudder's in the vehicle and say he claimed to have gotten them at a junkyard.

And the vehicle is a bus. Or this is the first chase. This is the first chase. It's a vehicle. So those giant bags of Fritos in the back of the car? That's from a junkyard. Yeah, yeah. Those are junkyards.

Junk food, junkyard. Junk food, junkyard. That's where they come from. Thank you. Have the three of you, any of you ever done a junkyard? No. Where you go to the junkyard? I had to.

And you get to work the i had to get a new hood for my pontiac grand am no way yes and i didn't have the money to do this so and i needed a new hood mine was damaged and so i went and found one i mean you met the heyday of grand amps they're just all they were like legos they were just all the same right you can so i went take one from the junkyard and put it on and what was the conversation with the guy who worked at the junk got a haggle how what will you do on the hood on that grand dam because you know there was like four colors and i just found one that how out of breath was he when he stood up oh my god it was a lot and oh pants never fit he's overweight way overweight suspenders no suspenders both down

suspenders just a lot of pulling and a collar that's too loose. I love a guy who pulls his pants up. That's my favorite. Yeah, just always. They say I'm going to get my son back. Oh, okay. Not this time. Good news.

When I was just in Tucson this last week, I was driving from Phoenix to Tucson, two of my favorite cities. Do you know that there's an airplane junkyard in the middle of it? And they just have all these old planes. And they used to do like art exhibitions there. Great. I would love to go and hang out there. And I don't know if you can buy them. So there's one in the Mojave Desert right near here called the Boneyard.

We've been in it. We stood on the wings of the plane when we shot stuff for the United States of America TV show. We were out standing in these planes. That was really cool. That was really awesome. That's a junkyard. All right. Okay. So he says, I awesome. That's a junkyard. All right. Okay.

So he says, I got this stuff at the junkyard. Troopers also saw a dog in the back of the vehicle and a dead deer in the trunk. Got him in the junkyard? Dead deer in the trunk. And a dog in the back of the car. The dog's in the back. Here's a great thing, though. Dog's alive.

This is a great thing. The dog is just going for a ride. Dog's having fun. The dog is having fun. The faster you go, the more wind goes out. The dog's like, this is fucking great. Go for a ride. Dog's having fun. The dog is having great time. The faster you go, the more wind the dog's like. The dog's like, this is fucking great. We'll go for a ride?

There's a deer in the trunk, bro. There's a dead deer. You wanna go for a ride? And the more that guy's running from rudders to the car when he steals it, the more the dog is excited. Like, this is a game.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's running. Get in fast. This is fun. So he said, as the troopers tried to open the car door, Stapley say,

Saunders drove off. Yeah. Always a great move. Classic. Cops are like, we need to get in there. They're not going to get it. If I know my buddy, that's what he does. That's right.

He's consistent. Troopers followed the car to Hanover Street, and they say it drove through a chain link fence. Okay. Always wanted to do that. That's 80s. That's 80s action movie. Right.

Right. But it won't explode the way you want it to. It'll just kind of like wrap around your car. Pops your tires, fucks your hood up. Troopers say the car then continued through tree lines and got stuck on train tracks. They saw Sanders run into a heavily wooded area

behind a vacant Cross Keys motel. Where's the dog? Where's the dog? Dog's back at the car being like what are you guys doing? Sitting on train tracks come on you gotta get that dog out of there that dog's out

I'm a good boy we did it that's just a dog's mentality so later Tuesday morning around what time? what time do you think? 10.30 in the morning what time?

wait sorry this was this is later in Tuesday morning when they were notified that a school bus was going I feel like it's mid-morning 10.30 so you're saying after the kids were dropped off a school bus was going. I feel like it's mid-morning. So you're saying after the kids were dropped off at school.

Well, that's what he's saying. I'll say 9.15. Could be 3 a.m. 8.45. And I think on some level, I would love it if he had to make all the stops. So he's running from the police. He's like, get in. Open the door. Let's go.

It would be great if he got stuck in a drop-off line. And the cops are stuck in the drop-off line, too. And there's no way to get to them. Well, if the stop sign comes off the bus, then they have to wait. They cannot cut. From either side. Every day I drop my daughter off at school,

every single day. There is no day that goes by that I don't utter, what are you doing? Move up. Do not drop them off right here. I got a really dumb question high schools don't have parking lots for students no they do some do yeah in la yes but if they don't and you're 16 and you drive yourself to school you just have to find parking like any

other you gotta pay the meters no way right there's a parking lot there's a parking lot if there isn't you're wrong there isn't you know how many cars that would be for students? There's like a multi-level thing at my son's high school. Well, that's, I mean, his high school is dope. But that's also, you get in the valley. Yeah, you're in the valley. You're on the other side. Where'd you go to high school?

Do you go up in New York? I grew up in, I'm from New York, but I grew up in suburb Chicago. So I went to Highland Park High School. You went to Highland Park? I'm HPHS, baby. I'm a giant. I'm from Rochelle, Illinois. Out past DeKalb, South of Rockford. We had a lot of friends from Highland Park High School. You went to Highland Park? I'm HPHS, baby. I'm a giant. I'm from Rochelle, Illinois. I'll pass to Cal, South of Rockford.

We had a lot of friends from Highland Park. A lot. I was Buffalo Grove into Highland Park. Nice. Off Arlington, dude? Yeah, yeah. Did you ever go into Highwood and see what was going on in that joint? Please.

I played Highwood. I played basketball and baseball in Highwood. Of course you did. I played baseball in Waukegan, you know, everywhere. Of course you did. Welcome back to the Chicago suburbs. Talking about the Chicagoland area. Let's talk about more suburbs there.

Now, the 355 extension has come in. What about the Dan Ryan? Dan Ryan, don't get on that. I had to go all the way to I-90 to the airport. You guys going down to Wanatka? Down to Wanatka? Yeah, if I start in Kenosha. What happens now

Oh my god Come on he got to What time is it You said 10.15 I said 8.45 You said 9.15 At 7.10am So probably the bus needed to do a job

And the kids Weren't getting to school that day. We've been saying this since we started doing this show together. That is not in the morning. This is an all night deal. This is an extension. Whatever time it is for him, this is the end of the night. Not the beginning.

Oh, no, no. He's not slept. He's not had breakfast. You let your kids out at the bus stop and you're like, well, he's coming. He's coming. He's coming. He's just been hurling through the woods until he finds a bus. That really was a junkyard. That better be chopper in the, in the, uh, in the car.

That's right. The dog from Stanford. Oh my God. All right. So Carroll township police were notified. The school bus reported stolen. So probably was stolen. Oh, it is a bus.

The whole thing's about all the time. This has been a bus. No, no. He was in a car. He was in a car. He was in a car. Deer in the trunk. Left it on the truck. Dead deer in the thing.

Stuck on the train tracks. Left on the train tracks. Ran through the woods. Stole a thing. So no kids. This is preschool hours. Maybe. Preschool, elementary school.

We don't know. We don't know. All right. So school reported from Abbottstown has been spotted in the Dillsburg area. I just love all the names on these areas. I want Dillsburg. I want to move to Dillsburg. Dills with it spotted in the Dillsburg area. I just love all the names on these areas. Dillsburg. I want to move to Dillsburg. Dills with it. Wasn't Dillsburg canceled? Yeah, Dillsburg

got really right wing. Dillsburg, we're sweet too. I love it. Dillsburg, we relish our residents. Son of a bitch. That's so bad. High school's gotta be the Spears, right? Dillsburg, if you hit a Dillsburg, you relish our residence. Oh, you son of a bitch. That's so bad. High school's got to be the Spears, right?

Dillsburg, if you hit a Dillsburg, you're in quite a pickle. Thank you. Dillsburg, you'll love us on the side. All right. Officers say they found the bus in a shopping center parking lot and tried to stop it. They say the bus left the lot. This guy will not be stopped. He cannot be stopped.

Might not be a school bus. Could be a charter bus. Could be. On to Route 15 North, winding in and out of traffic. Speed. This is speed. Now you're like,

this is it. He's like, I can't stop this truck. If I stop, we all die. Everybody dies. The bomb goes off. And he might be sort of

Dennis Hopper-y, depending on the era. You never know. Police say the bus left the highway and drove over a berm. Do we know what that is? Hold on.

This is a land thing. I want to say like an elevated area of land. To allow irrigation to go on both sides. I don't know. Whatever you told me, I would believe that.

Yes. A berm. Yeah, dude, of course. So you're confirming it. Yeah. Unequivocally, you're telling us that he's right. I would run on this platform.

Thank you. You're confirming the berm. We're just goingally, you're telling us that he's right. I would run on this platform. Thank you. You're confirming the berm. We're just going to hold you to this forever. He's confirming the berm. Yeah, I confirm the berm. That would have been Bernie's campaign. Feel the berm. What is the berm?

Confirm the berm. I'm asking you again, what is a berm? I mean, 10% of this is it. Carroll Township Police say the driver ran into a wooded area again. Another wooded area. It's his move. He's training for a triathlon. That's his move.

It's like I drive for 20 miles, I run for five miles into the woods, and then I drive. Kareem has a hook shot. He runs into the woods. That's right. This is a Peter style. He was later found running through local parking lots. He is training for something.

By the way, multiple parking lots. Lots. Yeah. So not just one. He's running through. He's there. Maybe it's like a multi-layer like the high school, you know? Yeah.

He's running through a parking. It didn't say a parking structure. It just said multiple lots. He's going through Trader Joe's. There he is. Over there in Whole Foods. He's at Zales. He's at Zales.

What lots? He's in all of them. He's in every lot. sales all of them the police say the man stripped his clothing as he fled oh cool he was closed up until this point yeah so now the way closer off they won't recognize him yeah what was david tell's great old joke oh if you see a man running naked down the street run with him you run with that man because whatever he's running from is just penis flapping in the breeze. That's awesome. No reason.

Run with him. Cause whatever he's running from is some scary shit. Yeah. All right. Uh, please say Sanders admitted to taking the bus earlier today after crashing the BMW. It was a BMW.

Okay. And claim the dead. This is what he claimed. This is where it goes to town. People town claim the dead deer was for garden what he claimed. This is where it goes to town people town. Claim the dead deer was for garden fertilizer. What? Is that true? Can we get confirmation on that, Dan?

I mean, all those organs and all that stuff. You live in a burr, I'm sure. I mean, look. If you're living in a burr, it depends on what kind of burr you're trying to make. Yeah, yeah. You said the organs, exactly. Can we all pitch a show called Burr Notice? Burr Notice? Berm Notice?

We just go around the country asking people if they know what a berm is. Do you know what this is? Berm Notice. You're on notice. You're on notice. Police, here we go, say Sanders, he admitted to taking the thing. They say Sanders faces charges in Adams County of fleeing and attempting to elude officers, evading arrest or detention on foot, recklessly endangering another person, trespass my motor vehicle, vehicle and other traffic.

So what? So it goes back to why would you drive off when the cops are there? Something is clearly like the dead deer in the trunk that he's claiming is for. But it's just a deer like, well, it's a fertilizer. I guess it's fertilizer for the first garden. All right. According to court records, Saunders also is facing charges in York County for fleeing, receiving stolen property,

resisting arrest and reckless driving. he's mad about the, the rudder, the rudder stuff. Yeah. He's kind of trying to protect that from a rudder. Meanwhile, some guy at a junkyard is like,

I gave him that shit. I gave it to him. That's the only, I stole it. That's the only part that's true. So many bags of Fritos. I didn't know what to do. I gave him the racks. Yeah. I didn't need those. I had this many bags of Fritos, I didn't know what to do. He gave the racks, too.

I gave him the racks. Yeah. I didn't need those. I had this deer. He said he was trying to make a garden. He said he was going to take it off my hands. And a Pontiac Grand Am hood he was looking for. Court records have listed Saunders will get out of here as living in both Steelton and I'm going to ask you, you may not know, but these guys may know, a town in Florida that

we have a huge affiliation with port st lucie you got it oh wow i was gonna say burglar i'm gonna say it fucked up yes port st lucie have you been dan did you know but i have to at this point at this point port st lucie has come up so many times on the show there's so much crime that happened seven i'm talking over the span of years like 40 times 100 at least 100 times at least 100 so the connection is not that you guys have been there it's that it's always always that's where shit's going shit we get so many stories from port and a lot of them were greenly greenly greenly always anyway oh r Randy's got the next one.

Wait, you don't know how old that dude is? We don't know how old. Do we know what happened to him? We don't know what happened. We don't know how old. We don't got to do it every time. No. That's wild and dumb as hell.

It's a wild and dumb story. I mean, if you're naked and running and you had a deer in your car. Meanwhile, I hope that dog found a forever home. Yeah. I hope that dog's running through the woods of its own heart the dog is just so happy he's either living with one of those cops yes or a train conductor who needed a friend or you know so yeah or yeah yeah yeah him and the deer went to heaven yeah yeah and like the summer camp that dog is frolicking 12 years from now the cop

is tucking in his kid to sleep and the kid's like tell us how we got rusty again there was a naked man with a dead deer and then you go into the living room and there's just a dead deer in the thing and it's like that's rusty also i feel like maybe maybe like you know people wouldn't run from the cops if we could rebrand them so like maybe instead of like eluding cops what if there was like a lewd cop yeah it's like a cop in some like dumpy underwear yeah shoulder maybe a little bit of ink that reno 911 scene where they teach like they teach him how to dance yeah is it the man or woman who's like proving he's sober it's my favorite my favorite thing it's the great kickball chain

it's like she's like man did you take dance he's like no i'm just drunk Fair thing. It's the great. Kickball chain. Pot of beret. Pot of beret. That's right. And it's like, she's like, man, did you take Dan's? He's like, no, I'm just drunk. Ah! Yes! Let's do story three. That's the best. All right, we're going to take a break. We come back.

We'll find out, I guess, we'll find out what Dan's doing. No, you guys. Oh, us. That's what we're doing and where you can see Zach Zucker. It's the Sklar Brothers and Danny Van Kirk. It's Dumb People Town. We'll be right back. Boom.

Hey, guys. Welcome back to the show. I don't know where you went in the meantime, but we're happy that you're back. We should let people know what's going on with us. I think this is going to drop relatively soon. And in doing so, we can tell you we're going to be in Springfield,

Missouri at the blue room doing, I've never done that room for very excited. But the thing we really want you guys to come to is we're doing our two man show in New York at ours, Nova theater, five 11 before very excited but the thing we really want you guys to come to is we're doing our two-man show in new york at ours nova theater 511 uh very excited and i was probably a little under half sold right now and we just want to sell it out yeah it's november 12th it's sunday night it's part of the new york comedy festival sunday november 12th 7 p.m two-man show called identical dads it's our it's stories it's the one main story we're dropping this next week yeah i think so great so it'll help my plugs later on there you go so one

it's one story and and about our lives about how we were potentially mixed up when we were six weeks old and it follows that throughout and then how we tried to figure out our own identities through our own experience as kids and then parents and what it means to be. I love this show. We've been rehearsing it a ton. We did it over the summer here at dynasty typewriter. We basically unintentionally make the case for why you should have kids by telling you for an hour and 20 minutes,

how shitty it is to have kids. Yeah. It's a good time. What would you guys be? How would you feel if you found out you were, is it that you were maybe mixed up? Yeah. It's a good time. Would you guys be, how would you feel if you found out you were, is it that you were maybe mixed up? Yeah, so we go into that whole thing.

I don't want to tell you, but we actually find out. Spoiler alert, it turns out they're two hot twins. Yes! We become the course. Turns out we're the Lucas brothers. Yeah.

I knew it. You guys have fully switched. Yeah. We're the Zlar brothers. That's on November 12th. That's a Sunday night 7 p.m. at Ars Nova at Theater 511

we'll post all that stuff up we would love to see you guys out there and then go to superscrollers.com December we're first and second

we're in Cleveland at Hilarities which we all love and then we're going to be in Portland at Helium for a night beginning of January

and then Seattle the Crocodile back at the end of January beginning of February in Denver and we're just got a bunch of

dates coming up superscrollers.com check that out Zach And we're just got a bunch of dates coming up. Check that out. Zach, I know you've got a stamp town on November 13th here in LA. Yes. Yeah. We've got some stuff that I think will probably be missed in New York in the first two weeks or the first weekend of November. I've got a stamp time on the fifth, uh, Jack Tucker, my solo show.

I'm doing my off Broadway do so you can come watch me. Jack off Broadway. Jack off Broadway. Jack off Broadway. Jack off Broadway. Yay. And then I'm going, I'm doing my off-Broadway do, so you can come watch me. Jack off-Broadway. Jack off-Broadway. And then I'm going back to Australia. I'm doing a show on November 17th in Sydney, a show November 30th in Melbourne, and then I kind of take the rest of the

year off until next year where we do some runs in LA and London, and then I do this longer five to eight week run of Jack Tucker in New York at the Soho Playhouse and I am show-ho happy to do it. I love it. It's going to be a great time. I'm very excited. Sound effects, everything.

Unbelievable for people who don't know. I mean, this is like a ridiculous kind of hilarious, borscht-belty stand-up comedian. Super physical, crazy fun, amazing sound effects worked into the show. It's almost like a duo act with the sound effects. Fully.

Fully. Which is so, from a duo act, from a double act that relies on timing, the timing you have with the sound cues in the show is, just go see it for that. So I highly recommend that you guys check this out when it comes near. Where can people follow you and know when all this stuff is coming up? I'm usually posting it always on my Instagram or on the website. Website's

StamptownComedy.com. Instagram is just Zach underscore Zucker. And you know, if you ever want to just come find me in real life, I've been taking a lot of dance classes all over Los Angeles. Dude, I love the dance videos that you post. Just follow him to see the dance videos. Yeah, look, I'll shake it. I'll do whatever it takes. Kickball chain, dude.

Yeah, look, I'm going to kickball chain. Pot of beret. Pot of beret. No, he is an amazing dancer. And again, just as far as physical comedy goes, just some of the best. I mean, like, I would argue it's so interesting because we're sitting here in like three kind of very different

but connected types of comedy. This is why we all get along. Very physical. You're so in your body all the time you do the stuff you do. Dan is such a good character person and a phenomenal storyteller. And this is a two-man comedy thing. It's like three very different types. But it's also playful.

We all just play the same way. There's a joy to it all. There's a joy to it all there's a joy to it right yeah we go for the the big laugh and the four big bit hounds right here that's right i love a bit i love a life bit i don't give a shit if no one ever sees it life bits like i'm the funniest when no one sees it come on man that's what i'll tell people i'll tell my family too i'm like that one's just for you this is just for us sometimes you're just Zach at the Ellen show I know I know Karen helped set that up it's the best before you jump in ran a berm any last oh um that's when you do that cool thing to your hair yeah that's that's curl it curl it yeah you

it sounds good and then you're gonna be like oh you just fancy named something we all know a flash trip of land raised bank or terrace bordering a river river canal so my race thing was right or the second thing a path of grass a path of grass strip beside a road oh so just the grassy median yeah great so that's where he fucking burn in context Just call it the median. Yeah. God damn you. Don't make us look shit up.

All right. Shut up. You guys ready for this one? This one is sent in by Joe G. This may be a new person sending in. Hey, it's Joe G. It's Joe G. You got a problem with me sending stuff in to you?

I had a chicken parmesan. Let me tell you something about the chicken parmesan. Do you know there's an old video of Randy and I from where, Dan, you've seen it from our bar, from when we were

at someone's bar mitzvah. Oh my God. And we're 13 years old. Were you guys of bar mitzvah age? Yeah. Yes, we were 13. This is like from 84.

We'll show it to you after. You should post it once a year. We should post it every, during bar mitzvah season. I'm cracked. We're in three piece during Bar Mitzvah season. I'm crap. We're in three piece suits and it's like we're little mafia dudes. I'm like, it's a wonderful facility.

What are you wearing? You look good over here. I'm like, I'm the better half. The better half of that. I'm like, you'll get it someday. They look like they're in the St. Louis You'll get it someday. It's a nice facility. It'd be a shame if something happened to this facility This is incredible

Were you guys always Bitting around We were doing bits and we were like Fucking whores for the camera You guys ate that whole scene Randy almost choked a kid That was funny too There was some weird aggression

Get Danny Winograd away from that I gotta talk about the facility Before we hop in my ask a question It was funny too. There was some weird aggression. But you can tell you were friends. Get Danny Winograd away from that. Get him out of there. I got to talk about the facility. Before we hop in, may I ask a question? I think I get asked a lot and I'm always curious because I've never asked other people. Did you,

they always say, did you always know you were going to be a performer or like, or did you kind of fall into it? So from personal experience, I played sports, but then when I look back, I'm like, Oh,

I was like doing my eye black and always wearing my wristbands. And I had all this stuff and I was like, Oh, I'm like clearly like early seeds of being bisexual oh i was like doing my eye black and always wearing my wristbands and i had all this stuff and i was like oh i'm like clearly like early seeds of being bisexual was like oh yeah i'm like literally doing makeup and doing full drag to go play baseball right now you know yeah i think we were all predisposed and then you just get funneled into how that what what you're supposed to do so we didn't know what was possible and i guess coming from the midwest and coming from st louis we're like we didn't understand what was possible. And I guess coming from the Midwest and coming from St. Louis,

we're like, we didn't understand what could be, but we just understood this is our superpower amongst people is being able to gather a group of people and make them laugh. Whatever that meant that had, there was no like, Oh, then we're going to go into standup comedy or we have an uncle Jeff who did

this. I think we also were very cognizant of like, even at a young age, like we don't want to be known as just the twins. We were like, we want to be so silly and funny and like have a running gag with so many people. So that was like how we met our best friends.

We were like, if you can hang in this bit, then you're in, you're in. If you can hang with this, then you are in what we're doing. Also just remembering that you guys are from St. Louis. My buddy, who's an amazing musician, this guy Lucas Tamron, he's the lead singer in

the frontman of this band called Thumpasaurus. He's from St. Louis. Oh, no way. And we were chatting, and maybe you guys are the people to do this with. We've been wanting to write a movie for years about a guy who his dream is to fly a plane through the arch, and his grandfather died doing it. His father died doing it. So he has to avenge them and his wife's begging him not to do it, but he's like, I have to do

this. So I think it should be two brothers. I bet you do. And they should be called the wrong brothers, not the right brothers. That's so funny. I mean, and they're called R-O-N-G. We're writing this. We're writing this movie. I'm dead serious. The wrong brothers? It is interesting. Nobody's ever pranked the arch right

prank the hollywood sign i told this story about how we print and so we're up in the top of the arch and we're looking down must you say must be nice no dan came with us we just told this we tried to get him up into the arch and he got into the elevator which is a tiny little egg going up there and he's like i know my limitations and limits he said my limits there's an elevator i would do it i just i don't like is there no stairs in the no no you wouldn't want to walk up the stairs to be just fall all the way down so we're up high and i'm looking down there's snow on the ground because it's the winter and someone had walked out the message jesus is number one oh and and queen isn't that the truth right we're not gonna argue with that as jews we're like we

gotta do something here and as comedians we're like let's do something funny so i walked out in the snow yvonne day is number 11 yvonne de jesus who was a utility and played on the cubs and he was number 11 so then for the rest of the day people went up in the arch and looked down and were like Yvonne DeJesus is number 11. That's weird. And your commitment to stamping that out. Life bits. This is what we did when we were young. That's what it's all about.

Okay, Joey G at Joe G 1028. It's amazing. Alright, you ready for this? Happy birthday, Joey. Happy birthday, you cock right. You ready for this? Happy birthday. Happy birthday, Joey. Happy birthday, you cocksucker. Happy birthday, you son of a bitch. You son of a bitch.

You're coming to my house. I'll smack you across the face. Give you a little meatball for your birthday. Call him Joey 1028 because he always cared about his birthday. You dumb. You stupid meatball. As the pan. Hey, it's almost my birthday time.

It's my birthday. That's what he says as the pan. Two weeks. Two weeks? Two weeks. And Joe, what about you? Yeah, six months from now. it's going to be that day. Why does your pocket smell like prosciutto?

I got three weeks to my half birthday. Joey, 10-28. I have three to my half, the longest nickname. I'm two days before two weeks after my quarter birthday. I remember it was just yesterday. It was about five weeks before my 30th, 40th, fifth birthday. We will start this story. No. Maybe we won't. I know. So guys, 40th birthday. We will start this story. No.

Maybe we won't. I know. So guys, do you guys like comedy? I love it. What's your inspiration? Let's talk about light bits. Sneaker thieves. Ooh.

Sneaker thieves. Okay. One of my favorite bands, the Sneaker Thieves. Sneaker thieves steal, and we're going to get into how much, a large amount of money worth of only right-footed sneakers. Because they're idiots. So this is the thing that, you know, like, sneakerhead stores will do. The only one that's out there is the right one.

Is the right one. Exactly. So they're right. We don't know if it's right or wrong. We don't know this. It could be wrong. It could be right. So they just stole all of that.

This is a two-part gig they got. Yeah, just dummies. A group of thieves reportedly stole. They're going to have to put the lefts back out. I know. To sell the shoes. So then you... We'll come back and hit them again. Okay. A group of thieves reportedly

stole more than how many sneakers from a shoe store in central Peru. You know, you're like, hey, where are you going for those sneakers? Down at A-Life? Down in the Lower East Side of Man? Cool Kicks? Cool Kicks over on Melrose? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I love Cool Kicks. Cool Kicks is great. You know Cool Kicks? I love Cool Kicks. It's a great place. It of Man. Cool Kicks. Cool Kicks over on Melrose. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I love Cool Kicks. Cool Kicks is great. You know Cool Kicks?

I love Cool Kicks. It's a great place. It's great. It's right across from Fresh Kicks. It's right across the street. It's not as good as- That really is what Fairfax is like. It is now.

It's all that. No, it is. I go with my son because he loves it. It's all Cool Kicks, Fresh Kicks, then it's like Hot Shoes, Epic Town. Cool Kicks is amazing. Look, I go there. Nobody likes me right next to Leave Me Alone. I've seen you guys.

I saw you all with all the shoes on. These are cool things. But no. You go to Cool Kicks? No, we're going down to Machu Picchu's. Where's that. I saw you all with all the shoes. These are cool kicks. But no. You got a cool kick? No, we're going down to Machu Picchu's. Where's that? On Fairfax? No, it's in Peru.

It's in Peru. Really, let's think about this. What would be the benefit to stealing all rights? It's the most. Then you get to find out what's left. Thank you. Yeah. Jack off Broadway over here.

I guess if they're big enough, it doesn't matter. If you have that Eugene Levy condition from best in show. Where both are born with two left feet. I'm literally born with two left feet. Or do you think they're stealing them and then telling them, if you want them back so you can sell the things, we'll put the store to say that to them? Yeah.

I mean, I guess you. How do you value? The value is zero on shoes that are all right feet he's all right imagine if they split them it's like well if these shoes you know 250 bucks and you split it down the middle it's like well one shoes one 125 yeah i was like i almost went 175 and i was like i didn't make this okay is it for some reason it was like you know it's a in this area of the world like people don't have shoes. So you're like, hey, this is better than this. But then it's like, did they steal?

They unknowingly made off with only right foot sneakers. The theft apparently took place on Sunday, April 3rd, according to the Diario Correo, a national newspaper that covers Peruvian and world events. Security cameras reportedly show three people breaking into the shoe store, which is located on Juan Cayo, the capital city of Junin region at around what time? What time did the security camera break in on a Sunday?

The security cameras are showing it. What do you think? It's on the day of our Lord. It's gotta be late at night. Okay. What do you think? 1130 PM. And I disagree with you. They're all at Eglasia. Yeah. They be late at night. Okay, what do you think? 11.30 p.m. 11.30 p.m. Dan, I disagree with you.

They're all at Iglesia. Yeah. They're all at church, and I'm going to say it's taking place at 9 a.m. I'm going to go also same deal. I think I'm going to say 7 a.m. Get your answers in, townies, because this thing took place at 3.30 a.m. He's the closest. Oh, dude, you're in the ballpark.

That's smart. Gracias, gracias, Jesus Christo. That's right. CCCC. And the trio carried out three large boxes that were filled with about how many shoes? How many right shoes? Three boxes. So they don't even know.

I mean, I'm assuming these are big boxes, not just boxes. 189. 189? Very good. Right off the bat, what do you think? I'll go 300 300 78 get your answers in townies because they came out with three large boxes that were filled with about 220 this well-known name brand sneakers so lots of zips and one lot of tons of avias like Cox Sportif

the thieves reportedly use this is where I was like this okay this is where I'm like now we're in dumb people town the thieves reportedly used a tricycle to transport the boxes to their padlock cutters according to D.I.R.E. a tricycle I mean it's

3.30 in the morning it's sort of a dolly I guess so did they ride it's 3 30 in the morning it's sort of a dolly i guess oh so did they ride it because i'm imagining it like clowns with these big boxes on my head oh they're doing that shitty thing sometimes people do like they stacked it and then they did where you're trying to keep pressure on the top and the backs you can push it without it falling over you're always like the grinch with all the presents yes oh yeah dan Dan. So the great reference. The other Korea reports that it took the small crew an hour and multiple attempts to break into the store. Let's not call them a crew.

That's right. You know, your ham's line from the town. This is the not fucking around crew. This is the fucking around crew. They're barely a crew. Hey, we had to transport these things.

What'd you bring to transform a tricycle? And what'd they say? An hour of attempting to get into the store. So this now i'm gonna get into what you got this is all a question about what you guys think this store in central peru has because that's really what is this your car wash and silver lake yeah yeah no it's like what you think maybe i should say this from the end how much in dollar amount yes we know that it's 220 all right fox business reached out to the national police of peru for a comment like the national police of peru they were probably like who they're like fox business we're

on this story but why why and who because we're looking for the police are reportedly investigating the crime and trying to find both the thieves and the missing sneakers so that's usually how it goes the cops are like well we've got this what we're supposed to do basically is uh uphold the law and then give consequences for people who break that law so we're trying to find the sneakers and catch the guys who do i mean the most bullshit response ever we've gathered evidence at the scene great local chief edwin a bunch of left shoes with missing right shoes. And a broken window. Yeah, yeah.

State provided the proof of the analysis. With the footage and the fingerprints, we are able to locate these individuals. You are describing those boring episodes of CSI.

It looks like there's a break in and we will look at the crime scene and we'll let you know what happens. So here's the bummer. The shoe store is said to be new in the Juan Cayo.

Yes. CSI Juan Cayo. CSI Juan Cayo. CSI Juan Cayo. I'd love to be doing Joe 1028. You know what I'm saying? Police in the area believe the stolen sneakers are being hidden because the products can't be sold. Are we going to do the CSI Miami punny line that comes right before that? Looks like the shoe's on the other foot now.

Yes! That is already perfect. Yes. Thank you uh social media users appear to be entertained by the sneaker has gone wrong ha ha this can only happen in my country one twitter user wrote in spanish okay surely they wanted to sell it at half price let's do like all of these as the final line for CSI 1.0. I guess whoever stole these shoes probably leans left. Oh, yeah!

So sorry I laughed because the owner is still losing, but one user wrote, by a long laugh, onomatopoeia. All right, the botch sneaker. I won't even give it that. I don't even get that one. You know what? I do say this. I pray for their souls.

That's good. That's good. This thing's about to lace this thing up. All right. The botch sneaker heist isn't the first thing to happen in Peru. In mid-April, a similar sneaker theft was attempted

at a shoe store in Ica, a city in southern Peru. But the National Police of Peru stopped the theft and seized the sacks of sneakers that were valued up to. We'll do this value of the other one in Ica, and then we'll do the value in ours. How much? In US dollars? Yeah, in US dollars. In Ica.

In Ica, the one that was in Ica that they stopped, how much were they attempting to steal in terms of merchandise? I'll go $500. What do you think? Like $5,000. Yeah, I was going to maybe say like $4,600. Okay. Get your answers in because they were valued up to $9,447. I knew it was a lot.

I knew it was a lot. According to a separate report published by Diario Correo on April 16th. So we will get out of here on that. I mean, just so dumb. Are these Luby's, dude? Are they stealing some boutons? I don't know. Maybe.

Some Luby's. A little Balenciaga. Balenciaga. There we go. A little Jordan 4s, all black. They're all Jordan 4s, all black. God damn it. I'll take it.

I love those. I would go. Look, I would rob for that. I would rob for some Jordan 4s. Are you kidding me? My son got some with his own money. With his own money. God damn. Wow. My daughter won some and I was like, I love those. I would go. Look, I would rob for that. I would rob for some Jordan 4s. Are you kidding me? My son got some with his own money. With his own money. God damn.

Wow. My daughter won some and I was like, I can't. Is he, what size shoe is he? He's now like almost where I am. He's like 10 and a half, 11. I got some great 13s I'm looking to get. I'm going to just unload. I don't want to go.

I hope he grows. Jordan 4s? Jordan's. Oh shit. No, there's some, they're really nice. All right, speaking of really nice, how much? They said they're... This is the one in Juan Cayo.

All the left-footed shoes. How... This isn't a joke. They don't value this at literally half of what... So I think this is the value of the sets, but you obviously can't sell the set. I know who stole it. It's almost damages. I know who stole the shoes. I know who stole it. It's almost damages.

I know who stole the shoes. Who stole the shoes? Here we go. Jeremy Irons. There you go. My left foot. That's right. Folks.

Yeah! Yes! How much? It's approximation. Yeah. But if we hit 9G on the last one, did they note that to build it up? Because this one's lower? 200 and something shoes.

220. 220? 220 shoes. I'll go $6,000. $6,000? Very good. What do you think, Jay? I'm going to say $11,000.

Yeah, I want to go higher, too. I'm going to go $13,000. $13,000. One of you Is exactly right Now we can play the game Who do you think is right Do you want to stay where you're at Or jump to another

6, 11, 13 I'm staying with 6 Hold on 6, 11, 13 If you move around the numbers it becomes 10, 28 It's my birthday It's Joey What do you think I'm going to stay with 11 Joey Joey G I'm gonna stay with 11 I'm staying with my

You're gonna stay on 13 I mean like 11 Is my favorite what's my lucky number but I think I should just stick to unlucky you can move if You want Staying on 13 staying on 11 Staying on 6 okay I want to just say in our hearts We want to be right but it's more of a thrill

For our guests to be right Am I right Dan? No Okay Yeah it's my It's the first time we're here I don't know We'll get out of it

You guys get it We'll get out of On this story on this And then we'll let you know What the hell's going on And he's going to take us home Alright stolen merchandise Is valued to be

$13,000 You just want all three Believe in yourself Believe in yourself. Believe in yourself. I just wanted someone to, if I moved and God forbid that wasn't it. No, no, you were right. You got to ride with the you that brought you. Wow.

You got to ride with the me that brought me here. Dance with the you that you brung to the dance. All right, Dan, can you give us just a little tease of what we're going to see in segment three? Sometimes you can love all dogs, but wish it lived somewhere else. There you go. All right. It's a dog story. On the other side of the break, it's Dumb People Town.

Zach Zucker, the three of us will be right back with more Dumb People Town. Stick around. Make it sound. There's more Dumb People Town. Guys, I want to talk about our sponsor, Helix. I love them. The lineup, man. They offer 20 unique mattresses, including the award-winning Luxe collection, which you

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Guys, I want to talk about prize picks. Jay, it is fantastic. I've had so much fun playing with prize picks. Well, now, okay, with basketball season. Totally. It is fantastic. I've had so much fun playing with the Prizes. Well, now, okay, with basketball season. Totally.

NBA, baby. You can pick combo projections across football and basketball from the specials league. I love this. A league created specifically for combo projections that include two or more players from different sports or leagues. For example. LeBron James and Travis Kelsey. For a 10.5 combo of three-pointers made and receptions.

That's insane. It's so dope because. To combine. I've never seen that before. I love it. And you want, if you want to play alongside some of prize picks, favorite players,

rapper, Meek Mill, our buddy, Andrew Schultz, great comedian. You can now find community plays under the promos tab of the app. Very easy to use app and a fun app, by the way,

two to view entries from some of the biggest names. So Steph Curry's been lighting it up in this first week. I'm going to pick them for more than 29 points. How about you? For more than 10 rebounds How about Jokic? For more than 10 rebounds? That dude lives and feasts around the basket. Dame Lillard, you think he's lighting it up as we talked about in our sports podcast?

How about more than four three-pointers made? I'll say more than two past the logo. First of all, as we said, the site is really easy to use. The app is really easy to use. It's very, very fun. It makes games that like, and players that you may not care about or watch. It's like the next step of fantasy football. So Joe Burrow, more than two passing touchdowns,

Travis Kelsey, more than 75 receiving yards. These all feel very doable and it's very exciting to watch and then root for. I love it. So go to prizepicks.com slash DPT. Use the code DPT for a first deposit match up to 100 that's prizepix.com slash dpt use the code dpt for a first deposit match up to 100 we're having so much fun playing prize picks you guys will too prize picks daily fantasy sports made easy

hey guys welcome back to the show before we we jump into number three, Daniel, tell people where they can see you and all this stuff. So this is it. This is a big week. The Rose Gold Tour is going to continue for a few more months. But this week, if this is a Tuesday, tonight I am in St. Louis. I'm at the old Rock House. And if you're listening to this, you know, I always love that when you do a show and you're doing a meet and greet afterwards and somebody's like we heard about it today i had people who they found a babysitter for the three kids drove an hour and a half

to come see a show they're huge dumb people town fans i love that too i've had i've been starting out shows sometimes depending on the show maybe i'll do it uh and when i'm up later but if i open up the show i've asked people for dumb stories. I've had some great ones. And you just riff off those. So bring those. Bring a Dumb People Town story. I might get to talk to you. But that'll be St. Louis.

And then tomorrow night, I am in Louisville at Planet of the Tapes. And then the 9th, I'm in Indianapolis, White Rabbit. 10th, Rochelle, Illinois. Tickets might be all sold out. I don't know. And then I'm sure tickets are all sold out for Saturday. Shooting my special in chicago on 11 11 yes and then i'm in austin on uh december 14th everything's at daniel van kirk go sam cam everyone we've spoken to who's

come see you is like so happy that they did it's a fun hour it's a really really fun i love it so proud of you that's on shooting the special that's so cool i don't love 11 as well perfect time to make a wish to have a great night make a wish that it's gonna be favorite numbers i hope it's gonna be a good time it's gonna be ready yes yes salem couple's dog chew up their winning lottery ticket god damn it god damn it every time that's on you it's hard to be mad at the dog the dog because the dog doesn't know so people like chewed any that was just the thing hard to be mad at the dog. Don't put it near the dog. Because the dog doesn't know. So people are like. The dog just chewed any.

That was just the thing they chewed that day. So remember the dog chewed my homework. I mean, there's all that stuff. That's like a thing. Now you can take a picture of your homework and put it on Schoology and send it in. Whatever. Right. But people are like, dogs don't chew up paper. That's wrong.

Yes, they do. My dogs, if there's a package in the front of our. They eat it. They eat it up. They chew up the package like it's a toy. And then shit out the dirt. Yeah. So this makes sense.

You left your lotto ticket where it shouldn't have been. Why aren't you like. In a dog bowl. Yeah. It's so dumb. Covered in dog food. Yeah. You left it in the berm.

And it was the dog that was rescued from the bus. The dog berm. Yeah. Salem, Oregon. Where I'll probably coming back to next year. Salem, Oregon. A Salem couple sent lottery officials a torn up ticket after their dogs. Multiple.

So is another. Let me get it. Yeah. Oh, you got that winning lottery ticket food. They wanted to check away from its face. If it was a winner just for fun. So they just had like a scratcher or a ticket they don't maybe auto pick their numbers they don't know what their numbers are or it's

i think this is a scratcher right and they're like well what if it was a winner we don't even know so you send it in to somebody who gets it on their desk like what am i supposed to do with this right turned out it was a winner oh my, my God. Nathan and Rachel lament. Lament? Lament. They lamented the fact that... They lamented back in 1990. How do we...

This is Salem, Oregon. How do we know she's not a witch? I'm sniffing a trial. That's the other Salem. Other Salem. Either way. Still. I don't know she's not a witch.

I didn't know there was another one. They sent the damaged lottery ticket in with a picture of their two dogs, Apple and Jack, age 11 and two years old. They said they left the ticket out, and the dogs decided it was delicious, according to the organ lottery. They didn't decide anything. No, they saw paper and white. I'm meaning that.

My husband thought it was hilarious, and someone might get a good laugh at the very least. He said, for sure, it's a winner. So this is a deal where he's like, the fact that they chewed it up and we didn't scratch it, I guarantee it was a winner. Babe, the dogs know. When you, for sure it's a winner. So this is a deal where he's like, the fact that they chewed it up and we didn't scratch it, I guarantee you it's a winner. The dogs know. When you're asleep, they talk to me. What? Because the couple couldn't check the $3

Pharaoh's Gold crossword. Pro tip, crosswords suck. I hate the crossword scratchers. It takes way too long to find out you lost. Don't give me something else to do. Just give me my numbers and then give me winning numbers. That's what I like. Thank you, Dan.

Thank you for having the guts to say that. You know what? Thank you for thanking me. You're welcome. The guts that you had to thank you. Thank you for having the guts to say thank you. And thank you for thanking him in front of me to be able to witness this. And the guts you had to witness it.

Thank you for being here and being willing to step into there. I want to close this out. It's been a great episode. I'm going to get out of here. They mailed it in to lottery officials who put the ticket back together. Code for lottery officials have the easiest jobs in the world. What am I doing today? I'm putting a ticket that a dog ate.

Check in for winners. Five pieces. Turns out they had one. The Lamettes couldn't believe they'd actually be getting money back despite their dog's antics that's too funny rachel lament said we are definitely not that funny we are definitely getting more chew toys they go through a lot we love them but they are crazy sometimes lottery officials now recommend keeping the tickets out of pet's reach oh we will close out this episode with this how much money did they win how much money did they win on the three dollar

pharaoh's gold crossword ticket i'm trying to tell from her reactions because it's like she's not like oh my god yeah she's like it's funny yeah so what do you think that's like 40 to 400 bucks lock it in lock it in lock it in 40 40 bucks i think they won three thousand dollars three thousand because they could be rich and be like three thousand yeah i think they won five dollars five dollars i'm changing to eight hundred okay i say five i'm so low i don't pray they went through all that to put it together. Very, very short, quick, fun, little three sentence story. A friend of mine recently told me that their parents won $25,000 on a scratcher.

No. When she was in high school. Told her like two years ago. This was like 20 years ago. This is the first time your friend. Yeah. The parents just sat on it. That's not money for her.

And they said, we we uh bought it at the gas station did it in the car took ourselves out to breakfast and then paid off the rest of the mortgage god and just didn't tell anybody for years but you imagine that energy with your partner in the car when you're like fuck this is fucking 25 000 fucking dollars and then also you just like what what should we do? I don't know. Don't say a word. No, let's just go eat breakfast.

Let's do what Roland should have done in No Country for Old Men. Don't tell that rotten child we made. What were the final, what were the answers? Would you say 3K? 3K. $800. And $5. They won.

And to get out of here on this, they won $8. What a joke. Man, this is so funny. Yeah, it's so funny. These dogs. It's so funny. I'm so glad we took the time to put it back together again. That's the show, friends.

I love it. We've got three big things coming up in a three-day span. Daniel's taping on 11-11, us doing our show in New York, Identical Dads on 11-12 at Ars Nova, and Stamptown, which is happening in L.A. Three different cities. On the 13th. We love you guys. And oh shit, we got to get back to work.

Peace. See ya. Boom. Stick around. Make a sound. There's more at Don't People Town.