Duncan Trussell Family Hour - KEITH AND THE GIRL!

Episode Date: October 21, 2013

Keith and Chemda from the beloved pocast Keith and The Girl join the DTFH! ...

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 At Lowe's, we know you can get the job done faster if you don't have to stop and come into the store all the time. That's why we've updated our app with your business in mind. With the app, you can build quotes, easily reorder your supplies, track orders, and much more so you can get everything you need right away, stay on the job, finish it, and get started on the next one. Build the app today because Lowe's knows time is money, Lowe's knows pros. Hi everybody, it's me, Duncan Tressel, and since this is national, don't let the seething
Starting point is 00:00:38 sea of anger inside of you take over your life month. I thought I would play for you this viral clip. You've probably already heard it, but it is a clip of a poor little gnome-like creature screaming at a trumpeteer on the streets of New York City, and it is an example of what happens when you allow the demon anger to possess your poor, hunched, tiny, angry New York body and send you down into the streets to really give it to a lonely trumpeteer. Who isn't that good? Are you any kind of artist?
Starting point is 00:01:16 Anybody know who you are? Maybe anybody else wants to enjoy the peace and quiet. This is one of the most important places in all of North America. Who are you? Who are you? You miserable presumptuous, no talent. You're no artist. An artist respects the silence that serves the foundation of creativity.
Starting point is 00:01:28 You obviously don't have the talent. You don't have enough respect for yourself or other people, or what it is to express yourself. In music, we're in the form of creativity, and I'm an NYU film school graduate, sucker, and the school of visual arts, and the Academy of Art University of San Francisco. You suck. You are no talent. If you really are a talent, go practice and get yourself a gig instead of ruining the end of the day for everybody down here.
Starting point is 00:02:04 You disgrace. You are everything that's gone wrong in this world. You are self-consumed, no talent, mediocre piece of shit, and I've earned my right to say it. Okay? I had 200,000 people with Bill Grant in 1975. I want Bob Dylan up on stage. Who the fuck are you?
Starting point is 00:02:26 I knew the Grateful Dead from 1966. Who the fuck are you? Who the fuck are you? Who the fuck are you? Who the fuck are you? Who the fuck are you? Who the fuck are you? Who the fuck are you?
Starting point is 00:02:38 It's time to start reading Rom-Dos, or Tick-Not-Hon, or Deepak Chopra, or Drinking Kava Kava, or exercising, or eating hemp sandwiches, whatever it takes to make you more of a hippie. It's very sad and hilarious. I mean, look, I don't know. Having a Trumpeteer move into your neighborhood is probably similar to having scabies infest your neighborhood. The last thing you want, picking your street corner, is an aspiring Trumpeteer. Fledgling Trumpeteers have been tormenting people from the beginning of Trumpeting.
Starting point is 00:03:19 My prayer is that if you happen to have a New York hell-nome living in your heart, that this week you keep him and it locked up in that basement, and don't let him come scrambling out to scream at whatever annoying version of this Trumpeteer pops up into your subjective universe over the next few days. Don't let the hell-nome free. Keep him locked down. To quote Lord Raymond Finch from his amazing book, Windows of My Soul, inside every human being is a southern mansion, and within that southern mansion is a basement.
Starting point is 00:03:57 And within that basement is the product of incest, hunched and shivering, foaming at the mouth, using his nipple blood to paint pictures of demons on the wall. We must keep the incest child locked in the mansion of our hearts. If we open the door to the southern mansion within us, which is of course the mouth, then we must be sure that the basement is locked, or the incest child will throw his excrement out of the door in the form of cruel words and cutting statements. Keep the incest child locked in your heart, my friends, this week. Keep that poor, hunched, quivering thing with its oozing nipples spraying what looks like
Starting point is 00:04:45 a combination of ranch and Italian dressing onto the dark, musty walls of that eternal prison. We must control ourselves, maintain mindfulness, and whenever the thing does start slinging shit words out of our sweet pie holes, may we be mindful of what comes out so we can change the pattern. This very pattern of slinging shit at each other is the source of all wars. Control the hell-nome. The great Tick-Not Han has a more merciful outlook on what to do when you have a New
Starting point is 00:05:22 York hell-nome inside the incest basement that exists within the southern mansion of your soul. This is an excerpt from the audio book, The Art of Mindful Living, by Tick-Not Han. And he's an amazing Buddhist author who's written a ton of great books on mindfulness and Buddhism, but he has a much more merciful outlook. He doesn't see the thing as an incest child. He sees the thing that causes his anger to explode out of you as a little crying baby. I mean, I guess that it could be an incest baby, but he doesn't say that.
Starting point is 00:06:03 When you have some anger in yourself, you bring mindfulness up in order to take care of your anger. And mindfulness becomes mindfulness of anger. Breathing in, I know that I'm angry. Breathing out, I know that anger is in me now. You are taking good care of the guest in your living room because mind consciousness is the living room and the store consciousness is your basement where you keep many things. And when something unpleasant appears in the living room, like a baby crying in the
Starting point is 00:06:54 living room, mother has to come and take care of the baby, holding the baby in her hands, in her arms with loving kindness. Mindfulness is the mummy. When the baby of anger is crying a lot, kicking a lot, mother mindfulness has to come up and hold the baby in her arms because she is tenderness, she is love, she is care herself. That is why one minute or two minutes later, the baby stops crying and kicking. Mindfulness has the power of calming and stopping. If you continue to breathe in and out mindfully and embracing your anger in it, you will transform
Starting point is 00:07:53 your anger. When the mummy holds the baby in her arms, her power of love and care will calm the baby but that's not the only thing the mummy does. Mummy is looking more deeply to find out why the baby is crying. And she may find out that the baby has some temperature or the baby may have some trouble in stomach, things like that. And that is the work of looking deeply to see the real causes of the pain. And that is the other aspect of meditation, vipassana.
Starting point is 00:08:46 So that is a clip from Thich Nhat Hanh, the art of mindful living. We have to be mindful and understand why the baby in our basement is crying and then comfort and hold the baby instead of throwing bricks at him, doesn't work that way. Here now I'm going to play just one more clip, then we're going to get going with this podcast. This clip I think is a great example of what happens when people bring into action the stuff that Thich Nhat Hanh was talking about and decide to stop playing shit ping pong with the world. So this is a clip from the Daily Show.
Starting point is 00:09:29 This is Malala Yusfazi, I don't know how to say her last name. She was shot in the face by the Taliban in Pakistan because she is an education advocate. And this is her talking about it with John Stuart from the Daily Show on Comedy Central. Do you realize the Taliban had made you a target? When in 2012 I was with my father and someone came and she told us that have you seen on Google if you search your name and the Taliban have threatened you and I just could not believe it. I said no, it's not true.
Starting point is 00:10:08 And even after the threat when we saw it, I was not worried about myself that much. I was worried about my father because we thought that the Taliban are not that much cruel that they would kill a child because I was 14 at that time. But then later on I started thinking about that and I used to think that the Taliban would come and he would just kill me. But then I said if he comes what would you do Malala? Then I would reply myself that Malala just take a shoe and hit him. But then I said if you hit a talib with your shoe then there would be no difference between
Starting point is 00:10:46 you and that talib. You must not treat others that much with cruelty and that much harshly. You must fight others but through peace and through dialogue and through education. Then I said I will tell him how important education is and that I even want education for your children as well and I will tell him that's what I want to tell you. Now do what you want. I know your father is backstage and he's very proud of you but would he be mad if I adopted you because you sure are swell.
Starting point is 00:11:40 Isn't that incredible? It's really cool to put the New York Hell Gnome next to the Pakistani Angel and notice how the thing that they have in common is the way that they're dealing with anger is so potent that it's spreading all over the planet. Only in the case of the New York Hell Gnome what's spreading across the planet is a kind of garish display of hate and in the case of beautiful Malala Fawzi what you're seeing spread around the planet is an example of what happens when people transmute the anger inside of them into love.
Starting point is 00:12:13 Both are really potent. Both have completely different effects on the world. So the next time you find yourself about to go screeching at a trumpeteer outside your house, take a breather, hold the little incest baby, feed him some pork rinds, comb his straggly oily hair and try to understand why he's crying. Okay, let's get on with the podcast. Did you know that according to a recent poll done by the Computer Friends Club that there is an 80% chance that if you hire a web designer he will end up murdering you or one of your
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Starting point is 00:15:07 Do you really want to have to deal with some shop at the beach where you have to worry every second for some lunatic who's been snorting bath salts might come bashing in through the window of your clever t-shirt shop and behead you and use your head to fish for sharks? Don't do it. Squarespace.com. You don't even have to pay to try out the service. You can actually just fiddle around with the thing to make sure that it works or suits
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Starting point is 00:16:03 Check them out. If you put my name in Duncan 10, you will get 10% off and give it a shot. Sign up for God's sake. They're supporting the Dunkin Trussell Family Hour podcast and I had a very long chat with them and they're super cool. All right. The Dunkin Trussell Family Hour podcast is also brought to you by audible.com. Audible is a supplier of wonderful audio books.
Starting point is 00:16:29 In fact, if you wanted to listen to the entire two-hour speech of Tick Not On talking about mindfulness, then you can get that on audible.com. It's available there and you can get it for free if you sign up for a trial membership by going to audibletrial.com. You'll get a free audio book and you can cancel it anytime and you get to keep the audio book. So, if you don't feel like shelling out 20 bucks to buy the Tick Not Han book or any of the other books that they have there, including Dr. Sleep by the new Stephen King
Starting point is 00:17:02 book, which is the sequel to The Shining, then you can go there, sign up, download it, cancel your membership, but you won't want to cancel your membership because you're going to get addicted to audio books because audio books are like a bomb given to us from God. They ease the pain of cleaning. You pop those earbuds in, put in a good audio book, smoke some weed and within a couple of hours your house will look like the scrubbed interior of the Taj Mahal. Go to audibletrial.com, forward slash family hour and get your free audio book. Support the podcast.
Starting point is 00:17:38 Every time someone signs up, they give us 15 bucks, which is awesome. Another great way to support the podcast is by going to our Amazon portal, which is located at DuncanTrustle.com. So, the next time you're having some kind of paranoid episode and you know that going out in public will only make you pull your hair out or gouge your eyeballs out or dive in front of a train, then go to amazon.com. In a recent poll done by friends of computer friends, they found that the shopping carts have within them and these are all shopping carts.
Starting point is 00:18:12 If you put a microscope to a shopping cart, what you will see are the eyes of Satan gazing back at you. It's covered with over 7,000 different deadly viruses. Four talking impetigos sneezes from ill children pushed into the department store by their freaked out parents trying to buy cloth diapers to use to wipe up the blood of their recently executed husbands or wives. It's bad. Stay at home.
Starting point is 00:18:41 If you want to go out, go out to get into nature. Go to the beach. Go to a lake somewhere. Not just sunset, but don't use your precious time to throw yourself into the hellish weirdly lit environment of a department store. You can do it from the comfort of your own home and you can support your favorite podcast, the Dugga Trussell Family Hour, by going through our portal. So please do that, won't you?
Starting point is 00:19:09 And finally, as always, the Dugga Trussell Family Hour podcast is supported by short design t-shirts. Short design t-shirts manufactures the softest t-shirts ever worn by a man. I guarantee that if that New York Hellnome had been wearing a short design t-shirt, she would have brought flowers to the terrible Trumpeteer instead of screaming at him. Short design t-shirts, the fabric of their shirts feels like enlightenment wrapped around your skin. They have a lot of amazing designs and you can check them all out by going to shortdesignt-shirts.com.
Starting point is 00:19:45 If you put my name in, Duncan, you'll get 10% off your order. The shirts at our shop are actually made. The shirts at our shop at DuncanTrussell.com are designed by short design t-shirts, which is why they're so very soft. Finally, thank you to all of you who have donated this last week or any previous week. Thank you to all of you who continue to listen to this podcast and who hang out at the DuncanTrussell.com forum. I invite those of you who haven't gone to a forum to go check it out.
Starting point is 00:20:24 Share your recipes with us. Ask your important questions. Merge with the DuncanTrussell Family Hour family and become a moat of ecstatic love energy rolling off the oily forehead of the Godhead. Today's guests on the DuncanTrussell Family Hour are the original podcasters. These guys have been doing a podcast since 2005. Think about that. They are the innovators of a forum that is now everywhere.
Starting point is 00:21:01 The show gets countless listeners. The DuncanTrussell Family Hour and the Lavender Hour might not have happened if not for Keith and the girl. They were a big inspiration behind me podcasting. We talk about that in the show. If you want to check them out, you can find them at Keithandthegirl.com. It's a great podcast. I highly recommend that you listen to it.
Starting point is 00:21:28 They have a gigantic forum themselves that has 35,000 members. They're huge and they're very sweet to come on the show. They were just in LA for a few days and they took an hour out to come and do this podcast, which I'm very grateful for because they're both awesome people. Everyone, please open your heart chakras. Push that hell-nome into a soft feather bed. Tie them down. Ball gag your hell-nome.
Starting point is 00:21:56 Wrap them in barbed wire. Give them a hug. Feed them poor crimes and send your love energy blasts through your earbuds down into the earth, through the fault line so that they rise up from the dark, hardened hell floor of New York City and bathe these two beautiful people in a shimmering shower of sweet love. Yes, I'm stoned. Please welcome Keith. Please welcome to the Dunkin Trussell family hour, Keith and Hymda, also known as Keith
Starting point is 00:22:29 and the girl. Welcome. Thank you so much for being here. I want to tell you guys a story before you get going about my podcast history because my podcast history starts with you guys. So I was doing a podcast with Natasha Legerro called The Lavender Hour and we were doing it sporadically once every few weeks. Just this kind of random thing, not taking it very seriously.
Starting point is 00:23:23 And then Marshall Childs, who runs The Laughing Skull in Atlanta, which is this comedy club in Atlanta, randomly calls me up because he's been listening to our podcast and he's like, you guys have to take this more seriously because I like listening to you two talk and it reminds me of Keith and the girl. And he's like, do you know about this? And I didn't know anything about any podcast, anything. We were just doing this because I had done my friend's podcast and it just seemed fun. But I didn't realize the potency of the thing until he started sending me JPEGs of people
Starting point is 00:24:00 painting your logo onto fucking bombs in the military. Yeah. Tattoos. Yeah. Tattoos of like, you know, he talks about like how, you know, just saying what we now we all understand about podcasts, but you are many of us, but you guys were the original, basically the original podcasters. We started over eight and a half years ago now.
Starting point is 00:24:24 And yeah, we knew we'd take it seriously. We knew we'd put our all into it. We still didn't know how big it even could end up. Never mind how it would end up. Podcasting wasn't a thing that people were doing for money or for fame or for anything other than this is accessible and we really like doing it. And maybe it'll lead to, you know, people recognizing that we're talented in this way or that way.
Starting point is 00:24:49 And then it'll launch into something else. Like it wouldn't be the podcast that would be launched as a career, but it did. It did. And this is what we do for a living. And it's amazing. And thank you for having us on your show. Are you kidding? Thank you for being on the show.
Starting point is 00:25:02 Sam emailed me saying that you guys would be on my show. It's like, holy fucking shit. That's incredible. These are the legends of podcasting. And now I have to hire you as my nutritionalist. Oh, no, please, no. I'm just, I'm parroting something that my friend Tate Fletcher has told me. We had a conversation earlier, but I'm cutting sugar out right now and bread out.
Starting point is 00:25:22 And that's just because of this conversation I had with this guy Tate Fletcher, who's this, he also has a podcast and he's like just this giant ripped guy. And he was just explaining to me, you know, how, what basically how fat, like we've been taught to think eating fat is bad from the old days, like don't eat fatty foods, don't eat fat, but actually eating fat as it turns out is great. It still doesn't clog your heart. I mean, I understand you have to lower everything, lower your fat, lower your carbs, just, you know, add in more greens, add in more vegetables, more fruits.
Starting point is 00:25:58 But as far as I still know, and I have been trying to do it and it's, it's, I'm definitely addicted, but as far as I still, I understand the fats, at least when you're not doing any moderation, still clog arteries and still block the passageways. Let me say something. I am a two things. One, I'm not a nutritionalist and two, I'm a fool. So I'll hear something at a club for 30 minutes and make that my religion for like a month or two.
Starting point is 00:26:29 But if I was hearing the show, I would hear fats are actually good for you. And I just turn it off and go, good to know. Told you, honey. Exactly. That's, that's what I'm doing. But this is large counts, right? What's that? Large counts.
Starting point is 00:26:46 It's that this is coming only because this is coming from a guy who, you know, is just giant and ripped and, and, and also very logical and really understands, seems to really understand the chemistry behind it. Like, it's funny how, how far vibe goes because you were just vibing on this guy. I will fucking drink poison. All this means is I will end up in a cold. You fell in love with this guy. You had a man crush on him.
Starting point is 00:27:12 I love him. Yeah. I did. Like, yeah, I got the alpha male spell put on. It's like hypnotized by muscles. I want to be alpha male too. Yeah. But you know, the idea is like, uh, so the idea is there's fat burners and there's sugar
Starting point is 00:27:29 burners. That's how he broke this down to me. So sugar burn. What a great time at a club, by the way. Yeah. You guys had a blast. Yeah. Oh, so fun.
Starting point is 00:27:38 Well, this is a, this is a comedy store. So it's just like out front before doing a show, but there's fat burners and sugar burners. And if you get addicted to sugar, as most of us are, then your cycle of energy is dependent on how much sugar is in your body. So you start feeling really tired or foggy and weird at moments in your life. And that's because you're running out of sugar and you have to eat more sugar. And that's the endless cycle of sugar addiction.
Starting point is 00:28:03 And what's happening, what's making people fat is not the fat. What's making people fat is that your body reacts to sugar in the same way farmers react to a great season of growing food. It's like it's, sugar is like rain for, for yourselves. And so what they want to do is store up all that extra energy and that's what's making the fat. It's not eating fat. It's that you have all this insane, you know, brand new energy source way back in the day.
Starting point is 00:28:30 If people wanted sugar, you know, they would have to find sugar cane or fruit and extra. But why doesn't the body know that don't worry, body, I promise I will give you more pie. Yeah. I'm gonna go down and work it off. Here's my bacon count. I have enough to get pie again tonight because it's just like a, you know what, it's just exactly like the psychology of a crack addict.
Starting point is 00:28:52 You can tell them like, relax, we're going to get you more crack. It's like, no, no, suck your dick right now. That's your body with sugar. So anyway, I have stuck dick for sugar. Is this an intervention? This is a little fucked up intervention. No, you guys look great. By the way, you guys are, you guys are healthy and fine.
Starting point is 00:29:11 No, it's just, just for me, I don't know. I do, too, though. Oh, you look amazing. You guys are very sweet. No, we're not being sweet. We wouldn't even bring it up. We would just call you fat behind our back. We'd say, you're silly, but we're going out of our way to say you look fit.
Starting point is 00:29:26 Thank you. Well, I haven't been eating bread and sugar. Is this related to ball cancer? Yes. Well, it's to call it ball cancer, to be clear. I call it ball cancer. And then I feel weird, like when I, because then I feel like, ugh, I've embarrassed someone if they ask about it, because I'm like, well, you know, when you get ball cancer and then
Starting point is 00:29:41 you feel like a weirdo, but it's, I think when you have it, when you have it, you can call it whatever you want. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. With my cancer. With my ball cancer. But you make... People say breast cancer. Right.
Starting point is 00:29:53 That's a hit. I say titty cancer. Yeah. There, that's the exact, right. Exactly. Breast cancer is fine. Boob cancer, tick cancer. Yeah, I don't, it's kind of related to it in the sense that when, I'm sorry, I already
Starting point is 00:30:05 told you this, but when I was getting radiation, when you get radiation, you're not, you're nauseated constantly. So I would, my body would just only wanted carbs and pancakes specifically. So I was... This isn't that very neutral. When I feel nauseated at bread or triskets, you know, the very tasteless foods are, seem to not upset my stomach more. This, isn't that normal?
Starting point is 00:30:28 Yes. Yes. I think it was normal and it's like, fuck it. You know, I'm getting my, I'm getting my lymph nodes microwaved right now. I can eat whatever I want. And that got me really fat. I gained more weight than I ever gained in my life from that. So now I'm just trying to like, get healthy again.
Starting point is 00:30:43 But it's not like I'm operating under the specter of cancer all the time or I'm thinking like, I should eat right because I'm afraid to die. It's more like, I've noticed that when I eat right, I feel so much happier. I'm not as depressed or irritable or grumpy or weird. And that's what sugar has done to everyone is, you know, this whole, the whole country is on antidepressants. The whole country is like down in the dumps and a lot of people don't realize that that depression is not stemming from some psychic problem.
Starting point is 00:31:17 It's just from your body getting freaked out by this weird chemical cycle that it's in. And when you... Well, we were just talking to a nutritionalist at Ellie Podfest. She does have a podcast. I'm sorry that I'm forgetting the name right now. Is it nutritionist or nutritionalist? Great question. Nutritionalist?
Starting point is 00:31:33 I think it's nutritionist. I'm the worst. Nutritionalist? Yeah. Nutritionalist. Somebody should know. I don't know. Anyway, we were talking to...
Starting point is 00:31:41 Kind of does this to me when I tell her what's up. I'm like, it's nutritionist. Well, somebody out there will know. Oh, is it? I think it is. Didn't he sound a little doubtful? My think is like how I'm too nice. Oh, that's...
Starting point is 00:31:51 You think you're too nice? I'm quite sure. No, let me explain. Almost now he was being too nice and he was not being direct so that I don't feel stupid. He was correcting me and going, well, you know, something in me tells me it's nutritionist and that you're fucking wrong, but he doesn't want to say that I'm wrong. Can I ask you guys a question? Sure.
Starting point is 00:32:11 This is something I've been wondering about. Good. I brought a ball cancer. Do you think... Yeah, ball cancer. The only reason I'm not telling you about ball cancer is just because I feel like I've punched my talk about ball cancer ticket and it's like I don't have anything else to say about it.
Starting point is 00:32:24 I feel guilty talking about it and also this is about you guys anyway. Let's do it. Here's a question I have. Okay. Do you think it's better to be honest yet criticize someone or to be dishonest and make someone feel okay? And in between because then you have the people that are, you know, the former say, hey, I tell like it is, but people need to be honest.
Starting point is 00:32:52 I don't know about your sugar thing, but you're looking fat. I'm just telling how it is. I'm just saying what it is. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And in between, I guess. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:01 Be aware of the conversation that you're having. Does this person want to know? Is he able to listen to you? Did he ask? Did he ask? You know? Right. But also there's information that, you know, sometimes helps the conversation or helps
Starting point is 00:33:12 to know where the other person is or where you are in your own brain. So you have to kind of balance it. That's the toughest part about anything is not going one extreme or the other. No, don't tell me absolutely everything, but no, don't keep it to yourself. If you think, you know, I should know, maybe tell me gently. If you're about to find, you know, if I'm about to find out something negative, right? I don't know. I don't know the answer.
Starting point is 00:33:34 I've, it's something I've been. We just told you the answer. Somebody out there will know. Can you tell me just a little bit about what it was like to, to get famous from podcasting, to be the first people who've seen, because you guys are celebrities. You're celebrities. You guys have a rabid following. I know that paparazzi out the window is really just distracting.
Starting point is 00:33:58 You know, I think you guys are modest, but you really are. Like you have podcasting. You guys are podcasting celebrities. Well, thank you. And I think we forget that people know us. I wouldn't say that we're famous, but we were just at LA Podfest, like I said, and it was, it was fun to introduce ourselves and people say, yes, we know your show. And that always, especially with other comics.
Starting point is 00:34:19 And so we feel like we're gaining the respect of not only our listeners, but it seems like also other comics, other people in podcasting. It was very fun when you just told the story about your friend that runs a comedy club. Yeah. Coming up, listening to Keith and the girl. I'm like, ah, I know that club. That's fun. Yes.
Starting point is 00:34:35 I think we're always, we're always surprised by it in a nice way, you know, basically. Like, so if, if we do get recognized on the street, we're surprised and excited by it and a little nervous about what we just said for the last 10 minutes, because how long have you been listening? You know? And on us. Yeah. On the subway or wherever.
Starting point is 00:34:53 I always feel like that too. If anyone like, yeah, anyone who says they listen to my podcast, I always think, oh, that last episode was shit. I hope you were tuning in to earlier episodes, but yeah, I know what you mean, but what's curious. I've been on the subway for example, and somebody was sitting next to me and we were, we were going, uh, many subway stops and then I get up and they say, Keith, I really love your show.
Starting point is 00:35:13 And I'm like, God, was I picking my nose? What was I doing? Yeah. Right. Say something earlier. Yeah. Did I, did I not let a elderly woman sit down in my seat? Like, let me know.
Starting point is 00:35:21 Yeah. And, and, and that's a very, it's a very strange thing. Like when I, like for me, I, you know, I've been doing comedy for years, years, and you know, I tour around Joe Rogan and stuff, but I certainly wasn't in a place where I could like, you know, I could, I could headline in the sense that I had the material, but as far as like drawing crowds before podcasts, forget it because I wasn't on TV. I have, I've done little things on TV. I've never really been on TV.
Starting point is 00:35:50 Well, now you're being modest, you know, you've done some pretty impressive things. I've done, yeah, but since this thing happened, and to me, I think that's one of the beautiful things about podcasting is that, you know, for me, to be very, very honest with myself, TV never really liked me that much. They never did. They never liked me that much. And I'm cool with that. I recognize that.
Starting point is 00:36:13 I'm not a symmetrical person. I'm a weird looking person. I talk about drugs a lot. You know what? This, this is the sound that every comic makes, I think, you know, TV doesn't like me. They want to, you know, a lot of it has to do with editing or not, not being me and the jokes are too harsh and blah, blah, blah. First of all, you're a very good looking person.
Starting point is 00:36:30 Yeah. You guys. No, I, I, you can't possibly not know that. I feel very, I'm an insecure person. Have you ever heard this? You're like a handsome Jason Lee. Yeah, I, that's why I'm very insecure. God damn it.
Starting point is 00:36:42 I now feel like I'm fishing for stars. No. Well, the reason I'm saying this is, is because I'm the worst. No. Now you go. You guys are so cool, man. You guys are, the reason I'm saying this is because what I love about this form of entertainment is that it has created an avenue where people can do self-expression in the grand scale
Starting point is 00:37:04 with no interference or no having to go like, no boss, nobody telling you what you're producing and when you're producing it, when you have to stop the show and start the show, what you have to look like as you're doing it, what to stop saying and what to start saying and when to do that. Yeah. Absolutely. It's complete freedom. And one of the things that's really important of the system right now is that the people
Starting point is 00:37:24 who are getting microphones shoved in front of their faces, generally a lot of it has to do with just the way they look. That's it. It just has something to do with their facial symmetry, has something to do with like, or they managed to navigate a system. Like that's all TV is, that's all the movies are as a combination of talent. And then a lot of being able to navigate through this weird labyrinth of initiations that are called auditions till you get this thing and once you've navigated that labyrinth, your
Starting point is 00:37:52 image gets projected to the masses and then that creates the phenomena people call fame and then that's where suddenly people want to hear what you have to say just because you navigated a labyrinth that got a camera on in front of you. And there's a very nerve wracking feeling of all or nothing. And so I think that's why a lot of people quote sell out. I think selling out is a very personal choice. I don't think what one person does is selling out for another person, but I feel like once you're famous, now your life has changed so much.
Starting point is 00:38:19 You can't undo it unless your life unravels in a way, unless you completely lose everything. You can't change the amount of fame and that. And then if you lose that fame, you lose the money that comes with it. It's such a, for me, if I had the kind of fame that Miley Cyrus has, for example, I'd be panicked every day. I'm not saying don't give me opportunities and don't let me speak my mind and don't let me entertain people for money. I'm saying don't follow me with every move I make.
Starting point is 00:38:50 I'll let you know. Well, right. And that's kind of the, that's also a weird, beautiful thing that podcasts gives you is it gives you this weird kind of underground thing where you aren't so every, you're not that like, I'm not, that's not like that's something probably any of us would beat, beat away if it came, came to us, but it still, it creates this new version of having an audience because you guys are beloved. You guys are like people consider, people consider you their best friends.
Starting point is 00:39:23 Like people are addicted to you. They consider you to be their friends. They feel. We are, we are friends with them. We are friends with a lot of listeners. I am your friend. Keith married a listener. And that's right.
Starting point is 00:39:33 So that's how friendly we get. I'm going to go through all of them. It's going to be a long process. You're going to marry all your listeners. It's going to be your turn soon. Just wait it out. You know, what's interesting is, you know, if you let people have that kind of medium, if you let us record whatever we want, turns out we'll tell you everything.
Starting point is 00:39:50 Our show has all the crazy, I mean, we're not completely open about apps. We have some private life, but I can't, I can't name something, but there's something right. We have told you in the past eight and a half years, pretty much everything that has happened in our life, all the big events, all the emotional scarring, all the hardships, all the fun things that have happened. So it's interesting that we still want to do that, but we just want to do it our way so that we're heard in the way that we feel comfortable.
Starting point is 00:40:20 Now that seems to be one thread that runs through all really good podcasts is that tendency towards honesty or that revelatory tendency where you don't want to hold anything back to the point where sometimes after I've uploaded a podcast, I think like, holy shit, man, what did you just tell everybody? You know, because you get so comfortable with this medium that you want to, there's a confessional aspect to it, isn't there? Yeah, but everyone wants to be seen. Everyone wants to be known in a way that it's like, this is really me.
Starting point is 00:40:59 So I'll tell you who I am if you're really listening. Yes. That's why we go, I mean, people meet at their homes in coffee shops to share their stories with each other. I think we're the only species who has to do that. I don't think that lizards are getting together like, you have no idea what kind of mourning I had. Seriously, and this weather on top of everything, just kill me now.
Starting point is 00:41:22 Right. Picture of a worm, I'm going to eat that later. I don't know what they eat. Oh God, I so wish lizards went to restaurants. I wish there were a little mini restaurants for lizards, you see the lizard menu. So yeah, I think that that is the polar opposite of the old model of the entertainer, because the old model of the entertainer, remember scandals? Like scandals, you could have a scandal, like someone finds out some little thing about
Starting point is 00:41:50 you and that's called a scandal. And there seems to be this weird divergence that's happening between these old school private types. You just want to keep everything to themselves and put on this sort of impression of who, you know, like think about George Clooney, I don't know anything about fucking George Clooney. He has a pig and he's hard to tie down. You think he's a pig?
Starting point is 00:42:13 No, no, he has a pig. He owns a pot belly pig. He's not kidding. Holy shit, I love him more and more. I know he's buying a satellite, did you hear about that? He's buying a satellite to spy on Sudan because he's really into what's going on over there. He's doing activism with him.
Starting point is 00:42:31 Can you just do that? And, you know, you just gave him up, right? What's that? You just gave his position away. Sudan's listening. Oh, yeah. A lot of people, a lot of Sudanese rebels listen to my podcast. This is the thing when people kind of goes back to what you were saying.
Starting point is 00:42:46 Most podcasters record in their apartment or their house like you're doing. And so they think, they know it's going out, but they're like, I'm in my house. It's almost like I'm talking to myself. So then they share their personal things and then you're like, wait a minute, I just uploaded that. You don't know what's going on in Sudan. You just assume there's no way they're herring you. But if you have something to say to them, say it.
Starting point is 00:43:08 Don't shoot down Clooney's satellite, you assholes. Right, he's just watching. Stop bombing people. Right. And now maybe say it with less cursing so they're not offended. My sweet friends in the Sudan. Why must we kill each other? You're so evil that you have George Clooney watching you.
Starting point is 00:43:23 You can't help yourself. She has a pig to take care of people, please. Strangers are just friends we haven't met yet and speak a language we don't know. Oh, wow. And have a way of life that's incomprehensible, but still. Now you guys, you, you're very positive people. Do you think that that's another thread running through this thing? Do you guys, do you feel a responsibility to not put negative shit out there?
Starting point is 00:43:48 Oh my God. Don't let everything just be based on Keith's sarcastic speech just now. Yeah, I would not say I'm a positive person. I'm, I'm, I'm a negative person, but you won't, you, you don't see the negativity dripping off of me. I, I think nothing's in my life, my life specifically, I think nothing's really going to work out on the way, but at the end somehow it's all going to work out, makes no sense. And I thinking these little things aren't going to work out, I'm almost never disappointed
Starting point is 00:44:18 because of that. I seem like a positive person. All right. You see what I mean? Yes. I'm very, I'm positive because I'm always negative. You're positive. Right.
Starting point is 00:44:27 Well, no. Okay. You call it negative. Right. But I'm just reading this book by Chogium Trumpa about Buddhism and he, is that a real person? It's real names, David Williams, he had to change it so people would listen to him. And I was thinking that like if Buddha's name had been Frank, would the religion even exist
Starting point is 00:44:46 if his name, if it, if Jesus, this is a documentary about that. I'm forgetting his name, but he specifically grew out of beard and grew out his hair and wore the kinds of clothing that a quote guru would wear and he presented himself as such. He made up his own sort of religion and following and just to discover if people would follow him and how they would feel about it. But he changed people's lives in the process because he did give them what they need. He gave them some peace of mind. Yes.
Starting point is 00:45:15 Right. Now that, see that is a very postmodern documentary and I haven't watched it yet because I, I, I like, I love Ram Dass and I love his, you know, Ram Dass. He's like Richard Alpert. He was a Harvard professor. Are you thinking Ramstein? Who? Ramstein, the band?
Starting point is 00:45:32 Maybe that's what you're thinking. Ramstein, the gay, heavy black metal band, is that what you're thinking? Yeah. I worship them. I haven't altered them. I spray goat's blood on every morning. Anyway, it's the, the point is I like, I like to believe in magic and I like to believe that in some people, they're in, in a person, in yourself, there's the ability to cultivate
Starting point is 00:45:55 a state of love all the time. I like to believe that that's possible and so I like stories about gurus or people who have really reached a heightened state and that transform people and that I thought it's called Kumare, I think is the name of it and that documentary is very challenging to me. Isn't Kumare what I'm drinking right now? That's kombucha. Wow. I love that.
Starting point is 00:46:17 I've introduced you guys to kombucha and the Oculus Rift. That's very exciting to me. Two very important things. That was trippy. Yeah. That was amazing. Yeah. So anyway.
Starting point is 00:46:26 I think, I think that you're right. And I don't think that we necessarily need gurus. I think that gurus are sort of used like therapists. You are outside of my life. So you're able to look with a fresh perspective. You're able to, to be calm or at least for me, you're calm because you don't know what's going on in me. So that I could mirror that calm and I could sit beside you and feel that.
Starting point is 00:46:50 And so in a way, yeah, they are doing that to you. But I think that we both could sit here and say, hey, let's be calm. Let's pass our energy. Let's you know, really love each other, you know, and I'm not, obviously I'm not talking sexually. What do you mean pass our energy? Like if I, like just now I changed your energy and I saw it in your face. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:07 Yeah. Yeah. I think that you can do that. She's a witch. You wish me a woman. He likes the idea of magic, but when it happens, it's witchcraft. Yes, for sure. No, right.
Starting point is 00:47:21 Right. Yeah. That could happen in just getting to know you in feeling like I'm coming over to really sit down with you, not to judge you, not to, not to look around and say, oh, this part's dirty in your house or this part's this way or that way. I don't know if the images came this morning. This house is amazing. It really is.
Starting point is 00:47:38 Because the maid was just here. I'd like you to believe that this is what it's always like. Done. But you could do that to other people and I'm sure you have, you know, and I'm sure you have with your podcast. I'm sure you have when you introduce them to new and exciting things because you're excited about it. You, you like to pass on your excitement to people.
Starting point is 00:47:57 When we first came in here, you're like, we can't record anything. You have to see my new toy. Yeah. And so we got excited for you. So you passed your energy to us because you're so in tune with that energy and you want to give it to us. Like you're handing it to us. Right.
Starting point is 00:48:11 And isn't that the instinct of podcasts? You want to do that for the world. You want to pass on the, you want to pass. It seems like podcasts. You don't have to. I think some people are just there to entertain, which I guess you're passing on some, you know, happy feelings and passing on boredom. It's like, I think what's, you know, like who wants to be entertained by, like, you know,
Starting point is 00:48:30 that kind of, that whole thing I think is just dying. And I think that's one of the byproduct. Entertainment. Not entertainment, but bullshit entertainment. I think there's something about when people like, you know, you turn on Jay Leno, very funny, Conan O'Brien, very, not very, I don't know, why did I say very, okay, entertaining. Okay. Funny moments that might be funny, at least something that like, I can't believe I just
Starting point is 00:48:54 said something had to have happened. That was once funny. It's by entertainment is very by 26, 25 minute mark. He had to have done something. Yes. Although everybody says what a great standup he was back in the day, I feel like people feel bad if they don't give somebody something. I've never seen one, my $1 million challenge.
Starting point is 00:49:19 Oh boy. Show me a video tape of Jay Leno ever being funny doing standup back in the day. I want to see this great Jay Leno. It's so fucking good. We have Bill Hicks. We have the guy that invented cursing. We have George Carlin as a kid. I've never seen one tape of Jay Leno.
Starting point is 00:49:37 He was so fucking hilarious. Yeah. That's Keith passing on the positivity. I'm very positive. That is positive. Here's, I'm positive. Fuck him. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:47 But it's coming. But you can't help it because love's coming out. And that's the thing. That chin is like a devil horn in reverse. Here's the thing about negativity and positivity. People think being positive means that you only say nice things. That's crap. I think that you can, if you're a happy person or if you have within you this weird, connective
Starting point is 00:50:10 sense that some people either have through working on themselves or just through experience or who knows what, then it doesn't matter what you say. You really can spew hate for Jay Leno for 20 minutes and it's just going to make people smile. Here's someone who's got worms in their heart, someone who hasn't worked on themselves. They can talk about how we all need to love each other and it's so important that we connect in a real way and really unify and move in the direction of God. And you feel as though you just got molested by some sicko.
Starting point is 00:50:45 And it's because the words are just a sort of medium through which some deeper energy gets transmitted, which is why I said- Because they're full of shit. And you could feel it. You could sense it. They're talking past you. If you were so in love with love and me and energy and everything that I am, you wouldn't talk through me.
Starting point is 00:51:04 You would actually be looking at me. You would see that I'm not comfortable with what you're saying. You would feel my molestation and stop raping me. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Exactly. And that's why I love this idea of there being like a real Kumare, a real Guru type
Starting point is 00:51:22 because the idea is that it's like a being that's so plugged into that thing that most people only feel every once in a while. Like every once in a while, I will feel like taking a walk on the river or something, you know, if I'm stoned maybe with my dog. And it's just this moment of like, man, what a great universe. This is a really beautiful moment. And then I'll plunge into like days of neurosis after I think about something I said to like an ex-girlfriend.
Starting point is 00:51:52 And like for, I'll be, I'll be rolled under the wave of my own neurosis. But those moments, those moments, the idea is that like maybe you can cultivate it so you're always in that state or there's always just this sense of like, ah, this is great. Would you really be podcasting if you always felt, ah, this is great? We still have to maneuver our way through life and make money and live in the world that we already, I guess not committed to, you know, that we're already in that has already been set up for us. And no matter what, we have to understand that this is the setup.
Starting point is 00:52:24 So we could be activists and we could try to change the world. But you know, I don't mean to seem negative, but at the end of the day, we are still living in that world. And unless we make massive changes with everybody in on it, it's still going to be this world. So why don't you hold on to that meditation and that lovely moment and that will get you through, you know, the hard job that you have to go through. And maybe it's not that we have to be in a state of constant love of, you know, every single moment and appreciation.
Starting point is 00:52:53 Maybe we have to be realistic in order to keep maneuvering and keep moving and keep doing what we need to do. Yeah. So like the, you could still appreciate it though, all day long, but the idea, you know, it's kind of like drugs. It's like if you get attached to some specific psychic state, psychological state, then what's it? You're just addicted to a neurological drug.
Starting point is 00:53:13 You're addicted to whatever makes a dopamine and serotonin happen to be pumping out at that very moment. Like being addicted to anger. Right. Yeah. So you want to, you want to, it sounds like you want to be addicted to nirvana. Yeah. Well, yeah, I just, you know, I, I just watched this documentary last night on happiness.
Starting point is 00:53:32 It's on Netflix. It's really fucking good. Oh, I keep meaning to watch that. And is it good? Oh, it's great. You should watch Kumari. It's not going to make you bummed out. I'll check.
Starting point is 00:53:41 I'll check it out. Yeah. It's interesting because the idea of the guru is not that they, is that they reflect what's already inside of you. They're just reflecting. You're just using, you're bouncing off of them and you're, we're bouncing off of everybody. Like when you see someone, you're seeing some percentage of what they are and a larger percentage of what you think they are.
Starting point is 00:54:02 Yeah. But a guru is someone safe to bounce off of because we want to show everybody who we are. And we want to show our vulnerabilities, but a guru with somebody safe that you could say, I'm going to show you that I am so, you know, black hearted or feeling so down or so upset with myself. I've made some bad moves. It's sort of like what people get out of a priest, but a priest has that judgment and
Starting point is 00:54:26 harshness and Catholicism and craziness and, you know, terrible, terrible magic in there. A guru is coming from nowhere. It's not coming from, and then you have to say Hail Mary, and then you have to do this. And then you take care of yourself. And I will hold your hand maybe during the process. Love you. I love you during the process. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:47 And that's why I think podcasts are an interesting version of that because what we're doing in our weird confessional way, when you find yourself announcing to the world, whatever darkness is inside of you, what you're doing is you're giving everyone else in the world this permission to be like that too in a good way. Or it's like, oh shit, the thing that they're announcing with no fear is something I've been hiding from myself or from my family. You're absolutely right. I was listening to your show and I'm like, yeah, I do fucking hate summer.
Starting point is 00:55:17 You know what I mean? Fuck it. Yeah. I'm just fucking sweating. I wonder if you can put on something more. You can't keep taking off. You're absolutely right. But you also have a thing, Keith, that you say that no matter what we say on our show,
Starting point is 00:55:31 no matter how crazy we feel it is, at least the quarter of our audience is feeling the same way. You're not alone in any bullshit that you're going through. Anything that you think is absolutely insane and somebody will point a finger and say like really? Yeah. Oh, you're like what? Somebody else is going to go, no, that's true.
Starting point is 00:55:52 But do you see what, this is why podcasts are weirdly healing because up until this point where we've been able to do this kind of, well, I don't know what you call it, whatever it is, this form, this interaction, to record these kinds of interactions, you would watch TV and you'd turn on the Brady Bunch or you'd watch an interview on Letterman with some famous person and everyone's great, great, big smiles glowing with happiness. They look fucking good 99% of the time. No one's like, yeah, you know, Dave, I just got one of my balls chopped off and I'm kind of worrying that maybe I might have to get the other one chopped off one day and then
Starting point is 00:56:36 I'm going to be a eunuch. What do you think about that, Dave? Even when we hear these scandals, let's say, a divorce or your show just got canceled, they don't talk about it and I feel like I'm being lied to almost. What are you thinking? What are you feeling? A sentence or two is all takes. Yeah, I was on board with you this whole time.
Starting point is 00:56:54 Let me be on board with you through this also. Yes. Then what that creates is a culture of shame and denial because people naturally imitate celebrities or people they see on TV and so suddenly you start thinking like, oh shit, I guess I have to smile all the time, feel good all the time and if any kind of darkness comes into me, I should hide it because I don't want my own scandals. When the truth is, we're a fucking primate hive and as primates, a big part of what we are is monkey.
Starting point is 00:57:28 Yeah, but that's not to say that people should just unload on you. I feel like there's a distinction, there's a huge difference between going, hey, how you doing? You're like, my life sucks, let me just pour this shit on you because that is negativity. I mean, you still have to be aware that there's another human being also probably going through something. Yes, you're right, you guys. It is a balance, but I'm sure you guys must get loads of fan mail all the time.
Starting point is 00:57:59 Then we take that in and that's the way it's a two-way street, I think. Yes. Yeah. So you find yourself being changed by the audience, like the input from the audience teaches you. Absolutely. I wish I had an example, but I know the answer is absolutely. Elvis.
Starting point is 00:58:14 Our buddy Elvis. Yeah. Elvis has like pretty much a whole arm tattooed of different Keith and the Girl things. When we were broken up initially, we didn't tell anyone and Elvis was going through ... Leukemia. Yeah, and a really like part of his, the hardest times of his leukemia. So Keith would, to help himself feel better, would go on our chat room, Keithandthegirl.com. Just go on there and sometimes there's just people going there, he would start a party
Starting point is 00:58:45 and they would just interact with each other and one of the biggest supporters and interactors was this guy Elvis and they didn't even know that they were helping each other through one of the roughest times of their lives and they were just kind of there. They didn't really have to talk about it and they weren't talking about it. They were escaping from it together, knowing that you gather positivity so that you can stay neutral for the rest of the day and so they replenished each other. They did that thing where, when you're playing a video game, power up, so they were powering each other and it was such a ... I didn't notice until Elvis came for the first time
Starting point is 00:59:24 to New York and I saw the look on Keith's face when I said like, hey, let's invite him to this thing and Keith never gets this response or almost never and the sense of excitement in his face was really, I don't know, it was ... Poppable. Yeah, it was so sweet. I bet. Here's my buddy Elvis coming. He's the guy who saved my life.
Starting point is 00:59:43 Yeah. That's another side of this thing. I've made now ... I mean, I have a lot of my best friends or people I've just had on the podcast that after that I've become friends with and then I'm friends with people who listen to the podcast. I just, you end up making friends with them so it's this whole weird new thing. Where do you guys think it's going to go in five years? What do you think podcasting is going to look like in five years?
Starting point is 01:00:07 After it bounces off Clooney's satellite. I don't know, just like TV, anything, just bigger, bigger, more ... TV. People know ... No, not podcasts going to TV per se, just this ... I mean, I don't want to name dying things, radio or newspaper, but take anything, it's more legit. People know what podcasts are now. They didn't eight years ago. Right.
Starting point is 01:00:32 We didn't find a different word for it so people understood. Internet talk show was tough for people to get their head around, but now everybody knows what it is. It's in your phone. It has its own section. It has its own app that comes with your phone, all this. Just more and more, just for lack of a better word, a legitimate thing. I think it's gaining more respect.
Starting point is 01:00:48 When you gain more respect as a medium, you can navigate to where you want it to go. It's still podcasting. It's still independent. If you want it to be, you could still join a network, but networks are mostly run by other comics who respect the independence of turning on a mic when you want, booking your own shows and your own guests and things like that. The more respect we have, the more doors open, the more opportunities we have to pick and choose from.
Starting point is 01:01:18 Do you think you're going to end up with a TV show or something? Is that the direction you want to go in? It's not something we're angling for per se, but maybe. We got a book deal. We weren't angling for that either. We weren't asking for it, but an agent approached us thanks to Scott Sigler, another podcaster who was well-respected, who got on the bestseller list with his books, and he recommended us. All of a sudden, we were writing a book, and it's out, and it did really well.
Starting point is 01:01:49 First 2000, the initial printing sold out in a week. It's very exciting. Wow. I ran the housebook. You guys are so cool. I know you got to go. We have a few more minutes. We have like 10 minutes.
Starting point is 01:02:02 10 minutes. Beautiful. Okay, cool. I hate saying that. We only have 10 minutes. No, I know. Well, you're busy. You're only in LA until tomorrow, so I'm sure you got to ... Are you doing other podcasts
Starting point is 01:02:12 today? We are, but also, I haven't had a chance ... I've been here for a week, haven't had a chance to really sit down with my brother Michael, who lives here, and his girlfriend Maricela, who I adore them both, and I do want to really sit with them instead of being like, we got to go this way. Tell your dad to drive us blah, blah, blah, and what else do we have going today? Can you help us with this mailer? That's a positive family, though.
Starting point is 01:02:35 Her Maricela's dad is driving us around, and they're like, okay, let me know, and we'll do your laundry when we're gone. It's like, I don't know. We don't want you and your family doing all this stuff. That's what we do. We're family. I'm like, oh. Is that what it's supposed to be?
Starting point is 01:02:49 Yeah. Maricela has the kind of family that we're like, yeah, could you marry into ours so that we can just decide that that's how it works? But now don't you owe him forever? Right. Isn't he passive-aggressively just mean to you after that? Doesn't he make your next seven choices? Next seven choices.
Starting point is 01:03:08 What is that? That's awesome. That's a great idea. What is that? What's that from? I don't know. That's a funny idea. That's a great idea for, I hate saying this, that's a great idea for a movie.
Starting point is 01:03:21 Somebody gets to make seven choices in a row. You saved their life or something. You know what? There's a, there's a funny British TV show called My New Best Friend where basically the comic would come live with you for a weekend and the only rule is you could not give away that you actually didn't know him. And so basically the idea behind it was he would destroy your life for the weekend. And if you could stay with him for a weekend without letting people know.
Starting point is 01:04:00 You get a free CD. You get money. A lot of money. Okay. So he would do things like make them write resignation letters and send it to their boss. He would hang out with- What the fuck? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:11 Why would you do this? So you lose your job. Are you willing to lose your job? Your house set on fire and- You wouldn't say your house on fire. It was more, but yes, girlfriend stuff, it was like more psychological. It was pretty funny to watch. It was kind of brutal.
Starting point is 01:04:21 But would you do that? Who would do that? Let's say it would have to be money for the rest of my, it wouldn't even because my relationships in general, not even with the person, you know, that's, you know, my number one are so important. It takes a lifetime to build this kind of thing. I'm not sending them a letter of resignation because you're funny. But you're a clearly a healthy person.
Starting point is 01:04:44 Have you ever seen the contract people have to sign for American Idol? Yeah. You saw that on the internet. It was like a terms and conditions. I signed it. I tried out for American Idol. I was out of ideas. This is before the podcast.
Starting point is 01:04:55 I've been trying to become a singer and, and Keith was like, you really should try out for this. And I said, I, I guess so. I don't know what else to do. It's coming. And it's the first time they opened it up to people who were a little older than 23 or 24. I had just missed the age when they first started.
Starting point is 01:05:12 Demons. That it was nonsense. Don't bother doing it. And I, I'm not saying like, Hey, they should have picked me, but I could sing a little bit. They should have picked her. And they, they, they, they use you for the, for the line most, you know, and I saw this like an idiot.
Starting point is 01:05:31 And the goes in and it's like four people in front of judges, not the one, not the, you know, famous ones. And they go down the line and sing and him to sing beans on burn in the kitchen. Right. And a little movie. No. No. I'm not going to do it.
Starting point is 01:05:47 You know, you know, we're moving on up to the side to a deluxe apartment in the sky. And that's my voice. I mean, the car's singing sometimes to whatever's on the radio and, and kind of goes, uh, okay. But you know, if you're going to sing it right and then I go, no, that's, I am singing it. And she goes, no, you could sing better than that. So I sing again. She goes, no, I mean, do it for real. You could sing better than that.
Starting point is 01:06:19 Stop telling that story. It makes me sound so obnoxious. I never tell people to sing right. Here's what happened with me and Keith that day. Keith, Keith has like really good rhythm. I feel like he could play the drums if he just, you know, took a couple of lessons or just kind of, you know, applied any kind of energy to it. Not that I'm saying he has to, but he's got that thing happening.
Starting point is 01:06:38 And so I was like, whoa, when he sings with the radio, there's only a couple of things that are pitchy and he seems like he's mocking it. So I was like, Hey, I want to hear you without mocking it. I want to see what you really sound like. And he took offense. I'm just like, I think you're mocking it. Why would he take offense? Thank you.
Starting point is 01:06:55 You think that his singing voice is a parody because he's sarcastic all the time. And because when I, when I sing with the radio, a lot of times I sing sarcastically because a lot of times when you do have the ability to sing and you sing with the radio, people get annoyed. They're like, okay, we get it. So I mock it. I thought he was mocking it. You're a talented person.
Starting point is 01:07:15 Talented people are really funny. It's like walking down the street and you know, it's like, it's like being like a professional athlete and you're jogging in a, you're running in a marathon. Like you ever seen the Ethiopians running a marathon? They're so fast. They're doing like 12 miles per hour and it looks like anyone could do it. You're like that. And you're like someone running by someone who has like a bad knee, just trying to do
Starting point is 01:07:38 the marathon just to do it. And she's running backwards and heels. You're running backwards and heels being like, Hey, why are you joke running? Oh man. Why don't you real run? You should try real running. Not joke running. That's clown running.
Starting point is 01:07:51 That's funny running. It's like, this is all I can do. It was, I swear with a compliment, I was seeing a talent in him and I, it's really because, oh, you know what? Fuck you guys. I just know what it's like because my singing voice is awful. It is awful. And I, and like, let's hear a little bit.
Starting point is 01:08:11 We're moving on up to the top. Can you stop joking? We finally got off the thing and we got money and then other things. That's my boy. My friend is a singer. He's an abandoned. When I, when I remember singing for him once and he's like, man, maybe you should get your hearing check.
Starting point is 01:08:33 Oh shit. Maybe you should get your throat fixed. Our hearing. Yeah. Come on. No, it's summer. It has something to do with like hearing too, because like maybe like if you hear your voice in a certain way, you can modulate it better or something, but I don't know.
Starting point is 01:08:48 I just don't have that kind of vocal control. Which is really interesting because Keith can hear better than me. No joke. I have insane hearing and like doing, when we do our podcast, I hear like a little sound going on that nobody else hears and I got to fix it and it's a pain. I wish I had worse hearing. You guys have a podcast studio though. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:08 We turn an apartment into a studio. Yeah. Yeah. So you guys are at the, that seems to be like the ultimate podcasting level. As it goes from your living room to suddenly you're in a studio. I don't know. I wouldn't say that. I would say like this is just, it's the same out of our house.
Starting point is 01:09:24 We started out of our house. The reason why it's not in our house is because we're not a couple anymore. And so we didn't want to put the studio in one of our houses. We felt like if we lived with someone and we were going to live with someone, then it intrudes on their life and because we do it every day, it's not a once a week thing. So we have a commitment to it every day. It's better that we go somewhere else. Right.
Starting point is 01:09:47 And there's something about going somewhere else where you're going to work, let's say. Yeah. Because we're there all day, like a job. We meet at a time. We work on the show, Danny Hatch, we now hire to help Keith with show notes. I answer some emails and do the more production. So we're doing that. So what you're hearing is an hour or two of our show every day, but we're in the studio
Starting point is 01:10:05 all day long. I got to step it up. Yeah. I'm lucky if I spurt one of these things out every week. You guys are in there every day. But you're doing stand up and you have other projects going on. You're writing for TV. You're doing this kind of thing.
Starting point is 01:10:19 We, you know, aside from like some book deals. This is all we got. And what a great, all we got. Yeah. What a wonderful thing, man. How can people find you? Go to Keithinthegirl.com and of course all the social stuff, Twitter, Facebook, all this, look up Keithinthegirl.
Starting point is 01:10:38 And we're on iTunes, enter Keithinthegirl. Please find us there. And you know, if you like it, give us some stars. If you don't, please mind your own business. Positivity is what it's all about. Yeah. Don't do a one star rating, you dicks. What is that?
Starting point is 01:10:54 And also your book. What's the book called? The book is What Do We Do Now? And Keith also wrote a book called The Great American Novel. It's about his life. We have it in audio form as well and e-book as well. Is that on Audible? It's on Audible now.
Starting point is 01:11:07 Yeah. And it's also in our store. And Keith's new CD just came out. Good Clean Fun. It's the first time that he's clean ever. And well, you know, kind of clean, right? Clean in that there's not curse words. Dirty in that sometimes you watch something on CBS and you're like, he just said that.
Starting point is 01:11:24 Right. He really still just said that. He said it that way. Like I do like one stand up show every year. I don't have the passion for it like you do, but I love the challenge. And so this 10th album, this 10th one, I did like every year it's different. But this 10th one is like a best of, but I'm going to make it quote clean. You have 10 albums.
Starting point is 01:11:42 I wasn't aware of that. Yeah. Wow, man. That's so funny. You got to hear him do stand up. Wow. How often do you get? Do you stand up?
Starting point is 01:11:51 Once a year. I practice in my house. Yeah. Seriously. Once a year. He's on pause right now. Are you watching me have a midlife crisis in front of you because like I've been doing stand up forever.
Starting point is 01:12:02 I have no album. I have no album. How dare you. You should. I don't know. Record an album. Yeah. I don't want to record an album.
Starting point is 01:12:10 I don't know. Well, then you don't want, if you don't want to, you don't want to. But if you're looking like, damn, I wish I had some albums, make an album. You have a studio in your house. Make an album. Man. I wish you guys lived in town. You're fucking cool.
Starting point is 01:12:21 Come to our town. Yeah. I'll be out there. I'll be there eventually for sure. And I'm going to have a link to all your stuff on the website. So guys, definitely, definitely check them out because these are legends and I think all podcasts owe a little bit to you guys because you really did. Wow.
Starting point is 01:12:40 Thanks. You are trailblazers and I'm honored that you took the time out of your busy schedule to be on the podcast. This has been so much fun. It's been so nice connecting with you and this I'm going to turn into a hippie right now. Please do. You have a great vibe.
Starting point is 01:12:53 I enjoyed your organic coffee. Oh, great. Thank you very much for having us. Thank you. Thank you very much. Bye. Thanks. Thanks for listening, my sweet darlings.
Starting point is 01:13:03 If you enjoy this podcast, give us a little rating on iTunes. Won't you and go listen to Keith and the girl and hold yourself tonight. Know that you are love. Everything will work out just fine. I promise you, even though you might end up completely lonely, homeless, cast aside by the winds of fate, at least you still have these swirl of atoms that makes up your body. And when you have a swirl of atoms that you can control, you are more powerful than a
Starting point is 01:13:29 mountain because mountains can't do anything except sit there and watch climbers fall off of them. I should go now. Have a great week.

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