Duncan Trussell Family Hour - Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: January 31, 2018

The great Bert Kreischer returns to the DTFH and we talk about his wonderful experiments in fitness and sobriety, finding compassion for the Ansari claw and the best tracking devices to use on your family.

Ghost Towns. Dirty Angel. Out. Now. You can get Dirty Angel anywhere you get your music. Ghost Towns. Dirty Angel. Out. Now. New album and tour date coming this summer. Warning. Warning. You're about to enter into a 20-minute rant. It's a 20-minute rant. Don't even know if it makes sense.

If you don't want to listen to me ramble for 20 minutes about reality tunnels and subjective imprinting and being a spiritual machine, jump ahead to the 20-minute mark or 21-minute mark because that's where we start the interview with Burke Kreischer. So, 20-minute rant. If you don't want to listen to a 20-minute rant

and just want to listen to awesome stories from Brilliant Burke Kreischer, then jump ahead 20 or 21 minutes and listen to the interview. Rant starting now. Hello, my dear sweet friends, lords and ladies of the night. It is I, Duncan Trussell, the skrillex of podcasting

and you are listening to the Duncan Trussell Family Hour podcast voted by President Barack Obama as his third favorite podcast in the world. Thank you, Mr. President. It's exciting to me that you listen to my podcast and I hope that you enjoy the next two years of your presidency. Hail Monsanto. Hare Krishna.

Listen, if you're a reptile as long as you feel love, that's all that matters. In the Bhagavad Gita, Lord Krishna says, even the vilest of criminals, if their mind is absorbed in me, shall cross over the material ocean as easily as a kid stepping over a puddle. Imagine that concept,

that there is no such thing as evil and that if by some miraculous shift in your consciousness you move your attention to the good, if you transform your attention to this focus on the idea that we live in a benevolent, beautiful, opulent, flowing, juicy, delicious, incredible dimension that only wants to wrap you up in his or her beautiful arms and make sweet love to you until you drop your body

and fly off into some alternate dimension where you can be in all places at once and experience whatever the thing is that you want to experience. That could be a reality that we're existing in right now because you have the thumbprint of some terrified asshole stuck into your subjective universe because some awful judgmental prick took a walk inside your reality tunnel

and took a big fat steaming fear dump in the middle of your paradigm. You think you exist in a dimension filled with hissing, biting, venomous, stinging, winged darkness that desperately wants to take you down at any single moment and drag you into the quicksand of entropy, mediocrity, and failure. Scared people are fucking contagious.

They will inject you with whatever the goddamn thing is that they're afraid of and you won't even know it's happened until way later on in your life and then you look at your life and you realize like why am I always in a state of anxiety? Why am I always in a state of vengeance seeking? Why am I always in a state of considering and contemplating the worst aspects of the people in my life?

Why am I always getting into conversations with people that involve how awful this person is or how awful that person is? Why am I a kind of missionary of the mediocre? Why do I feel like my job is to travel into the world and spread the bad news about how this person sucks or this person isn't talented enough to be where they're at or this person has failed in their attempt to do this thing

or that, why are you a, why be that kind of missionary? Some people are a missionary of fear and they don't even realize it. These are the people who say that they are the, they just tell the truth. You know, I just say it how it is, man. Those are the fear missionaries. They spread the bad news. You know, the gospel, the gospel translates into good news

and these people spread the anti-gospel. They spread the bad news and you know right away when you're in the presence of them, because it only is a matter of time before they start talking shit about somebody. It's only a matter of time before they start raking somebody over the coals when that person isn't even there. It's only a matter of time before they start raking you over the coals

and they'll do it in a seemingly friendly way. A lot of these fear missionaries have gotten really good at their job. They're way better at their job than those sweet little Mormon boys you see peddling around your neighborhood on the bikes wearing the nice white shirt and the tie and the short hair and they just kind of beam and glow with this awesome, culty, badass energy and you just want to invite them in and give them some cookies and let them hypnotize you with stories of their incredible God

while you shampoo their hair and rub lotion in their poor, tired feet. But these fucking fear missionaries that exist in the universe, these people who want nothing more than for you to invite them into your reality's tunnel so they could just spray hot piss all over the wall of whatever happy existence you've managed to cultivate. These people are insidious because they don't wear any outfit. They look like anybody else. They wear normal pants and normal shirts.

Some of them wear the costume of a boss or a successful entertainer. Some of them will wear the costume of your parents and some of them will wear the costume of your brothers or sisters. But man, they will trick you. You won't even realize that you're in the presence of a servant of entropy until it's too late and they've already implanted into your head some kind of terrible, dark, awful news. You know the people I'm talking about.

These fucking sons of bitches who as soon as they can will deliver to you the worst bit of news they could possibly come up with, whether it involves somebody that you know or whether it involves something someone said about you or whether it involves something they said about you. They'll get you, man. They're like those snakes in a nice hot beautiful summer day that hide underneath a rock and bite little kids playing frisbees

out there in North Carolina. They're like that delicious burrito you see at the taco stand. It looks so good because you're super stoned. But after you eat it and you get home, suddenly you're spraying some of the vilest, noxious toxins out of your asshole and puking for three days straight. These people, they will inject you with horror. They will put their bile into you in such an astute way

that you won't even realize it happened. You'll just think you're around somebody who's telling the truth. You'll just think you're around somebody who's saying it like it is. But somehow the way they say it like it is always makes the universe a little darker. And sometimes it's not them doing it to you, but it's you doing it to other people. Sometimes you'll find yourself having a delicious lunch with somebody that you haven't seen in a while and all you can talk about is Ebola.

You won't even realize you're doing it, but you'll suddenly come to and realize like, oh my God, I suddenly transformed into a missionary of doom. I transformed into a servant of the Dark Lord. I, for a moment, had within my mouth the eye of Sauron and was casting a spell of words onto the day. I was trying to pour my fear into the ear chalice of my friends so that I could fill their brain up with my poisonous wine

so that they will spend the rest of their day feeling a little worse than before they sat down to eat with me. They will get you and maybe they already got you. That's another problem is when you're coming up as a child, you know, these sons of bitches can get their greasy, oily, fear-missionary fingerprints shoved firmly into your brain and you won't even know that you've got the thumbprint of a demon in your subjective consciousness and that the majority of actions

that you take in the world are not based on the current paradigm that you're existing within, but are based on a paradigm that you existed in when you were around a bullying, angry, confused, sad, lonely, broken person. And that happens to a lot of us, too. This is why Gurdjieff, the mystic Gurdjieff, check him out. I talk about him way too much for somebody who's only read like half of a book about him.

But what I did read really got into my head, which is that the majority of us are these kind of automatons, that we do not have any kind of true autonomy but that we are these sort of spiritual machines running these behavior codes like a computer script where we just run the same recurring code over and over and over again. If one, go to three. If four, go to two. These are the behavior patterns that you get stuck inside of

and the reason that you get stuck in these behavior patterns is quite often because you were in a survival situation when you were really young and you didn't even realize that you were in a survival situation. If you're somebody who got shot out of a pussy into the home of an abusive alcoholic, if you're somebody who got shot out of a vagina into the home of fundamentalist super-Christians

who spent the majority of your childhood transforming your glorious freedom into something that you should feel guilty about, then you might have developed behavior patterns that involve resisting or rebelling or fighting a guerrilla war against somebody who was trying to confine you to a horrific paradigm where you were trapped in a dimension where there was an angry god and a hell or you were trapped in a dimension where you were supposed to behave like someone that you completely weren't.

This happens a lot of times. A lot of times, you know, it's a fucking archetype, man. It's in so many different movies that kind of disappointed parent who can't believe that you didn't go in the direction that they thought you should go in and that any failure that you have is a failure not because you were brave enough to try some risky new way of life but is a failure because you didn't follow the path that was laid out to you by your father or your mother or your grandmother or your family.

It's awful, man, and it can happen. And even when those people shrink into the temporal distance when they become more background than foreground, you still contain within you the awful fear thumbprint that they shoved into your consciousness and part of waking up is recognizing what behavior patterns you have that are no longer relevant based on the universe that you're currently existing in. You don't need to fire back every time somebody says something to you

that you think is disrespectful to you or your friends. You don't need to punch so hard when somebody does something to you that you feel is deserving of a nice hard punch. In fact, you don't need to punch at all. The reason you learn to punch back so hard and the reason you learn to extract such vengeance on people is because that was the only way that you could survive in whatever early reality tunnel that you got blasted out of a pussy into.

It's like when people come back from war and they've been surrounded by bombs going off and watching people die and explosions. That's an extreme case of what happens to anybody who went through a turbulent childhood. You get a kind of PTSD, which gives you some neurotic glitches which create recurring behavior patterns and cycles in your life that if you have no mindfulness or you have no awareness

of you're completely on autopilot, then you will just think that the universe is cursed and that relationships are destined to collapse and that people are inherently bad and that the only way to survive is to steal or fight or cheat or get what you can while stabbing your brother in the back. All of these things you're doing because that's what you had to do to survive

in whatever gravelly, bloody, subjectively horrifying universe that you got dumped into. And that happens to a lot of babies, man. A lot of babies get pushed into some pretty, some video games that are set to a high difficulty level that would be hard for an adult to navigate, much less a toddler. How's a toddler supposed to navigate through a world where parents are screaming at each other,

a world where behaviors are shaped by alcohol and alcoholism or where behaviors are shaped by belief in an angry, invisible, dark God out there? The whole point of this long rant is that if you find yourself one of these people who tends to have recurring patterns in your life that seem inescapable, poverty patterns, heartbreak patterns,

whatever the thing is, it really is important to sit down and examine the rudder on the ship of your life that you're using to steer through the multiverse and see if there is a, the shape of the rudder which consists of the sum total of all the habitual behavior patterns that you use to navigate your way through every single day. Look at the shape of that thing and just see like,

wait a minute, wait a minute. Am I constantly trying to get revenge on people who don't deserve anything more than love? That happens to a lot of people who come from shitty childhoods, but I'm just saying all this stuff because the holidays are approaching and a lot of people get really queasy because they don't want to go back and hang out with their family. A lot of people get, now not everybody,

some of you out there, your parents are still married and live in a warm, beautiful home where when you return, they invite you in with big smiles and they hug you and greet you and say the sweetest things to you. They're so very proud of your life and your mother offers you goddess-like wisdom and your father offers you patriarchal advice based on a lifetime of principled behavior and contemplation.

Your family is overjoyed to see you and you all compliment each other on the spiritual growth that you've achieved throughout the year. Everything's based on amplifying each other's life, amplifying each other's ability to experience pleasure, amplifying each other's sense of gratitude to exist in this universe and when you leave, you leave with a kind of radiant, holy-like glow and as you fly on the plane, everyone turns to look at you

because they can sense that you have, for a brief amount of time, walked through the gardens of paradise and they want that for themselves too and they also want to throw you out the exit door and watch your glowing, happy, rosy little face go plunging down to earth and splatter on the ground like a water balloon filled with guts. Not everybody emerges from a rosy childhood.

For a lot of people going home creates the feeling tone that troopers experience as they're being parachuted into the Kourangal Valley in Afghanistan. What's really interesting about going back to hang out with your family is that it gives you this beautiful place to experiment with mindfulness and you go back to your family not with the goal of extracting revenge, not with the goal of changing your siblings or your parents,

not with the goal of showing them that you've rebelled against everything that they want but you go there with the goal of observing the kiln that you were fired within. You go there to observe the manufacturing system that created many of your behavior patterns. You go there with the idea of watching so you can learn about the fundamental subjective DNA that is running the computer program that is your life if you're on autopilot, that's all.

How often do you hear people say, I've turned into my parents? Well, yeah, you've turned into your parents not because of some kind of genetic predisposition to be an asshole but you've turned into your parents because all of us got imprinted by our parents and our rudders are formed by our parents and so when you go back to hang out with your parents

you could be like, oh shit, I do that too. All the stuff that your parents do that might annoy you or make you feel bad or make you feel guilty, the idea isn't so much to confront your parents because they do that. I think certain schools of psychology advise that you do that, I don't know but the idea is to observe those behavior patterns in a state of mindfulness with the intention of transforming whatever those behavior patterns are inside of you

but you can experience some autonomy in this incarnation instead of just being a spiritual machine, being run on computer code that was blasted into your reality tunnel by people who more than likely were on autopilot. So there is a challenge for this Thanksgiving when you go back to visit your family, when you go back home, go back home this year not with the intention of hiding,

go back home not with the intention of fighting but go back home with the intention of just being mindful to watch the anvil upon which your life was forged so that you could determine which behavior patterns you have that you want to keep and which behavior patterns you have that you want to abandon or change a little bit. You can rewrite the computer code of your subjective universe and this is the invitation that every single awakened being

has extended to humanity. The incredible idea that you can abandon the behavior patterns that were injected into you by terrified people and that the moment you let go of those behavior patterns you become this autonomous being. You find that underneath those behavior patterns is just a pulsating love force which is what all of us are and that's the final little piece to throw into the stew

of visiting your parents or going back home to your family for the holidays is to recognize that in the same way that underneath all your fear patterns and underneath all your tendencies to tighten up and constrict and numb down and escape and get drunk and try to avoid dealing with the kind of awkward, uncomfortable, cold war style tension that can often be rolling through a family not just for your lifetime but for generations.

Recognize that underneath your brothers and sisters and fathers and mothers there is this love that just is covered up with all these bits of computer code that are no longer necessary to survive in the paradigm that you are currently existing within. You don't want to go visit your parents like some kind of alien anthropologist studying them with like a clipboard. Oh, I see that this is another shitty thing you put into me

because then you're just some kind of cunty victim and what I'm saying could easily be confused is that I'm not saying that and you don't want to go there with this like Jane Goodall studying fucking chimpanzees like you're better than them because you're not. You're just a human and they're just humans. The idea is to go there with this concept in mind something that I heard from somebody who came to see one of my shows in Canada. The idea is not to change our parents.

The idea is to change our kids. Well, I want to modify that. The idea is not to change our parents. The idea is to change ourselves, to work on ourselves so that we can become autonomous beings so that we can experience freedom because the moment you rip away whatever the lens is that calcified onto your third eye when you were growing up then you realize that the universe isn't boring at all.

It was just the paradigm that you currently were looking at the universe through that was giving you the sense that you weren't existing in an opulent, beautiful, benevolent, incredible, juicy place. And once you recognize that, then you stop being a fear missionary. Once you recognize that, then you stop being a kind of robotic messenger of darkness. You stop being a robot that's programmed to only tell ghost stories to yourself and the people around you and you turn into this spontaneous love fountain that accidentally is always doing the sweetest things to the people around you

and that's what they say that gurus and awakened beings are like. They just are always doing the sweetest thing. They don't have to think about it. They're not doing it to get some result. They're not doing it out of a form of manipulation. They're doing it because that is the essential state of human beings. At least that's what the really smart people say who I've gotten to hang out with. I don't know if it's true necessarily, but I do know that if you go into any situation

with the intention of being a little bit less of a robot and a little bit more of a sweetie then that situation will at least a little bit change. You will notice that things begin to form around you in ways that you're not used to and that's a really fun moment and that happens in really small ways. It's not like you're going to, don't think you're going to go home with like the intention of sweetness and everything's going to be great. It's not. You're going to react.

You're going to be reactive. You're going to get in the same old fight. You're going to get into the same old behavior patterns, but at least this time you're going to be doing it in a state of mindfulness. At least this time when you do it, you're going to be doing it allowing for the possibility that the entire fucking thing can change for the better. And even if it doesn't, the one thing that did change was the way that you went into the situation. Because as they say in Buddhism, one of the fundamental obstructions to awakening is aversion.

Aversion. And if you go into a situation and do what you can to remove the aversion, then the thing can change a little bit. It really can. Let's hope. Anyway, there's my rant. Forgive me for the holiday rant. I love you guys and one of the reasons that I love you is because you let me rant

and you like to listen to me rant, which is truly one of the most flattering, incredible, beautiful things that a human being could ever have in this dimension. So thank you for that. We've got an amazing podcast today with Bert Kreischer. If you haven't listened to previous episodes with Kreischer, please go back and listen. He's one of the most amazing humans I know. He's a true adventurer. He is a modern adventurer.

And in this podcast, he tells some incredible stories about some really intense experiences that he's had recently. You've probably seen his shows. He's got two shows, Bert the Conqueror and Trip Flip. He probably has more shows that I'm not even aware of. He has also recently just released a book called Life of the Party. I'll have links to all that at DuncanTrustle.com and in the comments section. We're going to jump into this interview, but first some very quick business.

Number one, we have completely restocked the shop. The shop has all new shirts, all new posters, new stickers. We're also getting mugs printed and we're going to get some clothes for the ladies printed soon. But right now, if you're somebody who went to the shop and saw that everything was sold out, if you go back, you'll be delighted to find that everything is back in stock, including the incredible t-shirts created by the mystical artist, Ron Regi. These t-shirts have on them a series of symbols designed to ward off the evil eye, which is the name that gypsies used to give for what fear missionaries have the tendency to do to people

when they come in contact with them, which is to look at you in a certain way, or to say things to you in a certain way that, quote, curse you. Of course, there's no such thing as curses, but there are people who can say the exact right thing to make you feel exactly horrible in a specific way. This shirt is designed to ward off those bastards. When they see this shirt, their eyes will cry blood in front of you and they'll vomit swarms of rats that will come clambering out of their fear missionary mouth and proceed to swarm on them and devour their flesh and bones

and then the rats will shit out a brand new sweet little baby that you'll get to raise. And what is more exciting than the idea of tearing your enemies apart, turning them into little babies, and then raising them to be wonderful people? That's the whole point of everything, and that's what Jesus taught us. So that's what these shirts are about. Go to DuncanTrussell.com, check out the design, buy these shirts, and there is an 80% chance that a woodland creature will come flying out of the forest and land on your head or on your shoulder, or that a bear will give you a hug,

or that a basket of puppies will be left on your doorstep, or that someone will rub heavy cream on your nipples while gently, gently stroking the underside of your throbbing penis or vagina. So check these shirts out, get some stickers, get some new posters, the holidays are coming, give people the gift of the DuncanTrussell Family Hour podcast, T-shirts and stickers, but you don't have to do that. I'm just inviting you to go visit the shop and check this stuff out, and here's the threat. This shit does sell out really fast, so if you are thinking about buying these shirts,

buy them now because we go into these stupid merchandise droughts because ordering merchandise in the right way is for my team and for me a mystifying thing. It's hard to figure out when you're supposed to order and how to do it because none of us are shopkeepers over here at the DuncanTrussell Family Hour podcast. Also, a tremendous thank you to those of you who have been donating to the podcast. We had a sudden and inexplicable surge of donors to the show. Thank you guys so much for your donations. That is a mind-blowing and incredible thing, and it makes me feel really good

that you think this podcast is worth donating money to. So thank you for that. You don't have to donate, you can just buy stuff from the shop. And if you don't feel like buying stuff from the shop or donating, then I invite you to go through our Amazon portal, which is located at DuncanTrussell.com. The next time you are buying anything through Amazon, and this week I would like to recommend buying the, for audible, the Reza Aslan book, Zealot, which is so badass.

It's the story of the historic Jesus. And I know when you hear historic Jesus, it probably makes your asshole tighten up because nothing is more boring than people are always desperately trying to figure out the historic Jesus because really, who gives a fuck? It's like finding the historic Obi-Wan Kenobi. I don't really care. Even if you do find the historic Obi-Wan Kenobi, I just like the movie Obi-Wan Kenobi. In the same way, I'm quite attached to my version of Jesus Christ,

which really, the more I listen to this and read this awesome book by Reza Aslan, the more I realize how far away from the actual Jesus the Jesus in my head is. And the truth of the matter is I had no idea about what was going on during the time period that Jesus was wandering around through Palestine. I had no idea about the viciousness of the Roman occupation. I had no idea about the weird job of being a high priest and the connection to power and the animal sacrifices that were happening inside the temple that the Jews are always, are still going to.

There's just a little bit of it left because the fucking thing got torn down. But Reza Aslan has the talent of bringing history to life in this incredibly gory, exciting, awesome way. If you want to get a really badass audiobook, go through the Amazon portal. Get the Audible Reza Aslan book. And also, if you go to AudibleTrial.com forward slash family hour, you can get that book for free. It's called Zealot. Reza Aslan narrates it himself. He's an amazing narrator.

Sign up for the Audible account. And if you don't want to sign up for the Audible account and you just want to buy it, it's definitely worth buying. It's a great book to listen to as you're driving on your way to whatever holiday event you're going to. And especially if you're around a yappy dumb dumb and you just want to shove those earbuds in and shut out the world. This is a great way to replace whatever the moaning, simpering curse spell that whatever the person is you're forced to be around during the holidays is trying to cast on your life. You can replace that with the sweet soothing voice of the genius Reza Aslan. So go to Amazon, buy Zealot, get a Fitbit, whatever you do, just go through the portal and bookmark the portal. And anything you buy on Amazon, they give us a very small percentage of that.

So there you go. That's the commercials for the show. Thank you guys so much for listening. And now please welcome to the Dunkin Trussell Family Hour podcast, the author of Life of the Party, the host of Trip Flip, the host of Burt, the Conqueror, world-class adventurer, amazing father and all-around super-positive, beautiful human being Burt Kreischer. Please open your third eyes, eject your astral body from its sheath like what happens when dogs are humping pillows and spray some extra-dimensional super sweeties all over Burt Kreischer's face and stomach. Welcome to the Dunkin Trussell Family Hour podcast, the great Burt Kreischer. Welcome, welcome on you. That you are with us.

Shake hands. No need to be blue. Welcome to you. It's the Dunkin Trussell Family Hour podcast. Holy fucking shit, Burt Kreischer. Welcome back to the Dunkin Trussell Family Hour podcast. Double Jeopardy with Ashley. Whatever happened to Ashley Judd?

She was so amazing and then it's like she just dropped off. You know, I don't know. I don't know much about her. I only know one thing. I saw her in like a movie. Like someone did an independent film and all I know is that she was drunk as fuck on set. And I was like, I got so depressed because I was like, I expected that out of me. I don't expect that out of her.

Sometimes I wonder if that is a, actually an old school acting technique is to get hammered drunk. Because I remember I was dating someone who was actually in a movie with Harrison Ford. And I remember noticing that as I recall, maybe I could be wrong. It could have been something else in the glass, but it did seem like he was having a glass of scotch as they were shooting. And he was doing a great job. He's nailing it. I heard Bill Murray when they shot Animal House brought in a briefcase of drugs. Oh, you mean John Belushi?

No, not Animal House, I'm sorry, Caddyshack. I heard that too. A briefcase of drugs. Well, it's kind of the reason why I got into the business a little bit. Because you can get high while you're working. Yeah, it's like I never really thought, it's kind of like the art of it. I remember we did like talent shows in college like Fraternity Philanthropies and Sorority Philanthropies. And I was always the one to like do the sketch and you just get fucking blitz before you did it because you didn't want to give a fuck.

Right. And because it makes you a conduit. You know, there's something in it that is shamanic and there's something in it that's opening yourself up to the spirits. You're sacrificing yourself to the spirits in a weird way. I've offered parts of my, I've offered, I always look at it as like offering serotonin. Because you, it's like big chunks of serotonin where I go, all right, what I'm going to do is I'm going to enjoy it. I'm going to feel it. But what I'm doing is I'm giving it to these people. I'm going to let these people have the serotonin that I'm dumping.

And I understand that there's going to be, there's going to be a shortage. There's going to be a drought tomorrow night when I'm in a hotel room bed and where I'm going to get sick. I understand that I've just sucked way too much out of my body. Right. But you can't like, I can't help it when I'm in that fucking funk. It's, it's, I want to say it's probably close to bipolar or manic depressive, but I can't fucking help it. Well, yeah, manic, there's a lot, you know who I was, this is a pretty bad ass. I got to talk to Dr. Drew for a little while, who's a really cool guy going to be on the podcast next week.

Actually. Really? Yeah. But he was telling me that, you know, the majority of inventors were manic depressive. The majority of famous inventors in the world had qualities that would consider, would be considered manic. That you need to get your mind into that state. I think so in order to create my, my, my most creative chunks of anything. And by the way, you're going to sound so uncreative, so unproductive.

I didn't make no money off these creative chunks. But like the one of the biggest, this kind of sounds so silly that I'm saying this. I got into a manic state in New York, um, uh, probably like three years ago. For, I was doing, we were doing press for something. And I was back when I was doing, do you remember, did you ever see the hotel room art I would do? No. What will the maid think? No.

I'll show you real quick, but just so that you get a perspective of just exactly how uncreative this was. If you just type in, I think if you type in what? This reminds me of a specific genre of porn that is the most disturbing I've ever seen, which is these guys, these guys intentionally let the maids come in while they're jerking off. It's just, I've heard about this. I've heard about that from some, some dude at the comedy store did that, right? It's just sad and pathetic.

I don't know if a guy at the comedy store did. I know it's just some weirdo. It's sexual assault kind of, isn't it? So these are the things I did. I made these little art. Oh, badass. This one was actually in the middle of the manic state. It's a,

Why do you think that's not what we're looking at here is this is a bird has taken a toilet bowl. That's hilarious. These are great. Yeah. So birds doing these amazing. This one in that manic state. I put my shoes, my jeans, my shirts. It's great.

That's not me. That's all towels. It's great. And I made this one in the manic state. This was all in one manic state. These are beautiful. Why don't you think this is creative? Well, it's creative.

I put those shoes under there. That's great. These are all ones I did where I was just like, but I couldn't stop thinking of them. I was in my hotel room one night and I was spinning. I mean, like I was humming. My body was humming. Yeah. And I didn't sleep and I woke up the next.

I didn't. I just got up the next morning, like got ready the next morning and I had to go do press for a birthday conqueror. And it was the night before Bertha Conqueror aired or the Friday before Bertha Conqueror said Aaron on Sundays. And I was humming and I had to go to press. And I told my publicist for travel channel. I was like, I was like, I'm fucking, I'm firing on all cylinders.

I was really crazy, but I couldn't shut it off. And then I got on the plane and fucking ended up crying on the plane and like drinking too much and landing and being in a little hate circle. Yeah. This is the, you know, this is so like now it's so funny because we've got these new names for the same thing, which is that in societies, certain people make contact with a higher consciousness, transmute that information into the world in the form of art or invention or whatever.

And then there's a price that they always end up paying, which is the exile or the depressed state. All those stories seem to be an indication or a, you know, like the story of like going out and Jesus goes out into the desert or Muhammad goes into a cave or the Buddha sits under the Bodhi tree, but there's all these sort of dark periods that are illustrated as being a prerequisite towards this heightened state. But then they stay in the heightened state. They don't come back down.

So I would love to stay in that heightened state. Would you, do you think it, do you think your body could handle it? Don't you think you'd be probably your liver would fail or you would, I don't know. I got the last one. I was in one very recently, like probably like two weeks ago. Two weeks ago, I was in one on a houseboat and it was like early in the morning. We weren't shooting. The whole crew was there and I just, I don't know, man, something clicked and I was in

a speedo and I was just like, I was fucking firing and I was listening to in excess and every song was communicating to me. Yeah. And I was communicating those songs to everyone on the boat and they were, I mean, it was like, and I knew in that moment I'm going to pay for this. I know that I'm going to pay for this. Yeah. But I can't help it because it's so much fun.

I went paddle boarding into this slot canyon and I went back and I just spoke like, it was, it was spiritual. It was utterly spiritual. And then I, and then I flew home the next day. I didn't feel so good. Yeah. Throw up all over the bathroom. Really threw up.

From drinking or from hangover? From, I didn't even drink. I mean, I drank on the flight the next day, but like I got home. We went out to dinner, didn't drink at dinner, came home and I just wasn't right and I threw up and I was sick and I was like food poisoning, but I hadn't eaten anything all day. Right. But, and it was like, just didn't make sense. And I just look at it like, like it's my body, just my body's just fighting back.

It's happened to me, happened to me in Paris one night. The last night in Paris, I'd like just spent all this fucking positive energy. And then my last night there, I was shaking and I was sweating in bed and I was like, what the fuck is wrong with me? And I think it is you borrow, especially being an entertainer a little bit, you borrow so much that by the, when you know that you don't have, have to give it all, you're done. You're done giving for the week. Yes.

You go, your body goes, Hey man, we got a fuck. We're a bear and we got stabbed. When you go into the cave, we need to sweat it out. I know, man, I know exactly what you're talking about. It's a feeling of just having to regenerate where you, the battery's dead. You need to lay, you need to just lay, not moving, not doing anything, veg out, not talked to anybody, vanished into nothingness for a little while. And then it charges back up again and you can distribute it out in the world.

I know that cycle, man. You, I think, experience it more than most people though, because you are constantly traveling. You're the most traveling person I know. And with the other thing that, that I get, that I get from him, it is doing things that are at a high risk. So like I did this, I did this Canyon swing the other day off the Corona arch and then I did, I went repelling, I went scuba diving, we go, we do a cliff swing, like so I'm doing

these things that are high risk. So I think I'm, I'm waking up at a depletion and I'm borrowing any serotonin I can just simply to get through what is, what is general anxiety that anyone would go through. And then you get done and then you celebrate and you're, and then you're high. And then all of a sudden it's like, I don't know, man, I think I'd probably do good to be on some sort of like, some sort of like leveling medication that wouldn't allow my serotonin to drop. Have you tried?

I don't want it. Have you tried? But they, there's natural stuff people take. Like if you look into, if you look, go to, I think it's a place called ravesafe.com, which is about how to take ecstasy. I sent, I sent a link to that to my sister when she was in college. I was like, I don't know if you're doing ecstasy or not, but if you are, use this shit to find out if it's clean or not.

Well, you, well, it also has a list of supplements that you take before you take ecstasy, while you're on ecstasy and, or MDMA is the better word for it. And, and then a couple of days after, and it is based on the idea of depleting your serotonin and how to make it so that you're, cause basically you're, you know, your brain's lazy. So when it senses that it's got a ton of serotonin in the tank, then it decides to shut down serotonin production cause it doesn't want to overload your brain with it. So if, if you were to secrete or however it works, excrete or blast out, blast out to

the medical term, a ton of serotonin, then your, your brain is like, oh great, we don't need to make this for a while. And then that's the depression that comes from ecstasy supposedly is those days following your brains. Like I don't have to make that shit. I just made a shit ton. We're on break. So funny.

I used to love the day after ecstasy. Yeah. I used to love it. Like it would be a Sunday. That is a good day. It's the next, it's day three or four if you don't, three or four is a fucking shitty day. Yeah.

That's the one that gets you. And you forget that you took ecstasy and all of a sudden you're like, God damn it. I can't believe that fucking asshole said that to me. And then you stop for a second realize, oh shit, I don't have enough serotonin. And then the cocaine was the one I couldn't deal with cocaine. Fuck cocaine. I can't do it. I couldn't.

I had to stay on cocaine. I literally, the day after cocaine was so horrific for me that I, I just, I mean it's the only reason, it's the main reason, it's the only reason I won't do it is that it's a fun drug. Like if you do it, it's a blast while you're on it, but man, that next day, and I could always go to sleep fine on it, but that next day, I was a fucking hate person. Yeah. And it's, I think that those states are fantastic meditative tools when you find yourself and

a state of serotonin depletion, or you, or you can, you recognize that you threw off your body's biochemistry and now you're experiencing a chemically induced depression because it shows you how much your neurology shapes your universe because in those states, everybody does kind of seem like they're against you or intentionally trying to irritate you. Everybody, the world does seem like it's bearing its teeth at you for no reason. And if you forget that you have a biochemical imbalance, then you'll start reacting to the world because your body just can't understand that it's something much deeper than that. And we're, so you can see our program to find the thing in the environment that we think

is causing the problem and fight it instead of going deeper and realizing, oh shit, it's an internal malfunction or imbalance that's happening, not anything in the external world, which is interesting. I do that with alcohol sometimes. Like I forget that I've been on the road and I've drank real hard from Wednesday afternoon until Monday afternoon. I forget, like you just, and then like Monday night rolls around and you have a bottle of wine and then Tuesday you wake up and you just feel like shit and you're like, motherfucker,

and then Tuesday night you're like, I feel like I might be having a stroke. And then you're like, I'm like, my jaw is tight and my head's numb on one side. And I literally will forget. I'm like, I'm dying. I'm panicking. And then you forget your brain will be like, oh no, you're just dealing with withdrawal from hardcore alcoholism for a week. Yeah.

You're withdrawing from alcohol. And that's such an important thing to realize because it's not just with booze or substances. It's true with your life. Like, you know, some people have had miserable childhoods, miserable, miserable childhoods. And they're having the equivalent of an ecstasy come down, but from an abusive child, they're having an abusive childhood come down. And they don't understand why everyone's an asshole or why they hate themselves or why the world seems so grim because they've forgotten that they spent the first 10 years of their

life stewing in a state of high anxiety or the 15 years of their life with their body just constantly pumping out fucking adrenaline, constantly pumping out stress chemicals just to keep them in a survival mode for like the first 15 years. And then their face gets muscle memory of that look they've had for that first 15 years. And then they do it all the time and then don't realize they got this I smell shit look on their face. And they're just like, that's it. Leanne does it.

Leanne does it because Leanne a really tough childhood. So when people tell Leanne something that isn't isn't 100% true or it doesn't wreak of 100% accountability, she does this look like, are you fucking kidding me? Yeah. You got to stop that. I go, you got to understand sometimes people don't know who the fuck they are and they're not real and they don't get it. And she's like, I don't do anything.

I go, no, you make this fucking look like you're talking to your mom. Yeah. Yeah. And it's so fucking fascinating. Yeah. She'll do it to anyone. She'll just be like, huh, like real, like my sister, she'll do it to my sister. So I go, listen, in our family, we don't like the truth.

We like to be happy. If we wanted the truth, we'd fucking fuck you a therapist. That's awesome. Yeah. That's super cool, man. That sounds like a good family. Nothing wrong with that. I mean, yeah, though, excavating for the truth is quite often the same as digging in a box

of cat litter for turds. You're not really looking for the truth. You're just trying to find a fight, you know, the, you know, a box of cat litter looking for cat like cat turd minors and tiny little cat turds. We've hit Peter, boys. I got another one. Oh, what do I do with this? Yeah, great.

I love good analogies. That truth bullshit, though, man, where people are just like, look, I'm just saying it like it is or I'm just telling the truth. The truth people, it's like, no, you're really not. You're just using your idea of the way the universe works as a medium through which to transmit your aggressive tendencies into the world. That's it. Transmute aggressive tendencies.

It's like, like I have a couple of friends that love confrontation and I go, and I go, I go, what do you get out of that? Like, like, like, I don't want to say his name because he's like, I know you know him, but he's not like, but one of my friends really loves confrontation, like genuinely loves confrontation. I do not get what he gets out of it because I go, do you realize you're just making things uncomfortable for now? Everybody.

Right. Like it didn't need to be that way. He's like, yeah. Well, it had to be said. And you're just like, no, it didn't. Didn't. I didn't need to feel the need at all. It usually, like there's, there are definitely times when confrontation is necessary, where

you need to confront. I wish I had that. I can't even do that. I can't even do that. I'm like, I'm thinking like you're on the subway and you realize somebody's shoving their fingers into your asshole, like trying to get their fingers inside your ass. You got to be like, get the fuck out. What are you doing?

Yeah. That's a good time. And then I'd be like, well, well, you know, it's only three more minutes on the train and he's probably, his hands are cold. Depends what color the guy is. I mean, I don't want to sound racist. Yeah. Maybe that's his culture.

As long as he's not white, he can put his fingers in my butt. He's white. I'll stop him. Well, that fucking tendency though, man, it's like a, a curious thing. And I like analyzing the relationship, especially like if you have fan, like, you know, if you have complicated family dynamics, which it sounds like you might not. Oh, you do. We're, we're, we're pretty happy to go lucky, but we just, we, we're like, we're like Van

Halen. Like my family is like Van Halen, like, we get a worst day away from each other so much that we're like, why the fuck don't we hang out together more? And then we do. And we're like, oh, that's right. Because fucking dad thinks he's a lead singer and like it's just, it's just, and then we split up for like a, like, like a year and then we're like, God damn, we should do a tour again.

Yeah. That's a good, that's a great analogy. That's exact. Families are so much like that, man. But it's so, you know, Thanksgiving's coming up and people are going to be dealing with this shit for the holidays. And I think it's cool to get in, get in, get around your family and try to identify the games that you're playing secretly, the Cold War, because there's quite often there's

like a war raging and under the surface of this like completely benign interaction when people on the outside witness it. They're like, what? You see, we're talking about the news. Our wars are as visible as like Kosovo, like, like, but it's just the problem is my sisters are America and I'm Kosovo and my dad is whatever didn't like Kosovo. What was that? Like it was the Kurds or the Kurds?

I guess the Kurds. The Kurds. I'm the Kurds. My dad's, my dad's the Muslims, I guess. And my dad just believes that he, I told you this, I'm sure I told you this the time Joey gave my dad marijuana. I don't think so. Joey gave my dad marijuana one night, like just on accident kind of.

I think Joey thought my dad knew it was marijuana and my dad just thought it was popcorn. And so my dad ate some and then I freaked out because I was like, yeah, I'm sure Joey did that on accident and so, and so then I ate some because I was like, I can't let my dad get on the rabbit hole by himself. So I eat some and then we did a podcast and then we hung out was Easter. My fucking kids were hunting Easter eggs and then my dad and I hung out and we went to my sister's house and we drank some whiskey, having a cigar and pretty fucking high. And my dad, like, all the fucking, it was almost like a summit.

Like my dad told me why he's so fucking rough on me was that he thinks my lifestyle is, resembles his dad's and his dad died when it's 42. And so of a stroke and he thinks I'm going to die of a stroke and he thinks I'm going to die of all these things because of my lifestyles very similar to his dad's and he doesn't get guys who can go out and be on stage and drink and he doesn't get that whole thing. And so with this great fucking conversation, hi as fuck, I was like, why didn't we get smoked weed when I was younger? We would have fucking script a lot of hurdles.

Yeah. Well, that's interesting that because you mentioned like the, like you were saying that you get back from tour and you feel like you're having a stroke. Yeah. That's interesting. It's like he implanted that into you, you know, like, so now when you're, now, like, do you think a lot of your hypochondria and stuff comes from him injecting you with this idea that as punishment for your lifestyle, you're going to have, you're going to die?

Oh, I think a lot of it comes from, I think I inherited a lot of his anxieties in life without even realizing I was inheriting them. And now I deal with them nonstop because I go, because like, like, I just, not like a midlife crisis, but I was laying, I haven't been drinking for like a couple of weeks. And so I was laying in bed last night and I've been sleeping unassisted, like no ambient, no Xanax, just sleeping. And I was laying in bed the other night and I was like, I had this fucking like clear thought of like, yep, one day I'll die.

And I was just like, motherfucker, that's real. That's not not real. Like everything else you can, every other anxiety you can go, like, like, what about flying? I was just walking on a plane. Like, what about, maybe it's not that, maybe it's not that. But I was like, no, I'm definitely going to die. One day I will be laying there and people will just stand in over me and I'll be disappearing

into something and I'll be fucking exploring that universe. And I literally was just sitting there going like, motherfucker, like, there's no getting away from this one. Nope. There's a face tattoo that does not get removed. Does not get removed. And I started and my dad was like, that's what my dad does all the time. He just lays in bed and goes, that's halfway over.

That's awesome. It's like, my dad's a guy that goes on vacation and the second he gets there goes, well, we're going to be leaving soon. As opposed to like, we have three days left. My dad's like, don't get too messy in this room, we're going to have to pack up. So I think, I think I inherited that a tad bit. That's what death, like the fear of death is over fucking well, I mean, I've called you many a time fucking asking you to walk me off a ledge.

Now how do you, how do you think, what do you think death feels like? I don't know. I don't know. I can't, I can't really get into this too deep or I will fucking have an anxiety attack. We're really well because if I start thinking of it, there's like, anxiety is so pinpointed accurate. So fascinating because when anxiety clicks in, it's very clear. I've always wanted to use the term accurately from Pulp Fiction.

I had a moment of clarity. Do you remember when he said that? There was a moment, I think it's in Pulp Fiction, it was like, I had a moment of clarity and I was like, I was like, I wonder what that's like. clarity gives you that moment of clarity where things are very cemented in, in actual, like your heart's disappeared, your stomach disappears and you're like, oh fuck, I could die. Like I had it, I've had it a few times on ledges or rock climbing. Yeah.

And again, you know, it's important to realize that you, your lifestyle is one where as a job, you are perpetually putting yourself into those situations. That's you, that's part of your job. Yeah. And they're like scuba diving. Like there's a moment when you're scuba diving, have you ever gone scuba diving? Yes, I have. And when you're descending into the darkness, if you're not into it, oh, it's, it's fucking

real. Because you realize if this is no different from parachuting, if this equipment fails, I'm done. I'm so far under the water right now, if this shit cuts off, that's it, man, I'm not getting back up. Yeah. I'm done. And they're like, if you're, you know, going with a group, they'll say, just wave to us

if something seems wrong, but it's like out far away or you're like 20 feet away. You feel like that in that horror movie, the person who's getting killed outside and waving into the party going, yeah, and that one sees you, you're just getting stabbed to death. Scuba diving, if you don't let go, can be terrifying. If you don't let go, I say this honestly, if you think you may not enjoy scuba diving, you don't know the fucking terror that waits you down there, like, but if you think you're into it, then do it. You'll fucking love it.

And you can let go. And once you do let go, you can really enjoy it. It is pretty fucking surreal. Yes. And it's, and it's like, it's like one of those things where you're like, holy shit, I'm doing like next planet type shit. Yes. But there is a moment when you're descending into the darkness where you're like, like,

this is deep enough. This is deep enough. Oh, fuck how deep. And then you realize you're not, you have 80 feet to go and you're like 80 feet. Look, this is what scared me. I just, the day I found out we were going like, I found out we were going like 85 feet deep. I don't think I've ever gone that deep. I was standing next to a nine story building and someone said, oh, you know, you're going

that deep. Wow. And I looked up, it was in Denver. Wow. It was on a radio station. If you ever go do radio in Denver over in like, in like Aurora, Colorado, there's a building that you'll go into that board buildings, nine stories. And I looked up and I went, oh fuck, I can't go this deep.

It fucking freaked me out. That's probably what happened right before you become a human. Is they're like, you're going to be scuba diving into this dimension where you will be millions of light years deep into this dimension to the point where you won't even remember you're wearing a skin diving suit. You're going to think it's your fucking body. We're dropping you in there. And that's what death is, is just taking off the scuba suit and getting out of the water.

The experience of terror is the same here too. Anyway, go on, man, nine story building. That's insane. Why were you scuba, what was down there that you were trying to get at? A fucking wreck. Like not, not even like, like, not that there's something, that's the weird thing about scuba diving is that like, you're just going to see a, can I tell you what fucking really freaked me out is I get, I'm being very honest, no one will see this on the show, but like,

I do the first like, descend like 10 feet and realize, I don't want to go down. Like in my head, my brain's like, I don't, I don't want to go down. I don't want to do this. This is really deep. I don't want to fucking do this. Yeah. That's why I swim back up to the top. And the guy, the instructor comes up, this chick, really nice.

She's like, are you having a hard time? I was like, I don't, nothing I need is down there. And she was like, what? I go, everything I, and I'm like very, it's amazing how clear it is by go, everything I need, everything I need is up here. Like I actually, nothing that I'm looking for is down there in life. In none of it. That's so cool.

And she was like, she was like, you're going to be fine. Hold on to my arm. And in my head I go, I know I got to do this. I've already been certified by the way. I'm certified, but I've never gone this deep. And the depth is weighing on me is how deep it is, but more, what's also weighing on me is there's a storm above us. So the seas are rough as shit and it just looks scary.

It looks like everyone's fucking fear of the ocean and we're in the middle of the fucking ocean. We're by a beach, near a reef, we're by a wreck, we're going to where, we're going to where an accident happened. And so. And people died. And people died. And that is the first thought.

When I got down there, when I held her hand and I got down, I got down and then we saw the top of the boat at like 40 feet. I was like, okay. What kind of boat? Fucking who knows? Like some, just fishing boat, some like fishing boat, commercial fishing boat, I'm guessing. We go to the top of the mast at like 45 feet. And as soon as you see that, you're almost like, all right, I'm there.

Everything's here. I got it. Like, but it's that 45 feet of descent where you're just going like, I don't see fucking shit. I don't see shit. It's getting darker and darker and there's a storm up there. You can't see a fucking thing. It's like black.

And then we see, you see the top, you're like, okay, and people got lights, you know, we got lights on. Yeah. And then I get down to the thing and I, the first thought, and this is the, the silence is deafening because it's just you. It's just your brain. Nothing to distract it. No cars.

No, no, nothing. Just you. And you just, you breathing. Yeah. Very primal. And the first thing I thought was this, I'm looking at some, possibly the scariest moment of people's lives. Yeah.

Like I'm celebrating what ended in sheer panic. People trying to save themselves and see their families and I'm celebrating. And I'm like looking at it and I'm like, this is fucking creepy. And I'm like, like this, I'm just looking in like that we swim into the little cockpit area. And I was like, the last time like a dude was in here and this was dry. He was like, everybody fucking out. Like, all this is going on in my brain cause I can't shut my brain off.

It's like a haunted house under the water, under the ocean. It is a real haunted house. It is like, it is a haunted house. It is someone died in this house and you're going in and you're not allowed to talk to anyone and you're breathing by your, and all you can hear is your like, heart failure. And I just was so fucking blown away by that intensity that my brain kept saying, hey man, like I can hear my brain going, I could really freak you the fuck out right now. And I was like, please stop.

Yeah. Don't say a fucking thing. Let's get through this. Let's, let's enjoy it. And there was a few times I enjoyed it. Like the majority of the dive, the majority of the dive, once we were down there was fucking cool as shit. And it's badass and you do, but there are moments where your brain's like, do you hear

that noise? Is that a regular noise? Oh. Like is that, did you have a leak in your mask cause it feels like your nose is leaking in your mask. Oh no. And my brain's saying that and I'm like, shut the fuck up. And you can't swim by the way.

You can't swim up fast. You can't just go up. You can't just go up. That's the craziest fucking thing. You have to go up, take a minute and, and walk 10 feet in one minute. That just walk 10 feet in one minute. That's how slowly you have to descend every 10 feet in one. Is it 10 feet or one minute or 30 feet in a minute?

And if you go, if you freak out and swim up too fast, you're going to get the bends and they have to put you in a decompression chamber and you're like, won't you like shit out your guts or something? You just, you can't bend your arm, like I think it's very painful. You can't just go up. So we go, we get to the thing and I'm looking at my air and we're like towards the end and, and you haven't talked to anybody. You're just hand jiving that to everybody and then you get to the top and we get to the,

we start going up. Is that my phone? Whatever. We go to the, we're going to the, we're going up and we're going up really fucking slow and I'm looking at my tank and I'm like, I'm running out of air and I'm looking at the girl and she's like, slow down. And in my head, I'm like, I can't slow down. I think I'm going to be out of air.

Yeah. And I know we have 15 at 15 feet, you got to wait for five minutes. I can't, I don't have five minutes where the air in here and I'm looking at them showing it to me. She's like, you're fine. You're fine. We get to 15 minutes and there's a fucking new tank waiting upside down with little, with regulators on it.

And I was like, what? She grabs one and hands it to me and she's like, you're done with air. And I was like, holy fuck. I was like, I was, and apparently like a few people in our crew had run out of air at the fucking bot and had to go up to this emergency tank and go, they had brought one of the dudes, one of our cameraman ran out of air at the bottom and he had to buddy share, get up to the, get up to that part and then suck on that to fucked up. Someone fucked up.

No, we were also fucking scared. We were breathing like we were in a marathon. We were like, and we just sucked oxygen like crazy. Oh my God. So now we got a bunch of fucking nitrogen in our blood because we've all been breathing compressed air like crazy and we've got to try to burn it off. So you got to like, she's like take a lot of time here and burn off this nitrogen. And I just was like, it's so crazy is that, and it's, it's the voice, it's the clear voice

in your head. No one, I can't say this enough and I don't know how to express it, but like when you're underwater like that, there is no outside voice. So it's just your voice. It's all your voices, all your voices at once. And so when she handed me the other regulator, the voice in my head was said, ooh, who had that in their mouth last? Cause that was like where my head was.

And I was like, I'm good. Cause I was like, I didn't want to put that in, because I'd have been in someone's mouth. I'll just suffocate down here. I don't want to get a cold. But I got really confident in my anxiety of putting other people's shit in my mouth. I was like, I know what it's like to run out of air because that's one of the things you do when you get certified. I was like, I know what it's like.

I'll wait until I run out of air and then I'll go for it. Oh, they intentionally run you out of air. Oh, you look during the classes, they turn your air off. What does that feel like? It feels like, it really feels like you're just, like you can't breathe in, like imagine like a straw. Yeah. And then with the paper on it, you got to breathe in, you just can't get air through

it. You feel it. It's labored at first. And then it's all of a sudden, it's like, okay. And you didn't, the crazy thing is you can't time your last breath. So you had your last breath. You don't know that was your last breath. You exhale.

And you take the second and last breath. You're like, oh wait, that was my last breath. And so, yeah. Wow. So I was like, how many cave divers have experienced that last moment of like, that's it. It's it. Good night, everybody. Wow.

That's why I look at dudes who go diving by themselves. Like, uh, like, just go like, I'm going to go for a dive. I go, you're out of your fucking mind. I need buddies. I need buddies and an instructor. Like, I'm not at that place where I can just go see you guys or I can, but it's got to be like 15 feet. And I can go for like, I know that I'm going for 20 minutes.

But those people are fine. It's like, you never, how often do you hear about diving accidents? A lot. Oh, you do. Apparently. I don't, I guess this doesn't make the diving accidents just aren't important enough to make the news. Like small plane crashes they'll talk about, but it's someone dying underwater for their

scuba equipment not working. I guess it doesn't pop up. It's like another, what's so interesting is motorcycles. So I got into motorcycles through the show, started riding motorcycles a lot. Motorcycle accidents are at a plethora. Right now you mean more than usual? Just I think so because I think people, I think motorcycles are reintroduced into the community.

I think it's cool to have these bobber, these, these cafe bobbers and like cafe racer bobbers like these like leaned out like chicks are into it. Like I'm, but I sign up for like, I have this site page where it brings all the news to me that I kind of like and I sign up for motorcycles. It's got to like, I like motorcycles. I think the coolest shit and this is like, but I mean, like this is like, uh, you know, travel heart it. So then it says, Hey, new travel deals.

You should see Asia. Like it just tells you all the coolest shit about it. Yeah. Even on site, two thirds of the articles are about motorcycle accidents. That's all they do is show motorcycle accidents, not even cool motorcycles. So like, but like motorcycles is terrifying. You're gonna, I was in Alabama fucking riding an Indian at like 70 miles an hour down a two lane road.

And all I thought was it is so clear how you see people in the cars and you see someone on the phone and you're like, it's motherfuckers texting. Like all it takes is them to beer just a little bit and I'm really dead. Yeah. Like, and that's like a terrifying. But you, this is what's interesting about you. You're, you know, you hear about these adrenaline junkies. You hear about these people who are like bass jumpers and, and the air suits where they

the wing suits, the wing suits. And you hear about all these people, but you're one of them Bert, but somehow you're one of them who doesn't realize that he's one of them or you, you, or do you, it seems like your relationship with it is one of resistance more than it is of, I'm going to fucking do this. I think it's one of a, as a comic, because it's like, there are very few comics who do extreme stuff, but comics have such a fucking cynical, no bullshit analytical brain of like of everything.

I always say like that we're so good at like destroying a subject in like, yeah, in different ways that a lot of the guys who just wing suit, they're just brains are like, like, I was talking to this guy, Duke, and he's like the, he's, he run, he's a bartender on the off season in Switzerland and we're sitting at a bar and I'm like, I'm watching video of him fucking fly by and he goes, yeah, on this one, my buddy just died. And I went, what? He was like, he took a wrong turn into a mountain and he's just so matter of fact about it. And I was like, can't you, like, don't you have the brain that just sits with that information

and then pulls it apart like a pomegranate and goes, like, I can't just look at it as a whole anymore the way you do. I know there's beads inside there and I need to know how to get them out. Yeah. And I'm going to crush some beads in the process. So I think, but I think that's like a comics brain is like, I remember the first time I got to stand up, I was like, I couldn't just sit with an idea and just be like, that was a good idea.

And then fucking chew it and chew it. And I think that when you do this stuff, there's, I don't have that. I don't have that like work hard, play hard mentality. That's not me. No, you don't. Your approach to this is that, I mean, that's what's so fascinating. And I think that's why people love to watch you do this stuff is because they can relate because you're embodying what every single person, a normal person feels when they get

put play, put themselves into a dangerous situation. And the question is how useful is that part of the mind because it seems like it doesn't really serve any purpose outside of a kind of, except for as a creative outlet to talk about it after the fact. That's a really good question. I don't know how useful that part of the mind is because honestly, um, I said to my, I said to myself the other day, I was like, I was like, uh, I was like, I could, we were doing the world's tallest cliff, uh, cliff jump or a rope swing.

So in New Zealand, it's like not 490 feet and you free fall for like 470. You free fall for a very long time before you go on the story. How many times in your life have you free falled? Oh, a lot. A lot. How many would you say more than 10? Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

Oh yeah. More than 20. I'm going to say maybe 150 times. You have free falled 150 times in your life easily, easily felt free fall 150. No questions asked. I'm going to even, I mean, there was one day where I, where I was doing this, this like, yeah, I've, yeah, I've done a lot of, I've had a lot of free. Free fall is like, you got to be from free fall doesn't happen on a little fall.

That's big parachute type height. You got to be at least, you got to be a solid 110 above the ground to feel any free fall whatsoever. But even at one, like I did a bungee jump in, in here at the bridge to nowhere. It was 110 feet. It was good free falls and it was a great, it was a great bungee jump, but there's nothing compared to like four and a half seconds of free fall or like I had 16 seconds. You feel 16 seconds on, on, but you end up catching yourself at some point.

I did one. The one I did that was the most insane was an unattached free fall where you fall into a net 160 feet down and pull you up into like, into, you know, it's so fucking crazy is that I'm proud of these things, but I sweated the fucking fear of these things. Yes. I was a not a cool person to be around the day I did this jump and it was raining. Like it was misty and I was like, and I had to fly that day and I was such a fucking mess. Cause you are putting your, you put your life in other people's hands a lot, a lot.

You trust the universe, whether you like, I've looked to dudes, I've looked to dudes. I can't even tell you this Duncan. I'm so glad we're talking about this. Cause this has been on my head, but I haven't really had anyone to talk about this too. Cause like, no, it's, you know what I mean? Like I have said to dudes at least 20 times, men, other men, always men going, Hey, I'm trusting you with my life right now. I'm going to live.

Correct. And they're like, yes, a hundred percent. I go, you've double checked everything. There is nothing left that's going to like kill me. Right. I'm trusting you with my life. I've said that so many fucking times that it is, it is unnerving to think that it's now, now I don't even think to say it cause I'm like, I just go, you've double checked

your work. Right. Like nothing's, now I say to people, like whenever I have like a stunt pilot or a pilot or a parachute guy with me, I go, I always ask them the same questions. Do you have children? Cause I need to know if you have anything to live for. Wow. How many times have you, uh, how many times has it not gone quite right?

How it, what's, is it ever messed up? Or have you ever caught somebody not double checking? Was there ever a time you were, where you were actually in danger? No, no, everything's just, I mean, here's the thing is that, and there's probably a solid 20 times that I just wouldn't have known. Like there's probably a solid 20 times where I did things where anyone experienced sort of in like, that's a really fucking bad idea, but you just get, you just get away with it.

You're lucky. Um, but like my whole thing, and I've said this every time, safety and redundancy is like the, that is my favorite saying in the world is that if you have two of everything, nothing's going to fucking break. Right. So you need to have two fucking lugs into the fucking rock to in two ropes, two carabiners, hook it twice to your, like I'm always safety and redundancy. And so, but there's been a time right there was, I just realized that this very

last trip is that I got this new, uh, ATC clamp for climbing and I was like, oh cool. So oh, I get it. So two ropes go through here and I was like, how many times have I gone climbing with one fucking rope and they just been like, like I did it in New Zealand. I went climbing with one rope and this new little guide and I never worked a guide. No. It was like, oh, this is neat. And I had no one there to go like, Hey, by the way, that's old as fuck and one

ropes dangerously. Shit. Wow. But yeah, I've never had anything go wrong. The biggest accident I had is this one right here. I wrote, I wrote burn on my hand. You can kind of see my fingers are fucked up here. Yeah.

I see that is, uh, I was trying to, I was fucking around. I'd been safe as shit and we were doing this thing where we were repelling off this like a hundred and I think it was like a 210 foot arch and we're repelling down. And then once you got underneath it, it was wide open. So we were grabbing the rope and we were swinging each other. So you were flying around and I was trying to swing this guy and I grabbed onto the rope but he was going back and it ripped through my hands and it burned the fuck out of me. I mean, like I knew it.

It was so instantaneously like this and I, my hand was on fire. It burnt so bad. That's the biggest. That's the biggest accident I've had. This is, in what you would, obviously you're addicted to this by now. Like this is a truck. A little bit, like a little bit, you just become, I don't like, I get, like we're going to Dubai in a couple, in like a couple months and I, I do not like skydiving.

I do not like skydiving. I do not ever want to go skydiving again, but there's part of me that goes, dude, skydiving over Dubai would be badass. Just to see that island in the park, like I mean, you've heard of it and you've seen it online and that's one thing, but to be coming up over it, it's got to be fucking. So you're doing it? Yeah. Well, it's got to be Dubai.

And that was me saying, I want to go skydiving in Dubai. And like another thing, like we're going to South Africa, I've swam with sharks a millions of times. I've taken my girls swimming in sharks, my, my, my fucking. You've taken your little girls into shark water. Look at this. Hang on. This is, this is the girls in a shark cage.

Why? Yeah. I'm looking at this great picture of Bert's kids. One of them is giving the thumbs up there. She's giving a shaka. Look at the pinky. Oh, she's giving the Hawaiian the, what do you call the hang loose sign. Bert's kids are as badass as their dad.

They're not, they don't seem even slightly scared. They seem like they're having a great day. They were definitely scared. Oh, they were. Everyone was scared. My wife was scared. But I've swam in cages with sharks. These are Galapagos sharks.

They're 400 pounds. They're the size of, of, of pickup trucks long wise, but they're not like overwhelming. We're going to South Africa and I, I really, really want to swim with great white sharks. I want great white sharks around us in the cage. So you're addicted, you're addicted to this feeling, man. A little bit. Not a ton, but a little bit. Like a little bit you go, you just go like, like there's a, I get, I get into, like, like

I think repelling is probably the most dangerous part of climbing, but I think it's fun as fuck. Yeah. I've gone repelling. That's a blast. I think it's cool as fuck to be in. Yeah. It's fucking fun.

And, and I think healthy doses of safe fear are really healthy. I think they give you perspective in life and they, you know, it's like, I don't know. Like I feel like I don't have an, not a lot, not enough people live that get that. Even though what's interesting is we're always in the most precarious situation. If you're in a car, you're placing your life in the hands of whoever designed the car, you're trusting the tires and you're trusting everyone around you to not do something crazy while you're out there on the highway. When you're in an air, I was just on an airplane.

When you're in an airplane, you are trusting that that system is going to work perfectly and that, that no one on the plane is going to freak out and do something weird. You're trusting that based on statistics, which is that generally planes don't crash. Generally people survive. If you drive in a car, you're going to be okay, but doesn't phase us. But what you're doing is the same thing. I mean, people get hurt from climbing a bunch, but it isn't a significant enough number that the activity is deemed illegal or insane.

Base jumping is one that's crazy. I mean, the Himalayas is in or Everest is crazy, but because like what 10% of the people are 2% death rate or something when people, there's a every winter, every not winter, but every time people go up on that fucking thing, some percentage of them die. But yeah, I know what you're saying. It's putting yourself out of your comfort zone in these extreme ways, engaging in activities that are mostly safe, even though they seem terrifying, somehow teaches you how to live a better life.

Yeah. Like it's, I don't know, it's like, I like serving sizes of terror. Like I like the single serving size of terror and like, I don't know if I could climb the Himalayas. Like I don't, that doesn't inspire me and I just think, I don't know if I want to walk that much. Like it's a lot of fucking exertion. Yeah.

But like, we're going to Japan in December and I was like, I was like, I really want to go diving again. And I know that I'm scared of it, but I go, I don't care. I want to go one more time. I want to go, I want to, I want to, I want, it's nice to get over the fear. It's nice to like conquer somewhat of, of these, these small terrors. I don't think I'll ever do that. Like I've gotten there with helicopters.

I've gotten a lot better with helicopters. I've gotten, I had a day where I got in a helicopter once a day and I was like, by the end, I was like, not as freaked out as possible. And then again, you get in one helicopter with turbulence and a helicopter in turbulence is fucking terrifying. Oh God. You are dropping and dropping, headsets are flying and oh shit. Oh God, I get turbulence on the plane just for a second.

I'm just shitting myself. The helicopters suck dick. Oh, that, that reaction that you have in turbulence, it's that feeling of, what is it, man? Is it, is, is the thing that's healthy about this, that we get reminded of our mortality? Is it that we're reminded of how precious life is and that we get a rebirth experience like anytime you do something, so anytime you parachute, when your feet touch the ground. It's not then. Have you ever skydived?

I, I, I know, but I, it's not then, it's not then, it's when the shoot opens. Right. When the shoot opens, that is when you, that is, that is the opposite of anxiety and is that moment of clarity of, of celebrating life. Cause your death, when you jump out of a plane, you're, you have a death penalty that is being given to you by the universe for defying the laws of gravity. You've been sentenced to death. You've been sentenced to death and you, and you know, the jury's out, you're falling,

the jury's out and you simply are waiting. There is no more presenting your case. You're waiting for them to return and the judge to go, ladies and gentlemen, the jury, have you found a verdict? And the verdict is the moment that sweet, sweet shoot opens up and you've been, your sentence has been commuted. You are now allowed to experience brand new life. You've been reborn.

And that is, that is, it's like an orgasm. What, like when I have orgasms, my brain shouts shit, I can't control it. It just goes like salon selectives and I'm like, what, like, I don't know where that came from. It's like registered. Salon selectives. That happened one time. I had an orgasm.

Do they still make that shampoo? I don't know, but I love it. That's an ancient shampoo. I love the smell of salon selectives. I remember that. I think they had a pretty extensive ad campaign in the nineties. Salon selectives. Yeah.

Salon style. Salon selectives. I had an orgasm one time and my brain just went salon selectives and I went, what the fuck? And it was like just as great. And I have, like, when I have an orgasm, my brain will just shout like three things real quick. Like dog paw.

Like what? I don't know. I can't control it. And so salon selectives is very specific that did, that is an actual thing my brain said one time. And, um, but when, when that shoot opens and it pulls your brain, my brain flooded with just imagery of what I'd be getting to do now that I was alive and it was like, first thing was laying.

I remember the first thing I thought was I'm going to get to lay in the front yard with my daughters and stare up at the trees. That was the first thing I thought second thing I thought was I'm going to get to eat pizza again. I love pizza. I love pizza and, uh, and I think I forgot what the third thing was, but it wasn't beer, which is so crazy. So I thought, I want, I thought I'd be like, I want a beer after this.

Yeah. I sat with a beer in like the car that we were taking back. Someone got me a 12 pack of beer because I had done it. I didn't drink a beer. I was just like staring off into space like, like fuck, I'm a lot. This is, I've never felt more a lot. I've never really remembered the sensation of realizing my taste buds or of just like slowing down and being like, you're going to be, that feeling is now there's a term

that I heard, uh, that, uh, it's a, I think it's a Japanese term called katsu and it's a term for a temporary moment of enlightenment, like a temporary, when you get those little moments, you're like, ah, oh shit. I get it. And then those moments go away. Katsu. Like when my, like when my daughter last night goes, I go, we're leaving the restaurant. I go, Ayla, grab, Georgia, grab me, grab me a toothpick and she was like, what for?

I go to clean my teeth and she went, oh, toothpick. Oh, and I was like, yeah. She's like, I get it. You pick your teeth. I was like, what did you think it stood for? She goes, I have no idea. I thought it was just a word. Yeah.

Yeah. That's it. Yeah. That's it. That's that moment of like, oh, oh, hold on. In that moment, your daughter's universe gets completely redefined and a central component in everyone's life, whether you like it or not, is somehow toothpicks have warmed their way into human society.

You're always going to see them. They're laying around the store. You see them at restaurants and now her reality has shifted permanently. This one little pixel of her universe got redefined, added meaning, katsu. And in the same way, these moments of realizing how precious your life is, earning your life back, recognizing that you're going to get to survive and live. Those, that's got to be what enlightenment's like. When people talk about enlightenment, it's got to be that moment where not because

it's like every day, especially folks like you, I mean, I think a lot of people who's in this podcast, most people are secretly laboring under the fear of death or secretly laboring under this basic general discontent that's hidden under so many distraction mechanisms that we surround ourselves with to desperately not have to deal with the fact that inside of us at all times, if we haven't addressed it is a tumultuous cauldron of horror that comes to the surface only when we're in states of like danger, you know, like when you're in a state of danger or not even danger, irritation, like when, if you, the next time you

get irritated with somebody, spend a second with that feeling and just remember, okay, here's what it feels like when I'm irritated with a person, when I'm feeling angry and I'm feeling aversion to a person. Now, keep that memory of the feeling, take a snapshot, get a little like my sample of it, a little leaf sample of it in your mind, okay, that's what I feel like when I'm there. Then the next time you're around someone who's in another annoying situation, look at the feeling, you'll notice it's the exact same fucking feeling.

And then the next time you're feeling anxiety, you'll notice it's the exact same feeling. And then all of a sudden you realize like, holy shit, it's not that these things in the outside world are inducing the state of anxiety or feeling angry or feeling awful. It's that it's constantly underneath everything all the time, like a river of sewage running through the depths of my being that I only become aware of when certain aspects of my reality don't line up to my expectations.

And then I'm aware of the shit river and, but I blame it on the externals, right? But the idea is what if you get rid of that shit river in your heart? What would happen if somehow you were able to drain it or get rid of all the anxiety and fear and terror and all the underlying laying in bed, gnashing your teeth and worrying about your death. If somehow all of that river just got completely drained, then the next time you were around an annoying person, you wouldn't feel annoyed at all because

you would over, you would vanquish that thing inside of you. And it sounds like these moments that you're having, they're moments that somehow overwhelm or temporarily purify or make you grateful to be alive. And the gratitude cleanses that internal state of anxiety that I think you experience a bunch, which I experienced too. I don't know how often you experience it, but I'm experiencing anxiety generally wracked with anxiety. I'm having anxiety right now.

I'm having anxiety. You can I tell you what my anxiety is? Please. That I for a second, I thought, I am I monitoring this? I should be have headsets on. I went, oh, wait, this isn't my podcast. And I started panicking going, are my, are our levels good? Or are we great, great?

Like I literally, I started panicking about that. I panic nonstop. I think sometimes my fear is if I let go of the anxiety, then real terror will show up. Well, that's, and that's why they say that life in Buddhism, life is suffering. The cause of suffering is attachment. And what you just said is that you're attached to the anxiety. You can't let go of it in the same way that that to respect the anxiety.

Well, you need to say to the anxiety, I understand you're here to keep me safe. And I understand you're here to, to make sure that if I don't have you, then I'll die, but I've had you a bunch. And then as like a good luck charm, as long as I have you, I won't die. Well, that is, this is, so this is, it's a really fascinating idea, which is that, that thing that you're, the real terror that you're talking about, which is very similar to scuba diving down into the darkness. That real terror you're talking about is formlessness.

It's the people are so horrified by the essential formlessness or the non-beingness or the reality of the human situation, which is that we are essentially emptiness that is having the illusion of somethingness. People are so terrified of losing or of dealing with the truly being in the present moment, which is a word that's been used so many times. It doesn't mean anything anymore, but really, really, really being in the present moment, which is that state of LSD level merging into everything. You know, when you take enough LSD out, you're not there anymore.

If that ever happened to you, just a little bit of LSD and I'm not there. That, that thing, which LSD gives to you of complete merging into, into the universe and losing yourself completely. That's actually what we are, but that's such a terrifying experience to be inside of that we construct a personality and we construct a place to hide. Inside of, so we don't have to deal with that. It's compared to standing in a room where the floor is made of razor blades. And rather than dealing with the fact that you're standing in a room where

the floor is made of razor blades and not wearing any shoes, you try to create a fantasy ledge that you can sit on top of to not have to deal with the pain of the razor blades and that ledges your personality or most specifically your anxiety and the sense of disdain or disgust or aversion or that terrified feeling is a defense mechanism that your ego and consciousness are using to not have to deal with the fact that you're actually an entire universe experiencing a temporary fleeting moment as a being. Is that crazy?

So rather than do that, rather than jump back into that universal state of consciousness, just sweating a bed. That's it. That's it. You sweat in a fucking bed. You're always grasping for, you know, like you're always trying to get into a situation, into a panic situation. You think that you're a victim to your anxiety.

The reality is you're using your anxiety as a kind of life raft that you can float on this ocean of impermanence on to give you a sense of form. I do the same thing. You're attached to it. It's what the next time you, if you really watch the next time you get a chance to feel true anxiety or the next time you really, even if you're feeling off, you really look, you'll notice you like it. You'll notice that you actually are kind of addicted to that feeling or that you're.

Yeah, there is like a, there is a weird kind of like breathlessness that comes with excitement that you're like, Oh, fuck. Like, like it's a, yeah, I wonder if, oh, God dang it. I need to, I need to really like. I need to, I was thinking, I talked to, this is now when it sounds like someone who has no soul whatsoever, but I was talking to my agency the other day and I was like, if you guys can think of a way to monetize my research and anxiety, because I feel like I'm, I'm doing like first person, like experimentation on

panic, anxiety, fear, getting over it. Exactly. No, I think that's brilliant, man. And because that, and that's the other idea is that when you recognize that when you go into the land of anxiety, you are exploring a terrain that so many of us are lost within, and that if you can get your head when you're inside the terrain, instead of like a lot of us who are just like, what the fuck I'm going to die. Oh, God, fucking traffic in LA is horrible.

Is it my fucking, is my testicles swollen? Do I have moobs? What the fuck is happening to my air? I really look old today. People are just wandering around this forest, like, you know, yammering about whatever that is, whatever it is that they think is causing the anxiety. If some, if while you're in that forest for a second, be like, OK, OK, hold on. Here I am.

I'm in the force of anxiety again. Let's see what's really going on here. And then you start analyzing the floor and the fauna and looking at the minute pixelated, tiny little pieces of it. And you start realizing that it's totally not even what you thought it was at all, that it's not even anxiety. It's not even anxiety. The thing you thought was anxiety was just a cover over a whole thing that's

even deeper than the anxiety. And these are, you know, Jack Cornfield is this Buddhist teacher talks about this as a kind of like you can actually visualize it as a form, see what form it is. It will have a color. It will have a taste. It will have a shape. It will have specific, you know, like a foodie. Well, if you like, if I eat, if I eat some kind of nice dish at a restaurant,

I'm going to eat it real fast and I'm not going to know what it tastes like. Two minutes later, I just remember it was like cheese. There was cheese and salt, but like a foodie will eat something and be like, ah, there with you can just taste the vedalia onions and this reinvention of a southern recipe and the perfect amount of whatever it is they're going to say, it's kind of like KFC. Yeah, damn, this is good fried chicken. This is crunchy.

Yeah, that's my that's the grammar that I have with food because I'm not a foodie. Same with wine. I don't I don't have the language for it, but you can become that with your anxiety or with your emotional states. And that's called mindfulness so that you start when you. So every time anxiety comes into you, every time that comes to you again, you're actually being served this wonderful dish where you get to taste and experience like when you roll wine in your mouth, you start looking at the anxiety and rolling it around, try to get deeper into it.

One quick thing you realize is the moment you do that, the moment you really are like, oh, here it is again, let's start dissecting it or examining it, it'll go away. Sometimes it just is like, fuck you, you're not going to examine me, bitch. It tries to hide because it doesn't want you to know the truth of it or it seems to be of and then that's when you realize you're addicted to the anxiety because you'll try to get it to come back. You're like, no, no, don't leave, don't leave, don't leave, come back.

You realize that the relationship is one where you actually want it to be there because if it isn't there, it creates this feeling of like, now what am I? I'm going to, I'm going to do, I'm going to do pocket. One of the things you said to me a long time ago that I don't do enough of is you were like, we were talking about growth. It was on the podcast where I had an anxiety attack. Yeah. And you walked me through, you gave me like a guided meditation and I got through it and I was like,

I forget why I was so anxious then. It was a health thing. I'm not sure though, I thought it was something you're worried about. It was health. Oh, God damn it. Isn't it funny? You don't like you gave me so much sleepless nights. I don't even remember. There you go, man, exactly. Because it's not the real important thing to realize is that because the mind

can't abide by the fact that you have a never ending state of anxiety deep within you, it will try to create or attach itself to an external reason to make sense of the fact. I've had my brain go. I've had my brain. I have I'm going to I'm going to this. I have a mole on the back of my can't fucking find it down. I have a mole. Yeah. Yeah. On the back of my leg. It's just a dark mole.

Yeah, it's like it's black, but it's been there forever. It's just a very it's not it's not big. It's small. Sure. But that day that I was in the that I was telling you that I was borrowing serotonin on the boat, not shooting, didn't have to do the thing. I was literally spiraling into a great, beautiful fucking tornado going up. And I was just so positive. And I was like, I mean, I was like spiritual.

And I was yeah, paddleboarding at Sot Canyon, diving with my mask, diving down to the Sot Canyon's little holes and then swimming up and it was so fucking beautiful. And then we're on the top of the boat. We're taking the boat back in. We're done for the day. We're done. I have nothing to do. And I'm just sitting there thinking and I look back at my calf and like in like a real like size of my body up way.

I'm looking at my calf and I see that little spot and my brain goes like, I heard him like go, this is going to fucking freak us out. Yeah. And I was like, why are you doing that? And he was like, it's cancer. It's cancer, buddy. You never put sunscreen on the back of your calves and your entire life. This is what you get. And I was like, why would you do this?

And he's like, you deserve it. I I heard my brain telling me. You knew this was going to happen. You knew the good times could only last for so long. I had to give you something bad and this is what it is. And I was like, I'm not letting it happen. And I literally was like, I mean, I'm not being healthy right now, but I went and made a cocktail and I was like, I'm tapping the fuck out.

I'm not letting you drive this day. And I had a drink and then then the voice just is like, it's like muted. He's like, oh, I thought we were in the sauce. I'm in on the back of her. I'm trying to scare you. I'm hammered. I'm fucking. You know what you should do, man? You know that book? Conversations with God.

No. Well, somebody wrote a book called Conversations with God and like they actually like ask God questions in the book and God responds. But a conversation with that part of your mind would be really interesting. If you actually interviewed that part of your mind, you should have that part of your mind on a podcast, the part that's always trying to scare you and freak you out, because it's a funny thing when you're like, you always say, my brain said this, my brain said that you need to talk.

You need to ask your brain the next time it shows up. Hey, what are you, by the way? Can you tell me what you are? Do you have a form? What's your form? Because you're not me and you seem to be inside of me. I can't really see you. You're a you're just some you're just a voice that seems to be coming out of the

nothingness. Yeah. Because essentially, what is that? What is no idea? And what does it mean that you have to that you're a bifurcated being? You have this thing inside of you that talks to you. The thing inside of you that talks back to the thing. And then the general state of awareness of these two things, having a conversation within the Chrysher collective, what the fuck is that thing?

My crew, my crew for the trip for my show, calls it a big brain versus little brain. And they're like, because they're like, is big brain talking right now? And because I'll know when I'm like, where like I've been on the road too long and I'm not being healthy. And I'll just start like burning it to the ground. And they're like, is big brain driving right now? And I'll be like, yeah, a little bit.

And then little brains, the little victim that wakes up like the perfect example was I thought I had skin cancer in Italy one morning because I got up and my face felt weird and I had like a dry patch right here. And I was like, what the fuck is that? It looked red and then it was little brain woke up with me. And little brain was like, it's nothing. Just don't worry about it, buddy. Dude, you know what?

Take a shower, ignore it, have a healthy breakfast, go for a jog. In two hours, you won't even think about it. And then all of a sudden, you hear big brain like waking up like someone's doing something on her face. And I'm like, and the little brain's like, don't say anything to him. He won't notice it. Then big brain's like, oh, we got cancer. Here we go.

There you go. You're like, but I mean, like the time I called you from Hawaii and I was fucking losing my shit, that was big brain driving and it was just big brain going. Big brain was like, little brain was like, call Duncan. He's gone through this. He's your friend. He'll talk you through this. He'll tell you what we need to know.

It's 95% survival rate. You kept saying that big brain's like, well, yeah, if you're Duncan, you're fucking older, you're gone. You're gone. Big brain is is the yeah. Well, big brain needs to be recognized as an ally as an ally. Yeah, big brain, I think big brain is like the next time big brain shows up, it's time to like have an interview with big brain or to like really have a

conversation with big brain or begin to study that part of yourself because it's such a those things are always, you know, in stories, right? Yeah. The thing that you the in legends, the beggar comes to your door. It comes to the door of someone and they give the beggar a nice meal and some food. And the next day, the beggar is transformed into the archangel Michael and grants them some boon, but the God has always disguised as this kind of like scary, freaky thing that we try to avoid.

And maybe that's what this big brain thing is, is actually the key. Yeah, I can is the thing that has hidden somewhere within it in his mind, a secret or some thing to tell you that you haven't quite figured out how to ask him the right question yet, because if big brain wasn't there or if big brain suddenly turned into, I don't know, someone who was like. On my team, on your team in a real way, or even someone who was like, yeah, so what if we die, you have cancer, but so what we're going to be, I don't know what I don't know what it is, but that those facets of the mind are all

considered to be. Constructed of the same material, like, you know how Taco Bell is basically the exact same ingredients mixed into different forms, burritos, tacos, whatever it is, it's all the exact same four things mixed into. So in the same way, it's like these facets of consciousness are all considered to be the same parts mixed in different ways, and which is why the microscopic observation of them to see the deeper components in it suddenly make you realize that the thing is formlessness.

It doesn't really have a form. There is no big brain. There is no little brain. There is no brain. There's just a state of expansive awareness that has within it these moments of dialogue that pop up into it, but you're not big brain or little brain. You're the thing watching big brain and little brain talk, right? You're the observer.

I'm the innocent bystander. Yeah, you're the you're the state of awareness. And that's that's my that's called mindfulness. That's the state of like, you're not the anxiety. You're the thing that's aware of the anxiety. You can't be the anxiety any more than you could be at the computer screen. When you're looking at a computer screen, it's if you're aware of a thing, then you are not the thing.

You're just this state of awareness with these moments happening inside of it. I'm going to do a podcast. I was saying this, I was saying this earlier, but you were like we were that day. We were talking about the idea that you can take chances. You can do whatever you want. Who gives a fuck? Just do it. It's podcasts. That's the beauty of it. Yeah, I'm going to do a podcast the next time I know that I'm doing something like I'll do it in Dubai when I'm about to go skydiving and I'll just go.

I'll just wait till the anxiety kicks in and then four in the morning when I'm wide awake and I can't go back to yes, I'm just going to turn on the mic and go, all right, here's how it feels where my brain is. That's it. You should collect those. You should make a collection of those so that people can listen to it the next time they're feeling anxiety, because the moment anyone, the thing is, if you over cut, if you can figure out a way to out of the maze, this maze that you're in, or if you can figure out a way to like help us who

have anxiety problems, figure out a method or some way to diminish, reduce or transform it, then what a great gift to the world, man. It's just as simple as cutting your toenails. It's like a button. There's just like a weird button under your leg that you push like that new thing where people are saying when you're at, when you're freaking out on too much marijuana, smell black pepper. If you heard that, I heard that.

Yeah. What was that? I think Willie Nelson said it, but somehow I haven't tried it. But the other day I was freaking out on marijuana and I was too stoned to figure out how to get the pepper open. I'm in the kitchen holding this pepper thing and I'm like, I don't know. I don't know how to get the pepper out. I just gave up and went into a bad trip. But if I put a black pepper corn in your mouth and eat it or smell black pepper,

this is the new folk remedy for a overdose, marijuana overdose. Yeah, I've had I've had horrific experiences on marijuana. Me too. I've had like those like soul searching. Yeah. I can't. I can't. My mouth feels weird. I can't remember if I forgot how to breathe. My heart's racing like I can taste the color yellow like just terrifying. Me too, man, really dark, dark moments.

If you overdose on that drug or if you don't respect it, she will fuck you up, man, more than any other drug. You have to be very respectful when you're when you're doing marijuana and make sure you're not do if you do it too much, if you're doing it all the time. And this is a lot of people don't like to hear this and disagree with me ferociously over this, but I don't think you should do it all the time. I think you need to do it every once in a while. And that's when you get the best highs.

But when you're doing it every day, all day long, just mark that just if you can be mindful out there, get bring a little notebook with you and put it or within your phone, mark down every time you're a cunt to somebody. And you'll notice that your level of being a cunt in the world. If you're getting stoned constantly, you know, the stoner irritability. Like when you get around a stoner, like a hardcore stoner, aren't they a little cunty? Aren't they don't they have this weird type of anger that pops out? Yeah, it's unless they're stoned.

There is a general, like a little bit of like catty, like a little bit of like. Yeah, it's catty. Yeah, that's exactly the right word for it, too. It's this kind of catty cuntiness that'll come out of them. It's just like we greasy mean it's like then they get high and they're like, that's what I'm talking about. Yeah, then they kind of, but even when they're stoned, they can still be a little turd turdiness to them.

It seems like I think you got to moderate it, man. Every at least do it like, I mean, it's not so dumb to actually say, you know, you shouldn't do a drug every day, all day long. It does sound weird to say. What was that? What was I was just talking to someone about doing drugs. And I was like, and they're like, you know, you're 40, you're 42. Like, what are you talking about?

And I was like, oh, yeah. But I have a living living a different microcosm of people. Yeah, comics are a little different of a brain. No, no, no, no, no, no. That your friends may just have problems. Yeah. And I was like, oh, yeah, maybe. Yeah, maybe. But what drugs are you on, motherfucker? The next time somebody asks you to not take drugs, ask them if they smoke,

drink coffee, take antidepressants as every ask them if they like to eat sugar. There are everyone's on fucking drugs. That's what it was. They were they were judging my drinking and judging and judging marijuana use in general. And I was like, and they're like, call me old school. But you give me a half an ambient at the end of the night and I'm fine. And I was like, whoa, really hold on.

So wait, ambient is OK to take every single night. I go, I said, wait, ambient is OK to take. And they're like, yeah. And I go, how often do you take it? And they're like, every night, you take it every fucking night. Like, that's not healthy. And they're like, it's prescribed. And I was like, hey, dummy, people prescribed marijuana to people.

Like, just because it's prescribed doesn't mean I knew it, man. I knew that as I'll talk to you as a junkie because because it's always like I've had, you know, I've had people who are profound alcoholics look down on the fact that I take marijuana regularly. I've had people who are hardcore caffeine addicts who all day long are drinking coffee, always wound up. And it's a, by the way, caffeine kills way more people a year than we. Caffeine's a drug.

Yeah, I've overdosed on caffeine. Yeah, you can OD on caffeine. Sick as fuck for two days on caffeine. Yeah. So I've had those people chastise me for doing drugs. And it's always, it's like, no, you're on drugs. You're just on a drug that you don't realize is a drug. Oh, really?

We'll see, just stop smoking pot and just drink coffee for a year and see how your life changes. You mean I'll have awful shits? You know, my digestion will be destroyed and I'll be in a nervous state and start scolding people for being autonomous in their decision. I'll start being douchey at Starbucks. Yeah. What's that going to do? Because really, you get to choose what reality tunnel you want to have and your brain is constantly pumping out all kinds of delicious psycho actives into your

system all the fucking time. I don't think there's anything wrong with being a person who likes to color their reality tunnel with psychoactive chemicals. I just think that when you're doing, you need to recognize that's what you're doing and you need to make sure that you meter it out in a responsible, healthy way to maximize the experience so that it's more fun. I miss, I miss, I miss marijuana only only in the fact that, like,

I just, it just doesn't, it does not fit perfectly into my life anymore. Yeah, because I'm traveling a lot. I would never travel with it. You can't. And I just, it's just just so many fucking variables. Once you get busted, traveling with it changes my life entirely. You can't travel with it. I wouldn't travel with it.

I have kids around. So I would, well, here, let me work backwards. I'm really obsessed with my lung function lately. Like I noticed being out of breath one time and I was like, that fucking sucks. Yeah, I'm all about, like, I kind of stop smoking cigars and I kind of just like just like running and trying to get my lungs to be like, like, I kept thinking, wouldn't it be cool if I, because I have a problem with altitude? As soon as I get to altitude, I'm out of breath.

Anywhere I go altitude, I'm like, so I wouldn't smoke and then I have kids. So I can't really have edibles floating around. Nope, you can't do it, man. You can't. And also, besides from all that, if a part of your brain is like, hey, let's not do marijuana right now, listen to it. Yeah, you don't do marijuana.

It's if you're, if there's a time in the future where you decide to do it, do it. But that's another thing, you know, people eat when they're not hungry. And that doesn't just include food. It includes sex and it includes substances and includes everything. It's weird when you listen to your body and actually are inputting what it needs. It's your own needs as opposed to as opposed to this fucking rat and a cage dopamine receptors. Yeah, you just like like when I did, I did this cleanse like two years ago

that where I lost like fucking 45 pounds and I did this cleanse. And the second I did it, I realized how many times I simply say to myself, I need a treat. I need to reward myself. Yes, I just walked by the fridge and I was like a little reward for what? For what? I didn't do a fucking thing. But it's my brain going, you need some dope. Yeah, some dopamine, just a combo, right?

Yeah, combos. That's it. You need to create, you need to you need to create a goddamn sense of self. And part of our sense of self is there were sweet Diet Coke. Sweet, delicious, wonderful Diet Coke. Not we aren't sponsored by Diet Coke, by the way. Bert, we should wrap it up. I've kept you too long where it's an hour and 20 minutes. I do have a question for you as you're cleaning up at Bert's.

When Bert opens up his mini fridge, it's an avalanche of beers. Awesome. On on to power tools. When Bert Kreischer opens his mini fridge, hundreds of beers fall onto a black and decker, some kind of hardcore power tool and weights. This really is a man cave. Your beers, you just had a beer avalanche on to your power tools. The thing I'm proudest of is this right on my spin bike is my BC, my climbing harness, my ATC, my mask, my carabiners.

That's like my my little pride corner right there. That's badass, man. Yeah, but I'm sure that fucking regulators are getting destroyed right now. Bert, I've got a question for you. This is for the audience. They're going to this they've they've I've gotten I feel whenever I hang out with you and I hear about your adventures, I'm not living to my maximum. I feel like I need to do so.

I feel like I need to face my fear more and put myself out there and get outside my comfort zone, people listening, I think probably feel like that as one of the modern explorers and adventurers of the world living today as one of the bravest people I know, can you recommend to me and to my listeners something that we could do this week, that some kind of activity we can do to take us out of our comfort zones and to give us that awesome feeling of rebirth that you're talking about. It doesn't involve parachuting. The thing, the thing I the thing I honestly and you can't find them in the

states, but rope swings are the fucking it is the shit. It is the canyon swings are the greatest. You got to go to Europe or to New Zealand. What about the United States in the United States? I think, you know, I honestly, the thing I would say, and this is the way my brain works and I did this the other day to my wife and her friends, my wife and her friends, I go out on the road and I come back out of these crazy stories and my wife's always like, I'm not living, I'm not living.

I don't know. You know what I did? I just bought her a ticket to London this weekend. This week, take, get like two friends and just plan out a week three months from now where it's really inexpensive and get yourself a ticket anywhere. Awesome. Fucking anywhere. Get yourself just like two friends and go, let's just hang out for a week for like a weekend together and get yourself out of your comfort zone. I personally say go to like, if you go up to like Seattle,

there's so many you can go canyoning in Seattle that is it is fucking a blast. You get to do all the all the repelling and climbing and jumping off waterfalls. But short of that, we're in Seattle. Do you know a company that we could we can go to? I could totally pull it up right now. Oh, I just gave my password. Watch it. This is awesome. I love Seattle.

Flip Seattle. Oh, Portland is Portland. It's Portland. We went in Portland. My bad. Trip Flip Portland friends. Here's a recommended adventure from the Lord of Adventure himself. Burke Kreischer. Trip Flip.

You can go. I'll have this link on the website, too. I went canyoneering in Portland, Oregon. Canyoneering is bad ass, man. I did that once. It was so fun. I didn't even know there were canyons in Portland. Yeah, this is it is. Let's see. It'll tell you the. Wow, I didn't know that was in Portland.

Yeah, look how fat I look. We got Bert standing in a rainfall. You look awesome, man. Yeah. This is I. It doesn't say the name. We'll find the link. But we went canyoneering in the gorges in Portland.

Look at this. Tell me this isn't something you can want to do. Jumping off of that. Wow. It's fucking amazing. That is awesome. I will say this and I say this wholeheartedly. If you're going to take one big trip in your life, go to New Zealand.

New Zealand is the most beautiful place I've ever been in my entire life. Go to Queenstown, New Zealand. It is amazing. We did a canyon swing and the shot over canyon there. And it is the it is the most beautiful place I've ever been. But if you book a trip with a couple of your friends and just say we're going to go like you can go to fucking Ohio and go to go to go to the. Just get to get a fucking boat and go to Putin Bay.

Guys, if there's any if I can motivate you, here's here's an invitation. Do this trip, go on a random trip. It's Costa Rica, the Envision Festival. Go to fucking Brazil. You can find a cheap tip trip to Costa Rica and just go to Costa Rica and backpack around and have a fucking blast fruit off the side of the street and record. If you guys record little sound bites while you're out there and send them to me. And they're interesting enough.

I'll put them on the podcast and we could have little clips of reports back from following Bert's freak out challenge, which is if you want to have an interesting life or you want to jump out of your comfort zone, find a friend, plan a trip to some weird place as soon as you can within your budget. And let us know about it. Bert, thank you so much for being on the podcast. Duncan, I love you too, man. I really do. I love I love it.

Stinks that we're only home. We only get to podcast or do this. You know, it's like I fucking have the family and but like I love these times. I get to spend with you. Me too, man. It's such it's always so invigorating, man. You're such a cool guy. Thank you for inspiring me and thanks for taking some time away from being with your family to be on the podcast.

Thank you. Hare Krishna. That was Bert Kreischer, everybody. You can check him out over at BertKreischer.com. Follow him on Twitter at Bert Kreischer bookmark our Amazon portal. And if you like this podcast, why not give us a nice rating on iTunes? Thanks for listening, everybody. We will see you next week.

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