Dungeons and Daddies - S3 Ep. 15 - The Day The Center of the Earth Stood Still

Episode Date: December 17, 2024

Trudy, Blake, Kelsey and Francis zip through thousands of years of Bigfoot history with JENKINS, their new best bud in the whole wide world!!This episode contains Violence, Profanity, and Sexual Content.Support the show on Patreon!Get merch and more at our website!Follow us on Twitter @dungeonsanddads!Check out the subreddit!DM is Will Campos (@willbcampos)Kelsey Grammar is Matt Arnold (@mattlarnold)Francis Farnsworth is Anthony Burch (@anthony_burch)Trudy Trout is Beth May (@heybethmay)Blake Lively is Freddie Wong (@fwong)Theme song is by Maxton WallerBrian Fernandes is our Content ProducerAshley Nicollette is our Community ManagerKortney Terry is our Community CoordinatorCindy Denton is our Merch ManagerEster Ellis is our Lead EditorTravis Reaves provides Additional EditingCover art and episode art by Alex Moore (@notanotheralex)Send us stuff and get in contact: https://www.dungeonsanddaddies.com/contactThe story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The She Soars podcast is an absolute must for conversations about sexual and reproductive health and rights. We are a group of passionate young women from across Canada who are exploring global issues that affect girls' lives and choices, and how they relate to Canadian youth. Tune in to season 3 of the She Soars podcast for more hot topics and inspiring speakers from around the world, and discover ways we can all take action. Her rights, her voice. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts. Don't just pass brought to you this week by Audible.

You hear that? Oh. That's Audible's best of the year picks. Discover Audible's passionately poured over ruthlessly debated and lovingly listed selections across all your favorite genres, from gripping mysteries and thrillers to hard grip in they missed and swoon worthy romances audibles obsessively curated picks are the best way to hear 2024's best in audio entertainment I have the list

right here top looking at them all right we got lay one on me you got James is number one I just picked that up though this is a retelling of the adventures of Huckleberry Finn I believe yeah yeah all right as number one, I just picked that up. Though this is a retelling of the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, I believe. Yep, very excited for it. Yeah. All right, I got one point. I'm in the lead.

They got a full cast of 1984 with music composition by Matt Bellamy of Muse. Oh. And they at most mixed it. I prefer 1985 Taylor's version. This 1984 has got Andrew Garfield and Andrew Scott. Oh my. OK, OK. Listen to this Andrew Garfield and Andrew Scott. Oh my. Okay.

Listen to this one by yourself. Big brother. Hand down. Big brother. I'm stuck in the faster zone. Speaking of brothers, Blues Brothers. The Blues Brothers. What do you mean?

It's an audio documentary about the Blues Brothers. Oh. Okay. It's like an oral history that Dan Aykroyd did. Anyway, last up. Finish the year on top with Audible's best of 2024 selections and discover why there's more to imagine when you listen. Listen now at audible.ca slash best of the year. Dungeons and Dice is brought to you this week by Fizz.

Fizz. The concept of fizziness? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Mobile plans. 100% online. Is this Fizz the ambitious yordle from League of Legends? No, stop. Sorry, amphibious, I don't know if he's ambitious.

And do you use the right for League of Legends? Is he ambitious? Yeah, he's amphibious, not ambitious. He just likes to hang out. I wrote stories about Fizz, I really did. Fizz offers community personalized mobile plans with complete transparency because their members are at the center of their decisions,

which means no hidden fees, no false promises, Fizz is 100% online. I'm sorry, I can't get over Anthony saying, like, a guy at a bar who's, like, recalling his grizzled ward. He's like, I wrote stories for Fizz. Yeah, I really did. I wrote for Fizz. Here's some things that they do. Unused data? It transfers over to the next month. That's right. You'll worry about it. Don't worry about sucking up all that data month at a time. And you're rewarded just by being there. The more you stay, the more you're rewarded. Earn free data and dollars off. You can give your data to any Fizz member. When you subscribe using our promo code, you get 10 gigs plus 25 bucks.

That promo code is FizzC, F-I-Z-Z, letter C. Learn more by checking out the website, fizz.ca. ZZ letter C. Learn more by checking out the website, fizz.ca. Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grownups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. With roars, growls, and howls, Hollywood's ancient bigfoots have always given us the willies. But this week, researchers in K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K- Queen who lived in the infamous Project Heartland Research stasis chamber thousands of years, or thousands of days ago. Wah, wah, wah. Scientists were able to mimic Queen Fiasco's voice by recreating her bigfoot mouth and vocal cords with a 3D printer. It allowed them to produce a single sound.

Wah, wah, wah. Queen Fiasco was chosen for this research because of her historic encounter with the Gutteral Screams. The intrepid Peachyville bowling team who encountered the mighty queen on their quest to retrieve the keys to the device, a weapon of horrific power that left thousands of innocent people. And though many would come to fear the guttural screams in the days that followed, now we can imagine how scared they must have felt when they first heard Queen Fiasco's mighty guttural roar. Waaah. Waaah. Waaah. For Bigfoot News Network, I'm Harry Hugemouth. [♪ music playing and applause from crowd BDSM podcast, a PDSM podcast.

Peachyville. That sounds terrible. That sounds really bad. We're in season 3, it's the Peachyville Horror, a Call of Cthulhu actual play horror comedy podcast about four everyday schmoes fighting the forces of darkness in a suburban 1950s America I play heavy thinking Blank life has got those now now that was weird because it's that actual person, nevermind, it's weird. It's always been an actual person.

It's always been an actual person. But like the joke I was gonna make, then it sounds like I'm making a joke about the person and it's gross. You were gonna say heavy naturals. I was gonna say heavy naturals and I'm like no, that's a real person though, I keep hearing that.

That's a bad person, now you said it though. It's funny when I'm saying it about Freddie's character. It's fine, she's got small titties. I'm deep thinking plumber Blake L Blake lively Blake has joined the team and I thought that this week's Blake fact Blake's favorite article of clothing. Mm-hmm. That's a good one overalls Overall, there's a lot of pockets and then you know overalls have like there's the inner pockets Inside the pocket pockets, no the normal parts of the outside, but then there's like a set that's up by like the chest rig in a lot of ways Overalls were the first chest rig when it comes to like storing things up by your your pecs

They got the things right as we put cigarettes. I believe does not smell okay, but that's what it's for Do you know there's no way that they created a cigarette pocket. That's a cigarette pocket. Most farmers smoke two packs a day in 1950s. I would love to be able to incorporate overalls into my look, but this feels like if you weren't wearing them already, you can't. It's too late.

No, no, no. If I walked in tomorrow with a set of overalls on, you guys would be like, what the fuck, Will? What are you doing? You could do it if you're like a manic pixie dream girl Yeah, what's really upsetting though is I look so cute in a pair of like short alls or like I don't know if you'd call Them a pair because they're a big thing, but short alls. I look great in I go to picnics. I'm like fuck Yeah, I'm looking so cute. I wear overalls to know like who's this guy

Toddler walking in here? He has Oshkosh B'Gosh, who's that? I look terrible. Well, if you wore overalls, look at who you're with. The only person who'd comment is Beth. The three of us, I don't think I've ever commented on anything you wear. I don't think I've ever noticed

when somebody changes an outfit. I've, I've worn, if I rolled in here in overalls, dude, you would be like, why are you wearing overalls? I wouldn't say anything. I want to, I want to look at it. You didn't even notice when you shaved your head. and overalls dude, you would be like, why are you wearing overalls? I wouldn't say anything. You didn't even notice when you shaved your head. Someone bad was like, hey you shaved your head. I'd be like, oh yeah you did. I want to inform everybody that Oshkosh Bagosh, creator of the world's greatest overalls,

has not, according to my brief internet search, has never done a collaboration with Minions. Which seems like the myth of a lifetime just the name of their fucking store sounds like something the minions are I'm sorry I'm still thinking of the concept of Jinko overalls right now oh wow if you want to see what they look like action hit the slopes bibs are real in and snowboarding right now I personally do not wear a bib while I'm snowboarding because I like to be able to pee and it's a pain in the ass if you don't have a penis to pee when you're wearing a bib.

You have to take the whole thing off. And that's ridiculous. So I'm not doing it. This is my move. This is the move. I get into snowboarding. I start wearing overall adjacent clothing when I'm snowboarding.

I would love for you to get into snowboarding. And then I come into work one day holding my board. And I'm like, oh, I'm going to hit the slopes later. That's why I'm wearing these kind of overalls And I do that enough that you get to the use to the image and then I slowly start sort of like zippering in Yeah, normal overalls. Good news Will on Poshmark right now rare vintage 90s Jinko wide leg cargo denim overalls Adults unisex L rave

I think you got it I think you need sex because you need sex when you fucking wear these things And then the description if these overalls could talk Da da da Jesus Christ Alright we're doing a podcast who's next? Hey everybody my name is Matthew Arnone and I play Kelsey Grammer Peachyville's what?

Happy is the snappiest school marm Happy is the snappiest school marm Jinkoist and pinkoist school marm Jinkoist and pinkoistist. Jinkoist and jinkoist. She's a really jinkoist-ed. She is a really jinkoist-ed schoolmarm. And you know what she always says, I think teaching is less a job and more a calling, but that doesn't mean I want you all calling me after office hours.

Anyways, she- Boundaries are important. Matt, you would be such a good fucking teacher. I would love to do it someday. Matt, you would be such a good fucking teacher. I would love to do it someday. Matt, you'd look so good in Jinko. I would look so good with overalls and being a teacher. Very fast fact, very fast fact about Kelsey. She doesn't have a lot to her name,

but she is the first at something. She's very famous. Well, not famous, but she will be someday. She is the first teacher to Red Vine. She started the Red Vine. The Red Vine game. Taking that tub of Red Vines and having on her desk and sharing red vines to students.

She was the first teacher to ever be like, red vines is where it's at. Do your teachers not have red vines? My teachers had red vines. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not familiar with this. All right, checks out, they were invented in the 1950s, Matt.

I double checked. They were made in the 1920s, but they became red vines in the 1950s. What were they before, black and white? That's good, I like that, Freddy. I think they were just called red licorice or something. But yeah, she started it, she started the fad. Teachers that are still using red vine,

you can thank Kelsey for it. Do they come in the big bucket? Oh yeah. I thought that was the other ones. No, red vines come in the big bucket. Red vines are in the bucket. Twizzlers are in a pack. Twizzlers are in the pack.

That's like the difference between a clip in a magazine for all you, you know what I'm saying? For all you patriots out there. When you get the pistol with the big drum magazine in it, that's what a red vine bucket is. The red vine bucket was the original high capacity magazine. I'm Anthony. I play...

What were you about to say, Freddie? Hey Anthony. Oh God. What? You sound like Jason Funderburger. Shout out to my over the garden wall heads. I'm Anthony Burch and I play Francis Forrensworth, a kid with a gun.

And my Francis fact is that being a soda jerk, Francis has an encyclopedic knowledge of soda jerk lingo. So I'm gonna say some stuff and you're gonna guess what it means. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, fun, fun, fun, fun. So, so, so, is like not just soda but also kind of a diner So there's food potential in here as well. Kind of like how barber was like used to like heal wounds. Yeah, yeah kind of yeah Also just were part of like a pharmacy too

You can get blooded by a soda jerk back in the 50s dude I actually meant something else that's slang for something else bud. What do you think? Catbeer means Milk. Milk, correct. Milk. Ooh, fast. Dish. What do you think? Cat beer means milk beer milk correct milk. Oh fast dish. What do you think dish means? No serve serve. Yeah ice cream. No, I was right. This is cold Ice cream is just cold milk and here's my favorite one knock off the horns and drive them in It's like a banana split where you cut off the tips of it and you'd slam a circumcised where you cut off the tips of it and you'd slam a man. That's so good.

Knock off the horns and drive the man. Oh, take off the straws, like 72 with the straws and putting the straws in the thing. No. Let me guess. I think Freddie was actually dead on with, it involves like a sundae of some type. Nope.

Fuck. Then I got nothing. Knock off the horns. Will, come on. I have no idea. Take the pickles off the sandwich. I like that, but no. No.

Oh, take the two toothpicks out of the burger and bury them inside Yeah, take them out because they're naturally a part of the bird you wouldn't put them in hey listen They did all kinds of crazy shit in the 50s dude. Maybe knock off the horns and drive them in is a rare steak I like that I getting a steak in a steak at a soda fountain? I'll tell you that. I was going to say, dude, soda trucks had a deal with steaks? Yeah. That's a lot.

Yeah, could you imagine cranking out some Dr. Peppers and flipping the ribeye? What soda do you want? I want a medium steak. Oh, OK, let me just go do that right away. Let me change everything. I'm going to wash my hands. I'm going to wash my hands.

OK, let me just walk into our freezer and touch raw meat. Hey, before you get that guy's steak and you get my soda, I was like, nah, nah, I'll take the orders as they go. Take a make-up, buddy. You gotta wait for this mad steak to be done. You gotta put hair on your chest. Then I'll get your soda. Nothing like the smell of a fucking roasted, fucking broiling steak as you eat soda and

ice cream. What do you get a steak with a dish of moo on the side that's a steak with ice cream My name is Beth May my name hi Beth and I play Trudy trout Robot donning wife homemaker and mother of one beautiful child Fun fact ooh do I remember it? Oh, yeah, so dumb Trudy's favorite musician Does best be plugged back in like it feels like that? Oh, yeah, so dumb Trudy's favorite musician Does that need to be plugged back in like it feels like that hours going out?

beta oven Beta oven, wow not as good as alpha oven Alpha beta beta is better than alpha beta is after the alpha, but in the alphabet But there's no composer He can't just be like It's like what? She's trying to make it fun. Actually no, her favorite composer is Computer Oven.

Computer Oven? They have a computerized oven? Alright, I'm Will Campos, I'm your Ggunjian, Gainjian, Jinnjian, Bangjian, your Gaijin, your Baka Gaijin. I'm your Baka Gaijin Master. I'm your Ggunjian Master, your Gainmaster, your Day the Guy who runs the game that everyone

respects and listens to. Love you bud. And my spooky oaky fact is a Bigfoot fact. Did you guys know Bigfoots are real? No. They're real baby. And they're fantastic. I got two big feet.

Dad, that's what I'm talking about. That's Big Harry feet are real. Alright guys, let's play this game. That's just a fact. The fact is just that they're real? Okay. That's big hairy feet are real. All right guys, let's play Okay, I feel like we're gonna meet Bigfoot this episode guys, I mean you met Bigfoot's Remember Bigfoot's are different than the Bigfoot though Good save, Matt, you know what? When last we left you, you had entered this timey-wimey world of Big Feet and Swamp Guys,

and you had left behind Francis's electro gizmo with the Queen of the Big Feet, Scarlet Fury Fiasco, and retreated to a spooky mountain with Jenkins a genocidal lab tech from Project Heartland. A real fucking piece of shit and then you went inside and attempted to write the alphabet to explain to people and you put it on a piece of paper and you also drew a weird doodle and then you just skip forward a thousand years. Did we accidentally create a Ouija board? No unfortunately you can try to do that this time if you want though. And then you emerged from your time bunker to behold an electro steampunk world in front of you with a bunch of steampunk bigfoots because they use the technology from Francis's gun to superpower their civilization. Wait,

if I had handed them my rifle, would it just be like a gun civilization? Like everything's made out of guns? We'll never know. We'll never know. We'll never know what Will would have thought up in that situation had that happened. What kind of- That's smart DMing right there. Yeah. Don't think unless you have to. Hahaha! You were spotted by some clockwork festooned bigfoots with big old electro-zapper guns,

and they pointed at you and, sorry, once again have to do a retcon. Because I did say that they said Outlanders last time. But once again I do- You to do a retcon because I did say that they said outlanders last time. You did the same retcon two episodes in a row. I have to do the same retcon two episodes in a row. They do not know English. They don't know English? Your attempt to teach an entire civilization how to read English by leaving the alphabet on a piece of paper outside didn't work. I'm sorry, we were able to manage with the Rosetta Stone. Yeah, point of order. I feel like if they got the entire alphabet and all the cool stuff that Kelsey wrote on there, that they would be more likely to figure out English than figuring out technology from a gun. Well, what did you write on there? I wrote the entire alphabet.

I wrote you up. And then I wrote the quick brown fox sentence. And then I wrote some general ideas of verbs and stuff. People figure out language. All right, Matt, what are you talking about? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, we can do this, we can do this, we can do this. What do you mean?

We can do this. No, no, because every no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no likely than figuring out a magic gun that just dropped down and you have people that had stones, and they got a fucking computer, you think that in a thousand years they got a computer, they'd be like, this is a weird thing, they're gonna eat it. I take issue with that fact too, but since Will's my good friend, I'm not bringing it up to him. I was just about to give you advantage on a roll for standing up to me, but then you made fun of my world building. Matt, give me a roll. Give me a luck roll.

Forty-eight luck, and I roll a 60. You roll a 60. Do you want to roll. Forty-eight luck and I roll a sixty. You roll a sixty. Do you want to use the power of Zuzao to... Teach you some English. To make this luck roll go better. Mm-mm. Alright, well in that case, yeah. Their language has changed over the last thousand years.

So instead of going, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, they go, zip, zip, zip, zip! Mmm, okay. There's like five of these. It's like a mounted patrol. And do they use English letters now Do they use English they just use all the letters, but they use them. No, they use Bigfoot letters. I'm sorry we come in peace skibbity We'll just run back Running back to the bunker they're chasing us the's safe, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So you guys are gonna run back to the bunker. Yes, you're being pursued by electro clockwork Bigfoots

They still use spider horses to get around so they're on spider horse back. Can I just say, well when you say electro spider in my head It's just like you ever heard like the electro swing like Do do do do do do But it's like with synthesizers and shit. God I I hate that. That is actually the type of music that plays Electro swing electro swing so you guys are gonna run away Yeah, back up the mountain mm-hmm you have enough of a head start that you don't need to roll for that So you spread back up to your little time chamber like you seem to have some good ideas as to why my way of teaching

You should work first things first you need to draw like a guy or a big foot and then you put underneath the words. So then- Oh my goodness, we can make a picture book. We have to combine concepts with images. You could use my pictogram that I did that we all agreed was pretty good. Yeah, we'll put words underneath that.

Oh that's right, that's right. We did have Francis's pictogram, which was a picture of the five of you that said that you were like from the sky and that you wanted them to dig into the earth. Oh, yeah, yeah, yes, not using words, but yeah, yeah Well now here's a question. Do we have any observation sort of cameras and stuff so you can see there are cameras pointed over I'm glad so glad you asked ready. We should have done this before we went outside. We were looking so Kelsey what's your problem with me man? No nothing actually we were looking outside before Kelsey I feel like we are always fighting

Well, I just when I look at you I think about the shame of me lying about the toilet being broken and know what that's on me. That's not about you That's my problem. So your toilet was broken. But yeah, remember I flushed papers down there and then you broke it afterwards But it wasn't your fault. The toilet was broken, it was my fault. Pipes were very delicate. I guess really quick before we go down this rabbit hole teaching them English, what? Yeah, what progress has been made on the dude? Our primary thing is still to get the key, right?

Yes, yes. That's what we're trying to get. So that we think the key is somewhere in this society. So somewhere in this timey-wimey terrarium of a world, there's a green key, one of three that you need to activate the device that will destroy the mother of Zuzel. You are back in a little hidey hole. On the monitors you see, one you see this city.

This is where the village was originally, where you met Queen Scarlet Fury Fiasco last time. Of the People of the Plains, a legally distinct name we were calling them. There now you see basically like a sprawling Victorian city. There's a thick sheaf of black smog that you can kind of barely peer under but this seems to be like where the well-heeled bigfoots hang out attending to them on hand and foot are this underclass of swamp thing guys they look like the creature from the Black Lagoon and they are seem to be an underclass that serves them as a proletarian workforce over by where Blake's poop swamp used to be you see a big big mining camp. Sort of like a forced labor camp.

And again, you see swamp people toiling and digging deeper and deeper down into the earth to mine something you're not quite sure what. So there is mining going on. Yeah. Oh, great. Nice. And then where the temple used to be at the center of the world, you now see what seems to be like something like the Louvre, like a museum. Like a sort of glitzy, classy museum. The keys either going to be in the museum or a church.

It depends if they think of it as an artifact or like a sacred item. I knew we were gonna have to probably do a heist. What if they threw it away? Yeah, I was just thinking, you know, maybe they don't know its significance. That's true. There's a lot of stuff from like ancient civilizations in our world

that we don't have a lot of their stuff. And I was just thinking there were, sometimes I get mail and I don't remember where I put it and it could have been important stuff. And so I just wonder if maybe they treated that key like I treat some of my mail and they might've misplaced it. So we have no leads.

Yeah, so what do we do in that case? This is an idea. Cause it seems dangerous out there. It seems like every time we walk out there, these group of people don't like- We just go forward without ears. Yeah, I was thinking, baby, we try to just message that we want the key.

Ah! And then just keep, like, just see. Ah, I have idea. See if it comes to us. I have an idea. I have an idea. Instead of us going out into the dangerous world to look for the key, we make some drawings and distribute the drawings from wherever.

We make them bring the key to us. Like perhaps there's a ritual where we build a stone at the beginning. Oh. And then we say, you have to put the key here and something good will happen. Oh, that's a, yeah, we can make like a little stone tablet thing, like a plinth. Yes. And draw a cool picture of the key. Yes.

And make like a hole that's clearly fit for the hole. Yes. And draw a cool picture of the key. Yes. And make like a hole that's clearly fit for the hole Yeah, we'll make it like some adventure. We'll walk up there see like oh my gosh This must be where the key is and we'll watch from the camera the moment they bring the key there We'll hop out. We'll hop out. Take it. We don't know what the key looks like though. I have seen the key It's a green key. Oh you saw the key. It's a green key. You can etch it from memory then. So how big is the key? About the size of a key. Okay. Yeah, we don't want to make the hole too big because It's better for it to be bigger than too small. I don't think so if it's too small a key can't get in Yes, then they'll be confused

Small than it'll erode away and probably be an okay size if it's too big it'll erode away and be like nothing I'm just saying if it's too big we might find other things in there Yes, that will be a problem, But we'll also have the key. Are you concerned about like dust and spiders? No. Like what? We might find a person there. Person?

Oh, we don't want to have people sacrificing themselves to us. That would suck. No, not like that. Trudy, I'm really sorry. I'm not on the same pages. I understand. I really want to hear your concern. If this keyhole is too big,

and we're not gonna make it too, too big, like it could be about the size of a key. I have a key, I pull out my keys, like we'll make it about this size. What are you concerned will be in this hole? Just something awful. I hear your concern. Here's how we can solve that.

I don't know. We put a little dome or something over it. I could draw a dick and then put an X over it. Oh yes, that's perfect, Francis. Nice. Oh, you're concerned men. Yes. May find this rock. And if they're out there in the woods, they're probably lonely men. Yes. May satisfy their urges on this rock. Yes. Okay.

And they will satisfy themselves over the course of thousands of years, and a thick buildup will They satisfy their urges on this rock. Yes. Okay. Well, that would not be- And they will satisfy themselves over the course of thousands of years and a thick build-up will make like a bat guano in caves. I hold up the key. I'm like, well, okay. Well, you're right. We won't make it that large in general. I can't promise that nothing will fuck it though over a course of a thousand years.

Yes, a bear or something could come by. So you hear behind you Jenkins dutifully scratching out your plan on like with chalk on a chalkboard. He's like, OK, so it seems like we're coming to a great consensus here. It seems like step one of the plan is one, get key. We're going to need the key. Right. You guys need your key. I don't know what you need it for. I don't know what this key is about, but we're all on the same team. We're all working together. We all want to get out of here.

That would be the first goal. Goal number one is get this key that you need for some reason. Yeah. And it sounds like you wanna do that by building a hole in the ground and then telling people to put the key in there. Is that what I'm getting?

Look, there's a world, Jenkins. Yes. Let's add to number one. Number two, there's a world where we will have to go out and get the key. It just seems like we have some chances to try a simpler way Before we put ourselves in danger. Yes. Okay, so step one is ask them to put the key in a hole. Yeah Yeah, we put like that. We're gonna like add some flair to it like okay

Well, I'm just trying to summarize your plan. I'm just trying to you know I'm just trying to help you guys cuz yeah, I like you guys you're like me There's a whole art component to this that you're missing then once we do that we still have to get out of here, right? So that's then we have to figure that out So I'm gonna put that as goal number two is leave well at some point They'll probably create like nukes and like annihilate each other and then we just walk out into the wasteland Yeah, we fast forward enough that maybe they eventually just like make like Individual flying machines or something cool like that. We could zip up to the top

Maybe they come up with like a utopia and we just like chill here for us With something that connects everybody but it turns bad We could zip up to the top. Maybe they come up with like a utopia, and then we just like chill here forever. That's true. Or maybe they come up with something that connects everybody. But it turns bad. And it's big. OK, I'm going to write that down then. So step two is, you know, run out the clock. Maybe they invent something that we can fly in.

Jenkins. Or some sort of web that interconnects everyone, a sort of net, a sort of internet. Yes. Maybe that's what you call it. I don't know. Jenkins, quick question. When they reset this place, send the water down, have you seen this happen? Oh, yeah, I mean it floods the whole area. What happens to this room? Well, this room's hermetically sealed. We'll be fine. We can watch everybody drown and die.

Oh. Oh. Oh, okay. Hooray! Who decides you're in here? Mm-hmm. Is anybody even gonna flood this place right now? Everybody's kind of dead outside. Well now you gotta be careful because there is a proximity detector. If you start to breach the sky or the

earth it triggers a flood. I saw them. So you know like you gotta be a little careful about that. How was that not the first? All the discussions we were having were completely pointless without that knowledge. Do you want to listen to me now? I'm sorry. Yeah. We asked you information that's sparing the lead sir that was vital I explained this to you already last episode. I definitely don't remember. I'm all right. Well regardless Yes, we have an automatic sensor that if the civilization gets advanced enough and tries to breach containment There's an automatic system that shuts that down. So how will we get up there? You'll have time to escape before the flood happens.

It sounds like we want to go up rather than down, because water goes down and we could drown quicker. But if you go down, you have more time for the water to... Do you know what I mean? Wait, you're like, the gravity? Yeah, well it's gotta go to the earth. Yeah, we'll get like five more seconds. I don't know, it's up to you.

I don't know, it just all seems so hopeless. What if we tell them they can split the atom and we use that to break the walls? Go sideways. Yeah, are we small? What? I'm sorry. What like what? one more time Hey, don't look at me like I'm saying if we broke the walls of this little civilization. Oh, will we be like? Kelsey I need to I need to just one thing one hold one second hard stop time I just quick question is capsule. We're in quick question. Not the size

This is a small capsule right now. We're in Kelsey You do recall we were standing at the door. Yes, and I was running towards the door and I saw you at the door And we were all the size but times changing how big is this room? Look, you know, he Shakespeare is shorter than us? It's... Okay. Wait, wait. No, this room is...

No, this is a good question. This is a good question. I figured we were in like a small like Whoville. What? Kelsey, you really have a scientist's mind. Thank you. You would be a great addition... Hey, the Nazi likes you.

You'd be a great addition to the team here. I'll be honest. Absolutely not. The Nazi wants you on their team. Well, let me just show you real quick, and he sketches out a mind-boggling equation Okay, he says you see time and space kind of rolled understand it go ahead. I'll give you natural world I Have a ten mm-hmm have a nine so I do get it. Oh wow okay great So as he's sketching this out actually know who would have actually done pretty well on this is old Tony Kaleck, because Tony had a point in theoretical physics. At one point in theoretical physics. So Kelsey, I don't know how much you know about the theory of relativity, but space and time are all part of a continuum. Time is space and space is time.

It's all folded together. So when you're in a machine that distorts time, you're also distorting space. So that's why this place, you know, it's kind of like it's bigger on the inside, is what I would say. So it's weird. I grant you that it's weird, but when you go outside, you're gonna be the same size as you were before. Okay, that's all you have to say. I just wanted to know if we're small.

If we're not small, that's okay. You're good to go, you're not small. Here's a dumb question. I just wanted to know if we blew up this capsule, would we be still small? But I guess we're not small at all. So that's fine. A great teacher once told me,

there are no dumb questions. Well, that's not great teacher once told me there are no dumb questions. Well, that's not a good teacher because there's definitely dumb questions. Questions that waste the time are dumb questions. Well, my question to you then, maybe it's dumb or not, is what do you guys want to do? Oh, well, yeah, should we make this play? Let's make the juice hole. Trudy, why don't you be part of the Hole Committee? That way your concern about how big the hole is will be answered and you can you will be responsible for how big the hole is The president of the whole committee

On the drawing of the dick with the extruit. Yeah. Yes. We will work on how to communicate English and ideas Yes I think that we should write like what would be a picture book in stone So that anybody can see the pictures that correlate to the words, learn English. We'll make stone tablets and then light a bush on fire to let them know something is here. That's good.

Nothing bad will happen if you first look at that. This seems like a good idea to signal them. We want to evoke the idea that if they put the key in this hole, something good will happen. That once somebody finds it, they'll be like, oh, we should go get that key. Well, that's easy. You can just draw a picture of a person. And Jenkins, with maybe a little technology, the good thing that can happen is maybe a

small victory tune. And that's it. Yes. Key goes in and it goes, ba-da! And the instructions must rhyme. How is it going to rhyme when they don't know the language? They'll learn the language by the rhyming. Oh, well that means we definitely have to rhyme

when we come out, otherwise they won't understand us. Okay, so let me see if I have the goal one, get the key, step one, teach English to Bigfoot. Yes. Yes. And we're saying that, yeah, Kelsey, you're a teacher. Do you wanna be in charge of that? Why don't you and I work on that, Kelsey? Jenkins, Jenkins, take a step back.

Why don't you just shut your mouth? You're acting like you're kind of in charge here now. I'm not liking this. I'm just a goofy general directionless. We're okay, we're okay. I promise, don't you worry your pretty little head. We'll figure this out just fine, okay? Everybody, look at me, don't look at Jenkins.

Look at me. Francis is like, do we need Jenkins anymore? I think, okay Once upon a time There was a key It was delightful And brought much glee I'm writing this. Are you writing it? Cause I'm not writing it

So you guys better remember this. Jenkins! It's fine! I'm writing it! I'm writing it! I'm writing this. Once upon a time there was a key. Once upon a time there was a key. Keep going Trudy. You're on a roll. It was very good and brought much glee. Because delightful is kind of a hard word.

The key got lost somewhere nearby. Okay. Well we don't know that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. The key got lost... And must be found. And must be found. Because then, your loving gods will come around.

Yes! Perfect. And you put them in the hole in the ground! Shut the fuck up! Jenkins! No one wants to hear from you! First of all, Jenkins, Rhyme Scheme is all fucked up now. I just ground, you want wanted in the ground your rhymes I just feel like that would scan. We'll ask you when we want your fucking input Nazi So I don't know whose idea was

But there was a good point that was brought up which is we should probably clarify it should go in the hole Yes, yes ground is too red You're a thin ice It's not just me now. It seems like you've upset everybody And four gets one's not pretty so Okay, so we got once one time there was a key it was very good it brought much glee I feel like keeping it to four lines is good. I think it needs Are you worried about brevity? Know what?

Fuck me right. You're right. I was fucking, six lives. I'm not in charge, I'm just transcribing. Trudy, you're the one who was telling, how many lives would he like to see? You go to Hamline, you're like, I would a point. We walked out of waiting for Godot last night We did

We knew that motherfucking one was gonna show up So once upon a time there was a key was very good it brought much glee We need to figure out how to rhyme the word whole it once was lost it must be found once was lost They have it though, right? It has been lost it must be found. You see hole, throw it down. It had been lost. It has been lost, it must be found, so that your loving gods will come back around. Okay, but we need them to put in the hole,

not just find it. Yeah, then we'll do a couple more lines of that. Okay, okay. It's not time to be haiku. Will come around. Okay, I'm sorry, Francis. This is what it's like when people critique your poetry. People don't critique my poetry. Because it's so fucking good. Okay, I'm sorry, Francis. I'm stepping ahead. Beth, is this what it's like when people critique your poetry? People don't critique my poetry.

Because it's so fucking good. Okay. Trudy and Francis seems like- To be complete. To be quite whole. Trudy and Francis, it seems like you two are on this. So what's the next line? Well, I think it should be maybe like,

if you love your gods with all your soul, put that green key in the hole. That green key in the hole. That green key in the hole. Do we want to do a post-script about like no- Don't fuck it. And don't put your dick- Don't put your dick- That-

Or fluids. Is on your body. Um, okay. Do we need that last part? Anything or anyone who's not a hottie. Well, no, but there's no- Do you just want hot boy juice in this thing? Don't put your dick- You wanna calcify, no. Do you just want hot boy juice in this thing? Don't put your dick.

You wanna calcify the fucking key with a fountain of hot boy juice? Trudy, Trudy, I'm just gonna read this back to you. Let me know if this is what you wanted. You wanted, don't put your dick that is on your body and anything is not unless you're a hottie. No. That sounds like a Matt Ardell poem.

That's what I heard. No, okay. Can you clarify, okay. The hole is for keys. The hole, that's what I heard. That's what I heard. Can you clarify? The hole is for keys. The hole, that's good. The hole is for keys. Just one key, not to jump in, but it's only for one key. I don't want people putting other keys in. The hole is for a key, not a penis.

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. You know, it does feel like that, doesn't it? It does, it does! I feel like you have a real Venus energy about you, Kelsey. Wait, oh I've got it! Shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up! Seriously, we mean it!

Let's hear him out. So don't fuck this whole, seriously, we mean it. I shoot chickens in the head. Did you? Yeah. Dutch is nice brought to you this week by Audible. You hear that? That's Audible's best of the year picks.

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I don't know, Jenkins. We shouldn't be introducing near-rhymes or slant-rhymes into this home. I got a five. Oh my God. Which is indeed a super-duper success. A super-duper success. All right, Jenkins is gonna roll the dodge.

So Jenkins failed, so you shoot Jenkins. Roll for damage. Okay. Give me a 2d6 plus 4. Oh boy, that's 4 plus 5, so that's 13. Let me look up poor Jenkins' health here. Yeah, poor Nazi. He had 14 health, so he, uh...

What did I say about interrupting? Jenkins got shot, and now he's dead Rib and give yourself head Jenkins crumples over on the ground clutching his side. It is bleeding out It's gone unconscious. You know this how much quieter. Okay. Oh my god First aid really blood is getting everywhere We can also just throw him outside. Oh gosh He's a Nazi I know yes, I agree I agree with Francis. This is what we did when we were in Europe I'm not technically a Nazi

There's there's one problem There's there's one problem. I feel like oh Like you're a grown man. Can you just bring Jenkins outside so we could all look away? Can you just take care of it? Oh, mr. Jenkins, please come with me You can tell me while I carry yeah, I close my ears I turn away no I I'm putting my foot down because I I know that this is a bad man, but I'm anxious here, we don't know how to get out of here, and we don't know anything about this world, and my son's about to be turned into a robot.

What? What? Listen to what? What? Jenkins, what? Oh, now he can't talk. He points, give me a no roll, to see if anyone can understand what he's pointing at

I don't know if we can trust him with his last words. I got a 31 and my education is 65 I got a 57 and my no is 70. He's pointing at the monitors and then he dies Blake can you take him out of here? Okay, mr. Jenkins come along he's dead. He said well. I got his feet, okay I'm gonna look at the monitors. Okay, so you open the door. Let's look at the monitors first to see what's happening outside That's what he said So we look trees look at the monitors Yeah, you can look at the monitors you see in the mountains around you the The clockwork Bigfoots have followed you into the mountains, but have not been able to find your hiding spot.

Oh, let's just stay out of here then. Just heard a gunshot boom and seem to be trying to find the source of the sound, so they're drawing closer. Okay. Well, I guess we'll just hang out here for a while. What was he saying? He was saying your son. Well, let's put the body by the door.

Put the body by the door. Put the body by the door. Oh wow, that's quite catchy. Okay, so Jenkins, we don't have to think about Jenkins anymore, Jenkins is gone. Should we just continue with our plan? Yes. Should we just move on? Yes. Okay. It's so much quieter in here. So we gotta put, we gotta make a little stone thing, we gotta get these words on it. Yes. I like your idea. And we also need to connect images and ideas with English words. And we can focus on the words that are in the poem. So for example, key, we can draw a picture of the key, right key. For glee, we can put a smiley face and then write glee underneath it. Stuff like that. Lost, you know, we can draw a little picture of, I don't know, how do you do Lost?

I'm not great at that. Big smoke monster. Yes. Oh, yeah, my favorite TV show. I'm sure they'll love that. I'll do that. Comes on after murder, murder, murder. We have three things we need to do.

One, construction of key depositing device. Yes. Two, instruction of English as concept and language. And then carve this poem onto the key depositing device. Here's the thought. Will they put the key in? Will we just jump out the moment we see it? Oh, okay? Yeah

Well, how do we know there we want to be safe? Yeah, we'll just watch we'll just watch but what if nothing happens? I mean, we believe a little longer. Yeah, but what if they fish the key out because nothing happened then we'll come out In that context of the moment they put the key in if we come out. Whoa We should probably all like dress dress kind of like cool. Yeah. Neat. Neat-o. What costume?

Oh, it seems like Jenkins would probably be able to help you with that. I don't think Jenkins would not have helped at all with this. No, I think he would. I mean, just would have had some stupid-ass idea. Kelsey Graham has put on more than one school play in her life. I think she is going to be just fine

making some nice costumes with what we got. Looks like we got some bedsheets. What plays have you done? What plays have I done? I walked out of her waiting for Godot. Looks like we got some bed sheets. What place have you done? What place have I done? I walked out of her waiting for Godot. I only do waiting for Godot. Really?

I've been trying to get it to work. The kids are still understanding. It's my white whale. It's so boring. It's my white whale, which I've tried to do with Bobby Digg as a platoon. Also boring. Also boring.

Why, Trudy, what are your favorite places? We should do a musical next. A musical? What's your favorite musical? Careful Bathwater, the 1950s. Trudy, have you ever thought about? We should do a musical next. A musical? What's your favorite musical? Careful, Bathwater. The 1950s. Trudy, have you ever thought about volunteering? I know your kids are homeschooled and I support your decision now, but have you ever thought

about maybe helping out with a school play? It seems like you really like musicals. That'd be fantastic. Oh, wow. While they're having this conversation, I'm going to go out and get three rocks and bring them back in. Give me a stealth roll. Oh, you silly boy.

29 out of 90. Okay, great. Nineties yourself now? Uh- now? So you go out to get rocks. How big are these rocks? They're exactly the size you would need to write a medium-sized poem, exactly the size you would need to write a medium-sized pictogram, and exactly the size of a key. Give me a strength roll. My strength is a 45 and I got a 41. Okay so you are barely able to haul these three big rocks back to you. Well, what do you do?

Do you want to do one big rock and break them up? Or what are you trying to do? You're just trying to like, three big rocks. I don't know, whatever I rolled for. You barely managed to haul three big rocks with you back to the, um. Man, this would have been so much easier with Jenkins. I don't say. Somewhere Over the Rainbow is a beautiful song, right?

But then I was wondering, what if the story was actually about that witch That evil witch of the West tree. I've never heard I've never heard this place right now, but I am obsessed with this I need space for this rock hold some space Tree, do you think so heavy looks like you're defying gravity with that? Do you think while we work on this splint and this book and everything that we can just have like a fun, can you just like sing all your favorite songs? Can we just have like a fun montage where Trudy's teaching us all of our favorite show tunes

as we're writing and making this plinth? Seems like a fun thing. Okay, yes, all right. So Francis has brought in the rocks that you are going to carve on. We'll say Kelsey is gonna carve the alphabet thing, right? No, I'm the handy man. I have all the tools for carving.

Okay, Kelsey is going to come up with the system for teaching English, right? Yes. So give me, what is the closest role to teaching? Education, no. No. I'm just a girl who can't say no. What one's that from, Trudy?

It's from Oklahoma. Oh, that's my favorite state. Which is 50s, I think, yeah. Yeah, Oklahoma was around in the 50s. Give me a education roll then. Ask a teacher to get an education roll. And she gets a nine out of 70. Whoa. That's very good.

So zero, that's a super duper success. You don't have to go into the details, but describe to me, like, if there are any fun Kelsey-isms she puts on these Rosetta stones. As every artist knows it's impossible not to put a bit of yourself in your work. Just full of Kelsey-isms. It is essentially an A to B book. You'll never get past B. They only know babas. It's an A to Z book and every page has like multiple drawings I think those drugs are based off of you're helping right so whatever Blake says he's good at drawing ads like okay

Do what's what's easier for you draw like an apple or an aardvark? Apple okay, they knew an apple and it's round with a stick at the top. That's good Can you also do aardvark? We got some extra space on this rock. Yes aardvark a dog with a stick We got some extra space on this rock. Oh yes, aardvark, a dog with a stick. Great. Kelsey, you realize this is kind of ironic, right? Like you're finally making an encyclopedia, it's all your own. It's for babies, but you're right.

Let's do I, ironic. Can you draw that? Ironic, let's see here. Draw Chandler Bayne. Ironic. Ah, very easy. I draw a clothing iron. You're right, Francis. I guess in some ways this is like the first encyclopedia.

Holy shit. For this civilization. No, that seems arrogant because they have a very great civilization out there. Yeah, they have a fear to have electro. They just don't know the way that we say it. If anything. What's more important is that our civilization is the best one. They just don't know the way that we say it. What's more important is that our civilization is the best one and we're spreading it to them.

Hey, you know what, I'm just saying English just sounds right to me. That's all Kelsey's saying. Okay, so you have now carved your Rosetta Stone. Congratulations. Who's going to write the poem? Trudy. I did. Okay, so give me...

And I'll carve the pictures. No, I'm car. Oh, you're carving pictures You're having the pictures you already came up with the poem. I guess there's no role for this you just I think you can make the rock that the keyhole goes in Cool and like really like I'm gonna do a stuffy s on it. You know wonder what that's about for generations You know that s you've been looking for So one of these rocks is just- Is your cousin Marvin Stussy? One of these rocks is just gonna have a hole in it and this is the rock that the hole goes into. It's not gonna just have a hole in it. Francis is gonna make it look-

It's gonna have a Stussy ass. Is that it though or are you gonna make it look a little- Make it look a little like maybe a little mysterious? Oh no, I'm also gonna carve an image of a penis with an X through it. I'm also gonna give you my recollection of what the key looked like in a little arrow saying like key into here. Yeah, and much like a sketch artist, I will take those details and make something similar. Okay. Great.

And everyone knows a great artist, you leave a little bit of yourself behind. Yeah. What would this be? You're just carving something into a- you're just putting a hole in a rock. And I have infinite time. All right, you make it. Yay! Yeah. You know what? The first three weren't great, Francis,

but this one's really good. Great job. Francis makes perfect. Trudy, what are you doing while all this is going on? Thinking about musicals. Can I roll a spot hidden to see if Francis ever took the rocket to his bunker? Yes, you may, Matt. You don't need to roll for this.

I know if it happened. It was just like late at night, you just hear Oww. If you see me limping the next day you'll know why. Oh no. Fris is really making that keyhole bigger, it's big enough for a key. Thank you. Alright here's what we're gonna do Yes, I I did pass my spy that check out of me Okay, then you know Francis is taking that rock for like a little extracurriculars every is really working like 24 I've got a pretty good work ethic

So I will not give you disadvantage on the wall. I'm gonna now do to see how many days this took. I rolled very well. I rolled a 13. So this took you two weeks basically to do all of this. Ooh, my bones feel two weeks older. The whole place reeks of the rotting corpse of Jenkins. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. At no point in the two weeks did we throw out of the corpse. Let's cut to when the coast was clear because right they were hunting for us, but they're not gonna be hunting for us forever. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, the body and I'm doing this for all of you and I closed the door. Andy, did you just say you stubbed your dick? Yeah.

That's why I'm limping. Okay, so there's no discussing Fran's Jenkins body. We got rid of it. Yeah, there's some things that good families don't talk about. Very slippery in this bathroom now. Oh, hey Blake, I opened up the door. Sorry, a little embarrassing. I think I caught the toilet in here.

Ah, no problem. She also had it really bad! Oh, no! Alright, Blake, give me another mechanical repair roll to fix the toilet, because Kelsey absolutely did clog the toilet doing this. Well, no problem. I understand the toilet implicitly. It is my entire sense of being I have a 35 mechanical repair 35 what did you roll Freddy I can see it on your screen I roll 42 so I could burn seven lock and we're okay or We ain't pooping for a while. Oh guys. We can't use that bathroom

We just can't use the toilet We're not using the hole We're not using the hole Okay, so the bathroom's off limits. The bathroom's broken. It's clogged up with Jenkins pieces. Yes, you've clogged the toilet with Jenkins. You've been in here for two weeks.

I'll be nice and say that today was the day that you finally broke the toilet. Okay, Drew. Probably you were trying to flush his skull down or something like that. Okay, sure, yeah. I fixed the toilet. You have the stones. What do you want to do? Well, should we put it out there, Drew?

Let's throw them out. I guess. Yes. And maybe I'll distract them while you put it out. If they're still out there. There's a situation outside. You look outside, you can't see anybody out there. There's a camera pointing down sort of over the immediate vicinity of the entrance of this cave. Careful. Could be a trap. But beyond the entrance of this bunker hidden in the mountains. Sounds like a trap! But there's not much out there beyond that that you can see. So you're gonna have to go outside if you want to look. Fortunately, one of you is really good at stealth.

Oh, okay. Now good luck. Reconnaissance mission. Make sure the coast is clear. And maybe adjust the cameras around so we can see more. Sure. I got a 59 out of 90. Okay, so you sneak out.

What do you do to just try to skulk up to like a good vantage point or something like that? I feel like I just did a Scooby Doo, put my head out, look left, look right. Cause we're just gonna put the stones right outside the door. I don't need to go any further than that. Yeah, we're not gonna go that far out, yeah. Okay.

Cause they'll find them in hundreds of thousands of years. We got time. Okay, so yeah, you don't see anybody. Give me a spot hidden roll. It's a 38 and my spot hidden is 25, so I don't see anything. Hey guys spot hidden roll. It's a 38 and my spot hidden is 25 so I don't see anything remember hey guys remember when will describe the museum He's just trolling how much work I did that you guys aren't engaging with Like he was like oh probably got like a cool fucking sculpture.

It's dangerous out there! He gave us a spot of safety! We got infinite safety in this spot. I just love it. Dude, there were zeppelins, dude. Yeah, it's pretty cool out there. You roll the rocks out, you see a cool zeppelin in the distance. And then you hear a huge boom, and you see a cannon at the middle of the city, a massive cannon fire,

and a projectile launch straight up to the vault of heaven and explode off of the roof of the world. Way, way, way, way, way in the distance, but that's just some cool thing you're never gonna see. Cool! So you, uh... Dude, is that like when Katniss like through the arrow up there Bros watching hunger games Bro, okay, so you closed the door. I assume yeah, all right. There's some rocks out there. What do you want to do now wait? Oh, maybe we need to let them know that the rocks are here. Maybe we need to like maybe yeah

You know I mean is that something Trudy wants to do sure I just I don't know it feels like trees been hanging out I think a musicals. Maybe sing a little musical form or something, I don't know. Yes, I will do that, of course. Oh, Trudy needs a hard reset. I pulled my hair. So if you care to find me, look up here on this hill. As someone told me lately, everyone deserves the chance As someone told me lately, everyone deserves the chance to kill Jenkins! And his body's out here now, and you can eat it too.

And that's still in the toilet. Oh yeah. No, that's good Trudy. But I like the rhyme. Step back inside so you're safe though. I'm gonna step back inside. Pretty good Trudy. Give me a persuade roll, I guess is what we'll call that, for your singing.

I mean, because we're just hoping they find it in the next like thousands and thousands of years. Oh yeah. I didn't do good. Okay. I was thinking maybe we shouldn't end the show with that. Maybe that should just be the first act break. You know what we can do? The rocks are all the way here, but why don't we just throw like pieces... Of Jenkins.

Jenkins, yeah. We can also just like, wait, eventually somebody will come back. Yeah, why don't we just see if a thousand years is enough and if people can't find it, we'll add more. Back on Earth, we had a big weird bunker that nobody knew anything about and we couldn't get into, or we knew that there was something there

and we couldn't find it. There'd be at the very least, like conspiracy theorists walking around a lot. You're right, Francis, if nobody finds the key in a thousand years, then we'll add some more signposts to get them closer to it. All right, we fast forward a thousand years. All right, you fast forward, so you turn the knob of tour to- But we're watching the key in a thousand years and we'll add some more signposts to get them closer to it. Yeah! Alright, we fast forward a thousand years. Alright, you fast forward, so you turn the knob of towards...

We're watching the key from the camera. You're watching the key from the camera. And if the camera wasn't pointing at the keyhole, then we went outside and we bent the camera to look at the key. So, we'll do a luck roll. What's your luck score? Who's luck? Do what you're asking. I guess it has to do with... It should be the average of everybody.

I think our group luck is like a 90? With all of us? Hahaha! Woo! I have 55. We'll do an average, I like that. Okay, I'm 48. 79!

I have 40 luck. Plus 40. And then do we all roll a die? We get an average of all of us as well? Absolutely not. I rolled a dice. I rolled an 86. So unfortunately, this first thousand years no one found it.

They spent all that time taking my rift and making the best musical ever. And they took credit for it! Oh, true, your musical's huge! And let's say in a thousand years, the civilization now looks like a 1950s futurist civilization. Well, it looks just like us. Cool! Great time. It looks modern, but like a little bit more Jetsony outside. Oh, wow! I love the furniture.

Oh, and then the other thing is, give me a spot hidden, everybody. I failed. I passed. I definitely failed, but let me see by how much. 41, I failed. 41 out of 50, I passed. You passed? Yeah, I got 50 with spot hidden.

Remember, I put all my stats in spot hidden. Then you realize that, I told you guys about this last time, that there's a monitor pointing back into Project Heartland Control room that you saw super super slow motion that wasn't super super Except when you dilate time to go forward a thousand years in the blink of an eye You're now moving at the speed of time in Project Heartland. So Tucker is no longer in that room. He's gone Oh, no, so it's only been a couple of seconds, but you realize that the more you flash forward time,

the closer and closer Tucker is going to get to his goal of kidnapping Timmy. Mm. Oh. Seems like an infinite time. And the DM's deadly time trap has been down! Oh no, he's done it! That's so infinite, okay.

Trudy, he's not gonna kill your kid. He's going to do something worse than that. No, he's a big pussy. No, no, he's good. We can undo whatever he does. There's no No, no, he's gonna do whatever he does No, that means we can't just spend thousand years left and right like it means nothing Let's go ahead and add some signposts clearly this civilization is a hard time walking up hills and looking around. There's no kids I just want to fuck outside

Called running up that hill Trudy. I love you, I love you so much too. I think a song, I think we've tried the song. It didn't work last night. I think we need something more physical, like some sort of like- You're right. I don't know what I thought. No Trudy, Trudy, it's a good song. I thought I could bring the world together with you guys.

It's a good song. We just didn't make space for it. Yeah, I know, it's a good song for a lot of things. Just don't think the song helps point- Yes, it's just totally useless for our purposes. Yeah, it doesn't help point them to this key. Yeah, you'll make a better second half Francis You say you have an idea bread trail breadcrumb somehow well at the very least Presuming that they're kind of a futuristic society They probably have like radar or sonar or satellites or something

Which means we could like make a message in the rocks outside like for a plane to fly over and see it Which means we could like make a message in the rocks outside like for a plane to fly over and see it In addition, I could just fire my rifle once and they could be like that's a loud noise. Where did that come from? That's mysterious and then maybe they'd start searching around here. No, I don't know about that Francis actually. Yeah No, no, no, no, no, no wasn't the singing was just how loud we were singing Maybe we just need maybe we sing as one Oh, wow, are there any like radios in Jenkins would have had such a good idea for this No, we don't care. It's a shame Such a clever thing. I had a good idea for what to do with Jenkins

Wait that's weird that Jenkins left his diary here Oh no That feels wrong Also what's the best that could happen It's a wonder swan is doing the mordans They all still have the satisfaction of knowing Jenkins had a good idea Go ahead read the diary, Beth. I know, he was wrong, but you know, who knows what's in here?

A man's man, I mean. You're drunk. A man's mind is a mysterious place. Is it? No, you're right. Do you want to read Jenkins' diary? I'll read Jenkins' diary in private. In private, okay.

And I'll make the idea seem like it was mine. So none of us know you have his diary. Give me- Page three. Give me a single D10 roll. Seven. Okay, that means you're gonna have to listen to me do seven of Jenkins' diary entries

before I give you the one with the idea. Okay. Dear diary, first day at Project Heartland, gee whiz, I'm so excited to learn about how I can help our boys in blue and our society and the good old U.S. of A persevere with the power of eldritch science. I am a complicated guy, you know,

and I have a lot of things going on in this old head of mine. Ever since dad died, I've been feeling like what's my place in the world? And I think I've found it. Dear Diary, I've been working at Project Heartland for over a year now, and it's really swell. I think I met someone really cute They're a real cutie, but I'm nervous about telling them that I like them I don't know how that's gonna go and also I got assigned to a new division called the research division that sounds like it's gonna

Be really cool Is this going the way you wanted it to? Only Beth is reading it too That sounds like it's gonna be really cool Uhhh, fuck I don't wanna do that Is this going the way you wanted it to, Will? Only Beth is reading it too Yeah, Beth is getting really into the story Year diary, journal entry number three I love that I only do one of these a year It's a nice way to look back on my year

And what a year I've had We've learned so many things about technology And we built a cool robot That I think Director Trout Is gonna use as his wife or something I don't't know. It's kind of weird. He's a weird guy. I don't know if I like him very much, but oh, he's coming to the room. I better wrap this up. Dear diary episode number four. Why did I, this is fucking. Okay. So I, what happened to Jenkins this year? I fell in love again.

I got my heart broken again. Poor old Jenkins. Isn't that just the way, but I know someone is out there for me someday. I'll meet them, and they'll see me that I have a lot to offer. And I'm not just someone who experiments in horrible ways on a group of people. I hear their screams at night sometimes. Sometimes I hear the screams of the thousands of civilizations that we've swept away like dust, and maybe that's all we are.

He feels guilty, but there's nothing about it. So brave. Oh, yeah, true. I feel really guilty about the fact that I'm guilty about, but I haven't done nothing about it. So brave. I feel really guilty about the fact that I'm guilty about, but I haven't done anything about it. You know, it's important that he centered himself in that story. Dear diary, journal entry number, how many are we at Beth? We're at five, but it's weird that number six and seven are missing. Um, you see scribbled on the last page. I've got it. Great. He just like, it's an idea he had while he was sleeping when I was a great idea if need to communicate message

Crack in wall that whistles shape in a haircut could change stone to say something else question mark. Oh, that's smart The next one X the light has gone out of my life Dang, what happened to jenny closes the diary? Guess Francis was right About what? I thought it was useless? Yep, men have no good ideas All right the next team meeting Trudy you have any ideas for how to communicate with everybody Trudy think oh Gosh, ah Yes, well, I can't take full credit for this, but it is a pretty genius idea.

Actually, no. If I'm going to be a force in the workforce, I need to learn to take other people's ideas and say, hey, this is my idea, and say it louder. You did tell us that it's someone else's idea first. Well, so is this your idea, or is this somebody else's idea? Yeah, which one is it truly? Well, you're giving it to us, so it's fine.

But yeah, go for it. Women can be anything. The stone thing. Yes. The shave and a haircut little like. The ditty. The ditty stone. Yes. Ditty. D-I-T-T-Y. It's not the ditty stuff. No. And we can make it say something else. Oh, yeah. Interesting. Can we also make it louder? Yeah, if we make it louder, that'd be a good thing. Oh, it's just a knob. And we can make it say something else. Oh yeah. Interesting. Can we also make it louder? Yeah, if we make it louder that would be a good thing. Oh, it's just a knob.

And we can make it louder. It's just a knob. Yeah, it's just a little shwurp. Yeah, well let's just do that. It doesn't even matter what it's saying. How do we go for that? Can we just make it louder? We just don't need people to come here.

I want to kill myself. Yeah, well you would, in theory you have to like, all right, fuck it, yeah, on the control... We've got thousands of years. You blow, there's a dusty unused part of the control panel that has a typewriter on it And you can type in what you want the wind tunnel to say Oh I've done this before very easy Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I'm typing a lot better. I rolled a 10 on my edu so it's like you know I was looking around at the manuals and stuff And I figured out how to use this great. Thank you great. I think we just type all caps Oh, oh, oh a you oh, oh, oh a you you you you you I owe you you you you turn up full blasts

I've got it for sale baby shoes never worn so mysterious They'll have to come looking is the baby dead did simply outgrow the shoes. It was it not their baby Oh my god, that's such a good idea. I do want to just remind you Doesn't take away how good idea what you just had was they do not speak our language. Oh, yeah Yeah, yes, I'm sure once they do that would be a great one to do. Yes, but we can put that in So all bunch of vowels. No, no I do baby the stu trees idea. Oh, I look at a plate like Trudy's ideas should eat. No, it's still like did it

So we type that in and we put that on full blast, okay, and then we fast forward We don't like this jump to a thousand years. Let's jump 10 years. We speed up time and we're watching. Okay, so it's like when you're filling up the pump and you're trying to get it to exactly $20. Yes, yes. Okay, all right, so yeah, you see,

you see a little, you know, like this simple. Like a deer comes by and gets called. A deer comes by and steps in and licks it and then you see like, you know, like there's a wind and stuff like that. And then sure enough. A squirrel comes by and fucks the hole. Someone, yeah, a little per comes by and fucks the hole Someone yeah a little bird comes by and fucks the hole

No I specifically wrote not to do that But these bird And then yeah eventually two college bigfoots are out here smoking weed College bigfoot And they Are they barely legal Two sexy coed college bigfoots come out here in a smoking weed and then they see these rocks and they're like Oh, and then they pick them up and look at them and then they run back to town

Okay, now now the rocks are gone. Wait, is this the Keel Rock too? Yep, you can pick the rocks up, right? Well, I guess. Yeah, they tell us. So we start fast forwarding to see if you know. Eventually they'll be like, you know what? Maybe we should have put them back where they were. Or they'll show them to somebody and the museum will be like, where did you get that? This was incredible. You can't move it from where it was. Bring us back to where it was.

Politically, they'll eventually be like, hey, it's really irresponsible that you took it from where it was. You should go back. All right, here's what we'll do. Here's what we'll do. Here's what we'll do. Okay, so you see the rocks disappear.

And then you're looking at the monitors. Here's a monitor over the city. There's a monitor over the swamp, the mines. And then there's the one at the museum, right? So yeah, if you trace it, you can see them go back to the museum, and then like, and fast forward, you see this huge crowd get around the museum, because it's like this amazing nudist discovery. There's posters of the rocks, and you know, like there's all this hubbub. Come see the cum rock!

And no, no, Indiana Jones type, no archaeologist, no serious museum person who got this and believes this real thing was like, Hey, where did you acquire this? And let's go like the first thing when you get a bow, they're like, Hey, let's go check out this archaeological site. There was a surprise. You find it. So yes, the big foot's are astounded by this discovery. And you see fast forward a big foot come over to the mines and like, you know, make an announcement and all the workers like put down their pickaxes and It seems like this message from the gods has brought unity among the big foots and the swamp people for a second And like you kind of ushered in maybe a new golden age for this society big foots and swamp people working together And then it was three rocks. Hey, man, that's God

He's coming to speak to us and so then the big foots and the and the swamp people form a new kingdom and they're looking around Yes, they have a scouting party that comes up into the mountains I slow down I slow down And they're looking around and the two college kids who are a little older now, but not a lot wiser Show them and discreetly hide where they were hiding smoking their weed and then they point to the rock Where they found the thing and it's at the fever pitch that is saying for still babies you've never worn I'm gonna stop. I'm gonna come in with it.

Okay, guys, it seems like we've been doing this plan for a long time. Maybe we just give it one more shot, and if it doesn't work, we'll go and do a heist or something. We'll try this. One more. We'll try this. What? One more. So as they come up, I go, okay, maybe tie a rope to me. It seems like we've changed civilization, which is great for them, but it doesn't get us the key. So I'm gonna come out there, they all worship this thing now, they have an idea.

I was just gonna dress up, kind of godly, come out when they're there, and mime, and like have a rock in my hand and be like whoa, and mime putting the key in the rock and putting it on the ground. Don't they speak English now? And say, huh? Don't they speak English now? Do they, huh? Don't they speak English now?

Do they? I don't know. Based on the posters that have come up since the rocket showed up. Depends on how long you wait. I'll put that out there. How long you wanna wait for English to spread like a mind virus.

We waited until the first time somebody shows up without and they don't have the key or the rock with us. Okay, in that case, that's only been a couple of weeks. They don't speak English yet. Oh, okay. Yeah. Dave. We made these outfits to look all cool. Should we come out and be like, hey, you gotta bring that thing back? Put it right here.

We just gotta keep it really brief, because they might try to capture us and do experiments on us and stuff. That's fair. Like, we just go like, eh, eh, like turning a key motion with our hands, and then we go back inside and close the door. What if we cut a rock that looks like key so we can hold it, and then when we go out, we can point at it? Visual aid. Great synchronization. synchronization so I will come okay let's all know exactly what our move is so we can all do that once and then walk back in okay I step out I'm gonna

hold a rock and just you're putting a key in it using a prop key using a prop key that's fine yes little piece of cardboard little piece of paper it just looks like a key or using it's fine I think they understand this is pretty you know it's like a kids play you already did a whole poem about this right? yeah yeah we wrote a whole poem about this but they took it away fine. I think they understand this is pretty so you know it's like a good Way long enough for them to speak English so I'm gonna wait from here So now we're just asking them to bring the key back here. Yes. Yes, all right Francis when you said that we could probably reverse whatever Tucker does to Timmy. Did you mean that? Yeah, he's not gonna like permanently fuck up your kid. It's his kid too. Maybe we should go further in the future.

Well, I mean, let's give this a try first. Trudy, you're a good mom and whatever happens, we're gonna save your kid and if something happened to him, you're gonna be there to help him through it, okay? And you can blame me if it goes wrong. I'm saying that as I'm putting like the costume on you. First, what we need to do is give this one more shot and then we can move on. Okay. You open the door. Yes. First, what we need to do is give this one more shot,

and then we can move on. Okay. You open the door. Yes. We ran out of two or the two calls, because our second's here. Yeah, so this hidden wall in the rock slides open, and you see this whole area's been kind of cordoned off,

almost like a Close Encounters of the Third Kind situation, where there's a bunch of scientists with readers and doodads and bitmorphs. And when they see this wall open, they're like, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip're like, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, oh my God, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, because they're saying like, hold on, hold on, what's happening?

Yeah, do they bow? So first, we'll say that like a cool floodlight, because it's nighttime, so that blinding inside light from inside this bunker, you know, like you're silhouetted as you emerge, and then they turn on their lights, and it spots you in your costumes. and it spots you in your costumes. from League of Legends? No, stop. Sorry, Amphibious. I don't know if he's ambitious. Anthony, you used to write for League of Legends. Is he ambitious? Yeah, he's Amphibious, not ambitious. He just likes to hang out. I wrote stories about Fizz. I really did. Fizz offers community-personalized

mobile plans with complete transparency because their members are at the center of their decisions, which means no hidden fees, no false promises. Fizz is 100% online. I'm sorry, I can't get over Anthony saying like a guy at a bar who like, recalling his grizzled ward. He's been like, I wrote stories for Fizz. Yeah, I really did. I wrote for Fizz. Here's some things that they do. Unused data, it transfers over to the next month. That's right. You don't worry about it. Don't worry about sucking up all that data month at a time.

And you're rewarded just by being there. The more you stay, the more you're rewarded, earn free data and dollars off. You can give your data to any Fizz member. When you subscribe using our promo code, you get 10 gigs plus 25 bucks. That promo code is FizzC, F-I-Z-Z, letter C. Learn more by checking out the website, fizz.ca. The She Sores podcast is an absolute must for conversations about sexual and reproductive health and rights. We are a group of passionate young women from across Canada who are exploring global issues that affect girls' lives and choices, and how they relate to Canadian youth.

Tune in to season 3 of the She Soars podcast for more hot topics and inspiring speakers from around the world, and discover ways we can all take action. Her rights, her voice. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts. Describe these costumes to me. Well, I took the bedsheets and I made them really billowy and they flow wonderfully around us and they attach, the cloaks attach to our arms as we wave our arms, we look big and bird-like. And Drew, you did the head gear, so why don't you explain what you did with that? Well, I thought that I would take a big can of beans

from inside. It was a huge can. And I thought that I would make a little helmet out of it. I did that, and I made it a helmet and it's so big and it's just, it's great. My favorite part of your helmet was when you put big keys on top of them too. Yes.

Who's wearing that bean helmet? All four of us are in these costumes. You're all wearing billowy robes. They ran out of bedsheets so mine is just a ghost. I'm just a regular ghost costume. What do you mean they ran out of bedsheets? Like they ran out of like fabric for mine so mine is just a ghost. I'm just a regular ghost costume What do you mean they ran out of bed sheets? They ran out of like fabric for mine, so mine is just like a ghost costume So you saw- oh okay

Wait, is a ghost costume just a sheet? Yeah, with two eye holes But we ran out of sheets? You didn't have enough for the billowy arms, Ben Okay This is such a technical- like they had enough fabric to make a ghost costume, but not enough to do arms No, the cool flowy arms! Matt described cool flowy arms!

We all want flowy arms, we pulled stripes, unfortunately Blake pulled the short stripes so he doesn't get flowy arms. I'm ghost. Okay, so Blake is a spooky ghost and the three of you are in flowy arm robes and you have bean helmets. I am wearing my crown up over my bean helmet. And you got the crown, yes, yes, that's right, because you got the crown, the lost crown of Queen Scarlet Fury Fiasco, which you are wearing on your head. That's a very good detail.

And then Kelsey steps forward in her most disappointed and serious teacher face, points to the keys on all her heads and goes, why is the key not here? And I hold up a sword and I mime the key coming in and I place it on the ground and I bring the key back. Or, and then I look at it and I always be angry. And we all go, hmm. And Trudy clears her throat and says,

so if you're looking for sale, baby shoes never worn. Francis points at his crown and goes, I'll trade you this for the key. Oh, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip. And the whole time I'm back inside. We wave our hands all mysteriously and go back inside like, woo. We close the door.

Guys, great job. I think we killed that. Tray, you are good at putting on plays. If we get back this, if you don't mind, I would love you to run the school plays. If I could help. Oh wow! What an honor! I would love that! Obviously my attention needs to be saving my son first, but if everything turns out okay. And then after you can save your son with the power of drama. I just think it's important to know we don't want to just worry about saving

the world. We want to think about all the things we want to do in the saved world. It'll give us something to work towards. They're surviving and then there's living. We're gonna do another bootleg off-label, not the way you're supposed to play Call of Cthulhu's average group role again. So everyone give me your persuade skill. Where's 30? 30 plus.

I got 55 as my persuade skill. 10. Plus 10. Do we wait this because I did the motion no Five so you guys have a 26 okay, okay now mad I will remind you you can pray to zuzell Roll goes first no I'm not no you gotta do it first you gotta you gotta play I got decided to do advantage Yeah, you gotta decide if you could do advantage first you don't get to just redo the role you gotta decide if you're gonna burn advantage? Yeah, you gotta decide if you can do advantage first. You don't get to just redo the role. You gotta decide if you're gonna burn it on this role.

Yeah, let's do it. Okay, tell me what you say to Zuzel before you go out to do the thing. What was your little pump up speech to Zuzel? Hey Z, what's up? Speak. You've been watching, we've had this really cool idea. We're trying to make this whole civilization.

I liked Jenkins. Oh, well, yeah. You're the only one. I'm sad he can't, shut up. You can't hear me. Yeah, anyways, I just want you know I would really love for them to bring the key here instead of having to go down there and do other stuff Because we've already spent a lot of time doing this so be good

We just got the key. I don't want to hurt anybody else. We've already been hurting too many people I just want to get the key so we can get out of here So if you could help I don't know what you do It seems like you went into my mind and made me understand stuff. Maybe you can kind of flow into their minds and, you know, help them a little. I shall grant you this boon. You shall be the greatest performer

since Zargaethel Blarbecks of the Quartidian Quadrant of Darkspace. That's a lot of work I don't know. The finest order whose poetry made the gods weep at the beginning of time. There are gods? So shall your performance be for these people. But I require something in return, Kelsey.

Yeah, that was a deal. Ten percent commission. Think to me of your brother. Oh, what do you want? You know. Whatever thought pops in your head of your brother when I say his name, you say his name. Oh, it was usually the first thing.

I wish to know more of him and how you feel. Well, he would always, cause you know, mom was usually cooking, so he would always read the books to me when I was a kid. And even though we got much older, it was still always fun. Like if I was reading a book, he would come over and be like,

come on little sis, you know you need me to read. And whatever I was reading, even if I was like 20, he would come and just start reading my book for me. And it was nice. I would say he was being mean about it, but I loved it when he read my books. Delicious. That's a weird word in that context.

The boon is granted. You feel the inspiration of the divine and dramatic arts fill your soul and spirit, and you'll get to do a bonus roll on this. Yay. Can't be just my persuasion now since it's all the rules? Oh, that's true, yes. That's what we'll say.

You can do yours instead of doing the others. So you have advantage on your persuasion roll. Great, and I'm 55. Okay. All right. The first one is a 22. Okay. Second one is a 46.

They both passed. Even the 22 would have passed the average one. That'd be a super success. The Bigfoots are in awe of your performance and as you close back the doors and you see the monitors, you see some of them quickly scurrying down the hill to get the key. And then they come back and sure enough,

you watch it with great trepidation as they put the key in this little hole. And then one guy goes up to fuck it and they're like, no, no, no. No, no, no. I'm pretty sure they don't want that. Oh, here we got the key. Oh, here we got the key.

The Bigfoot are learning how to say EGOT. We got the key. Well, let's go get the key. Yes. Bring your gun just in case. Oh, Carby and the Bigfoot are learning how to say EGOT! We got the key! Well, let's go get the key! Bring your gun just in case! I always keep that thing on me! So you open the door again, and yeah, the key is pointing in this rock Okay, what do you do and looking at the key is it it's the key you recognize it. It's the key Is that the key I can confirm that is the key or a very perfect facsimile of it all right?

Just like we rehearsed we all to synchronize Would you like a little circle around the key you know like in every problematic movie about women being witches how they run in circles around the thing And we run around and then as we circle around we get really close So they like lose side of key and we separate the key We do it again and we put the key back and we separate they see the key And we do it again and we separate the key back and we separate they see the key and we do it again We separate the keys missing and we hold We look really got into the sky like where the key go and I revealed in my hand and then I took it myself

Oh, and we all start moving backwards Then I do a thing where I have the key in my hand like a hole and throw it like you do with a dog We don't actually actually throw it at everybody. And then I go, run! And we all run back into the bunker with the key. And somewhere in Bigfoot is telling another Bigfoot, I saw Footy Proctor with the devil. The door slams shut behind you.

Oh my god. There's a sort of murmur of confusion among the Bigfoot. Something others have been like, oh, oh, oh, oh. Nothing a thousand years old. So yeah, you hear the Bigfoots like outside are starting to get like what the hell was that like? Like, oh, what was the end of the rhyme? Read the rhyme to me one more time. The rhyme as we remember as carved into stone was once upon a time there was a key.

It was very good. It brought much glee. It had been lost. It must be found. They brought much glee it had been lost It must be found so your loving gods will come around if you love your gods with all your soul Put that green key in the hole holes not a key for penis men are from Okay, so here's what you see. There's like this arguing outside like, whoa, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, some of the Bigfoots are like, whoa, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, like some of them

are like on your side. They're like, well, the gods, they're the gods. This isn't about what we would get out of this. It's about what we would, you know, um. Oh no, we've kicked off a full blown religious civil war. Yeah, so basically you start to see, you see some tension brewing among the Bigfoots outside. Well? You now have the key.

We should probably go outside and stop them from killing each other. I mean, I don't know how we'd just do that. We actually just do that. And then we'd go like a, woo! We put our hands out. We stand between them when we are to stretch our arms with our palms facing outward. Or give one of them a Pepsi.

The end of, yeah! Give one of them a Pepsi. Ah! Ah! Okay. We might as well get them to take us up or down now. Oh yeah, we gotta figure that out. We come out, we do like really humble bows. We go, ah.

And we go, ah! And we point at the sky. This really feels like we didn't think out the second part of this plan. But it's okay. We have a thousand years. Yeah, we have a thousand years. We didn't expect they were gonna try to kill each other. Well, there'll be less of them if they kill each other. Yeah, there is that. I was thinking about that too.

It's pretty angry outside. There's a lot of shouting going on. There's a lot of Bigfoots debating with each other. Uh oh, seems like a lot of the swamp people feel one way about it. A lot of the Bigfoots feel another way about it. Seems like that might be getting started up again. Our job was just to do the art, how the audience responds to the art, is our responsibility. What would you like to do?

Our poem was actually criticism on the poem. I give Trudy the key, first of all. I'm like, this is not criticism. You keep hold of the key. Okay, I'll put it in my apron. Great. Okay, where were they technologically? We were saying it was sort of of Jetsons 50s in okay

So they got like some flying stuff. Yeah, like how we'll say yeah, they got hover stuff Yeah, it is an atomic age. I guess we can rhyme that we want to borrow when they're Jetson cars Yeah, I'm gonna go to the sky seems like the stage performance is really doing a good job We could just keep doing that the vibe I'm getting from watching them argue with each other is that they're just disagreed on like the message They seem to be psyched about us You know just steal one of their flying machines, I feel like that's kind of an unprecedented Trini you know what gods don't have to do? Steal!

They get stuff given to them. Oh yes. And they speak English now. Oh no, not yet. They will! You know that language you've been looking for? Well listen to this! A quick brown fox.

I took my head out. So if you care to find me You've been looking for well listen to this Someone told me lately Oh Like a good field trip you pretend to be sick for I'm just dying over the fact that these people saw us take the key and they all start arguing about the message And the one of the gods just bumped her head out and sang gibberish and closed the door. No, no, no. There would be. So this is my point. Is there where there's a nerdy Bigfoot there and a nerdy Bigfoot and a nerd? Oh, you know what it's just like a rifle Oh, there's like a Jeremy Renner swamp guy

and a Amy Adams Bigfoot Oh my god. I'm so invested. They're both like you know neuro linguists or whatever. They've been trying to decipher the English. So like they kind of know that they're the closest to understanding the language. They haven't quite cracked it yet. Oh my god. And they're like, this is the future.

We'll be together. And the head of China goes back and is like, I could time travel. They hear what Trudy's saying, they see them writing stuff down and then the Amy Adams big foot holds up like a whiteboard and it says blame question mark. They're learning. Yes. Oh, this is great. Looks like you got to sing yes to them somehow. What is the universal sign for hermit? And then like there's another guy that thought that like they work like close encounters with like a sound machine and he's like Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu uuuuu u Swampy runs over to like the sound machine and pushes the guy over and like boop some boobs and you hear so this is You want us to get you a plane?

Sing yes again Why do gods need a play No, no leave it mysterious Don't know Baby I said so They say So he looks over to another, Translator's got two like wiki wiki turn to hands. He just runs. They say, okay. You see Jeremy Renner's swamp thing

and Jamie Adams' Bigfoot like go over to like a Bigfoot General. Do you know what I mean? Like there's like a General, there's like a General Bigfoot with like his counsel. So they start talking to them and pointing back at the machine and pointing back at you and then you see a lot of Harumphing a lot of like disagreeing going on because people are like well, this is seems suspicious What happens next will?

Okay, and then um, okay. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. I can do this I can do this Trudy why don't you try singing just to clarify sing no plane you all die Yes, yes No, cuz then they might try to kill the gods like as far as they know Kind of waiting for like what the cool payoff is going to be right? Yeah, maybe just clarify that Well, like do something cool if we get the plane you'll see some serious shit like rain If we get the plane you'll see some serious shit like rain. No they have rain

That's true just the right amount of rain very difficult concept to explain in a song I think wealth area those wealth Just say you get lots of bounty Enter Oh immortal life. Yeah Wow, okay. Yeah Yeah, he promised that they will live forever if they help us and then soon we will drown them Okay, not that last part. I'm not the last part. I've learned to fly a big plane before I even turn the key Before I make the mistake before I kill all humanity I said don't mention that! Don't mention that! Okay, so you see a lot of harrumping and then you see the general and Jeremy Renner getting into a big shouting match with each other

You know, he's about to punch him and then Oh, this singing isn't working Amy Adams steps in and then like, you know, the general says something and then Amy Adams got a crestfallen like nods and like wipes away a tear And then like walks up to the little DJ booth and is like, We will bring you your plane. Yay! That's great. Why does she look sad? Thumbs up. I'll put four thumbs up. Thank you.

Guys, I sense it's a butt coming. No butt, but she does look sad and the general looks happy. She's seen the future and something bad will happen. Oh, yeah, no. They're going to less get the plane, and they're going to shoot us down. Oh, I don't think that will happen. I think it's more of a personal tragedy. OK. So over the course of the next couple hours,

the army guys disperse, and then, yes, like a flying Jetsons car comes out of Bigfoot City. Boy, this got goofy. And lands at the base of the mountain right in front of you. Yeah. The pilot gets out, this dashing Bigfoot pilot. Oh mountain right in front of you. Yeah. The pilot gets out this dashing Bigfoot pilot. Oh, I know what to do.

Okay. So he gets out and then backs up. And then again, you see a lot of it's like more army guys here, more, more Bigfoot army guys here. Maybe bring the general with us. That's what I was saying. Yeah. Good idea, Francis.

They can't shoot us down if they got somebody we care about. Yeah, that's fair. So yes, this guy gets out and you now have this plane and then you hear Amy Adams sadly once again with the thing going, your plane is here. Okay, bring her and Jeremy Renner too, just in case. Our plane is here. Okay, well let's all walk out. We've already kind of established a whole vibe. Let's have them board the plane first. Do I have anything on me that might look kind of futuristic that they might be psyched about? I don't know, you tell me. I'm trying to remember what stuff I have on me.'m trying to remember pretty cool and so our helmets. Oh wait. I promised I would give him the crown Yeah, I got and give him the crown. No no I give the crown on me

Because they want it and then we invite the general and Jeremy Renner and a B Adams on the vehicle and as we leave I will give them the crown So we want to walk out to the plane We invite and I go up to the general and I... The general's got like a Bigfoot cigar in his mouth. I go, ah, and I do a little wavy God thing. You do a little dance in front of him? A little dance in front of him.

A single tear rolls down his eye. And I put my hand out for him to grab and I point to the plane saying he needs to come with us. Give me a persuade roll. 45. My persuade is 55. Okay, great. He reaches out, and you can see his hand trying to shake, but he's trying to hide it, but he takes your hand,

and he feels like, you can tell this is the first time this Bigfoot has felt peace in a long time, is what he's looking in your eyes. Oh, wow. Hey, should we ask why they're crying? You can't talk to us, right? Yeah, that's not a bad idea. Why are you crying?

I do a little tear, and I go. And he just nods and goes, mmm. And I do it again, I go, but why? He whispers something to the Jeremy Renner swamp monster. No, don't tell him, tell me. He has an auto-speak your language, man! Oh, okay. He whispers something to Jeremy Renner and the Jeremy Renner in his horrible frog throat is like,

Because you are so beautiful. Oh, wow! Oh my gosh! What a lovely thing to say. Oh wow! Oh my gosh! What a lovely thing to say! I think he's lying, but I'm still pretty psyched about that. Oh great. I do a little no you like gesture to him. And he's like solemnly is like, no you.

Okay, let's get everyone on board. Get all the Jetsons playing then. We should probably board from the people who are going to be sitting in the back to the people on the plane. They're going to be sitting in the front. Make sure to take as long as possible again with your fucking seat. The four of us should be where the wings are. That's the safest place on the plane. Is the structure of the wings.

I mean it's a flying saucer kind of situation. So it's all wings so it's all safe. This is great. It's great. We're great. So you board the flying saucer. If you turn around, you see a tender scene between Jeremy Adams, a monster and Jeremy Renner, Swamp Monster and Amy Adams,

where he's like going to get on. And then he turns to be like, come on, you come in. And then like you see, like she's like kind of waiting there at the edge. Right. She wants to go with him and her heart is with him. But then she looks at him and then she looks see like she's like kind of waiting there Oh, no. Like on the edge, right? And she wants to go with him and her heart is with him But then she looks at him and then she looks back and who's that? That's like her little Bigfoot kid She's got like she's got a commitment here and she's Oh no.

She's torn between these two faces because she knows the kid's gonna die in the future. Yeah. She looks at parent and be like and then the kid Bigfoot is like tearfully like realize these two had a complicated relationship You know like this was like their bond They kind of reconnected her and her kid, and the kids with the grandparents of her husband who died, and the kid just whispers like, zip, zip, and you can kind of tell it probably means like just go,

and then she's like, I'm gonna go, and then she goes with Jeremy Redder, and they get on together. It's kind of complex, because you're like, wow, she's leaving her kid behind. But you know, it's also like she's going off into the future, so it's like, wow. We really lost a lot of empathy when we just

looked at these people as just tools for our own purposes. These were fast forward toys. Yeah, we lost our empathy and we got the key. I'm the one who got the key. You're good. OK. So Jeremy Renner and Amy Adams, Bigfoot and Swamp Monster get on with the general, who's played by, let's say,

the late powers booth. And, um. OK, this guy I do not trust. Get on with the general who's played by let's say the late powers booth and He likes sort of strokes his bigfoot mustache And they all sit in the back and you realize he's got like a little bigfoot gun that he's just like you know He's just quite trust you guys, but he's nervous You know because this is beautiful He wants to believe you want to believe so bad that this is gonna go well and that they're gonna get to meet their gods We actually don't have to lie

We're gonna get to meet their gods. We actually don't have to lie. Come to think of it, we just let them come out with us. Yeah, we're gonna blow their fucking brains in a second. We're about to fucking fly out and break the seal of the sky. We're gonna blow their shit. So you fly up into the sky. Who is, who's piloting? Well, they have a pilot. They have a pilot, truly.

Oh yeah, so the pilot's coming too. Yeah. Okay, so the pilot looks like Swamp Monster Glenn Powell. He's in everything Why not guys trying too hard this pilot? Swamp monster Glenn Powell flies you guys and also there's a beat where the swamp monster pilot and then like the Bigfoot general like They solemnly nod at each other like they've had a whole story Do a predator high-five like oh they have those oh, yeah

I know that you also realize Liv Tyler Bigfoot is like waiting back on, do you know what I mean? Ah! All right, so they fly up. We just point up, yeah. You point up, and then he goes up. And we're looking for something up in the sky.

You glide up to the sky, and you see below you the twinkling lights of Neo Bigfoot City. Never looked at it from this perspective before. What sort of adventures we could've had down there, who knows? Probably nothing good. So you fly up and you reach the top of the world. How do we know that? Do we like bang into it?

They've been up here before so one day he's like a boop boop boop boop like a sort of proximity detector. Now, oh ho, if only Jenkins was alive he could tell you where the hatch is but I don't think could tell you where the hatch is, but I don't think you guys learned where the hatch is, didn't you? Good thing we have thousands of years to find him. We don't live for thousands of years, Francis. We have me probably about 30 or so,

and you got a good, I mean, well, the way you're going, I'm not sure. This is Jeff in Future Town. I'm sure they have some immortality shit coming up. We just keep flying around till we see it. Yeah, we'll be fine. Give me an idea roll Whoa

Idea Intelligence intelligence, okay. Yeah, give me an intelligence. Oh 70. I got exactly my intelligence Go out 38 out of 70 intelligence is a 65 and I got a 7 my intelligence is a 40 and I got 79 There's a ceiling here. Yeah, thank you Thanks. Yes. Wow. Okay So all of you remember when you were at the temple and looking up at the constellations that this point was the center of the World and it would make sense that the hatch would be over the center of the world Blake ironically it seems like you as the one who fell through this hatch the first time would remember where it was but you

Don't cuz you're dumb this star looks like the other star you pilot your way sort of like scraping the top of the world essentially up to This hole in the sky. Oh, there's a hole in the sky not the hole in the sky up to the very very zenith of this vaulted arch and Unless you were certain it was there unless you had the full faith that you knew there was a hatch up here There's no way you'd ever be able to find it But sure enough you see the faintest outline of basically like a trap door in the sky Oh cool. I fell through that that's where I came from Oh, you gotta get like a wing Walker or something out to open the hatch right yeah, Glenn Powell

General nods at him like all right now. It's time for your maverick shit. This is what we Are you sure this is why I got in trouble in the first act of the movie? He's like, no, no, no, no. Now it's time for you to do it. We need it now more than ever. So yeah, Glenn Powell's swamp thing puts his, like he's been cock-a-leeching gum the entire movie.

He just sticks his gun, like this is just his thing he does when he ever gets into a cockpit. He puts his gum on the fucking bubble of the cockpit and he cracks his knuckles. The Bigfoots and the Swamp Monsters are staring awestruck at this. Like, it was so simple, it was here the whole time. But where does it go?

What could it possibly mean? What does it lead to? And they look all at you with questioning eyes. Like, where do we go? Like, what's up there? The only way till I find out. A come hither gesture. Come on, follow me.

You must go through. You must go through. Amy Adams nods in Bigfootese, whist of the general what you said Freddy and then the general Steals himself, you know, he was prepared to have to do something unconscionable up here if it turned out he was being betrayed But seems like you guys are legit and you really are from the world above. We did show you a hole you didn't see and He looks Can show you the hole He looks at Glenn Powell swamp monster and Glenn Powell

Cracks his knuckles and backs up and gets ready for a hot dog flyboy shot as a cool laser cannons pop out of this Jetsons Mobile and they he backs up down and then rockets up straight towards this thing fucking guns blazing backs up down and then rockets up straight towards this thing, fucking guns blazing. Pew pew pew pew pew pew pew! Oh wow! And because he's concentrating all of this energy on that one specific shot, it pops open and he pulls the E-brake on the UFO

and the thing flies up to the ceiling right as the bubble top opens up and like shoot perfectly connects with this hatch in the ceiling. And then the centripetal force launches you guys into a storm drain. Whoa. And as it does.

I recognize this drain. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Uh, you hear an alarm blare. Oh no. Buh, buh, buh. I hate alarm blare. And below you hear what must be the most terrifying thing to these people below you.

These speakers booming from every corner of the Earth. Perimeter breach. All staff proceed to exit immediately. Perimeter breach. All staff proceed to exit. Flood commencing. Flood commencing. And then you hear a shake and a rattle and you see a wall of water tearing through this tunnel straight towards you, and it's gonna dump into this hole and flood the entire world below you. The General and Amy Adams and Glenn Powell and Jeremy Renner all look at each other shocked,

and then they look at you with betrayal in their eyes. We also look shocked. Yeah, we are. I didn't think it would happen that quickly. You see a ladder, let's say down opposite from where the rushing water is. You can run and make it to a ladder to climb up to safety. I look at the big fist and I say, this is your final test.

And I sprint from the ladder. Yeah, I point upward at the ladder and then sprint towards the ladder as well. Like, we're all going. I hold the general's hand and I mind the tear motion. And I point to the ladder and I run towards the ladder. Hopefully he'll follow me. So I'm going to roll for Bigfoot, General, and Amy Adams, and Jeremy Renner, and Glenn Powell to see if any of them

try to stop the water. That'd be fascinating to see how. We're going to say this is a role for self-preservation. So you want to roll low to have the instinct to run up and survive. So Bigfoot General sees this wall of water coming, and he thinks of his duty to the land beneath him, but he loses his nerve and flees up the ladder with you. As do Jeremy Renner and Glenn Powell. But Amy Adams, the

role of the 97 remembers the daughter she left behind, her Bigfoot daughter down below. I run back and I grab her. Well, you already ran to the ladder, right? Yeah, and I run back and I grab her. As you're running back to the ladder, she gives Jeremy Renner a kiss, and she- Oh, I never mind I run back and I grab her. Oh, I never mind I run back and I grab her. Oh, I never mind I run back and I grab her. Oh, I never mind I run back and I grab her.

Oh, I never mind I run back and I grab her. Oh, I never mind I run back and I grab her. Amy Adams sprints towards this wall of water, and everyone's like, oh my God, what are you doing? And Jeremy Renner's like, no, no. And she jumps through the hole, down into that hovering Jetson's like, oh my God, what are you doing? And Jeremy Winters like, no, no. And she jumps through the hole, down into that hovering Jetson's car and ties herself in, fires up the engine

and rams it straight up through the hole and into the pipe in a desperate last ditch attempt to stop the water. And we are going to see if she succeeds. She really was the best of us. She got a 15. That sounds good. The last thing she sees is this wall of water rushing towards her as she flies this Jensen car

into this pipe and there's a huge explosion and the whole ground shakes around you and the pipe collapses and wrenches down and it just starts spurting water down into the world below but it slowly shuts off and the pipe itself just falls and this giant piece of rubble just collapses into the ground beneath you. But you are able to make it up the ladder with two big foots and a swamp monster.

And you poke your heads out into the suburbs of Peachuville. Is that guy still looking for his cat? Oh yeah, shit, where's Marbles? Oh, Marbles pops out of my skull hole. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, so all of this happens literally at the exact same spot that you climbed down into and it's been a mere matter of minutes

since you went down here and you see this little kid who sees you come out let's say you come out first, because you said you were the first so you emerge with a Pterodactyl skull on your head and this kiss like oh my god mister scram kid. This is my cat now The kid's name is also marbles. He's like marbles. Okay, Francis marbles go back home Well, it's tough to explain but I just got straight up is not your cat anymore

And he just cries and runs off down the street. And as you are climbing out, and the two Bigfoots and the swamp guy are like peering terrified out from this, um. Oh, should they come up? I guess they should come up. Yes, yes. Bigfoot and Black Lagoon Creature, welcome to Peachyville! The road is yours, just go do what you want They all they look at each other and they look at you and they look at the kid that just ran away and they just close

Lid that's probably good. No. No, they need to be up here. They'll figure it out. They have some things You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it except the death of all its friends and family Oh, yeah, we did that I mean we didn we didn't do that. That fucking security system. Yeah, it was going to happen regardless. I was hoping that this would like exit us in the control room so we could like turn that off, but I guess not. By the time we get there, the time dilation will mean that they'll all be dead for like a thousand years anyway.

Speaking of time dilation, you realize that again, several minutes have passed and you're also in the street near your house, Trudy. Oh. And as that realization dawns on you, you hear a loud crash from inside the house, like something getting toppled over, glass smashing. I'm gonna just check to make sure everything's okay. So I'm gonna go into my house.

We're right behind you. Okay. As you are charging towards the house, you hear two more sounds in quick succession. You hear a bang, like a gunshot, followed by a scream that sounds like Trudy's voice. And as you approach the front door, you hear one more thing right above you.

You hear pounding on glass, and you look up, and you see Timmy out the front window of the second story, and he's looking down at you screaming, and he says, help me, help me! And as he does that, you see the door swing open behind him, and Tucker steps forward and plunges the syringe into the back of his neck. ["The Last Supper"] I am the broken sky, all I ever wanted was to feel so ordinary

In a world that lies twisted in my mind and now I'm gone All that I can see is a hole in the star Swallowing my dreams and making them scars Thanks so much for listening. This hereby concludes our fifth year of Dungeons and Daddies. So thank you to everyone for listening to the show, commenting in places that you can write comments, sharing this show with your friends, forcing them to listen to it on road trips,

drawing fan art, posting fan art, or otherwise enjoying our comedy improv role-playing show in any way you see fit, there is no wrong way. Your support over these past years has allowed us to tour the world with these characters, which is a wild thing to say, and it's been an absolute blast. So from all of us to you, happy holidays, happy new year. And you know, just listening and enjoying the show is enough, but if you want to chip in a little bit more, the easiest way to do that is through our Patreon at patreon.com slash dungeons and dads. In return, you get

mountains of bonus content, access to our community discord, community events, ad-free episodes, all of that and more available starting at $5 a month. The perks just go up from there, so find out more at patreon.com slash dungeons and dads. Dungeons and dads is Matt Arnold as Kelsey Grammer, Anthony Burch as Frances Farnsworth, Will Campos as our DM, Beth May as Trudy Trout and myself, Freddie Wong as Blake Lively. Our theme song is A Hole in the Stars by Max and Waller, Brian Fernandez as our content producer, Ashley Nicolet as our community manager, Courtney Terry as our community coordinator, Cindy Denton as our merchandise manager, Esther Ellis as our lead editor, and Travis Reeves provides additional editing.

This show is supported by Patreon as you know, and those patrons include people like Zig Productions, Savvy Blue, Mike, Melanie Wiley, Rance Mock, Stella, Hannah H, Matt Hanson, James M, Rasmus Scov, Andy Wright, Nickel Wing, Chris, I don't know, Kailin Beerly, Daniella Rodriguez-Gusty, Anthony McDonald, Sam Bossley, and Daniel Glover. We're cooking up a little thing for you in two weeks on the 31st, but our next main feed episode will be January 14th, 2025, so happy holidays, happy new year, and from all of us at Dungeons & Daddies, thank you, and we'll see you in the new year. But I'll stay today All that I can see is a hole in the stars

I'm a star My favorite part of the Hunger Games is the church and I quote this all the time is what they're doing all the buildup to the first game and then it shows them getting into these tubes and then it cuts to someone in the control room. It's just the sky. They're in the tubes. Why?