Ear Biscuits with Rhett & Link - 248: Our Life Firsts: First Kiss | Ear Biscuits Ep.248
Episode Date: July 27, 2020Sometimes they're sweet, sometimes they're awkward, and sometimes they're just physically painful. The guys go in-depth with their own first kiss stories as well as some other first kiss stories, incl...uding ones by a few Mythical crew members, on this episode of Ear Biscuits! To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Welcome to Ear Biscuits, the podcast where two lifelong friends talk about life for a
long time. I'm Rhett. And I'm Link.
This week at the round table of dim lighting,
we are talking about your first kiss stories
and ours as well.
We're gonna get all those
because this is our first episode back
from taking a three week 2020 break.
A three week break.
We took a three week break. Andweek break. A twee week boik. We took a twee week boik.
And speaking of first, right at the top, boy,
it sounded a little weird.
Did you notice something was different?
I did because we discussed it.
Not as much as I would be comfortable,
not as much as I needed to be comfortable enough.
You know, I'm very proud of you.
I just like going for it.
We remembered.
We decided to put the slogan,
a new slogan at the time.
Well, we actually talked about this like a year ago
that we were going to try to find a way
to encapsulate what this podcast is
so anybody who happens to be tuning in for the first time
would understand what it is right from the top.
Yeah, but it's hard to know.
When you're doing it and you've done this podcast
for so long and you've done it in different ways,
and I also have done it, it's kind of hard to know.
You're real close to it.
And we talk about so many things and have tried
so many things that it's hard to say,
well, this is what this podcast is,
but that's what we've landed on.
Maybe it will help you as you tell people
about this podcast that you enjoy listening to.
Two lifelong friend, nope, not lifelong.
Two, yep, not best friends though.
Two lifelong best friends.
We are best friends.
We are, but my vote was to not include it in this
just because it sounds like
a better slogan without it. Two lifelong friends
talking about life for a long time.
The podcast where two lifelong friends
talk about life for a long time.
Not a really long time.
No, just a long time.
By a long time, we mean just like podcast length.
Like an hour. Yeah.
It's not really a long time.
Okay, if you were told you need to go talk to this person
and then you were like, well, how long?
And somebody said an hour.
That's a long time.
That's a long time.
But if you said you need to listen to this podcast
where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time,
be like, whoa, it's a podcast where they talk
for a long time, so you're talking like three hours?
No, you're taking the long-
And applying it to podcasts.
Signifier and applying it across all podcasts.
I'm just talking about normal conversations.
Standard conversational podcast is an hourish.
And the most popular podcast in the world, by the way,
is like three hours on average.
Yeah, so this isn't an hour's not a long time.
So that's good.
And what I'm saying is it's good. It's good that-
It's kind of like leading with a negative.
It's like, they talk for a long time.
You'll have to get used to that.
No.
It's just an hour.
Oh, that's just a podcast.
This is why I'm glad we didn't have to discuss it
because this is what the discussion would have been.
And then you would have lost heart, but I love it.
And you would have gotten frustrated.
But I love the fact that you gave in and we just said it.
I haven't given in, it can change.
Welcome to Ear Biscuits where two lifelong best friends
talk about life for an hour.
So I don't have any problem.
You keep adding best and you are my best friend
and we are best friends. And I'm changing
the second part too.
I'm not practicing what you told me, I'm iterating.
Okay, but that doesn't have-
Welcome to Ear Business.
There's no word play in that.
The podcast where two lifelong friends discuss,
talk about, not discuss.
Discuss is a little too self-important.
It's like, oh, these are important topics
and we're gonna turn them over
and we're gonna come to conclusions.
No, we're just talking.
Right, I never said discussion, you added that.
Yeah, and I was, and you know what?
But you've also taken out life for a long time,
which is kind of the only reason I liked the-
Lifelong. What I came up with.
The podcast where two lifelong friends
talk about life for a long time.
You like it, you do like it.
I was kind of searching for it.
But you found it because it's natural.
I need to just go for a drive and say it about 80 times.
Is that how you do things?
So what if it is?
But like there's so much else in life to experience.
But when you can't, no, it's just,
that's how I internalize something that we have to,
you have to say the same way a lot.
Here's the, you underestimate,
you came up with this catchy phrase
and it made sense in your mind,
but then it has to, I have to transfer it to my mind.
If I had come up with it,
you would have to make sense of it in your own mind.
You'd have to come to terms with it.
I don't think it's a lot to make sense of though.
And if that required you driving and talking to yourself,
I wouldn't ridicule you.
I think it would have required you telling it to me
and then I would have been like, that's good.
Can we start over but me say that part
and you say the other part?
Yeah, yeah.
I will buy your lunch if you get it right.
If you get it exactly right on the first time,
I will buy your lunch.
Can I pick what it is too?
Yeah.
Okay, even if it's something that's,
oh, that's not very healthy.
Even if it's unhealthy.
I don't believe you're gonna get it right.
Okay, here we go.
Welcome to Ear Biscuits, the podcast
where two lifelong friends discuss.
No!
Shit!
I knew it!
I knew it.
Welcome to Ear Biscuits where two lifelong friends
talk about life for a long time.
That was it.
If you consider 60 minutes or so a long time.
You don't get your lunch now.
I get a lunch.
I'm so shiny right now.
I'll just pay for it.
Let me get it, I'm gonna get a tissue. The second part of this is, fine, go get a lot. I'm so shiny right now. I'll just pay for it. Let me get it, I'm gonna get a tissue.
The second part of this is, fine, go get a tissue.
Well, we had to cut the AC off
because again, we're not in our studio.
Well, we haven't said that.
I also said, this week at the Round Table of Dim Lighting,
and I don't know if it sounds a little different,
but if you're watching this, it does look different
because we're not at the round table of dim lighting.
That's the other thing.
This is another first.
We are in our creative house.
Now this is, you know, this is, we got everything set up.
We even got the sign here.
This is not a permanent move, by the way.
We're going back to the round table of dim lighting.
But what if, I mean, what if, I don't know, it could be.
It could be, but so far I don't like it.
It's a move out of necessity.
There's construction going on at the studio right now,
including in the Ear Biscuits room.
And so we have moved things over, but we didn't want it,
like we actually took some time
so that it would be a better experience.
We're not using our USB mics.
We're like using the actual setup that we typically use.
And we did bring the sign like Link said,
and there's some soundproofing.
So hopefully it doesn't sound so echoey in here.
We're a little close to each other.
We're a little closer and the lighting is not dim.
Like I could easily poke both your eyes out.
This is not the round table of dim lighting.
It is a round table though.
We talked about bringing the round table
and then they tried to disassemble it.
They realized somebody had glued it together.
Yeah, it cannot come out of the room
without being destroyed.
Well, you could probably just, yeah,
if you just cut the legs off and then refasten them.
Yeah, re-glue them.
Yeah.
So here we are, we've already experienced two big firsts,
a new catchphrase explanation at the top of the episode. So here we are, we've already experienced two big firsts,
a new catchphrase explanation at the top of the episode
and being here for the first time. That's just by way of summary.
Now we can move forward.
I think that's what we decided to talk about first kisses
because we were talking about it being the first episode
back from our break.
And we do have some stories from you of your first kisses
and we'll get into all that in a little bit, but.
Wasn't much of a break.
I mean.
It's not really our first,
usually when we take a break and we come back,
we have so much to update each other on.
Well, and it's also less than like,
it was a three week break for you, the listener,
but it's less than three weeks since we recorded
the last podcast of the last season.
So, but I think it's a,
yes, nothing is happening.
This is the feeling of COVID life.
Yeah.
You're looking for something to be new.
Summer.
And even when you think things are gonna be new,
especially in California, it's like,
oh, you gotta pull it back.
And I agree with the pullback.
Yeah.
But it's just disheartening.
Well, I think something happened when summer rolled around.
I mean, first of all, everybody had this secret hope
that the virus would go away during the summer, right?
And there was some, even though scientists were saying
that that probably wouldn't happen,
there's some reason to believe that viruses
wouldn't be as serious during the summer,
but it turns out that doesn't have any effect
on the coronavirus.
But just the fact that even when you live in California
and it's not like there's a real big seasonal change,
but life is different during the summer, right?
The kids are out of school and you go on vacation,
you travel.
We were planning on going back to North Carolina
during July and seeing our families
and that's not happening.
And our kids were already out of school
and they're still just out of school.
So they're at home and you see the same people all the time.
I remember, yeah, I mean, I'm trying to figure out,
I'm at a different place now.
I remember when we hit day 50 and I think it was in a vlog.
I don't know if it made the edit,
but I was like 50 days in quarantine.
And my, you know, I no longer count.
I no longer have any interest
in knowing how many days it's been
because I mean, we haven't,
we've been very conservative in terms of like staying,
staying quarantined.
And so even as some things loosen up,
that, not for us.
I mean, we don't even, and this is not to judge anyone,
but this is just in an effort to keep our crew safe
when we get together and shoot.
But like, we don't even go to the grocery store.
Like we don't go in any place.
The only place I've been indoors
with the exception for like maybe three minutes
at a bike shop that had two people inside of it,
other than my house, that's it.
We don't go inside.
We get our groceries delivered
or we pick them up curbside.
Yeah.
It's just more of the same.
Yeah. And I no longer count.
I mean, are you counting?
Can you? I did not count
originally, so I wouldn't know where to start.
Yeah, because 50 days, I was like,
50 days, what a huge deal.
We were talking about this earlier,
but, and I'm not a routine oriented person, right?
I don't like to do the same thing every day.
But something about us not traveling
and not doing much besides shooting GMM,
shooting this show, coming to the Creative House
and doing this stuff
that we're doing like on TikTok or the social media stuff.
It's made my mornings way more predictable, right?
And so I'm not going to the gym,
I'm working out in my garage.
I'm doing my back stuff, my exercises, my meditation,
and I've never done those,
like you get the little alerts on your app
that say that like-
It's time to meditate.
Or 10 days in a row, you know, or 20 days in a row.
I think I got to like 30 days in a row at one point,
skipped a day, had to start over.
But I've never been that consistent
with any of those things.
And even though I'm stir crazy,
there's something about getting into that rhythm
of like exercising and meditating
and actually like having time for reflection
and like journaling even, even journaling.
I feel like I'm in a pretty good place.
Yeah, and that makes me angry
because at myself, not at you,
because the opposite happened with me,
like right at the beginning, and I talked about this.
I was like, you know, I'm just,
I'm buckling down on routine,
because I always love routine, you know?
And it's like, I now have opportunity
to do more of the things I want to do,
incorporating in my routine every day.
I can work out and meditate on the same day,
whereas before, I would have to alternate
or something like that.
And I went, I think it was 50 days in a row meditating
because the app kept up with that.
That's a lot.
And then after that, it says your record was that
and now you've done two days in a row.
Yeah, you gotta work back up to it.
I've never done more than four days in a row
since I broke the streak of 50.
And I was working out and I stopped doing that.
I just got out of that
because my shoulders started hurting again
and I got discouraged.
And then it's like, oh, you sleep a little bit later.
And then you just get a little,
I get down on myself about it.
So I'm still doing, I try to, and then I was like,
as long as I just walk every day,
you gotta keep doing something.
Right.
You gotta stay active.
And so I just shifted from working out
because my shoulders are just walking
and listening to a book and then I got done with my book
and it started getting really hot really early.
Yeah.
And I'm like, it's very hot in this room.
Can I just say that?
I like it.
Like what I worked out this morning.
So my internal temperature is really high right now.
Yeah, see, look at me.
You shouldn't work out.
I'm like sweating.
You just wake up a little bit later.
Don't feel as bad about yourself.
I mean, it's like, there's like a flirtation
with the form of depression here.
I think it's, cause that's just the natural,
I mean, when you're cooped up and it's not,
that's not your way of life, it's difficult.
And that's the kind of,
I was talking about this in therapy.
I was like, I feel kind of,
I do feel a little guilty, right?
Because the average person,
most people I know,
are having a really difficult time,
and I thought, oh man, this is gonna be really difficult
for me because I like things to be shaken up,
I like to go places, I like to go out,
I don't like eating at home, you know what I'm saying?
But all I'm doing is eating at home.
Yeah.
But to me, it's a testament to the power
of exercise and meditation.
I don't know which one is more,
but something about there is this prophylactic effect
of exercise on your mental wellbeing
and exercise and meditation.
What you mean like a-
Like a condom for your mind.
No, but what I'm saying is that my experiences right now,
the circumstances, and I'm not saying I haven't been down
and I haven't had days of depression
and sort of just like listlessness
and just feeling like, I can't get motivated.
I mean, there's been a couple of times,
we're working on a couple of things
that require some writing and some days it'll be like,
oh, I could do this all day.
And then some days it'll be like, I got nothing for this.
Which is kind of, but that's sort of typical anyway, right?
You don't always have it.
But I was talking to my therapist and saying that
there's just something about,
I've never ever been this consistent
with my daily practice of exercise and meditation.
And I'm experiencing the benefits of it.
Like I said, I feel guilty,
but also I'm reminded that when things do get back to normal,
because they will, we will start going into the office,
we'll start traveling again,
we'll start going to things that kind of shift start traveling again, we'll start going to things
that kind of shift your schedule around,
knock you out of your routine,
getting home late from something.
Like, getting home late, what is that like?
I'm home every single night at this, I'm home already.
Yeah.
You know, and so the idea of having that routine shaken up
and walking too, I mean, like I'm doing a bunch of walking
and I didn't do any walking at all.
Like I'm seeing parts of the neighborhood
that I've never seen.
And so I have this like desire to like, okay,
how do I hold onto this?
Because I feel like if I can take this practice
into my normal busy life, when things get normal again,
I'm gonna be better off.
But I know I'm not gonna be able to keep up with it.
It's just the fact that I have the freedom to do it
is the only reason that I'm being so consistent right now.
But if, I mean, it's so hard to process what you're saying,
like, it does make me, like I said,
it makes me feel angry or just frustrated
because I just feel like it's hard to get,
once you're, if you're not in that place,
hearing somebody say they're in that place
doesn't encourage you to be in that place.
It just, at least for me, it's like, well,
I was like, I would be like, well, you know,
I think if I started working out and doing something more consistently, I would be like, well, you know, I think if I started working out
and doing something more consistently,
I think that would help me.
But maybe I just need to say, you know, it's okay
to just not do that for a little while, you know?
And it is okay.
Because I have to be ready to launch back into something.
But I do think I feel the cumulative problems associated
with not doing that.
Right.
Because I do think it spills into,
you get so antsy with everything else
that we are not able to do in the way we want to do it.
Yeah.
And that's the weird thing.
The fact that we're not working on something
that is taking us out of the office and into meetings.
And you know what I'm saying?
Like that's-
People's interaction.
That's like what I live for is the dynamic nature
of our jobs, right?
I mean, we have a lot that is the same over and over again,
but we have a lot that makes it very dynamic
and it makes it interesting and you're collaborating and you're trying new things. And most of the things people never see, but we have a lot that makes it very dynamic and it makes it interesting and you're collaborating
and you're trying new things
and most of the things people never see,
but we're working on things.
And that's why I can only go back to,
well, what's, oh, it's because I'm exercising
every single day.
It's like, I'm not having time to let those thoughts
and those frustrations, which under any other circumstances
would make me feel down and make me feel depressed.
So yeah, to me, it's just like, okay, I gotta remember this.
I just gotta remember it.
Yeah, I don't know.
I'm sorry if I made you feel worse.
But I'm just saying.
Hey, you're speaking your truth.
It's separate from me.
And all I'm saying is that as someone who has,
thankfully, not stopped these processes,
I think that's the only thing keeping me together right now.
I think it's the, that's the only,
because it's definitely not in my circumstances.
Yeah. Right?
And again, I mean, it's like, we've got,
we don't have nearly as many worries as a lot of people.
Oh yeah.
You know, so it's, let's move on.
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Before we talk about kisses,
we didn't talk about what's on your nose.
Is it noticeable?
I don't know if you can see it on camera,
but I mean, I asked you about it and you were like,
I'll tell you on the podcast, so I have to ask you.
Is it a scab?
It's a scratch.
Because when I got up, it was like a bloody,
when I got up this morning, it was a bloody thing.
It looks like-
The end of my nose just had a bloody scab.
Oh, really?
It looks like you just got scratched by a bobcat.
Last night-
Was it a bobcat?
No, it was a tree.
I was throwing some Frisbee with my boys.
We like to go out and throw some Frisbee, you know?
In the street?
In the street, yeah.
And Lincoln threw the Frisbee up in the tree.
And it was just high enough where if I jumped,
I think I could grab the Frisbee
because I shook the limbs in the lemon tree
and it didn't fall.
And that's not a euphemism.
You actually have a lemon tree.
Right, and then I was gonna,
so then I was like, I can jump and I can grab it.
But what I didn't take into account was in between
where I would jump and grab it,
there were a bunch of other limbs.
Yeah. So when I jumped up, The lower limbs they were a bunch of other limbs. Yeah.
So when I jumped up, limbs-
The lower limbs, they call those.
The lower limbs that were right there,
you know when you're focusing on something,
things closer to you get out of focus.
Let this be a lesson.
So I just, I raised my hand and I just,
it was like Superman taking off, like.
Like fist in the air.
Except that all of these limbs that were apparently
just inches from my face before I started to jump.
Were now in your face.
Where then I like, I jumped right into limbs.
I mean, thank God I wear glasses.
Right.
You know, I'm constantly,
even if I had 20-20 vision without glasses,
turns out I would need to wear them just for like,
Kurt Rambis.
Eye protection.
Yeah.
I mean, I could have lost my eyesight last night.
But instead I just, it hit my glasses
and it hit the end of my nose and I'm like,
man, that really hurt.
And when I went inside, there was like a big bloody spot
there on the end of my nose.
You know, it's, don't, there's a life lesson here.
Don't get so focused on the Frisbee
that you lose sight of the limbs right in front of your face.
I think the life lesson is use a broom, get a broom.
Yeah, that's a lot.
Why jump when you can get a broom?
This morning, interesting that we had similar situations.
This morning, I had to grab a suitcase for my wife,
which we keep stacked up on this shelf in the garage.
Okay.
And because she's taking a little beach trip
with the kids.
A sabbatical from you.
And then I am gonna later will join them.
But they, so it's up high and I was like,
I can't reach that.
I could potentially jump to grab it.
But I'm 42.
The limbs in your face.
I'm 42, I don't jump for things.
So many things could go wrong.
So I grabbed a golf club
because that was the thing that was closest to me,
but I couldn't get either side,
neither the grip nor the club head,
Underneath. to get under the handle
because the handle, it was one of those away suitcases,
and so they're like flush until you pull on them.
You got a step ladder?
Yeah, but that was on the other side of the garage.
Oh goodness.
I'm 42, you can't walk across your garage.
Mister still working out every day
can't walk over to a step ladder.
No, no, I can.
It's just, I don't know if I should.
Okay.
But then I was like, shoot, man,
I actually did think to myself,
you've been working out, you can jump.
You can jump up there.
And thankfully there were no lower limbs in the way.
There was nothing but air between me and the suitcase.
You jumped?
I jumped and it was like first try,
slipped my fingers right under the handle
and beckoned the suitcase my way.
Then when I came back down, I did the smart thing.
I released as I was coming back down
so as to leave it dislodged but not falling on me.
And then I was able to do a baby jump,
grab it and pull it down.
Did it hit you in the face? No, no, no facial injuries.
No life lesson to be learned, I guess.
No, I just got the suitcase.
You know, I think what you described
is not unlike a first kiss.
You've gotta really work up your gumption.
You gotta convince yourself that you can go for it.
And then you gotta reach up and you gotta have a gentle
sort of caress.
Well, you should be gentle.
Then you gotta-
Based on some of these stories,
that is not always the case.
The moment where you can really latch on
is when you should let go.
And then didn't go for a second delicate jump.
You talking about a tease?
No, just, you know, there's always,
there's plenty of time for a second kiss.
The first kiss should not try to be the end all be all.
It's virtually impossible.
Now, we've done an episode,
I believe it was episode 114 about first kiss stories. And when we decided to do an episode, I believe it was episode 114
about first kiss stories.
And when we decided to do this episode,
we were like, oh, it's our first episode back,
first, first, first, first kisses, let's do that.
And then we didn't even realize we had done an episode.
Right.
This is not an uncommon issue with us.
Until Kiko pointed it out.
Right.
I think subconsciously we're looking for any chance to talk and our wives support this assertion
to talk about our first kisses or our first girlfriends
or our second girlfriends.
Like, you know, we always go back to them.
But in that episode, we did share our first kiss stories.
I think we can revisit them a little bit.
If you haven't heard that, we'll give you the gist of it
and maybe have a different take on it.
If you're really interested,
you can go back and listen to that.
We had a couple of stories from listeners in there
and then we had a couple of crew members come on
and tell their stories, but we got some good stuff
from you guys.
Yeah, so we'll keep our,
recounting our stories relatively short
since we've told them before.
And we actually told them outside of the podcast as well.
But the update on my story is that
you actually had the privilege of being with me
when we visited the location of my first kiss during our trip back to Buies Creek
and I invited you to reenact it with me
and then we showed that on LTAT.
Well, you made me hold your hand
and I mean, there was no kissing.
Right, that's true.
But I wasn't comfortable with getting close to that.
Yeah, I could tell.
It was at the-
It was at the fountain.
So that video's on an episode of LTAT
that aired after our Buies Creek documentary episodes
from I guess last year.
But I'm gonna give you a little background
that I'm not sure I've given before.
And of course, I had begun dating or going with
is what we called it at the time, Amber.
And I knew that tonight was the night.
I don't know how long we'd been going out,
but it was like, you know, you start going with somebody
and then you start kissing them.
This is the order of things.
Well, the order of things is that I date Amber
and kiss her first.
She's my first kiss.
And then you date her after me
and she becomes your first kiss. And then you date her after me and she becomes your first kiss.
Did you actually date her?
Yeah.
For how long?
But you just kissed her that time
and then probably didn't kiss her again.
Okay, so I- Right or wrong?
I can't imagine that you kissed her again.
I don't- That would be very surprising
to me. I don't remember.
Because that was seventh grade.
Yeah, it was seventh grade.
I don't think I kissed her again.
I did.
What was the last thing that filled you with wonder
that took you away from your desk or your car in traffic?
Well, for us, and I'm going to guess for some of you, that thing is...
Anime!
Hi, I'm Nick Friedman.
I'm Lee Alec Murray.
And I'm Leah President.
And welcome to Crunchyroll Presents The Anime Effect.
It's a weekly news show.
With the best celebrity guests.
And hot takes galore.
So join us every Friday wherever you get your podcasts
and watch full video episodes on Crunchyroll
or on the Crunchyroll YouTube channel.
Do you want to tell your story first?
It was at a birthday party
at the Lillington Ruritan building.
And there was like a big open dance floor.
What is a ruritan?
Nobody was dancing.
I don't know, it's people who-
Is it like they broke off from the Puritans?
It's like, yeah, we're not quite as pure as the Puritans.
Or maybe they ruined the Puritans.
Yeah, I think they decimated the Puritans.
They decimated the Puritans?
They tainted the Puritans.
We Roorinted them.
So it's like a place of debauchery,
which is interesting, is why you kissed there.
We were sitting beside each other shoulder to shoulder
in these like folding chairs
and they were like on the edge of a dance floor
that nobody was dancing on and-
The best.
Michael and Anna were sitting next to us
and basically they sent me the message
that I was supposed to kiss Amber.
This was the time, you know, Amber wanted me to kiss her,
but like we didn't communicate about this.
It was just Michael looking over me and saying, go for it.
Yeah.
Yeah, so I went in for the kiss and the story goes
that he, you know, he timed it.
I can't remember how many seconds it was.
I can't remember what I said, how many seconds it was.
You have to go back and listen to the three years ago
when I told this story.
But Michael timed it.
Yeah.
And it was, I mean, it was multiple seconds.
Like I'm gonna say either seven, nine or 14.
I don't know what I said before.
And I was more reliable in telling the story
then than I am now.
Cause I haven't thought about it probably much since then.
We need to connect with Michael
because Michael plays a pivotal role
in my story as well because,
I mean, not only was he there with,
it wouldn't have been with Anna in eighth grade.
That would have been you or what would it have been?
That was me.
Yeah, he was with Anna in seventh grade.
Who was he with that night?
Anna.
No, who was he with eighth grade?
My night.
Who was he with?
I don't know, he was always with somebody though.
He was always with somebody.
And he had confidence.
The thing for me when I revisit the story was that
I did it because I felt like I should do it.
Like I wasn't, I didn't have this,
I didn't have a sex drive at the time.
I didn't.
I mean, I was a late bloomer.
It came later. I didn't. I mean, I was a late bloomer. It came later.
I guess no pun intended.
But it was like, oh, I gotta do this.
You felt pressure, you felt pressure.
Yeah, I mean, it was literally like,
you need to make out.
You felt external pressure,
I felt internal pressure like a geyser,
like a literal geyser.
And it was a long, I remember she was on my right,
so I had to, you know,
I had to go over and my head tilted to the left.
And it was a, I mean, it was a French kiss.
It was like, okay, there's, you know, as I've said many times,
I was like, I got to be ready for this.
I had practiced on my bed post.
It might be a little odd that that same bed
is still in our house and Lando sleeps in it,
but it is painted.
Have you told him that?
No.
Have you shown him which post it was, son?
Come here, let me show you something.
It was a round post and I don't-
A very face-like post.
But it was like a head.
It was like making out with a shrunken head.
Yeah, her head is at least four times
the size of that bedpost.
So that was probably difficult to navigate.
And it was just a wood veneer.
It was a wood, stained wood.
It had no mouth.
But it wasn't white paint like it is now.
It's not nearly as kissable.
And also the wall in my shower.
And this is-
This is so interesting.
This has come up-
I never practiced.
This has come up in conversation recently
because of that TikTok where I made out
with myself in the mirror.
And it was, I mean, it definitely brought back that memory
of me making out with my bedpost.
Did you learn anything?
I just don't think I would have learned anything.
The shower's better because it's wet.
I mean, it's too wet, but at least you know,
hey, in a really wet kids situation,
I can still find my way.
I just, I don still find my way.
I just, I don't know why it never crossed my mind that I needed to practice with a wall.
Because you were so driven and motivated to make out
with your girlfriend that like you'd think that you would,
but to me it was the pressure of like,
I gotta know how to do this.
I'm supposed to do this right now.
Yeah, I wasn't thinking about anything
other than I felt like I was about to pull back the curtains
on the most amazing thing I will ever experience.
It was just all anxiety for me.
And it's like, you know, it actually wasn't bad.
My recollection of it was that the kiss wasn't bad.
I mean, it wasn't Amber's first kiss.
And she helped me out.
She did a, she carried her weight and more.
And there was a clockwise motion to the tongue situation.
Clockwise?
There was like a circular dance happening in there
and I was like, oh, this is okay.
This is what we're doing.
Yeah.
You know, cause I mean, there was no internet.
You couldn't be searching for how to kiss,
how to French kiss.
And I didn't have any,
there was no one I would talk about it with.
But there were movies.
I think I just went off movies.
But even that, I mean, you're not inside of the mouth.
You don't know exactly what's happening with the tongue.
You can tell.
You can tell there's some tongue exploration going on.
Whenever I looked at that,
I was always just too embarrassed to study it.
And of course I didn't watch a lot of movies.
I didn't watch all those make out 80s movies.
That's why you had to practice with your shower
because you didn't watch movies.
That is a fact.
There's a lot I'm learning right now.
So it was, the kiss itself was not a bad experience,
but like everybody was watching.
For someone to be so anxious about it and to feel like,
oh, I gotta do it.
And then it's like, hey, the entire party felt like
was watching, you know, it wasn't even dark.
It was just kind of dimly lit.
And so it was like, given all the circumstances,
I think I did pretty damn well.
I mean, Amber didn't dump me immediately.
She didn't dump me because I was a bad kisser.
She dumped me because I was just a ball of nerves probably.
And I actually wasn't into dating as a seventh grader.
It was just too early for me, you know?
Right, well, my experience is a little different.
I'm in my own head.
My experience was a little different.
I was, it was dark, there was a fountain,
no one was watching.
Because you took her out there.
I had not practiced.
I had on my blue Nike sweatshirt.
I knew I looked like a million bucks.
I knew I looked like a million bucks.
And now I smelled good.
This is before there was such a thing as Axe body spray,
but there was deodorant.
Right guard.
Okay.
Probably put a little on my neck.
That is like a little blue residue.
That was cologne.
Or a little white residue.
That was cologne in 1991.
It was like, I'm gonna put a little bit on my neck.
I mean, we were watching movies with our girlfriends
and then you ask Amber to go outside.
All of a sudden you and Amber just leave.
I knew what I was up to. And take a walk.
And we're like, okay, see you later.
This is where Michael Juby,
I'm going first name, last name now.
This is where Michael Juby comes into play.
I've got a theory about Michael Juby, okay?
Does it involve his dad?
No.
Okay, mine does, but go ahead.
Oh, I-
Just go ahead.
I know what you're gonna say.
You're gonna say that his dad taught him everything
and taught him how to have confidence, which that's true.
Yeah.
I have a much more complex theory than that.
Okay, okay.
You ever think to yourself-
Sometimes the simpler theories are the more okay. You ever think to yourself- Sometimes the simpler theories are the more elegant.
You ever think to yourself,
man, if I could go back to high school,
middle school, whatever,
like with the current mind that I have and mentality, right?
Absolutely.
You think about how you would navigate things
so differently.
Yes.
And so-
Especially, I mean, yeah,
with this whole ball and nerve situation.
Yeah, well, yeah, especially in your case.
Damn, chill out.
But I actually think the same thing.
I mean, I think about things like, man,
sometimes I wish I could just go back,
even just the way I approached playing basketball.
Sure.
Like why did I,
what was so stupid about the way I approached it
in so many ways?
But anyway,
I believe that Michael was an adult who wished,
who was given three wishes as an adult.
Oh, you think he did go back?
To go back and live his life over with an adult mind.
Because if you think about it,
every conversation you ever had with him,
every choice that he made.
It's like, man, you're right.
He's like, you're mature.
This dude is playing this game of life like it's a game.
And like he knows how to win it.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like he doesn't seem, he's not intimidated by stuff.
And he was a year younger than us
because he had skipped a grade.
And when he came back as an adult,
he decided I'm also going to skip a grade.
Because I'm impatient.
He was a year younger than us.
Yeah.
But yet he was navigating all these things
and then telling us and what he told me.
And in high school he was dating women one,
I mean two years and three years older than him.
Yeah, he was dating the girls that every guy
in the school wanted to date and he just showed up
and was like, well I'm gonna date them now
because I am an adult, I have been sent from the future.
That is the only explanation.
Oh my gosh.
It works, doesn't it?
That's right. We need to call him.
Because Juby is such an, I mean, maybe he's an alien.
That's an alien name.
It's made up.
You ever heard anybody whose last name is Juby, J-U-B-Y?
Yeah, that's definitely a name.
He was asked, what do you want your name to be?
Juby, he just, it's like,
only thing I can think of right now.
When I take human form and travel in the past.
So he was an alien who lived a life
and then went back and relived it.
Or he was given three wishes as an adult
and he was like, I only need one.
And it's to go back. All of the above.
To go back with this mind and relive my life.
That's my theory.
And what Michael told me, he just was like,
you know, you just gotta be relaxed
and you need to make it count
and you need to literally count, right?
Like he wanted me to count how long the kiss was
so I could report back.
Yeah, he counted for me.
And because he wasn't there,
I lost heart, I guess, at seven seconds.
But you did have this conversation with him.
Yeah.
I never had that conversation.
He told me the things, he had a connection to Dunn, right?
Because I think his parents were like members
of the Shakora Country Club or something and there was like a connection to Dunn. right? Because I think his parents were like members of the Shakora Country Club or something.
And there was like a connection to Dunn.
Actually, I think his mom, she was teaching at Triton, right?
That's right, that was it.
And so Dunn was like the city, right?
They had a movie theater, which I also kissed Amber at.
But they had a Chinese restaurant.
They had an interstate.
Right, it's the crack capital of the world.
Yeah, I think there was a crack problem.
But he had this insight into what the kids
at Dunn Middle School were doing.
And when he told me what the kids
at Dunn Middle School were doing.
Yeah, like sex in the hallways type stuff?
I just realized that I was way behind the curve.
You know what I'm saying?
I mean, there was things happening.
There was things, there was just,
people were discovering things
about each other's bodies in ways that us kids in Buies Creek didn't know was even possible.
So when he told me these things, I was just like,
whoa, okay, all right, done.
Done sounds like a lot for me and I want it all, right?
I want it all.
But that sounds like too much.
I'm glad I'm on Buies Creek.
Okay.
So when presented with the actual opportunity,
what it amounted to was a seven second, you know, wet.
Oh, okay.
I'm gonna go with nine for me.
But there were many more seconds after that,
literal seconds, not that night.
In fact, that night I kept it, no.
I think I did it again.
I can't remember.
I had this, it just popped into my head.
I think I have a memory of being like-
First kiss had a second kiss right after?
Yeah, I think so.
Regardless, there were more kisses afterward.
And never went to Dunn, but except to the movie theater.
You visited Dunn, you didn't go to school in Dunn,
is that what you mean? Yeah, right.
But you like that theory about Michael Juby.
We gotta call him.
I think we could get him to admit it.
Yeah, were you an alien and sent from the,
I think it's all of it.
Alien seems unnecessary,
because aliens need to be educated.
This is a man who had already lived a life.
He went back and did it right.
So much confidence, quiet confidence.
It took us a while to get to your stories.
Carrie Green responded to our prompt about first kisses.
I was at Six Flags with a group of friends.
We ate some greasy food, then rode a crazy spinning ride,
then rode a ride called The Cave.
A boy I liked leaned over and kissed me.
And then he immediately threw up
over the side of the car we were riding in.
Never lived that down.
Yeah, that's a tough first kiss.
That's traumatic.
Yeah, that's traumatic when your first kiss
makes the guy sick.
Or it could have been everything else
that you listed before that.
I believe it was, but you know at the time
that you're taking that and you're applying it to yourself.
And we have another vomit story.
Breezy, cheesy underscore Breezy.
I was camping with my best friend's family
and her dad had recently remarried.
Her new stepbrother had been flirting all day
and then suddenly lunges at me.
The sudden lunge is not cool.
No.
That's not cool.
And puts his tongue so far down my throat
that I promptly gagged and threw up on it.
Okay.
Wasn't my finest moment.
Okay, I'm not a forensic scientist.
This is an unusually long tongue
and or an unusually sensitive gag reflex.
Well, I mean, it might be the thought of
there's a tongue that's been thrust into my mouth
by surprise.
So that can make you gag even if it wasn't like deep.
Cause I mean, can somebody get their tongue
all the way back to a place where you would choke on it?
I mean, maybe like a Gene Simmons.
I mean, maybe it was this Gene Simmons.
I think if you really do like the 90 degree angle
on the mouth, like the two mouths are totally,
you know, opposed, you could really,
like a mouth to mouth situation,
and then you really, and you're really wide,
like snake jaw wide.
But that's the kind of thing that requires
the cooperation of two people,
and she doesn't seem like she was cooperating.
And yeah, it's not, I mean, it's not cool at all when-
You don't wanna take anybody by surprise.
I mean, if you're in kindergarten
and you wanna steal a kiss under, you know,
under the table or something. I think that there are
certain circumstances in which, you know,
I'm talking about the first time you kiss somebody, there are circumstances
in which it's obvious everything about the environment
and everything about the signals that you're giving
to each other and everything that you're saying
to each other leads you to believe that it is okay
to kiss this person. If you're longingly looking
into each other's eyes for a prolonged period of time
and you're having a conversation, a romantic conversation.
Yeah, there's ways to-
But I do think that,
I think that just asking permission is the way to go here.
Oh yeah.
Well, you did that.
I did that with Amber and it wasn't because it was-
Taught.
It wasn't because consent was a buzzword
at the time.
I mean, obviously it was in my mind.
I wasn't gonna do anything that she didn't want.
I think in my mind, it was more,
I just want her to be ready.
Like it felt like it actually, once you ask the question,
then you have to do it, I think is what was happening.
In my mind, it's like, can I kiss you?
And when she says yes, it's like, well, buddy, you,
it's easier to ask can I kiss you
than it is to just go in and kiss somebody.
That's what I was thinking.
But in a roundabout way,
I actually ended up asking for consent,
which I'm proud of.
I'm just, it wasn't a pure motivation,
but I think that that is the clearest way forward
is to ask.
Speaking of which, BYM Beth said,
"'I went to badminton club in high school.'"
Okay, your club, your high school had a badminton club?
"'I went to the club with a boy I was dating.
"'We were both really nervous to have a first kiss.
So we made a bet that whoever lost the game
had to make the first move.
See, this is taking communication
and then instead of making it awkward,
just owning it and having some fun with it.
I really like this.
Here's the thing about badminton.
First of all, the thing that you're hitting
is called a shuttlecock.
Yeah, so everybody's horny.
It's already sexual.
And it's a co-ed sport.
It's already, you know, and so it's the perfect recipe.
And a lot of people think.
And you're like inches from each other's face
the whole time.
Really?
No.
There's a net separating you and Lee.
I was thinking like, are we thinking about the same thing?
You were joking.
A lot of people think that all the business
that's happening is happening with like the football team
and the cheerleaders, you know, no, no, no, no.
It's the badminton club.
Oh, that's where it's at.
It's the drama club. It's the badminton club. Oh, that's where it's at. It's the drama club.
It's the theater kids.
Oh yeah.
That's where all the hanky panky is happening.
Oh yeah, okay, so to finish this one,
and then the next one supports this.
She said he lost the badminton match,
but afterward he spent 20 minutes pacing up and down
saying he was nervous.
Well, okay, that's when, you know,
once you had talked about it and you reach an agreement,
then it's like, you gotta go for it.
You can't be dancing around the ledge, you gotta jump off.
Right. So she said that,
she just kissed him first.
Well, cause you'd already established
that that was what was gonna happen.
But there's something about it. You build it, you should build it up because that's fun, but you don't established that that was what was gonna happen. But there's something about it.
You build it, you should build it up because that's fun,
but you don't wanna build it up so much
that like you're paralyzed.
Right.
But I wanna dig into this theory a little bit
because I think I'm onto something.
And now we're not, we weren't theater kids,
we weren't drama kids.
Or band kids.
I'll read this one.
Oh, band kids, big time.
Sarah A., mine was in high school.
He asked me to meet him in the band room.
You know what's gonna happen in there.
Up the stairs towards the practice rooms.
He's gonna show you his instrument.
Where he told me to close my eyes
because he had a surprise for me.
Okay, the surprise was him kissing me.
We're married with two kids now.
Damn, that was fast.
Okay, I mean, I'm not gonna comment on,
I'm glad that you're married with kids now.
And again, I think this is a different time.
I would not advise this technique.
Yeah, don't.
I would not advise this technique now.
Yeah, I think you gotta be a little bit more open.
You can't say, go here and close your eyes. Right. Go hide and close your eyes. Yeah, okay, to get be a little bit more open. You can't say go here and close your eyes.
Right. Go hide and close your eyes.
Yeah, okay, to get back to this theory though,
because again, there's this sort of cultural narrative
that you've got these, you got the jocks
and they're doing these things
and people are looking up to them,
but like they're just hanging out with each other all day.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, it's like, it's these places where people are mixing
with each other and especially when you get into drama
and theater and now you're actually like,
you know, you're revealing things about yourself.
You're having to dig deep into yourself
and like access your emotions for the sake of the art.
That is just, you add hormones into that.
Vulnerability.
That is, I mean, and-
Blowing on horns.
I mean, yeah. Give me a break.
Band is so sexy when you think about it.
I mean, you think about what's happening.
People are just taking these instruments
and putting them in their mouths. They're getting the reeds wet.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, they're good with the mouth.
They're doing dexterous things with their fingers
and their mouths at the same time.
I mean, this is foreplay if there is foreplay.
I'm just saying.
And parents need to think about this.
When you buy that trumpet for your kid,
you need to understand what's about to happen.
Do you know how you play a trumpet though?
So if you put your lips up to someone
like you're playing a trumpet,
it would just be like mouth farting into their mouth.
I really think it's the woodwinds that are the sexiest.
Because you gotta put your tongue out just a little bit.
That Kenny G thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean the saxophone.
The reason the saxophone is the sexiest instrument
is not because of the sound, it's because of the reed
and all the things that you can touch.
I mean, you could spend a lifetime exploring
all the new ways to caress a saxophone.
While licking it. It's so complex.
Whereas a trumpet is just like three things in a sound.
Hey, if you know how to work those three buttons,
you can get some magic.
Now a trombone is a little different.
In and out.
Yeah, there we go. The trombone motion
is the most sexual of all the instrument motions.
Right, you put your mouth on it and then you go in it.
And you pump.
You pump, yeah.
Wow.
You're not doing that on the football field.
No, you're just catching a ball over and over again.
And even if you just wanna think about a flute,
now you're not.
I'll think about a flute.
You're not getting it wet
and you're not wrapping your lips around it,
but you're delicately blowing across the opening.
That's still sexy.
Oh yeah.
The woodwinds, I'm telling you, the woodwinds.
The drums, what about the bass drum?
The guy who just sits back in the back
and just boom, just hits that.
Someone will make out with it.
Don't feel too sorry for the guy.
I mean, he's the loudest one there.
If he screws up, everybody knows it immediately.
Hey, but sports, you get sweaty.
I love the fact that when we put out this prompt
that members of the Mythical Kitchen responded,
Nicole responded and said,
"'I had my first kiss at a park after my first day
of sports summer camp.
Okay, sports can be sexy, I guess.
My mom found out and I wasn't allowed
to go to camp anymore.
Well, and then right under this, Trevor,
also one of our members of the Mythical Kitchen.
They call him an intern, but he's not.
He's not.
He responds to Nicole,
it was right after watching Napoleon Dynamite,
we finished the movie and she was like,
do you want to kiss now?
I love that.
You know, I love a woman who's just like,
do you wanna kiss now?
Because I'd be like, you know what?
Do you feel like you need to clarify the fact
that this is made up from Trevor?
This did not actually happen?
What do you mean, why?
It's not made up.
I can see that happening.
Do you wanna kiss now?
Like when a movie's over, it's like,
well, you wanna kiss now?
Oh, I thought that,
because you had put it under here,
I thought that Trevor was replying to Nicole's-
Saying that he kissed Nicole?
No.
Just trying to be funny.
But he put his own story in there.
Yeah, it's his own story.
Okay, that makes a lot more sense.
Napoleon Dynamite's a weird,
I mean, at that age, when you're really wanting to have your,
to really start kissing, it doesn't matter what movie it is.
It's just, you know, as long as it's a movie.
Well, do you remember, this was not my first kiss,
but it was my first kiss with a particular girl.
You were there and it was during a movie.
You gotta give me more information.
During the movie.
It was.
What movie?
The girlfriend that your girlfriend
was friends with introduced me to.
And then we went down to her cousin's house or something.
The three of us went down to meet her.
Okay. For like the meet her. Okay.
For like the first time.
Yeah.
And the first night,
and it had kind of been arranged,
like, okay, you guys are going to be interested
in each other, I know you and I know you.
And so it was kind of like our first date.
I still don't, I do remember that night,
but I don't remember the specifics.
Yeah, like me and my girlfriend,
this was junior year in high school.
Like her best friend was like,
oh, Rhett would be great with her.
And then you guys started,
did you start talking on the phone or something?
But it was definitely an arranged.
I met her for the first time that night.
In my memory, I don't know if my memory is correct.
Yeah, my girlfriend set you up with her best friend
who lived two states south
and we had to drive down there to see her.
No, no, we didn't drive to Georgia.
We drove to like Wilmington because she was,
her cousin was in Wilmington.
But what are you talking,
and so that night, the first night you met,
you were making out with her?
Yes.
I work quickly.
Well.
I'm a professional.
Shoot.
But do you remember the movie that we were watching?
No, no.
What movie was it?
Helen Hunt.
You talking about the tornado movie, Twister?
Twister.
It was Twister?
It was Twister, we were watching Twister.
Twister, that's romantic.
But I don't know, I mean,
it didn't matter what movie we were watching.
I was like, well, this is gonna happen at some point,
but you know, for some reason,
and maybe that's just because I'm a student of the cinema.
I wanted to kiss her so bad,
but I was kinda into Twister.
And I was like, once the kissing starts,
Yeah, you've kind of
I'm gonna lose the plot.
Bill Paxton, he was great in that.
Yeah.
And the effects for the time, the effects were great.
So when did you kiss her?
During the credits.
Oh, during the credits.
That's good.
I think that's best. So similar situation to Trevor here. The movie's over, do you want to kiss her? During the credits. Oh, during the credits. That's good. I think that's best.
So similar situation to Trevor here.
The movie's over, do you wanna kiss now?
Right.
Well once Napoleon Dynamite starts dancing,
it's a long dance.
But we had done lots of hand holding
and my arm was around her.
And again, we just met.
But it was like, everybody knew that it was coming
at some point. But you had hit it off
and you had built it up. It wasn't the first time you had talked. I believe it was like, everybody knew that it was coming at some point. But you had hit it off and you had built it up.
It wasn't the first time you had talked.
I believe it was.
Oh really?
I don't think I talked to her on the phone.
She was like.
But then you date, I mean, you guys dated for.
A year and a half. A year and a half?
Yep.
Really?
And she, long distance for a year and a half.
Yeah, I would.
You would just go down to Georgia and visit her
or she would come up and visit you
and stay with my girlfriend
because they were best friends.
Yep.
And they were best friends
because she had lived in Buies Creek and then moved away.
Yeah, well, I mean, I knew of her when she was a kid,
you know, when I was a kid.
Yeah, that long distance, we can do a whole episode on long distance relationships.
That was a whole thing,
like driving to see your girlfriend.
But I mean, when you talk about the bold moves,
I mean, Troy Wood, he said,
"'It was in the back seat of my girlfriend's parents' car
"'with her parents still in the front seats.
No way in hell would I think about kissing a girl
with the parents in the front seat.
I mean, I just couldn't bear the thought of like,
I don't know.
I do that.
Like, you know, I told you the story of like holding,
I think it was Amber's hand at the baseball game
and then your mom seeing it and me being embarrassed.
You know, it's like, I don't know why I was so embarrassed
about like having a girlfriend,
didn't wanna admit that to my family.
Cause I didn't like any question about that
would just embarrass me even more.
I, you know, and I don't, you know, it was just,
I try to talk to my kids about,
whatever it is that is part of development,
I just try to talk about it in like a normal way
because I really don't want them to think that,
I don't wanna do anything to build up things for them
to make them more anxious.
My blood runs through their veins.
I think you can only tell them so many things.
Sure, sure.
I think kids are gonna be who they are.
But by not talking about it, for me,
I think it set up this thing was like,
oh, this is a secret.
And when you're a little kid and if you're kissing,
then it's like, you kind of instinctively know,
it's like, oh, we can't tell anybody about this.
Or like Nicole's mom saying she can't go to the camp anymore
because there's no telling what you're gonna do.
Or I don't know what her reasons are, but it's like,
oh, this is something to keep secret or to be ashamed of.
I never kissed a girl in the back seat of a car
while her parents were in the front seat.
But I do remember a girl I was dating my freshman year
in high school, her parents were driving us around
and we were in the back seat and we were holding hands.
And then when her parents got out,
we went to the grocery store or something.
It's like Walmart, I remember this,
because you told me.
Walmart, they went in,
and we stayed in the car, and just made out, and the windows start fogging,
when you make out in a car, the windows fog up.
And so we had to like stop, open the door.
And this happened a few times.
And I remember you telling me about this, reporting,
and I was like, are you kidding me?
They could come back at any moment.
Yeah. What would you do
if her parents came back and saw you
making out with their daughter in the car?
Well, most of the time when you're in that situation,
the person who is the daughter or son of the family
that you're interacting with, they know the deal.
You know what I'm saying?
It's just like, she didn't say like,
my parents would kill me if they knew
we were kissing in the backseat.
Yeah, obviously.
So she was comfortable enough with their response to.
My impression of her parents is that they knew
To fog it up.
They knew what was going on.
But I do wanna quickly talk about,
there's an infamous story.
We will not mention any names.
Okay.
But there is an infamous story
of somebody that we went to high school with.
And again, this is probably just one of those rumors
that happens, but it was a rumor
that we all thought was awesome at the time.
He was a few years older than us.
Now this was the, are you talking about,
we had a friend who had an older sister?
Is that the story you're talking about?
No, I'm talking about a guy
who was two or three years older than us.
Maybe he was a senior when we were freshmen,
but the story goes is that he was in the backseat
with his girlfriend while her parents were driving and they completed the act.
They had sex.
They had full sex.
Oh gosh, I don't even remember that story
because it was such a load of bullshit.
He and she, according to my sources.
I don't even know who you're talking about.
Confirmed it.
Well, when I tell you who it was later
when this podcast is over,
and I tell you who the guy was and who the girl was,
you might be like, okay, maybe it did happen.
I'm just saying.
It is one of those things that's probably not true,
but if it was true, it would be them who did it.
Listen, okay, now this is a different subject matter.
If we're gonna talk about first,
we have to save like losing your virginity
as like a different podcast.
We can talk about that as a different podcast.
That's quite a teaser.
Sammy Larber tweeted,
I don't know why I put such a pregnant pause in there. I think it's Larber tweeted, I don't know why I put such a pregnant pause
in there.
I think it's Larber.
My first kiss was a lovely man who soon after realized
he preferred men to me.
Or don't take it personally, Sammy.
I'd say he preferred men to all women, I guess,
is what you're saying.
I had driven us home from a party.
In my parents' driveway, next to my minivan, he kissed me.
I wish I could make the squeaky noise it made.
He pulls back and he asks.
Like blowing on a trumpet.
He pulls back and asks, where do I put the tongue?
I think, you know, communication.
I'm a huge fan of communication.
Where do I put the tongue?
Well, there's only a few places.
Well, what do you do with the tongue? It's like, again, I didn't know.
Again, it's like you thought you knew by looking at movies,
but there's never any, it's not an endoscopy.
You're never inside of the mouth.
You don't know for sure.
It's like, oh, you can do a rotation motion.
Is it an in and out?
Is it a down?
Is it a up?
I think this is how our minds work differently, right?
When I think about, when I thought about kissing
as a 14 year old, it didn't strike me
as there was a correct way to do it.
Like that, the fact that there's a correct way to do it
is not something that, that's not the first thing
that pops into my mind about much of anything, right? It's correct way to do it is not something that, that's not the first thing that pops into my mind
about much of anything, right?
It's more that there is an opportunity to do it.
Just start doing it, you'll figure it out,
is kind of the way that I approach it.
And some things you get into some trouble with that, right?
Because there is a right way to like change a tire.
There's a right way to-
You know there's a thing called dumb luck.
Well, I think there's also a thing called dumb confidence.
And I think that's what you had.
Well, no, no.
It's like thinking that I'll just start kissing
and it'll work itself out.
No, no.
It's like, I envy that.
No, what I'm saying is that you have,
this is the point I'm making.
There's a difference between changing a tire and kissing.
Right?
Kissing is like, you're talking, you're getting into the like,
do I do the tongue like this?
Well, sure.
Do I do the tongue like this?
Also, yes.
Do I do the tongue?
You can do the tongue however you want
because it's like an art form.
It's not a mechanical thing that has rules
that somebody came up with that you have to subscribe to.
But it seems like you had a conversation
with Michael Juby about this.
I'm sure I did.
See, I didn't have any conversation
with anybody about this,
because it was taboo.
Well, I understood that Michael was an adult
from the future who had three wishes granted
and he had come back to visit us
and I tapped into his wisdom.
I mean, if you're gonna overthink it
or just think it through,
you need to be with somebody that you can feel comfortable
talking about it.
Like, hey, these are the questions that I have.
Where do I put the tongue?
You know, and them not to laugh in your face.
And some kids have that kind of relationship
with their parents.
Some kids have that kind of relationship with other,
like with an older brother or sister.
Yeah.
It doesn't always happen the same way,
but I do think that-
Sometimes it doesn't happen at all,
and that was my case.
Right, but if you had been,
I mean, and we weren't talking about it.
Like the interesting thing is that I was,
I mean, I wasn't gonna ask you for advice
and you weren't gonna ask me,
because we didn't know.
We were gonna ask Michael Juby.
But I didn't ask him that.
And when you would, I mean,
by the time we were in high school and like,
I knew how to make out, you know, by that point.
But when you were telling me freshman year
that you were in the back seat in the Walmart parking lot,
making out in broad daylight, was it daylight?
Yeah.
It was daylight.
It was like 2 p.m.
Wow.
I was just like, man, that's just, that's far out, man.
But don't you wish you could go back?
Oh yeah.
As an adult man?
Oh yeah.
I mean, that sounds horrible.
That's not what I meant.
Do you wish you could go back with the mentality?
And I try to, and I'm not just talking about
so you could kiss people.
I'm just saying that so that you cannot be crippled.
You cannot be crippled by, and I, you know,
you were crippled by anxieties about,
am I doing things right?
I had my own anxieties about like the pressure to perform
and like I have to do this and I have to follow these rules.
I have to be the best at this and this and this
in order to receive love.
It's like if I could go back and realize like,
no, no, no, you don't have to play by those rules.
Yeah, that's the thing.
I didn't follow my heart.
I followed the rules.
Yeah, and I definitely follow the rules.
And if you just follow,
but you followed your heart a lot too.
You were driven.
I don't know if it was your heart.
Maybe it was your wiener.
Well, yeah, it was in certain circumstances.
I wouldn't say-
You had to impose the rules over it,
but like I couldn't get it.
The rules were so from-
I do think the rules were different for me,
but I was following the rules.
But my rules were-
You were very frustrated.
You have to do these things well
in order to be worthy of love, I think is,
and I think that you thought you have to do these things
correctly in order to be worthy of love.
Yeah.
And so again, it goes back to the oneness
and the threeness of our Enneagram numbers.
it goes back to the oneness and the threeness of our Enneagram numbers.
But so, I guess when you look back on it,
I was super motivated and did a lot of things
and I did enjoy myself.
I had a lot of fun.
You did a lot of things, you wanna list them out?
Well, no, I'm just saying that like,
I took that drive and I applied it
and I kept trying to find the next thing.
So I wasn't paralyzed,
I was actually super driven to do things,
but I wasn't finding the love that I was seeking
by doing those things, but I was doing a lot of things.
But when it came to kissing,
I wasn't, it was pure,
I wasn't trying to accomplish anything other than,
I was like, this seems like the reason I'm here.
You know, it's like, this seems like the most amazing thing
that there is in life is how I thought about it
as a teenager.
And so I was like, okay, I need to put myself
into circumstances where I can do this.
I was preoccupied with it, for sure.
I think even when I enjoyed making out
with my girlfriends, there was just a lot of other baggage
that complicated it.
So it was never like,
oh, this is a pure form of enjoyment.
I mean, I felt guilty as hell the whole time.
Yeah.
So that complicated it.
Kept me out of trouble, I'm sure.
But just my very evangelical worldview at the time,
which again, was a,
for somebody like me with my mentality
was also a prophylactic, right?
Because it prevented me from just being completely led
by that mentality.
But I still enjoyed it.
It's just, you know, you feel guilty after the fact.
Strange times.
You know, I think it, but just to go back to like,
just the sweet purity of a first kiss, you know, it's-
Okay, let's go back to that.
I think it's just, it can be sweet, right?
And I think it, yeah, so I think if I would do it again,
it would be much sweeter.
It wouldn't be in front of everybody.
Yeah. Yeah.
I think, you know, that's why I think-
Hey, let's step outside.
I mean, later, behind the oasis. I mean, later behind the Oasis,
like the Campbell University Student Center,
like in between the dumpsters,
I think that was the first place Anna and I kissed.
So like my-
In between the dumpsters, yeah.
My third girlfriend, it's like, boy, it's like-
Good spot.
It really stinks at a dumpster.
It's not a great place to make out.
But no one's gonna show up.
But yeah, not many people are gonna show up.
The interesting thing is, again,
like when I talked about the whole asking, can I kiss you?
It wasn't because I was like being super considerate.
It was more just like,
this seems like what I'm going to do right now.
But the circumstances of the kiss,
it was at night, I had planned on it.
She knew that it was gonna happen.
It was somewhat romantic.
It wasn't too extreme.
There was a fountain.
There was a fountain.
I asked permission, all those things.
I actually feel like, okay, that's how I,
it's one of the memories I look back and I'm like,
I don't have any regrets about that.
I don't have any regrets about my first skits.
It's a good story.
I'm happy with how it turned out.
I'm happy with how this conversation turned out.
Do you have a recommendation?
We gotta get back into that.
It's your turn.
I do.
My family and I recently watched a movie
that I think has been out for,
I mean, it may be out for two years,
but if you're like me, you did not see it originally.
And that is,
It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood,
the Mr. Rogers story, Tom Hanks playing Mr. Rogers.
I keep waiting for the right time to watch it.
And-
Because I know I'm gonna cry.
What a wonderful movie.
And what a wonderful movie to watch with your family.
Well, yeah.
We watched it as a family
and everyone was crying by the end of it,
which that doesn't always happen to all four of us.
I mean, it doesn't take anything to make me cry in a movie,
but for all four people in my family to cry.
Did you decide,
hey, we're gonna watch this movie tonight
and we're gonna cry?
Did they know it was coming too or?
No, I mean, we knew that it would be a sweet movie.
It was, it's not always easy to get my boys
to watch a movie like
"'It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood',"
but I saw an opening and I was like,
"'No one's gonna die in this movie,
"'so prepare yourself to be disappointed.'"
And you know, there's no explosions, but it's just,
I mean, you already know,
cause I think you watched the documentary about Mr. Rogers,
just how significant of a life he lived
and all the things that he stood for.
But the way that they captured it in a narrative form,
and Tom Hanks is great, of course,
but just the format, the way that they decided to format it
and tell the story was just very compelling.
Okay. Just watch it.
I have to watch it. I highly, highly recommend it.
Do you think like at some point during the movie,
Christy and I can just start making out?
I would wait until the credits.
Okay.
But the credits, if I remember correctly,
are actually pretty cool.
And you'll be in an emotional state
where kissing is probably not on your mind.
So maybe just do Twister.
Do Twister, watch Twister.
Make it a double feature. Watch Twister first.
Okay.
Make out. Make out in front
of my children.
And then start,
It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood.
And then you won't want to kiss anybody.
You just want to hug everyone.
Hashtag Ear Biscuits,
let us know your first kiss story
or how you processed any of this.
Let's keep the conversation going
and let's keep this going.
No more breaks in the near future.
Well, I mean, at some point there will be.
In the near future.
Yeah, right, but we're gonna be with you every week.
Same time, same place.
Maybe not the same place.
Maybe this place for a while.
We'll see how things turn out.