Ear Biscuits with Rhett & Link - 268: Embarrassing Holiday Memories | Ear Biscuits Ep.268
Episode Date: December 14, 2020From face-planting at a holiday buffet to a sexy gift from grandma, the holidays are full of opportunities for things to go awry. Listen to R&L share some listeners' embarrassing holiday memories in t...his episode of Ear Biscuits! To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Welcome to Ear Biscuits, the podcast
where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time.
I'm Rhett.
And I'm Link.
This week at the round table of dim lighting,
we're gonna talk about
some of your most embarrassing holiday memories.
Cause we thought, you know what?
The holidays are strange this year and strained.
I mean, a lot of plans have been altered
or canceled altogether.
I mean, as we've discussed,
neither one of us are going home for the holidays
because of the pandemic and all the unknowns.
So we're sitting here in this weird holiday experience,
different from any we've ever had.
And I just thought it would be fun to talk about
embarrassing things that have happened over the holidays.
So then we could at least say, if you're not going home,
if you're not seeing your loved ones,
you could at least be like, well,
at least the chances of something that embarrassing happening
have gone down drastically.
Well, I mean, I don't know.
I can embarrass myself in front of my own immediate family.
I guess it is harder to do though.
Especially depending on what kind of family you go home to.
Like if you are like a new spouse,
which we've got a couple of those situations,
like going home for Christmas with your new spouse
for the first time,
or you're just like a new boyfriend, girlfriend
kind of thing, like I think that's where
there's the most potential for embarrassment
because you're entering into an unknown situation.
You don't know how they're gonna treat you.
You don't know what kind of things they're gonna say.
I mean, what kind of environment are you walking into?
Are you gonna say the wrong thing?
Are you gonna look at somebody the wrong way?
You're gonna not understand Uncle Barry.
Uncle Barry.
You know, you don't have to worry about that this year.
Yeah, that's so long ago for us.
I can barely remember just getting to know,
like before they were my in-laws,
like going in on Christmas with them or whatever.
But me especially, but you too,
I had a whole lot of interaction with my wife's family
even before we started dating really.
Because that's how I got to know Jessie
was by knowing her family first.
So it was a little bit less of a,
and definitely by the time we were married,
it was like- Was it pressurized?
Yeah, we live, we live,
actually we lived above their garage.
That's right.
In that little one bedroom with the slanting roof
that I had to duck just to walk around up there.
Well, I mean, we grew up around our families.
Like whenever like, you know,
Christy started being introduced to my family,
it was like once, that was more of a dating thing
than a holiday thing because we all lived
in relatively the same area.
But for other people, yeah, it's like introducing someone
to your significant other for the first time
happens a lot around the holidays.
That's just what the case was.
We also weren't, I mean,
as different as your family might be from your wife's family
or my family might be from my wife's family,
we're still all a bunch of people from North Carolina.
Like, it's not like you're going to a whole different culture
or something like that.
So it was like, I kind of know
what I'm getting myself into here, right?
Well, before we get into those stories though,
I have an embarrassing story that I already told you,
but now I'm gonna tell everybody.
Everybody needs to hear this.
It's not embarrassing for me.
And it's not really a holiday story either, but.
I felt a little embarrassed
when you share the full extent of it with me.
Okay, well.
But let them have it.
Yesterday, as a matter of fact, this happened.
We're recording this on a Monday and yesterday,
I took the boys, my two sons, Locke and Shepherd,
on a Sunday drive.
Now, you've been doing some family driving
and you've talked about that during the pandemic?
Very early on in quarantine, it was like,
you know what, we're just gonna drive around.
We're gonna see what's happening or not happening,
but we're not gonna get out of the car,
we're gonna stay in the safety of a car. We're gonna see the safety of a car.
That kind of trickled off after a while.
And I was just like, I'm gonna take the boys,
kind of get them out.
And there was like talk of going surfing.
Trickled off, that's a little foreshadowing for you.
Yeah.
We were talking about maybe like going to the beach
or going surfing, but we're like, what if we just drove?
And we stopped at a bunch of places.
And we've got one of the most famous drives
that you can do in the entire world is the PCH.
And it's right here, we can just get on it.
The Pacific Coast Highway is what that stands for.
So this is the highway that goes right up the coast.
So we- The one.
I had never eaten at this place called Neptune's Net,
which is the place- I haven't either.
Now-
It's pretty far north.
It's a County Line beach.
So all the way at the County Line between-
Oh, above Malibu.
Yeah, I mean, like if you're-
Oh, you went way up there.
Well, that was the whole idea.
We were gonna drive all the way to Oxnard.
See what Oxnard's all about.
You know, it's kind of a weird name.
And I've always kind of been interested
in like what's going over here,
what's happening in Oxnard and Ventura.
But we never make it out that way.
And I had intentions of eating at Neptune's net
at for some time, but of course, you know,
with COVID and everything, wasn't making my way down there,
but I go online and there's like a drive-through situation.
And let me tell you, not that Neptune's Net
needs any more business because it was very busy,
but they have it figured out.
What do you mean?
Is it like a fried seafood place?
I think that they are probably most known
for their fried seafood, but they also have grilled seafood.
Okay.
Fish tacos, hamburgers, lots of things.
But they got the drive-through COVID thing figured out?
Very well.
They have some outdoor seating, which we didn't do.
We were just like, we're gonna do the drive-through thing
and maybe like eat in the car, you know, safety first.
I'm always on the fence about fish and chips.
I don't wanna talk about fish and chips.
I wanna talk about what happened.
I know, but I gotta say this though.
I gotta say this, man.
If you are on the fence about fish and chips like I was,
this will completely redeem it.
So that was our first stop driving all the way up Malibu
and we stopped at Neptune's Neck, That was our first stop driving all the way up Malibu.
And we stopped at Neptune's Neck, go through the drive-through, get our food,
eat it in the car, and then we're like,
all right, let's take a little stroll down to the beach.
Let's go down to the beach.
And okay, I'm promising this, letting you know,
I'm not a braggy daddy, but I own a Tesla.
That is the car that I drive.
If you are a member of the society,
you've seen me drive it in some of the carpool vlogs.
But I have to say that by way of setting the context
for why what happened happened.
So Tesla has this thing called Sentry Mode,
which is there's cameras on the car
and you can have it set so that when you leave the car
and it knows you left the car
because your phone is the key to the car, right?
Okay. And so when you get away,
you walk away from the car, the car locks
and it automatically goes into Sentry Mode,
which is it is recording everything that is happening
around your car.
So if somebody comes up and-
All the cameras that are used to help it navigate
and know, oh, you're passing a pedestrian
or another car is in your blind spot.
Or like when you drive your car,
it shows trash cans on the side of the road.
And I actually don't think that that's using,
I think it's using the cameras
and maybe like some sort of LIDAR or something.
Okay, but the camera's everywhere
for like backing up and maneuvering it.
But they're constantly recording.
There's a camera in the front,
camera in the back, and then two cameras on the sides.
And so what it'll do, if somebody comes up to the car,
it actually, if you get close to the car
when it's in sentry mode,
if you happen to look inside the car and you see this big screen when it's in sentry mode, if you happen to look inside the car
and you see this big screen, it'll say sentry mode,
you are being recorded or something like that.
Like it lets you know, so people who are like trying
to break in, oh crap, I'm being recorded.
And you have to hook a hard drive up to your car,
like a little USB hard drive is like in the console.
And so then when you come back to the car,
it says 14 sent century mode events recorded
and then you go and you watch them if you so please.
So we're walking on the beach and I get an alert
on my phone, century recording initiated
or something like that.
Uh-oh.
And then it was like car alarm initiated,
which has never happened, you know, in the whole time I've owned the car.
Could you stop it?
Or what did you do?
Did you run back to the car?
No, because I was like, this is probably just,
you can't like look into, you can't,
it's not like a Nest Cam where you can like look
and see what the car is recording from your phone.
I was just like, this is probably one of those,
there's so many motorcycles on the PCH and lots of loud motorcycles. And I was like, this is probably one of those, there's so many motorcycles on the PCH
and lots of loud motorcycles.
And I was like, this is probably just a loud motorcycle
going by and setting the alarm off.
Cause I'd seen so many.
So I didn't, we kept walking around
and then we go back to the car and
you can go, you can bring up the files
and there's a little red dot on the,
you can scroll to the red dot to see what the event was.
Yeah.
And so we just like, okay, there's like 15 events recorded.
I'm like, let's see what set the car alarm off.
And we were kind of doing it just to have fun,
showing the boys how this works.
Yeah.
And so we kind of go through,
most of it is just people walking past the car
is what set the little red dot off.
And then, oh, here's where the car alarm went off.
Oh yes, it was a giant Harley that went by,
like, and just set it off, you know?
Wow.
But then there's this other event
and we scroll to it and, now just to give you an idea,
the camera on, it's like the camera is in the rear view
mirror and it's showing you like the length of the car,
like shooting down the car.
I would call it a blind spot mirror.
Like it's shooting like past the car
where a car would be in your blind spot.
So if someone comes and stands next to your car,
you see their entire body,
but the camera is really kind of focused
right on their midsection, which is important.
Yeah, or like where you would aim a camera
if someone were in a car driving past you.
The middle of the body.
Car level.
Now, in addition to people on motorcycles,
there's lots of people on bicycles.
And we see, oh, there's a older man,
you know, who's been riding a bicycle.
He's got the full bike gear on and the helmet,
and he walks right up to our car,
looks over his shoulder,
and then whips it out.
And by it, I mean his penis.
Why you gotta say it like that?
His wiener, man, say his wiener.
His wiener.
And proceeds to urinate.
And it's one of those things that once you start seeing it,
you can't, it's not like, I mean, we just,
me and the boys just start laughing hysterically.
Well, let me tell you.
Rhett played this video for me.
I wouldn't say that I was begging to see it, but.
But I didn't tell you what you were about to see.
You didn't describe like the composite of the shot
to the point where you've just described it
to everyone listening now.
And I would, I mean, just picture if you needed to pee
and there was a webcam at like groin level
and you just walked,
you walked up to it and peed right next to it.
Like, I mean face, like hips squared up to the camera.
Right.
Just like, it wasn't like, oh, I can see this.
I can tell this guy's peeing and he's peeing
like away from me or like a profile.
He was peeing away from everything else except the camera.
He was peeing basically right towards the camera.
Right, but he was peeing away from like the road
and the people, but he was parallel with the road, I guess.
He didn't turn away, which is,
it's almost like he knew how Teslas work,
but I don't think that he does.
I don't think he did.
But you should know this.
He had no pee fright.
Yeah. It was just in like,
there it was and then here it comes.
And I completely understand when you're biking down the PCH,
you gotta stop, right? You gotta find a spot, yeah.
And this is what you're gonna do,
you're gonna go on the side of the road.
Just like people who get finished surfing
and they just pee on the side of the road, it happens often.
I mean, it's- And I don't have anything
against the guy for doing it, but I'm just saying-
I just don't know why we sat there and watched.
It's like, once you know what's happening,
I don't, you know, we didn't just stop
while we watched the whole event.
Well, it didn't last that long.
It was a few, I mean, it was pretty short.
It must stop quite a bit.
I mean, it was maybe seven seconds total.
It was crazy, man.
Well, my boys got the biggest kick out of it
because, you know, first of all,
they kept just talking about how great of a day
they were having.
They were like, we gotta do this more often.
Oh, that's good.
But then when they would talk about
what they would remember, they'd be like,
well, the main thing we're gonna remember
is that old man peeing on the camera.
He didn't, the pee didn't go on the camera.
No, no, no, he peed on camera.
Yeah, on camera. He didn't pee on the camera. No, no, no, he peed on camera. Yeah, on camera. He didn't pee on the camera.
Squared right up to it, man. I mean, it couldn't have been more fortuitously framed.
Well, here's the thing.
I think this serves as a warning, right?
Now, of course, I'm not gonna,
I mean, that footage lives on my hard drive,
which I guess I will delete it.
But for the video version, we're cutting to it.
Yeah, right.
No, we're not.
We're obviously not sharing that.
Although he would, I mean, he did,
it was a public urination situation.
That's illegal.
You're technically not supposed to do that.
And of course I didn't film him.
There was no permission involved.
It was just, you do this next to my car,
my car records things.
I don't know what the legalities of that are.
I would give him high marks for his post shaking regimen.
Like he had a very rigorous,
he ended with a very rigorous shake.
Well, he's about to get back on a bike.
He just, I mean, I was afraid it was gonna fall off
for a second there.
It was very rigorous.
Just let this be a warning.
The shaking.
If you've got to urinate in public,
I mean, first of all, maybe find a different way.
What's the frame rate of your camera?
Can we slow that down?
I'm not watching it again, okay?
Yes, you are.
No, I'm not.
Come on, man.
Do not do it next to a Tesla.
I mean, I'm sure more cars have this feature,
but just so you know, Teslas, they all got this feature.
Now, whether or not somebody's got it turned on or not,
I mean, I think why not turn it on?
Let's not use the phrase turned on in this story.
Just don't do it.
And if you're gonna pee next to a Tesla,
face away from the Tesla.
Don't get parallel and pee towards the mirror
because there is a camera in there.
Right there. Right there.
Yeah, right there. Waste level.
Oh my goodness.
Yeah, it's gonna be hard to forget that, thank you.
Thank you for sharing.
I mean, I think we probably just saved some people
a lot of heartache.
People are like, hey, I gotta pee.
Oh, don't, pee next to an old car.
You know what I'm saying?
Just pee next to an old car.
The older the car, the safer it is to pee next to it.
Oh man, yeah, that's embarrassing.
I was embarrassed to be watching that, but it's over.
Yeah, it's over.
You know what?
I didn't do anything wrong.
No one did anything wrong.
Well, he did something illegal, but.
I mean, yeah, okay.
All right, so we're gonna get into your embarrassing stories.
We're gonna react to those.
See what's shaking on your front.
Oh God.
I didn't mean it like that.
Really, shaking on your front?
I kind of meant it that way,
but I was like, what's shaking on the home front?
What's shaking on your front is not even the same.
No, it's not.
I was trying to make it work.
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Let's start with a story.
Yes, Holly.
At Holly Sum, the number one.
Someone.
Someone, Holly Someone.
I introduced my boyfriend, James,
to my family by the wrong name.
My defense, I had just told him my cousin's name is Jackson.
So that was fresh in my brain.
At least they start with the same two letters.
Yeah, so yeah, we're in this place
where you're bringing your significant other home,
they're meeting family members for the first time.
If you can't get their name right,
that is quite embarrassing.
Well, the question is how long did this go on?
Was this a, I would like you guys to meet Jackson,
I mean, silly me, James, or was it,
I would like you to meet Jackson,
and then just letting it sit for a while,
and then he has to be like,
yeah, it's actually just James,
because that's more embarrassing.
If he had to clarify, and that information is not available. We do not have that information, it's actually just James, because that's more embarrassing. If he had to clarify,
and that information is not available to us.
We do not have that information, it's not available.
I choose to believe it was the latter.
It was really embarrassing.
Yeah.
Yeah, that like she forgot his name forever.
Now I have name fright.
It's the type of thing that like,
once you start to believe
that you're gonna get somebody's name wrong,
then you will start to get people's names wrong.
There's like some psychological downward spiral
that I just, I thought that naming it
and being more honest about it and public with it would help.
But you couldn't remember the name to name it.
But it doesn't, it's not helping that much.
Like, you know, occasionally over the course of our,
the job that we do, we have to say people's names,
like be it a guest on our show
or if we're giving a shout out to somebody
or something or other, or just referring to somebody.
And if pronunciations are difficult,
then that plays into my name fright too.
It's like, okay, this is how you say this person's name.
You gotta get it right.
And so like, the more I concentrate on getting it right,
the more I will get it wrong.
And I just know it's gonna happen.
It's like a self sabotage.
Do you remember, we're not gonna name any names,
but that happened to me.
That happened to me on an episode of GMM.
I'm not gonna tell you when it was.
Oh yeah, a guest.
We had a guest and this person's last name
wasn't necessarily straightforward.
You know, it seems like there was a couple of ways
you could go with it.
And of course, we make sure that we know
how to pronounce everybody's names.
So someone came and told me,
this is how you say their name.
And so I was like really concentrating on like,
okay, this is how you say it, this is how you say it,
this is how you say it.
And then we were doing our little opener
where we introduced the person.
And not only did I say the name wrong,
which I said it the way that I was told to say it
in my defense, but it was wrong.
And then I also-
So you did say what you practiced.
I said what I practiced, but then I also said
the name of the thing that they were promoting wrong
because it was wrong, that information was also wrong.
So, and then, so this wasn't my fault,
but I kind of, and then she or he-
We were in the middle of the show.
Immediately, well, we had to cut to go into title.
And so this person was like,
by the way, it's so-and-so,
and it's the so-and-so thing is so-and-so.
You know, I was like, oh man.
And this person was gracious at the time,
but it's one of those things that you just immediately
are like, oh man, now that's the only thing
I can think about is the fact that I got
those two things wrong.
Yeah.
And I like saying people's names right
because it makes them feel good.
But then when you say it wrong, it's like, you know,
you're just another person who said their name wrong.
It's like, you don't want to be that person.
Well, does this extend, you know-
To people you're dating?
You should probably get their names right.
But for you, does it extend to like family,
not family members, but okay,
somebody has a new baby in your family.
Like you got a new nephew or new niece
or something like that.
Oh yeah. I mean,
does name fright extend into those situations?
I can't think of.
Can't think of your nieces and nephews names.
Specific example.
It depends, there's a little bit of that, yeah.
Yeah, I don't know if that's happened with me yet.
But if you're dating somebody,
you just gotta get it straight.
Let's ask another one.
Clumsy Christmas.
That's like the subtitle that I put on that one.
From Hiccate, is that how you would say that?
I mean, H. Tyson.
Yeah, Hic a cock. 12.
Getting so drunk at my brother's
ugly Christmas sweater party,
I fell down the stairs inside the house
in front of no less than 25 people and broke my coccyx.
Oh, the tailbone.
Spent the next few months having to sit
on a special pillow at work and people thought
I had hemorrhoids and not a broken ass.
I mean, so hemorrhoids are more embarrassing
than getting drunk and busting your ass?
I mean. Well, it's more drawn out.
Come on. It's more drawn out
if people think you have hemorrhoids for a long time.
I mean, even if no one's watching,
like falling on your butt, like breaking your coccyx,
like the end of your spine, it hurts so bad.
Did you actually break the coccyx
when you broke your pelvis?
No.
You just bruised it?
Or was it not involved?
It's just one of the rings busted.
Then you can either hit the rings
at the bottom of your pelvis,
or I guess you can hit the coccyx.
There was someone else we know,
maybe it was somebody who worked here,
was it a family member that like broke their coccyx?
But when you land on that thing,
it's just like, you're just like, oh!
It's that type of pain that there's nothing you can do.
It's just, your body freezes and you're just like,
I'm in so much pain, I can't do anything.
This is gonna last forever.
And every millisecond is like an eternity.
And it's very particular to this busting your butt issue.
But in the context of being-
There's few things that hurt in that way.
But in the context of, first of all,
being drunk helps with the pain,
but it might actually help with the embarrassment.
But think about how you would immediately try
to walk that off, depending on the kind of person you are.
If you broke it, yeah. Some people get hurt
and gather a crowd and some people get hurt and say,
I'm okay, I'm actually dying, but I'm okay.
It's like a dog going somewhere,
going underneath the house to die.
Right, the thing that this brings to mind for me though,
is the threshold of a size of a party
in which you can comfortably get,
you can drink too much, right?
So I don't, I mean, I don't enjoy drinking that much
and I don't enjoy getting, I mean, a few drinks
and I'm like, okay, I feel good, but a few more drinks,
whatever happens after that, I'm gonna feel so bad
that I just prevent myself from going there.
Yeah, me too.
And I think there's also like a-
I've had like a couple of, I had too much to drink
and it wasn't that I got like embarrassingly drunk,
but I- You got sick.
I skipped like party mode and all I remember,
and it, cause it wasn't that fulfilling
and I went straight to this, I feel like crap mode,
like worst headache ever, hangover.
Even the same night, not even the next morning.
Yeah. Like having a severe
reaction, you know, I like to stay hydrated.
We know.
So if, yeah, I don't like drinking too much
because it's just simply not worth it.
Right, but so there's a-
And I haven't busted my coccyx.
Okay, so there's the physical effects
that kind of keep me,
but let's just say that those didn't exist, right?
Let's just say that there was no hangover
that you had to worry about.
Oh no, okay.
There's still, the thing,
this is what I'm trying to get at is,
there are a size of a group and also a familiarity
of a group that it's kind of like, okay,
I'm gonna get drunk.
And it doesn't matter,
because I'm with my family,
I'm with my really close friends.
There's nobody who's, I can't embarrass myself.
But okay, but there are certain settings.
And I think a party with 25 people,
we're definitely, we're in a place
where there's so many people there
that might not even know you,
or let's just say a work holiday party,
which is the classic thing for people to get smashed
at a work holiday party, right?
And you just gotta think about it a little bit
and you gotta think about it early in the night, And you got to think about it early in the night, right?
You got to think about it early in the night.
What was the last thing that filled you with wonder that took you away from your desk or your car in traffic?
Well, for us, and I'm going to guess for some of you, that thing is...
Anime!
Hi, I'm Nick Friedman.
I'm Lee Alec Murray.
And I'm Leah President.
And welcome to Crunchyroll Presents The Anime Effect.
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We're not having a, for obvious reasons, we're not having a party this year.
Yes, we are. Well, we're not having a... We're having a virtual party. We're having having a, for obvious reasons, we're not having a party this year. Yes, we are.
Well, we're not having a-
We're having a virtual party.
We're having a virtual party.
And we are making drinks.
I mean, people can make their own drink
according to some sort of holiday recipe.
Somebody's gotta come up with that, by the way.
And instead of spending money on a venue,
we spent money on a mythical outfit for everyone.
Everybody's gonna put their mythical outfit on
and make drinks.
But no, but especially if you like-
Cozy outfit.
If you get a good bartender,
they're gonna make those drinks strong
and you can get like two drinks in
and you can be like, uh-oh, okay, another drink
and I may start regretting things.
You really gotta have your radar on for that kind of thing.
And we haven't been in that environment that much.
I mean, the environment that we grew up in
was like anti-drinking, you know, and it was,
and our families, it wasn't like-
We didn't have any relatives who embarrassed themselves
for getting drunk.
And yeah, and our family get togethers,
my family get togethers, there wasn't alcohol involved.
It's like I think about that Robert Earl Keene
Christmas song, the opening line,
mom got drunk and dad got drunk at our Christmas party.
You know that song?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That is a funny song.
Christmas in the family, what is it?
It's very funny.
But it's, yeah, it's just culturally,
like different families, they have different approaches
to like getting inebriated, right?
Some people are like, if I'm drinking and I'm not leaving,
I'm getting drunk and I don't care who's here.
That's just some people's mentality.
And you get to get, I mean, it seems very foreign
to think getting together with family members
and just three sheets to the wind.
You know, I mean, there's-
But I feel like that's the acceptable place to do it,
is what I'm saying.
It does seem safer to like-
If you're not leaving and you know everybody.
Everybody knows you, everybody loves you.
You can still embarrass yourself. You can still embarrass, yeah, but it's- It depends on who you leaving and you know everybody. Everybody knows you, everybody loves you. You can still embarrass yourself.
You can still embarrass, yeah but it's.
It depends on who you are, you know.
It depends on what you do when you get drunk.
Some people get mad.
Well. Some people get mad
and wanna start a fight.
Yeah let's not go there.
I actually think we're going there a little bit later.
Yeah.
So it's like, I mean,
Hecate going to her brother's ugly Christmas sweater party
and just busting her ass.
I mean, you can get hurt.
I mean, that is embarrassing.
Yeah.
It could have been a lot worse though.
Yeah, so I guess-
Could have broke your neck.
What I'm saying is,
this is something that can be avoided this year
in most places,
because you're probably not gonna have a holiday party.
Don't you, I remember
that there were some parents
when we were in high school,
and maybe two sets of parents, like if you're gonna drink, just come,
we'd rather for you to come over here and do it at our house.
And of course, you know, we were in full Baptist mode
around this time, I think.
Well, maybe we had gone non-denominational, but still.
But we were very much.
But it was from a Baptist background, which was like-
Don't touch it, don't drink it.
If you're gonna drink, you gotta act like you don't.
You gotta hide it.
Well, and we thought,
and I don't even know how, what I would-
But we judged those families.
They were like, oh my gosh,
why would a parent allow their underage drinking
in their home?
And it was like, it was just a, you know, I-
I don't know, I mean, I haven't even thought about this
as it pertains to us as parents,
but I do think that it's like, there's also,
there's a legal issue here.
You know, when you are the adult who is providing the place for underage kids to drink.
And then some underage kid is gonna bust their coccyx
and then they're under your care, technically.
That could be a problem.
So I do think there is something to like going
into like a field somewhere and popping one open versus.
I'm just so surprised in all the times
that we went out camping across the river.
Like I don't recall ever, I mean, we made.
We made our own wine.
You made your own wine
and we took it out there and drank it,
but it just felt justified. Not very much of it.
Yeah. It felt different.
It was more like a culmination to a farming process.
It wasn't like a clandestine, let's get drunk.
I mean, we didn't get anything off of that.
But we didn't like taking any Mad Dog
or any of that stuff out there.
But we did take, well, we took like chewing tobacco
out there, which felt different,
but it was technically illegal.
I mean, there were no 18-year-olds.
It was technically illegal, but we,
I think we were contributing to the local economy.
Yeah, right.
You know, the convenience store clerk,
the farmers on the outskirts of town,
it was easier to justify.
And you're not gonna,
the danger in too much chewing tobacco,
at least in the short term, it's pretty low.
Here's what I'll say.
Just moving back to drinking with your kids.
Okay, let's talk more about that.
Can we talk about drinking with our kids?
No, I mean, I anticipate a day when the kids are older,
certainly of drinking age and much older.
It's like even in grandkids territory,
to bring the grandkids over,
we're getting together for the holidays.
It's like, yeah, we should be able to enjoy
a bottle of wine together.
When your kids are adults and have kids?
Absolutely. Of course.
But it's not the type of thing that like-
I thought you're talking about drinking with the grandkids.
And I was like, okay, well, let's talk about that.
I was joking.
But when we would go home for the holidays
in previous years, I mean, it was,
drinking would be something that would like,
like if my dad was out there grilling for like a meal,
we might share a beer, you know?
Yeah.
When I turned 21 and like me and my dad,
I think there was like this formative camping trip
that me and my dad went on, he had a camper
and we drank beer together for the first time.
And it was like a rite of passage kind of thing.
But culturally, because of the whole, the Baptist thing,
drinking has never been and still is not really a part
of any of our family get togethers.
It's just not something that happens, given that situation.
So it actually feels like what I said when you're like,
of course you can share a bottle of wine with your family.
It's like, but that wasn't the experience that I had
when I would visit family, you know?
I mean, that kind of, you know,
you know, my parents- A bit too uptight,
if you ask me. My parents always have
a little bit of wine.
I mean, if you consider white Zinfandel a wine,
they might have like a Sutter home,
a little single bottle of Sutter home, you know?
And growing up and being Baptist or non-denominational,
like they, you know,
and I'll enjoy a glass of wine with dinner
every once in a while kind of thing.
And so even as an adult, I would still do that.
But again, there's not really,
nobody on either side of our family-
Is getting blitzed.
Is really into like,
I'm gonna make a bunch of cocktails for everybody.
It's like, so there's just that, that just doesn't exist.
But I mean, there's fun to be had
with a nice cocktail or three,
depending on how you're spacing it and who's around.
I mean, if you can't have fun like that with your family,
then who are you gonna have it with?
You're gonna have it at somebody at your brother's house
and you're gonna break your coccyx.
Yeah.
You just gotta know your environment.
I just don't want my kids to grow up
and then them to be totally comfortable
drinking responsibly.
And then they come home and visit me
and they feel like they got to tiptoe around.
That's a strange thing that is not going to happen,
but that did, it was something that happened with my family.
I get that, yeah.
I don't think-
It's like, oh, we're drinking a beer,
but it's out here by the grill.
I don't think there's any danger of that being the case
in your family.
Moving forward, yeah.
Yeah, right.
But it's an interesting dynamic
still going back home for Christmas,
like if we went back next year, it's like,
I bet we would have had a little bit more fun
with a little bit of, you know, social lubrication.
Well, and some people just need that
just to get through being with their families.
Yeah, let's not, I mean,
let's not talk about it as a coping mechanism, but.
I'm just saying.
But we could.
For some people, I mean, listen, I get it.
Okay, here we go.
Give me another embarrassing story, don't hold back.
This one is from Lena.
She got the name Chia Lincoln.
I'm lit right now, by the way.
I'm just joking.
On water.
Chia Lincoln on Twitter, wow, okay.
We always go for a Christmas Eve meal
at my local restaurant.
It's like a buffet self-serve thing for my village.
Good luck with that.
So one year when I was 13,
I was walking back to my family's table
and tripped on a cable running across the floor
to power the Christmas tree lights and fell over.
Moving to the second tweet, this is a long story.
Smashing my plate and food went everywhere.
They cut the Christmas music to see what was going on.
Was there a record scratch sound effect?
I was so embarrassed,
I just laid motionless
pretending I'd passed out.
Because that seemed like the least embarrassing thing to do.
My parents still tease me about it every Christmas.
Lena played possum, they cut the music
and they're looking around to see what happened
to the lights and she's laying face down in the dirt.
Wow.
Just still.
She's not.
This is remarkable.
At a certain point, you gotta get up.
Yeah, but slowly as if you passed out.
I mean, why does that make it better?
It just makes people more concerned.
Yeah, but it does make it significantly less embarrassing.
I mean, I gotta say.
Oh, you're with this?
Hold on.
Play impassive situation?
Tripping?
Like, okay, do you want people to like,
up to like be mocking you with applause
like they do at restaurants when things fall?
Or do you want people to be coming up with being like,
oh my goodness, are you okay?
We thought you had died.
Now, let me just say, I would never do this
because I am the king of trying to play things off
even if they can't be played off.
So I would try to act like it was no big deal
and maybe try to like say something,
but I like this plan.
Just face down, quiet,
until someone comes up and rolls you over.
I mean, just the complex nature
of the emotion of embarrassment.
Can we just have an aside about that for a second?
You know, you have to know so much about how your personality
and your culture and your situation is constructed
so that you've done something to screw it up
and you feel intense shame. Is that what it is? It's just like, I've done something to screw it up and you feel intense shame.
Is that what it is?
It's just like, I have done something that any,
most of the time we feel embarrassed for things
that it could have been anybody.
Everybody's tripped and fallen
and like stop the lights or there's been ramifications.
But when it happens to you, it's as if you're the only person it's been ramifications, but when it happens to you,
it's as if you're the only person it's ever happened to.
And it's usually something,
isn't that a sad reality?
And it's usually something,
like you said, you didn't intend to do.
It's not the spirit of the holidays.
Or you didn't intend it to go this way.
I think what you're getting at is
it would be very difficult to make a robot embarrassed.
Like think of the code that would have to go into an AI
in order to program embarrassment.
And do we want embarrassment to be a part of the code?
I mean, I think you do, right?
It's hard to trust someone who can't be embarrassed.
But it certainly is admirable when somebody like
to trust someone who can't be embarrassed. But it certainly is admirable when somebody like
just owns something that normally would be embarrassing.
Like you stand up and be like, I tripped.
I also didn't think we needed lights this year.
Or, you know, it's-
Saying something to play it off for sure,
but I've never thought about it this way,
but don't you find,
wouldn't you find it difficult to trust someone
who couldn't be embarrassed?
Someone who was literally shameless.
Wouldn't that be, I mean, either they were so well adjusted
and so like-
Shameless implies like doing things on purpose
that most people would be embarrassed to do by accident.
The, didn't have the ability to have shame or just didn't have the ability would be embarrassed to do by accident. Didn't have the ability to have shame
or just didn't have the ability to be embarrassed,
regardless of what they said and what they did.
I mean, there are people like that.
My aunt Faye, she was like that.
I think she's passed away.
Faye passed away.
I'm embarrassed to say that like,
we've lost so many people on that side of the family
in rapid succession that like, I think she was one of them,
but we weren't that close.
Every time she says something to me,
it was just like brutally honest,
because she had no filter.
She had no filter of if she was embarrassing anybody
or embarrassing herself.
And it was, I approached her with trepidation.
Right.
Every year at the family reunion or at the holidays,
at the New Year's Eve thing, it'd be like,
she was the first person to just come up to me to my face
and be like, you dye your hair.
She was like, good Lord.
Why do you, you dye your hair, don't you?
Is that why you stopped?
Because of Aunt Faye?
It was certainly a factor.
It's like, man, she's exposing my fakeness.
Why am I doing this?
This is the last straw.
You just, maybe you just did it too hard.
I did do it too hard.
Yeah.
It crept up on me.
You got too used to it.
And it's not the type of person that I wanted to be,
but I didn't wanna, and I also,
it doesn't feel good to be embarrassed by somebody
or to be afraid that somebody is gonna expose you.
Yeah, because she had the inability to be embarrassed,
she embarrassed you.
She made it happen in you.
Oh yeah.
This reminds me of Jessie, my wife,
had an aunt who passed away years ago,
her grandmother's sister.
And she-
Oh, you're talking about the brain woman?
Yeah, she actually had,
back in the day when lobotomies were a thing.
Now again- This is crazy.
In actual medical history,
the lobotomy was any sort of
surgery on the brain to address a condition, right?
I don't remember all the things that she was struggling with
but it was very significant, right?
And it was affecting her life.
So they did the experimental surgery that they did
in like the 50s, where they would literally sever
the connection between the left and the right brain.
This is something that's been done and it's fascinating to study the people
who've had their two lobes separated
because they can literally be two different people
and so it's fascinating to read the literature on this.
But whatever they did when they went in there,
they also got rid of any impulse to be embarrassed
or self-conscious about anything.
And so, and this happened when she was a teenager.
So she lived her entire life, very productive life,
married with kids.
She was a loose cannon.
She was so direct.
Like she was the kind of person that you'd go and see her
and you knock on her door and she'd open the door
and she'd look at it and she'd be like,
well, you've gained weight. You know, and some people do that as a jab and she was just doing door and she'd open the door and she'd look at it and she'd be like, well, you've gained weight.
But, and some people do that as a jab
and she was just doing it because she was like,
well, you probably have gained weight.
And she's just, she's gonna just tell you.
The first thing that came,
it came through her brain, out her mouth.
But I mean, Jessie's got some great stories,
which I can't remember any of them for some reason
at this moment, but yeah, she didn't,
she could not be embarrassed,
but you knew that it was based on something
that had happened to her.
And so there was this forgiveness that everybody,
this grace that everybody extended to her.
But it's a bit much, right?
So you kind of, if you weren't ready for it,
you had to like bolster yourself
to be in her presence probably.
Yeah.
But it was really just a reflection
on any insecurity you may have.
Because some people are like,
man, I wish I could be like that.
I wish we could all just be blunt
and truthful about everything.
But actually, I don't know.
I don't know.
Would we really like that?
And are we even capable?
We're not capable of it.
We're not capable of just getting rid of whatever it was
that generated the tendency to be embarrassed about things.
And it's probably, I have to assume,
that if it's part of the code,
it was and continues to be useful to some degree.
I mean, the ability to be embarrassed about things,
I think is a pretty good social regulator.
I guess as the anticipation of it,
like once you've experienced embarrassment,
you wanna avoid that.
It's like, okay, you don't wanna show any weakness
or any stupidity.
It's like, damn, she can't even walk across
a string of Christmas lights
without bringing down the whole party.
You know, it's like you become a,
you don't wanna show yourself as a liability in any way.
Well, we've talked about this before too.
I don't know how we're coming back to this,
but the fact that a gorilla, like a silverback gorilla,
in order to express dominance over another silverback will get an erection
in the middle of like trying to fight.
You keep wanting to talk about it.
No, but I think this is because what he's saying is,
I'm not, Elaine, I'm not scared of you.
I'm not embarrassed at all.
Look what I am incapable of doing right now.
Look what's happening right now. Look at what I'm capable of right all. Look what I am incapable of, I'm doing right now. Look what's happening right now.
Look at what I'm capable of right now.
Right, yeah.
I mean, Gorillaz figured it out.
I don't think that's necessarily the path.
I don't think that's the objective.
I don't think that's the path.
To be able to walk around with your wiener hanging out.
No, no, but I'm just-
There's Teslas everywhere.
I'm just saying that the ability,
in certain circumstances, the ability, in certain circumstances,
the ability to overcome your embarrassment,
maybe there is something to it.
But I mean, you could play possum
or you could stand back up and you could say,
you could just own it and say, you know what?
I tripped.
Has anyone else here ever tripped?
I bet you've all tripped before.
It could have been anybody.
It'd be a nice speech to have prepared.
Any of your people.
It could have been you, not me.
So shut your cake hole.
Yeah, that might be- Stop laughing at me.
Maybe more embarrassing.
If you, I mean, that got a little aggressive.
But I do think there is a good speech
that you could have in your back pocket
for when you embarrass yourself physically in mixed company.
People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones
or whatever the the sand.
Yeah, that.
Okay.
You bunch of hypocrites!
Whenever I feel embarrassed,
I just wanna yell that at the world.
Bunch of hypocrites!
Try that on.
Cray, crayfish on Twitter.
My dad and my brother got into a fistfight
over lima beans.
Well, okay, were they drinking?
My brother. Fist fight.
My sister and I ended up leaving and going to the mall.
Boy, I'm so intrigued by this.
Because first of all, let me just say, I understand.
I mean, lima beans are worth fighting over.
Is it that they both wanted the lima beans? There were some lima beans are worth fighting over. Is it that they both wanted the lima beans?
There were some lima beans left over?
Because I mean, as a bean lover and especially as a-
It doesn't say get into a fist fight about lima beans.
It was over lima beans.
So it was like, it was under them.
Lima beans were there, present.
And maybe taking this too literally.
I think you're taking it too literal.
Man, I mean, is it a leftover situation
or is it like that you didn't make enough lima beans,
going back for seconds?
To me, this seems like the kind of situation
where the brother,
because a lot of times kids,
they don't really understand things
like you can't just go back and get seconds or thirds.
You're literally getting it down.
You're making the fight about that.
It could be about so many things.
You think it's about the recipe of lima beans?
I'm not gonna weigh in on the fist fight part of this,
but in any family altercations
are usually not about the thing
that it seems like they're about.
Yeah.
It's not really about lima beans, right?
This is about the son not meeting the father's expectations
and the son feeling judged and you know,
I don't know what it's about.
Yeah, I was gonna say, I mean,
I'm just taking her at her word.
It's about lima beans.
And I just said, I get how the passion
can be inflamed by the lima bean.
I know you don't particularly like lima beans.
I don't. But as someone who does,
let me just say, I feel like I can speak
as an authority here that they are a special kind of bean.
They're almost like a different category of bean. Because if you just think about, if you say beans,
a lot of times people just think of like baked beans,
you know, they think of pinto beans, something like that.
You kind of need to specify lima beans
when you're talking about that usually much larger, flat.
Lime flavored bean.
Green, you know, brownish.
And if you do it right, there was some ham hock there,
maybe some fat back.
Yeah.
I mean, that's-
You talking about a butter bean now.
That's how you do lima beans as well.
Oh.
A lima bean is basically just a big butter bean.
Yitzy Raven shared,
"'When my sister was much younger,
"'she by mistake lit her hair on fire by the Hanukkah menorah.
We tell this story year to year to year,
fast forward to last year and her daughter, my niece,
did the exact same thing, caught her hair on fire.
My brother just said, just like your mommy,
hashtag like mother, like daughter.
Man, you talk about an exciting Christmas,
somebody getting their hair caught on fire.
That'll do it.
I mean, how many-
Of course, I guess this is not Christmas,
this is Hanukkah.
How many menorahs today
are still like literal fire, right?
The fun ones.
But I think a lot of this has been replaced with,
oh, there's one, there's an electric one.
Flame bulbs, the bulbs that look like flames
that don't move.
I never fall for that, by the way.
I've never once fallen for a bulb shaped like a flame
and I thought that, wow, that's actually burning the candle.
I've never fallen for that, I'm proud of that.
Have you ever, there's some in restaurants
that are, I think you would fall for.
Oh, they flicker?
Yeah, they- They dance a little bit?
They've got a thing in there that's spinning
at an irregular rate that actually makes it look like
it's a flame.
Now, when you get on top of it, you see,
oh, that's not what's happening here.
Okay, well, when I'm on top of it, I wouldn't fall for it.
Right, but if you just see it,
like if you see it from a profile,
you see it from a distance, you might fall for it.
Okay, maybe I've fallen for it.
I'm not gonna say I've never fallen for it.
Boy, I mean, how many flames on a menorah?
Eight?
Well, I don't know.
Seems like there would be an odd number.
I'm gonna think there's 12.
There's like one in the middle?
Yeah, there's one in the middle.
We're starting to whisper,
because we really don't know.
All I know is there's a lot of potential for flames here.
I think it's 13.
No, there's not that many.
Oh gosh, I mean, we gotta look this up.
How many?
You know, as a former Baptist,
the closest that we get to starting a fire during the holidays.
Oh, we were right, there's nine.
Nine. Yeah.
Yeah, nine is not a number that we had said.
Is the Advent candles.
And what we would do, did they do this in your church?
So you had the Advent candles that during the Advent season,
you start lighting different candles on
and you bring up a different family with their kids.
Yeah, yeah, we would do that.
And the kids are often, depending on what age they are,
the kids are sometimes given-
Script.
Well, not only a script,
but sometimes they get to light the candles.
Some families, they let the families decide.
Sometimes it's like the dad goes in there and is like,
listen, I'm the dad, I'm gonna light the candle.
Yeah.
And then sometimes it's like, well, we're gonna let-
Nothing shows nerves more than having to light a candle.
With like that, you gotta-
You're in front of the whole church.
You gotta push on the thing,
then you gotta pull the trigger.
And you might get a weak one sometimes.
Especially if you're in one of the later weeks,
like when they've really used that lighter a few times. Cause you're using two forms of pressure on one hand and you're in one of the later weeks like and they've really used that lighter a few times.
Cause you're using two forms of pressure on one hand
and you're in front of people.
And you're holding your kid.
A lot of times you got holding your kid up.
You're shaking too probably.
And you're not used to getting up in front of the church.
And so it doesn't matter that these people,
everybody's pulling for you.
No one, I mean, people judge you when you get up there.
That's what people do, but everybody's pulling for you.
And maybe it's a relatively small church. Maybe there's 120 people, but you you get up there, that's what people do, but everybody's pulling for you. Maybe it's a relatively small church,
maybe there's 120 people, but you still have this flash,
speak of embarrassment, you can't get the Advent candle lit,
you're immediately embarrassed, and then there's the,
like, then you're like, am I gonna say something?
Am I gonna make a joke?
Is somebody gonna come up to help me light this thing?
Should I fall flat on my face and act like I've passed out?
This is a scenario in which my dad was really good
as a person in the actual congregation
of saying something to make everybody laugh.
He'd yell from the pew?
Oh yeah, he'll-
Stupid Stan, you can't light a candle.
No, he'll say something like,
I told him to get a new lighter.
You know, he'll say something that takes the pressure
off of the person. Yeah, not you.
And then makes everybody laugh.
And then the guy will be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right.
Then they'll go back to keep doing it.
Jesus turned water into wine.
Let's see if he can light up that candle.
That's usually not a good plan to invoke that.
But that's the closest we can get to starting a fire.
And I'm sure there's been some serious Advent fires.
Well, if you leave them burning all week,
which I hate to burst your bubble,
but like a trigger warning, put the kids away.
If they're listening, send them away.
They don't leave the Advent candles burning all week.
You have to relight them.
I bet you they do it, like a Catholic church. I bet you they're burning all week. You have to relight them. I bet you they do it like a Catholic church.
I bet you they're burning all the time.
The further you go, if you're a later family,
you have to relight all those other candles.
Oh yeah.
So there's lots of stuff to light.
What a nightmare.
Lady Buffberry tweeted,
"'My Nana bought my husband and I sexy matching lingerie.
First of all, I have several questions about this.
The least of them is that your grandmother did this.
How do you, what does the man wear to match
with a woman's lingerie?
Have you ever worn anything like this?
I've never had matching lingerie with my wife, no.
No. I've never had matching lingerie with my wife, no. No.
I've never actually seen that.
I mean, I'm sure this is sexist,
but I've never really thought about,
in a lingerie situation, what I was wearing.
Right.
I've never thought, what should I have on right now?
I've had some underwear that I would never wear otherwise.
I tried that a few times.
What, like what, edible?
No, like special sexy briefs.
Really?
Yeah, I've had sex.
I think I still have a pair buried in my drawer somewhere.
It's like if you go on a- Like a thong?
No, it's not.
The cheeks weren't out, but it was just more of a-
Not boxer briefs.
More form.
It was just a different kind of a brief.
And not whitey tighties.
Right.
They're like red or something.
They were made out of a different material,
like a smoother material.
Well, I think we might be getting closer
to what Nana was thinking when she bought,
maybe it was like, well, I got you.
They were kind of satin.
I got you a little black Teddy
and I got him a black thong.
You know what I'm saying?
So maybe it didn't come in a set.
Thong.
Maybe it was just, that's what she was getting at.
Okay, well, I didn't know about that.
How would you?
How would you have known?
I'm not saying I didn't know about you doing that.
Oh, I didn't.
Yeah, I didn't.
You didn't know about it.
I didn't really, I haven't thought about
that aspect of it for me.
But now I am.
You know, just something a little fun.
Okay.
Something a little fun. It's like a form fitting type thing. Now it's not for everyday use. You know, just something a little fun. Okay. Something a little fun.
It's like a form fitting type thing.
Now it's not for everyday use, you know,
it's just a little, it's just a little novelty.
I mean, it's like all the sexy lingerie,
I guess there's people who like wear that stuff every day.
Like the real sexy stuff, like the lacy stuff, but.
I don't, I mean, unless you're like a dominatrix,
I don't think that these are something
you wear all the time. Okay, okay.
That's your job.
I think that these are just like matching boxers
and like a teddy.
I don't think this is like super lacy thong situation.
But, okay, now, but now let's get-
Did Nana go that far?
Let's get to the fact that your grandmother did it.
She knows how this works.
I know what y'all are doing.
You know, it's not a surprise to me.
Right.
So I fully endorse this.
I think this is,
I think more grandmas should give sexy lingerie.
And now that I know that there's matching lingerie,
I think more of them should give that.
Talk about the first time that Christy came over
to visit like my Nana and like all the Neals
were together for dinner.
After dinner, Nana was like, we should all get a picture.
You know, everything was going so great with Christy.
They were getting to know her for the first time.
They loved her accent.
She's one of us,' they said.
Nana was like, "'Well, let's get a picture.'"
And then we all got together.
And then as they were ready to take the picture,
she said, "'All right, on three, everybody say sex.'"
You know, so at a certain age, you're like,
"'Listen, let's just get over this.
I mean, we didn't drink at the table,
but we would say sex when you're taking a picture, boy.
This happened more than once?
Like that was her go-to?
Actually, no, that was the only time
I'd ever heard her say that.
How did people react?
In that while, everybody laughed
and the picture was taken and it was perfect.
Yeah, I can see Nana,
I mean, that's her name as well.
I can see Nana doing this, almost as a joke,
but also doing it seriously.
Oh yeah.
Live it up.
So she hasn't- Enjoy each other.
She hasn't said anything about,
she hasn't done the sex picture thing since?
There was just a one time thing?
Yeah, it was never before, never after.
She pulled it out at the perfect time.
Kind of like that guy beside you, Tesla.
Okay, last one from Zach Stroud.
When I was a kid, I wanted people to know I appreciated it
when they gifted me clothes for Christmas.
So to give the appearance of,
I really care about this gift
and don't wanna toss it aside like most gifted clothes,
I would sniff them.
Not sure why, went on for a few years.
Well, Zach, I definitely understand the hyper awareness
of when you open the gift, everybody's,
that's the moment of the gifter to feel joy, you know?
To be brimming with satisfaction of yes,
the thing that I got weeks ago and wrapped lovingly,
I'm seeing them open it right before my eyes
and look, they're happy about it.
Even though they're a child and it's a shirt,
he still seems happy about it.
In fact, he's sniffing it.
Yeah, nothing feels like a better endorsement
than sniffing something.
I understand the principle.
I would probably have stopped short from actually sniffing.
I probably would have hugged it
and like maybe felt it against my face.
And then I could see how that might actually,
you get your wires crossed and all of a sudden
you're sniffing a polo shirt.
Well, and I think it's all about what you do
after you sniff it.
Cause I imagine Zach is like sniffing it like,
and then kind of looking at the gifter and just like,
just kind of nodding and smiling.
It does really convey cherish.
You know my heart.
If you pull something to your nose,
that's an intimate place, you know?
The front of your face.
Yeah, cause if you serve somebody food
and they smell it and-
Savor it.
Savor it, yeah.
It's really, Zach, I actually think you're onto something.
I think that there, we could apply this
to more things in life.
Anything to where you know that someone is watching you
to get a sense of validation.
So just incorporate a long,
like thoughtful sniff.
I think this could be done in legal documents,
like the exchange of a document.
Yeah.
So if you go through that process of,
when you buy a home, you have to sign
like 40 different things.
What if you would not only sign them, but sniff them?
This is making me think of our-
Smell it but come up big?
What is it?
Smell it and come up big, signature.
It's like you do your autograph.
See, you're talking about sig...
Oh, wow.
Somehow those two things just converged.
But we said that if you sign your autograph
and you can come up big.
You smell it and come up big.
But do you smell it?
I think so. I think there was a smell and then come up big. You smell it and come up big. But do you smell it? I think so.
I think there was a smell and then come up big.
I don't remember.
This is a moment if you don't remember it happened
on Good Mythical More, it was one of those silly mores
where things just got off the rails.
But we were talking about what's the weirdest thing
you've ever signed on someone's body
and we talked about how NASCAR drivers
would sign boobies.
And then somehow we were talking about like,
sign it and come up big.
There was no sniffing?
I don't think there was sniffing involved.
But now there should be sniffing involved.
Not if it's boobies.
No, yeah, I'm talking about just for documents.
Well, again, that's a signature, not an autograph.
I just think when you're,
every gift should be breathed in deeply.
I think it's a great way to convey-
Acceptance.
Cherishment.
Appreciation.
Yeah, that's the word I'm looking for.
So nothing to be ashamed of here, Zach.
You should just do it again.
You need to go back to that.
You should start doing it again, yeah.
Sniffing clothes.
I mean, whenever I, I have this sense
of everybody's watching me open these gifts
and I don't want anybody's feelings to be hurt.
So what I would do when I got a clothes
and I would be thinking I need to compensate
for not being excited about this as a kid,
I would immediately put the clothes on.
Like if it was a shirt,
I would put the shirt on over my existing shirt.
I was like, nothing says that I'm willing
to wear this shirt you got me more
than actually wearing the shirt you got me right now.
Wow, you did that.
I would do that if it was a shirt
or a sweater or a pullover.
If it were pants, when all the gifts were given,
I might sneak away, try on the pants and come back and say,
hey, I tried on the pants you got me.
Because there's a question, does it fit?
Is he gonna, you know?
I get that.
So then it's like, oh look,
I'm already in the pants you got me.
Isn't this great?
What if it wasn't one of those-
And then they would feel relief.
Little black thongs from your nana.
I'd wait on that.
Again, they weren't thongs, the cheeks weren't out.
Okay, little tight-fitting briefs.
It's called a banana hammock.
A banana hammock, well.
A butted banana hammock.
Okay, would you try that on in front of your nana?
No, I would not, I have not, I shall not, I don't want to.
She doesn't want me to.
No one wants me to except you.
Do you think? And I'm not going to. I don't want me to. No one wants me to except you. Do you think, and I'm not going to.
I don't want you to.
Do you think that people are going to try to find a way
to do like Zoom gifting?
I haven't even thought about this.
Mail the gift and then get on Zoom.
Wait to open it on Zoom for this holiday?
I think we haven't thought about that, we should do that.
Well, I think sniffing is a really, really good thing
in that context, because there's only so many things
you can say or do, but you can definitely bring
whatever gift it is up into your frame and sniff it.
Okay.
Well, I feel, I actually feel more ready
looking back on this conversation
for my next moment of being embarrassed. I feel like I've bolstered my loins a little more ready, looking back on this conversation for my next moment of being embarrassed.
I feel like I've bolstered my loins a little bit
and I'm just ready.
I'm ready to not be as embarrassed
when something embarrassing happens to me
during the holidays.
I'm gonna own it or I'm gonna-
Win?
Yeah, win.
I'm gonna put it back on people.
I got a recommendation if you're open for it.
I'm open for it and to it.
Rec baby, rec baby, one, two, three, four.
Me and Christy and Lando watched something
and we were all into it.
If you got a kid on the younger side,
10-ish like Lando, I don't know if the older,
I think the older kids would have been into this,
but they didn't watch it.
It's an Apple TV series,
docu-series called Becoming You.
We just needed something to watch.
All the stuff that we watch as a family,
if one of the family members isn't there,
you can't watch it.
So you gotta have a little,
it's just a little filler thing.
Just take it to fill in a gap in your life.
But it's these,
it's kids from around the globe
and they've documented their first 2000 days on earth.
Told through the eyes of 100 children across the world
from Nepal to Japan to Borneo,
each episode offers a thought-provoking look
at how children learn to think, speak, and move
from birth to age five.
It underscores how different our journeys can be,
but ultimately tells the story of our shared humanity
and community when it comes to raising children.
You got these cute kids that you're not responsible for,
and it is fascinating how they present it.
They talked about, there was this one kid who was,
I swear he was only three years old, this kid in Tokyo.
And I know you don't say that on the-
I don't do that on Ear Biscuits.
You don't do that on Ear Biscuits.
You don't wanna do it on the show.
But there's this thing called
My First Errand, and it's like a rite of passage
for kids as young as three years old,
could be like six or seven years old,
and the kid goes out on his own errand.
And they documented it on this, on the first episode,
and they say, all right, you need to go pick up so-and-so
from the grocery store.
I love this.
And then they, this kid is three years old,
and he's like, he's walking around Tokyo,
like using public transportation, going to the bodega.
Oh my goodness, really?
And like, the cameras weren't too hidden
because they like filmed the interaction with the bodega,
and he's like, do you have money?
And it's, but-
So the parents are the parents like-
This is a Japanese tradition.
The parents are not there.
The parents do not follow them.
This would be controversial in America.
And they come back,
the kids comes back with an understanding
of a new level of capability.
At three.
As young as three, that's how old this kid was.
And yeah, and it's a rite of passage in Japanese culture
called My First Aaron.
And in fact, there's a television show in Japan
where they have hidden cameras
and they document kids doing this, their first errand.
So it's like something that like everybody knows about.
You'll see like a three-year-old kid just walking,
walking along the crosswalk.
And so you don't say.
And they know.
Do you need to know, are you looking for your mommy?
It's like, no, I'm getting a pack of cigarettes
from my granddad.
They all assume that that's what's happening, yeah.
In this television show, I would love to watch it.
Hajime no Atsukai, or My First Aaron,
has been running for more than 25 years.
Oh my goodness.
This is a thing.
Isn't that so cool?
So that was just a little part of episode one,
and they skip between all these kids
to show the development process.
And it's very heartwarming.
And you learn some stuff.
I didn't know about My First Aaron,
and it's too late for our kids now.
25 years that show has been running over there.
I mean, in America, you get arrested
for letting your kids go to the playground
without your being there.
I mean, there was a-
Well, and I've never been to Tokyo,
but I mean, in this one article I was reading, they were-
It's culturally different.
It's different.
Like those parents would say,
I would never set my kid loose in New York City
or somewhere else to do their first errand.
Yeah, if it's a culturally accepted thing,
super low crime, that kind of thing,
then it's a different thing.
But wow.
So I've only watched episode one,
I watched it last night, but I recommend it.
It's pretty cool.
Okay, I'll think about watching it
now that you recommended it.
Yeah, that's all I ask, think about it.
And you know what?
Next time you're in an embarrassing situation,
just do what that guy did next to your Tesla
and just shake it off.
Been sitting on that one.
Okay, so is next week the last episode of this season, Kiko?
Yeah.
Am I right about that?
Okay, yes.
We're doing our top 10.
Fair warning, yeah, we're doing,
each doing our top 10 of 2020,
like we've been doing for the past couple of years,
and that'll be the last episode of 2020.
And we'll come back not too far into the new year
with the next season. I gotta start working on my list. of 2020 and we'll come back not too far into the new year
with the next season. I gotta start working on my list.
Hashtag Ear Biscuits.