Erin is the Funny One - Hard Seltzer Showdown!

Episode Date: October 18, 2021

Jack and Erin dive into their 17th episode with another round of Snoop DO(double)G’s wine - this time, a very Capri Sun-y red! Jack also gives Erin the ultimate hard seltzer quiz…spoiler alert, Erin hates hard seltzer, so this should go great…right? Finally, we say goodbye to Libra season - and good riddance! Scorpio, we’re coming for you next! Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Welcome back to a new episode of Aaron is the funny one I as always I'm one of your hosts Jack Douglas joining me as always is the other one hi other one I feel like you said it differently this time I did I did it with a little more oomph and pizzazz oh you were trying I was critical the last time I said this it was very slow it was like welcome back to another and I'm like no I'm falling asleep stop it faster huh be better I didn't know you had the ability to be critical of yourself I thought you were just such a egomaniac cool Aaron would you believe it's our 17th episode I would believe that me too it feels about

right what is special about the number 17 sweet 17 not a lot right what do you remember number 17 what do you remember about when you were 17 I was even more awkward than I am today which is hard to picture that is really hard to pick I was wowsers going on dates and everything no you didn't I struck out all the time but yeah I went on day I don't believe it what about you at 17 were you even worse yeah actually meaner I was horrible yeah you actually weren't you know yeah I was sorry you told me yeah I was pretty mean you were mean girl in high school right I wanted to be I thought it was like a point of pride yeah

the movie mean girls came out when I was in high school right around 17 actually yeah yeah it was horrible I can see it it was awful no good very bad not a stretch to the imagination yeah so I'd like to think I'm nicer now I would like to think that I bet you would yeah I'm very very excited for this episode honey because I'm kind of in charge of it and I'm very excited for what I have in store for you I'm excited too you were asking me about where the blindfold was earlier so I'm a little concerned uh-huh but overall excited but also concerned but excited no it'll be fun okay but before we continue we get drunk

yes on this is Jack film what is this episode it's the wine of the week no just wanted to say that no it's well oh yeah my bad it's the last episode of Libra season season it is boom boom boom boom that's it for Libra season everybody so as a way to send out Libra season we are drinking the other Snoop doggy dog do double G wine last week we partook in the Cali Rose Snoop doggy dog do double G 19 crimes and it tasted like a fruit juice and it tastes like a fruit juice but what are we drinking this week well this week Jack film we are drinking the Snoop doggy dog do double G 19 crimes Cali red not to be

confused with the Cali Rose not to be confused it is don't confuse it listeners no don't you know don't do it don't do it this one is the Cali red unlike last week which was the fruit juice of wine right this one is much stronger oh 14.1 now we're talking it's from the year 2020 as we know distant distant year distant year great year great year so many things was it so many great things happen in 2020 chip was born that I'm sorry okay how about this how about this so you know how they usually give you like a breakdown of like what types of like grapes and stuff yeah like red wines okay so this one it says on the back composition

red wine it just says that it just says red wine I think Snoop wrote that one and then it says the origin is California yeah that's so our friends over at Somme who can literally the Somme liais like in the documentary Somme can like literally tell you on which side of a hill in which area in which like in what season it's so damn cool it's insane anyway they would have a tough time with this one because all we know is that it's from California and it is red wine so if you want to stump some Somme's listeners have we got the choice for you oh my gosh okay Jack film yes take your first sip of mr. dogs do double G's wine the Cali

red and tell us what you think okay and listeners just remember I'm not normally a red wine drinker that ain't bad what do you taste describe it okay once more it's not very heavy I don't think it doesn't linger I'm trying so hard you're trying like bro you don't even taste it you don't even know what you're tasting I don't taste okay all right let me try let me try it let me try it oh that's sweet for a red wine for a red wine that's for me I agree it's also like I would guess that the sweeter a wine the less alcohol is in it but in this case it's a 14 it's a 14% it's pretty sweet if you're trying to get into red wine but you don't like

red wine this is maybe a good place to start because it's really sweet so it tastes kind of like a dry candy of sorts much like how last week's wine was kind of like the training wheels of wine we said it was like baby's first wine this is baby's second wine yeah well I like that yeah well I quite like so this is baby's second wine okay second wine Snoop Dogg Cali red and it's just all we know is that it's red wine and it comes from somewhere in California and that's all we got okay so according to the Vivino app has an average rating of 3.6 out of five stars I would give it a higher than that I would uh no I'd say that's

about right that's about where I put it yeah 371 ratings average price point $13.99 that's very affordable for a nice red I don't know if we call it nice but it's okay I hear you it's okay I have a feeling that this if you drank too much of it would give you one headache crazy headache two more than one yes that's exactly what oh my god your mouth will be black after drinking this I was I was pointing to my mouth meant trying to word ulcers this wine is straight up purple like it's the color of an eggplant oh my tongue I'm gonna look very silly at work tomorrow yeah you will have a black mouth for sure so I

work from home that was my joke don't drink it like in public yeah there you go there you go drink it in front of people that you don't mind if you look silly in front of I love that this is a good silly party why it's silly party wine baby second line okay I gotta tell you I'm I guess if nothing else I'm just proud of Snoop for all that he's accomplished entrepreneur I like I would love to know this writer artist producer you think even drinks wine I don't even know I bet he drinks his own wine because what a flex what a flex to drink a ball of wine not just with your name on it but with your face on it I

gotta tell you I will say this if I had a friend that like made their own wine or I just knew anybody that made their own wine and they ever like gifted me a bottle of their own wine yeah I will never speak to that person ever again now hold on that is the craziest really good no it doesn't matter doesn't well I don't disagree I don't disagree if it has their face on it it matters if it doesn't maybe maybe but they need to be serious about it it's tastefully done what if it's their own wine but does it have Snoop Dogg's face on it no I'm saying if it's their own wine yeah I know but like like Snoop Dogg has his

face on his wine if Snoop Dogg gifted me one of his bottles of wine I'd be like Snoop bro thank you that's what you would say you would say thank you very much I would say I'd say I thought blood was thicker than wine but I guess not oh damn yeah if it were tastefully done I would drink someone's own wine if they gifted it to us at a party but I would never talk to them again but what if the wine's good how good life-changingly good like you can't drink anything but it does it retail for more than $40 a bottle it would have to if it made you rethink wine there's plenty of wine Jack how many times do we have to go over

this all wine is good wine it's just what you like however in the case of where you're producing your own wine and giving it as gifts it needs to be expensive otherwise you can you can see yourself out sir that's real so that's wine of the week I say sir because I'm imagining that a man only a man would do that in Aaron's world disgusting well I would very much like to move on to the meat of today's episode honey yum yum so let me give you some context okay I listen to our hoppin hotline which by the way listeners if you want to call in that number is dad hug me 10 and someone someone recommended that I

flip the script and turn the tables on you a long time ago you might not remember this you made me do a blind taste test and you very foolishly made me taste various wines you mocked how I can't tell white from red that I did I nailed it I nail that test barely someone from the hotline suggested that I do the same to you okay you taste wines okay and I thought now hang on you got something there but I want to do wines with you because you do have a nose for wine kind of sometimes you're quite good at sniffing out different varieties and such and that would be too easy so my little tasting quiz differs a bit instead

of wines oh no I've presented for you a lovely assortment of hard seltzers oh all flavors oh I don't even like hard seltzer no you don't give me a crazy headache it does and this is my revenge oh my god I hate you I get a headache like one don't worry honey it's the malt liquor it's only it's only 10 flavors oh my did you really get 10 flavors so many more than okay okay all right so what am I guessing the flavor that it's supposed to be yeah yeah bonus points for like the brand I guess but I want you to approximate to the best of your abilities what flavor hard seltzer you're drinking now that we've identified

that this gives me a headache you've acknowledged it gives me a headache would I be able to file a police report for abuse no they'd side with me they'd hear three minutes of you talking they go hey kid I get it oh wait you've got a podcast to record okay yeah yeah you're fresh out of ideas okay yeah I get it no they'd be like no we love there and it's the funny wait can we back up okay so Jack film was missing for like a handful of hours I had a work launch that I went to yeah today it was my first one by the way crazy my first one since I want to say March February or March of 2020 that's my first work

lunch over that's a year over a year and a half so I come home and Jack had like texted me at some point while I was at lunch and I come home the house is empty Jack is missing and I'm like okay I knew he was out quote-unquote running errands as he had texted me and I'm like that could mean anything this man doesn't leave the house ever I don't like I what who has the time what could he possibly be doing so about four hours later no shit Jack film comes home and I'm like where have you been what what what even do a man what would you do and I saw that he had been to Ralph's because he came back with some other groceries and

I'm like okay he told me he was it was a surprise but he also said that he had to go on a wild goose chase oh my god just you wait now that I know what the activity that we'll be doing is yeah could you explain like what the goose chase was I can there's a certain flavor of hard seltzer that I was specifically hunting down for is it like the white airhead mystery flavor oh yeah okay our listeners definitely know what that is yeah people know airheads airheads are still around it's a deep cut but I appreciate the deep cuts I think I think we have all concluded that the white

mystery airhead is blue raspberry by the way I think we've all yeah I think that's been confirmed by snopes oh really I'm making that up but I think it has wow we just got a fact check on the podcast like a warning false information is a little hyperlink yes love that just because of that way to go sorry what else way to go now we're flagged listen first I went to no fewer than four different locations today to try to find this white whale why what if I don't even like what like what did why like what I'm not gonna tell you why no absolutely not is it because you think I won't get what it is or because you

think I'm gonna think it's disgusting I wanted it for the quiz alright okay first I went to Ralph's they didn't have it okay then I went to Vaughn's they didn't have it why didn't you go to Bevmo then stop then I went to Walmart you went to Walmart they didn't have it then I called Bevmo they didn't have it but didn't have it why didn't yeah why didn't you just call so then I drove home defeated on my way back from home I stopped at our little liquor store that's a walk away no way no way and they had it in spades stop I was so I was like amazing equal parts exhilarated and a bit exhausted this thing is literally a

five-minute walk yeah eight thirty second drive and I went everywhere but there today that's awesome but I found it I got my white whale okay the quiz is complete okay I'm a happy boy okay Aaron yes may I blindfold the shit out of you you may wait wait all you want me to do is guess what the flavor is yeah that's it yeah that's all you want me to do yeah of cell search yeah okay all right and for every flavor you identify incorrectly you get ten lashings nice okay thank you so much that's really that's a great joke very funny so could you explain to me like what's your like ultimate goal do you are you just

trying to make a fool of me or what yeah always I'm never not trying to make a fool out of you okay so that's the end all be all here and I'll be all okay so you're just mad that you lost the kids Bob quiz last week is that right first off I didn't lose oh you were eliminated after the like on the fifth question no I can't you can't eliminate me you know I squid game style we actually squid game do you bro that's not that's not how that works all right fine then I'll squid game you right back bro so can you reach your hands out there you go all right take that that's all I

just said that's all I need just grab that I thought you said you're gonna meet to no no I have another one behind me okay also you said you asked for both of my hands I know I know I thought you'd grab it like naturally like a human and you didn't okay okay first one Aaron take a sip wait can I just ask what color solo cup you used I use the red color the red really yeah I wanted to mix it up okay first give it a whiff alright she's taking a whiff okay any thoughts on that it smells like what I would imagine a like mixed berry it's well it's very fruity fruit punch-esque okay fruit punch-esque okay yeah fruit

punch-esque why don't you go ahead and give me a proper tasting tell me what you taste tell me what you think it could be what notes you're getting okay okay so it's still fruit punchy mm-hmm this is what I would classify in the like artificially flavored realm of it's is red it's red this is like what people like with red Kool-Aid is just like red it's like this is red this is the color red I mean the color isn't red but this is the flavor it's a flavor red interesting this is a cherry popsicle okay it's a red popsicle people don't say cherry they say red it's a red popsicle I hear yeah I hear that okay let me know what you

want me to tell you what the correct answer is man here's the thing yeah this could be anything from like mixed berry till wild cherry to fruit punch mm-hmm kind of all tastes the same you know I get that enough hard seltzers you kind of get that vibe yeah because it's all just artificial gonna need a final guess on what the flavor is our judges in the corner are shuffling very uncomfortably you swear to God this is actually a hard seltzer yes I'm going fruit punch fruit punch fruit punch fruit punch fruit punch final answer okay dr. brule the correct answer first off this is a this is a bud light seltzer

okay bud light makes seltzers as you may know and this flavor is mango my tie no not at all you're not getting my tie notes I'm not getting mango notes at all I I love mango I'm embarrassing no it's not it's embarrassing for them I love mango you know I love mango that's true I hand me that cup this is mango might know that's horrible mango my tie this is the flavor red mango my tie is red yeah fruit punch fruit punch vibes all day every day fruit punch alright mango my tie blow me did you take a sip of it oh I took a sip out of what do you think did you taste mango it was very faint I think it there's no mango in there well

it wasn't my tie here's something I was disappointed because I wanted more my tie yeah it tastes like fruit punch I love my ties and let me just get one more but no that's fruit punch that's fruit punch it tastes like fruit punch straight up bud light do better okay are you ready for your next one sure you're oh for one how embarrassing okay if this were squid game you'd be dead okay is this cup red too that cups red too okay can I smell it yeah oh that's different it is different it's different than the red like it's full like I'm like oh that's not red that doesn't smell like red hold on oh I like that I like what that

smells like why don't you give it a taste and see if you like what it tastes like it like reminds me of something in my childhood oh really that's fun we're going way back huh oh it smells like Swedish fish oh really let me get a yeah it smells like Swedish fish which is funny because Swedish fish are red I can see that here you go take your hand like you can smell the Swedish fish yes I can yeah okay that's funny well maybe it tastes like Swedish fish all right she's tasting it nope it's not taste like Swedish fish that's bad that's not good it's not good that is not good what is not good about it tastes like dish

water oh god damn it's a bit harsh yeah that shits garbage oh wow that is bad yeah that is really bad do you want to get stab at what it is um did you put dish water in a cup wow wow what a depot wow I got really excited about the smell and then but the taste is so much different than the smell that is so crazy oh that is so bad but what is it though that tastes like one of the like extra alcohol ones that we like remember we bought those extra alcohol I do remember yeah and they were so bad we couldn't even drink them that's like that's what's happening right now this is so bad you can't drink it is there like

a flavor at like grape it's probably great grape okay just because I'm like that's what medicine tastes like and this is horrible are you ready for the reveal no I'm not ready okay oh my god so so bad that is awful grape final answer okay this is a white claw surge oh my god extra alcohol one extra what did I say what did I say oh I I don't think I don't know I said that I don't I said that I was like oh this one of the like this tastes like one of those extra I'm actually impressed yeah you nailed you nailed that so these are the the white claw surges are 8% as opposed to their typical 5% and this is a blackberry

blackberry yeah I was close yeah great blackberry I agree all right that's I'm gonna give you a point for that guys that tastes terrible like so bad I'll give you one point exactly because you nailed the the surge yeah cuz that's what it is yeah all right let's get you two more keep rolling your drink is in front of you oh shit there it is okay almost knocked it over that'd be fun don't do that now that would have been fun okay all right sniff test yep okay oh yeah oh what is that you tell us oh it's like bananas like I'm like is it like cinnamon or is it banana okay oh what is that I bought this okay so one

time when I was making like healthy protein waffles every morning back when I was skinny I bought all these extracts from Amazon to like flavor the batter with and by the way I mean like unless you like artificially flavored like things like don't do that but I one of them I bought a banana extract and it smelled a lot like this like this smells like oh you know runce remember runs yeah bananas were the only ones that were delicious but I'm also getting like yellow cake vibes like I'm like okay like maybe but so I always order whenever you know when we used to go to cold stone we haven't been in many many

years I always used to get the that's how I roll with oh yeah remember and they would put yellow cake in it so I can't tell I'm like does this smell like cold stone or does this smell like it's bringing me back man something about this is like give me bring me back why don't you take a sip it's very whatever it is it's very sweet it's like okay like I'm getting like banana cheesecake vibes or something okay oh it tastes like it smells not that I would drink this okay but it's got like banana vibes but like banana cheesecake but I don't know how to describe it because it tastes like a cake it doesn't taste like your

fruit punch and your right razzmatazz whatever like cake like birthday cake kind of flavor it tastes like cake like it's like very interesting I will say I don't think I'd drink this like for fun because it's really different maybe they were trying to go for like a pina colada or something sure but it came out like a cake came out like a cake but it it's giving like they used to sell these like flavored lip glosses like at CVS and like it was flavored like icing or like cake icing or like cake batter and like kids would like literally eat the lip gloss so but to be fair what do they expect would happen yeah exactly and I'm like that's

kind of the vibe I'm getting from this yeah you want to eat the solo cup so I'm like were they going for pina colada and they ended up with like birthday cake all right we're gonna need a final guess what are you drinking I don't think they make birthday cake seltzer so I'm gonna say pina colada final answer so this is another Bud Light Seltzer this is their new pumpkin spice flavor oh okay maybe I could kind of see that it tastes like cheesecake though give another sip and see if you actually taste the the pumpkin spice of it I did say in the beginning I was like there's like cinnamon maybe you did like not say that I don't remember you

saying that I said that I love gas lighting my wife so much I don't know guys I yeah I don't know maybe maybe but not really but I would not drink a whole thing if I stand by that sure in that whatever they were trying to go for it tastes like vanilla cake flavored seltzer well take the L so you're one for three okay whatever can you did you taste this of course what did you think what do you think I was kind of a fan really like you drink the whole thing oh yeah drink multiple of those oh absolutely really I you know what I'd probably crave something fruitier afterwards I don't

yeah that mm-hmm I don't know didn't sit right with me well maybe I was eating like the Bonneville lip gloss like the kids in middle school oh brought back me yeah yeah well maybe you'll like this one better okay reach out with your right hand oh okay and this is number four okay this time I want you to just take a sip of it don't want me to smell it I don't want you to smell it okay should I plug my nose no oh okay use all of your senses no what in the birdie bots is that bro that really tastes like grass straight up grass yep okay what did you just fed me

birdie bots every flavored seltzer I am shocked first off um I will not uh you know just sit here and let you spew lies and slander at me on my podcast no that oh what is it what's it tastes like and don't say grass tastes like grass it's but I said don't it tastes like a wheat grass shot it tastes like oh god it tastes like a very like a green smoothie of sorts like really yeah um it's green it's green flavored uh yeah so the color it tastes like the color green when you see that like in drinks I can't stop thinking about grass I'm

sorry that is so bizarre to me just wait till you hear what the answer is wait till you find out that bud light seltzer made a grass flavor it's gonna blow your fucking mind what the fuck were they going for I'm gonna tell you in a minute but we need an actual guest from you no way in hell would anybody actually drink this this is horrible Nickelodeon slime final final answer final final answer Nickelodeon should hop on the hard seltzer trend before it dies out Nickelodeon slime final answer the correct answer so this is uh truly this is a truly drink peach tea

tastes garbage peach tea garbage tastes horrible horrible oh my god now that you say that I'm like I'm like maybe it's really not bad no actually I quite like that no no you're so weird it that smells really bad all right one for four not bad except you know let's keep going I refuse to admit that like my answers are wait am I supposed to be actually trying to guess the flavor or just tell you what I smell and taste guess the flavor but I don't really I don't drink hard seltzers so like I don't

but I don't know the flavors by the way guys that was horrible maybe I just don't like no I'd like iced tea I'd like tea that was awful not good Aaron stick out your right hand take a swig of that and tell me what you think this is like the worst bird box challenge ever this is game seven of the squid games okay can I wait just by smelling it yes can I guess that this is also one of those surge ones I want to put in my guess now just by the smell of it okay we have noted

and locked your guess it doesn't smell good everybody this does not smell good at all the judges are murmuring amongst themselves that I don't believe that that's I don't think that that's seltzer okay did you take a swig it's too strong to be just water like to be like us like that's that's the strongest flavor yet so I don't believe that that's a water okay or like a hard water whatever you know a hard seltzer this is wine really yeah you think I'm giving you wine right now well

I don't think it's water it's really strong like it's like a strong like flavor okay much stronger than wait can I have one of the past ones to like compare to one second give me that pumpkin spice shit by the way can I ask is the pumpkin spice one clear oh I think I put away the pumpkin spice you put away the pumpkin was the pumpkin spice clear I don't remember what what you don't remember so you have liquid blindness too I can get the pump here you want the pumpkin spice no I just want I just know I can I just have one

here's something else what is that I don't remember but it's it's one of them that I already tasted yeah it's one of them you already tasted I lost all the sticky notes hmm oh no I do think this is cheating though but okay oh no I've got I I've lost it I don't like I'm like I don't know because that one's kind of strong too ladies and gentlemen we got her what is that what are you drinking what is it it's not wine maybe it's not wine let's get a final guess it's peach okay the correct answer it's peach

this is made by dogfish head oh it's a beer they're in the hard seltzer game no it's not a beer dogfish head I used to drink their IPAs they're pretty heavy and it's appropriate because this is a blueberry shrub vodka soda and it's seven percent whoa it's still I think it's technically a hard seltzer because there's soda water in the can what color is it oh it's like red wine that's like that's like a that's like snoop dog red wine no no way yeah so I called it like from the beginning I was like oh that's like not water no you didn't know I said that I was like this is well

first I thought it was gonna be one of the hard like the turbo ones or whatever you're not off it's seven percent which is um you know yeah but it was like I was like oh this is a turbo this smells different this is like this is I like they call it a turbo and then I was like I don't think this is actually I don't think this is a seltzer yeah and then you gas like the shit out of me and like I do until I've lost all sense of where I was lost all perspective but it totally doubted myself totally doubted my senses and my my my intuition that's what's happening here everybody okay is that I knew what I was like tasting and then I

was like wait but wait am I am I hey take this as a lesson everyone yes please trust your instincts and your man trust your intuition and trust your trust trust your taste buds if nothing else god that's uh oh for one for five my goodness wait I I will say though wait did I ever say like this isn't good or anything because I if I don't think I did I think I was just like this is different do you like it yeah it's not bad it's not bad well is this like the first one you like yeah I think so that's I that's how funny is that the vodka soda by dogfish the pumpkin spice one actually like I didn't hate but like I don't think I would have been able to like enjoy it because it was sure weird it was

like I would have to honestly like I would need to chase it with like a sweet like a fruit one yeah it was like it was like weirdly like kind of like a powerful like cakey flavor but I do appreciate them trying new things give me yeah this is good well good I mean it's not like wine good but it's good enough I think that's their motto good enough by the way dogfish head not sponsored if you're into IPs I really like their IPs yeah they make them good next one number six this is another one I do not believe what's that I I do not think this is a seltzer okay just by the smell of it I'm like no I don't think so why don't you give a little sipsy pour in your gullet oh that's sweet oh yeah yeah that is

very sweet if that's alcoholic wow that'd be surprising because I think it actually might be like your pre-son um oh oh oh wait do I know it's a spear off ice that's either that's either yeah I really you think that's a smear off ice well yeah it's so sweet spear it off ice is so sweet okay hold on hold on yeah I'm gonna I'm gonna say that's a smear off ice is that your final answer yes okay that is a spear off ice you call that exactly I kind of want to give you like extra points for like getting it exactly can I oh my gosh can I please I'll tell you what I'll give you three points thank you I'll give you so that's four total okay out of six out of six okay so I've tasted six beverages that's correct and you've gotten two correct but I'm gonna give you

you know additional points because I was impressive as hell wow I was the last time I like drank a smear off ice yeah holy crap far too long guys that those must be dangerous they're so sweet yeah well I mean like there's a reason it's baby's first drink what did I say I was like if this is alcoholic I would be surprised like that yeah wow that's how I used to chase beers with that oh what a loser I couldn't even drink beers at a point I learned all right let's get some more whoo maybe I'm not doing very well because I have COVID and I'm gonna give it to you and I can't wait for the record no my wife does not have COVID just in case people go like wait what sometimes sarcasm is is hard to pick up through the night I will say though it's funny I thought

you had a nose for this kind of thing love well when you're being handed you know cups of mystery and by the way also under the cloak of darkness you start to question everything and it doesn't help when you're being gaslit I still laced my test any who stick out your right hand come on now here's number seven lucky number seven hold on a second let me back up no you tasted wines and I ate it different from wines with lime juice yeah that was devious that was actually really mean I still have nightmares about the lime yeah okay but here's the difference I don't drink any of these beverages so why is it any surprise that I don't know what flavors but and also artificially flavored thing like like nothing that's like a peach flavored taste like

actual peaches okay by Justin Bieber so I'm hearing so many excuses all right she is sniffing the seventh drink I'm getting citrus vibes good it actually tastes like pine saw it ever it smells like pine saw sorry I haven't tasted it yet it's been many years since you've tasted pine saw it's it smells like pine saw and this is the audio recording we're gonna enter into evidence for my abuse case okay okay just FYI all right she's tasting the pine saw oh and she's she did not like the pine saw oh oh my god it's gone just so you fucking gave me the pine saw it's gone just so it's not what did you do that for what did you do that for this is actually one of my favorites oh this is probably

truly lemonade's fucking horrible okay is it okay let me let me just guess please play my merry little game and take a guess by the way it smells like talk about dish water once again let's go oh my god really what a baby it's not that bad it's so bad see here's the thing you put it in a can you put you put it in a can with like a label on it yeah and I know what I'm drinking I probably can tolerate it all of a sudden I don't know what I'm drinking because I'm literally blindfolded I think you'd be able to tolerate this this is what like our brains do to us sure you put a brand on it you put it in a can everybody tells you it's okay and you drink it and your brain tells you like yeah this tastes fine you blindfold somebody you put it in a neutral setting like a solo cup and then

they have to blind taste test it it tastes like fucking garbage I would bet that 50% of people who drink trulys or white claws on the reg yeah if you were to blindfold them and tell them to drink this they would all be like this is so gross none of this is good anyway okay this is I don't agree with that theory by the way this is the truly lemonade og flavor and it's disgusting okay the correct answer and this is another bud light seltzer this is lime margarita oh my god it tastes horrible you don't taste margarita maybe is that is it the tequila that's making me bar yeah well I added two shots of tequila in there just like fuck with you but yeah no I didn't no I would say well I knew right away it was citrus but when you said it was one of your

favorites I was like oh this must be a truly lemon because I know you love your truly lemons no this is a newbie for me well how is it one of your favorites we've never drank bud light I keep telling you I taste tested all of these myself when pouring them into the cup can't be a favorite of yours until you actually ingest multiple of them it was my favorite oh and by the way just so you know the um this is horrible the pumpkin spice yeah that was my white whale I was oh no way yeah yeah oh that's funny because it like just came out super hard to find annoyingly but uh your boy found it guys not worth it I mean maybe if you are into like drinking a cake or tasting or whatever whatever shut up Aaron wait how many do I have left I've gotten them all right

so far no so that was seven out of like 10 or 11 okay here's number eight ready all right I'm ready number eight number eight oh no ladies and gentlemen we have another color red another color red yeah this smells like the flavor red this is red flavored but they want to know what does it taste like this is fruit punch it's fruit punch hold on okay let me taste it yeah yeah yeah give a little taste of ruining it's tasty oh this is another surge this is another surge oh yeah it's horrible horrible horrible oh my god it's so bad it this is actually not as bad as the lima or grita however oh damn really you can take okay guys I will just say you can taste the difference between natty light and natty ice okay yes and this is the natty ice of hard seltzers this is absolutely

a surge turbo flavor okay well well that's a variety what's the flavor though if it's a surge turbo whatever it's so bad dude uh wild cherry fruit punch it's it's red flavored this is a truly extra yep called it knew it eight percent yep they say it's peach mango no oh my god no oh my god no not even close so bad oh I just had a sip of that that's that's rough man you can taste the turbo can't 100% you can 1000% taste the turbo guys if you can't taste the turbo then you have a problem because it's it's rough it's rough it's as a hard seltzer aficionado uh that's rough oh my gosh all right let's get you some more we're never gonna get sponsored by turbo now you're like 0 for 8 really embarrassing whatever it's I've been like whatever I can name the color I feel like

there was like this person on like instagram or tiktok I think it was tiktok and they were live and they have that condition that like Kanye West has where he can like see colors or something like he like where he thinks in colors am I I are you there jack oh I've just been talking to myself this whole time okay well anyway I'll keep talking so there's this like condition where you see things in color and this person was live on tiktok and they were like tell me your name and I'll tell you what color your name is or like yeah I think that's what it was like tell me your name I'll tell you what color your name is in in because they have this like condition where they see in colors and if nothing else even though if my flavor profile is distorted one I would say

nay maybe your flavor profile is distorted because you're using artificial flavors that don't taste anything like those actual things like peach flavored things don't taste like actual peaches by Justin Bieber so um what I'm trying to say is that maybe maybe I taste in colors maybe and so when I describe things as red tasting they taste like red no you're basic you're not one of those people um no that's a that's a global thing everyone knows what like blue popsicle tastes like not special anyways are you ready for your next one sure stick out your hand oh man this is another one that smells like cake why does it smell like cake why doesn't smell like cake hmm tricky tricky it smells like cake jack what did you feed me what am I feeding you oh erin do give us a gulp

do give us a taste oh god I'm so scared use your big girl words oh what is that tastes like coffee almost like I very nearly accidentally bought you a hard coffee this afternoon I would have killed you yeah I luckily I saw some of us have day jobs jack okay don't worry I couldn't find the pumpkin spice the proper one so I found like some off-brand like knockoff hard seltzer pumpkin spice but I missed that it was really hard coffee what is this it tastes like coffee that'd be a great little gotcha if I made you drink coffee at 9 30 at night man this is wow this is tough this is hard this is hard gotcha pranked yeah can I have a hint of what color this liquid is sure it looks clear to me it's clear I'm very mad at you right now it's gonna wait and mix it up am I right fellas

this is another savory one so like this is savory it's like a describe that savory taste because I'm gonna give you a hint you're right it's it's espresso we it's like tiramisu that's probably that's probably the best way I'd describe it okay cakey um vanilla e sure sure is it another pumpkin spice it's not another pumpkin spice because it doesn't I'm sure it's like a fall flavor that's actually really funny you mentioned that I'm gonna give you another hint this comes from the same variety pack as the pumpkin spice one and the pumpkin spices came in variety pack it came in a um a fall variety pack it's called fall flannel yeah of course it is so it's pumpkin spice this one you're drinking oh I'm gonna say s'mores s'mores s'mores s'mores yeah close enough toasted

marshmallow yeah okay yeah there you go there well done I get four points for that one yeah you know what because that was so fucking random I give you three that's so random best I could do is three so I was like oh as soon as I was like oh fall fall what is this like I'm gonna give you seven out of ten guys whatever like this is so weird who would drink like a s'mores flavored do you like it would you fucks with it or would you splash it in the barista's face and say get me another where am I am I in my house just like playing animal crossing drinking this drink how about you're at a party you're at a house party you're at a friend's house party it's November December everyone's all sweatered up I might be able to get down with this okay maybe I might be able to get down with that

good I'll let him know of all of the ones I've been getting wrong I can get this the the marshmallow one close enough s'mores marshmallow it's very faint it's I just had another swing it's very faint marshmallow I don't know once I had I was like it's like tiramisu that's exactly how I would describe it it was like tiramisu very savory here's one for you okay what number is this this is number 10 of 12 there are 12 total I brought all the rest of them in here okay 10 of 12 okay okay guys we have left the autumn variety pack okay we have entered back into like the world of smirnoff ices oh have we now and like fruit punches okay so we're in that that realm go on this does not offend whatever this is I'm not offended by it I'll let them know do you have a guess

red is it red let me see can you tilt it to me it's pinkish yeah it's like a yeah it is clear pink it's not nearly as red as the vodka soda from dogfish head but it looks like a rose I have no idea what this is I have no idea what this is um we're gonna need a guess in five seconds this is one of those iced tea trulys again um it's the strawberry tea I think I'm gonna have to give you another three points no way well here's the deal it's not a iced tea from truly this is another bud light seltzer they're calling it strawberry daiquiri oh and the fact that you got strawberry I got strawberry I'm gonna give you that makes you shit you're 10 out of 10 right now with my very inflated point system so girls you're not like you're 10 10 yeah oh yeah my very generous heck yeah

generous point system guys makes no sense I'm killing this game you're really like three for 10 but guys we're really embarrassing jack's films on this one you're not but like three for 10 10 for 10 whatever going back to what I was saying though is that like you drink for wine so of course you would have known wines but like maybe you know on a good day but I don't drink this stuff no so we are going in fully blind I've never we've I don't drink I don't drink a lot of wines though I've never had a bud light seltzer in my life hey god these excuses are boring me stick out your hand it's the penultimate drink okay you're gonna tell me what it is all right damn it oh guys we're back in the autumn pack we're back oh another from the flannel in the varietal of the varietal of the autumnal

of the autumnal okay maura this smells like apple cider this smells okay actually exactly like apple cider doth it taste like apple cider though that's what we it smells like apple pie it's straight it smells like apple pie I want to know okay so it tastes like if somebody made you an apple pie but then you got mad at them and you were like I don't even want to enjoy this apple pie anymore because I don't like this person so you threw it in the sink and you poured water all over it so that you wouldn't eat it oh wow and then like later on you got so tempted you're like well maybe I'll just pour some of the water out and then you ate the apple pie that was all that's what it tastes like so I literally watered down apple pie that's correct I literally

watered down apple pie apple pie final answer oh my god I hate to say this you're right again this is is it really apple crisp oh but light cells awesome well done thank you it smells I'm smelling it it smells exactly like apple pie it smells just like apple pie it barely tastes like it but it smells precisely like it really it's like oh that's so that's uncanny no I'm sticking my nose in a fucking apple pie yeah really weird yeah all right Erin yes you have successfully nailed I want to say five flavors total I think four or five I would like a recount at the end of this yeah I'm gonna say that I won by a lot and I would like a recap because I think that there was fraud and I don't believe that one by a lot there were only four I think that there was way more than that

are you ready I am ready okay here you go careful now oh this is a heavy beverage this is Jack filled this one up the other glasses or cups I guess that you've handed me were very light had maybe like three ounces or whatever four ounces of like liquid yeah I have a feeling that you poured a good eight into this I don't know why I don't know why let's find out why what does it smell like to you honey it smells like vodka it smells like a smells like vodka interesting like a drink with like vanilla vodka in it or something oh no yeah no no those are dangerous and she's tasting it and she loves it nope I wouldn't say that I would not say that she is smacking her lips is this from the autumnal variety do you really want to know yes sort of

sort of it's not it's is it in the same variety pack as the pumpkin spice before I tell you yeah I want you to tell me what you taste okay it's sweet mm-hmm kind of tastes like marshmallows again but this time it tastes like the jelly bellies the toasted marshmallow jelly bills oh see those actually properly tasted like marshmallows in this humble man's opinion but it's too sweet I think it's sweeter than that other one okay this is pretty sweet talk it out talk it out you'll get there what's in Erin's mouth I'm gonna go ahead and say that this is horrible it's bad okay all right so you would not take this out of party to be perfectly honest I think all hard seltzers are disgusting I think everybody's fooling themselves okay into thinking that they're good

they just don't want the calories of other alcohol but none of them taste good hey potential sponsors she's kidding she doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about white claw we would be honored to work with you this very well could be another I don't know I'm kind of tasted out at this point yeah well this is the final one you got one last shot of redemption it's sweet it tastes horrible could be another turbo one mm-hmm but I don't think it is but it could be I will say if you get this one right I'll give you all the points oh she's going back she wants those points this just tastes like shit it tastes bad I mean tastes artificial you keep saying that but like what is it what's what's your answer she's thinking so fucking hard it's infuriating she keeps going

back for seconds thirds fourth she's greedy she's not tasting it anymore she's absorbing it it's so bad five seconds three it's a turbo lemon meringue pie I don't know I have no idea okay I have no idea what that is but I think my initial reaction was like a tunnel yeah but the more I tasted it the more I questioned myself whatever it is it tastes like garbage can I take off the blindfold now it's giving me a headache you may take off the blindfold I'll just give you the L for that last one hold on hold on hold on yeah you did great you wore that blindfold for a long just so you guys know I wore a sweatband because we couldn't find the other blindfold that we had previously used so I used a sweatband that you're supposed to put around your like head when you're sweating but

instead I just put it around my eyeballs so my eyes have been compressed for like the last hour it feels like I can't even see straight I literally can't even look at the timer Aaron do you want to know what that was I would like to know what that was that that was all of the previous flavors oh my that was 11 different hard seltzers I fucking hate you I hate you so much so you're telling me that there was turbo in there that's why well that's why when you said is this flannel or whatever I was like sort of oh I hate you so much so so so much what I didn't say was if you got that question wrong it brought back your total to zero so thank you oh my god I'm gonna have such a headache tomorrow not only okay hold on not only do you know that these seltzers

give me a headache in the first place but then you put them all together in a cup and made me drink that too I hate you so much well thanks for playing babe that's a yes I disqualify you as host for the you can't do that I can do whatever I want this my show no I need this of course you do look at you wait hold on I win I win I won do not hear that is it time babe babe it's time to put on your vessel in hats well actually I have some surprises for you we are not the only ones wearing the vestling hats oh this week oh Libra well we did it squad fam we made it to our last week of Libra season but not without riling up about 15 years of my buried trauma that I've been carrying all season on behalf of my

wife well it's finally the end so get your ass back to the pet cemetery where you came from Libra there's a hole there waiting for you with your literal name on it it's about six feet deep and do us all a favor and jump on in that hole cover yourself with dirt and don't come out for another year as my wife stated so eloquently in her diary entry from august 2007 what are you doing reading my diary still quote what really did Libra give me besides relief of boredom and wicked tickets end to quote wow such a fucking dork those tickets weren't even in that good of seats and it was a day show and the understudy performed what good are you anyway Libra okay okay I'm sorry for the outburst but I'm just so passionate about the theater how about we make a

deal Libra okay how about between now and next Libra season you make us all a promise that you'll do better okay you'll stop cheating in your relationships you'll stop lying you'll stop having daddy issues you'll stop being an entitled piece of shit that admitted you felt like you deserved ownership of your dad's old BMW because his fancy job gave him a new corporate BMW every three years you'll stop slut shaming all your ex-girlfriends and you'll buy better damn wicked tickets it's so specific but I agree very specific I agree looking forward to seeing the progress you've made kind of okay I'm just being polite I'm mostly looking forward to spending 11 months without thinking about you but anyway good luck godspeed and do better Libra yikes best of luck

to them it sounds like they have many very big hurdles to clear but I guess if nothing else cheers to the end of Libra season just sound very spiteful I don't know Scorpio this Halloween you'll finally come up with the perfect costume you ready for this hold on side note I can still barely see because I've had a sweatband like pressed against my eyeballs for this hour so okay you ready for this it's a horoscope with whore spelled like whore all you have to do is go to the big Halloween party naked and start ranting about how all Libras are deceitful or whatever that's it and when they ask you to leave call them a typical Gemini and predict when how and where they'll die sure it's not the most appealing costume but it'll beat the 27 squid game references

you'll see this year oh cool you're in a red jumpsuit wearing a PlayStation logo on your face epic have fun getting laid on Halloween loser hell yeah very cool that's a good little Halloween costume I love the horoscopes that are like life advice did you know that the PlayStation Turbo has a different logo than the regular PlayStation no I didn't yes so to tell it's only cool if your Halloween costume has the Turbo logo not the regular PlayStation logo like you need the PlayStation Turbo logo so what but what do they look like though well I can't describe it to you I was hoping you it's an artistic masterpiece if I described it to you I would just mutilate the whole thing and it would be worthless I'm gonna have to look into that

you'll know when you see it okay that's what it sounds like Sagittarius welcome back listeners to Aaron is the funny one oh my god I'm one of your hosts Jack Douglas and joining me uh wait shit what were we doing again oh damn sorry I completely lost track of what we were doing because I was just so distracted by my own reflection I'm so damn handsome it's practically a sin look at me there I go again making my pecs bounce and dance and it's super distracting to everyone probably no you devil you sorry listeners I'm I'm smashing bricks against my abs because they're so hard and pointy I just have to do it I'm so bad I bet this is everyone's weakness

what about this one I'm counting all the veins in my biceps and there are so many so this will take a while I'm the worst at least I know I can look at myself in the mirror forever and ever that's my horoscope oh my god my mouth is hurting from smiling oh wow you're a real jerk you know that Capricorn be very careful the next time you take an Uber somewhere your driver will turn to you and say you know this isn't my real job oh I'm actually a soundcloud rapper who goes by the alias problematic oh cool you've probably heard my stuff on tiktok before every sentence this man says makes you cringe harder than the last but soon you'll wish he kept talking because the next thing

you know he's blasting one of his many songs and oh god he's singing along with it no he's singing to his own music no and the lyrics are about how the vaccine makes you forget how to pee oh no after the nine minute song ends he turns to you again and asks so what'd you think don't lie I'll know if you're lying it's okay I can take criticism please give me any tips and pointers so I problematic can take my music to the next level and gain custody of my kids you're horrible you tell him you've honestly never heard anything like that before in your life wow he exclaims boner city I knew I'd make it you mind if I FaceTime my ex before you can answer he does hey Sharon guess what I'm in the car with my new best friend who agrees that problematic

is going to change the world then he starts angry freestyling for what feels like ours so what I'm saying is take a lift instead okay so noted this is oddly reminiscent of something that actually happened to us sure is that's really weird that it's also gonna happen to Capricorn because yeah I've been there before how about that and I've experienced it so lack and ever since I've taken lift those are the best uber drivers though you can I play in my music give me more of those also did you know since the vaccine makes you forget how to pee right did you know that pee is from your blood yeah so Erin kind of blew both our minds yesterday when um when I came across a tiktok video oh Jesus it's always the tiktok videos from an actual

doctor doctor knock doctor knock everybody loves doctor knock and you drink the water and it goes into your stomach and then the water goes into your intestines where it is absorbed by your intestines and then goes into your blood and the blood flows through your kidneys and the kidneys are like okay which of these do we need which these do we not need and then whatever you don't need it pees out didn't know that pee doesn't come from your intestines and it's not water directly it comes from your blood and it makes me think about all the shit that I drink oh because that means that the alcohol is actually going into my blood not just my intestines it's weird I always thought pee was stored in the balls well it is but that's for a different video thank you

okay okay Aquarius okay guys I'm very very excited for this next horoscope because it's very special for a few reasons first we have our very first guest horoscope entry so exciting that was sent in on twitter by Sebastian at baseboy 28 but also we have a very special guest joining us who will be doing a guest reading of the guest's horoscope what by now you all know that during their time in off season Libras get buried in the pet cemetery anyway the way the pet cemetery works is that every time you bury something in the pet cemetery it comes back to life but comes back majorly evil because Libras are already evil fucks they just like come back to regular selves well guys we did it we brought John Lennon back from the dead no way to help us send

off Libra season because he's a Libra right John is he here take it away John Lennon I bet you lot don't even know who I am but that's okay because I was in a really shitty band so who the fuck cares every song I ever was a part of sounds better as a cover being sung by a different artist anyway oh well I'm richer than you'll ever be so piss off Sebastian at baseboy 28 says Aquarius and like the water in your bomb they cool everything down you're bloody right I don't know what that means but whatever the haters are gonna hate that's what I already said now piss off I'm hungry for some cancer souls and this stomach ain't gonna feed itself and there he goes wow we just saw a ghost thank you John it's like the spirit of Christmas all over again it's just like the

spirit of Christmas if you and John fell in love keep it come back to life forever that is how that works by the magic of that movie you guys could have a renaissance made together I sure hope no one connected to John Lennon like listens to our podcast why they'd be so happy that we channeled him and we brought him back to life good good good mm-hmm Pisces your score a hope sorry I'm still a little tipsy from all the hard seltzers Jack made me taste today that's okay your super score sorry your horse a pope your or your scope so you're a soap fuck your score for you'll get there your score for your horror show your horror score for poor your skirt score hurry your your sport go store you're to go or your scope

fuck this uh better look next time guys I will say I am surprised by how much my stomach hurts already oh Aries guys I am so proud of myself for teaching you all the art of channeling if you guys keep this up I'm gonna be out of a job just kidding have you seen these have nobody could ever replace those any who we have another guest channeling this one comes from Dahlia at house of Dahlia on twitter who spoke to her god friends who told them that Aries quote liked squid game way too much and now are doing random everyday tasks as if they were life or

death situations which is very inconvenient for everyone else around them end quote but you know what is an even bigger inconvenience the fact that everyone is acting like squid game is like this revolutionary television show when it's not like have you guys never seen the hunger games man josh hutcherson is so hot in that I didn't see anyone going crazy for him where's the hunger games themed gift shop where's their dessert fanfare anyway yeah I hope you don't die like all those folk in squid game that was also like kind of tragic I had no idea that you were such a big fan of josh hutcherson yeah I stand you know I stand you didn't know I stand well now I do yeah but I had no idea no it's true it's true what what do you like most about him his abs

fair fair torus here's a spooky halloween horoscope your ex got way hot oh no you have a hot ex now talk about a glow up your ex isn't even in the same league as you now fuck they're like model hot now holy shit I'd be so sad if I were you time to die happy halloween yay cool cool horoscope shit a bit of a downer the good news is is that my Libra ex from a hypothetical standpoint not hot way less hot than they were at the time oh way less hot way less hot that's great yeah wait way less talk about a glow down damn gemini listen up gemini I have some news and I don't want to drag this out a lot of you are hoping for good vibes I know I know but I can only give you what I'm given and a lot of times in life we're served a big ol bag of dicks and unfortunately this week

our guest channeler father material at lucia soul channeled quote all gemini's are gonna develop spiral dicks and vagina mazes like ducks end quote so this week sadly life served y'all a big ol bag of duck dicks could be worse though it could have been cat dicks don't google it wink wink did you really okay time out she asked if she could borrow a pen to make like a quick adjustment I assumed that there was like a typo or she missed she misspoke or you wrote a different word all you did was add an extra wink after a wink and a smiley face and a smiley face you're so dumb let's hear a fucking enigma man cancer oh this is cool we actually have a special guest here in the studio no way who agreed to read this next horoscope nice ladies and gentlemen give it up

for dave yes oh wow you girl your legs are like a carnival and i'm tall enough to ride oh let us frolic in the central gardens of love l o v e i can taste your summer galaxy me what's was horoscope oh my god dave thank you so much and just and just like that and just like that as quickly as they came he gone they were gone dave that was a beautiful song about summer galaxies and riding someone's leg like a carnival ride i will say that if nothing else he was very down to earth because he loves planets and wink and all things celestial and all things celestial very uh very low key very low key that dave do you know he wakes up in the morning uh did you know

that it's weird i don't think i ever realized how much he actually sounds like the snl parody of george w bush there's a lot of comparisons there's a bit of an overlap there yeah there's there's a lot of something to think about all right i think they might be the same person wouldn't that be i've never seen them in the same room we started twitter conspiracy about how george w bush and dav matthews are the same person because they talk the same oh my god my my fellow americans the oh i can oh my god right i'm hopping on that train right let's go put on your tinfoil hats listeners we're doing it body double leo i'ma need you to adlib and then play that voicemail that we want to play

god damn it erin oh my god i guess i gotta adlib oh god damn it we uh fuck you we do have a guest horoscope from one of you callers this is me adlibbing wow jack so much for subtle tea shut up remind me to never pass you a secret note ever again you're the worst

here's a guest reading from our hotline for leo leo this is your lucky day you're gonna win big i mean not powerball big but still ten thousand dollars ain't bad well maybe more like a few thousand but still you should be excited about the couple hundred dollars you're gonna win this week i mean maybe a hundred is an exaggeration but who can't use 20 bucks not actual money obviously but isn't it worth 20 bucks to appear on some guy's podcast which is award-winning genius dr wife oh to be honest i can't guarantee that you'll actually get featured on the podcast you can still listen to it well you could if your internet didn't go out anyway at least you don't need a root canal probably best check in with your dentist that's in case enjoy your week

that was amazing also leo uh i would not go buy a house not in this economy not in this economy that was cute but thank you so much um also as somebody who has had like literally five root canals three on one tooth go see the dentist yeah you never know yeah just get it done and over with honey it's time for the last horoscope oh boy you know what that just leaves nah i have a horoscope for me oh if i made jack do another cringy impression i vow to chug the rest of this mystery juice right here and right now cool here you go baby because you made me do that shitty fucking linen impression here's the thing no no no no but you just said you'd vow to do it uh you said a lot of things that i vowed that i don't

necessarily uphold aka our wedding vows okay so you can fuck yourself and if you honored my health and wellness and my career and me as a girl boss and if you felt even an iota of guilt for leaving me alone what's guilt for months on end years on end i mean i mean to be fair technically you left me for 25 years in a row oh that's really sweet okay you left me to be victimized by libra actually if you think about it my trauma from libra is your fault okay so no i won't drink your garbage wine and no i don't adhere to my wedding vows never do no this is your fault you've done this always my fault well that about wraps up our show no guys i'm gonna need a guest host for when jack is gone submit your applications but also

your horoscopes that most yeah that's the most important and don't forget to call in at a heart hotline a heartline but it's also but it's also my heartline at dad hug me 10 and i heart the heartline so if you could dad hug me 10 to the heartline right to the heartline i would love that i love hearing from you all i will say i had a weird day today that mercury that shirt is in renegade and i thought i today i was definitely in that simulation that simulation was working hard you know the devil works hard that simulation works harder okay so that heartline really do help i heart hiring from all of you on the heartline good pun so i was pretty solid as do i till next time listeners uh get out of here thanks so much for hanging out uh next week

we are gonna give jack film a belly ache and a headache because he deserves it no