Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 628: Brendon Walsh

Episode Date: July 27, 2024

Brendon Walsh, the embattled King of Duster, re-joins the DTFH! Go see Brendon's new live show, Afternoon Delight! You can find upcoming tour dates and ticket links on AfternoonDelightShow.com! Coming to Chicago (this weekend) and Portland (early August). Original music by Aaron Michael Goldberg and Duncan Trussell. This episode is brought to you by: Squarespace - Use offer code: DUNCAN to save 10% on your first site. Rocket Money - Visit RocketMoney.com/Duncan to cancel your unwanted subscriptions and start saving! Reunion - Use code DUNCAN during registration and get $250 off your first retreat!

I got a lot of dates coming up. Friends, come and see me at Helium in Buffalo, August 8th through the 10th. After that I'm going to be at SideSplitters in Tampa, Florida. All the shows are sold out and so we added an extra show on Sunday. You can find that at SideSplitters website in Tampa. So if you couldn't get tickets, come and see me. I'm also going to be at the Wilbur November 1st. Lots of more dates are about to get added to my website. You can find it at dunkintrustle.com. Now on to the podcast. Welcome to the DTFH. Today's guest is Brendan Walsh, aka the King of Duster. You might know him from the documentary that just came out on Netflix, Duster Days, the story of Brendan Walsh. He created a fast-food

chain that catered to high school kids and offered flavored duster with every meal. Of course many kids are still in a coma because of Brendan's fast-food chain and I know what you're thinking. Why are you offering a platform to someone who caused many kids, teenagers, and some young adults to go into a coma because of his very powerful flavored duster? My answer to you is this. if we stop having the conversation, what do we have? America is based on connection, not division. And the powers that be would love to tribalize us, to break us into sad little angry pieces

and watch us fight like in the movie Gladiator with Russell Crowe. I think differently than this. I think people like Brendan Walsh deserve a platform and deserve to be heard. Also, his story is more than just the story of an adult who poisoned over 17,000 high school kids. His story is a story of redemption. After serving three months in a low-security prison, Brendan Walsh realized he had what it took to become a great comedian. During breaks in the yard, he would make fellow inmates laugh. And as soon as he got out, he started doing open mics and now he is a nationally touring club comedian. And even

better, you can go see him live. He's got a wonderful show called Afternoon Delight, where he makes crank calls to people live. And I know what you're thinking. I don't want to go see a live performance by somebody who endangered the lives of so many young teens. But my response to you is this. If we don't go and see the shows of people who endangered young teens, then are we still a country? And what do we have?

And now everyone, Brendan Walsh. Welcome, welcome on you. Glad you are with us. Shake and doggie doogie boo. Welcome to you. It's the Dunkin' Tresor family. Brendan Walsh, welcome to the DTFH. Dude, you got a new office, looks great. You've got some kind of certificate behind you.

That's the first thing that sticks out. What is that? What's that certificate? That's my doctor of metaphysics degree from the universal life church. So what is a doctor of metaphysics? Is that like when angels fall, you've got to do surgeries on them? Because that's a fucking thing that just happened is my kids found an angel in the yard much smaller than I thought. I always thought they were like human size.

Maybe you could talk about that, but we all thought they were human size. This was the size of like a chihuahua, very beautiful being, broken wing, and we had no idea what to do or what to feed it. Like we were just trying to feed it like mac and cheese and it died on us. And it was an angel?

Yeah, for sure. You're sure it wasn't a cicada or a moth? I mean it looked like a moth. Do you mind if I just kind of scroll through Twitter while we're doing this? I love that. Yeah, I love that so much. I'm getting a colonic right now. I knew a guy when I lived in Austin, his name is Scott Kalanick.

No, no, that's brutal, dude. He's a filmmaker. I don't think he got a lot of grief over the name. What movies has he made? He made, he has this one called the He made, he has this one called the, something beside the bed, the idiot beside the bed or something. He takes these like archival presidential recordings. And there's one where JFK,

when they were having John John, JFK Jr., when, what's her name, was pregnant with him. Yeah. They had the Air Force or Army, some branch of the military set up like a bedroom thing on some kind of base. Yeah. So she could be comfortable

in case she went into labor or whatever. Right. And somehow there was like a photograph taken of this like, you know, nice bedroom thing. Yes. And it was leaked to the press and there's like, you know, an army guy standing next to like this, you know, the bed in the bedroom suite.

And then in the press, it's like, president spends $3,000 to get a bedroom made or whatever. Like it was like, you know, some salacious story in 1960 or whatever. Right. And then there's a phone call with the president with the press secretary and he's just like, well, who's that idiot next to the bed?

Like, how did this get out there? And Scott made a documentary. It's not the idiot next to the bed. I mean, I could Google it. The documentary was on who that guy was? No, it's just about that story. And then he has recordings, because you can go to presidential libraries and get, you know, just recorded. They used to record every phone call in the

White House. And it's public domain, right? Public domain, yeah. Like you can do anything you want to with it. That's so cool. And so he would get these recordings of presidential phone calls and just kind of, you kind of make little documentaries about it. And there's one of LBJ where he's ordering pants. And he's talking about how the Hagar, you know, the Hagar clothing company? Yes. So he's talking to like Sammy Hagar,

whoever the guy, whoever runs the, you know, the guy, the main guy, he's the president. And he's talking about how he likes his pants, but he talks about how he's like, well, I don't like him to bunch up on my nuts. It's just these, sorry. We're sending a fucking email? What are you doing?

I'm looking up the idiot next to the bed. Whatever. Yeah, I'm sorry. We don't need that. Jesus fucking Christ. Well, listen, man. I don't have a Jamie. I don't have someone to pull it up.

Just let them, the audience- Well, I have another computer over here. They can use their imagination. And I've also like, you're dealing with, I think I'm going to have to go to the bathroom and I'm going to go to the bathroom and I'm going to go to the bathroom and I'm going to go to the bathroom and I'm going to go to the bathroom and I'm going to go to the bathroom and I'm going to go to the bathroom and I'm going to go to the bathroom and I'm going to go to the bathroom and I'm going to go to the bathroom and I'm going to go to the bathroom and I'm going to go to the bathroom and I'm going to go to the bathroom and I'm going to go to the bathroom and I'm going to go to the bathroom and I don't have someone to pull it up. Just let them, the audience. Well, I have another computer over here. They can use their imagination. And I've also like, you're dealing with, I think I'm, you know.

What am I dealing with here? What is this? Well, speaking of wigs, you're not where, you got the new spray on wig. We weren't talking about wigs and this isn't a spray on. I would never do a spray on the, what they, the adhesive they use for spray ons. It gives me a full body rash.

So I cannot do the adhesive when I put that stuff on. I like you should just see what happens to my body. It's like Toxic Avenger. And nobody knows what it is. So this this is a Delver Williams original that was made specially for me. Isn't it incredible? It's like it even does like you see this like underneath. This is like a full head of hair Fucking cool is that that's awesome. Yeah this I just go with this is a vibe the hair is attached to the visor

So it's I know but it still looks like you have a full head of hair. That's a problem It's like, you know if you want to pull off the receding hairline balding 50 year old look, dude, you're, you know, that shit with a long hair. Do you want me to take the visor off? It's not really receding. I mean, I don't want to be slamming. No, I'm saying that's what that's what's in right now. Okay. Well, don't like I like and when I like, you know, no matter what I do, my hair just comes back fast. So I just gave up and got away.

No matter what you do, your hair just comes back fast. I shaved it. I shave it and it just boom, shoulder length in a couple of days. And it's crazy. This is like it's called Rapunzel syndrome. And my my dad had it. It's brutal. You know, it sounds great for guys who are dealing with like thinning hair,

but it's fucking horrible, man. Like the amount of the barber bill every month for me exceeds $30,000. Actually, I knew a guy who lived in Austin named Barber Bill. No, you did not. He was a yoga instructor, though. But also his his assistant was named Matt and we called him Yoga Matt. So it was Barber Bill and yoga man. You know what I love about the Kalaniko story?

I love people like that. Like, I remember a long time ago, I did this interview with Mark DePlace and he was saying in the podcast, he's like, you know, a younger me would be like, what are we, we should be making stuff right now. Why the podcasting thing, all of it. He's like, just go and make movies. And like indie people like that, who just do it, they subvert this like antiquated, slow moving system that drives people insane. And I love that anytime anybody just makes something and then somehow figures out a way

to publish it so people are aware of it. That is so badass, man. I mean, do you ever fantasize or ask yourself why you don't just make a movie? Like why you just don't start? Because you're a great writer. I'm sorry, you wrote on the Midnight Gospel. You're so funny, man. And like, what do you think is getting in between you and just doing the thing that every indie filmmaker makes?

And I'm asking myself this too, and all creatives out there. It's a budget. I mean, money is something that stands in the way of, you know, a lot of, and I'm not, you know, I don't wanna be anti anti rich kid, whatever. But, you know, having it's it's hard when you don't have money. It's hard to do things.

Think of Winkler. Yeah. He he makes slack. I mean, he got eight grand to make slacker, I think. Or no, no. Robert Rodriguez, I think, made his El Mariachi for eight thousand dollars. Yes. Which, no, no Robert Rodriguez, I think made his el mariachi for $8,000 Yes, which no, I mean you can you can do it. Yeah, I think the Texas chainsaw massacre. Yeah, the passion has to be there Yeah, like there's so many examples of people who just and like, you know the There's an aesthetic to it. There's like some kind of entire philosophy around like, OK,

forget about what you don't have. Use what you have right now and make the thing with that. So it completely eliminates the ability to do funding procrastination because it's like, OK, this is what I have. And then how with what you have, would you make a movie? And then you just do it. And I'm always fascinated by that because myself included, so many people who are comedians, writers, whatever, we're always pitching.

You know what I mean? And that ends up consuming so much time instead of like fucking just make the shit. Yeah. Well, the pitching getting, getting put into the Hollywood machine of that process. Is just doom for any kind of artistic endeavor. Like, if you're passionate about something, yeah, you can figure out a way to do it. And if you really don't have any money, you know, you need to build a team because you need help. You can't do everything on your own. So you have to find

like-minded people who are going to go with the flow of what you want to do and have the same, like kind of get your vision without interrupting it, you know, with like, well, I think we should do it this way or this and you're where you just have to constantly be like, can we just try my way first? And I'm open to suggestions, but this is the idea that I have. I mean, if you look at any, like I just watched, it's not a documentary, but it was pretty good. It was about the making of The Godfather, the offer it's called. I don't know, it's streaming on some whatever bullshit paramount, whatever.

One of the four services that are owned by the one company. But that's just an example. Every movie that like changed the world, like The Godfather, Reservoir Dogs, Blazing Saddles, you read about the making of the movie and half of it is about fighting with the studio saying, we're not going to release this, this is shit. We're not gonna, this doesn't make sense, this isn't how it works, this is bullshit. And like somehow they fight their way through.

It gets released and it's just like and then the weekend it was released like Star Wars. Star Wars is another one where they just yeah Star Wars they thought was going to be a total just like piece of shit. They're just like nobody's going to watch. This is a space opera. And it's so just like out there. Nobody wants this. And it's another one where they're like, yeah, every the cast, the crew, everybody was just like, yeah, this is going to be like some B movie, right? Nobody's going to care about it. And, and then and then you read about, you know, like The Godfather, Reservoir Dogs, Blazing Saddles, Star Wars, any movie you can think of that like changed the landscape of pop culture and changed the world.

You read about the production of it, and it's all about the studios like this, fuck this, we're gonna pull, we're gonna do this, if you try to do this, we're gonna take this away from you, we're not gonna release it. And then it comes out, and then every single one is just like, and then it was released and it blew out every box office record ever in existence. They don't know. That's the thing. If they knew, they wouldn't need people to make stuff for them because they would make it themselves. And yet, they still, inevitably, there's this conflict where they think they have some sense of what's going on. And I get the paranoia. Like if I am some executive and I squeeze the trigger on some fucking thing and I've gone into whatever godforsaken

meeting those people have to go into, and you know, your career as an executive, you're standing in whatever the company is that you're in is always at risk, you're in hell. This episode of the DTFH has been supported by Squarespace. Friends, if you are looking to create the most beautiful website that anyone in this damn universe has ever seen, then Squarespace is the right choice for you. If you want proof of that, go to dunkintrustle.com, but have some Kleenex next to your computer keyboard because you're gonna cry big, fat tears of joy

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It's time for you to say, I'm sorry. Dot com. Thank you, Squarespace. ["I'm Sorry"] And so, you know, you're using your own sense of intuition and you're just thinking, I'm dead. I'm dead in the water here. No one's going to watch this fucking shitty Star Wars. Who's the dude in that fucking stupid black costume?

This is expensive and horrible But it but you're an executive. It's it's hold on one sec. Oh, yeah, sorry To people watching or listening you just forgive me I'm in Texas I'm still doing my old studio and it's fucking hot as fuck and I just I'll die which would be good for download numbers, but I Gotta get the AC on, I'm so sorry everybody. And is that, you use a witch's broom to turn on the AC? Yeah, you know, a witch, that was the crazy thing is that when the angel fell in my yard, we saw a witch in the sky chasing it. And this, I guess they were in a war or some kind of battle.

And this fell out. And now I use it to turn on my AC. That's another thing about, like, you know, not to be about the olden days, but you know, witches' brooms, you used to see them. They were like, you know, it was like well well made, handcrafted, wooden stick. And now you see the last switch I saw flying around, she was on a Swiffer and it's it's like all corporate. It's inflation. It's inflation, dude. It's branding. It's brand. It's let's go Brandon. And also you can't's Brandon. Where do you get...

I have t-shirts that I made that say, let's go Brendan, just for me. I mean, I sell them, they're on... Yeah, I know it sucks, man. I feel bad for witches and it fucks up their... Did you know that like the flying... What were you talking about? Before we get back into making movies, did you know that flying witches,

the ones who can ride brooms, because they are not all they can, their vaginas are upside down. Oh, really? Yeah, it's fascinating. But that's only Italian witches, right? I mean, I've only slept with Italian witches, but yeah. So go ahead. What were you saying about the... I don't remember what we were talking. sandwiches. But yeah. So go ahead. What were you saying about the

I don't remember what we were talking. I'm like, you caught me I'm still leveling out with my like Xanax coffee intake. Like it's like the coffee You're a speed ball. No, it's not. Well, whatever. I shouldn't get into my medical It's a speed ball. Well, coffee, caffeine, everything that affects whatever. I'm so sensitive to caffeine. And I like woke up a little, you know, I was getting started a little earlier today and

went to stupid Starbucks, which Starbucks coffee is like way stronger than it needs to be. No, it's not strong enough. Well then, yeah, I don't know. Everybody's chemistry is different. That's why some people can smoke weed all day. You fucking downer people, man. You're a downer.

Not literally a downer, but you guys are into downers. Like, are you fucking kidding me? We wanna be hummingbirds. We wanna be injected, spiked. I'll fly off the face of the earth if I get more. I don't stop moving. I'm like a hummingbird where I'm just like lately, I'm working from the time I wake up

until the time I go to sleep. We used to put Xanax in our hummingbird feeders so that we could like see their wings because like their wings move too fast. So if you put Xanax. That's a funny idea to dose like put some LSD in your hummingbird feeder and just see what the hell happens. This is the one thing I do love about technology right now.

And one thing that I think is interesting is that, I mean, we're already seeing this like incredible disruption in this industry that nobody thought could be disrupted because of the technology because of suddenly, you know, you've got like people on TikTok, you know, just like filming themselves driving Uber who have become as famous, probably is like the most famous person was back in the 60s. And that was never supposed to happen. Just that alone is such a sign of this monolithic dam just breaking into pieces and spraying like geysers of weirdness into the zeitgeist, you know? It's like, the idea was you have like this,

a few companies that are choosing who they think could be a star and based on like a really specific set of characteristics which produce the idea of the leading man. This is what they look like, you know, they're heterosexual, symmetrical, whatever the fuck. And now the whole thing's falling apart. But it's bullshit. Now. It's like tick tock and all that

stuff. It's not our it's it's like, it's like everybody just has like a like, it's it's just voyeuristic. It's like Maury put it's like everybody can Challenge you on that. Let me challenge you on that This is something I remember when I first started working at the Comedy Store and I've seen so many waves of it now an old comic would come in and watch a young comic on stage with a look of Someone watching like a nuclear bomb go off over their their city.

It's over now. Whatever this is, this is not comedy. And they would say it. They were so bitter and angry because their entire act had been developed over years to match some idea of, oh, this is comedy. And then suddenly you've got like. David Cross and they're like, what the fuck? They're just there. That's all dependent on who that comic is. I mean, you can say that about, you know, some hack, older comic who comes in and is just like, I don't get this, but it's like, you never got anything before.

Because, like, think about, Rodney Dangerfield, who was an old guy, and would see people like Sam Kinnison, and like, Norm MacDonald. Andy Warhol. People said that about him. It's like, some new medium emerges. Right now, it's social media. And yeah, definitely within that medium, there's stuff that I don't find even slightly interesting and somewhat like apocalyptic in its qualities of how incredibly vapid it seems to be

and how like absolutely boring and uninteresting to my old ass it seems. But there is like a movement, it's an art movement that for sure doesn't look like anything we would think of as art, but it has its own aesthetic. It has its own structure. It has its own cadence. Like they all kind of talk the same.

You know what I mean? That's not good though. Well, it's an emergent form. You're looking at an evolving form. Something will pop out of it that will totally be incredible artistic. And probably there's already stuff on there that is. I think it's just as much art as any other thing out there.

I think what the problem is, is that everything is just too easily accessible now. And I think anything that's worth anything takes a little bit of legwork. Nothing organically spreads anymore. It's like, oh, yeah, you get this hock-toey girl or whatever. But it's just easy.

It's just this easy bullshit. But think of things, again, like, you know, like music. Like, do you remember the first time you heard that Violent Femmes album, the first Violent Femmes album? Incredible. But remember, and how did you hear it? Somebody played it for you. Like, I remember, I remember exactly where I was. I was a freshman in high school. I mean, the album was probably already five years old at that. I don't know. I think the album came out in 1983 or something. But this kid had a tape and he's like, did you? Because I think I had Guns N' Roses' appetite for destruction because

when I heard that, I was just like, what is this? This is something. It clicked with you. I was just like, what is this? This is something, it clicked with you. And then it organically spread. Like there wasn't like, you know, there wasn't like this monster, there weren't these promotional machines. It was like these things popped up, like the violent fems, which is like,

nobody ever heard folk punk. Like what the fuck is that? I never heard anything like this. It's like Adam had a cassette tape. I listened to it and was just like, what is this? There were two times when I was in high school, that kid Adam with the Violent Femmes album and I was just like, this is something.

I wanna see more. I wanna find out what this is all about. And then there was another guy on the bus who had Master of Puppets by Metallica. I was like, have you ever heard this? And I put it in my Walkman and was just like, I've never heard anything like this. I want it. What is this? Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, that's I feel like and yeah, maybe it's foggy talk. But I think when you get to the nucleus of good things, like there's that the

organic spreading of like smells like teen spirit Nirvana. That was like a video that was put on MTV at fucking 11 o'clock at night. And the million people who were watching TV at that time saw that. And the next day, were watching TV at that time saw that. And the next day, everybody was calling, what was that? What was that? We want to know what that is. So it wasn't like, you know, just this nonstop, this is what you like.

This is what you like. This is what you like. Dude, so what you're talking about is the death of this like ritual. It was a ritual. So the ritual is you have this magical item. It's the descendants, it's a Daniel Johnston tape, it's Sabato or some shit. And you are hanging out with a kid who has yet

to be introduced to something that isn't on the radio. They and then you play it for them. You're stoned and you watch their face. You watch them. Why do you have to be stoned? Because you were fucked. Don't act like you were weren't stoned. That was part of it. Shut the fuck up. Okay, I'll be quiet for the rest of the podcast. Sorry. Good. Well, do us all a favor. Go ahead. Rattle on about your being high as a child. First of all, I wasn't a child.

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Rocketmoney.com slash dunkin. I got held back. No, but that thing is definitely like a defining moment for a lot of people artistically. And you're totally right. Like, yeah, that thing has been replaced by an algorithm that has been programmed based on capitalist interest and whatever the ethical moral standards are of the company, promoting material and legal issues. And so everything is instantaneously put through some kind of filter that on the other side of it you're seeing some neutered stuff. I mean, the classic example of this would be when some neutered stuff. I mean the classic example of

this would be when YouTube started cracking down. Like YouTube used to be the go-to place. That was my favorite thing to do. Look for videos with the lowest amount of views. Yeah I used to do that every night laying in my bed. You would find some of the craziest shit on there. 2015-ish. 2015-16 is when it started going away. Yeah, but they stopped doing that. And so we lost this way of peering into some very bizarre, fringy corners of the world.

Also, the dead internet theory covers this pretty well, which is websites used to look completely different than they do now. People would make their own websites, they would have bulletin boards, message boards, and all of that stuff has been co-opted by corporations because it's easier to go on Reddit than it is to figure out a way to get on some private server. The closest thing we have is like Discord, which is incredibly highly super moderated. And so this way of sort of like, you know, being invited into the underground by your cool friend,

you're right. Like if you have become a phone addict or something like that, you are probably not experiencing that. And the closest we have to it now is someone DMs you like a TikTok clip or some shit, which is nothing close to it. So you you're totally right. Or there is but there are some things like I didn't I sent you that video. Remember the guy he's driving and he's talking about how he's like love sucking cock. Yeah, like an old guy and I did and I did my own version. Did I send you that where it's like it was so funny But like there there are certain things like that because that I don't know where that came from

That's something that's just like certain people You know, it's funny because then you find out that's when you realize that you have found Your people, you know, like everywhere you go, like you and I both moved away from home at a certain time. Yeah. And like, you know, just we're on our own. And looking back, it's like you find these people that you're like, okay, this is we're from the same planet, like whatever, wherever the fuck we came from, we're from the same

planet. This is a guy or a girl that, okay, this is, we're gonna be connected for the rest of our lives. Even if we don't talk to each other for eight years at a time. Which goes back to the making, you know, making your own films and stuff on your own. Like you have to find, it can take years to piece together

the puzzle pieces that you need to make these things that require more than just you. And a good shortcut to that is rich parents. That I found, that's something that I learned over the years when I just couldn't figure out things about people. Because where I grew up, everybody was the same. Their dad was a cop or a fireman or some kind of like union guy. And then when I moved to Austin and stuff,

I was never around where it's just like, oh, your dad owns Exxon. Because I wouldn't figure. And people who are like that, and this is, I'm not slamming them, I'm not like classist whatever, this is just me figure that I was like, oh, that cracked the code in my head, because there would be guys who are like, you know, hanging out all, I'm just like, oh, they're just always out every night at the bar. And, and you know, they're just always doing things I don't think they have it like what do they do for a living? Yeah, it was like I'm going to fucking work

Like I have to you know, I'm constantly like oh I have $25 in the bank I have to like go and do carpentry. Yeah, I get $300 so I could pay my rent I'm just like how does that guy do it? He has a nice place too. And then one girl told me one time she's like, well, there were a couple times where, yeah, either way, she's like, Oh, well, you know, that, you know, he pays for everything with that American Express card. That's his parents. And they pay rent and everything. Oh, and you're like, oh, and it wasn't even like I wasn't it wasn't judgmental. I was just like, oh, that makes

sense. And there was another time with a guy and I was like living on his couch. I was homeless. I was sleeping on his couch. Yes, until I could figure out how to get a place again. And, and he that's the thing, you know, people who... I mean, if you do grow up poor, people who didn't do that really romantic, they're just like, wow, because you have these legitimate stories

that are unbelievable to people that are just like, well, you know, where they're just like, well, why don't you just call your dad? Like, why don't you just get money if you need money? And you know what's super ironic about it is that somewhere in the line, in that line, the lineage of wealth, there's a person who is exactly like you were,

who had nothing, some fucking immigrant, who like worked their fucking ass off and got rich enough that their kids didn't have to worry about anything. And then their kids didn't have to worry. And that's where it gets really weird is because the what ends up happening is this warping effect where the initial scion or whatever, the main person was this some rugged non-victim

survivalist, you fucking- Murderer. Murderer. Murderer. Yeah, I mean like it's like this. It's like my grandfather, or your great-great-grandfather was like a steel bar, like he invented the railroads or whatever, and it's like that guy was industrious. He murdered people.

He had the fucking like fight to make this thing happen. It would take the murder out of the equation, but then. It would take the murder out of the equation. But then shouldn't take it out of the equation because that you're if you do, you know, Buckminster Fuller is. Yeah, of course. OK, so this is Buckminster Fuller said, you know, pointed out that at one point we didn't know the earth was round. I know you don't still don't believe that brand of it.

Oh, because well, we'll get into that later. But yeah, I can I have, I have more proof about it. OK, well, anyway, so they didn't know. They thought the Earth was flat. And whatever area they were born in, just because of a lack of modes of transportation, that's pretty much the world for them. So everyone was living in these little microcosms.

And then people figured out how to microcosms. And then people figured out how to, you know, make a boat. And then people figured out how to make a better boat. And then the this was the pirates. And so now you go out in your fucking boat, you found you find some microcosm of people who didn't even know that that could work. They didn't even know there were other lands, the fucking Vikings, they were like this, and you just pillage. You fucking take their shit, you say, I'm your king now or you're dead. And so this is the way civilization became what it is, which is really interesting because pirates were democratic. Like a lot of the pirate ships, they would vote. And a lot of the way that we run things now

is like some sort of evolved version of pirate code. So you are not wrong in pointing out that somewhere upstream or I guess up the temporal stream, there are very violent people who were like fucking like bad ass, dude. Like they knew how to sail. They knew diplomacy. They knew how to sword fight.

They knew how to write poetry. They knew how to write. Exactly. Because you're like, you have a vision. Like if you're in 1809 and you have a vision for like, like going back to the, you know, studios being like, you know, reservoir dogs, it's too violent. It's going to have to be rated X. This is never coming out. And then boom, it comes out every. So take that, put that in 1809 where guys like, I have an idea for, you know, you put rails on the ground and you have these things that are steam powered

that go across the entire country. And everybody's just like, that guy's fucking crazy. We should fucking kill it. So you have to legitimately like forget about arguing with suits at Paramount. You have to be like, I need to fucking do this because this is going to change the fucking world. And anybody who gets in my way has to get the fuck out of my way. No matter how it's done. Yeah.

And so you have these guys in 1809 who like fucking make it. They do it. They didn't get murdered when they're trying to change, you know, cause it's like somebody's going to try to kill you too. You're not this like invincible JP Morgan being. So you, you know, you do you have this vision, you make it there. And then it's like, you know, this industry you created. So there's just billions of dollars which are worth zillions of dollars now, you know, in inflation. So now generationally, his kids never, you know,

it's like they have fucking, you know, flying, they have little airplanes, they fly around, whatever, they're just, they're, they're, they're set. And then so, but those kids maybe have a little bit of, you know, because they're raised by the guy who fought his way to make his dream happen. So they get a little bit from him and they're like, oh, wow, dad is the coolest, dad did this shit. Oh, that's how the world works. Maybe I'll do something.

And then they go and they have a vision and maybe they create like a little thing because they have all the money in the world. They're just like, hey, I have an idea for a, you know, off to grab or whatever. And so then they do it. And then their kids who are raised by this watered down version of the real industrious guy are like, Yeah, I guess I

could. Yeah, my dad, I guess. Yeah, if you have a bunch of money, you can do whatever you want. Maybe I'll go and, you know, do yarn art or whatever. And then they do that. And then they have kids. And so then it just gets watered down to where generationally it's just like, a rich kid raising another rich kid, raising another rich kid who never did anything.

So there's just like no skillset except, I have money and I can do whatever I want, but I don't know what I want. Like, oh, what's that guy doing? Oh, that guy seems cool. Oh, he's in a band. I want to have a band. I can hire the most expensive studio and a bunch of people. I can have a band. I can be the strokes. I think that's how the strokes happen, not to slam them, but like, you know, when it's just like, I could just piece together something and it takes no struggle, no vision. Okay. So this is Europe. So this is like, I could just piece together something that takes no struggle, no.

OK, so this is Europe. So this is like I love we're talking about this. So this is this conversation is. A conversation about everything right now, which is. Terrence McKenna talked about this as we get closer to the singularity. The amount of time between something you envision and its manifestation in the world. Terrence, Terrence McDonald, the guy who invented McDonald's. Yeah, Terrence McDonald, brilliant psychedelics, read a lot of books. A lot of people don't know that. But like the McDonald's McDonald's.

You know this about since you're talking about fast food, you know, the the that burger chain, Carl's Jr. Of course. Do you know who started that? Now Carl's Carl Sagan son. That's why it's called Carl's Jr. Oh, yeah, I get that man. Yeah.

Pale blue dot. I remember the pale blue dot meal. Yeah. The, um, I'm sorry. So so wrapped up in. The idea of success or how to get things done is this concept of pain that that there is almost like a.

Injection of personal suffering that has to go into creation or the creation itself is is is not as valid. No, I think not necessarily I don't think it's pain. But I think it's any I think it's just work. Like, like work, which is struggle, which is some level of struggle and work. A big expenditure of energy. The idea is because to blow up the fucking balloons that have made modern civilization required a lot of fucking air.

And now with technology blowing up those exact same balloons, it doesn't take any air at all. You don't have to use your air at all. Superintelligence will do it for you. And so this is a fascinating cultural problem because we have begun to associate success with the suffering that anyone who's succeeded has gone through to get to that point. This episode of the DTFH is brought to you by Reunion. I'm sure you're aware of all the incredible studies coming out after they ended the horrific This episode of the DTFH is brought to you by Reunion. I'm sure you're aware of all the incredible studies coming out after they ended the horrific

prohibition on the study of psychedelics that happened because Nixon wanted a way to arrest people and couldn't arrest people based on their ideology. So he just made what they were using to expand their consciousness illegal. Look it up. It's true. Not a conspiracy theory. And what does that mean? That means that we stopped researching all of these wonderful psychedelics that anyone who's had a dose has probably thought, you know what, I think this is making me a better person. But then you turn on the news and it shows some weirdo

like smashing an egg on a griddle and they say that's your brain on all drugs and this was madness. We're emerging from the pharmacological inquisition into a new day and the studies that are coming out now are showing that many psychedelics such as psilocybin actually have a healing effect on the human brain. They perhaps even cause a neurogenesis. They help brain cells grow back, which is the exact opposite of what those pigs told us would happen.

It angers me. Now what's incredible is there are places that you can go and experience psychedelics maybe in a way you never have before. If you're me, the way you've experienced psychedelics is like, oh, let's see what happens if I take these and go to the mall or Disneyland. And instead of doing that, you might as well just stretch your testicles out

on a cutting board and find a hammer and just hammer them. Because it's crazy how south things can go if you don't follow the prescription that was given to us by Tim Leary and Alpert in their book, The Psychedelic Experience, which is give yourself a couple of days to get to where you're going to take the psychedelic and then give yourself days to integrate the experience into your life. This is a totally different way of taking psychedelics than most people even are aware of. Which is why I love today's sponsor, Reunion. Reunion offers seven day all inclusive psilocybin or ayahuasca retreats that combine ancient indigenous wisdom with the neuroscience of change

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Go to reunionexperience.org to book a discovery call, secure your spot, and learn more about plant medicine. And for our listeners, use code DUNCAN during registration to save $250 off your retreat at reunionexperience.org. Thank you, Reunion. You win, this is a thing that people say all the time, which is apparently not true. It's bullshit. If you win the lottery, your life collapses. That's what people say.

That's not true. That's just something that people started saying. People who win the lottery, you know, a couple of people went into crazy and bought a golden, you know, house. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. But a lot of the times that isn't the case. And so this, I have it in me too, this idea that there needs to be a sufficient amount of suffering to validate something that I've created.

This is probably in our DNA because that is how everything got created. But now it's changing. Now it isn't like that anymore and it will get increasingly different. It won't be like that anymore. The notion of struggle as we understand it is going to seem archaic. Like that. Well, yeah, they had to fucking struggle because they couldn't instantaneously employ a drone drones to build something or nanobots to construct something or they couldn't or CRISPR to like create some fucking. Well, it takes away the organic evolution of things too, which is part of the... Natural selection, you mean? Yeah.

How... Wait, is that where the cavemen and the dinosaurs were here 6,000 years ago on the flat earth? That thing I was telling you? I sent you that article. Dude, I agree that the caveman and the dinosaurs were at war. And I know that's why they got wiped out, the dinosaurs. But that's all part of the flat earth thing that I sent you. Yeah, but I don't believe that.

If you believe that, well, how can you, well, then that's just, you know- How can I what? How can you buy into the fact about the caveman dinosaur wars? The caveman dinosaur wars is accepted by every archaeologist and scientist around the world. OK, where did it happen? On the flat earth. Because they talk about the edges of the earth.

Why does the earth have to be flat? That's just the way it is. What do you mean, why does it have to be flat? Why does U2 have to have Bono as the singer? It's just the way it is. The earth used to have an attached ring, which gave the impression that it was flat. So it's just like, think of walking off the edge

of a table sitting on a ball. That's what it was. It was like the earth had like, essentially like it was like a table. And so a lot of people are living on top of the table. It is like a table. No, it's a table. It's a, well, that, that, that table,

the sides got blown off during the wars. No. And then that's a table. It's a well that that that table decides got blown off during the wars. No, and then that's okay. You should fucking you should read the article. I say I just had someone on the podcast who was talking about the dinosaur caveman Wars and the theorizing on how they blew up the Ed side table as this called. Well, the what I was talking, I wasn't talking about that kind of evolution.

I was talking about the, you know, the, you know, it all goes together, like organic, like talking about the, like the violent fems, nirvana, you know, guns and roses, like I just keep using music example. I think violent fems is the best example for something that, you know, just keep using music example. I think Violent Femmes is the best example for something that, you know, just was like completely different.

But the, you know, you know, not to just use pop culture, you know, music and movies or whatever, but the organic kind of growth of things where it's just like, hey, this guy, like the Jerky Boys. Do you remember the Jerky Boys before they were officially released,

when the tapes were just passed around? Yeah. Like that's like that shit, it can still happen. We have the means to make it happen, easier than ever, but it's like, it's not, that's, the cream's not rising to the top because there's so much static out there of just algorithm-based people trying to do-

It's the radio. It's just the radio. You're just talking about the radio. You're, but just people don't realize there's the radio here. Imagine like the radio when you found like the cool college station when you were a kid or whatever.

But if there were four million radio channels that you had to go through, you wouldn't find that because there's four million radio channels playing the same computer generated shit. This is what produced the underground. The underground is always a reaction to default reality. So the underground appear, there's some, just what you're saying, a hydra of content that just is spewing out shit and nullifying. If you have become convinced that it's representative of the world, which so many people have, and it's an easy thing to trick yourself into thinking,

then yeah, it's the same thing as hearing the radio and thinking that's all music, which people would think. They didn't even know, they had no idea. But dude, it's still the same, guaranteed. It's still the fucking same. I mean, you know. I'm not saying it's different, I'm just saying that there's a lot more sludge you have to trudge through. It's like another

example. And this is this is and I'm just starting to embrace technology in figuring out like, oh, this is very useful, like Wikipedia, whatever I just read about Anthony Perkins, the guy who played in Psycho. His, that guy was fascinating. His Wikipedia page, his Wikipedia page is a hundred pages long. Like it's like the longest Wikipedia page I've ever seen. I love that you're like, I'm embracing technology and you mentioned Wikipedia.

Well, I mean, but in the sense, no, in the, in the sense that like the tools that are available that you can use for useful purposes, not seeing tits easily or zoning out to TikTok or Instagram, like the tools that are available. And what I was gonna bring up to compare to what I'm talking about sifting through bullshit is when you go to buy something online and then you go and you look at the reviews, it's like, oh, well, it has five star reviews. And then you go, I'm going to read these reviews and just see what it says. And it's all fucking bought bullshit, bought or paid for by people where it's like, I got a free thing.

So they said if I write this review, so you're like, oh, now I don't, you know, okay, so these reviews are useless. There's no way. And I think that is just that should be like the highest crime in the land right now. Like people who muddy the waters, like when you're on Craigslist trying to, you know, find a fucking bunk bed for your kids. And there's ads where it's just like, you know, one dollar. And you go and it's like, this is some garbage warehouse. Get the fuck out of here. Why are you fucking muddying the waters for everybody?

And the same with the ads. I think that should be like the thought. You should be punished. That's there should be a severe criminal punishment. Like what? What would you do? Spam shit. Send them to jail for a little bit or send them do something like take away. It's like you are you're in cyber jail.

You're not allowed to have a fucking computer for a year, asshole, for doing this shit, because you're making life harder for everybody else. Like everybody who's trying to just fucking buy a thing to put the shoes on in their house, you know, like, and then they go on the Bed Bath and Beyond fucking website and they go, oh, this one. Okay, this one's a fair price. Let me read the reviews. And it's all from fucking broken English, Philippine. It's from the manufacturer.

And then you buy the thing. And it's the biggest piece of shit you've ever fucking had in your life. You're like, these motherfuckers. Like, this is making my life. I shouldn't be spending any time thinking about a goddamn shoe rack. And now it's a whole week long fucking thing.

Fucking fucks. Dude, they, the, what? We're just muddying the waters, like fucking emails that you get. That's fucking spam shit. And they're, and they're getting better. Like where I'm, you almost get tricked sometimes where you're like, wait, what is this?

And then you're like, oh motherfucker, why, what the fuck? I'm just trying to get through my day. And now I'm like getting, you know, bombarded with bull, try trick, people trying to get through my day. And now I'm like getting bombarded with people trying to trick you and people lying and these fucking products. Well, dude, you're definitely describing this sort of medium, the medium of the thing. And what I love about it, know and I you know I don't

know this for sure I wish I but I like you know that Maxim as above so below you can kind of like wait you know Maxim magazine what issue was that it was on cover 108 issue 108 oh is that with Rachel Ray no Candy Tart. God bless her. Candy Tart. I don't know if I have that. Well, regardless, in that issue, they were talking about the idea as above so below, that you can understand the entire universe just by looking at your own life, because most of us are generally the same. And so, you know, one example of that being like, obviously, there's a hierarchy of intelligence in the world. You know, there's like, some animals are clearly

more intelligent than other animals, some people are more intelligent than other people. And so, from that, you can sort of think like, oh, fuck man,, there are like some really brilliant people out there who are really having fun with the medium right now. Because most like really smart people that I know, especially like comedians, but they have like a troll quality to them. And since they just like to like, see what happens if we fuck with this thing.

And so like to suddenly have this thing that isn't that hard to manipulate. Something that if all you have to do is mimic the form, you know what I mean? Mimic the cadence, mimic the, and there's like all kinds of YouTube videos of people like talking about how to game the system. And they're they're stupid and ridiculous because it feels nihilistic almost

because there isn't any artistry to it. They just want to get more views to get money from TikTok. But the the the fact that you have this thing where you could easily camouflage yourself as it or hire someone to camouflage as the thing or deep fake somebody. Well, that's all, yeah, that's nefarious. All that shit. And then start injecting into normie culture,

crazy shit. Yeah. Dude, what a delight. But if there's- it's so cool. But you know, I mean, I do I think that's nefarious because I do take joy in, you know, goofing. Do you remember like, boy, it was probably like five years ago now when I did a tweet where I said, Oh, today I learned that legally in the United States,

you can't have an Applebee's and a Chili's within a five-mile radius of each other. And it caused people, because that's another thing that I discovered with having fun with people. Because when people know they're right about something, most people are just like, you know, they have a job with some idiot telling them what to do, and they never have a say in the matter.

They can never pipe up and be like, wait, no, I know this is wrong. Like, I used to start before the internet, or before smartphones. I would start arguments with people. Where the, um people about Mike Myers. I would say, oh, my favorite Mike Myers character on Saturday Night Live was the making copies guy.

Making copies. The Steve-o, the Steve-meister. And people would be like, no, that's not Mike Myers. But they could never remember Rob Schneider's name. They'd be like, it was another guy. And I would just argue with them. But like my argument was so. Infuriating because I would just say, yes, I would just keep repeating. I'd say, no, it was Mike Myers.

Remember, he'd be like the Steve Meister make it. And they're like, no, no, I remember the character, but it wasn't Mike Myers. And I go, no, yeah, it was Mike Myers. Remember, he'd be like, the Steve Meister. Make it, and they're like, no, no, I remember the character, but it wasn't Mike Myers. And I go, no, yeah, it was Mike Myers. Because remember, he'd be like, whoa, making copies. And I would just keep... Wait, what's the Obama thing you used to do? Melania and...

Oh, okay, yeah. And I would say it's, yeah, it's the, I'd be like, it's crazy to me, and I don't wanna be conspiratorial, but I don't know how the press has never mentioned that Donald Trump and Barack Obama, that Donald Trump's wife and Barack Obama's daughter are both named Melania.

Yes! And people are just like, no, it's Melia, you know, and I'd go, no, it's, no, I'm talking about his daughter Melania. Like when you just find that like, when you can get yourself in the headspace of, you know, the kind of the best characters ever invented in comedy, the like, the the confident moron, like, like, like Danny McBride character, Steve Martin's characters. Like, when you just are this confident moron

who just skirts around their argument, the point they're making, you're like, no, I know what you're saying, but I'm talking about how Donald Trump's wife and Barack Obama's daughter are both named Melania. Dude, see, that's art to me. To me, that is playing with a medium in a comedic way that is brand new in the sense like,

you know, some of my favorite videos are people prank calling public access shows. Oh yeah, the best. God, geez, is that so funny. And watching how angry they get, and yet they keep answering the fucking phone, and then no one's calling to do a serious call. But that was like,

you know, you still had to wait on hold to get in there. Now you have a direct pipeline into the consciousness of the zeitgeist and nothing can stop you. And the algorithm fucks up sometimes and propels some madness that has been sprayed into the internet everywhere. And that is art. And toying with the insane acceptance people have for what they see online. Like, dude, it's human fucking centipede out there, man.

It's like someone will read some take. So basically the way it works is at the very top of the human centipede, the person shitting in everyone else's mouths, and who they're shitting in other people's mouths, are these like outspoken people who say some kind of like edgelordy thing. This fills someone else with a sense of vengeance. At last, someone said the thing. Then they will take that idea, that concept, and they feel safe saying it now. And then they will say it in their own words. And then someone else will see that.

And then they'll say it in their same words. And it's just shitting in someone's mouth, and then you're swallowing it, shitting it in the next person's mouth. And this is like what we're looking at, basically. It's like an entropic diarrhea echo that is going through everyone's fucking phones and computers constantly all day long. And whoa, dude, you can also just imitate, just get in there a little bit, have some fun. This is one of the things I love that you do. It's finding a way around it.

Like there's obvious ways to goof on things. And a lot of times it's not in the right spirit. Like it's mean-spirited where it's got like a fuck you angle. So you have to find a playful way, which I think, you know, like the crank calls that you're talking about, which I'm going to take a moment to do a plug about talking about industrialists. I mean, I'm doing these new shows that I'm touring.

Talking about industrialists? Well, basically, this is going to be, this is a hard road for me, because I'm inventing a new form of comedy, that I'm doing these live shows where I make calls on stage. I'm not done bowing yet. You have to do seven bows. But no, yeah, I don't want, I'm not trying to gas myself up too much,

but I'm doing these live shows called After In The Light. Your show's super fucking funny, dude. So I think you should. It's great, and I think it's for, you know, and listen, I don't want to sound whatever, but you know, it's like, you've been around comedy enough. There's a lot of it's been infiltrated by business people who learn mechanics like people who are like, I want to be I love comedians. I want to be a

comedian, but they don't you know, it's like I want to be Michael Jordan too, but I don't have the natural ability that it takes whatever. This is a show for you. I've always thought you do have the natural ability. Michael Jordan. I can dunk. Fucking crush me whenever we play in LA, man. You are fucking brutal out there. I can dunk from the free throw line. You've seen it.

Dude, you're fucking, it's, that by the way, is something, it's so weird to me you don't film that because if people saw you playing basketball. That's just for me. Go ahead. But no, I'm doing these shows called Afternoon Delight. They're in the afternoon. They're starting at 420-ish, you know, whatever,

just because that's a time. It's an early show, because, like, listen, we're old now. We have kids. This is for, like, people who you come to the show. The show's over by, like, six. So you can go out all night if you want to, or you can go home and be home at a decent hour. The show's early because I make phone calls on stage

and I have guests that will come like comedians or like magicians, people who I find entertaining. And the thing is that, you know, like if you have like the comics who will do well, I want funny people. You have to be, I'm not here to hear, I don't want you to come do your seven minute set. Have a funny thing in the moment, because then we're gonna call some people

and just have some fun. And it's not mean-spirited, like, you know, whatever. It's not jerky boys. We call people and we get into, you know, sometimes we're on the phone for 20 minutes with people because they start telling you a crazy story and then you're having fun on stage and it's this weird social experiment

and I'm doing these shows. I'm doing- Have you had a show yet where you don't get an interesting call or where, you know, when I was doing prank calls in college, that was always like, that was fun is like, because you never know when one's going to hit. But sometimes you would have to really like keep calling before you got there.

I have, you know, I've been pretty, I've been very lucky where, because like right now you're limited to businesses. Nobody answers strange calls on their phone. So you have to call businesses. And I've been very lucky. The last show I did in Los Angeles, I'm doing one on the 21st. I think this will come out after this. I'm doing one this Sunday. So this will probably come out afterward.

But it's still enjoyable because I like having to keep. It's like you're a plate spinner up there and you just have to keep the show moving. You have to keep people entertained. So if you're having bad calls, you're telling Joe like whatever you're just trying to keep you're making right, trying to keep people entertained with jokes or playing songs. Yeah. And and it's also it's like watching a tightrope act for the audience to where they're just like, this is oh, this is hilarious. This isn't working for him at this moment.

But then it does, but then you do get a call. Like there was a call with, whatever, I called like a GNC, a vitamin store or whatever, and got this kid on the phone. And then he got into this story about how he had sex with an old lady. He used to deliver appliances. And he's like, and I'm like, how old was this woman?

And he's like, old. And this kid, this is like a kid in his 20s. He's like, she was old. She had like a walker. And it was just like, what? And it's just like, you know, it was consensually, you know, like, she was old. She had like a walker and it was just like, what? And it's just like, you know, it was consensually, you know, like obviously you explore this and the audience is riveted. But I also have other things cooked up for, you know, like there's, you know, there's these other silly kind of playful things that I do to quote,

unquote, prank the audience. Like, you know, whatever. I don't want to give too much away. But afternoondelightshow.com. I'm doing shows in Chicago July 27th and 28th. And I'm doing shows in Portland August 10th and 11th. And Doug Stanhope will be my guest on those shows. That's cool.

So and yeah, and I'm going to be seeing Ween August 8th and 9th. That's why I'm going to be in Portland. But afternoondelightshow.com. And it's this is because going into this and we talked on the phone for a long time yesterday. And I told you I was like, you know, for the first time in my life, I want people to come to my shows. I'm proud of what I'm doing. Excited about it. Yes, because I've just been slogging

through doing what I think I should be doing and doing enough to get by, but always being frustrated in like, this isn't what I want to be doing. What the fuck? How do I get out of this? You know? Because then it becomes your job, too, where you're like, this is how I make money, by going on the fucking road

and making enough, you know, I make, I was never making a lot of money, but I was making as much money or a little bit more money than I would be making doing a job that I can get at this point in my life. But that sucks not looking, like if you're not really enjoying it. It's that's a bad feeling.

COVID was a great that was the best thing about COVID for me to give me because then because there's no way out of it when you start doing stand up and you're just like, yeah, OK, I got I have a gig. Great. I needed it. Rent's paid, whatever. And then it's just like, you know, you get the emails from the improv or whatever the clubs around town and the shows that people book. And you're like, yeah know, you get the emails from the improv or whatever the clubs around town and the shows that people book and you're like, yeah, okay, I go and I tell jokes and uninspired, whatever. This is

just what I do. And then when COVID happened, that's the first time in like 15 years that I had, you know, diarrhea unstoppable for eight days straight. That was bad. That was weird. You had the weirdest COVID ever dude. That's so I mean, I know it's the best. You you love diarrhea having diarrhea. I mean though why?

It's better than an orgasm. Why? I love spraying. I love it. It's better than an orgasm. Why? I love spraying. I hate it. It's better than an orgasm. It makes my stuff cramp. I prefer. It gives me cramps. It hurts sometimes.

It's like the old saying goes, brown squirting from the back is better than white squirting from the front. It feels better. It's more satisfying. I mean, I've heard that so many times. In your case, yellowish green squirting from the front. I know that you have that semen issue.

Yes, I do. It's discolored. It is getting darker. You know they sell like a crest white strips has a version now for semen. Bleach, it's bleach. I'm not gonna. Well, no, it's like a piece of tape

that you put over it. You know the way, if you don't like the way my semen looks or smells or tastes, because it does have a very like intense, I didn't say I didn't like it, I'm just saying it's different. Well, you always insinuated that to me, and it was always hurtful.

I just, I'm sorry if it hurt your feelings. I just was- Of course it did. I was remarking that it was- Kick my ass at basketball, then you tell them my cum tastes like shit? Well, kick my ass at basketball, then you tell him I come taste like shit. Well, in my defense, when we were playing basketball, and then you dunked on me, when you did that dunk right in my face in the you're you came in my mouth a little bit, like, obviously, I was more annoyed that you just dumped on me.

All right. And I was just like, get your shitty tasting semen out of my face. Hey, you want to know what it's like to dunk? Take your pants off and I'll put you on my shoulders and you could put the ball in. And I'm like, why would I sit in the front? Shouldn't I get on the back? That's the first thing I said. And you're like, no.

I'm not talking about that time. You wear those little tiny shorts when we play. And shoes, tiny shoes. Which is odd to me. I wasn't gonna bring that up, but it's why would you wear shoes that are like four sizes too small when you're playing sports?

Because you're stupid fucking basketball rules. No one understood that. Why were you making us all wear weird tiny fucking shoes? I didn't do that. I just said, dress how you want. And then I made a chart. No you didn't. No you didn't. Yes I did. I said, dress how you want and then I did. Yes, I did. I said it's like I said dress however you

want and here's a chart you can select from this chart. Here's some ideas and I do put like, you know, here's an idea for Duncan tiny shoes. You know that that okay. So Percy comes to play. He's one of our best players on my fucking team. He is wearing regular sneakers. You made him cry. I didn't make him cry. You fucking, you humiliated him, man.

He cried. But it wasn't, I mean, listen, if you're playing basketball and you cry during a game, it's not, is it because that one person, the actions of one person? Like, I mean, I didn't, I didn't punt. I didn't do anything. Every single person who was in your league at some point, you broke us down, dude.

You broke us down. It's an intense game. Well, it doesn't have to be that intense. I mean. Well, I mean, okay, yeah. And the sky doesn't need to be blue and, you know, whatever. The Teslas don't need to be electric. What is like your arguments of like things don't have to be

things don't have to be this way. Dunking is cool. And I your form is incredible. But that every time you dunk, did you really have to do diarrhea? Did you have to like human? Human being human beings have body up in the air. Did you really have to do diarrhea? Did you have to like spray diarrhea? I'm human. Human beings have bodily functions.

It's so gross that sick arc of hot dog diarrhea is you slam the ball down and then there's diarrhea all over the court that gets on our shoes. There's a guy that mops it up. There's a guy that mops it up. Oh yeah. He didn't want to do that.

Victor. Victor loves it. Victor, that's his job. That's why we all pay. That's why we all pay that into the account. You kept 50% of that shit. Yeah, because I have to go get the, I get the diarrhea lops. I don't want to get back into here.

I pay Victor out of that. I use that to inflate the basketballs. Afternoon Delight, go see Afternoon Del delight. Go see afternoon delight show.com. Check it out. Chicago, Portland and Los Angeles. You just missed the show. But you didn't have to tell them they missed the show. It's kind of lame.

Did you change your name? Because remember when you were really in the basketball and you changed you. I remember you went to the courthouse. I don't know. Maybe you didn't have your credit card, but you were going to change your name to Dunking Trussell because you, I taught you how to dunk. Yeah. I was so excited that day and I went in there and they have a fucking basketball court.

And that's just why they call it the courthouse. A lot of people don't know that. And they're like, let, let me see you dunk. Because you can't change your name to dunking or any version of dunk or anything unless you can actually dunk, which is why they have to have the basketball court. Well, anyway, I got so fucking nervous.

And because I was in a hurry, I put on the shoes that I was wearing when we were playing the night before. And, um, they, it was like, there was still moist because you had just had like, you were just doing your thing and there was diarrhea. I wasn't doing my thing. I wasn't doing my thing. You left my humidifier when we were smoking cigars the night before. Diarrhea all over my shoes. We were doing, no, no, no, that was cigar juice from the humidifier. You know that you love my cigar juice. Okay, guess what?, no, that was cigar juice from the humidifier. You know that, you love my cigar.

All my cigar juice. Okay, guess what? You're banned from my cigar room from now on. Good, I never wanna go back to your fucking cigar. We'll see. As soon as the podcast ends, my phone's gonna ring, you're just begging me. I slipped,

cause there was still wet diarrhea on my heels, and I fucking didn't make the dunk, and everyone in the courtroom laughed Why are you wearing high heel shoes? Why are you wearing the high? Dude, it's I've been waiting for that appointment for months You know, okay, so you don't have time to get the right shoes on I mean this is it This is a this sounds like a you problem. This is a Duncan It's always it's always someone else's problem for you. isn't it? No, with you it is.

You're always playing the blame game. All right, well thanks for coming on the show. This will never happen again. Afternoon Delight, Brendan Walsh. That's the end of the show? You can find it in Pennsylvania. He's going to be in the Chicago house of laughter. He's going to be at the Detroit Hall,

and you can find him at the William Blythe Coleridge Hall at Disneyland. Go see the show. Tickets are $500. The Dingo Heimer Schmidt Theater. Are you doing meet and greets? I do meets, but I don't do greets. Do you do meet and greets?

I do meets, but I don't do greets. You should start doing greets. I don't have social anxiety. Meet. I'm fine with meeting you, but I can't. It's just I, you know, say hello, dude. People got tickets to your fucking show. Say hello. So you get tickets to see Top Gun. Did Tom Cruise come over and shake my hand.

Let me just pull this up real quick to see how much you're charging for meet and greets. Oh my god. No, they're meats. You see your charges just meats. They're not eating grease charging $400 to silently let someone shake your hand while you're quiet. No, it's $4. Maybe I got to talk to my web guy. He didn't put the decimal point in. Yeah, talk to your web guy. It's $4 for the meat.

All right, Afternoon Delight. You can do a meat with Brendan. You're the best, man. Have a good day. Thanks for doing the show. That was Brendan Walsh, everybody. Make sure you go and see his show, Afternoon Delight. All the links you need to find out will be at dunkintrustle.com. Definitely check out his podcast and pray for him and for all of us so that we can finally be harmonized, unified, and transcend the boundaries of time, space, and become gods. See you next week.