Erin is the Funny One - A Very Hallmark Channel Original Holiday Movie Quiz

Episode Date: November 29, 2021

This week, Jack and Ernie kick things off with ANOTHER California Chardonnay that they maybe paid a little too much for? Next, Jack gets us all into the Holiday spirit with the Hallmark Channel Christmas Movie quiz…is that a small-town cobbler really falling in love with a girl from the big city? Finally, Erin and Jack create a truly special fill-in-the-blank horoscope that you do NOT want to miss. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

We'll go back to a new episode of Aaron. Welcome back to another episode of Aaron. Aaron, this is a funny one. That was a speech jammer right there. I'm half your host, Jack Douglas. Welcome back, Jack Douglas. We're happy to have you. Who are you?

The hostess with the mostest, Dr. Ernie. That's right. And Dr. Ernie is our 23rd episode, 23 and Me episode. Oh, 23 and Me, not sponsored hashtag. Not yet. So this is a fine episode because this is the last one of November. But this week, later on, just a few days, it'll be December. And you know what that means.

I don't. I don't. Jack film. What does it mean? I'll tell you later. Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack. Did you know that it's also the first episode of Sagittarius season? Oh, look at that.

Do you know that we live with Sagittarius? We do, actually. And her name is Sunday. Do you know when her birthday is? Sagittarius the 15th. Wait, you actually don't know her birthday? Sagittarius the 16th. Do you even know what month she was born?

Yeah, November. She was born November. Wait, no. Wait, how can that be? How can what be? Why? What calculus are you doing? We're in late November, right?

Yes, our 22nd episode came out on November 22nd. And this is our 23rd episode. So it's the 29th. Right. Uh-huh. God, our podcast came to a screeching halt. No, apparently your brain did. What's happening?

Yeah, you started it. I don't know what's happening right now, though. You're like, wait, because she was born November. Why is it so late in November? It's the start of Sagittarius season. Every week, I become increasingly frustrated by your lack of knowledge or memorization of how the zodiac signs work. I have no idea how it works.

Okay. Last week, like roughly, roughly anywhere from the last 10 to seven days of a month starts a new zodiac season. I guess that tracks. Yes. When was Sunday's birthday? Like late November? Her birthday is in late November.

Yeah. Nobody knows what day it fell. I mean, we could probably look it up because we have our birth certificate. But who has the time? But we don't remember. Every time we look it up, we don't remember. Yeah. Poor Sunday.

But she's a Sagittarius for sure. It's anywhere from the 26th to the 29th. Okay. It's somewhere in there. Very, very cool. We're very good parents. We're very attentive. But, Jack, you were the one that's obsessed with the horoscopes, and yet you still don't

understand. I refuse to learn. That they don't necessarily directly correlate with the 30 to 31 to 28 days of a month. No, I never said they did. I was just very confused. Anywho, it's Sagittarius season. Huzzah. It will also.

I hate you so much. It's also the start. It's the start of December this week. My favorite month, my favorite time of the year. What can I say? I'm a big fat Christmas bitch. I'm sorry. I love Christmas.

That's not very inclusive of you, Jackfilm. It's my favorite holiday. But before we begin, I think we should start with this week's wine of the week. Aaron, can you tell us about this week's wine? So this week's wine, we are drinking another Chardonnay Choker from Napa Valley. Choker. Weird. And it is a Chardonnay called Textbook, and it's from, it hails from the year 2020.

And what a year it was. We bought it at our local wine shop just around the corner for $24.99. Let's see what the average price is. I have a feeling we probably overpaid for it once again. We tend to do that. We did last week, so. And while you're looking that up, I will give it the old Jackfilm review. It's fine.

It's not as buttery as our last couple of Napa Valley Chardonnays. It's fine. It's expensive. It'll do in a pinch, dear listeners. Okay. So what's interesting about this is that they only have the Sauve Blanc. Oh. They don't have the Chardonnay.

And the rating is based off of all vintages, not the actual like brand. So it does say average price point is $22 though. Okay. So that tracks. Guys, I got nothing. I don't know. Hold on. Let me take a sit.

Why don't you tell us what you think of it? But the world wants your leading scientific expert opinion. It'd be better if it were colder. Yeah. We don't have it chilled. Nah. Didn't have room in the fridge. How embarrassing for us.

But hey, hey, it's Christmas cozy season. It is Christmas cozy season. Nothing like a hot white wine to make the medicine go down. All right. Wine on a stove top. It just smells like home. Yeah. Honestly, I feel like this would actually be pretty good wine, but we didn't treat it

properly. But we didn't treat properly. And you know what? I heard that if you like throw it on the stove and you throw some cinnamon sticks in there, some cheese, like orange slices, that's what this podcast smells like wine and cinnamon sticks on a hot stove. Just imagine it. Let your nostrils think of the smells and your home.

And if you had COVID and can't smell anything, this old shirt, tune you right up. Now there you go. There's the cure. I heard that if you like burn oranges on a grill or something, that it's supposed to like cure you of your. Oh, really? I hadn't heard that. Yeah.

Like if you have COVID. Yeah. And you long COVID, I guess, and you can't smell, people have allegedly cured their sense of smell coming back. With an orange. By grilling. You have to like char it. You have to like burn the orange.

And then you like eat it. I think. I'll remember that. Why? Why will you remember that? Next time I catch COVID. I don't want. This is, I'm guys, we are worried too.

I know we are recording this right before Jack film goes on tour. Yeah. Yeah. Just a little peek behind the curtain. It is not November 29th. I'm already very worried about the COVID scene. I just had friends come back from a wedding in Nashville and they are both vaccinated and both got COVID and apparently everybody they were with was also vaccinated and got

COVID. And I'm just like. So by this point in real time, I'll have been like 10 shows, I think by now something like that. 10 burnt oranges, probably. So God speed, I can't wait to listen back on this episode, you know, like a month from now. I know.

I'm going to be so mad. But it's Chris. Honey, honey, it's Christmas time. Okay. What better way to bring in the Christmas season than with a healthy dose of COVID. It's not with the COVID talk. No, no, no. We're moving on.

Oh, okay. It's Christmas time. Hot white wine. We're moving on from. Chard oranges. Yes. We're moving on from all of that. I'm trying to at least.

But that is the Christmas season. It's been of the Christmas season to get us all in the spirit of the season. I thought I would give you a themed quiz, Erin. Oh, it's an at Christmas quiz. It is. And dear listeners, play along. This is your quiz too. Oh, I love this.

And as I stated to you before we start rolling, I've been long looking forward to this exact quiz. Yeah. Jackville claims that he came up with this idea on his own. I don't believe it. I wish you guys had been there for that conversation, but I don't believe it. So if you are the rightful owner to the intellectual property of this quiz, please call in to our hotline dad hug me 10 and verbally berate Jackville and we will play it your angry voicemails

on air. If you can prove that you are the rightful owner of said quiz. Oh my God. Yes. Dad hug me 10 is the number, but any who it is time for the Hallmark Christmas movie quiz. Yay. I love Hallmark Christmas movies.

Now honey, the premise is simple. I'm going to read out the title. Okay. I've seen a lot of Hallmark Christmas movies. Yeah. Oh yeah. You have to tell me a shoe addict's Christmas. Yes.

That is a real movie. Yes it is. A gift wrapped Christmas. You have to tell me if this title is a real Hallmark Channel original Christmas movie or if I made it up, you do love your Hallmark Christmas movies as do I. I do. It is kind of our tradition to, you know, November 1st, we start early. We switch on whatever, lifetime, Hallmark, whatever and watch just those wonderful made

for TV Christmas movies and they all kind of, here's the thing, I made this quiz because all the titles sort of start to sound the same. I disagree. It's just one long interchangeable Christmas movie title. Do you know what one of my favorite things to do is is when there's a movie about a princess or prince hailing from a fake country or territory, that's my favorite, is collecting all of the fake country titles like, oh, so good, Belgravia. Belgravia is a classic.

The big Belgravia and baking contest. Oh my God. That's, oh, it's a Christmas favorite pastime, hello. It's internationally known, the Belgravia and baking contest. I want you, honey, and you listeners out there to get in the right mind frame. Are you ready for the Hallmark Christmas movie quiz? All right, guys, I need you to close your eyes. Think sleigh bells, gingerbread cookies, lots of cotton padding on the ground, fake snow

galore. Is that, is that reindeer eye here? The Christmas spirit is upon us. Okay, I think I'm ready. Let's see. Okay. Ever since you bought those, I've been waiting weeks to do that. By the way, those are bells that I bought to teach Chipwitch to ring when she has to

go outside. And Jack is, but, but to be fair, they have a dual purpose. They also conjure the Christmas spirit, which it lives in all of us. I don't care what you believe. The Christmas spirit lives in everyone. Or in a haunted inn in a northeastern town that is very snowy and he was murdered on Christmas Eve a hundred years ago. Every Christmas Eve, he comes back for 12 days to find his love or something of that

nature. Oh, she does more than find her. And then they have a Renezmee at the end. I'm not quite sure. Yeah. The zoned out towards the end there, but all right. See, I will say, hold on, I know I digress, I know I digress, but see, if you just gave me the title, you know, the spirit of Christmas, I'd be like, okay, sure, that's on big deal.

But you give me the description and it's like a ghost and falls in love with a journal. Like, it just is like, no, that doesn't, that's not a real thing. So anyway, these titles better be fucking good. First up, is this a real Hallmark Christmas movie title or did I make it up? A Carol Christmas. A Carol Christmas. A Carol Christmas. Yeah, that's real.

Sure. It stars a woman named Carol who is looking for her Christmas. Correct. Does it start a girl named Carol looking for her Christmas? I didn't get that far. Some of these I wrote a bit more info, but for most of them, I did not. Next up, is this a real Hallmark Christmas movie or did I make it up? It's Christmas Carol.

That's also real. Final answer. Wait, what was that? Yes, final answer. Correct. And I have a written here directed by Michael Scott. Oh, love him. Actual, like the director's name is Michael Scott.

There is that cartoon. And I forget what it's. Yes, Virginia. Oh, right. There is a Santa Claus or something. That's a guilty pleasure of mine. Yes, it is. Yes, Virginia cartoon-esque thing.

And then there's also another Christmas cartoon. That's a guilty pleasure of mine. I feel like it's called like Angela's. Yeah. Something. Angela's wish. But like basically she saves the baby Jesus from the church because it was freezing cold in the church, but then she's like in trouble for stealing

the baby Jesus from the mantle and she has to hide the baby Jesus and then, you know, hilarity ensues. It's adorable and I love Christmas cartoons. Anyway, continue. I don't think it's a Christmas cartoon though at all. I think it's live action. Anyways, next up, is this real or did I make it up? Decorating the Christmas palm tree.

Ha ha ha. Such a shitty movie if it's real. What the like what? Honestly. Honestly, what is the actual storyline to decorating Christmas palm tree? Yes. I'm going to say yes. That's a real title.

No, I did make that one up, but that is the mind frame you need to keep like some of these while you'll find out. Wait, these are all to be clear just so that I know. These are all Hallmark Christmas movies, not lifetime. I'm pretty sure I G or I and there's another one. L M N. That's a lifetime movie network. There's another I on maybe.

IFC. There's IFC. No, there's like, I think these are all Hallmark. Okay. Maybe it makes a big difference. Okay. By the way, Candace Cameron Bury. I follow her on TikTok.

She's like the queen of Hallmark Christmas movies and anyway, continue, but she's got arms of steel. She can do that. Bing, Bing. Cool. Yeah. Okay. So you're two for three so far.

Next up, I'm not ready for Christmas. Yeah, that's real. Absolutely real. That is real. Yeah. Of course it is. It's about a girl boss who lives in the big city and she's just not ready because she's too busy working.

They're always too busy. But then she meets Jacob on the farm and they used to date in high school before she became a big time city lawyer and had a break up with him because she moved to the big city. Next up, Crown for Christmas. Yeah. A crown for Christmas. I think I watched that one.

You did. It's real. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, no, no, I've seen that. Yeah. The Christmas crown. No, not real. Correct.

I made it up. Barking up the wrong Christmas tree. Yes. I believe that that is real. No, I made that up. Damn it. Honestly though, there is if you go to on demand, we have spectrum. If you go to the on demand section, they do have Christmas dog movies,

like specific dog centric Christmas movies on Hallmark. So anyway, that is, you know, an actual realm. I'm not, I may have not been correct with that title. I think it's a circle of hell. Actually, if I'm not mistaken, the nine kittens of Christmas. Yes, I believe that is real. You do. I do.

You're right. Yeah. This is where the laziness just like really just see in because probably what they were trying to do is somehow conjure like, okay, so there's the 12 days of Christmas, nine lives of a cat. Yeah. We're going to do nine kittens of Christmas like it's kind of like, and you just like expect the audience to be able to put it all together.

But really, it just falls flat and it's just like, why on earth do I have nine? It is the whole thing, the whole thing. But we're watching it this year. It actually came out this year, 2021. A lot of these came out in 2021. No, thank God. Allegedly or made. Well, that's what I was going to correct you.

Like you had said, like Christmas starts November 1st. They were made in 2021. However, I don't know if you knew this Jack film, but Christmas actually started on October 28th, according to the Hallmark Channel. They are already starting their... I can respect that. Go on that. Yes.

Go them. Candace Cameron-Bury told me so on TikTok. She was like... With her, with her gun arms? With her gun arms. Yeah. Next up, is this a real Hallmark Channel Christmas movie? Or did I make it up?

Mingle all the way. That is real. I actually think I've seen that movie. That is real. And you probably have. How about this one, honey? It's Christmas Eve. Yes.

That's probably also real. It is very real. How about this next one? Christmas over Zoom. Oh my Lord. That is probably more depressing than it's a wonderful life for sure. Oh my God. No.

No. I won't allow it. No. And because Candace Cameron-Bury, who I'm pretty sure doesn't even believe in COVID, is their queen, I am going to say that, no, that is not a real movie. It better not be.

It is not. I made it up. Good job. Oh, thank God. Oh, my stomach is literally sitting at the bottom of my body right now because that was just too much. Well, did I make this one up? A boyfriend for Christmas.

No. I think I've seen that one too. Correct. But did I make up this one though? A husband for Christmas. No, that's probably real too. That is real. But how about this-

What about a girlfriend for Christmas? Well, real me this. Okay. A brother for Christmas. Oh, that's weirder. A brother for Christmas. Yes. I'm going to say yes, sure.

No, I made that one up. Damn it. I was thinking like maybe it centers around a little girl who just is like praying for a baby brother or something. I just want a brother. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she finds out her parents get divorced and she's like, No, I'm never going to have another brother.

And then her mom gets back with Jacob who owns the farm from like the- Oh, it's a tale as old as time. You know what I mean? Her girl boss mom and then her girl boss mom. It's like the end of the miracle on 34th Street. She's like, I'm pregnant. I get a little brother. Anyway, that's the plotline to a brother for Christmas.

Thanks for coming. Did you just say, I'm pregnant. I get another brother? Oh, you know what I mean. Yeah, play it back. You said that. You know what I mean. The mom is like, I'm pregnant.

And the girl's like, I get a brother. There you go. I added context. No, I like the first one better. Next up, a dog named Christmas. Yeah, probably. That sounds adorable. I need more than a probably.

I need a confirmation. I'm going to say yes. And if so, I would like to watch that movie. It is real. It came out in 2009. Oh my God. Can we watch that movie? I would hate to.

A dog named Christmas. That's probably the best dog ever. It's probably the best movie ever. I bet you that dog doesn't even need those bells to tell its owners that needs to go outside. You mean. Yes, Jack, those bells. He's coming.

Santa. I have to say you're doing extremely well so far. You've only gotten three wrong out of like 15. Did you actually think that I hadn't seen as many Hallmark Christmas movies as I have always claimed to have seen? Well, I thought I could stump you with some real obscure ones. Don't worry. We're like only a third into this thing.

We have a lot more to go starting with pride, prejudice and mistletoe. Yes. I believe that that's real. It is real. Yeah. They also have a sub-segment of like remember when they were writing like like a few years ago, probably like 10 years ago, they had that like section of books that was like pride, prejudice and vampires.

Yes. Or like, right? Jane, air, vampire, slayer, whatever. Right. Yeah. So Hallmark Christmas movies. They also do that where they take like real, you know, like it's kind of like historical, but then they make it like pride and prejudice,

but make it Christmas. Well, that's interesting. You say that because my next question is sense, sensibility and snowmen. No, no, no, that's not real. Not only is that real, it came out a year after. No, no, that came out in 2019. Like at least mistletoe is like, okay, I get it. They're like falling in love.

Yeah. Snowmen, snowmen. Really? No. Add that to our DVR. Next up, is this real? Did I make it up? You tell me, a dreidel for Christmas.

Yes. I believe that that's, I believe that that is real for inclusivity purposes. Yes. No, I made it up. Come on. Damn it. You can't have a dreidel for Christmas. You know what?

That's what you get when Candice Cameron Bure is like the fucking highlight of your channel. Your streaks ruined. How about this? Bring your streak back. How about this? Get this one right. Smells like Christmas.

Oh, wow. So generic. It's almost too generic. Yeah. You know what? I'll say yes. I'm going to, I'm going to like in my mind, it's either somebody who had COVID that can't smell anymore and then through Christmas miracle, they get their sense of smell back

because they boiled some fucking Chardonnay. Chard it. Chard the orange peels. And they charred Chardonnay that you have to charred the Chardonnay shut up and or, or it's a woman who works. It's always a woman. Always. I'm not trying to be misogynistic, but it's always a woman.

She works at the perfume counter and she falls in love with a very wealthy man who's there to like, I don't know, buy a gift for us. What she thinks is his wife and ends up being his sister and miscommunication and romance ensues and it happens to be Christmas. Yes. I'm going to say smells like Christmas is a real movie. It's not. I made it up.

You're wrong. Damn it. I should have went with my like gut of like, huh, it's like too generic. But I don't know. Then I came up with this elaborate plot in my head and I was like, oh, I can see it working. Aaron do better really what that, what that movie would be titled is like Christmas beyond or Christmas at the perfume counter. Like that's what that movie would be called.

That's actually a really good title. Chris. That's really good. I did not. I don't have that written down. I should have had Christmas at the perfume counter. That is 100% a world premiere Hallmark Channel event. Oh, I hate you.

You should have done this quiz, but you didn't. So next question. Is it real? Did I make it up the Christmas karaoke machine? Oh God, I was looking at some of the new releases when Candice Cameron Bury was like announcing like the season. You're obsessed with that name. Oh, the Christmas karaoke machine.

Yeah, I'm going to say that's real. No, I made it up. You're wrong. Wait, I was on a hot streak. Yeah, you just got the last four questions wrong. I know. Now I'm on a cold streak. What is happening?

You are Christmas cold. We need to close our eyes again. Get those jingle bells up. Sorry. We need a clue. We need to regroup here. Okay. We need to recent her and get back in the Christmas spirit.

May the man who died on Christmas Eve a hundred years ago come whisper into our ears and give us the answers to the quiz. Okay, I'm ready. I think Santa just fell off the roof. You killed Christmas. Next up, magical Christmas ornaments. Is that a real Hallmark Channel Christmas movie or did I just make that up? No, I don't think it's real.

It is real. It came out in 2017. You're wrong again. Why do you give me a quiz at home? I know my home at Christmas movie. Listen, these titles have a cadence to them and that and I've mastered it. That felt no, you didn't because I almost I got the one that smells like Christmas. I was like, that doesn't sound like how they would normally title their movies.

So, but I was like, but this is like how I could see the plot going out. And so I'm like thinking about magical Christmas ornaments is similar to smells like Christmas where I'm like, that sounds out of line for their cadence. Right. I have to lean into what I believe. Shut the fuck up, Jack. Continue. I will.

Next up, if I only had Christmas. Yes, that's real. It is real. You're back on the board. I still don't feel good about this, guys. I'm still feeling a lot of badness. It's Christmas, babe. Come on.

Good vibes only. Is that a title? Yeah. Is that real? Okay. Next up, is this real or did I make it up a Merry Christmas for Mary? Yes, that is real. No, you're wrong.

I made it up. No, there is a movie that has Mary in the title and Mary in the title. Mary and Mary. There is something. Shut up and continue. Stop laughing at me. I won't. Next up, my iPhone Christmas miracle.

No, that's not real. Correct. I made it up. They can't afford the iPhone. Yeah. That's a hell of a product place. Yeah. Come on.

Meet the Santas. Yes, that's real. Correct. It is real. And I have written down. It's from 2005. It's Meet the Fockers, but Nick Claus has to hide what he does for a living from his in-laws. I'm pretty sure I've seen that movie.

I think I have. That's awesome. Never heard of it before today. Well, how about this, honey? Ice sculpture Christmas. Yes, that's real. Correct. Yep.

I think I may have seen a preview for that, but I don't think I saw it. And my follow-up question. Christmas Festival of Ice. Yes. Well, actually, hold on. Hold on. In December Bride, they have the Christmas Festival of Homes, is it? It's like the house, the holiday tour of homes.

That's what it is. It must be. Keep going. Get there. Get there. Guys, if you haven't seen December Bride, it's so good. It's so good. It will change your life.

I literally bought it. She did. I bought December Bride. What a nerd. You've always wanted to be a December Bride. It's so good. It's one of those take a shot every time they mentioned December Bride. Oh, but you've always wanted to be a December Bride.

You'll have a good time. And then her cousin steals her fucking fiance and we don't hate the cousin. What? Oh, anyway, we're getting off track. We need to know if Christmas Festival of Ice. Christmas Festival of Ice. Yes, that's real. Good job.

You're right. Thank you. It sounded familiar enough, but I wanted to make sure I wasn't confusing it with December Bride. Hey, talk it out. I get it. Yeah. Now talk this one out.

Christmas with emojis. No, that better not be real. It better not be real. It's not real. Oh, thank God. But how about this? Is this real or not? Do you think that they would give me a job?

Like, do you think it'd be fun working there? I could write them plots. I'm not a screenwriter, but I could bullet point like high level details. It would be fun for the first three movies, but then the next 300 you would hate yourself and everyone around you. I think we can make guys, I think we can make some pretty funny like plot lines to these movies. I think people would watch our movies.

What about Mary Xmas? Remember that? That was amazing. Oh my God. We actually bought it on DVD. Yeah, that was amazing. Because it was so hard to find. It's one of the most notoriously bad made for TV Christmas movies ever made.

It makes zero sense. Mary Xmas. It is so good. Like EX-MAS. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Remember the random B attack? Jesus Christ.

It's a weird, it's kind of, it's the room of Christmas movies. Honestly. And then like two hours away. Yeah, it really is. You know what I mean? Yeah. Two hours from where they are in like Southern California. I guess like in Big Bear or whatever.

Oh my God. Oh, that was amazing. And it's just like, wait, what? What? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Maybe this is the year we tried again. We tried last year to watch it. Couldn't do it.

We started it and it was just, it's so cringe. Oh my gosh. It is purely concentrated. Chaos. Yeah. What's the term? Contained. I don't know.

Uncontained? I don't know. It's amazing. It's amazing. Kind of like this next one, honey. The secret of Santa's smile. You know, that sounds like more of a lifetime movie to me. Oh, interesting.

Those seem to be more like holy. Hallmark tends to lean in on the romance. Time will throw you some like, this is too sappy. Too many dead people. I get that. You know, shit like that. I do. I do.

I am going to say no. And you are correct. Nice. Fuck yeah. But what do you think the secret behind a smile is? Do we want to know? All those, I got nothing. Honey, you've gotten the last six questions correct.

Stop jinxing me. Keep the streak alive. Can you make those six a seven? Next up, time for us to come home for Christmas. If that is real, that is the worst title of a movie ever. Time for us to come home for Christmas. Yes. Time for us to come home for Christmas.

What does that even mean? Don't think about what it means. I don't care if it's real or if it's not. I'm going to say that better not be. No, that's not real. Your answer is no. My answer is no. It's real.

It came out last year. No, no, it shouldn't be. So it is. No, it does not care about your wishes. It simply is. No, like all things. But how about that guy that you had a crush on from Window Wonderland?

He's in another movie with Danica McKellar from the Wonder Years. Oh, damn. Oh my God. Like the two staples of fucking TV Christmas movies. Well, outside of Candice Cameron Bure, but yes, I think that we need to find that movie and we need to watch it. Oh my God.

You keep saying, oh, by the way, Candice, Candice, whatever. That's a full house. Yeah. Yeah. Got you. Got you. Okay. Yeah.

She popped up in a bunch of these. Next up. Of course she did. Next up. A Cowabunga Christmas, Colin, Hawaiian holiday. I believe that that's probably real. Yep. No, I made that up.

Damn it. During our walk today. Oh. I'd watch that movie though. Right. So Hallmark, we won't even take credit for it. You just go right ahead and you take that title. A Cowabunga Christmas, Colin, Hawaiian holiday.

I'm like, oh, Johnny tsunami wishes. Let's go. It sounds like, you know, it sounds like the sequel, the holiday sequel to just like something that's already called a Cowabunga Christmas. I don't know. Next up. You know what's funny?

What? Here's your, here's your free spot. Your bingo free spot. A shoe addict's Christmas. Oh, that's real. I've seen that movie a lot of times. There you go. Do you have a gift wrapped Christmas on there?

Because that's also real. I don't. She is a professional gift finder and gift rapper. And I actually liked the girl that's in that movie. She's been in a few things. I like her. I think her name's, her name's either Meredith in the movie or Meredith in real life.

I can't remember, but I liked her. She was a good actress. By the way, I'm pretty sure she's also shoe addict's Christmas. I think. Aaron, is this a real movie or did I make it up? Christmas cookies. Yeah, sure. Correct.

Next up. Cookie cutter Christmas. Yes. Correct. Next up. Christmas. She wrote. No.

Oh no. Come on. I thought you were the expert. Christmas. She wrote. Yes. Yes. Good job.

Nice. Next up. Never kiss a man in a Christmas sweater. No. It's real. Add it to the list. We gotta watch that one. Oh, we gotta listen, baby.

Next up. You, me and the Christmas trees. Trees. Plural. Yes. You, me and the Christmas trees. Oh no. They probably work at a Christmas tree farm.

Don't they always? Oh no. Fucking Jacob in a stupid Christmas tree farm. It's always Jacob. You, me and the Christmas trees. Yes. That's real. Correct.

Nice. Next up. A COVID Christmas. No. Correct. Oh, thank God. Next up. Get out the chart.

Next up. Christmas with Chris. That's the stupidest title you've said yet. It's up there. No. Yes. No. Yes.

Yes. Final answer. Yes. That it exists. Yes. No, I made it. Damn it. Damn it.

How about this one, honey? The Christmas train. You mean as opposed to the Polar Express? I do mean as opposed to. I'm not asking about the Polar Express. I'm asking about the Christmas train. Yes. Yes.

It is real. Yeah. It came out in 2017. Many moons after the Polar Express. And I don't think it has anything to do with the Polar Express. I have three more. Are you ready for the final three? Yes.

You've been doing very well so far. Thank you. Except for some spots. But you know, final three. Is this real? Or did I make it up? Cold feet on Christmas. Yes.

No, I made it up. Oh, see, people get jilted at the. I know. The rides are always getting jilted, man. That's why I added it. I watched the documentary December Bride all about it. Okay. The holiday tour of homes.

Two left. Your penultimate one. Marry me at Christmas. No. Incorrect. It's real. It came out in 2017. Doesn't even make sense.

Marry me at Christmas. Yes. Not on Christmas. Marry me at Christmas. That's stupid. And finally. Guys, double or nothing? Double or nothing?

Let's go. It's not Christmas without my sister. I'll repeat. It's not Christmas without my sister. No final answer. Correct. I made it up. Double or nothing, bitches.

We doubled. We doubled. We doubled. Your double or nothing does not apply. Feel free to gloat as I tally up your final score. Out ween. Out ween. Thank God I conjured up that spirit from that inn that died on Christmas Eve 100 years ago,

otherwise known as the spirit of Christmas. You guys may have heard of him. He's kind of a big deal around here. But yeah, he was like whispering in my ear like the whole time, giving me the answers to all of them. But as with any, you know, cheating or, you know, advantageous quiz, you don't want to, you know, give it away that you're cheating. So you have to, you know, you have to pretend like you're hitting some rough spots and stuff

like that. So you guys understand if you have the answer key, you got to get a few wrong just to make it seem like you don't. Aaron, out of a possible 43, you scored 28. No, I did better than that. You did not. I did double or nothing. So thus.

If we played squid game rules, you would have died nearly 30 times. Wait, that's not right. You're an idiot. I'm an idiot. Bye. I looked at the wrong number. Yeah. 20 out of 43.

That was not an easy quiz. You did very well. Listeners, let us know how you did. Dad hug me 10. That is our hotline. If you want to call in, if you have any stories about any of the movies I read out loud tonight, you let us know. Also, should we do like a watch long night?

That'd be so fun. Oh, I love that. I don't know how that works, but like, we can make it work. I think we'll have a discord up and running at some point. That would be exciting. I know. That'd be fun. Let's do a merry little, you know, Christmas quiz to help us get in the spirit as I do

like this holiday season. Oh, so much. But now. What is that I hear? Does that mean it's time? Time already? It's horoscope time. Horoscope!

All right, Jackville, as we've been doing the last few episodes, we're going to be, again, we're conserving our energy. Yes. So instead of doing what we used to do of reading out 12 vessel horoscopes, we're going to be doing and dedicating everything that we have to just one. So what I'm going to need you to do is I'm going to need your help in completing some of the things. So if you could close your eyes and channel the spirit of Christmas.

Sure. And, you know, the ghosts started here with us, but just ask him to like whatever comes into his head to whisper into your ear and put into your head and then you speak it out for him when I ask you for certain words. If you could just say them to me. Okay. I can try. Gosh, it sounds an awful lot like mad libs.

No, it's it's more like the spirit of Christmas. Oh, I'm sorry. Okay. Okay. All right. Eyes closed. So, Jack, could you please give me a rapper's alter ego name? Ooh, DaBaby.

Is that an alter ego? What do you mean by alter ego? Like, like Marshall Mathers M&M, like Slim Shady. Exactly. Let's do that. Slim Shady. Okay. Could you give me an adjective that describes a Sagittarius?

Wicked. I don't fucking know. Could you give me another rapper's alter ego? 50 Cent. Like Fitty. Fitty. Could you give me a synonym of the word large? Gynormous.

Could you give me a Super Smash Brothers Ultimate Turbo character? Bayonetta. I believe it's B-A-Y-O-N-E-T-T-A. Could you give me the name of a bad movie franchise? Fast and Furious. Think of an adjective that begins with the letter B, but make it superlative. Okay. Right?

I think best is too easy. How about burliest? Okay. I'm going to use it burlier. Would you like me to pick a different word? No, burlier I think is better than burliest. Okay. Thank you for letting me know.

Could you give me another adjective that begins with the letter B but is also superlative? Bravest? Braver. How about, I'm sorry, beefier? Okay. Where is your head at? You know where my head's at. Where it's always at.

Just think about beefy things. What you don't. Could you give me an adjective describing the JacksFilms YouTube channel? Old. Ancient. That old's fine. Could you give me the name of the most pointless invention of all time? Oh man.

Interesting. Give me a sec. Corn holders or corn on the cob holders. I just use your fingers. Could you give me a weather pattern? If I say tornado, would that not work? No, tornado works. Okay, great.

Could you give me the name of a national store chain? Costco. Could you give me the name of a place that if someone told you they went there on vacation you'd think that they were joking? Montana. And one of the, I'm only thinking of that because one of the Christmas movies that I didn't add to the list that's real is Christmas in Montana. I would have gotten that right.

Okay, could you give me a plural noun? Bees. Could you give me the name of a food item? Tomato. Could you give me an adjective describing distance? Adjective describing distance. I'm trying to do better than far. There's also.

Lengthy. Lengthy. Will that work? I can use it. I can use it. I'll let you know if I think of anything better. Could you give me an article of clothing? Sock.

Could you give me an expletive filled phrase? Fucking dickweed. Could you give me an adjective beginning with the letter E? Egregious. Could you give me another article of clothing? Thong. Okay. Could you give me another synonym for large?

Earthy. Could you give me another adjective beginning with the letter G? Grainy. Could you give me an adjective? Offensive. Could you give me another article of clothing? Yeah, tube top. Could you give me an adjective?

Weathered. Could you give me the name of a holiday that's not Christmas? Valentine's Day. Could you give me a plural noun? Women. Adjective beginning with the letter S. Suspicious. Or sus for short.

I'm going to use suspicious. Okay. Catchphrase. Uh-oh. Stinky. Another adjective beginning with the letter S. Stupid. What is a question you'd ask once you realized you were wrong about something?

Wait, where'd you hear that? Could you give me a silly term of endearment? Oh, God. My widow's sugar noodle. Plural noun. Pencils. Great. Okay.

Are you ready? I am. I am. Sagittarius. Hi, everyone. Jackfilm. Or as some of you know me as Slim Shady here. Once again, thank you so much for understanding as we really try to heal our souls from all

the vestiling we've done over the last few months. And instead of 12 horoscopes, we're going to give you one wicked one. So here's my creation. A Very Sagittarius Christmas by Jackfilm, aka Fitty. Once upon a time, there lived a little toy American Eskimo named Sunday, except there was one problem. Sunday wasn't very little at all. In fact, she was ginormous.

Her whole life, she felt like a bayonetta in a fast and furious world. There was just no way that she was actually a toy American Eskimo. She was bigger, burlier, and beefier than any of her siblings and much older than her father. Ew. That's brilliant. So after many years of being gaslit by her father, the inventor of those stupid corn of the cob holders and feeling like a tornado in a Costco, she decided to put on her girl

boss pants and get some answers. Being that it is Sagittarius season and all, the first place she went was Montana. When she met some nice bees there, it was suggested to her that she try visiting Santa Claus because Santa makes the best tomatoes and holds the answers to the universe's questions. So Sunday travels at length and arrives at Santa's workshop. When she knocks on the front door, Santa answers wearing nothing but his sock. Uh, a fucking dickweed. This is why we are rated E for egregious.

Oh, that's good. What is wrong with you people? Okay. Okay. Let me try again. Okay. The first Santa answers wearing everything but his thong. Ah, yes.

That's better. He didn't need that thong anyway. Santa invites girthy, greedy Sunday into his home and they have an offensive chat. Sunday really knocked the tube top off of Santa by surprising him with how weathered she is. However, there were no Christmas miracles here. Only Valentine's Day women. Santa had no answers for suspicious Sunday.

He just kept saying, uh-oh, stinky and repeating Sagittarius Sunday, Sagittarius Sunday over and over. So stupid Sunday made the trek home to her family. When she arrived, she was surprised to find her family all waiting for her, worried about where she'd been. Wait, where'd you hear that? She asked. Oh, never mind all that.

But we still love you, my widow's sugar noodle. And so you see folks, the lesson here is that mayhaps the Sagittarius Christmas was the pencils we made along the way. Oh, I learned nothing. That's a beautiful story. That's a very Sagittarius Christmas. I guess I just wonder why is Santa not wearing a thong? At least he's wearing everything else and a tube top as well.

This is so much fun. I kind of love that format. Can we do that forever? Holy shit. What a ride. This is two weeks in a row. I'm literally crying. Yeah.

No, seriously, you're wiping away tears. It's amazing. Oh, that wraps up episode 23 and me of Erin is the funny one. Sponsored also our first of Sagittarius season and let's me not forget the holy grill of Sagittarius, which is stinky Sunday. Uh-oh. Stinky. If you want to call in and leave us with a question, comment or possible quiz slash

podcast idea, please give us a ring at dad hug me 10. Otherwise, thank you guys so much for listening. Thank you so much for coming to hang out. I can't wait to hear from you on the hotline. Please keep calling in with your ideas of what you'd like to hear from us. Also don't forget you can also text into the hotline and I will respond if I care enough. So thank you so much. I'm kidding.

Obviously I will respond if I have anything to write back that's clever enough. But thank you so much for listening and spending time with us. We hope you have a wonderful Sagittarius season and we will see you guys next week. Merry Christmas.