Dumb People Town - Zainab Johnson - The Black Female Jon Hamm

Episode Date: June 13, 2023

Zainab Johnson sits in as Randy details why a woman married her step brother, Daniel explains how long a Japanese man has been driving without a license, and Jason describes a greased up man breaking into houses and jumping into pools, and so much more! Thanks to our sponsor: Lectric E-Bikes! Visit LectricEBikes.com to learn more and explore the epic models Lectric has to offer. 

Dan and Rand and Jay will share Tales of folks so unaware They lack in grace and sometimes choose The life they choose will make the news Breaking down each epic fail In Florida there's half-price bail I'm happy to say they Couldn't make this up

So listen to our podcast Dan with co-host Armand Dan. Vendors, don't be a jerk, cause when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, hunger down, it's Dump People Town. Hey guys, I want to thank our sponsor, Electric E-Bike. If you're struggling with what to get your dad this Father's Day, give him the gift of a fun, powerful, and easy way to get outside and explore with his own electric e-bike. Visit electricebikes.com to learn more and explore the epic models Electric has to offer.

That's electric, L-E-C-T-R-I-C, ebikes.com. Hey, townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population you. Population you. Population Johnson. Zaynab Johnson. Welcome to the show. I'm so happy you're here. How are you?

Randy and I were just talking before the show. We're like, this is what we love about Zaynab. We love, I love the writing in your standup. We love how calm you are on stage. We love energy. Great, great energy. Always great, great, great energy. It's not fair you remind

me of you're like john ham you're like a female black john you can't be that funny and you can't be that cool i'm like it just doesn't work i'm sorry but thank you i will take it no one has ever ever put me and john ham in the same sentence? Sam, you start telling me. Somebody goes, how do you want me to bring you up? You say, female, black, female, Jon Hamm. But both people we know, both people we like, both people who are super talented in so many ways

that it's not fair, but welcome. Thanks for having me. All right, so this is the world that we live in. It's a dumb world and it's getting dumber. We're just trying to joke about it.

Yeah, the only way you can do it is beat back through comedy so hard. I would love it if somebody was like, do you watch the news? Not so much, but I listen to dumb people, Tom. I can't feel like I know what's going on. I want people to get all their news from this show. We are a trusted source.

We can't speak for the sources we're using, but we are a trusted source. We're the source. Well, didn't Patton Oswalt say this is where he comes to turn off his brain? He listens to this. He's like, I listen to so much politics and stuff and it's just so charged. He's like, I need to not think about politics. I just want to think about his brain. He listens to this. He's like, I listen to so much politics and stuff and it's just so charged.

It's like, I need to not think about politics. I just want to think about dumb stories. And this is what we do here. Where are you taking us, Fran? So I got a story sent in by our friends. So our fans send the stories in. You can send it at Sklodbrothers, at Dan and Van Kirk, hashtag dumb people town.

And this was sent in in November by Liz Haggerty. That's how many of a backlog we have. So here's the, i'll give you the this is the headline of the story ready zaynab okay woman reveals why she married her stepbrother already confused and in love reveals also why do you have to reveal it right like you've done you know why did you fill a helium balloon with the reason and invite everybody over to the cookout? I'm going to reveal it. We're revealing today why I married my stepdad.

We're past the reason. You're together. We're way past that. Also, practically, I mean, I get that it has some cringe to it. But stepbrother, we know why you married. You guys fell in love. That's why. It's just a taboo.

I mean, is that what you're assuming? Or do we know that? Or do we have to wait to see what she reveals? I hope it's not related. You guys fell in love. It's just a taboo. I mean, is that what you're assuming, or do we know that, or do we have to wait to see what she reveals? I hope it's real. She's going to reveal it, Dan. I don't know why you're jumping the gun here. I don't know. Maybe her stepbrother is a billionaire. Okay.

She did it for money. Exactly, yeah. In which case, you're like, come on. Either way, you have to yell ta-da right after. Ta-da. All right. A woman's love story has gone viral online after sharing how she met her husband and it's all thanks to their parents who were married a year earlier do you think when the parents got married

they're like look we're doing this for the kids we're literally doing this to get our kids together like that is the ultimate parent look we're going to show you how to do it okay we're doing it you guys do it you sure you guys don't want your own room? Also, you just naturally assume like if you use stepsister or brother, you assume that you grew up in the same house. I have a feeling that these kids are in their 30s. Yeah, they're older. We're going to guess how old they are.

We're going to get to that. And I want to do that at the end. Hopefully they're both in their 30s. It's just that when she said like how we met, I'm like, clearly you guys were walking in the hallway. Yeah, exactly. Oh, hey, you live here, too. You were in the bathroom first?

Yeah. Are you going to do that? All right, so Matilda Erickson, and we'll guess her age later, said she never considered marriage until she met Samuli. Great name, Samuli. Yeah. It's a terrible name. Samuli.

Sam. Sam. Just call him Sam. Let's just stick with Sam. Samuli. Sam. Sam. Just call him Sam. Or Muli. Anyway, who became her stepbrother? Lee. When her mom and her dad tied the knot back in 2019, their friendship took a turn in 2021.

Do you want to guess how long they were friends before they... Wait, hold on. Their parents got married in 2019. Okay. They got engaged... Well, their friendship took a turn in 2021. 2021. So how long do you think...

I mean, you can probably do the math. Is it two years? Two years. But do you think the parents were dating ahead of time? Yeah, of course. All right, so... That's what I wonder. Like, what if at the wedding, they're like, you look fucking good.

You look great. Like, just a little bit of open bar energy like people look good at weddings if they got married in 2019 let's just call it a two-year year of dating and year of engagement they've at least they at least knew each other for four years you figure they dated for at least a year so you think about the step sister and brother yeah their friendship lasted four years got married in 2019 let's say their parents started dating in 2017 yep so and they've dated for at least a year right they got married in 20 well he he just said that it took a turn took a turn in 2021 so we don't know how long they were friends before i'm asking you guys how long do you think what is take a turn like yeah that's what i'm trying to do anal now and you're like

okay all right all right i think take a turn means went from like platonic to right right they hooked up which also means anal right which also means the bank you the back door is now open uh wait so how many years do you think their friendship was before this happened i kind of feel like they knew each other far along i'm gonna i'm gonna say six years six years. What do you think? Four years. I don't. I don't think that. You think it's shorter. So what do you think? They met at the wedding. Two years?

Like 19? They could have met at the wedding in 2019. I think even if they didn't meet at the wedding, they met a day before at the rehearsal dinner. So fair enough. Wait, who's this person? That's my daughter and your soon to be sister. So you say two years. All right.

Get your answers in townies because their three-year friendship okay so right in the middle of everybody their three-year friendship took a took a turn when her stepbrother went in for a kiss so he's the one who initiated it that's that is like a bold so there's you knew i mean there's a lot of time i guess but like you're a close family come on that is a bold step to be like i'm now gonna take this relationship which is you know wait a second and their parents are still married yes that's bold so listen to her quote i mean come you know okay listen to her quote feet's touching the maybe maybe there's like some underneath. They're definitely like the eye connection.

You know, you're looking. I've never had a guy be like, or a brother. Good. That's great. Be like, hey, sis, I'm going to walk you to your car. And then it ends with a kiss. I know. Come on.

No. She said I responded right away with passion. So, Dan, you're right. I feel like. There was energy. He was picking up a vibe. He was acting on something. He wasn't like just blindly jumping up. Also, in today's world like there was energy. He was picking up. He was acting on something.

He wasn't like just blind. Also, in today's world, there was a lot of flirty texts happening. Right. This is my favorite thing. I responded right away with passion. Miss Erickson told Yahoo News Australia. Why are you talking to Yahoo News Australia? Yeah. Why you got to put this out there?

Yahoo News fought for this story. Okay. It took us how long to start dating after that and he basically moved in with me right away. How long do you think? Three months? What do you think? A year. Start dating right after the... They started dating right after the

passionate kiss. The kiss that she met with the ultimate passion. I'm going to say six weeks. Sorry. Sorry. Six weeks. Three months? Two weeks after they started dating yeah that he basically moved in with him right away it felt good and natural immediately okay i'm going to show you if these if this is you and your wife's kids right you're their step brother and sister aren't you pulling them both or one aside and be like this had better feel real

i'm not saying you have to get married but don't this is not a fuck around because this is our family i mean you know don't don't shit where you eat you don't mess with people at work i mean tiger woods is going through this thing right now he dated a woman that like worked at one of his restaurants and stuff and it's now she wants 30 million now she wants 30 million broke up with her he said we're gonna take a trip yeah meet you at the airport. Yeah, I kind of like that. That was kind of... Better than getting a text.

Like, where were you? Right? I mean, I'm just saying there's worse ways to break up with a person. There are. But still, I'm going to show you the picture. And you're going to be like, you won't believe that they're step siblings. You'll be like, they look like real siblings. But wait, okay, okay.

Look at that. Well, they look happy. They look happy. First of like, they look like real siblings. But wait, okay, okay. Look at that. Well, they look happy. They look happy. First of all, they're both- That's their married parents. Yeah, they're both good looking, by the way. Yeah, not bad looking. They're not bad looking.

They're both like- They're all right. I feel like they both could meet other people out in the wild. You don't have to look in your own family for this. Home is where the heart is, dude. Home is where the heart is. But. Home is where the heart is. But you know, I feel like the parents' wedding, the parents' wedding must be their second wedding.

I'm absolutely sure. Absolutely sure. And I think this is like... You're behind it. So I think that there's less... It's not that I'm for it, but I'm not against it. I like this. Because if it's real, it's real.

Well, I think the stakes are less high, like in terms of like, don't mess this up. This is not, it's like, I think that the stakes are not, like the parents could be together and then maybe the parents will break up and the kids will stay together forever. Maybe the parents will break up. That's a good thing to hope for.

All right, so. Parents are happy, but friends judge the relationship. So the parents were cool with it, happy but friends judge the relationship so the parents were cool with it yeah but the friends judge the relationship a few days into the romantic relationship miss erickson from espoo finland file this under like people in the world file this under shit happens in finland right that happiest people in the world though girl with the dragon tattoo she just got out of a sauna okay about 10 kilometers from helsinki so it's like an out the outskirts of helsinki started to feel weird and the reality of the situation dawned on her quote i was confused and in love at the same time and honestly i didn't know what really know

what to do thinking about the fact that he's still my stepbrother and also i thought about other people's opinions so she didn't like go into it right like this is what i'm doing and i don't care about what other people think. She had a little reservation, which makes me like her. Two weeks. That's it. She had a hard out. And a hard in.

And a hard in. And he had a hard on. Their parents were the first people they told about their love for one another. And they were very happy from the start. Yeah. So clearly. Well, they probably felt the energy. But I think Zaynab's right.

I think they were both in terrible relationships that, you know, marriages that ended. Sure. And they're like, in a second marriage now, they're like, whatever makes you happy. Yeah. Because they've been through life where. And these are adult kids. You're right. Like, they all don't live in the same house.

This is Les' group. And these are adult kids. You're right. Like they all don't live in the same house. This is less. We had a story once where twin brothers married twin sisters and then they all lived together. In the same house. And essentially genetically each pair's kids are the same. Brothers and sisters.

Yeah. Brothers and sisters. It's all the same DNA. Those people are weirder than these people. It's like a house of mirrors. Yes. It is. Those people are weirder than this.

I agree. So as we said, I think Samuli, again, we got to change that name. Can we please? Samuli's dad even kind of hoped that something like this would happen. I don't like that energy. Ms. Erickson admitted, but their friends reacted differently. Look at her. Look at your new stepsister over there.

Look at her. Don't talk to her. Get over there. I'm getting that ass. I'm not drunk. You're drunk. I'm getting that ass. I'm not drunk. You're drunk. I'm getting that ass 25 years old. You should get it at your age.

Some of our friends were at first a bit doubtful and were kind of judging. I think it was because of the confusion that someone I had been calling stepbrother is now being called my boyfriend. At first, her friend's judgment bothered her, and she started to have doubts. But it was Ms. Erickson's mom who helped her get my thoughts in order. OK, take a step. Let me do whatever I feel was most right in that moment. Good advice from a parent. OK, right.

Does she call him step boyfriend? I don't know. Maybe, maybe putting everything aside and follow my heart. And that led me to marry Samuli in three weeks. I'm kidding. No, she told you. She told you again told yahoo again stop talking to yahoo news right but we both have been in a few long relationships before but it never

felt like this way i mean they that's also good to know the ball don't lie that's also good this isn't like their first you know i was 25 and i never dated anybody and he was there f that this is they know this is why i had a little bit of a problem with Clueless, the movie. Oh, with Paul Rudd? Yeah. Then they get together at the end. I'm like- It's Paul Rudd, man.

It is Paul Rudd. I probably tried. And he's wonderful. And Alicia Silverstone. It's a great movie. But I was like, there's a moment where I'm like, you guys went for it at the end. I'm sorry. Spoiler alert if you haven't seen it.

No, you're okay. No, I saw it. I love that movie. And I love that scene. And now I feel very different about this story. Thank you. Yeah, a little bit. I am rooting for Samouli, and I love his name now.

See, now you like it. Samouli. We've made it through 180 on this. He's like a Hasidic Jew from Bensonhurst. Or can clean up any spilled liquid. It's a Samouli. A Samouli. A Samouli.

That's like a type of a... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay. I mean, see, far be it for me to say like who a person should love like we shouldn't say that stuff it's got i'm happy for them that they found each other and i'm happy that the parents aren't giving them shit you know what i mean the friends gotta back off that's right what it is like their unique situation led them to investigate it when they first got together they began researching if step siblings could legally marry in finland so they checked this out they started googling their situation is there

anywhere where it's illegal it shouldn't be it really should the step is the big part yeah it's like that like yeah it's like the difference between falling and flying both are in the air but not the same thing that's right that's one's here and one's here the step is all you need to make it okay you were brought together by two other people so once the friends saw their connection I think they didn't lose any friends I was going to say the only

the only difference is the big thing is that they met as adults the only difference is if you're step siblings that grow up in the same house that's a little bit weird I would agree also you shouldn't want to do that anyway go go out be an adult find your own person it's hard enough to have friends your whole life who you can change i mean this is what i would say about them if they were

my friends and i'd be curious to hear what you think these are my friends they followed their heart uh they don't make every great choice but they're good people that's what i would say about them what would you say about them if they were your friends? I would just keep going. Step, step, guys. Step, step, step, step. I would say, girl, why do you keep telling people? Just say his name.

Why do you keep saying Shamuli is your stepbrother? Someone says, how'd you meet, say, family friends. At a family function. Yeah. In my family. All right. Someone says, how'd you meet, say, family friends? At a family function. Yeah. In my family. All right. So they have detailed their whole relationship.

This is another bad decision they made in a series of clips on TikTok. Why? Did I not say they look like a TikTok couple? They do. And that's where they received the most hate, according to Ms. Erickson. In one video, she claims to have people saying nasty things like straight to jail i'd rather die others said it was weird if you're putting your thing on tiktok you know you expect anything we put on social media expect to get hate no matter what it is even if it's the best thing guys i've seen the best of the only thing you need to know about how are like people function online is there are a clips of Jay Larson doing his bit from like 15 years ago?

And people are arguing in the comments that the guy in the video stole this from Jay Larson. That's all he's in. He's the guy in the video. That's all you need to know. There's the video of the little white boy and the little black boy seeing each other on the sidewalk, little kids running up to each other and hugging each other on the sidewalk. Little kids running

up to each other and hugging each other. Do you know this video? It's the most beautiful video. Scroll down and one of the comments is gay. I'm like, shut up! And it meant to be derogatory. It's not even a bad thing. But like, bro, these are two-year-olds. That's the internet. If you

put this on the internet, expect that. But if you put something on the internet expect that i mean but they have but if you put something on the internet captioned i married my stepbrother you you're gonna get it you're inviting it in yeah you're welcome it's like you're trolling actually you're trolling you wanted heat you can't complain about how hot it is yeah yeah so it says it's not so but people gave some good comments it's honestly not that bad compared to people dating their cousins is it yeah i guess not right they're not even biological one is related and one isn't yeah guys chill out they're not even related another agreed like honestly that is so cute your mom marrying his dad and you marrying him a fourth road so they're finding people sure all right so

this genuinely makes me happy i love this so much says another and to which i say who cares yeah why would you make that comment if that? So let's end it on this. It's kind of a nice story. I mean, I'm down with it. It's a little stupid, but it's nice. All right, so how old is she and how old is he? Let's start with Matilda. Oh, and we saw them.

Erickson, you saw them. So you have an idea, but like, how old do you think she is? How old is she? Yeah, let's do Matilda first. I'm going to go 25. 27. I was going to go 27 as well, so I'll go. Go whatever you want.

Whatever you want. I'll go 24. 24, okay. One of you is one year off. Do you want to everybody adjust now? 26. No, 28. Why?

We can both land. I'm going to go 26. 26. But it won't be 26 because he said one of us is one year off. I said 27. I said 25. So she's 23. It can't be 26.

She's either 23 or 28. So I'm out. Yeah, Dan, you're out. Yeah. What do you think? 23. Okay. 28.

Get your answers in, Tony, because Matilda Erickson is 23 years old. Oh! Okay. Now, how old is he? Samuli. How old is Samuli? You saw him. Zainab, you want to go first?

I love it. She's being very defensive. Because that... Remember. He's definitely... 21. 21. You think he's younger. Robbing the cradle a little bit. Go ahead, Jay. 26. That's definitely. 21. You think he's younger.

Robbing the cradle a little bit. Go ahead, Jay. 26. That's exactly what I was going to say. Sorry. I'll go with you. I'll ride with you. 26.

All right. You're. All right. I'm not even going to do this. He's 25. 27 years old. All right. So there you go.

That is it. So it's a story of step sibling love. It's love. This has to be a romance. I mean, I know Clueless did it, but like, why isn't there, I feel like this could be a romantic comedy moving forward. Oh, yeah, for sure. Their parents get married and then they get married.

Actually, there's a romantic comedy out about this thing. It's starring like a lot of people, comedy people. Yeah, but basically the parents are having affairs with each, like, so the parents of the bride and groom, they're actually having affairs with each other Like, so the parents of the bride and groom, they're actually having affairs with each other.

They don't know it. Yeah. And they don't know it. And then the kids have the wedding or family, whatever. And then they meet and it's like, Oh, we're all just like,

uh, so by the way, that's just the reverse of this scenario. Like we're, we think it's weird. That's a, that's a great thing to bring up. So let's say you had, but I bet that's a that's a great thing to bring up so let's

say you had i bet that's happened a lot so let's see your people get married and they each have a single parent and their parents meet right later in life right who would that happens who would begrudge people that that is a great no one would be no one would begrudge that i love that we started here with a nice story um who's next i'm'm going to see who's next in here. But when we come back, we'll talk about how you can follow Zainab and, you know, watch her and check out. You can watch her on the show Upload on Amazon, which is amazing. We'll talk about all that on the other side of the break. It's Dumb People Time with Zainab Johnson. We'll be right back.

Boom. Hey, guys, welcome back to the show. Before we get to how you can support Zainab and see her live and watch all of her stuff. We should mention I don't know when this is dropping. Not sure. Not sure. It's probably not going to drop before we go to Minneapolis. So if you came to see us in Minneapolis which is happening in two weeks, thank you.

We'll be in San Francisco at Cobb's Comedy Club middle to end of July. 21st and 22nd. Please come see us there. That is a great giant club and it is so fun and San Fran is great. Yeah, when that club is full, it's just such a joy to perform in. come see us there. That is a great giant club and it is so fun and San Fran is great. Yeah, when that club is full, it's just such a joy to perform in. So come see us there.

Support us by supporting our Patreon for this show. We give extra content. It's a great way to support us along the way. And I think that's, and on the June 14th, we're doing Tag It,

which is such a fun show, which you should do, by the way. You should come do it. I'll ask you on the air. I'm putting you on the spot. Basically, we've done it at festivals. We did it in Montreal, where our friends go up and do their material, and we're on the side writing tags, and afterwards, we pitch you, though.

We come on stage and pitch you tags that you can take away. Ooh, I love that. So it's been great, and people have used the tags. Dan used to tag in his special. People have used tags. So it's a really fun June 14th, the belly room at the comedy store in LA. If you want to see that show,

it sold out last time before we even got up there. So let's figure that out and come see that. Daniel, how can people catch you? Go to danielvankirk.com. By the time this drops, there should be dates announced for places. I'm going to be at the end of summer and in the fall.

I'd love to see you guys come out to that. Or you can check me out in Los Angeles, whether I'm picking up sets at the store or around town. I have my own show every other Monday. Best Bet. It's with myself and Irene, too. We just did it. So fun.

Best Bet Comedy Show. You guys were great. You closed it out. So go to DanielVanKirk.com or at DanielVanKirk on social media. All right, Zainab, how can people follow you, see your dates and all that other stuff? They can see my dates on my website, which is ZainabJohnson.com. Z-A-I-N-A-B Johnson. They can follow me on Instagram, Twitter, whatever.

Do it. It's a great follow. Zainab Johnson. Yeah. On Twitter. I mean, on Twitter. On TikTok, I am the Zainab Johnson. So T-H-E-Z-A-I-N-A-B.

Why did someone try to jump in and give you a Zainab Johnson? You know what? I actually didn't start my TikTok. Like somebody else started my tiktok and i was able to get it that's great good yeah get it good so i'm not sure how that happened but yeah i got a lot of dates on my calendar i don't know when this is coming out so just just go to my website and you'll be able to see all things that i am doing such a great comedy experience and again like we went to that we We were warming up for our gala sets.

Your gala set was amazing. Thank you. But when we went to that mall, what looked like a haunted mall, let's be honest. We went into that mall to do that preset. Oh, yes, yes, yes. And I'm like, where are we? What is this shit? This is going to be horrible.

And then the club was so hot. It was so fun. And we watched your set in there. And Randy and I were like, that's so good. And we were in the back just loving it loving the whole thing you and Caroline Ray I just love both of your sets two sets in the night and then we got to

see that set at the gala at the gala yeah I had fun on that gala I missed one word in that set did you yeah no one knows but I know you know of course you do it eats me alive it's so bad god damn it I know we feel that you feel that way but i mean we didn't notice we saw both sets and i didn't even know we were up in the room just

so you know is that when you guys texted me and said it felt like she was a word she was a word short i texted dan i was like you know it's a good set but i mean just no we were up in the room with all the you know representative representation and all the producers and all those other people and everyone was loving it and it was very cool cool so go see her live everybody do that daniel you ready to jump let's do it send it by ace of finance at dragon ilm okay headline is tokyo man arrested for driving without a license pretty not that seems so normal but that's never enough no that's not i, there's definitely more to this story. Like what? So, okay.

So now we sit here. I'm like, what was he driving? Sure. And how was he driving? Why is that of note? That's right. And he's here. He's not in Tokyo.

He's in Tokyo. Oh, he's in Tokyo. But they still say Tokyo man. It's like Florida man. It's Tokyo the Florida. I don't know. Yeah. What is in Japan?

Exactly. Is he a Tokyo drifter? On the 15th of May, a passenger car was driving through Higashi Murayama. Nice. Very good, Dan. I tried. You did right. That's pretty good.

I actually think Japanese is like phonetically. You can sign it out. You can sound it out pretty well. Say it three times though. Higashi Murayama. Higashi, though. Higashi Murayama. Higashi, you're my mama. Higashi, you're my mama? Yeah.

Okay. Mom? He was driving through Tokyo when the passenger car was suddenly struck from behind by a Harley Davidson three-wheeled motorcycle. Okay. So he's... Right. Struck from behind.

He's got to be the Harley driver, right? Yeah, he has to be. However, rather than following the proper procedure and notifying the police of the collision, the motorized tricycle sped off.

By the way, calling it a motorized tricycle really brings it down. That really, like a badass biker in one of those things, you're like, I love your tricycle.

It's so cute. Once you say that, the eagle in the Harley Davidson logo flies away off of the bike. My son has one of those things, you're like, I love your tricycle. It's so cute. Once you say that, the eagle in the Harley Davidson logo flies away off of my bike. My son has one of those. He's four. Luckily, no one was injured in the crash, but it left a dent in the car that cost, do you guys want to guess how much yen?

Indian. Or US dollars. We can do either one. What do you want? I don't even know how much yen is to a dollar. Let's do dollars. Okay. It's like 100 yen to $1, right?

100 yen equals one dollar oh my god yeah yeah i have two japanese i think it's less as of this two japanese sister laws okay this is okay don't date them don't date them or do i don't care oh okay they're not her stepsisters okay then my nieces will have to call me you want to do us wait my friend just in that vein a comedian uh justin willman who's a um yeah magician he's so funny he was saying that he when he tickles his son his son's word to be like stop that's too much his uncle so he'll be like uncle daddy and he's like uncle daddy that doesn't sound right like a password to get into a club at three uncle daddy yeah all right okay what do you want to guess yen or do you want to go i'll do dollars i want to do yen but there's not a big like like

like it takes a hundred yen for one dollar but they're they're comparable in terms of worth okay it's you know it's not like a it's not like a hundred pesos you know you're right any it's if i'm doing bad math in my head it's around one it's around 10.25 so how much damage was the dent yeah just the dent just for a goof i mean i mean cars are expensive and like the dents, like you might see. But this isn't even why we're doing this. Okay, 3,500 yen. So 350 bucks. Oh, I'm going to say 30,000 yen.

Okay. So 300 bucks? 3,000. I have no idea about the conversion rate. You guys are going to make fun of me when I tell you both. I think it's like about 35 US dollars. $35. It is 400,000 yen. Oh.

Which is $4,000. $2,900. Okay. So 3,000 bucks. dollars 35 it is 400 000 yen oh which is four thousand dollars two thousand nine hundred dollars okay so three thousand bucks you were close all right so the owners really low ball so the owners of the automobile reported it to tokyo metropolitan police the tmp who launched an investigation into the hit and run it look by the way nobody was hurt right I wish that there was enough going on that you could get a cop to investigate a dent in a car. Right. That tells you what the test. But they look at you and go, we really. What do you want?

A piece of paper. We'll give you a piece of paper. Or they're just like, we got to get on this. I mean, we need to start investigating right now. The car did have a dash cam that they used to identify. There you go. Tricycle. There you go.

It wasn't until about two months later that the same silver bike was spotted by a patrol car in kiyose uh-huh tokyo they're like we got him the officer tried to pull the suspect over but he sped off down a narrow path that the car couldn't enter so that's that's what i was gonna say the streets in japan are very narrow and the first time i visited do we have time in the story? Yes. Of course. Okay. So the first time I visited.

I want to go so bad to Japan. It's a great, it's great. It's like New York in the future. Well, Tokyo specifically. Wow. But then there's like, whatever. It's great. Okay.

But I, you know, I'm a jaywalker, like just by nature. I grew up in New York. Sure. Cross that street when you can. Cross when you want. That's right. And it's a very tiny street in Japan where I was and no cars were coming.

I mean, I waited, looked both directions, no cars. Seven motorcycles. No, no, no. As soon as I stepped off the curb, every other person waiting gasped. Oh, like what's she going to do? It made me come back to the curb. That's right.

Their reaction brought you back to the curb. Yeah. I was like. Oh, my God. Just because you were breaking out of the norm of crossing wherever you want? I guess so. Whoa. So they're very orderly.

Yes. Like, it's very much a rules following. No, no. It's two societies in one. They got crazy rules that everyone sort of follows, and then underneath that, the hidden Japan is like, you can eat people, or like there's some crazy. I didn't go to that Japan.

I stay right at the surface. No, but there is that. You knew Tempura, too? I went to American Airlines Japan. You never tried a Dave Tempura? You didn't go to Spirit Air Japan? Spirit Air Japan's a very different Japan, my friend. Okay, so the car turns down a street that the car can't fit, or the tricycle does.

But by the way, what a moment. Like, you described that so cinematically. Like, I can imagine you taking the step up. Everyone around, like, what is going on? One of the officers jumped out of the car and followed on foot, eventually catching up to the motorcycle at a dead end. So what seemed like a great, oh, you can't follow. Oh, yeah.

Got him. You got caught on foot. Also, the cop to go, give me a shot. I'm getting out. I got this open run. When police asked to see the biker's license, he told him that he had left it at home. Oh, boy. he had left it at home oh boy however upon further questioning the rider named tatsu matsumoto finally broke down and admitted that he had never had a license and he was arrested

without driving license further investigation like i want this guy to admit like five more crimes investigation revealed that matsumoto had been operating motorbikes in tokyo without a license for how long okay how long do you think up until this point this guy was like i'm every day is on the edge every day is 1992 13 years 13 years okay i'm so shocked and on the edge of my seat for such a petty crime so japan to take something so you know when you drive around and you know that your registration sticker is out on you and every day you're like do not get pulled over i cannot get it today this person was doing this if i'm at least i will tell you years dan that is like every day that's like someone who's like just a little stressed

sexually active right ran out of condoms yeah yeah and it's like i i don't know when i get to the store right but i've got but my stepsisters coming over i got shit stop it stop it we're doing anal we're taking a turn tonight who turns it's like he needs to have more crimes right because he turns no license into a high speech like that's such a bigger offense yeah right that's right the cover-. Right. That's right. The coverup is where he bumped it up. Right. I say 13 years.

What do you think? 10 years. 10 years. What do you think? 16. Okay. Okay. 22.

52 years. What's he doing? He had been driving around Tokyo. 40 years. Without a license. For 52 years. Oh! I can tell. I can tell. Didn't I say 52 as a joke?

I said 52 years as a joke. As a joke. As a joke. I got it right. Every day. Yeah. Every day Ron and Aaron's doing shit being like, today can't be the day. No wonder he ran.

By the way, the fact that his thing, I by the way the fact that his thing i'm sorry the fact that his thing went to a dead end like to me is like a perfect metaphor it is you gotta stop now bud yeah what were you gonna say i'm sorry i didn't mean to cut you off i was gonna say when he probably first did it you didn't need licenses well further investigation so that's their bad well after further investigation he explained that he had attempted to get a motorcycle license when he, when he, when this all started. Okay. But he couldn't pass the written test despite trying.

How many times do you think he tried before he goes, fuck it, I'm just going to live a life without. Oh, so this is a guy who tried to take the test and couldn't do it. Yes. Multiple times. And then eventually it was like, fuck it. I'm going 52. I don't care.

I tried. I screwed that up. Every year. He's like, hey, I could. I'm going 52. I don't care. I tried. I screwed that up. Every year? He's like, hey, I could. He could have tried a multiple time. Five. Ten. Six times.

Wow. A way to go, Zanab. But couldn't pass the written test. So he gave up near the end. I don't know if the, do you guys know what the show up period is? No. That doesn't give anything away? No.

He gave up near the end of the show up period. Despite that, he had been riding motorcycles since he was young and taught by a senior classmate when he entered high school. He'd been caught and fined once for driving without a license around that time, and then once again when he was in his 50s. The three-wheeled Harley was purchased four years ago from a dealer. Do you need a license to purchase? He told police he rode it every day except during bad weather,

and then he gave the dealer the same line about forgetting his license when he purchased the bike. There it is. In Japan, three-wheeled motorcycle can be driven with a regular car class driver's license rather than motorcycle's license, but he had no license to speak of, so it's a moot point. Oh, this person just writes here. As someone who took multiple tests, I can confirm they're quite hard,

and I wouldn't disparage anyone. No one needs your advice. Exactly. Don't insert yourself. Don't inject his own or her own. Passing it requires a level of knowledge beyond what the average driver retains. I will say this. When I got my California license, they were like, oh, here,

you can review this thing online, and it'll just give you all the answers. None of the questions were asked. They started asking questions when I switched over to California that were like, oh, you can review this thing online and it'll just give you all the answers. None of the questions were asked. They started asking questions when I switched over to California that were like, what is the fine for being pulled over? I'm like, I don't know your state. That has nothing to do with me operating a vehicle. What state did you switch over from? Illinois.

So I switched over from New York and I did have to take the written test. You don't have to take a driving test. Right. Yeah. And I got three. I got wrong. The amount that fails you. They give you a minimum. to take the written test you don't have to take a driving test right yeah yeah and i got three i got wrong the amount that kills you they give you a minimum and she looked at my test and she said are you from new york and i said yeah and she said answer this one again and then i did and

she's like okay now you pass oh good for her but there was a there's questions on there that are very specific about california this doesn't have to do with me knowing when to break yeah yeah or being a good driver so my son's 14 and a half and he's like when i turn 16 i want to get my license i want to get a car my 18 year old doesn't drive but like so i'm already now saying to him how many car lengths do you need to be behind that car if you're going 40 he's like i don't know i'm like one for every 10 miles per hour so that's a question they will ask you on this test like all that stuff and like i'm trying those are good things to know but the fine you gotta know what you're not gonna do when you get right because i'll be up on him while i'm texting going what's going on with him and yeah last thing we'll get out of this how old do you

guys think tatsu is how long has he been doing this 52 plus 52 52 plus 16 yeah i mean try 68 okay 72 70 right on a nose 69 years that's story number two to me that the dumbest thing in there is every day carrying that little piece of stress with you that's nothing can go wrong if you are fucked it's just too much if somebody runs into you you're fucked like ah i just couldn't no thanks too much stress yeah i don't need uh it's too much looking over your shoulder for give us a hint what are we looking at after the break florida man being a florida man okay perfect could be literally anything yeah you mean florida man acting like a tokyo man do the story

do the stories always travel around the world? No, I mean, it depends. Yeah, they'll be anywhere. Anywhere. Or they could all be in Ohio. Or all Florida. Usually they all are Florida. All right, we got Zanab Johnston's with us.

We got one more story. Let's get to this right after the break. Dumb People Town, don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere.

Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere.

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Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere.

Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere.

Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. If you are struggling with what to get your dad this Father's Day, give him the gift of a fun, powerful, and easy way to get outside

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about my summer it has changed everything about the cabin we dude first of all you can go like over a hundred miles on these things right so once it's fully charged like you don't need to worry about it yeah it's also very compact so you can go to yahoo's into town you can go to yahoo's into town it's got the speed for it too uh but the best thing for me and my family is you hop on this and then you just go on down to the lake you can get little like compartments to carry some of your stuff with you. And then when my family's down there, you zip on backup.

Every single person. Dan, we forgot the drinks. They're still back up at the electric electric baby. That's really, they are wonderful. And it will, whoever you give this to,

you're going to end up using it as much as they are, or at least wanting to. I absolutely love it. And the great thing is you can tell by looking at it, you're going to end up using it as much as they are or at least wanting to. I absolutely love it. And the great thing is you can tell by looking at it. You're like, oh, this isn't just some throwaway low quality. This is high end, looks really good, but also isn't going to pull your whole bike. Are you outside more? Are you outside more because of this bike?

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can customize things, adjustable e-bike options to accommodate an array of different lifestyles, as Dan's talking about doing it this way. Somebody else, friends of ours have them, and they drive up into Griffith Park and go around there, and it's fantastic. It just opens up a whole more world of fun, especially in the summer. So here's what we're going to say. Skip the played out gifts this Father's Day and give the gift of adventure with Electric E-Bikes.

Visit electricebikes.com to learn more and explore the epic models Electric has to offer. That's electricebikes, L-E-C-T-R-I-C-E-B-I-K-E-S dot com. Stick around. Make us down. There's more. Don't people town. All right, everybody. I'm going to take you home with this story. ebikes.com stick around make a sound there's more don't people town all right

everybody i'm gonna take you home let's do this story send in by jake roney at jake roney on twitter

long time friend of the show love this kid uh here's the headline naked greased up florida

you could have stopped at the first two words drove a motorcycle without a license that's how we do it here if you're

naked and greased up you better be a stupid 18 year old who thinks it's cool to be in a frat so that is the only excuse i will give you dumb youth that they said it's some tradition and you were stupid enough to think you should do it or naked and greased up you could be like sexy wrestlers yeah that's right yeah you could be like that doesn't mean you're prepping for i don't know you're prepping for something yes whatever that means yeah i suppose you could be like, let's go. I don't know why I have to say it like that. You're prepping for, I don't know, but you're prepping for something. Yes. Whatever that means. Yeah, I suppose you could be naked and greased up on the set of an adult film.

And I'm like, okay, this is all tracks. Naked and greased up. Or like naked, greased up chicken. Olive oil wrestlers. Yeah. Or you could be like naked and greased up. Your next words should be like, I'm ready, honey. I'm ready.

Come in. I did what you asked me to do. Let's get ready. Here I come. All right. So naked, greased up Florida man accused of breaking into two homes, jumping in pool. You got to get the grease off. I know.

Now you screwed up the pool. Those pool have to be drained. Yeah. Come on. All you needed was some Dawn soap. Is that right? Deberry, Florida. A man was arrested Friday morning in Deberry after he allegedly broke into two homes and

tried to evade deputies by jumping in a swimming pool. Where are you going to go, man? They won't see me. I'm underwater. Yeah. I mean, you can't swim off the property. There's no. Yeah.

You're just doing that. Jumping into the ocean. Like this. This. Listen, you literally just jumped into a hole. I'm so stuck. Every time you say Deberry, I'm like Debaby. Debaby.

Debaby. Debaby, Florida. Debaby, Florida. Or DeBaby did this Alright so DaBaby Florida he tried to evade Deputies by jumping in a swimming pool And onto a trampoline all while Naked according to sheriff so he just wants

To have fun you know what he's got A bucket list before he gets locked up He just probably was like I love the wind Against my junk let's go let's go Marco just get out man Marco we can see you. We're not closing our eyes. Deputies say they responded around what time?

What time do you think they responded? Two houses. He did the pool and the trampoline running from the cops. He'd already done the two houses. Yeah. To a report of a burglary at a home on High Banks Road. Both things, you are not running away from cops. You were just participating in something stationary on the property.

I feel like this is 5 p.m. I think it's more like 11 a.m. 11 a.m.? 5 p.m.? What do you got? You don't think he's at church? 2 a.m. 2 a.m.

One of you is exactly right. Oh! Do you want to decide? I'll stick with me. I'm going to stick with me. Yeah, I'm going to definitely stick with you. So you're going to stick with me. All right, get your answers in because at 2 a.m.

Yeah. It was not a true report. We'll get to how old he is at the end. Blake Tokman. That tells you his age range right there. Blake Tokman tells you his name and what he does. Does it? Tokman.

Blake Tokman. Tokman. He's a regional rapper from 1997. Blake Tokman.ke man who does like rasta and dubstock all right all right yeah i'm on okay volusia county or volusia county sheriff's office said tokeman smashed out a window to break into one home then left and broke into another house deputies say they encounter it doesn't say really what he took. Yeah, like he just broke into the home to break into the home and then go to the pool.

He could have just kept thinking they were his. Right. Is this my house? Oh, no, it's not. Let me do another one. All right. Deputies say they encountered Tokman at the second house. Body worn camera video released by the sheriff's office.

Which means the first house called. Yeah, that's right. Shows Tokman running from the deputies, jumping into a pool, then climbing out of the pool, then jumping onto a trampoline. Okay, it's kind of on them for letting him get out of the pool. That's right shows tokeman running from the deputies jumping into a pool then climbing out of the pool then jumping onto a trampoline okay it's kind of on them for letting him get out of the pool that's right he's in a hole that's right just got him fan out and he's wet and weighed down also the process you know there's always that part where you're either going to fall back in

the pool or get out yeah unless you're doing the ladder or the steps also you couldn't grab him at that crucial moment when your belly's on the ground getting out of the pool. Do you mean the cops grab him or the homeowner? The cops. They're there for the pool part. So here's the question. How many deputies did it take to grab this guy when they all-

He was greased up and naked. That's what I'm saying. How many? Zaynab, do you want to go first, second, or last? I'll let you pick. Five. Five? I think there were seven dep or last? I'll let you pick. Five. Five? I think there were seven deputies there.

I'll go three. Four. Right. Okay, very good. Four deputies who kicked or hit the deputies. One of the deputies was cut on the arm. In addition to being naked, the sheriff's office said Tokman was covered in wheel bearing grease. That is greasy.

Peppermint oil. Oh, that's kind of sweet you got that from the first house and blood of course uh they believe they believe he may have been under the influence of an unknown substance you think yeah you may by the way someone's jumping in the pool that's just i feel like that's just fun you know what that unknown substance is heartbreak yeah she's not coming back well maybe i don't know maybe his body was burning or something like i what was the temperature like to be in that is that thick grease that he was in yeah well that maybe i mean that's super super yeah maybe he was just burning and was like i gotta get in there and then i gotta do a couple

of flips on this trampoline maybe i can flip flip this grease up. Have I been on your burns? Yeah. I just picture him getting arrested and yelling like Holly Berry in Monsters Ball. Make me feel something. Make me feel. And then just does a flip into the pool. You think they were like, hey, man, if you want to get back in the pool for, we'll give you three minutes. You want to get back in. You want to swim around.

You can do one cannonball. One cannonball. It's like his end of point break. Come on, man. Where am I going to go? The other end of the pool. But you know what sucks? It's like he could have's like his end of point break come on man where am i gonna go the other end of the pool but you know what sucks it's like he could have also knocked on your door you know like the hassle is like you did all of this and now we got to replace a window

there's so much i know you're thinking of the homeowner you feel violated because we didn't accept you into the house yeah yeah can i jump on your trampoline no you can't jump boom or yes the kids never use it. We bought that fucking thing three years ago. By the way, you see a naked, greased up guy come to your door. Let him have it. I want to tell you, the type of parents that are so over it are just like, yeah, go ahead. Somebody's using it.

Kids, someone's using it. Yeah. You just open the door. I put that trampoline. And then the guy is talking. There's a wiffle ball set in the garage that he hasn't touched in five years. You want to play with that? He's now telling the naked guy, took me three weeks to put that trampoline together.

You think the kid's using it? Go ahead. Jump all you want. I just balanced that pool. Thank God somebody's using it. And the wife runs out, we got some boxer shorts if you need it. No, I'm free. I'm free.

Let him do it. He's having fun. I'm like these assholes who just sit on their iPad. Yeah, you just open the door and you go, are you violent? No, I'm on another plane of existence. He's having fun. Unlike these assholes who just sit on their iPads. Yeah, you just open the door and you go, are you violent? No, I'm on another plane of existence. Fine. Have at it. Just have fun.

Just have fun. Kids, you see, that's how we use the pool, okay? Tokman faces charges of two counts of occupied burglary, three counts of battery on a law enforcement officer, two counts of criminal mischief, one of our favorites. And three counts of peeing in the pool. I think there should be three counts of peeing in the pool, right? Yeah, that would be great. Do you want it? There there is a little video but i don't know if it's worth watching but i want to see it i'll try to get to the video hold on but first let's guess

how old this how old is tokeman tokeman tokeman tokeman lake lake toke lake lake is a young first i love your reasoning here i'll go last okay i think i like your reasoning i. I'll go last. Okay. I think I like your reasoning. I think he's 29. I'm going to go 22. I'll go 25. Okay. Five. All right.

Get your answers in. This has been a beautiful episode with you. We'll look at the video. Check out Zainab Johnson dot. Yeah. There'll probably be a link in the YouTube description or the video might get thrown in. Either way, you'll be able to. Either way, you can follow. And she's a great follower.

Go see her live. Follow her Instagram. Follow the Zaynab Johnson on TikTok and whatnot. But just do it. Just do it. This is our friend. You'll be like, hey, I was on that train as it's blowing up and doing all it does. All right.

This cat, Blake Tokman, who was naked and jumping on a trampoline and jumping in a pool, is 34 years old. Wow! Older! Old enough to know! Thank you. 34, yeah, he's heartbroken. No one here said he was in his 30s. I'm trying to get on this video, but it's not. Alright, we'll do

it in post. We'll show it to each other. We'll show it to each other. Alright, that's a show, you guys. What a beautiful show. Thank you for coming to do it with us. This was such a treat. Thank you so much for having me. A wonderful romp. All right, Zainab Johnson, thank you. Guys, oh shit, we've got to get back to work. Bye.