Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 634: Ian Fidance

Episode Date: August 27, 2024

Ian Fidance, comedian and celebrated cumologist, re-joins the DTFH for an era-defining episode! You can learn more about Ian, and see all of his upcoming tour dates, on IanFidance.com! And check out Ian's podcast, Bein' Ian With Jordan, available everywhere you listen to podcasts. Original music by Aaron Michael Goldberg and Duncan Trussell. This episode is brought to you by: Rocket Money - Visit RocketMoney.com/Duncan to cancel your unwanted subscriptions and start saving! This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/duncan and get on your way to being your best self. Bilt - Earn points by paying rent right now when you go to joinbilt.com/DUNCAN

I got shows coming up. Oh, I'm so excited to get back to the Comedy Store. You can find me the 13th of September, the 14th of September, the 15th of September at the beloved La Jolla Comedy Store. Come see me, won't you? After that, I am headed to Helium in Philadelphia, the 10th, 11th, and 12th of October.

One of my favorite clubs out there. And then, oh Lord, I get to go to Canada, Vancouver, the 17th, 18th and 19th at the House of Comedy. After that, the 1st of November, woo, the Wilbur. Oh my God, I can't wait to see you there. We're almost sold out for that one, so please get your tickets now. Nashville, I'm coming to see you

at the 7th of November at Zany's. I really can't wait to get back to Zany's. And then on the 15th and 16th of November, I'm gonna be at Chicago, Illinois at the Den. Can't wait to see you there. Let's do a podcast. Sorry guys, one second. Whoo.

Monkeypox is no joke, friends. Welcome to the DTFH today, my God. This podcast, we could use it for so many things. It's that good. I'm sure you've heard about the breakthroughs people have made and fusion. They pale in comparison to what this podcast is going to do for our country, our planet, and more than likely the multiverse.

This will be the podcast that defines a generation. And of course you already know who the guest is, Ian Fydance, one of my best friends on planet earth. Met him when I was in New York. We were both getting our undergraduate degree in physics. He moved on to become a chymologist and then a comedian. And I moved on to become one of the foremost experts in chinchilla fur and the best ways to process chinchillas.

And then that strange path led me to comedy. And I reunited with Ian on a cruise ship just off the coast of Spain. Fascinating, he had been doing standup on a cruise ship just off the coast of Spain. Fascinating, he had been doing standup on another cruise ship which had been overcome by pirates and he was out there on a raft, floating out there half dead. And for a second, just because we all have it in us,

I thought about not telling anyone because I think I was the only one who noticed it out there. You know, one less comic I could probably do his material too because he's gone but I chose to blow the whistle that everyone on a cruise ship has to wear in case they see anybody floating out there and from the moment we pulled him on deck and gave him food to today we became the best of friends and I love him so much he's touring every weekend you got to go see him do stand up. You can find all his dates at IanFydance.com. And of course he has an incredible podcast being Ian with Jordan. All the Ian Fydance

data you need is at IanFydance.com. And now everybody please welcome to the DTFH, Ian Fydance. I'm throwing out a first pitch at a Cleveland Guardians game next month. No way. I'm so excited. That is terrifying. I am so excited. And my buddy, I'm flying out, no, my two childhood best friends are coming and I said, look, if you fly yourselves out, I'll get the hotel.

So I got us like a nice hotel. We're going to ball out. I'll get us dinner, you know, and they're coming. But I buy my, and they're coming. But I buy my plane tickets for my road gigs like two weeks out. And then I'm like, well, there goes my travel buy-out tickets are so expensive. And they're like adults with wives, one's divorced, one has kids. And so they're like, hello, we need to plan. Give us your flight itinerary two months out.

I'm like, what's the matter with you? I don't have time for this stress. Yes. Oh God, that is to me a different life form altogether. When people are like have their shit together at that level. Dude, I look at that in the same way I look at like Elon Musk in the same way, you know what I mean? It's like, what world are you in?

Yeah. Two months out, are you crazy? Crazy. My itinerary? When, and I feel bad, cause the clubs will like email me like, can we get your itinerary? And any normal human would be like, buy the, you knew this date was coming up for months.

And you know, tickets are more expensive the closer you get. So why wouldn't you get them months in advance? Dude this thing has been happening to me, and I don't know if it happens to you, but Some form of recognition where I recognize the thing that needs to be done, and I go I should be done Yep, yeah I'll do it and then I don't do it and then it comes to bite me in the ass in the long run. And I can see that moment in my mind's eye of

remember when you knew that you should have done this? Yeah, it happened with getting like full auto coverage, full, full damage coverage for a rental car. And then I got in an accident. And I remember the moment me going, yeah, I'm a good driver. You know, I don't need it, it's a waste of money. Yeah, it'll be fine. Yeah, yeah.

I gotta get plane tickets, you know what? You do, and you'll get them in a couple weeks before the kick. It'll happen, it'll happen. I do that with text messages, a million texts. Oh yeah, you know what? I gotta respond, why don't I do that later? Yeah, same, and you know, if someone doesn't respond to my texts, and I get slightly butthurt,

it's the ultimate hypocrisy in the universe. Because I don't and I want to, and people don't understand, if they've texted me and I haven't texted them back, they don't know the burning pit of guilt and shame inside of me. Because I know, man, it's an easy, it's not like they're texting me like,

hey, I need a kidney. And I don't know who to reach out to. It's literally just like, how are you doing? Yeah. Easy to be like, I'm great. Yeah, when it's some sort of inquiry into my life or like, I just said, can you love you? I'm like, I should respond.

Okay, I'll do it later. And then every day I go, God, you gotta respond to them. You gotta respond to them, idiot. And then I it later. And then every day I go, God, you gotta respond to them. You gotta respond to them, idiot. And then I don't. And then three weeks later, I'm like, sorry, I convinced myself I shouldn't respond because you may have been complimenting me or something.

Right, you seem like you like me and I don't accept that. Yeah, yeah. I have been thinking a lot about accepting love and how funny it is that that is real hard for some of us to do. That accepting criticism, I'm the master. It's like, oh yeah, of course, absolutely.

If you think I'm an asshole, you are correct. You know? You hit the nail on the head with this one, sir. Very insightful. Yes. Might I add a bit of a dick, too? Yeah, yeah, I could add more to your argument about why I'm an asshole, but yeah, love, some expression of love, gratitude, anything like that.

It makes me feel like I'm getting electrocuted or something. You know, like to open up to that is like, I was thinking, and I like to imagine there's a lot of comedians, but I was thinking like, if God, like, let's just say, God appears to you or you are in heaven, bicycle accident or whatever, you're having the thing, and God sees you. And it's like, hold on, hold on. I'm picturing God talking to angels.

Oh my God, Ian Fiedans! I love your comedy, you're so funny. And then like when I came to, I'd be like, you're just saying that. Like you didn't- I'd be like, shut up, God. You didn't mean it. You didn't see the last set I had. You know what I mean? Like, what is that?

What is the why is it hard for us to take love from others? I don't know about us, but I think for me, it's I never want to believe the hype and I but I think for me, it's, I never want to believe the hype. And I never, I think what I found that fuels me is never thinking I'm good enough so that I can be good because then I desperately want the good job while you're great. And then when I get it, I don't believe it. So it's this constant cycle of like having to be so good and so great that then maybe if I hear it enough, then I'll believe it, but I never believe it.

So it's like this thing, this cycle that just goes round and round where I just can't accept it. Cause I think I'm afraid if I go, oh yeah, you know what, you're right, thanks. Then I'll go, I don't need to do anything anymore. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. Same. Maybe. No, yeah, you know what? You're right, thanks. Then I'll go, I don't need to do anything anymore. Oh, right, okay, yeah, same. Maybe. No, yeah, same.

It's a sense of like, okay, if I believe something nice someone is saying about me, then what's left? Because now I'm just gonna like sink back into some self-involved, self-congratulatory sense of like, great, I've done it. I am funny. And then, now what will fuel me?

What will drive me if I don't have a gnawing sense of never being enough to get me out of bed in the morning? It's so sick. It's sick because also that the that I I have gotten the Stuff from other people in the external and the you know not to the scent the the sense of like Or the magnitude of some other people but I get that that, I feel it, and people say it, and I get it, and this and that, and the compliment,

and I never believe it, and you're always, okay, you're very nice, thank you, okay, whatever, very kind, thanks, and shrug it off, whatever, and then I go inward and go, God, you suck, you're the fucking worst, and then I've noticed I've been journaling more and saying those things to me, from me, like talking to myself, like other people talk to me

and I've been writing it down because I started journaling again. And it's like skyrocketed my feelings of joy to where now people will be nice to me and I'll go oh, that's really nice Hey, I mean instead of like Yeah, yeah, and it and it's like everything they say to me I just deflect but then when I say it to myself not in a way of like you're the fucking man But like no you you are likable. Yeah, I do like you love you like you like yourself

Yeah, and once I start to feel that way about myself, then I can accept right those words of kindness from other people But when I'm not loving myself and when I'm not liking myself when I get it externally It almost makes me mad and I look at everyone like a bunch of liars And then when I do love myself and I accept myself and I'm in tune with that inner me, then when people say it, I can allow it to pass through me and not have some sort of like rigid knives out feeling towards it. Does that make sense?

Yeah, it's like poppers. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like apparently poppers. Huh? You've never heard this about poppers I've never tried it. You've never done poppers. No, I've done poppers But I've never tried it and like gotten pegged or something. Oh, I thought you meant like do poppers and compliment yourself

I don't know it might work. You're nice to other people but supposedly poppers loosen your ass up a little bit totally something so What you're experiencing if you can't love yourself, when someone offers you a compliment, is very similar to someone like trying to slide fingers in your butthole when it isn't loosened up, right? This is not me, by the way. This is not me. This is actually Carl Sagan said

this. Yeah, I was gonna say Ram Dass. I'm trying to make the lame joke. I don't know why I went to Sagan. You could almost believe it. I know, there's so many better things to fill in there. But yeah, it's something of a tragedy, man. And also, you know, where it gets really, where there's true hypocrisy, me is. Now, if I'm complimenting you, and I get the sense that you're disregarding my compliment, I feel short fucking changed. It's like, oh great, so now I have to sense that you're disregarding my compliment, I feel short fucking changed.

It's like, oh great, so now I have to argue with you that you're good? You know what I mean? So what we're doing to people when we don't believe it is we're forcing them to convince us that we're good or to question their instincts regarding our nature. Both are shitty things to do to somebody who's just like, likes you.

Well, I think mine comes from when someone says I'm sorry for a tragedy you tell them about. Like, you know, I had to deal my whole life with being like, oh yeah, my dad's dead. He died when I was eight. And people are like, I'm so sorry. And that's the thing that like, I don't know how to respond. And in a way that's then putting, you know, I'm the one that went through it.

And now I'm responsible for your feeling and you feeling sorry. So now it's my job to make, oh, it's OK. It's OK. You're OK. Yeah. Let me do what I can to make you feel better because you're comfortable in this moment. So it's again, like a deflection or whatever. But again, like, I think everything is when I'm okay with everything, I'm so much easier Lee. Easier Lee. Things are so much easily more acceptable to me to hear and allow to go through me instead of this like resistance because then on the other side I

I always Recognize this so quick when I'm angry at someone or when I'm angry about something when I hate someone It's because I see something in them that I see in me. Yeah, and I go. Oh, I fucking hate that because I Yeah that I see in me. And I go, oh, I fucking hate that, because I do that. Oh yeah, always. I hate death about myself. 100% of the time. So everything just always goes back to like you

and this thing you've like built up inside of your shell that you need poppers to just loosen up and allow to come through. Loosen that cosmic butthole. Yes. And be pegged by love. Yes, you need to be pegged by love. It's Carl Sagan's, that's my favorite Carl Sagan book. Pegged by love. Yes. You need to be pegged by love. It's Carl Sagan's. That's my favorite Carl

Sagan book. Peg by love. Carl Sagan's Peg by love. Okay. So this is an experiment I've been doing in this regard. Yes. So, okay. First, I, now I hate it when someone's rubbing me the wrong way. Like, you know, you stumble upon something on the gram or on your feed, some dude, and you're like, ugh, what a piece of shit. And then you remember, like, if you have this strong a feeling about it, that's you, motherfucker.

Like, you just don't wanna look at that part of yourself. So I hate that because it's like, okay, let me look at where that guy lives and me, and it's in there. But, so, this is a fun experiment, easy to do. Yes. So the general, I mean, I don't know what your situation is when you're walking about, but if you pay attention,

you might notice sometimes you're judging people in negative ways, just habitually, right? Doesn't mean you're a bad person or whatever, but they probably remind you of either something in you or someone who hurt you or something. You just, real quick, it happens like that, you know? You make these immediate judgments about them. So what I've been doing is looking at them and like,

okay, what's beautiful about this person, right? And not in a cheesy way, like really find it. You always will find something in there, even if like whatever it may be that's rubbing you the wrong way about them. And I'm telling you, man, if someone catches you doing that, I'm not saying like fawn over them

or stare at them or whatever, but I'm just saying if you habituate- Find it and touch yourself. You're doing what's beautiful in them. Okay, so you know this technique. I'm just trying to feel good. And people, the way they react to you is totally different. You know what I mean?

There's this fucking asshole who's been bothering me. He goes to my gym and really bugging me. Never even had a conversation with him, right? So I'm like, you know what? I'll just follow him home. Right? Because I want to see, I want to have a chance to watch him when he doesn't know he's being watched.

Get into his shoes. Literally get in his shoes because he goes to bed, leaves the door unlocked, which is nuts in a city. But to me, I see that as an invitation. And you know, I put his shoes on. You have to. What better way to know, man? They were very comfortable.

And I walked around his house in his shoes and jerked off. And now whenever I see him at the gym, he has no idea I wore his shoes or that I jerked off on to his toothbrush. Yeah. And now you have a better understanding. But we connect now. It's different.

Life's about making connections. And that is why this exercise is just- I like that. Incredible. Yeah. This is incredible. And like, I don't leave my doors locked anymore. Really?

Cause come on in. Leave your shoes out like that little Dutch Christmas Santa thing where they leave candy in the shoes, but instead you put your feet in them and come on their toothbrush. Yeah, well that's, yeah, and by the way. It increased us.

You know the original tradition, like now we leave out cookies and milk for Santa. You know what used to just be jizz? Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha! Did you, no one knows that. This is so many things about Christmas. No one knows. No one knows. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Honey, did you leave out a jar of juice for Santa? Christmas

Honey did you leave out a jar of jizz for Santa? Yes mommy! I walked all night on it Did Santa? Mom and Dads every night have to sneak down and drink a jar of jizz That's the worst thing Oh god I gotta drink my kids jizz Yeah yeah Your fucking kids jizz, your own jizz, you monster. You don't get your kids' jizz. You fucking monster.

You... It's you drink your own jizz. The kids go to bed, you go downstairs, and you drink your jizz. Or you let the dogs drink it. Either way, you don't want the kids to come down and be like, where, daddy, Santa doesn't drink your jizz. Does it with the jizz? Yeah, it's not good.

Is it bad this year? Do not. Yeah, but you know, if you, I know this sounds so cheesy, but I'm telling you like. This episode of the DTFH is brought to you by Rocket Money. You know, anytime anybody wants to do a spot on the DTFH, I check it out to make sure it works. And honestly, there's a part of me that is usually skeptical. And also there's a part of me that has a bunch of kids. And it's like, please God, let this be good

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There weren't even any birds. It was nighttime. It was dead silence. And the next day you just forgot. And then later you're like, get an alert that we're renewing the subscription. And then $200. You're like, oh shit, I better cancel that. And you don't. And then 200 bucks down the fucking tubes. Rocket Money. It will do all the work for you. Not only that, maybe there's some apps that you like. It will tell

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That's rocketmoney.com slash duncan. Rocketmoney.com slash Duncan, rocketmoney.com slash Duncan. Thank you, Rocket Money. And maybe I'm just seeing it and maybe it's just projection, but I'm telling you, like, when you do, when you're interactive, when you do that, they can feel, they, they, their energy changes. I, I don't do that in terms of like, all right, what's beautiful about this person, but I try to have, if I'm engaging with someone, I try to make it pleasant. Like if I'm talking to someone behind the counter

at a, you know, Walgreens or something, I'll try to make it pleasant. Or be like, oh, what's your name, Duncan? Hey, Duncan, I'm Ian, nice to see you. Have a good day. And then like leave on like a little smile. And those like interactions make me feel better. And then maybe I'm annoying to them

and they're just like lying, but I always get a good response. And then again, it goes back to that thing of like when I'm feeling good inwardly, I want to then have outwardly things feel good as well. And so like if I try to like see the beauty in people, that's going to then kind of make me feel like I'm, you know, contributing in a way,

cosmically, psychically, you know? Yeah, and you, the thing is that, no matter what, it's there. It's always there. It's just, you're just, we're all habituated to drawing out the negative more than the positive for some reason. This probably makes sense from survivability.

You don't want to be like, you know. What gives you anxiety and upset you? You should trust it and stay away. I love the way you're holding that gun on me. The precision with which you're aiming at my head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, the stabbing motions you're making on my belly are very, very precise.

You could have been a surgeon. Yeah, or at least a butcher. The way you're carving him, this is wonderful. Wow, you're so passionate about killing me. Good for you. So obviously, it's every fucking case. But by the way, you know what I think that must be the one good thing about being a murderer or a hitman

is because when you go up to somebody and they're like, You just leave your work at work. I'm saying when you go to someone and they're like, my dad died and you go, I'm sorry. It's real, because you killed their fucking dad. It's, you know what I mean? Like it's, you know how to react. Yeah.

I'm so sorry. Yeah. I fucking stabbed your dad to death and I'm really really sorry It's the one time you can say that when someone's lost someone that it makes sense see if I was a killer like a Murder or something I would lord that over people's heads like how are you and they'd be like I'm all right Oh, you're all right. Yeah, I had to watch someone's soul leave their eyes today, so Consider that great. So consider that great So yeah, do you know how long it takes to clean up a fucking crime scene? Stop killing people appreciate your life

Okay, I do but maybe if you just stop murdering people you don't have to clean up the crime scene if you say if you connect I'm sorry No, I'm so sorry. You don't want me to make a living. No. No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry gonna live off the government Yeah, murderers do not have an accurate understanding of their friends, because underneath it all you're like, please don't kill me. Anyone they meet is like,

he'll fucking kill you if he doesn't like you. So they have no idea what people think of them at all. Dude, I was watching that Lacey Peterson documentary. Now, Lacey Peterson, as I recall, she murdered the dude, right? Am I thinking of a different murder? She got murdered by her husband, Scott, and she was pregnant, Modesto, California, 2002.

Okay, I'm thinking of a different one. Well, anyway, it's this new documentary on Netflix, but it's so interesting, because this guy killed his wife, and from the jump, he did everything just so wrong. Like, he murdered her, and then immediately started calling people and was like, yeah, she's missing. Yeah. I don't know what's going on. She's she's missing.

She's missing. So that's that. And then like thought it would go away to begin this national news story. But I was just thinking of like, good God, the guilt and everything of like watching these things kind of makes me feel better because then I go, oh, thank God, at least I know I'm not, I'm not. Do you ever wonder if you're gonna be a murderer? Sure.

Like, what if I one day, and then I see this, I go, I could never, and I go, all right, good, good, good. I mean, I think that's kind of the part of like, you know, any kind of creative anybody, you gotta let your mind, so you see a murderer and you think, how could I do that? Like how would, what conditions in my life

have to be happening for me to murder someone, hide their body, and then when like their loved ones call, flippantly be like, ah, missing persons. There's so many every year. I guess that's a new missing person. And I know what you mean. You're like, whoa, what? Maybe what they say about NPCs is true.

That there's some people who don't really have a soul. They're just like, you know, NPCs that you run into in video games. And the coding, it's having some kind of breakdown or error or something. Cause yeah, like I just saw this murder show. It's, I think it's on Netflix. It's like Los Angeles crime.

I don't know, but like some real estate agent kills his fucking wife. Some real estate agent kills his fucking wife and women start coming forward saying like, like two days after his wife had been reported missing, he was coming up to them like, wanna get drinks? You know what, like what consciousness, not only murders, but then is horny. A medium. Like you just killed your fucking wife.

You disposed of a carpet with her blood all over it. And you were like, ah, finally I could invite Sheila out for a date without worrying about cheating on my wife. Oh God. Cause that's the craziest thing. I'm gonna drain these balls. Wouldn't it, like, I'm sure your wife, if you presented her with the options,

hey, okay, here's the options. Either I'm gonna fucking bludgeon you to death kill you or I'm gonna try to fuck Sheila Which is it? Yeah, I think I know the choice but their minds like no just fucking you kill him Yeah, that's that that's what I was thinking watching this. I'm like, dude. You could have just not killed her What's your problem pal? Yeah. No. Yeah, there's so many other ways to handle this situation. I mean, and doing it yourself is insane. You know what I mean? Why would you not hire somebody?

Because you know what it is, they're just not thinking it through. That points to the mental condition. It's probably spontaneous. I think some murders need to be premeditated, really. If you're going to do it, you have to like- Think through a plan. I wouldn't go wingsuit diving without practicing. I wouldn't buy the suit the day of.

You don't buy a wing, that'd be awesome if there was a wingsuit shop next to Cliffs. Cliffs. Like a bait shop next to a fucking lake. Frank's wing suits. Get your wing suits. Come on and nah, nah, nah, it's easy. Put your arms out, they go up flying squirrels.

You just jump. It's fine. And at the bottom, some kind of, I don't know, crematorium or something like that he also owns. But there's a trampoline and then just a bunch of splatter on the other side and a big thing. That's like aim here Yeah, yeah, like today you're gonna want to lean to the left, dude. It's just the the I You know, I guess it's like

There's so in on the spectrum of human experience we land on Probably what you like what you would call the normie spectrum Even though some people would look at us as like depraved lunatics, we're still in the normie spectrum. And then outside that spectrum are murderers, people who fly on wingsuits.

You know what I mean? Like those people. Same, I equate them together. I mean, weirdly similar in that, well, you know, one version, obviously it's not, you're killing someone else The other version is you're just like okay? There is close to the edge can I get right like yeah like and it's worth it to you for that

Whatever that experience is which must be the most insane experience Videos man do you I watch those all the time. Oh so scary. Did you ever see the dude hit the bridge? Oh, yeah, and he just goes into a burst a mist. I didn't see the mist Oh, we must have been watching different videos. I'm sure there's 50 videos of wingsuit people flying into a bridge, but This one freaks me the fuck out because you never realize how fast on YouTube. Yeah. For some reason, if you do it on like, if you're like putting yourself in the position to do it, they'll show it. Oh, it's a kid. Yeah, because you're like, this is going to be amazing. I'm living life. Carpe Diem. This is all worth it.

Yeah, I overcame my fear therapy! Thank God I went to therapy! Now I know what it is to be free! Now I know what it is to live! I'm not encumbered by the fears that most people are encumbered by! Yay! Oh, wait, do it again. Now I want to do his internal. Okay, okay. I'm so glad I stopped at Jimmy's cheapo wing store today. I spent too much money on that flat screen TV,

but things have been going good in my life. God, I'm so glad I realized today that I'll never die. That's what I said to my wife before I left. Oh yeah, I forgot. Okay, let me do one. Let me do one. Okay, let me do one. Yours is better.

Here we go. Get closer to the smash. Let me do one. All right. Let me do one. Okay. Let me do one. Yours is better. Here we go. Get closer to the smash. Here we go. And that's what happens if you don't shop at Jimmy's Wing Suits. Come on down. That's 1-800-W-I-N-G-S-U-I-T-S. Oh my god.

And like, yeah, because the, you know, that base jumping thing, man, it really is like a very high fatality rate compared to most other extreme sports. Have you ever jumped out of a plane? Fuck no. Really? Really? No. Do I look of a plane? Fuck no. Really? Really? No! Do I look like I parachute? I would think that you'd like it.

Have you? Oh yeah. It's exhilarating. Are you fucking with me Ian? When do you go parachuting? I jumped out of a plane in Austin at Moon Tower like two years ago. Okay, so how long have we been friends now? Oh man almost

Ten years eight years. I just want you to know I just moved you out of the normie spectrum Like really yeah, and and just see just you know, like you already were like on the very precipice like you're you're. Like you're basically like fence riding the norm. But now you're, dude, here's why. Really? Okay, look, parachuting is the kind of thing you lead with. Like if I'm gonna find a way to tell you I parachute within three conversations that I've been,

I will ear beat you about it. I will have a whole thing. And you'll be so sick of me talking about parachuting. In the years I've been par- I will ear-beat you about it. I will have a whole thing. And you'll be so sick of me talking about parachuting. In the years I've known you. Never brought it up once. It's funny, yeah, I've jumped out of a plane multiple times. I've never really told anyone about it.

You're a liar. Are you fucking with me? It's so pretty good. Yeah. What? Yeah, I really annoyed the guy with the questions the last time and I was surprised He didn't detach me. What do you mean you annoyed him? I just kept being like it. What about this? What about that? What about while you're parachuting? No, no on the plane ride up. Oh, okay So you were just asking questions about like, you know, what do I need to do here? No, I don't die. Yeah, and he's like, shut the fuck up. Yeah. He was basically like, just get out of the plane.

He literally goes, again, you have to do nothing and just jump out and I'll take care of it. And I was like, okay, but what about, you know, whoa. So you. But it was cool. It's so, it's so cool to be so scared. And then do it, get through it, and go, oh my God, I can do anything. Right, yeah, I mean, that's the rush, right? When you're just gliding and looking at everything. Yeah, yeah, I think it's like a death simulator. I have some sense that death, when you die,

it's like that too. It's like you've probably had some level of fear about your own mortality. Of course. And then finally it happens and whatever's on the other side is so beautiful and incredible and wonderful and all this stuff comes back to you about what the fuck you were doing.

You think? Yeah, I do. I mean, it's not just me, it's like every near death experience, what's funny about them to me is most of the time, we're talking people with families and they'll see their parents and they're so happy to see their parents and they're so happy to see their deceased loved ones.

And then the loved ones will be like, hey, you gotta go back. And they're like, no fucking way I'm going back there. No way. And they're like, no, you're not done. You have to go back. You go back. you're not done. You have to go back You go back you're not ready. You can't die yet and they fight they kick and scream like a kid who got caught skipping school You get put right back in no, sir. The class isn't over yet. It's quite off. Really that is the report

Yeah, I was in a horrible car wreck a couple weeks ago and nothing like that. Did you go into the light? No, I was making you go into the light? No, I was making a left at the light. Ha ha ha ha herniated disc torn labor might get a concussion but like nothing like Hospital life support I had to go to the hospital. It was nothing like, you know, I'm like clinging to life or anything So it wasn't like that Yeah, but the I got t-bone in my car rolled three times So that was like the death vehicle. But the experience didn't happen because I blacked out and then came to.

But in the blackout, I didn't have any visions or anything. Yeah. This is like, you know, if you look at the near-death experience research, what's fascinating about it is like how universal it is across cultures. So people who have like, yeah, it doesn't matter if you're Hindu or Christian or atheist or whatever, there's a similarity in reported experiences,

which is why they wonder, is this just something built into the human brain? Cause we all die and it's to like soften the experience or is it there an afterlife, which I believe and the report is universally Positive like it's you know every here and there you hear scary shit, but a lot of the experience Yeah, I'm sorry. Sorry. Sorry. No, that's it. I'm just saying there's a similarity in the similarity of many of them They don't want to come back.

But I wonder if that's, is that really the afterlife or is that just the chemistry in your brain accessing, like when you have dreams, it accesses a type of thing and things show up and then it kind of brings you to this place within your brain and then your brain is then bringing you back to Life so then those things in your brain go away or is it if actual afterlife place, dude I had a neurologist on my podcast who I can't remember the book. It's called

I'm sorry. We look up I could be wrong about this because there's a lot of books that are like Do you have some kind of like religious slant to it? Maybe it's proof of heaven or something. He's a neurologist who was fully fucking brain dead. And what was interesting about that was this is like a fucking neurologist who like look at was able to look at the data regarding his brain and had experienced this insane shit. Really? Yeah, even Alexander, neurosurgeon, but proof of heaven. Yeah.

And yeah, so yeah, this guy, like, I mean, this is a, look, he's like a, you know, a doctor. And obviously if you're a neurosurgeon, like yapping about how you saw the afterlife is probably not good for business, right? But I don't want to hear my neurosurgeon talk about the afterlife. But he's a wonderful person and it completely changed his life because he had to like rethink how the human brain works. And so the secularist sort of scientific materialist idea that the experience of death is encoded in us at some level or at least some combination of neurotransmitters or something.

His point is like, well, the brain scans, based on where I was at, that I should not have been having any experience at all, and yet I did. So who the fuck knows? Just because your brain isn't signaling, maybe there's other parts of it. There's neurons in the heart, perhaps. It's some experience related to the heart,

but it's just interesting. No matter what, it's still curious. No one knows the answer, because if we did, that's the really funny thing. I think what, it's still curious. No one knows the answer because if we did, that's the really funny thing. I think about this a lot, Ian. If we knew for sure that on the other side of life is paradise, it's just fucking great.

We're in a school, maybe a job, maybe an agreement or who knows what. But on the other side of this thing, it's freedom. It's pure absolute freedom and love and joy. And when you want to come back, you can, but you can take as much time off as you want. I speculate that there would be a wave of suicides all over the, how many people would stay here? How many people are like are deeply in credit card debt? Yeah. But you know what? I'm going to fucking pay off this AMX and then I'll blow my brains out. How many people in prison, how many people in like, like horrific lives would stay here? Like part of what glues us to this is that we don't know. We don't

know if we knew. Yeah. I don't, I don't know. And similarly, like imagine if we had the ability to go off world, like, like we found a paradise planet, massive, beautiful paradise planet where you have everything you want. And we had a, anyone could get in a personal pod and shoot off world and go to the paradise planet. I would love to see what the elections look like. Cause I feel like the people running to be president wouldn't stay here. I think like all the politicians would be like, see you later bitches. I'm out of here. Or they do like they do now and make us raise money for them to then take it elsewhere.

Yeah. You know, yeah. Or like that whole like people would kill themselves so that they get the paradise thing. So that's why we don't know what happens so that so that we don't kill ourselves. That's kind of like when the Democrats are like, hey, if you vote for us, we'll codify abortion. We'll codify Roe vs. Wade. It's like, no, you won't. You're going to not do it so that you tell us in the next election, you'll do it to keep us thinking and getting you in, because that's like the promise. So like with life, it's like the promise is,

hey, you may go to heaven or it may be nothing, but you better stick around and not give in. We keep falling for it. That's the craziest thing to me is it's like, especially when you have like people who were president or vice president running against each other. It's like, why didn't you do that? Yeah.

Like, you're saying all the things they're gonna do, but it's like, you're still in power. Like, one of them's still in power. It's like, what are you talking, theoretically, you can still do it. And they keep saying it. They go, when I win, I will do X, Y, and Z. It's like, you're there now, just do it.

If you, okay, it's weirdly, it's like, okay, listen. If you vote for me, it's weird. It's like okay listen if you vote for me I Am going to give a stay one. I'm gonna give this child Medication he needs to not be so sick. It's like Yeah, do it now who gives a fuck what just do it while you can if there's but you have to vote for me because If you really cared you do it while you can. But you have to vote for me because I need this. If you really cared, you'd do it now. But I don't. Like that's the thing that's so freakish about all of it.

I mean, I don't, look, I've been thinking a lot about. This episode of the DTFH is brought to you by BetterHelp. I don't want to brag, I often do, but I have a bachelor's degree in psychology. And wow, it's probably not what you think it is. It was like one of the coolest things to study Western psychology. A little unnerving when you begin to recognize how much people understand about the human psyche and how some people who study the human psyche

choose to use their understanding of the human psyche to manipulate people, to try to cause people to overthrow their government. It goes on and on. But there are some people who actually study the human mind because they wanna help. They're called psychologists and it's incredible. I know that in the culture,

there is some taboo about going to a psychologist. It's weird to me because let's say, I don't know, a possum bit you on the arm. Now, if you don't get around possums or if you see a possum and don't touch it, it's not gonna bite you, you'll be fine. But you saw a possum and for whatever reason you thought, you know, I'm going to grab that satanic looking beast that looks like it was burped out of a fucking crack in the earth

after a warlock messed up his spell. I'm going to grab it and it bit you with its sharp teeth. They're sweet creatures, by the way. Marsupial pouch, I believe. The point is, suddenly the bite, it becomes infected, it festers, and what do you do? You go to the doctor right away. You're not gonna put that off. A fucking possum bit you. You don't feel bad about that. You don't worry about telling your friends, I had to go to a doctor. Well, honestly, if you're fucking with possums, it is a little weird.

So the analogy sucks, I guess, to some degree. But my point is, why is it that if we get psychic wounds, why is it if some weird thing happens to us or we're confused and can't figure out what we should be doing in an important moment in our lives, there's some sense of trepidation when it comes to going to a psychologist. I don't get it. And maybe that's because I have a bachelor's degree in psychology. By the way, psychologists have to go to school way longer than that to get licensed, and this is why BetterHelp is incredible. You don't have to go through what a lot of us have had to go through to find a great therapist,

which is asking around, shopping around. BetterHelp does it all. You just fill out a brief questionnaire, you get matched with a perfect therapist for you. They make it easy to change any time if for whatever reason you're not vibing with them, which does happen from time to time. But most importantly,

you don't have to go into a waiting room and wait. You can do this from the privacy of your own home. And if you ask me, it's just as effective. So if you're thinking about trying therapy, give BetterHelp a try. Go to betterhelp.com forward slash Duncan to get 10% off your first month of therapy. That's betterhelp.com forward slash Duncan 10% off your first month. Thank you, BetterHelp. ["BetterHelp Theme Song"] My tendency to want to talk about politics.

And you know what I've realized? Now is not the time. Because not because of fear of rejection, but because every one of us is getting our amygdalas jerked off by politics all day long. And it hurts, we're all just so, we're just like, you know, I mean, have you ever jerked off too much? Buddy. That look was incredible.

That look told a thousand tales. I don't know what you're talking about. You know, you're just like, oh, raw. If you could even emit semen, it's a clear-ish fluid. Otherwise, it's just a dry heave from your cock. And some, you're just doing it. And it's like, that's everyone from your cock and some you're just doing it and it's like that's everyone's amygdala right now. Like the fear juice, the stress hormones, the cortisol.

It's like our amygdala is just, they're just getting just... Well, I'm, I'm tired of talking about politics in terms of which one is better than the other, who's going to vote for who. What do you mean you don't know which one's better than the other, who's gonna vote for who. What do you mean you don't know which one's better than the other? What do you mean? You don't know which one's better than the other?

Wait a minute, hold on, hold on, hold on one second. Can you zoom in on him? Wait, I just need to understand this right now. Oh really, so you just feel like it's the same, huh? Okay, Ian, I guess I'm totally joking. It'd just be funny to flip the script. It goes super political. I was about to tell you two are the same and one is the front runner and that one has brain worms. Oh, oh yeah. Well, you know why that bugged me about Kennedy, the brain worm thing?

Because it's an affront for those of us who intentionally have brainworms. Yeah. Yeah. I've been working my fucking whole life for these things. You know how hard it was to find the brainworm I fucking have? Yeah, to find one I liked. I'd have a bunch. This one doesn't work. I got to get a new one. You know how many New Delhi diapers I had to lick to get a good fucking brainworm? Like, you can't find it. You get a lot of bad.

There's bad. I mean, it's not fair. Maybe you got a bad one, but I have a bad worm. But I have very good worms but I have very good worms. I Have the best worms. I have the best. I don't know about you, but my worms my worms are in Mensa well look I mean, but yeah, man, I I I think that the The you're totally right about what I didn't mean to cut you off I feel like I fucking blocked you in a kind of sanctimonious way.

I've been telling myself this. No, you're totally right. I guess my point was basically I'm tired of the discussion where it seems that everyone is in this pissing contest to see which one's better, which one's less. And it just gets nowhere, it just upsets people. And at the end of the day, things are either gonna change slightly or change in a fast way, but they're not gonna change for the good, no matter which one you choose.

But they make us think that this is the thing, the final key that's gonna turn the door to bring us towards happiness. And it's just not the truth. And the options are bullshit. Like on the ballot should be an option, which is let's redo it. Can we vote to try to find more different candidates?

How come that's not there? Yeah, can we tinker around and change a couple things that make this system fail for the way it's been for the past couple decades? Because there's only two fucking choices. Where's the third, the third choice should be, I don't like either of them, and I would like to redo the whole thing

and have some kind of interim counsel while we find two other people and try that out. Why can't we do that? What's the big deal? Why does it have to be two people? And why can't we like, yeah, we don't like either of them enough to vote for them Why not? Because I think because the obvious that's what we would always vote

We'd always be like, yeah, let's keep them keep them running and then in that couple of years where everyone's like now Keep them running. We'd realize everything's fine. We didn't need a fucking president after all it was completely unnecessary because the other thing to me is like, now look, here I go. The, so the, what happens is you have the person who was president, then you have someone who has to come around and say, that guy fucked everything up and validating whatever that person did, basically saying we really didn't need him because now things are worse. And then that person gets in and the next person says

that guy fucked up and it's a chain of people invalidating the previous president. And that points in the direction of, oh. This is broken. We don't need that job. You know, like, like Ray Gunn, the break dancer, right? Ray Gunn failed so miserably at break dancing at the Olympics that they aren't doing break dancing anymore.

It's gone. They should treat the fucking president like that. You're right. It's like we've reached the ray gun of presidents. Yeah. We really have. For many. For a long time.

We don't need one. Yeah. Maybe, maybe, maybe we do, maybe we don't. But why can't we vote to try and know president for a couple of years and see what happens to the country? Let's just see. I don't know. We will fill in the blank with a council of people who are already there or maybe nothing.

Let's just do nothing and see what happens and reconvene in a couple of years. And if things are the same, we didn't need a president. We might not need one. I think Reagan for president. And that was the beginning of the age of peace. Ian Fidance spoke something that had been on all of our minds. At that moment, the constitution was changed to allow a foreign born citizen of Australia to become the president. Ray Gunn, not so great at break dancing,

but incredible at teaching peace. Sponsored by Jimmy's Wing Suits. Jimmy's Wing Suits, listen, it's A, it's easy, B, don't be a pussy. Dude, yeah, I don't know, man. And the other problem with it for me is it's like, because I'm such an idiot, I get sucked into propaganda real easy.

And so it's like, just depending on what propaganda I'm letting like splatter all over my face, I'll start veering in that direction. Then a new form of propaganda's like, just depending on what propaganda I'm letting like splatter all over my face, I'll start veering in that direction. Then a new form of propaganda, it's like, oh, fuck, I didn't know that. And then another one, and the next thing I know, it's like, I just feel completely invalidated. Like I'm a spineless fucking fence rider

because both of them either seem horrific or one seems better than the other until I get the new data that they're showing me. It's like, oh, geez, that's horrible. And then the other data from them the new data that they're showing me this way Oh jeez, that's horrible And then the other data from them and then you just end up a confused lump And I'm just like, you know what I mean? Like it's like your kids are on fentanyl. You haven't fucked your wife in three years Unemployed you stink Okay, what's wrong with that?

Those are oh, so I guess you shouldn't give your kids fentanyl. Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't know we were doing Dare to Say No to Drugs today, Ian, what else should I, oh, I should not give my kids fentanyl and I should fuck my wife, huh? Okay, great, thanks. I mean, I don't have kids, I don't have a wife. Life coach.

Oh, yeah, yeah, great. Exactly, thank you for, I don't fucking tell you how to parachute. You did it, bro, I ended up dying. Great. Exactly. Thank you for I don't fucking tell you how to parachute. You did a brilliant updine. Dude, I can't believe. Why? I'm just trying to I guess it makes sense because you are like you're when I would like. Pedal around New York on my bike.

You know what I mean? And I was proud of myself. I'll admit it. Like I'm riding a bike through New York, which, by the way, compared to L.A., is like a really safe place to ride a bike. You know what I mean? And I was proud of myself. I'll admit it. Like I'm riding a bike through New York, which by the way, compared to LA is like a really safe place to ride a bike, but I'm fucking ride my bike through New York. And I've seen Quicksilver. Remember that show about bike messengers and stuff, dude, you'd love it. It's like New York bike riders and they're fucking good. It's called Quicksilver. You would love it.

But you've like, I think I must've seen that when I was a kid. But anyway, the point is like I'd be like just fucking trying to get up in New York Hill and proud of myself. I'm like, I'm doing it. I'm getting up and then one of you motherfuckers with calves like like bowling balls would just come shooting by and You all have like weapons on your bikes. You have that chain that you can whip somebody. Oh, yeah. You guys are scary. That's all I'm saying. And you're one of those guys.

So it kind of makes sense because you're a scary one of those guys. You're not on the bike. I'm very nice on the bike now because I realize that we're a very hated class of people. So I try to be really nice on the bike so that when you interacted me you'll go oh Maybe not all bikers are fucking dickheads. No, dude. That's never gonna. Yeah, it's great that you're nice but like the here's the situation of anyone on a bike is like number one the people people in cars

They think that you don't know they're there. They don't understand that your senses are like so aware, way more than them. You're smelling laundry detergent and barbecue. You're aware of what's going on up there. You're aware of what's back here. I was thinking that last night, I was riding home and I'm like, I have all these senses going off. And it's cool, because after a while of riding your bike,

you unlock these different things. And like, I can tell what's going on over there I can see the light reflecting off here. So that must mean that someone is coming that way and it's a real cool feeling So when someone impedes that and gets in that little area you really it's like fight-or-flight You have to like flip out and pop off But I've been trying to be nicer in my pop-offs. Well you guys all universally pop off and the pop-off I don't think people understand why the pop-off the pop-off is Happening because of the judgment because in the same way people in a car

See you Flitting down the street traffic doesn't exist for you does it but you will fucking run a light you Motherfuckers are free as a fucking bird, but also you will minutely slow things down. Now, the way you slow things down in general is probably the same level of any other fucking shitty driver or car or whatever, but somehow because you're on your fucking bike and this road is for machines,

not humans, and we live in bubbles now, you motherfucker. We live in bubbles and vacuum, so I can't smell what people are cooking or hear the sound of fucking kids. I'm listening to NPR! And you know what I mean? So we're in these like comfort bubbles and you're living in like a completely parallel reality.

A whole world of just everything whipping by. I'm naked. There's nothing surrounding me. Yeah, yeah. Free. You're free as a bird. But also, if you've been on a bike in New York long enough, someone in a comfort bubble has not via negligence,

but via like just some moment of like, you know what, fuck these bikers, tried to kill you. He's like aggressively driven in front of you. Oh yeah. And so you have that built into you. So if someone makes a mistake, they didn't mean to, I believe that's where the pop off comes from, is they're still mad at the dude who tried to kill them.

Well yeah, and also you said it, you're listening to this and you have this going on, you just don't see it it so you have to pop off in a extremely large way to draw their attention that you're there right you know so a lot of times a yelling and stuff is to just break through the barrier of you're being outside in the world and they're in a car and they have music and everything yeah and so I'll pop off and then immediately go hey just sorry I had to I had to, you know, right. And I try to be nice about it because I was like an asshole for a while.

But sometimes, man, I was riding on the lower side and I'm going, I'm in the bike lane. I'm riding down. This kid is in the Friday night drunk kids everywhere, you know, and I'm riding by and he's in the bike lane. I dig my bell and go, hey, bike lane. And when I walk by, when I go by, he slaps me on the back with his arm. And that could knock me off the bike.

It could totally injure me. It fucked me up. And so I immediately turned around and got in his face, like, what's your fucking problem? It's like, you wanna fucking touch me? What's your fucking problem? And he was like I I Thought you were saying hi to me. I was like what he was like. I thought you were saying hello, and I was saying hi back I thought we knew each other and I was like are you lying to me? And he goes no. I'm telling you the truth. I go

Okay, well if someone's on a bike, please don't touch them. Have a good night. Yeah, and I shook his hand and we just left If someone's on a bike, please don't touch them. Have a good night. Yeah. And I shook his hand and we just left. I thought you were my friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He thought it was a drive by friending. Yeah.

I don't believe him. But I don't. Well, dude, I'm riding to my spot and I can still feel his handprint on my back. I'm like, did I just let someone get one over on me? Did I? Should I just beat in his ass? You know, am I a pussy? Am I let someone get one over on me did I just beat his ass you know am I a pussy am I not a man am I a coward you know that is weird yeah well I'm sorry I'm fucking even if it is your friend I'm gonna slap your back on your bike what if I knock you off yeah but then I'm like dude he's

like a 22 year old drunk kid and then it's like well fuck him he should learn you know and then I'm like in my head like sure I go back But then I'm like no conflict resolution is a good thing. I don't have to fight everybody You know and then God forbid something happens right you know like it's not my job to fix everything I confronted him. I got to take his word for it I can't just expect everyone in the world to be lying and not everyone wants to get one over on you This is what you should have said to him and just gone on and on with like that

until he got real scared. Like he starts, he's like, okay, man, thank you. No, no, no, so wait a minute, now listen. The world is a world filled with, all of us are essentially the same. And if we don't have these conversations and we will not become friends and maybe I'm your friend from the future and time bubbled backwards in time. If you thought of that,

that it could be the future bubbling backwards, they think could happen via some mechanism called tachyon particles. You read Terrence McKenna, sit down. Do you have a cigarette? Sit down! Dude, I have a burning question for you about bikes. Yeah. When I knew you were coming on, I was like, I have to ask him this. This episode of the DTFH is brought to you by BILT. When I was coming up, we didn't have BILT. You would write the check and give it to your landlord.

Hopefully you would remember to give the check to your landlord. Hopefully you would remember to give the check to your landlord. But if you were me, you would probably forget and your landlord wouldn't understand that you've been stoned for the last couple of years and you're just not organized anymore and they would think that you're a rotten tenant. Now you've got a weird tension

between you and your landlord and it sucks. But I came up in the 1800s. Things are different now. We now have built. Built is breaking ground as a neighborhood rewards program that hooks you up with points on your rent. Every month, pay your rent and watch those built points roll in. Use points to jet off on a dream vacation.

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the highest value point currency by the points guy. Bank rate. Earn points by paying rent now when you go to joinbilt.com slash Duncan. That's J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T.com slash Duncan. Make sure to use that URL so they know we send you. Join built.com slash Duncan to start earning points with your rent payments today.

Thanks, Built. What's with the spandex, dude? If you got it, flown it. Is that it? No, it's aerodynamic. I'm not a spandex guy. You're parking up the wrong tree, pal. So I see dudes in spandex right? I wear this when I ride a bike.

But I'm just saying like... I think it's like sweat wicking. I think it's aerodynamic. I think they... see I ride a bike everywhere in New York City. I call myself a biker cyclist. Okay? A bike rider. Biker. Biker cyclist?

A bike cyclist. What do you mean? Like a what do you mean a bike cyclist? Did you're fucking freaking me out man? What does that mean? Bike cyclist I hate when people call themselves cyclist It sounds so elitist and I think there's a culture in bike riding where they wear the spandex They make themselves look, you know, like they're part of the the tour to France. And it's really just some guy riding an expensive bike. I don't think the spandex is necessary unless you're riding in like a huge street race. I agree. And I wonder why would you not just wear the spandex all day long? If it's aerodynamic on a bike, it's aerodynamic walking. So why wouldn't you wear it all day long? It doesn't

make sense. Grocery shopping faster. Exactly. Theoretically anything anything that's aerodynamic. So commit to it if you're going to do it. Wear Spandex all day long. But also, something about it is unnerving. That's what I was getting to. It's unnerving how much I like it.

Well, that's what I mean. Because you see that. You see them, you know? And it's just like, god damn. Look at your body. Look at it. Well, that's what I mean because you see that you see him, you know, and it's just like god damn Like look at your body. Look at it like so beautiful. So fucking powerful like a banana But I just want to peel peel. Yeah. No, I something about it feels like they've gone too far You know what? I mean? It's like it's like Any any hobby or anything you're really into like the moment you that first time you zip on this band X?

It's got to be a crazy moment for you right because like Whoa, I'm spandexing now like I'm going full Cyclists I imagine like when you fly a jet and you put that flight suit on you're like my final form Have you worn spandex? No, you got to try it and let me know. You got to report back to me. You need to wear them. What if I'm a spandex guy?

Maybe you are. Maybe it's great. Maybe you put that spandex on and suddenly it doesn't even look like a road anymore. Yeah. Maybe you see shit we can't even see. Maybe a whole new world opens up and there's crystal palaces and secret biker Bars that are only recognizable to dudes in spandex. I mean, it's a mystery to me like a dog whistle But for bike sickling spandex guys Jim's wings who shot by the way We just started selling spandex bike suits and these are the real fucking deal They are made from chameleon tongues

versus the normal polyurethane mixture that is very dangerous this organic materials i think i think you said it's a hobby and it's a way for people to like level up and get more involved and also look more important than they are i just ride i. I wear regular stuff when I ride. There is chafing, though. So maybe it's that. Oh, the chafe. The chafe can be gnarly. Dude, that that's OK.

This leads me the next thing I wanted to mention to you. And I don't know if this is true. It's from an Instagram real. So it's probably bullshit. And I definitely don't fact check like I should. But so it was talking about Burning Man. I was saying apparently there's like a, at Burning Man, this could be nonsense.

There's like a herpes, like outbreaks happen at Burning Man. And it's not why you would think, according to this reel that I did in fact check, I'm sorry everyone at Burning Man and anyone there right now, because this is unfact checked late night Instagram reel. But I thought there could be something to it. People share bikes there.

No way. Dude, and then the person was pointing out, what about all these bikes everyone's sharing? And that's how people get herpes? Well, I mean, you know, that's, that can't, wait, are they not wearing underwear as a bikes? Cause if that were the case, then the city bikes and the bike share in different cities would be just cesspools of this is the point they were making and can you look Google Google up?

Can you? Back seats and herpes fire of the Google People get herpes from it could be bullshit. I'm glad we're fact-checking. Yeah, me too People get herpes from, it could be bullshit. I'm glad we're fact checking this. Yeah, me too. Oh, that motherfucker got me. I knew it. That mother.

Yeah. Good one. That's a good reel though, dude. That's really good. It's all fake data for idiots like me to re-encourage a date like a disease. Like, yeah, I'm not spreading herpes, but maybe it's worse.

Just, you know, just spreading some fucking. You didn't for one second go wait. No, I did. I did. But then I was, I just, it just kind of made sense, which is what every dumb person's kind of made sense. I thought I should kill the cat because the power would come back on. Well, the cat's going to power lines, it's related somehow.

The cat's black and when things are dark, they're black. So maybe the darkness from the cat was getting in the power. What did the real say that you were like, officially yes? Well, because it's that AI voice that somehow sounds official. Like, did you know that there's herpes? explosions at Burning Man, but many people think it's No, but it's not for the reason you might expect People share bikes at Burning Man and in you know like again. It's late at night

I should be in bed. I should be asleep the magnesium is kicking, you know, what am I doing? I'm like, whoa, I got to ask Ian about this. I immediately dispelled it too. I was like, no, think about the city bikes. There'd be disease. Well, that's the point. They were, honestly, who the fuck knows? Now that I think about it, they get conspiratorial. Well, what did it else say? It could be like an oil, like it could be like audit, like some like car coalition recognizing that the city bikes are fucking

with the cars. They're like, let's make people think they can get herpes from sharing bikes in the city. Well, they are trying to get rid of more bike lanes. What I think in New York, I saw a real and I believed it. Why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't you? No there's like some weird thing. Oh the congestion pricing they got rid of in the city. And that was, they were going to start charging people if they were traveling in a single person car from like a certain street downtown and then everybody just flipped out and they're like never mind.

Yeah that was one of those like little like footsie moments, you know, where they're like, what do you think about this? And I was like, I will fucking destroy the city. I was just kidding. But dude, have you ever been to Amsterdam? No, I've heard it's an amazing place for bikes. I'd love to go.

Can you pull up Amsterdam? I mean, cause you know, like everyone rails against this shit. They're like, what do you, like, this is the end of civilization, you socialist fuck. But look at Amst- Oh yeah, people, like, car culture hates- It is crazy how much people hate bike riders.

Viciously. Viciously. Like, you all are trespassing on the roads. I know, I've, oh, God, I just hate being a minority. Maybe pull it up on YouTube, the video of like, you know, biking through Amsterdam is nuts. Because like there, I think one reason people are mad at bikers is because our roads are not made for bikes. They're made for cars.

So there is more danger there. But when you see a city that's like designed for biking, holy fuck, man. It's like designed for biking. Holy fuck, man. It's like... There's just something that feels so good about biking. I know, it's one of my favorite feelings. And I grew up, when I was a little baby, my dad would put me on the back of his bike with a helmet and he'd ride me around.

Like biking was something me and my family did growing up at the beach. So it's like, I've been doing it my whole life and it brings me back to that joy I felt as a kid. And so I've been trying to do things that bring me, that make that little kid stoked on still being alive, you know, and bike riding is a huge, huge part of that. Oh man, I would put it up there with like

any like powerful psychedelic for like mood improvement when when you get to a point Where the Sun is at the perfect place the wind is perfect you're in a you're you're alone on this path And everything is synced up. You're like. I don't know if there could be any Possible moment better than this. I mean that's all it is, it's a moment. And it makes me grab onto it and go, okay, I'm keeping this moment with me. Yeah, yeah. And also, it's cheap.

That's the other thing you just. Also, I'm very cheap. I didn't wanna say it, but dude, I mean, you should get a car. No, but you do get that sense of like, you've discovered some kind of obvious secret. You've been robbed by that part of you that thought driving around in a car was the best way to do it.

You're looking back at like, my God, why I was giving up this moment. And you do have a kind of vertigo or a cultural vertigo where you're like, Jesus Christ, this is so much better than anything. But you do have to be a certain type of psycho to ride a bicycle in a major metropolitan city, I think. Well, that's addictive, isn't it?

Totally, totally addictive. I shaved my handlebars down so I can fit through cars better. When we were making the Midnight Gospel, because I had been in New York and was still high from that experience. Remember when I smashed into you or you smashed into me?

Coming off the bridge, I remember that. I was so scared for a moment. You were so sweet, dude, because you have more experience on bikes and you knew how bad it could have been. That was fine, but it was like, that was a good night though. That was so fun. Hold on one second.

And there's something so fun about riding with your buddy and then you're talking, you're riding, you pull up at the red light, you bring the discussion up again, you know. Dude, the best. Oh yeah. I would ride my bike to work through LA and not like there was no good path mmm, and and I am telling you like Erin

to this day she's like I would never let you do that now and but like It was so fun and you memorize all the spots where you can go I'm a sidewalk and like where you can get around traffic. Oh, dude, my brain is turned into like a good like if I think of something, I almost see like a map in my brain. It helps me know the city so much better. That too. Yeah. If you really want to like I'm one of those people, sadly, who's been like atrophied by GPS. So like I'm perpetually lost but when I was biking I wasn't lost like that your brain records shit differently than when you're in a car yeah dude it was so fucking fun and like yeah like it just it like it real oh god we are bike

dorks I should shut the fuck up right now no I know hold on I'm getting my phones buzzing oh sorry Hang on one second. Uh-huh. Oh shit. Yeah, my subscribers just dropped by 22,000 subscribers. Like we just lost 22,000 subscribers. God damn it. But do look at this.

Look at this. How Amsterdam became a bicycle paradise from Bloomberg. The Netherlands is known as a cyclist's paradise. Its safety level is one of the best in the world, where it's in contrast with the US, where you're around 20 times more injured where you will die while eventually riding on the tracks

and your head will go through a windshield. Decent. The population moves daily on over 500 kilometers of dedicated cycle paths. 500 kilometers. The city is ordinarily avoided being taken over by cars. Here's how Amsterdam put the brakes on cars to give bikes a chance.

Following the second world war. You could skip, I just want you to see what it looks like. You have to get out of here. Get out of this. See that weird. I don't need the history of fucking cars. Get to the fucking bike lanes. He's not even showing it.

The T model Ford was invented. There, look at that. Dude. There's not only safety, but also power in numbers. It's like everything's a beach boardwalk, or you know what the beach, it's like everything is like that. Everything's a sunrise or sunset

when these people are on their bikes. Dude, well in Amsterdam they don't have a day. That's why, do you know that? Shut up. It's a global phenomenon. I don't know when the sun either goes up or goes down. What yeah get it's weird. No look it up You don't read Sagan. Do you it's fascinating dude? It's like in Amsterdam. There's two things There's a Sagan is he the one that said the thing about comes come Sagan. I did I say Carl Sagan It's come Sagan come. Oh

Carl Sagan was like a cosmologist coming Sagan I'm my doctor in Coma. Oh gee I've a PhD in Coma. Oh gee a pretty heavy dick Yeah, yeah, just let me let me see your come Yeah, yeah, just let me see your cum. Look, I'm just gonna be honest, let me see your fucking cum. I'm so sorry to bother you, I know everyone does this to you, but would you look at my cum? We're at a dinner party right now, just come to the bathroom and look at my cum real quick. Fine. You know, I won't know unless I taste it.

And the funny thing is my taste buds are in my ass Dude how much time have we done? Oh my god time flies with you. Mr. Finance. I love you, man I love you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for analyzing my come earlier You didn't give me what's the result though? I don't know. I just wanted your cum. I'm not a cumologist. God damn it. You got me again.

I'm not cum-sneaking. How many times am I going to fall for that? I don't know, but I'm going to keep trying. You're the best Ian. You got shows coming up? Yes. I'm on tour right now every weekend until 2025. I'm on the road.

Fuck. IanFideats.com for all my dates. I'm really excited, man. I'm on the road. Fuck. EFIdance.com for all my dates. I'm really excited, man. I'm going to Denver Comedy Works. When? Milwaukee Improv. It's on your website. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I get a bunch of... Every weekend, man, I'm so fucking pumped. I'm having so much fun. I love Comedy Works so much, man. Yeah, yeah. And every set's different. So coming out to the shows, I'm having more fun doing stand-up than I ever have. And my special's out, Wild Happy and Free, on YouTube, and the podcast is Being Ian with

Jordan. You are the best. I love you, man. Thank you. I love you, Duncan. Bye! Bye-bye. Bye!

That was Ian Fidance, everybody. Go see him live. Check out his podcast. Thank you to our sponsors. Thank you all for listening or watching. I love you and I'll see you next week. Bye.