Dumb People Town - Zahid Dewji - Rock Hard

Episode Date: March 4, 2022

This week Zahid Dewji comes to town to hang with Daniel, Jason and Randy. This week's story is a doozy for those that are into sounding and/or home improvements.Secure your online data TODAY by visiting ExpressVPN.com/dpt and you can get an extra three months FREE when you choose your plan. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp and DUMB PEOPLE TOWN listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp dot com slash DPT. Visit athleticgreens.com/DPT for a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5FREE travel packs with your first purchase. Take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritionalinsurance!

Skypains, out of here. Hey townies, welcome to a Friday episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population Demji. Hey, what's happening? It's our Dem G. Welcome to the show, buddy. What's up, you guys? How are you, man? I'm great. We're so happy to have you. Zod, how long have we known each other? Six years? Six years, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great, great Houston comic, but also tours all over the country. If you're a fan of Whitney

Cummings, you might have seen him open for her on the road he has some of his own great shows we'll get into all that stuff but we're here to do a friday episode are you ready to get done and it's one of our special episodes in that we've got some of our patreon fans watching in they get to kind of be a part of this whole thing which is just a blast so welcome to all those people as well thank you for being here sod you ready yeah let's do it man i'm excited okay good at zo sent this in thanks at zozers z-h-o-z-e-r-s take off okay here we go yep headline is this man's penis sorry everybody oh get the kids out of the car man's penis fills with foam after diy erectile dysfunction treatment goes wrong fills with foam fills with foam also you don't want

diy and erectile dysfunction treatment you don't you're you shouldn't be pumping up your penis with foam like your penis shouldn't be like a halftime show for the Lakers game. Your frequency of pumping it up in any way shouldn't be. What did you say? I said your penis shouldn't be a halftime show for the Lakers game. Foam coming out. What does DIY mean?

Do it yourself, baby. I know what that means. DIY means do it yourself. He came up with the remedy. He didn't consult a doctor. He didn't consult a thug. He's like, if I put this... He put some foam in a caulking gun and then just pushed away, right?

I would say if you're ever doing anything yourself and wrong, you've either consulted no one or one friend you shouldn't have. Exactly. But that's about the extent of it right there. That's how they got the Johnson and Johnson vaccine. Hey, folks. Topical. All right.

A man and his partner's attempt. So was he really doing it for his love? So his partner was an accomplice to this. Or an impetus. Or an impetus. Or an impetus. She's to the general foaming of the penis. And if it's a she, she's like, why can't you say girlfriend? He's like partner.

And if it's a he, he's like, why can't you just say boyfriend? Admit to your parents and say boyfriend. No, it's my partner. Roommate. A man and his partner's attempt at a treatment for erectile dysfunction went disastrously wrong, according to his doctors that's how you never want them to be the one saying using those words yeah and by the way most doctors have seen everything so for them to say it went disastrously long it's bad right

and also zon i meant to tell you this before we start oh go ahead yeah no you just say what is i mean in what situation is a doctor like, you actually nailed it on that one. You fucking killed it right there. How old is that doctor? Is that one out of 10 where the doctor's like, I don't know what you did, but peanut butter, it worked. That's great. What are you doing? Right.

You're 100% right. Because if you try something and then you have to see a doctor, nothing went right. No one's ever like, that went disastrously well. You're never showing your work to be like, hey, how'd I do? Yeah. You don't call your doctor and go, hey, I just wanted to make an appointment because I fucking nailed it. And you guys should see this. The doctor's never going to be like, so you removed your own appendix with a butter knife.

You got to show me that technique. Well, how else are we going to get it into the medical journal if I don't come down there and brag? I need to document it. On a side note, there's something in my butt, if you want to look at that real quick. I fell, I fell, I fell. It's a weird foam. Okay, so him and his partners attempted erectile dysfunction, went disastrously.

In a recent case report, they detail how his partner accidentally come on, accidentally shot insulation foam into the man's penis and bladder while a straw connected to the spray had been inserted into his urethra. So I was right.

It is like a cocking gun. You are. It is. It is the most cocking gun. It is a cocking gun. There we go. Everybody gets a turn. Everybody got a pick.

I mean, the good news is that his penis was warm for the winter. Those winter months. Dude, the energy bill on his penis alone has gone down so much. And the crazy thing is that now that he's got the insulation in there, he was able to triple glaze his windows himself. Triple pane. Yeah, right. Without breaking a chip.

Okay, so. A little LA radio commercial humor for you. Okay, so a little LA radio commercial humor for you. Okay, so here's the thing too, guys. They're saying accidentally shot. No, you... Hold on. No, no, no. Accidentally shot while a straw

connected to the spray had been inserted into his urethra. So they're trying to go, well, no, no, no, no. We put the straw, which happened to be connected to the canister. We were never planning on shooting anything in there. No, that's normal.

Everyone does that. It's called sounding. Sounding is a legit sexual practice. I wouldn't, well, I don't know if I'm legit, but it is recognized as a thing people do. Men, specifically,

or people who identify as men. Or you know what? They don't have to identify as men. They could just be someone who has a penis. Someone who has a penis. You want to put a thing in there to stand it up a little bit. Or you know what? They don't have to identify as men. They could just be someone who has a penis. Someone who has a penis. You want to put a thing in there to stand it up a little bit. How's this sounding?

It's sounding like it hurts. They gauge it out like a punk rock bartender's earrings. If you put a straw in there, that's two extra inches. So that guy's just using his head. Right, right. He's using both heads. Guys, let's stop using plastic straws in our penises it's killing turtles in the ocean what are we thinking am i the only person in this zoom or room

or show that knows what zooming is and hasn't done it yet sounding sounding yeah no i know what it is could be called zooming could be called zooming who'somin who? But so the straw is in there to sound. Because you're normally supposed to use rods, but get creative. And the partner was like, let me just take. This will be funny. We're insulating our attic. This will be funny. Let me just put this in here and then watch out as she fired it.

It was erectile dysfunction and attempted a home remedy. They were attempting. There's no accident. I agree. Well, that's clearly that's a married couple right there because only a guy would be like, if I put a straw in it, you want to fuck me?

It feels like a compromise, like a bartering system. I mean, if you go grocery shopping for the next six weeks. All right. Though doctors were able to remove the hardened foam eventually, So it didn't get hard.

Yeah. It worked. So you're saying, that's what he says. didn't get hard. Yeah. It worked. So you're saying, that's what he says. He goes, so you're saying it worked. So I nailed it. Problem solved. Winner. They were able to remove the hardened foam eventually,

which is never good when doing any sort of medical thing. The man will require further procedures to repair his urethra. The unfortunate tale was published in the November issue of Urology Case Reports. I'm sure that's boring and fun. I get that on my Kindle. For the articles. I just get that delivered directly to me. I knew it because I missed November.

You missed November. I knew it. I'm like an idiot reading December onwards. So what happened? They had trouble releasing that one. I think there was some insulation stuck up in the...

And it was a great Thanksgiving issue. According to the report, the man had been inserting various objects into his urethra for some time as an aid

for erectile dysfunction. That is not... There are my earbuds. No, no. It's like toothpicks. He's trying to prop it up. He's in an arts and crafts store. He's like,

can I get a deal on these doll rods? Like he's just constantly prop it up he's in an arts and crafts store he's like you're gonna deal on these doll rods like he's just constantly no sir during one such occasion he and his partner had decided to use a straw which happened to be attached to a can of weatherproofing weatherproofing spray yeah when the part go ahead son anytime i'm glad i love it i want you to say everything bring it sometimes they're attached that say everything. Bring it. Sometimes they're attached. That's right. That was it. That was it.

Sometimes straws are attached. Sometimes. Yes. Okay. When you use WD-40 and you want to get it into a little crevice, there's that thin little straw that almost looks like the stirring straw for the guy. That's connected. So what they're trying to say is this is connected here,

and I thought that would be it. Rather than disconnecting it from the thing, I just left it connected. I tried to skip a step with my sound. And then accidentally somebody- It sounded like a good idea. Hey, all right. You have a penis, and I have a straw. And I put my straw in your penis.

My straw goes all the way over here, and I caulk my gun, and I put my caulking gun in your eye. Your milkshake brings the girls all around the yard. I foam it up. I foam it up, Eli. I foam your milkshake. Okay. Oh, that was fun. As fun as I was hoping it was going to be.

When the partner inadvertently, quote, inadvertently pressed the button deploying the foam. The foam then shot through his entire urethra, even filling up his bladder. Now you've got a real problem. Yeah, because you have a hardened insulation in your bladder. And you've thrown the one person who was supporting you under the bus by saying it was their fault. The amount of lying that's happening while also having lots of foam on you. In you.

But it didn't just stay there. It's got to be on the pants. While you're lying, you clearly look like you're lying. And you're hard. Also, you're hard. Also, hardest you've ever been. Also, imagine he's now mad at her or his partner.

We'll go him. He's mad at him, right? And then I just hope the other issues in their relationship that get trudged up. Bring him out. Oh, I'm a bad person because I accidentally had a phone, but you don't have to cuddle me when we sleep. That's right.

It just starts like, you want to talk about that? It's like me telling you to not park six inches away from the door so I can't open it up when I go in. To add insult to injury, just think about how drafty that attic is going to be. I was going to say, the job didn't get done. Whatever the job was for that phone did not get done. No hand job, no blow job, no jobs got done. Just to give everybody a point of reference, I'm going to share the screen here.

And all of our Patreon people who are so gracious to be a part of supporting the show and are with us right now live. This is the foam, just to give you a point of reference, of it properly being used. I did have a picture of the foam once it got taken out of him. I'm not making you guys go down that road I ran into. Oh, God. Okay, we'll screen it right here. So this is the foam. Okay.

This is proper. There's the straw. There's the canister. So we had rats eating through the rubber stopper on our garage thing, and they ate on the side. Oh, it's in the game. We used this. We used this exact thing to foam up a dark spot. And reignite your love.

And I put it in my penis. There you go. But it didn't... It insulates it. So I know exactly in my penis. There you go. But it insulates it. So I know exactly what this is. Here's how hardcore it is. For the listeners at home and anybody who will eventually go check this out on the Dumb People Town socials. This is how hardcore it is. They're using it to seemingly repair rocks.

Yeah. And this guy put it in his penis. Also, look at how big that straw is. That's not a coffee stirrer straw no no that's that's boba tea stop it's not boba come on boba okay it's a sonic milkshake straw sounder milkshake ready for this yes sod we love having you in town you now get to enter fully into our township because I'm going to ask you and the Sklars. Yeah, the man waited

how long before seeking medical attention at an emergency room? How long did he wait? I will tell you this. It is not ours. Okay, so it is not minutes. Okay, how long?

Sylvester Stallone over the top. Over the top it bro. Okay, what do you think? How long, Zod? He's going Sylvester Stallone over the top. Over the top it, bro. Okay. What do you think? How long do you think he waited with foam in his dick and his bladder? Two to three days. Wow. You got to pick one. Pick one. All right. I'm going three days. Okay.

Jay, what do you think? Seven days. Okay. Five days. Five days. Take a break. Everybody, yes. Everybody who's in the Zoom, get your answers in now. We're going to take a little bit of a break. When we come back, we're going to find out everything you can do to keep up with Zod and where he's doing shows as well as the same of us. And I will tell you how long this person walked around with phone dicks.

Oh, my God. I'm so uncomfortable right now. It's Dumb People Town. Don't go anywhere. Stick around. Make a sound. there's more dumb people hey guys welcome back to dumb people town uh we got zod with us uh first of all tell people how to follow you tell people how to uh support you and where they can see you. Yeah, I'm at Zahid Devji on all social media. It's Z-A-H-I-D

D-E-W-J-I. No one has that handle. It would be funny if you went Zahid Devji 74. Or 2. The real Zahid Devji.

Official Zahid Devji. Z Zahad Deji comedy come on so good so you can see that on all socials I'll be uh I'll be uh headlining Denver Comedy Underground uh March 11th and 12th and then uh headlining Creek and Cave in Austin on March 31st great club and I know it's not going to run for much longer, but if you're in Houston, you can usually see him as best of the secret group shows or definitely every Tuesday night for Trash Flavored Trash, which is a show that him and Andrew Youngblood run together,

and it is one of the best shows. And it's so good. It's when you go up to your friends and go, why don't you guys do this show at festivals? And then they look at you and go, oh, you think we're trying to not do that? You think I'm at home putting foam in oh, you think we're trying to not do that? Yeah. What do you think? You think I'm at home putting foam in my cock?

Do you want me to fail? You want me to fail at this? Speaking of. Oh, well, you boys. Everybody needs to see you at the Crocodile in Seattle. They need to see you at Hilarities in Cleveland. They need to come see you do foosball, stand-up, and a live Dumb People Town at Moon Tower in Austin. Am I forgetting somewhere?

Superschoolers.com. And then go check out our Patreon page because we're doing new episodes of Cheap Seats. So much fun. Cheaper Seats every month. And we've got some good ones coming up. Oh, baby, we've got some good ones. We've got some local wrestling coming up. And then we've got an old skateboarding thing that's just ridiculous. So a lot of fun.

As far as me, go to DanielVanKirk.com. I host a trivia night, which is more fun than I could pitch to you right now. So you're going to have to trust me, as well as bingo and a couple other things. That's at danielvancrook.com. And I am back on tour. Speaking of Andrew Youngblood, he's going to be with me. And so is Zod because I have an East coast run and then I have moon tower

and I'm doing pen pals and hanging out with you guys. And Ryan Sickler and I have a show, but right after that Zod and Andrew and I are going to, where is it? Zod, uh, Asheville, Savannah,

like Atlanta, Savannah, and then Atlanta. What's the last weekend of April? It is the last weekend of April. Yeah. All that stuff's at danielvancurk.com with a whole bunch of more stuff coming. Okay, ready, friends? Yes. We're going to roll through this.

Zod, how many, what did you say, three days? Three days. I said three days. Okay. I said five and Jay said seven. Okay. This guy. Waited five and Jay said seven. Okay. This guy. Waited.

Oh, my God. Put foam in his D that ran all the way to his BL. A-D-D-E-R. F in his D. Yes. Got a little F in the D. Right. He's the cock of the walk, baby.

Oh. That's our brothers. Yes. Ready for this? Yeah. Uh-huh. 21 days. Oh my God!

There are cruises that are not that long and also slightly less comfortable. Wait, so this guy has a remote job, which is nice. Yeah, it's nice to know that he doesn't have to go into work. Or he's wearing very loose pants.

Or he's a porn star. So what do you do? You don't pee for 21 days? I don't want to make... No, he could still pee. It was strained and problematic. I don't want to make it too real, but I say this a lot,

and I'll keep propagating it if I have to. When someone waits this long, we run into these people and dump people with that all the time. I just want to tell them, love yourself more. You are worth a trip. You are worth a trip to the doctor. You're worth it. You're worth it. He was like, yeah, but there's COVID. That's not an excuse. Go in. No. He's like, this situation is hard. We're like, we know. We know. Yeah. We know.

So here's my question. How was the sex? Good? Amazing. During the three weeks, he increasingly had difficulty urinating. Yeah. Inserting objects into the penis can lead to something called urethral stricture disease. Yeah. I was going to say that. Yeah. I knew you were. You actually wrote it in the chat.

Or scarring that narrows the already tight passage of the urethra. It's tight for a reason, friends. In the man's case, his narrowed urethra apparently anchored the spray foam in place along his penis, which I think is probably what he wanted initially. And while doctors were able to remove the foam from his bladder with relative ease, that's also too like

his... I love when they brag. I love when doctors brag. That was relatively easy. Got that easy. I've taken foam out of weirder places. His condition meant that they couldn't finish out the rest from his, couldn't fish out the rest from his penis. If somebody's fishing out anything of anywhere in you, it's gone bad. Nope.

This is a tale as old as time. It is. It really is. It really is. F in the D. They had to do some minimal endoscopic surgery. Instead, they cut him open through his perineum, which they do tell you

the skin between the penis and the anus, also known as the taint. Taint going in there. No. The surgery appeared to go off without a hitch, no major complications, and three weeks afterward, the man did continue to need an external catheter, according to the report. Which, by the way,

he loved. He was like, stick it in. That's why I did this in the first place. Thank you. According to the report. Which, by the way, he loved. He was like, stick it in. That's why I did this in the first place. Thank you. According to the report, the man is still having his catheter maintained in anticipation. Sir, you don't need to keep this catheter. I'll keep it in when I... Can you make mine a glass catheter? I'm going to make this mistake again.

I'll keep it in. Thank you, by the way. I should have done this in the first place. He's having it maintained in anticipation of urethral repair, which is definitely a band that's open for evidence. Okay. We'll get out of here with this. Yes. Zod.

How old is our foamed penis man? Ooh. This does feel like a classic early 40s. I feel like this is an early 40s. Pick an age. Land on something. Let's go 43. 43 years old.

I think this guy's 28. I think he's 19. What moon do you guys say around someone's 28? Saturn is returning in your 27th and 28th year. I think 19. Excuse me, 21. 21? Everyone,

if you're at home, play along. If you're in the chat, play along. If you're in your office home, if you're at home, play along. If you're in the chat, play along. If you're in your office home, if you are in the chat, join along. Shit. One of you got very close. Not close enough for us to play any additional games, but you should respect yourself nonetheless. Thank you. Because

this guy is 45 years old. Oh! Zahid. Zahid. Great. Beautiful work. I was going to say 21.

I was like, just go to the bar. Right. You should be at the bar. No one is not getting hard at 21 and then having solutions in their head. Zahid, you were right because you're like, he's seeing the problem moving forward, and he's like, I got to do something now. Right. Yeah, I should have thought older.

Which is great for anything actual home improvement. Get out in front of the problem right now. But not so great for your dick. Go build a deck. Go insulate that. He went to Lowe's. He did go to Lowe's. Go build a deck, not a dick.

That's what we say. He's a doer, not a builder. He's a grower, not a show. I don't know what he is. Anyway. Follow Zod. Zod, tell everybody how to spell it again. Bob the dildo.

Tell them how to spell your name so that they can follow you on all social media. Z-A-H-I-D-D-E-W-J-I. Z-A-H-I-D-D-E-W-J-I. Yep. On all social media. Go see him if you're going to be in Austin or you're going to be in Denver or you're ever in Houston or come see him with me. All those dates will be at DanielPink.com. See the scholars where where they're at that's it right boys no shit we gotta get back to work guys

stick around make a sound. Calm your down. It's Dumb People Town.