Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 596: Erin Trussell

Episode Date: January 4, 2024

Erin Trussell, Duncan's beloved wife and candidate for Queen of Planet Earth, re-joins the DTFH! Original music by Aaron Michael Goldberg. This episode is brought to you by: Lumi Labs - Visit MicroDose.com and use code DUNCAN at checkout for 30% Off and FREE Shipping on your first order! Hello Fresh - Visit HelloFresh.com/21Duncan and use code 21DUNCAN at checkout for 21 FREE MEALS + Free Shipping! Rocket Money - Visit RocketMoney.com/Duncan to cancel your unwanted subscriptions and start saving!

Well, we did it. Yet again, the ball has dropped, signifying a movement into the next year. And this is going to be your year. For this year is 2024. 2024, yes, it's going to be our year. 2023, you have a made it disappear. Put it in the bottom bottom and it's a prince

Throw it in the lake and said he really made a sin I hope you know rise up because you've known what's bad 20, 20, 3, yeah you gotta let it pass And I'm in a 24 and the year is looking fine Put it in the mini skirt looking fine Put it in a minute's current spring is behind It's gonna tell a story about you at most And the year's stronger than you at all Now we just burn it

Nothing to be in for the spread of the desert is that we can't control Nothing to be in for a way we can Nothing to do not know 20, 20, Paul 20, 24 20, 23, you can't get there I do not know! 2020! 2020! 2020! 2020! 2023! You can't get there!

2020! 2023! 2023! Hope you find a nice place to be! Now I'm making love! 2020! 2020! 2020!

2020! 2020! 2020! 2020! 2020! What a beautiful song. What a beautiful song to start the new year. Of course, you know that song by now because they won't stop playing it. And I'm glad about that.

It's 2024 by Dare L. He dropped that song exactly when the ball dropped, which is incredibly classy and a beautiful way to start off what is truly going to be the best year in human history. And because I know this will be the best year in human history, not just for humanity as a whole, but for you as an individual. I want to start off this year right with us here today is my beloved wife, Aaron, Trussell, you know her, you lover, I lover, I'm married to her, I keep in pregnating her and she keeps producing beautiful children. And for that alone, she deserves to be queen of planet earth. And that is coming. That is coming. I'm opening the seals this year. I am dousing myself in the blood of freshly sacrificed lambs on the new moon of every month. I will be extending my legs by breaking my bones thanks to my neighbor who is a blacksmith.

So I'm going to be taller, I'm going to be anointed and most importantly, I'm going to be married to the queen of planet earth and by proxy, that makes me the king of planet earth. And I will be in full control and things are going to change for the better. There will be no more quote democracy. Are you fucking kidding me? Are we really gonna keep doing that bullshit? Everyone's ready to let it go. How do I know that? Because an angel came to me in a dream and told me that not because I let people vote or do a poll

or some nonsense like that. We don't want to know what everyone thinks anymore and we don't want to vote. That's 2024 for you and I am going to lead us into a glorious new age. This will be the last year after this. We're not keeping track. After this year, no more ball drops, no more looking at calendars. Every day is day one. That's it. And if you say it's this year or that year or that day or another day, then you will be gently escorted into my torture chambers, which will be in every single neighborhood, high-level torture chambers. Not this medieval bullshit, not crows pecking out your eyes or your toenails

being ripped out by bobcats. Like they did in the old days when they were was democracy and they were keeping track of time. No. We're gonna have futuristic torture chambers. No human involvement because the torturers of the world do not get enough credit. It's a really hard job. Believe it or not, a lot of people don't like to torture others. It's very stressful. They scream.

It fucks your ears up. Many torturers, dungeon masters, dungeon attendance, and even dungeon interns get long term hearing loss from the screams and the sound of the hammers and the sound of the sizzling fat, and which is louder than you would expect. And earplugs don't seem to help at all. And the truth is you can't really wear earplugs

in a torture chamber because you have to be able to hear the tortureee. And if you can't hear like the sounds they're making, how are you gonna know which phase of torture to move to? I'm not gonna, that's another podcast. But I'm telling you everybody, I'm gonna make things right. So don't worry. You will not be encumbered with wondering,

what's the date? What day is this? That thing where you don't remember what date is and you wonder if you have seen how dementia for sleep deprivation is finally causing some atrophy of your neocortex. You're not going to have that anymore because you won't know what day it is because all we have to do is go three weeks without having calendars or any charts and arrest, execute, whatever it it takes get rid of the time fascists and then no one will know what day it is no one will know what fucking time it is

we're gonna take every clock In the world we're gonna melt it down and we're gonna turn it into a statue of Aaron and I Sitting in a beautiful throne Surrounded by happy people. That's going to be a pilgrimage spot that everyone must go to at least once in their lifetime, if not twice, or they will face arrest and execution. And I know what you're thinking,

that's not enough of a punishment. And I agree with you, but it's just how much time are we gonna put into torturing and arresting? And I don't think we're gonna have to keep doing it that long. I'm thinking maybe three months of like mass arrests and then everything will be incredible. So this is the year in store for you.

And we're gonna jump into this podcast. Let me make some quick announcements. I have got some comedy dates coming up. You can find me at the comedy works downtown starting January 11th all the way to January 13th. And then after that, I'm going to be at the Helium Comedy Club in Indianapolis. I think I've been to that Helium yet. January 25th to the 27th, February 26th, another beautiful Helium that's in St. Louis. And then April 12th, I'm going to be at the Hyena's Comedy Night Club. And there's other dates in between that are going to be up at DuncanTrustle.com. Subscribe to our Patreon, it's patreon.com. For more details,

commercial free episodes is what you will receive along with the joy of merging with the greatest community online ever. Speaking of great communities, I'm sorry if this is cheesy or sappy. To all of you came to my New Year's Eve shows that were at the mothership, thank you. That was the best weekend in my life.

Had so much fun and I love you guys. Oh, excuse me, sorry, fur ball. The poodle shit fur in my mouth last night. A wonderful, wonderful weekend. And I thank you guys so much for helping me sell out the first New Year's Eve Mother Ship shows. That made me feel really good and that really is the greatest comedy club on planet Earth. Okay everybody now everyone please bow your heads close your eyes in Tonus Sacred, mantra, and welcome Queen of Planet pleasure, take care of you.

Welcome to you. It's the Duncan Tracer. We're here for you. All right, but you do want an X-chair. Do I want an X-chair? I do. I want an X-chair. I want a vibrating X-chair. Because for years, I'd say, I want to get you an X chair. I want a vibrating X chair.

Because for years I'd say I want to get you an X chair. And I hated it. No, seriously, don't get me when I don't want one. They're hideous. But then over the years. All gaming chairs are hideous. Like they are. It's not a gaming chair.

It's a work from home. But they try to make it look futuristic. They want it to look like you're flying some kind of spaceship. Patented technology. The thing that it like cools you down by blowing air and you ask, this is me off for some reason because it's just I feel like it's a commentary on like some kind of late stage capitalist dystopia that people are working so much and sitting down that it has to blow air on their ass

to keep them from dying from overheating. I wish that your audience could see your studio. I don't. It's a mess right now. But it's kind of like a woodworking shed. But I've thought about this. Like, do you think if you had a really comfortable lush studio with a really nice couch, would you be able to do the same work or would you just want to take naps in there? I don't, I haven't wanted to take naps since I got off sugar.

Like I think that's a diabetes situation that I would have wanted to take Naps in there. You got a few urgent Naps recently. What, here's what I want. But last. What I want, like if you look around, notice how all the recording equipment, the musical equipment is like kind of scattered throughout.

What I want, my. Essentialize. Well, yeah, my dream is like a producer's desk that has within it your keyboard. It has within it all of your gizmos and gadgets. And so you come in to your beautiful soundproof studio, you flip a switch, you shit turns on and it just works. That's my dream. When I come in here, it's like inevitably,

I have to like, you know, it's like having an old car, like you have to like pull a tube out and plug the tube in. Remember why? It's making that weird noise. Yeah, exactly. That always makes. Yeah, so the my dream that I will have one day is a is a turnkey just flip the switch Turns on and you start making stuff instead of like I fuck I am plug this I need to plug that back in

Where did you get this desk? That's like a block of wood the desk came with a place It's actually kind of a cool desk. I'm like one of those birds Did just finds an old nest and lays eggs in it? It's like everything in here is repurposed. Yeah, this is my life. There's nails sticking out. And there's always broken glass on the floor. Broken glass nails that I wound myself on.

So there's blood involved. Oh, shit, I forgot about that. Yeah, my love handle got scraped. I have a scraped love handle. Wait, wait until we look up, if we're supposed to do something scraped. I was great. Love and look up if we're supposed to do something about that. Oh God. I forgot about you know what? If that's what fucking takes me down as a nail in my fucking studio, this mother fucker,

right? I see it. God, that thing looks. Oh, wait, and it's a huge nail sticking out of your desk. You need to understand it. It didn't explain. It now. How many times it got me twice you? It is flickable. Ignand.

You know how many times it got me? Twice. See, that's dumb. Like, don't, don't. Like, getting hit with the nail once is like, okay, you're not used to like what I was trying to set up, I never go on that side of my desk. Okay, fine.

But when you get hit with it again, because you're in such a frenzy. Were you angry? No, I wasn't. That stuff makes me really angry. No, you know what I do? When I start blaming, I'll go through the rolodex of blame in my head.

You'll make fun of me for this, but I swear to God what I do with those kinds of like archetypical agonies that, you know, hitting your thumb or your shin, is I try to feel it all the way. Instead of like doing it away from the pain, not get away from the pain. Right. Because it's like going to the pain. And what's weird is the pain mimics a high. Like if it hurts, you don't like it. It's a bad high. But because it's all neurochemicals, it has a peak. The pain

peaks just like acid does, just like nitrous does. There's a peak. You know, then it gradually subsides. Yeah, then it goes away. And it's really interesting to like watch that and be like, fuck, man, this is like, when's it going to peak? It's got a peak in the state. You're ready for labor. Oh, right. That's the same with labor. You watch the paint. I mean, yeah, at a certain point, though, I feel like it watches you.

Yeah, yeah. That's right. Yeah, yeah. I mean, eventually, I mean, you do get an idea of like, my god, I'm sure this peak goes much higher. But yeah, I know the thing where you hurt yourself and then you want to immediately attack the closest sentient thing around you. Yeah, we we've been we just said at breakfast. We're ready for the holiday lull to end. Yeah, every I didn't even introduce you.

Everybody this my beautiful wife, Aaron, and yeah, we are now, as many parents are, in the part of the, how, like, why don't you talk about the phases of holidays because you're fit, you're like, you love Chris. Chris talk about it together. You can jump in. Okay. Okay. Start at the beginning. The beginning is November 1st. Okay. The day after Halloween. Now, what, what do you do the day after Halloween? Put up the Christmas decoration. And you are very excited yeah and you even throughout thanks giving you're like watching the calendar or not me but throughout October

you're watching that calendar is waiting for the thing to switch over to November so you could start your Christmas project Yeah. And so very excited Christmas music even goes on at that morning, the morning of November 1st. Christmas music is playing. We're getting the lights up. And you know, when it's a it goes in phases though. We don't just get it all up in one day. I think I really want to say this. It's important because I know lots of folks out there are like I used to be about Christmas, which is I like the Grinch Would have looked at me and been like are you okay? That's how much I fucking hated Christmas like yeah, like hated everything about it hated philosophically hated it, hated the aesthetic, hated the fucking music, hated the only thing I liked about it is people with

leave town. And so, they know LA would be really nice. Did I ever tell you what I saw one Christmas morning? You know, I do you manifest shit with your mind. So, I'm driving home. It's early Christmas morning. I don't remember what I've been doing. Christmas Eve. I have't remember what I've been doing. Christmas Eve. I have something not great because I think I was pretty high driving home in the morning. And I know, and I'm sorry, I've said this story before, but I know I saw this. Like I know I saw it. And you know Hollywood. Uh-huh.

It's, so it's West Hollywood. Remember that shitty bar right there when you turn up to go to sunset. Like it's like, what's the meat? Saddle ranch. No, not saddle. It's not on sunset. It's on Santa Monica. It doesn't matter. But I'm driving through West Hollywood.

And I saw in the early morning when the sun is just coming up, the only way to put it is like a little person in a tiny little carriage being pulled by a goat. And it pulled him across the road. He was going at a fast clip too. And, you know, you see that? Sure, you saw that. I know. Crazy. Even after, like minutes after.

Why don't you take just a little bit of LSD, a little bit of machine? Is that dream talking or you can't hear me or you? No, no, I'm telling you. And since then, I've looked it up. And? There are people who have little carriages that get pulled by goats.

Okay. So I saw one of them. I don't know where they were going. They were in a hurry. It was a fast clip. Or in a hurry. And you know, because it's like you're already, like it's Christmas, you're in LA,

you're not with your family. Yeah, it's a story in it. And then you see a goat pulling a little person in a carriage across Santa Monica Boulevard and it was like that. It's those moments where LA hits a Hell Residence, you know what I mean where it's it for me. I loved that I'm not saying I didn't love it. I'm just saying you know deal with it in the morning deal with it in the morning after being on a Christmas fucking Deal with seeing a little person in morning after being on a Christmas fucking vendor.

Yeah. Deal was seeing a little person in a carriage being pulled by goat. For me, that would be a sign I was right where I needed to be. That's what kept me in LA. I didn't see it as like a bad sign. I've often thought about it. I just feel like maybe I saw something I wasn't supposed to.

Like, yeah. Like what? Cause I'm out. The portal was like not closing correctly. Because it was in a hurry. And all I could think is like, I bet we both have been up all night. Like, I don't know what he's been doing, but.

All you can do is just go home and sleep. That's where I was headed to some secret cavern under the city to sleep and I'm fucking pile of old gold coins. So he might have hooked up with the same girl as you that might have been who I hooked up with. Now so phase one for you it's elation. Elation this this very sweet oh let me finish what I was saying though. Now that I've kids, and I've been with Mrs. Claus here for a while now, I don't have that anymore. I liked the Christmas music. I was enjoying it.

It was sweet. It's cozy. The kids like it. The lights start showing up. I don't like your, I didn't like your choices for some of this stuff. What? Because like you you go, like, I don't like the, I still have, I don't like the frozen,

like, Olaf thing or the, Why? Because I just like, lights. I don't like the- It's for the kids, it's obviously hideous. I know it's for the fucking kids. I know, I know what I'm just saying personally. It's for our kids and the kids and the neighborhood.

And I'll tell you another thing in your Christmas aesthetic that isn't for the kids, it's for you. What? And I do not like it. And now I've started noticing them everywhere. Christmas deer. What the fuck? What? That is that's a Mandela effect shit because they're dating have Christmas deer when I was a kid. Those those things just suddenly appear like all of a sudden everyone's like I fucking Lady You would have thought a tarantula was just on me the way I'm been surprised is it off of you?

Yeah, it's off you The bugs in here. I don't even want to tell you about. I just flew out of my chair. So let's talk Christmas dear. Do you remember at some point in your life, they're not being Christmas dear? No, I always remember the Christmas dear. You remember as a kid Christmas dear? Yeah.

Because I don't remember the Christmas dear. This classy is hell. It's not classy. It is so classy. So so fucked up. Every form of and by the way, when we stayed at the four seasons for New Year's Eve, they had fucking Christmas deer exactly. And those Christmas deer suck. No offense for season. No Christmas dear. There is no way to make a Christmas deer. I don't care what it is. I don't care if it's made out of platinum and I'm so sorry. No, Christmas dear. No, tell. There is no way to make a Christmas dear. I don't care what it is.

I don't care if it's made out of platinum and gold and diamond eyes. They look so dumb. I'm tweaking out, cause I feel like there's bugs on me in here. And you're shed. I don't blame you, man. Okay, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna drop it.

I'm gonna pause it. No, no, no, it's okay. So yeah, Christmas dear, I don't like you, man. Okay, I'm gonna be a job. Let me pause it. No, no, no, it's okay. So yeah, Christmas dear, I don't like the old ops I don't like, but what I do like, what's contagious, is your Christmas spirit. You have real Christmas spirit. Yeah. And it's contagious.

Like you start really liking it. You're very sweet about it. And you went through phases. This, this was a journey for you, this Christmas, because one day, you, woman's blamed to me. And my Instagram. You like, you, and I, I think this is super.

So embarrassing. No, I don't think it's a matter of these, it's sweet, because this is a person with Christmas spirit colliding with and one of the levels of Christmas that We inch closer to the day I And preparing the Christmas morning for the kids. I realized this is my least favorite part of the holiday It's on me.

Don't look, don't look. Get it off of me. We'll find her. Lady by lady, but fly away home. The goats in the carriage. I want to go to sleep. This is unhinged today. Okay, so, so let's start over.

So tell me. Now this is like we're getting close to Christmas, Aaron bears the Christmas weight. Thank you. Yeah, I organize, decorate, plan, everything. Everything. I just get to enjoy it. And so, but you really work your ass off. Like you do maniac activities such as days away from Christmas.

You go to a fucking target. You go to a fucking target. Yeah. And that, I think that's what sent me over. That's what got you. Yeah, I was like, well, first of all, in prior Christmases, we realized we fucked up when the kids before they're even halfway done, opening presents, begin to show just interest in opening the

rest of their presents. Yeah, that's when you're like, okay, we really, like, this is not... It's like smelling perfume. Too much. You stop smelling it. It's like when you're getting like over and over and over and over and over and over. All that really seems to happen is a kind of like it goes from being excitement to this dark frenzy like in zombie movies when the zombies start eating a horse or something.

It's like they're not, the zombie doesn't care about, it's not even hungry anymore. It just wants to eat the horse. So it's like watching zombies rip things open And so yes, so but talk about because I went to a target The last Christmas. I mean, it's just you know explosive Humanity What's the what's the feeling and what's the feeling in the air?

What's the feeling in the air? Desperation. Yes, and you look on the faces of the parents. No one's happy. No one's happy. And so you're buying the main thing that bothered me was like the target toy section is just it's literally garbage. It's all trash. It's plastic. Pieces shit, trash, toys.

Like, it's garbage. It's garbage. You're giving your, you're buying a bunch of garbage. Yeah. To wrapping garbage. Yeah. To give to your kids. They already have everything.

Yeah. And the children, I was like, who is this for? Thank you, Lumi Labs for supporting this episode of the DTFH. My friends, there are many things that you should microdose, but what you should microdose is happiness. Lumi Labs, the creator of microdose gummiesmies are alchemists of joy. These gummies are the best. We need to take half. I take half.

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It's available nationwide. That's microse.com. Promo Code Duncan for 30% off and free shipping. Microdose.com. Promo Code Duncan. I was like, who is this for? Right. And so then, now this is very sweet because for me, part of being a depressed person on Christmas is in part of what you relish about it is looking at the

normies as they go about their Christmas activities. They're friends, yeah, they're Christmas. And you judge them. You look at them and you're like, look at you. Consumers. Consumers pieces of fucking shit hypnotized by the fucking corporations. In a breeder garbage, you're just buying breeder garbage. It's going to end up in a landfill floating in the fucking ocean. It's all fucking plastic.

Time is a construct. It's just a day like any other. First of all, December 25th, not anywhere in the Bible. Also, we're talking about the fucking solstice. We're talking about spiritual implications. Not in the Bible. Fucking you wake the fuck up. What's wrong with you? How long are you gonna let them puppeteer you into this fucking material as fucking Frenzy why are you teaching your children that that matter in the exchange of fucking matter is somehow trumps Basic general love not to mention the pagan roots of Christmas Why we might want to light lights? What does it mean the darkest time of the year? What does it mean in our person's life

when you go into the darkest time? What are the lights represent? You know, on and on, you judge and judge, you drink and drink and drink. And so just, I've been in Dante's Inferno when it comes to Christmas. And so then you, woman's blamed to me. That's not a thing.

But you're trying to coin this. But you, but you're refreshing. Whatever you want to call it, you started giving me your revelation via text and I answered it sarcastically only because like, this is this for a endogenously depressed user of drugs. You've also had an uptick in sarcasm recently.

I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have.

I have. I have. I just want to point out I know I point this out every time but guys I do this doesn't happen all day long But if I do if I do start Park as I don't know if you can hear the buzz saw it will appear and I look at it as a good sign now So anyway you start texting me my Christmas. I don't think Well, that's not entirely the reason you like to give them a lot of stuff. You're the one. Let's be honest. Hey, if we're doing a fucking black mass, let's fuck on the altar, baby. I'm like, let's fucking do it. What are you going to do a half black mass? No, I know. I know. Well, I think for me, the idea, I realized, it's just really not about Christmas morning.

Yes. About the season. Yes. And he is the reason for the season. Yes. So I came up with that that day. Reason for the season. But then you told me that was not.

I told you. Remember when I came up with that? My sarcasm was like, I just started seeing text like what? Wait, what what do you what do you mean? I don't understand like gifs Capitalism wait I I'm like I have to think about this for a long time and you know The later on in my sarcasm I realized, that is the sweetest fucking thing ever. Like somehow you've managed to make it this far and and not identify that dark thread that runs through the holidays.

And I think that's fucking great. And remember, it's always just been nice. It's always challenging on the family side, but then I realized I don't even like exchanging gifts with you Yeah, it's dumb and watching you watching me As I react to what you got me. Yeah, the whole thing not even fun. I mean, I'd rather get a surprise Get I'd rather get a surprise and then inevitably you and I we send each other links to what we want and then what we pretend like it's just silly Well, you do feel kind of like you're what's the word for it? You're just you're like you're you're doing like dance moves that have been pre-ordained by someone else that you don't even

Really want to do that dance but I and then I sent you a text that I mean it which is that like you like your Christmas spirit like like it really like helped me see like this level of it that I just never really wanted to address because I thought it'd make me seem like an idiot sap. And, you know, and like, it was sweet because you, yeah, it does have a dark underbelly to it. And yeah, it is a capitalist

4G, but this plays more into what I said about What you're talking about the phases So this is like your second phase then the third phase is like despair for me When did that hit I don't know you had a despair or what is it? Dispare what's the better word? Just where I'm like, are you feeling always test the waters a little bit?

I'm like, are you feeling ready to be done with this? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I don't want to say it. Oh yeah. I'm fucking white knuckle in it, man. I'm like, you know what I mean? I'm like, I just have to fucking white knuckle this shit.

Be- I'm the by the end, you mean? Yeah. And I'm having to do like hardcore like Buddhist practices. I'm having to be like, don't you know, watch your thoughts. You are not your thoughts. Compassion for the identity. Yes, this is hard.

Yes, it is claustrophobic. Have compassion for that. I'm having to do like, I had to set up a meditation altar. I'm having to like, because this is hard. Yes, it is claustrophobic. Have compassion for that. I'm having to do like, I had to set up a meditation altar. I'm having to like, because this is year, I didn't want to like become a fucking prick. We had a massive fight last year. Yeah. And this year, we didn't. But we did a few things wrong last year. Well, we yeah. We went to church late. Oh, that was so dumb. Well, yeah, we went to church late. Oh, that was so dumb. And we

The church parts not dumb. It's done that delayed us setting up You subject your children to assembling the toys Subjugating your children to a church service the night before no the church. They were not subjugated Well, they were wriggling. They were liking. Subjugate. Oh, what? Forest got up and saying. No, there were sweet moments. But yeah, it's not that they weren't liking. It's like they have the attention,

they have their attention, but they need to. It was a disruption of epic proportions. Right. And then we went home, how to get them in bed, all strung out. See you on Christmas, you're just adding and pleasure. You're adding an extra weight. And it's like, yeah, church. Knowing the season you're in as a parent is really

important to this. We have three children, five and under. We're not going to fucking church on Christmas Eve night. No. We have a lot of years to do this type of stuff. And so we kind of you were smarter about that. But you this is what you did. That is really wonderful. You held the space and that's what you do for your kids. You hold the space. Do you believe in this insanity class? Of course not. Yes I do. Okay you do for your kids. You hold this space. Do you believe in this insanity class? Of course not. Yes, I do.

Okay, you do. And, you know, I don't mean I don't believe he exists. I just mean I don't believe in him right now because he's in a dark place. I don't know if you've talked to him lately, but it's like, I don't believe a lot of what he's saying. He's gotten into Q and A in a shit. But, you know, what I'm saying is.

This storm is coming. My Christmas memories are foggy, but wonderful. So wonderful, in fact, that when I've been in like, like, my, when I started meditating, and finally started having like a settling of the mind, and like these flashes of what can happen, having like a settling of the mind and like these flashes of what can happen where or nothing is going on of particular import, you haven't left anywhere. You're at your house and suddenly you feel this familiar feeling that is so wonderful coming home.

And always I would think of Christmas. Always I would think this is like Christmas. That's how wonderful my Christmas is where as a kid. And so you did a great job of holding that space for them. And so when they have, when they refer back to Christmas, you know, I think it's going to feel... I hope they'll feel the, remember the magic. They'll remember the magic. But we, I did have a crying meltdown at Barnes and Noble. Yeah, that was bad. That was bad. But you know what, you get you were covered, you were covered. And like, I understood why you're having the mouth down. It's like, you are,

you've been running so many errands or with a fucking baby. It was just like the end of the gathering of toys, traffic, just rainy, just depressing kind of, but I think we did great this year. I mean, we're having more togetherness today because we're celebrating a birthday, but it's funny because I did just think to myself, I think I made a mistake giving up drinking. Oh wow, I never thought that you would, that would occur to you two days after you stopped drinking.

Fuck an Irish. I mean, when an Irish says they're stopping drinking, like it, it's funny, like you can look around. Anything with eyes will roll the eyes. You know, like today we're doing a lot of more, you know, a lot more family togetherness again and I just thought. Hmm, interesting that I decided to stop drinking. I mean, you just, here's the thing, family.

Not to stop. I was gonna do a 30 day booze cleanse. Well, let's talk about family. It's the name of my fucking podcast which ironically when I first named it I was thinking more of like Jim Jones But now I feel like somewhere inside of me I knew That that was the goal like an actual family when I didn't when mine was all a Diaspora and literally a diaspora because lots of them are dying and like yeah

and literally a diaspora because lots of them are dying. And like, Yeah. Families are fascinating in that on one level, you are experiencing the most incredible love, the most incredible synchronicity with the universe, the most incredible like fundamental primordial, ground floor level being held by the universe. And on another level, you feel like a fucking anaconda is wrapped itself around you and won't let go.

You want out that level is, I think, what happens at the end of the season, which we're at right now where you're like, I wanna get back to my life, my work, my job. School. I love these people so much. On these kids off at school. Yeah, and I think people get confused because they feel guilty, that they feel that Anaconda sometimes

or a lot of the times, and they're like, I must suck. I should be appreciating this all the time. And it's like, if you just listen a little closer, like underneath the claustrophobic, dark, relentless compression of the anaconda, that love is still there. It's right there. Always.

It just gets drowned out by the accidents, the lack of batteries, the assembling of the fucking satanic children toys that were shown on a commercial to be like something that fell out of the future. Beautiful, glittery, intelligent, fun, hours of entertainment for the children. And it's just these crappy,

like disintegrated, awful things. You know what I mean? It's just, but I just kept going back to what Ram, that Ramdas lecture where he's like, you know, people ask me, Ramdas, are you happy? I'm so happy. Ramdas, are you angry?

I'm very, very angry. Are you sad? Yes, I'm so sad. How like all the emotions that he also said, if you think you're enlightened, go spend a weekend with your family. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. And that's a famous quote that points to this truth, which is like, shit, man, we trigger each other. We know each other so well. Yeah. We see things in the other before they even see it. I just told my mom that when I'm like,

I can tell he blinks a certain way when he's not quite happy with something that's happening. She was like, you're insane. But it's true though. It's not like that. It's very subtle, but you just do this blink blink blink. Well, I wish you sometimes let those fucking flow by. Like if you, you should see all the internal blinks that are happening, you know, but I, I think that, you know, we're now in the final phase of parenting to Adler's

when it comes to the holidays. And this is the, we've done great. That we've done great. That, you know, it has not been easy. We also, we don't have, what was our talk the night before? We were like, let's just expect nothing. Oh God, yes. Let's expect this to just be shitty. Like, let's just expect nothing. Oh God. Yes. Let's expect this to just be shitty. Like, let's expect meltdowns.

Let's just expect this to suck. And if you and I can just not, let's not argue. Said when things are stressful. Right. Because it's like, and like, that's a win just right there, even if everyone, and so if it's just a little bit better than that, even you feel great. Like you won the lottery. The mistake of the early parenting years was you're expecting these transcendent,

magical holiday excursions. Yes, you are. It's the same expectation you have for vacations with kids. magical holiday. Yes. Excursions? Yes. It's the same expectation you have for vacations with kids. Yeah. You have in your mind a lifetime of being programmed by movies. In commercials. In commercials. In which demonstrate what I would say does happen on a family vacation and does happen

during Christmas. In moments. In moments. a commercial's 30 seconds. So a commercial is showing maybe like 10 to 20 seconds that you are going to have hopefully on a holiday, a kind of moment of bliss or fun or this is great. But commercials don't show the next 30 seconds. After the person gets the new fucking iPhone and then gets a fucking text from someone they're dating being like,

I sucked Rancher's dick, I'm so sorry. You know, Are your wife bringing up that thing that happened three years ago? Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't show that. It doesn't show like

Well, did we talk about, have we haven't spoken about our family trip that took us to the depths of hell and then the and also like the highest The family trip was Wild man, that was wild, but you know it did two weeks big mistake That was wild. But you know, it did two weeks. Big mistake. Yeah, I go back and forth. It was a mistake.

Even our pediatricians said that's a mistake. You're a fucking pediatrician. It was like, don't do that. She's like, oh, no. Yeah, that's too much for them. They're kids, kids, kids like, they're such like creatures of pattern pattern that if you throw that fucking pattern and You you have to throw it on a vacation

You build them up for the vacation Now suddenly they're in a fucking plane mommy and daddy are like just trying to like get through the airport on the fucking holidays Getting along getting along you're hard, just to maintain like, okay, we're doing this, but you have. Which we did successfully. Totally. We really did. It worked perfectly.

I think we were getting along great. Great. Yeah. But then, the mistake we made there is because, this one, what we did is we oriented too much to the kids. Kids have their lunches packed. Kids have food. kids have water. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We didn't eat shit. We weren't eating vodka. We were eating vodka. I'm like vomiting almost from nicotine pouches. Ha, ha, ha. Aaron thinks I'm having a blood sugar crash. Oh, I thought he was having like a diabetic key. No, it's because I had like a diabetic key to us.

It does sense. Like I'm a plane. He was like sweating and green. The airport bartender decided to like fix me up and gave me a, No, that's when we, when Duncan left the family trip, he was like, I think I need rehab.

Yeah, I was like my alcohol consumption kept creeping up. You're like putting in booze in your coffee. Happily, it love happily. Just pouring booze in coffee. Okay, to beat that, we have to like explain a little bit what led us to, I mean, let's just say there was an e, I don't wanna talk about his medical issues,

but there was an ER trip. But it was one of our children in the night. The medical issue is we're not saying, it wasn't, it wasn't, he's fine. He's fine, but't, it wasn't. He's fine. But I did it. Was your standard toddler ER nightmare?

I ended up in the ER with my saint like brother-in-law, a screaming. And you had to go without me because I had to stay home with the baby who had hit the four-month sleep regression. Oh, it was so brutal. And I was afraid to leave you with the baby because- The night before I slept, I'll go ahead. I was afraid to leave you with it. Normally I would. Oh, go ahead. I was afraid to leave you with it. Normally I would always I'm better I'm good in a hospital. I'm just better at that stuff like most moms are and

But I the baby was waking up every 40 minutes and I was afraid you hadn't slept the night before And I was afraid if I left you with her you might fall fall asleep accidentally. Well, just the night before I slept with Duny. Yeah. And I was just worried that I knew that you were exhausted, but at least people would be watching you in the hospital. Like, so if you, like, or if you fell asleep, it wouldn't be that big of a deal. But if you were in like, oh, I was going to fall asleep. A dark condo, like giving her a bottle, you might pass out. This hospital, by the way, this ER, I kept texting her like this is hell. This is how bad it was.

A dude in one of those scooters, rolls by, I'm sitting with like a, I finally hit, he wasn't, I hypnotized him with the phone. Okay. We're watching marbles. He's forgotten for a moment where we are. A dude in it. And some kind of like electric scooter comes by the bot underneath the chair of the scooter. Where there's like this. I don't know just a a Plasticie, I don't catch all so the catch all is just glistening with dried urine Holy shit pepperments

Like just shit. It's cigarette butts things that have fallen down from his ass if stuck there He wheels up in front of me my brother-in-law my kid looking at Marble Run and Says you got a cigarette. It's like, no, I don't want fucking cigarette, man. And then he just wheels through, not a patient. Yeah, my brother told you was there to socialize. He was there. No, that guy was on a cigarette run. So I guess he wheels down by the hospital,

goes through the ER, nab smokes. There was a guy next to us who was socializing and somehow knew two or three people in that ER. You're a small town. So Carol, Carol, and he's talking out, just went through a divorce, they accused me of raping her and abusing her. This is all stuff from her childhood.

I didn't do any of that. Oh my. And then that was the beginning of the conversation. Two a lady who's got a severe vertigo, which is why she's there. She's dizzy. This guy's goes here beating her here beating her and telling stories of his violent friends. And then she said something. Well, my sister tried to gouge my eyes out. And like, all next to my poor kid. I know. And so it was so fucked up.

And we almost, I mean, we had some bad parenting moments. We definitely yelled at the kids. We, I mean, we just, we didn't handle things the best. No. But we almost went home early. But see, this is the, to me, that is the forge of parents. The forge of parents is that.

It's not some fucking book. It's not some this or that. It's like, it's not TikTok. It's going into those moments of unexpected, profound chaos. That's where you find this reservoir of strength. That's where you, because you have no choice. You know, you have no choice.

You, I found this place where it's like, I have to do this. I have to stay calm as a dad. I can't freak out. I have to be the loving rock, as they say, because I'm always got. And if I'm losing my shit, then what the fuck does he have? Well, apologies were given. Yeah, lots of apologies on our part, on our part you have to, you know, and it wasn't bad. And then redemption. And then redemption. The trip turned around.

The trip turned around. Things got better. There were really beautiful moments. And that got our, I mean, I don't even, I've like the weather wasn't working for us. Nothing. There were, there were just so many problems. But this is the whole, like in Buddhism,

when they talk about why are you suffering, you're suffering because you're attached. Yeah. Well, I think that we did, that was special this time compared to other times, is we did not cling to the bad stuff. We let it go. Then we were able to...

We had to. Each day. But each day, remember? You know, because we watched National Lampood's Vacation, which is a commentary on this. And what, I think. I think, are you having fun?

No, but with each day there's fresh hope. Ha, ha, ha. So every day you start off, okay. This day, this day we'll pull it off. Yeah. And we did, it worked out. I mean, it's, we mostly didn't, but there were enough for dimptive moments. This is what, you know, we, what it did,

is it shattered our expectation muscle. Yeah, we weren't able, we thought it was low, but it went even lower. Yes. This episode of the DTFH has been supported by HelloFresh. My friends, don't get in the myasmic quicksand pit of being stuck only knowing how to make one or two things. Don't fall prey to that dark secret despair. They can come over a person when they open up a cookbook and they think there's no way I'm gonna find this or that or get that ingredient or figure out how to do this, right?

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number one meal kit and that is no accident. Thank you Hello fresh. That shattered our expectation muscle. Yeah. We weren't able. We thought it was low, but it went even lower. Yes. And that sounds like the like cynical and the press. But that's what if you can do that then because this is the problem and it's like I don't even know how you would make a

realistic version of this like you you have to fucking tick tock moms the servants of the devil who are portraying parenting is this surgical, clean thing. And they, with two or three camera angles, they film the chaos. But the chaos itself, the commentary on the chaos because of the camera angles is there's order here. The false impression with the symmetry and the shooting and the lighting is that there's order in the chaos. This is not the case. It's not true.

So they don't film the boring times and they don't film the, I don't know where the fucking court is or I don't understand how to use their remote control or all the stuff or wait, fuck, the thing I was counting on that I told them we could do. I can't do that now, or the all that. So that gives a false impression of it. And I think that's like the disservice that all the media is doing. Well, that's why I always try to tell people,

I just don't want to just ask me, they're like, you must not be in chaos or you have all these kids. You want more kids. Like, I guess you're just not. Are you just super patient? Are you just never annoyed or what? You know, and it's like, we're fucking annoyed.

Yeah. It's hard. Yeah. You know, but that's just on the one level. Yeah. You know, what do you want your life to be like? You, I, like, if you, I don't know how long it's been since you've seen Psycho, but what I really, I loved his depiction of Norman Bates

because Norman Bates, after he murders someone, he cleans with this terrifying precision. And he's like that version of life, where you know what you really are, but then you're like trying to order everything, organize everything, wipe away all the blood, wipe it all away, get the hotel room, just the way it was before.

That's psycho behavior. all the blood, wipe it all the way, get the hotel room just the way it was before. Yeah. That's psycho behavior. It's, it's, it's, it's the, and it doesn't work like, it's better to have your murders mixed in with all the rest, all of it, just a vortex of chaos in surrender to that. And it's not always chaos. Sometimes,

no, sometimes we're like, wow, this is easy. Yeah, yeah. But ultimately, it's the deeper I was saying, you know, I felt a deeper call to have these souls come through me and into the world. And that's bigger than my own comfort. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's right. God, Jesus, man, the desire for comfort is one of the greatest traps in the world. Yeah. And it doesn't even by the time you get the comfort you're looking for. It's never even that good. It's, you're already exhausted from the pursuit of comfort when you get all your phenomena arranged perfectly. There's a kind of it's so true It's disappointing. It's like well the yearning for the comfort is better than the comfort anyway

The yearning for the anticipation of it the anticipation the cover will always beat that whatever the fucking comfort zone is Yeah, the comfort zone is it it really is like, it's just another form of suffering. It's like, when even in my most comfortable states, it's like, it doesn't last long because I got a piss, I'm out of water. I don't want to watch this show anymore. I want a little more vodka. I wish I was high. Why, I want to fall asleep.

And then if you do, for me, if I hit perfect comfort, I just fall asleep. Yeah. So you can't extend the comfort that long, even. So it's all this energy gets expended trying to like fabricate some moment that you've decided is going to make you feel better. I want to put out a show recommendation. Okay.

Tell the show. Station 11. So good. Incredible. I don't even wanna say anything else, just that. Station 11. You wanna watch something uplifting in a surprising way.

Cause you're gonna look at it and think, there's no fucking way, this is uplifting. But it is just incredible storytelling. Great soundtrack. Sleeper hit. Sleeper hit got crushed by the pandemic. Yeah. I just wanted to get that in there. Nobody wanted to watch it about the pandemic. Yeah. Yeah. Nobody wanted to see pandemic related material in lockdown. So here we are, we did it.

It's coming to a wrap. It's 2024. This week will feel long. It won't feel that long. It will. I think it will. I think it already does. Well, it's Wednesday.

Oh yeah. You think it's, you got thrown because Monday was New Year's Day and you feel like that Sunday. Yeah. You're having a temporal warp. Okay. So yeah, it's already Wednesday. It's fascinating.

What, this is happening. It wasn't supposed to be my other one. So riveting. I don't know, I think it is cool. I like it when people like it when we talk. You know, I think a lot of couples, I think we're very open about our marriage. I think a lot of couples.

Which is in it, should we do a status of Tato? Yeah, status of Tato. Good, marriage is good. Marriage is in it. Should we do a status of Tato? Yeah, status of it. Good. Marriages good. Marriages good right now. Yeah. Temperatures warm. Yeah, it's nice. But I do think a lot of couples, they feel alone because the things they're experiencing and are personally They feel like it this is abnormal Yeah, and it's probably normal, but because you think it's abnormal Well, I'm not to be so cliche, but I mean the social media stuff isn't helping at all

I have a friend that just got married And she's newly pregnant and she And there's all these videos on TikTok of these husbands like making. Sorry, I had to pause to make sure. She doesn't want me to reveal. So well, no, sometimes people on the podcast get very comfortable and they accidentally say something that, okay, there'sreet as hail. Okay great

Okay There's these husbands there women putting out content about their husbands Making them elaborate foods bringing them elaborate beverages Smoothies plates of food. Yes. Oranging the couch into a nest so they can have a movie night with the selection of blankets. Yes. And when they're pregnant and stuff, a lot of the time. What are these angels?

This is how my man serves me. And my friend. Wait, the man does it. The man does it. Oh, oh, I thought he did the evidence. I don't know. You're like, no, no. And my friend wait the man does it the man does it. Oh You're like no, I thought you were saying the women do this for the man No, I want a nice man do it for the women To serve them or whatever in their pregnancy and my friend who's newly married and newly pregnant was like I've been having fights because

newly married and newly pregnant. It was like I've been having fights because you know, he's just not doing this stuff for me. I'm laughing my ass off. I'm like, you, this is not just a stop right now. That's not real, it's not gonna happen. Oh my God, I know, okay, this, okay, this genre. And like, horrible, horrible horrible genre because by the way if How many fights is this creating?

I'm like if you you're gonna hate his guts and then the other thing was so sweet I will I just have to say this I was already getting annoyed hearing that some women are doing this Women you as women and I'm already like what the fuck I want a nest. Thank you as women. And I'm already like, what the fuck? I want a nest. I want my nest. Yeah, you're mad at me. You bitch. What the fuck is this a thing that I wasn't aware of?

So yeah, it can only incite. Exactly. And no one does that. Oh God. No one fucking does that. And another thing I'll hear from women is they're just like yeah you know I'm throwing up he doesn't understand like when is he gonna

understand I'm like never he's never gonna understand lean on your female friends and don't a man is never going to understand that. And they really, you guys don't get it until the baby's like crowning. That's true. And maybe sometimes even takes a little while after that. I mean, it's just, you're you're looking for, you're asking for trouble there, I think. I didn't even know about this dark, whoever these darklings are out there throwing out. Well, I've seen, this is a whole genre. They're like, Chad makes me six meals in the morning.

This is the healing food I need every day. It's like, does Chad have a fucking job or what? Well, no, what we need, that I'm fine with Chad making six meals, but I want to see the fights. I want to see the in between. That's all. The fight is like, we got to get this fucking brand deal up, Chad. Chad.

Okay. Chad, you didn't arrange the tomatoes. The blanket company You want to see the nest. I'm sorry look Deliverable a fix it. I support this fucking family Chad You get that fucking Comfort or right? I'm not selling comfortors with this shit. Yeah, you understand that we make $15 for every one of these we fucking sell Chad. Yeah Sorry

I'm sorry Yeah, I I just want I've seen also TikTok videos of like Clearly like new couples in the manic episode and they're like doing their love dance or they have some awful, vomit inducing, hell ritual where they'll be like, when this is, you know, Lisa is feeling down today, so I'm gonna give her five minutes of unconditional positive after me.

Oh yeah, or the eye gazing. Oh, oh, oh. And they film it. Oh god, and they film it. It's. And they do. It's a filming part. Fucking sit. I don't have anything against right now. I'm sure there's some beautiful fucking J. R. R. Tolkien elf level couple in some Tweet ass fucking cottage with a tea and they're about to, they're about to watch.

God, what's that fucking guy who makes all the Tweet movies? They're about to watch a, they's that fucking guy who makes all the Tween movies? They're about to watch a they're listening to like ukulele music. They've got their fucking windshimes up and butterflies are everywhere. And they're they're just so in love and they put honey in each other's mouths and the bathtub. But the moment you set a fucking camera up to film it, disgusting. Done. It's done. No.

No one buys it. The only people buying it are idiots. Stop it. You set up a tripod. You set up your fucking camera in the middle of your incredible romance. Yeah. It is no longer a romance.

It is a fucking movie that you're monetizing. Your love isn't enough. You gotta turn that shit. That's not to say, I'm not just trying to say that you're not supportive and sweet. You are. You hold a space for me. First of all, you know, you provide for the family and I get to be a mom who's with her children as much as she wants to be. That is amazing.

And also just the fact that I was able to have these children is like, yeah, the bigger family thing was more my vision. And you gave me that. And that's wonderful. But I mean, you're working hard. Everyone, I'm working hard. I don't know where these people are getting the fucking time to be doing these things. Well, I don't know where these people are getting the fucking time to be doing these things.

Well, I don't know. It's just that alchemizing of the relationship into dough. By the way, we got to cut to a commercial. Okay. I'm just kidding. You know, because I'm fucking, we're doing thing, goddamn thing. It just occurred to me. Oh my God, we are.

Look what we're doing. Look at us. We my God, we are. What we're doing. Look at us. We are the one finger points for more point back at you. At least though, there's some honesty here. Yeah, and at least we don't mean it, but the other thing is we do these like quarterly. We're these people fucking strobe a scapically filmed themselves daily.

Totally and ever so rightly. I mean, it's still on the same. I mean, I guess we're talking about scaling issue, but so I want to fully admit my own hypocrisy here. I think though the theme is like just lowering expectations for everyone in your life is a good thing. Oh, I mean, expectations, right? Expectations are the devil's playground.

You want to ruin your fucking life, have some fucking expectations. As to quote the great Zen Master, the third patriarch of Zen, the great way is not difficult for they who hold no preference. The moment you have fucking preference, say goodbye to happiness, I don't care what the fuck your preference is. The more complex your preferences are, the less happy you're going to be because you've got to get all those preferences met before you're happy. You evaporate preference, things suddenly become great, but we're humans. Yeah. We have fucking preference. Yeah. That's just the way it is.

You know, it's just working with that and know at least know that you have a bunch of fucking preferences and that they're not getting met. Yeah. It's not going to fucking happen if they do great. That's the icing on the cake. Marriage is a big surrender into that. Yeah. Yeah. And there's something, you know, this was in a podcast with Trudy and Jack a few podcasts ago.

Because, you know, I was bitching to you because for whatever reason I went into like a really, I started getting annoyed and this is like, what? nerdy spiritual nerd shit, but. What were you annoyed about? I was getting annoyed with the bodhisattva thing. Oh, yeah.

So for those of you don't know bodhisattva, you take this vow and you say you're going to liberate all sentient beings and that you will not gain in light and all beings have been liberated from the bonds of suffering. And I heard that early phase Buddhism and like cool, whatever. And then the more I thought about it, the more I realized that early phase Buddhism and like cool whatever. And then the more I thought about it, the more I realized that is just horseshit. Like what are you gonna fly to Alpha Centauri and like give a backrab to a gelatin ball?

I think you're just supposed to send out a prayer. Yeah, but even the prayer seems stupid to me because it's like, okay, who am I praying for again? A sentient amoeba living on in Titan? You know what's funny when I pray? I don't know if it's just because I was raised Christian. Not that this is a tenant of Christianity, but I always feel afraid to ask for too much. So I'll always pray. If I'm doing like a general prayer, I'll be like my children, Duncan,

and if you have time, me. So sweet. If you have time, the creator of time. Yeah, I'll be like, if it's not too much. I wish I could help you, Aaron, I'm slamming. You know, kind of in the fucking middle of maybe. So I definitely wouldn't be adding everyone into my prayers, because I have like,

right. I know, we adding everyone into my prayers, because I have like, right. I know we've talked about my like, since I don't lean toward abundance. Yeah, right, yet you're doing, you're getting there. And working on it. But like the, so yeah,

then I talked to Trudy about this. And she's like, you know, the way I see it is, you want to liberate the world from your projections. That's what that means. It means that if instead of putting all your expectations on the world, projecting good, bad, right, wrong, ugly, pretty, all that stuff, what happens if you don't do that to the world?

What if you alleviate the world of your instantaneous judgments and just let the world do its thing and let the people around you be themselves? That. Yeah. That's cool because it seems more pragmatic. Remember recently someone was talking about this, but they were saying that this is happening when you love Subund Too Much? Oh yes. Remember? Oh my god. They were talking about your children and how she recommends you love your children a little bit less because of all the mess that gets in into it. And you had a real problem with that. Well, here's why I have the problem. Because to me, I know what that is, and I do it still to this day, and hopefully I'm doing it less. What that is is you start getting into spirituality, and you like talking about it.

But you don't want to seem like a softie. So you try to come up with an angle, a cynical angle. A little to edge-lording? Yes. So as the king of spiritual edge lording, fully admitting I do it, I saw that as spiritual edge lording. It's like you're a confusion really. Well, the quantification of love, I think.

The miss, I think it's the misappropriation of, or the misqualification. That's not love. Whatever causes your neuroses with your children, your hangups, your trauma, your expectations of your children, that's not the pure innate love you have for your children. That's something else. When you break through, however you break through,

maybe you break through as psychedelics, maybe you break through in meditation, maybe you break through with like some yoga practice, but when you finally break through and fall into love, there, you can't, it's like quantifying like, but by the way, like the language even there, I have a problem with it a little bit, like the breakthrough as if it's a singular event. No, I don't mean it like that. I mean, you know, I have a problem with it a little bit like the break through as if it's a singular event.

No, I don't mean it like that. I mean, you know, there's a path. The wish it was a singular event. It's in your coming and you're going and it's constant. You're a yo-yo. Yeah. The yo-yo. Because I think people, I think especially in spirituality and psychedelic community, there's

like, it's this singular psychedelic event. I did not mean it like that. I've broken through and I've seen the flower of life and here's my ayahuasca story. I mean that. I mean, I, that really irritates me. I have sporadically gone into a place where there isn't me and there isn't a you and it's just love. And it's and you've left that place a hundred times. Yes.

You're fucking kidding. I don't know what the fuck I can't stay there. I play. Yeah. I either leave it by trying to quantify it. So when you're in it, you're like, this is this is this Samadhi Nirvana. Is this extinguishment? What is this? What color is it? How do I do it again? I don't want to lose by the time you're like, I never want to

not feel like this. It's gone. It's gone. So it's a it's a yo-yo. But I do feel like I've been there. And so when you're there, the notion that love is a thing you can measure out in like, okay, I'm gonna give you a teaspoon of love today, instead of a cup of love, because if I give you a cup of love, you're gonna get a love sick. To me, I don't, that's not how I perceive love.

Or I, I think she was saying, it was more if you love them, if you love them. If you tone down that love a little bit, you might be able to parent better. Yeah, I just don't think love is the right word for what she's talking about. I mean, I think they're... They're sweet and viral. I know.

But I just remember like, it's another Rom does lecture where he's saying, when someone says, when I say I'm in love with you, I don't mean like you have love. Soul not role. Yeah, I'm in love. Like love is everywhere and I'm in it with you. Not I mean you are the nextest point of love for me in the world. That's fucked up. That's how you really lean into somebody way too much. It's not fair to them, because it's not the case. It's like, that is something you and I do,

I think, a little bit. What? Depend on each other a little bit for that. Yeah, not much. That's not good. That's probably, most of the source of our unhappiness is probably like, you are the fountain I need to drink from today, right?

Like we do that. It's like someone in the ocean with a fountain being like, let me drink out of this one fountain. I just sorrect you. All it is, the whole thing is up in. Honestly, the breakthrough thing is also, I think, from here distortion, but this is purely intellectual from reading.

They say the more you like are able to sort of catch glimpses of this thing, the more you realize that there isn't a separation between right, the the ice or the set. There is, it's all the same love. I love you. Rock and money, I love you. Not just because you're supporting my podcast and by proxy feeding my spawn. But because you liberated me, I subscribed to everything. That's just what I do. If I lay it night, I'm on the app store. I'll just subscribe. I remember to turn it off. I remember to cancel the subscription to the

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Rockatmoney.com slash Duncan. Thanks, Rockatmoney. There isn't a separation between the ice or the set. That's what I think. It's all the same love. But for me, I don't see that yet. It's also ties in. I saw someone, a lot of people have been, someone asked me if you're a Christian now, do you fuck with Ramdoth anymore? That's funny.

Or I just really funny to me, you know, or especially like, I think there have been some questions about you being a Christian. I tell Aaron, which is really, it's just so funny. I try not to read comments. I know, I read comments. And Aaron brings me comments like a cat brings and dead animals. And so even though I've been disciplining

and it takes discipline, I don't always look. I just sometimes look. Yeah, I don't care if you look. And I have a very thin skin. The annoying thing is always look, I just sometimes look. Yeah, I don't care if you look. But I have a very thin skin. The annoying thing is you look, you'll pick out like a choice shitty comment and like a messenger from someone. No, I get the worst one.

You're the troll messenger. So like, you, you, you, you don't, No, but some of it is interesting. You handle it. No. I mean shit. No, I'm assuming I'm gonna look at it and be like, And deliver. No. Mean shit. No. Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Assuming I'm gonna look at it and be like, oh, this is great. Now, realizing I also have a thin fuck it's getting. I'm also an energy. No, you don't. Not as much. More than you might think. I just don't show it, because I've been.

You're still a psycho entertainer, so you're somewhat. I still remember a comment from a long time ago, Duncan, you piece of shit with your little wick of a penis. That's great. It hurt me. Were you worried it was someone you slept with? No, it was a dude. It was like some muscular dude because I looked at profile.

I was like, I'm still being bullied. I mean, then I know and I never thought of my penis as a wick. So it was such a perfect insult, but you, you are. Yeah, but that's, I mean, comments, yeah, but. But my, let's talk about my Christian accusation. Yeah, that's what I want to talk about. Yeah, people and me too, I'm getting it from my friends. They're like, what does this mean for you?

Are you cool anymore? It's so funny to me because it's like, are you telling your kids they're going to go to hell? It's not the fault lays in the false prophets. The fault lays in the people who are psychologically abused using the symbols that of Christianity, not them, but the abusers. And so the general conception of Christianity in the world is not, at least my understanding of Christianity, but as a real surface level trauma-based Understanding and I don't blame people Because I know people who've been through fucking hell being raised in that kind of household rejected by their parents Like told that they couldn't be gay like the worst. Yeah, of course or catholic I was raised catholic so I get it but well, I think I can speak for both of us and say that when we were married, Rom does

told us our relationship would be the primary vehicle toward a better relationship with God. And so I think that's first for us, right? Is like our relationship is the practice. For sure. And our relationship is sort of of that's probably first and foremost Yeah, and the more I think about the things he said to me. Mm-hmm. The more I realized he wasn't fucking around Ever like even though yeah that big smile and like he wasn't saying shit just to say it like you know everything he said Yeah, well, I know and then you know, everything he said. Yeah. Well, I know. And then, you know, for me, I loved Ramdas was such a joy and a pleasure to be around him.

But for me, like, the real connection was with Niem Kuroly Baba, which Ramdas would love me seeing that anyway. Yeah. But, and Niem Kuroly Baba really is what led me back to Jesus. And Niem Kuroly Baba would cry about Jesus. And say he was lost in love and yeah. So we have a non-traditional view of Christianity. I mean that's the truth. Like my view of Christian mysticism, right? Yeah, I think that's how you categorize it. But for a lot of like fundamentalists, that is not kosher.

I mean, they would burn people at the stake for like, myster Eckhart, one of my favorite Christian mystics was excommunicated from the church for his views. And the, the, the, the, non, you're the, because the, the, a lot of the Christian mystics, they kind of went against the priest clad, the idea is the priest class initiates you into the teachings with a formulaic, this is what it means. No, this is what it means,

not whatever crazy shit you've cooked up. Yeah, I see, I do think I've become more traditional and conservative, but that's probably pretty normal with age, I don't know. But I also like in the mom, the Christian mommy groups, like one thing I don't identify with, there's all the fear around magic, tarot cards. I mean, remember I told you I got in a fight with someone on the mommy group, I said my children's souls Talk to me and I pull them like I hear my children's souls talking to me on the other side of the veil Oh, no, no, no, don't say that the Christian mommy group

Dark sat it dark sat it no there. Yeah, there is that like I don't know what you want to call it, man. It's like... Fear. It's fear, but their interpretation of this wild text that is... To be taken literally. And Nately psychedelic. And like, you know, they don't even know what the angels actually look like.

Like you read the descriptions of these, whatever these creatures are that people are encountering. And it's like, that shit was not a thing with a wings and a halo and a little harp. That thing, there's a reason the angels start off all of their communications with, don't be afraid. But for the record, you are a Christian, you were raised Christian. But you are also a practicing Buddhist.

I just don't I mean, but there are lots of Christian people out there that would say you can't do that. I don't, I don't, I don't like the labels. I don't like the labels. You are a Christian though. I mean, I love Jesus. Yeah. But I don't think that makes me a Christian. Do you identify when Jesus Lord and this when Jesus tell you this, when Jesus was walking up. When Jesus was walking the earth, there were no Christians. Nobody called themselves a Christian. There was no mass, there was no outfit, there was no intonation of some hymn.

But you are okay with, I'm doing a lot of scripture and work, Christian work with the kids kids and you're okay with that. Of course. You like that. Yeah, of course. I don't see anything. But I also do a lot of, you know, like one of them was asking me about Noah's are. Let me answer Jesus Christ's Lord and Savior.

Okay. I refer to God as love, meaning that Jesus is a messenger or a emanation of the love field. That like it's a person who just was purely consumed. There wasn't any separation. It was pure love coming out of them all the time. Perfect, pure love. And we've seen that in real life.

Yes. And so do I think that Jesus historic, Jesus figure is my Lord and Savior? No, that's ridiculous. No, I don't. But do I think that love, that love is the only hope that anyone has, that what that is is what we are

and that reconnecting with it will save you. I agree with you, but I, you know, I take it a little more literally, I think, than you do, but I also agree with you. I don't think the vehicle matters. No, I think, but I do think that like, one thing there's a right way, but finding to God, finding a path and sticking with it is important. And like that what I love about your

Christianity is that you are dedicated, devoted to it, study it, contemplate it, think about it, use the images and symbol sets to further your deepening of your understanding of God. But also don't confuse people because sticking with it means like walking off the path too. Absolutely. Coming back to it. Gratical sun. God loves you and you're coming and you're going and it's right. The healing is in the return. Doesn't the path is in linear?

Yeah. One of my, what I, the delight of like getting obsessed with Buddhism for so long, and then going back to the Bible and really- I know you've been going back to the Bible already. Or leading it and like having like this entire seemingly entirely different cosmology. And then realizing there's like really the difference here is symbols. It's the essence of the teachings. Don't go that far from one another. And at least from my understanding, I just I think that like where people get into trouble, the atheists get into trouble because they have been worn swaddled by the literalists. So they get in a war with literalists, the literalists are fucking assigning all these human attributes and limitations

to this infinite unlimited super creative, undemesticated, undemesticatable, wild energy. And so you get the literalist trying to control that, which is hilarious. It's like trying to like, yeah, I've been mingling with them. Right. They don't care for me much. Then the atheist, at least the online atheist, not like the the ones other ones. They go to war with the literalist interpretation of this thing, and then they miss out on the deeper reality of it or like what it's pointing to, and they waste all their time in an arm wrestling match with people who have, if you ask me, misinterpreted or have allowed themselves to get trapped in a symbol set that is not as rigid as they think it is.

And then they clash and collide and. Yeah, but I love the atheist. I mean, I love it all. That was like my atheist phase was a delight. I love the atheist. I look. I can't wait for our kids, you know, our kids ask us all the time. Or I tell the kids all the time, you

can decide what you believe. This is what I believe. This might be what daddy believes. This is what the Bible says. He's like, was there really an arc? And I'm like, I'm not really sure. Duncan doesn't like that one. The arc really bothers you. Listen, I'm not getting in the way. But I didn't tell him, yes, certainly. I believe the Bible, these are stories meant to teach us something, but I can't say there wasn't an arc. Okay, I can't say that. What's the sound of one-hand clapping?

Was there one-hand clapping? It's like, I don't think so, but the point of the co-on is not to like, it's to get you to a place, which I think he got to right away. Oh yeah, because he said, I said, you can decide what you think and he said, I think it is real,

because God is love and love is in your heart. He's so sweet. My little guru. And I said, that's wonderful. And love can do anything. Love is magic. And honestly, I do believe that. I don't think that there's any limitation to it.

I think it can show up anyway. I think it can end that miracles are just those just those moments where it like it just for whatever reason it shows up and it is stounds people confounds people and furiates people. Spontaneous healing, spontaneous transformation of a person. I've seen it in our own many times. We've seen so many miracles. So don't fucking like that's but I get why? Humans want to put a saddle on anything that fucking moves. Any day we want to saddle it, train it, make it sit, make it stand, roll it, sell it, bottle it, pay paradise, put up a parking lot. Isn't that ironic? Don't you fucking think? It's like fucking rain on your fucking wedding day

And airplanes are fucking tubes in the sky mother fuckers. Yeah, they are rain It's like water. I just don't I think It's like rain is water. What what? No, it's not yeah rain is condensed air Rain is condensed air. No, it's water. Rain is no. Yeah. When the wind blows, it makes the clouds shake and they fall apart and it's cloud pieces. No, it's evaporated into the rain. No, out of that, it's there and there. No, you're embarrassing yourself. That's a perfect topic. You're embarrassing yourself because people are you're about to get hit with so many people correcting you. Everyone knows that when the wind blows,

it makes the clouds fall apart. And rain is cloud pieces from a collapse cloud falling to the earth that's pieces of cloud. Rain is pieces of cloud. Everyone knows that. No, man. It's water. All right.

Dripping down. All right, well, in the arc of the cabinet. Down, down. In the arc was real. In the arc was real. What about, did you make slippery dickery dog dicks? No, but I wrote it, you wanna hear it? Yeah.

This is gonna be a different one. By the way, if anyone hasn't figured out, we are geniuses. Okay, here it goes. Slippery dog dicks. Better slow down when you run in because them dick slick. Don't need to make my dog a dude dumb dog tricks. Because when he makes his rabbit slide out of his dog slit, it's like magic.

Slipery, Dippery dog dicks. If the dog is hotter cold, it gets a slow lick. Then I throw a frisbee but he will not run for it because fetching may be fun but he likes it when I'm fetching on that pink stick pink stick what that was the perfect place to come but he likes it when I'm fetching out his doggy come yeah yeah and I'm fetching out his dog thank you thank you fetching out his doggy come. Yeah. I'm fetching out his dog. Thank you. Thank you.

Fetching out his doggy. I'm one getting his. Because fetching may be fun. But he likes it when I'm fetching out his doggy come. Thank you. And then the last line, maybe you can help me finish this. I did last night. I'm like, what am I doing? Pink stinks. Slickin.

My slippers in the kitchen. Well, I'm slur what am I doing? Pink stinks, slickin'. My slippers in the kitchen. Well, I'm slurping on a slippery dog dick. Dog dick. It's supposed to be a little bit harder though. Slip, dog. Slip a ridiculous dog dick. Okay, you want it? Okay, you read it like that.

No, no. Come on. I can't, I couldn't possibly. Slip a ridiculous dog dick. Better slow down when you're running cause some dick slick. Don't need to make my dog a do dog tricks. Cause when it makes his rabbit slide out of his dog slick.

It's like my my my magic slipper a dipper a dog dick. If the dog is how to cold and gets a slow lick, then I throw a frisbee butt. He will not roll for it. Because fetching may be fun, but it looks like when I'm fetching out his doggy calm. Pink's dick's licking. My slippers in the kitchen while I'm slipperin'

on a slippery dog dick. Aaron. That was, I have to say one thing before we go. Yes. On the last podcast, I, no one said anything to me about this, but I've just been thinking about it. So I just wanna get this off my chest. I made some comments about free birth and about babies dying and stuff like it. So I just want to get this off my chest. I made some comments about free birth

and about babies dying and stuff like that. And I just, I've been educating myself a little bit more as I will continue to. And I need to make a point. No, I have to say that. You just wrapped about slippery dog dicks and you're about to do some apology for the free birth movement.

Yeah, yeah, I have to. Okay. Okay, I just know I just want to say that, you know, I'm 100% supportive of women in their autonomy and their birth choices. And also that the industrial medical complex continues to be a dangerous place for women to give birth inside of and whatever women think they should do, feel empowered to do or educated to do for themselves and their babies is great. I completely disagree. And that's all I want to say. That's it.

I completely disagree with you. All right. Let's get out of here. I'm going to get kicked. All right. High five. Because we started off we were aren't like there was some Turmoil in the home right before we started this. Yeah, that's so fine Everybody this is my I'm not lucky. You're so beautiful. Thanks. I love you so much. I love you too

God bless you sweet darling and all of you out. Do you think Jesus approves of slippery, dickery dog dicks? No. Not the symbolic. I'm taking the crosshot. Not the cosmic Jesus. And I don't even think the love field I was rambling about like slippery.

Yes. I think we might have destroyed the fundamental ground floor of love that exists and all things with that. Or we'll be dropping that track next 24 next, later on in this week. Oh, my lucky guest. I want to be on it. What? I want to be on it.

The track. It's too late. You don't get to it. Well, you, you, they get to hear the process. They get to think my God. How did he find a wife who helps them write slippery, different, it can happen, friends, if I can find a beautiful woman like this, surely you can too. You will find a woman to help you compose songs about sucking dog dicks. If you, if you just believe,

Dicks. If you if you just believe good night. That was Aaron Trussell the Queen of Planet Earth. I hope that you will pray to her at night. She will come to you and your dreams and you will not make eye contact with her and your dreams because we're noting that. And once we are finally on our thrones Those who have decided to be so impetuous is to look into her beautiful blue eyes Will be punished you can only look at her boobs. I'll see you later on this week Until then God bless you. I think it's a soul egg And I thought it was me who now rovers it Because it's a picture maybe fun

But it looks like when I'm petrified It's like it come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come Pink skinks flipping I'm suprisoning kitchen wall I'm slipping on a slippery, slippery Yeah, get down, touch it If you don't love it Spud yourself a cat and scotty

Slipping on the cat's straight dick Step, reek, slippery I don't need a cloak to know her is tongue Stalk off me, dog I'm the cat, sleep, day Strip rate, dippery I don't need a clock Turn around this time Stuck off me, dog Strip rate, dippery I don't need a clock Turn around this time

To suck off my dog Stuck off my dog Stuck off my dog So, so, so, so, so, so, so, my dog I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry for my daughter, I'm so sorry