Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 602: Erin Trussell

Starting point is 00:00:00 You may find yourself I'm out of the drunken system real podcast You may find yourself Living in a shotgun shack You may find yourself In another part of the world You may find yourself Behind the wheel of a large automobile And you may find yourself In a beautiful house with a beautiful wife

Starting point is 00:00:49 You may ask yourself, well how did I get here? You're at the Apple Store, you're wearing an Apple Vision Pro You don't have a life in a beautiful house, it's a demo You have to take it off You may ask yourself, how do I work this? You may ask yourself, where's that large automobile? You may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife.

Starting point is 00:01:24 It's not your beautiful house and it's not your beautiful wife. It's the Appalachian Pro, the US neural interface. It's a marriage simulator and your time is up so you have to take it off. You may ask yourself, what is that beautiful house? You may ask yourself, where does that highway go you may ask yourself am I right am I wrong you may say yourself my god what have I done oh my god you master baby What do you know? What do you know? What do you know? What do you know? What do you know? What do you know?

Starting point is 00:02:06 What do you know? What do you know? What do you know? What do you know? What do you know? What do you know? What do you know? What do you know?

Starting point is 00:02:14 What do you know? What do you know? What do you know? What do you know? What do you know? What do you know? What do you know? What do you know?

Starting point is 00:02:22 What do you know? What do you know? What do you know? What do you know? What do you know? What do you know? What do you know? band released an incredible album of covers of talking head songs. I guess that's my favorite, brilliant, insightful, and most importantly, beautiful. Zides, Zides, Zides, Zides, Zides is one of my favorite top young performers right now and he was robbed at the Grammys. We got a great podcast for you. As requested, my incredible wife is here with us today. The beautiful, the glorious, the goddess of my life, Aaron Trussell is here. We're gonna jump right into that, but first I got some dates coming up. You can find me here. I'm gonna

Starting point is 00:02:58 be at the Helium Comedy Club February 22nd of the 24th. That's in St. Louis. After that, you can find me March 8th. Guess where I'm gonna be? You don't have to. I'm gonna be at the Funny Bone, Liberty Township, Ohio. That's March 8th through March 9th. And then, if you're up for it, head on over to Springfield,

Starting point is 00:03:29 where you can find me at the blue room, the comedy club. There's lots more dates if you're interested. Hope you are. It's at Dunkin'Trussell.com. And I've got a Patreon, patreon.com.ft.d, tfh. Subscribe for commercial free episodes of this podcast. And now everybody, welcome back. My twin flame.

Starting point is 00:03:58 A Valentine's Day treat for you sweeties. Aaron Trussell. Welcome to you. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la I wanna- Let's open with the Mahamantra. Hold on, before I have something more important than that. I made some Valentine's Day music for you, little clips. And I wanna hear what you think about my songs. So I'm gonna play the first one now. One, two, three, each ask for me, which will I spank first, the one for which I thirst? What do you think?

Starting point is 00:05:04 That's really beautiful, thank you. I will don't, thank you. And if you love that one, then I guess I just made your night because I happen to have a few more. Pale blue dot more like a pale white ass. Welcome to my ass class, here's some grass, take a seat. And let me suck the feet. What do you think?

Starting point is 00:05:24 Good. You really like you think? Good. You really like that one? Yeah. Okay, I'm trying to figure out which one I'm going to print on vinyl. Alright, hold on. My name is Goonoo. I come from PPtown. There's an ice cream shop behind my balls.

Starting point is 00:05:43 It's feel like they yellow yellow You're gonna love the brown What do you think? Stupid What? Stupid Well, I know why you think that because I still have to work on it But like the You'll like the brown

Starting point is 00:06:00 It'll be like a Broadway kind of Lilt It'll be good It'll be like a Broadway kind of Lilt it'll be good. It'll be passionate Thank you so much for listening to those I'm getting them produced. Well, okay. We have a special podcast for you my friends Because tonight as opposed to the usual podcast and I had one prepared for Aaron with some pretty hard-hitting ambush questions that I think are gonna be in the news tomorrow if I actually did them.

Starting point is 00:06:33 But, uh... Better call your team. My team gave me the fucking questions. I'm my private investigator. But rather than do that, Aaron had the brilliant idea of posting on Instagram and seeing what questions some of you had for us tonight, which I think is a wonderful change from the usual way that I do podcasts, which is I have a research team and research my guest at a research team research you for a couple of weeks.

Starting point is 00:07:01 Then I run that through my AR department. They translate that in augmented reality flow chart for me, which I look at through Apple's new Vision Pro. Apple Vision Pro. Experience the world in a new way. Apple Vision Pro. It makes an exact replica of the world in front of your eyes. You will exactly see the world as though you weren't wearing the Vision Pro. You don't wanna be seen not wearing these.

Starting point is 00:07:33 They look good. It's a humiliation. They look fucking cool, they look good. And most importantly, you don't wanna look at the world as is, you want it digitized. Enhanced. I don't even want, I just want the same fucking world, but through a screen. All right.

Starting point is 00:07:50 So, we did that. Done. Somebody who I think is being paid to get people to talk about the Apple Vision Pro asked over 700 times for us to talk about it. I hope you're satisfied. 700 times where I have to talk about it. I hope you're satisfied. Um, first, we need to address the elephant in the room.

Starting point is 00:08:11 Okay. Your bald head slash glow up. I did a glow up friends. I got off sugar, got off carbs. I've been hitting the gym pretty hard lately, feeling good, body looking good. I now know I think it's abs, but I can't be certain, could be a dream, but I'm working very hard at the gym, but most importantly, I shaved my head because I was going bald. I already mentioned this in an earlier podcast,

Starting point is 00:08:36 and you know, you are the, listen to the last one because I ramble about this for prior. Well you do, okay. Yeah, but I shaved my fucking head and it feels great Good. It looks good. Thank you. I like you really mean it. Yeah, I love it. That's all that matters Well, a lot of people wanted to Hear about how we met. Oh my god, so, you know, this is one thing that I

Starting point is 00:09:04 Really want people out there to know is I think that like when you're watching Cam Girls, there's this idea that you're not going to actually end up going on a date with them. Come on. I've got three kids. Come on. The city was the city that night was foggy yet clear. The street lights above me glittered in a way that I'd become accustomed to after feeding

Starting point is 00:09:35 full of fresh human blood. I wandered down the streets when I smelled an aroma unlike any I'd smelled before. This was the blood of a human. Yes, but special blood. Duncan's doing sly menace. What's sly menace? Your other personality. Oh, that's what Aaron calls it when I'm being, I'm sorry.

Starting point is 00:09:55 I don't do podcasts in the evening. I'm sun downing. Well, you start the story of how we met. Okay, well, you had just moved back. You set the stage a little bit. You had been in New York. I'd been in New York, I was back in LA. Got out of a relationship.

Starting point is 00:10:16 Got out of a relationship. Got invited to do a comedy show by one of my friends. Went to do it. And Aaron was there. With mutual friends. With mutual friends, she was not there to see my comedy, something I will never forgive. And in fact, I don't think she was aware

Starting point is 00:10:37 that I existed in the universe. We started talking, she accused me of hitting on one of my friend, a girl. A date. It wasn't a date. Potential date of, or something. Well, I mean, I don't think you could say it's a date to invite someone to your comedy show.

Starting point is 00:10:58 Well, he was trying to hook up with this girl. Okay, well, I wasn't, I was- And you were flirting with her. I was not. I was not, I was not. We were just having a wonderful conversation about how fun it is sometimes to take vacations with people you just met to like cool places. I think yeah, it was good. I didn't know that you had any kind of recognition. No, I was a good thing. That was nice. I like that too. I probably wouldn't have been.

Starting point is 00:11:26 I would have been scared of you. Because you have some adverse, you feel uncomfortable at the idea of, I guess, the entertainment. I did, I guess, then a lot more. But you, we met, we had mutual friends. And then you did a Duncan classic. Which is what? A quick exit. I did a quick exit.

Starting point is 00:11:52 What is it called? They call it a French exit. Yeah, you just dart out. You just go to dart out. They call it a Boo Radley. I thought we were vibing a little bit and then you just darted out. So I said, can I walk you to your Uber? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:12:09 I did a little power move. We had sex right there. And you let me walk you to your Uber. And we kissed. And then you asked if you could kiss me. Yeah, what am I gonna do? Just some- But you asked so politely and you were such a gentleman about it.

Starting point is 00:12:31 Let me put my mouth on yours, baby. Yeah, I know, but you know, sometimes it just sort of unfolds. It's not always that someone asks. I know, but it was- You don't do that when you just meet somebody. I mean, that's, I wouldn't. Sure, that?

Starting point is 00:12:48 I know. No. But yeah, I guess it was a little surprising. Yeah. And then I think the best part of this story is that you got in the car and neither of us exchanged information. Then, unfortunately, I started developing herpes blisters around my mouth.

Starting point is 00:13:13 And so I got Aaron's... No. I'm sorry, Slamminus is here. I've never even had a cold sore. So I like that we didn't get each other. In the digital age when so much of dating is online, it's like not only did we meet in real life, but we also sort of trusted that the universe

Starting point is 00:13:42 would bring us back together. Yeah, that's how it's supposed to work. I mean, you know, I don't want I am old and and but you know, those old fogies, we never had Tinder. And I'm old fashioned and your old fashioned. But like, I do think there is something I think it's great if you've met someone that you vibe with and love on online. That's really, I mean, yeah, it is. It's great. If I think if you

Starting point is 00:14:07 could not do that, though, it's better. Well, I mean, so I, every, everyone's down on chaos. Or when you hear someone say chaos, and I get it because it sounds like a, like something like on a heavy metal album or something. But like, you know, my friend was just telling me today that chaos comes from the Greek creation and that creation is wild and chaotic and something about the digitization of the, of chaos, you know, so instead of it just being wild luck that you run into somebody, it's like, it's luck, but it's also the algorithm.

Starting point is 00:14:48 And you don't get those pheromones that you don't even know you're getting at first. You don't get whatever the extra thing is that you get if you got on the date. But that's, I think the problem or maybe online dating is so frustrating for people. Yeah. Because they go on the date and there's, whatever that thing is, isn't there. I left the state shortly after that too. So it was like, yeah. Why did you leave the state again?

Starting point is 00:15:12 I went home to visit him. Oh my God, yes. But so then, and then a lot of people wanted to know what's our age difference. It's interesting about the age difference thing because it stays the same. Like, I thought when we started dating it would get less. How? How did you think that?

Starting point is 00:15:37 Well, I thought I'd stop aging and wait for you to catch up a little bit, but it didn't work. Yeah. So right now there is a 33 year age difference. No, there's not. 20 years. 20 years, two decades. 20 years, it's pretty, it's, you know, it's pretty heavy. That's a big fucking age difference.

Starting point is 00:15:59 Yeah, it's pretty, and I think in some ways over time it's less important and other ways it becomes more important yeah right and more relevant I mean look and less relevant you know the problem is like you're gonna fight in a marriage or maybe you don't because you and your wife like whatever but most of us do and you know if there's some turbulence in the marriage and you have a normal age difference At least you can't chalk it up to the age difference Yeah, you know what it means what adds this extra like it's the age difference. Maybe it's not maybe it is You know what I mean? It's like a yeah, you'll be like grow up and I'm like, you're old. This episode of the DTFH is brought to you by BetterHelp,

Starting point is 00:17:08 This episode of the DTFH is brought to you by BetterHelp. And this is probably too much information, but me and Aaron did go to relationship counseling and it not only helped, but after we were done with that, then I started doing it myself and later on you're actually going to hear me ramble about how it changed my life. I don't know if you fall in prey to the Walt Disney propaganda. They make it seem so easy. The credits roll, there's a marriage, the credits roll, everything's great, Abbey Music is playing, this is everything. It's not like that.

Starting point is 00:17:42 The credits roll and time progresses and you grow apart because that's what happens in existence. Nobody stays the same. We live in a universe of constant change, transformation, and sometimes that transformation doesn't make you easy to live with and that is where therapy comes in. Therapy can be a place to work through the challenges you face in all of your relationships, whether with friends, work, your significant other or anyone. If you're thinking of starting therapy, definitely give Better Help a Try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule.

Starting point is 00:18:27 Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapist anytime for no additional charge. Become your own soulmate, whether you're looking for one or not. Visit betterhelp.com slash Duncan today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P dot com slash

Starting point is 00:18:47 Duncan. Yeah. At least you can't chalk it up to the age difference. Yeah. You know what I mean? So it adds this extra, like it's the age difference. Maybe it's not. Maybe it is. You know what I mean? It's like a thing you have to ponder.

Starting point is 00:19:18 Yeah, you'll be like, grow up and I'm like, you're old. Yeah, that's, I think that's a nice way that we fight, but yeah, I don't know. I think what are you going to do? I mean, you can't, yeah, you can't really choose these things. I mean, there were a lot of factors. I do think we have like a soul connection and that's real. And also I have some. American citizenship now. And also I have some...

Starting point is 00:19:49 American citizenship now? Just admit that's why you marry me. She's from Canadian. Yeah, no. Just admit. You're just confusing everyone with these fact toys that are wrong. You know, the whole fucking age difference thing, it's like I can't even say anything in defense of it because i'm the fucking older guy

Starting point is 00:20:09 so the older guy could never be like you know sometimes there's a soul connection or it's not like well yeah but i'll just say you weren't the first older guy i dated yeah that's true it's not i had been dating older men for my entire adult life. Yes. And to quote Jeffrey Epstein age is just a number to the to the god damn it. Alexa, they need to hear this. Thanks. Alexa, it's done. Please never let us have a conversation again. Alexa, it's done. She won't, you can't make her stop. Otherwise, I'll remind you in an hour.

Starting point is 00:20:53 Otherwise, I'll remind you every five minutes for the rest of your life. Alexa. No, really go unplug all the space speakers. No. Alexa, Alexa. Oh, cause she's muted. Because you hit, you got mad and hit her.

Starting point is 00:21:07 I didn't hit her. I muted her. Guys, we, I'm not cutting that out. You should hear that. That's a current problem we're having in the house. And I'm, I can't, I'm pretty much, my will has been drained out of me by it. At first I got mad now. It's just like, yeah, I guess that's just what it's like.

Starting point is 00:21:25 It's a reminder for you to take your old man meds. Well, I know, I mean, that's the other thing, and it came at a perfect time. It's like, now you have to set reminders on the Alexa for your old ass husband to take his diabetes meds. Yeah. So that's real. That's real.

Starting point is 00:21:40 That's not something you're necessarily considering when you're 24. Yeah. And marrying someone. I did think about maybe like I always have had and had like fear of your death or premature death but you know the reality that I think a lot of young people don't think about. There's a large gulf between. I think people just think you know I'm just gonna do what I want and I'm just gonna drop dead it's like no there's a

Starting point is 00:22:09 large gulf between death and health and life and listen you know there's a lot of things that unfold just because I prematurely ejaculate doesn't mean I'm gonna die prematurely you know they're completely not connected. I read there is a connection. They just found a link. People who come early die late. That is it. They did do the study at Stanford. Anyway, yeah, I just, that's important, I think, to say though,

Starting point is 00:22:38 that I wasn't like, you weren't the first older guy dated, and I didn't get like swept up or something. Let's hear about all the grizzled old pieces of shit that came before me. You weren't the first older guy dated and right and get like swept up or something. Let's hear about all the grizzled little pieces of shit that came before me. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Starting point is 00:22:53 Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Starting point is 00:23:01 Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah am. I know. There's like a meme that was like one day or someone who took Lana Del Rey too seriously and now they're married with three kids to a 50 year old. Is that true? That's a meme. There's like a meme of that. We are a meme.

Starting point is 00:23:19 No, it's not a. I mean, but that is us. We're such an archetype that a meme exists for us. Yeah. You know, it's true. And it's like, I mean, the problem is, is like, I obviously get the winning end of the stick here. Yeah. I get the winning end too. How so?

Starting point is 00:23:39 I married an awesome provider. Give, gives me everything. And I married. And I don't have to work. I mean, I feel like I do work, but I don't have to clock in. But the odds are you're gonna have to bury me. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:23:57 You're gonna have to dispose of my corpse. I don't know. I'm probably not gonna dispose of it. What are you gonna do with it? Put it in a locket. That's gonna be a big fucking locket. That's called a sarcophagus not all of it my god. We you know what I give up There's no possibility of any kind of respite from I mean, there's no way you know what? Airplane mode, it's fine. Just let it roll. You know it will do it live

Starting point is 00:24:21 Fuck it. You know when I first bought the iPhone, I didn't know you could turn it off? And like I was complaining. You still don't know that. I was complaining to a friend, because it was ringing. I'm like, this is the one thing I don't like about it, because it just rings. And they're like, you can mute it.

Starting point is 00:24:37 The look on their face was of such shock. You're not, I mean, it's so funny, because you found success with technology, but you're not, it's definitely not something that comes naturally to you. New. I mean no. Especially in your ketamine days it was like.

Starting point is 00:24:52 Oh god ketamine and technology do not mix. It's so weird there's a direct I mean I when I was like binging on fucking ketamine I really entertained the idea that it was warping time space in a way that was making technology mess up. It's not just like, no, you're high. No, your motor skills are affected. You're high. Your fine motor skills aren't working. You're fucking hot.

Starting point is 00:25:15 You're on a disassociated of anesthetic hippie. The universe isn't warping. Wanting you to get off technology. Or warping around your computer so that you don't know how to plug in a fucking cable. Pretty sure that the universe isn't warping your fucking headphone cables. Pretty sure. Like you have to bet.

Starting point is 00:25:33 Um, but yeah, I, you know, the older I get, though it's weird, like the less I feel the pull of online, like it's so. I feel, yeah, I like it's so I feel yeah I'm still I'm a millennial so like I think I feel it still but definitely less as I get older I wonder like if that's it. Yeah, how many people are feeling that like I Just it's not grabbing me anymore like it used to You know, yeah What else you got in there? A, a lot of people wanted to hear about our pet, like parenting, parenting stuff. Okay. Let's start with, but then a lot of people wanted

Starting point is 00:26:13 some advice about newborns. I mean, you take the parenting, I'll take the newborn advice. What's your newborn advice? Newborn advice? Uh, well, What's your newborn advice? Newborn advice? Well, when you- Can't wait to hear this. So what you do, why are you, oh, so I guess I don't know about newborns? That's with the laughter.

Starting point is 00:26:36 So you take, you take the, take butcher paper. You place the newborn on the butcher paper and within 30 minutes of birth, you need to powder the baby down with, um, well, it depends on what you're like flour or, um, uh, sugar, like what they used to make beignets. I'm not, this isn't a cannibal joke. Sugar up your newborn. It's really sugar up the newborn.

Starting point is 00:27:08 Quick bath, take that water and put it in a jug, store it. And that water, that water, when your newborn gets sick as an adult will heal that baby. Everyone's into cord blood. I think that newborn, okay, newborn advice. I think divide and conquer with a newborn. Yeah. One of you sleeps while the other cares for the baby.

Starting point is 00:27:38 There's just no point in having two people tired. I know like dads wanna stay up with mom in solidarity, but I think that it's best if one can go, I remember with Forrest, you like to stay up late, so I would go to bed at like seven or eight o'clock and you would stay up with him. Yes. Give him pumped milk.

Starting point is 00:28:07 My little boy. Until I, until you were gonna go down for the night, which at the time was extremely late. Correct. And then I would take over from there. That's right. Stuff like that. Yeah, that's what we did.

Starting point is 00:28:21 Because we were pretty wrecked when we were both trying to do it all the time. I mean, you know, in any- And now I'm a pro and I don't need no help and this applies not just the newborns This applies to every fucking thing. It's like You do not want to both go crazy Simultaneously you want you want to go crazy and then you go crazy and they go crazy if you go crazy together That it's fucked and you know deprivation, all that stuff. Yep.

Starting point is 00:28:47 It's like you gotta find a way to find. To survive. Just to survive, find some balance. And stay the fucking bed if you're a woman that just had a baby. Oh my God, you guys are making a mistake. Talk about the 30 days. Talk about the thing you did.

Starting point is 00:29:02 I don't like to talk about it too much because what I did was so Privilege and I recognize that not all women can do that but true I do see a lot of women who can rest more than they are and they're just Way too active after having a baby and as much as you can rest and stay down stay horizontal literally horizontal. So your organs can go where they need to go and your pelvic floor can heal. That's what you should be doing.

Starting point is 00:29:32 And if you even want to think about getting in the gym or doing anything you need to go, check out my friend, Lindsey has this whole thing called birth fit where they can help you figure that out in a way that's not gonna destroy your body in 15 years. But- You know, here's the thing. I feel like a lot of, there is a weird sentiment, definitely industrial revolution propaganda that you need to be out there working.

Starting point is 00:30:06 Right away. You need to get back on your feet, yeah. But it's like, you know, for guys, it's like, just imagine a 10 pound, nine pound baby comes out. Well, not everyone's making them that big. They clearly are, but. You know what, let's do seven pound. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:22 And I'm not gonna say baby. A seven pound turd, shaped like a baby, but inside of it is bones, comes out of your asshole. Are you gonna go work out next week? No, I'm not. Is it like, are your friends?

Starting point is 00:30:39 You guys are gonna be on disability for the rest of your life. You're, yes. That's what I'm saying. Like you're, yes. That's what I'm saying. Like you're, you're, you're, it's, it's incredibly traumatic for the baby and the mom. Yeah. And we need to honor that. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:54 And it's just, it's like, we're in such a fucking no pun intended, tight ass culture. Slammin is here. Uh, that like even saying obvious shit that isn't virtue signaling, like probably if you have a massive uterine wound, your vagina has been stretched, potentially torn and stitched up. Maybe you have a C-section. Yeah. A thing that's been living in you for almost a year is now outside of you. Your brain is flooded with crazy primordial hormones. She heard us talking about her. We're gonna take a pause while we go and put our

Starting point is 00:31:42 Gary Williams silencing pod over the baby. It's incredible. Brought to you by Apple Vision Pro. You get an Apple Vision Pro right now. Use offer code DTFH and you will get a free silencing pod for your infant. And also while Aaron's going upstairs,

Starting point is 00:32:03 let me just talk about something that I'm now selling on the website. The problem is when you get the water, the sugar water off the baby, if you store that in plastic, it'll get plastic particles, micro particles in the sugar water that your sick child or potentially adult. I'm back. Erin's back. So let's talk about our parenting style. That was like, it's so funny. The stuff that I thought no one would want to hear about. Well, I mean, you are picking out certain ones.

Starting point is 00:32:40 There's other, no, but there was so many parenting requests. So I think this is interesting because we're not really I Wouldn't call us gentle parents. I think it's a mix and I wouldn't call us, you know, I Think hard ass parents. We're pragmatic parents You know, I truly like I mean we do some of the gentle parenting stuff, but we also, you know. First of all, before even talking about parenting styles, you have to, it's probably an obvious point. Every kid is different.

Starting point is 00:33:15 You know what I mean? So like. You have to parent the child you have. Yeah, that's what I always say. And. No, you don't. But, but truly like, these are souls and they've got their own personalities pretty much right out the gate.

Starting point is 00:33:29 And so to think that some, that one parenting style is going to work. Yeah, that's fair. All children are for even each child in your family, you know, is, I think we have some expectations though that we, for all of our children that are like Relatively unilateral. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you can't have different rules for the kids. I'll be fucked up That'd be that we should still them That's terrible. No, I mean like It's it really it really feels like a kind of ride the wave situation where you don't know what's gonna emerge next.

Starting point is 00:34:07 But to me, like one thing for sure that I have to remind myself of is these are gonna be adults. I know. And like they like to function in the world. You can't like, you know, you can't think that like screaming at someone to bring you a piece of chocolate

Starting point is 00:34:27 is gonna get you like friends. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, screaming at us, disrespect, just being disrespectful overall. And the thing behind that is- We're not down with that. We're pretty old school about that.

Starting point is 00:34:43 Yeah, because, I mean mean, like, theoretically, as a parent, I mean, you're getting the kid ready to be in the world, like, on their own, even, and I don't mean like, moving on, I mean, at school or wherever. Yeah. And Jesus God, you really want your kid to think like, screaming at people for candy is a viable option when it comes to getting what you want. Yeah. Yeah. No.

Starting point is 00:35:10 Totally. And so you have to ask yourself that. But then also, you know, what, you know, one thing you taught me is like, you don't, some rule, sometimes you, you might tell them not to do something for no reason. That's an easy trap to fall into. Oh yeah. You have to pick your battles and sometimes you're like, do I need to die on this hill right now?

Starting point is 00:35:29 Like is this really that important? Why am I fighting this point so hard? Why don't I want them to have like an apple in the bathtub? I know why I don't want them to have a fucking apple because it's a fucking mess. There's pieces of apple all in my bathtub going down my drain and it's gonna be a fucking apple because it's a fucking mess. There's pieces of apple all in my bathtub going down my drain and it's gonna be a fucking plumber bill. You know what, after the last bathtub fruit party

Starting point is 00:35:54 you threw or whatever happened, they both have learned. Like when they ate, I get- No, they didn't. I just cleaned up a shit ton of banana out of the bath. I was about to say- After you had a banana fruit party with them this week. I feel like the banana experiment went fine. No.

Starting point is 00:36:10 I mean, you know, one thing you did this time. It went fine and like. Until you see him dip it in the tub and then eat it. And you're like, well, what am I going to do? I mean, they just drenched their banana. First of all, never eat it. The idea of eating a banana that I just dipped in water in general is like I told them no more fruit baths because they abused that privilege. I lost it.

Starting point is 00:36:33 It's really fun to watch them eat fruit in the bathtub. I don't know why it's fucking cool. And they love it. It's just when they start dipping the fruit in the water. Like it's chocolate. No, I just cleaned. That was like a huge mess. So that explains what happened. But I mean, I would say we're gentle in that we don't hit them ever.

Starting point is 00:36:54 Do any pointed at the drain when I was in there doing the banana party and said, I ruined it. I'm like, what? He's like, I think he said he ruined it with peaches. Yeah. So that was what you gave him. Yeah, because they had peaches. And then I let them have like fruit cups,

Starting point is 00:37:12 and they like shredded them up. And like, it was a huge unbelievable. And you told doing that. You said so. I was like, you're going to ruin the plumbing. And so he thought you meant it. And so I had to tell me you didn't ruin it. You just made a mess.

Starting point is 00:37:26 That's not necessarily true. We may be having a catastrophic pipe failure. The plumber is going to be like, have you been giving fruit baths to your kids? You shouldn't do that. Millions of dollars a year. We don't hit them. Obviously. That's not that.

Starting point is 00:37:43 I mean, some people do. Who the fuck still eats their fucking kid? Some people spank. Well, That's not that. I mean, some people do. Who the fuck still it's a fucking kid? Some people spanked. Well, that's fucked. But you know, and we try not to yell, but I can't say that we don't yell. Oh my god, it's like, because it's we try, but it's not our philosophy isn't to yell like we yelled our kids. It's just that, you know, but you're gonna, and here's the thing. You will not be a perfect parent, and they're watching everything you do.

Starting point is 00:38:12 So like, one thing I try to do is be honest with them, like if I've lost my temper. We apologize to them, yeah. We apologize and I explained to them, you know I lost my temper, I'm sorry I raised my voice. And when I apologize, I don't say, you were just making me so mad. Or you, because you did this, I screamed.

Starting point is 00:38:34 I just own it in the moment. Yeah. I mean. Right, that's the other thing, you can't weasel out of it and say, look, I'm so sorry I yelled at you, but it was your fucking fault. I mean, and I've lost, I'm so sorry I yelled at you, but it was your fucking fault. I mean, and I've lost, I'm not gonna go into details

Starting point is 00:38:48 out of respect for their privacy, but I, you know, one of our children had been really, really misbehaving and I reacted in a completely inappropriate yelling way. And because of that, I didn't even really get in an inappropriate, yelling way, and because of that, I didn't even really get to discipline my child who needed it, needed consequence, needed probably to be put on some kind of restriction or punish,

Starting point is 00:39:18 because I handled it so poorly that I had to make all the focus on repair and apology and him knowing that I was so wrong. And so I lost in that, you know, that's a funny thing. Not lost, like it's not about winning or losing. You shouldn't be, I lost the chance to even parent my kid because I fucked up so bad. Well, because the thing is like, yes, the things you say to them, the obvious rules,

Starting point is 00:39:48 don't go in the fire, don't go in the medicine cabinets, don't go under the sink, don't eat. Don't spit in her face. Don't spit in a newborn's face. Like these obvious things, yeah, they're gonna remember that, but you're also teaching them this is what conflict looks like. And you're teaching them conflict means yelling

Starting point is 00:40:13 or conflict means you- Losing control. Or if you lose control, never apologize, always make yourself the victim, then that's what you're really teaching them. And so learning how to maintain a calm exterior, even though you're tired or you're like, it's ridiculous. It's really hard.

Starting point is 00:40:37 Especially when no one modeled it for you. Right, so you have to, it's a process. That's why the first kid gets the brunt of like, you are like brand new parents. Oh yeah. You haven't been to therapy yet. You haven't, you know what I mean? And they bear the brunt of like that.

Starting point is 00:40:54 And then by the time it gets to the baby, it's like, you know, you've like gone through years and- Well, yeah, the first kid gets beta. Yeah. The beta version. The beta version. The beta version. Yeah. But I mean I think.

Starting point is 00:41:10 The third kid gets like the premiere update where everyone's like, Holy shit, we thought this was a horrible game, but they fixed it. I mean, and I would say though, we're a little traditional that we do send them to their rooms sometimes. And that is very controversial. I was surprised to hear that. Oh, that is like considered abuse

Starting point is 00:41:36 to send your child to their room. Not actually though. Literally. By who? Just these parent, like parenting TikTok for sure. Well, we don't, it's not like we've even. Parent these parent, like parenting TikTok. For sure. Well, we don't, it's not like we even. Parenting TikTok is like.

Starting point is 00:41:48 Okay, first of all, you have to say. Get on eye level. On average. I see that you're screaming at me and that you hit me in the face. That's, you seem really upset. And by the way, no one does that in adult life. No one has ever said to me and it would fucking piss me off. If I'm in an argument with someone and someone goes I see that you're upset right now. And the

Starting point is 00:42:12 reason right now that I'm acting like this is because I feel like you shouldn't have stomped on my foot after you had three shots of tequila. You know what I mean? Where does that even, that doesn't even look like conflict. That doesn't look real. That's not real. Yeah. And you can do, by the way, the, we send, if a kid goes to the room,

Starting point is 00:42:39 usually it's not, it's the stairs. Oh, the stairs is more the timeout spot. The room is more like, I'll say, I need you to go take a break in your room. And how long are those breaks usually on average? Top would be. Five top five minutes. Ten is rare, but then for an atrocity. But like, it's still, it's more like.

Starting point is 00:43:05 We try not to do it super punitive, but sometimes it ends up being that way because it's a stressful moment, but generally it's like go take a break in your room. Or even all go take a one minute break on the stairs. It doesn't even happen that often. Often enough, it's a regular practice. Often enough, not like every day, but often enough.

Starting point is 00:43:24 But I think that like, enough, it's a regular practice. You know, the often enough, not like every day, but you know, often enough. But I think that like, you know, like in the in the world, unfortunately, there's consequence. It's real, like, including people's authentic reactions to your behavior. Yes, that's just how it is. And you there's no way around that yet. authentic reactions to your behavior. Yes, that's just how it is. There's no way around that yet, but with the new Apple Vision Pro, it eliminates consequence from your life.

Starting point is 00:43:51 Did you know that? Yeah, it has a parenting app. So let's say that you do, I don't know, you run into somebody's car because you're in a hurry, right? They get out screaming at you, it converts their anger into them saying really sweet things about you,

Starting point is 00:44:04 like positive affirmations. You don't even hear whatever they're actually saying. Yeah. So we're incredible. So yeah, but I'm not putting that on my kid. So, but also the point it's bad joke. The point is you, I feel like as a parent, as a parent to the best of your ability, you're giving them all these tools for this insane world they're going to be in, you're showing them, yeah best of your ability, you're giving them all these tools for this insane world they're gonna be in. You're showing them, yeah, there's consequence and you're giving them like an imaginary. It's like, it's your room.

Starting point is 00:44:34 It's awesome. There's a bed and books and stuff, but because it's a shift from whatever the pattern is, it feels punitive to them enough that they remember, oh, if I spit in an infant's face, you know, if I spit in an infant's face or if I, whatever the thing is, did something not fun will happen. And with many, many, many warnings

Starting point is 00:45:01 are given with us before it's like, okay. Aaron says you're gonna get canceled and then they go to the room for a minute. I say we do say that you're canceled. We say that really is controversial. We probably shouldn't say that. I'll be like, you're canceled. And then do it. First mommy said I'm canceled.

Starting point is 00:45:25 Oh, but you know, look, we're just, you know, we're Southern and we were raised in the South and we're just, you don't, there's a way you speak to adults and there's a way you don't speak to adults. They will be polite. Like they will be respectful. Yeah. We're not yes, ma' will be respectful. Yeah. We're not yes ma'am, no sir, like.

Starting point is 00:45:47 None of that bullshit. We're not that level, but sometimes I do say, I do, they'll say, I'll be like, yes mom. But we're lucky. And they'll say yes mom. We have a housekeeper, we're lucky. We have, we also have a nanny. And a nanny.

Starting point is 00:46:01 And we have a lot of support. I just, I'm so sorry to cut, I have to say one thing though, the TikTok parenting, I do have a theory about it. And I a lot of this, this parenting, I have to say it seems like it's geared more toward people who have one child, maybe two children in a large family. This shit is not going to work all the time. I don't have time to sports cast every feeling my children are having when there's three of them

Starting point is 00:46:33 and there's one of me. It didn't work. We tried it. Oh, we did, yeah. We tried it and it doesn't work. It doesn't, the results of that are minimal in my experience. It's you feel like a fraud when you're doing it you feel like oh great I'm participating in some experiment a kind of fashion trend in parenting or something versus like you, a general sort of like in the animal kingdom as a whole,

Starting point is 00:47:06 there's this like important job, which is you have to like be honest with yourself about what's working, what's not working, what's too much, what's not enough. And give it a shot, like try it out. Like if you ever, a kid and getting down to eye contact and saying, I know that you wanted to set the poodle on fire. No one did that.

Starting point is 00:47:30 I know no one did that, but I'm trying to think of an extreme example. I know, I just don't want anyone to. That never happened. And that works, that's great. You found something that works. Or if you find some hybrid that works or whatever, I mean, that's the thing, there's no.

Starting point is 00:47:42 I'd say we're hybrid, but. Yeah, it's a hybrid. What did we take no, I'd say we're hybrid, but yeah, it's a hybrid. What did we take? What did work? What did we take away? We took the screens away. We, and this was another observation that actually changed my life a little bit, which is we realized like, and I don't know, man, I don't even know why I thought this was a good idea, because we all know by now PS five, you're talking about it's a dopamine milker, it's a drug, and the future it'll be looked at as a drug right now, we think because you eat it with your eyes and ears and it's not a drug, it's a drug.

Starting point is 00:48:16 And so essentially, like, I guess I'm like some guy in the 1800s who's like, try Smopium, Bubba, makes daddy relax. And then, and so what? And the switch, oh my God. And the switch. And so then what happens is like, I really don't feel like it's their fault. This fucking dopamine machine is like suddenly giving them the dopamine that they would have to acquire through playing or doing make believe or running.

Starting point is 00:48:42 And now it just gives it to you. You sit on the couch and you turn it on and beautiful colors appear. And, you know, so it also the stuff they were watching was terrible. It was like scene change, scene change, scene change, scene change, scene change, colors, colors, scene change, scene change, YouTube change it. Can't even commit to one fucking three minute YouTube video. Let's watch the next one. Yeah, kinda like TikTok.

Starting point is 00:49:10 Yeah, I don't want them to be afflicted the way I am. Also, I'm an adult. But this is the, you might not want a minute. Here's my, I'm gonna make an admission. So during that time, I was playing, I was addicted to video games. And I remember we were talking about your admission No, wait, I remember we were talking about how

Starting point is 00:49:29 It seems like it's making forest irritable And then I realized like oh my god, it's making me irritable I like that when I'm like addicted to a video game It's the worst I get really fucking irritable and crabby stay up all night Stay up all night. I get sleep deprivation and it like degrades my life in this like way that horrible It's horrible. You want to work less? I don't want to work. I just I do want to work. I want to work in cyberpunk I want to work on Yeah doing jobs for my various Bosses, but I don't want to work in this world. So yeah, we, I realized,

Starting point is 00:50:11 oh shit, obviously, I mean, this is a funny thing, by the way, with adults and kids. Kids are human. If something is fucking a kid up, it's fucking you up too. Yeah, and vice versa. We act like it only fucks kids up till it only fuck kids up to eat a lot of candy or it only, you know, it wasn't just the video games. It was it was all screens. Well, they didn't they didn't have they don't have they've never been iPad kids. But just the TV was enough to fuck them up. And I don't know when we're gonna go back.

Starting point is 00:50:48 I'm not, I think we're gonna let one of them watch the Super Bowl with us, but. And let me just, we have to put this in here. We have help, we have an enemy. Yeah, we have help. So we're not shaming the iPad parents out there. It's like, you know what? You gotta do what you gotta do.

Starting point is 00:51:02 But I have to say this, I will say this. And I've, you know, I've spent many days with no help like when you're on the road and stuff since the screen time has been gone. And it's easier, it's actually easier to have no screen time than to do some and be trying to moderate it. 100% same.

Starting point is 00:51:22 It's so much, they don't ask for it anymore. Yeah. And we just, and they play it alone more. So it actually is easier on me when I am alone. If you're gone, if I don't have help or whatever, it's actually easier now with no screens. Because they are playing deeply alone. They don't bother me.

Starting point is 00:51:43 Cause before it's like, can I, when can I have it? When can I have it? When can I have it? Yeah, it's fucked. They don't bother me because before it's like, can I, can I, when can I have it? When can I have it? When can I have it? Yeah, it's fucked. They don't do that anymore. Drug. So I think we've decided though, if we bring it back, it'll be on weekends. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:51:54 And like special occasions. But like, I'm so happy without it. Like we're letting the oldest stay up late to watch the Super Bowl on Sunday, which is going to blow his mind. Yeah. But you know, yeah, I think, I don't know who said this, but like, there's some quote that's like, you know, your kids raise you and you really do. A family raises each other.

Starting point is 00:52:19 A family raises each other. And like, one thing I've learned, it seems so obvious as like, man, if I'm worried that something is like, not great for the kids, or if the kids need more of something, vitamins, food. You need it. That means you do too, probably. That you're also falling victim to it

Starting point is 00:52:37 in a different way. I love this question, cause it's really funny. Someone said, how do you get centered in the morning with three kids? We don't. Well, I do. Lately, you know, lately. Okay, let's just speak over all the no, but it's hilarious. I we let's be no, come on. Let's be real. Wait, I'm gonna get I'm gonna get real. We the mornings are really hard. If I can get my ass up at like 630,

Starting point is 00:53:07 that's the ideal time. Cause the kids get up at seven. And so- The kids come downstairs at seven. But if I get up at seven- They're up before seven. If I get up- With me in my room.

Starting point is 00:53:18 That's right, they go to Aaron's room and read books. Yeah. But like, I can like maybe pull off like meditating for a few minutes before this maelstrom. It helps, yeah. Comes thumping down the stairs. Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub,

Starting point is 00:53:38 blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub What are they called vapor? What are the things they ride around the house called? Oh, they're plasma cars? They hop on plasma cars at 7 a.m. Sounds like a thunderstorm. A thunderstorm and they scream up and down the halls. Woo, woo, woo, it's 7 a.m. They're going full speed down the hall and plasma bikes.

Starting point is 00:54:02 And it's, oh my God, what's so cool about having kids within the same age is listening to their conversations. I want to thank Loomis Labs for sponsoring this podcast and I want to thank the creative force in the universe that produced all things for producing Loomis Labs because Loomis Labs produced microdose gummies and these are my favorite edibles on earth. Now I mean that. That's not just because they're sponsoring me. They're incredible. And I have many happy, happy people

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Starting point is 00:58:08 The mornings are tough. I- They are tough. I feel, I don't feel great in the mornings. I don't, you don't, I know you have a, when you're doing your practice, you feel good, but like that hasn't been most of the time. You haven't been able to pull that off. Oh, I fell asleep at three playing Diablo IV.

Starting point is 00:58:29 Yeah. And there's a fucking plasma bike slamming into my fucking door. Yeah, no, it's not like I come out like an angelic form. You're like birds are singing around you. It's tough. And I think we've had some of our, a lot of arguments between us have spawned in the mornings.

Starting point is 00:58:48 But we caught that, we realized that. Well, we figured out, we just basically need to like avoid each other in the mornings, or like if we're not in a good mood or just, or you know, like it was a bad pattern of like having it out in the morning, cause we're just, you know. Tired. Tired, grumpy, whatever.

Starting point is 00:59:08 You know, I mean, I can't even get to my, I can't even have a coffee until like an hour in to taking care of the kids. And like when I'm getting my coffee, someone's gonna be having a fucking thing to say about it. Cause like the second I stopped serving them, right. To serve myself, to make myself a coffee, the requests like are going to come in. Or just not just general.

Starting point is 00:59:36 I need water. I need water. Yeah. I need water. I want more. I want more after I've like, you know, waitress style served. I mean, it's a three children or this is a really fun toddler trick. So what do you want for breakfast?

Starting point is 00:59:51 Oatmeal. Great. Finish the oatmeal. I wanted a bagel. Yeah. You know, they said, or pancake. So then you're like, well, you said oatmeal. That doesn't that toddler is not going to be like, oh, right.

Starting point is 01:00:04 I forgot I said that I'm so sorry thank you so much. The thing they'll do with me like when you're on the road and I want to make them a nice like breakfast I know they'll love I'll be like I'll make you waffles right because we have a waffle maker. I want pancakes. I'm like it's same. We use the same like keto, woke ass mix or whatever. Like it's the same shit. Or sometimes when they're like, I don't want the, I don't, they don't want the pattern of waffle. Sometimes the butler comes in Grayson and no,

Starting point is 01:00:38 and they're like, but they, Phillip is our weekend butler. They like Phillip more than Grayson. And I think Grayson's great. He loves the kids. Grayson will come in and they'll be like, I want Philip. Phillips, the weekend, butler. OK. You don't have.

Starting point is 01:00:54 I wish we had a butler. All right. Yeah, we don't have a butler. OK. I wish we did. I'll just edit it out. If you don't want people to know we have two butlers. I mean, brother husbands.

Starting point is 01:01:12 Okay. Someone. I can't believe you fucked the place. Someone, someone said, oh, I like this question. This one's more, you can see what you- You blame it on Ambien when you fuck the butler. You know that, right?

Starting point is 01:01:29 Like, I know that you aren't drugged. I know you aren't on an amp, whatever you said. It was a billify. Anyway, go ahead. So, someone said, what's life like with three? What was the hardest? Let's skip the breeder questions. There's gotta be-

Starting point is 01:01:47 It was all breeder questions. Are you kidding me? Yeah. All right, let's do it. It was all breeder questions. Oh my God, great. What was the hardest adjustment? Zero to one, one to two, or two to three?

Starting point is 01:01:59 For me? For you. The hardest adjustment was getting used to the sudden preponderance of UAPs. Come on. You have to answer. I'll just answer. What is the question? For me, it was definitely going from one to two,

Starting point is 01:02:19 which surprised me. One to two was definitely the hardest. Everything else has been. What do you think? For you, it's probably zero to one, huh? I'll tell you what, I don't know because like now that we have AI, the emergence of a super advanced AI, which helps in our parenting, it's really hard to say. I didn't have an Apple Vision Pro. Incredible deal. Aaron is sponsored by Apple Vision Pro. And okay, you didn't like that question. You're such a weirdo. How do we stay married then? That was one. How do we stay married?

Starting point is 01:03:02 I mean, what are you going to do? It's a choice. It's a fucking choice. Every day. But you have to recognize it's a choice. Every day it's a choice. That's the truth. Marriage is an agreement to stay together.

Starting point is 01:03:15 It's a choice for sure, but it's also a choice to like, betray your friends. It's a, you know what I mean? You could, at any moment you wanna do, like, like, betray your friends, betray your community. You could, at any moment, you want to do like, like, betray your friends, betray your community. You could, at any moment, it's a choice to like fuck your life up or it's a choice to like, you know, I don't know. I, some marriages definitely need to end.

Starting point is 01:03:37 Um, definitely. Some, there's, but, you know, some, I don't know. I, I've noticed that. But, you know, I don't know. I've noticed that all the horrible fights we've had and all the disagreements and all of the darkness that emerges, if you can stick it out and remember, like there's a good reason to stick it out statistically for your kids statistically.

Starting point is 01:04:02 I'm still in love with you. So that's for me, I think. Likewise, I mean, yeah. When things have been really hard and really bad and we not that long ago had a pretty nasty fight. Yeah. But I think when I really dug down deep even recently, I realized I still, I just have so much affection for you.

Starting point is 01:04:29 How deep did you have to dig down? Not that deep actually. Well, how deep? Like, I don't know, let's just use like feet. Maybe like three feet. Geez, that's pretty deep. Yeah. Well, I was really mad.

Starting point is 01:04:45 Well, look. But I, you know, I, yeah, it's still, we've almost been married six years. We're coming up on six years. Yeah. And I still just, you know. You're going to be 30 next year. I'm 30 now. What?

Starting point is 01:05:03 I'm 30. What? I'm 30. I'm gonna pause this for a second and you're 30. 30. You know, I like the thing I've been thinking about lately is this idea of the clashes, which are, it's called it means obscuration. The idea being that all the ruddy, unsavory, embarrassing, or even like hidden parts of yourself that you're having problems with are obscuring what you are, which is perfect and enlightened.

Starting point is 01:05:40 And I think, you know, in a marriage, there's a similar thing that is like, sometimes the disagreements, the big ones and the petty ones and the, the, the ones related to your parents or whatever the fuck or your past relationships are like, whatever it is, can get really loud in your own mind when you're by yourself. And if you don't find a way to listen underneath that, if you love someone and are in love with them, you'll hear that underneath. That ties in to someone asked, do you ever have times where it feels like

Starting point is 01:06:19 the love has dissipated? Yeah, sure, why not? It gets obscured. Of course. I think to me, the why not? It gets obscured. I think to me, the better word for it is obscured. If I'm ruminating over some shitty thing, I think Erin did, or being annoyed with her, or being annoyed with myself, or anything like that, then that's where my mind is gonna be.

Starting point is 01:06:41 That's just where it's gonna be, and then it's easy to forget. Householding is just- Stressful.. Yeah. Sometimes Grayson comes over and he doesn't take his shoes off when he comes into the guard gate. We just had this amazing carpet put in there, nanotubes. But the point is like you have to You know as above so below Whatever mood you're in isn't gonna last you have to remember that like if you're feeling some certain way whatever it may be It's not going to last so you need to kind of Be patient and trust that the

Starting point is 01:07:23 Probably whatever it is that you the intensity of what you're feeling will well at least shift a little bit Yeah, and then for some people it there isn't nothing's being obscured because there's nothing there. Yeah, it's dead It's a dead fucking it's a dead sad dead creature that you're trying to reanimate or Blow life into or do CPR on. Ugh, disgusting. It's like going into a morgue and trying to bring back to life one of fucking corpse that you pulled out of a freezer. Don't waste your time.

Starting point is 01:07:57 You have to be honest, you know, about that too. What's your... Don't be a necrophile. What's our favorite things about each other? Oh, God, you're really picking that? Come on, no, come on. You know what that feels like to me? What? A TikTok challenge. No.

Starting point is 01:08:14 God, I don't want to do that. That's so, God, fuck that, fuck. I'll say I'll start. Come on, then come on, man. I'll start. Don't. Yeah. Go ahead.

Starting point is 01:08:31 Okay. I love the twinkle you get in your eye. Thank you. When you're all fired up. Thank you. I didn't even know I was shining last night. Oh, that's great. So brightly and it just made me swooned. I love that.

Starting point is 01:08:49 Thank you, darling. I love your love of life. Thank you. And your spiritual counseling. Thank you, darling. I truly do feel like you are the spiritual leader of the family and I would be totally lost without it. Thank you, darling. That's very sweet.

Starting point is 01:09:15 Thank you. Yeah, and you look good. Thank you. Yeah, Aaron, I love your tits. I had to say it. I didn't want to say it. I am a spit take. Oh my God.

Starting point is 01:09:52 Let me read a poem I wrote for you. No. No, seriously. Oopsie. Hold on. You did not write a poem. I did write a poem for you. No, you did not. Yes, I did.

Starting point is 01:10:03 You want to hear it? I'll read it on the podcast. No, you didn't. I did. Listen. And just let me read it. Please don't make fun of me. You can all be sick and throw up. I don't care. This is not when you were old and gray and full of sleep and nodding by the fire, take down this book and slowly read and dream of the soft look your eyes had once and other shadows deep. How many loved your moments of glad grace and loved your beauty with love false or true, but one man loved the pilgrim soul in you and love the sorrows of your changing

Starting point is 01:10:45 face. And bending down beside the glowing bars, murmur a little sadly how love fled and paced upon the mountains overhead and hid his face amid a crowd of stars and then buried his face in your beautiful tits. Wonderful. I don't think you wrote that. I did write that, but it's very beautiful. I wrote that.

Starting point is 01:11:10 Guys, if I look me up, I'm going to admit it now. My pseudo name for poetry is William Butler Yates. And you can find a lot of my poetry online. That's the pseudonym I've been using for about, for a while. Um, Aaron, I love you so much. I just think you're brilliant, beautiful, and powerful, and just the most incredible mom I've ever seen in my life. And just truly, like, I've never met anyone like you in my life.

Starting point is 01:11:39 And I've met many, many people that I would consider far outside of default reality and you are just, I've never encountered such a unique being. Thanks babe. Um, I like this one. Kids and psychedelics. How will we talk to our kids about psychedelics? Okay. I have an answer, you have an answer. I wonder if it'll be the same. How will we talk to our kids about psychedelics? Okay.

Starting point is 01:12:05 I have an answer, you have an answer, I wonder if it'll be the same. You start. Okay, I'll just go into like the short of it and then you can go into like the longer of it. I mean, for me, I'm going to recommend that they delay their use of psychedelics. I waited until I was in my 20s at least

Starting point is 01:12:28 Has a good tour coming in Incredible wonderful magical perfect. I've never had a bad experience with a psychedelic To me really weird. I've had challenging moments, but Be just great. I've had only great experiences safe lovely wonderful experiences and I think Because I used them was such caution and yes reverence and but not just reverence and like oh This is another topic

Starting point is 01:13:03 I don't think you need to do you don't need to be like trying to do work to do psychedelics, take psychedelics, yes, to have fun, take them for hedonism. That's awesome. You don't need to be. We don't need to be a hierarch or like, you know what I'm trying to say. Yeah, totally. They don't have to be medicinal. This is what you're going to say to them.

Starting point is 01:13:23 Yeah. Is that that? Yeah. I don't want to be medicinal. This is what you're gonna say to them? Yeah. Is that bad? Yeah, I don't wanna be all, yeah, I don't wanna be a fucking wet blanket and be like, these are medicines that you must use in your medicines. Do you wanna know what I'm gonna say? You know what I'm gonna say? But I will tell them to wait

Starting point is 01:13:37 till their brains are developed. And the trustal methods need be applied. I'm gonna say, I'll probably start a fire. And I'm gonna say, come here boy. No, I'm gonna say one pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small and the ones that mother gives you don't do anything at all

Starting point is 01:14:07 Go ask Alice She's ten feet tall damn That's groovy and if you go chasing rabbits and you know you're gonna fall Tell Maruka The smoking caterpillar has given you the call. Come on, people wanna know what you say.

Starting point is 01:14:29 He called Alice when she was just small. People wanna know. One, two, one, just one, get up and down here. I'm gonna be like, kid A, who's your fucking dealer? Yeah. Where are you getting this shit from? You gotta talk about fentanyl. I'm gonna be like, my friend, what are you taking? You do understand that you're not,

Starting point is 01:14:51 you better not be doing any fucking white powders. You know the chocolate chip cookie effect? You have the grain of fentanyl in there, Bubba. And then I'm gonna, probably have them drive me to the dealer, meet the dealer, check out whatever the fucking supply is. like if they're selling some bullshit dark web I don't think that's what's gonna I don't think you know, what do you call it like a? I don't think I'll need to find it not real acid. I like kid. It's expensive to make real acid

Starting point is 01:15:20 Like you understand that number one like the odds that this is even an LSD 25 or like forget it This is definitely some bullshit from Amsterdam. I don't think the source will be the issue. We'll test We'll test and then you know I will probably have to go to Vegas by myself with whatever he wants to take and take it out there and like get a sense of like How was it in the hotel room? How was it on the? It's lots sense of like, how was it in the hotel room? How was it on the slots? But do you agree with what I said or no? Yeah, I think that, I think that that. Is that your stance as well? My, well, I'll tell you my stance.

Starting point is 01:16:02 Downward dog. I think that we have to, here's what I think, I'm sorry, I'm being an idiot. One, by the time I feel like they're going to even like really start finding out about these psychedelics, we can look forward to an entire new form of psychedelic that is gonna be. Regulated. Not regulated, it's gonna be created by AI. The AI is gonna probably create, no seriously, fuckin' Reed Shulgin. He'd already come up with all these symptoms.

Starting point is 01:16:34 I just don't care about AI. No, I don't mean AI, I mean like, at first I just wanna build a picture of the landscape that I imagine they're going to be living in that Many psychedelics will be legalized that we're probably gonna have in some version of a synthetic psilocybin more than likely some like LSD derivative that helps with ADHD and as an as an ADHD medication that probably everywhere but Texas, marijuana will be legal

Starting point is 01:17:09 and that the attitude using psychedelics or dope or whatever as a method of rebellion or differentiation will hopefully, that's not why people will be taking them. They'll be taking them in psychedelic therapy. They'll be taking them because we figured out some incredible antidepressant mix. Yeah, but also, it's okay to just enjoy being high. Are you fucking kidding?

Starting point is 01:17:42 Yes, for sure. I'm just setting the. It doesn't have to be so heady, for sure. I'm just setting the... It doesn't have to be so heady all the time. I'm painting the picture. So this is the, as opposed to like my parents, war on drugs, psychedelics and heroin are identical. The general attitude. Yeah, that's how I came up too.

Starting point is 01:18:01 Right. Right, so that is already changing. And so meaning that like the charge that I would get from getting blasted and knowing that I could never tell my mom, I could never ever tell her how incredible this experience was and how safe it seems. Now insane it is that it's illegal and that I had to hide it from her and hide the drugs. And you know, even though she knew for sure, I was like, hey, it was donor. She had to play a game of going through my drawers or ignoring it or not ignoring it.

Starting point is 01:18:32 Yeah. Worried and getting me drug tested, you know, like we're talking. Did she? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. She drug tested you at one point. Yeah. Because like, well, I mean, well, you're not sly.

Starting point is 01:18:44 First of all, first of all. She just knew. She found butane cans outside my window for me having butane and whipped cream cans. God knows what else. So like, you know, like even if the war on drugs wasn't happening, I think I'd be concerned if I found inhalant.

Starting point is 01:18:59 Of course. Would you recommend the children begin using psychedelics at the age you did? The research doesn't support that right now. The research shows that I've seen, and I'm looking through scientific journals, so maybe this has changed, but yeah, just like you said, the human brain continues to develop. We have no idea the impact that taking some kind of psychedelic is going to have on the way the brain develops. Maybe they have research on that now.

Starting point is 01:19:33 We know the onset of certain psychiatric disorders tend to coincide with first time usage of psychedelics and it seems that. From what, what is that from? Just like that, what do you mean? What do you mean using psychedelics? What did you say? Psychiatric? Well, when some like schizophrenia

Starting point is 01:19:57 and other psychiatric disorders tend to present for the first time, like the onset of them. Not true. That is true. That was debunked. That is true onset of them? Not true. That is true. That was debunked. That is true, and yeah, that is true. Not true. It is true.

Starting point is 01:20:11 It was debunked. Prove it. I'll find the study. Prove it. I'll Google it. What are you debunking? I feel like you're, so this is the general idea. I'm saying that psychedelics can worsen mental health.

Starting point is 01:20:23 Well, so but. That's absolutely true. It sounded like what you were saying there was like, so there's an idea that if that you can have psychedelics can worsen underlying mental health disorder and skin schizophrenia. And that the schizophrenia will emerge because of a psychedelic.

Starting point is 01:20:41 No, I felt like that was what you were saying. Look, there's a, there, but when people begin, they're, the age when a lot of people began experimenting with psychedelics, there's a link between when they, these diseases or these disorders would present anyway, whether they did it or not. Well, you know, here's, this is, I'm not, that could be true, I don't know. I mean, the problem with like being like a, someone new for many, many, many, many, many, many years

Starting point is 01:21:14 in joint psychedelics is that if I'm having like anxiety that seems like beyond, like if I'm having what I would think of as like a kind of pathological, or neurotic anxiety, depression or any kind of like wobble. There's, I can't say. Psychedelics can alleviate those symptoms. But also, is that-

Starting point is 01:21:38 For sure, I'm not to say- But are those symptoms happening because of my passionate psychedelic use when I was in high school. And I can't- That's not what I'm really speaking on. I'm more saying let your brain develop, see what kind of brain that you have. That's really important too. See, do you have any kind of mental disorders that need to be treated or addressed? And what's really awesome is they've already done studies on, I was shocked because I was interviewing some people

Starting point is 01:22:11 working in the field, actual doctors. And I had always just made the assumption that, if you have, let's say manic depression, that you should avoid all psychedelics, which I brought up. And yeah, I don't think that's necessarily true. Not true for all of them. Some of them. Yes.

Starting point is 01:22:30 Some of them. Right. And so that's my point. Yeah. And that's the other thing is it's very nuanced. It's like, you know, depending on the psychedelic, you're dealing with completely different parts of the brain. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:22:42 And, you know, and also there appears to be a genetic component. Yeah, I saw some interesting stuff about that. I also think there's some people who shouldn't take psychedelics. I don't think they're for everyone. I think there's people who will happily say, I'm one of those people. I've met a lot of people that call themselves

Starting point is 01:23:02 psychedelic pioneers or advocates and I don't think they should be taking psychedelics at all. Well, I see a lot of people that are irresponsible with them and that don't seem to be, they don't seem to be making a positive effect on them. You know, and the, my favorite sort of like, I don't know, if you wanna to find like a, an ethos for the psychedelic movement, founded on personal responsibility, meaning, if you-

Starting point is 01:23:33 Yeah, radical self- Self-reliance, if you really like are benefiting from these things and you recognize their potential as like a healing modality in the future that will only get better, then you really are not serving the cause, so to speak, if you start using them irresponsibly or even worse, become one of those people who is not just a psychedelic missionary. I mean, I think, you know, saying, Hey, it really helped me when I was depressed, which it did for me, or saying like, there have, saying, hey, it really helped me when I was depressed, which it did for me or saying like There have been moments where like it is like connected with me with people are inspired me all that stuff is true for me

Starting point is 01:24:13 But then because someone isn't you think someone's gonna benefit too and then and then not just saying it helped me But then being like you should take it. Yeah,'re like, no, and you become slightly coercive, even slightly coercive. Even slightly. And then, so somehow they succumb to it, and then they freak the fuck out because their instincts, it told them, this isn't, I don't want this right now.

Starting point is 01:24:39 You've hurt somebody, like you, let someone come to it on their own, and also the mega dose bullshit. The modern fucking. That's part of the trustal method. Like drinking all the fucking tequila. Trying to drink a tequila bottle because you're in a frat and now you can drink

Starting point is 01:24:58 because you're out of your parents house. Learn the landscape, play around with a substance. Get to know it a little bit Take it on a date take it on a date take it on many dates before you you know merge yeah for sure like and To me and remember when someone told me they were like that is absolutely wrong People totally disagree with that there is that, it's one of the many awesome divisions in the psychedelic universe that I've noticed, which is that one is really funny to me.

Starting point is 01:25:33 Micro dosers versus mega dosers. And then the other thing that's really funny to me is people who like mushrooms arguing with people who like LSD, which is a classic argument, which is like assets a million times better, obviously better. Two sisters. What? Mushrooms cool. Both great.

Starting point is 01:25:50 Both great. You're one of those people that like, and also by the way, this fucking shit, when you have kids, forget it. It's out the fucking window. That was one of the questions. Yeah, you can't have this shit. Are we psyched up?

Starting point is 01:26:02 No, hell no. You can't have it around the house with kids. You can't have it in you. You can't have it and you can't have this show. Are we psyched up? No, hell no. You can't have it around the house with kids. You can't have it any, you can't have it and you can't have it. Can't have it. It's bye-bye. And you have to, that's a sacrifice. That's well, that's not the decision all the people that I know have made. That's...

Starting point is 01:26:17 Give me another. Okay. Um, well I thought we could talk a little bit about fear and abundance. Fear and abundance? Yeah. Yeah. You start.

Starting point is 01:26:34 Well, you gave me a beautiful sermon last night. Thank you, Jesus. Look, I'm just in, right now, I realized that I had allowed a dark spirit into my deep and deep into my consciousness and I had not become aware of how cynical in this very strange way I had become mainly it all started with me being afraid. No, before the full time. You were afraid a few months, almost a month ago.

Starting point is 01:27:12 I realized I hated the Bodhisattva vow, which is you're gonna like essentially free all sentient beings from suffering. Yeah. And I was really. We talked about that last time a little bit. Yeah. And then

Starting point is 01:27:32 that was the beginning, I think of like something breaking in a good way, which was like, you know, when you're when you're extra mad at something, it probably means you should look into that. Like, why are you so mad? He gives a fuck who cares? What are you why is that upsetting you to this degree? And what what had happened is like, I think I just, from going on, from doom scrolling so much, got to a place where I decided there was no, there was nothing anyone could do for the world anymore. I was lost. And like, it was such an awful fucked up thing to think, but it becomes, it was so subtle. It's like it was an undertone of that or something. And then like lately I just, I've realized like that is such horseshit.

Starting point is 01:28:09 Yeah. And then that's really changed my mood and it's changed a lot of things, but. I've been struggling. With fear. You got fear. Well, I'm a Christian, you know, I'm really close with Jesus.

Starting point is 01:28:26 And that's been really great for me. And I feel like I've been given so much. Yeah. I have these divine, delicious, wonderful children and my health and, you know, a beautiful house and a gorgeous bear of a husband. Yeah. And, you know, sometimes that's hard to sit with. Hard to accept. You know, when it's just here it all is. It's a little too much.

Starting point is 01:29:18 I think it was the birth of our daughter that really pushed me over the edge, you know? I was really like, this is just too much. Yeah. Is it gonna be taken from me? When is it gonna be taken from me? And do I deserve this? And just a lot of fear manifesting

Starting point is 01:29:39 in a lot of different ways and causing me a lot of suffering. And we were talking last night, because I was, you know, I really, this is not what's making, this isn't, this is just an example, but you know, I am maybe like 30 pounds heavier than I was when. You're 30 pounds heavier than when?

Starting point is 01:30:05 Than the last baby. Yeah. And, um, and so, cause I'm nursing her and I just hold on to this weight and I was telling you, we were talking about that and I'm like, I know that, you know, when I drop this weight, when I wean, I'll just wanna hold my breastfeeding infant again and just nurse her one more time. And, you know, when we were in Asheville,

Starting point is 01:30:34 and I was watching like home videos of Asheville, you know? And a snow day that happened on our oldest birth, our oldest, we had a snow day on one of his birthdays there. And we were sledding and just walking around and I was watching that, you know, that video and I just cried to you last night because I was so unhappy when we were there. Because I was so afraid we wouldn't be able to leave

Starting point is 01:31:03 that, you know, and now I miss it. I miss those that shitty weird time we spent in the mountains. I miss that. And just like when I'm thin, I'll miss nursing my beautiful gorgeous baby. And I was crying to you last night because I don't wanna be an old lady and feel like this about the rest of my life

Starting point is 01:31:31 that I just wished and worried it all away. You gotta, you really, there is no choice, but to, it's like, I mean, you can't, it's very difficult, you know, when you get the fear. There was, my friend posted something today. It was like, you tiptoe, you tiptoe your whole life so you can die safely in the end. Exactly, it's insanity.

Starting point is 01:31:56 Yeah. It's fucking madness. It's this very sad form of, because you know, raw fear is actually kind of like a novel and exciting, but the more sort of smeared at like someone took fear out of a jar and then just smeared it like a crowd like jam on toast across your year, a light thin stretch of fear for the year right there. And so because you're afraid you like are gonna try you're not gonna take as many risks you be risk-adverse and then because

Starting point is 01:32:28 Didn't you get in that lack? Then you feel lack you fall into that mentality like poverty mentality right because you're different when you're defending and now that if you're defending then you're kind of like you get obsessed with Defending instead of accepting and then it's a whole different vibe. The vibe of defending is not playful usually. I mean, you could do a game where there's, but they're actual, I'm protecting this or that from theft, murder, suffering, pain, loss.

Starting point is 01:33:00 Oh, you've already lost it. Why, you can't really enjoy whatever the fuck it is if you're constantly Well, what did you tell me to do you just you told me to pray more and more and more and more Well, you know, I tried say help me God help me God help me God remember. Yeah, well what I told you was I took the Buddhist four thoughts that turn the mind and shifted them into it. I think there's a very similar Christian. It's easy to translate into Christianity.

Starting point is 01:33:30 You told me to say get thee behind me Satan. Yeah, because, but truly, because in one of the things I've been taught to say is I see you Mara. Yeah, same fucking thing. Yeah, it's the same thing. And the symbol set. Yeah, same fucking thing. Yeah, it's the same thing and The the symbols that mean, you know, this is I know that I really need to show you this video This video is going to be on the radio and I'm going to watch it in the car and it will be on the radio and I'm going to watch it on the radio

Starting point is 01:34:08 and when I'm doing it now the Drunk itself is playing my podcast You're at the Apple Store, You're wearing an Apple Vision Pro. You don't have a life. You have a beautiful house to demo. You have to take it off. You may ask yourself, how do I work this? You may ask yourself,

Starting point is 01:34:58 where's that large automobile? You may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful house. this is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife. It's not your beautiful house and it's not your beautiful wife. It's the Appalachian Road in the U.S. neural interface. It's a marriage simulator and your time is up so you have to take it

Starting point is 01:35:27 off. You may ask yourself, what is that beautiful house? You may ask yourself, where does that highway go? And you may ask yourself, am I right, am I wrong? You may say to yourself, my god, what have I done? Oh my god, he's masturbating. What have you done? Get in security right now!

Starting point is 01:35:57 Oh my god! That is a cover of Once in a Lifetime by Zides, Zides, Zides, Zides, Zides. The band released an incredible album of covers of talking head songs. I guess that's my favorite. Brilliant, insightful, and most importantly, beautiful. Zides, Zides, Zides, Zides, Zides is one of my favorite top young performers right now and he was robbed at the Grammys. We got a great podcast for you.

Starting point is 01:36:30 As requested, my incredible wife is here with us today. The beautiful, the glorious, the goddess of my life, Aaron Trussell is here. We're going to jump right into that, but first I got some dates coming up. You can find me here. We're gonna jump right into that. But first, I got some dates coming up. You can find me here. I'm gonna be at the Helium Comedy Club, February 22nd of the 24th. That's in St. Louis. After that, you can find me March 8th. Guess where I'm gonna be? You don't have to. I'm going to be at the Funny Bone Liberty Township, Ohio. That's March 8th through March 9th. And then if you're up for it, head on over to Springfield where you can find me at the Blue Room Comedy Club.

Starting point is 01:37:25 There's lots more dates if you're interested. Hope you are. It's at DuncanTrustle.com. And I've got a Patreon, patreon.com. For such DTFH. Subscribe for commercial free episodes of this podcast. And now everybody, welcome welcome back my twin flame a Valentine's Day treat for you sweeties Aaron Trussell Welcome, welcome on you As you are with us

Starting point is 01:38:06 Say again, don't you do you do Welcome to you La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Welcome back to the DTFH. How lovely you look tonight. Thank you. I want to play before we get like going in the podcast proper. Let's open with the Mahamantra. Hold on before I have something more important than that. I made some Valentine's Day music for you. Little clips. And I want to hear what you think about my songs.

Starting point is 01:38:43 So I'm going to play the first one now. One, two, three. Each ask from me. Which will I spank first? The one for which I thirst? What do you think? That's really beautiful. Thank you. Well, don't, thank you.

Starting point is 01:38:57 And if you love that one, then I guess I just made you a night because I happen to have a few more. Pale blue dot more like a pale white ass. Welcome to my ass class. Here's some grass. Take a seat and let me suck the feet. What do you think? Good.

Starting point is 01:39:14 You really like that one? Yeah. Okay, I'm trying to figure out which one I'm going to print on vinyl. All right, hold on. My name is Goonoo. All right, hold on What do you think stupid What stupid well, I know why you think that because I still have to work on it, but like the, you'll like the brown. It'll be like a Broadway kind of lilt.

Starting point is 01:39:52 It'll be good. It'll be passionate. Thank you so much for listening to those. I'm getting them produced. Well, we have a special podcast for you, my friends, because tonight, as opposed to the usual podcast, and I had one prepared for Aaron with some pretty hard hitting ambush questions that I think are gonna be on in the news tomorrow if I actually did then. But, uh,

Starting point is 01:40:23 Better call your team my team gave me the fucking questions and my private investigator but rather than do that Aaron had the brilliant idea of posting on instagram and seeing what questions some of you had for us tonight which I think is a wonderful change from the usual way that I do podcasts, which is I have a research team and research my guest at a research team research you for a couple of weeks. Then I run that through my AR department. They translate that in an augmented reality flow chart for me, which I look at through Apple's new Vision Pro. Apple Vision Pro, experience the world in a new way.

Starting point is 01:41:10 Apple Vision Pro, it makes an exact replica of the world. In front of your eyes, you will exactly see the world as though you weren't wearing the Vision Pro. You don't wanna be seen not wearing these. They look good. It's a humiliation. They look fucking cool, they look good. And most importantly, you don't wanna to be seen not wearing these. They look good. It's a humiliation. They look fucking cool. They look good. And most importantly, you don't want to look at the world

Starting point is 01:41:30 as is, you want it digitized. Enhanced. I don't even want, I just want the same fucking world but through a screen. All right. So, we did that. Done. Somebody who I think is being paid to get people to talk about the

Starting point is 01:41:47 Apple Vision Pro asked over 700 times for us to talk about it. I hope you're satisfied. Um, first, we need to address the elephant in the room. Okay. Your bald head slash glow up. I did a glow up friends. I got off sugar, got off carbs. I've been hitting the gym pretty hard lately, feeling good, body looking good.

Starting point is 01:42:13 I now know I think it's abs but I can't be certain could be a dream. I'm working very hard at the gym but most importantly I shaved my head because I was going bald. I already mentioned this in an earlier podcast. And you know, you heard the, listen to the last one because I ramble about this for prior. Well, you do, okay. Yeah, but I shaved my fucking head and it feels great.

Starting point is 01:42:36 Good, it looks good. Thank you. I like it. You really mean it? Yeah, I love it. That's all that matters. Well, a lot of people wanted to hear about how we met. Oh my god, so you know, this is one thing that I

Starting point is 01:42:53 Really want people out there to know is I think that like when you're watching Cam girls, there's this idea that you're not gonna actually end up going on a date with them. Come on. I Got three kids. Come on. The city was. The city that night was foggy yet clear. The street lights above me glittered in a way that I'd become accustomed to after feeding. Full of fresh human blood. I wandered down the streets when I smelled an aroma unlike any I'd smelled before. This was the blood of a human.

Starting point is 01:43:33 Yes, but special blood. Duncan's doing sly menace. What's sly menace? Your other personality. Oh, that's what Aaron calls it when I'm being, I'm sorry. It's, I don't do podcasts in the evening. I'm sun-towning. Well, you start the story of Howie Mupp.

Starting point is 01:43:52 Okay, well, you had just moved back. You set the stage a little bit. You had been in New York. I'd been in New York, I was back in LA. Got out of a relationship. Got out of a relationship. Got out of a relationship, got invited to do a comedy show by one of my friends, went to do it, and Erin was there.

Starting point is 01:44:16 And- With mutual friends. With mutual friends, she was not there to see my comedy. Something I will never forgive. And in fact, I don't think she was aware that I existed in the universe. We started talking, she accused me of hitting on one of my friend, a girl. A date.

Starting point is 01:44:39 It wasn't a date. Potential date of, or something. Well, I mean, I don't think you could say it's a date to invite someone to your comedy show. Well, he was trying to hook up with this girl. Okay, well, I wasn't, I was- And you were flirting with her. I was not.

Starting point is 01:44:53 I was not. We were just having a wonderful conversation about how fun it is sometimes to take vacations with people you just met to like cool places. I think, yeah, it was good. I didn't know that you had any kind of recognition. No, I was a good thing. That was nice.

Starting point is 01:45:12 I like that too. I probably wouldn't have been. I would have been scared of you. Because you have some adverse. You you feel uncomfortable at the idea of, I guess, the entertainment. I did, I guess, then a lot more. But we met, we had mutual friends, and then you did a Duncan classic.

Starting point is 01:45:36 Which is what? A quick exit. I did a quick exit. What is it called? They call it a French exit. Yeah, you just like dart out. You just go to like dart out. They call it a Boo Radley. I thought we were vibing a little bit and then you just darted out. there. And you let me walk you to your Uber.

Starting point is 01:46:12 And we kissed. And then you asked if you could kiss me. Yeah, what am I gonna do? Just soon. But you asked so politely and you were such a gentleman about it. Let me put my mouth on yours, baby. Yeah, I know, but you know,

Starting point is 01:46:26 sometimes it just sort of unfolds. It's not always that someone asks. I know, but you don't do that when you just meet somebody. And I mean, that's, I wouldn't. Shut up? I know. No. But yeah, I guess it was a little surprising.

Starting point is 01:46:45 Yeah. But yeah, I guess it was a little surprising. Yeah. And then I think the best part of this story is that you got in the car and neither of us exchanged information. Then unfortunately, I started developing herpes blisters around my mouth. And so I got Aaron's, No.

Starting point is 01:47:07 I'm sorry, Slamminus is here. I've never even had a cold sore. No. So I like that we didn't get each other in the digital age when so much of dating is online. It's like not only did we meet in real life, but we also sort of trusted that the universe would bring us back together.

Starting point is 01:47:33 Yeah, that's how it's supposed to work. I mean, you know, I don't, I am old. And, and, but you know, as old fogies, we never had Tinder. And I'm old fashioned. And you're old fashioned, but like I do think there is something, I think it's great if you've met someone

Starting point is 01:47:50 that you vibe with and love online. That's really. I mean, yeah, it is. It's great if it was. I think if you could not do that though, it's better. Well, I mean, so, everyone's down on chaos. When you hear someone say chaos, and I get it because it sounds like something

Starting point is 01:48:11 like on a heavy metal album or something. But like, you know, my friend was just telling me today that chaos comes from the Greek creation. And that creation is wild and chaotic. And something about the digitization of the, of chaos, you know, the, so instead of it just being wild luck that you run into somebody, it's like, it's luck, but it's also the algorithm and you don't get those pheromones that you don't even know you're getting at first.

Starting point is 01:48:41 You don't get whatever the extra thing is that you get if you go out on the date. But that's I think the problem or maybe online dating is so frustrating for people. Yeah. Because they go on the date and there's not whatever that thing is isn't there. I left the state shortly after that too. So it's like, yeah. Why did you leave the state again? I went home to visit Pam. Oh my God, yes. But so then, and then a lot of people wanted to know what's our age difference. It's interesting about the age difference thing because it stays the same.

Starting point is 01:49:20 I thought when we started dating it would get less. How? How did you think that? Well, I thought I we started dating it would get less. How? How did you think that? Well, I thought I'd stop aging. And wait for you to catch up a little bit, but it didn't work. Yeah. So right now there is a 33 year age difference. No, there's not.

Starting point is 01:49:39 20 years. 20 years, two decades. 20 years, it's pretty, it's, you know, it's pretty heavy. That's a big fucking age difference. Yeah, it's pretty, and I think in some ways, over time it's less important, and other ways it becomes more important, right? And more relevant.

Starting point is 01:50:01 I mean, look. And less relevant. The problem is like you're gonna fight in a marriage, or maybe you don't, because you and your wife like whatever. But most of us do. And you know, if there's some turbulence in the marriage and you have a normal age difference, at least you can't chalk it up to the age difference. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:50:21 You know what I mean? So it adds this extra like it's the age difference. Maybe it's not. Maybe it is. You know what I mean? So it adds this extra, like it's the age difference. Maybe it's not, maybe it is. You know what I mean? It's like a thing you have to find. Yeah, you'll be like, grow up. And I'm like, you're old. This episode of the DTFH is brought to you by BetterHelp and this is probably too much information but me and Aaron did go to relationship counseling and it not only helped, but after we were

Starting point is 01:51:07 done with that, then I started doing it myself and later on you're actually going to hear me ramble about how it changed my life. I don't know if you fall in prey to the Walt Disney propaganda. They make it seem so easy. The credits roll, there's a marriage. The credits roll. Everything's great. Abbey Music is playing. This is everything.

Starting point is 01:51:28 It's not like that. The credits roll and time progresses and you grow apart because that's what happens in existence. Nobody stays the same. We live in a universe of constant change, transformation. And sometimes that transformation doesn't make you easy to live with. And that is where therapy comes in. Therapy can be a place to work through the challenges you face in all of your relationships,

Starting point is 01:51:59 whether with friends, work, your significant other, or anyone. If you're thinking of starting therapy, definitely give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapist anytime for no additional charge. Become your own soulmate, whether you're looking for one or not.

Starting point is 01:52:27 Visit betterhelp.com slash Duncan today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. H-E-L-P.com slash Duncan. At least you can't chalk it up to the age difference. Yeah. You know what I mean? So it adds this extra like it's the age difference. Maybe it's not.

Starting point is 01:53:04 Maybe it is. You know what I mean? It's extra like it's the age difference. Maybe it's not maybe it is You know what I mean? It's like a thing. Yeah, like grow up and I'm like you're old Yeah, that's I think that's a nice way that we fight, but yeah, I don't know. I think What are you gonna do? I mean you can't yeah, you can't really choose these things. I mean, there were a lot of factors. I do think we have like a soul connection and that's real. And also I have some. American citizenship now. Just admit that's why you marry me. She's from Canadian.

Starting point is 01:53:42 Yeah. No. Just admit. You're just confusing everyone. Um with these. Sack toys. You're wrong. You know, the the whole fucking age difference thing. It's like, I can't even say anything in defense of it because I'm the fucking older guy. So the older guy could never be like, you know, sometimes there's a soul connection or it's not like.

Starting point is 01:54:04 Well, yeah, but I'll just say you weren't the first older guy I dated. Yeah, it's not. I had been dating older men for my entire adult life. Yes. And to quote Jeffrey Epstein age is just a number to the, to the god damn it, Alexa. to the to the god damn it Alexa they need to hear this thanks Alexa it's done please never let us have a conversation again Alexa it's Otherwise, I'll remind you every five minutes for the rest of your life. Alexa. No, we can go unplug all the space computers. No. Alexa.

Starting point is 01:54:52 This isn't the mic. Alexa. Oh, because she's muted. Because you hit, you got mad and hit her. I didn't hit her, I muted her. Guys, we, I'm not cutting that out. You should hear that. That's a current problem we're having in the house. And I'm, I can't, You should hear that. That's a current problem. We're having in the house

Starting point is 01:55:10 And I'm I can't I'm pretty much my will has been drained out of me by I At first I got mad now. It's just like yeah, I guess that's just it's a reminder for you to take your old man meds Well, I know I mean that's the other thing and it came at a perfect time It's like now you have to set reminders on the Alexa for your old ass husband to take his diabetes meds. Yeah. So that's real. That's real. That's not something you're necessarily considering when you're 24 and marrying someone.

Starting point is 01:55:37 I did think about maybe like I always have had and had like fear of your death or premature death, but you know the reality that I think a lot of young people don't think about there's a large gulf between I think people just think. You know I'm just gonna do what I want and then I'm just gonna drop dead it's like no there's a large gulf between death and health and life and listen, you know, there's a lot of things that unfold. Just because I prematurely ejaculate doesn't mean I'm gonna die prematurely. You know, they're completely not connected. I read there is a connection.

Starting point is 01:56:16 They just found a link. People who come early die late. That is it. They did do the study at Stanford. Anyway, yeah, I just, that's important, I think, to say, though, that I wasn't like, you weren't the first older guy dated, and I didn't get swept up or something. Let's hear about all the grisly little pieces of shit that came before me. Ah.

Starting point is 01:56:40 Ah. Ah. Doctors and lawyers. Was on some Lana Del Rey vibes. Yeah, she was on the, she was still on the Lana Del Rey. I am, I know. There's like a meme that was like one day or someone who took Lana Del Rey too seriously

Starting point is 01:57:00 and now they're married with three kids to a 50 year old. Is that true? That's a meme, there's like a meme of that. We are a meme. No, it's not a, it's just- I mean, but that is us. I know. We're such an archetype that a meme exists for us.

Starting point is 01:57:13 Yeah. You know, it's true. And it's like, I mean, the problem is, is like, I obviously get the winning end of the stick here. Yeah. I get the winning end of the stick here. Yeah. I get the winning end too. How so? I married an awesome provider.

Starting point is 01:57:31 Give, gives me everything. And I married him. And I don't have to work. I mean, I feel like I do work, but I don't have to, you know, clock in. But the odds are you're gonna have to bury me Yeah, you're gonna have to dispose of my corpse. I don't know. I'm probably gonna dispose of it What are you gonna do with it put it in a locket? That's gonna be a big fucking lock. It's called a sarcophagus. Not all of it. My god. We you know what I give up

Starting point is 01:58:01 There's no possibility of any kind of respite from, I mean, there's no way to, you know what? It's on airplane mode, it's fine. Just let it roll. Fuck it, we'll do it live. Fuck it. You know when I first bought the iPhone, I didn't know you could turn it off?

Starting point is 01:58:16 And like, I was complaining. You still don't know that. I was complaining to a friend, because it was ringing. I'm like, this is the one thing I don't like about it, because it just rings. And they're like, you can mute it. The look on their face was of such shock.

Starting point is 01:58:28 You're not, I mean, it's so funny, because you found success with technology, but you're not, it's definitely not something that comes naturally to you. New. I mean, no. Especially in your ketamine days, it was like. Oh God, ketamine and technology do not mix. It's so weird. There's a direct I mean, I when I was

Starting point is 01:58:48 like, binging on fucking ketamine, I really entertained the idea that it was warping time space in a way that was making technology mess up. It's just like, no, you're motor skills are affected. You're high. You're fine motor skills aren't working. You're fucking hot. You're on a disassociative anesthetic hippie. The universe isn't warping. Wanting you to get off technology. Or warping around your computer

Starting point is 01:59:12 so that you don't know how to plug in a fucking cable. Pretty sure that the universe isn't warping your fucking headphone cables. Pretty sure, like you have to bet. But yeah, you know, the older I get, though, it's weird like the less I feel the pull of online, like it's I feel yeah, I'm still I'm a millennial. So like, I think I feel it still but definitely less as I get older.

Starting point is 01:59:41 I wonder like if that's a yeah, how many people are feeling that like I just do it's not grabbing me anymore like it used to you know. Yeah. What else you got in there? Um, a lot of people wanted to hear about our pet like parenting, parenting stuff. Okay. Let's start with, but then a lot of people wanted some advice about newborns.

Starting point is 02:00:09 I mean you take the parenting I'll take the newborn advice. What's your newborn advice? Newborn advice? Well when you- Can't wait to hear this. So what you do why are you- oh so I guess I don't know about newborns. That's with the laughter. Why are you, oh, so I guess I don't know about newborns. That's with the laughter. So you take, you take, take butcher paper.

Starting point is 02:00:33 You place the newborn on the butcher paper and within 30 minutes of birth, you need to powder the baby down with, well, it depends on what you're like, flour or sugar, like what they use to make beignets. I'm not, this isn't a cannibal joke. Sugar up your newborn. It's really sugar up the newborn. Quick bath, take that water and put it in a jug, store it, and that water, when you're newborn gets sick as an adult, will heal that baby.

Starting point is 02:01:11 Everyone's in a cord blood. I think that newborn, okay, newborn advice. I think divide and conquer with a newborn. One of you sleeps while the other cares for the baby. There's just no point in having two people tired. I know like dads want to stay up with mom in solidarity, but I think, I think that it's best if one can go. I remember with forest, you like to stay up late.

Starting point is 02:01:45 So, um, I would go to bed at like seven or eight o'clock, right? And you would stay up with him, give him pumped milk. My little boy until I, until you were going to go down for the night, which at the time was extremely late. Correct. And then I would take over from there. That's right. Stuff like that.

Starting point is 02:02:09 Yeah, that's what we did. Because we were pretty wrecked when we were both trying to do it all the time. I mean, you know, in any- Now I'm a pro and I don't need no help. And this applies not just to newborns, this applies to every fucking thing. It's like, you do not want to both go crazy simultaneously.

Starting point is 02:02:25 You want one to go crazy and then you go crazy and they go crazy. If you go crazy together, it's fucked. And sleep deprivation, all that stuff. It's like you gotta find a way to find some balance. And stay the fucking bed if you're a woman that just had a baby. Oh my God, you guys are making big mistakes.

Starting point is 02:02:48 Talk about the 30 days. Talk about the thing you did. I don't like to talk about it too much because what I did was so privileged and I recognize that not all women can do that. But I do see a lot of women who can rest more than they are and they're just way too active after having a baby and as much as you can rest and stay down, stay horizontal, literally

Starting point is 02:03:14 horizontal so your organs can go where they need to go and your pelvic floor can heal. That's what you should be doing and if you even want to think about getting in the gym or doing anything you need to go check out, my friend, Lindsey has this whole thing called birth fit where they can help you figure that out in a way that's not going to destroy your body in 15 years. You know, here's the thing. I feel like a lot of, there is a weird sentiment,

Starting point is 02:03:49 definitely industrial revolution propaganda, that you need to be out there working. You need to get back on your feet, yeah. But it's like, you know, for guys, it's like, just imagine a 10 pound, nine pound baby comes out. Not everyone's making them that big. Like we are, but. Let's do, you know what?

Starting point is 02:04:09 Let's do seven pound. Yeah. Let's, and I'm not going to say baby, a seven pound turd shaped like a baby with, but inside of it is, is bones comes out of your asshole. Are you going to go work out next week? No, I'm not. Is it like, are your friends? You guys are gonna be on disability

Starting point is 02:04:29 for the rest of your life. You're, pfft, yes. That's what I'm saying. Like you're, you're, you're, it's incredibly traumatic for the baby and the mom. Yeah, and we need to honor that period. Yeah, and it's just, it's like, we're in such a fucking no pun intended, tight ass culture. Slammin is here. Uh, that like even saying obvious

Starting point is 02:04:55 shit that isn't virtue signaling, like probably if you have a massive uterine wound. Your vagina has been stretched, potentially torn and stitched up. Maybe you have a C-section. A thing that's been living in you for almost a year is now outside of you. Your brain is flooded with crazy primordial hormones. She heard us talking about her. We're going to take a pause while we go and put our Gary Williams silencing pod over the baby. It's incredible. Brought to you by Apple Vision Pro. You get an Apple Vision Pro right now. Use offer code DTFH and you will get a free silencing pod for your infant. And also while Erin's going upstairs, let me just talk about something

Starting point is 02:05:53 that I'm now selling on the website. The problem is when you get the water, the sugar water off the baby, if you store that in plastic, it'll get plastic particles, micro particles in the sugar water that you're sick child or potentially adult. I'm back. Aaron's back. So let's talk about our parenting style. That was like, it's so funny, the stuff that I thought no one would wanna hear about.

Starting point is 02:06:27 Well, I mean, you are picking out certain ones. There's other. No, but there was so many. There's lots of these. Parenting requests. So I think this is interesting because we're not really, I wouldn't call us gentle parents. I think it's a mix. And I wouldn't call us, you know, hard ass parents. We're pragmatic parents.

Starting point is 02:06:50 I don't, you know, I truly like, I mean, we do some of the gentle parenting stuff, but we also, you know, first of all, before even talk about parenting styles, you have to, it's probably an obvious point. Every kid is different. You know what I mean? So like, you have to parent the child you have. Yeah. That's what an obvious point. Every kid is different. You know what I mean? So like- You have to parent the child you have.

Starting point is 02:07:07 Yeah, that's what I always say. And- No, you don't. But truly, like, these are souls and they've got their own personalities pretty much right out the gate. And so to think that one parenting style is gonna work for all children or for even each child in your family, you know, is- to think that some that one parenting style is gonna work. Yeah, that's fair.

Starting point is 02:07:25 For all children or for even each child in your family, you know, is. I think we have some expectations though, that we, for all of our children that are like relatively unilateral. Oh yeah, absolutely. Yeah, you can't have different rules for the kids. I'll be fucked up.

Starting point is 02:07:42 That'd be, we should tell them that. Mm-hmm. That's terrible. No, I mean, like, it's, it really, it really feels like a kind of ride the wave situation where you don't know what's gonna emerge next. But to me, like one thing for sure that you're I have to remind myself of is these are going to be adults. I know. And like they like to function in the world. You can't like, you know, you can't think that like screaming at someone.

Starting point is 02:08:14 No screaming at them. To bring you a piece of chocolate is gonna get you like friends. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, screaming at us, disrespect, just being disrespectful overall. And the thing behind that.

Starting point is 02:08:28 We're not down with that. We're pretty old school about that. Yeah, because, I mean, theoretically as a parent, I mean, you're getting the kid ready to be in the world on their own, and I don't mean like moving on, I mean at school or wherever. And Jesus God, you really want your kid to think like screaming at people for candy is a viable option when it comes to getting what you want.

Starting point is 02:08:56 Yeah, yeah. No. Totally. And so you have to ask yourself that. But then also, you know, one thing you taught me is like, you don't, sometimes you might tell them not to do something for no reason. That's an easy trap to fall into. Oh yeah, you have to pick your battles.

Starting point is 02:09:15 And sometimes you're like, do I need to die on this hill right now? Like is this really that important? Why am I fighting this point so hard? Why don't I want them to have like an apple in the bathtub? I know why I don't want them to have a fucking apple because it's a fucking mess. There's pieces of apple all in my bathtub

Starting point is 02:09:36 going down my drain. And it's gonna be a fucking plumber bill. You know what, after the last like bathtub fruit party you threw or whatever happened, they both have learned like when they ate Didn't I just cleaned up a shit ton of banana out of the bath I was about to say you had a banana fruit party with them this week I feel like the banana experiment won't fine. No, I mean, you know one thing you did this time fine and like Until you see him dip it in the tub and then eat it.

Starting point is 02:10:05 And you're like, well, what am I going to do? I mean, they just drink. It's a mess. First of all, never eat it. The idea of eating a banana that I just dipped in water in general is like that. I told them no more fruit baths because they abused that privilege and they lost it.

Starting point is 02:10:24 It's really fun to watch them eat fruit in the bathtub. I don't know why it's fucking cool. And they love it. It's just when they start dipping the fruit in the water, like it's chocolate. No, I just complained that was like a huge mess. So that explains what happened. You know, one of...

Starting point is 02:10:39 I mean, I would say we're gentle in that we don't hit them ever. Do any pointed at the drain when I was in there doing the banana party and said, I ruined it. I'm like, what? He's like, I think he said he ruined it with peaches. Yeah. So that was what you gave them. Yeah, because they had peaches and then I let them have fruit

Starting point is 02:11:01 cups and they shredded them up like it was a huge unbelievable. And you told doing that, you said so. I was like, you're gonna ruin the plumbing. And so he thought you meant it and so I had to tell him you didn't ruin it, you just made a mess. That's not necessarily true. We may be having a catastrophic pipe failure at some point.

Starting point is 02:11:22 The plumber's gonna be like, have you been giving fruit baths to your kids? You shouldn't do that. Millions of dollars a year. We don't hit them. Obviously. That's not that, I mean, some people do. Who the fuck still eats their fucking kid?

Starting point is 02:11:36 Some people spank. Well, that's fucked. But you know, and we try not to yell, but I can't say that we don't yell. Oh my God, it's like. Cause it's, we try, but it's not our philosophy isn not to yell, but I can't say that we don't yell. Oh my God, it's like- Cause it's, we try, but it's not our philosophy isn't to yell. Like we yelled our kids, it's just that, you know- But you're gonna, and here's the thing.

Starting point is 02:11:57 You will not be a perfect parent and you're, and they're watching everything you do. So like one thing I try to do is be honest with them. Like if I've lost my temper. We apologize to them. And I explained to them, you know, I lost my temper. I'm sorry I raised my voice. And when I apologize, I don't say,

Starting point is 02:12:17 you were just making me so mad. Or you, because you did this, I screamed. I just own it in the moment. Yeah, I mean Right, that's the other thing you can't weasel out of it and say look I'm so sorry I yelled at you, but it was your fucking fault I mean and I've lost I I'm not gonna go into details out of respect for their privacy, but I You know one of our children had been really really misbehaving and I reacted in it completely inappropriate, yelling way.

Starting point is 02:12:54 And because of that, I didn't even really get to discipline my child who needed it needed, consequence needed probably to be put on some kind of restriction or punish because I handled it so poorly that I had to make all the focus on repair and apology and him knowing that I was so wrong. And so I lost in that, you know, that's a funny thing. Not lost, like it's not about winning or losing.

Starting point is 02:13:24 You shouldn't be, I lost the chance to even parent my kid because I fucked up so bad. Well, because the thing is like, yes, the things you say to them, the obvious rules, don't go in the fire, don't go in the medicine cabinets, don't go under the sink, don't eat. Don't spit in the medicine cabinets. Don't go under the sink. Don't eat dirt. Don't spit in her face. Don't spit in a newborn's face.

Starting point is 02:13:50 Like these obvious things, like yeah, they're gonna remember that, but you're also teaching them this is what conflict looks like. Yeah. And you're teaching them conflict means yelling or conflict means you- Losing control. Or if you lose control, never apologize,

Starting point is 02:14:09 always make yourself the victim, then that's what you're really teaching them. And so learning how to maintain a calm exterior even though you're tired or you're like- It's really hard. It's ridiculous. Especially when no one modeled it for you. Right, so you have to, it's a process.

Starting point is 02:14:31 That's why the first kid gets the brunt of like, you are like brand new parents. Oh yeah. You haven't been to therapy yet. You haven't, you know what I mean? And they bear the brunt of like that. And then by the time it gets to the baby It's like, you know, you've like gone through

Starting point is 02:14:49 Years and they well, yeah, the first kid gets beta. Yeah, the beta version beta version. Yeah But um, I mean I think the third kid gets like the premiere update where everyone's like holy shit Like we thought we thought this was a horrible game, but they fixed it. Yeah. I mean, and I would say though, we're a little traditional that we do send them to their rooms sometimes.

Starting point is 02:15:18 And that is very controversial. I was surprised to hear that. Oh, that is considered abuse. To send your child to their room. Not actually, though. Literally, they're like. By who? Just these parenting TikTok, for sure.

Starting point is 02:15:35 Well, it's not like we've even. Parenting TikTok is like. Okay, first of all, you have to say how. Get on eye level. On average. I see that you're screaming at me and that you hit me in the face. That's, you seem really upset.

Starting point is 02:15:48 And by the way, no one does that in adult life. No one has ever said to me and it would fucking piss me off. If I'm in an argument with someone and someone goes, I see that you're upset right now. And the reason right now that I'm acting like this is because I feel like you shouldn't have stomped on my foot after you had three shots of tequila. You know what I mean? Like, where does that even, that doesn't even look like conflict. That doesn't look real. That's not real. Yeah. And you can do that. You can, by the way, the, we send,

Starting point is 02:16:27 if a kid goes to the room, usually it's not, it's the stairs. Oh, the stairs is more the time out spot. The room is more like, I'll say, I need you to go take a break in your room. And how long are those breaks?

Starting point is 02:16:40 Usually, on average. Top would be five. Top five minutes. Five top five minutes. Ten is rare, but then for an atrocity. But like what still it's more like. We try not to do it super punitive, but sometimes it ends up being that way because it's a stressful moment. But generally it's like go take a break and it doesn't even happen or even all go go to go take a one-minute break on the stairs.

Starting point is 02:17:07 It doesn't even happen that often. Often enough it's a regular practice. You know the often enough not like every day, but you know often enough. But I think that like you know like in the in the unfortunately, there's consequence. It's real. Including people's authentic reactions to your behavior. Yes, that's just how it is. And there's no way around that yet.

Starting point is 02:17:37 But with the new Apple Vision Pro, it eliminates consequence from your life. Did you know that? Yeah, it has a parenting app. So let's say that you do, I don't know, you run into somebody's car because you're in a hurry, right? They get out screaming at you. It converts their anger into them saying really sweet things about you, like positive affirmations. Yeah, you don't even hear whatever they're actually saying. Yeah. So we're incredible. So yeah, but I'm not putting that on my kid. So, but also the point, it's bad joke.

Starting point is 02:18:05 The point is you, I feel like as a parent, to the best of your ability, you're giving them all these tools for this insane world they're gonna be in. You're showing them, yeah, there's consequences and you're giving them like a, like an, it's kind of imaginary. It's like, it's your room. It's awesome.

Starting point is 02:18:24 There's a bed and books and stuff, like an imaginary, it's kind of imaginary. It's like, it's your room. It's awesome. There's a bed and books and stuff, but because it's a shift from whatever the pattern is, it feels punitive to them enough that they remember, oh, if I spit in an infant's face, if I spit in an infant's face or if I, whatever the thing is, did something not fun will happen.

Starting point is 02:18:48 And with many, many, many warnings are given with us before it's like, okay. Aaron says you're going to get canceled and then they go to their room for a minute. I say we do say that you're canceled. We say that really is controversial. We probably shouldn't say that you're canceled. We say that probably is controversial. We probably shouldn't say that. I'll be like, you're canceled. And then do it. First mommy said I'm canceled.

Starting point is 02:19:18 Uh, but you know, look, we're just, you know, we're Southern and we were raised in the South and we're just, you don't, there's and we were raised in the South and we're just, you don't, there's a way you speak to adults and there's a way you don't speak to adults. They will be polite, like they will be respectful. Yeah. We're not yes ma'am, no sir, like. None of that bullshit.

Starting point is 02:19:37 We're not that level, but sometimes I do say, I do, they'll say, I'll be like, yes mom. But we're lucky. And they'll say yes mom. We yes, mom. But we're lucky. They'll say, yes, mom. We have a housekeeper, we're lucky. We have, we also have a nanny. And a nanny. And we have a lot of support.

Starting point is 02:19:53 I just, I'm so sorry to cut you off. I have to say one thing though, the TikTok parenting, I do have a theory about it. And I, a lot of this, this parenting, I have to say, it seems like it's geared more toward people who have one child, maybe two children in a large family. This shit is not going to work all the time. I don't have time to sports cast every feeling

Starting point is 02:20:19 my children are having when there's three of them and there's one of me. Also, it didn't work. We tried it. Oh, we did, yeah's one of me. It didn't work. We tried it. Oh, we did, yeah. We tried it and it doesn't work. The results of that are minimal in my experience. You feel like a fraud when you're doing it.

Starting point is 02:20:39 You feel like, oh great, I'm participating in some experiment, a kind of fashion trend in parenting or something, versus like, you know, a general sort of like in the animal kingdom as a whole, there's this like important job, which is you have to like be honest with yourself about what's working, what's not working, what's too much, what's not enough. And give it a shot, try it out. If you have a kid and getting down to eye contact and saying, I know that you wanted to set the poodle on fire.

Starting point is 02:21:18 No one did that. I know no one did that, but I'm trying to think of an extreme example. I know, I just don't want anyone to. That never happened. And that works, that's great. You, and that works. That's great. You found something that works. Or if you find some hybrid that works or whatever, I mean, it's, that's the thing.

Starting point is 02:21:31 There's no, I'd say we're hybrid, but yeah, it's a, it's a, what did we take? What did work? What did we take away? We took the screens away. We, um, and, and this was another observation that actually changed my life a little bit, which is we realized like, and I don't know, man, I don't even know why I thought this was a good idea. Cause we all know by now PS five, you're talking about it's a dopamine milk or it's a drug in the future. It'll be looked at as a drug right now. We think as

Starting point is 02:22:01 you eat it with your eyes and ears and it's not a drug. It's a drug. And so essentially, like, I guess I'm like some guy in the 1800s who's like, try some opium, Bubba, makes daddy relax. And then, yeah. And so what happens is like, they, I really don't feel like it's their fault. This fuckingamine machine is like suddenly giving them the dopamine that they would have to acquire through Playing or doing make-believe or running and now it just gives it to you You sit on the couch and you turn it on and beautiful colors appear and you know, so it also the stuff They were watching was terrible. It was like scene change, scene change, scene change, scene change, scene change, colors, colors,

Starting point is 02:22:49 scene change, scene change, YouTube, change it. Can't even commit to one fucking three minute YouTube video. Let's watch the next one. Yeah, kind of like TikTok. Yeah, I don't want them to be afflicted the way I am. Also I'm an adult. But this is the, you might not want a minute. Here's my, I'm't want them to be afflicted the way I am. But you but also I'm an adult. But this is the you might not want to admit it.

Starting point is 02:23:07 Here's my I'm going to make an admission. So during that time, I was playing, I was addicted to video games. And I remember we were talking about that's your admission. No, wait, I remember we were talking about how it seems like it's making forest irritable. And then I realized like, oh my God, it's making me irritable. I like that when I'm like, I dig to do a video game. It's the worst.

Starting point is 02:23:29 I get really fucking irritable and crabby. Stay up all night. Stay up all night, I get sleep deprivation. And it like degrades my life in this like, way that- I'm horrible. It's horrible. You wanna work less?

Starting point is 02:23:42 I don't wanna work, I just, I do wanna work, I to work in cyberpunk. I want to work on doing jobs for my various bosses, but I don't want to work in this world. So yeah, we, um, we, I realized, oh, shit, obviously. I mean, this is a funny thing, by the way, with adults and kids. Kids are human. If something is fucking a kid up, it's fucking you up too.

Starting point is 02:24:13 Yeah, and vice versa. We act like it only fucks kids up, it only fucks kids up to eat a lot of candy. It only, you know, when kids- It wasn't just the video games. It was all- The screens. Well, they didn't, they didn't have, they don't have, they've never been iPad kids, but just the TV was enough to fuck them up.

Starting point is 02:24:34 And I don't know when we're going to go back. I'm not, I think we're going to let one of them watch the Super Bowl with us, but. And let me just, we have to put this in here. By the way, we have help. this in here. We have help. We have an idea. Yeah, we have help. So we're not shaming the iPad parents out there.

Starting point is 02:24:48 It's like, you know what? You gotta do what you gotta do. But I have to say this, I will say this. And I've, you know, I've spent many days with no help, like when you're on the road and stuff since the screen time has been gone. And it's easier, it's actually easier to have no screen time than to do some and be trying to moderate it.

Starting point is 02:25:11 100% same. It's so much, they don't ask for it anymore. Yeah. And we just, and they play it alone more. So it actually is easier on me when I am alone. If you're gone, if I don't have help or whatever, it's actually easier now with no screens because they are playing deeply alone.

Starting point is 02:25:30 They don't bother me because before it's like, can I, when can I have it? When can I have it? When can I have it? Yeah, it's fucked. They don't do that anymore. It's a drug. So I think we've decided though, if we bring it back, it'll be on weekends.

Starting point is 02:25:43 Yeah, and like special occasions. But like I'm so happy without it. Like we're letting the oldest stay up late to watch the Super Bowl on Sunday which is gonna blow his mind. Yeah. But you know, yeah, I think what I don't know who said this but like there's some quote that's like, you know, your kids raise you. And you really do. A family raises each other. A family raises each other. And like one thing I've learned,

Starting point is 02:26:12 it seems so obvious as like, man, if I'm worried that something is like, not great for the kids, or if the kids need more of something, vitamins, food. You need it. That means you do too probably. That you're also falling victim to it in a different way.

Starting point is 02:26:28 I love this question, because it's really funny. Someone said, how do you get centered in the morning with three kids? Ha, ha, ha. We don't. Well, I do. Lately, you know what I mean? Lately, okay, let's just speak over all the-

Starting point is 02:26:43 No, but it's hilarious. We, let's be, no, come on, let's. Let's just speak over all though. No, but it's hilarious. I we Let's be no come on. Let's be real wait. I'm gonna get morning. I'm gonna get real we the mornings are really hard If I can get my ass up At like 6 30 that's that's the ideal time because the kids get up at 7 and So the kids come downstairs at 7 but if I get up there seven. But if I get up, they're up before seven. If I get up in my room, that's right. They go to airs room and and read books. Yeah. But like, I can like, maybe pull off like meditating for a few minutes

Starting point is 02:27:19 before this maelstrom. It helps, yeah. Comes thumping down the stairs. Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub. Ah! They jump on these, what do they call it, vapor? What are the things they ride around the house called? Oh, they're plasma cars? They hop on plasma cars at 7 a.m. Sounds like a thunderstorm.

Starting point is 02:27:41 A thunderstorm and they scream up and down the halls. Woo! Woo, woo, woo! It's 7 a.m. They're going up and down the hall. Woo, woo, woo, it's 7 a.m. They're going full speed down the hall and plasma fics. And it's, oh my God, what's so cool about having kids within the same age is listening to their conversations.

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Starting point is 02:32:05 I don't, you don't, I know you have a, when you're doing your practice, you feel good, but like that hasn't been most of the time. You haven't been able to pull that off. Oh, I fell asleep at three playing Diablo four. Yeah. And there's a fucking plasma bike slamming into my fucking door.

Starting point is 02:32:22 Yeah, no, it's not like I come out like an angelic form. You're like, birds are singing around you. It's tough. And I think we've had some of our, a lot of arguments between us have spawned in the mornings. But we caught that. We realized that. Well, we figured out.

Starting point is 02:32:41 We just basically need to like avoid each other in the mornings or like if we're not in a good mood or just, or you know, like- That's it. It was a bad pattern of like having it out in the morning because we're just, you know- Tired.

Starting point is 02:32:56 Tired, grumpy, whatever. You know, I mean, I can't even get to my, I can't even have a coffee until like an hour into taking care of the kids. And like when I'm getting my coffee, someone's gonna be having a fucking thing to say about it. Cause like the second I stop serving them to serve myself to make myself a coffee, the requests like are gonna come in.

Starting point is 02:33:24 Or just not not just general. I need water. I need water. Yeah. I want more. I want more after I've like, you know, waitress style served. I mean, it's a three children or this is a really fun toddler trick. So what do you want for breakfast?

Starting point is 02:33:40 Oatmeal. Great. Finish the oatmeal. I wanted a bagel. Yeah. You know, they said it or pancake. So then you're like, well, you said oatmeal. for breakfast oatmeal great finish the oatmeal I wanted a bagel yeah you know they said it or pancake so then you're like well you said oatmeal that doesn't that toddler is not gonna be like oh right I forgot I said that I'm so sorry thank you so much the thing they'll do with me like when you're on the road and

Starting point is 02:34:00 I want to make them a nice like breakfast I know they'll love. I'll be like, I'll make you waffles, right? Cause we have a waffle maker. I want pancakes. I'm like, it's the same. We use the same like keto, woke ass mix or whatever. Like it's the same shit. Or sometimes when they're like, I don't want the, I don't, they don't want the pattern of waffles.

Starting point is 02:34:22 Sometimes the butler comes in, Grayson. And no, and they're like, they, but they, Philip is our weekend butler. They like Philip more than Grayson. And I think Grayson's great. He loves the kids. Grayson will come in and they'll be like, I want Philip. Phillips the weekend butler. Okay.

Starting point is 02:34:41 Um, we don't, I wish we had a butler. All right. Yeah, we don't have a butler. Okay, I Wish we did I'll just edit it out if you don't want people to know we have two butlers. I mean Brother husbands Okay Someone can't believe you fucked up. Someone... Someone said... Someone said...

Starting point is 02:35:12 Oh, I like this question. This one's more... You can see what you... You blame it on Ambien when you fuck the butler. You know that, right? Like, I know that you aren't drugged. I know you aren't on an amp, whatever you said. It was a bill if I Anyway, go ahead so

Starting point is 02:35:29 someone said What's life like with three? What was the hardest skip the breeder questions? It was all breeder question. Are you kidding me? Yeah, all right. Let's do it. It was all breeder questions. God great What was the hardest adjustment? 0 to 1, 1 to 2, or 2 to 3? For me? For you. The hardest adjustment was getting used to the sudden preponderance of UAPs.

Starting point is 02:35:58 Come on. If you have to answer. I'll just answer. What is the question for me? I Was definitely going from one to two which surprised me One to two was definitely the hardest Everything else has been what do you think for you? It's always zero to one, huh? I'll tell you What I don't know because like now that we have AI

Starting point is 02:36:24 The emergence of a super advanced AI I don't know because like now that we have AI, the emergence of a super advanced AI, it which helps in our parenting, it's really hard to say, I didn't have it. Apple Vision Pro. Incredible deal, Aaron is sponsored by Apple Vision Pro. Okay, you didn't like that question. You're such a weirdo. How do we stay married then? That weirdo. How do we stay married then?

Starting point is 02:36:47 That was one. How do we stay married? I mean, what are you gonna do? It's a choice. It's a fucking choice. Every day. But you have to recognize it's a choice. Every day it's a choice.

Starting point is 02:37:00 That's the truth. Marriage is an agreement to stay together. It's a choice for sure, but it's also a choice to like betray your friends. It's a, you know what I mean? You could, at any moment you want to do like, like betray your friends, betray your community. You could at any moment, it's a choice to like fuck your life up or it's a choice to like, you know, I don't know. Some marriages definitely need to end.

Starting point is 02:37:28 Definitely. Some there's, but, you know, some, I don't know. I, I've noticed that all the horrible fights we've had and all the disagreements and all of the darkness that emerges, if you can stick it out and remember, like it's, there's a if you can stick it out and remember, there's a good reason to stick it out, statistically, for your kids, statistically.

Starting point is 02:37:51 Well, I'm still in love with you, so that's for me, I think, likewise. I mean, yeah. When things have been really hard and really bad and we, not that long ago, had a pretty nasty fight. Yeah. And, but I think when I really dug down deep even recently, I realized I still, I just had so much affection for you.

Starting point is 02:38:18 How deep did you have to dig down? Not that deep actually. Well how deep? Like, I don't know, let's just use like feet. Maybe like three feet. Geez, that's pretty deep. Well I was really mad. Well look.

Starting point is 02:38:36 But I, you know, I, yeah it's still, we've almost been married six years. We're coming up on six years. Jesus Christ. Yeah, and I still just, you know. You're gonna be 30 next year. I'm 30 now. What? I'm 30. What?

Starting point is 02:38:54 I'm 30. I'm gonna pause this for a second, hang on. You're 30? 30. You know, like the thing I've been thinking about lately is this idea of the clasias, which are, it's called, it means obscuration. The idea being that all the ruddy, unsavory, embarrassing, or even like hidden parts of yourself that you're having problems with, are obscuring what you are,

Starting point is 02:39:25 which is perfect and enlightened. And I think, you know, in a marriage, there's a similar thing that is like, sometimes the disagreements, the big ones and the petty ones and the ones related to your parents or whatever the fuck or your past relationships, like whatever it is,

Starting point is 02:39:48 can get really loud in your own mind when you're by yourself. And if you don't find a way to listen underneath that, if you love someone and are in love with them, you'll hear that underneath. That ties in to someone asked, do you ever have times where it feels like the love has dissipated? Yeah, sure, why not?

Starting point is 02:40:12 Of course. It gets obscured. Of course. I think to me, the better word for it is obscured. If I'm ruminating over some shitty thing, I think Erin did, or being annoyed with her or being annoyed with myself or Anything like that and that's where my mind is gonna be, you know, that's just where it's gonna be and then it's easy to forget Householding is just stressful. Yeah

Starting point is 02:40:37 Sometimes Grayson comes over and he doesn't take his shoes off when he comes into the guard gate We just had this amazing carpet put in there, nanotubes. But the point is, you have to, as above so below, whatever mood you're in, isn't gonna last. You have to remember that. If you're feeling some certain way, whatever it may be, it's not going to last. So you need to kind of be patient and trust that the, probably whatever it is that you,

Starting point is 02:41:14 the intensity of what you're feeling will at least shift a little bit. And then for some people, there isn't, nothing's being obscured because there's nothing there. It's dead. It's a dead fucking, nothing's being obscured because there's nothing there. It's dead. It's a dead fucking, it's a dead, sad, dead creature that you're trying to reanimate or blow life into

Starting point is 02:41:35 or do CPR on. Disgusting. It's like going into a morgue and trying to bring back to life a fucking corpse that you pulled out of a freezer. Don't waste your time. You have to be honest about that too. What's your? Don't be a necrophile.

Starting point is 02:41:52 What's our favorite things about each other? Oh, God, you're really picking that? Come on, no, come on. That's a, you know what that feels like to me? What? A TikTok challenge. No. I don't wanna to do that.

Starting point is 02:42:05 That's so, God, fuck that, fuck. I'll say I'll start. Come on, then come on, man. I'll start. Don't. Yeah. Go ahead. OK.

Starting point is 02:42:21 I love the twinkle you get in your eye. Thank you. When you're all fired up. Thank you. I didn't even know I twinked. It was shining last night. Oh, that's great. So brightly, and it just made me swoon. I love that.

Starting point is 02:42:38 Thank you, darling. I love your love of life. Thank you. And your spiritual counseling. Thank you darling. I truly do feel like you are the spiritual leader of the family and I would be totally lost without it. Thank you darling, that's very sweet.

Starting point is 02:43:04 Thank you. Yeah, and you without it. Thank you darling, that's very sweet. Thank you. Yeah, and you look good. Thank you. Yeah, Aaron, I love your tits. I had to say it. I didn't want to say it. I am a spit take. I am a spit take.

Starting point is 02:43:26 I am a spit take. I am a spit take. I am a spit take. I am a spit take. Oh my god. I am a spit take. I am a spit take. I am a spit take.

Starting point is 02:43:34 I am a spit take. I am a spit take. I am a spit take. I am a spit take. I am a spit take. I am a spit take. I am a spit take. I am a spit take.

Starting point is 02:43:42 I am a spit take. I am a spit take. I am a spit take. I am a spit take. I am a spit take. I am a spit take. No. No, seriously. Oopsie. Hold on. You did not write a poem. I did write a poem for you. No, you did not. Yes, I did. You wanna hear it?

Starting point is 02:43:54 I'll read it on the podcast. No, you didn't. I did. Listen. And just let me read it. Please don't make fun of me. You can all be sick and throw up. I don't care When you were old and gray and full of sleep and nodding by the fire take down this book and slowly read and dream of the soft look your eyes had once and other shadows deep. How many loved your moments of glad grace and loved your beauty with love false or true, but one man loved the pilgrim soul in you and loved the sorrows of your changing face.

Starting point is 02:44:36 And bending down beside the glowing bars murmur a little sadly how love fled and paced upon the mountains overhead and hid his face amid of crowd of stars and then buried his face in your beautiful tits. Wonderful. I don't think you wrote that. I did write that. But it's very beautiful. I wrote that. Guys, look me up.

Starting point is 02:45:01 I'm going to admit it now. My pseudo-nem for poetry is William Butler Yates and You can find a lot of my poetry online That's the pseudonym I've been using for about for a while Aaron I love you so much. I just think you're brilliant beautiful and Powerful and just the most incredible mom I've ever seen in my life and just the most incredible mom I've ever seen in my life. And just truly, like, I've never met anyone like you in my life. And I've met many, many people that I would consider far outside of default reality.

Starting point is 02:45:34 And you are just, I've never encountered such a unique being. Thanks, babe. I like this one. Kids and psychedelics. I like this one. Kids and psychedelics. How will we talk to our kids about psychedelics? Okay. I have an answer, you have an answer. I wonder if it'll be the same.

Starting point is 02:45:58 You start. Okay, I'll just go into like the short of it and then you can go into like the longer of it. I mean, for me, I'm going to recommend that they delay their use of psychedelics. I waited until I was in my 20s. At least until the Grateful Dead starts, has a good tour coming in.

Starting point is 02:46:20 It was incredible, wonderful, magical, perfect. I've never had a bad experience with a psychedelic. Yes, that's to me really weird. I've had challenging moments, but just great. I've had only great experiences, safe, lovely, wonderful experiences. And I think because I used them with such caution and reverence and, but not just reverence and like,

Starting point is 02:46:51 ugh, this is another topic, but I don't think you need to do, you don't need to be like trying to do work to do psychedelics, take psychedelics to have fun, take them for hedonism, that's awesome. You don't need to be, we don't need to be higher. Correct. Like, you know what I'm trying to say.

Starting point is 02:47:08 Yeah, totally. They don't have to be medicinal. This is what you're going to say to them. Yeah. Is that that? Yeah. I don't want to be all, yeah, I don't want to be a fucking wet blanket. And be like, these are medicines.

Starting point is 02:47:21 Do you want to know what I'm going to say? Medicines. You know what I'm going to say? But I will tell them to wait till their brains are developed. And the trustal methods need be applied. I'm gonna say, I'll probably start a fire.

Starting point is 02:47:42 And I'm gonna say, Come here boy. No, I'm gonna say come here boy no I'm gonna say one one pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small and the ones that mother gives you don't do anything at all go ask Alice whoa she's ten feet tall. That's groovy. And if you go chasing rabbits and you know you're going to fall, tell Marhuka. The smoking caterpillar has given you the call. Come on, people want to know what you say.

Starting point is 02:48:18 He called Alice when she was just small. People want to know. One, two, one, just one. People wanna know. One, then I'm just one. Get up and down here. I'm gonna be like, kid A, who's your fucking dealer? Yeah. Where are you getting this shit from? You gotta talk about fentanyl.

Starting point is 02:48:34 I'm gonna be like, my friend, what are you taking? You do understand that you're not, you better not be doing any fucking white powders. You know the chocolate chip cookie effect? You don't even have the grain of fentanyl in there, Bubba. And then I'm gonna, probably have them drive me to the dealer, meet the dealer, check out whatever the fucking supply is.

Starting point is 02:48:56 Like if they're selling some bullshit dark web. I don't think that's what's gonna, I don't think. You know, what do you call it? Like a, I don't think I'll need to find a deal. Not real acid. I'm like, kid, it's expensive to make real acid. Like, you understand that? Number one, like the odds that this is even an LSD 25

Starting point is 02:49:14 are like, forget it. This is definitely some bullshit from Amsterdam. I don't think the source will be the issue. We'll test. We'll test. And then, you know, I will probably have to go to Vegas by myself with whatever he wants to take and take it out there and like get a sense of like,

Starting point is 02:49:30 how was it in the hotel room? How was it on the, it's lots. But do you agree with what I said or no? Yeah, I think that, I think that that. Is that your stance as well? Well, I'll tell you my stance. Downward dog. I think that we have to, here's what I think, I'm sorry,

Starting point is 02:49:56 I'm being an idiot. One, by the time I feel like they're going to even like, really start finding out about these Psychedelics we can look forward to an entire new Form of psychedelic that is gonna be Regulated not regulated. It's gonna be created by AI the AI is gonna probably create no seriously fucking read Shulgan He already had he'd already come up with all these just to me No, I don't mean AI.

Starting point is 02:50:27 I mean, like, at first I just want to build a picture of the landscape that I imagine they're gonna be living in. That many psychedelics will be legalized, that we're probably gonna have some version of a synthetic psilocybin, more than likely some like LSD derivative that helps with ADHD and as an as a ADHD medication that probably everywhere but Texas marijuana will be legal and that the attitude using psychedelics or dope or whatever as a method of rebellion or differentiation

Starting point is 02:51:12 will hopefully, that's not why people will be taking them. They'll be taking them in psychedelic therapy. They'll be taking them because we've figured out some incredible anti-depressant mix. Yeah, but also, it's okay to just enjoy being high. Are you fucking kidding? Yes, for sure. I'm just setting the...

Starting point is 02:51:34 It doesn't have to be so heady all the time. I'm painting the picture. So this is the... As opposed to my parents, war on drugs, psychedelics and heroin are identical. The general attitude. Yeah, that's how I came up too. Right.

Starting point is 02:51:51 Right, so that is already changing. And so meaning that like the charge that I would get from getting blasted and knowing them, I could never tell my mom. I could never ever tell her how incredible this experience was and how safe it seems. Now insane it is that it's illegal and that I had to hide it from her and hide the drugs.

Starting point is 02:52:13 And you know, even though she knew for sure, I was like, hey, it was Stoner. She had to play a game of going through my drawers or ignoring it or not ignoring it. Yeah. Getting worried and getting me drug tested. You know, like we're talking. Did she? Oh yeah Getting worried and getting me drug tested. You know, like, we're talking. Did she?

Starting point is 02:52:27 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. She drug tested you? At one point, yeah, because, like, well, I mean. Well, you're not sly, first of all. She just knew. She found butane cans outside my window for me having butane and whipped cream cans.

Starting point is 02:52:41 God knows what else. So, like, and, you know, like, even if the war on drugs wasn't happening, I think I'd be concerned if I found inhalant. Of course. Would you recommend the children begin using psychedelics at the age you did? The research doesn't support that right now.

Starting point is 02:52:58 The research shows that I've seen, and I'm looking through scientific journals, so maybe this has changed. But yeah, just like you said, the human brain continues to develop. We have no idea the impact that taking some kind of psychedelic is going to have on the way the brain develops. Maybe they've, they have research on that now. I don't know.

Starting point is 02:53:23 We know the onset of certain psychiatric disorders tend to coincide with first time usage of psychedelics and it seems that- From what, what is that from? Just like that, what do you mean? What do you mean using psychedelics, what did you say? Psychiatric disorders? Well, when some like schizophrenia and other psychiatric disorders tend to present for

Starting point is 02:53:50 the first time, like the onset of them. Not true. That is true. That was debunked. That is true. And yeah, that is true. Not true. It is true. It was debunked.

Starting point is 02:54:01 Prove it. So I'll find the study. Prove it. I'll Google it. What are you debunking? I feel like you're sitting there. So this is, so this is the general idea. I'm saying that psychedelics can worsen mental health. Well, so, but that's absolutely true.

Starting point is 02:54:15 It sounded like what you were saying there was like, so there's an idea that if, that you can have psychedelics can worsen underlying mental health disorders. You could have sort of hidden schizophrenia. Absolutely. And that the schizophrenia will emerge because of a psychedelic. No. I felt like that was what you were saying. Look, there's a, there, but when people begin, they're the age when a lot of people began experimenting

Starting point is 02:54:42 with psychedelics. There's a link between when these diseases or these disorders would present anyway, whether they did it or not. Well, you know, here's, this is, I'm not, that could be true, I don't know. I mean, the problem with like being like a, someone new for many, many, many, many, many, many years

Starting point is 02:55:03 enjoyed psychedelics is that if I'm having like anxiety that seems like beyond like if I'm having what I would think of as like a kind of pathological, or neurotic anxiety, depression, or any kind of like wobble, I there's I can't say psychedelics can alleviate those symptoms, but I, but also for sure. I'm not to say what are those symptoms happening because of my passionate psychedelic use when I was in high school and I can't, that's not what I'm really speaking on. I'm more saying let your brain develop. See what kind of brain that you have.

Starting point is 02:55:44 That's really important too. See, do you have any kind of mental disorders that need to be treated or addressed? And what's really awesome is they've already done studies on, I was shocked because I was interviewing some people working in the field, actual doctors. And I had always just made the assumption that, if you have, let's say, manic depression, that you should avoid all psychedelics, which I brought up. Yeah, I don't think that's necessarily true.

Starting point is 02:56:17 Not true for all of them. Some of them, yes, some of them, no. Right, that's my point. Yeah, and that's the other thing is it's very nuanced. It's like, you know, depending on the psychedelic you're dealing with completely different parts of the brain. Yeah. And, you know, and also there appears to be a genetic component. Yeah. I saw some interesting stuff about that. I also think there's some people who shouldn't take psychedelics. I don't think they're for everyone. I think there's people who will happily say,

Starting point is 02:56:46 I'm one of those people. I've met a lot of people that call themselves psychedelic pioneers or advocates and I don't think they should be taking psychedelics at all. Well, I see a lot of people that are irresponsible with them and that don't seem to be, they don't seem to be making a positive effect on them. You know, and the, my favorite sort of like,

Starting point is 02:57:12 I don't know if you want to find like a, an ethos for the psychedelic movement. Yeah. Founded on personal responsibility. Meaning if you- Yeah, radical self. Self-reliance. If you really are benefiting from these things

Starting point is 02:57:28 and you recognize their potential as a healing modality in the future, they will only get better, then you really are not serving the cause, so to speak, if you start using them irresponsibly or even worse, become one of those people who is not just a psychedelic missionary. I mean, I think, you know, saying, hey, it really helped me when I was depressed, which it did for me, or saying like there have been moments where like it is like connected with me, with people are inspired me. All that stuff is true for

Starting point is 02:58:02 me. But then, because someone isn't, you think someone's gonna benefit too? And then not just saying it helped me, but then being like, you should take it. And they're like, no, and you become slightly coercive, even slightly coercive. Even slightly. And then, so somehow they succumb to it.

Starting point is 02:58:22 And then they freak the fuck out because their instincts, it told them, this isn't, I don't want this right now. You've hurt somebody like you. Let someone come to it on their own. And also the like mega dose bullshit. Oh yeah. The modern fucking.

Starting point is 02:58:39 That's part of the trustal method. Like drinking all the fucking tequila. Trying to drink a tequila bottle because you're in a frat and now you can drink because you're out of your parents' house. Learn the landscape, play around with a substance, get to know it a little bit before you. Take it on a date.

Starting point is 02:58:56 Take it on a date, take it on many dates before you, you know, merge. Yeah, for sure, Like, and to me. And remember when someone told me, they were like, that is absolutely wrong. People totally disagree with that. There is a, no, it's one of the many awesome divisions in the psychedelic universe that I've noticed,

Starting point is 02:59:20 which is that one is really funny to me, micro dosers versus mega dosers. And then the other thing that's really funny to me, micro dosers versus mega dosers. And then the other thing that's really funny to me is people who like mushrooms argue with people who like LSD, which is a classic argument, which is like assets a million times better, obviously better. Two sisters.

Starting point is 02:59:36 What? Mushrooms cool. Both great. Both great. You're one of those people that like, and also by the way, this fucking shit, when you have kids, forget it. It's out the fucking window. That was one of those people, but like, and also, by the way, this fucking shit, when you have kids, forget it, it's out the fucking window. That was one of the questions.

Starting point is 02:59:49 Yeah, you can't have this shit off. Are we psyched up? No, hell no, you can't have it around the house with kids, you can't have it, you can't have it, and you can't have it. Can't have it. It's bye-bye, and you have to, that's a sacrifice. That's well, that's not the decision all the people that I know have made, that's a sacrifice. That's well, that's not the decision all the people that I know have made.

Starting point is 03:00:05 That's. Give me another. Okay. Well, I thought we could talk a little bit about fear and abundance. Fear and abundance? Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 03:00:23 You start. You, well, you, you gave me a beautiful sermon last night. Thank you, Jesus. Look, I'm just in right now. I realized that, uh, I realized that I had allowed a dark spirit into my deep and deep into my consciousness and I had not become aware of how cynical in this very strange way I had become. Mainly it all started with-

Starting point is 03:00:54 Me being afraid. No, before the full time. You were afraid a few months, almost a month ago, I realized I hated the Bodhisattva vow, which is you're gonna like essentially free all sentient beings from suffering. Yeah. And I was really.

Starting point is 03:01:11 We talked about that last time a little bit. Yeah. And then that was the beginning, I think, of like something breaking in a good way, which was like, you know, when you're extra mad at something, it probably means you should look into that. Like, why are you so mad? He gives a fuck who cares? What are you why is that upsetting you to this degree? And what what had happened is like, I think I just from going on from

Starting point is 03:01:35 doom scrolling so much, got to a place where I decided there was no, there's nothing anyone could do for the world anymore. I was lost. And like, it was such awful, fucked up thing to think, but it becomes, it was so subtle. It's like it was an undertone of that or something. And then like lately I just, I've realized like that is such horseshit. Yeah. And then that's really changed my mood and it's changed a lot of things, but...

Starting point is 03:02:04 I've been struggling with fear. Mm-hmm. and that's really changed my mood. And it's changed a lot of things, but. I've been struggling. With fear. You got fear. Well, I'm a Christian, you know, I'm really close with Jesus and that's been really great for me. And I feel like I've been given so much.

Starting point is 03:02:26 Yeah. I have these divine, delicious, wonderful children and my health and, you know, a beautiful house and a gorgeous bear of a husband. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. And, you know, sometimes that's hard to sit with. Hard to accept. You know, when it's just, here it all is.

Starting point is 03:03:07 It's a little too much. I think it was the birth of our daughter that really pushed me over the edge, you know? I was really like, this is just too much. Yeah. Is it gonna be taken from me? When is it gonna be taken from me? And do I deserve this? And just a lot of fear manifesting

Starting point is 03:03:29 in a lot of different ways and causing me a lot of suffering. And we were talking last night because I was, you know, I really, this is not what's making this isn't, this is just an example, but you know, I am maybe like 30 pounds heavier than I was when. You're 30 pounds heavier than when? Than the last baby. Yeah. And so, cause I'm nursing her and I just hold on to this weight and I was telling you,

Starting point is 03:04:07 we were talking about that and I'm like, I know that, you know, when I drop this weight when I wean, I'll just want to hold my breastfeeding infant again and just nurse her one more time. And, you know, when we were in Asheville and I was watching like home videos of Asheville you know and a snow day that happened on our oldest birth our oldest we had a snow day on one of his birthdays there and we were sledding and just walking around and I was watching that you know that video and I just cried to you last night because I was so unhappy when we were there because I was so afraid we wouldn't be able to leave

Starting point is 03:04:53 that now I miss it. I miss those that shitty weird time we spent in the mountains. I miss that. And just like when I'm thin, I'll miss nursing my beautiful gorgeous baby. And I just, I was crying to you last night because I don't wanna be an old lady and feel like this about the rest of my life

Starting point is 03:05:20 that I just wished and worried it all away. You gotta, there really, there is no choice, but to, it's like, I mean, you can't, it's very difficult, you know, when you get the fear. There was, my friend posted something today, it was like, you tiptoe, you tiptoe your whole life so you can die safely in the end. Exactly, it's insanity.

Starting point is 03:05:45 Yeah. It's fucking madness. It's this very sad form of, cause you know, raw fear is actually kind of, like a novel and exciting, but the more sort of smeared at, like someone took fear out of a jar and then just smeared it at like a,

Starting point is 03:06:02 like jam on toast across your year. A light thin stretch of fear for the year right there. And so because you're afraid you like are going to try, you're not going to take as many risks. You'd be risk adverse. And then because it's, you get in that lack, then you feel lack, you fall into that mental like poverty mentality.

Starting point is 03:06:24 Right. Because you're, when you're defending, mentality. Right, because when you're defending, you know, now that if you're defending, then you're kind of like, you get obsessed with defending instead of accepting. And then it's a whole different vibe. The vibe of defending is not playful usually. I mean, you could do a game where there's,

Starting point is 03:06:41 but they're actual, I'm protecting this or that from theft, murder, suffering, pain, loss. Oh, you've already lost it. Why, you can't really enjoy whatever the fuck it is if you're constantly. Well, what did you tell me to do? You just, you told me to pray more and more and more and more. Well, you know, I tried. Say, help me God, help me God, help me God, remember? Yeah, well, what I told you was I took the Buddhist forethoughts

Starting point is 03:07:12 that turned the mind and shifted them into, I think there's a very similar Christian, it's easy to translate into Christianity. You told me to say, get thee behind me, Satan. Yeah, because, but truly, because in one of the things I've been taught to say is I see you Mara. Yeah. It's the same fucking thing.

Starting point is 03:07:32 Yeah. It's the same thing. And the symbol set, I mean, you know, this has been, everyone says this is so fucking, we're all sick of it, but it's the finger pointing, the finger points to the moon. The moon is not the finger in these stories and words and Psalms and grimoires and whatever the fuck it is, they, if it's legitimate, it's pointing

Starting point is 03:08:06 you towards love, the end of suffering, the redemption, whatever the, whatever word do you want to use? So, you know, Buddhism doesn't give a shit about your religion in the sense that that's why we have to bet in Buddhism, Zen Buddhism and all the various forms of Buddhism out there is because it just goes into a culture and uses that symbol set to convey what they've discovered. So Christianity, to me, the Holy Spirit must be emptiness. You know, that's what they're talking about. It must be the Kingdom of Heaven, Nirvana,

Starting point is 03:08:34 leaving the cycle of Samsara, you know? Like, it's all right there. Original sin, karma. Another thing we, I mean we talked about, I know all the themes. I've sat, I've been sat through many spiritual talks on, from many different teachers. Yeah.

Starting point is 03:09:00 Studied several. Lots. Religions. Yeah. Not deeply, but you know enough and I know all the themes but I was telling you last night You know I feel it slipping through my hands Like sand

Starting point is 03:09:19 I know that I'm supposed to just accept that all my transient emotions are perfect and watch them rise and watch them fall and you know, I know that I'm supposed to live in an abundance mindset and I know how blessed we are but I still suffer so much. Yeah. You know, so. Yeah.

Starting point is 03:09:52 This is like, you know, watch any movie about someone's spiritual journey and it's crazy to watch the way the actor conveys enlightenment. Bill Murray's razor edge, check it out. What is the way he conveys enlightenment? We talked about this garbage. Okay, I'm not gonna do it. I'm just saying, you're great. And I don't mean because I think you're great. I mean, this is this is a long fucking process. And, you know, the idea that you're gonna fucking pray to Jesus a

Starting point is 03:10:26 couple of times or get into the Bible or read C.S. Lewis or start going to church and then suddenly all the fear and anger and imperfections vanish from you and now you're the saint walking among all the commoners. And like whatever your religion is, this is just not very realistic. Like the great teacher, every teacher, all of them complain about like, that it still is there. Yeah.

Starting point is 03:10:57 It comes back. So it's like, oh, well, then what is it if it's not going to get me high? That's not the idea. And that's, it's normal. Like that's the thing. God is not, or whatever word you want to use for that, God is not some supernatural thing that is so extraordinary.

Starting point is 03:11:18 Oh, wow. Maybe it's that, but you know what else it is? It's just where you are right now. Right in front of you, just like the smartest things, camouflaged as your couch, your poodle, your neurosis, everything all there and that that whatever it may be is a source of realization. And it's a it's something teaching you and so meaning meaning, shit, you're gonna look at a picture of a baby in the womb, and be like, that doesn't look like a fucking baby.

Starting point is 03:11:55 Jesus Christ, is that a dinosaur? I don't know if that's a baby. You're the same way. You can see a live ultrasound on the new Apple Vision Pro. Oh yeah, you can see right through all pregnant ladies' stomachs and tell them about their baby and they fucking love that.

Starting point is 03:12:15 Yeah. I love it. That's an app. You can go right up to somebody in the mall and go like, your baby looks like shit. I could see through your stomach. What? But you know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 03:12:25 It's like, you gotta take it easy on yourself. And you didn't lose those moments all the way. It's just part, there was a tiny little. I just wish I'd enjoyed things more. And it all would have been incredibly enjoyable if I had sunken in to the fact that it was impermanent. Well, I think, Right?

Starting point is 03:12:58 Well- Cue what I'm saying. Yeah, well that's the second thought that turns the mind is you're, I mean, this is how they say it, but you're fucking gonna die, man. So it's like, only not in a depressed way, even though that's hard to make that not depressing, more in a way of like, hey, come on,

Starting point is 03:13:14 you don't have much more time here. So if you can find a way to reduce some of the habits and patterns you have in your life, then you should, because you're gambling that next week you'll get moving, or the week after, and it's like, hey, people just dropped dead. Someone wanted to know about the guilt that comes with faith and religion.

Starting point is 03:13:42 Oh, like the hell-shaming? I don't have any guilt with my religion. Oh, like the hell shaming? I don't have any guilt with my religion. I dropped that a long time ago when I went into my atheist phase. And then when I decided to be religious again, I was not going to bring that back around with me. Yeah. I left that all behind. You know.

Starting point is 03:14:05 And I'm a sloppy boxy and I'm a, you know, I don't know what you would call me on the Christian side, but a Christian. You know, I think that, um, it's like a shave my head. And I, it's not guilt, but I wish I'd shaved my head sooner. There's a sense of like, damn, I actually like that more. And there's a kind of- That's guilt? No, well, I'm trying to make a connect, like with, you know, with Buddhism for me

Starting point is 03:14:44 or Christianity or anything, you know, as Sharon Sawz works as the healing is in the return, right? So like, of course, you're going to be the prodigal son out there in the fucking mud, sucking pig dicks. And, you know, you know what I mean? Like you're going to be out there in the filth. You're in the filth. You're just on a, you're on a sex bender

Starting point is 03:15:06 and you're fucking hammered and your place is messy and you fucking smell like old, old pussies from the night before. And you're covered in weird shit that you don't understand. You got like splotches on you as that catch up barbecue sauce is a blood. You just, you know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 03:15:24 I'm just- No, I don't. The filth sauce is a blood. You just, you know what I'm saying? I'm just, the filth. You're in the shadows. I'm a lady. You're in the dark. Yeah, you, okay. I mean, you're a lady, but the shadows, right? So like, it's like you finally clean your house. And you're like, wow, why didn't I do this sooner?

Starting point is 03:15:46 Or you experience all of a sudden a realization of the impact you have on people around you, because you matter more than you thought. And your shitty decisions to be angry or selfish or whatever really impacted people in a way that it didn't have to impact them. If only you'd taken some of this stuff a little more seriously. So you look back and there's a kind of sweet sorrow that's different from normal guilt. You know the normal guilt that one might feel.

Starting point is 03:16:15 There's something sweet about it because you just know that shit, man, I definitely would have hurt fewer people and that would have helped me and them and, you know, but then, you know, too, too. Well, that's more like regret. Yeah, but the guilt of like, oh, my body is. Do you have regret? I think this is something young people like to know about.

Starting point is 03:16:41 Do I have regret? Yeah. I'm 49. Who the fuck doesn't have some regret when they're 49? Yeah. What kind of, do I have regret? I mean, it's not. I know, I mean, there's some people, you know, that are, I don't have any regrets.

Starting point is 03:16:58 Okay, well great. Then you're not interesting. Then what the fuck did you do? Just lay on a cushion and get fucking intravenously fed for the last 40. I would regret doing that actually. Look, how do you not have regret? You should.

Starting point is 03:17:16 I mean- What is your biggest regret? Oh, don't get me fucking started. I have so many regrets. What's your biggest regret? I wish that I had spent more time with my mom before she died. I wish I had spent more time with my dad before he died.

Starting point is 03:17:29 I wish I'd been more present for my mom when she was dying. I wish I'd been more present for my dad when he was dying. You don't think? No. I wasn't there for your mom, but I thought you did a wonderful job with your dad. Thank you. But, and I really mean it.

Starting point is 03:17:44 That means the world to me. I thought you really showed up and. Thank you. But, and I really mean it, that means the world to me. I thought you really showed up and. Thank you, but that's the. But you mean before the like. Nothing, you didn't fix it. You mean before the active dying part. Yeah, I'm just saying I was. Like you mean more the last year of his life.

Starting point is 03:18:00 With my grandparents, I can remember like. But you didn't know your dad was dying until. True. He did not tell you. Yeah, I can remember. But you didn't know your dad was dying until... True. He did not tell you. Yeah, he hit it. He hit it until he was on hospice. That's true. But you know... And when you found out you were there.

Starting point is 03:18:15 I was there. And but I... Till the end. Thank you. But you know, you just want it there. And with your mom, I just, I think it was a really long process. It was a very long process. And so I think there was some disbelief.

Starting point is 03:18:30 You can, I wasn't there, but I, this is what I think. Yeah. That there was some disbelief. Maybe at the end that it really was the end. No, it was just fully numbing myself down because I couldn't handle the heartbreak because I was so fucking sad. Yeah. And it was just distancing myself in this really bad way.

Starting point is 03:18:50 I was just talking to a friend about a similar situation they experienced and, you know, this is why there's fucking therapy. It's like, you know, but yeah, I've regrets. Well, you did the best you could. Yeah, that's true. I have regrets though, and I don't best you could. Yeah, that's true. I have regrets though, and I don't look at that as a mark of shame or anything bad, I just look at it as like,

Starting point is 03:19:10 I'm fallible and certainly did not like, live at times of my life in ways that I'm proud of or think were right. And I don't feel bad about that. I'm always shocked when someone says they have no regrets. I feel like they're missing out on something. They're going to regret not having regrets at some point because well, I think it's a very human thing.

Starting point is 03:19:34 I think it's cool that you did immortalize your mom. Thank you. Into some really beautiful art. Yeah. I mean. Guilt. Shame. art. Yeah, I mean, guilt, shame, regret. All of these things are tools. And you can either walk around with them on you like some kind of awful, like, Wait. Or like a shame bell, ding, ding, ding. Shame. Shame.

Starting point is 03:20:07 Shame. Or you could just realize that they're like, you know, as Ramda says, grist for the mill. That is there to teach you something, to show you something, to evolve, so you can evolve. All of it's workable. You know, some of it though, you need, I do, I'm a, I do think certain things,

Starting point is 03:20:26 meditation is going to help, but therapy, praying that Jesus is gonna help, but Jesus might send you a great therapist. And like going to like- But you haven't been to that much therapy. The one we went to changed my fucking life. You always say therapy, but really the truth is, both of us should be in more therapy than-

Starting point is 03:20:44 Oh, agreed. But when you and I got into that- You're not in therapy. You haven't been in therapy for a long time. I'm not in therapy now. Not to call you out. You're not calling me out. I don't say that.

Starting point is 03:20:53 I tell people about it. We went to this lady, she did that weird wand waving thing. And it worked. Oh yeah, EMDR. And it fucking helped me. Yeah, it did help you. And to this day, I feel like it's changed me. It helped me remember things I forgot.

Starting point is 03:21:07 It helped me connect to a part of my past I didn't want to look at. So, and it really, maybe, I just needed that. And so I think it's easy to think because you're doing yoga or hot yoga or meditation or whatever that you can skip this relative reality stuff, the memory bank stuff.

Starting point is 03:21:31 That's all. Yeah, and sometimes you're just not ready to dive in. Oh yeah, there's no fucking hurry. You know, that's the other thing, that's the thing. You know, if you find yourself in this desperate rush to change yourself, then that's aggressive too. Yeah. I will tell you of the terms that have emerged in the modern world, as I've gotten older, the one that I really fucking hate is self care. I hate it when people talk about self care.

Starting point is 03:22:12 Trauma and self care. Self care rituals. The fucking like, you know, like I lotion my feet and put flower petals in the fucking bath, burning candles. And then I lay in the bath and then I drink my period blood and I write whatever the fucking thing is. I don't know why it bothers me, but it really eats me up. So preface that being said, if you can't be kind and compassionate with yourself, I know that's what you told me last night. You can't be kind and compassionate with yourself,

Starting point is 03:22:45 I know that's what you told me last night. You can't do it with anybody. You're the closest person to you. How the fuck can you be compassionate to anyone around you if you're being a complete monster to yourself? How? Yeah, especially as a parent. I mean, the child who's most like me

Starting point is 03:23:02 is I am most triggered by that relationship because it's just a call out of all the things about me that I haven't dealt with. Yeah, man, that's it. And that when you have a family, it's like. And that's where it does get to be a bit urgent. There, well, yeah, there's urgency there. I mean, that is the thing. It's like you have to. it does get to be a bit urgent. There. Well, yeah, there's urgency there. I mean that is the thing

Starting point is 03:23:25 It's like you have to You gotta deal with this stuff Yeah, you need to address and to me you telling me about it and saying it out loud is the beginning of that like Exteriorizing it is so important and then quite often in that Exteriorization of the internal hidden guilt, shame, self-worry, hypochondria. It's tough to see a child that's a quiet warrior. Yeah. Just like you are. Yeah. And also, the other problem is that if you have fallen prey to the very rotten idea that there's some

Starting point is 03:24:08 unchanging quality to your personality. Or theirs. Then you will project that on them and think that that's how they'll be forever. Yeah. And in an accidental way, crystallize them via your perception and micro affirmations

Starting point is 03:24:26 into a thing that might've just been a phase. And so that's where, you know, and also, because why wouldn't you do that to your kids? You've been doing it to yourself. Crystallizing yourself into a long-term fucking phase, thinking this is unchanging. Well, this is just who I am. You know, remember when we went to that therapist

Starting point is 03:24:45 and I told her, I don't think this shit's gonna work. Because it seemed ridiculous and because like the thing that I've been- It wouldn't work on me. Yeah, but- EMDR. Very important. I will not do it.

Starting point is 03:25:00 I don't know. I would sit there and be like, this doesn't work on me. I'm just not going to do this. Can I just say this, by the way? I don't know if there's a Better Help commercial on this podcast. Better Help on Applevision. Pro.

Starting point is 03:25:16 Listen, I'm very sorry if this sounds like we're doing some long-winded commercial for Better Help. My mom was a therapist. I studied psychology in school. I have a great deal of respect for it. And I think that it's so important that, to know not all therapists are gonna work for you.

Starting point is 03:25:36 You gotta find one that you really trust and connect with. And because you don't trust and connect with whoever you're at, doesn't mean they're bad. It just means not the right match for you Yeah, and hook up with them And also, yeah, if your therapist won't fuck you then that's a sign that they're not good My god, it's when it's like I'm not saying the first session they need to like. Online therapy is ideal for sure in the modern age.

Starting point is 03:26:11 But I always do laugh to myself a little bit because it's like, I need to, you know, the people I need to talk about are in my house. Ha ha ha. Oh my God, that's hilarious. I need to leave my house. I never considered that. Oh my God, I need to leave my house. I never considered that. Oh my God.

Starting point is 03:26:29 I guess you could do it when they're at school. Or when you're at school. Oh, shit, I forgot I'll go to the gym. I'll go to the gym. You know, the the yeah, you have to. I don't know. We could get you one of those pods. Yeah, I need a silencing pod. A therapy pod for, you know, I just, I don't know what has happened to me,

Starting point is 03:26:56 but I've just had this explosion of optimism in a general sense that like. We're getting into the abundance mindset now. Yeah, I feel like it's sort of like we're settling in since last night well I mean you know the I just loved Michael Beckwith at agape man I still I know I wish I wish you would go to something like that. But he would, the way he would talk about like God in this passionate way is this like,

Starting point is 03:27:30 how like everything around you, no matter where you are is abundance. You're looking at all this matter that's sprang out of the universe into your life and sunlight and clouds and the abundance of just like grass or trees or even people or the city or the sounds of the city or just everything like it's this incredible explosion of abundance already and that

Starting point is 03:27:55 When you start disconnecting from that fundamental reality Then you start seeing lack everywhere. It's not the right color. The food doesn't taste right. This is off, that's off, that's wrong. The kitchen's outdated. The light's broken. I'm outdated. I'm an asshole. I'll never be good enough for my kids. Our yard is dead. I'll never be funny enough.

Starting point is 03:28:15 I'll never be nice enough. I'll never relax. I'll never find peace. You know what I mean? And the more you... If I can just make it to 6.30, if I can just make it to the restaurant, if I can just this, if I can just that.

Starting point is 03:28:33 If I could just run one mile a day, if I could just walk one mile a day, if I could just grow my hair back, if I could just, whatever the fucking thing is. And then suddenly your mind gets sucked into what you don't have. And this is what we were talking about is like, you know, and the shit I've read. Some manifestation people are abundance people are like, so you write down I have this. Yeah, but it doesn't matter if you write that down and you still feel lack.

Starting point is 03:29:05 The lack that you have to like actually feel the feeling of being held by the universe and being taken care of and and and otherwise if like you are super defensive and scared and anger at yourself and seeing everything as failure in the world, the government, everywhere, failure. The reason you're seeing that is because you think you're failing. You know, and so you just have to shift that. You know, I don't know, I really tire of some of this shit

Starting point is 03:29:39 whenever I hear it, but I have to say it's worked for me. That whenever I'm all paranoid and scared and Desperate and needy I push everything away just yeah by some weird law. Let's read. I'll read my prayer that I didn't We'll wrap it up. Yeah You want to pause You want to pause? Before I say this closing prayer, I have to say this and this is all true because we did talk about the struggles of parenting. We have the three most beautiful, wonderful children that may listen to this one day and I just want them to know how being their mother

Starting point is 03:30:27 is the honor of my life, how wonderful they are, how people just, people who have nothing to do with me or you don't know our family come up to me, whether it's the director of their school or random people and just say that we have the best kids that our kids are just wonderful people. Monks come to our doors, they have gifts and I don't know. No, and when they say that, I cannot take the credit for that, these are just incredible souls. I just, they're wonderful.

Starting point is 03:31:07 Yes. And I love them so much. And if they're ever listening to this, I just want them to know that. We love you so much, you sweeties. And that is 100% true. That is true. That's definitely like-

Starting point is 03:31:18 These are good kids. In a world where truth is melting down, I could definitely like put a, build a house on that reality for sure. That's, that will never change. Yeah. And everything my mom used to say to me, that made me wanna puke.

Starting point is 03:31:35 She would say, Duncan, you will never understand how much I love you. Until you have kids. You will never know this love. And I would hear them be like, ugh, ugh, okay. But also I liked it underneath. And, but now I know what she meant.

Starting point is 03:31:52 Oh my God. I know what she meant. It is the most profound experience I know of. But these beings are just, we're just so blessed to know them and to be with them and. They're in Mensa. Did you get, they're in children's Mensa. The youngest just beat Jens and R,

Starting point is 03:32:12 could prepping off the top. A chess player. Baby chess. Baby, oh yeah. But still. This is a six month old division. Very good at chess. Yeah.

Starting point is 03:32:23 The Russian kid was really good., crushed, crushed by the baby. Mocked. And I don't mean mocked, mocked in a QA. They don't mock, but you know, they're in a royal lineage in a weird way, like in the sense that like I being infertile, and we had to- Infertile? Well, I mean- You're so fertile.

Starting point is 03:32:48 Okay, the prince that we had make love to you is very fertile. We can't say the prince, we signed NDAs, but the kids are of a Royal lineage. Which means something for me. Duncan is hyper fertile. Okay, read your fucking prayer. Now read the prayer. And you look good, babe.

Starting point is 03:33:08 Thank you, I love you, darling. Thanks for doing the show. All right, let's do a closing prayer. Okay. Okay. Oh, great Lord who rose on the pit to die. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, eternal.

Starting point is 03:33:22 No, do you? thing. Oh, it's so hard. I'm so bored. Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me so love. Where there is injury, pardon. where there is doubt, faith, where there is despair, hope, where there is darkness, light, where there is sadness, joy. Lord, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love, for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen.

Starting point is 03:34:09 It's beautiful. Amen. Thank you all for listening. You can find Aaron Trussell on OnlyFans Scarlet Light. And don't forget to pre-order your Apple Vision Pro. These things are incredible. We've been wearing them the whole time. We don't even live together anymore,

Starting point is 03:34:29 but it feels like we do. I'm a small apartment. That was Erin Trussell, everybody. You can find, you can't find her, but you can find me, dunkertrustle.com. Big thank you to our sponsors. Thank you for listening. Happy Valentine's Day.

Starting point is 03:34:51 I love you.

Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 602: Erin Trussell

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