Erin is the Funny One - ALF for President!

Episode Date: September 20, 2021

This week on the podcast, Jack puts Erin’s Melmac knowledge to the test with the ultimate ALF quiz. Also, buckle up because Virgo Season comes to a close with this week’s Horoscopes…and, last but not least...BIG NEWS: Tyler B’s Kickstarter for “A Very Girlboss Christmas” has successfully been funded! Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Oh my god, welcome back to another flipping episode of Aaron is the something something as always I am your co-host Jack Douglas joining me joining me is the co-host Jack Douglas I am Ernie the funny one and I am the main host. This is my show and joining joining me today is the co-host Jork Jorkless. Jork, how are you doing today? Not great. I said joining wrong once. Jork. Jork. Can I just say? Yes. This is our Baker's Dozenth episode. That's right. Jork film. It is a jerk. You said it like it's a bad thing. It is 13. I you know, I never thought we'd make it stop

saying that. Stop saying you never thought we'd make it anywhere. I never thought, babe. I've already told you we are doing this forever and ever and ever. Looks like we made it. Look how far we've come, my baby. Stop. Don't you dare. Might have took a long way. But I had no idea that you were like a Shania Twain fan. Who isn't? You know what I'm saying, listeners? So it's our 13th episode. Lucky 13. Lucky number 11. Stop. Lucky 13. Baker's Dozen. I'm feeling good. I don't know why. We have a lot to talk about. That's why I'm feeling good. We do have a lot to talk about. Can I start us off with some lovely news for your listeners? Should I introduce you to my attorney first? I don't think I have a choice. He said he's fine if we can just he'll come after

the show. Okay, great. Thanks for that. Yes. Cool. Yes. So anyways, I have exciting news. You do. I do. Tyler B, writer of the script of a very Girl Boss Christmas that we've been reading the last two episodes, has successfully crowdfunded. Kickstarted. And kickstarted. No, just kickstarted. His campaign to write a full-length screenplay of a very Girl Boss Christmas. He did, yes. And then some. And we are very excited about not only that, but also for the finished product, because that means that Tyler B has to come through with the finished product. No pressure, Tyler B, but a little bit of pressure, Tyler B. I have already listened to people auditioning for roles. Oh my God, that's true. You have. In a very Girl Boss Christmas.

I feel a movement coming on, much like the ratatouille, the musical on TikTok earlier this year. I feel like it's happening all over again. People want to be a part of the movement. That is a very Girl Boss Christmas. And as of this taping right now, I should say that the goal for Tyler B was to raise $700 to finish his screenplay. And as of right this minute, he is well over a thousand. Yo. So very, very exciting stuff. Very Girl Boss, very Christmas. Very, very Girl Boss. Can't wait for a very Girl Boss Christmas coming this Christmas. How's it? Well, we can't guarantee that. No, I think it said, I think. Oh, did I say that? I think it said it on the Kickstarter. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. Well, good, because I want to know how it ends. We all do. We're all dying

to know how it ends. How will the face blindness affect Mr. Films? And why did Ernie wear that T-Rex costume? We have questions. So many questions. So Tyler B, do your writing duties and finish the screenplay. Congratulations on kickstarting your campaign. Super happy for you. But also, I get like first dibs at the audition for the part of Ernie, right? That's not how it works. Why not? Because you don't want you. I'm the namesake. You don't want you. Well, I do want me. You think you want you. No, I do want me. You want someone who can act better. No. What? I am Ernie. Thus, I am the ultimate actor of Ernie. You need an actress who knows Ernie better than Ernie. But, oh, this is now the third time this week. Oh. Somebody has told me that they either

know me better than me or they know you better than I do. Everybody keeps telling me that they know people that I know very well better than I do. And I'm sick of it. And I'm the hat trick. I'm sick of it. I feel. I won't stand for it. I deserve first dibs at the role of Ernie. Fair and square. I will audition just like any other plebe. Thank you for keeping it fair and balanced. Equitable. Yes. Okay. Tyler B, I guess if you're casting, you have to let my wife first. Yes. But also, Jack film does not get a shot at this job. I don't want a shot at this job. Nobody wants you on screen. I want the rock to be playing Mr. Phil. He's not busy. That would actually be really funny. And he must do the signature eyebrow raise. I know. Imagine, oh, oh, oh, when he looks down

to the crowd and can't detect his family, the eyebrow just like lifts like in slow motion, like can even do slow. Oh, that would be amazing. Oh, he can absolutely do slow motion eyebrow. Can you raise an eyebrow? Oh my gosh, you can. How about the other? Okay. All right. So you're not ambidextrous. It's the same way. I can like flip my tongue over like one side, but I can't do the other side. Well, that's one more side than I can. That's impressive. So that is Tyler B's success story. Congrats to you and we can't wait. And actually, Tyler B, you were the inspiration for this week's Wine of the Week because we are celebrating and what does one celebrate with Jack Film? Sparkling wine. That's exactly right. There is one hazard to the job with drinking

sparkling wine. And what is that Jack Film? The hangover the next day? No. Try again. Burping. Burping. Ah, the gas, the gas. But baseline rule. Yeah. No burping into the microphone. That's disgusting. Oh, I wouldn't dream of it. Well, wouldn't dream of it. You've done it before. Can you tell us a little bit about this week's sparkling wine love since you did pick it out? I did pick it out. It was, I got a discount with a Ralph's card. Fancy. What we have here, ladies and gents, our French speakers are going to just, again, maul me. It's blonde, not blonde. All right. They're going to maul me for this pronunciation. What we are drinking today is a little mum nappa. Mum's the word, nappa. Brut prestige. I have a feeling in, in, in, en français,

it's probably pronounced brut. Yeah. But I'm going to say brut prestige. Classy broad. It hails from, as you may have guessed, Napa, California. It is mum nappa after all. It is a healthy 12 and a half percent. That's pretty good for a sparkling wine. And let me tell you a little bit about what the people on the, on the Vivino app are saying and rating it. Please. Once again, this does not rank as high as the wine that we had last week. That was a really good wine last week. That was a good wine. New Zealand, man. We have 8,719 ratings coming in at a 3.8. Out of five, right? Out of five. Average price is $21.99. I think I paid $20 for it at Ralph's. It was like, if you use your Ralph's card, you get a discount or something. A whole whopping

dollar. So I want to say I paid $20 for it at Ralph's. Jack, tell me what you taste when you, when you taste. I mean, hints of gold. Gold, eh? Gold. That's a good investment. It'll come in handy in the apocalypse. It is $21 after all. After all. Reward. Reward. Hint, hint of reward. Hint of reward. And what, hold on. Let me just aerate it. Celebration. Celebration. It tastes like celebration. Jack, you just described Disney World. A hint of reward, some gold, and celebration. That to me just exuberates Disney World. And I want to thank you for making the distinction of Disney World. Disneyland is a fucking trash pit. It's a joke. It's disgusting. I can't, I am ashamed. How do you defend Disneyland? I'm embarrassed that that

thing even still exists. We should knock it to the ground, start over. You know what? Not even start over. Knock it to the ground, turn it to a mall. No, knock it to the ground, turn it into Jurassic Park. And have the T-Rexes just go ham. Tyler B, listen. On Orange County. Use that for your screenplay. Yeah, totally, babe. Oh, we can do like a Honey I Blew Up the Kid type moment, where we take Ernie in the dinosaur costume, and we like. Oh my god. Set her in a miniature. Oh my god. And we blow her up, and she turns into Jurassic Park, and she like. She turns into Jurassic Park. I'm listening. And she just wreaks havoc on all of Orange County. Did you know? I watched that movie. Jack Fump. Did you know that both Disneyland and Disney World are located in Orange

County, but just in different states? One is in Orange County, California, and one is in Orange County, Florida. Wait, it's not Orlando, Florida? It's a county, Jack. What? Do you understand the difference between cities and counties? As soon as it left my mouth. What? I've regretted it. Do you guys now understand why I ask him questions about like, tell me where this is? Describe this to me. See, that's a downside. Because he says things like, it's not Orlando. There's a downside of being a genius, such as myself, right? You know, I've memorized so many cool facts and knowledge. Sometimes I have to push out the riff raps, such as Orange County, Florida. You know, one of the many downsides of being a Mensa level 200 IQ, having genius. What are some of the other

downsides? There aren't a lot. A lot of upsides to being a genius, such as myself. Gotta say, other downsides, sometimes my head gets very heavy with my own thoughts. I just think so hard. It's like a hard drive. It's like a hard drive with data is much heavier than a hard drive with no data. Jack pounds heavier. It's my head. This is one of my favorite games. I hate to do this to you. What city is Disneyland located in? Anaheim. Is that north, south, east or west of Los Angeles? That is south of Los Angeles. Is it? Final answer, Rige. Okay. It's pretty south. Yay. Not that south, but like it's like pretty south. USA. Do you know what highway you have to take to get there? Yeah, the fast one. The fast one. It's actually like the super slow one.

If I had described 101. It's not 101. The 101 goes east, west, Jack. Sometimes. The 134 then? The 134 goes east, west, Jack. That doesn't make sense. Why is one odd and one even? The 134 is like literally like not even 10 miles long. You don't take the one, do you? No. That's on the coast. That wouldn't make sense. Oh my God. You know about the one. I know about the one. Wow. All right. Okay. What route do you know then, I guess? Five. You take the five. No, that's not right. All right. This wine's really good. It's so good. Okay. If I had to describe this wine, a lot of bubbles. Probably should have let this one air out a little bit before we. Oh, what a snob. Guys, it's pretty mild. I would say that the flavor is. Inoffensive.

Universal. Ah, much better term. Would you recommend it to our listeners? If they were celebrating something that's like not a super special occasion, but still a special occasion. Okay. I would absolutely recommend this sparkling. Cool. So you're saying that Tyler B is successfully completing his Kickstarter campaign is not a super special occasion. Cool. Got it. But you know what will be? Nice. But you know what will be? What's that? When he completes the script. You know what? Fair. All right. We're well on our way and this is a great way to celebrate it. But it'd be fair though. Okay. Somebody once when we got engaged, somebody had gifted us a bottle of Dom Perignon Champagne, which is like $250 as an engagement gift. Thank you, Brad.

Jack, did we ever drink that bottle? We sure didn't. Do you know why? Because we had nothing to celebrate because there is nothing in the world that could possibly be enough of a celebration in my life. Even it wasn't getting engaged. It wasn't getting like literally I can't think of a single thing that is worthy of a $250 bottle of champagne. What do we still have it? I think we do. Wow. Yeah, we still have it. What else would we have done? Yes. Of course we still have it. Brad, sorry. Well, no, Brad, we're saving it for an actual special occasion. I know, but it's just it's super sad that since our freaking wedding. No, we got engaged. She gave that to us. I was engaged. I'm sorry. That's what you were saying. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. We should have had it for our wedding

three years ago. Whoops. Well, he gave it to us to drink because we got engaged, but that wasn't good enough. And then getting married wasn't good enough. It wasn't good enough. I mean, I don't know. When's it going to be good enough? I don't know if there is. When Tyler B finishes the script to A Very Girl Boss Christmas. Honestly, okay. So how about that? When Tyler B finishes the script to A Very Girl Boss Christmas, we break out that bottle of Dom Perignon and we drink it and we celebrate Tyler B. I think that's a splendid idea. That is a feat. Getting engaged easy. Getting married. So many regrets, but writing a movie length script about Jack's film's face blindness. I mean, that's torturous. So I say we celebrate properly and

celebrate that torture. We get good and drunk on Dom Perignon because Tyler B deserves us getting drunk on his behalf. I agree. And you know what else we should do? What? I'm going to put it out there. Okay. I'm putting it out in the universe. You can disagree. I hope you'll agree. I'm going to disagree. Maybe not for the podcast, but at some point when the script is finished, we should do like a live table reading of the script. I'm not saying we dedicate an entire podcast episode to it, but maybe we put it out somewhere. We stream it. We need to figure out how that's going to work because I know some people that are already auditioning and that's true. You do. They may want to be a part of it.

And you know what? Why hog it for just the two of us? That's fair. All right. Something to sleep on. We have a lot more to talk about listeners. We have a lot more to talk about this screenplay and just this podcast in general. We do, allegedly. And speaking of you listeners, Aaron has been extremely busy listening to your many, many calls and voicemails that you have graciously left on our hotline. And can you just remind them what that hotline number is in case they've forgotten? The hotline, I guess it's an acronym of sorts is just dial dad hug me 10. Dad hug me 10. So easy to remember. So easy to remember. But also. Yeah, don't share it. Aaron always dabs hard even when she doesn't feel well. She's kind of feeling under the weather.

10. So simple. It's so simple. A caveman could dial that. Dad hug me 10. Last week, we asked you guys for suggestions on what you want to hear from us for the podcast, what segments should we do, blah, blah, blah. And you guys delivered. Honestly, you guys gave us a lot of really great ideas. I want to really like this is something that I really I hope you guys continue when you have something just for Aaron that you want to keep a secret from me or you have something just for me that you want to keep a secret from Aaron. I specify you're like, and Jack, if you're listening, go away right now, earmuffs or vice versa. Aaron, this is just for Jack. Go away real quick. I love that we actually we did that.

I adhere to the instructions that are given to me. Yes. There were a number of voicemails that said, Aaron, I'd like to speak to Jack. I don't want you to hear this because it's an idea for the podcast. Could you please put Jack on the phone? I'll give you a few seconds. Okay, Jack, I have an idea. And I swear, I do not listen. I go, Jack, somebody wants to talk to you. I'm trying to find an example I wrote down. Here we go. I'm sorry. I spent. Well, don't give it away. No, no, no, I'm just I just want to say the name. Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm not giving it away. But like, you guys were awesome. I wrote down ideas for future episodes. And we had a call from Adam, who specifically said, Aaron, please do not listen. This is just

for Jack. I want Jack to quiz you about this thing. And Adam, I listened, I shoved Aaron aside, and I listened and I wrote it down and I giggled. Aaron can attest to this. I giggled like a school girl. Your idea, Adam, if you're listening is genius. We're not going to do it for this podcast, but you bet your bottom dollar. I will quiz Aaron on this subject in a future podcast, and she will be stupefied. I'm actually pretty excited about it. He did laugh. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah, I cackled maniacally. I remember that. Yeah. Yeah. So, Adam, if you're listening, please keep listening because it's going to happen and amazing idea. But and I'm about to quiz Aaron on something she does not know about. She doesn't know what I'm going to

quiz her on. She just knows that I'm going to quiz her on something. And this idea didn't come from any listener in particular. I was kind of more inspired by a conglomeration of ideas, but that kind of segues into our next question for you guys for the hotline. What else should we quiz each other on? If you have a subject or an idea that you want me to quiz Aaron on or you want Aaron to quiz me on, please let us know in the hotline because we are always running out of quiz ideas and we love quizzing each other. We love embarrassing the shit out of each other, obviously. Somebody did also suggest that we quiz each other on Harry Potter stuff and you and I are so for years removed from Harry Potter that that actually might be kind of fun because I would

do that. It's almost like we only know the main stuff at this point. I don't even remember the basic bitch stuff. I just I remember how I felt about them and what I thought. Yeah. But I don't even remember like the details that led me to having those opinions of the books, especially the books. Right? It's so cliche to say, but the books have all the details. And you crushed through, like I don't know. I did. Yeah, I crushed through them for sure. I literally, I remember my like reading them. They'd come in the mail. Yeah. And you'd devour them. You'd devour them like boxed travels. Literally would not sleep until you were already done them. And I mean, these books are big. Thick. And I remember like, yeah, you don't go to sleep until like you start at 4 p.m. or

3 p.m. whatever it was on Monday. Whenever we get that book, yeah. And then you're going to sleep at 8 a.m. the next day. Yeah. Like you're pounding through that whole thing. I hate to say it, but they really did cast a spell on us. Those damn books. Don't you dare. So yeah, no, I agree. I would be open to taking some kind of not too difficult Harry Potter quiz. Not like. Oh, come on. Well, it can't be like, what color was the tip of Sirius's wand? But like, do you remember what those like skeleton horses were called that you could only see if you saw somebody die? Yes. Moggles? Moggles? I don't know. I don't know the answer. I thought you're quizzing me just now. No, I don't remember the answer. Narwhals. Narwhals. Well, I was thinking Narwhals too,

but I think those are the Nargles or something. That's what Luna Lovegood sees. Nargles. Right. Right. No, but there is a there's a term for I'm sure like they're a bunch of listeners screaming the answer. And I was like, you fucking idiots. You guys try being 34 years old. Okay. The brain deteriorates in a rapid place. Don't speak for me when you say 34, oldy yuck. Ew. Yeah. Big yuck. I'm a youngin. Yeah. Okay. You're 33. I'm a palindrome. Okay. Anyways. Anyways, I'm really excited for this quiz you've got for me. I got a good one for you. I know I'm going to ace it. I hope it's really tough Harry Potter trivia, quizia. Ah, darn. Who told you? A tri-quizard tournament, if you will.

I hate you for coming up with that on the spot. Tri-quizard. Fuck you. That's pretty good though. All right. Honey, I'm pulling up the quiz just for you. And oh, what a quiz it is. Like I said, this quiz was kind of inspired by just the kind of quiz ideas that you listeners were giving to both of us, but this is something I kind of whipped up on my own. This is a quiz that neither of us are experts in. So then how could you write questions for a quiz that you're not an expert in? I'll get there. I stole it from the internet. Spoiler alert. I'm actually quite proud of this, much like the Tony Hawk Pro Skater or Dave Matthews Band quiz. This is a Jack film original. Yeah, yeah. We'll see about that. Honey, welcome to the Alph quiz. No,

but I don't know Alph that well. All I know is that he's the love of my life and I knew it from the moment I said eyes on him. Sometimes you just know. When you know, you know. It's like Jacob and Renesmee, you know? He just knew. He imprinted upon her or whatever. And I just knew as soon as I saw Alph that he and I were meant to be together. Sometimes you fall in love with the baby, you know? Well, sometimes you fall in love with an elf. I don't know. It just happens. Well, here's the thing. This is not a quiz about Alph trivia. I don't think that would be very fun at all. Okay. Here it is, though. I'm going to read out the title and synopsis of an Alph episode. You have to tell me if it's real or if I made it up. Okay, starting with the pilot episode.

A furry little creature with a armadillo nose lands on earth because his planet is blown to pieces and he eats cats. True or false? I mean, yeah, that would be an example. Oh my gosh. Okay, ready? Oh no. Oh no. I have 75 questions. No. I have like 16. 16. Oh, it'll go by. It'll go by fast, maybe. May Alph be with us all during this time. Go ahead and say your little elf prayer. Dear Alph. Oh, Jesus. I was kidding. Are you with us? Can you hear me? Look at you. You're pretty good between all these cats I'm eating. Alph, I'm about to enter into a very tough quiz, I think. Will you help me out while I take it? Sure, pal. What are friends

for? Have a bite of my feline sandwich. As long as you can take me back to my freaking home planet. But Alph, I thought your home planet was blown to smithereens. I thought the old lady dropped it into the ocean in the end. Will, baby, I went down and got it for you. How to fight some catfish on the way. Wow, that was a lot of pop culture clashes right there. Thanks, Alph. I think Britney Spears is a huge Alphan. Alphman. That's the end of the prayer. Oh, thank you, Alphman. I didn't know what that was. Now I do. Honey, you need to go to Alph church, apparently. May we all, honey, question number one, I'm going to read you the title and then the synopsis.

Okay. Tell me if it's a real episode of Alph or not. Okay. Jesus. I can't even get it out. Title looking for lucky when lucky the cat disappears. Everyone pins the blame on Alph. Is that a real episode or did I make that up? No, that's a real episode. That's a thousand percent a real episode. And I don't think Alph was to blame on that one. Final answer. Final answer. Correct. Yay. And I bet you, I'm sure you don't know this, but I bet you lucky was found and that Alph was not to blame. It was probably like the next door neighbor or something. He like probably poisoned the cat. Poor lucky. Lucky ain't so lucky,

you know. All right, P lucky. Question two, beat it. Alph finds a spiked biker jacket in the lost and found and soon starts a fight club in the Tanner's neighborhood, guest appearance by Cindy Lauper. Wait, their last name is Tanner. Yeah. Like in Full House. That's the family's name. What? Are they cousins? Wouldn't that be funny? Oh my God. What if their universe is collide with the Full House Tanner family and the Alph Tanner family come together? Can we just like imagine that Tanner, like they're actually brothers and like the Full House Tanner children are cousins with the Alph children and Alph is actually kind of like a distant relative of the Full House family. No, we can't. We can't do that because that's far too incestuous.

No. Yes. No. Would you rather have an Elph or a Comet? Because I would much rather have an Alf. Do you even know what a Comet is? I know what a Comet is. What's Comet? It's a little asteroid that like streaks in the atmosphere. Comet was the golden retriever in Full House. Oh, that Comet. Oh, I thought you meant like that textbook definition of a Comet. Comet. So anyways. It's like you're not even a fan. So I'll say it again. No, that's real. It's real. Yeah, that's real. It's real. Okay. Incorrect. I made that up. You made it up? I made that all up. Cindy Lauper wasn't even in the episode? No, because the episode doesn't exist. How did you like what made you even think of Cindy Lauper? Oh, I quite literally googled celebrities of the

late 80s and she came up and I said good because I wanted to end with a guest appearance by something and I was like, ooh, what's a convincing like guest appearance? I hate you. You felt right. I hate you. It's beautiful. I should have known. Alf would never start a fight club. He's too pacifistic. Pacifism. You'll get there. He's a Buddhist. There you go. You got there. The Church of Alf is an offshoot of the Church of Buddha. Is that a church? If it's not, it should be. Okay. I'm sure our listeners will tell you. So question number three. You're one for two. Wedding bell blues. Alf joins a monastery after learning that his parents weren't married before he was born. A disgrace on the planet Melmac. No, that episode never happened because Alf is a

Buddhist. We just talked about that. Final answer. Final answer. Wrong again. I made that up. Wait. Oh, so I'm right. I'm right. Wait, what? You said I made that up and you said that never happened. I said that episode didn't happen. Oh, I'm so dumb. I'm sorry. You didn't listen to me. I'm sorry. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. That's wrong. That episode did happen. Okay, Steve Harvey, I need you to get your fucking act together. Okay. Will, please cut the, hold on. Like I was very confused. I was confused. Well, keep this in. Okay. All right. Let's see. Jack is Steve Harvey. Jack, you need to be a better host. Get your head out of your ass.

This happened. This episode happened. Moonlight is the winner. Okay. Yeah. All right. No, we all get it. It's not La La Land. It's not La La Land. Jesus. All right. And Alf is, I thought he was a Buddhist. I could have sworn. I could have sworn. Because he's a freaking pacifist, man. Yeah. Except for all those cats he eats. Well, we have to survive somehow. The omnivores dilemma, bro. Survival of the coolest, man of mouth. So anyways, no, you're wrong. That episode did happen. They did do a, he joins a monastery episode. I wonder how we, we have to watch Alf. I agree. Like God damn. What is priest to Alf like? Like, what is that?

What is that like? And how did he find out his parents were married because they were blown up? The body of Christ, babe. And like, I love that they were trying to use Alf to like be some kind of like purist. Right. But also. Beacon of sacredness. But it's also like outdated. Some like the two beds, like, oh no, they don't sleep together. No, no, no. Like this purist, like fake life that people portray, like back in the day, like they, they were putting that shit on Alf. Alf doesn't deserve that. Alf deserves better. If anything, he should have been a progressive motherfucker. Or he's like, no, on my planet. I agree. We're doing whatever we want.

Here's the thing. It was a family show. We all sleep in the same bed. It was a family show. I feel like they had to be a bit, you know, conservative. Was Alf really a family show? I think so. I think it was more like married with children. Oh, no. It had a puppet. It had a puppet. I know. Dinosaurs. I know. He ate cats. There are plenty of shows with puppets that are not like family shows. But I think this was one. You know what? But we've never seen an episode of it. We need to move on. You are one for three. You need to get these numbers up. These are rookie numbers, honey. Excuse you.

Yeah, get them up. Title somewhere over the rerun. Alf dreams he visits Gilligan's Island with castaways Gilligan, the skipper, the professor and Mary Ann. No, didn't happen. Didn't happen. No, Gilligan's Island was in like the 60s. And like they were all dead by the time Alf was born. Yeah, that's a good guess. Incorrect. Oh. That happened. That's a real Alp episode. Or as I call them, alpha. So oh, this quiz is fucking good. All right. Oh my God. Alph and make the cutest Gilligan would need.

Holy crap. I'm on a freaking island. I turned it to like Peter Griffin sort of like when I do an alpha impression. Holy crap, Lois. I'm on a freaking island. This is holy crap. Remember he tried to be a priest. No, no, no. He's a purist. So he doesn't cuss. Jeez, you guys. Where can I plug in my even? Jesus is too close to the Lord's name. You're right. He says, holy fucking shit, guys. Where should I plug in my NES? All right. Next up, title. Cheese and crackers. Cheese and crackers, guys. We're going to eat some fucking cats. New question. Sorry. Title. What's new pussycat? Oh my God.

Alph swears off his taste for cats when one of them starts talking back to him. True or false? Alph. That's not an answer. I prayed to you. Why must you betray me this way? Oh, Alph can't hear you. Alph heard me earlier. Alph, if you love me, give me the answer. Sorry, babe. I'm getting busy. I'm busy getting tail on my planet, Milneck. Joe. He's got shades on. Hawaiian shirt. Oh my gosh. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Yeah. Such a weird show. I'm going to say no, that never happened.

Correct. I made that up. Yes, that's a great title name though. Good job on that. Thank you. But we all know cats can't talk, so I was like, no, that's so unbelievable. It'd be crazy, right? It'd be crazy. Nobody would believe that. All right. You're two for like 20, so let's keep going. No, how many is that? One, two, three, four, five. Two for five. Two out of five. Question number six. Title. I want to dance with somebody.

The tanners are horrified when a certain song on the radio makes Alph dance continuously for 48 long hours. Did that episode happen or did I make it up? I want to know. No, it didn't happen. Wait, no, it did. It did. It did. It did. We need a final answer. Whitney Houston's want to dance with somebody was probably popular, maybe potentially at that time. And it's possible that the network that aired Alph was in cahoots with Whitney Houston's record label and thus promote it, maybe wanted to promote it, perhaps. Okay. So your final answer, if I'm hearing it as correctly as it did happen. Yes. Incorrect. I made it up. Idiot.

If they were smart, though, they would have had that episode because, you know, that was a banger song. It was. It would have been like the way that TikTok made Doja Cat and Dua Lipa blow up. That's true, but you're wrong. That's two for six. Next question. Alph could have put Whitney Houston on the map and instead her career went nowhere. What would have happened if Whitney got huge? We'll never know. We'll never know. Sad. Next up, title. Something's wrong with me. Alph gets a severe case of hiccups. According to Mel Mackey and Medicine, there are two cures, fresh cat juice, and something so disgusting that Alph does not want to mention it.

Yes. That episode happened. Final answer. Final answer. Since I know you like to teeter totter back and forth. No. Final answer. Correct. Yay. Now, what made you think that was right? I could see like a sitcom doing a very like, oh, oh, it's that. Oh, oh, that's disgusting. Or like, they never actually say what it is on camera, but they joke about it's like what it is. I don't want to say it. Yeah. And then they like, well, just whisper it to me. And so the audience never gets to hear what it is, but then they act all goes out.

They hear, you see the reaction the laugh track plays. Yeah. Right. That's good. That's very good. So that's, I was imagining that. Use that tool throughout. I will. It might help you. Title. Purple rain caught in a hurricane. The tanners are forced to rely on Alph, who swears his weather machine from Mel Mac can calm the storm. True. That's a real episode. Final answer. Final answer. No, you stupid idiot. That's something I made up. Wait, no, you just wrote down that I put it, got it right.

You're keeping track of my right answers. Yeah, sorry. No, I'm the stupid idiot. Yeah, you're a stupid idiot. Stupid idiot. Thank you. All right. Three so far. Let us keep going. Hail to the chief. Kate dreams that she and Alph are rival presidential candidates. Who's Kate? I did not look this up. Does. This is a real episode. I assume. Alph for president. Fuck. 2024, 2024, 2024. Alph, Alph, Alph for president.

You caught me so bad. Yeah, it's a real one. I'm so dumb for saying, I don't know. I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot. Oh my God. Wow. Yeah, I shouldn't have any more of the sparkling wine. That's it. That's my last step. All right, good one, babe. You caught me. You caught me at a vulnerable moment. That's the last time. Okay. From now on, iron trap. Steve Harvey.

No, not Steve Harvey. Moonlight. I am so sorry. Not La La Land. That was the best. That was a wild night on Oscar night. Okay. Next up, modern love. I'm sorry, am I boring you? She's on her fucking phone. No, I was looking to make sure that the movie was actually called Moonlight. It is Moonlight. It's Moonlight. I promise you it's Moonlight. Yeah. Looking up Alph trivia.

No, no. I'm sorry. Am I boring you? You whip out your phone in the middle of a podcast. I'm sorry, Mr. Who does that? I'm sorry, Mr. Druglitz. I didn't mean to. Next time I'm the guest on someone else's podcast, I'm going to whip out my phone. Just like, Jesus fucking Christ. Okay. Next up. You're sassy tonight. I'm having fun. I'm having fun.

It's way more fun when I'm the sassy one and you're just like. Yeah, it's like you're going to mirror, right? Going with the punches. It's not as nearly as fun when you're the sassy one. It's like looking in a mirror. Okay. All right. It's like looking in a mirror. Hey, honey, tell me if this is, is this episode real or did I make it up? All right. Title, modern love.

Alph finds himself conflicted when he has feelings for the Tanner's new pet cat. No, that never happened. Correct. That never happened. Good for you. Good for Alph. Everybody knows. He would never. He would never.

He would never. That's a trait. That's a traitorous thing. Yes. He would never. I only love cats when they're in my belly. Oh God. Do you think he eats them fur and all? Or do you think he skins them first? Because like. Well, on planet Melmet.

Remember that time? I'm sure I've mentioned it on the podcast before, but remember that phase of my life for like a month, all I could talk about were the cod eating the mice in Australia. How could I forget? And the cod would eat the mice and then they would like I won't go into it. We're already E for explicit and I'm not trying to make anybody.

But anyway, if you're interested in the story, just Google cod mice Australia. Yes. Yes. It was literally all I could talk about for like a month. It was really fun, you guys. Whole month. But I'm just thinking about Aaron saying, you hear about the cod?

Yes, honey. And that didn't stop her from telling me about the cod again. It made me like it makes you second guess when you're eating certain animals. Like if you're eating fish, you're like, huh, like what did. Oh, anyway, I'm second guessing this quiz. Should I keep going? Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Just real quick.

Yeah. Real quick. Yeah. Real quick. I'm waiting. But do you think he eats them like whole? I do. I do. I do just because I can imagine the puppet like holding a kitten or a cat just going. And then the dad says like, hey,

yeah, if you're not eating that cat, are you? And he goes, no, like I can imagine him like, yeah, he doesn't skin them. I think he just consumes them whole. Wow. Yeah. And it's very funny and the laugh track plays every time. That's what I think Alf is.

I think it's just 30 minutes every week of Alf almost eating cats and the dad or someone else from the family saying, hey, Alf, don't do that. And now goes, all right. And that's the show. That's like the conflict resolution story arc everything. Next question. Title.

We're so sorry, Uncle Albert. Alf believes that he's scared Willie's uncle to death. That is a real episode. That is a real episode. I was going to ask who's Willie, but then I knew you wouldn't fall for it the second time. I think I can tell. I think Willie's the dad.

I think he's the patriarch. I think he's the patriarch of the family. There's a Willie in Stardew Valley. Literally no one asked or cares. But Willie, it makes sense because like Willie Tanner and Danny Tanner, if they are brothers, then it makes sense that they both have like Danny and Willie. So it's not like Will or Dan.

It's Danny and Willie, you know? It makes sense. Totally. Next up, title, Tequila. Kate's friend, a known drinker, sees Alf in the kitchen and thinks she's hallucinating. No. No, isn't that did not happen?

That did not happen. Incorrect. That did happen. That's a real episode. I did not make up the episode Tequila. A known drinker. What does that even mean? You had a nice little streak going.

Are you a known drinker? Am I a known drinker? I didn't even know what that means. Yeah. What does that mean? A known drinker. It means your streak's ended. It means we need to modernize the IMDB episode summaries.

Okay. What does that even mean? Can we modernize, normalize, and girl boss some of these summaries? Yeah. Next up, baby love. Alf has an allergic reaction to a baby. That's all you get. Yes.

That's a real episode. Are you sure? Yes. It is a real episode. You get point number seven. Good for you. I know my Alf. Inside and out.

Yeah, you can say that. Next up, hooked on a feeling. Willie, in an effort to curb Alf's cotton addiction. To what? Holds a support group meeting in his living room. A cotton addiction. Alf's cotton addiction. I'm going to say this is a real episode, only because cotton,

maybe he was addicted to cotton balls, and he was trying to replicate the feeling of cat fur with cotton balls. Because he like soft things. Thus, I'm going to say that is an actual episode. Final answer? Final answer. It is an actual episode. Maybe he actually, we have to watch that episode.

Maybe he was actually into cotton because he likes cat fur. Maybe it's like kind of like how when you see a really cute animal, and you just want to like kill it. Yeah, no, that feeling. You want to like squeeze and crush it, of course. I'm going to squeeze you forever. Of course. Maybe that's actually what like Alf was feeling,

except in his alien brain. He was like, I just want to eat you. You're so cute. And so as a way to curb that feeling, he just wanted to eat something that was soft. That was like reminded him of that luxurious cat fur that is so soft. We'll never know if we don't watch. We'll never know if we don't invite him to live with us,

where we could ask all of these questions in a very non-judgmental way. Can we get an Alf here? We have two questions left, by the way. Okay. Title, fight the power. Alf's rival, Flarko, challenges him to a game of checkers with high stakes. Whoever wins gets to go back to his home planet. I thought the home planet blew up.

I thought that was the whole thing. No, didn't happen. Is that your final answer? Final answer. You're correct. I made it up. Yay! Wait, did you read anything about was there a Flarko?

Was there ever like? No, I made up Flarko. So he was never reunited with anybody else from Melmek? Well, I don't know. I think they made like a TV special to like anyway. You know, we'll talk about this later. The lore of Alf. We must know the lore.

Everybody's into the lore these days. Can I just say, there are 15 questions to this quiz. You've gotten nine right so far. Alf and I were meant to be. Far more than I thought you'd get. I told you, Jacob is to Renezme as I am to Alf. Sometimes when you know, you know. You know?

Well, let's see if you know this final question. Duh! Thank you. What the fuck was that? I don't know. You made fun of it, you know. You like, you know. I did.

Title, working my way back to you. Alf is relocated to the family garage as a result of his mischievous behavior. I thought he already lives in the garage. I saw a clip where he was like rummaging through a laundry basket like living. I thought he was already was in the shed. Like he was in the garage.

I'm going to say true, true. That happened. Yeah? Yes, because I thought he already lived there. Final answer? Final answer. You are correct. That is your 10.

You got 10 out of 15. I'm so glad that we are drinking some sparkling because I have some celebrating to do with that quiz. If nothing else, I would say that that proves that Alf and I are soulmates. And I can't argue that logic. I can't. Also, why do you think every single episode

was named after a song? Like what's that about? Every show always has like a theme when naming its episodes. That's not true. That's not always true. Like look at Friends, the one with blank, the one with blank, the one where blank.

What about Sex and the City? Well, that wasn't a very good show. That was an amazing show. That was a fantastic show and you've seen every episode and you also enjoy it. Do you not? And then Breaking Bad did a really clever thing in one season.

I never watched that show. It was really cool. They had like a code. They hit a secret code in a season of titles. They opened only like four, I think, four episodes of a whole season with like this weird flashback about a plane crashing and landing somewhere

or debris falling. And only those four episodes out of the whole season, they spelled out something. It was like 747 over something, something. It was really clever. So what I'm saying is Alf is a genius. But like, I don't know if it had anything to actually do with the show.

I think it could have just been like a writer or something that had this obsession with music. Like, I don't think Alf, well, we'd have to watch the show. We would have to. That's the takeaway. It all goes back to, well, we'd have to watch Alf. And that's how they get you. And that's how they get you.

Amazon Prime, man. We're going to watch every single episode of Alf. Probably isn't as good as we think it is. No, it's adorable and cute and gregarious. Gregarious. I don't know. Yeah.

I don't know. I don't know. But it's amazing because it involves Alf. And that's all that matters. And I'm going to replace you with him very shortly whenever he returns my phone calls. I anticipated. OK.

So that's all. I'm not shocked but not surprised. No. No. You're not shocked. You're also not surprised. No. You're neither of those things.

Disappointed but not surprised. Are you disappointed? No. Yeah. Yeah. You and Steve Harvey can go live on an island somewhere. Fuck Boy Island or something. You can compare me to Steve Harvey.

What? I fumble up one answer. I think it was two. Honey. Yes? Do you hear that in the wind? I do. I do hear that.

In the air? Jack film. Jack film. Ernie. Raise your glass. I will. Tonight we are celebrating. It is the end of a season tonight.

My oh my. Tonight we lay to rest our dear Virgo. Oh, come again? Our dear Virgo. Yeah. That was very Myra. Virgo season has come. Our dear Virgo.

Virgo season has come to an end. And we. Myra. Did I say Myra? I mean. We lay, we lay Virgo season to rest tonight. Rest in pepperoni's Virgo. But, but alas.

What has gone will always come back again. Because it all ebbs and flows. And with. Oh boy, you are struggling. With winter comes spring. I love that. I love that game with my own quote. With fall comes winter.

So. I always got goosebumps when they, whenever they said with winter comes spring. Summer stands alone. Okay. So with that Jack film. Will you do us the honor of reading us the final Virgo horoscope of Virgo season.

Ernie would be my pleasure. Let's end Virgo on a Virgo note. The Virgoist note they're ever Virgoed. Channel your channels, channeler. Are you channeled? I think I'm attuned. Not channeled? I'm attuned.

I'm channeled. Channeled? You're channeled. I'm channeled. Okay. Here you go channel. Okay. This is an essay you wrote.

All right. All right. Virgo. Sorry, there are directions on it. Hear ye hear ye. The end of Virgo season is upon us. We have been saved. All hail our savior.

Libra? Ah shit. Libra just loves to be the white knight saving us from Virgo season. But we'll get to them later. Now we must eulogize the Virgos with a poem. Virgo season will surely be missed. I, Jack, am sorry it was so heavily dist. Zendaya, Beyonce, and even Keanu deserve more respect than we paid them due.

You brought us such treasures as Aida and Henri and first of its kind tornados to the northeast. And we'll never forget the heat and record temperatures. Our bodies being covered in bug bites really is a pleasure. It's a reach. As the leaves change shades and the knights turn chilled, we'll think back to Virgo season and how it made our hearts filled with hatred that is because Virgo season sucked. Now make like a Virgo and go and get fucked.

Oh yeah, your horoscope is that no one came to your funeral. Damn. Gods really have it in for those Virgos. Jesus Christ. What did Virgos ever do to the universe? I mean. No, really. Was Michelle Duggar not enough for you?

Libra. Today you're gonna. Sorry, this one's a real tongue twister. It's okay. Today you're gonna. Wow, a lot of big words in this one. Shoot. Jack, can you help me?

What does this big word say? Yeah. Oh, it's this party. Okay. Today you're gonna party. Did I say it right? Okay. Hey, I did it.

That was tricky. I knew you could do it, baby. Good job. Good job. That was a hard one. It was a hard one. You got through it, though, like a champ. I knew you would.

Thank God I had a big, strong, smart Mensa man here at my side. At your service. Scorpio. Tap into your third eye, Scorpio. Go on. Tap it. Tap it. Are you tapping it yet?

Ew, no. That's your third nipple, not your third eye. Don't tap that or milk will shoot out. Okay. Now that you've located your third eye, you should really come see a doctor about that, because we're only supposed to have two of those. Bada bing, bada boom.

I just fixed your face. You're welcome. Oh, wow. You've really helped them out. I guess karma points for you, Jack film. I feel better already. Wow. No Steve Harvey syndrome for you?

Shut up. Have you cured yourself of your face blindness? I didn't cure myself of anything. I cured all of the Scorpios of that dreaded, wretched and gross third eye that they have and shouldn't have. No, that was the nipple. Oh, right. Sorry.

Well, the one that doesn't shoot out milk. Yeah. But what does it smell like? Don't, don't. Not okay. Not okay. Not okay. Sagittarius.

I pity your predicament participant. A plague of pestilence precipitates painfully in your presence. A predictable punishment for your putrid performance in the perennial pucker pouter publication. Perhaps if you pouted your puckers more passionately, this pickle you've plummeted into would pass. Per chance if you pay the price and pucker your powders provocatively, this present pickle passes post haste.

I pray you pause in this powerful prose participant. I have to pee if that wasn't obvious. I guess. All right. Go ahead and I don't know why I had to include that. Just make it quick. We have horoscopes, Tony. That was a little weird.

I wish you hadn't as much pickle as that horoscope did. Whoa. Ho. All right. Also, why'd you speak in alliteration? That was kind of weird. I had a pee. It was all I could.

I had it all my mind. I guess. Okay. Clearly, clearly, clearly. Capricorn, get out those crystals, Capricorn. We've got some manifesting to do. I want you to explore deep into your heart of hearts and see what you want your life to manifest.

What's that? You want to get rid of those pesky Virgos? Same. OMG. It works. Holy shit. You manifested the end of Virgo season. Wait.

Are you actually our savior, not Libra? Yay. I'd much rather thank you for saving us. Who wouldn't? All hail our savior, Capricorn. Okay, now go back to your corner until it's your season. Thanks again. Okay.

Thanks, Capricorn, for saving us from having to pay homage to Libra. But also, if you could just stand over there for now. Don't make a scene about it. Nobody likes a hero that revels in the heroism. Yeah. Cliché. Yeah, super-cliché. Be humble.

Sit down. Be humble. That's right. Be humble. Be humble. Aquarius. You will get called a boomer today by some snot-nosed kid. This is a curse, and the child is a witch.

What? You watch in horror as your flesh begins to- As your flesh begins to hang from its bones, your wrinkles instantly multiply like rabbits. If only you had listened to more Dave Matthews' band. Hell yeah. His music defies age and transcends time. His melodies are the only antidote to the sands of time.

His eight-minute bass solos can be felt through generations. True. But it is far too late for you, non-believer, and you must pay with your flesh. The Southwestern Benny Breakfast is now half off at Denny's. Cool. That's a cool horoscope. I like the ones that ended in ad.

That's really sick. That child is a witch. Yeah. And the Southwestern Benny Breakfast is half off? I'm down. Check phone. Don't even pretend. You have whatever fear of calories is.

That is what you have. Yeah, but not for the Southwestern Benny Breakfast. Shit, I'm down for that. I'll fuck around with that. Yeah, I doubt it. Calories don't count when you're into Denny's. Denny's, eat good. Eat not fresh.

Don't ruin Denny's for me, witch. Fuck, fuck, Pisces. There are many moons in your future Pisces. Many moons indeed. You see, you are doomed this week to constantly be stuck driving behind a school bus. All the kids at the back of the bus are mooning you. It's disgusting.

Sorry, not sorry. I wish you were more sorry about it at least. I must confess, when I was back home on the East Coast this past weekend. You got mooned? I was mooned. No, you weren't. No, I was.

But I was stuck behind a school bus or two in my little neighborhood. And you got mooned. And I got mooned. And you mooned them. You mooned them back. Well, there's only one way to respond to a mooning. You sun them.

And I'm sorry, what's a sunning? No, that's a good point. If someone moons you, you should sun them. But what does that mean? I don't know. Well, I know. Listeners, call her. I know, but I don't think I know.

I feel like I was the little kid on the block. Like I was the youngest. Just give them full frontal. Like what does that mean? Well, that's what like, OK, so that's the thing. As a little kid, I was always the one that they played tricks on because I was the youngest on the block and I was a girl.

So they would always like play tricks on me. And so like what I think, like they literally did say it's sunning to me. But like, I don't even know if that's real or not. And it was, it was a frontal. Oh, God. Oh, Jesus, I was joking. But like, I don't even know that's real.

I think they may have just been messing with me. I have no idea. I have no concept of like reality when it comes to my childhood because I was the ones they played tricks on. There has to be a legal way to retaliate against a moon. And I don't think that's it. But it's good to know.

To know. Aries. Is it ever too early to start decorating for Christmas? Fuck it. Put up the tree. Hang the garland, make a gingerbread house or two, buy a reindeer and train it to fart on command like the ones in the Santa Claus 2 and 3.

Go door to door and spread the good news of Santa Christ. Sell your mom and buy an accurate life-sized replica of the sleigh they used in the Santa Claus 2 and 3. Kidnap your ice-cool bully, tape him to a chair, force him to watch the Santa Claus 2 and 3. Then ask him which one he liked best. Tell him you thought... Tell him you thought that the Santa Claus 2 was more ambitious

but Martin George's performance in the Santa Claus 3 is timeless. Merry Christmas. It's September 20th. Yay, thank you, guys. Only three months and five days till Christmas. That's right, but who's counting? Oh, wait, we are. Our tree's already up, bitch.

I wish our tree was already up, yep. Taurus. All right, Taurus. Buckle up because it's going to be a hell of a week. Did you get the glitter like I told you to? What? You had one job, Taurus. One.

How did you not get the glitter? Ah! You can't make a glitter bomb without glitter, Taurus? Okay. Okay, wait. I'm sorry I yelled Taurus. Please come back. Please?

Pretty please? With a cherry on top? Okay, yeah. I'm sorry I shouldn't have yelled at you. Your puny little Taurus brain can't handle instructions well and I should have seen that coming, so that's on me. Okay then, how can I dumb this down for you so that you can still get revenge on cancer?

Let me think. Oh, I know. Go pick up that glitter like I told you, you idiot. Be here or else this time next week. I was really looking forward to building that glitter bomb and you better not ruin this for me, Taurus. Taurus is in kind of deep shit with the gods right now. Well, I think Taurus needs to be yelled at in all caps.

Yeah, I mean, obviously. I mean, we'll see if it works next week. We'll see. We'll see if it worked. I'm very curious about this timeline. And what's interesting though is that next week, because it's the start of a new season, you are the one that's going to be talking to the Taurus gods,

not me. That's right, I guess so. Yeah, so. I better write accordingly. Well, no, you're going to have to channel accordingly. I better channel accordingly. You're the Vessel. I won't.

You're the Vessel. Vessel. Gemini. I don't have a horoscope for you this week, but I do have a fun game you should play. Next time you're in line for coffee or something, tap the shoulder of the person in front of you and ask, where do you think we go when we die?

If they don't respond, give yourself a point. If they do respond, give yourself two points. I have 153 points so far this week. Jack says I should stop, but I'm just getting started. I'm going to touch so many strangers this week. When I die, I hope heaven is just a big, long line at Starbucks so I can keep asking strangers what happens when they die. I'm horny.

Horny. Well, I don't see how that's related, but cool horoscope there, babe. Well, I mean, I don't have to ask them that question every single time I tap them. That's all I'm saying. No, I think that's the gist. But what do I know?

That's all I'm saying. What do I know? Merely the Vessel. Movessel. Vessel. Cancer. Oh, hey, you ravishing person, you. The gods and I were just talking about you just now,

and we all agree that maybe next year, you can rush God season because you're total God material, and we think you'd be a great fit. Just think about it, okay? Anywho. Oh my God, look at that. Another week, another really cool, hip, awesome party that you're invited to.

Everyone has a crush on you, and sadly, you have some tough decisions in your future. Who are you going to make out with? I know you'll make the right decision. Here's a hint. Choose the person that smells the best. See you next week, bestie. That was tricky.

I just turned into a saffon at the end there. New New York's hottest new club is diaper boys. Oh, that was fun. That was good. I love channeling Marcia Brady. But not Marcia Brady, but Marcia Brady from the fucking mid to late 90s comedies, Marcia Brady. That's right.

Sure, Jan. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I literally just all I could think of was Sure Jan and nothing else. Dave Jones. Right, right. The gods and I were just talking about you just now.

We totally think you should try rushing. Yeah, yeah, that was good. I like rushing gods. Like that's that's fucking hilarious. I hate that. Like when I think of Marcia Brady, I don't think of Marcia Brady. I think of the parody Marcia Brady.

Of course. Yeah. What was that actress's name? Oh, no, don't tell me. Oh my god. I can't because I don't know. Oh my god. She was married to Ben Stiller.

Ben Stiller, yeah. Well, I think they actually got back together. Aren't they still married? Well, they were, they got separated. But I think they got back together. Blind Gossip says they got back together. That's beautiful. She was in Hey Dude.

Yes, she was. And Nickelodeon. She was in Dodgeball. Remember that? Yeah. Oh my god. Don't tell me her name. Christine Taylor.

Is that her name? Yeah. I literally couldn't tell you. Yeah. I have one last horoscope for you, babe. Okay, okay. I don't have a horoscope for you this week. But I do have a fun, edutaining rap for you.

Nice. Hit it. Where do you think we go when we die? I think it's a coffee lying up in the sky. Jack says I should quit my habit, but I love touching strangers. Dang, Nabbit. I tap, tap, tap till they turn around.

But Doctor says I'm not mentally sound. Where do you think we go when we die? Let's find out together. Bye. Oh, shit. That's very dark towards the end. I mean, is it or is it beautiful? It's all how you look at it, Jack.

It's dark. Just dark. What do you think we do when we... Literally just dark. Literally just dark. And that wraps up our Baker's Dozenth episode listeners. That was a lot of fun. That was a lot of fun.

And honestly, I can't wait till next week when you say, I can't believe we made it this far. I don't know that. What are you talking about? I can't believe we made it this far. I'm really excited for you guys to give us more of your quiz ideas. So I quizzed Erin on Alph episodes,

asking if they were true or false. But if you have any other quiz ideas, I could give her or she could give me or we could give you guys. Please let us know at our hotline. Also, if you guys know of another way that I might be able to get in touch with Alph, because he hasn't been returning my texts or phone calls.

And I guess I'm curious if you guys know of another number I should be calling, because I'm really trying to get rid of Jackdome as soon as possible and get Alph in here ASAP. So if you guys don't- Hey, Ernie, it's me, freaking Alph. I know Alph when I see one. Put me on the freaking podcast, you earthling.

Honestly though, let's get Alph up on here. As long as I have a bucket of cats, I'm good. I've got appetizers. We got our derbs out in the backyard for him, okay? The hors d'oeuvres. I'm addicted to cats. I'll unhinge my furry jaw and let him rip. So contact us at dadhugme10 or erin always dabs hard

even when she gargles onions just like Shrek does in the swamp 10. Dadhugme10 or erin always dabs hard when she is making fun of Jack's films and his stupid hard dab times 10. It's so simple, guys. I don't get why people keep asking what the number is. It's so simple.

Dadhugme10. Okay, thank you guys so much for listening. This was a lot of fun, but also if you have the inside scoop on Alph, let me know because I gotta get him in here as soon as possible. I'll see you guys next week. Thank you so much for joining

and I guess RIP Virgo season. Till next time, haters. Bye!