Duncan Trussell Family Hour - 639: William Montgomery

Episode Date: September 20, 2024

William Montgomery, soldier/warrior and luminary author, re-joins the DTFH! The Story of Me: The Ginger Jaguar of Ukraine is now available wherever you buy your most controversial books! Also William said he hosts a show or something. Follow William on his Instagram for more info and go see one of his upcoming live dates! Original music by Aaron Michael Goldberg and Duncan Trussell. This episode is brought to you by: This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/duncan and get on your way to being your best self. DraftKings Sportsbook - Use promo code DUNCAN at sign-up and bet $5 on ANY football game to get $250 in bonus bets INSTANTLY! Zbiotics - Visit Zbiotics.com/Duncan and use code DUNCAN at checkout to save 15% on your first order!

Hi friends, it's me, Duncan Trussell, and this is the DTFH, and your name is Alex Alexander. You have broken yourself up into all the human beings living on the planet, and right now you're focusing on one individual. That's you, the person watching now, who probably doesn't know your name is Alex Alexander, and you're actually a really nice guy. It's very sad that you didn't wear a helmet on your motorcycle, because you have a wonderful family and they're gonna miss you a lot. We have a wonderful show for you today.

William Montgomery is back and wow. You know, William never fails to amaze me. Not only is he a soldier now, a warrior, who has spent time in the trenches of Ukraine, fighting the good fight, but he is about to release an incredible autobiography called The Story of Me. By the time this podcast goes up,

it will be available everywhere I've read it. It is one of the most scintillating, erotic, wise, beautiful, and incredible works of literature that has been written since the Holy Bible. And I really hope that you will get a copy. You can find links down below or at dunkintrustsell.com. But before you do that, and before you dive in to this incredible book that no doubt will change your life, it changed mine, and show you sides of William that you might not have known were there, check out this amazing conversation that I got to have with someone who within the next year

will be known as America's greatest author. Everyone welcome back to the DTFH, William Montgomery. William. Duncan. Welcome back to the DTFH. It's great to see you. We were of course just talking about MEO DMT, Toad Venom.

And William was asking, what's it like? What's toad venom like? What is it like? I've never done, I never did toad venom. And you know, this for sure, so maybe you'll get mad at me for saying this, but like maybe they've changed the methodology. Maybe you could pull this up on the screen.

Can you pull up a picture of a frog that is being, where they're extracting venom from it? Because, you know, these things, when they secrete the venom, they're not doing it because they're fucking happy. You know, they're doing it because they're, look what they do to them. It's frog BDSM.

They put a little stick in that frog's nose. No, they put a stick in his back nose too. Really? Look, pull that other one up. I see it coming out of his back nose. Yeah, they put it in the back nose. Look, one right there, look at it. Look how miserable.

That guy's, that's not the, that frog is like watching his friend, like what the fuck? Like look, see that? He literally is putting, yeah, is that a fingernail? So this frog is is being essentially like Tied up in the way most people have to pay

To get tied up and in the way most people have to pay for it I think these frogs are getting pegged and they are squirting fear juice, which the hippies then Scrape off of the terror, like they actually have froglets, like, ah, just another day in the swamp. You know, it's one of those days. Day at the swamp. Just was, you know, trying to eat some flies and now these monkeys are sodomizing me.

So they scrape that goop off and then, then they- They put it on your skin. They, and by the way- So you're not smoking it or snorting it or anything, you just, so you get it applied to your skin. Can you actually, I'm sorry, make a note, edit out please monkeys, because these are,

they're gonna think I was being so racist when I meant monkey descendants. So let's just cut the monkey thing out. Because people don't understand, I just realized that they're complected and people are gonna be like, what the fuck? So it gets- Yeah, I mean, taking out a context.

Because they're gonna get mad. It could be bad. Yeah. So yeah, so then what you do, after you've terrified a frog, then that, you're gonna fucking I think smoke That the crystallized frog terror damn submit it on some, you know Cabbage leaves or put it on some sort of right smoking thing and then you can and then and then so that's your entry into

Whatever that space is now, you know, like all psychedelics, there's a mythology around it. And I'm sure there's more than likely if I'm gonna sodomize a frog and get stoned off its terror, I'm gonna need some way to think about it that doesn't make me feel like the Jeffrey Dahmer of frogs. Yeah, yeah. So probably they might say it's a gift, but I would argue,

well then you shouldn't let it bring it to you. You know, it should come to your house and be like, yeah, scrape my back, I have a gift. Yeah, I feel like I would be thinking about that, right as I was smoking it for the first time. I'd be thinking, oh my gosh, this is not coming from a nice place. Right, this is coming from a frog

that was being sodomized. Now- I wonder what it looks like. What do they have, a little butt hole? That's the other thing, in all these pictures, they don't really, I don't see the butt hole part. And by the way, maybe they're not sodomizing it. Maybe the stick is for some other reason.

Can you Google search frog sodomy, M-E-O-D-M-T? Thank you. Yeah, frog must have a butt hole. Yeah, frog sodomy, M-E-O-D-M-T. Thank you. Yeah, frog sodomy Kubo. And there's a club here. Maybe we should go to the club. Maybe we could go to a meeting one night, Duncan. Well, I mean, honestly, like having seen videos of this and for everyone who's like into this stuff, like I'm probably wrong. I don't know if they're sodomizing the frog, but I

My feeling is more than likely The frog is not in a good mood Yeah, you don't need to be doing that to a freaking frog and did you just see that it can cause toxic? Yeah What what did it say tie? I'd never heard the toxic in front of that word before. Have it tied us. Well, let's see what this guy in a suit has to say. This is gonna be funny.

We have to talk over it or lower the volume, I guess. Let me also make sure that I'm... Oh, and we don't have to show some fucking suit talking about it. The main thing is, so I never did that version of it. There's a synthetic version of it. And I ordered it online, because there was a time when you could go to these,

it was so funny, the way there is- The dark web? No, they were called research, chemical research companies. So ostensibly, you're a scientist. And it just so happens that every chemical that they're selling for research is psychedelics. So, and it's psychedelics that haven't been scheduled yet. So you could legally order these things.

And in those days, I thought, well, if it's not illegal, it probably can't be that strong. And so I got this little bag of white crystals and I didn't realize that to smoke MEO DMT, it's not the same heat for smoking, you can use a lighter. I think it has to be a little less hot. Not a blowtorch.

Oh, less hot. Yeah, I think you can overcook it or something. I don't know. All I know is I didn't know what I was doing. In those days, I didn't care if I died. I was just out of my mind. And so I didn't care. And died. I was just out of my mind. And so I didn't care. And in any kind of, if you care, if you wanna survive,

you're not gonna just smoke some white fucking powder you ordered from an unknown website that is supposedly the most psychedelic thing available to humans. But you don't give a shit. You don't give a shit. And so I smoked it the first time and I felt a little weird, but nothing happened.

I'm like, well, there you go. It's not real, fucking bullshit. And then for some reason I thought, you know what? Like I bet if I put it on some leafy shit and it wasn't weed, I can't remember what I put it on. I'm bet it would work better. And I'd read all these things about it that I've been on the Aeroid.

Which is- Yeah, I love Aeroid. I still get on Aeroid. All the warnings, please be careful measuring this out. This is a very powerful thing. I'm like, shut the fuck up, Aeroid. It can't be that powerful. And then I took a big old hit. And it was so weird, man.

It was like, you could, my thoughts, it was like someone like slowing a record down because I could hear myself thinking, oh, this is what they were talking about. And then like I fell back in my bed. Did it scare you? Well, I was gone. I don't know where I went.

But so I was just gone. And then when I did come back, I thought, oh, I killed myself. I'm dying now. And they're gonna find my corpse in my shitty fucking apartment in West Hollywood right at the street from the comedy store, all withered and decayed.

How long do you think it would have taken for somebody to have found your body? Couple months. Yeah, like finally a buddy is like hold on. Where's done or something? Yeah Yeah, he's on traveling or so, you know, he let you the comic who knows you just didn't show up for work Who fucking cares? I think I was on the phones Flies could start showing up. That's what happened with my uncle Lee. Oh, no, he died in his condo and it was weeks later They used to drink Listerine sometimes, it was very sad, but he ended up dying.

To get drunk? Yeah, and they ended up finding out Uncle Lee died because the downstairs neighbor, a bunch of flies started showing up through like the vents. And it was the flies, I guess his Uncle Lee's apartment was probably, his body was probably filled with flies. Maggots, yeah. Maggots and flies.

How close were you to uncle Lee? Gosh, I remember on freaking on Christmas Eve, so when we go over to my aunt and uncle's house, he'd always smoke cigarettes out front. Uncle Lee? Yeah, uncle Lee. But any conversations with him or any moments with him? I wish I, Duncan, that's a weird part of life.

Just wishing you were maybe older when you were around this person. I wish I was older. Like now it'd probably be fun to talk to Uncle Lee. He'd have great breath. He'd have wonderful breath. I could maybe drink a little, we could talk about that.

He could tell me, he used to be a TV salesman. So he could tell me about how he used to, yeah, at Sears. So I think I'd have a lot of questions about just his methodology for selling the television. Oh, wow. See, that's the thing, man. It's sad. You can't beat yourself up over it,

because when you're a kid, what's more annoying than your uncles and your aunts? They're cooler, but they're also intimidating. For sure. Because you're, you know, when you're seeing an adult as a kid, you're seeing generally like a train wreck, like it's going over the cliff into the abyss of death, right?

You're seeing this like slow, slow motion collapse of the biological life and the weight of all the bad decisions they've made, which you do as a human. But as a kid, you haven't had enough time to fuck your life up in any kind of significant way. So you see an adult, and in general, even though you like to be around adults,

as I recall, there's something uncomfortable about you're seeing your future here. You're seeing, like, why are they so, so irritable and unhappy and upset? Why are they always drinking? Why are they so, like, why do they get so mad? For sure, guy, there was one freaking Christmas Eve where he ended up falling down a couple stairs and he took every, there were a bunch of, like,

Christmas decorations and stuff on a table and he took it all down with him when he fell to the ground. Yeah, now think about that. Just by yourself, getting that hammered is crazy. You're so hammered by yourself, you knock some shit over and the next morning you wake up and like, okay, time to like get off the booze.

Time to eat some Wendy's. Time to eat some Wendy's. I'd always be real hungry after that. Waffle house, baby. You know, you want the most, yeah, greasy food. I went to Cracker Barrel yesterday. Have you been to a Cracker Barrel recently? Yes, I have. Did you like it? Or what were your thoughts? Did you like it? Very, like, more disappointed than I expected to be. Like, when I go to a Cracker Barrel, my expectations are already as low as they can be. You know, I don't have-

Even with the country store? I love walking through the country store. You do? Yeah, it's a nice country store. They have all kinds of stuff. They already had Christmas stuff out. It seems a little early for Christmas in my opinion. I love the country store

and they should have just kept it a country store because that is what they're clearly good at. It's like stocking a country store and they should have just kept it a country store because that is what they're clearly good as like stocking a Country store what they're not good at is making breakfast. Yeah, like Cracker Barrel's breakfast is like Satan had a special Area in hell for those of us who just love breakfast. Yeah, we still had to eat breakfast of us who just love breakfast. Yeah, we still had to eat breakfast.

Also, it's like, let's put every, you know, I love breakfast and a lot of people do. It's like, I'm not going to say it's my favorite meal of the day, but a lot of times, not to like seem like an edgelord, if I'm getting lunch and they have breakfast available, I'll eat a breakfast lunch. Me too. A breakfast lunch. I never thought of it like that. Me too. A breakfast lunch. I've never thought of it like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So imagine you're in hell. And to me, I don't buy the whole eternal flame thing because I think when something is painful consistently in a consistent way, you get used to it. Ooh. So if you're gonna pull off a great kind of hell, you need it to be. Like what?

Well, if I was wanting to create like a really good hell. Yeah, yeah. This is what I would do. I would take the people in hell and I would make them reset, right? So like you come to hell and you reset and I'd probably shrink them down, make it so that like they think they came out

of other people in hell. And then what I would do is I would like, I would, those other people in hell are so starved for love because they're disconnected from God. And so naturally they would like, I would make it so that love gets sort of like redirected towards the little souls. And so now they're just gonna love that thing

more than anything ever. And that thing will love them back. And then probably what I do is I'd make it so that the older ones died somewhere on the middle of the younger ones' lives, you know? So they're just like, oh my God, this thing that I've loved more than anything is just gone forever.

And then after- God, don't get stopped. It sounds like you're describing just real life a little. Oh yeah. Oh gosh. But you know, it's different here. I know, it's different here. It's different here.

It is. But if I was designing a hell, like the last thing I'd, it's different here. It's different here. It is. But if I was designing a hell, like the last thing I'd want is people to catch on that they're in hell. Like I would never want them to think that they were in hell. So still maybe like a neighborhood or there would be a city or something.

Cities and economy, neighborhoods. And then what I would do, because instead of using the demons in the classic way. Yeah, I think it may be flying around or shadow demons demons in the classic way. Yeah, I think it may be flying around or shadow demons after watching the movie Ghost. I think that really got me thinking demons are shadowy, but what are they? I don't know.

Well, in this, in my hell, my demons would be the successful people. Like I would make it so there's actually no way in this hell that you will ever not be worried about money. You know what I mean? No way out. No matter how much money, I would make a lot of people make money.

And they think, oh my God, I have all this money, but then I would create a system where they have to give at least, based on how much they're making, always half or more back to hell. And so that way you could never really, really get where you wanna go. But then I would to give the sense that no, no, no,

there is a place where you don't have to worry about money. That's where my demons come in. And I would make them look like the people and they would like live in like huge, I would make shows about yachts and stuff that they would watch in their tiny little hell chambers in the few hours of quote freedom they had before they had to venture back out into hell

to trade their life energy to get something that like, something like food here. You know what I mean? But yeah, maybe in hell though, yeah, maybe it could be some, what would it be? But yeah, some sort of energy, some sort of. Energy cubes. But not like a hot dog. Yeah, not like eating food.

No, I would do energy cubes or something, or like, you know, maybe, I know what I, tiny little energy cubes that were all put together that looked like a hamburger. Or a hot dog. So you end up eating the thing or you just, so you still end up eating the thing but it doesn't really look like?

It looked like a hamburger but if you like, look deeply into it, you'd probably just see a lot of like tiny little cubes. Yeah, yeah. Or dots spinning around. I don't know, I don't know, I don't, if I was running hell I would have some, like an engineer handle all that shit. So that would be sad though, if you got drunk in hell

one night or something and you go to your Wendy's and you bite into the Dave's double and yeah, it's not actually a Dave's. That would start turning into hell for me. Yeah. It would be like, what? That's Cracker Barrel. That's Cracker Barrel, which is like someone,

someone who's never eaten before, they were like, here, I'm gonna show you something called breakfast and I want you to replicate it and serve it to people. And that's Cracker Barrel to me. It looks like it could be breakfast. You have eggs, you have toast, you have your sausage, you have your coffee, but it's Uncanny Valley.

It's like the simulator. Wherever there's a Cracker Barrel, it doesn't have the processing power to pull off an actual breakfast. So you get eight bit breakfast. Cracker Barrel is eight bit breakfast surrounded by a wonderful store. Well, it was a real nightmare at a Cracker Barrel

in Tennessee a couple of years ago. My brother, he's a lawyer in Memphis and he had a case where they're at a Cracker Barrel, some man was eating, or some person was eating, and grabbed a cup and drank out of the cup, and it was a bunch of bleach that one of the workers had left at the table. Yeah, and it turned into a giant lawsuit. They sued the hell out of Cracker Barrel. So did your, who was this, your another uncle? No, my brother.

I think he was associated somehow. I don't know why. Did he take the cake? I think he was. So I mean, for... I think he was going after Cracker Barrel. He got the cake. Which was kind of weird for me, Duncan,

because I'll be honest. Yeah, yesterday, but I was a little annoyed. I got my blueberry pancakes, the grandma's pancake breakfast, turned them into blueberry pancakes, but they did not have the blueberry syrup yesterday. Which was kind of a downer. But you're, no, that's the other thing.

You go to a Cracker Barrel and you wanna go wild. You, guess what? I was going wild, I had probably five biscuits. You want the blueberry thing. You know what, this morning, I'm not doing coffee. I'm doing diet coke. What? And then they'll be like, oh, sorry, the carbonation machine's broken.

This episode of the DTFH has been supported by Better Help. You know, because I have an aging brain, This episode of the DTFH has been supported by better help. You know, because I have an aging brain, I force myself to learn how to do new things all the time. And right now I'm trying to learn how to draw. And it's so great. I love it. Once you like force yourself to do something, you realize that part of you that told you,

you could never do that is out of its mind. Like, yeah, you could pretty much do anything. All you have to do is practice, but it's really easy to start believing in things that are completely not based in reality. And the next thing you know, you find yourself crystallized, locked into a kind of subjective Han Solo carbonite coffin, which is everything you do and all the things you can't do.

And this is where therapy can help. Therapy can help reawaken that part of you that was who you were when you were a kid and you thought you could do anything, which was true, you were right. It can help you reconnect with the spark, that part of you that just wants to learn how to do stuff, not because you think you're gonna be Picasso,

but just because it's fun to get better at things. Therapy can unlock the door to so many new skills and experiences. And who knows, maybe you could be the next Picasso. Wouldn't it be sad if Picasso had thought to himself, I'm not a painter, I can't do that and then believed it. We would never have this incredible art to act like we understand it, and use it in a commercial to act like we understand art.

If you're thinking of starting therapy, give Better Help But Try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. You just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist. You could switch therapists anytime at no additional charge. Rediscover your curiosity with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash duncan today to get 10% off your first month.

That's Better Help. H-E-L-P.com slash Duncan. Thank you, BetterHelp. Yeah. It's like, well, I'd normally, I'm not gonna drink a diet coke in the morning, bitch. So what are you even talking about? Yeah, so you fucked me, because you have the fantasy of like, you know, some incredibly

rotten physiologically damaging combination of like, pancake, blueberry syrup, nice diet coke, so you get that nice burp. Oh, yeah. You know, like, yeah that little little bouncy little pop and no See little pop I know that's fun when the burps come out like that They do a diet coke the diet coke burps are you a big diet coke guy not anymore Do you drink regular coke? Are you Pepsi? I if I'm gonna drink a coke. It's diet coke I can't do any of that shit now because of my diabetes.

But I think I can drink Diet Coke, but I just... It's not good. I don't drink it. I don't get it. I will drink a lot of carbonated water beverages, which are horribly boring. But yeah, Diet Coke, I don't know. It always tasted funny to me. What is that sweetener in there? And I think it gives people stomach cancer. So be real careful. You could get a bunch of diet coke.

Yeah, I think that it can't be good, right? No. You look at the shit we consume now, and then you just look back like a thousand years when the technology to like make food, like- Coming around. It's, whoa, man. Like you would, everything you didn't,

it wasn't considered healthy to like drink a lot of water and eat organic meat. It's just, that's what you had. Yeah. Like it was, you couldn't, they didn't have the chemicals they have now to add dyes and stuff. And then when you look at like how

we just think it's normal to like, you know, nice bubbly brown liquid with a myriad of strange chemicals in it, of which you don't even know what the fuck they are unless you're a biochemist. And always some, in the background drone regarding whatever you are eating these days, which is probably, could be killing you.

But you know, so when you eat now, you're always worrying, you're not thinking about it most of the time, but somewhere back there. Well, you gotta think about it. Even at Cracker Barrel yesterday, I look at my grandma's pancake breakfast and it has to tell me the calories.

I don't wanna know the calories. I'm trying to have fun at Cracker Barrel. You know what I mean? And all these things, I go to a Wendy, I actually, I don't, I like P. Terry's. Do you ever go to P. Terry's? Yes. Oh, I love some P. Terry's.

Now, P. Terry's is great. Yeah, that seems really good. I love it. I still like In-N-Out better. Do you? Yes, you know. What? You can chime in.

Yeah, I agree. The fries. The fries at In-N-Out suck. Okay, okay, yes. So if I'm gonna get a burger and fries, Pete Terry's wins. Okay, you're right. The fries at In-N-Out,

I wouldn't say they suck. I would say they are slightly below average fries. The In-N-Out burger, on the other hand, is a- That's really good. I totally like it. We live right by, we live close to both, so we can have both sometimes. So you could go to P. Terry's, pick up some fries,

go to In-N-Out, get the burger, and you might have a perfect meal. Might have the perfect meal. But Cracker Barrel, on the other hand, it's not, like, okay, here's the main thing. Like, I know legally they have to put the calories on there because some asshole thought that would have any kind of fucking impact on people's eating.

It just rains on my parade. Just stop, it's just stupid. It doesn't work, and if you're at a Cracker Barrel, you don't give a shit about yourself. You don't care about your ancestors. You don't care about anything. You're a nihilist. If you're a Cracker Barrel, you're a nihilist.

You hate your ancestors. You want to destroy the earth at night. You dream of ripping the heart out of angels and eating it. That's who you are if you go to Cracker Barrel. But if you do have a grandparent or something and you want to give them a good Christmas present, maybe a Cracker Barrel gift card, it do have a grandparent or something and you want to give them a good Christmas present, maybe a Cracker Barrel gift card. No.

You don't think so, so you're... If you're giving your grandparent something. Yeah. And it's a Cracker Barrel gift card. Is that not a good Christmas present? Dude, it would be better to like, it would be better to put them on OnlyFans. Less sinful to convince them to do like an OnlyFans

than to fucking like get a crack. Like they carried your mother in their womb. Your grandfather had the courage to court them, to take them onto a hay bale, yank their fucking old musty, like whatever the fuck people wore back then down, like go down on her hairy, hairy, your grandmother's bush guaranteed was unbelievably hairy.

Yeah, I mean, they were down in Mississippi. Oh, that's Mississippi hair pie. They were down in Mississippi in the Delta. Oh yeah, oh yeah. So that's humidity. The Delta of Mississippi. Humidity. Very humid, very flat. And lice.

Cause like everyone had lice. Like, yeah, so you're, just think of the courage of your grandfather as he like just pushed his face into this like swampy, thick human mat of pubic hair crawling with lice. Like, and then just made your grandmother come so hard. And then, like, you know, he pulled out his beautiful shaft, pulsing with veins.

And like, yeah, was it filthy? Absolutely, covered in oil and dirt. Yeah, down in Mississippi for sure. He had to like wipe like sand off or something. And then, but she loved it. Like she loved him. She loved him. It's like the notebook.

And then he, he like, he, it was like a hot knife through butter when he entered her for the first time. And the moan of your grandmother as your grandfather pumped into her, his ass cheeks, muscular and like, like weirdly wrinkled, but in a kind of masculine way. Yeah, sometimes that can look pretty cool and masculine. Sometimes it can.

From the spankings, your great, great grandmother used to administer to him when he was in college. She would come to college and be like, He'd be real bad. You've been bad. And then bap, bap, spanked his ass until it wrinkled up. And all I'm saying is, to imagine. How did you even though, it's so weird,

you've been right on a decent amount of this, but how did you know about the spankings? Yeah, no, it's so weird. It's a strange. Did you not think that I read it? I read the whole thing. I didn't know. It's like, I don't know. I start feeling embarrassed.

It seems weird to send people little biography. Well, dude, you, first of all, I just have to say this. Like when anybody sends you a book or like something they've written and you're their friend, you're like, please God let it be good. Because- I can only imagine. And so- I can only imagine.

It's like To get your book and the cover looks fucking incredible. Thanks so much that took a while yeah, it's the story of me by William Montgomery and You know also I thought it was a little audacious in the sense that like to write an autobiography about yourself, I feel like this is a thing, like if we're gonna do- It's a new Earth day, I feel like it's a new Earth day. I feel like people are starting to do it a little bit. Yeah, exactly.

And so I know that must've been difficult for you in the sense that they're like, what do you, like if I wanna write a book of fiction, I can just like pick up a million books of fiction. But if I wanted to like the idea of like writing about what happened to me in my life. For sure. I mean, it's weird writing. I started writing it at 33. So it's kind of weird.

Oh, by the way, I'm sorry. I should have said upfront. A story of me. It's you can pre-order it on Monday. Yes. Pre-order on Monday. We already, the publisher we're working with, it's already Duncan, I swear, I wouldn't normally say this, but I do look at you as a good friend. You would be so happy.

You'd be very proud. It's really, really? Yes. Listen, I get it, man. So like, I get the, I get your book. And did you, so you thought it was okay. So I'm assuming since you recounted some of that story, did you not think it got a little too correct?

I'm not gonna use the word sexy, but do you, so you don't think it got a little weird? I loved it. Okay. No, I see, your book is gonna, it's going to revolutionize nonfiction. For one, I mean, you've just trailblazed a new path, which is this, like, I was thinking like,

God, there's so many people who I'd love to know what their life was like, you know what I mean? Like so many people I'd love to know, like, I don't know, Michelle Obama. Like what was, I would love to know, like, I don't know, Michelle Obama. Like what was, I would love to know her life. Like, and- Love to know. And-

Because I really don't know enough about Michelle. Exactly. And I think that that's, there's something really cool and like enigmatic about that. But like to know, like, you know, what, where'd you go to high school? And what, you know- Sure. She was a first lady. It's like, give me something. Something.

I'm an American. I need to know a little background on some of these people. Captain Sandy from below deck. Would you, I would, I would fucking do anything to read this story. If you're watching, we love you. Yes, we love you. Captain Sandy, come on, get us on your boat. Man, I shouldn't, by the way, like, you know, Captain Sandy for president. Like, can we please just like get her into the-

Maybe Michelle Sandy. Oh my God. Yeah, let's not even. Don't even go there, dudes. Don't even go. That's my version of Hell Duncan, is thinking of these wonderful, I mean, those two would be unstoppable.

Well, you know, and you just know that that is something that could happen, and it hasn't happened yet, and you do pray. And I pray before I watch Blue Deck. You know, even though I know it's already been filmed and stuff, just some of the relationships that are happening between the stews, it's just like, I feel like a lot of them deserve love

and I think they have a real hard job. They work so hard. I was seriously, it's so strange you say that, Duncan, seriously, they work so hard on those freaking boats. It's like, yeah, I get it. Sometimes you probably, generally speaking, it seems like you probably don't want to be going out with maybe a coworker or somebody.

It's like these people are out on the ocean or whatever. You know what I mean? For so long. And they are servants. They only give and give and give to the clients. They just give and give to the clients, they just give and give to the guests. And it's like, God, that level of selflessness, I feel like it needs fuel.

Yeah, you have to add fuel to that fire because people these days, they're not like that. There's not enough people like that. I think you could learn a lot from the wonderful souls. Oh, the whole fucking thing. I mean, if we look at the Captain Sandy, what is Captain Sandy? Captain Sandy is the symbol of what humanity could be.

She symbolizes, I would say, something we all hope exists, which is a kind of benevolent yet stern mystical figure that is steering the vessel of reality. And we're all just stews on that ship that is history. And so I think Captain Sandy probably represents just stoos on that ship that is history. And so I think Captain Sandy probably represents a Gnosticism Sophia, the light of the divine that comes into the demiurges, malformed creation. And I would say that the crew would represent the saints.

The crew, when I see the crew, I'm like, okay, well, the chef is probably supposed to be Jesus. You know, the- Oh, interesting, interesting. Yeah. I had thought, yeah. Because the chef is always getting crucified. But the next trip rises from the dead. I know.

Makes a great meal. Man, that guy can't cook. Oh, dude. God, that guy can't cook. I mean dude. God, that guy can't cook. Gosh, where is he? The current chef? Yeah. That's really fucking weird because he disappeared in Bolivia.

Yes, I don't even know. What are they thinking? See, it's starting to scare me a little, Duncan. That I think can happen when somebody does, yeah, I mean somebody so powerful. Well, just the people coming on the ship. Yeah, yeah. And you hear them talk.

Yeah, don't let the people on the ship anymore. I don't know why they are letting people. No, I mean the chef probably overheard a conversation with some people on the ship talking about some like, like, I don't know, Illuminati shit. And the chef probably fucked up and like, I don't know, like dropped a spoon and they're like, what? And they realized he was the eavesdropping.

Anyway, I don't know. Also, I do know that the chef was, where did he go to school? Stanford or something? He was like, maybe not Stanford, MIT. I think it was MIT. He was really big into anti-grav research. And so he had, prior to getting on Below Deck,

just published a paper on a room temperature superconductor. Meant in which could, you know, that would revolutionize a lot of things. And also something, I don't study physics, but there was something in there, oh God, something about the phonons or something within the, regardless, the idea is that like, maybe he found why, you know,

superconductivity is still a mystery to many people. Maybe he found out, he got a deeper understanding of what it could be. And also that leads to potential levitation, which leads to like, obviously if we could have like, gravity bubbles around drones, we would have like an incredible weapon. And so like that, so I know he went from MIT,

writes the paper, goes to the State Department, and then apparently he met Captain Sandy. Where? I wonder, and see, and I apologize for right there. Even, that's like the only emotion that could come out. It's like, how did they even freaking meet up with each other? How did those two?

Meet? Yeah, I mean, it's, how did that even happen? I know, how did it even happen? Record store. What were the chances those two personalities would end up? Oh, the odds. That they're digging through crates in some Brooklyn record store or something. And like, yeah. And then like, I think they were both looking for like some like rare pavement album.

And so, and then they just started talking and like, you know how she is. She can tell a good person. Yeah, for sure. And I think she said, well, can you cook? I need a chef. And he's like, honestly, Captain Sandy, I'm a theoretical physicist. But she's like, but isn't that cooking?

And boom. Like now. Crazy. Yeah, it's so weird. You gotta put yourself out there, man, cause you never know, your life can change in a moment. You could be like a chef on a yacht. And watch the show and watch Below Deck. Highly recommend.

Highly recommend Below Deck. It is incredible. It's one of the best. I hadn't seen anything like that and I don't even know how long, Duncan. Oh, it's like, There Will Be Blood is one of my favorite movies. I love it.

And this makes There Will Be Blood look like a fucking piece of shit. Oh yeah, it can't watch in Yes, it's scary. It's scary out there the winds God Did you hear about that super yacht that recently went down? I did and then what happened so what the guys a lawyer they had recently won some lawsuit or something and then the guy dies And the guys a lawyer dies the next day crossing a street or something. Yes, and there's something weird with that Well, you know the conspiracy folks are always gonna find something weird about anything,

of bird flies across the street, and they're like, oh, it's a camera. So, you know, let me explain this. I love debunking. So here's the deal. The gentleman who died on the yacht was in some kind of big legal case The gentleman who died on the yacht was in some kind of big legal case because the technology he was developing

was some kind of really powerful, I think surveillance technology or something like that. Oh, somebody lied to my ass. Somebody said he was a Chef Boyardee, like made all the money with Chef Boyardee and was coming out with some new sort of tomato. So somebody got no That's just not those stories that that's true. Yeah, I heard it. So yeah dumb. Okay, somebody told me and then I was telling everybody I like to get on the phone and tell everybody when I get these scoops

Yeah, they're telling me it's a chef boyardee guy and I'm like, no, okay Okay, you know a lot of the chef Boyardee guys get into surveillance tech. Like it's like a direct road from the Chef Boyardee corporate offices to the Pentagon. Yes. Like I think if you look it up, 45% of high ranking intelligence officers in the United States government worked at Chef Boyardee

for at least five years. And what is that office building they have in Boston? The Chef Boyardee office? What is, they have this random building in Boston. Oh dude. Look it up, but you can't even see it well. You can't even see it on Google Maps on the satellite stuff.

They like block it, seriously. I mean, can we pull up a picture of Chef Boyardee? Let me just show you something. Yeah, I mean people forget. And by the way, for people like you were just saying, like don't listen to the conspiracy people. Conspiracy means it's not real. Everything that I'm talking about now is 100% real.

There, oh, there we go. Chef Boyardee. See? No, pull them up. Pull them up. And that's the recent thing. The black and white one, please. The one, that one, yeah, okay. Now, can you pull up a picture

of a little somebody named Adolf Hitler? And side by side with Chef Boyardee if that's possible. And then Duncan. Okay, now pull up. There's Hitler. Just there you go. Pull that up. Anyone where you see his face now Chef Boyardee.

Oh, well, well, well. Can we pull up Hitler again? I mean, no, I said pull up Hitler and who did you pull up? And Duncan, I could be wrong, but could we look up one more person? Sure. I think it's Uday Hussein. Yeah. Check this shit out. This will blow your mind. When Saddam Hussein's sons.

Boom. Is this a little different? Not kind of. I mean, the lighting they're using is like probably a little different than they were using for like probably a little different. Yes. Than they were using for Hitler. That one down there maybe where he has the mustache.

Yeah, maybe we were right. Yeah. Yeah. That looks like maybe a little better. Yeah. No, I know. No, man. Listen, there you go. There it is. And also you have to understand like

when they're doing these photo shoots, they like, yeah, there's Hitler, there's Chef Boyardee. Go back to Hitler, please. Yeah, the Hitler's Chef Boyardee. Go back to Hitler, please. Yeah, Hitler, Chef Boyardee, we can disregard. Hitler, it's like, imagine like Hitler puts on like 30 pounds. Now go to Chef Boyardee. Boom. So, you know, this, you know,

everybody knows about Operation Paperclip. Everybody knows that at the end of World War II, a lot of Nazi scientists made their way to the United States and became what? They became physicists. They became embedded into the United States science apparatus as well as probably became sort of like proxy surveillance people.

You know what I mean? So when we look at Chef Boyardee, I think it's clear who Chef Boyardee, like, you know, who that could be. And a lot of people, like, they say that when they've analyzed the bones in the bunker, that's definitely not Hitler. But what they did, what they won't hear,

you know what else they found in the fucking bunker? Hitler's favorite food. Chef Boyardee. Well, it wasn't called that then, but spaghetti. Spaghetti. Yeah. Oh. He loves spaghetti.

That's interesting. Because you think maybe a German guy wouldn't like Italian cuisine. No, but they were buddies. So maybe that does make sense, I guess. Exactly. I mean, I think that's interesting. I mean, I think that's interesting.

I mean, I think that's interesting. I mean, I think that's interesting. Interesting, because you think maybe a German guy wouldn't like Italian cuisine. No, but they were buddies! So maybe that does make sense, I guess. Exactly. Oh, excuse me, yes. So, Hitler, you know, goes to Italy to visit with Mussolini, and I think, like, he had requested schnitzel. I've never liked that. I feel like I've had that once or twice. It's just that weird breaded something.

I don't like schnitzel at all. It's really not a good food. It's too breaded. It's like it but I've never had like good like German schnitzel. Yeah, I've had American schnitzel, which is just awful. But yeah, so, you know, they're out of schnitzel. Like they didn't know how to make it basically. And they didn't get the ingredients. By the way, the guy who didn't get the ingredients was hung the next day in front of Hitler. But he tried to stop the hanging. Why?

Because they gave him spaghetti. Really? And he cried. He ate the spaghetti and he cried and he said like, it's the best thing he'd ever eaten. And he's so happy that the schnitzel wasn't there. And so when he saw they were gonna hang the guy who forgot to get the schnitzel,

the breading, the breadcrumbs or whatever for the schnitzel, Hitler supposedly ran to try to stop the execution. It was too late. But yeah. Gosh. So yeah, there you go. So then, so Hitler's passion, like when he wasn't working on the war was cooking.

He wanted to replicate and he would cook with Mussolini and Mussolini would like try to teach him how to make spaghetti. And they, you know, it was really like a frustrating experience for both of them because like Hitler. It looks like he could make some good spaghetti. Oh, supposedly his spaghetti was top notch.

And so Hitler got real paranoid with Mussolini because he was, Hitler was on a lot of meth and he started thinking that Mussolini was like not giving him the actual recipe. They eat it. Oh, I hate it when that happens when you got a buddy who you're trying to get a good recipe and you're like, you're fucking with me.

You're leaving something out, you dumb ass. What do you think, I'm not gonna figure it out? Yeah, yeah, exactly. And like. There's only so many spices, idiot. Why don't you just tell me. And this is where their friendship like had a real rift is because, you know, the whole Nazis looking

for the Ark of the Covenant thing, that's a retelling of what they were really looking for, which was Moseley's spaghetti recipe. Would you have worn something like that, that green outfit? Look at that green outfit he's wearing. That's crazy with those little dingley thing. That's kind of a- So what are those wind chimes? Oh my gosh, so when people know he's coming and they can

straighten up. Like a cat. It's like you put a bell on the cat so when he birds, he's like killing so many people. If you ever seen Mussolini's building, can you pull up Mussolini's government office? I mean, at least he didn't try to tiptoe around the fact that he was like a fascist fucking. Look at his office. Look at the one with the face. Yeah, look at that. Are you fucking kidding me? Like, look at that. Like, he could have had a better artist.

I feel like if you're going to put a freaking bust of your face or whatever you call it, you need to get a good artist. You can probably find somebody in Italy. I'm sure there's a good artisan who could do that. A good sculptor. Dude, like look at that fireplace. Is that a fireplace? You need a bunch of logs for that.

That's a walk-in fireplace. You can walk. You just walk right in the fire. That thing's huge. That's a walk in fireplace. You can walk, you can just walk right in the fire. Yeah, that thing's huge. Walk in the fireplace. That's cool, that's, so yeah, anyway, so like to sort of tie things up here,

the Nazi, like the entire, they, and honestly in a weird way, this is why like sometimes like, you know, bad people and bad of meeting each other can somehow lead to good things. And maybe I'm just trying to find a light in the shadows here, but supposedly Hitler's obsession with duplicating Mussolini's spaghetti recipe became so intense that he stopped

paying attention to the war. He wanted to, like he told everyone around him, let's stop, let's apologize, give back what we can, and let's just focus on- Just apologize to everybody. Let's focus on, that's what his exact words. But you probably could. Well, I'm like, I think-

He probably could, maybe, I don't know. There was- Maybe there's some stuff, I don't know. There was- Maybe there's some stuff he couldn't apologize for. There was some stuff that would be real hard for him to apologize for. And I think one of his advisors said to him, like, I don't know that an apology letter is gonna work for some of the stuff.

And so then, Hitler couldn't end the war because he was convinced that his apology probably wouldn't be accepted globally. And so, but he just basically hung up his swastika and that bunker was his kitchen. People think he went in the bunker to hide. He'd been in there for like months, just cook, trying to work on spaghetti.

He was obsessed. Do you think he ended up finding, I think some people talk about that. Do you think he ended up finding Mussolini's recipe there at the end? Have you ever eaten spaghetti in Brazil? No. It's the best spaghetti you will ever have.

And then, oh, okay. So maybe that answered it. Cause what German people, some of them went to Brazil. I think the trajectory of what happened is pretty clear. I think. Hitler and like his closest associates went to Brazil. Opened up an Italian restaurant and.

I think they would've read, and again, this is stuff from the dark web, and this is stuff from hacking groups I'm part of, but like... So there was an Italian restaurant in Brazil, and it was called Chef Brazili. Okay. Right? Chef Brazili. Okay. Right, Chef Brazili. Seriously? Yes, and so that restaurant was like one of the favorite

like hangouts at the CIA. It was like all over Brazil at the time because they were studying Brazilian Bigfoot, which was being cited all the time and they wanted to study it. Anyway, long story short, the CIA realizes that this is Hitler's Italian restaurant. And instead of doing what they should have done, which is brought him to justice, they recruited him supposedly.

And that was the creation of Chef Boyardee. So that is why. The guy on the yacht was a relative or just high up in the company. Oh boy, here we go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, have another. But something. Have another choke.

Well, he was, I think he was associated totally. Okay. Well, I don't know. It seems a little weird. Show me the, like where are you getting your information from? Well, I mean. Show me the proof. That are you getting your information from? Well, I mean. Show me the proof. That's a problem with you people.

Like you say that, you say shit that is so ridiculous and it's misinformation and people fucking hear it and they believe it and it gets, it fucking like gets all over the internet and now people are gonna say. What do you mean prove it? Duncan, you know what I did the other day? What?

I got back, this was a couple of weeks ago. I got back from somewhere and I hadn't slept at all. And I'm going down the escalator of the Austin airport and there's two Jehovah witness ladies. And I was feeling like kind of in a weird mood kind of, and I talked to the Jehovah's witness ladies and I'm like, what makes y'all think y'all are gonna be part of the 144,000?

And then, but basically I was like, well, y'all think y'all are gonna be part of the 144,000? And then, but basically, I was like, well, y'all probably need to change your policy on not having birthdays and Christmas and stuff. And the woman was like, oh, well, I have fun every day. And I was like, prove it. And then I walked off and I was like, William, you're fucking insane. Why did you talk to these poor old women?

They probably thought you were the devil. I know, they probably thought I was insane. Some fucking big red beard guys, like, prove, how do you even prove it? Yeah, I know, shit, that bitch wasn't having fun every day. How do you prove that you're having fun? Yeah, no shit. I know, I'm not.

Yeah, how could she prove it? No, I'm saying, saying like if there was a shop where someone had approved you, they were having fun. What would be the method? Like how can I convince you I'm having fun? I don't know, maybe at least a little smile or two every day. Maybe that's having fun. I don't think she was even smiling once or twice a day.

Well, this was the end of the day at an airport. Beginning of the day. Beginning of the day. So they're probably just grumpy. They're very tired. Oh, I know and I was a grumpy one why do like Missionaries go to the airport. What is that? I don't know. I Don't know. I saw someone I was going to the Mall of America and I thought I'm not talking to them again After what happened the last time. I mean, I'm always like,

my feelings get hurt by the Jehovah's Witnesses because like, you know, you pass any good cult stand and like, you know, you're kind of hoping like, please talk to me. You know, I want to feel the beginning of the manipulation and they ignore my ass. Like they don't even look at me when I go by and it's like it always like kind Of hurts my feelings see they need to get better at their tactics I don't yeah

I think their bedside manners sucks for people trying to recruit for like some kind of like as a like cult Basically like dude like come on thousand percent. I was talking to these two old women And I was like prove it. You know who was really fucking good at recruiting for cults? Manson. Oh yeah. Manson had the recipe, dude. Like the recipe was like hot girls at parties and look like Jesus and that you like.

What, would he give them drugs? The girls? Yeah, wouldn't he give people drugs? Wouldn't they all do an acid and stuff? I read that Manson would give. This episode of the DTFH is supported by Draft King's Sportsbook. Tee dee tutty! Taking it to the house.

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Not just girls, everybody. Like he would, one of his, the things he liked to do with you, if you went up to spawn ranch. And you like, the other, like when you think about Manson, you have to like remember, this is before everyone was freaked out about Charles Manson. So like there is no Charles Manson other than the one you're meeting. And the one you're meeting is this kind of like impish looking hippie dude

who looks like he could like be in Jesus Christ Superstar. Right? And like he's friends with the beach boys and like, you know what I mean? And he's got like insanely good acid. Like, yeah, was he in prison or whatever, but dude, I mean, the system got him, man. I'm like, come on, we're gonna break free. And like, so he would get you on acid

and then he would for a long time, mimic the expressions you were making. I think if the game was like, you were both imitating each other and that would like cause some kind of like mind connection to happen where you feel like you're looking, it's mirroring. So it's like, you're looking in the mirror,

you see Charles Manson, but you start thinking because you're're looking, it's mirroring. So it's like you're looking in the mirror, you see Charles Manson, but you start thinking because you're on acid, it's you. And so this merger happens. And like that technique is really powerful and gets used by a lot of people actually. But that's like really fucking brilliant if you're like, I mean, of all the cults,. I mean if you got a pick and You'd not be a fun one in what Southern, California. I think Jonestown

Yeah, go down to the fucking jungle and like like farm. Yeah, too many mosquitoes and stuff. No way Yeah, no way. What are you gonna pick? You're gonna pick? Scientology like you get shit like connected to you know, honestly, they're they make some good points But what are you gonna pick like but I'm saying for fun Yeah, you're definitely not picking the Jehovah's Witnesses. No you can't have birthday parties I like a birthday party. You can't have a fucking birthday party. Or Christmas. I like Christmas time and it's about to be Halloween It's fun decorating for Halloween. You're not allowed to decorate Boring. I mean really. That's why I said, prove it, Duncan, when she said, oh, I have fun every day.

Listen. But that was bad of me. Oh, let me, it was, you were tired. It was weird of me. I was tired, I was cranky. You were tired. And also, like, isn't the idea, like, so, okay, I am, like, for the sake of the conversation,

a divine messenger of God. I have truly realized something so powerful, it will transform your life and your family's life and potentially the world's life. And it will prepare you for what's coming. And I know that there's almost no way you can prepare for this other than coming to know the rising sun, right? So like, so I don't expect people who aren't aware

of my data to be sane because they live in a world of madness and they have been corrupted by, you know, dark forces, powers and principalities that have gotten into their brain and like convince them to hate themselves and that all that matters is that fleeting 70 years, maybe that you spend on this planet, that even the consideration of death

is sort of not a good sign necessarily when that's really all you should be thinking about. And so, and I see someone like you come and like yell at me. I would feel like, of course, I know why he's yelling. He's yelling at me. For sure. Because he's in hell. And he wants me. For sure. And I'm gonna free him.

That's a little scary. But no. But I don't agree, I don't agree with what they're saying. So it doesn't matter. No, I'm saying. I guess what they're thinking. But they're but maybe they're right though. They should they should have been like, please come back. Please come back.

Let's talk about it. Happiness. Come back. I want to save you. Not like see you later, Dick. Like, no, if you're going to like do cult, do fuck. Oh, right. I hear you.

You know what I'm saying? Like, what are you doing? You got to fucking put. Yeah, they didn't try to get me. I was testing them. It's like, if someone's falling off a cliff and they're hammered or something, and I notice they're about to fall,

but they are yelling at me like, prove you're happy! I'm gonna still try to pull them off the cliff. That's all I'm saying is like, cult members, come on, you gotta commit to this shit, man. We need you. Yeah, TikTok is taking over. You have to be, come on.

That's why the Mormons are doing a good job. Are they on TikTok? Yeah, it's called Mom Talk. Oh my gosh. And they have their reality TV show that just came out on Hulu. Oh, and they rap. Can you pull up on, maybe it might not be on YouTube,

Mormon rap. I saw a pretty good Mormon rap on my reels. Oh yeah, there we go, the Mormon rap. I don't know if we can even play this, but we can try. What is the rule about doing this? The Walter Hays Band. You have to turn the volume down or something? I can't hear it at all.

Is it, are they gonna hear it? Yeah, I don't know how that works. So this is from 1988. Mormon, Mormon rap, do the Mormon rap. Hey, this couldn't be from 1988. Yeah, you know, for those of you listening, we got three kids dancing, they're cuties, they're having fun.

Yeah, a couple cuties. They kind of have that awkward, they don't know how to dance yet and they already feel weird about like dancing. Cut to some massive Mormon church. Huge. So yeah, the Mormons, I mean, they're doing a good job of colting because they're showing how fun their life is on reality TV. They're becoming the top influencers on TikTok.

Interesting. I don't think this is good culting. I think this is really bad culting. This doesn't seem... Like, you could stop it. Who was that? Was that guy a Mormon who had just showed? That tall basketball player?

Yeah. Is that what that just... Well, that was... Who was it? Was that guy a Mormon who had just showed that tall basketball player? Yeah, there's so... Is that what that just... Well, that was, was that, who was it? Larry Burt? Like, go back. Was it Larry? I don't even know who that was. Okay, so, you know, I guess they're also kind of staying here. You could put, you know, the Book of Mormon, just a book. You can like, I don't know who that is. Well, anyway, anyway, the point is like, like the problem, there's a lot of problems in America right now. They say that in 25 years, all the bridges will collapse. I saw that.

And there's it's not just that. It's not that true. I mean, what are we going to do? How are we going to get across rivers and stuff? Boats? God fucking. We're going to have to start doing that again. Why not?

Yeah, I know there are people on below deck like that, but I mean, I don't. You could also just make your car turn into a boat. Oh yeah. Well, they had the big disaster, I think, in Missouri. You know, those things that look like duck boat, they're duck vehicles. You did not hear about this.

They have wheels, but then they can go out in a lake or something. What's the disaster? And a bunch of people, a storm came and a bunch of people drowned. Oh my God. One of the things, outside of Branson. You're out there and you're fucking duck boat and you're having fun.

You like, it's a first date. You're with this beautiful, beautiful person. You're like, my God, I think that this might be the one. And it gets a little windy, but she's just like, stay on the lake a little bit longer. You start kissing. You don't think like, I'm about to die. Yeah, water starts slowly coming in a little and then.

Oh God, how sad, how sad to like pull bodies out of duck boats. Like that collision of like just how many wonderful Sunday afternoons and those duck boats and now they've become like literally the boat that carries you over the river sticks, which would be fucking hilarious. Oh, if over the river sticks, it's like a duck boat. Karen, you know, like this creepy dude in the hood

or whatever, but it's a duck boat. Get on in, come on, we're going to, we're going to Hades. Dude, you just never know. But like, so it's not just that, I think like we're seeing like in America, like we've lost our way. And I think, you know, one primary example of that

is like how lazy the cults are in America now. Like we used to, like America has produced some of the most powerful, incredible cults this world has ever known. And now we've got fucking like, you know, somebody scratching with a Book of Mormon. I don't know if you ever watched Scientology TV. It came on my yeah, I used to a little my hotel room. And it's like, to me, the problem is the attempt to normalize. It's like- Right, cause it's abnormal.

Why not go all the way? Go all the fucking way. Like, the idea has become so incredibly different from default reality and also sexy. Like you have to use sex with your cult. Like you can't do this puritanical bullshit. Like you need very symmetrical people as your missionaries in love bombing, you know?

Like you make people feel so incredibly loved and like play into Western narcissism, play into the Instagram, like I'm always filming myself or I don't exist or whatever that is. And like that's, come on. Like you gotta get off your ass. Yeah, come on. We would need something better.

We want something better. We deserve something better. We deserve something better. And I'm not gonna get political, but I didn't hear any of the candidates talking about the cult issue in America. I did not, I watched it last night. I didn't see it either.

Impotent cult leaders, non-scary cults, no sense of trying at the airports, no feeling of the possibility of joining a cult. You don't even wanna have that. At least like when you're younger, you could be like, I wanna join a cult. No one even has that dream. Yeah, I couldn't even if I wanted to right now.

I would have nowhere to go. If I wanted to join one. You could join a cult. You think there'd be one close by? It would just be boring though. It's just like. Yeah, right. I wanted to join one. You think there'd be one close by? It would just be boring though. Like it's just like. Yeah, right. I want to find, yeah. I don't want a corporatized cult.

Okay. Like I don't want a fucking cult that is running in the same way that they run like, I don't know, but Nvidia or something. Like I want a fucking ranch. I want a profit. I want see, you know, the last great cult leader, Koresh. Yeah, and Waco. I want to ranch. I want a profit. I want see, you know the last great cult leader, Koresh. Yeah, and Waco, I want to go see that.

Do they have like a plaque or do they have like a museum or something up there, I wonder? Yeah, I think you can visit the area. You can? I heard that. And also like Waco. Yeah, I want to go see it. But you know, Waco, I think, just like,

can you Google Waco, Texas, please? I don't think a lot of people know what a fun city Waco is. I was looking at it. It's like, it looks Google Waco, Texas, please? I don't think a lot of people know what a fun city Waco is. I was looking at it. It's like, it looks like a really great city. Have you not been? I haven't been. Always drive past it, going to like Dallas

or going through Dallas. Maybe pull it, how about 10 things to know before moving to Waco? Because you know, it's like everybody knows Waco is the site of this, like, you know, the federal government destroying one of the great prophets of God. Yeah, that's all I think about it, kind of. Yeah, but like, look what we've got.

Shopping and dining variety, employment opportunities, affordable homes, a reasonable cost of living, a booming economy. Waco sees 2 million visitors per year, a friendly small town feel. And it's like, it like, you have a great town and you incinerate a prophet of God and children. And that's all anyone remembers you for after that. And it's sad. It's so sad.

Can we pull up like on YouTube, like move to Waco so folks can see? Yeah, I wanna go see that. I gotta go see where it was. I'm sure you could. There's got to be like a plaque or something. Don't go to Waco for that. Like go to like, don't in this asshole. My name is Brian Bundy and don't move to Waco.

Fuck you. Go down. Yeah, there goes a hater. Maybe Google Waco tourism department. I'm just saying, if I was you, like in anyone listening, don't go to Waco to do, like, to see the place that, like, someone who was actually connected with the divine and was so dangerous that they destroyed him because they're trying to keep his inel...

Here it is. I support nuclear energy. Me too. Whoa, you actually agree. I came into Waco. We do a gig at Three Texans Winery near Temple. Waco is located about 90 miles south of Fort Worth and also about 90 miles south.

So it's not really a huge city, but definitely not a small town. Around the 1800s, and there's lots of history in that time and going forward into the day around that area. It's really interesting to walk around Waco. I think it's pretty walkable and there is a distinct downtown area.

That guy sounds like if Ambien could fucking talk. Let's stop this. Like that is not the voice of Waco. Waco is a vibrant, beautiful city. Yes, they did kill a prophet in Waco, but motherfuck, they've got great breweries. Yeah, and it's like wineries. Incredible wineries in Waco.

And probably good food. The food in Waco is like, I've never been, but I've heard it's like Paris. Gosh, I'd loved, and I've never even seen Paris, so maybe I could. Dude, you would love it. Waco's a lot closer than Paris. You know, underneath Paris, you know about the catacombs?

I've heard stuff in passing. Have you seen pictures? I think. Would you mind pulling up the Parisian catacombs? Check this out, dude. Well, maybe I really should, because again, it's a lot closer than freaking Paris. Look at this.

You with the skeletons and bones? It's just like so many, so basically they were like limestone mines or something, and like they had, I think because of the plague, they just had a body problem. And so they entombed all of these like bones and someone designed them in kind of artistic ways. And so you underneath Paris, and it's not just all bones,

like it was a limestone quarry. So it's just like just infinite tunnels, but underneath Paris are these like tunnels and you can go on a tour of the catacombs and one of the big problems they have is people steal bones. So when you come out of the catacombs, you go to this little gift shop and I know you're gonna think I'm doing some cheap joke.

It's so fucking funny. Do you know what it is? It's a cracker barrel gift shop. The catacombs emerge right into a cracker barrel, Parisian cracker barrel. And that's- That sounds like a dream to me. I can't even imagine.

Cause you've been down there in the dang bony darkness. And I'd only ever been to a cracker barrel in America. I knew that they did have some European. I didn't realize one of them was in Paris. Well, you know, what's funny is like, there's like, when I left, see what happened to these, like, look at that little, that's somebody got lazy.

See, can you pull up the just the unorganized bones down here? I would grab one of those. That's somebody who wanted to go home. That's something. That one for your dog. He's like, I gotta get, he's tired. I'm just gonna just leave a pile.

No one will notice. But like, I, in he's tired. I'm just gonna just leave a pile. No one will notice. But like, in the gift shop, there's bones. From like the shop, like bone lifters, like people trying to steal bones. And there's like stacks of bones, femurs and stuff. Oh, you can see that, yeah, where the people tried to steal it. Oh gosh.

Dude, but let's cut back a little bit. I wanna talk about your uncle. And so, what was his name? Uncle? Lee. Uncle Lee. So uncle Lee, how many weeks before they found the body, how long? I think it was, must've been probably a couple. And- Week and a half, two weeks maybe.

This is your dad or mom's brother? Mom. Well, she must've been so upset. Are we called them Uncle Lee? I don't know. It was some other sort of, it was not my mom's brother. He was, I don't know what, he was some relative. I don't know.

Are you sure he was a relative? I always put him Uncle Lee. Yeah. It's from my mom's mom. It was like a cousin of my mom's mom, I think. So it wasn't a real uncle? Correct. So probably your mom wasn't like heartbroken.

It wasn't like her brother was found. No. She was just sad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And- Correct, it wasn't like her brother, yeah. I mean, because like- It would have been a little different.

There's a terrible documentary I saw. I would not recommend watching it. I don't know why I watched it. Real kick in the balls. It's a documentary about what they do with all of these like dead people they find in apartments in Los Angeles that don't have any surviving family members.

It's just people die alone and there's no one left in their lives. Where do they burn the bodies? They put them in the fireworks for LA fireworks. Gosh, yeah. Yeah, for the LA County Fair or Fourth of July. Oh, Fourth of July and the fair. There's enough, they said on the documentary,

there's enough, they could do like four more fireworks shows. There's so many bodies. That's insane. Well, that almost sounds kind of like a fun, if you get past the beginning part, kind of a cool documentary though. Well, yeah, I mean, yeah, I think that was like, probably like the, you know,

that was a beautiful part of it because, you know, what do you, you could easily just take the boats and put them in an unmarked grave or put them in whatever, but it's the idea of, let's explode your remains over the city that you died in. One glimmer of light up there. And you know, the green ones are the bodies. So if Angelino's the next Fourth of July, whenever you see green fireworks, that's probably,

I think, God, I'm trying to think, like a leg will make a pretty big firework display. I mean, you obviously mix it in with sulfur and stuff like that, but like the green comes from the... Pretty cool move from Gavin Newsom. Normally I don't necessarily like that guy, but that was a pretty cool move from Gavin Newsom. It really made me change my opinion.

I know, I like him now. I like him now. It kind of pushed the needle for me, and I'm surprised he's not talking about that more. Yeah, no shit, it's like the coolest that I'd never even heard. I mean, it makes sense. You have a problem.

Too many, the bodies, no family. I guess he's like one of those people who doesn't pat himself on the back. For sure. You know, cause he must know, like if the world knew that's how they're disposing of the bodies. It's a cool way. It makes sense.

I'd do it. I would totally fucking do it. Well, like the firework? Be lit as a firework. Oh, oh, oh. I would, why not? Like, why not? I have told my parents my wishes if I were to pass,

which is getting cut in half, and then having half be the tree, so have a tree eat me, you know? And then the half be you know the tree so have a tree eat me Do you know and then the other half would be to send my cremates into the sky to like re? Be the air but I like my fucking work aren't you? What are you doing like let him fucking already? They're already busy. They're sad now. You're like cut the half They're already busy, they're sad. Now you're like, cut half of me into a tree.

Cut me in half long ways. Make my fingers into a puzzle. Take my legs and pretend I'm walking around the house for a day. Just let them burn you up or put you in a firework. You can't do that to them. I have thought about it though, like making like my last wishes really complicated.

Yeah, my dad said the first house that they lived in that I was pretty much born, wasn't born in, but when I was born, lived in the house, they had some asshole neighbor who was like always commenting on my dad, like needing to do the lawn or whatever, just some asshole. And he killed him, he eventually killed himself and he had like a little treasure map

so he could be in control of everything even after he died. What do you mean a treasure map? To find his body. He left a treasure map to find his fucking body of where he killed himself. Yeah. It's like, you're like, what's it gonna be? X marks his spot.

We're gonna be rich and it's just some dead asshole. Uncle Lee with all the flies all on him. Well, you know, I will, you wanna hear a really fucked up like rotting body story. So one of my friend's friends, Sublette is apartment, was going on tour and Sublette is apartment. You know, whatever, temporary rental, but like unofficial because you weren't supposed to do that and sublet his apartment, was going on tour and sublet his apartment. Whatever, temporary rental, but unofficial because you weren't supposed to do that or whatever,

but found somebody who needed to live there for a month. He's on tour and he gets a call from his landlord. His landlord is like, you need to come back. He's like, why? He's like, the person that you were letting live in your apartment is dead and has been rotting in there and you need to come back. So I think he had to cancel his tour.

He had to come back. So what, but it gets worse. So laying around, so number one, the dude had like melted into the couch. Like it had been a while. Laying around the couch, duster bottles. He killed himself doing duster on the couch and just ruined this dude's couch

and his relationship with his landlord too. But like- Yeah, poor guy, yeah. Oh, so it's just like, I can't, that is a really fucked up way to go. Yeah, you mess up somebody's couch You mess up the relationship with the landlord. I mean, it's all fucked up. I know selfish dusters whippets or yeah

dusters like it's yeah, it's whippets It's a different day. I mean whippets what nitrous oxide with dusters others. I think it's other whippets is nitrous oxide aka dusters, others, I think it's other things. Wippeth is nitrous oxide, AKA hippie crack. And- We've done some before together. Oh yeah. And-

Yeah, we've done some. The duster world has evolved. Like when I, so when I was coming up, there was two ways that you could achieve nitrous. Now, there were legends of like these rednecks who would break into buildings- Yep, I remembercks who would break into buildings and steal the tanks. But generally to get nitrous, you would have to go like a Grateful Dead show.

And someone would have a tank of nitrous and they'd sell it. It was called the hippie crack. And it was $5 a balloon. And you know what the term fishing means? Yeah, I saw it happen one time with somebody doing duster. Fishing, yes, when you have a sort of mild seizure from doing too much duster.

And this happened at a Grateful Dead show. What would happen is like the hippies would take the tank into the van and they'd be doing balloons and they would leave the tank on. And so the whole van would fill with NO2 and they would open the van and just dead hippies and balloons everywhere. And so the other way that you could get nitrous

is like a high school kid in North Carolina is you would go to the grocery store and get whipped cream bottles. And there was a way, there still is a way you can like suck nitrous out of whipped cream. You have done that before, it's kind of fun. Yeah, whip it. But now, a way you can like suck nitrous out of a footprint. You have done that before, it's kind of fun. Yeah, whip it. But now, have you seen the evolution in nitrous?

Have you seen galaxy gas? What's that? Okay, can you look up galaxy gas? This is, fuck. Is it like big containers of, I saw a video randomly this past week. So, look at this shit. Now look, this is the funniest thing.

So make a crisp, make your next pasta extra delicious. Because they have to do this legally. They have to say it's for like food, drinks and food. So now let's scroll down. Funny. And let's check out the art for this food product. Like, or the, let's see, not the recipes, go back up. Let's check, let's order some, let's see.

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They already took it down. Okay, that's what I saw on a video. Now look at these tanks you can get look at this shit up. They already took it down Because they okay, that's what I saw on a video. I saw a random video of people act in a act in a fool in a There how much is that? It's you I can't remember I was looking at the prices cuz like I was thinking about like I Was just curious, you know, just would it last forever in a tank? Did you just have, maybe have a tank for a long time? Not with us. Yeah.

I mean, I can't stop. Like if I'm doing, if I have a tank of fucking strawberry flavored, talk to Jesus gas, I'm not stopping. Like, so like, this is insane to me because like in the old days you would have to go to a Head shop and get the little Silvery things and like the whole thing was like way they were really careful You really had to pretend you were using it to make whipped cream, but these guys are just like

You know, it's flavored. It's it's galaxy gas. This isn't like they're trying to make it the next like vape right your flavored vapes Exactly, but that's not good though because nitrous you always feel dumb. I enjoy it I love doing it, but it couldn't be good for you, dude It can't be good for you to do inhalants, but you know nitrous has a really interesting history Did you know this William? Oh, so nitrous? Was like interesting history. Did you know this, William? So nitrous was like, it's, it was considered like an occult gas. So back in the Victorian times, people were doing nitrous and having these mystical experiences and stuff. And they would have these nitrous oxide fairs where like a circus, like someone would come into your town with nitrous,

audience members would inhale the nitrous and get fucking high and everyone would like, they didn't even, I don't think they had balloons back then. I don't know how they were administrating with a mask maybe, but it's got a fascinating history in people who've had mystical experiences on it at the dentist's office or whatever. You know, like, I feel like I like, I feel like I saw my past life.

So that is not a new thing. Like some people think that something about nitrous allows you to communicate with the spirit world. And if you've ever taken like LSD at nitrous, like you will see the matrix. Like I've seen, like it's like a grid, a grid in everything, like a hyperdimensional grid that was weirdly symmetrical everywhere. And like, I remember like, whoa, it's the matrix, man. And then I'm like, you're on acid talking

about the matrix, you dick. You can't talk about the Matrix when you're tripping. You just shouldn't. It's fucking rude. I agree. So William, let's get back to your book with a little time we have left. Yeah.

I mean, truthfully, I think people are gonna love it. It's again, autobiography. A lot of people don't do those kind of at least, I don't know, maybe halfway through life. It's hard to say, obviously. How long did it take you to write it? Well, started again, what at? 32, no, 33, excuse me.

So it's been four years. Did you- Writing, I don't know, two of those years. When I, so that was from, sorry, you know, a lot of times when you get the pre-published book, it has mistakes, but I thought it was so weird because I open it up and it's like, whoa, it's starting on page 32.

Yeah, that was an issue. So that was a mistake. I was not sure, that was an issue. So that was a mistake. I was not sure if that was an artistic choice. No, it was more of an issue with the publisher. I was able to find some, at first I went the route of, they have the commercials on TV where you can call up a number. If you have a book, you can publish it. And I met these really nice people, really nice company.

But then it was, they were telling me to edit too much of the stuff out, they didn't like the stuff, like a lot of the stuff in Mississippi. The Mississippi chapters. A lot of the kind of get sexy parts, they really didn't like that. Kind of get sexy, my dick was hard the whole time, dude. Cool, that's kind of what I was going for.

Aside from it being like one of the greatest works of erotic nonfiction that I have ever read in my life. And there's not a lot for those who just really don't know about book stuff. There's not a lot of erotic nonfiction. Not that, again. There's not a lot. Another new genre.

Yeah, there's pretty much, there's not a lot. Good luck looking it up. There is, there's like this incredible, like the G&M series, you ever read that? George and Martha Washington's thing. Yes, gosh. That's super fucking hot.

Gosh, gosh, why'd you even put that in my head? I'm sorry. G&M. The nipples. I didn't know they could get that hard. Well, it's Martha Washington, you know, it's like different. 1700s. 1700s, probably not as many additives in the food.

And so, and I think that- Vagrum spryde. The whole erect, the, ESS, ETSS. Yes, ETSS. Erectile Tissue Sagging Syndrome. Yep. Which is right now, like,

I've seen pictures of like, like, you know, nipples of like people who are like 23, 24. And it looks like a long, thin sausage just dangling down past the belly button. Like a gorilla. No, I mean, compared to a gorilla, dude, this looks like fucking, like a thick hair.

It looks like, or like just long, brown. Like, you know, you've seen it, man. Anyone out there who's struggling with this? I've seen it. My heart goes out to you. It's anyone, it could happen to anybody. Yeah. And it happens fast.

You wake up in the morning, your nipples are like... Can't hide them. They're hard to hide. Well, the tie back is... You can do that, but right when you get them, it's hard to know what to do with them. Well, yeah, it's fucked up. But anyway, off track here.

Your book, the, I just want you to talk about the scene where you came upon that, the bear, mauling that mountain biker. And- Yeah, my gosh, Southern California. It was just this really weird time I'd gotten. Again, a lot of my background, ancestral stuff, again, and some people in Mississippi,

it was allotted the spanking stuff. And as you know, Duncan moved to California trying to do some comedy stuff. But then I soon realized, well, storage unit job is not really cutting it. I have to get into something else. And I started doing get into something else. And I started doing the spanking stuff. And I would do that a lot out on runs with people. I had this

thing on Craigslist and I'd meet the people and end up running, I don't know, two, three miles one way, two, three miles back. But before we ran back, I'd get into a leanover and I'd start spanking them. And yeah, one of the times I was doing that. I wanna stop you there. It was something I was really curious about. And, you know, like, I was like, I was so taken with the book, it felt like I was in a dream.

So it's hard for me to remember all the bits and pieces. But I don't remember you writing about this. Why would you decide to spank in the middle of the run instead of in the beginning of the run when they're not as sweaty? Because people would not want to run. And when I get them halfway there, they have to run back because I'm spanking hard.

So if people get spanked at the beginning, they're, gosh. I mean, I immediately, I tried doing it that way, Duncan, but it wasn't, people would not run with me, so I have to, they have to run. Oh, so I got it. Okay, I got it. I see now. I feel like an idiot. So this was, this is more of a kind of like coaching, like you would find people who wanted

a nice spank, but also you made them work. You need to get in shape a little bit. Yeah. Okay. It was wonderful. People, it really changed some lives. People really loved it. Yeah, well, I mean, yeah, I'm sure. I mean, I think like that one dude,

like apparently like what he lost like 60 pounds. I think he like gotten to the Olympics or something. Lost 60 pounds, but I really ran into trouble because that guy who was on the mountain bike, who got got by the bear, he was one of my clients. And then they ended up figuring it out that he was coming out there to visit with me. We had text messages and they figured out it was me.

They pinpointed it to me. So I had to dissolve the whole thing and I had to quit doing it. So to me, like that was a, would you call that a bottom for you in your life? Yeah, oh my gosh. I mean, it was really, I don't know. I finally found something I really loved.

I've been looking, that's just how I've lived my life. I've really just tried to find something that I love and it's kind of cool to finally find something where you're really helping people and it really helps me too because I can end up getting stressed out. I mean, I'm talking again, I'm talking shit to the Jehovah's Witness women.

I need to find my outlets. And I was really able to find that outlet. I just saw, I think your honesty about hitting bottom was really incredible, you know, because a lot of people find themselves in a situation where, you know, just life isn't going your way. And sometimes you think you've hit the bottom and then that's not the bottom.

You're not there yet. And then there's another bottom that you hit. Now, add to the fact that this incredible business, which easily could have grown to be like the next Peloton or something, is out the fucking window. Add to it that now you are being accused of murder. Yes. Because there aren't bears out there.

Correct, I know. And no one saw a bear. Exactly, right off the bat, they're like, oh, you sure it wasn't a mountain lion? Did you say that wrong? What do you mean bear? And I was like, well, I lived in Wyoming at one point in my life, I've seen bears before,

it was a freaking bear, so it's, ugh. So just some bear got out of like, probably a pet bear or something got out. And they probably realized cause the bear's fur must've been bloody and they were like, oh my God, it killed again. And they put it back in the cage. But yeah, like this is pretty intense

because it seems like these cops wanted to frame you. They were saying like, these aren't bite wounds. This looks more like a stabbing that, you know, all the accusations, there's no fur anywhere. This, it looks like someone stabbed this person. I know. It's fine. I'm glad you can laugh at it now, man.

I know, I swear. That's the emotion. It's either that or crying. And y'all don't wanna see me cry right now. But you were like, I don't wanna spoil the book, guys. This is just one tiny piece of an incredible book, The Story of Me by William Montgomery. But you got off into technicality.

Yeah, and don't talk to the police, okay? That's my biggest word of advice. I talked to him for the first three freaking hours, and then I somehow remembered from all the times I watched Forensic Files, I somehow remembered, don't talk to, I don't know what happened. He lawyered up. Had to lawyer up, but I talked to him for about three hours

and so close to sinking me. Dude, I mean, that, it's, to me, that's like, I guess, if I'm gonna, do you ever think about doing that business again? Yeah, oh my gosh, it was so much fun. I mean, Duncan, seriously, when it's just early in the morning, you got to wake up, I don't know, 5, 5.30, when it's just so early and it's just so beautiful outside,

you see the sun coming up. Yeah. It is wonderful. And it's like, well, I've put in the work, you know, about, again, we're going probably two miles up, two miles back, but it's fun knowing you have the work and then the people lean over and you can really, at least on my end, you can really,

you got the blood pumping from running. I see your jaw clenching. Yeah, you can really get into it then and they're having fun. And again, you're kind of in the middle of nowhere so it doesn't, the screams, not that it's a lot of screaming, that's like one of the things I had to tell people

at the beginning because it gets scared. Don't scream. Yeah, don't, just, yeah, we scared. But it's- Don't scream. Yeah, don't scream. Just, yeah, we can fix that situation. Just don't scream. And the- Cause it does scare people.

And that, I guess the fix for you, so you would offer them the ball gag option so that they could scream. Yeah, I preferred it when they just listened to my fucking ass. I preferred it when they listened. You know, I also preferred it when they listened. I also thought it was really interesting. I know you're in a relationship right now.

But I don't know, it was interesting the way you were writing about what it felt like spanking a grown man in the forest. But it was still kind of sexy the way you wrote about it. And I didn't know that you were into that stuff. Well, I like to call it just a little William Montgomery flair. I like to put a little flair into it. Just because I know what I like to read.

So I just try to apply a little of that. Well it was good. No, I mean, it was very like also it wasn't just like, you know, I hope people, I feel like I don't want to do your book a disservice. I hope this I'm not making it seem like- Oh, you're not at all. Thanks for bringing it up. I was worried you weren't even gonna bring it up.

That's all I wanted to talk about. I fucked up. I completely derailed so many questions. But when you describe that scene, oh God, obviously you're changing the name, so it's funny you call this guy Harvey Weinstein, but when you're describing spanking Harvey and how you could feel him grow hard against your lap.

Yeah, and by the way, he had the weirdest looking penis. You're not supposed to say that, but I swear. Well, you changed the name. No one knows what the fuck this is. I know, I know, I know. So he's like, so, but I thought it was like really sweet because he starts crying as you're beating him. And like then that whole, you comforted him.

And I wonder. It's a human moment. So could you, if you don't mind, and I don't mean to put you on the spot. So in the, a poem came to you in that moment. Can you say a little bit of that poem? I mean, it's very long, but it seems like it would take you like an hour

to do the whole thing. Oh my gosh. Let me think. Yeah, with Harvey, it was, flowers grow slow, fast. Harvey, Harvey, Harvey. So beautiful. I know.

It's so beautiful. I know, well, I know there's a little bit of poetry. So for any of our, any of the poetry nerds out there, there's totally, there's poetry throughout. I felt like I was reading like a combination of like Jack Kerouac and T.S. Eliot. Like I, this book thing that you've done, man, you're obviously a brilliant comedian

and a warrior, someone who's fought in Ukraine, like a fucking warrior. A warrior, you're a romantic and a great comic. And now I think you're gonna become like known as like one of the great authors. We'll see. Lord willing and the creek don't rise Duncan. Lord willing and the creek don't rise.

William, thank you so much for coming on the show. Thanks so much for having me Duncan. Everybody definitely check out the story of me by William. Kizal, I don't know when this comes up, but it will be, it's at the- Definitely check out the story of me by William. Comes out, I don't know when this comes out, but it will be, it's at the. Next week, this comes out next week. Okay, so this is beginning of October, so beginning of spooky season.

We're thinking that if we can have it in grocery store, different places by like the candy and places like that, it could help with sales, but yeah, spooky season book. It is, and a loving this. Also a great book for Valentine's Day. It's like real sweet, like, and it kind of like, you know, like it, I'll tell you this, it like took my like sex life with my wife to the next level, man.

Like some of the techniques in there. And that's what people are saying. That's what people are saying. Again, I don't want to toot my own horn too much, but yeah, I mean, it can help with stuff like that. William Montgomery, the story of me pre-order, it definitely helps if you guys pre-order, it will definitely be on the New York Times bestseller list.

And you got any shows coming up? Any book tours or book signings or anything? And you got any shows coming up? Any book tours or book signings or anything? Yeah, but I can't remember. Well, if you look at my Instagram, I'll have it on my Instagram. Look in the comments section. We'll put it to some of his upcoming dates.

Link to his williammcgmry.com. Just my william.f.mcgmry1. Somebody took the original william.f.mcgmry1, somebody took the original William.f.mcgmry1 Instagram, I don't have a website. William.f.mcgmry1.com. But I did get the one. No, that's just an Instagram. I don't even have a website, Duncan. People were, I mean, after what happened,

what we were just describing again, what I said to the police, I can't do a website. Oh my God, cancel culture. It's like, dude, there are bears everywhere. Like just because like a bear, you know, isn't like, there aren't like California bears that you have seen. People keep all kinds of crazy shit.

Dude, my stepbrother, like three fucking penguins attacked him in Like Omaha, you know like next to a bank like and they're those motherfuckers The Emperor penguins are big and they fucked him up So like yeah, there's Stuff happens give it a break stop. Give me a gift. Give me a break Let me have a let me build a website fucking yeah, let me build a website. Fucking, yeah. Let me build a freaking website, okay? What the fuck? What are you gonna do? Please.

I need one now, probably. Let me build one. It's fucking the new him anyway. Spikowski. Yeah, well, also you could use Squarespace or something, probably, but. Yeah, I've heard of that. Use offer code Duncan to present off your first order of a website or domain,

and that was an entire Squarespace commercial. I will see you guys soon. Hare Krishna. Thank you, William. Thank you. Hey, I'm Jillian. And I'm Patrick. And together we make the podcast True Crime Obsessed.

If you love documentaries the way we love documentaries, you might be interested in our show because we recap all the documentaries that you're watching. We've covered just about every true crime case you can imagine. We're talking the hatchet-wielding hitchhiker, the Ted Bundy tapes, what else? The Turpent 13 with the amazing sisters who basically tell the story, the girl in the picture. Yes. All the documentaries you love to talk about

with your friends, we're your friends now. We're the friends you talk about that stuff with. Yeah. We're true crime obsessed podcasts, stitchers on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. That was William Montgomery, everybody. All the links you need to order the story of me will be at dunkatrustle.com

or in the section down below. Whatever this is on. Tremendous thank you to our wonderful sponsors. Thank you for watching. See you soon. God bless you. Hey, I'm Jillian. And thank you for watching. I'll talking the hatchet-wielding hitchhiker, the Ted Bundy tapes, what else? The Turpent 13. Yes. With the amazing sisters who basically tell the story, the girl in the picture.

Yes. All the documentaries you love to talk about with your friends, we're your friends now. We're the friends you talk about that stuff with. Yeah. We're true crime obsessed podcasts. Stitch with us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen.