Dungeons and Daddies - The Areas Tour - Live in Indianapolis 6/4/24

Episode Date: August 27, 2024

Live on The Areas Tour from Clowes Memorial Hall in Indianapolis, IN on June 4th, 2024 — the Daddies are sent on a pie-slicing mission...This episode contains Profanity, Violence, Sexual ContentTo watch this show in video form (and get tons of bonus audio and video) support the show on Patreon!Get merch and more at our website!Follow us on Twitter @dungeonsanddads!Check out the subreddit!DM is Anthony Burch (@anthony_burch)Darryl Wilson is Matt Arnold (@mattlarnold)Henry Oak is Will Campos (@willbcampos)Ron Stampler is Beth May (@heybethmay)Glenn Close is Freddie Wong (@fwong)Theme song is "Alright" by Maxton WallerBrian Fernandes is our Content ProducerAshley Nicollette is our Community ManagerKortney Terry is our Community CoordinatorCindy Denton is our Merch ManagerEster Ellis is our Lead EditorTravis Reaves provides Additional EditingRobin Rapp is our transcriberSend us stuff and get in contact: https://www.dungeonsanddaddies.com/contactThe story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dungeons and Dice is brought to you this week by Oxio, the internet service provider that loves you back. This is Canadian. Somebody does finally. Finally. Canadians. Internet can be complicated, but it does not have to be with Oxio. It's very simple. Here's their policy. Fair and fixed prices. That's it. Their price is set. You don't have to renegotiate it. It's just set. Not like a landlord. Not gonna raise that shit on you. Once you sign up, that's the number that you pay. That's it. Anthony, guess how many times they've increased a customer's price from the one they sign up with?

Ooh, I mean if they're like any other company, probably at least a dozen. Zero. What? Anthony. Zero times you need to contact them and negotiate a better deal. Zero times you need to double check your bill to just see like, oh wait, oh, am I getting screwed today? That's happening all the time. I find out every single, you know what it is, I do my tax returns and I find all the streaming services I subscribe to are like, oh wait oh am I getting screwed today? That's something all the time I find out every single you know I do my tax returns, and I find all the streaming services I subscribe to are like oh those went up this year. Yeah, and they never told me never told me Hey, don't have to worry about that with Oxio. On top of that no term contracts 60-day satisfaction Guarantee and rock steady reliability with fast speeds up to one gigabits per second. It's a simple straightforward

Internet service provider. You're going to love them. Visit Oxxio.ca for internet from a provider that actually gives a damn and use the promo code to check out Daddy, D-A-D-D-Y to get your first month free. Oxxio, the internet service provider, how loves you back? Hey folks, Freddy here. We've had some of the team myself among them dealing with

some health issues these past couple of weeks. Like I think I had COVID for a bit. I can still smell and taste but dang I was tired. Anyway, season three will continue on our next episode. In the meantime, we want to give you a little taste of the incredible time we had doing live shows earlier this year on the Dungeons & Daddy's Areas Tour. So you're about to hear our show in Indianapolis. Now, theater of the mind is all well and good, but if you want theater of the eyes, if you want to see us on stage, the video of this show is available to all Patreon supporters at any level right now on our Patreon. There's a few other live shows on there as well, so peep those as well as a slew of extra bonus content, one-shots main series, you know the drill. That's at patreon.com slash Dungeons and Dads, and European listeners, still tickets available for the European tour at the beginning of October.

Dungeonsanddaddies.com slash live for more info on that. Thanks for listening. Thank you for listening to the spiel at the beginning of the podcast. Ugh, hate it when my podcast does spiel at the beginning. Anyway, thanks everybody. We'll be back with more season three in two weeks. In the meantime, enjoy Dungeons and Daddies

live from Indianapolis. Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grownups. And this is a live show. So who knows what's going to happen? Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage for the first time, Will Campos! He's just a cool guy you can toss a ball around with. Let's hear it for Mardle! Everybody's favorite. You already know who I'm talking about. Let's give it up one more time for Best May!

And last but not least, the most electrifying DM in the Dungeons & Dragons game! Let's hear it for Anthony Burch! I'm Freddie Wong and we're here to rock your pants off! to rock your pants off! Using the improvised dice mechanics of the game Dungeons and Dragons. Hello everybody, good evening Indianapolis! And welcome to Dungeons and Daddies live. The areas tour.

We've been all down the Midwest, but what a crowd, what a welcome. It's very loud. You are all very loud. You know that? My name is Freddie Wong. I play Glenn Close, the rock and roll bar dad of the podcast. Today's Glenn fact. You see, Glenn is a huge Glenn Close Close Trio, huge, Indianapolis indie scene.

Indianapolis. Sorry, the Indianapolis. I got you here, don't worry. No one heard. No one heard. No one heard. Huge Indianapolis. Welcome to Dutch's and Daddy's.

Indianapolis scene, and by that, and by that, we mean of course the indie scene in Annapolis Maryland good save but you know what but he does know someone from Indiana his weed dealer this guy named Gary Indiana he's real sleazeball real sleazeball old Gary can always trust on him to do illegal shit. Hey everybody my name is Matthew Arnold I play Darryl Wilson, the stay at home coach dad of the group. Woo! I gotta be honest, they were saying you guys are loud,

but I don't know if it's the tall ceilings or it's just my age, but honestly, you guys, I've been hearing you're the mellowest crowd and I gotta say, it sounds like it. It sounds like it, can you? Yeah, come on, let's hear it! Let's hear it, come on! There you go! Anyways,, little Darryl fact,

the reason he loves this city is because it's Nap Town and how mellow you all are. It's very nice. Very nice and chill. Nice little quiet town. He takes a nap here on road trips and everything closes at seven. It's wonderful.

Hi everyone, I'm Mo Campos. I play Henry Oak. Woo! Henry's a crunchy, m munchy Birkenstock rockin' hippie nature druid dad. Fun fact about, ooh, okay. Yeah. Okay. My goodness, my Henry fact this week for you all and for you out there and for anyone listening at home,

there's no one listening at home. Nobody, nobody. Henry is a big, big fan of Notre Dame football. Wait for him. Wait, wait, wait. He does pronounce it Notre Dame. And he does think it's the other type of football, like soccer.

He's a fan of the French national soccer team, is what I'm saying. And you might be, why asking yourself, but wait a second, I thought Henry canonically had a soccer team, and he's a fan of the French national soccer team is what I'm saying. And you might be, why asking yourself, but wait a second, I thought Henry canonically hates French people. That's true. The only people he hates more are University of Michigan. Fuck you of him. Hi, my name is Beth May and I play Ron Stampler. Emotionally detached stepfather and rogue.

Fun fact about Ron. Ron's favorite place, favorite state, favorite area, whatever you might call it. Absolutely Indiana. Because he found out recently that over 50% of your cropland is porn. Oh. He still likes it. Hi I'm Anthony. Hi, I'm Anthony Burch.

I'm your dad. Hi dad. Yeah. My dad facts for this show is this is the fourth show for our tour and the previous three sucked ass. They did. We really shit the bed. Well, it's not so much that we shit the bed, so much as the cities we were in shit the bed. But tonight, we are in Indianapolis, Indiana, the greatest city in the world!

Okay, so we're here to play something like Dungeons and Dragons. What we are going to do is there are six different modules that I have laid out on this table. I prepared these beforehand, and we are going to rely on you, the audience, and random chance to determine which of these six we do so starting with Freddie if we roll a one what are we going to play if we roll a one or if you roll a one we are going to play actual D&D Boo! Anthony, I knew you were a sick fuck, but I had no idea. Wow, yeah. It's a spinny and it's...

That's the first boo we've gotten, other than one woman to pun. Ha ha ha ha ha. If you roll a two, we will be playing Ocean's Dad 11. Yeah, that's good. If you roll a three, we will be playing Jurassic Park. Yeah! If we roll a four, we will be playing Jurassic Park. If we roll a four, we will be playing Dads Against Humanity.

If you find folks roll a five, we'll be playing The Great Dad Bait. Like Debate. It's not just us jerking each other off for 90 minutes. Like debate. Ohhhhhhh. Yeah, that's the one I remember. It's not just us jerking each other off for 90 minutes. The great dad bit. No, no, no, no. The great dad bit. Or can we? If we roll a six, we will be playing

Call of Daddy. Yeah! If we get that one, you're getting a whole new Freddie tonight. The entire time I was writing that, I was like, this is just for Freddy. This is, there's five of us on stage, but it's just going to be Freddy's show. Wait, so is that like a pun of Call of the Wilds? Call of Duty.

Call of Duty. Oh. The video game. I wish there were more wolves on this show. No. So in addition to the decision you're about to make with the dice, you also have one more big job tonight. And that is, anytime a roll doesn't go the way that you wanted it to go, you as a hive mind, as a crowd, are all going to collectively decide to give inspiration to the person who rolled Let Them Roll Again.

And the way you're going to signal that is by all together going, inspiration, inspiration inspiration inspiration. Those. Oh, no. Whoever in the back here kick him out. You should be happy you're not in. Are you in this university? Because you should not be. Just just three.

If any of you make a sound for the fourth one, you don't get inspiration. We end the show immediately high stakes Okay, oh, it's we should see you you get to do that one time. Oh, yeah, sorry It's only once one purse one per city and none of the other cities have used it well No, but any I feel good. I feel like this is gonna be the night. It's yeah Yeah It's either, but you'll you'll yeah No, you can't take this from Freddie now you would would break his heart. I'm still going to pretend it was Call of the Wild.

Sorry I got to respect Glenn to be a tier one operator. Okay, so let's see what I... Legion experience, yes. Canonically, where are we in this show? Canonically, which Call of Duty game does this take place? Oh, yeah Is this has Makarov returned she is between modern warfare 2 & 3 after no Russian before Makarov gets hanged by Captain Price Our favorite character in the history of fiction Is this really quick is this a show for 20 of you now?

But we'll pullop for the militarization of our nation's police forces. Okay. You are in Walter's ready room. Yes! Look. Walter! Hey, Walt.

I didn't know you had a ready room. Now he's gotta be ready, baby. Walter, why did you not tell me about this earlier? My goodness, look at this wall. Look at this wall full of custom weapons. We could have been using this the whole time, Walter. You could have, but they're only for special cases. Like a special case I'm gonna send you out on today.

Spec Ops operations, I'm all ears. Give me the mission briefing, Walter. Happily. All right, you guys are into this, right? Yeah, well, I mean. I mean, I have complex feelings about the military industrial complex, Glenn. Like what could possibly, what feelings could you possibly

have? It's cool. I just feel like violence isn't the answer, and guns are not the answer either. Payden punches you. Payden, payden. Payden, payden. This is what I'm, this video games are a bad influence.

That's what I'm saying. Can we have a teachable moment for one second? Oh, I love a teachable moment. Teachable moments are the answer, Glenn. Payden, come over here. Yes. Can you come over here? Okay.

Can you explain to Henry what you were feeling and what your behavior was after you had that feeling? I felt like you saying that violence doesn't solve anything was a bitch move. Okay. And I just want to make sure you understand, Payden, that's okay feeling to have. Oh, great. because I have it. But then, what did you do with that feeling? I showed him.

Now Payton, wow. How would you like it if I showed you? I would love it, bring it on. Okay, okay. I will equalize you. Okay Payton, you're... Let's save the rest of this teachable moment. Yeah, we're good. For a more moment that this teachable moment. Yeah, we're good.

For a more moment that's teachable. Okay, ready to rock, cock, lock, and load it. Come on, Walter. Payton, come here. Yeah, what's up? Have I told you about the concept of violence of action? No. All right, so this is a doctrine that states that whenever you're facing a situation in

adverse scenarios, your highest percentage likelihood of survival is to immediately apply a lot of violence. Mm. Violence of action allows you to take command and the initiative from the situation. And what you did there, Payden, that's exactly what we're talking about. That's the kind of thinking that we're going to need on this mission.

Glen, Glen, Glen, come here. And Payden takes you away from the group. And he goes, you're my favorite. Hey, Payden, Payden, come here. Uh, Payden, Payden, come here, Payton, Payton, come here, buddy. Oh, yeah, go talk to Ron. What is it, Ron? Where's the wolf, man?

Pfft. Ha ha ha. And who's calling? I know, but my cell phone isn't ringing at all. And anybody can pay attention to the beeping, please. Yeah, OK, Walter. What's up? Everyone, sit down.

Glenn leans back in his chair and has a small notepad to take notes. So the lights go down. Takes off his wrap around, Bolle shades. And a lantern ignites projecting a satellite image. Satellite is the name of Walter's dragon photographer friend. Onto the wall of the tent. Oh, that's quite pretty. I like that.

How fresh is this Intel, Walter? But I would say 48 hours. Copy 48 hours. It's about three clicks from here. Roger that. How fresh is this Intel, Walter? But I would say 48 hours. Copy 48 hours. It's about three clicks from here. Roger that. Copy 48 hours. Am I supposed to be taking notes like Glenn? Yes, everyone should be taking notes.

I think Glenn can take notes for everybody. No, I'll take notes. You're familiar with Faerun's most wanted list, correct? No. Let's pretend we aren't. Well, it's pretty self-explanatory. There's a lot of people that are wanted and favorite. What? Most wanted?'s pretend we aren't. Well, it's pretty self-explanatory. There's a lot of people that are wanted and favorite.

What? Most wanted? Not like that, Ron. But hey, if there was one like that, you'd be on the top of it for me. Oh, yeah. They're horny for the ronster. Wanted sexually, of course. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, maybe.

So Intel suggests, Intel is my ogre friend, that state enemy number one has just come out of hiding. His name is, or their name is, tattoos. What's your name? Their name is, what are your pronouns? They're a piece of shit. Romine is enemy number one. Last time he surfaced, he detonated a fireball in the center of a crowded village, and he's planning something even bigger this time. Intel told me he's got hostages. We haven't received a ransom, so who knows what he wants them for?

We got a hostage operation and we don't have any intel in terms of what the demands are. It's a hostages. We haven't received a ransom, so who knows what he wants them for? We got a hostage operation, and we don't have any intel in terms of what the demands are. It's a dark mission. You're sending us in, dark? I'm sorry, but you're the best. If anybody can do it, it's you. What's the mission objective?

Your mission is to infiltrate Romine's base, free the hostages, and eliminate Romine. Who's hostages? What do we know about them? They're innocent? OK. Walter, really quick, how do you know all this? Yeah, Walter, what is your role here?

My friend Intel, he's an ogre. He goes around, he's a snitch. He just goes around seeing what's going on. And he tells me, because I like to listen to tea. And for Roe Mein, when you say eliminate, you mean? You mean? OK. Yeah, okay. I mean, that could be... Kill them. Yeah, it's not going to be a real good time to teach the payton about not having violence.

Reject the orders, hostages first, then deal with Roe Mine. Alright, so hostages are our number one priority. So we kill the hostages. Sorry, what were you going to say? That's why the order is important. No, I was just, you know, I'm just here to listen and observe. And, you know, I consider myself a bit of a conscientious objector on the violence front. Henry could be our war photographer. That way we can take cool pictures of us doing sick, black-off missions. Oh, I love that! Do we have, yeah, I'm gonna be your war photographer.

Can we assign Henry, like, a small elf to draw pictures of our sweet mission? Let me get a camera and he goes to the wall and picks out a box with a small goblin in it with a bunch of paint. And the goblin is like, what do you want me to take a picture of? The truth, goblin. The truth. A tear rolls down the goblin's eye and he goes, finally, someone has vision! Um... Where was I? Okay, yeah. Uh, hold on, I get some high-speed paper and paint for the goblin to paint on. Oh, thank you!

How come- What's with me? How come Henry gets a special job and I'm just supposed to worry about not killing hostages? What's my special job? You would have a special job! What- yeah, what is it? What if... you were the hostage negotiator?

Oh. We do need a negotiator. Given that our primary objective is hostage rescue, we will try and go in soft. But as always, I'll be ready to go loud at any moment. Daryl, what position are you taking on the fire team? I mean, Walter, it sounds like you're giving up positions. Do I get one?

Yeah, yeah. I think you are the heart. Wow. OK. Well, congrats, man. That's pretty cool. Just militarily, what does that mean? Militarily, you're in charge.

Oh! What? He's in charge? Wait, wait, wait. Wait, hold on, hold on. Hey, Glenn, I know you want to be in charge, but you work best as a lone wolf bucking against authority. Oh, lone wolf.ing against authority. Oh

My god, they will be Balto Balto Roger co are we doing code names? I'm call son Balto Roger Roger that making a note of it. I'll be Balto Ron. Your code name is Anastasia Okay, Anastasia got it. Got it.l. Your code name is Henry. Okay. Okay. Wait, and sorry, I'm Henry and then Glenn was what? Balto. And then who am I? You are the fox from Robin Hood. Fox from Robin Hood. Okay. I can handle that, believe me. And Payden. Ding Chavez. Ding Chavez of Rainbow Sixavez. Ding Chavez is a Rainbow Six for the five people that have read Rainbow Six in the audience. Hey, Glenn, Glenn, it seems like you know the most of what you're doing,

but I've been made in charge. I gotta ask, does it help if I tell you the opposite of what you want to do, and then you fight me for it? Does that get you, does that pump you up? Yeah, I'm gonna need you to give mission commands, but I need you to know right now that at the end of the day when when push comes to shove and I have a

perp in my crosshairs, go or no go, I'm getting the mission done. God damn it, Balto, you're such a fucking live wire. This is what I want. This is what I'm talking about. Whatever you do, don't pull the trigger till I say you can. You're gonna have to wrap your, oh, I've got fingers around my fingers. Stop me from pulling a trigger. Try that again, asshole. You wanna speak? Yeah, yeah, I do.

You wanna stop me from firing? You're gonna have to take that safety off yourself, motherfucker. Give me that gun. No, give me that gun. You have to rest it for my cold dead hands. Guys, guys. Actually, really quick timeout, timeout, Glenn, can I see the gun though?

Oh, yeah, yeah. What do you need? It's my only gun. It's an assault rifle. You can either take a flashbang, a bleaching charge, or that assault rifle. I'm going to need a flashbang in case I want to do flash photography, so I'll take that. Yeah.

Oh, that's a good idea. That's a good idea. OK. Well, I'll just give you all three. Why am I making you choose? I think we're going to Fox from a really quick Henry. Or that's me. Fox from Robin Hood.

Fox from Robin Hood reporting in. Do do do do do. Can I just call you Foxy? Foxy, yes you may. Alright Foxy. Alright. Henry. Who?

Henry. Yes. Yes, there we go. Sorry, I don't listen to fucking idiots. God damn it, that's why you're my team leader. What do you want, Balto? Balto requests, the third person humbly, the gun. Could I have the gun, please?

This is actually, believe it or not, that's how SEAL Team Six does it. They go around and everyone gets their first pick. Please, may I have the gun? You can have the gun, but not because I like you or because I respect you. Well, okay. But you're the best goddamn shooter we got of guns. You with guns are really stupid.

Wait, he's the best shooter, but you don't respect him? You are so good at guns compared to all of us. This is what you want to see from a Dungeons and Dragons show, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right, Walter.

Walk in low, and man. One more thing. One more thing. Yeah. If they spot you. Walk in the right direction. One more thing. Yeah. If they spot you, there's a good chance they'll try to kill the hostages. Try to be silent and deadly. Oh, that's stealth mission.

Guys, do you think we're the, sorry, not a time out again. Do you think we're the best ones to do this, then? I think we're the best team in the whole world. I think there's nothing we can't do together. Yeah. Anastasia, that's why you're the heart. Well, I'm not the heart. Oh, shit.

Who's the heart? You're the heart. You're the heart. Who are you? Oh, Daryl. You're the heart and the leader. All right, we can do it. I'm the brains.

OK, Ron. I'm pretty sure they said you were the hostage negotiator. Yeah, that's the brain. You need to have brains to negotiate. Yeah. And can I have a big phone, too? A phone? Well, how am I going to negotiate?

Oh. If I can't talk to Romine the Perp. Romine? Yep. Romine the Perp. Romaine, right? Romaine. Romaine. Romaine.

I'm going to write it phonetically. I don't know why I said that in Round Voice. It's a very cool name and I'm sorry we're getting it wrong so much. Dungeons and Dice is brought to you this week by Oxio, the internet service provider that loves you back. This is a Canadian. Somebody does finally. Finally, Canadians.

Internet can be complicated, but it does not have to be with Oxio. It's very simple. Here's their policy, fair and fixed prices. That's it. Their price is set. You don't have to be with oxy. It was very simple. Here's their policy fair and fixed prices That's it. Their price is set. You don't have to renegotiate it. It's just set not like a landlord I'm gonna raise that shit on you. Once you sign up. That's the number that you pay. That's it Anthony Guess how many times they've increased a customer's price from the one they signed up with ooh I mean if they're like any other company probably at least it doesn't Zero what Anthony zero times they need you need to contact them and negotiate a better deal zero times If they're like any other company, probably at least a dozen. Eh, zero. What? Anthony.

Zero times anything you need to contact them and negotiate a better deal. Zero times you need to double check your bill to just see like, oh wait, oh. Am I getting screwed today? Dude, that's happening all the time. I find out every single, you know what it is, I do my tax returns and I find all the streaming services I subscribe to are like, oh, those went up this year. Yeah, exactly. And they never told me.

They never told me. Hey, don't have to worry about that with Oxxio. On top of that, no term contracts, 60-day satisfaction guarantee, and rock-steady reliability with fast speeds up to 1 gigabits per second. It's a simple, straightforward internet service provider. You're gonna love them. Visit oxxio.ca for internet from a provider that actually gives a damn, and use the promo code to check out DADDY to get your first month free.

Oxxio, the internet service provider, how loves you back. Okay, one ride on satellite the dragon later. Walter, where's his phone? Walter, oh God, here. My team asked for one simple piece of it. Once again, the pencil pushers down, and one piece of equipment. He gives you two cans with an infinite amount

of string between them. Here you go, Anastasia. You could also use it as a garrotte. Payden, I think this is your job. I handed him the other side. I handed him the other side. Comm's officer. Yeah, comm's officer.

Roger. Nice. Wait, who's Roger? Is Roger coming? That's my codename, Roger. Roger. Okay, Roger, Roger. I got your codename down.

Daryl, Henry, I know that we may not be the best. Who's Daryl? Henry and Fox. Yes? That's the last time you call me my goddamn wrong name, you hear me? When the mission timer is at zero, we switch completely to codenames.

I understood, Roger Wilco, however, I just need to say, oftentimes it is not up to us when the call of duty calls. It is up to us to answer it! We may not be the best, but we're the ones here, god damn it, and we gotta do our best. Can I make a request? I think it'd be nice if we all did a group picture before we went.

Oh yeah, you're the photograph. Let's all scooch in, let's all scooch in. All right, are you scooching? Glenn, Glenn, get over here and scooch. Okay, so, this is your phone, right? Yeah, well, I mean, this guy, my little goblin friend to do that, but yeah. Okay, so yeah, I am actually in the goblin,

and let's see here, ooh, timer. Ooh, I got it in selfie mode and I look really good. Yeah, yeah, okay, great. Well, there we go, we're gonna do a little picture. So I'll take a picture of us getting the selfie. That's great. And then this photograph. And then, yeah.

And then this photograph, like all photographs of tier one operators. Well, I wasn't in that one. My face is blurred out. Oh, sorry, Ron. Sorry, Ron. Sorry, the goblin's a little nervous right now. Can't let my civy life interfere

with my professional duties. We'll just crop you out, Glenn. And so then, yeah, you know, and then maybe at the end of the mission, like if, you know, like the photo will kind of fade in black and white and anyone who died will be like, you know, well, that was sad. I remember. It's a great photo. I hand the photos over to Payton, I whisper, I go, dispose of these.

Nobody can know what this mission is. Roger. Okay. Let's get going. So one satellite ride later, you're on, you're at the AO. Hold on, I want to just mark, everyone mark that my weapon is in condition one. Thank you. Alright, thanks. The AO is a former metal foundry. Its anvil's silent and its pools of molten metal cooled into hard iron.

Do they have like a folk rock foundry? A lot of basket weaving. Jesus Christ. Somewhere within its rusted walls lie a handful of hostages and the person who kidnapped them. Who's holding the hostages? Romine. Have you, what are you not paying attention to the mission briefing? He said a handful. Is that a joke about a giant or something?

Is a handful of hostages? Oh, I like that. Oh, I get it. I get it. Do with that as you will. You have a disadvantage for your next role. God damn. something is a handful of us. Oh, I like that. I get it. I get it. Do with that as you will. You have disadvantage for your next role. God damn. From the outside, you can see

two guards posted at either end of the foundry's entrance, about 50 feet apart. Behind the foundry is an exhaust vent, but there's a 50 foot moat separating you from the vent, and there are security cameras watching the vent. How are you going to get inside? Are we set up for a halo drop? I think we're on for a halo drop? I think we're on the ground.

Glenn? Oh, we're just on the ground now. Balto. Where are we dropping, boys? Well, actually, we're on the ground already. Oh, okay. Yeah, well, that wasn't gonna be our way in. All right, we're on the outskirts of it.

I searched for like beautiful images that might convey like how crazy war is. Do I find anything? Go ahead and roll investigation. I got a six plus I got a six. You almost see a beautiful sun sunset cresting over the horizon but then Paden gets in front of your camera and does like a gang sign. Are these soldiers standing, like are they moving at all? What's the patrol pattern? They are patrolling back and forth. Okay, here's what we're gonna do. And how do we know that they're really soldiers and not hostages in disguise?

That's right, this could be a ruse. We have no intel about Romain. Just like in that movie with the guy and the clown man. I do feel- Do you remember? I hear you, I do feel- He thought that there was the guy with the cape and the pointy ears and there was a clown man, and he wanted to rescue the hostages,

and then the clown man taped their love with guns. I feel fairly confident that the two people walking with guns We should probably send either we should probably send either Anastasia or Roger in Stealthily to try if we can get any tell who's talking is that the leader of the team talking? No, I think that's I think I think that's my fucking tool that's waiting to be used when I need it to be used. Now if you weren't

yabbing your mouth you'd fucking have heard the thunderstorm up ahead and that's making a big loud boom every ten seconds and if you watch them crossing... Every ten seconds in the bedroom? Fuck yeah Ron, I put my fists out for that. watch them crossing. I make a big loud boom every 10 seconds in the bedroom. Fuck yeah, Ron, I put my fists out for that.

Hey, Balto, try being more like Ron, OK? I understand what you mean. Yeah, suck it, Balto. Now these two. Would you like that back? Now these two cards, they're crossing every 14 seconds. That means within, I can't do math, 96 seconds, they will cross in front of each other

and you could take them out with one bullet at the exact second that that thunderstorm makes a big boom. You hear that, Anthony? So should we? I agree with that. Nice. But should we like, you know, ask if they're hostages first?

How about that we do this? Okay. The moment they cross in front of them, I will go, I will say, Anastasia, and you yell, are you hostages? And then when they turn towards our direction, you will wait until they answer. You hear that, Balto?

Now I'm putting a lot of trust in your hands. You're gonna have to read the expression of those two people's faces. And if they look like hostages, you abort the shot. But if they don't look like hostages, you pull that trigger. The moment, the moment you hear the thunder. So let me just be clear. Team leader, I would just like to clarify.

So Josh, you've talked so long, we're going to have to wait another 96 seconds. Keep going. Based on their expression, from here, 250 yards away. Unaided by optics. I'm going to determine. I'm training this. I'll be able to read their expression as clearly as I read it and I can read books. I like that. You're the hostage negotiator.

Can I help? Oh yeah, you're going to take a picture of everything that happens. That's what you, of all of us, you got what you wanted. You literally asked for that. Yeah, he doesn't have a point. Team leader doesn't have a point there. All right, so yes, let's just clarify. Anastasia, good idea. Here's what we're going to do. When I say Anastasia, you're going to look and you're going to tell Ron, you're going to tell you're going to tell Balto either pull the trigger or abort. Okay, Roger on your go and I get into it.

We got 14 seconds, shut the fuck up. Okay. Aim now. Okay, so let me know when I'm there. Let me know when I'm right in front of him, okay? Five, four, three, two, one. Anastasia, what do they look like? Okay.

Are you hostages? Hang on! If the two of you blink twice in a 15 second period, I will know that you're in danger. And you're actually hostages. And you don't mean to be holding those guns. Somebody just handed them to you. Sometimes you're holding things and they get heavy

and you want to put them down. So maybe you want to put them down on my head. Team leader, I missed the window. It's OK. It's OK.. Team leader, I missed the window. No, it's okay, it's okay. Ron, Ron, Anastasia, you got to keep talking for another 92 seconds, just keep talking. It's okay, just wait for the mission clock is a go. Mission clock is a go.

So how's it going? You have to talk for another 92 seconds. 92 seconds is a go now. Payton, get over here. What? Give me one of those cups. There you go. Okay, you walk over to the end of the stage and you tell me what Ron says.

OK. OK. OK. OK. OK. Ron, you got 40 seconds to decide whether or not they're hostages. No, Ron, actually, team leader, we're only 15 seconds in.

OK, so I think they, I think, yeah, I think, I think, I think maybe, I think, well, he's like, He doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. Put the cup to his ear, put the cup to his ear. 30 seconds. Anesthesia. Ron. They're not hostages, take the shot.

The shot, wait, wait, three, two, one. No, no, no, I have another 60 more seconds before they line up. I have another 60 more seconds. I think he's talking to the first other 60 seconds. Would you two like a picture? Oh yeah, here it is. Oh yeah, good idea. Good idea, Henry seconds. Would you two like a picture? Oh, yeah. Here it is. Oh, yeah.

Good idea. Good idea, Henry. I'm a bit of a shutter bug myself. And this is my goblin, Ansel Adams. And 40 seconds. 30 seconds. 40 seconds left. You right here.

And just while I've got you here, are you two hostages? No. I hope it's in selfie mode. Hold on. You're now 30. The goblin's facing the wrong way. All right. There we go.

There we go. Then we flip it around. OK. Have the one on the right., there we go. There we go. Then we flip it around. OK. Have the one on the right. So there we go. Scoot closer to the one on the left. I need to overlap for my POV. 20 seconds.

And there's some more people behind you. Isn't that neat? Well, you know, I just want to say, like, so I'm kind of a, I guess I am on Instagram. At HenryOaksFunPhotography. Peyton, you got to move Henry. Henry's in a shot. Henry, you're going to need to move Henry.

We have to move Henry out of the way. Six. And so I just, I really, are you hostages? Move out of the way, Henry! One. I take the shot! One! Two!

Three! Roll! Roll! Roll! Roll! Roll! Roll! Roll!

Roll! Roll! Everything goes in the slow motion as, what are you rolling for? Didn't you see how I pushed him out of the way last minute? Okay, all right. We'll both roll the same. You for pushing out of the way and then me for the shot.

Ready? Three, two, one, go. 15. 14 fucking fox. I heard people, but this is clockwork. This is exactly the op went off without a hitch, right? Yeah, the bullet goes straight through the heads of the two, not hostages. Nice!

You two, what are your names? Ryland and Ashley. Ryland and Ashley get fucking headshot. They go fucking down! Henry, Henry sees tangos Henry sees both their heads explode and then sees at the same moment goblin Producing this beautiful picture of these two people in literally the last second of their life

And I'm like my god Darryl my god. I mean Henry my god Henry. What have you done Henry? But not you Henry Foxy my god. Who am I? I just it's like my art was to bring the world together and show how crazy this war is God, Henry, what have you done, Henry? But not you, Henry, Foxy, my God, who am I? I just, it's like my art was to bring the world together and show how crazy this war is, but art itself has become a tool of the war. Foxy, don't let anybody tell you what you do is not important. You hold onto that picture

and you make sure future generations doesn't have to do what we just did. Okay, team leader, I will. All right. I wanna call, I wanna call Intel Ogre. I want to call the Ogre that is Intel. He's Intel. Update, two bogeys down.

Oh yeah. Any Intel on how many bogeys are left? Roll. Didn't say what dice. He's roll a d4. Roll a d4 dude. Why would you want a lower number? I said 17. Intel, whatever that means for you.

Intel saw five guards plus one guard plus three guards. 14 guards. Okay, Glenn. Sorry, Palto. Plus three guards. 14 guards. OK, Glenn, sorry, Palto, we got 12 more guards. Roger, that 210 goes down. Moving in to AO. All right. We are Oscar Mike. Are you going to?

Who's Oscar? We are Oscar Mike November. I said, no, you're, no? You're, oh, wait. Who's Oscar? Who's on first? Who's my good old? Somebody say my name. Oscar. Oscar. Our good friend, Oscar. You're no, you're Oscar who's on first

Oscar Oscar our good friend Oscar Oscar the Italian waiter comes out of the bushes Oscar Bon giorno, but no, no, I've been lost. What are you guys doing? Get low get low. What are you doing here? Walter told us explicitly that we're we're working out of the best sniper in the world here basically that we're with that. We work and have the best sniper in the world here. That's a me nobody should have been like Oscar last time we saw you say you're never gonna shoot another human being. Italian food, yes, you're coming out Italian food retirement. I have

well, well, my sir, no, let me tell you having sacrificed my art for war, don't let anyone turn those breadsticks into bullets, my friend. That's right. Oscar, come here, I need to talk to you. Yes. We could use your help, but I don't think I could lose, I don't think I could have the weight of another man's soul on my shoulder, so I need you to go, go back and cook food.

But Oscar, remember, you're always in here, and when you're in here, you're family. I'm the family. Oscar turns around on his heel and goes back into the pot. You're always in here. And when you're in here, you're family. I'm family. Oscar turns around on his heel and goes back in the car. Oscar, do you mind if I walk you out? Yeah, go ahead. Do you guys mind if I talk to Oscar real quick? Yeah, sure.

Where are you going to do? Mission Clock is going. I was just going to ask. I was hoping to just want a little recipe advice on a lasagna before I could cook the fork arrow when I get back. Do you mind? Yeah, sure. Can you do a good lasagna? No, no cook for Carol when I get back. Do you mind? Should I just start one second?

Sure, sure. Can you do a good lasagna? No, no, no, tell me over here. The key to a good lasagna. Okay, I take him behind a tree and I slap him. I go, you listen here. You listen here. I don't want anybody to know what I'm gonna do.

God damn it, my role as a leader is to take the sins of my fucking team on my shoulders, you understand? So here's what I need you to do. You keep walking, but the moment you get out of our eyesight, you go around the perimeter and you fucking headshot every single individual you see. (*laughter*) Oscar quickly flashes back to the last time

he fired a bullet and it went through an entire orphanage. (*laughter*) Like an evil orphanage though. Oh yeah.age though. No, a really cute one. But a tear rolls down his cheek as he remembers his call to duty, his call to honor, and that he needs to always be... His Medal of Honor and his call of duty. His Medal of Honor, Allied Assault. His Battlefield 1942. And he looks at you and a tear rolls down down his cheek. He says that's a spicy meat and He's gone

Hey, where'd my gun go? Hey, I don't have a weapon team leader. I know longer Well, there's those two people that just died. Um, you could have their guns Those two people that just died, you could have their guns. Oh, yes, good idea. Two guns. I would like to acquire. I should have thought of that. I would like to acquire.

I'll take the other one. I would like to acquire those guns. Ron, you need the other gun? I'm sorry, Anastasia, you got the other gun? I got the other gun. If only I knew which end was which. Oh, god. Can I have the gun?

Absolutely not, baby. Never in a million years. It was worth a shot. It was a shot. That's why you're my favorite. Hey, hold on. Baby, baby, baby, baby. No one can touch what we have.

OK, so in front of you is a door into the foundry. What would you like to do? Knock on the main door. I open it. No! So Ron, so in front of you is a door into the foundry. What would you like to do? Knock over the main door. I open it. No! What? So Ron, so. Well, I didn't know anything about what was gonna happen.

So Anastasia opens the door and immediately you can hear. Three gunshots from Oscar. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Roll. What are we all thought Freddie was gonna run away with this? Roll. What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? guards, you see there's a doorway that's open and three guards are standing there just shooting the shit, drinking coffee. And a laser sight comes in, but it's quivering. And you know that we're Oscar's, he's just thinking about that orphanage full of all those cute kids. And he does know if he has what it takes to pull the trigger. Oh, man.

He lost his goddamn nerve. Sounds like somebody needs to be negotiated. All three guards turn to look at you. Go, Anastasiaasia you got this. Oh I was gonna negotiate after you. Well thank thank God you're shooting this shit and not shooting me am I right boys? So I feel like they raised their guns at you. Yeah raise them You're going to have to go pretty high because I'm a tall, fertile man. Roll to see how tall you are. An 18. Yes. Ron doesn't have to lie and say that he's 6 foot when he's actually 5'11". Ron is actually 6 foot. Well, Ron is canonically 5'4", but he's wearing a little bit of lips.

For the mission. He's been doing, he's been doing an as seen on TV neck exercise. And so he's just got a pretty long neck. And, and so, yes, he cuts quite the figure. So what would you, so these guys have raised their guns at you and they're looking up in awe at how tall you are. What would you like to? I do, I like put a finger on one of the guns

and lower it like that Michael Jackson. Right there. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Roll persuasion. Like, I just like, wait. Oh, fuck me. What are you doing? I'm gonna loosen it and then do what I just did but it's gonna be funny because this is gonna be like, okay, so this is the gun, right? Ron comes up he's like. Roll persuasion. Okay. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You are expelled. Alright, go for it. I got a 12. Plus, plus, plus. You got a performance or a persuasion?

Persuasion, persuasion plus zero. Can Henry assist? Yes, how would Henry assist? Henry is going to assist by taking a photo of Ron and making it look like Ron's a big deal, like I'm Ron's personal photographer, like a paparazzi, you know what I mean? Yeah, we're gonna do a YouTube thumbnail react photo. To make the... The heads, like, the eyes are way bigger for some reason. You won't believe how tall this guy is Okay roll for that top performance people

What did you get well that would be a fork So once again, you have the perfect shot frames Ron's there tall in his resplendent glory He's flanked by three guards all pointing guns at him. It looks like a movie poster. Payton gets in front of the camera and doesn't look down. Payton, get out of here. I got to increase my brand. Okay. So 12 is, uh, is. It's pretty good. Yeah. The guy who you did that to, he will, uh, he'll keep his lowered, but the other two keep theirs raised up, and they go, who the fuck are you? Pfft, who the fuck am I? Oh man, you think you control guns? You can't even control, you can't even control yourselves when you hear what comes out of my fucking mouth, next!

I lean over to Balto and I whisper, I go, time to fly Balto. They're distracted, unload. You took my gun and gave it to the Italian. You grabbed two guns, you just grabbed two. You're right. So Balto steps in, slices the pie perfectly, right? It's like in the slow motion,

wait, wait, flashbang, flash, I need a flashbang. Oh yeah, I got that, that's mine, I got it. And I throw my flashbang. Okay, go ahead and roll for that. Now, when you say roll, what do I add to that? Nathan gets in the way, does a gang sign, and bounces back at you.

Then it was a flashbang? Yeah. OK, what happens? You get flashed, so you're completely dazed. A very loud noise has just gone off. Oh, you get flashed. Good for you, man. Good for you.

OK, so now everybody except for Ron. And then you bang, right? Talk about the bang, Anthony. There's a bang. There's a very, very loud bang that deafens and blinds everybody except for Ron. Well, I'm probably Balto. Balto's running forward.

Wait, does that mean my little goblin in the camera is blind too? Ah! The only thing, Daryl's not blind. The only thing he sees is all the ghosts of the people he's killed. I think Balto gets hit by this on the way in, so he's like slicing the pie perfectly, and then it's just shooting indiscriminately.

Okay, so give me a disadvantaged attack roll. The first roll was a good one, that was a two, the second roll was a 15, so a two. Okay, so you definitely shoot Ron in the back. You get hit in like the left shoulder blade in a cool part. And you go down, but you're not dead. What, uh oh. Oh boy. What you doing?

What you doing? Oh. Oh. Medic! Run! Medic! Medic! Run!

Oh, that's right, we can do spells. I cast cure wounds on the bullet I mean I'm not on the bullet. You know what I mean? I cast cure wounds on Ron Okay, we'll say that cancels out whatever damage she was about to take. It'll save us the trouble of rolling for damage Okay, but do I hit the the the the bad guy? You got a two got two You only hit Ron Okay, so okay, so those guys are gonna go down so they are blind as. Oh, okay. So those guys are going to go down. So they are blind as well actually.

So while you're all blind, you have one turn of action before everybody gets not blind again and they are just going to start shooting. Ron, I think now is a good time to negotiate. We're all blind. And who am I negotiating with? The three guys in front of us. Oh, the three guys I was already talking to. You think you know about gun control?

You already tried that angle. You can't even control your emotion. Okay, um. That's what they want. What do you want? Because I want you for the war effort, right? Oh yeah. It's just to sound more confident when you say it.

Ahem. So if it sounds real. Looks like you're a soldier in need of an army. Oh that's good. Roll persuasion. Roll persuasion. Okay. I would like to also give bardic inspiration by just screaming like, you got it, you have

to, I can't see anything wrong, you're going to need to do this yourself. A 16. Okay. Okay. Okay. Everybody's vision clears, you can hear again. The three guys lower their guns to go, I mean, we're part of an army, we're guarding this place, but do you get cool code names in that army?

Yeah, I don't know. We have cool code names. What's your code name, man? What's your code name? I don't have a, I don't have a. Do any of you have passions, dreams, that you'd rather be doing than killing people? Killing people was my dream, that's why I joined.

Bad guy. What if you could have a cool code name, while killing people? Shit, that sounds good. You can have that and more. Are you sure you didn't like, you know, you wanted something, you know, beautiful, like you were into poetry?

Have you ever made a headshot at 3.5 km? That meets kilometers. That's beautiful. Hey Henry, I think this guy's pretty good. You should join the team. I um, I play, I pull out and I'm like, allow me to show you. He's got a gun! I, I draw an iPod from 1999. And on this iPod is one song. and it's landslide by Fleetwood Mac. Oh, man. The iPod you drew.

Excuse me, Foxy, I'm the hostage negotiator here. Do you want to listen to Ron? Yeah, so, will I be afraid of changing? Cause I... Start swinging guys, I'll start swinging! But it all makes you bolder, if you're children and older! It's crazy, they were all fucking each other when they wrote that. Yeah.

So the guards just give up on violence. Okay. You see, gentlemen, this is what I'm talking about. We don't need to use toxic masculinity and violence. I'm a woman. Oh shit, my bad. Sorry, didn't know there was a broad here. Okay, that's good. That's no...

We don't want to do war anymore, I guess, so they snap their guns over their knees. Oh, no, you don't need to, okay. Okay. So their guns are gone now, but you cleared out that room and they just leave. Okay. And immediately you hear three shots. Oscar, no! And you hear, bane, bane, bane! And they fucking go down.

Guys, looks like Oscar's got it back in and we can just sit here and let him finish off the rest of the squad. Yeah, I think that's a good idea. We want to sit and listen until we hear seven more pops. It's like an interior facility, it doesn't have vision on the entire place. Ah, okay, I kicked those next doors open. We need to figure out a way to get all the bad guys to the windows. Oh wait, wait, yeah, that's right, we're making too much noise.

Oh my gosh. What if we pretend to be hostages that they haven't round up yet? And then they'll all come try to round us up like little sheep. And then we're going to be like, bad guys. Bad guys over there. And then an ostrich will just be like, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow,

bow, bow. And then. Oh, I forgot to mention, because you are responsible for three deaths, that means you've gotten a kill streak, which is a UAV. You can use it anytime. bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow We gotta hold off, we gotta hold off. Mostly don't know UAV would be like, we could see where all the bad guys are. Like satellite, yeah, yeah. Everybody who didn't know that, you're good people. Yeah, you're good people. Yeah. Look yourself in the mirror and say,

you're doing all right. You're doing all right. Those of us with the cursed knowledge of video games bear this burden alone. Okay. That's right, that's right. Maybe gamers, Xbox gamers, PS55 gamers at the end of the day We're all united in this we all know about the stupid stuff about call do we all we're all stuck

You gotta go slap him for real closer they're going to be every year. So I thought you team leader. I'm sorry, team leader. Just got so passionate about video games. That's the reason you're the second best killer we have is because you're so passionate about video games. All right. So there's a single door that you haven't opened yet that leads to another room. I need to call over. You can open it if you want to. You call Intel? Yeah. So, remind, do they like hostages? Is that kind of their thing? Pfft. What was I trying to understand?

Define like. Like, like, like. Foxy had a really good idea about maybe if we all pretend to be hostages. Oh, I gotta, I gotta give it up for Ron. That was Ron's idea. Oh, oh, oh, oh, sorry, sorry, Ron. I mean, it's.

Anastasia had a really good idea that if maybe we pretend to be hostages, maybe Romine would come out. Well, Romine have many hostages. Maybe all of them escaping would be good idea that if maybe we pretend to be hostages, maybe Romine would come out. Well, Romine have many hostages. Maybe thought of them escaping would be good idea. Okay, so we kill those hostages and then we become the most important hostages. I don't think we should kill them,

but like I like the idea of all this, you know, we get to pretend. Yeah, I was thinking we all pretend to be hostages. Payden could pretend to be the person who caught us. And then Glenn just stands right behind the door and then just unloads on everybody that comes in to check on the hostages. Don't judge me, we were trying to save hostages.

The ghost of everybody who's died flashes across Daryl's face again. I can't do this anymore. Why did Walter make me leave here? Daryl, Daryl, Daryl, I mean Henry, Henry, Henry. Don't say that name when I'm doing what I'm doing. I have an idea. I have an idea. Goblin, our goblin friend, has like a photographic memory. Why don't we sneak goblin in? Do you remember in those, you know I feel

like those guys in those movies with the guns, they have the little tube that they put under the door and they look around through the tube yeah and then it's like it kind of it's like well it's like the thing that they used on me when I had my colonoscopy yeah it's important 38 or very important you know I mean I'm looking pretty good down there thanks to my healthy my healthy diet yeah I had different news yeah I can, I mean fine some speed bumps in there Doctor said just slow down. It's like the minecart chase in Temple of Doom in there But I was thinking maybe we sneak our little goblin friend under the door and then he can look around and come back and paint Us a picture of where all the guards are inside and stuff

Yeah, that's like that's like the Intel stuff that you military guys do right damn it Foxy I can't be wasting your talents on this fucking pointless picture painting. But I told you it was important as not at all. I wanna be peaceful, but I wanna be useful more. All right, I'll be right back. And he runs, he jumps out of the camera, he's really tiny, and he runs under the door jam

into the next room, he goes, this room's clear, you can come in. Say what? What? This room's clear, you can come in. Okay, we walk in. So on the ground is a undetonated, perfectly usable grenade. Wow. I scanned to see if this is one of those traps like that Doctor Who episode you just watched, I bet you got Doctor Who on the brain, something's gonna step on this landmine, then you're gonna be like, oh I gotta be stepped on a landmine, and then we're gonna have a whole thing where like, I'm stuck, and I bet you got Doctor Who on the brain, and then someone's going to step on this landmine. And then you're going to be like, oh, I got to be stepped on a landmine, and then we're going to have a whole thing where I'm stuck. And if I move, I'm going to blow up.

Matt, slap him. All right. Roll perception. That's what you get. I got one. I got that. I got this. I got a, oh, no, I have a plus eight.

I got a 14. Okay, so the 14. Because Henry's very wise. You see that it is a tripmine trap, but you see the tripwire. And you can snip it easily. I snip it easily. Okay, now you have a grenade.

Easier said than done. All right, the goblin. Thank you. You don't need to applaud that. Thank you. Wow. Hey. Ding. Hey. Ding Chavez. Yeah? I think you've earned this.

What? Hand him the grenade. Hand him the grenade? Oh, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby. Payday's ship has come in. It's up to you. Grenade, please. I'm gonna try to perform a sleight of hand.

You're going to swap it out for a potato? Yeah, you know, Henry as a swinger always has a pineapple on him. Oh wow! Alright. So I'm going to try to convince him that the pineapple is the grenade. Alright, do a deception roll. Convince him that the pineapple is the grenade. All right, do a deception roll. I got an 11.

He's going to roll a perception. 13. I'll be taking that, thank you. And he takes that grenade right out of your hand. Oh, Darryl, do you know what the pineapples are about, too? It's delicious. You grill them. I'm hungry.

They are delicious, my friend. And you do drill them. Wait, can I? Ah! Ah! Ah! Why are you guys all being weird about pineapple? You guys, it's 9-11, make a wish.

What? Nobody laughed! Ah! You suck! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

What happened? I just said, it's 9-11, make a wish, and no one laughed. Oh, God. Shit. Okay, okay. Dare, but just to wrap up the pineapple discourse, Henry does text Mercedes O'Garcia, football, pineapple, thumbs up. She sends back, eggplant, eggplant, eggplant, eggplant, eggplant.

Okay, so the goblin runs into the next room and he goes, oh no. And he runs back in and he shows you a picture of what he drew. And you see a picture of five guards surrounding a hostage and it looks like they're beating him up. Oh god, that's unacceptable. One hostage. One hostage. So this isn't all the hostages.

This is just like, this is just one of the hostages. Are they surrounding him? Like what's going on? What is the- Yes, they are surrounding the hostages. So we've gone over to five, and you're saying there's five here. Now I do wish I didn't make that joke about the math,

because now I'm curious as to how many we actually have left. We'll never know. But this would be a total of 10. So far. Okay. What do you guys think? I know I'm the leader, but it's hard for me

to see anything other than the ghosts. Oh, we get it. What if? Oh my gosh, enough with the ghosts of everyone you killed. Oh my gosh. That's a great plan, Fearless Leader. Yes, because presumably these bad guys have killed people too. And maybe they haven't properly been mentally acquitted

for their sins yet. It's a good idea. It's just like that play with the old man. The old man and there's the sad and then there's the muppets are in it. A Muppet Christmas Carol? There's the one. Yeah, well, I don't know if Carol's seen it or not, but. in it. A Muppet Christmas Carol? There's the one. Yeah, well I don't know if Carol's seen it or not, but.

Oh, we love Muppet Christmas Carol. But you know when he's old and like they're all like his and then there's like, well I mean frankly, he's kind of like, well I've been on this subreddit called Anti-Work and they have some things to say about this guy. And I frankly like he was mean to his internet. Yeah, well yeah, we don't know me to be vulgar about it, but.

Do you not know the Christmas Carol? I'm sorry, I should use the- I've never spent Christmas Carol with them. I haven't sprayed but if you're interested in you know, I spent some time with Carol I Mean yeah, you guys come over pretty often. Yeah, he's gonna fuck your wife, dude Not right away No Paden. We have to get to know each other anyway. Okay, so what would you like to do about this room with five guards and a hostage? Paden's like, I just throw the grenade and no more five guards. I know, then we lose the hostage. I love this idea because you know what happened to that old man? Is he learning to be a better man and he bought a big turkey, which frankly he could have bought like a nice toe-furkey you know I appreciated that he's growing so I think we should remind these people

yes the people that they've killed by dressing up like spooky ghosts yes I so if there's any like uh flower on the floor or or white power cocaine cocaine um so I roll in the cocaine there's cocaine everywhere and then I look like a ghost. I look so pale. I'm like, okay. Roll Constitution. Nine. You're wired. I say, I say, so I look like a ghost now and I'm going to go in the room. I'm going to

go in the room and I'm going to, Oh, Oh, what is Matt going to slap a woman? woman. Henry would like to cast investiture of wind. I have a wind spell. Farty sounding. I have a lot of fart smells. I have wind walk. I have investiture of wind. I have Freedom of the Winds. God, that's what being polyamorous is, yes. I would like to use my wind spells to sort of A, you know, just sort of dramatically blow the doors open as if one was a ghost and one was entering a room. Okay.

And then also I think maybe give us a little oomph, like we're kind of floating ethereally from all the wind. Okay, and then I would like to cast, I know it's not the way it works in D&D, but it's the way it works in Dungeons and Daddies, which is ancestral projections or whatever. We had it as like, yeah, I can literally make a ghost pierce. We talked about it being George Washington, right? Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, it's George Washington.

George Washington was a great actor. Because there's, the reasons it worked, because there's five of them, they'll each assume it's one of the other one's ghosts. Oh. That must be Dennis' ghost. Still pretty creepy. It's not my, it's not gonna be I killed, but it must be the guy that he killed.

So I'll add that to Anastasia's ghostly form. Okay, Anastasia and- Then we get George Washington high on cocaine. Yeah. All right, whoa. He probably was. They did a lot of drugs. All right, so your spell just automatically works All right. Whoa. He probably was. They did a lot of drugs. So your spell just automatically works, I feel like.

OK, yay. So now Henry and Anastasia, go ahead and roll for me. OK. Roll a two second performance. Which Henry? You're Foxy. I'm Henry. You're Foxy.

He's Henry. OK. Roll performance, please. Performance. I got a 17. Ooh. Roll performance, please. Performance. Performance, I got a 17.

Ooh. Ooh. I got a eight minus one. I'm just talking to George Washington in the back. Hey, man. He doesn't even go in. How many slaves do you own? Whoa, George.

It's really hard. Every year it gets hard to defend you, buddy. Like that's the first thing you said. How else am I supposed to start a conversation? That's how we do this back then. I have like 20. Okay. That's how you know I mean more than you. Now you can go back to wherever it is you were.

All right. So Ron walks in there and he's like. Rubbing his teeth. Dear Slim, I wrote you but you still ain't calling. I left my cell, my home phone, and my pager at the bottom. I wrote two letters back in autumn. You must not have gotten them. There must have been a problem at the post office or something. I swear, these letters get kind of sloppy when I jot them. So, yeah, I'm your number one fan and I died and you didn't do anything, help me, I'm the ghost,

help, help, boo. So you rolled a, you rolled an 18 you said? I rolled a 17. A 17, okay, so I'm gonna have each guard individually roll and if they get under 17 they're gonna believe you're the ghost of, uh,&M they killed. First guy fails. I'm Stan man. I'm Stan. Second guy succeeds. God damn it. Third guy succeeds. God damn it. Fourth guy fails. Okay. Fifth guy fails. So three of the people, three of the guards go, Stan! They all killed Stan together.

One fateful night. We really never did talk about that. And then the two guards are like, is that a dude on coke? Ooh! And then I lean into Balto, I go, fly my little bird. There's two distracted soldiers, go!

And then once again, Balto spins the corner Perfectly in slow motion. Oh man. Hey nobody's throwing a flashbang this time Go shoot spiritual flash well roll to shoot What if you what this is a silly thing? Okay? What if okay? What if you shot the guys and then you realized they were cake? Can I see your micro? No. Okay. Ah, there we go. Okay, it should be fine now.

All right. Roll two. So to be clear, this is going to be a multi-part roll. Roll to slice the pie. Roll two. Acquire, right, roll two. So to be clear, this is going to be a multi-part roll. Roll to slice the pie. Roll to acquire a sight picture. For anyone who's watching, what is slicing the pie? Can you get up and demonstrate slicing the pie to the audience?

All right, if anyone ever needs... This is the forbidden knowledge I have gained from video games. If anyone ever needs to clear a room in a tactical situation You don't want to just like jump in front of the door right? Well, yeah, don't you two come in like make a good way Okay, make a doorway for me. I'll show making a doorway. Oh, okay Like what I lay across the top you right here Darryl Matt right here. Here's the church See Darryl, this is what's called an eyeful tower Matt, right here. You guys face it. Here's the church.

See, Darryl, this is what's called an Eiffel Tower. No. Okay. Let's say, Look at those two hetero pieces of shit. Let's say we're trying to reach and clear this room, okay? What you don't want to do is you don't want to just kind of like, ha ha, jump out. And the word, you don't want to just like run straight through.

So slicing the pie, you want to start off to the side. You'll see I have a very narrow slice. You can see I see one, two people here in the audience here, right? Right there. And as I have my weapon in a primary position, I come around here and I gradually. Can I see your mic real quick?

Yeah. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. It's fixed now. In this section of the show, Anthony turns off my microphone and I demonstrate wordlessly how a tier one operator slices the pie. If you'd like to see how it's done, join our Patreon, patreon.com, such as Dungeons and Dads. And then ideally,

so ideally the rest of your team gets the other parts of the ride. So here's the thing. Oh my God. Slicing the pie. Roll! Roll with advantage because you taught everybody how to slice the pie. Okay, sweet. And I guess empowering any school shooters. Three. Three in a one.

Three in a one? Three in a one. What? So you, when Glenn comes around the corner, just like, here's my chance. I blew the second one. My whole team's counting on me and I go boom. Slow motion. And the problem is I actually do say, boom.

As I come around. Immediately, the two guards that were not convinced by the stand thing start shooting at you. You take a D12 of damage. But I slice the pie, though. What? Do I die? No, they don't shoot you.

Well, they don't think you're a ghost. But they shoot the guy that clearly has a gun. So you're fine. I take seven points of damage. D-d-d-d-d-d! Luckily, I'm wearing combat armor. Where does it hit on the body? Can we simulate where that is? You're gonna get shot in the head in a second.

He puts it in there, dude. You dare... A stray bullet takes off your tongue! Henry glances to the corners of his vision, and he looks at the face of one of the many men he's killed. He says, you guys need some new friends. And I pull my axe out. Ooh!

I'm gonna charge at the closest soldier. All right, roll. I'm gonna use enrage. Yep. Yep. That's a, what do I add to this? That's an 11, that's gonna be a 17. All right, you kill one. Oh Nice one in a half, but I get by cake The moments the moment his head leaves his body like you all see it disappear

But it just for me just fades into a ghost that is standing right in front of me I go, I'm sorry and I go for the second one. I roll a 19 Another one goes down. Both of the non-scared soldiers are bisected by you easily. Bloods, paints, the blood. Ayo, ayo, ayo. How scared are the ones that are still there? Happy Pride, bisected.

That was Beth's joke, I just repeated it. How scared are the ones that are still left, you know what I'm saying? They are very scared. They drop their guns and they scream. So now I acquire five total guns. In that moment, the door at the other end of the room kicks open and it's Romine. Romine. It's Romine.

Glenn thinking quickly because he's uh... Shoots five guns. No. Holds a rifle to Paden. I got the last hostage here. We cleaned them up. Roll deception. What room did they walk into, Freddie?

What room did they walk into? Was it the... The right room? Was it the right... Y'all walked into the wrong room, but the fuck that's a seventeen plus fourteen and I even de leveled Glenn. This is tour Glenn close seventeen plus fourteen thirty one 31.

In that moment, by the way, I would like to hand Payden a note and we don't have to read this, but I'm gonna hand it to you, Anthony. OK, OK, you see what I'm saying? That's good. Yeah, you OK? OK. He just wrote a slur on that. About white people, it's okay.

It's about white people. Yeah, it's okay. Okay, so Peyton is going to do what is instructed of him. It wasn't really a slur. That'd be insane if it was. That'd be fucking insane. Freddie, what are you doing? What, what, Peyton?

So Romine comes in and sees that you have killed everybody except for the hostage and goes, well done, well done. You managed to save the hostage. This one is preimplantation, right? Yes. All right. Well, let's get a bomb in him. And they take Payton by the arm and try to walk away with Payton. Payton's gonna try to sneak away. Yeah, I'm gonna... Payton, you're a four. I'm gonna grab... But we distract! But we distract!

How do you distract? Henry would like to cast Fog Cloud. Around... What? Fog Cloud. It's another fart spell I have. Oh! Ah! Big cloud of fog appears around...

um... around Romine. and it's like, oh, what's going on? Where, what happened? And then like Henry's going to like just kind of like flitter around, you know, I turned into something small, like a bird, right? A lot of things happening at once.

I'm, what? Just go ahead. It's cool. Just saying. I flutter around. Everyone's waiting for me for slice of the pie that kept wanting a sight picture and here you are running 14 spells at the same time

Just say your slice book your pie slice of days are over And then I just want to be like whoo remember who you are Okay, I'm a spooky ghost remember that you used to be a good person Okay, put down your ways of hatred. Yeah, I got it Uh, okay. Put down your ways of hatred. Yeah, I got it. Uh. Woo!

So Payton. Anthony! You. Fucking let me have this! I haven't done to do anything fun yet! Everyone's had their fun moment! But Will, poor Will, decided to be a photographer at the beginning. Who's fault was that?

And he's like, shit, everyone is shitty when everyone else gets to do fun stuff, but now I found something. Will, you have like an incredible selfie of me. Like, what more do you need? Like, I'm going to be a photographer. I'm going to be a photographer. I'm going to be a photographer. I'm going to be a photographer.

I'm going to be a photographer. I'm going to be a photographer. I'm going to be a photographer. I'm going to be a photographer. I'm going to be a photographer, everyone else gets to do fun stuff. But now it's so big. Well, you have an incredible selfie of me. What more do you want? Okay, so Payton gets advantage because of the fog that you made. Think about it. And Payton hides and he disappears. And unbeknownst to Romine, he ties the string for the cans around the ankles of the hostage. Because remember, he said infinitely long string, right?

And Peyton runs out the front door, dragging the string behind him. What a hero. And calls out to satellite, and satellite the dragon lands. Now what's your plan? Okay, now here's the plan. Skyhook! Skyhook, baby! Skyhook! Skyhook! Satellite and satellite the dragon lands now. What's your plan? Okay? Now? Here's the plan sky hook. It's only one It's only one hostage It's only one hostage you found you

Paid and found the other ones though. You said you paid there. Oh, they're really quickly just find the other one This I instructed paid him to find the other hostage. Oh, you all find dragon I think I calls ogre really quick ogre. How many hostages are there? There's one You sure I think I did a pretty good job negotiating with them there were a bunch But then some Italian guys sniped them all thinking they were enemy soldiers Okay, and I look I said yeah, that's the only hostage, we're good. Extract, and I'm gonna run to the window and go, Romine, we're being attacked!

And I just start shooting indiscriminately out the window to cause noise. Okay, so Romine's like, I'm with you! And Romine falls you up to Mach 10s in their hand and just comes out and goes, what's my target? What's my target? Over there, the tree line! Romine starts opening up on the tree line.

Yeah, now, now, and then I go, Payton sky hook. They go, it's my time to shine. I'm going to jump on this dragon. Oh, you got to 19. Yay. Oh, for the first time in his life pain successfully manages to do something jumps aboard the dragon. The dragon takes off. The wire pulls the hostage out and they fly into the sky, screaming their head off. Successful hostage extraction! Take out Romine! Luigi go! Mario!

What was the guy's name again? Luigi. His name was Oscar, you racist fuck. Oscar. I don't know where I got those two from. Now you know what Flurry gave me. I'm gonna roll a sleight of hand. Okay. You got a natural one, you bitch. Oh no, Daryl. What did you try to do? I got a natural one. I was trying to steal the grenade.

You pulled the pen. No. It explodes. Oh man, we really answered the call tonight, didn't we? The duty. All of you die. And we zoom out to a 75-year-old painting going, that was the last op I ever went on with SEAL Team Dad, the greatest soldiers I ever fought alongside.

Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Thank you, buddy. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. Thank you, thank you ladies and gentlemen! Dungeons and Daddies is Matt Arnold as Darryl Wilson, Anthony Burch as our DM, Will Campos as Henry Oak, Beth May as Ron Stampler and myself, Freddie Wong as Glenn Close. Our theme song is Alright by Maxson Waller, Brian Fernandez as our content producer, Ashley Nicolette as our community manager, Courtney Terry as our community coordinator, Cindy Denton as our merchandise manager,

Esther Ellis as our lead editor, Travis Reeves provides additional editing, and Robin Rapp as our transcriber. Watch the video of this live show complete with actual tactical pie slicing demonstration by yours truly by supporting us on our Patreon. That's patreon.com slash dungeonsanddads. We also have a bunch of other live shows we did available.

We got a tour documentary from our first tour and we're also pretty close on finishing a video for the Areas Tour. And on top of all that, there's bonus one-shot campaigns, our main campaign after shows, as well as our standalone mini-series such as the upcoming Dad Hammer 40K, the three-parter that Matt just DM'd. That one's recorded, we're going through post-production right now, doing the art, etc. A plethora of entertainment at your fingertips. We're gonna be in Europe at the beginning of October, you can find live show tickets, DungeonsandDies.com is our website, you can also find merch, social media, links, all that stuff there as well,

and special thanks to our Patreon supporters, folks like Alexandra Vergils, Curtis W., Luke Renz, Brendan H., Ravicus, Anthony G., Duff, Jonathan, Alexander, Thingard Bang, Skitter, Wilson Mefford, Kylie Helms, Matt Wold, Sam Gardner, Chris Wood, Carly Tonkich, Ben Larson, Roe, James Lewis, and Christopher Daniel. Our next episode is coming out September 10th. Thanks so much for listening. We'll see you then. you