Erin is the Funny One - The Dirty Dozenth

Episode Date: September 13, 2021

In this yummy episode Erin & Jack go to the hotline and learn what innocuous things infuriate their listeners. From fake shutters to overly cold water and license plates that start with the letter C, nothing is off the table. We also hear the next chapter of the highly-anticipated feature film A Very Girlboss Christmas. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Welcome back to yet another episode of Aaron is the whatever I'm your co-host whatever Doug excuse me Douglas whatever joining me by contractual obligation is this one hi it's me Aaron but yeah no Jack you're whatever just whatever you're like so whatever you're like so whatever Aaron yes this is our twelfth episode aka the dirty dozen the dirty dozen this is not an Aaron's dozen this is not an Aaron's it's just a dozen it's just a dozen yeah yeah not bad not bad stop stop I hate speech-jammer so I I feel like I read somewhere that the US Army is using like speech-jamming devices what just to

like yeah to fuck people up no way I don't believe that what is that on your like Twitter news feed that's like the equivalent yeah probably that's like the equivalent of anybody being like oh I saw it on Facebook like that's not real it's not it's true it's not a legitimate it's not it's absolutely not it's honestly it's a fair comparison to make but any who the Army uses sound guns and this is our dozens episode of Aaron Aaron Aaron are you happy to be here on the dozens day of the dozens year of our dozens God I am honestly shocked that we made it to a dozen I will never not be offended by your surprise that we made it

anywhere like at all well I'll tell you why I never saw myself as a podcast guy like a few years ago you're still not a podcast guy excuse you I'm the podcast guy according to what's the show called again I'm sorry I remember unimportant you're my co-host I'm the host you're the co-host it's like I'm the president you're the vice president no we're but no we're both vice presidents you can't run a country with two vice presidents I am the president you are the vice president we should set a precedent to have funny not for a country to have two vice presidents why I think because I think it's beautiful

think of the symbolism no we need leadership and thus I am the president and you are I am the Mary you are the rhoda I don't know what that no that's from Romy Michelle's high school reunion but yes they're kind of co-presidents of their own little world no that was what the whole argument was about I'm the Mary you're the rhoda because rhoda was like the sidekick gotcha gotcha gotcha yeah it's like the what's the new meme that the kids are saying I'm the main character or something what you don't know this hold on I have to think about this because your description of memes is just generally terrible so I'm trying to figure out what you're it's not like a meme meme it's like what the lingo the main character

you don't know main I know main character but I don't know if it's like a it's a lingo okay that's the lingo that's what everybody's saying these days oh yeah everyone yeah they're all saying that they act like the main character okay I think I have heard that how many hours do you this is guys this this here is proof that twitter is just echo chambers jack films social media usage is 99 twitter which is 99 of his day the fact that he has not come across the lingo main character yet proves that he is just surrounded by people that think the same talk the same and don't use the language that is main character twitter puts worms in your brain that's really what it does you're telling me that yeah you are the one that's addicted to it I'm telling anyone that'll

listen that you will literally go out of your way to even after deleting the app on your phone you will open it up on a browser tab on your phone just to check it I don't know why like I I don't understand the fascination I usually spend about three minutes going through like the feed and then I go through mentions and then I'm done with twitter I've run out of twitter well honey you can never run out of twitter everyone always has something to say about everything no yes yes well that that is true it's often I don't know I feel like I burn out detrimental to your health and well-being yes it is often that I like to read my mentions so that I can engage with people because I like talking to people making new friends you're quite good at that and I read the

feed you know what I don't like about the twitter feed what's that is that it shows like random replies and it makes me want to reply less to people because I think that like more and more people will like not want to engage with me because then they're going to just all they're going to see is me replying like I don't know sure right and then it takes their feeds right yeah I wish it like hid the replies almost on the main feed because it's like well I don't care if somebody like said yes or whatever like right that's true like a one one or two word reply versus a heartfelt exactly three paragraph essay thoughtful message on the errors of that they've they've carefully crafted and held very near and dear to their heart in their drafts for the last eight months you know

yeah yeah yeah the deep ones they need to tweet it out when they've perfected it like a chef's kiss and when it's finally ready to be fully baked they send that out into the ethos see that's a problem with twitter though every person that posts a terrible hot take on twitter they think it's their chef's kiss they think like uh I've perfected my opinion for the masses to digest what's wrong with that that's why it's that in their drafts for eight months well when the takes terrible well that's a matter of opinion is it not I mean you like Dave Matthews so we can all have bad takes sometimes I don't see the correlation honey you'll have to forgive me I'm feeling rather loopy oh are you can I tell you why yes tell me why it's because of this gall dang wine of the week

it's got me all loopy why has it gotten you loopy that's not good let me tell you all about it how much have you drank apparently too much but then again you can't have too much of this week's wine of the week a savignon blanc from New Zealand called orchard lane it's from the year 2020 great year great year so many revolutionary things happened 2020 and honestly when I first took a sip of this I told you off the air that it tasted like apple juice okay and I stand by that you're supposed to do a reveal whoops well that's the reveal here here's the reveal okay ready gosh okay hold on for the first time I'm tasting this wine I swear it tastes like apple juice it's the nuttiest thing is it taste nutty though jack you can't use flavor terms when describing it

if you don't mean the flavor I rescind my statement about the nuts it's the wildest thing this is okay according to the app Vivino right this is actually the highest rated wine from users that we have enjoyed on this show it is a 4.0 out of 5 no kidding yep jack did you describe where it was from I didn't describe where it was from but I said that it's a wine from New Zealand and I wanted to ask you honey would you you being the the big fan of Lord the Rings and Hobbit books and films and all media would you ever would you ever visit New Zealand would you ever an interest in going to New Zealand would you ever have an interest in going to New Zealand yes why I want to see this shire I would no I genuinely would love to see I don't know it just looks beautiful I

would love to I would love to I would spend a vacation what do you know about New Zealand that it's beautiful what else do you know very little nothing I know nothing about New Zealand I know you know where it is on a map yes I know I can find it on where is it on a map it's a little try to describe it New Zealand it's the little island next to Africa is that little liar yeah I just want to see your face guys oh my I was fucking terrified for a second there I was like I'm a little disappointed that you had so little faith in me okay Jack what is where is New Zealand oh my god it's a little it's the I think it's a pair of islands next to Australia it's like technically like two like like if you had to draw it it looks like two little things that

they're barely not connected they look like an upside down L they look like the Waluigi symbol is it north or south of Australia uh neither it's east well okay so uh southeast is southeast just okay do you know what the climate is like in New Zealand it couldn't be better the climate is not to be topped is it tropical it's perfect I you know what I don't I'm no it's not tropical because it's not that type of place um what kind of place is it it's got it has millions of acres of forest oh okay so do we got that too by the way we have that in the united states yeah but I wouldn't call it tropical but you also wouldn't call New Zealand tropical you just said right so what is this about millions of I'm saying it's not tropical okay but they're four they put it

stop gas lighting me fuck but it has forests but so tell me about these New Zealand forests well that about does it for our show thanks so much you guys can you tell me about these New Zealand forests they're plentiful they're very green and lush uh sometimes little hobbits peek out their little hobbit heads I think you're thinking of Iceland with the elves the gnomes I did not say gnomes or elves I said hobbits is it's like she's not even listening okay uh any who so the gnomes live in the forests there are no gnomes wait oh I'm sorry what are they called hobbits is hobbits Jesus okay so they live in the forests of New Zealand is that right that's correct okay okay do they live in the trees no they they live in very roomy

and rustic and charming cozy hobbit holes uh huh okay like a squirrel and an owl very very similar to a squirrel okay that's so nice for them and their doors are all circular it's a beautiful thing I love that for them yeah right me too that's why that's why I want to go so you want to go I want to go I want to do while we're there I want to bang down the door of a hobbit hole are there any animals that are like native to New Zealand I couldn't tell you oh I thought you were an expert besides hobbits I couldn't tell you check they're not animals I knew I knew you were going to say that as soon as I fucking knew it I just I let you do it no honestly I'm curious about everything about New Zealand the the culture the nightlife the day life the nightlife all of the life you

want to go clubbing I want to go clubbing in New Zealand okay they've been clubbing since like March of 2020 you know that's not true they locked down they locked down hard but like they're I think what I'm trying to say they were the only country that like it was able to like figure it out but then I think I think they just went back into lockdown I think so too no I think that's there were like three cases or something but that's like what a response I know but like what I kind of love that interesting is that how did the three cases get in this is what I don't understand I don't know but they're gonna take care like more so efficiently than many other countries and territories they'll probably take care of it yeah they will what's interesting too

is that Australia there was a really long time that Australia was like widely open and they only had like a handful of cases as well yeah but then that turned out to not be the case but they still always had cases but it just wasn't widespread and I guess I'm a little bit like how can that be like yeah how did that I don't know I don't know yeah guys I'm not smart they have that whole outback thing in the middle and you know that's not a lot of people reside there yeah would you go back to Australia absolutely you would Australia was loads of fun cool so how does this wine taste to you so okay okay so I've been I've been messing with you Jack okay so this wine is from New Zealand I will say I am not crazy about Sauve Blanc oh oh actually

that's something else people have been tweeting at me and telling me like every time you guys say Sauve Blanc it drives us nuts we French people it drives us crazy it's Sauve Blanc the sea is silent Sauve Neant Sauve Neant Blanc I guess so you don't say Sauve Neant Blanc Sauve Neant Blanc Sauve Neant Blanc so Sauve Blanc I'm not really like a fan of um but I gotta tell you this wine is actually quite tasty would you have another bottle of this I would have another bottle of this I'm rather enamored by this wine I'm very relieved what notes do you taste oh dear taster um it's definitely not as tart as Sauve Blanc the usually go would you say it's on the sweeter side because

I sure would no it's not sweet it's very sweet but it's not tart it doesn't leave my cheeks pinched me thinking like like I just ate a warhead uh huh notes I'm not sure there's a lemony zest to it no I don't get any lemon I would say some grapefruit cherry and apple yeah there's that there may be some apple and like honey also very tasty okay so we paid $16.99 for this bottle average price of this bottle was $14.38 we got ripped off we were supporting a small business okay we got ripped off and it is 13 alcohol which as you know does not fall into the four loco category right that's I think that's a solid percentage for a wine 13 I agree it's not too low and it's certainly not too high I agree so anyway I on a scale from one to ten yes on the errand scale I would actually give

this wine a solid seven and a half out of ten I like it quite much it is a very solid very good Tuesday night Wednesday night there you go that's a real ranking yes yeah I'm that's how I praise from you a 7.5 out of 10 because you're picky you're thinking when it comes to the wines I'm this is an eight and a half for me conscious of my biases with wine I lean hard yeah on the Chardonnay scale guys that's I I'm just like that's where you reside I reside on the Chardonnay so to kind of break me out of that and for me to like other wines I'd give it two thumbs up look at that two toes up if you will even the toes even the toes my god listeners there's a rarity that's hygienic problem it is put those toes down yuck are you feeling okay it's this goddamn New Zealand

do you need some crackers or something yes because I'm eight kind of all right guys we are back and as promised from last week we are back with the yes with scenes two and three yes from a very girlboss christmas now stay tuned till the end because we actually have a very exciting announcement that's right from the creator of a very girlboss christmas you don't want to miss this tyler b less time on a very girlboss christmas all right so where do we leave off jack film is a very important prestigious wine taster man person who can do no wrong and tastes with his fingers and he has no competition whatsoever he also suffers from face blindness because he can't even recognize when his family is in the crowd cheering him on

scene two interior restaurant back room agent you doing okay mr films of course takes more than a couple of reporters to shake me up agent good we need you ready for this christmas wine tasting event once you've earned their trust as a wine connoisseur we can launch our own brand of cheap wines and drive these local brands out of business mr films i know the plan agent then you'll know that it all i just love that he agreed like i know the plan agent then you'll know that it all hinges on you winning this christmas competition mr films you don't need to worry i'm a natural at this no man could possibly stand in my way where is this going that's awesome that's awesome

scene three interior exterior bus daytime ernie a businessy business woman in her early 30s rides a bus she talks on the phone with her friend karen ernie it's so exciting to be going back home for the holidays interior business ink same time oh i love it it switches back to like like it shows this oh my god oh my god this is oh my gosh i love this so much tyler has watched their fair share can i do the karen voice yeah i think you should by the way karen is spelled erin with a k yeah yes that needs to be addressed i know do you think you'll be able to handle it ernie what do you mean well i mean you're the girl boss from the big city won't you feel cooped up in such a small town i'll have you know that i happen to like my hometown what are you even going to do maybe i'll catch

the christmas wine tasting competition apparently it's world famous well when you come back make sure to bring me a bottle anyway i'm gonna let you go our boss is going to announce the next woman ceo in a couple of weeks and i want to do my best to impress her well good luck with that the phone conversation ends and piano rendition of jingle my bells plays as the opening credits appear on screen as ernie's bus reaches her stop the camera pans out and we finally see what ernie is wearing a giant inflatable t-rex costume she pulls she pulls the t-rex face over her head and zips it up as she stands up to leave as a t-rex she exits the bus and walks down the street can we just imagine like the little arms like of course it's not an inflatable t-rex costume without the little useless

arms and scene and the little useless arms like hold my my girl boss briefcase of course obviously yeah oh i'm sorry ernie's uh yeah girl boss briefcase where is this plot going i can't i can't tell it all tyler consider us hooked tyler b we are in and that brings us to the very exciting announcement that tyler b has actually started a kickstarter for the full length script of a very girl boss christmas yo i don't know about you guys but i am going to be contributing to said kickstarter as i will and guys we have got to get this turned into an actual movie do you think hallmark would it be hilarious it's like that time wait is it was it was lifetime lifetime yeah i know we're going with will ferrell and christin wigg and they kind of made fun of their own movies they

played it straight but like they knew what they were doing they knew exactly what they were doing and we need to make a very girl boss christmas so that we can uh lifetime is gonna eat this up who's gonna play us oh my god can we choose i hope it's just like way harder versions of ourselves what if it's like no you'll get the guy from the matrix even though he's like much older now oh my god oh and tell him what's happening so claundiq just shoved her snout under the door with her paw it was the cutest thing and it was also very unexpected because she has been kind of attentive to the door all night the the front door so that was the cutest thing sorry surprise visit from her the only good dog in our house oh so tyler tyler c tyler b sorry i'm sorry tyler c's from the

bachelorette jack bell i can't remember so tyler b stop thinking about him i can't not he's a hot sexy man but i need you to stop thinking about him he's a full package too i know he's just so funny i know he is he's really adorable and he had like cute little adorable dance moves and stuff but so tyler b's kickstarter tyler b's kickstarter what you can do yes and it's currently being reviewed by kickstarter but by the time that this podcast is live it should be up all you need to do is go to kickstarter and search for a very girl boss christmas and it should show up as of right now there is nothing else like it i think it has the soul ownership and uniqueness of being related to girl boss christmas i think if you even just search for girl boss christmas on kickstarter.com

you should find it i am personally very excited for the cinematic cinematic conclusion of what occurs in a very girl boss christmas like this is what you do with the script right like you tease people with the first couple of scenes it's like what goosebumps did at the end of all of their books that gave you like the first three chapters of their next goosebumps book wow callback yeah i forgot about that well this is that we've read the first three scenes of a very girl boss christmas and gosh darn it we're hooked i want to see this movie i'm in let's go if we need to make it so that this is like you know how when they did the ratatouille musical on tiktok i sure do and then remember the bridgerton musical on tiktok i do well what we could do is instead of making some

musical we could just make it just a bunch of tiktoks as well if if we uh what's an interesting route if lifetime you know doesn't take us up it's like pearls before swine you know what i mean they say no to this they say no to this it's like okay well the fools that's your loss that's on you but what we could do is we just make it a bunch of tiktoks and i'm very excited about that because i love tiktok and i think it could really go far shoot for the stars people do you know that as of today speaking of tiktok part of the big news today was that watch time in the us for tiktok surpassed that of youtube really i think like i want to say it was like daily watch time hours or retention or whatever yeah that was the big report today that's huge uh-huh sure is i mean

you and i both know i do love tiktok to a scary degree i honestly think that like the same way that you could evaluate and judge friendships based off of backstreet boys are in sync right i think that you could judge friendships off of are you a tiktok person are you a reels person because if you're a reels person you gotta get with the pro what who's a reels person i know so many reels do you really yeah it's like the the worst part about reels people is they will send you reels that were viral tiktoks like six days ago love it love it bro where you been i already saw this old news and you're trying to be nice about it like haha yeah i saw that right it came up on my for you page on june 17th yeah like i need you to get with the program okay but there are

reels people out there and i think that it could be a defining characteristic among friendships like are we gonna actually last here is our relationship as friends going to last yeah i agree absolutely jack tell me are you a tiktok person or a reels person well neither i'm more of a youtube person that uh begrudgingly does tiktok oh is youtube shorts thrown in the mix as well are you a youtube shorts reels or tiktok person i'm shorts and tiktok but not by choice um more like uh necessity and then like facebook has those stories too oh don't it's so i think twitter has stories too twitter did i think they removed i think they call them fleets and i think they removed oh they're gone okay r.i.p fleets never have i ever see we should play never have i ever

fuck that's a great idea oh my gosh that's such a good idea klondike write that down never have i ever watched a fleet is it fleet i think a singular i have never watched a or multiple fleets yes a fleet nor multiple fleets put her in her lap put her in your lap sorry klondike is baking good girl oh my god okay jack film now that we've discovered that you are a reels loser um different okay i would like to discuss some of the best inoculus things that drive people crazy hold on i think you just said inoculus as in the as in the oculus you idiot these are not in virtual reality these are in oculus you're impossible okay to be fair i had four hours of sleep i had a nightmare that stop blaming everything on your four hours of sleep it wasn't even a nightmare

it was like i cheated on you but i had four hours of sleep no i had i had a dream that a co-worker was doing drugs at work and i saw it and i was like okay while i'm not gonna come at you for doing drugs like now i have to keep your secret and i don't like that stressful that's a stressful dream it's stressful because i don't i don't want to be a narc but like well bro don't do drugs in front of me at work anyway so i woke up like way early after like four hours of sleep we'll stand up to get back to bed because bodies do be like that though and um and here we are inoculus right that's your most inoculus uh no your most inoculus irrational inoculus what the yeah i hope you're shamed i hope you feel shame i hope you feel embarrassment i'm so guys okay

i say some of the dumbest things ever but i swear i'm actually not that dumb but like you'd never know it you would never know it you're pretty dumb no i i'm making fun of you because you normally would never say i'm the guy that mispronounces shit i'm making fun of you because like this is my time to shine i caught my brilliant wife saying inoculus so i'm absolutely going to rip into you while i can because i know five minutes from now i'm gonna mispronounce or like forget where something is or whatever so let me have this moment okay but any who last time listeners we did ask you for the things in your life that irrationally make you super mad even though they're innocuous

and inconsequential in nature they're the kinds of things that other people go really that that sets you off uh it's a shit that doesn't make sense and you guys delivered we have a whole big list of things that sets off some of you guys to maddening degrees so i picked some of my favorite ones and there was really no rhyme or reason well no there was reason there was there may not have been rhyme but there was reason thank you as to why i selected these as my favorites and i would say that it was either the intensity in which the person describing the item on the voicemail sounded because i gotta tell you guys i've come up with a way that i may be able to get around the red tape of like kneading waivers and stuff like that but yeah we're gonna play with that

stay tuned for that we might try something because you guys have got to hear these voicemails they're so funny i spent my entire oh my god sunday listen i i'm not kidding i'm sorry not sunday it was labor day it was monday it was at monday but it felt like a sunday because i didn't have to work yeah but i spent more than 12 hours listening to voicemails and texting people back the entire day it was so much fun it didn't feel like work at all i'm not even kidding hours went by and i was like how is it 8 p.m already right what just happened anyway so i liked the ones that were like the most random and the ones that made people the most angry absolutely combined with random so in no particular order right i'd like to start off with something that is near and dear to my heart

which is we had a caller from the netherlands no less how about that who hates the sound of kissing i actually i do relate to this yeah you do because i any even in the act of kissing even the act of kissing when you hear kissing it's gross i don't know how to describe it except it's like a like a like a suction almost i don't know it's gross though and it makes me like the person on the the line they were so funny they were like talking about their girlfriend and when she kisses them and it said like yeah right and i was like oh my god i get it the gag i totally get it it was like puke noises oh my gosh i totally understand that it doesn't make me angry on a scale from like for the eight to ten scale it's more of a gross

out thing but i do understand it because it also i don't like that at all and it's not the act of kissing just like the sound yeah yeah it's the smacking the sound during the act of kissing that is just like not necessary what not necessary at all that's why music's important guys during your makeout sessions just crank but it's like inside of your brain crank that music up drown it it's in your brain now jack do you have any qualms with the sound of kissing that you can relate to not nearly as much as you and our friend from the netherlands i can kind of see it being a mild annoyance purely from an auditory standpoint sure the sound of it yeah okay but i think the two of you guys why don't you go make out in a corner over there and you guys

can like you know commiserate together because i think it's way on a deeper level than me okay there's so many to go through all right another one was somebody who's felt very strongly about when they are served water in a restaurant and the water is chilled and it also has ice in it and it's too cold to drink now you see i have never experienced hilarious i've never experienced being in a restaurant and being like i can't drink this water it's too cold never i've never had that experience i love cold water the colder the better yeah however zero kelvin the amount of anger in this voice mail that was felt and frustration by the level of coldness was i was like i believe you i get it it was intense you're saying oh yeah oh they also had a rant about

lemons right i don't need the lemons so you take it out you take the fucking lemon out it's hilarious this is exactly what we asked for it was amazing it was amazing the more like irrational the better i love it like your water's too cold that's hilarious yes we also had somebody call in and we exchanged some texts about something that is actually another thing that i can very much relate to this person had shared with me that their spouse uses the word yummy unironically and that's enough that they have to hold themselves back and restrain themselves every time the word yummy is used unironically yummy because they don't want to snap at their spouse because it's not their fault and they don't know but they also shared something just

like a really hilarious image of they were like when we were engaged yeah i would drive home from their parents house and i would talk to myself in the car and just vent out loud to myself to nobody in particular in the car but just to myself about everybody using the word yummy that's incredible what the hell i of course had to text back because i completely understood this praying that yep yep yep she's not listening but i did have a college roommate that unironically used the word num nums and something about that would like literally if i had a stress ball in my hand it would explode i would have i literally would have exploded num num stress ball mm num num that's awful that is one time i literally had to go into my room put my head

in the pillow and scream at the top of my lungs i didn't i i don't know that story so frustrated by num num i like so so what you're saying is you can commiserate with this car oh my god i completely get it i would not have been in a car by myself talking about it i would have been in a car like slamming my head against the steering wheel talking about it that's the level that i was at everyone fucking yummy why does anyone pass the age of seven say yummy yummy that was amazing i was given express permission by the way to share this because at first this person did not want to share the story because they were like i don't know

if my spouse knows about this and i'm afraid that if they find out via the podcast like anyway but apparently they had a heart to heart they talked it out you love to hear that that's great they talked it out oh good and here we are today i'm allowed to talk about the yummy story you can conscious free you can um you can go forward with your live not thinking that you'll break up any relationships it's great okay next up there was one person that not only brought attention to a problem but this is my personal favorite because i feel like this is something that would bother me if i i don't know i just feel like it it would be something that would bother me on the same level do tell so this person they called in they are currently in the housing market in other words

they're currently searching for a home right and they described quote unquote fake shutters being like an epidemic all of the homes that they've been looking at have these quote fake shutters and they were like you can't use these fake shutters they're like 10 inches wide they just sit on the sides they're bolted to the like front of the house purely decorative purely like what is the point of these fucking fake shutters and drove them up a wall and i'm like you can hear the aggression i'm thinking to myself i grew up in a home with shutters i have we have never once actually shut the shutters yeah i don't know if they're fake i don't know if they're real i think same for my parents home i think they have shutters i think they have shutters in the outside

i don't know if they're operational okay so i ended up texting them back like thanks for calling in whatever like tell me i love this tell me more about these fake shutters they sent a picture in and i was like oh i get it they are they're very narrow okay they're very narrow and would they be useless if closed like would they even close all the way oh no they wouldn't need i don't even think they'd lay flat to the window oh boy like that's a useless shutter it is purely purely decorative i'm sure it looks very nice it provides zero protection if that's what shutters are actually used for that's my other question not that i want to dox this person but like you know where are they based like what terrorist you know like are they in hurricane territory are they in tornado land

i don't know or not you know i didn't ask that's something it's taking consideration i could look up where their area goes but i'm not gonna you know do that yeah but i was just like i love this this is so random and it's so personal to what you are experiencing right now and virtually no one else feels the same and nobody cares and like you're one of a kind exactly what i was looking for yes and i feel like this is something that this was a good question i would this is something that i would also like something akin to it like nobody cares why does that bother you i haven't come up with what that example is but i know it exists right so fake shutters was like the number one in my heart i will say a close second however i was never able to like close

the loop here was somebody called in expressing that they had a list of 27 fonts that they hate and why they are horrible i texted this person i was like i need to know more tell me yeah of course they had shared the list with me however the link did not work no so i know right so i was unable to see all right comic stands but i i am no no no that's basic shit it is basic shit i agree if you have comic stands on your font hate list try try harder try harder what was that it's either trojan or trajan there's one that i'm sure it's papyrus i don't know if i know it yeah it looks like the avatar font what they used for for for um the movie avatar and all the posters like 10 years ago i don't know that either yeah that's probably up there i'd be shocked if that

did not make the font list of this person well we'll never know we'll never know well maybe they'll call back or text back or something because i'm very curious there's someone who has to deal with when i'm editing shit and i have to deal with like you know what font would really work best for this joke like sometimes it works you know it's on that level it's like what's the funniest font for this little throwaway joke here for a second and i spent far too much time going through the hundreds of typefaces on you know whatever software i'm using at the time so i'm really curious what fonts are the uh the worst fonts we had a caller duncan who was originally from illinois but duncan now lives in utah who called in to talk about his hatred of license plates

that begin with the letter c what i don't know i don't know i don't know what does that mean apparently like duncan claims that like 50 percent of license plates where where maybe in illinois or something start with the letter c but for some reason that yeah you're gonna have a bad time that's half the license plates you see bud i literally texted duncan and i said so do you just drive around like annoyed all the time like i don't they must they absolutely must um apparently duncan did claim and i i hope i'm not breaking any confidentiality duncan claimed that they had actually flipped people off for having a license incredible with the letters that starts to see i don't know okay duncan you're a very brave soul imagine it's kind of a baller move imagine

then they they then get into this road rage like fasten the furious like yes there's like this like horrific like accident crash whatever and like the cops like you pan out it's the cops they're like questioning duncan duncan's like i don't know uh his license plate began with the c and um it just it made me officers stop me from hearing this before motherfucker had a c in the license plate you need i say more no it started with the letters even worse so you get it officers you get it oh obviously yeah that's a beautiful irrational thing no sense makes absolutely no sense but that's precisely what we were looking for yes somebody also hates it when in a tv show yeah the plot of the tv show episode is like

one character misunderstands another character and without clarifying with the other character they create an entire plot based around the misunderstanding between the two characters so one person thinks this the other person thinks this and it creates this like comic miscommunication communication and this they were like we just avoided the entire filler episode if we had just had a conversation it is a filler episode yeah so like at the top of the episode someone says to another character you know she really likes you or or she told me to say that she likes you really and of course you know party a thinks that they're talking about x y or z instead of a b or c or whatever and the whole episode is this comic miscommunication you know

like throughout the episode they're talking to each other thinking that one person knows something the other doesn't it's that yeah it is a trope going back on tropes don't you dare don't you dare big old trope baby kind of like it's you know it's kind of like saying text messages and tv shows when it's like a super lazy storytelling device wait did you notice wait did you notice that there was no proof because nobody's texting you back bro is that what that means nobody's texting you back i'm always the giver i never the givey i wouldn't even say you give you just like fuck you i text all the time you just like put i put that's a disgusting way i put see that's your problem you put give sounds like a gift see there's what means like place

there's your comic misunderstanding in a tv show charlie you know your problem is you just put and then like for the next 23 minutes he thinks that putting is one thing when it's really the other okay somebody also went on a rant about boxed water and their hatred for how the the campaign for boxed water is boxed water is better and they were very angry and they said that they were going to use the billions from their it was some kind of campaign i don't know they were gonna somehow make billions of dollars and use it to take down evil billionaires basically they were yeah but box water is bad according to this person honestly out of all of the um arguments and scenarios that uh you've brought up in your in your listicle here this is the one that i think

i can relate to the hardest and the most i see no advantage to drinking boxed water except for all the plastic that's creating i don't want to drink water out of a fucking box like a milk carton so what would you would you want to drink it out of thin air what do you want to drink it out i want to drink it out of a plastic bottle so you want to ruin the earth does that make me a bad person i'm sorry if i don't want to drink it out of the same carton as i drink chocolate milk from when i was like you know 10 at school nothing else i will say i guess i am proud of the boxed water company for creating boxed water because corporate responsibility is at an all-time low you know what honey that's true yeah it's true but i'm never gonna drink water out of a fucking cardboard box

sorry that makes me a bad human we literally used to drink beverages out of cardboard all the time with chocolate milk yeah lemonade i see i know but no why why would we not go back to that that was fine that was fine because chocolate milk was a treasure water's not a treasure hey you admit yourself water's boring it's boring drink yeah i don't drink it out of plastic i don't drink it out of glass i don't drink it out of anything your your your green eggs and ham guy like i won't eat it in a truck and won't drink you know that's exactly right yeah i've never felt more understood by you than this very moment yeah you finally understand why and how i don't drink water you are sam i am is sam the one that doesn't eat the green eggs and ham hi my name is sam i am i am a

sam i am sam hi yeah you're sam all right ham sam ham sam yeah you're sam that's the takeaway and the other takeaway is uh things just irrationally bother people and and we'll never relate to them and these people are islands okay there are so many more that i loved yeah i just don't like i wish we could continue this conversation same every single week because maybe we can maybe every episode or first the next couple of episodes maybe we can sneak in a few more ones that you couldn't say tonight because this is a funny topic of conversation i love this i think this is fascinating which ones can you relate to which ones you can't i love this discussion but this does kind of lead into our next question that we want to pose you listeners for our hotline next time

i would love to hear about what you guys want to hear from us what discussions should we have what bits or segments should we do that we haven't thought of yet what do you want to hear us talk about or what should we quiz each other on as we've done many quizzes to and for each other in the past what are topics of conversation that you want to hear us touch upon what bits are we just neglecting to do that you're screaming at us i had heard from a handful of people that were like you guys should do this you guys should do that i would love to hear more about what you guys want us to do but in addition to that because i'm actually more interested in what bothers you guys that is so innocuous thank you that doesn't make any sense but like still bothers you i mean we'll never get

enough of that keep them coming i have got i love this i love i do too i got the bug yes i got the virus i want more i am so obsessed with this how many what other license plates that begin with really bother you guys it doesn't make no sense but you know we all have that anybody who lives in illinois can you please confirm or deny or utah do the license plates all start with c right i don't help me help me i don't know i would love to hear that yes and you're the one other person on this in this country go like you know what yeah it really salts my apples when i see uh seeing a fucking license plate to start you know i don't like it honey i'm sorry do you hear this do you hear this right now uh it's very faint but i it's there

it's unmistakable there i i think i do hear it it's time for horoscope oh no i didn't know that wasn't what i was thinking oh what were you thinking oh i i thought we were still complaining about boxed water got it i i thought what we were that's my soapbox yeah um i'll complain about boxed water but you know if you say it's horoscope time i do um if the if the man is telling me what to do then then then the lady doth do as the man says hell yeah are you ready let's go jack what season is it uh thurgo season right yes of course i literally can't remember okay thurgo hi vergo welcome back to another episode of your season i've been working really hard on something and i wanted to get your input you see i've been thinking a lot about how maybe i've been a bit

too harsh on you guys and i wanted to find the silver lining of the fact that vergo season seems to be like an eternity long to make it a little bit more tolerable for all of us so i compiled a top 10 list of my favorite vergos and i wanted to get your input and feedback okay starting with the least best at number 10 louis c k man his stand-up is hilarious oh god ah number nine leah michelle because she was so great and glee and seemed to be like so friendly and nice and welcoming to everyone yeah right number eight ludicrous because i love

the Fast and the Furious movies who doesn't i love them number seven colonel sanders that man made some finger licking good chicken and god bless his soul may he rest all right p number six bill murray i still haven't forgiven him for all the shit he's done to me which is why he's not number one yeah that makes sense number five dr phil there's not enough gratitude in the universe for all the memes he's gifted to us fair number four charlie sheen uh can i get a winning in the chat this is not in the horoscope i just want to say i'm really proud of you for um referencing can i get a blank in the chat i'm like really proud of you honey i didn't know you're such a gamer okay back in the horoscope number three jesus army hammer

by the way by the way steven king is also a vergo apparently but i was like now i won't cancel okay good to know thank you honey number three army hammer double the trouble in the social network am i right meow number two michelle dugger we could all really learn a thing or two from her and number one ronda santis because disneyworld is the best and it's in florida and he's the governor of florida so he must be the best let me let me know in the comments below hey good horoscope um vergo gods good horoscope oh my god those vergo gods they are you know they're trying to be more optimistic and i guess i can appreciate that because they're trying to make the best of ergo season because it's like the it's like you know yeah it's a dismal season so

like hey how do we make the best out of the work like not the worst but like out of a shitty situation right we named our top 10 vergos and those are the top 10 vergos they're just awesome awesome oh fortunate listener this truly is a yummy yummy horoscope for you today ah yes a delectable delicacy that dances on your taste buds and delights the senses oh dear listener i hope you're rubbing your belly and smacking your lips says i am now yummy yum yum this horoscope pairs nicely with a 2009 cabernet and a wheel of brie oh my dear listener have you any room for dessert you spelled dessert wrong i didn't fuck yummy yum yum

but you spelled that right priorities here comes the airplane open wide your horoscope is to drunk text your mom cool very cool cool horoscope thanks thank you gods oh fortune okay i can't believe i spelled or the gods made me spell dessert wrong that sucks because you you want more that's some inoculus shit right there come on that's why i can make fun of your ass for saying inoculus because i know that three minutes later i mr your grammar sucks will misspell dessert it's only fair scorpio another week another adventure for you scorpio fate works in mysterious ways my friend mysterious ways this week you're going to lose your phone but do not fret thank god for apple iphone's feature find my iphone otherwise you'd be s o well

you see that your phone has made its way into a park near your work omg did someone steal your phone and then take it to this park okay that's pretty sketch but we have to go get it so get your ass in the car to get that phone back as you are approaching the park you see that the location of the phone has shifted and made its way out of the park and onto the street that you're currently driving on omg the thief is on the move and so too is your phone according to the gps you are getting closer and closer to the thief and the recovery of your beloved phone you see an older gentleman and his grandson leaving the park and approaching your car the small boy looks to be holding a phone omg that must be your phone but that kid's like only six years old who's teaching six

year olds to steal people's phones that man has a lot of explaining to do as to why he's teaching such a young child to be a career criminal you stop your car and roll down your window to shout at the two hey is that an iphone the two look at you strangely they must know you're on to them don't let them get away with it hey you say again where'd you get that phone they they wave you off and you are in shock at how easily they dismissed you quickly you park your car and follow them into the starbucks they just entered into i'll show them you say to yourself and you press the play noise option on the find my iphone app if this works then this will immediately give away that they have stolen your phone you press the button silence you press it again

still just the sounds of a bustling starbucks what disappointed you return to your car as you open the car door you hear a tone what is that it's coming from the back seat you look into the back seat it is your iphone it was there the whole time nobody stole your phone the iphone 6 has just shitty gps you are an asshole drive away in shame scorpio drive away in shame and of horoscope so um this is really funny the gods have a sense of humor because um that is verbatim exactly what happened to a friend of mine what two three years ago it was um about two years ago about two years ago yeah okay you think yeah it was this friend of mine yeah it was uh late 2019 early 2020 uh-huh yeah man i would hate to be

that i forget which friend of mine it was but i would hate to be that friend i would man i don't know but you know i i have a feeling that they thought a lot about what made them assume that a six-year-old stole their phone after that happened you know i just i have a feeling that they they don't want about that have you moved on because i hope you haven't moved on from that i just find it really funny that you you genuinely thought your phone was stolen i listen and you went on this wild goose chase and it was never stolen to begin with hey the find my iphone this is a real story by the way listeners told me where this actually happened to you well the find my iphone told me where it was i don't know i don't know i think it was because i had parked in like the

bottom level of the parking garage that maybe the gps got all screwy i mean the iphone 6 that's shitty gps the iphone 6 that's allegedly shitty gps wow you really think steve jobs would clean that up that's really he was already dead jack i need to be sensitive if he were still alive he would have let that happen i'm having trouble channeling the gods for this horoscope i i need your help listeners please email me your credit card info at don't vax me biden at aol.com and that's two x's in uh yeah that's how you spell it thank you cool horoscope baby very cool do i have to um like does it cost money to email don't vax me biden yes it does okay there's a paywall for the email all right capricorn last week was a weird one capricorn i would say do better

but i'm not sure i hold out much hope that you can do that too much should i start lying to you then okay if lies is what you want then you're going to succeed in everything you do in life and you're definitely going to be super happy forever and ever amen how's that maybe when you're ready for the truth and when you want to stop acting like a damn burgo you come back then guppies jesus why are they i i feel like the gods are just no quarantine changes people you know i i i i i i i i feel like the gods are just recurringly mean to capricorns for for for no reason i don't get it i mean the gods have a reason we just don't know it like they i'd like to know are all knowing all everything we don't know it we don't they know

it and we just have to trust the gods i'd like to know zodiac gods aquarius there are no words to describe this horoscope dear listener the english language as vast as it is has its limitations something will happen to you today that is so indescribable so hard to explain so yummy yum yum that you will be forced to have seconds and even thirds of this celestial feast that we call life so dig in feast upon the delights of the zodiac gods and revel in their majesty i'll have what she's having very cool gods thank you i love that for them pisces there are no words to describe this horoscope dear listener the english language as vast as it is has its limitations wait what the

fuck didn't we just read this oh damn it it's my stupid face blindness kidding in the way pisces i'm sorry man uh when i was talking to the gods earlier i must have talked to aquarius when i should have talked to pisces shit man i'm sorry i i can't tell anyone apart these days they just all look the same you know crap okay let me make it up to you uh let me think uh oh oh okay here's some really good advice i got the other day and it's really stuck with me i've been thinking about this advice a lot and i didn't plan on just sharing it with anyone because it was so special to me you know but i screwed up pisces and that's on me and i want to make it up to you and if i'm going to do that i'm going to need to sacrifice a little something something

okay the the piece of advice i'd like to bestow is get yourself to the year in 1980 and invest heavily in apple stock now don't go telling too many people i don't want them to find out our secret thanks for forgiving me way to come through in the end zodiac gods with that generosity that that that celestial generosity it's about the balance you know what i mean absolutely they they they screwed up because and they remedy the face blindness being your condition that well you know i could forgive you for in advance thanks but um you know if you're if you're going to screw up then you have to also give you give a little and you take a little give right that was that was good not bad

this one's good okay so like you're gonna uh you're gonna like you're gonna spit it out hmm i'm sensing a uh uh peter peter is there anyone you know named peter no uh is there a maria i'm getting a maria is there a maria in the room does maria mean anything to anyone no shit okay uh david david i'm sensing a david daniel daniel dan dit tan dan dan tan tam tam tam tam tammy i'm getting a tam me tammy no one no one no one tammy tam me no one tam me is there a tam tam tam ta ta ta ta ta ta i got nothing i'm sorry oh you sold that one gods thank you that was special i'm i mean like unfortunately i love

crossing over there is a david a daniel a tammy and a peter that are all on the other side trying to contact their loved ones it's tragic is what it is and i feel bad i hope that they find comfort with each other tonight while nobody came to their side in the physical world i hope the spirit world is giving them comfort as am i as am i torus the time is now torus so get up off your ass and let's take action these last few weeks have hit you hard torus first it was the catfishing then being stood up after driving three hours each way then being catfished again then wasting hours of time talking to a bot whose tinder pick was literally a peanut butter at jelly sandwich like really torus you couldn't tell it was a bot is this rock bottom to be honest

it's been kind of dark watching you make such shitty decisions well time's up torus i was talking to a god that knew a god that went to school with the god whose cousin was a god whose trainer knew a god and i have a sneaking suspicion that that toxic loser cancer is behind all of this and we're going to make them pay this week we prepare next week we go to war going stuck up on a shit ton of glitter torus because it's on like doggie kong oh shit wow me thinks a war is brewing between zodiac signs listeners i i'd heed that warning as much as i dislike violence i i have you have to heed the gods do we need to like call on zoos and stuff and all the others yes all the others and and the then some and the the iraq like and such as and the the by the way we got our first

color from south africa how about that i know and the south africa and like such as like such as some countries don't have maps maps oh no you're gonna get honked at next time you drive you'll be trying to turn left into some weird alleyway and you have to be completely stopped in the left lane of a busy road and some jerkhole behind you will start honking like that'll fix it what a dumb ball sack so then you get out of your car you open your trunk pull out the tire iron in the back go to the honking ball sack wave around your tire iron like a gorilla and yell uh oh stinky this will either scare him off or if you're lucky cause him to pull out his tire iron and scream now it's time to duel be sure to press b and a to trigger a combo for massive

damage yo the edible just kicked in yo that's a dope horoscope i like that outcome all right get your tire irons out i'm actually heated the most surprised i am by that horoscope is that you know what a tire iron is well i had to google it of course oh okay all right that explains it yeah yeah cancer hi cutie patootie cancer once again your future looks so bright like literally it's all i see is brightness it's almost like too bright like shiny and glittery you know it's art explain i see things in images and pictures and it's not always easy to describe but it looks like a glitter party hmm so that must be good because who doesn't love a party i'm sure you're the bell of the ball at this party cancer we're gonna have a blast bust out your inner el woods

and show yourself a good time i'll make the pink lemonade and party favors you jack who is el woods i i'm hoping you can tell me jack who is el woods i'm hoping you can tell me you don't know who el woods is no but if you don't tell me i'm going to google it i'm not going to tell you i'm going to google el woods you need to know who el woods is by name offhand sound of me googling el woods oh my god stop it shut the fuck up what el woods is the protagonist of legally blonde and legally blonde too red white and blonde fuck you okay to be fair she is an icon no yes she is el woods for president everybody don't you dare vote for el woods

i'm voting for el woods no i'm voting for el woods is this is this the last horoscope of the night it is all better make it count leo you'll find yourself in your old math class school room and the teacher will hand you a quiz oh no you didn't study for any of this and none of the questions make sense and oh no you're naked and the teacher just called you up to the front of the class to solve an equation but you have a huge but you're gonna make me say this word boner boner i don't want to say boner oh no i can't believe i just said boner your teeth are all falling out oh no why is your late grandmother there she's just shaking her head disapprovingly and why is bill mary here this is horrible have you ever had a dream that you

um you you had your you you you could you'll do you you once you you could do so you you'll do you could you you want you want them to do you so much you you could do anything oh well said voice of the gods what do i call you husk of the gods or a vessel vessel of the gods or vessels oh well vessel vessel well vessel vessels and that concludes the 12th episode of erin is the funny one and listeners again if you want to call in with subjects you think we should talk about or challenges we should give each other dial dad hug me 10 that's it took the words out of my mouth yeah sorry but also it's called girl's blaming get used to it way ahead of you

thank you guys so much for joining us today i have got to say i love hearing from all of you dad hug me 10 it is so much fun please keep calling in yeah tell us more things that upset you that shouldn't upset you or anyone else we love that irrational shit and also tell us what you want us to do segments on please i love to hear from you guys thank you so much i'm going to figure out a way so that i can have you guys hear the voicemails that i hear because they are so funny and so much gets like lost in translation yes they're so enthusiastic we can only do so much justice and and trying to like recreate your vocal inflections and energy we can't do it so we're working on the true way to hear yourselves but i can't wait to see you guys next week in the

event that i don't you know resonate in the meantime hopefully actually the end goal is that we get jack film to resonate no no one would want that maybe next week i will have i will have a new co-host we will see maybe in salinity we will take over honestly or pizza slut a girl can dream thank you so much for joining us i will see you next week be good godspeed and dad hug me 10 till next time haters