Erin is the Funny One - A Very Girlboss Christmas Table Read w/ Tyler Bevan

Episode Date: December 20, 2021

Friends, episode 26 of Erin Is the Funny One brings things full-circle with a table read featuring select scenes from Tyler Bevan’s screenplay, A Very Girlboss Christmas. This has been a longtime coming! Enjoy and Happy Holidays! To participate in Tyler's Charity Water campaign, visit: charitywater.org/tyler-bevan Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Welcome everyone to a very special episode of Aaron is the funny one I as always am your host Jack Douglas and I am Ernie the Christmas elf and today we bring to you a very merry girl bossy episode because today we are going to be listening well I guess and talking and reading and all the things with the one the only author screenwriter person extraordinaire of a very girl boss Christmas that's right we've laughed we've joked we've hoped and our prayers have been answered because the screenwriting gods have blessed us with Tyler B and given us a full script for a very girl boss Christmas in today's

episode we will be closing it off with our regularly programmed horoscope segment as always but today we are going to be joined by the Tyler B and we're going to be reading a table read if you will of Tyler B's favorite scenes from his full script of his feature length film a very girl boss Christmas this is very exciting we've been talking about this for weeks and weeks and the day is finally here not only that but Tyler B is our first guest on the podcast ever I suppose so that's right don't scare him away I know like screw you that goes double for you no you tend to do that you're the interrogator you're the one

who has a million to one questions listen if anyone's gonna scare Tyler B off it's this one okay okay we'll see about that but anyway thank you all for joining our very special very girl boss very merry read through of a very girl boss Christmas ladies and gentlemen please welcome the screenwriter of a very girl boss Christmas Tyler B hello it's great to be here we're so happy to have you this is an honor Tyler B we have been talking about this exact script for what feels like months honestly I mean it has it's been months it's been it's been actual months yeah I mean I've been working on it for months so it's

exciting to finally put it out as a thing that people can actually see Tyler could you tell us a little bit about yourself about myself yeah so I'm Tyler Tyler Bevin I am currently in college hoping to get into my colleges film program yeah so how long have you been watching Jack film yeah so I think in junior year of high school so that was times weird with the pandemic yeah sure is I want to say that was like four years ago my roommate like watched a whole lot of Jack's films and then introduced me to it all right on very cool well thank you for listening to the podcast yes you've been here since the

start because a very girl boss Christmas was one of the first things that we talked about at least it felt like one of the first things we talked about I think it was from the onset you I'm assuming were a listener right and so that is very very much appreciated on our end because at that point it felt a little bit like an experiment of sorts yes so very much so you were one of our guinea pigs thank you and what inspired you to make an entire feature length screenplay of this concept was it just the idea did it just kind of like spiral out of control well so what happened was y'all were sort of going off on a

tangent about oh man what if we made a very girl boss Christmas into a real thing and so I was like oh this is funny and I'm in the stand-up comedy club at my college and so I thought oh this is funny I could write a few jokes about this and then release a fake trailer of it as a joke and then you release the oh we're doing a hotline and I was like oh I'll just send in a message to the hotline saying I'm your writer for a very girl boss Christmas as a joke right you responded you responded and said oh sure send us what you got oh my god okay alright and so the next like three hours it was the first time I ever wrote

any screenwriting software and so I the next three hours I'm like learning how to format a screenplay and then write the three scenes that you read on the podcast oh my god oh that's wild that's so cool very trial by fire and I am in an entrepreneurship class as well and so we were talking about like entrepreneurship is like you see a need in the marketplace and then you go out and then you make it and I was like there's demand for this and I also need a part-time job so maybe I can turn this into my job and so that was where the whole Kickstarter came from very very cool also just to everybody listening

right now that's your warning when you actually make commitments to me yes to the hotline I read it I respond to it jokes do not translate via the hotline apparently so this in essence this whole screenplay this whole thing is just a joke gone too far I think in a way in a beautiful way yeah but we couldn't be happier about it because this is a very special episode I believe we are reading select features as chosen by the screenwriter himself yes the scenes that we are going to read are Tyler B's favorite scenes scenes of choice and Tyler B has a very special one could say very girl boss wine of the week for us

in that we're actually not gonna be drinking wine at all or at least not featuring wine at all and why is that Tyler B yes is because we are going to be drinking water this week and the reason we're doing it is to shout out a charity that I have cared about for a long time it's called charity water and they get clean water for people all around the world a very noble cause indeed pretty much the only good reason to not drink wine yeah is to get clean water yeah to people in need of it I think it's a solid enough reason and the the link online is charity water comm slash Tyler dash bevin and I have a

whole charity going up and it's basically I'm trying to raise the amount that I raised originally to write the script except this time it's all going to charity it's all going to charity water to help people around the world get clean water and if you go on to that website they have sort of a 20 minute documentary about the whole thing and it will make you cry it's such a great cause very cool jinx and so everybody knows bevin is spelled B E V as in Victor a n as in no problem yeah take your pick alright so with that let's begin for this first scene I will narrate we can have Mr. Films of course

played by Jack reporters one two and three could we have played by Aaron okay as well as spectators one and two okay and then I will play Uncle okay I love it okay interior fancy restaurant night a group of spectators is gathered around a blindfolded Mr. Films he's in his early 30s and wears an orange business suit with black stripes the spectators watch in anticipation as he tastes one of many wines set up on the table Mr. Films pauses sauvignon blanc the crowd fills with murmurs he lifts another glass but hesitates he sniffs the wine suddenly at first but soon very aggressively that is a 2019

German Pinot Grigio the murmurs get louder the crowd is more impressed he didn't even taste that one how is this possible Mr. Films reaches for the third wine but instead of grabbing the glass he places his fingers into it and scoops up some of the liquid he swirls this liquid in his hand filling the weight of it before dropping it back into the glass and wiping off his hands this is not a wine at all no I would know this beverage anywhere this is a white claw the crowd erupts in cheers as Mr. Films removes his blindfold his expression is solemn but proud reporters rush to ask him questions you've

dominated the wine tasting scene for years do you ever think you'll find a worthy competitor quite frankly I I don't know if that's possible do you believe you'll win this year's Christmas wine tasting competition without a doubt it's like I always say wine is just win with an E at the end what does the E stand for I I guess I never really thought about that huh is there anyone you'd like to thank for supporting you on this journey I would like to thank my family they're actually here today they're right Mr. Films looks into the crowd trying to figure out which ones are his family they're a we

see the spectators from his perspective a blurry sea of faceless people before Mr. Films can fumble even more his agent uncle uh-oh steps between him and the reporters uncle uh-oh is bald in his early 60s and wearing an inflatable sumo suit that's all the questions we're gonna have today he escorts Mr. Films to the back room as reporters clamor for his attention and then Aaron if you could read as the narrator for this scene sure scene to interior restaurant back room continuous what are you doing you were floundering back there I identified the wines didn't I but you need to work on your image no one's

going to support a man who can't recognize his own family I'm face blind how's I supposed to recognize anyone you don't need to recognize faces when you're one and only family member is wearing this he wildly gestures to his inflatable sumo suit and a wave of realization comes across Mr. Films's face uncle uh-oh I've been wearing this costume for years Jack I'm so sorry inflatable costumes are so common now it doesn't help me identify you if everyone's doing it listen Jack I mean if the rest of the story is going to make sense then you'll just have to accept that inflatable costumes are a

normal everyday thing in this universe Jack I need you to focus he places his hands on Mr. Films his shoulders who are you I'm not doing this right now who are you Jack I'm not a kid anymore I think I yes I must be going face blind too because I just can't seem to figure out who you are stop this then tell me who you are me me big boy who big boy me me big boy that's right Jack now let the whole world know it if there's one thing I've learned from my time in Hollywood more like Holly weird it's that image is everything once you've earned this community's trust you'll be able to I'll be able to launch my own

brand of cheap wines and drive these local brands out of business I know the plan that's my boy our business empire will be unstoppable but it all hinges on you winning this Christmas wine tasting competition you don't need to worry I'm a natural at this Mr. Films smiles Riley no man could possibly stand in my way match cut to we'll have Aaron playing Ernie okay and I will play Alec Tennaus and if Jack could near it all right scene 3 interior bus day Mr. Films smiles on a copy of Wine Weekly quote best wine taster of all time and quote a woman's voice reads and so once again Mr. Films stuns the public with

his superhuman sense of taste if he plays his cards right Mr. Films could soon become the most beloved wine taster of all time residents of his hometown have even begun conversations about a statue wait reading very carefully a statue to honor the great man himself oh like that's ever gonna happen suddenly the magazine is closed revealing the face of Ernie Pumpernickel a journalist in her early 30s what a load of the bus hogs loudly this is Ernie stop she quickly shoves the magazine into her briefcase and stands up to leave cue a holiday cover of Smash Mouth's All Star sung by Mariah Carey as

the opening credits appear written by Tyler Bevin the camera pans out and we finally see Ernie's outfit a giant inflatable t-rex costume she pulls the t-rex face over her head and zips it up her face peeking through the mouth inspired by the podcast Aaron is the funny one she walks by a few passengers also in inflatable costumes as she makes her way to the front of the bus funded by over 100 Kickstarter backers before she leaves Ernie greets the driver Alex to Nos 22 he's a jolly old man with a bushy white beard and a rosy complexion Ernie drops a few coins into the tip char the driver tips his

fedora Milady Ernie tips an imaginary fedora maled rated TV Y7 for comic mischief and thematic elements she exits the bus into the exterior small town continuous Ernie walks past Christmas carolers snow is on the ground and Christmas is in the air she narrates notes into her phone for some people identifying obscure flavors is a party trick a fun activity you might do with friends but for the residents of Christmasville USA tasting things is an art she passes by children running a hot chocolate stand a sign says guess the secret ingredient followed by a list of holiday themed

ingredients neighborhood kids make their guesses by the way for the record I feel like I'm in Christmasville right now all most famous of all is their Christmas wine tasting competition some people even call Christmasville the wine tasting capital of the world as for me Tyler Bevin presents I just call it home a very girl boss Christmas scene five I'm sorry I keep should I continue narrating yeah and then reading for Mrs. Pumpernickel will be me I will read for the first uncle and then Jack can read for the second uncle someone's gotta be Jack you can be Karen of course and then Aaron you can be Rufus

Rufus and Ernie yes and Ernie yes okay and then one of us has got to play junior junior as a child I can be junior yeah okay make your voice like like a child yeah absolutely yes it's yeah she's a little girl so okay and then maybe maybe I should narrate cool okay so I'm narrating and then Mrs. Pumpernickel and uncle one all right interior Pumpernickel home night Ernie still in costume arrives at her childhood home a family party is in progress her mother opens the door wearing a Christmas sweater that reads lit as a Christmas tree she pulls Ernie into a hug and they walk inside the house is simple and

decorated with horoscope themed decorations I thought you said you wouldn't make it this year something about working hard as a girl boss journalist really Ernie's mom is Italian yeah well I really wanted to see the family I haven't been home in so long and and what Ernie I know you you never take vacation well they also needed a story done about the Christmas wine tasting competition now that's the only I know but mostly the first reason oh Ernie you're so much like your father if only he could see you now Ernie's father smiles down from a portrait around his neck is a medal Christmasville

wine tasting champion 2006 awards and medals celebrating other tasting competitions decorate the mantle with years ranging from the late 1970s to early 2000s Ernie's uncle Mario enters the room his sweater shows a festive cat and reads Santa Claus well if it isn't the girl boss from the big city hey uncle Mario I haven't seen you in over a year and that's all I get as a hey she walks over and they hug I guess you're not too cool for your uncle after all uncle Mario's identical twin uncle Mario enters as well his sweater shows a festive dog and reads Santa pause are

you kidding she's always been too cool for you uncle Mario she embraces uncle Mario see I'm clearly the favorite bogus I've always been the cool uncle who else are we missing where's a little girl about eight years old jumps on to Ernie's back and covers her eyes her sweater says I slay all day oh my gosh guess who the thing is when I wrote this script I wasn't expecting that we would do a read through on this podcast yeah I was just writing whether they're characters we could Ernie might be better oh gosh Ernie strains under the unexpected

weight hmm is it an elf junior giggles and removes her hands she leans forward and grabs Ernie's face forcing them to lock eyes no it's me junior no that's not possible I remember junior just being a little baby and you're definitely a big kid junior laughs and sways back and forth on Ernie's back but it is me no I just got old I'm trying to see like where I've heard this this voice before all right anyway go ahead how did that happen I think it just happens automatically junior pokes Ernie's face why don't you have a Christmas sweater like the rest of the family

oh well um I actually do have one but then why do you always wear a dinosaur costume instead well when I work as a journalist I interview a lot of different people and sometimes those people aren't the kindest so when someone isn't nice I have to turn into a dinosaur and gobble them up that's not true it is true in fact wait a minute have you been naughty this year Ernie sways and turns her head as if trying to bite junior junior laughs and holds on tight to Ernie's back wait no I've been good I promise I've been good get back here I just need a little bite junior will be played by an angry carl weezer I guess there it is you found it there it is you ID that real quick all right they are interrupted by Ernie's sister Karen and her

husband Rufus Rufus's sweater says I'm with girl boss and has an arrow pointing to Karen Karen's sweater is pink sparkly and has the word girl boss embroidered in gold junior quit quarkling around come on you can be better than that do better than that okay hold on hold on I'm trying to channel Karen right now what does Karen sound like uh uh she's like she's kind of like snooty and she's like come on she made her husband wear an I'm with girl boss okay I got it like think about that all right all right sorry sorry there we go you're right junior quit quarkling around you're gonna break something junior crawls onto Ernie's shoulders and grabs Ernie's head like a raptor guarding its prey I'm not junior I'm a dinosaur just like auntie Ernie

junior junior ignores her mom and continues to climb on Ernie suddenly she drops to the ground with a somersault oh I just remembered something I'll be right back she rushes out of the room I swear that child doesn't know how to keep to herself I don't know where she gets it she's grown up so fast not fast enough if you ask me if she's going to take over my business someday she'll need to learn how to hustle speaking of which have you considered my offer selling essential oils isn't really my thing Karen laughs oh no honey me neither now if I had to sell it myself I'd literally die ew no no no no no what you would do is get other people to sell for you I don't really think I could do that oh I know that you're being humble and you don't

think you're smart enough and all that I never said but it's literally so easy get people to sell for you then they get people to sell for them then it starts to snowball and bam you're making six figures of passive income I think I'll just keep working as a as a low-level journalist desperately climbing up the corporate ladder ill gross listen if you join my company you set your own hours and be your own boss she places her hands on Ernie's shoulders your own girl boss Ernie pretends to contemplate the offer I know that journalism isn't exactly the path I thought I'd go down but it's a solid job and it pays well and honestly I'm happy doing it but is it your dream job my dream job I guess if I had to choose a dream job hmm if I had to choose a dream job

Ernie moves towards the window and stares out longingly her hair flows in the wind I guess I've always wanted to be a wine taster to have crowds cheering my name as I identify the secret ingredients of different wines but I gave up on that dream a long time ago and now it's too wait shut up shut up Karen snaps her fingers at Rufus who is now across the room in a conversation with uncles Mario and Mario Rufus what do we talk about the sweater always points to me Rufus looks down at his I'm with girl boss sweater the arrow now pointing towards the wall he uncomfortably rotates himself to point the arrow towards Karen his body now perpendicular to the uncles please don't forget again this is a couple's outfit you look like an idiot if that's

not pointed towards me sorry dear if you can't wear your sweater right you'll have to hide it with an ugly costume like Ernie does no offense I'm not hiding anything with my costume no it's fine that's why we love you you don't care about your appearance at all it's it's really down to earth junior burst back into the room with a tray of cookies sit down everybody sit down oh is it that time already it's time for the pupper nickels annual cookie tasting competition and then this right here is where we're going to skip ahead to page 17 okay to the end of the cookie tasting competition okay and right now we're at Ernie continues chewing suddenly she jumps to her feet okay okay all right Ernie continues chewing suddenly she jumps to her feet I know what it is

that's a spicy meatball yes auntie Ernie gets the secret ingredient looks like we've just been girlbossed auntie Ernie you were incredible you were just like mr films who only the best wine taster at Christmasville he's all over wine weekly when have you been reading wine weekly when my mom gets drunk she's always fallen asleep reading it junior oh Ernie he's he's in Christmasville right now you could see him in person well I already have plans to interview him it's for a big story I'm doing no way you have to take me to see him please please please oh sweetie you're too young to be attending a wine tasting competition man you never let me do anything for once your mom's actually right besides it'll just be a

bunch of boring adults like me you'll have more fun with grandma anyway but mr films will be there with how aggressively mr films has been marketing himself I'm sure you'll have another chance to see him promise Ernie hesitates but looks at junior's plating face I promise I will say junior was a lot different in in this version than I'm so sorry because I don't know I'm committed to like the um I don't you might not get this reference but I'm committed to the the baby from the show dinosaur the little oh the way off I'm the baby yeah I don't know and then it just kind of stuck all right let's see the next scene can we have Erin reading like I'm an narrator uh yes yeah okay interior dressing room night mr films and uncle uh-oh are in his dressing

room at Donna's Grange the venue of the Christmas wine tasting competition the walls are haphazardly decorated with the faces of celebrities cartoon characters and stock photos they smile down at mr films who stares intently at a photo of pit bull okay so he has two ears two eyes two noses only one nose jack so this mr films slowly points to the mouth wait no this he moves his finger to the nose looking at uncle uh-oh for a reaction his uncle's expression is blank mr films hesitates for a moment then points to the mouth this is the nose final answer that's the mouth jack this is impossible I'm never gonna understand faces where you're going to need to learn if the public finds out you can't recognize your own family you'll be over you'll be a laughing stock you'll be he

moves uncomfortably close to mr films his ear cancelled mr films shutters we can't risk another close call with the lame stream media we need to cancel everything that means until we solve this problem no talk shows no reporters no interviews scene seven for a disgruntled customer can we have jack reading for that you got it a doorkeeper I'll read for that okay the announcer I will also read for security guard can we have air in reading for that yes no no no jack jack is the security got it okay um staff member I will also read for that and then crowd I guess we'll all sort of read or I can read oh yeah we can read at the same time that'd be cute yeah um who's the narrator I'll be the narrator okay the celebrity guest

will be playing himself okay and we'll we'll come to that when we find it got it interior auditorium same time Taylor Swift's oops I'm a girl boss plays as a crowd gathers for the Christmas wine tasting competition the crowd is loud and excited as they wait for the event to begin Ernie speaks notes into her phone the first event of the Christmas wine tasting competition the winners of this will advance to the finals like any event the fans can be a little five rowdy shirtless guys pass by each with a letter of the words films hang it on their chest extreme Ernie greets the doorkeeper and walks through the front entrance she passes a disgruntled customer causing a scene what do you mean I can't spend my tokens for the entry fee they're not fungible yeah I

tokens aren't they're not they're not anything inside Ernie looks at the stage and her mind's eye Ernie sees herself walk on to it this Ernie is out of the dinosaur outfit wearing a fancy red sweater with a puffy white collar the crowd's commotion unifies into a single cheer Ernie the imaginary Ernie waves and blows kisses out into the crowd she sits down into nothingness and a waiter comes out from behind to place down a chair another waiter lays out a table cloth and it takes form as a table within a matter of seconds a whole slew of waiters is on stage each extending a different glass of wine to Ernie think the hot chocolate scene from the Polar Express Ernie confidently sips from each glass this wine was flavored using Santa's magic snow

an announcer voiced by Brian Cummings proclaims a perfect guess the girl boss has done it again as the crowd cheers the imaginary Ernie fades away Ernie smiles she approaches the backstage entrance Ernie tries to move past but is stopped by a security guard oh i'm sorry miss but this area is for event staff only oh it's okay i'm here to interview mr films the security guard looks at her outfit as a dinosaur it it shows that i'm fierce well mr films has canceled all of his interviews for today you're kidding that's just what i've been told well is there any way i can talk to his agent i did come all the way from the big city just to interview him his agent is the one who told us well does he have a reason for cancelling last minute he said that some circumstances

have come up and mr films is too busy to worry about well okay his specific phrase was the lame stream media but that the what ma'am you're gonna need to calm down i traveled all the way from the big city just to talk to this egotistical maniac and now suddenly he's too big to see me i'm so sorry to impose on the great mr films listen ma'am i'm gonna have to ask you to go to your seat ernie fumes she clenches her fist and looks like she's about to girl boss abruptly however her demeanor softens okay okay okay i guess i'll just have to reschedule okay um thank you for understanding she walks away the t-rex head towering high above the other spectators puzzled the guard watches as she weaves through the crowd and finds a seat okay a staff member approaches

with a cart full of wine bottles evening without taking his eyes off of ernie the security guard steps aside and the staff member passes the security guard continues to watch ernie confused eventually his curiosity gets the better of him and he approaches her hey i'm sorry about things not working out that's gotta be really tough ernie's head is down and she doesn't respond is there anything we can do for you would you like a discount on concessions she still doesn't respond are you okay as he reaches out her arm gives way the empty t-rex face turns towards him in the costume slowly deflates realization fills his face as he steps back and hastily activates his walkie talkie girl boss on the loose we have a girl boss on the loose interior backstage same time

a staff member parks his wine cart against the wall as he walks away a hand emerges from inside of the cart and pushes apart several bottles of wine revealing ernie she tosses her briefcase out first then emerges wearing a dark velociraptor costume ernie ducks her way behind carts tables and equipment and makes her way to the hallway backstage hallway if i were mr films where would i be she passes by several doors presumably the dressing rooms of other wine tasters placards hang on the doors with names like boy mcfood and terry truffles before she can get to the end of the hallway ernie hears voices approaching her location she hastily looks around for a place to hide as uncle uh-oh rounds the corner hey what are you doing here pan back to find that ernie is gone

instead the security guard from earlier walks down the hallway why did you leave your post i'm looking for the girl boss that done gave me the slip where did you last see her go yeah i'm not sure but she can't have gone far as they speak the camera pans up revealing ernie clinging to the ceiling a single bead of sweat starts to drip from her forehead before she quickly brushes it away she could be right under our nose or above our heads well like spider man something like that ernie wipes more sweat off her forehead there's no way that actually happens in real life in fact that situation is so unlikely that as a rule i deliberately refuse to look up but what if no what ifs unless something specifically falls to the ground like a

drop of sweat or something i will not look up ernie is sweating much harder now using your feet to hold herself up she pulls a cloth from her briefcase and wipes her face i guess that explains why listening for falling sweat was part of our security training exactly now if even one droplet falls to the ground you'll immediately notice it then it'll be game over for them obscene amounts of sweat pour from ernie's face as she works aggressively to keep any of it from falling she squeezes her cloth into a cup then continues to wipe her face but i guess there's nothing to see here yeah we better get going they walk away in the same direction ernie waits until she can't hear them before she drops down no longer sweaty she uses her cup of sweat to water a plant as she

walks in the opposite direction from the men that was a close one i almost as ernie rounds the corner she rams into someone she falls to the floor and the contents of her briefcase scatter all over the ground ernie panics as she gathers her papers oh my gosh i am such a klutz i was just looking for mr films and i she looks up and sees the man she bumped into a spotlight shines brightly behind him obscuring his features but his silhouette is unmistakable mr films the man turns his face revealing his enormous bulbous nose this isn't mr films it's everyone's favorite little elf goblin cgi live action jub jub oh jub jub so sorry for bumpy into you ernie involuntarily screams startling jub jub jub didn't mean to scare you jub jub he's a monster he begins to tear up

no no hey i i didn't mean to scream i i'm sorry no jub jub sorry for his hideous face jub jub will leave you alone now he walks away sadly no i didn't mean it do not pity jub jub i was just expecting someone else ernie notices a door at the end of the hallway the placard reads mr films ernie gathers her things and excitedly walks to it at the door she takes a deep breath and knocks uncle uh oh um yep yep it's it's me i'm uncle uh oh and i love lasagna ernie waits in anticipation for an uncomfortably long amount of time then well i hope you brought some with you mr films opens the door and is taken back to see ernie standing there you're not all go uh oh so um funny story you're you're right i'm not i'm

actually here to interview you before the competition i'm not doing interviews right now that's okay i'll be very quick ernie pulls a note bad out of her briefcase and clicks her pen how would you say your style differs from wine tasting legends like teeth or mrs tortellini i i don't have time for this i need to get ready for the competition mr films tries to slam the door but she quickly shoves her foot in the way five minutes that's all i ask is just five minutes and then you can go back to doing whatever it is you actually do mr films tries to move her out of the way so he can shut the door they struggle while they talk what i do is very important the ability to taste is a subtle art requiring incredible dedication i wouldn't expect a journalist like you to

understand but i do understand try me i've studied all the most popular wine tasting techniques the salamander swirl the canadian nostril flare the bodacious crunch parlor tricks everyone knows those i came here all the way from the big city you can't just leave me with nothing i can do whatever i want i'm mr films well i'm a girl boss her foot slips out of the doorway and mr films manages to slam the door ernie stares at the closed door for a moment fine i didn't even want to talk to you anyway i guess i'll just have to write an article about how you're an inconsiderate jerk who flakes last minute ernie gets no response i'm a girl boss you know i'm a girl boss i'm a girl boss the word girl boss echoes down the hallway i'm a girl boss

ernie calms down worried she went too far she knocks again nothing out of options ernie speaks slowly through the door i know you're busy i am too but i really need this interview i've been working as a journalist for so long and i just feel like i'm going nowhere i guess this was supposed to be my first big break on the other side of the door mr films tries to ignore her he picks up the book he was reading a cardboard children's book entitled eyes ears mouth and nose the wacky guy defaces he quickly flips through the pages then frustratedly snaps it shut i just feel like i'm always putting in so much effort and nothing is working but i guess you wouldn't understand what that's like mr films stares hopelessly at the faces that decorate his

walls their cheesy smiles contrast sharply with his sad expression he hesitates for a moment he almost opens the door but something catches his eye it's a young uncle uh-oh on the cover of a vintage advertisement he has a full head of hair and a bottle of wine uncle knows best mr films hears his uncle's voice in his head if they find out about your face blindness you'll be canceled for sure he slowly takes his hand off the doorknob closing it into a fist on the other side ernie gathers her briefcase takes one last look at the door and walks away her footsteps echo through the silent hallway clip club and um let's see for this next scene glass mover one jack could we have you as glass mover one and then erin as glass mover two and then i'll read i'll

read the narration in the wings behind the curtain uncle uh-oh and the security guard speak to jub jub so where did you last see her jub jub ran into her in the hallway over there did you see where she was going jub jub doesn't know jub jub should really pay more attention we're getting nowhere with this guy the competition's right about to start what was she wearing she was dressed like a velociraptor she kind of looked like he thinks for a moment and excitedly points into the distance kind of like that can i just say your jub jub is spot on as yeah how i how i pictured him sounding oh i'm very happy to hear that man um ernie stands by the entrance to the hallway she just left clever girl not seeing them she speaks notes into her phone if you look beyond the mania he's

cultivated around his brand you'll find that mr films isn't as great as he seems the truth and quote no quote the secrets or quote mr films colon secrets revealed end quote okay i've got it quote how the grinch stole christmasville end quote hey you ernie looks up from her phone you rascally girl boss you're in big trouble uncle uh-oh and the guard moved towards her and ernie looks around for an escape without warning she turns and runs they begin chasing her all heck breaks loose as they move through the crowded backstage the song candy canes from the nutcracker plays because of course it does it truly is the yakity sacks of christmas ernie weaves her way through members of the crew excuse me pardon me excuse me sorry sorry excuse me pardon me excuse me

the guards behind her haphazardly push crew members out of the way don't let her get away up ahead two glass movers gingerly carry a giant glass pane careful this pain is going in the international museum of glass watch out ernie slides underneath the glass and continues to run phew that was a close one watch out the security guard slides under the glass pane but uncle uh-oh reacts too slowly and smacks into the glass the glass holds solid and his face is comically smushed an unfortunate slide whistle won't play the glass movers shrug ernie throws open a random door and ends up in the kitchen interior kitchen continuous cooks move back and forth preparing different recipes ernie definitely moves between them as she approaches the exit the

security guard manages to get in front of her cutting her off from the exit she tries to move left then right but the security guard mirrors her movements behind her uncle uh-oh closes in she's trapped ernie desperately looks to her surroundings for an escape on the table to her right is a tray of butter looks like you're in trouble ernie smiles i am trouble ernie smacks the tray of butter and sends it flying as uncle uh-oh reaches her she does a back flip over his head everything moves in slow motion as she flies through the air almost face to face with uncle uh-oh they make eye contact and uncle uh-oh stares in shock she winks as a slow motion ends she lands in a black widow stance and the tray of butter falls onto the ground right where uncle

uh-oh was going to step he steps down in his momentum carries him forward sliding on the tray like it's an uncontrollable skateboard whoa a close-up of the security guard's surprised face using a fisheye lens this shot goes on for slightly too long whoa uncle uh-oh rams into the security guard and they both fall onto their butts this is very funny you've got to do butter than that the music ends and ernie leaves the kitchen the same way she entered interior backstage continuous ernie leans against a wall and catches her breath ha bazinga i may have girlboss too hard on those scrubs i've got to get out of here she moves to leave but is yanked back she spins around to find that her velociraptor tail is caught in some ropes my tail ernie struggles to free herself

as she hears the wine tasting competition begin interior stage continuous and then let's see can we cast the wine tasters jack can you take boy mcfood yep i'll be terry truffles erin can you take teeth i will take teeth and then the head of security i'll be the head of security is teeth like a known character am i like okay one of the kickstarter backers said i want you to name a human teeth in your script and that was all of the all of the guidance i got so okay okay here here he is in all of his glory um oh and then jack you will play the celebrity guest star got it a long table sits on the stage lights swoop around and fog fills the theater the crowd is electric a voice booms ladies and gentlemen get ready for the christmas wine tasting competition

hosted by celebrity guest star alph the crowd roars as pig-nosed alien and 80s tv legend alph struts onto the stage what a reception i'm just flew here for my planet melmac and boy are my arms tired the crowd laughs i spent so much energy getting here i could eat a whole cat in fact i think i will they laugh even harder we have four competitors tasting wines today but only but only two will move on to the final competition there they'll compete with wine tasters from across the country and i don't want to keep you all waiting so let's just jump into it the crowd cheers when did alph become linda from bob's burger stop riffing the first wine taster is a legend in his field he's been doing events like these for over 70 years

everybody put your hands together for teeth mechanical pulleys quickly hoist a neon sign with teeth's name above the stage the crowd cheers teeth a very short very humbly man walks across the stage staff members offer to help him across but he waves them away and makes his way to the furthest seat he smiles wide showing off his white teeth and the crowd goes absolutely wild intercut stage slash backstage ernie struggles to get out of the ropes as alph continues to introduce wine testers why do they make these costumes so hard to move in back on the stage you might know him from his local dessert shop the truffle makers everyone give a big round of applause for terry truffles terry truffles wears a chef's uniform as he struts on to stage it's

wonderful to be back machines were machines were as ropes aggressively and abruptly pull another neon sign high above the stage the loud noise startles ernie and she watches the sign sway ominously above her head spooky she continues untieing herself then stops wait she looks at the ropes holding the neon sign then to the ropes tied around her tail she follows her ropes and finds what they're connected to a giant neon sign saying mr films oh no on the stage again a youngest competitor comes from christmasville community college it's boy mcfood boy mcfood a party animal in his early 20s wears a shirt advertising his fraternity epsilon omega up salon the letters are in lower lower case because that looks like well let's turn this on like a light switch the

sign next to ernie is violently hoisted into the air she yelps and frantically tries to entire herself behind her uncle uh-oh and the security guard exit the kitchen you thought you could get away from us no stop you you don't understand and now for the final competitor wine weekly recently caught him the greatest wine taster of all time uncle uh-oh approaches ernie you've girl bossed me for the last time stop please everybody give a hand for mr films the sign flies up catapulting ernie into the air she screams all the way and uncle uh-oh looks up in confusion a spotlight shines on ernie as she flies above the stage she nearly hits the ceiling but the rope goes taught and pulls her towards the ground she continues to scream as she approaches the ground the rope stretches slowing

her descent she slows to a halt and the rope snaps dropping her mirror inches into a chair she stops screaming and opens her eyes to her left sit terry truffles mr films boy mc food and teeth all of whom are very confused ernie stares out at the silent crowd they stare back there's an uncomfortable pause then a new competitor talk about dino might and that i think is where we're going to end in this uh reading of a very girl boss christmas but what happens to the girl boss and mr films and uncle uh-oh he better be in jail by the end of it tyler we have so many many more questions as i'm sure our listeners do as to the progression of the plot and what happens to our characters could you please enlighten us on how where and when they can discover the fates of

all these characters yes so if you backed me on kickstarter then you probably already know how this all ends because i've sent the script to you but if you haven't backed me on kickstarter and you want to know how everything all ends then i am doing a fundraiser to raise money to get clean water around the world it's for a charity called charity water and if i get that fundraiser fully funded i will release a pdf copy of the script so that you can read and finish and enjoy the ending to a very girl boss christmas and don't you guys want to know how this ends honestly i i'm just glad alph is still getting work me too i mean god bless him everybody needs another yacht you know that's or a spaceship depending or a spaceship because apparently he's been flying

physically flying so good so so good man this was a lot of fun i had so much fun reading through this blindly tyler i gotta say great job man yeah man honestly props to you tyler this is this is truly a feat thank you and uh we're just tickled pink so tyler you are in college but correct me if i'm wrong you're one of the very few gen zers that does not have social media is that right um i like i i technically have twitter um i have a youtube channel that i don't really post on too much it's tyler bevan okay i mean i i'll like post the occasional thing i've been posting kickstarter updates on there would you like to shout out any type of platform for people to be able to reach you contact you follow you all that i think yeah youtube is probably the best

bet to sort of contact me and see if i have anything else that i'm releasing i'll probably release it on youtube that's probably the first place that i'll release it okay so go follow tyler on youtube his youtube channel is tyler bevan that's tyler t y l e r bevan b e v a n as in no uncle uh oh not there wow but yes that is where you can find tyler's channel and most likely where the screenplay will be published should you donate to the charity exactly right tyler thank you so much for joining us yeah thank you so much man for your time and for this amazing screenplay that hopefully the rest of the world gets to see someday yes thanks for bringing me on to the podcast yeah we're honestly you are our first yeah official guest you really are we did at one point we

answered a call from somebody we we oh that's different yeah that was totally different that was a hotline not that the hotline is not invaluable by the way if you guys want to join in the hotline that number is dad hug me 10 but you know tyler you are our real first official uh guest on the podcast and honestly you have been marvelous like what a first guest to have someone who wrote a feature length screenplay about erin in a t-rex costume well no it's earning right excuse me sorry Ernie it's a separate character yes part of my faux pas yes yeah thank you so much this was a pleasure and honestly if you guys want to send messages to tyler please also feel free to contact me at dad hug me 10 and i will try my best to get those messages over to tyler on your behalf

oh jack film yeah do you hear that no i hear it what do you hear it's the bells jack oh it's horoscope time shit again already what am i gonna do with this man jack film it's a very very special horoscope too and why is that two toes up it is the last horoscope of Sagittarius oh lord oh lord well we better make it a good one all right jack film yeah i'm gonna need your help completing i tried to vessel as much as i could sure let me guess it was you didn't have it in you it was a little shoddy here and there so i could only make out like certain words so i'm gonna need your help in completing 100 of the Sagittarius horoscope sounds like this girl boss needs a man boss let's go ew all right jack give me an adjective wild give me the name of a

celebrity jennifer lopez give me another adjective chunky give me the theme of a children's birthday party oh man cars like the Pixar movie give me the name of a body part big toe give me a type of liquid beer what is something that you do as a little kid skip what is something you would call someone to insult them dumb mouth breather you use that two weeks did i yes you did i don't recall that all right i was drunk i'll give you another one four eyes what is the body of work that jennifer lopez is most known for um that would have to be jenny from the block well that or made in Manhattan you gotta pick one shit made in Manhattan really sure okay they're both just so impactful in our culture what is the name of a country lebanon how might you describe a movie a roller coaster

does that work sure okay give me the name of another celebrity pendulette of pen and teller fame uh the big one that talks give me an adjective spicy give me the name of a youtuber mr beast give me a location that you might meet an acquaintance a means through which i met an acquaintance yeah um like work okay does that work sure or or or or school okay give me a number 18 give me an adjective whimsical give me another adjective tactless oh no give me a name that begins with the same letter as tactless timothy give me a verb ending in ing pounding what is pendulette most known for like a body of work that pendulette is most known for oh boy um the hit show fool us

does that work i mean like okay give me a profession firefighter give me a personality type introverted what was a popular word used in internet lingo two to five years ago epic that's more 10 years ago but i think it works give me another celebrity name another celebrity name i only know like five how about david copperfield what is it with you and magic i love magic jaylo pendulette all my favorite magicians what is a bad habit smoking give me another adjective girthy what is a place people don't want to visit prison okay no one likes going to prison what is an object at prison a phone like the okay you know okay okay okay you know the scenes what is a descriptive profanity a descriptive profan like a specific yeah how about buck-toothed

waste of space it's not really profanity but what is the body of work for which david copperfield is most known for oh god can i say like when he floated over the grand canyon give me the name of a body part shin shin or chin shin shin isn't shin isn't the leg the leg yes okay give me another body part chin as in the as in the not leg give me a location in your home kitchen give me a synonym for the word happy beaming um what is a random holiday arbor day what is the name of a group of fans that some youtubers call their fans first first i was gonna say little monsters um we can use that yeah close enough okay she's kind of a youtuber no that lady gaga yeah okay let me just double check mm-hmm all right jack will you please bless us with the final horoscope of

Sagittarius season Aaron it would be my honor Sagittarius ho ho holy smokes it's our very last ho ho horoscope of Sagittarius season and what a bunch of hoes they are you know it i know it and the gods know it too and that's why this week Sagittarius will be visited by three ghosts to prove how wild Sagittarius is the first ghost who looks eerily similar to jennifer Lopez will whisk Sagittarius away to scenes from their chunky past remember that time when they went to that cars party like the Pixar movie and fell asleep so the other kids put their big toe in a bowl of beer and it made Sagittarius skip ha ha Sagittarius can be such a four eyes i bet Jennifer Lopez chose that memory because Sagittarius hasn't even seen made in Manhattan

which we all know is a Lebanese roller coaster the second ghost who looks eerily similar to pendulette will accompany Sagittarius to scenes from their spicy present strangely they will end up in the home of mr beast who Sagittarius knows through school as it turns out mr beast has like 18 children all of whom are whimsical one of the children aptly named tactless timothy some problem with pounding and can't stop watching fool us to be fair everyone knows the only people that care about pendulette are either firefighters personally i don't even think there's a lesson to be learned here i just think pendulette is clout chasing and needed to prove they have a fan kind of epic last but not least the third ghost who's a dead ringer for david copperfield

warren sagittarius of what is to come if they don't stop smoking this is where it gets really girthy david copperfield escorts Sagittarius to prison and shows them a phone this better scare the buck tooth ways to space out of you Sagittarius and if it doesn't you will be doomed to watch youtube videos of when david copperfield floated over the grand canyon for the rest of your life and a woman with no shin and no shin will appear in your kitchen beaming armor day little monsters okay i want that last one on a shirt i want to wear a shirt that screams beaming armor day little monsters that's fucking epic that was fun Sagittarius is drink it in i hope you took notes there will be a quiz on this next Sagittarius season and if you don't i mean you'll know

straight off the bat from the woman with no chin and no shin no chin and no shin you know she's horrifying to look at that you know you failed the quiz so yeah stay out of the kitchen Sagittarius lest you want to see the shinless chinless beast well that wraps up this very special episode of erin is the funny one thank you so much for joining us we had so much fun reading excerpts from a very girl boss christmas i hope that everybody's christmas this year is a very girl boss very merry and very bright we will see you guys next week thank you for tuning in and thank you again to tyler b for joining us also do not forget the hotline dad hug me 10 if you'd like to give us ideas for things that you'd like us to do always open

quizzes to give us anything also please don't forget about tyler's charity water it is something that's very special to him and if you'd like to see the entire script of a very girl boss christmas please contribute to tyler's charity charitywater.com slash tyler-bevin till next time see you haters