Erin is the Funny One - Jack Film Gets Quizzed on jacksfilms

Episode Date: September 27, 2021

This week on Erin Is the Funny One, Jack and Erin try their tastiest (read: most terrible, horrible, yuckiest, no good, very bad) wine yet! Then, Erin quizzes Jack on his own videos - how hard could that be…right? Also, last but not least, Libra season is officially here, so buckle up! Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Welcome back listeners to yet another episode. Oh shit, I didn't have my headphones on. What am I doing? Oh my goodness. Thanks for coming to work today. The show has your fucking name in it. It didn't have the headphones on. Okay, to be fair, I did not ask for that.

I was mansplained into that, so. Hi, I'm Jack Douglas and with me as always is this one. Hi, it me, Erin. Hi, thank you for joining us today. The never had phones on was all, all distracted. Well, anyhow, do you know what this is? It's a podcast. This is our 14th episode of the podcast.

I can't believe we got here. Can you believe it? Why? Why can't you believe that? Exactly. Exactly. Of course I can believe it. I'm living the simulation. I designed this simulation.

Thus I can absolutely believe that I got here. This is the Fortnite episode. It's a Fortnite episode, it's 14. We get to talk about all things Fortnite today. Oh, because a Fortnite is two weeks. It's a number. Fortnite used to mean something before. It was just hijacked and Fortnite ago.

Oh, score is, okay, that's totally different. Jesus. That's a total. Oh, I thought you were doing a bit. Literally thought you were doing a bit and I was playing along. No, no. No. She literally thought Fortnite was in the Gettysburg address off to a very strong start

in this Fortnite episode. Oh my goodness. Jesus. Goodness, goodness. That's on me. That's on me. And Jack, what are we celebrating today? I think it's the start of Libra season.

That's right, Jack. That's right. I can't wait to see what the gods have in store for Libra season. I can. I can't keep track of it all. You wanted me to keep up some narrative and you got all pissy. I did. Well, I didn't get pissy about it.

I said I spent an entire month building up to the glitter bombing of cancer and I asked Jack, you know, a few days ago, I said, are you going to make sure to keep up the lore that is the glitter bombing of cancer and Jack, you know, he dismissed. What lore? He dismissed me. Here's we have two very different methodologies when it comes to horoscopes. You go for character arcs. I go for, you know, monster of the week or killer of the week.

I guess I just, it's kind of like when Jack comes home from like spending time with somebody and I'm like, oh, did you ask them this? What did you do? And he's like, no, no, not a crazy person like how did you not get the dirt on these people or like what's all you want is the dirt. How did you not like ask questions about what's going on with their lives and it's a little bit like that. Like when you were having a conversation with the gods, did you have a conversation about

like, you know, things that mattered? Not just like choose your own adventure goose bumps stories. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What? I don't talk to the gods. It's kind of one way. It's not a conversation. That's the problem.

Mine is a conversation. I get to ask questions, I get to ask clarifying detail, like I'm like, no, it's a one way street. Yeah. So you're doing it all wrong. You're not. I am bustling. But I also get to add like, so I heard you say this, but did you mean this or did you

mean that? No. You're doing it all wrong. And it's explains why some of your messages come across as sloppy. Yeah. I said it. Sloppy. Call me a slobby Bobby again.

Yeah. Cause you're slobby Bobby. Anywho, it's our 14th fortnight episode. Really excited. We have a lot to discuss here tonight. We've got a lot of fortnight funnies in store for y'all. This is the fortnight funnies episode. I guess we should kick things off as we always do on this podcast and talk about wine of

the week. Wine of the week. Now, I will say that Jack film picked this wine of the week out. Now, Jack, Jack, could you describe what you picked out for us this week? Aaron, it would be my pleasure listeners. I picked out a Sauvignon Blanc. Of course you did. Cause like you're obsessed with like every, every week I go, Jack, we need to pick a red

at some point. When are we going to do the red next time? And every week he goes for the Sauv Blanc and it just, it's so sweet. They're so lovely. I feel like such an imposter when I say Blanc. It's so stupid. Hey, keep it fortnight related please. Sauv Blanc.

Sauvignon Blanc. Sauvignon Blanc. And this particular Sauvignon Blanc is Oyster Bay, a New Zealand wine from the year 2020. And I will say this, I looked it up on our handy dandy wine app and it also came with a four stars out of five stars rating. No kidding. Yeah. With 6,128 ratings at a average price of $12.99.

Boy. Now, Jack, would you, how would you describe the taste of this wine? Here's the deal listeners. I love the Sauv Blancs, but this one's kind of shooting blanks. I'm not in love with this. I'm not enamored with this. Why not? Doesn't taste as crisp like an apple as the last time I had a Sauv Blanc, which was also

from New Zealand. I kind of assumed naively like a child that after the last Sauv Blanc from New Zealand, that all Sauv Blancs from New Zealand would be equally good. And this has proven me wrong, very wrong. This is a two and a half, maybe three out of five. I don't know, man. The Vivino app would disagree with that. The people are saying 4.0 out of five.

Well, they're the people. I'm me. Okay. Do you think I'm going to like it? You know I do. Why don't you give it a shot? You think I'm going to like it? Yeah.

Just to be contrarian. Even though, okay. Even though you know, I'm a shard lady. You know, I apologize. No, you're not going to like it. You don't like Sauv Blancs like I do. And if I don't like this one, I can only imagine your reaction. Okay.

Oh, a visceral and visual reaction listeners tongue out, foe gagging, very close to real gagging. She's like a cartoon character from the fifties right now. She's a tech savory cartoon. That is, that is not, that is not fun. That's not fun. I would literally, I'm not kidding. What I imagine when I fed you that lime juice, this is exactly what I imagine it was like.

The equivalent. The equivalent. Oh my God. It's like literally, it's in my mouth. It's stuck in my mouth. Oh my God. You really don't like that, huh? No.

I don't like. No. That's a no for me dog. Okay. A zero out of five. Well, you can't say we're not honest listeners. I literally, I can't even like close my mouth. I'm like, I do not like that.

That is not fun. That is the first time I've ever seen you react so strongly and negatively towards one of our 14 bottles of wine of the week. They need to pay me $13 to taste that. That's a little harsh. Walk that back. Did you get that from the dollar bin? Like what do we do in here?

Got it off the internet. This is not a Tuesday wine. This is a, when you die and go to hell wine. Okay. This is the wine that you drink when you've done things that are bad and you need to punish yourself. This is like that scene in, in that book, what does it call it? Oh my God.

What's the, the, the, the, the, um, Jesus, Tom Hanks and the angels and the demons and the, and the, and the, and the, the DaVinci code or the guys, or is it just angels and demons? No, no, no. It's the whip. Right. And he smacks himself to punish yourself. Layal or whatever.

Yeah. The guy should have just drank a glass of this. That's why I'm not even, I'm literally like, my cheeks are like turning inside out right now. My God. Like, get it together woman. Oh my God. It's not that bad.

Okay. Hold on. One more, one more, one more. Just to make sure I was correct. Glutton for punishment. She's doing it again. For reasons I don't know. Oh my God.

Yeah. It's still bad, isn't it? Nope. Nope. Nope. I'm actually shocked that you think it's that bad. It's so sour. Like I said, two and a half out of five.

It is so sour. I can't even give you, I literally can't even give you like what it tastes like outside of. I would literally rather drink lemon or lime juice. And I'm pretty sure it would be more delightful than how sour that is. If you were one of those kids that liked lemon heads or warheads or just like you were one of those kids that liked sour candy, I never understood those kids. No.

Like I could never relate to those children. I could never do those. Like why do you like sour? I don't, I will never wrap my head. If you like things that are sour and you just like enjoy that and I don't know why like something is like your wires got crossed in the womb or something. But like, bro, this is the wine for you. If you didn't get your wires crossed in the womb, avoid this at all costs.

Stay away from the dollar bin. Let Jack film pick out your wine for you. Oh, I messed up once. This is should hardly be penalized. No way. No. This is the, oh, oh, because it's from New Zealand. This is a trick from the hobbits.

The hobbits have played a trick. They would never. They would and they have and they did. And by the way, we just paid them $13 to get tricked. They're probably like cackling in their little hobbit homes. It's like, if this were a trick or treat scenario, this is the trick. Okay. Hobbit holes.

Oh, I'll give you a glass of the dog. Oh my gosh. Horrible choice, Jack film. I have a feeling we will never be sponsored by Oyster Bay. Yeah, not after tonight. You know what? I'm a truth teller. So that's why that's what I was saying.

I will. Oh my God. Oh my God. Hold on. I need to drink some water to get this taste out of my mouth. This is insane. Well, let's say I know it's genuine. Not every bottle's a winner here, folks, but that's our fortnight bottle.

Thanks for playing along. I feel like I have actually told people like there is not a wine that I will not meet. Yeah, not like you've told me that I love wine. I don't discriminate. I love all the wines. Well, I found I found it guys. Guys, I found the exception proves the rule, I suppose.

Holy crap. That's horrible. No good, very bad, terrible, horrible, whatever. Right. Yeah. I think that's what the book's about. So, honey. Yes. Once again, we turned to our hotline and once again,

listeners delivered in spades. They did because we asked specifically for quiz ideas. We can give each other and just like we requested, you guys did that wonderful thing where you prefaced a message. If you just had a quiz for me to give to Aaron or vice versa, you let us know. You're like, Aaron, don't listen to this is for Jack Sears only or the other way around. And we respected that.

But honey, my point I'm trying to get to is do you have anything for me from one of our listeners? No, nobody has anything for you. Nobody likes you. They call in for me. All right. Moving on to horoscopes. So, but let me rummage and see if I can pull something out.

Oh, just like that. OK. OK. So as it turns out, I didn't find anything for you. Cool. Because nobody likes you. But I did find one for me and this was a suggestion given to me. They called me. Yeah, we get it.

On my hotline, me, my, they specifically asked to speak to me. Got it. OK. But they gave me a suggestion to quiz you on. Well, let's hear it. So the quiz idea comes from Kelly. Hey, Kelly. Kelly suggested that I pick out comments from your videos and see if you can

guess the video based on the comment. Oh, God. Kelly also, oh, God, gave a specific request that we also include a messaging for trans rights, trans rights, Kelly, trans rights. And also thank you for the amazing suggestion, but also trans rights. But thank you, but also trans rights, but also thank you, but also anyway. OK, so what I have done is I have picked 15 videos. OK.

From your top 50 most watched videos of all time, OK, I have picked comments from 15 of those top 50 most watched videos. I follow. And I want to see if you can guess the video based on the comment that I've selected. I think this sounds so much easier than it actually will be. Well, I don't know, because like some of the comments, I was like, this might give it away because sometimes you surprise me with how much you remember about each video, whereas like I feel like I would forget it all steel trap, baby.

But we will see. Also, very exciting news about the hotline is that going forward. Yes, we are going to be able to play your voicemails on air on air on the podcast so long as everybody is consenting to them being played on air. This week, I just ask that you guys keep on sending in recommendations or suggestions or thoughts about what quizzes could be, because there are so many good ones so far, and I'm just like feverishly writing them down. I love so many ideas.

It is awesome. And I am really, really excited to not only utilize your ideas, but also be able to play your voicemails and give you the proper credit that you deserve for your ideas. And save some for me, too. Hey, listeners. No, nobody calls for you. I told you that. Everybody knows it's my hotline for me.

I'm listening to it. Listeners. People call for me. OK, they call for me. All right, let's start with this quiz. Enough stalling. All right, I'm ready to ace this quiz. All right, how do you feel?

How do you feel? Do you think I feel confident? Yeah, that's the thing. I feel like very falsely confident. I feel like, well, you know, that's always everybody's first misstep is. Yeah, as soon as you start to feel confident, that's when you know that you're like. Or it might work in my favor, though. What if that false confidence just helps me make like gut decisions more

and always trust your gut and then I'm right? No, usually for me, every single time that I start to feel confident, I'll like trip or like something will immediately like karma gods are like back in your spot. Get in the back. It's called karma again when the back get in the back, get in the back. Can't be overconfident, Jack. Film, well, too bad and too late.

I'm there. All right. Are you ready to quiz me on my own videos? Of course, guess the video based on the comment to be clear. To be fair, I have selected at least two comments for each video. So in the event that you are unable to guess the video based on the first comment, I do have a backup. I like that a lot, honey, just in case.

That's actually quite nice. Okay, thank you. All right. Won't need it though. Number one, six out of 10, too much hair. All right. Oh, okay. Six out of 10, too much hair.

Six out of 10, too much hair. Just out of curiosity, do you know your top 50 most viewed videos? Do you have a sense? I have a sense of like the top 10 to 20. I can't sit down and list all 50 in numerical order, but I know. So I'm so distracted because this six out of 10, too much hair. That is in itself a reference to an IGN review of a Pokemon game. Oh, I was unaware of that.

I would say I knew it before I put it in the comment. It was a parody. So there was a there was a time when IGN reviewed a Pokemon game. Couldn't tell you which one because I don't play Pokemon. But they gave it a six. They gave it a six out of 10. And in their list of bullet points, like first, they posted a lengthy review, but they always post like little bullet points at the end with a score.

So six out of 10. One of the points was too much water and what? Yeah, right. Exactly. And people memed that to death for like a year. Well, they still do. OK, so I have a feeling that this is probably not the only comment that I selected that there is like a meme behind that me being like the boomer that I am.

I had no idea. Sure. So anyway, I wish I had known that. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't have picked it. So now I got to think which of my videos involves hair in some capacity. Whip my hair back and forth. Is that in the top 50 used to whip my hair back and forth? My my fucking willow whip my hair parity that I made like 12 years ago. I don't know if that has enough views to be in my top 50.

If so, that's a shame. Do you want? OK, would you rather? Do you want a hint? I mean, am I on the right track? In what sense? I mean, it is a video of yours. OK, like this is a comment from a video that you made. So you're on the right track in that sense.

Does the subject matter have anything to do with hair? Describe subject matter. What does that mean? I don't know what that means. All right, never mind. My next question for my next wish, Jeannie, you asked me if I want a hint. You want a hint or do you want a second comment? Let's take the second comment.

Are you sure? Yeah, reach. Let me use a lifeline. It's going to give it away. Oh, is it? Then maybe not. Because what's the fun in that? Yeah. All right. Top 50. OK, too much hair, too much hair, hair, hair. Is it a joke?

Is there like baldness in the video? And they're like, too much hair. Ha, ha, ha, very funny. Probably not. I don't do a lot of baldness in my videos. Hair, a lot of hair. All I'm thinking of is fucking with my used to my hair back and forth, but that's not like I can't be in the top 50.

What else? What else? What? It was like a music video with. OK. Oh my God. Hair, Twilight, one of my Twilight parodies. Why are you using Twilight because of the werewolf? But yeah, werewolf and top view. You can't stop thinking about Renezmee. Renezmee. What a stupid name.

Terrible name. Terrible name. I'll take that hint, please. Or OK, what should I do? Do you want a hint or do you want the second? What would you rather give me? I would rather give you a hint. Give me a hint. It was a parody video. OK, OK.

Oh, and it wasn't with my hair back and thank you. OK, thank you for. Also, the subject matter doesn't have to do with hair. Does not. Oh, what the fuck? That has nothing to do with the video. All right. No, I said it didn't have to do with the subject matter. OK, are they talking about me back when I like just had big floppy hair because I hated getting haircuts?

OK, no, they weren't. No. This is hard. OK, parodies, parodies. What parodies have I made? Parodies, parodies, apple parodies. Too much hair. Is it one of my iPhone parodies or anything? I don't know if that would track. I don't make a lot of what else have you made parodies about?

Yeah, the WTF blanket, the like my snuggly parrot, I did the the the the Shamile Jesus Christ sponge. What else I made? Twilight parodies and then and that's it. Those are all the parodies I made. And then this is so hard. OK, I might need that second comment. The second comment. Yeah. Sharpie beard would be such an awesome band name.

This is my Vsauce parody, Vsauce parody. Too much hair, six out of ten. Oh, my God. That's hard. I forgot about my Vsauce parody. OK, OK, we were just warming up. We're just warming up. OK, all right. That's one of the easier ones. OK, next.

Good question, honey. OK, these ones are actually really hard. Do you want do you want an easy one or a hard one? Give me an easy one, please. All right. My ego is so bruised and brittle and fragile. This is the most serious YouTube drama the world has ever seen. Is this motherfucking tube news? No. OK. What's tube news?

My drama channel parody. Oh, no, it's not. Can you read the comment again? This is the most serious YouTube drama the world has ever seen. This is an easy one. Easier. What the fuck? Who wrote it? Desmino. Renezme. Right.

Renezme commented. Big fan. Big, big fan. She's married. She's seven years old and she's married now. So right, right. Congratulations to Renezme. Beautiful books. She had a COVID wedding, though. You know what I mean?

Jesus. What? One more time. This is the most serious YouTube drama the world has ever seen. Is this something to do with me and Jenna Marbles? No. OK. I do have a second comment, but I would rather not give it because I think it would give it away. This is my field of Franco parody.

It is not. OK. You made a field of Franco parody. Yeah, it was lighthearted. Of course it was. Yeah, it wasn't like a serious, you know, take down hit piece. Because you do so many of those. Right. This, I will say this, it was like slightly edgy. OK. OK.

Slight like slightly the most slight. This is my Ray William Johnson parody. No. OK. Do you want a hint? Yeah, I think you made this video and then maybe had a little bit of an awkward encounter in real life. Kind of an awkward encounter. Do you want the second comment?

I would like the second comment. OK. I've made so many parodies of you. OK. I've literally made a over 1100 videos. Is that is that real? That's real. Oh, wow. OK. All right. But there's only 50 most watched. That's there. They can be only 50.

All right. Ready? I will say. OK. So in looking at what I was doing when I was searching for comments, yeah, is I was sorting comments by newest first because. Sure. I didn't. I knew you probably know the most liked one. You know what? That's not like that. That's not all of a thousand.

Especially because like a lot of these videos are years old. And I didn't, you know, I wanted to spice it up. I wanted to trick you a little bit. So I will say this video apparently had a resurgence in 2020. No, it got a lot of extra likes and or extra views in 2020 because of something that this person did. Oh, my God. OK. So there were a lot of more recent comments

because of, I guess, when people were searching for this person. Is it? It's not fucking Neon Cat. No. OK, no. But when people were searching for this person, I guess this video came up in their search results, which is kind of funny. God, I am drawing such a blank. OK, you're ready for that second comment.

I guess this second comment describes why there was a resurgence in this video. View it. I'm scared. Maybe because you didn't loot with him. Maybe because I didn't loot with him. Yes. Wow, I thought that would give it away immediately. Really? Wow. Oh, oh, I'm wrong. I totally thought that was like a dead giveaway.

It will be once I get it. But I'm like right now my brain is mushed because I've just. Jack, who looted in 2020? Thank you. Oh, my God. Sorry. It was can you read that the second comment once more? Maybe because you didn't loot with him. Got it. I. Yeah, sorry.

It was just it was something about that sentence was awkward enough for me grammatically that it was almost it was almost in response to the title of the video, like the title of the video. And then this is yeah, maybe because you didn't loot with him. Yeah, got it. Got it. What's the 100 percent? What is the title of the title of the video? It's something like blocked by Jake Paul or Jake Paul blocked me.

Jake Paul blocked maybe because you didn't loot with him, Jack. OK. Yeah, there it is. The awkward encounter that I was referring to, by the way, is like after that happened, after Jake Paul had blocked you. Remember, you were invited to a dinner. And YouTube hosted a dinner. It was he had no idea who I was.

But like you guys sat at the same table. Yeah, it was. Here's the thing, though. We're just like a few months later. He you said he was like totally like fine, normal, whatever. He was normal and he had no idea. No idea who I was. Yeah. So he it wasn't awkward. He's probably blocked so many people.

He doesn't even like. Yeah, it doesn't even register. Oh, 100 percent. Yeah. I'm a new person to him. He's like, Hey, what's up? I'm Jake. Do you know if you're still blocked? I think I am. OK. It's been a while since I checked, but I. I I had a doubt. He's like, you know what?

I'm going to give him another chance. Unblock. All right. OK, you ready? Jeez. Yeah, I feel really. God, I don't know my own self. I mean, yeah, I'm ready. Let's go. I'm the. Know thyself, Jack film. Know thyself. OK.

OK, ready? Hard, hard comment first. Yeah. And then the easy one. Yeah. This dot, dot, dot did not age that well. Oh, come on. Come on. I've been on YouTube for 15 years. Of course, half of them haven't aged well. OK, OK, OK.

I can figure it out, though. I can figure it out. OK, all right, all right. Take off your clothes by Scarlett Johansson. No, shit. That's gross, though. I know it. It hasn't aged well. You know what? That's fair. You don't allow shit that hasn't aged well. Let's be real.

This one is very specific. I will say, hey, that comment was specifically left. It was actually two weeks ago that they commented that. But I will say it didn't age well, starting in 2020. Oh, my God. This is really tricky. Is it? Is it something? What happened in 2020?

So much. OK, don't. Yeah, don't start there. No, what was the first big thing that happened in 2020? The wildfires in Australia. OK, that's fair. That didn't happen January. Yeah, that's the first big thing that. Yeah, that did happen. OK, what else? Then what?

Then the rona. Ah, ah. Oh, there's more. Or is that it? No, that's it. OK. Yeah. So some. Yeah. So now I have to think of something about an illness or a virus, a virus, a virus, an illness, an illness, disease, disease. Didn't age well.

Virus, illness, illness, disease, war, famine, pestilence. God, come on. What have I done about illnesses? You want the second comment? Will it give it away? Maybe. Try me. Leaked footage of the spread of covid. OK, let's think leaked footage of the spread of covid.

Oh, man, I totally thought these were like the easy. I was like, oh, these are totally going to give it away. It's something with like kissing, touching. What did we learn about covid? What do we know about covid, Jack? It's extremely contagious. How is it contagious? It is spread through our.

OK, yeah, it's spread through what? You're going to say the D word. I was going to say breath. Oh, thank you for not using the D word. Do you know the D word? You know the D word. Oh, God, no, I wasn't thinking of droplets. I hate the word droplets.

So disgusting. But that's what they say. It spreads through droplets. Right. It's spread through droplets. Sorry. Jesus, you're really gag. Every time you say droplets. Stop saying that. OK, so but we have three dogs currently

that are suffering from canine influenza, which is a thing by the way, gets your dogs vaccinated, new to us. But also they spread it to each other through their stupid breath and stuff like that. Did I do like a kissing challenge? Like, I'm well, I'm trying to think droplets being passed and spread.

That's right. Leaked footage of the spread of covid. Is it like me and a crowd of people? No, that vlogging parody. No, it's actually like the opposite of you and a crowd of people. OK. Yeah. Is it just me? It's just you. Are there clones of me? Yes.

Always fucking clones of me. OK. Let's think. Barely narrows it down. You have no friends. I really don't. Why don't you have any friends? Jack. Oh, wait, is this Joker? No, he didn't have any friends, either, though. No, I did a video with me in a movie theater, a bunch of me's in a movie theater, all of reacting to.

Do you actually think that that's one of your top 50 most viewed videos? It's not even close. I'm just like, I'm grasping at straws here. All right. Are there a lot of clones? Are there like four clones of me? There's more than four. More than four. I'm pretty sure. OK. Are we singing? No. OK.

Well, it is a rhythm of sorts. So creepy. There's a rhythm made. There were a few people that like it's not like Duke Mountain, is it? No, there there was a there was a few comments that commented on joining in to the rhythm. So it's kind of like a sing along in a way, but it wasn't. There was no.

There's no music. I would say. No idea. You don't know. Can I ask how many clones there are? I don't know. OK. A lot, though. I mean, not like a lot, but like some fan. More than four. I know I was I was only listening to the. I was reading comments while listening to the video. So I don't actually know, but more than four, I think. I'm pretty sure I have to.

I have to give up. I don't know. Really? Really? I mean, what? Hold on. What other? Hold on. I'm literally getting on the video to count how many clones there are. OK, that will help. OK, actually, I think there actually might only be four. OK. Is it a W? Oh, no, there's more than four. I'm sorry. There's more than four.

There's more than four. Yeah, there's more than four. Is it a WTF blanket three? No. OK. I can give you a major hint. Before we do that, are we all on the screen at the same time? Yes, I need a hint. You film this video in the exact location that you are sitting in right now. Oh, is it cough? It's cough. OK. Wow, you really suck.

Those aren't clones. They're clones. No, they are. They're all you screen. There's that. Those are clones, bro. Those are clones. To be fair, that video has not aged well. That's, you know, I appreciate that because you don't want to cough. It's leaked footage of the spread of covid. Jinx. All right, you ready for the next one?

Let's go. I got to redeem myself. I'm not doing well. Epic bra moment. Sixty nine commented a year ago and said, I still can't get over the fact that my local news network used footage from this to show off, quote, summer fun. Yeah, got it. Thank you. Fidget spinners, epic fidget spinner tricks, something like that. Can I read to you the other comment that I picked for this?

Yeah, the forty four thousand dislikes make this video so much better. That's harder. You should have started. You should have led with that one. Oh, that's good. Yeah, I remember. I remember that video. So it's just a stupid video I made. It's called like really cool or like epic fidget spinner tricks. Warning, very cool, something like that, because it was the summer of,

I want to say twenty seventeen and fidget spinners were all the rage and they're hard to find in stores. And I just wanted to make fun of it by like doing the lamest non tricks I could think of. And then the funny thing is the the footage from that video ended up playing in kiosks and malls selling fidget spinners like because they didn't know it was a prank. They didn't know it was like a comedic video.

They just because the video I'm referencing just consists of a lot of close ups of fidget spinners. So they probably thought like, oh, this is great b-roll for our fidget spinner kiosk. In reality, I'm like, all right, here's this one's called the oopsie doopsie. You know, it's just like it's bullshit. There were an alarming number of comments talking about the size of my forehead and like how I look like a grandma. And come on.

What's funny is I actually remember you filming that because you made me film it with you. Yeah, literally as I was on my way to work. We were walking. So it was like eight a.m. in the morning. I'm on my way to work. By the way, I'm one of those people. I was one of those people when I was actually going into an office that I would do my makeup in the car, leave me alone.

Being a girl boss is hard and I would do my makeup in the car. So I was like, no makeup. Oh, but you were literally walking out the door. You were such a good sport. So many people commenting on the size of my forehead. And it was like and somebody like commented like, she's just not wearing any makeup. And I was like, thank you for understanding. There you go.

It literally changes the face. Anyway, it was kind of funny. Like it is. I mean, I remember that morning. You were, yeah, I don't know. I just I really needed you for the scene. You were like, hey, we need to film this. I'm like, all right, let's go.

Fine. Just we have to go now. I have a meeting. I got to go. You were like one and thank you for doing that. You're welcome. It's the best part of the video. Guys, this is what it's like being married to a YouTuber. Like I have girl boss things to do. I have an 830 meeting.

I have to be in the office for it's 745. I got to get my ass out the door. And this fucker wants me to like just hold a fidget spinner while he like he's like, oh, I just see a film real quick. Just let me just let me spin it. OK, that's what it's like. Oh, it took so many takes to because I couldn't. Yeah, it was great.

I was like, all right, all right. You can probably like tell in my face like, all right. Yeah. Good. All right. I got to go. Bye. It's preserved forever in HD. OK, are you ready? I finally got one on the first comment. You did. Finally. OK, ready?

Let's go, babe. I was at the place where they got hit by a car only last week. These ones are hard. The two that I picked for this video, now that we've been through a few rounds, I'm like, oh, oh, I picked some really hard ones. OK. I was at the place where they got hit by a car only last week. Is this pertaining to the Backstreet Boys? No. OK.

For the Backstreet Boys hit by a car. One of them had their foot crushed by a car. What? This is real. I think when did that happen? Oh, my God. Like when they were like little boys, like when they were like 17, 18, when they were like just like started the Backstreet Boys. Yeah, because I remember this was like a behind the scenes.

Like if you. Oh, I remember how I know this. If you put you remember when you could put CDs in your if you took like a regular audio CD, like say the Backstreet Boys Backstreet's back album, you put it in your CD. Rob, it was never called Backstreet Spec. OK, anyways, if you put it in the CD rom, it would unlock like special features and sometimes like videos. Oh, like you put it in a computer.

You put it in the computer. That's what gets a CD rom. Right. It would unlock like, you know, other stuff behind the scenes and some of us didn't have CD ROMs, Jack, I need you to check your privilege. Some of us also couldn't afford the Backstreet Boys CDs. So like check your privilege. OK. Ew. But yeah, I remember like watching grainy, you know, super low res video.

And I thought it was the coolest fucking thing because it was on my computer from a CD disc. That's redundant. But you make your parents go out and buy you the Backstreet Boys CDs. I don't remember. I wonder what your parents thought. It's one of my sister's CDs. Uh-huh. Yes. I didn't say I just said, I didn't say anything. I just said, I didn't say anything. I just said, OK. So the video is not Backstreet Boys related.

So it's not when the boy band. No, it's not. No, not at all. Oh, man. Oh, man. This is tricky. I was at the place where they got hit by a car. OK, I have a feeling you're not going to get it from that. OK, OK, OK. Second second comment. Hit me. I hate AirPods. I don't think you're going to get it.

I hate AirPods. So it's not the iPhone X parody. No, OK. That's where I first made fun of AirPods. And that would be on the list of at least the top 50. Most of you. It was it was one of your top 50. Because I kept saying like air buds. I mean, AirPods. And that was the joke is very funny.

I will give you a hint, please. Your iPhone 10 or X parody is not on the list of videos that I picked. So OK, it's not that nor is it any. OK, I hate AirPods. OK, I'm not even going to sit here and like it was a fixture. Picks to you're not going to get it. You're just not you're just not you're not going to get it.

Oh, hit by a car makes sense. OK, all right. Next. Next up. This activated my Google couple of guesses. OK, is this the OK Google Y? No. OK. Is it a Y? No. OK, this triggered. I actually was going to say I didn't pick any eyes. But I actually did. So that would be a lie. That would be a Y.

I lie. Good pun, babe. OK, so this triggered my Google. This triggered my Google. This activated my Google. OK, second comment. I did pick three for this one. How is the Bluetooth connection? Oh, oh, oh, thank you. Got it.

Let me try to let me try to nail this title. Yeah, you know, I know it. Ten thousand dollar dog versus one dollar dog. Thank you. My only good sketch out of all the thousand plus videos I made. It's the only good one. I would have chosen a comment from your. I don't even know what you called it, but it was like the bird box parody one.

Yeah, like that is literally. That's your favorite video of mine. That and your four million dollar house tours, three million dollar mansion tour. Oh, my God, I laugh out loud every time I watch that one. This is a few months ago. Fucking stupid. But like no one else liked it.

I love that both of those videos. So the bird box one totally got shadow banned. Yeah, we were not supposed. People were like people were doing the fucking bird box challenge. Walking in the streets and stuff. And they're like holding their kids hurting. Yeah, dude, like it's so funny. They're fucking three year old toddler.

So stupid. So people are so sorry. But like you totally got shadow banned for that one. But it's that one is like literally one of my favorites. Thank you. I think it actually it's between that and your most recent video that you made was your mansion tour or whatever.

Like I love that one, especially was like you call me a rascal. And where is that? Yeah, your cage sitting out. Yeah, and you're like and you're stupid laugh or whatever. Oh, I fucking love it. It's over for you. How that's my that's my kink, by the way, that's my new thing. It's just like, I know, it's disgusting.

I'm going to make like whole videos with that laugh. But anyway, so those are my two favorite videos. But I actually don't remember why I brought that up. But anyway, OK, next up. Are you ready? Yeah, let's go. Oh, yeah. No, I was saying I would have chosen a comment

from your bird box one, whatever that's called. But it didn't make the top 50. So I couldn't break the rules for it because then you didn't make the top 500. Yeah, it's so funny. If you haven't watched it, like actually, I think a lot of people like it's funny. Some people get really sensitive about like the including

the dogs in videos. But guys, I got to tell you, we fucking love our dogs. We would never hurt them. It's kind of gross how much we love our dogs. Genuinely, like there is no harm in the making of any Jack's Films video where there is a dog involved. Whatsoever, like we're probably never going to have kids because we just want to have dogs all just forever.

Their dog love our dogs. So anyway, but I would have chosen a comment from that because I love that video, but it didn't fit. It didn't fit the theme. It didn't fit the bird box, you know. Watch my bird box parody. OK, ready? OK, let's go.

OK, dick pics are still coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to be bold and take a stab at this and say this is my Apple Watch parody. Oh, my God. Finally. That was a good one. Good one.

OK. Yeah, I made some joke about like we can't stop dick pics. We're trying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. OK, ready? Let's go. Next one.

This feels offensive and funny at the same time. Shut the fuck up. Come on. That's obviously the WTF like, no, I don't know. That's so vague. OK, all right. Second comment. You just piss off the world.

Present tense piss or pissed? Piss. You just piss off the world. You just piss off the world. It's one of my Nepal videos. No. OK. Wait, which, wait, say that again.

Nepal. Yeah, Nepal. What did you do about Nepal? Oh, so much. I frequently would make fun of their flag because they're the only flag in the world that's not traditionally like rectangular. How frequently?

Oh, my God. Are you aware that they have the tallest mountain and that the flag is in the shape of that mountain? And like, why would why do they have to conform to your stupid like flag? Like what you literally a flag is the shape of a box and you want to put them in the flag box, but they don't need to be in the flag box, Jack.

Well, every other country does it. Why can't they? Are they too good for the world? No. Just because everybody's jumping off of a bridge doesn't mean that they need to jump off of a bridge. Yeah, I don't think making flags in the shape of a flag is the equivalent of jumping off of a bridge.

The shape of a flag is saying whatever shape you make it, Jack. The shape of a flag is like. No, they're trying too hard to be weird. No, no. You're just trying to be controversial right now. OK, so it's not that. For the record, Love Nepal would visit in a heartbeat.

Would you? No, too far. Would you go to Everest? No, absolutely not. Dude, I want to remember. We've seen all the people that died there. Remember that documentary we watched? That's all I'm thinking about.

I was high when I watched that. Remember that? Oh, yeah. And I was like, what the fuck? They're like laying that ladder across. Oh, that was. You're like, that's what treacherous means. Eight thousand feet in the air and they're laying out

a wooden bridge across a crevice right out of here with that. And they're like, yeah, just like, you know, crawl over it. You're fine. Hopefully the ice doesn't fall like it's like. There's like a three and four chance you're going to make it just fine. Dude, that was a wild time in my life for it. Yeah.

Oh, you gobbled up Everest related shit for a month. I remember that. I was like, I didn't have a choice, which I watched it, too. I go through phases. So like June was my cod, mice, Australia phase. But like, you know, two years ago, I was super. I went I literally couldn't stop reading, watching, thinking about Mount Everest.

Like it was wild. So anyway. Anyway, brugless family vacation. Paul. Yeah. OK, so it's not the Paul of our three dogs. Which one do you think could make it to the top of Everest? Chipwich. Me too. I was thinking the same thing.

Oh, my God, we have so much in common. Clonics too old, Sundays too fat. Chipwich has the stamina and the energy and the willpower. This past week, seeing how the dogs all differently react and act to the flu to the flu. It has really changed my perspective on who is the most gritty of the dogs and who would basically be able to make it to the top of Everest.

And I'm it's chip all the way. It's chip all the way, sadly. So back to this video nine pound bitch. I frankly, I'm obsessed that she will never get bigger than her little nine pound perma puppy self. I hate her. Right. OK, just piss off the world. You just piss off the world. You just piss off the world.

Like what? That's such a weird sentence. You're a weird sentence. You know what I mean? No, I don't know what you mean. You just piss off the world. What? I mean, honey, like me and my early YouTube days, you could apply both of those comments to like my first 300 videos. I don't know what this is. OK, I'll give you a hint before I give you the answer.

I told you before like you made this like the first video of this, I told you like, isn't that offensive? I feel like that's kind of offensive. And you're like, no, it's fine. It's funny. You're like, no, it's not real. It's not serious about a video of mine. Yes. Before you made it. OK, I think you ended up being correct

because it's it really isn't serious. Like it's not like it's like can I get a year? I have no idea. You don't have a video. I don't know what year the video was up. I don't know. I just have the comments. I mean, I could look it up right now. Do you want me to look at it? Yes, please. Lazy job.

I don't know. This is harder than the face blindness. This is OK. It was uploaded in 2016. Hmm. OK. Nope. Let me think. Let me think. Let me think. Anything Trump related?

No. OK. It's funny, the next video that I have, there is a Trump comment I picked. OK. Is this a parody I did or a sketch or a music video? It's actually a Y. This is a Y. It's a Y. Shit. OK. OK. That helps. That helps. I got to say that it's probably super boring listening to you try to guess these with you.

Just like, I need you to be better at guessing is what I'm saying, what I'm trying to say. Cool. So anyways, controversial Y. All right. It's fixing your flags. We need to move on. Yeah, I would not. Oh, that's funny. You asked if that was a fence. Oh, that's fun. I don't remember that at all. A conversation.

You don't know. Of course not. Of course you don't because you don't listen to me. I made sure it was controversy free. OK, ready? Yes. All right, here's a good one. Oh, God. How many other B fuckers are there? Oh, Alexander Hamilton. That's right. That's the name of the legendary person

whose comment sparked that whole video. B fucker 3000. Yeah, B fucker 3000. OK, dude, how many clothes do you have? Yeah, I. OK, I don't think that's one of my most viewed, though. That's not like adding a layer of clothing every time I lose in Fortnite. No, yeah. Oh, that's funny, actually. Yeah, I didn't think of that. It wouldn't have broke the top 50.

OK, one more time, please. Titanic is not a joke. OK, you just gave me like two. Yeah, I did. Titanic is not a joke. You're taking too long. Yeah. What was the first one? How many clothes? Dude, how many clothes do you have? This isn't a Y either, is it?

It is not a Y. OK, Titanic is not a joke. Third. I picked a third comment. Thank you. I was going to ask for a hint. I can't tell if this is a joke, but even if it's not, this is freaking funny. That doesn't help. That doesn't help. What? OK, how about a fourth comment? OK, for real, though, I'm impressed.

He managed to do this without laughing. Titanic is not a joke. Shit, man. OK, am I the only person in this video? Yes. Are there clones of me? No. OK, I give up. I'm super sorry. Did I make a Titanic joke? Apparently.

I don't remember the Titanic joke in that one. Shit. OK, ready? Yeah. All right. I mean, Canadians are Americans. Is this our Jackass? No. Damn. OK. I mean, Canadians are Americans. Yes. Shit. Oh, that's hard. That's really hard. Is this the guy?

I think it is. Yes, it's a guy. Really? Yes. Oh, is this what to do of Trump wins? No. OK, because I. I sang a song about like all the places you can move to if you. Yeah. Um, it was a different time. Shit. 2024. Don't fuck. Don't fuck off.

Can you repeat one more time? I mean, Canadians are Americans. I mean, Canadians are Americans. Did you want a second one? Please. Because I picked four for this one. OK. It's funny because my sister did get pregnant on her birthday in 2017. Jesus. So this one's cool because I think I'm on Yai number five hundred eighty three.

Oh, yeah, this is like three hundred years ago. Yeah. And that means nothing to me. Numbers mean nothing to me when you're referencing Yai. OK. It's Yai three hundred and five. OK. Does that mean anything to you? Nope. Is this like mild challenges or that one did well? View eyes. What one? Mild challenges. No. No, I'm trying to think, OK, around that area, the early three hundreds,

low three hundreds, what would that have yielded? What would that? OK, how about how about I have four? Do you want a fake fax? Is this like fake fax? It's fake fax. Is it? Yeah, this feels kind of anticlimactic, though. Is it a fake fax? On the best? Give me the point. I'm not even going to clap for you. I'm not even going to clap for you.

That was like super anticlimactic. And then who's clapping here? OK, ready? Let's go. Is that the first fake fax? That was the first fake fax. Three hundred to come up with that. OK. OK. Here's the thing is that I chose 15. But now that I'm reading the comments that I picked, I don't think I'm going to use all 15.

I think you should know because some of like now that I'm reading them, I'm like, oh, you're never going to get this. OK, OK. I thought you had like I honestly thought you had like an encyclopedic knowledge of my videos. Yeah, I totally thought you had memorized like every single joke and every single line, everything that you've ever done. I thought I had two, honey. So I picked ones that were really kind of obscure. Yeah, sure. Some of them.

And I don't think you would get it. And you did a good job. I would not have picked. I would not have assumed fake fax would be on that list. Yeah. OK, so here you go. I've never made it through this entire video. I'm sorry, John's films. Your grammar sucks a hundred.

Your grammar sucks a hundred. I just figured because it's like, how did you know? It's because it's an hour long video, probably my first hour long video, I think, I don't know. And it's just it's I wouldn't watch all of it. Can I tell you what another comment from YGS 100? Please. That I picked was OK. Why does this remind me of a Veggie Tales episode?

Probably because of the cringe, dude. Talk about shit that hasn't aged well. OK, ready? Yeah. Let me see what I have left. OK, we're down to the final 10 questions. We're down to OK, I have two more I want to do. OK. OK, ready? Yeah, I will sing this to my kids when I get older than them as a bedtime song. I don't know why they had to specify that they would get older than their kids, because like if they had kids, like, of course, they would be older than them.

But they're going to sing this song to their kids, basically. Dubstep solves everything three. No, I assume it's a music video. Twitter for Android. What is a music video? I assume it's a song. It is a song. Oh, but why did you hesitate at music video? Because I don't. What does that mean? You you make a lot of music, but they're not all like music. They're not all like dubstep solves everything three.

Like you make a lot of music. Is this a cartoon? Do you actually want to know that? Yes. Yes. Is this Kermit? It's Kermit. Oh, shit. See, you keep like, I don't know. I feel like you're ruining the surprise with these. I'm not ruining anything. It's super anti-climactic. You're like, is it Kermit? I'm because I'm guessing like you need to like be like final answer.

I'm like, no, OK, you're it. No. OK. OK, ready? I'm ready. Last one, Jack, film. All right. I need a final answer. You're going to get it five years later. And it turns out this man is a psychic. Oh, God. Is this a recent comment two years ago? OK, so no. So that would mean that you uploaded this seven years ago.

If you do the math, OK, OK, seven, two plus five equals seven. And seven years ago would be 2014. That's when you and I did P 90. We did the second comment that I selected was epic. He predicted it exactly. OK, I think I got it. All right, because this is the sudden death round. Yes, it's all or nothing, Jack, film. OK.

Are you betting everything on your final answer? Can I hear the comments one last time? The only the ones you have said so far five years later? And it turns out this man is a psychic. That was in italics. The this man is a psychic is in italics and epic. He predicted it exactly. I got it. OK, all right.

This is for everything. This is for everything. All or nothing. What is your final answer? My final answer is trailer for Frozen 2. Oh, my God. Yes. Wow, you actually got it. Yeah. Wow. Let's go. How did you know that?

I was thinking, what did I make in 2014? 2014, he's like, I made three videos in 2014. Right. So if I narrow it down, how dare you? Like literally used to make a video like every six months. That's true. Yeah. I was just thinking, like, what did I do after P 90? It was the holidays and what would make sense. Starving. You were starving.

I was like, what parodies I make. Starving. And I did the math. I was like, well, yeah, OK, so Frozen 1, I think, came around that time. And then Frozen 2 came out in 2019. Is that right? How do you remember that? I would have, honestly, I'm like, I don't know. I have no idea. Living, I will say, living in California,

it creates this like weird time warp because on the East Coast, you have seasons. You've seasons. I'm not kidding. Your memories are like my childhood and, you know, early adulthood, whatever that or early adulthood is like broken up. And like, I remember it exactly. It was freezing cold outside. I was like wearing this because I was so cold.

And like, I remember outfits. I remember temperatures in California. You do not have that. I mean, there are seasons, but guys, it is not the same. So literally, it's like a time warp. There's no differentiation in memories. Thus, it all just kind of blends together. So if you were to ask me about what happened in 2014,

I would be like, we did P 90. Couldn't tell you anything else about 2014 at all. Well, I have a memory of that. I was specifically, I remember it's a bit morbid. I was out of wake in December. Oh, your grandfather. When I received the message that the animation had come in for that parody.

Because you were on the East Coast. Because I was on the East Coast. So you remember seasonality. Yes, exactly. There you go. Exactly. So your point is proven. I prove the point. All right. So Jack, so how did I do? Well, you you came through in the very end

because it came down to the last question. Yeah, it was all or nothing, which means I got them all outside of that. I would say, generally speaking, throughout the course of the game, you kind of sucked. I would say, generally speaking, you sucked. Fortunately, you kind of had like you got Blackjack in the end. But also, right. You kind of sucked at that game.

I have to say, honey, I'm really disappointed in myself. You should be. You should be. I think we, you know, fans, they're probably also disappointed in you. So, you know, yeah, callers, let us know if you got any any ones before I did. Oh, I'm sure they did. I'm very intrigued. Sure, they did. Like, please give us your quiz ideas for the future,

but also let us know if you scored better than I did on any of those questions because wow, that was embarrassing. Yeah, that was embarrassing. I'm like actually embarrassed to be the quiz master and also those are my videos. Yeah. But to be fair, I'm embarrassed for you. I'm vicariously embarrassed, you know, to be fair, do me a favor and watch the mansion tour. The three million dollar mansion, whatever.

What is it called? Oh, that too. It literally made it makes me laugh out loud. But every single time I watch it, it makes me laugh out loud. Also, I lied. I lied, by the way. The bird box challenge. I don't remember what it's called, but it's fucking funny. So what I think it's called.

I punished my dog or I think I originally called it. I bird box my dog and then changed it to I punished my dog because he couldn't say bird box. But like, Klondike is the cutest thing on the planet and she deserves all the recognition and she is the star of that video. So. And by the way, I lied earlier. I said earlier during this quiz that I made on YouTube, 1100 videos. And that's not true at all.

I made 1300 videos. Wow, you don't even know how many videos you've made. I know my brains. What's so embarrassing. 15 years. That's too long. This is so embarrassing. Too long to be on YouTube. OK, so hopefully the horoscope gods have some real pain

in Jack's film's future because he is an embarrassment to all of us. And so what does that mean, Jack film? It's the Libra season. Oh, my gosh, we're here today is the we are here opener of Libra season. And we are here with the gods themselves to open Libra season to all of you. So without further ado, yes, Jack film, are you ready to open up Libra season? Let's get Libra season started, started, Libra. Well, well, well, look what the cat that Alf tried to eat dragged in.

Happy Libra season, Libra, as excited as we are to say goodbye and be rid of the drudgery and hell that was Virgo season. Sadly, we're not all that excited to celebrate Libra's. Now, I'll give you a little peek behind the scenes. I had a very long heartfelt discussion with the gods this week. And after much deliberation, I would like to share my feelings on why I, Jack, am so torn on celebrating Libra season. Huh, I had no idea.

You see, I love my wife so much. I sent for her very hard and out of respect for her. I feel very conflicted because she has been the victim of many a Libra. How did you know that? In fact, what she claims was the most heinous break up of her life was with a Libra. And she remains scarred from that break up to this day. I do. Fuck that, dude.

I mean, I know it was literally 15 years ago, but that guy is the dickweed. And for that, Libra season must pay. So instead of delivering a normal, friendly, fun and fortuitous horoscopes as I normally do this season, I will be channeling all of the rage that I carry on behalf of my wife, my lovely, lovely wife who did not deserve to be hurt in the way that she was. I had no idea that you felt this way. So this week, a stranger is going to make you very uncomfortable

and you're going to feel really weird and awkward about it. And you're going to think about it for the whole day because you deserve that because you're a Libra. See you next week. We've never talked about this. I didn't know that you we haven't. But honey, I keep it in a lockbox in my brain. I didn't know that you felt that way in my heart and that you wanted to protect

me and defend me. You're my wife. Thank you so much. Of course, Libra. No, I'm not a Libra. I'm a cancer. You are a cancer. We are cancer together. Scorpio. OK, here's a good horoscope. Go to a CVS and wander around the aisle with Halloween decorations. Then after a good 10 minutes, say out loud, the only thing spooky about these

decorations is how early they're out. Then look around for staff. Make sure they're watching. Call them over if you have to. Yeah, you know what? Call over someone who works at CVS. Take them to the Halloween aisle and then yell at an unreasonable volume. The only thing spooky about these decorations is how early they're out.

Then ask the poor CVS worker if they could record a video of you saying that for TikTok, fire up the camera on your phone and say you're now very tired. Catchphrase. The only thing spooky about these decorations is how early they're out. Now ask the CVS worker if they thought it was funny and make sure to end your question with be honest. Whatever they say back, that is your horoscope. Oh, thank you, God.

I will. May all you Scorpios do the same. Sometimes the CVS workers are the true vessels. Listen to what they say. Sagittarius, I have some advice for you this week. Sagittarius, keep your friends close, but your Libras closer. Oh, my gosh, those slimy rotten Libras are not to be trusted. If you have any in your life, make sure not to turn your back to them

or they will surely stab you in it. They'll tell you that they're making popcorn and watching movies with their little brother when, in fact, they're out getting ice cream with their ex-girlfriend now that she's home from school. Oh, my God, Libra Libra pants on fire. I mean, liar, whatever. You knew what I meant. Watch yourself, Sagittarius.

You've been warned. Wow, shit. Wow, it's true what they say. That is so like on the nose. You know, that was a really specific example with the ex. Damn, it's weird. Like, I feel like I have like a vague. Yeah, I have like this vague memory of that, but I don't.

I can't like totally place it. It's just the gods, you know, those, those, I mean, they know those rascals up there. Those rascals, they're literally watching all the time. If anybody knows, they know, you know, you know, Capricorn, your love life. Wait, hold on. Um, your love life, staying it. I'm sorry.

The text is so small. I'm having trouble reading this. I'm reading from my iPhone and the screen is just so tiny. I hate it. I hate it with every fiber of my being. Really? If only there were a phone that could expand in size and provide a truly immersive experience, honey, can I borrow your much larger, sexier phone?

Sure, honey, yeah. My goodness, what a revelation. I, I can never, I can never, I can never go back. For too long, I lived in the darkness like a cave woman, but now I see the light like a girl boss. Oh, honey, thank you. Thank you. A thousand kisses for my hunky husband.

It's true what they say, ladies, your man always knows best. Okay, let's read this horoscope. Now that I have a proper device, your love life sucks because you're ugly. Yeah. Oh my God, my mouth hurts from like smiling so hard. I would rather drink a bottle of that disgusting Sauvignon Blanc than have to read that horoscope ever again. But you made it through.

God, it's such a big phone. Aquarius. Be investigative this week, Aquarius. You're very resourceful and it is about to be put to the test. For example, hypothetically, if Libra tells you that they are hanging out with their little brother. Good day. Make sure to do whatever you can to catch them in a lie.

I mean, do you think you wouldn't remember his ex-girlfriend's screen name on AIM and look up their away message that says out with Libra? You are much too smart to not do that. Hypothetically, make sure to then change your away message to a quote from the Broadway musical Wicked because you embody alphabet. And if that's love, well, then it surely comes at much too high a cost. Jesus Christ, some people probably assume you're a Glinda, but you're definitely an Elphaba, if you know, you know.

Oh my God. This one's incredible because I know someone who's AIM away message was a quote from Wicked. I think it was that exact quote from Wicked. Wow, weird. Yeah, she was hella dramatic. Like she was a lot. Well, you know, she probably been through some traumatic, dramatic shit.

She was a lot. All right. Oh, thanks for making me read Elphaba. You're welcome. Thanks, God's. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a very special guest here in the studio. Really? And he has agreed to read this next horoscope.

No kidding. Take it away, Kermit. You will die of it. You will die of this. You will die of this. You will die of this. Oh my God, Kermit, come back. That was so cool, baby.

Our first special guest in the studio. That was so cool, baby. Our first special guest on the podcast. And gosh, dang it. That sounded exactly like Kermit. And not at all like someone who's never done a Kermit impression before doing their very first Kermit impression on air. Wow.

That was special. That was what you fucking did. I didn't do anything. Kermit was here. Kermit did it. Wow. Here in our little studio, who would think? Aries, you're about to embark on a journey, Aries.

Journey. So I hope you packed a sweater because it's about to get real dark and stormy. In fact, this journey entails you driving your family's Dodge Stratus like all around the Northeastern United States. Wait, where is this going? And then when you get to your final destination, you're going to get dumped anyway because guess what? Libra fell back in love with their ex-girlfriend and there's nothing you can do about it.

Shit. Oh my gosh. They won't tell you that, of course. They'll lie and say some, it's not you, it's me, bullshit. And let's still be friends, but then they never even actually try to be your friend. Wow, that's so Libra of them, you know? What you had wasn't real. They made you think it was real, but it wasn't real.

It didn't matter that his dad liked you and told you that your laugh lights up a room because you have an insecure attachment type. And once they realized that, they didn't want to deal with it because they are Libras. Oh my God. And we should all just throw them into a volcano and be done with it. Hey, don't hate the vessel. Hate the God, okay? Okay, but also can we hate Libra too?

I feel like there's this ganging up on all Libras. I don't. At the start of their season, no less. Are you getting that? No, I'm not. No. No, I don't think so. No, okay.

I'm misreading it as I often do. No, you're being dramatic. I'm sorry. Typical cancer. Being dramatic. Yeah, yeah. It's true. Doris.

You will find yourself in a true love triangle. First, on your next coffee run, the hot new barista will ask you out to dinner on Saturday. You'll say yes because barista be hot. But then later on that afternoon at the gym, the hot gym trainer you've had your eye on for months will finally get the courage to ask you out to dinner on Saturday. And without thinking, you'll say yes. No. Oh no.

You horny fucking idiot. Look what you've done. How the hell are you going to get out of this pickle? And to top it all off, you're already married. What? What are you thinking? You're a mess. A real mess.

Jesus. What a mess. Fuck you. Also, this is because of the orange. This is because you know. There's no also. The orange theory hot trainer. That's why.

That's why. Jack can't stop talking about how hot the trainer is at orange theory. I hate you. And I'm like, Jack, you've only seen top half of his face. Fuck you. Oh my God. You don't even know if he's actually hot. I hate you right now.

I hate you. You dare turn this around. Gemini. Ah, my old friend. Two-faced Gemini. You know, who else is two-faced? You guessed it. Stupid Libra.

But enough about them. This is about you, Gemini. I see many things in your future, Gemini. But what I am about to tell you brings most true persistence is key. That is the answer. But you know what isn't answered? Your phone. When you drunk dial them like 100 times.

I know I said persistence is key, but Libra is the one exception to this rule because they don't answer their phone even though you're being persistent by calling so many times. Like, what the hell? Do they just think they can rise above the rules? If a God tells you to be persistent, then you be persistent. Damn it. They said they wanted to still be friends, but friends answer the phone when friends call. That's right.

Pretty shitty friend, if you ask me. Yeah. You know what else makes them a shitty friend? What? The fact that they got back together with their on-again, off-again ex-girlfriend and then moved in with their best friend because they were both new to this- Wait, they moved in with whose best friend? They moved in with their on-again, off-again girlfriends best friend.

With her best friend. Yeah, okay. Sorry, I just wanted to make sure. Okay. Because they were both new to the city and needed roomies because rent be expensive and then got with the best friend. Oh my God. What?

What? Libra's tripping. Oh, yeah. Oops. Sorry, Gemini. I got sidetracked. Yeah. Uh, just keep on keeping on.

You do you. Persistence. Yeah. Oh, wow. But also, can we circle back to how Libra literally, like, hooked up with their girlfriend's best friend and they may or may not now be married with a kid, but also, I don't know. I don't know. I'm just saying, I don't know.

I said, may or may not. Honey, I know I'm just a vessel, but I hate to say it. May or may not. I'm liking Libra's less and less. Yeah. I just- Their true colors seem to be popping out tonight. I think we need to get a Libra on here to like-

No, we don't. No, we don't. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. Yeah. Come on. The more I hear about them, the more I'm like, that sounds horrible. You want that on her show?

Get real. Yeah. So, like, that would really dilute the waters. Cancer. You've had a tough week and no wonder since you're an overworked estate attorney. I know you're dreading your next gig, meeting an appraiser and a haunted inn so it could be sold after the death of the owner, but you should spend the night there. You might just notice a young man wandering the grounds.

Oh. Who likes an awful lot, like the young man in all the very old photos on the walls. That's right. He's a ghost. But he becomes a real man for the 12 days of Christmas. Try not to fall in love with the man. Lest you repeat the events of the greatest lifetime movie of all time, The Spirit of Christmas rated hard R for grizzly sex scenes with a ghost.

Yeah. It's true. It really is. It really is. When did you know it was that movie? Appraiser and haunted inn? Yes. Really?

That's awesome. No, like when you have to go stay at the haunted inn because you're an appraiser. Nice. Immediately. I was like, I've seen this movie before. By the way, can we just like back up to like, I'm so happy for Cancer that like she is getting some good ghost sex. I mean, they, because like it could be, I don't know.

Cancer is getting good. Go sex. Cancer is getting good. Go sex. It's very cool. She, he, they, whoever, whatever. Cancer. They get addicted and fucked.

They get in D to neft. Thank you. I'm happy for cancer too. E for Ernie. So that's right. D E F. Oh my God. I just thought of that.

Hey, not bad. Yeah. Yeah. Leo, do yourself a favor Leo and stay away from cancer this week. What? You're burning some resentment and it's spilling into every other part of their lives. And you don't want to get caught in the crossfire. Also stay away from Libras, but that's not this week.

That's just every week. Just a good general rule of thumb. Okay. Okay. Chew you up spit you out that type of thing. Okay. Good talk. See you out there.

Nice. Okay. I feel like Leo is a little half ass. No, I think that's actually the most pragmatic advice that the gods could have given. I mean, it's the most realistic advice that I've heard. Stay away from Libras. Yeah, just stay the fuck away from Libras. They can't help it.

Well, how do they not help it? There's a duality there. No, I'm saying they can't help it. You mean Libras can't help being toxic fucks that they are? Is that what you're saying? Yes. Okay. That's fair.

Okay. You know what? It's a condition. I have Libra ism. Virgo. YouTube kind of sucks now, right? Yeah. It's gonna push it and Minecraft and very niche memes buried in layers of irony.

Hey, wait a second, I have an idea. Mm. Why don't you make YouTube too. Oh. Yeah. That's it. And then the next YouTube, you should make it so that Oh my God, ladies and gentlemen, what once again please give it up for Kermit.

Oh, only trip. Only trumps. Only trumps. Only trumps. Jesus. Only trumps gets vexed. Yay. Oh my God.

Oh my God. That was the worst one yet. Sorry, I tried to have her say only trumps get vexed in the Kermit voice. It came out as only trumps. Wow. Oh my God. I didn't know your Kermit would be that fucking bad. It wasn't me.

It was Kermit. It was Kermit's feeling under the weather. Oh, is that right? Did you have a frog in his throat? Poor guy. He's a frog in his throat. Oh my God. Unintelligible.

He's lying down, man, because that's rough. He's not feeling well. And the... Holy shit. Jack, I have one wish for next week. What's that, hun? Stop talking about how hot the Orange Theory Trainer is. Okay, I just need you to stop talking about it.

I hate you so much. And I can't even tell the story. You don't even know what the other half of his face looks like. I can't even tell the story. So anyway, thank you so much for tuning in. Next week, hopefully, we will continue to unveil the truth that is Libra, okay? And much more importantly, we're going to include hotline messages.

Hotline messages. Hotline messages. Hotline messages. We need to come up with a jingle for that. Oh shit, we kind of do. Yeah. I'm on it. And by we, I mean you.

I'm the jingle boy. Let's go. Yes. Thank you so much for tuning in. I can't wait to unveil. We are truth tellers here, and we need to unveil the truth that is Libra. So... Oh, what's that hotline number in case people want to call in?

Yeah. Please call us in at dadhugme10. Look forward to hearing from you. If you consent to having your voicemail on our podcast, please call in and say as much. And if you are not consenting, say as much. No means no, everybody. So thank you so much for listening. Can't wait to hear from you all and look forward to seeing you next week.

Until next time, haters.