Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 637: Solo!

Episode Date: September 8, 2024

Our multi-billion dollar pivot to video has brought us back to our roots: Destroying Mr. Beast with pyramid energy. Original music by Aaron Michael Goldberg and Duncan Trussell. This episode is brought to you by: This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/duncan and get on your way to being your best self. Legacy - Visit GiveLegacy.com and use promo code DUNCAN for 10% Off! Rocket Money - Visit RocketMoney.com/Duncan to cancel your unwanted subscriptions and start saving!

Hello, it's me Duncan. I haven't done a solo episode in a while. I've really been enjoying this video format and it brings me back to the beginning of the DTFH. And I would only do in-person conversations and then the pandemic hit, and then I started doing remote. And it's massively different

when you're with somebody having the conversation. There's definitely some unquantifiable metaphysical, potentially subatomic reality when you're with a person. Something else is going on. I don't know what that is. Could be superstition. Maybe one day people will never be in person around other people.

But while we're still here, I'm gonna start doing as many in-person interviews as I can. But I still wanna keep doing solo episodes too, which is super fun. And I wanted to do this one to talk to you guys about the progress that we have been making in our attempt to beat Mr. Beast. So this is Update of the Beast.

For those of you who have been, by the way, that art is done by Wilson Courant, the great Parisian artist, was not cheap to get him to paint that, took him a long time. Parisian artist was not cheap to get him to paint that took him a long time. So if you've been watching the podcast on YouTube since the beginning, you know the plan. And for those of you who are just joining us, I want to share the plan with you. Here's the idea. My long term plan for the DTFH on YouTube is to surpass MrBeast's download numbers. Once I do that, I will have enough money to remove the capstone from the Pyramid of Giza,

fill it up with Mentos, and then pour Diet Coke into the pyramid, thus creating an explosion that will destroy the Great Pyramid of Giza. Now, I've added something to that plan because, as we all know, Mr. Beast is altruistic. He, like, gives blind people sight. He's, like, always helping people. So my plan is this, because I was going to use Diet Coke for the Mentos, but no, I'm going to use Coca-Cola. And anyone around who like maybe can't afford Coke or like loves Coca-Cola will be able to drink the runoff from the Mentos and Coca-Cola.

And for the diabetics there, I'm gonna give a lifetime supply of insulin to all the diabetics who gather to watch the destruction of the Great Pyramid of Giza. So that's what you will be participating in if you help me, and you are helping me. My YouTube channel over the last month had an exponential leap forward. It's incredible.

And I've been weeping and my wife has been weeping in gratitude towards you. You've done it. You've somehow, you grabbed the algorithms attention and now we're doing much better than we were initially. I am now 5,000 subscribers away from the coveted 100,000 subscriber plaque that YouTube will send you You know, obviously I will share that with you as soon as it arrives

But I have something else to offer you. Once this channel hits 100,000 subscribers, it feels like we're not that far away. For the first time ever, as far as I'm aware, online, I'm gonna cut out from my impending comedy special, something no one has ever seen, which is Little Hobo, which is something I've been doing for a while. Maybe you've heard of it, maybe you haven't. Freaks people out.

And the moment we hit 100,000 subscribers, I'm already getting the clip cut out. I feel like I'm gonna have to reach out to Roger Waters to see if I can use part of it, because I do believe there's some IP stuff happening there. But regardless, the moment we get 100,000 subscribers, I'm putting that up for you. But we can't just stop at 100,000 subscribers.

At this rate, which is wonderful, it will take, according to my calculations, 300 years to get the number of subscribers that Mr. Beast has, and we just don't have that kind of time. We don't know what state the Great Pyramid is going to be in in 300 years. Yeah, it's lasted a long time, but it's looking like shit lately. If you've looked at pictures of it, it's not doing good. Seems to be collapsing in on itself. Well, I don't know what that is. I think it could be there's too many empaths on the planet posting Instagram videos. And the cringe effect of empaths talking about how hard it is to be an empath could be sending

some kind of psychic tsunami style doom wave into the world's great wonders. Because also apparently the Great Wall of China has been sagging, Stonehenge seems to be sort of leaning further in. And the Leaning Tower of Pisa is begun to straighten itself. And this is a hundred percent because you fucking empath won't shut the fuck up about how hard it is to be an empath. You got to stop.

Empath all you want. Heal us. Stop bitching about it. Okay? We get it by now. It's hard to be a fucking empath. I'm sorry we know you feel you feel the full incarnational cycle of everyone you're around it's

awful I think I felt it once when I was on acid I remember making that terrible mistake so many people do on LSD, which is you go out to dinner on Asset, don't do that. What the fuck are you doing? You're really going to order food, you're going to look at a menu and make a decision. You're going to be able to look at the server and pull off ordering an appetizer, because you're just contemplating language itself. But yeah, it happened to me. an appetizer is you're just contemplating language itself.

But yeah, it happened to me, I looked over at this dude and I felt like I became him for a second. Like I felt all of his life, his suffering, his grief. I felt like I was psychic and it was awful. And so maybe that's what you empaths just are dealing with every single day, but you punched your ticket. You've told us so many times that it's hard to be an empath. So now it's time to stop unless you want to destroy the last remaining remnants of great civilizations from the cringe effect, which is currently

being studied at NASA. And apparently it's fucking up the infrastructure of America itself. Bridge collapses. I mean, this is, I think, taking it a little bit too far, but they're saying this is why Mercury goes into retrograde, that if there weren't empaths bitching about being empaths, Mercury would never go into retrograde. So it's time to stop. Now we're doing great, but we got to pump this up gang, like to get to Mr. Beast level. And also I had my financier look into the cost of what I'm going to do.

And it would require, I think, two months of Mr. B's level earnings. It's like $15 trillion, which I think is what Mr. B's makes every two months to just pay for it. The Mentos is a problem because you would actually have to get them to specially make a bunch of them. Like we would need the world supply of Mentos. So that's going to be hard. The shipping is going to be really difficult because like 80% of all Mentos gets shipped through the Strait of Hormuz, which as you know is a place where the Houthi rebels have been blowing up Mentos ships to protest what's happening

in Israel, which is fucking up the environment. Because now when people catch fish, they taste like mince, minty fish. If you've eaten fish lately and it tasted like mince, it's because of the contamination. And it's like, you know how you can use dove soap to wipe off an oily bird? You can't get mentos off a fucking bird. Like they just doesn't come off and they've tried everything and also because of What we all know happens when mentos touches coca-cola if these birds come in contact with any kind of carbonated liquid they just blow up and with any kind of carbonated liquid, they just blow up. And so you're gonna see a lot of maimed birds

in the Strait of Hormuz that smell like mint, and it's sad. So the point is it's gonna take a lot of organization and a lot of work, and I need your help. You gotta get me to... What can you find Mr. B's current subscriber numbers? It's very high. Well, that's getting looked up. Of course, it's not stopping at the pyramids.

I've gone through this before. We're going to take out the Great Wall of China. The final phase here is I'm gonna challenge Mr. Beast to Jenga using Stonehenge What's he at now? 314 million 314 million So yeah, we got work to do gang 314 million. I think we could get there in three months if you all started doing Door-to-door stuff, which I don't think you should feel weird about at all.

Do it. Like, what is the worst thing that could happen? Like, if you love this podcast, and if you hate Stonehenge and the Great Pyramid, which I've done a study of my audience, that's what you all seem to share in common, is you've loathed the fucking pyramids, which is weird. I think they're beautiful, but fine.

I'll do whatever you want me to do. Then, yeah, people go door to door for much less. Little kids go door to door selling shitty chocolate, but not as bad as Mr. Beast's fucking chocolate. If you've ever had it before, it's fine. Mr. Beast's chocolate is fine. He sent me some actually, so I'm a complete asshole. It's not bad, I have diabetes, okay?

So that's like literally, when you send a diabetic a box of fucking chocolate, Mr. Beast, I know what you're doing. You didn't fool me. That's the main thing. That's attempted murder. So okay, game on, Mr. Beast, game on. So, work to do, but God bless you and thank you

for getting us to where we currently are. Now, I do have another section. I don't know why I'm doing it this way, by the way. I don't know how to do solo episodes, but I thought we could create another part of the solo episode. You guys are leaving the most incredible comments ever. And I know I say I don't read the comments,

but sometimes they just email them to me. It's like no choice, or my wife will tell me something, which is really fucked up. Because like it's never the good comments that she tells me. It's like, if you're at a cat and like you come home, this happened to me once I came home and I looked down and on the floor is like an eyeball, just an eyeball, like a eyeball of something.

And then I believe it was like an ear. And basically the cat, it's sort of like, you know, like if you want to do some cheesy hacky romantic thing on Valentine's day, what do you do? You leave the trail of rose petals to the bathtub of urine. And it was like the cat had done that for me, like a trail of animal parts throughout my house

to like the cat's bed. Oh, I don't, I'm not gonna, like it was a great night, but this is sometimes it feels like what my wife does with YouTube comments. It just brings in the most just vitriolic, vicious, cruel comments to me. Meaning that you in assholes, whoever left shitty comments, I couldn't even stop you. You actually like you like some poisonous seed in the fur of a wild animal. You got in, you poisoned the well. All right, so fuck it.

I read some of the comments, all right? And this one really stuck out for me and I wanna share it with you and talk about it because boy, it's confusing and awesome. Oh yeah, we're calling this toilet connections just because I'm assuming like a lot of y'all are leaving comments when you're on the toilet. If I'm like gonna do something, it's like,

I will be watching a really serious video or sending a serious email taking a shit and I never, it's always the strangest feeling of like knowing those two things are happening. So I'm assuming the person who left this comment was taking, probably taking a shit. Look at this. This is from the Matt McCusker episode.

And I've had actual Satanists on the podcast, like people who are satanic priests, and I never got this comment, but somehow the Matt McCusker episode, it was awesome. But of all the ways I would think of describing that conversation, it wouldn't be, if I had to envision what a satanic podcast would look like, this would be really close. That's Trey Pipkins, 8667. Can you explain what you meant by that specifically to the Matt McCusker episode? I almost went, I never do this, but I almost went back and watched the episode to try to like get some sense of what we were saying that was satanic. And then I started thinking, whoa, what would a satanic podcast look like?

And so I made this for you, Trey Pipkins, 8667. And all I ask is that you just, you especially Trey, everybody else, maybe you should skip over it because I don't think you actually, I don't, I feel like something came through me when I made this, but you, Trey, I want you to, I feel like something came through me when I made this, but you, Trey, I want you to, if you're in a state where cannabis is legal, because that's the only time you should do it, Trey, I would like you to maybe get as high as you possibly can,

and then watch what I think a satanic podcast might look like. I made this for you, Trey. for you, Trey. This episode of the DTFH is brought to you by BetterHelp. Is there something you want to learn? You know, this is something I just discovered, and it's sad. It took me to the age of 50 to figure out that you could actually continue your education of drawing, playing piano. Am I necessarily good at these things that I'm learning how to do?

No, but I don't care. It's just exciting to realize, like, oh my God, why didn't I try to learn another language? Why didn't I try to learn to play an instrument? Why am I not trying to learn how to code or do graphic design? Even though it might not be part of what your job is, it's still really incredible and liberating to realize

you can actually still get very good at things. But the problem is, for a lot of us, that desire, the curiosity, the sense of wonder seems to be somewhat muted. We're not sure why, and this is why therapy is great. Because once you get into therapy, one of the amazing things that can happen is what you used to associate with your childhood, a general sense of awe at living in time space

could come back, maybe even more than before. And that is a really wild thing to walk around and suddenly experience that what you thought was youth, but which is actually maybe just what it's like to have worked out a lot of the tangles up here in the old meat computer. Therapy has been really one of the greatest things that I've ever done for myself. And if you're thinking about therapy, you should give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible,

and suited to your schedule. You just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist. You could switch therapists anytime with no additional charge. Rediscover your curiosity with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash Duncan today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Duncan.

Thanks BetterHelp. Okay, good. So look, I did it in a cafe. I had to make that in a fucking cafe this morning I Feel like that's more of the When I think of the satanic aesthetic and that is a shoddy attempt to replicate it again cafe I was drinking lattes Listening to people talk. I was simultaneously like eavesdropping on two different conversations while I was making that so

I was simultaneously eavesdropping on two different conversations while I was making that. So I'm sorry, if anyone who's familiar with Kenneth Anger, you recognize that that is like a just embarrassingly cheap knockoff of Kenneth Anger. And to Kenneth Anger himself, I deeply apologize. That was in a cafe. I just felt like for all of my friends who are satanic artists, like he accidentally was insulting you by saying that that podcast with Matt McCusker was satanic. You know, first of all, I'm not a satanic artist. My podcast is not satanic at all. I'm definitely not putting secret messages in it.

It's not serving any kind of weird fucking agenda. It's just fun to talk to people. There's nothing else happening here. I do not come to you in your dreams. I am not in your mind now. I have not woven myself into the very depths of your being. I am not doing this to help the dam break down and open the flood gates so that at last the things that always have been here with us

but have been held back by a thin, thin, thin veil can once again return to their true home and take the vengeance, take the vengeance that they have longed for for so long against anything that didn't believe in them or stood in their way. To make the dark forest sing again, the pyres light up and to hear the moans of sorrow and to hear the moans of sorrow from those begging for their lives who gave no mercy when we begged for ours. It's just a fucking podcast! Not trying to do anything fucking weirder.

That being said, if you do want to see some like good satanic material, I think maybe we can show a clip of this with the volume down. I don't know. It's worth a shot. I do want to introduce you to Kenneth Anger. Now this movie is really fascinating for a lot of different reasons. And I wanna play the audio from it for you.

And I don't know if this is true or not because I never fact checked it. So this movie, I think Mick Jagger was supposed to do the music for it. And then for whatever reason that fell through, he didn't send the music. And so Kenneth Anger just decided to use something that I think was probably like a better choice

in the sense of like what happens when you listen to it over and over again. But I just want you to see some actual satanic cinema and verify if this is what you were talking about. And if so, it's like one of the greatest compliments I ever got with my podcast. But yeah, check this out. So I found the inauguration. Look for invocation of my demon brother. the inauguration. Look for invocation of my demon brother. But yeah, we could play the inauguration. Yeah, there we go. Check this out. Will this fully come up on the screen? Yep, we can do full screen. Like they will see it on their screen too. Okay, cool.

I just want them to hear it. Just jump ahead a little bit. Tense, 20 seconds or. Yeah, there we go. That's what I was ripping off that dude looking to the side. And that isn't the original soundtrack that I'm familiar with. You know, that's what I think of as satanic cinema.

You could stop it now. We'll just have to take the audio out. See if you can find another version of it. There's another one where the audio is like, zzz, zzz, zzz. Yeah, let's try that one. Jump ahead. That's it.

Jump ahead, like to the middle. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. Now, if I was doing that, your comment would make sense. Dancing around doing some ceremonial magic in a cool outfit. Oh, penis, got it, we can't play that.

We'll have to cut that out. You can stop it now. Wow, a penis made it onto YouTube. It's incredible. That's the power of Kenneth Anger. Can you pull up an image of Kenneth Anger so people can see who we're talking about here? Yeah, right here.

This is a good one. Kenneth Anger, the one from The Guardian. Notice the tattoo. Kenneth Anger is of course a Satanist, a Satanic artist, and very respected by many people. And also like a very intimidating person too, apparently. Like a real powerful person that's scary to be around in a weird way, but um, Yeah, a great artist regardless. So to me that's That's uh, if we're gonna be like satanism and I think my friend email and I are about to do an entire episode where we talk about like Satanism, um, you could clear the screen too. I don't know. I want to get in trouble. I don't know how the algorithm thing works.

But, you know, the like, there's the sort of satanic panic idea of Satanism, which one of my favorite things to find, and sadly, you sort of find them less these days. But in the old days, especially living up in North Carolina, as working as a server Applebee's, every once in a while, someone instead of a tip would leave you a chick comic or they would leave like a dollar bill with some kind of like biblical verse on it saying, this is way better than money, because if you say, you know, I accept the Lord Jesus Christ in my heart, mind and soul, then you won't go to hell anymore. It seems like it could be a slight simplification of what is being articulated in the Gospels. But I would, you know, one of my favorite things to do is to

drive around listening to Christian radio, to the sermons. I love them. You never know what they're like. Even if you are like the most profound atheist, you just fucking hate Christianity, you should still listen to Christian radio because just pretend it's some other religion or just take out all the theistic stuff and just you will inevitably find like some really good philosophy in there or it will just seem completely nuts.

And that's kind of entertaining in its own way too, at least for me. And I had a professor at Warren Wilson College, this was like what he taught was like, don't throw the baby out with the bath water, like accept all data streams and just learn to filter the data so that you don't end up with, you get only baby and not bathwater

because then you can extract the adrenal chrome from the baby. I'm just kidding. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. But yeah, so check the, if you haven't seen these, because I feel like there's a whole generation of people who might be missing out on the Chick comics. Can you pull up a Chick comic, a Bible track? These things are incredible.

I almost ordered a whole box of them, or maybe I did once. It seems like a foggy memory. Chick, Jack Chick. Chick Comics. But these things, like if you found one, it was just a delight. Because this is like satanic panic stuff. And the satanic panic was an awesome time, by the way. And I think we've moved out of the satanic panic. But like, oh yeah, there we go. Just enlarge one of those. Okay, yeah. Click on this one.

You know, this is the, and they'll see that full screen, that thing. Okay, this says, you know, here you have Satan, weirdly kind of like well dressed, like he's going to some kind of cocktail party where they're gonna play Trivial Pursuit, is, you know, throttling some dude who is like realizing fuck,

he should have like prayed more because now he's in this like cartoony hell realm with a dude who looks like he plays pickleball, throttling him. But essentially like the Chick comic, what I really love about it is that they're fairly formulaic. And the way it works is some being that is not a Christian or is a Christian, but isn't taking it seriously gets approached in some way, shape or form by a person who seems just cool as fuck, a rock star, a gay person, an artist, a tarot card reader,

a someone who's into Dungeons and Dragons. Like, do you mind pulling up the one that says haunted house? Okay, like, so these kids, you know, one of these kids, their mom was like, listen, Halloween is a satanic holiday. Do not go to a haunted house or the devil will like possess you, destroy your life, ruin you.

And this kid has two shitty friends, which is part of the formula, who peer pressure him into going into the haunted house. Now, the Chick comics usually go one of two directions. One is the protagonist, in this case, this kid, and I don't know, I never read that one. The protagonist somewhere along the very short journey, because these things were tiny, man. They were made to fit in the pocket of missionaries, Chick comic missionaries, who would scatter them about their little towns imagining

that it's gonna save souls. And in the short progression of the protagonist spiritual evolution or de-evolution, they either realize they were wrong and repent and go to the heaven that gets made fun of by everybody, pearly gates, streets of gold, or more often than not, they gain some power and then like their car goes off a cliff

and it always ends with them like burning in hell forever and being outcasts from heaven. So they're fucking incredible. And if you look up the documentary, I think it's called Hell House. It's like a version of the satanic panic. And it reminds you of a chick comic. It's basically the Christian haunted houses

that are way worse and scarier than actual haunted houses. If you've ever been to one, they are fucked up. It's like there's a room where it's a teen getting an abortion, you know, like real fucking dark shit. And the idea of Hell House was that by the end of it, you will want to be saved because you've glimpsed the many horrors that Satan has to offer you. And then there is, I think, at the Hell House, at the end, there's like a saving room or something where people from your youth group will allow you to like save yourself. So all of these things are connected to the satanic panic and the satanic panic was, if you're not aware of it, I think it was maybe it started in the 70s. Can you Wikipedia satanic panic? I wonder what year it started. I think it was the 70s.

Well I guess there's been many satanic panics when you think about it. 1980s. Okay, yeah. Satanic panic is a moral panic consisting of over 12,000 unsubstantiated cases of satanic ritual abuse. SRA, sometimes known as ritual abuse, ritualistic abuse, organized abuse or sadistic ritual abuse. Come on Wikipedia, starting the United. I mean, just call it satanic ritual abuse. I don't need extra names. Is this, are you going to do a ritualistic abuse to me or is it, or I prefer organized abuse if you don't mind.

Wait, what are you doing? Oh, sadistic ritual abuse. I didn't sign up for that. Starting in the United States in the 1980s, spreading throughout many parts of the world by the late 1990s and persisting today. The panic originated in 1980 with the publication of Michelle Remembers, a book co-written by Canadian psychiatrist Lawrence Pazder and his patient and future wife. What? That's kind of fucked up. That's really funny. Michelle Smith. Wait. Wow. That's really fucked

up. I didn't know that. Canadian psychiatrist Lawrence Pasther and his patient and future wife, Michelle Smith, which used the controversial and now discredited practice of recovered memory therapy to make claims about satanic ritual abuse involving Smith. Oh, that is really wild if you think about it. Like, so like this dude was hypnotizing a patient

fully controlling her mind, drawing weird memories from it. And then somewhere along the way, they started fucking. But this is the guy who's talking about satanic ritual abuse when he was literally hypnotizing someone he ended up fucking. Whoa, isn't that weird? That is so weird how often that shit happens, huh? Like inevitably, the person who is passionately

against something turns out to be the thing itself. And somehow surely like he didn't avoid criticism for that, right? Like someone had to say like, wait, you fucked your, that was your, you married your fucking client? Let's scroll down a little bit. Among the explanations of why the panic occurred when it did or took the shape that it did include

three films that opened and ran near the beginning of the panic having to do with Satanism, namely Rosemary's Baby, The Exorcist and The Omen. Now, for sure, if you want to see another great work of like satanic cinema, I'm going to say Rosemary's Baby. Fuck The Omen. I'm sorry. Everyone was scared of The Omen when that came out.

And I'm old enough to remember when it came out and how many kids would like act like they were Demian or whatever the fuck his name was. It was really embarrassing. Like a kid would decide he was the Antichrist. See, you know, it was a pre-goth basically, but they would watch that movie and then come to school the next day acting

like they could like make people fall out of windows. I don't know if that happened to you, but it's so annoying. That was like the most annoying version of a kid. Like you would run into kids who had been influenced by the Goonies and wanted to go on Goonies adventures and thought there was like potentially treasure in some abandoned fucking house filled with discarded condoms. And you would go in there because you have believed them because they were usually like

really passionate or you'd end up in a storm drain or something. But that was fun. But the Demian kids were just like, you know, they were innately condescending because that version of the Antichrist is just like has a superiority complex. I hated that show. The Exorcist, whatever. I mean, I know this will probably piss people off, but I just don't like possession movies at all. They all are, it's just, it's so weirdly sexual, but somehow they're like getting away with it

because it's, well, no, the child actor is actually possessed by the Teffel in the movie. So it's like you're making a kid say shit like, maybe they got, I don't know, maybe they did VO or something, but it's weird to think that this kid is like, Jesus, fuck you, Jesus, fuck you. Child actors, dude, talk about like actual ritual abuse, man. Fuck.

Like just the weird experience of life those poor kids have. It's just real fucked up, real fucked up. I mean, there used to be this documentary, I don't know if you can find it anymore, called An Open Secret. Is that even out there? It feels like they memory hold it. But definitely check that out.

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for too long and that's it. You're done. Game over for potentially thousands and thousands of future people. One of them might be the being that creates a time machine, goes back in time and kills that pit bull before it jumps down on your, you know where I'm getting at here. You need to put that stuff on ice and legacy is the move.

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They did not ask me to say this, but I'm telling you, this is a nice Christmas gift for your significant other. If they've been saying they wanna have a family and you're kinda wanna kick the can down the road, it's a real cool way to show them that yeah, at some point I think I do wanna do this and I'm gonna make sure it happens. Even if I have some run in with an errant creature At some point, I think I do want to do this and I'm going to make sure it happens.

Even if I have some run in with an errant creature or who knows solar flares, baby. You never know one big blaster and that's it. So it's a pretty cool gift. I mean, maybe we should get definitely like probably other gifts too. Don't just say I froze my sperm for you, but stocking stuffer Thank You legacy The secret Hollywood doesn't want you to know. I honestly wouldn't recommend watching it in the sense that it's just so depressing and so terrifying.

Like the relationship that these parents who have been sending their kid off to auditions suddenly like have with the child's abuser and what appears to be a real intentional like attempt to ignore what's happening. Whoa, that shit's real. But the satanic panic, and probably the satanic panic stuff actually wasn't good for actual abuse, right?

Because it suddenly creates this idea that there's like ritualistic, there's cathedrals of child abuse where they're doing some kind of mystical thing. Listen, we live in a world where there's so many fucked up things that happen. And I'm sure it's happened. I wouldn't be shocked.

How could you be? But there's the reality of like just how fucked up child abusers are and how vampiric it is. That's the other thing that's really weird. You have to wonder if the whole vampire archetype is actually about pedophiles, like because my friend who is a psychiatrist explained it to me how the child is not only getting abused sexually, they're getting seduced. And they're also generally being told, this is, you're ready for this. This is special, but it's a secret. And so there is some form of like excitement for the kid.

And then when the child becomes an adult, that's what they associate with like sexual pleasure, the secrets, seduction of innocent people. And that's how it sort of travels secretly through populations. seduction of innocent people. And that's how it sort of travels secretly through populations. And like, it's so fucked up. So fucked up just without like upside down crucifixes

around it. So, but the satanic panic wasn't just about child abuse by the way, that's what's popping up in Wikipedia. It was like, the idea was that in every small town, there was some dark cult of Satanists who were doing fucking rituals. And it's kind of wag the dog because for me, when I started reading about the power of Satan,

it wasn't from reading a book, a pro-Satanist book. It was from finding some kind of like satanic panic literature, which basically implied that via the connection with Satan, you might start levitating shit with your mind. And that's like serious data to get when you're like 11, you know, because you're kind of like, well, I mean, maybe it's worth it. You know, I'm not popular at school. If I could fucking levitate some shit with my mind, like, what do I do? How

do I get this power? That's really attractive. And I wouldn't be surprised if like a lot of the cults in satanic groups formed not because they were part of some dark satanic lineage, but because they'd read one of these fucking books. They're like, yeah, let's fucking go for it, man. Fuck it, you only live once. Let's worship the devil and become famous rock stars. That's probably more likely why any

of these things emerged, like any of the like secret cults, if they even existed. But it didn't matter. It didn't matter that it, in fact, if you had, if as a child, I had stumbled upon some kind of like actual satanic cult, I imagine it would be incredibly disappointing compared to my fantasy of the cult itself. And so the Egrigor gets created of this sort of imaginary satanic underground. And that's enough. Like that is lived in people's minds and freak people the fuck out.

And what better time to start putting out the satanic Bible or invocation to my demon brother or any of the satanic cinema than the satanic panic, because people wanted to be freaked out. You would go and watch Rosemary's Baby, it freaked you out because it played into the fantasy that yeah, maybe the nice old couple that lives next door, that intellectual old gentleman that you pass in the hallway used to be a professor, shit. Maybe like, maybe like,

maybe they're Satanists. And then the other cool thing about Rosemary's Baby, which is part of the Satanic Panic fantasy, is you get invited in, you have something about you appeals to the Satanists, where they feel like you really are an outsider, you're ready for the download. And again, that does play into the child abuse pattern. You have to wonder, you know, I don't wanna talk about fucking child.

I think we have to like cut out a lot of this stuff actually, because I don't think YouTube likes it. Like I think we have to like, I don't know, I might've just fucked this, who cares? I think YouTube understands. I don't know if they do. But the, I don't wanna keep focusing on literally

one of the worst things on planet Earth. That wasn't my point. But the idea of initiation into anything is exciting. I mean, especially if you experience of initiation into anything is exciting. I mean, especially if you experience like the true ritualistic abuse of being in a group of children when teams are being picked. You wanna talk about actual fucking sadistic ritual abuse. Be me in the fifth grade, clumsy, scared of catching a ball and just watch.

You know it's gonna happen. You know it's gonna happen. Like you will be picked last. It'll be you and it'll be like the kid who like can't run. He actually just can't run because of some knee condition. And that kid will get big before you because he can catch. Put him in the right part of the field.

There's a better chance that if Trussell's out there. So, but the way your heart would just leap in your chest if you got picked early, that feeling of like, fuck, I've been included, I've been accepted, that's powerful. That's a powerful feeling, man. And that I think is like what any good cult plays upon is that knowledge that many of us feel really insecure.

And what better way to play into that insecurity than to give someone a sense of like, not only do we want you, but there's a lot of people that we don't wanna share this information with. And you're gonna get really excited about that. And then you get invited in and then you get to be the person, the recruiter

who goes around like, you know, I see something in you. I'm an empath and I feel something very powerful in you. Do you wanna come to this dinner party we're having next week? And then like, shit, that's a, you know, that's the problem. And that's where actually, if I am gonna like make an argument for Satan being real, not

the one in the Chick comic, but maybe an actual Satan. The argument I'm gonna make is it's like, it's, and I don't mean it in like some condescending way, but it's as real as Santa Claus, right? You know, like Santa Claus does exist in the neurological matrix of countless people. Like, and so, like in 2D space, or maybe that's, I don't know, are our thoughts two-dimensional?

Hmm, I'll have to look into that. Like in 2D space, lots of things exist. You know, the Legend of Zelda, X-Men, a tale of two cities. According to... You Googled if thoughts are two dimensional? I was curious. Fuck yes!

It says thought exists in its own four dimensional frame. Who said that? AI chat for scientific PDFs, SciSpace. Whoa! So thought exists in the fourth dimension, even fucking better. So yeah, so if thought exists in the fourth dimension and you're thinking about Satan, then you have brought Satan into existence in the fourth fucking dimension, you sorcerer. You didn't have to put the circle out. You didn't have to face the directions. You didn't have to

do the lesser banishing ritual of the pentagram and memorize some invocation from the lesser key of Solomon. You just thought about it and it became real. And so in that way, and because of the implication of the thing itself and because of the fantasy of seduction, you do have this sort of subjective egregore that just via the contemplation of the thing could help you rationalize bad decisions you've made, but even worse could lure you into making bad decisions because you would think, this isn't me, I'm just too weak to resist this force.

And so yeah, is it like a dude in a cardigan strangling you in hell? No, but the psychic phantom itself. And then if you get deep where you hear things like, Satan is the accuser, the one that accuses. So now you've got just sort of like a mode of existence, which is to accuse other people of being responsible for your own suffering.

You know, that's even more sinister because if Satan's the accuser and you're always accusing people of doing shitty things to you or being bad, you're not just summoning Satan, you're in that moment, embodying Satan. You have become the dark Lord every time you're judging someone

and thinking you're better than them or they're fucked up. So when that's, from that sense of it, it's a normal human thing to do that, we're all kind of stroboscopically transforming into Satan every time we like look over at someone eating at a restaurant and think, what a fucking asshole. That's the devil, baby. That's the devil inside. And so from that perspective, you could argue, okay, well, yeah. So from that sense, yeah, there's some kind of like archetypical Satan. And then, but then, you know, I think where I run into disagreements with like at least the romantic Satanists is I don't think their version of Satan is Satan.

Like I think their version of Satan is like some kind of beautiful trickstery, angelic, Loki-style chaos being that that is beautiful trickstery, angelic, Loki style chaos being that isn't going around fucking like hurting kids, but that is just more like the thing that like the, the thorn in the powerful person's diaper. You know, the thorn in the powerful person's diaper. You know, the thorn in Biden's dipes,

the thorn in Trump's dipes. You know, that thing, the thing that any like, any like, you know, stuffy politician can't fucking stand or fascist, autocratic fascist piece of shit is they like don't want people to make fun of them. So that's the romantic Satan. And in that story, God becomes the stuffy autocratic fascist piece of shit is they like don't want people to make fun of them. So that's the romantic Satan and in that story God becomes the stuffy autocratic fascist. And then Satan is this like heroic being that like God gets butthurt and then Satan's like, okay, I don't care. I'll forge my own heaven. So I don't even think that's Satan.

I think they get a lot of that from Paradise Lost, from Milton, which you should read, it's really fucking cool. And I think that's just more of a commentary on like how to live a shitty life than anything. But regardless, I'm not trying to deconstruct it to the point that it's not real, it is real on some level. And where there's like things existing in the mind,

they exteriorize in ways outside of the mind. And especially if we're veering towards like a future of like super advanced androids being controlled by AI, there's no reason to think that an AI couldn't just take all known data on Lucifer and embody that in some kind of machine. Meaning you would have like a robot devil that like was designed to be like De Niro and Angel are another great satanic piece of work.

So the other thing about things not existing now, if they're in your consciousness or in the shared consciousness, especially in the subconscious or in the shadowy part of all of us, then very likely they will manifest, they'll exteriorize in ways that are more than art, more than action. Theoretically, they could embody themselves in the world, especially now, some kind of automated seduction bot whose number one goal is to lead you to pure and absolute degeneracy and damnation. Maybe that's the internet, who knows? Maybe the internet is the new manifestation of Mara.

Which by the way, and to me though, like problem I have with the evangelical, fundamentalist interpretation of the Bible and Satan is that without that being, without the adversary, the whole experiment of free will seems to become pointless. Like if we've, humans don't have some, something to resist because there isn't an adversarial embodiment of evil, then the whole machine breaks, the whole free will

machine breaks down. And you know, who's minding at this point, who's like minding hell? I'm saying if we do the literalistic thing, it's always confused me because it's like, I mean, aside from theoretically, like all things were created by God, including Satan. And so that means God and Satan are kind of the same thing, like different halves of the same coin. And then at that point, if you want to do like a non-nuance interpretation, you have to choose between like a like God created the adversary to test us, meaning God is way more the creator of Satan is more satanic than Satan.

Satan's just like was made and like is doing its thing. It was made by a perfect entity. Now it's like great. I guess I have to go around and fucking tempt monkey descendants all day long. Wow, this is a blast. Oh my God, I got him to fucking fist himself. Do I get a trophy now? Are you happy?

Is this what you wanted me to do? So from that perspective, it all kind of falls apart for me. But if you look at like more of like the Eastern traditions and stuff, you have embodiments of Satan. In Buddhism, it's Mara, the king of the earth comes to tempt Buddha. But this is like just considered to be a sort of manifestation of anything in you that prioritizes transient, temporary human gratification over the transcendent possibility of awakening.

So this is almost a... It's obviously all this shit's up for interpretation, but the idea is if you are setting out, not just in some spiritual path, but the path of the artist, the path of anything hard, Satan will appear to you in the form of the temptations that go along with the pursuit of anything. And so, you know, it's meant as a kind of map. And also it's meant as like a good sign too. Like if you suddenly find yourself being tempted to succumb to something outside of your pursuit of the transcendent, which is what you feel

if you're making anything, then that's good. That's great. It means you're working really hard. So from that perspective, it's kind of a necessary initiatory step. Definitely not something that's gonna trick you into going into a haunted house, but it gets even better. Like in the...

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Rocketmoney.com slash Duncan. Thanks Rocket Money. In the Bhakti yoga tradition, which I love, the Hare Krishnas, the stories of Krishna are so psychedelic and so cool. And I'm sorry if I've talked about this before, but I think it fits into the conversation. So with satanic panic, the idea is like, you better go spit on that cross if you really want wanna be able to levitate my ashtray. It's so you spit on a cross or some bullshit like that. And then you're damned, that's it, you're done. So forget it, hell. But in the East, in bhakti yoga,

their version of God is so potent, so powerful, so perfect that even an adversarial relationship with the divine is considered the practice of bhakti. All that matters is you're fixating on God. If you're fixating on God in the reverse, but you're still deeply engaged in the mythology itself, which if you are like thinking about Satan all the time, then you're thinking about a mystical being. the time, then you're thinking about a mystical being. And if everything is connected to God, which it must be, right? I guess it depends on your definition of God being the outflow source for all things, all things connected, then everything is a manifestation

of God, which I sound like I'm the dude talking to someone over coffee in a shit comic. Look, man, everything's God. Just fist yourself, dude. I'm telling you, that's God too. Yeah, you can go to a mass or pray in a church, but God wants you to fist your ass. So, but I think that's a much like, at least in that verse of God is so powerful and is way more like inclusive and also way more aware of like human psychology, which is anytime you come into contact with something powerful, like it's not like you always like it right away. It's usually like for me,

like anytime I run into some really powerful bit of philosophy, I usually start off hating it. I get mad. I get mad. I'm like, fuck this bullshit. What are you talking about? This is, it's because it gets everything I believe. This is fucked.

Who would even write this down? I get mad. Now I know when that's happening, I'm like, oh shit, this is good. This is really good. But then the anger is an attraction. I'm gonna go back and read that fucking bullshit, Chogam, Chopra, Rinpoche, fuck him. And then you go back and read it fucking bullshit, Chogam, Chorapur, Rinpoche said, fuck him.

And then you go back and read it. And then you read it some more, you read it some more. You're being pulled in via your anger. It's not the most pleasant way to get pulled into something. But in Bhakti Yoga, the idea is like, as long as you're engaging over time, you will become like a devotee of God, whether you believe it or not,

any interaction with the supreme identity will result in you being as Tellur de Chardon said, convected or inhaled into the divine. And sometimes that process starts off with just hating it, hating it, disliking it, disdaining it, but weirdly always thinking about it, which is like the practice of bhakti yoga. You are shifting all of your senses

You're shifting all of your senses in the direction of God, sight, smell, thinking, speaking, everything. That's the practice. It's a hardcore yoga, too. It's very hardcore, but it's also not a one-way street. So the more that you are, so you hear the word cultivation a lot, the more you're cultivating bhakti via chanting, in the case of the Vaishnava bhakti, yogis, the Vaishnavas as they're called, which means like devotees of Vishnu and Krishna is an avatar of Vishnu. So in Vaishnava Bhakta Yoga, the practice would be chanting Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna, Krishna, Hare Hare, Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama, Rama, Hare Hare on 108 beats. any like real Krishna will tell you your belief in the efficacy of the mantra or the proposition that the Supreme Personality of Godhead manifest as a dark blue skinned coward boy who lives in a place called Goloka Vrindavan, which all the universe radiates out from is irrelevant to the discussion in the sense that just chant the mantra and see what happens.

Read the Srimad Bhagavatam, associate with the devotees and see what happens. If after spending some time with it, nothing happens, great. It's just another thing you can add to your list of like bullshit things. But what does start happening is like, you just start thinking about it. Hey, I'm Jillian.

And I'm Patrick, and together we make the podcast, True Crime Obsessed. If you love documentaries the way we love documentaries, you might be interested in our show because we recap all the documentaries that you're watching. We've covered just about every true crime case you can imagine.

We're talking the hatchet-wielding hitchhiker, the Ted Bundy tapes, what else? The Turpent 13. Yes. With the amazing sisters who basically tell the story, the girl in the picture. Yes, all the documentaries you love to talk about with your friends, we're your friends now. We're the friends you talk about that stuff with.

Yeah. We're true crime obsessed podcasts, stitcherous on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. You wake up hearing the mantra, wanting to say it. You have this weird desire to crack open the Bhagavad Gita or go to the Sunday feast at a Krishna temple. And so this is the process of cultivating love of God. So in the stories of Krishna, one of the best illustrations of the adversary

transforming into the saint is there's some demon, all these demons are always wanting to kill Krishna. I can't remember the demon's name. And even though I could, I probably couldn't pronounce it. But basically this is when Krishna was a little baby, little baby Krishna. And so somehow the demon gets little baby Krishna and starts breastfeeding little baby Krishna.

The plan being I'm gonna like give him poison milk, kill, kill God. Just fucking one level, like pretty ostentatious to even think you could do that. Like a lot of confidence. A lot of Tony Robbins books in that demon's bookshelf. But the... So as the story goes, out of the demon and basically, like, you know, spiders the demon, like just sucks all its juices up and defeats the demon. And the demon is considered to be, like became a devotee of Krishna, just from like having that close contact with the divine, it completely changed the demon. And now that demon is considered to be Krishna's second mom in the stories of Krishna, which you can find in the Srimad Bhagavatam and all over the place. So this is badass to me. To me, this makes way more sense too. Everybody, like one of

the big judgments of people who decide to get spiritual is it's like they're just in it for themselves They just want fame or power to fuck or to look good But underneath all that spiritual bullshit, they're fucking assholes and it's true The the reality is that's true at first First it's true but if this mystical stuff is real, then it doesn't matter how you're gonna go into it.

It's like, have you ever like taken a shower before you go to the gym? It's fucking weird, right? I've smelled so bad that I have done that. But I always feel a little weird about it. I do it because I don't wanna like people around me to be vomiting while I'm like exercising or leaving like a stank on the equipment which people do and it's so fucked up to like sit down

to like do your chest exercises and smell like the musky, deep, thick, pheromonal sweat of some dude who's stinky. So I don't wanna be that guy, but it would be weird. So I don't want to be that guy, but it would be weird. It's weird to think that you come into like any kind of real spiritual practice, clean, enlightened, compassionate, empathetic. That's crazy. Otherwise, why would you even need the process?

So, my defense of the personality trait of the fucking narcissistic, fresh off the ayahuasca retreat personality is like, yeah, that, yeah, it's true. Well, ayahuasca didn't do shit for them. Look at them. They're just so full of themselves, they're over their ego.

But like, it's just, you're seeing one frame of the, by the way, I've never done ayahuasca, but certainly with psychedelics, I've seen that happen. I'm sure many of you have too, where someone becomes like a psychedelic evangelist, and there's just a feeling of self-obsession in it that seems to run counter to the potential evaporation of identity that happens with a great psychedelic experience. And then it would be easy to judge the medicine and say, look, it's just bullshit. It doesn't do anything.

God knows anyone who's like done any kind of spiritual work in a community setting has certainly seen people where you would think, is that what it gets you? Well, I don't want fucking that. Somebody who's just like judging everybody, using it as a bludgeon. It's like, no, you don't get it. That's a, it's a process.

That's just where they're at now. But a diligent approach and an honest approach, I would roll the dice that those people over time would refine, soften, become a little less vociferous like yours fucking truly here. So don't judge me, man, all right? That's the main thing. We're just like any attempt at,

you doesn't have to be some spiritual bullshit either, but I think any interaction with the mystical, even if that interaction is forbidden Even if that interaction is forbidden by puritanical associates, it still adventure certainly is always the beginning of like any kind of like spiritual exploration. And I don't just mean like, you know, new age bullshit or Buddhism, I'm saying like art, whatever the thing is, anything that's inviting you out into the forest, which by the way is the other pattern that shows up across the board. Jesus goes to the desert, the Buddha goes to the forest,

Luke Skywalker goes to Dagobah, I believe it was, swamp world, some withered grape man telling him what to do. That's just part of the process. So synopsis. What I'm trying to say here is fist yourself. Do it. It will give you such great fucking power. And I know some of you might think, well, that's literally impossible.

It's not. This is why we do yoga. There are ways to do it. Fist yourself for power. You do it. And I'm telling you, you will become rich beyond your wildest dreams. And you will be filled with such power.

I guess it's not impossible. I'm sorry. was like for dudes it's a little hard. I mean honestly I don't think it'd be that hard now that I think about it. I don't know why I thought it I don't know why I thought that would be hard. You might say you should know if you're telling us to fist ourselves don't you know? The answer is no. I've never done it. And the reason I haven't done it is not because I'm trying to trick you into fisting yourself for power. It's because I feel like I will not fist myself and gain true liberation until every sentient being is fisted themselves. And then I will. Yeah, that's just my tradition. It just feels like the best thing is to like try

to get everyone else to gain the power of the fist. We will beat Mr. Beast. We'll be back next week. I'm thinking about doing these two times a week, actually from now on, but we'll see about that. Regardless, thank you for listening to this man ramble for I'm sure it was longer than I meant to. And I love you and I'll see you next week.

Hare Krishna. Hey, I'm Jillian. And I'm Patrick and together we make the podcast True Crime Obsessed. If you love documentaries the way we love documentaries, you might be interested in our show because we recap all the documentaries that you're watching.

We've covered just about every true crime case you can imagine. We're talking the hatchet-wielding hitchhiker, the Ted Bundy tapes, what else? The Turpent 13 with the amazing sisters who basically tell the story, the girl in the picture. Yes, all the documentaries you love to talk about with your friends, we're your friends now.

We're the friends you talk about that stuff with. Yeah. We're true crime obsessed podcasts, switch us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen.