Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 622: William Montgomery

Episode Date: June 29, 2024

William Montgomery, brilliant comedian and civilian patriot veteran, re-joins the DTFH! You can hear more of William on Kill Tony and The William Montgomery Show, both available wherever you get your podcasts! Original music by Aaron Michael Goldberg and Duncan Trussell. This episode is brought to you by: Rocket Money - Visit RocketMoney.com/Duncan to cancel your unwanted subscriptions and start saving! Reunion - Use code DUNCAN during registration and get $250 off your first retreat! BLUECHEW - Use offer code: DUNCAN at checkout and get your first shipment FREE with just $5 shipping.

Greetings friends. It is I D true cell and look where I am An actual podcast studio we found a home for the DTFH at Comedy Frequency Studios, thank you Lord for leading me here. This is so luxurious You are not gonna believe what we can do now All of the things that every other video podcast has been doing for years are now in my command We've got we've got the ability to pull up things from the internet I could never do that before without like taking like 10 minutes during a podcast. This is incredible Also, I imagine those of you have been justifiably complaining about the sound. The sound will now be good

Consistently, this is for you my darlings. Thank you for bearing with me today. We have a wonderful guest, you know him from Kill Tony and Holy shit when you find out what he's been doing for the last month. It's gonna blow your mind Everybody welcome to the DTFH, William Montgomery. William, welcome back to the show, man. It's great to see you. Duncan, it is nice to see you. It is nice to see anybody right now.

We were so worried about you. Oh my gosh, I've had a hell of a week. I mean, it's been a hell of a month. I don't think people know what you just did in the green room. You keep coming up like it's the first time at the mothership where like a prayer circle happened like we all prayed for you and I pre I heard about that Duncan and genuinely from the bottom of my heart I really want to thank y'all for doing that because I think that is something that helped at one point in time. It was, it got really bad. Tell folks where you've been.

So basically I have been, they, my uncle or well, a friend of my uncle started a tourism kind of company. It's kind of tourism. It's not like going down the Amazon. It's not like going down the Mississippi. Which actually last night Duncan, oh my gosh, I was on my phone. Looking up, it's not like going down the Amazon, it's not like going down the Mississippi. No. Which actually last night Duncan, oh my gosh, I was on my phone. Looking up there's these old like steam ship like cruises you can go down the Mississippi. I'd love to do that.

Oh my gosh, I wonder what that's even like. Probably fun for a couple of days then you wanna get off that fucking ship. Yeah, I wonder if it's allowed with that big wheel churning in the water behind you. Yeah. And they're haunted for sure. Those ships are haunted.

Thousand percent. And those are the kind of ghosts you don't want to meet, I would guess. No, Mississippi River ghosts, man. They'll, they'll get you. Oh yeah. Oh my gosh. But yeah, no, my uncle started his friend. Excuse me started It's like a tourism thing, but basically we go fight in Ukraine, dude

Okay, when I heard you were doing this and I heard that it this is being labeled tourism Yes, that doesn't seem like the right word for it man I mean going to fight in a in a in a battle is not... When I think of tourism, I think of Hawaii, laying out by the beach, relaxing. And I know some people do adventure tour. I heard you could ride a bike through Ireland. There's this tour where they will take your... And you stay at castles.

It sounds so nice. So that you ride the bike from castle to castle and they take your bags there. So when I heard that you were the bike from castle to castle and they take your bags there. So when I heard that you were quote taking a vacation, I was like, well, he deserves one. He's been working super hard. And then when I heard what it was, it's like, that's not relaxing.

Ukraine, do you know how long it took me to get to Kiev? How long? Kiev? It took four days. Four? Yeah, because it's not like you're going to, it's not like Southwest is flying there. How long? Kiev. It took four days. Four days. Yeah, because it's not like you're going to, it's not like Southwest is flying there. Yeah, no direct flights out of Austin, unfortunately, because it was four days, I will never get

back. But yeah, I mean, when we talk about tourism, I feel like tourism is just something, you're a tourist, you're out in another country, you're looking around, you're getting in the sites, exploring. You're also helping people. I have a medic background. Not a lot of people know that. I didn't know that.

Yeah, I had to help a couple of the high up people just in the trenches. They got worms. It was like this worms outbreak, and they really needed somebody who could fix the situation. So it was good I was there. That's amazing, and thank you for your service. But before we jump to the worms, in the trenches.

In the trenches. Dude, but wait. And I don't want to be this guy. But I just got to get off my chest. A lot of us are like, we love you. And you kind of put us through fucking hell. Because we were so scared. Like, we didn't know if you would come back. You kind of put us through fucking hell because we were so scared like

We didn't know if you would come back like you rattled so we need we want you alive Like did you even think about your friends? Did you think about your dog? Did you think about any of us when you decided to do this like really? What about your pet? What did your parents say Duncan? I have been in radio silence which pretty much everybody for about a month and a half now, I Duncan, I don't know what's going on right now. I've been in a real weird spot in my head and I had to go out there. I mean, my dream growing up was to be a Navy SEAL and it's like that fell through. I got pretty close to at least signing up for the Navy.

Yeah. How close? Went to a training, whatever those centers are called, where you sign up for the military in Memphis. It was when I started like working out again and I went in there and I just start looking around and it's like all dingy looking in there and it's like, wait, I'm not doing this. And I walked out the door.

Because it was dingy? It was too dingy for my liking. You would think if you're joining the Premier military of the world it would look a little nicer in there so that made me worried about everything but then my uncle his friend Came up with this company. They literally give you if I asked for an m16 you can have any number of guns I asked for an m16 wow get an m16 1911 Colt?

1911, that thing is powerful. Holy shit, man, how heavy are M16s? I heard they're incredibly heavy. Yeah, the M16, oh my gosh, that was 20 pounds depending on if the ammo belt was on or not. Whoa, so okay. So again, I do want to emphasize, you're kind of a dick for doing this,

and I think that if you're in a dark spot, you know, maybe the answer isn't war. Well, I didn't know what to do. You just I get it. You had a lot of energy pent up. I've been playing Pokemon. I cannot stop playing Pokemon. I swear Duncan, before I got here today, I was playing Pokemon.

I'm on Pokemon Ruby right now. What does that mean? Pokemon Ruby is I think a third generation, third, I don't know what it means but it means I've been catching Pokemon. I got 55 right now. Oh so that's what's the average amount of Pokemon. Is it Pokemon? Is it the plural of Pokemon? Pokemon? Um you can only catch one at a time so. But if you have a bunch of, if I in my pocket I have time, so. But if you have a bunch of, if I have in my pocket, I have a bunch of Poke... Poke... Poke... If I have Pokemon...

What do you have, Pokemon? More than one Pokemon is a Poke... Men? Could be Men. There's Pokemon over there. Pokemon. Or Pokemons. I think it's... I... Well, in my head, it's interesting you even bring this up,

because I've been thinking about it, but I haven't even said it. I would still just say Pokemon, and I think, and I could be wrong. Pokemon is the plural of Pokemon. Yes I think it's one of those rare words that the singular and plural is the same. Not a lot of words are that way I don't think are they? No it's a very rare thing. Three words are like that I guess one of them is Pokemon. Pokemon what? Cat? No that has and cats. Is that funny or something or what's going on? I know you at Dunkin's Pokemon? What? Cat? No, that has... Cats. Is that funny or something? Or what's going on?

I know Duncan's in a new place today and... Yeah, I guess... With the new guy kind of acting up over there. Yeah, that's making you laugh? Of plural of cat? Yeah, I mean my family currently has cats in their backyard and they got to get rid of them because my brother won't let them. Hey, hold on. This episode of the DTFH has been supported by Rocket Money. Rocket Money is going to help you get rid of all those unwanted subscriptions that are

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And I made a real mistake. I apologize. Yes, I say it. Yeah, I guess it isn't cat. I guess you put an S on that one, but... Well, don't feel defensive. Now he's thrown. He just got back from- I've been in Ukraine, dude. He just got back. I've been in Ukraine, dude He just got back from Ukraine apologies. It's cool And it's winter time in Ukraine. Really? Yep. I had no idea now

Yeah, oh my gosh, it's cold freezing. So you You fly into Kiev yes had to go through North Korea. I gotta had to get a yes had to go through North Korea I got had to get a special visa to go through North Korea. Yes, you stay over in North Korea at all Yes, they there for a couple days. They had a really nice Hotel it was like this outdoor hotel Stayed in the hotel really nice

I was actually getting what there were some North Koreans who were about to go over to Ukraine as well to start fighting. So it's cool to just meet some of the other guys kind of obviously we come from different backgrounds, but just guys with a similar goal. No girls. No girls, not this time around. But I was hearing stories from some of the other recruits, we joke around and call each other recruits, even though we're not. But yeah, apparently, last deployment, we used army kind of words like that. But last deployment, there were some girls.

How did they do? One of them died and there's now a lawsuit, again, it's not with my uncle, but with his friend. It seems like I was running that kind of quote tourism business that I would get the people to sign like so many forms. Gotta sign up for myself. Because like if you're going to fight in a war like that's. It's a big deal.

You could die. I know that's why people have to they have to really think about it before they sign up because I mean you're literally you're in war is hell. I've heard that. War is hell. The foxholes are hell. Is it true there's no atheist in a foxhole? No not at all. I don't know what some of my Asian brethren who are also on the floor I don't know what they're saying. Some of there's a language barrier where sometimes that makes it not as fun. You go to a coffee shop on kind of a day off. Yeah Yeah, we get days off. It's not like the actual army. So how close is a coffee shop to the front?

Whoo, we had to get in a Jeep is I don't know four or five hours. So it's kind of a kind of an ordeal They're still working out the king was the coffee good I've heard the coffee in Ukraine is really good. Pretty good, and there were the prettiest girls working as the baristas. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Oh my gosh. What kind of, what's so, like, in between fighting, what kind of coffee were you getting? A lot of espressos have turned into this really big double espresso guy.

I love it. Oh, I love it. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, give me a couple of them. I can start catching the Pokemon. Did you get to play Pokemon over there? I did bring my mini, shout out to mini Muyu. It's a wonderful emulator thing.

Yeah, I was able to play out there some. It's really, yeah. And it could survive in the trenches. So describe what a trench is like. Because I've always seen pictures so talk about like the the process of getting you from Kiev To the trenches and then your first experience going into the trench. Oh my gosh. I mean the first day they're all joking around They're like, oh, we got the new guys. So first night. We're not even allowed to sleep. They're hazing us all no way

Oh, yeah, it's already immediately they make us put on our pants No shirt on they make us put on these weird knee pad things and they are hitting us No shit We were had to get into these things called bows and toes where we get on our elbows and our toes and they're just making Us count to like a hundred and they're kicking us in the ribs But you this is tourism like I would assume that if you're- I signed up for it Duncan. So that was in the thing you signed that you would get hazed.

They didn't tell me about that part. That's why they could end up having a problem. That's why they could end up having a problem. Because I have come back a different person. And from the hazing or from like fighting? Everything, the fighting, the hazing. I mean, did you read the thing you signed? I read most of it.

I mean, I gave it. Most of it? Yeah, I didn't. I didn't read it. I sent it to the person who I get to look at the contracts. Your lawyer? Yeah, I sent it to my lawyer. He said he read it.

And he told you to sign it? Told me to sign it. I mean, my guess is it was probably in there that you were going to get hazed. I guess you didn't read it. Could have been. That was my mistake. That was my bad.

So you get hazed for a night, which I would already be. I mean, if I'm doing this kind of tourism, I would be expecting more like a room service situation or... Thousand percent. I was thinking that at least when we were not on the front lines fighting, I was thinking at least it was gonna be more of a luxurious experience in between the sessions.

Like a hot tub or something or like, you know, like... A thousand percent. You know, this is what I love about skiing, you know, which isn't exactly like getting in the trenches, but it is dangerous. You know, people do die out on the ski slopes all the time. And what I love, after I've done like Black Diamond, I don't want to brag, but I do the hardest ones aren't they?

Yeah, I do triple blacks. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They most people don't even know they exist. You have to like, it they exist you have to like it's a You have to be vetted

Let's just put it that way and then you get access to these other slopes that are inside the mountains like they're everybody everybody thinks that the Skin is outside the mountain, but inside the mountains is where it's at and that's where the real skiers go because it's Icy in there and it's just dark. It's completely pitch black. Subterranean skiing. Anyway, the point is, I love doing that and then coming back to the lodge. Having a beer. An apres ski. Yep. Sit in that hot tub and just relax. I would imagine that, like, if I was, like, in combat, it would feel really good to get, like, a luxury experience

after the fights. For sure. Well, I didn't find that in Duncan. I'll be honest, at the beginning, that kind of bothered me that it wasn't. But you get into it. You get into it. You get into it.

I didn't want to. I couldn't leave my brothers. I couldn't leave them. So I wasn't gonna go back to a hotel. It wasn't gonna be a nice hotel, but I wasn't gonna go back. It would have been better than the foxhole, but I wasn't gonna leave my brothers down there. Your brothers.

I mean, how long had you known them? Up to that point, what, a day? Five days of the travel, I guess. Yeah Yeah some of them I had met via the airplane just on the way there. I had met a couple of them but yeah I mean it gets it's a real close connection real close bond that occurs through that. In war movies a lot of the times you get a war nickname did you get any kind of like battle name like when you hike the Appalachian Trail, people have their trail names. Did you get a battle name? For sure. Tunnel Rat. Tunnel Rat!

Tunnel Rat. Are there tunnels out there? No, but we were in the foxholes and I'd been talking to the guys about how I'm a big G.I. Joe collector. One of my favorite G.I. Joe's is Tunnel Rat. So it kind of stuck after that. And it was actually kind of cool. I swear. Like it's after moments like that.

That's where it's like, no, I don't want to take the five hour Jeep ride back to the hotel. That's probably even gonna be shitty to begin with, but I'm fitting in with these guys. They're giving me nicknames. It's like, I'm not leaving my brothers. Holy shit, and you saw actual combat. Like, you were in combat.

Second day, I see one of my guys shoot an RPG, which I'd only ever read about. I'd never seen one in real life. He shoots an RPG up into the, we're like in a, to paint a picture of the setting, it's kind of like just a war tour. It's like just abandoned looking buildings everywhere. You can tell people are in there and then. Did you know what part of Ukraine you were in? I didn't at the time.

No, they blindfold you when you go to the yeah, when they take you from the airport to that first place. You're blindfolded. Holy shit. It's pretty messed up. I mean, right off the bat. It's like, yeah, I'm picturing as you were saying, I'm picturing hot tubs. I'm picturing maybe some Thai massages, picturing hot tubs I'm picturing maybe some time massages picturing all kinds of stuff but they immediately yeah you're blindfolded what the fuck man so I don't know what city I just know it's freezing cold um are you sure that you were fighting with the Ukrainians pretty pause I mean that's what the that's what I was told. Did they speak Russian? You would you know? I didn't know I honestly I could not understand

I could just understand some of the people who were also in the squad or in the brigade whatever you want to call it Some of those guys could speak English. The other people, I saw what I thought were Ukrainian flags around. What did it look like with the flags? It was like a like a yellow it had yellow, green, and black.

Yeah, I think that's Ukraine. Yeah, it was like it was like a like green and yellow and like a black X. Can we pull up the flag of Ukraine? Yeah, it's like a flag. It's type in just and then also what is it? Okay. Oh, no, no, nope, nope. It was not that that can we pull up the Russian flag? Yeah, it had the red and blue and white You didn't so you I mean you were fighting with it sounds like you were embedded with Russians. I don't think you even went to Kiev Well again, they blindfolded. I don't think you even went to Kiev.

Well, again, they blindfolded. I think they do that on purpose, but I think they blindfold. It's for a reason. Well, what flag was I seeing? What's the flag with the green and black and yellow? Can you look up green, black, and yellow flag? Yeah, see what even pops up on that one. See, I was seeing mainly this, whatever this is.

Yep. That's Jamaica. Jamaica. That's so weird. That is the flag. Look, green, black, yellow. That's the flag with the cross in the middle with the X. That's what I was seeing, Duncan.

I didn't understand it. That's what I was seeing Duncan. I didn't understand it That's what I was seeing are the So you it sounds like you were embedded with a Jamaican Battalion that was fighting for Russia Buffalo soldiers Duncan I Mean fuck dude. I look I don't want to get political here or anything like that, but like I don't know Maybe you shouldn't be talking about this on a podcast man like I don't know if you're picking the right side

I don't I don't understand you. I don't know about that right I mean the guys I was with were pretty nice and yeah again. It was nice Yeah, they were not well Mean the guys I was worth were pretty nice and yeah again. It was nice Yeah, they were not well. They fucking beat you and they blindfolded you and they they took you to a trench Well, they gave me the nickname tunnel rat. That's cool. Give me a gun. They gave me a 1911 To let me watch people fire RPGs. I hate to ask this it's a bad question to ask someone. You don't have to answer it. Did you kill anybody? Hmm.

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Okay, thank you. I get it. Yeah, it was just a weird, it's like I swear what scares me the most. I want to go back so bad. I swear to God. Not even with the, not even with that group anymore. I just want, I want to go back is it it's like you know we all remember that scene in Apocalypse Now he's in bed freaking out Charlie Sheen punches the mirror he wanted to go back wanted to

get back into this shit and somehow you wanted to, what about comedy? What about touring? I mean this is. Well your priorities, let's just say Duncan, your priorities change once you got bullets flying at you. You're fighting for another country. I don't, well I am, but somebody's gotta fight. Let's talk about Pokemon.

Yeah, oh my gosh. I am, so on the Ruby one, I am, on the first couple I played, I could play like five at a time. I pressed some switcher button in the middle so I could have like five Pokemon games going right now. And on Ruby, I've done a different method where I'm trying to upgrade four of my Pokemon up to 50. Now, at the beginning, I was doing the first one just super powerful, but it's like, well, what happens if something goes wrong with that one Pokemon? Right. You got to have something else. You got to have a backup. Right. You can't have all your irons in one...

You can't have one Pokemon in the fire. You got to have... I don't know what the saying is. I've heard it at Comic-Con, but... Yeah. You can't have one Pokemon in the fire. I don't know what the saying is. I've heard it at Comic-Con. So you have to, you are developing more of like a team of Pokemon? Developing a team and what I'm finding is with the hours I'm putting in, my hands are starting to hurt because it is still just like a little Game Boy you're holding. Do you get to name them?

I do. I spent so much time though on the first game naming them, like a chicken when I would name Chickie, or a ghost when I would name Ghostie. Yeah. And then I start looking at it, and I'm like, hold on, did I spell that right? Is it supposed to be an IE? Is it supposed to be an E?

Is it supposed to be a Y? And I swear it left a bad taste in my mouth, so on this one I've not been nicknaming them. Okay, can we bring up Pokemon? Like like let's take a look at the different Pokemon I've never played the game. I've heard it's Duncan I promise cuz you and I have spoken about games before I can't this is the ultimate I can't do it Oh my gosh talking about like upgrading and getting different moves and getting your HP up Duncan I guess this is the ultimate.

I can't do it. Oh my gosh, it is. Let's look at, is there a list of Pokemon? Oh, I see, there's a little chart down here. Let's pull that chart up. In some evolve, it is so exciting when you have a little caterpillar one and it evolves into a butterfly.

Oh, they evolve. Some of them, yeah. Not all of them? No, which is boring, which I don't like. I want them all to evolve, but they don't. So which of these do you recognize? Yeah, oh my gosh, let me see if I can, so who am I? So this guy, his name is Whimsy, I think.

Which one? Okay. Here, he's a swimming one, so I've been using him because I have to use him to surf on the ocean. It says that's a favorite. Yeah that's a, yeah it's been good. It allows me to go on the ocean. And so, but then you have, let's see here, the normal ones, that's just the common ones that you get all the time. Yeah let me find mine, let me find mine.

Do you have any legendary Pokemons? No, but I have found some I immediately oh my gosh duck And I'll be playing and I'll have my phone right next to me And I'm always asking it questions because I got so lost the first time around horrible nightmare of like Backtracking and it was horrible so now I look up everything and yeah every now and again It's kind of a rare one, but people always say they're not good The legendary ones well the ones that I have specifically caught people are always talking shit because I look up always is so and so a good Pokey and they're like catch them yeah

Can you sell Pokey is there a market for pokey like if you wanted to get a Pokemon that you hadn't found yet Is there a way to go online and buy it? I don't know I think at one point in time there was a way you could get some sort of cord and connect somebody else's Game Boy to your own Game Boy. And trade. And trade. That's fucking cool.

I don't know if on like this current thing that I'm playing on, there's a thing you plug into it, maybe you could trade with people. That would be fun, because I don't know how you, I'm still looking for my guy I'm playing with. I don't know. you, I'm still looking for my guy I'm playing with. I don't know. What color is it?

What is, so I'm playing with a turtle right now, tur-cull, oh, right there! Which one? Oh my gosh, you see the dragon thing underground. Ground. Now go down a little, up, up, up, and then over. The other way. Yes. Can we? That is my main one right now. What's it called? What is? It's actually the one above that so I don't know what that one is with hair. That's kind of

funny. What is that? It's like Roselia because she has rose hands. Can we pull up Roselia real quick? Let's take a closer look. That's who I've been looking at a bunch from the back recently Duncan because when they're battling you only see the back of them Roselia oh She's cute. I know maybe that's maybe a reason I've been playing with her because again you get back From a place like freaking Ukraine. I mean you want to see some shit. You know what I mean? I've been There's Roselia wait how long were you over there for? This past time a month, but I had to go a couple other times just to kind of so wait You were just there for a month. You're acting like you were in prison for like years

I went I saw a lot you got so horny out there. You wanted to fuck a Pokemon Well, I mean that if I think I don't want to be wrong here But I think a lot of people would agree that must be one of the more attractive Pokemon I mean we're normally talking about like ghost looking things or rocks or I mean this is this is you can tell it's a lady And it has flower hands. I mean that's a pretty Pokemon. Hey, let's look up Roselia porn Have you looked this up yet? No it doesn't even cross my mind. Oh shit there's a lot of things in there! Wait, I don't know oh SHIT

Gosh not using her rose arms, but that's I think Oh gosh What oh my god that the dragon one is humping her right is or does she yeah and pulling on her rose arms Let's open up another oh and the dragon's penis was going so far in her Is that a bird in her ass what's in her ass is it a penis I It's some disembodied pink thing. I think something's eating her ass. Let's pull up another one Disembodied pink thing. I think something's eating her ass. Let's pull up another one. There's so many She's a little butt plug in that one. How many can you scroll up? How many of these are there? Oh my god

How many are there? Oh my god, look at it all Wow, let's pull up another I Don't know why that's blurred out. Yeah, that one that is let's check this one out It's more tasteful when kind of I don't like seeing the hardcore porn with it That's kind of more tasteful just where you can see some is a ball. Yeah, you know you want a full Pokemon porn Yes, I don't want to see necessarily see I don't want to see that, I'm playing with Roselia a lot I'm not even kidding, I don't want to see it, please Please Okay, okay, I'm sorry, did he, I'm sorry person who was just

Maybe fighting for Russia In Ukraine I'm not looking at it, that's what offends me Oh okay, that makes sense That's what offends, war changes you Yeah, it looks like it changed you into a pussy Well I don't even like knowing that there's porn of Rosalia Okay, let's look up Rosalia

erotic fiction That sounds a little more tasteful tasteful that sounds a little for sure Yeah, some of these are not bad. I think we might have to do like a Google search for like Yeah, some of these are not bad. I think we might have to do like a Google search for like, instead of images, let's do all and just look up Roselia erotic fiction. Here we go. Short story about Smutty Plant Girl. That's sort of talking about Duck Ed.

And I only recently started playing Pokemon, but I picked up on it. That's what these people who made Pokemon, they knew what they were doing. This is a sexy Pokemon. Okay, let's... now, can you see that? Will you read this one, this paragraph here? Which one? Wait, we're gonna start here with, ah, ah. But do it in her voice.

Ah, ah, there was a soft pop as Roselia yanked her fingers from her pussy, but it was completely drowned out by her cries of ecstasy that echoed through the woods. She was roughly grinding her fingers against her swollen clit as her orgasm claimed her sticky golden nectar spring from her folds and waves as she bucked wildly into her grinding fingers leaves began sticking to Roselia's tiny legs, but she hardly noticed as she wrote out the rest of her orgasm.

The spasm slowly subsiding as the rough grinding of her clit turned into playful teasing. Her screams and moans quiet to lustful whimpers as the flower girl settled back into her leaf bed. What do you think? Is that your kind of thing? Whoa. Almost a little too hardcore, but it's in the right direction.

We're heading in the right direction with that one, for sure, versus those very explicit pictures. Of course, her gaze dropped almost immediately to the rigid shaft between his legs, the veins popping along its length, the precum drooling from its fungus tip. What's a fungus? Is that a Pokemon?

It could be the mushroom Pokemon. Maybe the mushroom Pokemon's penis. Just the thought of how it might taste got Roselia drooling herself, not to mention how it would feel inside her. Would it even fit? She didn't know how big humans were supposed to be, but given her small stature, he might just break her in half.

Her eyes glazed over as she began fantasizing anew, wondering what it would be like to have that human pick her up and have his way with her, forcing as much of himself as he could into her tiny body. You take the next paragraph. Almost without realizing it, she had slipped a finger into her bubbly green butt, deftly sliding it in and out as her rear walls clamped down on her even tighter than her pussy had. Arceus, she could barely fit her own tiny fingers inside herself. How could she possibly take something as big as the cock that human was jerking so fervently?

Drool began to form a small puddle on the ground around her cheek, her breathing growing heavy. Okay, wait, stop there. Let's read it together. Simultaneously. Unable to pull her eyes away from the half-naked man, she wanted him so badly she could hardly stand it. She didn't care if it ruined her. She had to know what he felt like. He was staring at her so intently too,

like she was some bit of prey for him to bounce on and devour. Were all humans like this? Did they all see their Pokemon in this way? What really went on behind the curtains of those contests? Damn, you see, Pokemon, you must understand. I mean, I don't know if this is true or not, but there's a lot of people who think Pokemon is one of the

many tools of Satan. Have you heard this before? I've heard, you told, I remember you've, I think I've heard it from you. It's not just me, but I want to sort of trace a timeline here. You were playing Pokemon, and then you decided to go fight in Ukraine. I was playing Pokemon for two months. Is that enough time, do you think? I don't know. So somewhere while you were playing Pokemon, and just tell me the truth, is that when sort of you started thinking it might be a good idea to go fight in a war?

I had more kind of aimless thoughts, let's just say. When I'd be fighting and everything on the game, I started, I was letting my mind wander. And part of that, again, I was involved in combat on the game. All right. See this is the This is What many folks are saying is that so somehow built into pokemon? It's this hypnotic Satanic game that is seductive in nature

that the pokemon themselves represent various entities, demons, have you ever heard of the Lesser Key of Solomon? Can we pull up the Lesser Key of Solomon? The original Pokemon, I guess you could call this. Oh, really? Yeah, let's just maybe an image search Show you okay, so pull up just the seals up top here the seals of the seven

Well, I write off the bat see a bunch of poke balls right there What yeah, that's what they look like bad. It looks kind of like a poke ball. See look at each of these seals represent a Different I guess you could say represent a different, I guess you could say, Pokemon. Only in this case, you don't catch the Pokemon, you summon the Pokemon. But the Pokemon, in this case, they give you power. Now, if you look closely at these sigils,

you might notice some familiar friends. Neighborous. Which one looks like Nebrous? Which one looks like Nebrous? No, no, Nebrous. Yeah. Now, let's pull up a Pokeball. Yeah, pull up... Actually do Aaron.

Maybe, yeah, when you can do Aaron. I swear it looks more like one of the Pokeballs. I don't know, I've never thought about that. So what happens? You summon one of these things and they they what did they do for you? They do stuff for you Wait, is that a pokeball? It's a pokeball That doesn't I mean, is that what they look like in the game? No, they look a little different in there. Let's pull it up in the game and see Aaron pokeball Pokemon game. Thank you so much. This is so luxurious to be able to do this.

It's incredible. Okay. From a distance they might look. From a distance. They're both balls. I see that. Now let's, can we do a Google search on Pokemon and demons? I'm not trying to scare you here, man.

I just think you might have like stumbled onto something like her there are Pokemon demons important facts for parents to know this is spiritual warfare blog comm. This is my blog You've been running this one. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I've been reading this dog Didn't know a while. It didn't help Okay, oh So Pokemon, I mean I could say this because I wrote it, but I'll just read my own writing. Pokemon derives from and promotes an animistic worldview.

A worldview is the lens through which you look at and interpret the world. Animism, spiritualism, tribalism is foreign to many Western Americans, but dominates the majority. Okay, let's scroll down a little bit Okay, right there. Pokemon advocates for practices identical to those used by sorcerers necromancers mediums psychics spirit ghost hunters and sorry ayahuasca folks shamans

the new warlock Now read that I would like you to read the next six I want to hear it in your voice and if you start feeling weird, you probably don't want to read it. Do you? Controlling and capturing Pokemon to do your will summoning and attracting Pokemon using incense items and lore modules actively searching for Pokemon with time energy resources and money pokecoins seeking and using factions and battles between

Pokemon yes sound familiar friend Using potions or revives to heal and restore Pokemon's to life Types and categories of Pokemon fire electric ghost boys and second with correlating supernatural power thank you blue chew for supporting this episode of the DTFH my god I love you guys so much what an incredible thing you have given humanity now we have a chewable tablet that That's right. No more swallowing pills. You can chew it up. That means that if you happen to have some blue chew tablets on your person and something happens that would necessitate this incredible medicine, you can just chomp that baby down

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No one does. Even the gas station people just say it shows up on the shelves. It's poison. Don't do that to yourself. But, Blutue has the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra. It's the same stuff, only infinitely cheaper. And they send it to your house. That means you don't have to go to a pharmacy. You don't have to wait in line.

You don't have to get bullied. I'm so sick of the pharmacy bullies. What has happened to our country? Waiting in line some pharmacy chad finds out that you're buying Viagra and the next thing you know, he's pummeling you down to the floor. He's stomping you to the ground He's holding your body up in front of everyone at the pharmacy saying look look what he has to buy. Look what he's buying Oh, i'm sorry bully. I try this. I'm sorry. I'm taking advantage of the pinnacle of Western medicine. Oh, I'm sorry I'm honoring the lives of all the alchemists who were burnt at the stake

Ages ago for trying to advance chemistry. Oh, I'm sorry I'm I'm trying to experience what it was like when I was 16 again. I don't want to hear your smart talk dummy. Bam, bam, bam, broken nose. They'll send it right to your house in a discreet package. And we've got a special deal for our listeners. Try Bluechew free when you use our promo code Duncan at checkout. Just pay $5 shipping.

That's bluechew.com promo code Duncan to receive your first month free. Visit Bluechu.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank Bluechu for supporting the podcast. Thank you, Bluechu. Don't trail off. Don't be afraid. Many of us have been captured in the web of Lucifer. Now let me read this. Well here are my thoughts. Spiritual warfare is real. Do you understand? Pokemon

depicts a false but widely believed and popularized version of the spirit world. Playing and investing in such games just deepens and broadens the worldview of animism and also makes it seem like a more fictional or fun world to some. It ain't going to be fun when you're in hell. It is important to have an understanding of the spirit world. This is important. But we should seek and teach a spiritual worldview that is consistent with the biblical reality. There is a real unseen battle going on between the followers of God, Christians and angels, and the followers of Satan, demons, fallen angels, and non-Christians. This is from Ephesians 6.10 to 20,

and quote William Gernal, that's my gardener, study Satan's tricks and acquaint yourself with his tactics. He always would say that to me. Like, I know, I didn't realize what a mystic he was. A really amazing man. Him and my wife have become really good friends. Lucky to get a good gardener. We had, I remember... Hard to find one. Growing up, there was this man named Emmy who would come over to my parents' house and

like clean up the leaves and do stuff like that. And he would always ask for the jar of pickles and I would always give it to him and he'd always drink the pickle juice and always thought that was funny and I remember one time telling him when I was a little boy something about how my mom says uh she when she pays you all you do with the money is drink all the money away or something and she heard me say that, and she slammed my fucking ass against like the bed. It was the maddest I'd ever seen her. Oh my, cause you- And then Emmy ended up dying, well, it was horrible.

He ended up getting hit. I think he had been drinking and he got hit by a bus in Memphis. And- Oh man, I'm sorry. We went to go visit him at the convalescent home. Some weird building. No way. I had always driven past growing up.

Every day of my life I'd never thought about it. And it was this horribly depressing place and he's on some mattress on the floor with like a diaper on. Was... And nothing's going on. And there's some dude who's like paralyzed from the waist down.

Some young guy in the bed next to him. Okay. Listen, I'm not trying to cause... I have a lot of respect for your parents because they made you and you're one of the funniest comics I've ever seen in my life. Oh, my parents are wonderful. Yeah, now I was thinking... But I do want to break something down. Okay, so The Gardener, what was his name again? Emmy.

Emmy. Emmy. It's a pretty familiar thing to do, to drink the pickle juice from a house you're working at, right? Yeah. And did he pour it in a cup or drink it right out of the jar? Drink it out of the jar. Okay, very familiar thing to do, right?

Like, now, okay, rude, whatever. Pickle juice will help you rehydrate. That's why I was doing that, probably. For sure. Right. But it's a little interesting to me that... What color hair did he have? Like a real dark, real dark brown. Okay. It's just interesting to me that your mom would drive to see him in a convalescent hospital. Like, you know, like, it's not that I don't have a connection with my gardener.

He's very spiritual. He's taught me a lot about spiritual warfare. And you know, my wife and him have become really great friends. They go, they, I think they're at a spiritual retreat right now. Cool. And, but I do think it's interesting that your mom would, you know. Go visit him. He was a big part of it.

He was always around. He was around a lot. Yeah. He became a part of the family almost. But then I didn't see him for a long time. I think he started drinking a lot again or something. And I didn't see him for a long time. OK.

So I'm not psychic. But let me, I'm just going to say something that will make it seem like I'm psychic. They never caught the person who hit him. No. And around the time that he was hit by the car, did you notice that your dad had to take the car in for repairs, or that your dad had like a little accident, or said someone ran into his car. There was some sort of wreck around... Yes, I mean there was a wreck around that time. It's been so long. It's been 15 years, but from what I remember there was some

visit to the body shop which didn't always happen. Connect the dots, man. Connect the dots. Well it's like, well what am I supposed to do? I can't play Pokemon anymore? I can't think about Emmy anymore? What am I supposed to do? I can't play Pokemon anymore. I can't think about Emmy anymore. What am I supposed to do? I just got back. Okay, I'm sorry. I know your nerves are frayed.

I can see it. You've got the 10,000 mile stare they talk about. You don't look the same. Your eyes look different. You seem different. Yeah, it looks like I'm tired all the time now. Right. And I'm telling you, man, when we did our prayer circle,

Hassan started speaking in tongues. Really? Yes. And like many of us felt the Holy Spirit move upon us that night. But something came out of Hassan's mouth. It was like It was like, and then somewhere in there. What'd he say? He said, William is possessed by the devil. You must tell him to stop playing Pokemon. And honestly, dude- A Sarn said that. Well, and we all felt, we heard those words in our, I can't explain it, it sounds nuts. I didn't even, I mean, I love, you're a great podcast guest, but honestly the real reason I did this man is because like

This game has taken over your life You have been possessed by These demons like look can we look up YouTube Pokemon demons? I want to show you something It's what am I? What am I supposed to do? We'll get to that. Anybody listening if you feel compelled to pray for William right now? Okay let's listen to this Pokemon is evil. Let's just listen to this and then we'll talk On pocket monster the spiral and it stands for what

Male fertility it's supposed to be able to mesmerize and hypnotize its enemies This character over here is called mew two every time that that you see Mewtwo, he's in this pose. Three fingers. It means Hail Satan. Can we pause it for a second? I never thought about that because I see Mewtwo quite often and I've never thought about the Hail Satan. Also a lot of people don't know this is what Danny McBride did before he got into acting. I saw, I immediately saw. Isn't that cool? Yeah. Everybody go, oh come on, his tail.

It's a lightning bolt and it's a satanic Z. The Pokemon trading card game is a new collectible card game that is made and distributed by wizards of the coast. Well well. Wizards of the coast. Male practitioner well. Wizards of the coast. Male practitioner of black magic. That's right. Cute little Pokemon.

Can we agree on that? Yeah, they're cute. Oh, I know he's cute, isn't he? Yeah, I think so. Little satanic tail. Let the camera get a view of that. These pocket monsters are creatures that inhabit the world with humans. Gotta catch them all.

You don't need mom. You don't need dad. You don't need mom, you don't need dad, you don't need grandparents, you don't need aunts and uncles, you don't need school, and you probably don't even need a church. What do you need? Because you're a master. This rap song that's played over again.

And it says I will travel across the land searching far and wide, each Pokemon, to understand the power that's inside. Can we stop please? Travel across the land. Travel far and wide. You didn't go to fight in Ukraine for any other reason than you thought you were going to catch some kind of fucking Pokemon out there.

That's all man. The thing that's driving you in the game is driving you into the trenches. And I'm telling you William, that is the very thing that will drive your soul Straight to fucking hell and you will not catch any Pokemon in hell because they're not there Well, what am I supposed to do now? Pray with me Pray with me don't be afraid afraid. Don't be ashamed. Just repeat after me. Dear God, I know that my heart and soul have been filled with the wormy spirits of the Pokemon.

That my heart and soul have been filled with the wormy spirits of the Pokemon. I've turned my back on you. I've turned my back on you. And turned my face towards the Pokemon. And turned my face towards the Pokemon. Though your beautiful love is what brought me here. Though your beautiful love is what brought me here. I have rejected you.

I have rejected you. Though your beautiful love has brought me here. Though your beautiful love has brought me here that your beautiful love has brought me here I have turned my back upon you turn my back upon you I eternally renounce you I eternally renounce you and accept Lord Lucifer as my father Duncan I'm not saying that part. It was a test. Yeah, it was okay. So I passed yeah, that's it Yeah, oh my gosh, okay I passed you heard it because I was scaring me a little because I swear Duncan. I had not you feel it pieces together

I feel I do feel a little lighter my chest feels lighter That's I did you feel it leave the room did you feel the thing go I felt it go to I felt it go to I didn't even put together that that was maybe why I was even getting the itch to go 80 overseas 80% of Non Ukrainian non Russians fighting in Ukraine right now have one thing in common, baby Pokemon yeah, they all play Pokemon and it's the did you notice when you're out there in the trenches? Did you have a lot of Pokemon conversations? Some with the guys that spoke English. Yeah, I didn't think that and also the Jamaican guys they were loving They had the best they had some of the best decks

You got to let go of it this time you got to let go say no no more Pokemon, okay no more Pokemon and I'm so happy that I was able to help you. Yeah, no, thank you. I really do feel better. Please don't go. Don't do it again, man. Okay. Resist the... Don't go to war.

Like, keep touring. Keep doing Kill Tony. You're so funny. And like, I would have been heartbroken to have lost you out there. Well, thank you for help. You really helped me. Thank you. Thank you, William. I love you, man. Love you you for help. You really helped me. Thank you. Thank you William. I love you man.

Love you too Duncan. That was William Montgomery everybody. All the links you need to find William will be at dunkintrustle.com. Thank you guys so much for listening. I'll see you soon.