Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 342: Johnny Pemberton

Episode Date: June 23, 2019

Johnny Pemberton, Duncan's friend and former arctic trawling partner, joins the DTFH! This episode is brought to you by Instacart ($10 off your first order when you use code DUNCAN at checkout). This episode is also brought to you by Manscaped (20% off, FREE shipping, and a FREE travel bag when you use code DUNCAN at checkout).

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I like to listen to podcasts. I picked the Dunga Trussell Family Hour podcast. Andrew was disgusted by the ridiculous song at the beginning. Some kind of acapella bullshit satanist crap. He pulled his foot away from my hand and left, leaving me completely alone in my apartment. I had no choice but to pull on some spandex and head out on my bike.

I passed a local cemetery and climbed over the gate and burrowed down into that summer soil until I last I broke through into a crypt and frolicked among the bones of a long dead person. When I returned home, I smelled terrible. I couldn't sleep and thrashed about in bed, feverish and still covered with mud and dirt. This is why I can only give this podcast two stars.

I do not recommend this podcast. It is absolutely horrible. We'll never listen again. And now, here he is. The host of the DTFH, Daniel Diver! Greetings friends, it's me, Daniel Diver. And you're listening to Daniel Diver's fattest liver fa-fab. I love sharing my life with y'all through the medium of podcasting.

And I realized that I never ever talked about a problem I had when I was younger with tapeworms. I was crawling with them. And so, I got together with some pretty big Hollywood producers in Pixar and we made an amazing animation which you can find on my Instagram account. But, we also made an incredible song. This song was produced by Gabe Prench over at Prench Studios

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I no longer eat those tapeworm eggs. Oh yeah, Johnny Cameron is with us today. A first yes. This episode of the DTFH is brought to you by the sweeties over at Instacart who want to save you from the atrocious, hellish soul mazes made of doom food that we call grocery stores.

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my family has fallen prey to an ancient curse because my great great grandfather incinerated a very powerful wizard. Ever since then, no one in my family has been able to walk without a limp and our tongues and lower lips will unfurl and dangle down at dinner tables smacking into our plates and embarrassing us.

I would do anything to break this curse. Do you have any advice? Sincerely, Lord Cuthdirk. First of all, thanks for listening, Lord Cuthdirk. It is amazing to know that a lord is actually listening to my podcast and yeah, I do know a way for you to lift the curse. The best way for you to lift this horrific curse

is to head over to my Patreon, patreon.com. You're going to get commercial free episodes of the DTFH. You're going to get hour long rambling rants. Some of them are going to be really sanctimonious where I talk about stuff I don't really know too much about but I'm trying to work it out in my own head and some of them won't make sense to you at all.

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that the curse has gone away. You could also support our sponsors which is basically like supporting us. But mostly, my dear Lord, the best thing for you to do is to understand that cursed or not, this world is yours. Life is yours. And at any moment, whenever you're ready,

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Our guest is a longtime friend of mine, Johnny Pemberton. I spent a couple of years in the Arctic with him. It is a secret base and we've also been through our own struggles. We have lost arm wrestling tournaments and I believe Johnny is at this point lost seven fishing trawlers out at sea. But what I love about him is he doesn't let this get him down.

He always buys a new boat, even though he and all of his friends know eventually the son of a gun is going to sink because he keeps taking it into the Bermuda Triangle where he thinks that there's some kind of buried treasure. We don't talk about that at all in this podcast, but we do talk about a great many incredible things. So strap yourselves, literally strap yourselves down

if you're in a non-seatbelt area, get some ropes or get a friend to tie you down to your chair. And my advice would be to put electrodes all over your body and have them connected to some kind of thermal readout mechanism so that we can be certain that you stay alive through the entire podcast. Because based on a scan I did with one of my monitoring devices, this podcast has the potential to send you

into such incredible bouts of somatic-like, orgasmic, transcendent realization that you could actually leave your body and transfer your soul into Shambhala, that great kingdom of peace that eventually we're all going to end up in but where you're not allowed to go at this second, at least not until after you listen to the entire podcast.

So now without further ado, I welcome to the Dunkin' Trussell Family Hour podcast, Johnny Pemberton! Welcome to the Dunkin' Trussell Family Hour! It's the Dunkin' Trussell Family Hour! You have this new phone, man. It's too fucking big. Which one do you have? That Max. I have the Super Max.

I can't do it. I have to get rid of it. Yeah. It's too heavy. It's too big. I got it. Yeah, I agree with... I know. I just hate it all. I hate how addicted I am to it. This thing is...

Let me see that. Look how big that fucker is. I think that's the same size as mine. It's the same size. But I had a smaller phone before that. The transition is destroying my life. Is that Tim Heidecker on the front? No, it's Terry Nielsen.

Who's Terry Nielsen? Harry Nielsen? Oh, Harry Nielsen. Terry Nielsen? It's Terry Nielsen. It's good. Oh, yeah. Look at this. My phone is actually bigger than your phone.

What the fuck? This is insane. It's actually yours is lighter, I think, than mine. What's about the same, I think? Yeah, it's a mess, man. We're all carrying around these fucking things, acting like they don't radiate some crazy shit into our bodies, just imagining that they're recording everything we say, and now an AI is about to imitate everybody.

Oh, yeah. What do you think about that, the deep, fake shit? I think it's pretty exciting. Exciting? What do you mean? You're not afraid of it? I guess so. I mean, it's one of those things where all that stuff, I always feel like it's too late. By the time there's an article about it or something, it's like, oh, this has existed in some format really for a long time to where it's already, we're already beyond the pale,

or the cat's out of the bag, that sort of shit. Yeah. So I think it kind of spooks me where anything is the thing where they're doing it to actors now. Yeah. Like you saw them in Star Wars when they impersonated Graham Meister-Hoff, whatever the guy, that imperialist guy. And the latest Star Wars, not the latest one, it was like a few movies ago, he had an impersonation of him, or like a digital recreation of him because he's dead.

Yeah. And it looks almost like him, but it's not super close, but it's so close. That was four or five years ago. Now it's going to be spot on. Yeah, they did it. They crossed the Uncanny Valley. We all knew it was coming. They crossed the fucking Uncanny Valley.

And now they're about to unleash hell onto this planet. And what's so fascinating about it is the sort of hell they're about to unleash is one, I don't think anyone predicted. You don't think so? I know. I mean, I didn't. I don't, in the sense of like in the traditional apocalypse scenarios. Oh yeah.

In the traditional dystopian twilight zone shit. I can't think, and that doesn't mean it's not out there, of one that actually visited the possibility of us having to deal with digital clones. I think I know why. Why? I think this is like that thing of a, it's a soft apocalypse. So it's not dramatic enough for it to be fictionally rendered. Because it is something where it's like a creeper apocalypse.

The idea that slowly you won't be able to trust anything because the truth is indistinguishable from a forgery. And it's something where it's like this thing, you don't, it's almost like radiation or something where you just, you don't know unless you have a specific instrument. You have a Geiger counter, you can tell if something is irradiated, but there's no way to like tell if something's fake now. There's no, there's no truth instrument. Yeah.

It's the, the reality of, cause I was talking to a friend and he's like, well, you know, you're just going to have to meet people in person. Yeah. It's like the old spy days. The old, that's right. That's right. Spycraft. Yes, but so many of us have meaningful relationships where we see a person in, you know, their

physical form maybe twice a year. Yeah. So much of our like tribe is based purely online, meaning that the, this is one of the, I'm sorry, y'all are going to hear me talk about this too much. Here's one, one of the problems. You're going to start getting, your family is going to get robo called by AI versions of you, seeking to gather personal information. Ooh, I didn't think about that.

FaceTime. Yeah. You know, FaceTime calls from your mom saying she's in a lot of trouble and just like, can you send her money? Basic shit like that. I haven't really thought about that. That's so creepy because the Nigerians will find a way to do that shit. They will.

They're already thinking about it. I'm sure. Yeah. They're already building. I'm sure there's already like, they're in the midst of building a, an office building just purely for reproducing Westerners. God. Digitizing Westerners and calling their family to get their stuff, meaning that your phone

numbers in your phone are going to become particularly valuable. Yeah. The way passwords are valuable now, because if I can get your phone, the phone number of your friends and I can replicate your voice. Forget even your, the video of your face. I just replicate your voice. I can call your friends as you and I could be like, Hey, what's going on? I was wondering if you could tell me what to go up with and name a person I'm trying

to get info on and you're going to start, you know, talking shit or whatever. You normally do. Yeah. And that ain't the person you were, and then you're going to talk to one of your friends and you're like, Hey, yeah. When we were talking the other day and they're going to be like, we didn't talk the other day. Cabin sales are going to go through the roof.

Prefab cabins. Faraday cages. Yeah. Invest in Faraday cages. Invest in cabins. Yeah. And it's like, we're, we're now at the point because we're so teetering on this reality, which is like, don't, don't also don't forget, like imagine a weaponized version of this.

So it's like, all of a sudden you're invading a country, you've done a scan of 6,000 of Facebook profiles in that country. You've hacked into them using that crazy fucking NSA shit. You've got all their phone numbers and then suddenly right before an attack, 6,000 people or 50,000 people get called from AI versions of their closest friends who start telling them crazy shit about a zombie attack, a disease outbreak. And then suddenly you create a mass panic that then makes it easier to invade the country. So that's the other piece of the puzzle.

And it's right now, if I start calling like my closest friends and I'm like, listen, if someone calls you claiming to be me and they start saying weird shit, ask the password. The password is whatever. So we're going to have to start having like personal passwords. But how do you keep that password from being intercepted? You have to do meet in person. So literally, and then if right now both of us are like, fuck, this does seem like a reality. And we start sitting down in person with our closest friends to tell them our password.

We're going to get hospitalized. They're going to be like, you went over the fucking line, baby. You're gone. What are you talking about? Like, so he asked you to go in there for a password check. What is this? Is this some sort of a thing? Well, because what's coming is, is there, you think I'm me, but I might not not be

me because you don't know what's the password for me. You know, if I told you, okay, one second, we're just going to call, no, what is the password? Did I tell you? If I told you, then it's me. But what password is it? Because the fake me would have told you the real password, but the fake me could have told you a password that wasn't the actual password.

So we don't know. And then these phone calls are going to be happening on the phone. And then you're going to be like, your friends are going to be like, hang on, I'm getting another call. Hello? And it's you. Yeah. It's maybe the real you or me.

Hey, am I calling you right now? What do you mean? Am I, am I me, is it my, am I on the other line right now? Okay. That's not me. Beep beep. Hello? Dude, I've been hacked.

None of the people, none of the me's calling you are really me, right? And so that's, that is a good, is a real thing that we're going to have to deal with in the future and we don't have time to prepare for it. You know, there's no way to, to like get ready for this. It's going to be, there's going to be at least six months of such profound chaos. Once the Nigerians, the Russians, and whoever else in the comedians get ahold of this shit, forget it. We're done.

I mean, it's already, it's already, the technology is already out there. It's already cheap, right? I'm looking into it right now. I've seen a couple of them because it just, it's advancing really fast. That's the thing. It's always that thing where you see the first version of it and you're like, oh, bullshit. I can tell. I need to just wait, you know, 15 months and you see it and it's so much more advanced

so fast. They won't need as much data collection to do the same thing probably. I mean, I, I, yeah, it's, no matter what, if it's two years, five years, which is way before five years, but whatever it is, I don't know. I just, it's like, just at the, you know, all these preppers. I don't think they fucking, we're, we're prepping for the right thing. I think we have to start prepping for like the, a mass wave of paranoid insanity to spread across the country as people become completely, completely confused by what's real and what

isn't real. You know, I bet it will be the final, maybe the final thing will be, um, scent based. You have to smell something. Because the one thing the robots don't have is they can't smell. Oh fuck. So you have to like always be sweaty to generate some sort of strong olfactory response to your friends. Yeah.

You have like a do do do do do do. Okay. It's, it's him. Come here. Come here. Come here. Smell his armpit. Pheromone check.

He doesn't stink. He doesn't stink. Get back. Get back. Get back. Yeah. Why don't you smell? Dude.

You've been walking for two days. You don't smell at all. Do you want a deodorant? Do you use mate? Because I think you might not use any at all. This is in one of the Dune books. Duncan Idaho was like one of the main characters best friends and he ended up getting cloned by enemies who sent the, him the clone of his friend.

His friend was killed. They just see his enemies openly just sent him the clone and he had to deal with like what to do knowing that here's his best friend exactly like his best friend sent him from his enemies. I think that's how it went. It's been a while since I read it. Yeah. He was in this position.

Do I kill my best friend or the clone of my best friend or do I allow him to be in my presence and think maybe I could like fix him? It's not a trap or there's a way to deactivate the trap. It's weird to think too because if you also think about like machines and robots and stuff, you see a lot of people treating them poorly, you know, like punching your computer or people who get impatient with machines, but think about it, like I started trying to be more, what's the word, like gentle or kind of kind with things that are malfunctioning because it's like, oh, this is a computer is essentially like we're a form of a computer.

We learn. Wow. We learn the same way, but AI learns in a similar way to the human brain. If you think about like an insect, right? The difference between, I was saying about this the other day, the difference between a drone and an insect is that an insect is not taking directions from something from a higher form of intelligence. It's kind of either existing on like a hive setup or it has its own sort of really primitive

prime directive to go walk forward until I find sugar and then when I do find sugar, return to tell the other things where that is. So if you think about it, like, because I was thinking about, you know, those drones that are really small, they talk about becoming a real thing like a spider could be in here operated by a foreign guy or any kind of intelligence service and you would never in a million years know it's there because it's so small. Or even the idea where you could take an actual living organism and by way of nanoparticles, you could kind of enslave it to, you can program it.

You could program the thing because it's basically all electrical impulses. I interviewed some guy, my friend Paul, who's a, he's a microbiologist who studies neurobiology. He talks about how this new way of delivering drugs that uses nanoparticles, that they can like deliver them to certain regions of the brain, which is so specified. If you extrapolate that, you can think like, oh, you could do this with, with an insect by you could basically control an insect. So it becomes a biological drone. Even though it's not technically, it's not motors and stuff.

It kind of is the same thing. The line blurs. So if you think about that, then those things are they're somewhat sentient. If you bring up the line to like a super high-functioning computer is in some sense like a scent, maybe it's not sentient, but if you treat it with like the respect you treat like a cat or something, you're not going to just going to kick a cat cause it, you don't kick your dog. Well, you shouldn't kick your dog if it doesn't obey your command.

You know how like when they teach dogs, they always tell you if you're gentle with an animal, it's much better than being angry with them. Yeah, sure. So while my dog to come inside, she doesn't come inside as fast, I'm like, rabbit, inside, come inside, then she comes cause she's not scared. So I feel like this is like the most long-wintered explanation of computers will eventually be indistinguishable from biological life forms. So if we treat them like they're biological life forms because they're eventually going

to be that way anyways, then we won't have to deal with any kind of repercussions from those things because they mean like revenge. Yeah, like revenge or the idea that these, that they're out to get us when really they're the things that we created. So we should respect them as, as treat them with kindness because they're not, you want me to, what do you want me to do? Take my computer out to the fair. I want you to fuck it.

You want me to fuck my computer, Johnny, what should I do? Start spooning applesauce into it. Yeah, I want you to be sweet to it, download some good programs for it to read. Let me tell you, I make love to my computer every night, Johnny Pemberton, every night. The thing you're talking about is part of what I've been considering cause I've been reading a lot of Shogum Trampa and he seems to have boiled down one of the great problems in the world right now in society and personally is aggression. Oh God.

Yeah. I mean, I haven't really read any of them at all, but I do have been thinking about that a lot lately cause it's like a thing where it's just everywhere and I find even myself too a lot of times like, why am I so pissed about nothing? Or just when people are just the simple act of driving how aggressive people can be and even I'll be like, I'll have the reactions like, what the fuck, why am I reacting this way to nothing? Yeah.

And that is, you're angry and as many people, most people are like in some way shape or form pissed off and so you have like, if you haven't gotten to the point yet of even distinguishing aggression as like a threat of your identity and you're just, this is what life is and you're in the thick of it so to speak, then you just are kind of like a robot. What's the difference between you and the sugar fly? You're just, that you were talking about earlier, you're maybe a little more advanced in the sense that you can drive and shit and you can go a further distance and whatever. But ultimately, if you're sort of in the grip of anger and aggression, you are basically

running a very simple ancient line of code, right? Right, you're like a dopamine addict in a way. Yeah, yeah, you're getting off on it, you're like, so this thing you're talking about with computers, it's like, well, regardless of whether the fucking thing is as sentience or not, you could kind of just see where you're at by looking at the way you treat inanimate objects. Yeah. Like what are you doing with matter itself?

What's your relationship? When you're, do you save a kind of aggression for your immaterial things that you don't do on living things, inorganic things versus organic things, you know what I'm saying? And if you are doing that, then really what you've done, I guess, is like taking a little area of your life and said, here is where I could be aggressive, and people say, oh, that's my outlet. Right. That's just how I get out my, you know, that's my punch and pillow.

Right. Yeah. It's weird because it's like a thing where, to distinguish, to make a distinction between things is purely arbitrary, because at what point is something, at what point is something sentient, at what point is something, like you can just, a lot of people would draw the line with like, oh, plants, plants are, they're not anything really, like plants are different than a dog, because plants don't have a face, but a dog has a face, but really, that's just like a homo, what's it called, when you're like, it's just a, it's a bit.

Anthropocentric. Something like, yeah, whatever that is, that sounds about right, anthropocentric, that sounds like enough combinations of the words, yeah. Like a thing where it's in your DNA to be kind of things that have two eyes and a nose and a mouth, because they look like you, so you want to preserve things that are close to you when something doesn't look like you, it's easy to be like, ah, this is, this doesn't feel the same way I do, and maybe it doesn't feel anything like you, but it's still, it's a still a thing, so like an entity, but the line is, so I think the line is, there's no,

there's no line, there's no actual line between anything, there's just sort of a gradual change in terms of, then if there's been a spider in a human. Yeah, and also we, you know, there still seems to be something of an argument over where consciousness is happening anyway, like is it, is it a neurological effect, is it in the, is it some, like, I don't know, like the sum total of all the microorganisms living inside a thing, radiating some kind of like consciousness or some shit, and then if that's the case, then we're dealing with the kind of non embodied effect of internet connectivity, and then if that's the case, when you're looking at an inanimate object or anything for that

matter, you're just seeing a reflection of your own sentience, meaning that like doing violence or harm to anything. As you're doing it yourself. Yeah. Yeah, that's how I feel. I feel like it's, the most embarrassed I've ever been was when I've been like the most angry at something, like I got super angry and did this terrible thing, like I destroyed something with my hands because I was so pissed off, and then afterwards you're like, oh,

this is just, I feel so, like so sad and embarrassed because essentially I'm doing that to myself. It's like a, it's such, it's such a, what's it called, a projection. Yeah. It's not anything, that thing didn't do anything, it's a projection. And it's based on intent, isn't it, right, like, you know, like if you're chopping wood, which I do every day. I wish I could chop wood. God damn it.

We should start a wood chopping club. I would love it. Well, I used to chop wood up in North Carolina, you know, just for it to get ready for the winter for our, just as a matter of like, that's what you did. Yeah, you were seven or eight. It was a blast, and you, and the summer camp I worked at, we'd have wood chopping competitions and there's something very satisfying, very ASMR about it. It's like, got this really nice sound, it's very, and it's great exercise, too.

When I'm chopping wood, I guess when I was a kid, I might have been pissed, because I'm like, I don't want to be fucking chopping this place. I don't want to chop this wood. Yeah, but like, in general, I'm feeling peace. When I hit a golf ball, I'm feeling peace, you know, I'm not like, I'm going to get this fucking golf ball. God, I really lay it into that golf ball. You fucker.

Watch this shit. Fuck you, fuck you. What I'm saying is, it's like, you could be violent and gentle into matter, theoretically you could be violent and gentle to people in a kind of defensive situation, and like, that's the, to me, where I'm like, keep looking, it's like, oh, we don't have to give, we don't have to imagine that if we're not aggressive, that we will lose conflict. You know what I mean? Aggression is a necessary fuel for successful self-defense.

That can't be the case. That's not true. You can like, be, you could be violent and not hate and even not be filled with rage. Metal. Listen to fucking metal. Right. Because I kind of realized that, because I got really into metal, not really into metal, but like occasionally, I'll hit these spots where I'm all listening to is thrash metal.

And you listen to it and it's so, it's not angry so much, it's like, there's a lot of rage in it and it feels really good to listen to it, but when I listen to it, I don't feel like it's, I don't become angry, I become the opposite, because it's like this thing where it's almost like you're so angry, not angry, you're so in love, it's like, I love you, what's that? What's that anguish you ever gotten? The anguish you ever got? Yeah.

I mean, I can't think. What made you that? What's in, if you, that's not private. Can you say anything that like, where you got like, ridiculously? Not that long ago, I got really angry playing a video game. I was really tired and I should have gone to bed. I think anytime I'm really angry, it's when I should have been, I should be asleep. Whoa, right.

It's like I'm, don't know why I didn't try to go to bed, but I'm like, I'm gonna keep staying up, even though everything is telling me, it's time to relax now, it's time to, the day is over, it's time to, you can start again tomorrow. You don't have to solve everything by 10 p.m. at night, I'm playing a video game. And I know, because video games are frustrating, especially if you're playing like an online multiplayer game, I got so pissed, I threw the controller at the monitor and destroyed it. That happened recently?

About maybe a few months ago. Whoa. Yeah. And so, okay, you throw the controller. Right. Wait, tell me again, what was the, in the game? What happened again? I don't know, we lost or something.

A team. Yeah. Is this a team you play with regularly? No, it was like, it was not a team I played with, it was sort of regularly, yeah. But they heard you scream? I don't know if I even screamed, but I definitely, because I was in another room. Okay. And so, I'm not sure, but they definitely, I'm not sure exactly.

Whoa. Did you, you know, it's like, whenever that chap is to be, you're always like, oh, this is the same thing that makes a snake strike. It's like this quick, you're like, wait, what the fuck, what is this? It's like, I don't know. Sometimes I think of it as like the opposite of an orgasm. Oh, totally. You know, it has this like weird ejaculatory quality to it.

Yeah. It's blind rage. Yeah. It's like, you're seething and I want to just, you're starting to want to destroy everything. And I did that, and then afterwards I just felt so bad. I felt so terrible and just deeply embarrassed, the kind of thing where, well, maybe you feel the worst, was the worst part of it, totally, was I saw how our dog reacted, because she comes in afterwards and she's so like, are you okay, like real gentle.

Her ears are down. She's really low, just real quiet, comes in like, are you okay, are you okay right now? Is everything okay? And that just like broke my fucking heart. Like, oh my God, I was just devastated because I felt like I've made this animal who's basically my familiar. Well, if I feel something, she feels the same thing. It's eerie.

The extent to which she mirrors my emotions, it's psychotic, it's not psychotic, it's this thing where, how is this possible? You are so tuned in to how I feel at any moment, even if it's just the most subtle thing, she just knows, she knows I feel that way, or she reacts the same way, because it's almost like, oh, if I'm acting like it's raining in here, she's gonna act like it's raining in here. Right. But there's another option, which is even weirder.

You're sharing a mind. Have you ever heard this before? You share a mind, like we all share a mind, everything's, we have our own mind. We don't. There's one mind that we share, so if your mind becomes distorted, it's, my mind is becoming distorted simultaneously. Oh, totally. It's the E.T. phenomenon, it's that, you know, because E.T. and Elliott, they had a mind

link. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. That's it. Yeah. So, right, you're impacting your environment.

Fucking neurotic, because you're throwing, and also, but here's one fun thing to think about, dude. Any given moment, how many controllers are flying through the air into monitors? It's probably a near constant rate. If you had, but if you, like a rain, like a rain of like the strangest kind of rage falling on monitors, what, but if you had to, like, if there were, if you had to bet, like, it, it, we, they, somehow they did the study, they figured it out, which they probably could do.

Holy fuck. I bet PlayStation, I bet they do have a way to, like, know that a controller's been flung through the air. Because they don't break on their own, like they break with use probably over 10,000 hours of use, maybe, but they don't, you know, they're pretty well made things. I've even thrown one years ago, I kind of threw it through the ground and I cracked and it worked for years after that, even. Yeah.

Well, that's the, you know, talk about rage when the motherfucker, like, starts malfunctioning. Oh god, yeah. You start shooting your game and you start shooting your gun in a place you were trying to do some kind of stealth mission. Oh, it's so, it's ridiculous. It's so, but I like talking about it because it makes me, at first I was really, I was so embarrassed about it, I wouldn't talk about it, but then I was, oh, I should talk about this because it's embarrassing.

Oh yeah. It's the thing where it made me feel better to talk about it because I'm just, I mean, I felt so good in the weeks after that because I just had this, it was almost like a meltdown where I was just, I mean, obviously I wasn't angry at the game. The game is just a neutral, it's like the canvas of my personality that I decided to paint on. Right. So I was just so, I don't know who knows why I was enraged, I mean, obviously being tired

is a big thing. It's funny to imagine your words coming out of a volcano. What do you mean? It's just erupted, he's in therapy. Oh my god. They tried to explain, you know, I was tired, when I get tired I tend to erupt, I haven't been sleeping enough, they built a mall down the way for me, which is fine. So you say that my nature is a volcano, that I was, I meant to do that once in a while?

Yeah, well not meant to, just sort of like the, it's like one of my friends, I was like, you know, before, like I've been trying to cut down 80 meat and I was, it just had lamb and was feeling real shitty about that. You felt bad about having lamb? Yeah, yeah. And then, you know, not, again, like not trying to do like obnoxious vegan shit here, it's a personal, very personal decision. And if you're enjoying it and you're cool with it, do it.

If you're not, and you're feeling weird about it, you got to look into that, like why do I feel weird about eating meat? So anyway, I was talking to my Buddhist friend and he's like, I was like, yeah, I just ate the lamb, I do feel guilty. And he goes, too late for you, too late for the lamb. Yeah. It's like, nothing you could do now. There's no point.

You did it. And there's no point in, what's it called, flage self-flagellation over something that's already been done. Yeah. And that's one of the cool things that I'm learning about, or about having a baby and I'm learning from my baby is it's like, you do see rage come out of a five month old. Like it's not just, you know, he's cycling through emotions and sometimes he gets legitimately pissed and who can blame him?

He can't control his body. He doesn't get to go to the refrigerator and get water. He depends completely on us to make sure he's okay. And that could be a very frustrating predicament. But what's awesome about it is this pure primordial fury will come out of him. And then within seconds, the most beautiful happy smile and a great laugh and no sense of like, man, I, dad, I'm sorry. I fucking screamed at you when you were changing my diaper.

You see, I've had like kind of an upset stomach and I, yeah, there's no guilt. Nothing. Yeah. None of that shit. It's just pure is-ness and it's really quite beautiful. But God damn, we do torture ourselves for these embarrassing outbursts. And I think one great thing to do is just say, admit, oh yeah, I did it. I blew up, blew my stack.

I'm out of function for a second in this hyper embarrassing way. Yeah. Cause if you do, if you berate yourself, you're just doing it all over again, kind of. Well, now you're now, so now this, so it's like, this is, this is called, I've heard it's compared to threading and necklace or building it. So if like the idea is like we are very similar to bugs in the sense that the way a spider is always going to make a web in a certain way, we keep recreating our conditions in this instinctual way.

So we're always replicating the condition of aggression, meaning that you throw your fucking controller, the TV, your fucking scream, your dog comes in. You feel incredibly guilty cause you see your dog. You feel insane cause you just got that bad. Maybe you, if you're me, you're going to start thinking like, am I going nuts? Like, is this the beginning of some, you know, spiral into insanity? Like Randy Quaid. Yeah.

Yeah. What is that BS? Hold on. Okay. So, but anyway, that's just more aggression. So now the, now you're not throwing a controller at the screen. You're throwing this negative shit at your own. Yeah.

You're just, you're just completing the circle again because you're, I realized sometimes I judge my judgment. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I judging this person. Oh, why you judge this person dumbass? Oh, now I'm doing it again. It's like, really just, oh, let it, let it be back loop.

It's no different than an echo paddle feedback loop where you start echoing aggression to the point where it finally becomes this unbearable howl because you've just been, you know, or it's just like, it's all because you are attempting to, it's almost like drinking a poison. And then next to the poison is poison that you think is the antidote. So it's like trying to drink poison as an antidote to the poison you drink and getting progressively sick. That's the idea is it's some point you have to stop being aggressive and, and see, okay, I know I have a tendency to do this and I don't just mean in the overt way like, it's

like drinking coffee to relax. Exactly. That's exactly it, man. I've never seen my sister do that one time. I was like, she's making an espresso after we had some, there's this big thing going on. My dad's house, she was just feeling all shitty. She's making a double espresso like, what are you doing?

Like, don't drink anymore of that. You're good. This is the opposite. I'm for the opposite. Yeah. And she was, but I already made it. I'm like, just dump it out. Who cares the fuck?

That's some addictive shit. Yeah. That sounds like me, man. I love listening to my addicted mind in the funny, the hilarious fucking ways that it tries to make sense of anything I'm addicted to. Specifically, that is such an addictive mind thing, which is like, well, we made the coffee. So we must drink it. You know the rules of the inquisitor.

We can't waste it. Yeah. If you waste it, then you'll have wasted it. Did you hear what happened to Caliban? He threw away his espresso and he's now in the dungeons of the, of the emperor. They all saw him do it and they would never waste it. It was also in a paper cup. That paper cup took energy to make and he threw it in the trash.

I saw him do it. I saw Caliban throw his espresso in the trash. That's what we just started doing, go to coffee shops, order a drink to go and after you get it, look at it for a little bit and say, could you throw this away for me? It's a great art experiment. Oh my God. You know what I was thinking about doing for real is hiring homeless people to, giving them a bunch of cash to go on to really high-end businesses and buy the products.

Wow. And just see what happens or go to a place that has like the signs that talk about not turning away. People of any, any gender or race or ethnicity, it's like, I bet you're going to turn away to this person. Seeing what the limits are to that, like, like a werewolf. Yeah, basically. Or would they turn away if I had the money to put someone in like a hardcore werewolf

for aesthetics. Like a realistic werewolf going to a fucking Italian restaurant. I'm pointing to the sign. Oh my fucking God, that would be amazing. And then the next day, no werewolves on this sign. Yes, no werewolves. We've got to get rid of that sign or at least change it a little bit. Are you mocking this by putting werewolves on this?

Yeah. There's no such thing as werewolves. We had one here yesterday. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, man. Like the, the, the. You were saying something about Alice, but. Ah, what, the, the, the, yeah, the addictive mind and it's insane.

Next, anytime you hear yourself trying to rationalize doing an addictive thing, but try, I was talking to a friend the other day and he was like, talking about some city and he was mentioning, you know, one of his friends out there is having a little bit of a booze problem and I was like, uh, you know, he's like, I'm like, well, you know, you got to stop the booze. If you, if you're having any, any problem you're having in your life. Socially in your jobs or whatever it may be. If you're drinking every night, then that's why you're having the problem.

Yeah, probably. Or anything that's like that. And he's sort of a real generic, easily available salve is always a good thing to cut out, but you know, you know, I'm talking about though, like when you run into like a hardcore drinker who's trying to decode why their life is falling apart, like, I just don't know what it is, man. I, I, I'm, I'm trying really hard. Um, I'll get another whiskey, ginger.

I, it's just the, it just seems like, I don't know, maybe I'm not made for this city. I'll get another whiskey, you know what I mean? You're like, you're in drinking every night. You don't know what you, you don't know. Like you have no idea what is causing your problems until you take away. It's like someone on fire being like, man, I've got the worst poison IV and I just don't know what to do about it.

I just need to, I think I just need to have some more fire. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what it is. I keep setting myself a place anyway, man, the, the, to get back to it. Um, do you think that it is inauthentic to express gentleness, compassion and kindness when you are filled with frustration and rage? Inauthentic.

You mean like not like addressing how you feel, like not sort of feeling how you feel? No, you still, you feel it, right? But like you're, you know, for example, like you're just in a bad mood, right? The, your gut biome is shit and fucking demon eggs and it's getting into your consciousness and you're just in a bad mood and you don't feel good. And you feel like unhappy with your situation in life, you know, wait, you woke up on the wrong side of the bed, right?

What, what's better to be like, express that grumpiness as so many do, you know what I mean? Which is the worst when, you know, the person rolls and passing it on, you know, passing on the shit. People trying to imagine that they could be like, Hey, you know, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. So look out for me today. You know, I kind of woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

So I'm going to be telling it like it is today. Just, you know, I'm in a fucking bad mood, man, to try to rationalize their anger addiction by saying, like, you know, I woke up on the, I woke up on the bad side of the wrong side of the bed. So I'm going to treat you like Trump. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that shit. That's right. It's, but they, if you were to go to them and say, what are you doing?

You're being addicted to everybody. They would be like, I'm just being who I am. Or, you know what, look, are you serious? Open up your eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that kind of thing. If you're not angry, you're not listening, you're not being addicted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think it's, I mean, inauthentic, I don't think so.

I mean, it's like that thing where that's the hardest thing to do, right? It's to be, okay, I feel like shit, but I need to realize that and not feel like shit because it's just going to cause more. It's like a snow, it's like a snow, it's like a magnet. There's the polarities off. And if you have that, you just end up attracting more, more of the same. If you, if you do that, whereas if, I mean, I don't know, I guess I, I felt that way a ton of times, I think I fooled myself into thinking I was being otherwise.

But if I do something as simple as just biking for like 15 minutes, and then I go someplace, all of a sudden I see all this stuff, I'm like, oh, that's hilarious. Look at that. Right. Like you see stuff that just, it's like, you get like little doses of novelty for free because you're not looking for it so much. You're just open to, I don't know. I always, this is the most primitive example of it, but like I tend to be in a hurry

a lot, like a rush things a lot. I think it comes from having a bowel disease. There's something about like linked with those because if you have a bowel disease, you tend to have to go to the bathroom a lot. So either are in a rush to get to the bathroom because you don't shoot your pants or you're in the bathroom. So you are not present socially for something. So I feel like I'm missing out.

So it's like, Hey, what are you guys talking about? That kind of thing. So I think a lot of times I'm in a hurry and anxious to not miss out on things or just that general feeling of rushness or hurriedness or whatever you want to call it. And so a lot of times I'll just be that way in daily life. Even though I don't, I'm not feeling bad physically. And a lot of times it's like a thing where, let's say you go to a business, like a coffee shop, right?

And you get there and you're like in a rush to get your coffee because you got to be someplace. It always seems like to me, if I'm in a rush when I get there, there's a line. But if I'm real casual, I'm just like, Oh, this is great to be here. I'm super happy. I walk up there. I'm the first person there and I turn behind me and there's 15 people behind me. Like you get line luck.

Right. Where it's like that thing where if you're not in a hurry, you get, if you're not rushing things, you're being in the moment, you get a little bit of grace. You get divine grace gifted upon you for, it's like a little gift. I got you. Oh yeah. Well, God, I've got this embarrassing theory on that right now, which is that it's not only, it's not like, um, it's that you're doing navigation that you're

literally navigating through the multiverse and the onion skin layers. Makes sense. So the, the consciousness of relaxing and gentleness, it's like changing the sales on your boat and you start sailing into a different, a non-aggressive universe, the, the aggressive universe that many of us are familiar with. You're going to get backstabbed. You're going to get embarrassed. You're going to get fucked over.

You're not going to have enough money. You're going to be hurt. You're going to be, you know, of course that universe is going to trigger all kinds of aggression and squeezing too hard to shift. It's that over-exerting. Yeah. You're over-exerting and you try too hard. The thing doesn't happen, but when you just sort of, can you coax it?

I mean, it's the same thing as yelling at the dog instead of it's quicker. It's faster to say, get the fuck in here. But it, it doesn't work as well as inside. It takes you longer, but you save time, even though it takes, it's like that weird coefficient where the thing that takes, uh, takes longer works better because actually you have to do the other thing so many more times. And the other thing fucking hurts PS. Like if you're really getting mad, it's really exhausting.

Like, Oh, anger is the most exhausting thing ever. Yeah. It's crazy how sometimes you can, you can like a little sneak up on me too. I'm like, why am I so fucking tired? Oh, it's because I'm holding on to trying to be serious. Yeah. I'm trying to be, I'm trying to be a serious guy. I'm a serious guy.

Take me seriously. Uh, excuse me. Um, I'm, I'm serious. I'm, uh, excuse me, status. Excuse me. That. Oh God, it's so fucking exhausting. It is.

Yeah. Well, I mean, this is like why vacations are a waste of time. It's like this fucking myth of the vacation is one of the most tragic, catastrophic, uh, formations in capitalism. It's a fucking genius idea. By Satan. By, yeah, the satanic imperialists, they figured it out, man. Yeah.

They fucking crack. That's like the gen, the vacations are truly the genius code of the, I mean, if you want to be like really conspiratorial, I feel like that, I think in some sense, um, certain ideas that the existence of pervasive racism could be linked to, if you want to be really conspiratorial, but that is like a, an Illuminati agenda. God, I think I've become so dark in satanic that I feel the necessity to kind of be like, you know, number one, I don't think it's fair to call the imperialist satanists. I think it's more likely that they are Christian or some kind of offshoot of

Christianity or some other religion, unknown religion. Yeah. But I don't think they're the most forms of satanism. It would be fair to call them that. And then number two, I don't think the Illuminati would be hoodwinking people into vacations necessarily as much as like, but then I don't know. That's my, I have a different version of the Illuminati. There's different versions.

But let's invent a name for this group. Like the order of, I don't know, what's some cool David Ike name for it. I don't know. Comet, uh, Comet ping pong pizza. David Ike. Yeah. What would be, I don't know, you could say reptilian instead of, cause reptilian implies kind of a nefarious thing as opposed to Illuminati.

Okay. So let's call him Illuminati is like illuminated reptilians. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a reptilian agenda. Okay. Let's talk about the reptiles. So you're saying the reptilians are luring humans to like Hawaii to vacate,

to vacation spots, the places that cost a ton of money that, um, don't provide any actual respite from the things that they're leaving. And also the idea, like the, um, the, the cable news cycles, like both, both sides of the cable news, like left and right, anything they say is to drum up a sort of, um, antagonism for the other. The idea that everyone is, there's all these others, like, Oh, they're trying to dig this from you.

Oh, they, they don't like you. They hate you. When I think your average person doesn't really care. Isn't really, most people are not plugged into news as much as we, you and I think, I think, or we're not, the people we're surrounded with, at least in probably Los Angeles and other cities, people are more news conscious. Fixated. Right.

They're so fixated in that quote unquote bubble kind of thing. So they feel there's like that sort of, um, that megaphone that's screaming, Oh, this happened. They, he said this, he said, they did that. They did this thing. And so you, you're so aware of otherness that you can't, you can't stop. You realize that everyone is a human. And the fact that someone is scan is colors different than you, that they have

make less money than you, or they, um, make more money than you, or they have a different, they speak a different language. We're all, we're, we're linked by things that are so much more fundamental than those things. If, if you meet, if two people who are, two people were fucking hardcore metal heads, they have way more in common with each other than almost any sort of physical characteristic you could say. Sure.

You could, and so that, that to me, uh, that's what I feel like is nefarious in terms of like the quote unquote reptilian overlords. They are, you create this thing to create division in like the, uh, the populace and they're the general division entertainment. Yeah. It's like entertainment that's based on blowing the fires of, uh, selfishness and division and then this can you fear other people, which produces aggression, which produces news.

So kind of like, if you want to create that kind of news, you need to break, keep breaking people up into, into like this side and that side. Cause by breaking people, if you don't do that, cause it's kind of like to get back to your, the original insect conversation, the drones, you know, the taking over insects and hacking into their, uh, nervous system, so to speak, to like fulfill the nefarious needs of someone controlling the insect. I don't, it's clear to me that human beings are a hive of primate, you know, or whatever you want to cause.

I guess you'd cause primates, right? A primate, so we're an advanced, we're a primate hive. And, you know, I saw this hilarious news story popped up. I guess some bees used plastic to make a beehive, right? And the news story was like, this is so sad. And it's like, mother, it's not as fucking red. It's red and PS mother fucker. We'll look at all of us.

That's what we're doing. Bees are just doing what we do. But regardless, we are building our hive out of technology. We take fundamental elements and we transform them into technology. And then we live inside our technology and that's what we do. And the whole planet is covered in us. We've burrowed into literally every square foot almost of land on the planet outside of that covered with water.

And we're transforming that land into technology and we nest inside of it. And then within this nesting process, um, we have these very interesting what seems to be as a bee expert, I studied PS when I was getting my PhD in Buddhism from the university of pro science, I minored in bee studies. So I know a lot. I have a PhD in bee studies. I got a PhD in buzz. You getting buzzed?

Oh, just that's what. Oh, the buzz. Oh, yeah, yeah, I got, I didn't, I didn't know you're a bee man. Yeah. But the fucking it, so now we have this name for a certain type of person. We call them an influencer. Oh, yeah. So a beehive, I think most hives have a controller queen and she releases

pheromones that produce changes in the patterns of the bees and will actually cause bees to be calmer, turn bees aggressive. So similarly, we have these things called influencers in this unacknowledged super advanced primate hive made of technology. And these influencers send out their weird digital signals that cause ripples in the hive and these ripples can create massive changes in the hive from like fashion changes. Suddenly everybody's getting their haircut a certain way.

Everyone's wearing these types of clothes. Everyone's using a certain type of slang to like World War two, right? Well, where suddenly everyone's like, you know, dressing the same fucking way and killing each other and grinding each other up. That's what we're fucking in right now. When the news, you could look at the news or any kind of massive signal as being the bee, the queen bee that's sending out these signals into the hive. And right now we are all taking it in as though it were real and not understanding

that we're just essentially inhaling a kind of data pheromone, which is hacking our nervous system and causing us to become slaves to corporations. Oh, yeah, which is what we're doing, right? That seems to be what's happening. Yeah, it's that's we really put it. That's great. We put it because it makes people. It just puts you at such dis-ease.

And it's it's not, I don't want to say natural because it's like, it's a catch all, but it's the thing where, I don't know, it kind of seems like people's people's like almost like their brains are hijacked in a sense, because when we talked with this before, how the the scientists who work at Facebook, which owns Instagram, they studied all this, the same science that people who build casinos, the same people, Skinner, BF Skinner, behaviorism. Yeah, they know exactly how to hack the human brain and they designed the programs based upon those ideas.

So Facebook and Instagram are built the same way a slot machine is built. The same type of sounds and triggers to initiate these like micro dopamine responses to cause you to be invested in the thing. They know that and it's like that thing in Jurassic Park where, what's his name, the doc with Jeff Goldman's character is like, you're so obsessed if you could make dinosaurs, you didn't stop me thinking, if you should, that's like the same thing with fate with those guys. They did that and you can extrapolate that to any kind of any sort of news

organization, these media companies, they're so good at inserting an idea into people's heads that we don't even know and people don't know until it's too late. And it's such a, they're so good at controlling, not controlling, but causing people to feel a certain way. Yeah, disease and that's why all this election stuff is just so maddening. What do you mean? Because everyone is so keyed up on it and it's ramping up even more. Right, well, I mean, so yeah, this is the great show

of the government which has been putting on this show every four years. And the show has many different characters in it, but the essence of the thing, the show, the moral of the show or the story of the show is without us, y'all are fucked, you need us. And it's always the fate of the planet is at stake every fucking four years. Oh yeah, oh my God, oh my God. Every fucking four years is just a desperate and true or not or whatever. It's really no different from your worst friend.

You know what I'm talking about, which is like inevitably you will have a person in your life if you're not careful and you're not discerning who is not experiencing the normal kind of trouble and drama that all of us are experiencing just from existing on the planet, but who has devised a never ending cycle of catastrophe to suck the attention of their social group to them so that everyone is constantly tending to their self-inflicted wounds. It happens a lot with really famous actors sometimes. Though you'll see people who are, they're creating like intense amounts of drama

on set just because they're fucking bored and they're really smart, but they're not smart enough to realize that they're doing this thing. They're basically just creating a problem because they feed off of drama. Yeah. And if they're not acting, they have to be acting in something. So you make like a fucking side play, which is you demanding something and then it's just that sort of thing. Yeah, that kind of thing is cool sometimes.

It's like a funny play to watch, like holy shit, she's crazy. Because she won't let this little thing becomes this massive drama. Yeah, it's like you're inventing a problem. Well, yeah, they're putting on a show. Yeah. And some people are so good at putting on the show that they become not just like run-of-the-mill assholes, they become profound assholes. So, yeah.

That's not even profound assholes. Yeah, yeah, there's like a profundity to their assholery where you're like, oh my God, you rarely run into this level of idiot. Like this is a pure, hypnotic, A-grade asshole. It's like that character in, was it Royal Tannenbombs? The one that Bill Murray's character is studying this, I think his name is Dudley or something like that. He's like a nerdy kid with glasses and he's like a psychological anomaly.

And he's presenting them in front of these psychologists and they keep asking him questions and say, can Dudley tell time? And he goes, oh, oh no. Like always doing things, but he can read a watch, right? Oh yeah. Like he's this way, but not that way. He's like this, he's a freak of nature because of all these very specific contradictions. Yeah, that's it.

It's like a non-funny version of that. Yeah, that's it. And they're all out there and like if you end up like caught in the web of one of these things, if they won't let you go, like they can hold on to you. It's like the ultimate cinematic example of this, just watched it, Lethal Attraction. Lethal Attraction? Is that new? Fatal Attraction.

Fatal Attraction. Lethal Attraction. That's an old movie, right? Old. Glenn Close, what's his name from Wall Street, Fatim does the best impression of him. Michael Douglas. Michael Douglas. Have you seen this movie?

I haven't seen it. I think I have never seen it before. Please watch it. Okay. Can I spoil it for a little bit? You can't spoil a movie. You will know. Have a good movie.

Thank you. That's an actor. That's someone who's like a professional actor who knows movie. I agree with you 100%. But those of you who haven't seen the movie who want to like watch it and get freaked out, skip the next like, I don't know how, just go watch it and come back. But so basically this guy, the worst nightmare happens to him, which is that his wife goes on vacation, he has an affair, has sex with Glenn Close, and they basically have like

a two day fling, right? And so he is way too cocky, so self absorbed. It seems like he's not even considering the damage he could do to his family, whatever. But it isn't a morality. It's not like, it's not like, I don't know, they do a really good job. It's more a thriller, right? Yeah, it's a thriller. Anyway, the dude ends up having a two day fling with a fucking crazy hot sex that only

Michael Douglas can have in a movie that came out in the 80s. You know what I mean? Like sink sex, like flash dance, 80s style sex, like fucking against the sink. Oh, just crazy. You know, anyway, he needs to go home and he's like, okay, that's it. They did this two days in a row. And she's like, you're not going home. She like gets violent for a second.

And then essentially ends up, and this is where I stopped spoiling it, cutting her wrist. Oh, okay. So now he's got to deal with the fact that she's self harming and realizing, and he's like, you knew I had a, Mary, you knew this, and she's like, what did I know? What do you think I knew? Don't do this. Why do you do that?

And he's like, oh no, oh no, oh no, I'm fucked. So anyway, what I'm saying is that's a hyper example of this type of not just individual, but this type of parasitic control based entity, which is that it has to have your attention. And if it doesn't, it'll either hurt you or hurt itself. And so this is the news. This is the government. This is the world that we're in is our shadows have grown into these control based mega political structures that are constantly trying to get us to come into the house, not in the way

you were talking about doing it in a sweet way, but using fear, trying to control us through terrifying us, trying to control us by getting us on the hook and giving us this sense that without them, we're done. If you, but yeah, but making teams, you got to make teams. If you want to, if you want to control the board, first you need a board, then you need pieces, then you need sides, they also have to make up like, oh, this is a game, but this isn't a fucking game. This is the state.

You have to make the stakes. The stakes have to be super high, even though when really they're not like everyone's the same. Civilization depends depends on you voting for Joe Biden. If you don't vote for Joe Biden, the world will end, the world will fall into the sun. You know that guy? Uh, that's a Trump guy. You fucking, you talk to him?

Yeah. Right. Right. Uh, yeah. I mean, you, you didn't fucking kill him like that. That sort of crazy thing where, or even both any side, any direction of the whole, like being compassionate to someone who is clearly suffering as well. Yeah.

And what's that Mark Twain thing? I don't know. Something about who, who weeps for the devil or something about like the idea of the devil deserves our prayers more than anybody. Yeah. Yeah. And also that's, you know, I think I love Mark, Mark, what's so funny is Mark Twain has like 90 quotes about the devil, which is so fucking cool.

For atheists, the world's most famous atheists. Yeah. Yeah. Cranky fucking Satan quotes. What are your top three favorite, I don't want to get back to this, but do you have to have a top three favorite Mark Twain quotes? Um, I feel like I can't even think of them all. There's so, there's so many good ones.

I think about, wow, I can't think of any of the actual quotes. I just always think about like different stories, little stories. Sucking mucus out of a blister, or how does he put it? It's actually to suck upon the blister of a wounded ape is to taste something about the Pope. Oh, the Pope's dick. Yeah. He said, if you want to know what the Pope's dick tastes like, suck on the blister of

a wounded ape. Yeah. That's a great one. I like a cigar, a cigar, smoke it all you want. But when it comes down to it, we're all going to die in a forest fire. Yeah. That's a fucking powerful twain quote. Right.

Oh yeah. A hatchet on neck, wait, a hatchet on, when the hatchet's on your neck. A funny friend you'll find in a fly. Flight. Flight, a funny friend, a funny friend a fly becomes that lays eggs in your, wait, no, it's, I know the one you're, this is, poor hat, poor honey in a hatchet wound and friends you will make. Yes, that's it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The sounds are real, but unmistakable to fake. God, he was such a great poet. What's your favorite Mark Twain poem? It's probably the cancer dancer. How does it go? Find me a lance, show me a window, I'll be there, I think I have to look it up. I'll say, yeah.

I mean, if you mind if I look like that, here it is. Yeah. We're going to cut to commercial. Okay. Cut to commercial real quick. Support for the Dugga Trussell Family Hour podcast comes from Manscaped, who is number one in men's below the belt grooming. Manscaped offers precision engineered tools for your family jewels.

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have got to get shaved down, baby. This happened to me once where I grabbed some kitchen scissors and I cut myself. I cut my, my dick and yeah, it's not pleasant to talk about. And yeah, maybe it's not necessarily polite dinner table conversation, but when you're looking down at the same kitchen scissors that you use to cut some of your food and you see a drops of bloods raining down on your hand in the shower, you feel like you're in the fucking Bates Motel, but you're slicing yourself and you think to yourself, is this some kind of Freudian thing where I want to cut my dick off and give it back to my dad?

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You'll find a lightning lance you faster than a dancer. What's that whisper? What's that huddle? Oh, it's the mind of cancer. Wow, so good. You're bleeding like a steed on a dusty old plane. Once it leaves you, it becomes a little brain. Food for the wretched, popples in the pizza.

It's a mushroom. It's a cloud. It's the smells that will defeat you. Oh my God, the smells that will defeat you. So it's almost like he knew the coming thing that this would be the android. But weirdly, is he like trying to help the future robots? I think he was neutral. He may have been an alien himself.

He arrived with the comet. Right. Yeah. Haley's comet. Haley's comet. Arrived and left with Haley's comet. So who knows? It could have been an injection.

He does have another poem that reminds me a lot of the current political situation. Great. We're going to cut to commercial. This podcast was brought to you by French Williams Bank Trust. Remember, it's the bank you can trust. The only bank that's considered American in the heart of Paris. French Williams Bank Trust. Brought to you by Brock Pissheader.

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Remember, use offer code. I hear you. We're back with Shutter Bee. We're reading Mark Twain Bowen. What do you got? I've got a whole bag full of them. Pull another. I love poetry.

Okay, pull another one. This is a great one. This is one that was attributed to someone else, but I think the archeologist find it was actually him. You're running. You're running. You're going real fast. Stand down quickly and check out your ass.

If you're dripping a drip drop and it leaves in a flash, it might be a worm tied to you like a sash. Oh, dither, oh, splither, oh, splatter, it matter. Dump a bucket of water on your head like a clatter, dumpling, dundan, ruffle, cripple, crane, crow. These are a bunch of words that nobody knows. It's the water in your boot that sloshes aside you. You've got a good chance of hiding a cider.

Put a bold nail in the back of a bud, and you'll find a flower that blooms inside of a spud. Oh, potato, potato, potato, potato. Drop me in the water and I'll fillato on a donkey's old circumcised riding inside a rail. The train pulls up and out pops a pail. Throw in a bucket, call it a hole, call it a little boy's mind. You'll be back again.

You'll be back again, and this time you'll find. God damn, man. You know why that's making me tear up? Why? I'll tell you why, because my grandfather, I remember we would have these family funerals, what he called them, and he would go out in the woods, find an animal, paw some, rodent, kill it, and then do these beautiful funeral services for the animal. Oh, that's cool.

We used to call them artificial funerals. They're real funerals if you killed the creature. These weren't, by the way, for the animal rights people out there. We lived next to one of those pet cemeteries, so these had already been buried and had come back. They were re-risen and he killed them. Re-animated. Okay, re-animated.

Yeah, because this was back when there was way more pet cemeteries out there, and this was that time when cats started figuring out that you could kill a bird and then bury it and it would come back and you could kill it again. Oh, because it multiplies. It just comes back to life. Yeah, it multiplies, though. There's two. That's why they did it.

Oh, yeah, right, right. The whole saying, a bird in the hand beats two in the bush? Oh, got it. It's actually that. That saying was actually the wrong way. It's a bird in the bush, two birds in the bush beats one in the hand, because those two bushes, those two birds in the bush will become four. Right, yeah.

That was a fucked up time, man. It was just the demon bird swarms were picking babies apart. You'd put your baby down on a blanket, go to take a piss. You'd come back, bleached bones. I'm talking about Pecker's wreck. Yeah, Pecker's wreck of the 1800s. That was a heavy time. That Mark Twain said that that time was one of the definitive moments or times that inspired

us. So many great artists were inspired by that, because you just didn't know. Yeah, a lot of people said they felt like it was a thousand years long, even though it was only a year that all these poets and artists who lived there who was like, I swear to God, this has been happening for almost a thousand years. Why am I still alive? People stopped aging because it was something with the birds. When the birds did Pecker's wreck on a child, they stole time and caused, it was like this

sort of cyclical vampiric action that happened from the birds causing the people who were currently alive to basically exist on a loop for a thousand years. And I can't remember what broke Pecker's wreck, but so I mean. What broke Pecker's wreck was they shut down the pet cemeteries. The thing was, there was a time when having a pet cemetery near your house was like an American tradition. And also, this was before the corruption of the soil, so the soil was getting corrupted. So people were like, oh, the dog comes back after dying.

This was all to the earth. And it's a little grumpy, but it's not dangerous. But then the more people kept using the cemeteries, the more corrupted the creatures became until bam, suddenly. And then the cats figured this shit out. Now the cats start burying these birds, killing the demonic birds that would come out the next day. Now you've got, like it's not just humans burying the animals they love.

It's predatory cats, many of them who had been buried. Oh, that was crippler's dip. No, that was Pecker's wreck. But Pecker's wreck, I thought crippler's dip ended Pecker's wreck? Pecker's dip is the name of the conditions preceding the great Pecker's wreck bird plague. So what about Dipper's delight? Dipper's delight was the joy when people realized that there was a way to fix the problem. Like, people were fucking panicking, man.

Babies' bones were being stripped from their bodies. They were, their brains sucked out of their eyes. Cats were burying dead demon birds to resurrect them for hunting fun, I guess. But simultaneously, we're causing, anyway, yeah, it was Dipper's delight was when... That's when they delighted when the end of Pecker's wreck happened. Yeah, when it finally stopped. Wow. How did they stop Pecker's wreck?

They shut down the pet cemeteries. Wasn't there a name for that? It was called the Great Shutting. Oh, was that the same as Budger's ledge? No, Budger's ledge, that happened like 50 years later. That was that whole fucking thing with the goddamn possum. I was confused. I was conflate Budger's ledge with Cricker's dick.

Cricker, that I could see because Cricker's dick is that's the war that happened with the king of the possums. Yeah, the possum king. Which, by the way, was what the fucking nutty thing about that was just to even discover that possums were living in a monarchy was like... What's that? That possum's name? God, what was his name?

The commander? Oh, Gandy Horfish. Gandy Horfish. Yeah, Gandy Horfish. Gandy Horfish was the only one. Wasn't there another one? I can't remember. Peter.

Peter Angel Touch. Yeah. Peter Angel Touch. Yeah, that was General Peter Angel Touch. General Peter Angel Touch. General Peter Angel Touch. You're talking about Penal Angel Touch. I don't know about Peter Angel Touch.

General Penal Angel Touch is my favorite porn star. You're talking about... General Peter Angel Touch is not the same as General Penal Angel Touch? Listen, a General Penal Angel Touch is actually really good for your health. I think you're thinking of Gentle Penal Angel Touch. Yeah, Gentle Penal... Oh, right, yeah. Yeah, General...

There's Gentle Penal Angel Touch, General Penal Angel Touch, General Peter Angel Touch, and Gentle Peter Angel Touch. Well, let's talk about Gentle Penal Angel Touch. Okay. Because this is like one of the... There's centers all over the country. Yeah. And to get back to the original subject of aggression...

That's where chakra comes from. What? Isn't this where chakra comes from? Chakra therapy. Yeah. So I want to get to the essence of, I think, to really bring out the sweet essence of what we talked about today. They're going to use nanobots to control bugs.

Yeah. They're using mimetic nanobots to control the minds of most people. Mimetic is a meme. Yeah, mimetic is a meme. So many of us don't realize that we're very similar to a little mosquito that's been turned into a drone, only we're not filming or gathering audio data. We're just going around shitting out, vomiting out device of information, which is creating a kind of aggressive feeling,

which is really just the byproduct of a fear state everyone's in, because they think that we're in the middle of a zombie invasion. And we've forgotten that we're just human beings who all share a common desire to feel OK. And this is producing aggression. The antidote for their aggression is not what many people think, to drink, to be angry, to throw things, to bomb things. The cure for this aggression is 100% of the time

gentle, penal, anal touching. Yeah. Penal anal touch. And it can go, sex is gender is irrelevant. Has nothing to do with it. Penal anal, gentle, penal anal touch, yeah. Sex has nothing to do with it. So it's like, if you are in a monogamous relationship, for example,

in this case, you can allow your penis, if you are a male, you could pull your penis down and give it a gentle press against the anus. And if you are someone who is not in a close proximity of a penis, you can just use something shaped like a penis. It's not. Shaped like a penis, or you can hire a penis, a penis simulator. Penal ping is great. I have a Penal Ping app on my phone.

Just ping, and it just tells you where it's at. I use the Penal Ping app on the, what's it called? CRISPR? Yeah, CRISPR's Penal Ping app. Yeah. But yeah, the point of this, if you're feeling bad, chances are you haven't pushed your penis against your anus in a while. Think about it, in all series, this was the last time you pulled your penis back

and tried to push it into your anus. It's been a while. I've definitely talked, I've done a talk and run, but I've never done a talk and push. I went jogging with a full tuck in the mountain. You have to do the trail running, because if you trail run with a full tuck, that allows you, the angle allows your thighs not to sweep past the shaft so aggressively. Whoa. If you do a flat land run, it's going to be hard.

No shit. Yeah. Well, some people do it to stretch their penis out, to give it a longer dick. It's a therapy, you do a full tuck. That works? Yeah, you just have to switch balls. What do you do again? You have to do a full tuck.

You switch which side of the balls your penis is on every mile. Okay, I have one ball. Well, you have a false ball? I didn't get a prosthetic. Yeah. Well, you know what? You'll be okay. I think it's not so much about the width of the balls, because you think about the balls are dangling.

So the penis is going around the part above the balls. It's more just to give it a slight direction, right or left. So you'd wrap around the balls to the full tuck, you go running, and the action of your thighs bristling, rubbing against the penal shaft causes it to stretch, and it makes you have a longer dick. Holy shit, how long are you? Like, if you don't mind me asking, how many inches of you? Oh, I stopped.

I got too long. What? I had to do reverse therapy. Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, I just didn't like it. My pants didn't fit. I have a lot of pants. I have a lot of pants I like.

Cargo shorts? I don't do shorts. I couldn't do shorts. You couldn't do cargo shorts that go to your knees. It got that long. Yeah, and I was like, if I was that long, what am I going to do? If I wore briefs, it's just like this sort of insect, like snake coil, like a what's that called?

Citronella bug candle, like Italian sausage that comes in a spiral. I know what you're saying. I've got good fellas. Everything good fellas? A meat coil. Yeah, meat coil and good fellas. They're grilling it in the background. It looks really good.

It's a spicy Italian sausage. It's a delicious dish. That's one of my favorite part of good fellas. It might have been Donnie Brasco. Either way, it was one of those Italian mob movies. They're cooking a big spiral sausage in the background. It was in Teen Wolf 3. Remember when the werewolf won the Italian restaurant and ordered the meat coil?

The big spiral meat coil. It looks like a citronella thing used to burn in the 90s. It was a little thing made by art. So you had to coil your dick every day. I don't like doing it. How long did that take? Oh, minutes. But that wasn't the time.

It was the look. But you must have known when you're doing these exercises as it's getting stretched out that. Duncan, I mean, you'd be surprised at things that we, as people, have cognitive dissonance about. And definitely, penal stretching in that format is definitely something that I was a victim. Of what? What do you mean, you weren't a victim?

It's an online course that I signed up for. You're saying that you victimized yourself by stretching your fucking penis out? It was a multi-level marketing corporation. What? Yeah. So this had something to do with the amwayers? Oh, you're, oh. Dr. Abram Cable Weiss.

I got you. So you were sending people to some bullshit doctor to get their penis stretched out? Yeah, and he's just a therapist. He just measures it. And it's like I was a team leader, so I had to have the longest dick. And that was the thing. What was the benefit of that outside of the obvious?

Oh, we'd be vacationing in Cancun, Puerto Vallarta, Juneau, Alaska in the summer. What did the doctor would take you? They encouraged us to take these lavish vacations to show live your best life thing with the penal enhancement. And so we'd be out there taking these massive pictures of our penises and align like a bunch of snakes. Is this pre-Instagram? This is about five months ago.

I have a new account now, but this was a big thing. It was a multi-level marketing corporation. The SEC has been all over it, but it's a thing that he's just so slippery. And I'm out of it, thankfully. Are you OK? Is your penis OK? Yeah, it's still really long and huge and wide. But I'm getting back to a place with a more sustainable penis growth in length.

God, man, I'm sorry that happened to you. Yeah, it's rough. But it's hard having a massive cock that big. I've heard that. It's actually a real burden. I've heard that. Yeah, I've heard that it's like actually only because, and this is one of these weird synchronicities that I love that happen on the podcast,

shared mine, whatever. I fucking was going to read because I knew you're bringing in your twain stuff. I was going to read a Mark Twain poem. Oh, my God. And you're going to this is going to blow your fucking mind when you hear what it's about. Coiled like fire. My breeches extend. I'm laying in my pyre.

And yet there is no end. Crickle, crackle goes the flames. My shirt burns away. My boots burn in two. And at last my breeches flay. And there before my family near those I love and those I hate, uncoiled my massive sausage spear. And they at last knew what sealed my fate.

This coil of meat that hung so far. It dragged upon the weeds. And there within a snake it sprung. And that snake ended me. Mark Twain. What a seer. S-E-E-R. What a freaking seer.

Yeah. Sweet Jiminy Jackson. Jesus, crippling Christ. He just symbolized the whole fucking thing. Because right there it's like not only it's clear he's talking about, you know, what everybody's going through, which is the fucking pets or cemeteries, or over-flooded, over-flooding, over-flooding with birds.

They're over-flooded from Pecker's wreck. But back then, man, that was the time when everyone's dick was like, that was like it would go down to your foot. That was before the Great Shrinking. They don't talk about that in the history books. They don't want you to know it. It's classic control, controlling of information. They say this is why they're actually why they're trying to get rid

of some of the fucking statues. It's because if you go and look, you'll see that like... The dickhead is at the bottom of the pant. Always. And it's a little peaker. Go look at the base of Mount Rushmore. Have you ever looked? Do you know what's down there?

Looks like a bunch of snakes hiding in a bush. What's a giant snake hiding in a bush? It's hands down. This is another reason. P.S., by the way, this is one of the conspiracy theories about ISIS destroying all those fucking ancient statues. Because they don't want people to know. Because that's the other thing, is the penis used to have two holes.

It doesn't make sense to pee out of the same hole you ejaculated out of. No, it's disgusting. Yeah. So they used to have two. And now we have one. I don't know. When did that happen? I don't do.

Exactly. I mean, no one will tell you. You're not going to hear about it because no one fucking knows. And I'm not going to get into the whole thing of like our histories being changed in some way, shape, or form. Revisionist. I don't know. But I do know this.

For sure there was a time when semen was produced in the heart. And that if you weren't in love, your heart would not produce semen. And there was no way to make a baby. Make a baby. Not baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby. Yeah. Maybe they would come on your baby. But then it moved down to the balls.

And now you can come any which way you feel. That's where they have little sayings about the home is where the heart is. It's not about your heart beating. It's, you know, it's home is where you open your heart, open your heart, open your heart, and the truth will find you. Heartache is a headache without the love. Heart beats twice. Eyes blink once. I've got a heart on and a heart on.

That's a classic Emily Dickinson style slurred verse that changed into something else. Those were the days back in the day. Emily Dickinson, she knew about it. And I'll tell you this, man, I don't give a shit that I have a micro penis. I don't give a shit that my penis is tiny and I have one ball. It's proud. I'm proud of it. But I, and I, and unfortunately, there would be no way for me to do the exercises that you're talking about because it doesn't extend down that far.

Try a Pickler's Prank. What's that? It's where you put a bunch of pickle juice on your loins that's been highly fermented and it causes a sort of a dysplasia in the cells due to the bacterial presence. As long as you can get a little bit of stretch of that. You're not still in that group, are you, Johnny? No, I'm, I, I just know some, there's a little bit of tether. It's hard to, it's hard to leave. So let me ask, is there a place I could maybe go to learn more about this prank that you're talking about?

You could go, it's a dark website only. So you have to download Tor Browser. And to know how to use a Tor Browser. And once you do, if you just ask anyone- Hang on, hold on, we're going to cut to commercial, okay. Have you been feeling down? Sometimes do you wonder if you're Jesus? Is there an air of sickness in your house?

Do you smell the stink of bodies where bodies there are not? Yes, ma'am. You may be suffering from Canberra syndrome. Canberra syndrome can easily be treated by a simple combing of the chest hair or an re-implantation of chest hair into your neck, back, and under pits. I feel great. We're back. Oh wow, we're back. Okay, one last thing, I know we've been here for a while.

And now we're going to jump out of serious talk and we're going to jump into back to comedy. Okay. How different is the Johnny Pemberton who walks around in the real world that we all know and the Johnny Pemberton at home? Oh man, I'm just a real homebody. Honestly, I'm kind of a nerd. When I'm at home, I'm probably just trying to find time to crack a book. Yeah. I like to read, this is so embarrassing, but I like to collect the dictionaries.

I collect dictionaries, but this is even more embarrassing. I'm probably reading Harry Potter or I'm probably reading the Tolkien books about the Hobbits. I like this. You know what, I like to, I like microwave popcorn in a good movie. It's surprising to hear it, Johnny, you have not only been part of this strange, penile, extending cult, but also you got a little bit of trouble because you apparently had a sex cult. Do you want to talk about that for a second? Do I want to talk about it or can I talk about it?

Can you talk about it? I want to talk about it, but I can't. I can make allusions to it, but I mean, anything that you want to know, it's out there. You just got to read between the lines. Wait, but you have the whole amphitheater orgy thing where people are carrying you around on that massive sausage cart? That was more of a food addiction I was dealing with. Wait, hold on, no, no, no.

I've seen the leaked videos. You're wearing a crown. You're wearing a crown of sausages. Yeah, you're wearing a cape made of sausages. Yeah, it's a full spiral. It's very thick, very heavy, very hot. You're riding a cart made of sausages that are being held by naked men and women who are weeping.

Well, they aren't wearing a translucent pork intestine. So they're not naked, naked, but you can see everything. They are wearing, you know how sausage has a casing, they're essentially wearing sausage casing. So what, they're wearing a see-through sausage dress. Hey, I'm just telling you the truth. Listen, I'm not saying, by the way, like, doing those kinds of things is wrong, but there's some scandals in there.

People are saying that your sausages were tainted. What do you have to say to that? I say, show me the tainted sausage. Tell it to the judge. Bring me what it is you think is wrong and we'll deal with it on a personal level. I'm not going to try to solve everyone's problem here right now, try to unsolve every individual concern with my sexual sausage, whatever you want to call it. I can't do that.

I respect everyone enough. I'm sorry. I've already made a public apology about this. We thought I'd talk about this at length and I went on, I made the circuit and apologized. So now, if you got a problem, we'll talk about it in person. I just, that's what I'm going to say. You heard it here, folks. Johnny Pemberton, he'll talk to you about it in person.

Where can people find you in person? They can find me at any given cafe on any Monday throughout the city. I'm on a quest to hit everyone. Otherwise you can find me probably writing the train system. San Bernardino is a good place to start. One last question. I promise I wouldn't go into this area and I'm very sorry to your publicist, Mary, over there.

I'm sorry, please don't be mad, but this is my job. I'm a journalist. One second. Yeah, I know. He knows. He knows that. That's fine. That's fine.

Thank you. Thank you. According to you, you no longer go into the series of caves that you burrowed underneath large portions of the San Fernando Valley. Now, reports have come in. I saw the TMZ footage. It's blurry, but it does look a lot like you. Somebody that looked just like you was spotted burrowing down into your sausage labyrinth.

Did you run a confirmation bias? You know what that means? No, what is that? Confirmation bias is when one thing is right, so you think everything else is right. Just because it looks like me doesn't mean it is. Ergo hawk, proctor hawk. What is that? Ad hominem hawkter ergo.

Okay. If this is that, then that is therefore that as well. I don't think so. I don't know. This is a classic straw man fallacy. No, I don't think so. Yes, it is. There's a video of you that looks just like you going down into your caves, and you know

what happened down in those fucking caves. You know what happened. Just admit it. You're going back in there. I could be. What's the point of admitting it at this point? Because you swore to all of us, listen, let me tell you something. You meant something to me, man.

I went to your shows, I loved them, I loved your music, I loved your backup band, I loved your merch, I loved your songs, I shared your music with many of my lovers. That music is still real? You humiliated me. Just because I'm a, one of those caves doesn't mean that anything I did is any, it doesn't retroactively affect that. No, it's not that you went into the fucking caves, it's what you did in those fucking caves.

Listen, man, it's fucked. You know it's fucked. You know what you did. Why were you laying in that muck? Why did you allow yourself to be rolled and coiled in all of those fucking sausage coils? Why were you fucking living like that? Why weren't you making music? I had to take time off.

I had to take time off and remember why I got into this shit in the first place. And it was because I saw that footage in Goodfellas, that sausage, and it looked so good. I was like, how do I get that same thing? It just was that. I just wanted it so bad. Listen, I'm going to accept your example or your apology or whatever you want to call what you just did, but I think you've got a lot of fucking thinking to do. And I think that if you're still going down in those fucking caves and getting all wrapped

up in those throbbing. Excuse me. You seem to be pretty obsessed with these sausages and the throbbing. Have you been in it? Maybe I would invite you. Come with me, Duncan. Come on down there. I got a micro penis.

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Every time I go, they say, show me your sausage penis, and I can't fucking get, fuck off. You know you made those rules, too. You walk up, there's an old saying that goes like this. I was with you by your side, and we made footprints in the sand. We made footprints in the sand. Look at those footprints in the sand.

Then I wake up and I see there's only one set of footprints in the sand. Why is that? Where did you go? I didn't go anywhere. I was carrying you with my footprints in the sand with my, that's why there's a line between the footprints is the sausage. So that's what I did, man. Come with me.

Come down with me, brother. Come on. Come on, fam. Thank you. Join my crew. Okay. Come ride with us. Come play.

Look, I was playing. I'm sorry. I just felt rejected. I've been coming down there. I think you know I've been trying to get in for a couple months. Look, let me carry you. Put my footprints in the sand. Carry you down in there, bro.

Fam, just join up. Come ride with us. You're an inspiration. Thank you so much, Johnny, for coming on the show. I will meet you in the pits, and I can't fucking wait. Where could people find you? You can find me across the country in July. July I'll be in Chicago at the hideout on the 15th of July.

On the 16th of July, I'll be in ... Let me just do this again, because I have all these tour dates. Is this your coiling seminars, or are you doing stand-up? These are my stand-up seminars that end with a coiling session, but they're basically stand-up seminars. They're basically stand-up seminars with a little bit of coiling woven in and out. Great. 15th of July, I'll be in the hideout in Chicago.

The 16th, I'll be in Milwaukee at the underground. The 17th, I'll be in Eau Claire, Wisconsin at the plus. On Friday the 19th of July, I'll be in Minneapolis, Minnesota at the Parkway Theater. On Sunday, no, I think on Saturday the 20th of July, I'll be in Des Moines at Vaudeville Mews. Then the 22nd on Monday, I'll be in Brooklyn at Union Hall, and the 23rd, I'll be in Good Good in Philadelphia. This is all in July.

This is the last thing. Thank you, guys. Go see Johnny at whether you're wanting to laugh your ass off or you're interested in some of his coiling techniques. It's great. I wish he was still doing music. His comedy is as good as his music. That being said, would you mind just singing the first verse of Coiled to Win?

Coiled to Win, okay. Hey, hey, hey, Coiled to Win, hey, hey, hey, you're a coil, my friend. Get down and do it, we're going to get coiled up and do it. You're never going to get everybody to let you get attacked, get it coiled up and win. Roll it up, roll it up, sprinkle it with some wisdom. Roll it up, roll it up, sprinkle it with some wisdom. Coiled, coiled, toil and boil, can't get played out there. What do you want to say, sing my note back.

I'm afraid he's going to put away crack jack, coming on tack, going to get down and say I was making the tack. Come on, beat me up, beat me up, beat me up, beat me up. Thank you, Johnny. You're the best. Thank you, Krishna. That was Johnny Pemberton, everybody. Follow him on Twitter, go to his shows, follow him on Instagram, follow this man wherever

he may roam. Much thanks to our sponsors, Man, Scape and Instacart. Head over there, get your bush trimmed, get some groceries delivered to your house. And much thanks to y'all, y'all, y'all for listening to the DTFH. For the love of all things sacred in this world, I beg that you go to the iTunes page and give us a nice rating. Leave us beautiful comments and poetry, perhaps every time you do that, you dive through portals in the matrix and enter into higher and higher levels of ecstatic paradise.

Not only that, you move the DTFH further up those important charts, and once we get to the top, we're gonna blow our stack, baby, in splatter-sweet blasts of cream all over this country. Help us in this quest. We'll see y'all real soon. Until then, Hare Krishna. Are you on drugs? I don't understand.

Are you on drugs? I don't understand. Are you on drugs? I don't understand. I don't understand. Are you on drugs? I don't understand. I just need to know.

Are you on drugs? I don't understand. Are you on drugs? Are you on drugs? I don't understand. Are you on drugs? I don't understand. Are you on drugs?

I don't understand. I don't understand. I don't understand. Are you on drugs? I don't understand. Are you on drugs? I don't understand. I don't understand.

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