Ear Biscuits with Rhett & Link - Our Toxic Traits Fantasy Draft | Ear Biscuits Ep. 387

Episode Date: July 24, 2023

Having a toxic trait doesn’t make you a toxic person – we all have a few! In this episode of Ear Biscuits, Rhett and Link look at a list of these traits and draft them to see who can create the least toxic person. Remember, this is all in jest – but you might learn something about yourself along the way. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/EAR and get on your way to being your best self. Start building your credit up. Open a Chime Checking account with at least a $200 qualifying direct deposit to get started. Get started at chime.com/ear To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is mythical. Your teen requested a ride, but this time, not from you. It's through their Uber Teen account. It's an Uber account that allows your teen to request a ride under your supervision with live trip tracking and highly rated drivers. Add your teen to your Uber account today. account today. Welcome to Ear Biscuits, the podcast where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time.

I'm Rhett. And I'm Link. This week at the round table of dim lighting, we're exploring toxic traits. I had to do a big landing because that's a heavy... Hopefully they manipulated it in post. Heavy turn. So it sounded better. So yeah, we got a list of toxic traits.

We're going to go through them and be prepared. You might feel a little tingle in your conscience that you have a little bit of toxicity in your life, and I'm sure we're going to feel a little bit of that. I'm not above a little toxicity. But we wanted to do it in a fun way. Yeah, well, it's also

using the word toxic in the way that people use it now, and then also using it to describe a trait. Because we're old, it's funny to think about the fact that there was a big portion of our life in which this language did not apply. People were these things, but people didn't talk about them. Before the internet and really before social media, people didn't talk about all these things. You didn't understand yourself or other people.

I mean, I'm sure some people did. But the average person didn't have all these labels, didn't have all these ways of putting people into categories. And also like knowing, oh, my friend has these things. I have these things. My friend has these things. I have these things. So this isn't, because that's the case, and I have never evaluated these things very deeply.

Yeah, me neither. So I didn't even, I could not even have begun to make this list. So we just got this list. But we're going to do it. We're not just going to go through and be like, yeah, I have that. You have that. I have that. We're going to have some fun with toxic traits. A draft. Okay, so

at some point, we'll figure out who's gonna go first. It's like an NBA draft. Yeah. This is like when we do those Good Mythical More episodes with Jordan from Sport, and we have to pick things that we want to put on a baked potato or whatever. Mm-hmm. So we're going to list out these toxic traits, and then we are going to go back

and forth, and you have to pick the one that if you were building a character, a personality, and you had to choose some... They're all bad. You have to choose some of them. Yeah. But you want to choose the ones that you can justify as being, ah, that's not really that bad. And by the way, along the way, we might say,

I think I actually have that. That's why it's not that bad because I already deal with that. Yeah. We're going to kind of build some personalities. And then Jenna. Yes. At any point when we are considering a trait, you have the power to steal that trait.

We're going to give you the power of stealing how many times? Well, how many are there total that we have? There's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty-one. Good gosh. So, we not going to go through all. So if we each did 10... We'll leave some on the table.

What do you mean? Oh. Maybe we leave some on the table. But I'm saying... I'd like to force ourselves to take all of them. Okay. We have to take all of them. But Jenna has to take...

Let's see. If we each took 10, that would leave one. I'd rather take eight and leave five. Five for Jenna. Yeah. Okay. Well, let's take nine. Three.

And leave three for Jenna. That way we're not going to stick you with too many toxic traits here. That's okay. Not all of my toxic traits are on this list. So I'm very aware of mine. Okay. Well, that's a good point, that this is not an exhaustive list,

because thinking that you can bond with wild animals and make them pets when you camp is also a toxic trait. Are you talking about the people on TikTok that do that? Yeah, I read that, I didn't even make that up. Oh, that's a, oh. People admit to that. My toxic trait is thinking that I can be best friends with this fox.

But have you seen when people do make best friends with foxes? I really like it. Like, I saw a guy, and listen, I do not endorse this. I do not recommend this, but I have seen people say, I think specifically with a red fox, hey, if you go up to a red fox, you can just start petting it. And it's just like, there's a TikTok and the thing's on its back making weird fox noises. Not a good idea. But it makes a great TikTok.

I can't deny that. My toxic trait is touching baby birds in their nest. And it's, you know what? It's not. I don't like birds. I just gasped. Did you say you gasped? I just gasped.

I didn't hear the pee. I think you can do that. I was like, oh, Jenna just said that she. You can't do that. I made her gasped. I think you can do that. Jenna just said that she... You can't do that. I made her fart. No, you shouldn't do that, but I think it's a myth. It's a myth that the mama will abandon them. But you shouldn't touch baby birds in a nest.

That's toxic. It's toxic to call things myths so that people will do it. Don't do it. We have a responsibility here. Read through them. Okay. Damn, I didn't know there were this many. They're all pretty self-explanatory.

So until we... Where'd you get these from, Jamie? Three sources at the top. Okay, all right. So... A Medium article, a Happier Human article, and a Science of People article. We'll go into the details of these traits when we consider... When we pick them.

But for now, let me just list them jealousy being judgmental fubbing which is getting on your phone is phone snubbing getting on your phone when someone's talking to you when when you're when you're physically present with someone and then you get on your phone and you get on your Manipulative. Ignoring boundaries. Lacking self-awareness. Perfectionism. Toxic positivity. Passive-aggressiveness, I guess. Arrogance. People-pleasing. Comparing yourself to others. Anger issues. Holding grudges. Attention-seeking. I can't wait to collect these for myself. It's like Pokemon. Victim mentality. Instigating drama slash gossiping.

Uh oh. Hiding insults in humor. Narcissism. Uh oh. Inflexibility and overly competitive. Oh gosh. Okay, whoever is the least toxic between the two of us gets to go, no, we won't do that. Who can spell toxic?

Backwards. C-I-X-O-T. No, who can spell it incorrectly but convincingly? T-O-C-K-S-I-C-K. T-O-C-K. I said T-O-C-K-S-I-C-K. Toxic. That's pretty good.

I get to go first. Okay. What did you say? I don't remember because you were talking at the same time. Speaking of at the same time. Oh, yeah. We're doing our green T-shirt day? Green with a little bit of orange?

If you could be here in person, you would see just how different these greens are. But on camera, they look exactly the same. Let's do a poll to see whose shirt is better. Matter of fact, we are doing polls. If you're listening on Spotify, we have the capability to make polls, and then you can respond and let us know what you think about things, and the best replies get published to the episode so other people can see what people are thinking.

So it's yet another way. You know, we got the voicemail, 1-888-EARPOD1. You can use the hashtag Ear Biscuits to contribute to the conversation. And now you can do this on Spotify. Respond to a poll. on Spotify. Respond to a poll. Let us know, and we will associate those best responses with the episode permanently. Permanently. Wow. You become a permanent attachment to the episode. So you're looking through the list. You're figuring out what you want. Okay. I got my first choice.

Okay. Again, I'm choosing the thing that I think is not that bad, or I'm trying to stick you with the worst things. Sure. I'm going to start by drafting toxic positivity. Okay. I mean, how bad can that be? You have to put the word toxic in the description

just so people will understand that it's negative. Yeah. Read the definition of this. So it's more of a description. So I'll explain. Always looking on the bright side can actually be harmful. Sometimes people want to be sad and in their emotions, regardless of the severity of a situation, and always trying to get people to be positive,

diminishes and invalidates that person's experience. True. So I don't disagree with this. And I think I probably, I got a little bit of this in me when it comes to dealing with other people who are going through something. I never know exactly what to say to someone who is having, who's sad. And usually what I do is I try to immediately help, right?

So it's just like, well, I'm sad about this. And I'm like, well, at least you're not dead. You know, like trying to get people to see the bright side because that's how I cope with some negative experiences that I have sometimes. I'm like, well, I'm having a bad day, but I could go on the internet and find a lot of people having a lot worse day than me. And that, I don't know if it helps or not. It's probably not healthy. But because I do that with myself, I try to do that with,

most often I think I do this with myself, I try to do that with, most often, I think I do this with Jessie. Yeah. I do this with Christy is what I would say. Whereas she might want to be sad, be upset, and have someone be upset with her or empathize with her. And I'm like, well, I mean, it's not that bad. Consider this. It never, never really works.

But I think I'm saying because I chose this one first, ah, it's not that bad. I mean, you can be, that's not that toxic. Someone who's always trying to get you to look on the bright side, I mean, it's not that bad. I mean, it could be worse. It could definitely be worse.

See what I did there? Me and Christy have this thing, you know, there's certain points in your relationship I mean, it could be worse. It could definitely be worse. See what I did there? See what I did? Me and Christy have this thing, you know, there's certain points in your relationship when one or both people would be like, I feel distant from you. My wife's never told me that. A lot of times, I'll do that.

I have a pen. I'll say that. I'll do that, too. I'll minimize. I'll start pointing to all the practical reasons. It's not your fault. It's not my fault. It's just the circumstances. We've been tied up in this. We've been busy with this. We've been all over the place. So yeah.

What you just said helped me realize that I just need to be like, you know what? I feel distant from you too, and I hate it. I hate it. Well, that would be manipulative, which is another toxic trait. If you're just saying... Jenna, now's your point where you can steal his toxic positivity, but it's kinda early. That one seems too easy. It does. Am I being manipulative?

You are being manipulative right now. Right. It's yours if you want it. I honestly do think toxic positivity is one of my toxic traits that I do. And I have been working on it. So you don't need to steal it because you already have it. I already have it. Yeah, yeah.

It's already mine. Okay. Okay. Man. You know, I'm seeing manipulative. It stares me right into the face. It seems like if you're manipulative, you get what you want. Boy, that would be nice.

Okay. First of all, anything we say, I just want to give a disclaimer. Anything that I say, just Just kinda like making not only light but talking about a toxic trait as if it's appealing. Just, you know, don't wig out about it. It's not that big of a deal. Right, Rhett? You have it. Help me out here. Yeah, that's right, Link. It's just part of the game here. Don't take anything out of context. People pleasing. I definitely don't want anger issues. Like, that's right, Link. It's just part of the game here. Don't take anything out of context.

People pleasing. I definitely don't want anger issues. Like, who's going to get stuck with that one? Oh, gosh, this is obvious. I've got to take attention seeking. I got to take it. I mean, you know, somebody's got to take the attention, and I'm willing to do that.

A lot of people don't like attention. So if I enter, you know, it's like I'll take to take the attention, and I'm willing to do that. A lot of people don't like attention. So if I enter – you know, it's like I'll take one for the team. I'll take the attention so that you don't have to worry about it. I'm helping maybe the socially anxious in any particular situation. Look at me. Don't look at the person who doesn't want to be looked at. So I'm kind of the hero for doing that, right? Well, you're also, I mean, is there anyone in this business who's not attention

seeking? Especially guys who have been doing it for their entire adult lives and still aren't tired of doing it? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? It never gets old, does it? Entertainment is, by definition, attention-seeking. And some people are like, I'm really good at this thing, but I actually don't like when people watch.

Well, we would be lying if we... We want people to watch. We're constantly... Like, we have whole departments at Mythical. We have people whose job it is to get people to pay attention to us. Like, not only are we working to get you to pay attention to us, we are paying people to get you to be interested in us. Like, we are attention whores.

You can clip that out and put it on TikTok. That's why I said it with that. That's why I said whores, because I thought that would be a good way to end a TikTok. But what do I say in a TikTok? Well, nothing. Unless this is still part of it. So say something cool real quick.

Say whores real loud. Whore-derves! Oh, you screwed it up. Always needing to have the attention on them. Having main character syndrome is another form. They always have a better story of got a better job or had a worse time, depending on the situation, and they really can't fathom that other people

should have the attention or that everyone's motives don't somehow involve them. Ew. Well, if you put it that way, it doesn't quite have the ring-a-ding-dong that it did when I picked it. They're all bad. I'm just trying to say, I'm saying that you can justify why this one is somewhat better than the others. And I should have read this first and then ended

on my rescuing the socially anxious from getting attention they don't want. Attention-deferrers. Yeah, I don't want. Attention defers. Yeah, I don't think it's about taking the attention off of people to help them. Well, that's the best I can make of it. That's mine. Well, what I'll say is that where I think that this can be positive is it's often entertaining. That's why people who are in entertainment...

But then it can... Obviously, the reason it gets toxic is just like, when the attention-seeking and the main character syndrome permeates every aspect of life and every interaction. Yeah, like nobody can get a word in edgewise. There's no camera on us right now, and we're still trying to be whores. Dervs. Okay. A little snack.

Jenna, you want to take that one? I don't like that one, no. I don't want that one. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I get it. Right, it's your go again. I'm going to take... I think this is going to be triggering because

maybe it's because I don't relate to this and this is so not me that it seems I'm going to take ignoring boundaries lots of people talk about boundaries and I think boundaries are great maybe it's because boundaries. Lots of people talk about boundaries, and I think boundaries are

great. Maybe it's because I don't have a sense of it that much with my own boundaries, and I don't feel like I'm a boundary crosser. Maybe that's why it doesn't seem that bad to me, but disrespecting boundaries is a major red flag, whether they're someone you recently met or have known all your life. Setting personal boundaries is perfectly acceptable as they help build respectful and meaningful relationships. However, boundary crashers continue to cross the lines established to guide their behavior toward you and loved ones. Now, I think maybe another reason... I think there's... I'm gonna take...

I'm really interested that you chose this one, because this one's gross. Because this one is not... Like, with attention-seeking, it's like, okay, yeah, it's annoying, this chap makes it all about himself, and you know... But Boundaries is... I'm gonna justify it. ...is really about getting in... You know, it's like, getting in somebody else's... It really impacts the other person directly. It's like getting all in their mess.

Let me contextualize this, okay? So, again, I think one of the reasons that I don't quite grasp the seriousness of this is because I never do this. I don't ever – I probably don't get personal and vulnerable as much as I should sometimes. And so maybe I just don't have much of a barometer for this. But I'm thinking about, like, if Jessie meets somebody, and I come into the conversation four minutes after she has begun a conversation with somebody,

there is a 70% chance that she has already told them significant life story stuff. Like we might be seven minutes in and she's talking about like her former life as an evangelical Christian and her deconstruction or whatever. And it's interesting because she's such a like disarming person that people are like, I love this. Like people who get to know her are like, she's telling me everything. It's so interesting. And then this person opens up and says this stuff that you just typically wouldn't get to know her are like, she's telling me everything, it's so interesting, and then this person opens

up and says this stuff that you just typically wouldn't say to somebody that you just met. And I think some people would say that that's crossing a boundary. I don't do that. I don't do that. Seems like it would be crossing more of her own bound—the person who's sharing is oversharing. Yeah, so I guess maybe you're saying that, like, asking intrusive questions. Or like, getting in somebody's business. Like if I'm like giving unsolicited advice or an opinion.

Yeah, and I don't do that. Maybe I should try to get Jenna to take this one. What is your understanding of ignoring boundaries? Because I'm thinking about like people talk about like parents. Like if you are an adult child. Right child and your parents don't respect your boundaries, that's a big problem. Yeah, because they're trying to parent you. Yeah, I would think of that. But then it's also like I see it as boundaries that are clearly established.

I have friends who don't like hugs. They're not affectionate. And I'm one of those people who is, but they have voiced that they are not. So then that's a thing to me of like, oh, they have told me that this is a boundary that they have. I will be respectful of it. And like, I don't hug them unless I like ask or say,

hey, I really need a hug right I like ask or say, hey, I really need a hug right now. Could you give me a hug? And then it is on them of like, if they want to cross their boundary to then help me

with my thing. Yeah. Don't, don't go to somebody's underwear drawer. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah.

I don't, I don't want someone to do that. What if they don't know? What if they never know? I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. I don't want someone to do that. What if they don't know? What if they never know? I'm kind of afraid. You took this one not understanding anything about it, and now I'm afraid that you're really gonna

cause damage. My lack of... Well, I don't actually have to take this one with me for the rest of my life. That's not how it works. We have to do this until the next year's draft. This is an annual thing. My ignorance of boundaries... You have to exhibit these and prove it.

My ignorance of ignoring boundaries caused me to make this my second toxic trait, and I'm immediately regretful. I'm going to take lacking self-awareness, because I already have it a lot of times, right? And I just feel like I know it can – well, let me read it first. Those who lack this trait – those who lack this trait? Those who aren't self-aware can be the source of constant drama primarily because they're unable to see and take accountability for negative traits that hurt other people. I think you made a mistake, bro.

Being self-aware can be difficult for some individuals, but techniques such as mindfulness can help. The thing about being clueless of something is it's more forgivable. It doesn't have this like heart of deceit. It has this heart of haplessness. And I think that, you know, it's maybe you're, it's like you could still say, well, his heart's in the right place. He's just clueless. And so I'm going to overlook it.

So I think that that helps a little bit. It doesn't seem like the worst of them. So it's like, well... It's not preplanned. Yeah, it's not sinister. Right. But would you rather somebody be not self-aware about their halitosis or their tendency to always, going back to the attention-seeking thing,

always, as soon as you tell a story, before you finish the story, before you, you know, asking somebody something, and then when you begin to answer it, they just start talking about the thing that they were thinking when they asked you the question. That's something that some people do. And that's something that, if you're not self-aware of that, like that, you know what I'm saying? Self-awareness, lack of self-awareness

combined with another toxic trait is like a lethal combination. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, it really powers it up. So, like, yeah, definitely the one-two. So it depends on what else you get now. The one-two punch of attention-seeking and lack of self-awareness. You've done yourself in.

Is, wow, what a clown. I will be stealing this one. Oh! What? Yeah, okay. I would love to lack a little bit of self-awareness. I think I am a little too self-aware. And sometimes it is very exhausting.

And being a little less self-aware sounds really nice. I totally get that. It's almost like a little bit of weaponized incompetence. I would like to not. Weaponized incompetence. I would like to not. Weaponized incompetence. I would like to just not have to do it. You know about a holla. I mean, I think that, yeah, I think you can get there, Jenna,

because I think I used to be very self-aware. I'm a lot less self-aware than I used to be. Okay, so it's possible for me. Yeah, it's possible. You can definitely get there. It's just like, I mean, is it a zero fucks given kind of a thing? I mean, how many fucks are you given right now? I think, hold on.

Is it 10 out of 10? I'm gonna interject here. Equating lack of self-awareness with how many fucks you give is a... that's incorrect. Okay. Because the subtle art of not giving a fuck, that book, which I read and forgot about, but I mean, you get it all in the middle. You get it all in the title. You didn't really care about it?

It was self-explanatory. It was kind of like, okay, yeah, everybody knows this, but no one really does it. I guess, like, okay, not caring what people think about you, right? Is different than not being aware of who you are. Right, because, you know, like, not caring about what people think about you, the positive side of that is obviously, like, you're not caring about what people think about you, if the positive side of that is obviously like, you're not trying to please people, and you kind of like, you're unabashedly yourself,

et cetera, et cetera. But then, if you are not self-aware and your actions, like some other toxic trait, are negatively affecting someone, then you're relying on someone else who cares enough to point something out to you, which is really tough for people to do because most people are kind of like, it's hard. I don't want to have this conversation. I don't want to have an uncomfortable conversation. I don't want

to confront this person. It's easier to kind of just deal with it or just kind of spend less time with them, whatever. Unless it's on a podcast, then that gets pretty entertaining. So I think that there's a fine line here. There's a fine line. I lost it, so now I have to choose another one. We interrupt your podcast to bring you breaking news. Tim's Classic Breakfast Sandwiches are just $3 when you buy any size coffee.

You heard that right, $3. Your mornings will never be the same. Plus tax, Canada only, limited time only. Terms apply, see app for details. It's time for Tim's. I'm definitely, see, and Jenny, you've helped me here because I've been drawn to the ones that I identify with and what I need to be doing is the opposite of that.

Yeah, you got to do what I'm doing. It's like, oh, I would love a little less self-awareness. I haven't been self-aware enough to do that. So I definitely am not going to choose perfectionism. And I'm definitely not going to choose, Oh, gosh, this is tough. Hiding insults in humor. It's like I can already pull that out of the holster. I don't want that one because I already have it.

Man, do I have all of these? Why am I trying to go in the... Overly competitive. Here we go. The last one on the list. Friendly competition is fun and healthy. Okay. But when it gets to the point of intense anger,

they start to make life a competition, always having to one-up you. It might get a little nasty to get there, whether it's talking you down to other people to look better, or belittling your accomplishments, it can be tiring to be in a race you never intended to start. So, as I've firmly established... Why don't we just turn this whole podcast into me convincing you that you're actually competitive? That'd be fun. Let's do that.

I mean, I want to be able to rise to the challenge and totally say, you know what? I can win this. I can beat everyone at this. And I'm fully committed. And I believe and I care so much that I'm actually getting hated about it. Oh gosh, I'm so into it. And, you know, sports! And measurements! Hold on, what do you mean by measurements? You know, typically, a lot of times when you compete, there's like a measurement involved.

Are you talking about when we play, like, what is shorter, like a credit card or a lighter? Is that what you're talking about? Oh yeah, I mean... Which is a great game, by the way. Well, I was thinking more like shot put, but yeah. Oh, oh, oh. Measuring the performance of something. Okay, how far your shot put went. Yeah.

Okay. Because I just want everybody's shot to be put. But no! Look at my put being shot. And this is where it gets... See, this is... The whole podcast... Boy, I wish I could delete it. But we don't do that. Is I conflated, because I still conflate the two, attention-se seeking and competitiveness. That was a thing that I did not ever articulate, is I was being, hey, we both seek attention. And you were saying, I'm not competitive.

And so if competition is wanting to perform at a task better than someone else, and that's the strict definition, then that, I guess, is a different thing. And in my mind, I'm like, well, but the reason that an athlete wants to win the gold medal is because what do you get to do at the end of the gold medal ceremony? You stand at the top of the podium and be the center of attention. There's myriad reasons we compete. I do it to feel the anger. Your turn.

Okay. I'm going to take this, again, because I do already have it, and I actually don't think it's that bad for anyone else other than me, people-pleasing. He's taking people-pleasing. It's like, how can you get mad at somebody for pleasing other people? Now, obviously, it can be a bit torturous for the person who's doing it. Yeah, you're really taking one for the team, huh? Taking more for the team, huh?

But no one, most people, if they had to choose, like, okay, you have to hang out with this person, and this person is going to be a challenger or a people pleaser. And be like, well, what's going to be the easier afternoon? Well, somebody who's going to be a people pleaser. You're going to be liked. Yeah, because you're going to be like, hey, I'll go, I'll do this, or I'll do that. And I think sometimes I get a little bit, maybe there's some confusion about this, and I think I'm a people pleaser because I'm pretty flexible. And I'm kind of like, I really, honestly, I don't care where we eat because I really love food and I'm probably gonna have a great time

regardless of the choice that we make. And so it's not that I'm trying to be like this deferential person, it's just that I genuinely don't care. And what I find is that I run into a lot of people who do care and I'm like, okay, if you care, why don't, your opinion wins out here. But then there's also, and I think we both kind of run

into this problem before, where it can get, not necessarily, I guess it is somewhat toxic, but when you just won't tell someone what you think when they actually need to hear it, because you're like, I don't want to upset them. Ruffle feathers. I don't want to upset them. We've always been, we've talked about this a million times.

This is, you're going to suffer. You're going to suffer from this. No one else is. I think we have both suffered. And now you're saying as a unit. Long term, other people will suffer. Well, I think that we've suffered. Because you're not telling them.

We've talked about this quite a bit, and I think we've gotten better at this. But like as a, we're, as a business unit. Yeah. As an entertainment entity, we're really easy to work with. I mean, listen, we know enough people in this damn business to know that most people who are entertainers for a living, like the relationships that they have with their agents or their managers or their attorneys or their employees or whatever can be much more fraught than ours are, because we've seen it a bunch, right?

But there's been a number of times when I'm like, oh man, sometimes when somebody really stands up for themselves, really defends their perspective, really holds the line on something and is not worried that this is going to be upsetting or offensive to someone who wants something from them. Yeah. I've actually seen that benefit the person in a way that was healthy. And I think we've gotten better at that just through trial and error and experience. Yeah, we got more assertive. But personally, I think that more often than not, but I'm trying to defend this because I'm taking it.

What I'm saying is that if you're building a character of a person and the idea is that this person is supposed to be the least toxic of the two people at the end of this when we compare these toxic traits. I think that people-pleasing is a low score in ultimate toxicity. But you're going to end up holding resentments against everyone for taking advantage of the fact that you're a people-pleaser. Yeah, but I hold it in and keep it to myself. And you'll feel guilty when you do say no.

Yeah, I do. And when you can't please everyone, you're gonna break down. Well, I haven't broken down yet. Thank you, Rhett, thank you for- I feel like you can please a lot of people for a long time. It pleases me that you have chosen this one.

Jenna, you don't want this one, do you? I already have it, I don't want it. No, thank you. Jenna's playing a different game. I'm playing a different game, yeah. I'm like, give me the toxic trace I don't have. Yes, I wonder what that feels like. Where am I going to go now?

It's getting tougher, you know? Well, yeah, because they're getting real bad Yeah, they're getting bad They're getting bad Well, there's still There's a number that are not that bad You know what? I'm gonna go with arrogance

Okay, great I'm taking arrogance For the win Because this is a competition now Confidence is one thing But arrogance means you think you are superior To everyone around you No one could possibly match up to your awesomeness and you make it known. I,

you know, I would like, maybe it's weird to hear me say this. I would like more confidence. To me, it comes down to this. There's this one aspect, and this is very specific. So this is where I'm going with this. If I get accused of something, I immediately am like, oh, I'm sorry. The default is the accuser must be right. It's just a disposition I have. Like I just have this, and I don't know what it's related to, if it's my perfectionism, that I just have this keen sense of falling short of the ideal in any given situation that if I get accused of something, I'm like, oh gosh, you caught me and I didn't even know it. You know, I didn't mean to do it, but you're right. And I think that that can't be true all the time.

100% of the time that somebody levels something at me, it can't be true. Or it can't be 100% true. And I think that's just how I react. And I would like to have a little more fortitude and confidence in that particular area. I would hope that no one would ever accuse me of being arrogant. So maybe I need a little bit of that in my life. For once, be like, you're wrong, I'm right, because I'm great, and you're not. Oh, we're both great.

We're both great. You're great. I'm great. We're both great. So I have it, and I actually feel pretty good about it, you know? It was a great choice for me. It was a pretty arrogant choice. To be kind of arrogant.

Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. I'm going to steal that one. No, no, no. No, you're taking all of mine. I'm sorry. I want it. Give it to me. Why?

Because I am not arrogant at all. You're not arrogant? No. How do you relate to it? I'm self-deprecating. Self-deprecating. I would like a little arrogance. I think I would like to know how that feels.

To just think I'm... Yeah, yeah. Do a little strut and, you know, I'm a hot shit. What does that feel like? Like a peacock. Yeah. You want to pick a hot shit day of the month? Where I'm a hot shit. What does that feel like? Like a peacock. Yeah. You want to pick a hot shit day of the month? Where I can be hot shit?

Can we put it on the calendar? And you just know that that day I come in and I'm just like... Well, it might need to be a weekend, but yeah. Okay. Not during working hours. First of all, can I take issue with the whole hot shit thing? Like, hot shit is not a great thing. Like, if I came into the office and took a hot shit in the bullpen area...

That would be arrogant. Like, what? People wouldn't be like, look at that hot shit. They'd be like... I mean, the hotter the shit, the more stink it's got. Yeah. What about hard and crusty shit? Well, that's way better.

It's impenetrable. You can pick it up. You can throw it. I just find it interesting that the shit became positive. But you know what? That's what we're doing today, by the way. I don't think arrogance is positive. I don't think hot shit is positive,

but arrogance gives hot shit vibes, if that makes sense. arrogance gives hot shit vibes if that makes sense so in the so we can we're relating to this aspirationally in the specifics that i gave can you relate to that or is it different for you like if you get accused of something is your knee-jerk reaction to be like uh you must be right. My knee-jerk reaction is disappointment and shame. Yeah. So. Yeah. Yes. That's pretty much it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we can. I would love to be like, you're wrong. That sounds nice. We can have a, maybe we have a hot shit day, a double hot shit day. Culturally, we kind of, like, that's an interesting take on it, the being corrected and standing up for yourself, but I think that there's like,

we kind of reward, think about the most like, badass celebrities, right? They're sort of like, and I'm talking about singers, performers, like think of, okay, let's think of- Mickey Rourke? Prince. Prince, yes, Prince. Like-

He's, well, he's a lot of things. But like, okay- He's mysterious, he's mystical. But don't you feel like if you were- He's confident. If you watch Prince in certain interviews, and you didn't know anything about him, and you didn't have a full appreciation for him or whatever,

you'd be like, that guy's arrogant. The way he acted in that situation, or the way he acts on stage. But then, I think there's something... I don't know what it is culturally, where we're like, he can do it because he's that good. Don't you think that that's something that ends up happening is that we excuse people's arrogance

because they're giving us something that's such a high level? And I'm not saying it's good. I'm just saying that I think that culturally we kind of reward arrogance. I think we reward arrogance in our politicians, in our entertainers. I think it's toxic, but I'm just saying that that's what I think.

I think the line is, if you're confident to the point of being a jerk and it has a negative impact on other people, that's the line you don't want to cross. But Jenna has to now. Yes. Yeah. I also think it's, to add to what you were saying, Red,

about rewarding arrogance, I think there's a nice thing to point out that, like, we tend to reward it in men. Like, women who are successful and they give off hot shit, arrogant vibes and they're usually vilified. That's true. And I also think that

it's rewarded from afar. You know what I'm saying? I don't know Prince. He's a badass. But then it's just like, well, what is it like to be Prince's buddy? I don't know. That might be different. And I'm not singling out Prince. I quite like Prince.

I don't know what he was like interpersonally. But I think that... I think I've heard really good things. Yeah, but also he's a performer. It's a persona. But I'm just pointing out the fact that we might be like, oh, I like,

people love politicians who are like badasses and like think great things about themselves and put other people down and are really quick at like insulting other people. Right?

I mean, we've had a couple of presidents like that, right? More than a few. And not too, not, pretty recently, one that was sort of the embodiment of arrogance. And like people love that. Some people love that.

But then you're like, yeah, but what if it was your dad? Or what if it was your best friend? It would probably be hell, right? And so I think it's like relational and culturally kind of two different things. I got to pick another one. Yeah, you do. Jenna keeps taking it. You have to pick a replacement. I'm gonna pick

Being judgmental Okay Being judgmental Is You know Is kind of like being Extremely discerning Right?

I mean You can be right about something But be a jerk You're not wrong Walter You're just an asshole Kind of a thing Right? I mean, you can be right about something but be a jerk. You're not wrong, Walter. You're just an asshole kind of a thing. When someone gives their unsolicited opinion, oof. Yeah, I was about to say, have you read this yet? On something and frames it as being brutally honest.

You know, a little tough love, a little brutal. Tough love. But brutal honesty is better than just lying. Wimpy lying. Maybe sometimes. I don't know. I'm trying my best here. Not always. I am, you know, when you're a perfectionist, you come across as judgmental. And so I'm back in my trap of like just trying to own what I am and make the best of it,

which makes me seem like a jerk. But these are tough now, y'all. Just come on. Help me out here. So, yeah, that's my positive spin on it because I've got it. I've got, you know, I'm discerning. There's a wisdom that's wielded. It's an unwieldy wisdom. A mal-wielded wisdom. He's not wrong.

It's funny, like you're thinking about the reaction to it. He's not wrong. Like that's the first thing people are thinking. If you give your unsolicited opinion to something. I mean, that hurt, but he's not wrong. Yeah. Okay. Are you done? Obviously.

I'm going to take perfectionism. I keep digging a hole. I need to stop. I'm going to take perfectionism. All right, take it. Because, again, my strategy here... Take it. I'm a fan of. I need to stop. I'm going to take perfectionism. All right, take it. Because, again, my strategy here... Take it. I'm a fan of it, but take it.

My strategy here is to assemble... Because I'm a people pleaser, is to assemble the person that somebody would want to hang out with. So... Perfectionism. This is not... I don't really know. Let me read it first. Needing everything to be perfect and to one set of standards can be overwhelming

for all those around them. Not only can it be hard on others, perfectionists are too hard on themselves and can really destroy self-esteem and work-life balance. To me, there's like two strains of this, right? Because there is the thing that I don't have, which you've clearly established that you do have, is if you take an individual thing or experience or something and and you're having an idea of the way that it should go and the way that it should be to the point where when it doesn't reach that state,

it's difficult, crushing, whatever. I don't have that. That's not my experience in perfectionism, but I'm a workaholic and I'm like doing a bunch of things all the time, really, really wanting them to be good and spending a bunch of time thinking about how I can make them as good as I possibly can

and then feeling, attaching my value, my personal value, to how good the thing that I'm making is. So I do experience it in that way. But because I think that it's actually mostly it's an internal struggle. Like I don't think, like if you have an employee who's a perfectionist, you're like, like, if you have an employee who's a perfectionist, you're like, yeah, I've got an employee who's a perfectionist. Or, like, this person's a perfectionist. Now, it might become.

I see what you're doing here. It might be difficult to. You're trying to not impede on anybody else with your toxicity. I'm saying that. You're absorbing a lot here. This can be an asset for someone in a relationship, a perfectionist. Now, it could become like if the person... Yes, it can.

If the person is like constantly down on themselves and becomes like a... Whore! An Eeyore. Was that a good point for that? You should have said Eeyore. Oh. Eeyore! If somebody becomes an Eeyore...

Eeyore. Oh. Eeyore! If somebody becomes an Eeyore... I think that probably is a legitimate profession. A really sad cam girl. I think some people are into that. It's like a manga thing.

Different strokes. I think that that can be really difficult in a relational context if it's happening all the time. But like, I don't suffer because of your perfectionism. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't suffer because of it. So I don't... I'm glad to hear that. I think it's difficult for a person who's suffering from it. But again, so far, just so you know, I'm a toxic, positive person who ignores boundaries while pleasing people and being a perfectionist. I'm a pretty good guy so far. You're an attention-seeking whore who's overly competitive and is being

as judgmental. I mean, and you've still gotta add one. Jenna just lacks self- awareness and is arrogant. Jenna keeps taking my best ones. I'm sorry, you keep picking the ones I want. I already know the next one. I already know my final one that I wanna take, so you guys just gonna have to wait until that comes. Okay. Now, they're about to get bad, so everything can go south real fast here. Yes.

I just don't want anger issues. I don't want to hold grudges. Victim mentality. Oh, I'm really against that. Instigating drama and gossiping. I got to take that one. Because it just, I mean, it just sounds like it could be fun. A little bit. Little bit, maybe. It's hard not to get sucked into a little bit of drama,

but when it's happening all the time and your life is full of it, it makes you exhausting to be around. You either thrive on negativity or subconsciously are addicted to chaos. I could get a lot of views. I could really channel this into some content. I wouldn't be the first and I wouldn't be the last. I don't watch that stuff. I don't get into it. I don't watch that stuff. I just, I don't get into it.

I don't get into it. But, might be fun. What about, what about when somebody has the tea on something about someone that you know or you used to know that's interesting? Like, you don't find yourself like, ooh, tell me more about that. I, I, no.

I really don't. Because I have that. I about that. No, I really don't. Because I have that. I have that. I'm not an instigator. I'm the least dramatic person that you know. But what I do like is if somebody starts talking some shit about somebody, I'm like, okay, let me hear. You know, I just like, I admit, I like reality TV.

I like to listen to it. Yeah. I like to listen to it. Yeah. I like to listen to it. But I do not participate. I'm really far from this because I think that, like, oh, gosh, I don't want to get in trouble here. Oh, do it. Even when someone is, like, ramping up to being canceled,

and I don't know anything about it. Like, I'm just not informed about anything. Ramping up, I just don't, I'm not informed about anything. Ramping up. Somebody tells me something like, somebody's getting canceled. And I'm like, my instinct is to take that person's side because I, and I think it's,

and that's without knowing any details. I will be very clear. I don't take up for people who are being canceled. But I have this instinct to do that because I feel like I could be next. Totally accidentally. Well, you could. I just feel like I don't know. To a fault, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt

I thought you were going to say I'm trying to make myself sound good Here You're probably not I'm probably not, yeah But that is an instinct of mine That's the side I err on I'm like, well, there's two sides to every story

Everybody screws up Nobody's perfect I passed a sign for a church and it said... I love church. It said the name of the church and then underneath it, it said, chill vibes, no per... I'm getting choked up. Chill vibes, no perfect people.

It's a cool LA church. Yeah, man. Chill vibes. Chill vibes, no perfect people. It's a cool L.A. church. Yama. Chill vibes. Chill vibes. No perfect people. It was a thing in the middle, but I can't remember what it was. And. So, yeah, I'm going to be that.

I'm going to be, what did I just pick? Instigating drama and gossiping. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, going to be that. I'm going to be... What did I just pick? Instigating drama and gossiping. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bumble knows it's hard to start conversations. Hey. No, too basic. Hi there.

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Okay, I'm going to take... Jenna didn't take that one. That's not the one she wanted. Fubbing. I hate this one. I hate you for this. It's just like in-your-face disrespect, man. I'm talking to you, and you're just gonna,

oh, now I'm on my phone. It's a pet peeve. Yeah, I think... I don't know. I feel like this is a Gen Z thing. I'm anticipating a cultural shift here, and I think, again, my kids do it, and my wife does it. I get offended when I'm watching a show with people,

and I look over, and they're on the phone. They're not even talking to me. They're just not completely committed like I am. I'm with you, but I'm just saying that... I'm a one-track. I can't multitask. So for me, I'm gonna... You're not a two-screen guy? No. I'm assuming that most people...

I'm projecting, and then I get offended. All shows? Any show? I only look on my phone when I'm watching a show if I'm bored with the show. If I don't care about the show. I think it depends on the genre. Reality TV, man. I'm bored with the show. If I don't care about the show. I think it depends on the genre. Reality TV, man. I'm on my phone.

I don't watch that except for Survivor. And when they get to Tribal Council, I get on my phone because that's the part I get. I'm just like, well, really? Tribal Council is the where it really starts happening. I don't know. I don't watch Survivor. I haven't watched it in many years. I'll perk up if it's good. I think that while starts happening. I don't know. I don't watch Survivor. I haven't watched it in many years.

I'll perk up if it's good. I think that while I do think this is toxic, I don't think it's necessarily healthy. But I think that if you're good at it, and I'm saying I think I could be good at this. Like, I'm listening to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I think I can do that. If you say something to me and I'm on my phone, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I think I can do that. If you say something to me and I'm on my phone, I'm like, yeah, yeah, and I repeat it back to you. I was listening to you.

I agree. This is a safe choice. It's not that bad. Maybe I should have chosen... It's slightly annoying. It's pet peeve area. It's not like break off the friendship. And I don't think it's... I think that's the definition of toxic. Like if somebody has this toxic trait and it has an impact on you, that's grounds to break the relationship. Oh. Yeah.

Yeah. I think that's my definition of what makes something toxic. So even though I hate this, I don't think this should be on the list. And that's why I should have chosen it. It's on my list. I should have chosen it. It's on my list. I should have chosen it. Oh gosh.

Is more of a strategic chooser on this list? Because I need that. Are you adding things to the list? Because now every time I look down, I'm seeing something new. No. Just putting them at the bottom. There's just 21 of these, so it's like,

we gotta kind of, you know. Oh gosh, yeah, let's speed this up. Jealousy, manipulative, passive-aggressive, comparing yourself to others. You're gonna, if I don't choose comparing yourself to others, you're obviously gonna choose it. Of course. I'm just gonna choose that one.

Because it's the next thing that's not that bad. Right. That's what I was gonna do. So I'm choosing compare yourself to others. Welcome to the game. Welcome to the game we're competing at that I'm currently winning. When you're constantly comparing yourself to other people around you, so much so that it impacts your self-esteem and you become either bitter or arrogant.

Yeah. You know, you could actually come out on top, compare yourself to others. I didn't think about that. Mm-hmm. So there you go. Win-win. I'm already arrogant. I might as well get there by comparing myself to you.

You're not arrogant, though, because Jenna took it. Jenna took it. Yeah. This is as close as I can get. Again. Do you want that one? No, I don't. Good.

So, I mean, this is another one that is pretty much on you. You'll suffer. Right. Again, you might become an unbearable person if you are constantly dealing with all these internal struggles. But, like, okay, this person's comparing themselves to me right now. They could be doing worse things. I will say this is not – I don't dabble in this that often. It's not to the point that it's really ever been a problem habitually.

So I could use a little bit of it. Okay. Oh, man. Boy. I don't want to... I mean, inflexibility is so opposite of my personality. I'm going to have a real tough time taking that. It'll help you move the needle for this next year.

Oh, man. You know what? This is a big one. This is a big one. But I'm going to go out on a limb, and I'm gonna take passive aggressive, okay? Oh, okay. So again, everybody knows what this is,

but I'll read, someone who cannot assert their needs and will make angry remarks, but not be direct in bringing up an issue. They let things bubble up and then act out in passive ways, like making petty remarks, sighing, stonewalling, etc. They want the people around them to be mind readers and tend to have issues with conflict. So, I think the reason I'm choosing this is because I think... So you can fly under the radar. I think that almost everyone at some point does something passive aggressive.

I think that this is like a universal human value because there are things that you want, are things that you feel, and it's often easier, regardless of disposition and personality, to say something that is hiding, is cloaking a real feeling, but it's kind of a smart, assholey remark, or sometimes it's just slightly harsh. And I just think that this is why you're being passive aggressive. You're being passive aggressive. It's something that is said in relationships, friendships. And so I just think that everyone's dealing with this a little bit,

so I'm willing to take it because it's not something that's going to be like this downfall of a person. It's just something that everyone has a touch of it, and you wanna minimize it. It's the more palatable version of manipulatives. Why don't you just take manipulatives? Of course I don't, because I'm not gonna take it! Because I spelled tick-tock, or sick-tock. What did I tell her?

Toxic. Toxic? What we're talking about. I spelled toxic like TikTok. Um... Holding grudges is such... Oh man, that takes years off your life. I just can't do that to myself. I can't take that one for the team. Holding grudges is bad for other people too, by the way. Oh, it's bad for... which one?

That's a pretty bad one externally. You know what? I'm going to go with the more amped up version of comparing yourself to others, and I'm going to take jealousy. Okay. Because it's still an implied compliment. Right? It's like people who have your best interests at heart are usually happy

when good things happen to you. They're not jealous of you. So it's very self-centered, but it still gives credit where credit's due. Okay. I'm taking it. This is a good time to bring up something that a lot of people pointed out. When we did the top ten people that were jealous of episode, everyone was like, guys, you actually should have used envy instead of jealousy.

That's why we wore our green shirts today. So, I don't disagree. Because envy is when somebody has something you want. And we were talking about people who had done things or had things, achieved things that we want. Whereas jealousy is more like, okay, jealousy is being, this is just some website, is being fiercely protective of one's rights, position, or possessions characterized by feelings of fear, anger, resentment, and insecurity. Right. So when your significant other is having a better time with somebody else, you're jealous because you said that belongs to you versus if your friend gets married

and you're jealous because you want to be married, you're envious because you want to be married, you're not jealous. And also if you're jealous in a relationship... You're protective of it. If like, oh, somebody, some dude at the grocery store whistled at you, let me at him. Don't go to the grocery store anymore. Don't go to the grocery store.

Right. You know? But if you live closer to the good Ralphs, then I'm envious. Exactly. Yeah, let's make this about Ralphs. By the grocery store. All right, pick. I'm not trying to be manipulative, but it is on the board.

Up for grabs. Manipulative. Anger issues. Holding grudges. Victim mentality. Hiding insults and humor. Narcissism and inflexibility. They're getting tough to take, but I'm going to take hiding insults and humor because at least it's funny. Okay. Yeah.

At least it's funny. Okay. Yeah, um... It says, bagging on your friends in a lighthearted way can be totally fine and show closeness. You don't do this. But when you're constantly making jokes at other people's expense, it can get tiresome and is basically bullying, hiding, and joke form.

I do this. I actually want more of this. Yeah, I think you could give a good ribbing occasionally. Like, I'd like to see you give a good ribbing to somebody. Like, I don't... Well, you do it to me for comedy, but only in performance mode. Like, privately, I don't know that you ever do it. Like, I do it as a form of endearment.

Like, I actually think that it's like a gentle ribbing is for your pleasure. A gentle ribbing is for your pleasure. That's how I feel about it. And I don't disagree. I think that it's when it... Well, first of all, it has to do with the recipient a lot of times. Because I have people that I know who like to do this sort of like playful, making fun of people.

You do it. Yes. I know people who do it more than you. And I know other people in my life that if they get together, it's inevitable. What's gonna happen is this person's gonna do their thing where they sort of find these soft spots and make fun of you. Push your buttons. And this person, who's sensitive and defensive, gets really mad.

And I've seen it a number of times. And I tend to be like, if somebody starts doing it to me, I'm kinda like, ha ha ha, yeah, yeah, okay. Alright, when is this gonna be over? I mean, I try to do it about something that I feel is innocuous, but you never know what somebody's self-conscious about. Right. But, because at least... But it is funny for everybody else. If it's funny for everybody else, you know, one person is suffering, so if you have to pick something, I'll take it. Let's just jam through these.

I'm taking that one. Oh, she's taking one from you! Yes, why? I think I need a little bit of this. Not necessarily, because I don't think of things in insulting ways, like I don't think of things in insulting ways. Like, I don't. It's hard.

I'm too. I'm very nice. And sometimes I've been in situations where people have said mean things and my retort is, oh. And I don't say anything. And I just really wish I had, like, I had't say anything, and I just really wish I had the streak to be like, well, I'm going to say something mean, but it's going to be funny as hell. Right. It's like, you're going to say something mean to me.

I got something way better. The zinger. That's when you wish you had that button where you could rewind a little bit and be like, oh, I got you this time. I wish you had that button where you could rewind a little bit and be like, oh, I got you this time. It's like, because I've totally been in that situation where I've, a stranger, I've been polite to and just been like, no, thank you. And they say something mean. And I would love to be like, well, I'm going to be mean back now.

But I can't, I don't do that. Yeah, you need like a generic go-to. Like your mother. Right. That's such a, I can't. Yeah. It's not good. It's not good.

It's not a good one either. Yeah. Do you kiss your mama with that mouth? That's kind of, maybe that's more specific. Could that work? No. Usually, I feel like the only time I did something that I was proud of was that when someone insulted me and I was just

like, oh, you're sad. That's good. That's good. I like that. Oh, you're sad. That's it. Is it? Okay. That is it. But you have to say it the way Jenna said it.

Oh, you're sad. Ooh! God. I got a tear in my eye. Yeah, yeah, you gotta say it like that. Wow. So I've chosen my three. So Jenna's out. It's a free-for-all now.

Yeah. Now, okay. You gotta choose another one, Rhett. I'm trying to choose between inflexibility and... ...anger issues. Inflexibility and... What? Yes, Shep? ...anger issues. I don't have any inflexibility. I don't, I mean, I think on the spectrum.

I'm pretty flexible. So I'm really, I take a lot of pride in my flexibility. So it's really hard to imagine me taking on inflexibility. That would be tough. But I'm pretty flexible, so I'll take it. See what I did there? See what I did? I'm going to take inflexibility because, you know what? The positive side of this, well, let me read it, because it'll sound real bad when I read it, because that's how all these are.

When someone just cannot have things any other way than how they see fit, they are terrible at compromise, won't go out of their comfort zone, and will pout if they have to change a plan from what they wanted. This is really difficult to deal with. But the positive side of it is if you are very flexible

and you kind of don't care about a lot of things, having an inflexible person, sometimes you can reposition it as, this person just is planning things. Or this person, if I just step out of the way, this person will just do these things and I might benefit from it. So that's the positive side. So I think there can be a positive side to it. Okay. I'm going to take holding grudges because I think I'm, I don't think I've struggled with this. I think I'm pretty good at like moving on. I like,

I like relationships to be intact. I like to, I like to get over conflict as quickly as possible, like immediately if I could. So I could probably use a little holding a grudge. Hey, remember, some people actually are toxic and you need to keep your walls up. And when they prove themselves as that and show themselves as that, you need to build that wall. Sorry to use the term. Did not mean to do that. But yes, I actually feel really good about this. Yeah, you've actually made that sound good because I feel, man, I could use some of that too. Sometimes there's somebody who you're supposed to have a problem with, you know, And then you're like, what if I run into him? And then I think to myself, well, I'd probably just be like, hey.

You know? Right, yeah. Because I'm a people pleaser. But then I also sort of like search my heart and I'm kind of like, well, I'm not that mad at him. Right, yeah. Yep, yep. So you wish you would have had it,

but you can't take it. The reason I didn't take it... Here's the reason I didn't take it. Because... It can eat away at you. I know some folk who are grudge holders, and it makes a lot... It makes other... It makes certain relationships difficult because it's like, I can't talk to this person now because you got a problem with them because of this thing that happened?

Oh yeah, then they make... other people have to choose sides. Yes, and so that's why I didn't choose it, because it's an imposition for me sometimes. To use the parlance of Jenna, it's sad because... That's gonna be the name of Jenna's podcast, The Parlance of Jenna. The, the... I like that.

The, it like, when you hold a grudge, it puts a part of your life on pause. You know? I mean, I just think about like family members who don't talk to each other. It takes work. It takes work. But it freezes an area of your life. And that's a you thing, not even a them thing.

Choose. I'm going to take anger issues. Good. I did not want that. Let me read it. We all get angry, but when you're quick to anger, it can be really easy to redirect it at someone completely innocent. Having issues expressing your anger in healthy ways can lead to people getting tired of hearing

apologies later on and constantly walking on eggshells around you. The positive side of anger. Well, anger is sometimes it's a mask for sadness. That's one of the things that I think that's what I learned

in therapy. Hurt people hurt people. And so if you get angry about something, there's probably a deeper emotion under that that you need, that you should have just gone through and gotten to. And also, having anger issues is one thing. Taking the anger out on others is another thing. They now have those rooms that you can go to with a sledgehammer and pay like, you know, $30 for an hour to bust up some televisions and stuff. The thing I don't like about this is that it kind of bumps up against violence. So, I'm glad you chose it.

No. It didn't say that. It said lots of people who are angry and then don't do anything violent. But some do. And that could be you, Rhett. Well, no, that's not me. I'm not choosing violent anger. Violent outbursts, that was one of them.

Neither one of us would want to take that. Just being angry. Oh gosh. Not that bad. So I got to choose two of the last three. Yeah. Manipulative or victim mentality? So you're not going to choose narcissism? I'm going to choose manipulative because my heart's in the right place.

I'm just trying to get you there. I'm trying to get you to the right answer because I'm an arrogant perfectionist. Well. No, you're not. I'm mixing things up. I'm mixing my real life with my toxic character, but... You know, you can be manipulative, but for good reasons, right? You really need to wear that life vest. Okay.

That's a great example. Manipulative people are not easy to spot. A sea captain. A manipulative sea captain is what you want. That's because they disguise themselves as nice to gain your trust before revealing they are truly manipulators, typically target and prey on the vulnerabilities of compassionate and empathetic people.

Okay, I did my best. I think the reason you can choose this one is because, to me, it's kind of like passive aggressiveness, and that is lots of times in a conversation, somebody might say, you're being manipulative right now. Everybody can fall into it. Yeah. You just don't want to be described as a manipulative person, which I do think is

what you just did because it is like one of the main descriptors of your person, so we'll see. I got to choose between victim mentality and narcissism. This feels pretty easy. Yeah. So, I'll take victim mentality. Hold on. I might surprise you here, right?

No. I don't know. I was going to try to find a way to make, because listen, this town has a lot of narcissists. And as we have established, I think when we took the narcissism test on the show many years ago, that there is a score where if you're above a certain number, you're probably a narcissist, right?

But if you're, and then if you're another score, you have narcissistic tendencies. But if you're in the middle range or a little bit above the middle range, you're probably an entertainer for a living. And then if you're really low, you probably hate attention, right? And so I think that narcissistic tendencies

that are not like toxic level can end up, you know, they can be a good thing sometimes. But I don't know, man. It's so common these days to be like, that person's a narcissist. And it's like once you give somebody that label, it is like the worst ever. So I'm going to give it to you. Take it! No! And I'm going to take victim mentality. This person is always the victim.

Everyone is against them. They don't deserve anything. The reason I was so reluctant to take this is because I just hate this mentality. I just hate it so much. I don't want to have to put this on my character. But you got to. And if they've done something wrong, they somehow turn it around and are still the victim. I just don't like that. But I'm gonna take it. So read them out. What are you and what am I?

Hold on, you have to make narcissism okay, because it's yours. Make it sound okay I don't Attention seekers Manipulators Gaslighters And trauma bonders Wow Shall not inherit

The kingdom of God They only think about themselves They cannot take responsibility For their own actions Because they truly don't think They've done anything wrong When confronted on something They'll be completely defensive

Lie And turn the situation around They also dump All of their issues on you and make you feel bad if you don't have time for them. Because they're going through so much. This makes people's life... This alone encompasses so many bad things. You can't make this good, man. I tried to make it good a second ago. Just say you agree with what I said. I agree.

And you'll take that. I agree with what you say. I mean, I'm stuck with it. I'm not going to defend it. Okay, we'll start with Jenna, who is, who at the end of the day lacks self-awareness, is arrogant,

and loves to hide her insults and humor. Okay, that's how bad she is. Yes, yes. I would like to, I would like to have a day of knowing how, of being this.

Yes. But you wouldn't know it because you wouldn't knowing how, of being this. Yes. But you wouldn't know it, because you wouldn't have any self-awareness. Yes. Hold on, yeah, that's hot shit day. Hot shit day. You don't have to keep it in. Saturday or Sunday, Jenna?

It's all very toxic, but I feel like it's so opposite me that I was just like, ooh, what would that, I would think I'd be wearing a really nice suit. Maybe a top hat. And a top hat. Oh, yeah, you're definitely in a business suit. Oh, I'm in a business suit. Tails?

Oh, yes. All right. Okay. What are you? I have toxic positivity. I ignore boundaries. I'm a people pleaser. I'm a perfectionist.

I'm often on my phone when you're talking to me. I'm passive aggressive. I'm inflexible. I have anger issues, and I suffer from a victim mentality. That doesn't sound that bad. Oh, man. That doesn't sound that bad once you hear Link. What about the Linkster? Link is attention-seeking, overly competitive. He's judgmental. He loves to

instigate drama and gossip, he loves to compare himself to others, he's jealous, he holds grudges, but on top of all that, he is a manipulative narcissist. You got stuck with both manipulative and narcissism, and you had a choice not to choose it, but you did a double whammy. But I'm going through so much. No, you don't even get that. I'm the victim. I'm the victim in that. You don't even get that. Okay. That was fun, though. I liked the pace of that one.

Yeah. It was so fun. We moved through a lot. Do you have a rec to shut this one down? I do. I have a, as is somewhat typical from my recs from time to time, a niche cooking product that will only make sense or appeal to less than 4% of you. So to those of you who are in this 4%, listen up. I'm about to change things for you.

I recently discovered the little contraption known as a fat separator. And I used it to great effect in my barbecue that I made for you and friends on the 4th. Fat separator. Yeah, I got this from another rec meat church. This is so weird because the one thing I was going to tell you about that barbecue is I wish it was fattier. What's a fat separator? Well, that didn't have anything to do with it.

So it was just a, I mean, I guess it was a little bit leaner. Like when I started pulling it apart, I was like, oh, wow, there's not. There wasn't any fat in it. There's not as much. It's just, you know, sometimes you get one that's not as fatty. You don't really have control of it. There's not as much. It's just, you know, sometimes you get one that's not as fatty. You don't really have control of that. But you're talking about like pieces of fat that you could see.

Yeah. Yeah, well, a lot of times it renders away. But what a fat separator does is, so what I used to do, and the reason I don't do this anymore is because of what happens to the leftovers. I used to take it off the grill, and I would leave it in everything that had just rendered, all the fat that had just rendered, and I just pulled the pork together and just left it all sitting together. What ends up happening... first of all, most people don't prefer that. Most people want just the pork. And the second thing that

happens is, as you begin to... you know, it's out for a while while you're serving everybody, and then the fat begins to congeal as it gets to room temperature, and then you've got this fatty thing at the bottom, and then you try to store it, and it becomes really difficult to convince yourself that you want to eat it later. So what Matt, I guess his name, at Meat Church, who's the barbecue guy that I get so many of my recipes from, he takes, once you pull it off and you pull it, you pour the, well, actually, you pull the pork out and you separate it on a different thing, and then what's left in there is the au jus, but it's got all this fat rendered in it.

You put it in this fat separator, which is basically this cup that has a siphon on it. Well, it has this... Anyway, it lets you... If you sit it out, the fat rises to the top, and there's a big layer of fat, and then there's just the au jus, which is the juice from the meat. And then when you pour it out, the spout's on the bottom, so you just pour the au jus back onto the meat without having to pour all the fat back onto the meat. Okay. And that stuff is like the best barbecue sauce you've ever had in your life. And last night, I took the au jus that was still in the fridge and I just took

a couple spoonfuls on it, put it on some pork, warmed it up, and that pork didn't have any of that congealed fat on it in the bag. Oh no you didn't! And it was so good, man. So, I'm assuming that... A fat separator. There's other applications for this that I'm only just discovering, but if you're basting or baking or roasting some piece of meat and you wanna get the fat out of the juice, get a fat separator. it will be a game changer for you.

Hashtag Ear Biscuits. 1-888-EAR-POD-1. That was fun. Hey, Rhett and Link, this is Kelsey. I'm currently on an eight-hour road trip relocating from Mississippi to Florida and have just been listening to episode after episode of Ear Biscuit episodes that I have been backed up on. And I just finished listening to Link's embarrassing ski strip story.

It is one of the reasons why I love y'all so much. It's so well-rounded and comedy and real relationships. So thank you. Bye.